No Dude What’s The Password…?

I have literally sailed through the most blissful and busiest time in Wunnaland. From Thursday to probably about an hour ago, I feel as though i’ve been dashing, dashing, meeting, greeting, smiling, moaning, hand shaking, dressing up, dressing down, travelling, working and cocktailing. IT HAS BEEN NON STOP and so much has happened that I don’t even know where to begin.

So, whilst i’m glamourous sat, moderately hung over, with a Desperado as my company and the random Celtic vs Ranger game on as ‘background’ in The Mallard Doncaster….with my new weave sat next to me, waiting for tomorrow’s debut, where it has the glory of being clipped into my head and some 20 something boys to my right, who I don’t at all know, playing on the bandit…I’ll rewind you to last night…

Last night, Fairytale Blond, Double B, Mel & I, whilst being all glammed up and lost in a hilarious yet glittery swirl of drunken light and life…decided it would A GREAT IDEA to stand outside the GENTS TOILETS at the dark and jazzy Pontefract pub the ‘Tap & Barrel’ (it was packed last night) and NOT LET GENTLEMAN of any type or ages, GO FOR A WEE, UNLESS THEY COULD GUESS ‘THE PASSWORD.’ 🙂 LOL.

WHY ARE WE ACE!

Honestly, we’re the funniest girls alive! I mean, who is as genius as us! We ended up squashed infront of the GENTS, on a bench, due to the *packedness* of the place, by moody candlelight…and instead of being grumbly..and we had been cocktailing ALL NIGHT we took it upon ourselves to utterly enjoy every minute of our *spot* and make our own FUN.

THE BEST TIME EVER!

So, a guy would saunter up to the loo for a *widdle.* As soon as he got to the door, he was ABRUPTLY STOPPED by either Double B, Fairytale Blond Or I…and forced to hold their wee until they guessed the password. 🙂

Once they guessed the password, they were allowed entry.

On the way out, they’d swing open the door and *BAM* Fairytale blond would stick out her arm, leg or body and REFUSE TO LET THEM PASS (lol) unless they reiterated the password.

The password was…

PUSSY ARMPIT.

And we really wouldn’t let them pass unless they were chubby, where in which they were given a ‘WILD CARD’ entry of us aggressively PUSHING THEM into the boy’s loo’s…whilst shouting.,,

GO!GO!GO!GO!

OR…

Double B & Fairytale Blond would connect hands and make a beautiful archway out of their delicate, not at all drunken arms and I would look at the dude and very glamourously state that they had to..

‘ENTER THE LOVE TUNNEL…’

…as the girls danced with their arms in an archway! 🙂

It was the best game ever..the boys were coming out of the loo’s looking terrified OR just going to the loo to play our game.

Fairytale: NO! What’s the password?’

Double B: ‘We don’t fucking care…this is hilarious.’

Mel: What ARE YOU doing?’

Me: ‘Enter the tunnel of loooooooooooove..’

Then we did more gin…See this is why MY VLOG is going to be better than anyone else, simply because my friends and I are naturals at being tools. If we filmed our ‘what’s the password’ moment, it would’ve gone viral this morning. 🙂

But how did this all start…

Let’s take you down a glamourous trip down memory lane…

I’ve worked all day and arrived in from London that morning to hustle through another day. I was shattered, but wanted to embrace a good time. I’m positive and even though things can be shattering, you just have to smash it and know how lucky you are to be where you are and have what you have.

Double B has recently moved into her new house and fancied herself a cocktail at The Electric Theatre which is now her local cocktail and tapas bar. Fairytale Blond was in the neighbour visiting friends, since Prince Jonny was out for drinks, after a day of finding very Disney birds nests, so she met up with Double B at The Electric Theatre for a tipple and tapas.

Mel…was out with her other close friends, for her birthday shindig and has chosen The Electric Theatre as he birthday haunt..and I was shattered from my day of traveling, meetings, the blog awards, more meeting, early morning trains, followed by a full day of work hungover…that I just wanted to have a bit of fun. Yes everything I do is glammy and delicious and an absolute blast…but there were good times, bad times, lonely times and happy times over the last 2 days. I wanted some fun, with the girls that I love…and we all need great chick friends…so I decided to head over to The Electric Theatre for about 40 cocktails and bouji table tapas.

The place was filled with life, glammy girls, friendships, a spray of old school yet modern charm, a table of the finest tinker sof tapas, banter, laughter, emotional moments and a glittery spray of the most delicious and multi coloured cocktails in all of the land.

‘Why does my drink look like it has a birds bush in it?’

‘Gimme some of that?’

‘I’ve known Mel for ages..’

‘As if you’ve just made me cry…’

‘Have you had a meatball…they’re spicy…’

‘I once tried to break up with a boy, so i told him that I had cheated on him twice with two dicks, and sucked all the dicks in all the land. It was just dicks, dicks, dicks, everywhere dicks in a line and he STILL DIDN’T LEAVE ME. Lol.’

‘Look at these bad boys..’ (A silver diamante show is raised.)

‘You should definitely give him sex..’

‘Why don’t you dress up for him?’

‘Are you going into town?’

(I definitely answered ‘Fairytale Blonds’ phone when Prince Jonny Called. Technically she did tell me to, so i committed to a ‘Hey Baby Boo’ and maybe offered him willy stuff, whilst pretending to be ‘Fairytale’…‘Chrissie, I know it’s you. Put Fairytale on…’ Now, I’ve talked to nearly all of their boyfriends dirty. Hurrah! 🙂 )

Mel looked so gorgeous and so happy to be in her swirl. I watched her all night and she’s beamed. It was a cocktail infused beam. But she was happy. I’m really close to Mel and once she likes you, you’re IN and she’ll hold you close to her heart.

Fairytale, Double B and I are immature and glamourous drunkards. We went for it and had the single most hilarious time in the world ever. Infact for the first time we got really open with one another…We’re open anyway, yet there are levels to friendships, as there are in love and last night, I cried a little and because I was so proud of how empowering and tough my chick friends are.

We are the warmest, most loving girls, but we are WARRIORS! We’re good time, money making machines! 🙂 We had the best night ever.

‘I’ve been through so much in my life that nothing can hurt me now.. and not because of anything other than the fact that i choose to be and remember the positive.’

Then as a lady named Tanya was telling me about her fondness of buff gents, I noticed a calm and quiet ‘Carol.’ I LIKED CAROL because she is the kind of lady who will NEVER say a bad word about anyone. She’s humble, she has a great time, but she’s quiet and observes everything, rather than commit to being a showman. (I’m a showman.) When she speaks, you listen because every thign she says is of so much worth.

Mel: Honestly Chrissie, i’ve known her for years…she’ll never say anything and then when she does…she’s ALWAYS FUCKING RIGHT. She told me she didn’t like that other guy and she never ever says a bad word about anyone.’

I love Carol because there’s a sexiness about her manner. Infact, I think i need to be less brash and more warm..as I keep meeting all these warm and delightful people..once was a vicar, who told me that it was his ffity year anniversary with his wife and he loves her just as much as he did when he first mether outside Woolworths when he was fifteen

He then told me that he MARRIED HER before they even had sex! 🙂

HAHAHA. I love that a Vicar told me about his sex life! Lol.

Last night was a blast, it was a much needed accidental swirl of magical and glamourous cocktailly, well wishes, bad boy heels, friendships, good times, laughter, new faces, memories, empowerment, tom foolery and…

‘FOURTEEN QUID FOR A FUCKING TAXI?’

Right, I have to dash, as I have a 3pm meeting to get ready for, but Ill tell you all about meeting Jack Parson’s in my next blog, as I travelled down to London for the UK Blog Awards,

I am being hailed as the UK’s Carrie Bradshaw & I’m loving it as if anything I want to make sure that all my work is strong, I’m doing something that i love, i’m making a living out of doing something that I love and that as I’m telling my story, I am empowering and inspiring every person i verbally touch.

Jack is currently being hailed as a ‘Young Richard Branson.’ I know! That’s not a shabby title..

But yeah…i’ll tell you all about my London times later…

 

 

 

 

London Bound..

Busy day today! So, I’m dressed, I’m ready. I’m still a bit tired, but I look like the most perfectly, untired doll of ‘Diva.’ Big hair, a stylish, yet somewhat conservative burnt salmon/coral pencil dress, everything is winky and pouty and i’m packing an overnight bag, as I head off to London.

I’ve worked hard all week and I’ve finally managed to get away from Yorkshire for a moment, to shimmie to ‘The Capital.’ To be fair, I was away for Easter with ‘the swirl.’ Yet more and more, as each day passes and my blog life gets more fruity, I almost pray every day (if praying meant ‘bitchin and moaning‘ 😉 ) to get myself out of a swivel chair and ride deliciously magical carpets through the starry skies of opportunity…because now they are all around me and waiting.

As soon as I get to London, I won’t have time to check into my hotel right away and instead i’m gonna head across town in m Greentomato car (which is like an uber, yet environmentally friendly) and go see Jack Parsons, who is the CEO of Yourfeed UK. He’d asked for me to venture down to his offices, so i’m incredibly excited to meet him. He’s doing so well with his business, that i’m hoping some of his magic rubs off into Wunna land. (Why does that sound rude?)

Straight after that meeting, I’m THEN going to check into my hotel, chill for a bit, get something to eat, have a few drinks and then get ready for the UK Blog Awards which is at the Park Plaza Hotel, Westminster. (Ruby was conceived in the Leeds version of that hotel. 🙂 )

So, I have a big glamorous night of award ceremonies and celebrating the art of blogging with some of the best digital content creators in the nation. There’s 8 people in my category. I won’t win my category, but I should. 🙂 I’ve taken a look through everything and reckon I’d come THIRD.

This now means that i’m going to commit to drinking, as soon as I fly into the venue, with kitten *can can,* laughter and a smile that could warm the coldest winks. The idea is to network and to celebrate how far blogging and vlogging has come, i’m doing it in a green, sequinned mermaid dress. LOL.

I’ll be snapchatting, tweeting and facebooking my time, AS I AM THERE.

I need to hurry up and get myself off…

I’m not wearing the peacock dress simply because I didn’t want to lose in it, crying into a wine, in some lonely Blog Awards corner….DRESSED AS A PEACOCK. :)I’ve been dressed as worse. I mean fuck it, I saved LA guy bestie, Brandon’s LIFE, by climbing onto the roof of his apartment building, when he thought he no longer wished to do life anymore, with two mango margaritas in my hand and a bit of wunna wisdom. We were sat on this roof, under the LA moon, as he contemplated his loneliness, his sexuality and all sorts…with a mango margarita. What a way to go! Lol.

I WAS DRESSED AS A SLUTTY CAVE GIRL. It was Halloween in LA.

 

That night he couldn’t decide it he was gay or bisexual, so wanted me to *kiss* him to find out. Lol. We were kids. I did. He’s gay. He even married and divorced an Italian gu who stole all his money. Lol.

Bottom line…he lived through another evening that night and never got back on that roof again. I swear it was the margaritas!

Double B: ‘AS IF YOU’RE NOT WEARING THE FUCKING PEACOCK DRESS! I LOVE THE PEACOCK DRESS. I WANTED YOU TO WEAR THE FUCKING PEACOCK DRESS AND ACTUALLY WALK A REAL LIFE PEACOCK IN WITH YOU, ON A LEASE. THAT WOULD’VE BEEN SO KANYE OF YOU!’

I have the greatest chick friends. *DYING.*

Wish me luck!

Off to London…

Easy Peasy Peacefulness

JUST A GREAT DAY!

One of those peaceful, productive, all over it, on top of it, perfect days of ‘easy peasy,’ where work wiggled by swimmingly and life was delicately sprinkled over with a gentle ease of calm. We worked smart and not hard and we productively got more done than we have in ages, simply because we ‘faced our frogs’ and did everything with utter support and absolutely no pressure. It worked wonders.

I watched ‘Fairytale Blond; get her *lump* sorted and be excited to gallop home to see her Prince Jonny, in their brand new ‘now living together’ home. She’s turned into a proper ‘wifey’ overnight and prepares tea before early morning starts, as her ‘Prince’ waits for deliveries and magically screws new bar stools together.

I shared giggly moments with ‘Firmonnell,’ which at times became somewhat inappropriate, yet honestly people shouldn’t inbreed as it really does make you deformed. Find love with people who you aren’t related to and you might magically discover that life serves you a better shot. Yes. That’s what we came up with today. Yes, we are dickheads, but so glamourous with it, that are charm delights the masses, even when the words we deliver are ‘ouchy.’

Firmonnell: ‘You know if I don’t lose weight at my fat club, they make me go to a fat club counselling session as punishment.’

(She’s not fat. She just wants to lose weight so she doesn’t look shit in a bikini, on beaches around apparent skinny people? She ‘maintained’ which isn’t a loss, so she found herself sat amongst others having to explain her reasons for her ‘need to work harder?’ LOL.)

She other than that and smart work, life has been pretty peaceful. It has been swirled over with a calm merriment that you could only wish for during a ‘hustle.’ I’ve learnt that pressure pisses people off. It does the opposite to what it’s meant to do be doing. When you trust people to do the right thing and get on with it…they seem to…and that alone makes us all smile.

So, I’m having a couple drinks at home tonight and spending my evening chilling with Ruby & Junior. (The Wunna Babies.) I’m looking forward to my Friday in London. My meeting with Jack Parson at Yourfeed UK and then my Blog Awards. I’m calm about it all now…I think I got unnecessarily stressed. I’ve been so productive from all angles today that it’s sort of made me feel whole…like i’ve achieved. At the end of the day, to be finalized as one of the BEST creators of Digital Content in the nation, in my category, is totally something special. I’ll take that and i’ll certainly drink lots of prosecco to it too! *Wink here.*

I had one of my best chick friends panic message me today, as she went on a date with a guy who sh’ed be chatting to online. The did dinner, smooched and then he never spoke to her again. Well that’s dramatic. It’s only been four days…Yet, she’s all forlorn and doesn’t know what to do?

Unfortunately, she asked for my help and i’m shit at advice, because I always think that there are no rules to love. YET, even though i’m unconventional, I’m quite traditional and I told her to not chase the guy…as surely, if he wanted to chat to her…she looked down at her phone and there would be a message. That’s what men are made for, ‘the hunting and the gathering.’ Let them BE men. They’ll feel much better for it, in the end. It’s not about refusing to be easy on them and more about letting them take control and embrace their role. It’s sexy. Be sexy.

Double D: ‘Yeah, but I prefer it when a girl chases me…’

Me: ‘Yeah, but you’re soft. You’re like a girl.’

(Double D has just broken up with his girlfriend because she wanted to travel and he wanted to buy a house and settle.)

Double D: ‘Yeah, I do get insecure. But..’

But nothing…I think Men should take the lead when it comes to the art of romance, dating and the initial beckon of love. It’s makes us as women more responsive and when we respond…we respond whole heartedly.

Anyway, i’m of to have a chilled one…I’m relaxing, cooking dinner, having a wine and doing it all in comfies, before BUSY HITS ME BIG over the next couple of days.

Just enjoy where you’re at in life…and do it with love. Embrace all the new chapters, people and situations and where you are in life, right now. I always say it, but pay attention to the things that perk your interest, make you smile…make you happy. Pursue them bravely.

Life’s too short to not go for it….The right things, people, situations and opportunities will come to you when they’re meant to. I really believe that. And even though often people suggest you don’t rely on such nonsense…Something tells me that there’s a force of *magic* that always takes of you if you’re a human that deserve it. *Wink*

 

Let’s Get All Empowery

‘Are you okay?’

‘Yeah, I’m fine.’

‘Why are you so quiet? You seem so withdrawn?’

‘I’m fine. I’ve just got a lot…I’m fine. Lol.’

‘You know, if you’re not fine, you can chat to me about it..’

I looked to my right, through the corner of my little oriental eye. And  as I travelled in the front passenger seat of my Mother’s silver Mercedes… I gently smirked, shook my head a little…and just said,

‘Honestly…I’m fine. I just have a lot going on. I need to make some changes, I’m waiting to hear good news and i’m just a bit stressed out because if of it all. I’m okay.’

‘Y’know, this whole blog thing on Friday…’

‘Yeah.’

‘Just incase people forget to tell you how proud they are of you, or how inspired they are by you…I want you to know, that I couldn’t be MORE PROUD of you. You’re on ya way now…’

I smiled, turned my head forward, my eyes filled up a little, but just enough to make me *beam* and not weep. Then I turned up the radio…and we karaoked all the way back to mine… to this…

You see, I’m telling you about that moment… and let me tell you,  moments like that are sometimes hard for me to deliver, as even though i’m sassy and fun, I’m proud girl, I don’t like to come across as weak or negative, or a damsel in distress to anyone EVER..because i’m not. 🙂

Yet, when you’re going through a really BIG time in your life, that key changer…that moment where something means so much to you…and for me, it’s not just the blog awards, as mean win or lose that (and I want to win it) I’ll still be blogging and doing it with that good old Wunna panache. I’m so honoured to be a finalist. However, with all the meetings, all the work, the new chapters, new opportunities.. the waiting to hear good news…the investment….and let’s face it, it’s all come out of nowhere and all come very fast…During that time, you’ll shimmie on a wave like frequency that takes you UP where you’re so juiced, that you’re at your most confident and then DOWN, where nerves kick in and you second guess yourself.

That’s the same with anything you care about passionately. Be it in work, family…or love. Yet, only when it’s out of your control, do you feel anxious. You can’t MAKE someone give you that dream opportunity. You can’t MAKE someone love you. All you can do is give everything your best shot, hope for the best, make yourself of value and with a positive *beam* of life…not worry about the things that you can’t control. (Rum works tooooo.)

It’s a lesson I learn over and over again…all of the time.

When things mean so much to me, I sometimes get terrified. Yet with the right support, love and *pats on the back*…within seconds….I’m back, I feel powerful and utterly positive. That’s why you NEED great people around you.

It is okay to ride ‘the wave’…it’s natural, it’s human. You don’t need to think anything is wrong with you? You just need to know that you’re actually greater than you ever thought. I’m a ‘get on with it’ girl and that worrying about things that you can’t control…helps no one. It makes you less powerful.

I walked to the post office today at around 4.30pm and I watched this random 30 something year old dude, talk to his 20 something year old  girlfriend, like she was he biggest piece of shit, he had ever known. To make it worse…she looked all weak and nervous. She looked like half of version of herself. It got to me, but i walked straight past it, as it was her version of life, not mine. But as I did… and I didn’t look back, I hoped to GOD that she one day found it in herself to grow ten feet tall and become the most powerful and sassy fucker of a lady EVER. One that pisses glitter, dollar bills and *fucks it* all over his sorry, beer bellied ‘your tracksuit was too small for you’ arse. How could she be so blinded, to think that that was love? The man who loves you will cherish you…chase you, respect you, care for you and look after you.

And to anyone who *whops* out their ‘high horse’ for no beneficial reason, you need to learn to be good to people, because YOU DON’T KNOW who or what ANYBODY is going to become! So you might treat someone like absolute SHIT and one day find that they’re doing 4 million times better than you could EVER DO. You might one day need their help and on that day, they’ll kick off their kitten heels, sit back and laugh in your muggly little face.

In a way, seeing that moment empowered me….

So fuck it…on Friday…Let’s go WIN some shit! 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

Peacock Dresses, Trophies & Blog Awards

I have got the busiest and stressiest week ahead of me. Infact, it’s not a week…it’s a couple days. I’m just fitting a week into a couple days. Yipppee! When I say ‘stressy,’ I don’t actually mean stressy. I’m talking shite. As it’s all very exciting and all very BIG. I’m utterly utterly grateful. But i think i’m somewhat nervous.

So, I have work. Lots of it. However, this Friday is the big old UK Blog Awards. It’s a big day for me. I don’t expect to win it. Yet, that night is a huge networking night for anyone in Social Media with a personal brand, as the nations top bloggers, vloggers, influencers, brands and scouts will all be there. If you’re a blogger…YOU’RE SILLY IF YOU DON’T ATTEND THIS EVENT. Buy tickets. I mean, it sometimes makes me laugh, as I hear and get all these messages from people who are wanting to start a blog or have their digital content make a *stomp* in Cyberland…Yet they’re just sat at home twiddling their thumbs and have forgotten to go network at a venue that will be juiced with actual brands and agents wondering around looking for the next digital stars to wave the flag for their companies? Heeeellooo?

But yes, that’s on Friday, but on that Friday I’ll have a morning travel down to London, I’ll check into my hotel, yet I have then scheduled in a meeting with CEO Jack Parson’s at YourfeedUK (who i’m excited to meet) and after that little tinker of a meeting, I’ll be headed back to my hotel to be groomed and ‘dolled’ (I might actually also have to do some filming inbeteeen that time,) before I jump in a cab and head over to Park Plaza in Westminister for the Blog Awards. Well, I think that’s where it’s all going down?

I’ve been styled and they went with the Peacock dress. Yet, it’s so glamourous and so delightful that I’m now thinking,

‘Is that really the dress of a loser? Do I want to lose in that dress? Do I want to draw all this attention to myself and then lose? It’s a winners dress, not a pity party frock.’

So, I might go for something a little less ‘HEY LOOK, I’M A STAR.’ Lol But saying that, we know I probably won’t.

I’m excited. I have a week of work and promo for it. I’m not at all organised, as I haven’t even managed to gain EYE SIGHT for the the event yet! FUCK SAKE. I’ll be dressed like a peacock, without an award and BLIND all at the same time. I haven’t booked anything, or even given my courteousy email to Jack at Yourfeed yet. I have a management meeting, a brand meeting, I need to talk to my videographer…and I really want my nails doing,

The bank holiday has confused me, so I don’t know what day it is? Tuesday right? So, I have two days to sort my shit out and get my pretty oriental self to London on Friday. I need eye sight, that’d be a start.

AND to top it all off, whenever I go down to London, everyone wants me to show up at their joint, hotel, bar, party etc….so I have a pleather of ‘invites’ and saved tables awaiting my arrival, yet honestly, I really won’t have the time. If I did, I’d be there. I also have my Celeb one Snapchat Takeover soon and all my Summer is getting booked up with work that I have some very big decisions to make. Ugh!

I definitely should become a massive alcoholic, as these next couple days are going to ‘thrown down.’

Love you,

Chrissie

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shooting Blanks…..

Hi, you darling beasts of life! I’ve had an amazing day, just ‘hokey cokeying’ to my own version of life, with a smile on my face and a giddiness in my heart. I haven’t got anything but soul today and boy does it feel good.

‘Double B’ finally got her first house today and ‘Fairytale Blond’ officially moved in with her Prince Jonny. Everyone’s falling in love right before my very eyes…I mean look at Mel and ‘Her Gary.‘ And ‘Firmonnell’ and Lynne with their ‘love at first sight’ marriages.

And then there’s me….

Well i’ll tell you, that my ‘swirl’ has made me feel GREAT. I’m excited to get my little kitty hands on what i will refer to as MINE 🙂 and keep my little kitty heart open. It’s weird because i’m sensual and bubbled over with sexuality by nature, yet soft by heart…so i’m gentle when it comes to the art of romance. I never understand it when people are incapable to just love or express love? I find it odd? As I’m the complete opposite. So, yeah.. I don’t have that problem…YIPPEEE and well my ‘swirl,‘ who makes me *BEAM* (WHAT A MAN) and  zooms me into light years of giddiness…doesn’t either. We can chat about anything, anytime and always. It’s easy. To me, in my life….that’s vital. He just has this remarkable ability to make me feel so happy and excited without trying.

But that’s not what this blog is about…

This blog is about filling in the blanks…You’re all asking me a bunch of questions that I can’t at all get through because they’re coming into my inbox, like little greedy hobbits on happy pills. I’ve been doing blog promo all morning and so I figured that I’d *jiggly* out the answers to all your questions, in one merry *shoot out.*

Let’s go…I’ll fill in the blanks

My favourite thing to snack on…….is always something savory over something super sweet. I’ll munch through a bag of crisps before i’d ever contemplate a choccie bar. But i’m known to enjoy a wasabi pea nibble and I always chew gum. All of the time. 

When I workout, .………I never workout. I hate working out. I should work out. I just don’t have it in me. I’m naturally active anyway and well it seems to burn the cocktails off. 😉 

The funniest piece of lingerie I own……….I adore themed outfits and I LOVE a bit of ‘dress up’ in the bedroom. It’s fun. It’s sexy. Yet, the funniest piece of lingerie I own, is a ribbon stringed, crotchless thong…THAT HAS A BOBBLY BUNNY TAIL SEWN ON IT. Lol. I haven’t worn it yet. But well, who knows when i might need to bunny hop onto a willy in a moment of passion? Why am I a tool???

My favourite type of music…..I love all music. I usually play what’s currently on the radio. I fancy a bit of motown, pop, hip hop…I love a bit of a singalong and a dance off on most occasions.

I definitely love…..DRINKING.

To unwind I………..always want a MASSAGE. GOD! They are my favourite. Give me one…and i’ll adore you. Unless you’re that horrid crazy Chinese woman in Camden who tried to kill me to pan pipe music with a smile on her face and a really boney elbow. You’re a bitch. 🙂 

Party or Chill?………………..CHILL. I love to feel relaxed. Yet I love a cocktail bar….and I’ll stay out and have a blast. But you’d never find me trailing around a club at 7am in the morning, praying for a kebab with my heels in my hand. I’d rather be waking up at that time and being spooned by a Knight in shining armour, who’s telling me to make him a brew.

The worst thing about me…………I can be an ego maniac…but i’m soft.

Best thing about me…….I’m playful. I’m positive. I’m funnier than you think. I love a laugh. 

Favourite Makeup……….Estee Lauder.

I also love……Surprises.

I don’t like.……..Bad manners

I do like.…….Luxury

This year….I’ll smash my career and stilleto stamp my mark in cyberland.

This year……..I hope to fall madly in love and have that other human feel the same way also. 

The most inaccurate statement ever made about me..……..Well…most of it’s true. But i’m a grown up now. Lol.

Ps/ Whatsapp from Mel..

‘You missed a good one for the blog today. I told Dipper that he looked like Mr Bean. He said he always gets called that and he can ALSO DO THE DANCE. LOL!!!!!!!’

 

Back to Business, The Lakers & Life…

TODAY IS A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE!

Even if you think situations are pretty shitty, still, plain or just too much, too busy, too stressy or emotionally warped..I’m telling ya, your life is more than okay than you think…Maybe ‘things’ have gone SO wrong that you feel like swirling down a glittery plug hole, in a cocktail dripped frenzy of ‘no one loves me, work is shit, i’m lost and can’t figure life out?’ Or maybe ‘things’ have gone SO RIGHT, that you’re dreams are materializing into a reality and you’ve found the love of your LIFE, finally got that good news phone call, been offered that dream job you’ve always wanted. Regardless…It’s all part of life and all part of what makes you an AMAZING HUMAN… with a story.

I chose to TELL my story openly…and yes, it seems to have served me well. And that’s not because i’m currently sat here, in a chilly breeze, as the sun beams down on me, with my Gucci canvas bag and my new Sophia Webster heels as I type. It has nothing to do with that. It’s because, on Thursday April 13th 2017, i’m doing something that I love. Infact all the things that I love. Today is about ONLY DOING the things that I LOVE. And the things that we LOVE, are the things that WE WANT to do and not the things that WE HAVE to do. That’s what i’m doing for the rest of the next few days. So  let me remind you, today… is a GREAT DAY to be alive! (Or maybe just for Me and not so much for you. Hahaha. What? I’m joking. FFS! 😉 )

Okay, yesterday was SO busy and it kinda fucked me off because it felt stressful and I hate things that are stressy. I’m a glamour puss, i’m dynamic and fast. Yet, I’m appreciative, calm and loving when it comes to approaching situations of busy. It’s not that i’m good at keeping my cool. I’m open. I’m just really good at rising above the stress and glowing from a humorous or positive kitty tower , no matter what. I find life easy. I find being happy easy. It’s never ever really been too tough for me at all. So i find *grumps,* people who sweat the small stuff, or people who can’t figure out how to be appreciative…Stupid. REALLY FUCKING STUPID. (Alongside bad manners, crossing busy roads, running out of contact lenses, sausage dogs, knives and Grandad jokes, that seem to last forever.)

Today is BLISS and will be BLISS LIKE all the way through until Monday! Hurrah! *She cracks open the Lambrini.* 🙂

(Sorry, i’ve got distracted. One of my chick besties ‘Double B’ has been going through such emergency drama. I’ve been sat opposite her for the past weeks, watching it all swirl madly with no focus, but with DEADLINES. She’s just send me a Snapchat, with a giant envelope resting on her tanned knees, with words on it in blue biro that have made me SIGH WITH RELIEF! Thank GOD! She’s on her way to her happy ending! ALMOST. There’s two hours spare and i’m keeping my nipple tassels crossed for her. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN in TWO HOURS in Double B’s world! This is like some glamourous Matrix mission. I need gin.) 

What else? I’ve got blog award promo today. I’ve caught up on my Steve Bartlett Vlogs and I’ve just watched last nights Laker’s Game. I grew up in LA, so i’m a MASSIVE LAKERS FAN. But they keep getting thrapped! The ‘old school’ Lakers games, with a bit of Shaq and Kobe, were THE BEST! I remember going to the games and watching them all. Infact boys used to always do the ‘Shall we go to the Lakers game tonight’ as a date tool in LA. And also one night, when i was in some club? Was it Bliss? Anyway, just in West Hollywood.

I was in this tiny yellow dress, with my friends…this was the night that I saw Leonardo Di Carpio with a gaggle of hot blonds at his table sipping vodka mixers and Owen Wilson tootling around like a successful yet ‘lonely soldier’ looking to score exotic chicks only. Lol. (It was an ‘in joke’ in LA.) It was also the evening that a *hip hop* gangsta dwarf asked me out (he was presented to me like a prize) and the night that I was drinking with my friends after a day of auditions, watching a young Jesse McCartney being forced out of the club in a grey hoodie for being too young and I got *summoned* by a being, who walked up to my table…

‘Someone that wants to meet you..’

So Me, being Me…off I tottered with a Malibu Pineapple in my hand and curiousity in my eye. This guy walked me to some other table across the club and as I peered around the corner it was Phil Jackson, who owned the Lakers. Now, remember I am a MASSIVE LAKERS FAN. So, this was a big deal…yet I had a ‘nice to meet you’ drink and then tottered back to my friends. He was lovely and sweet…but you know what guys are like…I’m sure in that moment, in that club, he didn’t want to meet me to just say ‘hi’ and I don’t get down like that…

God! That trekked my mind RIGHT BACK. I definitely need a gin now.

BUT YES, REGARDLESS…

Today is a great day to be alive.


 

 

 

 

 

We Made It to Wednesday…..

I had to ‘write off’ Monday. It was hilarious. Let’s just say that Sunday afternoon in Leeds was filled with really sunny afternoon gin and tonics. Doubles. I had a blast as I met up with Lil’ Miss Laura Bartlett, who owns House of Coco Magazine…but i’ll tell you about that later, when i’ve pulled my glitzy self together…as so much fun went on… but yes…I found myself the next morning, feeling ROUGH, sat in a warm roomed meeting, propped up against a door and a wall….trying to strain my eyes open…and every time I closed them DURING the meeting Lol…I’d sort of *SHOCK* myself up and my fave chick ‘Firmonnell’ would be directly in my eye line PISSING HERSELF LAUGHING. (Oh Tuesday, I got my own back, as I watched both Firmonnell & Hustle Barbie do their *yawny* versions of life through the first meeting of the day.)

Double B: ‘Wow! You look like shit. I know whenever you feel rough cos your eyelashes go really tiny…’

Me: ‘Yeh. I’m just gonna have to get through the day… I don’t know how i’m gonna get through the day…?’

But FUCK IT…I DID! I did it! I’m a trooper and i’m not one to let the side down. I picked my sassy little self up, embraced the utter feeling of shitness. I made sure everyone new my state of existence…and without a clue, I muscled through..with a lucozade and really sore eyes. The fact is…I DID IT. Call me Lazy? Call me ‘BOSSING IT’ dolls.

As soon as I got home, I slow motion toppled into a warm bubble bath and went straight to bed, in a happy, naked, mist of bliss.

I’ve needed to rest, hence why I haven’t been able to blog. Yet, I’m feeling much better now. I kinda just need a massage and  bra that doesn’t seem to kill. That’s make me happy. Nothing is worse than a knackered girl, as it takes our ‘glam’ away from us. That’s why rest and recuperation is vital to any glamour pusses schedule. 🙂 I’m still in my pj’s, but i’ve put on a set of  heels anyway, simply to feel feminine again and because flats make you feel awkward. Comfy. But frumpy. Hahah! (I’ll grow up some day. Honest! Can we do Prosecco for breakfast?)

Tuesday…all about work. My chick friends and I have JUST BEEN WORKING. It’s been a head down and hustle, through the bustle. There’s not even ups or downs…just stress and work. Lol. I mean, we didn’t get to banter about much else, but work…Other than the fact that ‘Hustle Barbie’ got called a slut when she was in a black sophisticated trouser suit (lol), after returning from Poland where she trapped herself in a creepy house that she found on the internet with friends, for kicks. It was pitch black…part of the wonderful ‘things you can do here…’ rosta, and she got chased around a scary house, by a guy in a wheelchair, who stood up and ran at her with a chainsaw.

‘Chrissie! I was so scared that I even fell over in the pitch black and ended up having to grab some Polish boys balls to heave myself back up in fear.’

Fuck ‘Hustle Barbie’s’ fear. That Polish boy had the best time ever.

She’s such a slut. 🙂

On the up…Fairytale Blond is moving into her new home, with her new man, with ‘getting the keys and everything‘ on Thursday. Awww! I’m sure Fairytale babies will be made, behind their Fairytale white picket fence and she can’t wait. She has butterflies. Mel and I have instructed her to have sex on every counter and corner of the home. She should probably borrow Firmonnell’s sex step. Saying that…they’re all on diets now, so they’re gonna need all the steps the can get. Mel’s diet is great. She’ll eat anything she wants and then say..

‘What? I’ve brought melon…it’s fine…It counteracts it.’

Double B is also en route to her new home. She is awaiting the go ahead on ‘here’s your keys‘ and when she gets them…she will have a sassy CRY and simply because unlike ‘Fairytales’ her journey has been very stressy….very dramatic…and very Double B’y. Yet their journey to getting the same thing has been UTTERLY DIFFERENT…However, what matters is that the BOTH got to the finish line with the winning result that they wanted. It doesn’t matter how you get there…Just get there. If the roads bumpy..strap in and embrace it. If it’s smooth…*Glide Baby, Glide.*

But then that just leaves me…

I have the biggest rest of April ahead of me, as I head into investment, the beginning of the Vlog and with a final glamourous clatter to the month at the UK Blog Awards, which is on the 21st. I’d say i’m on my promo for that..yet when they’ve already chosen the winner…you don’t really need to promo too much? However, i’m excited and honoured. Can’t wait to be there! I couldn’t be more grateful.

I also have a meeting early in the afternoon on the day of the blog awards with Jack Parsons, who owns Yourfeed UK. I’m looking forward to meeting him, as again, he’s done very well for himself and his company. I’m happy that he requested to see me…and well tottering through his offices seems like it would be a blast.

However, let me tell you I AM IN A SWIRL. GOD! This is the biggest SWIRL I have ever experienced in my ENTIRE time on this little disco Earth ball. This guy is making me feel like i’m on top of  the TOP of the WORLD. Through the busy days, the resting, the work load, the stress, the good times..the everything…he just has this ability to make me *beam* from ear to ear and have my little kitty soul light up with laughter, excitement but a peaceful happiness. He’s my perfect! I can’ t help but adore him. How could I not?

Yet, there’s something about this ‘swirl’ as it’s not just any swirl…it’s a solid swirl. It’s a secure, solid swirl. There’s a stability to it. I feels good. No. It feels great. This guy…and this is after actually us getting to know one another…is my dream man.

Right now…I feel like a very lucky girl…

 

 

 

 

Life, Corners & The Shizzles

So, i walked part the way home with Mel last night, as the work day had come to a ‘time out,’ before she strutted off to the right, in her red coat and heels and I tottered over to the left to be driven through West Yorkshire fields by a driver with scars on his neck. Drivers like to tell me everything. I once had one pull up for ages, at six o clock in the morning, as I was waiting for Take Me Out Nick to hurry up of of his house for a meeting. He told me his entire life story and how his love life was awful because his girlfriend had run off with another man…who was..

…’obviously a druggie because he had no teeth. CHRISSIE! He had no teeth! I let this guy into my own house because I trusted them both!’

I love it when people open up to me about their own life stories because at the end of the day, that’s all we have. Pay attention to what makes you happy and GO FOR IT. Live it. Love it. Make your story worth a read!

I love my Thursday night chatters with Mel, as I’ll work later and listen to her magical updates of her ‘swirl.’ Remember that Mel (who is in her 40’s…She’s  hot, sassy 40 something though) was single for 3 years. THREE WHOLE YEARS. She got on with it, adapted, was happy, yet was edged over in cynicism and mild grumpiness. But she had thought that that was it…That she would probably never find her real ‘swirl.’ YET, Cupid cut her some fucking slack and OUT of nowhere *BOOM* out pops ‘Her Gary’ with tulips and carpets in his hands, telling her that he loves her, wants her and commits to her fully…which turned her world around.

‘Honestly, Chrissie! I never ever thought this would happen to me. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe how happy I feel.’

‘It’s the beam in your eye Mel. Look at you. You’re like a little girl again. I love it. You’re smiling. More than anything it gives me hope…It CAN happen because I’ve watched it with my OWN kitten eyes! 🙂 ‘

So, for those of you who are looking for love, or hoping to find that REAL LOVE. The kinda love that you haven’t just settled for. The love that sends you into a crazy swirl. That Bestfriendy, Sexy, Romantic ‘sweep you off your feet’ magic of an ‘ooh laa.’ That soul mate kind of love that lasts an entire lifetime…and not just a few calendar months or a season. KNOW, that no matter what situation you’re in, right around the corner something magical could stop you in your tracks and send your glittery heart a flutter.

I’m currently feeling a ‘swirl,’ so I’m not really scratching at my head, swearing at Cupid. Yet, throughout my life i’ve wandered around many a corner. Good ones, bad ones and ones that stink of regret. Hahaha! However this corner…that i decided to wander around is…for the first time…in a long time….worth it. This guy has got me BEAMING. An yeah, there are times when ‘swirls’ make you feel all terrified…They do me. I don’t at all mean that preachy. I’m speaking from absolute experience. I get terrified sometimes and i’m ballsy. Yet, that’s not how to live your life the best way you can. Say YES to more things that make you happy, boldly. Embrace the and enjoy them…and have faith that Cupid really isn’t that much of a dick afterall.

But let me rewind…

Not much banter happened all day with my girls. We all got on with life and business…

Double B: ‘What do you fucking me you have no blog fodder. YOU’VE SPENT THE ENTIRE DAY WITH ME!!’

Double B is a sassy, funny, somewhat zany ‘for a bit of look at me’ intelligent, DITZ. What I love about Double B is the fact that yeah she’ll go out of her way to dramatically make people laugh out loud…yet even when she’s going through really stressful times…she’ll express it openly without fear, yet always at the same time make everyone around her smile. She goes out of her way to do that. When people do that…it means big, not so lovely things have happened to them in their lives, that they understand the worth of happiness and making others feel happy.

Anyway, that was a bit full on. We did lunch together. I bought a sandwhich, she had made herself pasta with pine nuts. I know. She’s only 21. I’m watching her grow up before my very eyes. And we chatted shit, as we looked over the town through a giant glass window, at a shabby chic baby blue table, and thought about the future, money and where we’d be at.

Then we took it upon ourselves to go downstairs with cups of tea..

‘Get that door for me Wunna..’

..and make fun of the new addition into our world…again another guy…who HE HIMSELF has been named ‘DIPPER.’

Now ‘Dipper’ dips things. He’ll ‘dip’ anything. He’ll dip her, him, you and whatever we tell him to ‘dip.’ He love’s ‘dipping.’ Dipping is his world. I even ordered cards to prove that he ‘dips’ the region with a smile. We all don’t know ‘Dipper’ too well yet…so stay tuned. But it seems that this character is going to be an interesting find, as he replaces The King Of The North.

Me: ‘HAHAHAH. I CAN’T STOP SAYING DIPPER.’

Anyway, i’ve got to go and get ready for work. The best thing about yesterday morning, was the fact that I had to explain, during a somewhat executive meeting why i had decided to call ‘Lady Shizzle’…well ‘Lady Shizzle’ in the blog. Lol. Lady Shizzle is funny..She’s sweet natured and all for hard work, but a good time. She turned fifty years old in January and loves a good old Wunna Blog read…I didn’t even know what to say…so I just said this..

‘When someone is THE SHIT, it’s good. Kinda like the DOGS BOLLOCKS. A hip hop term for THE SHIT..is THE SHIZZLE…Lol. Which means you’re ACE. The LADY part comes from you being the LADYSHIP!’

What? Lol. What is my life!

Her reply…

‘I love that you said you can’t marry a man without a good penis..’

🙂

 

Is Everyone on Holiday & Willies?

Everyone is DEFINITELY on a *sunny sunny* holiday BUT ME! I’m in this place, that my rather glamourous chick friends and I have labelled ‘B City.’ It’s a terrible place (lol) of hard work, panic and now, now, now. It’s almost like running really fast on a treadmill, whilst people throw things at you, in heels…and without thre being some kind of glorified result at the end of it. Hahah! ‘B City’ JUST KEEPS GOING! It’s hilarious! *Selfie Here.*

I am certainly sure that I should be bobbing around with boobies, in a pool, on some inflatable flamingo lilo, with a fruity cocktail in my hand, sunglasses and as the blistering exotic sun beams down upon my kitty soul, to the peaceful sound of holiday.

But no..I’m working solid…in ‘B City’ without a paddle but a smile on my face. I mean, look on the bright side. I might not be sunning it up…and yes I am bitter about that. But at least I got to talk about willies for a good 4.2 minutes with ‘Hustle Barbie’ before six o clock.

‘I don’t like small willies.’

‘You can’t marry someone who has a small willy…’

‘But what if they do have a small willy, or are shit at sex?’

‘Well, I’m not 17. I’m thirty six, with a raging libido. Hahaha. I need to see the willy before I commit to doing forever…’

We smiles. We piss ourselves laughing. Life went on.

‘Cya!’

‘Bye!’

‘I’ve a great holiday!’

I adore girl banter. Maybe we girls should pay more attention to the hideous amount of ‘dick pics’ that litter out inbox? I always thought they were a nuisance. They ARE a massive nuisance and i’m an an open minded girl. But it’s only because i’ll be trying to email out a business plan and then some random stranger from Barnsley or wherever, will decide that i need to see his willy inbetween it all. I will have no clue who this human is…yet in his world ‘Chrissie Wunna’ needs to see a picture of his genitals. I really don’t. Yet, if I was smart, I would’ve used them for market research and created some ‘match your soul to the perfect willy’ dating app, for girls. 🙂

I will say that due to my *stamp* of what seems like forever, to the point where I might need to begin choosing the cats that i’m going to order when i’m a lonely 80 year old bat 😉  and still single in a cocktail bar because nobody can be bothered to adore me (do note, I’m only being dramatic, I’m still in a swirl) ….AND the fact that social media fame is labeling me as some kind of ‘eligible bachelorette.’ (Such a catch. 🙂 ) Anyway, all these dating sites are trying to get me to be the face of their ‘dating app’ campaign.

Now, I’m not an online dating fan. I say it all the time. I’ve done specific interviews on how much i dislike the process and I don’t mean when it comes to  chat. I’ve said it’s a great way to find people and get to know someone. Yet I dislike the whole ‘otherside’ to the Tinder/Happn bullshit.

I’m too old for it and unconventionally traditional when it comes to  ‘boy meets girl’ and they fall in love. I don’t wanna see or hear a ‘swipe right.’ It’s dull and robotic. I want that real ‘Knight in shining armour’ love that sweeps me off my feet uncontrollably, that poets have written about for centuries. (Wow. I am dramatic this morning.)

Can’t remember what I was on about now? Lol

Oh yeah…It’s just weird that so many Dating Sites are trying to hustle into Wunna Land with pay cheques and potential deals.Do notice that I haven’t done one yet! Meaning, that I do only chose to do the things that I ADORE. I won’t just sign up to whatever shit for a fee and a smile…but mainly because i’m so busy at work, wallowing in the art of ‘B City’ and with juggling life, that right now, I only have time for the things that I adore. If i said yes to everything…i’d probably be really rich and..well dead. Lol.

WHEN IS IT THE WEEKEND! UGH!

But no. When i have the opportunity to fit it all in. I will. 😉

So yes, as some of my chick friends…Oh and Webbo… head off to exotic lands, sunny sands, sunbathy diaries, filled with cocktailed nights of chill and good memories…I am still here…not on a flamingo lilo.

*Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa*

Have fun! Happy Wednesday!

Ps: Yesterday I learnt that some boys are bitchy. When did boys turn so Queeny? You’re dudes. Be men. Adore the girls that you’ve chosen to adore and do life your way. I heard loads of boys hating on other boys yesterday and it sounded really really…GIRLY. Don’t do it. Girls talk openly because we’re emotional and need that release. Women (and now i’m old, i’m a a total woman now) well we talk when it’s smart to…as we never feel insecure enough to hate. We’re grown. That’s the difference between boys and men, I guess also?