Writers Block, Jiggles & That Little Bit Of Saffron

Dear Diary,

I have CRAZY WRITERS BLOCK! It’s awful! I mean, so much has gone on in the last few days, the last few weeks..that I don’t even know where to begin? I’ve been through changes. Great changes and i’m exactly where I want to be. Yet, I guess changes are always alarming on the old kitty system at first, aren’t they? Well until you get used to them.

It can be new starts, new chapters, new cities, new jobs, new relationships, new friends, new anything…They’re all great…Yet your soul jiggles about a bit, until you feel settled. Once you do settle…you become alive…you’re on fire. So, like myself, if you’re experiencing anything NEW, know that you’re fine, it’s good for you and when the ‘Jiggles’ settle, you’ll be dandy as prosecco pour!

HURRAH!

I have writers block.

I don’t know if it’s because my heads a bit of a muddle, like I said so much has gone on, all wonderful, yet still alarming? But my brain needs to *bloom* and hurry up with the blooming process…Lol, as right now it’s a bud and it’s closed tight!

All I know is that i’m happy. So that’s good going, isn’t it! And I haven’t done Dry January..and that’s also good going. 🙂  Everyone seems to have committed to it. Yet, I can’t strap myself ‘down’ to ‘don’t.’ My will power is amazing. It’s a gift from the Girl Gods. Yet, if I fancy a vino at 7pm after a long day, I’ll have one, be it January, Wednesday or Life.

Dry Jan IS GOOD FOR YOU. So, if you’re tinkering along with *can can* kicks…WELL DONE! Enjoy being healthier. It’s fantastic.

Oh and if you still have you Christmas Tree up..TAKE IT DOWN (I’ve just seen that my chick friend ‘Hustle Barbie’ hasn’t bothered to move her ‘tinsel tree’just yet. She should. Or at least get her buff boyfriend too!

I’ve got so much to tell you. Good news arrived on Thursday. Really great career news. I have all the most wonderful collaborations, that you’ll slowly see *oozing* through Wunna Land, but I have writers block…and it’s CRAZY! I HATE IT!

BLOOM BRAIN, BLOOM!

I still haven’t even told you about my time in London with Top LA Chef Ronnie Woo. (He’s one of my best guy friends, we grew up together in LA and when he flew out to London in December to shimmie in ‘she ma bestie bestie‘ Wunna Land, we literally had the BEST time together…even though his executive suite had a random ‘cage like’ upstairs level.

Ronnie: ‘I don’t see the point to it? There’s not even a view?’

Me: ‘It’s like a bouji cage. I love it. I’m stuck in a bouji cage.’

Ronnie: ‘Let’s go take selfies and get lunch…’

[Passes me a pink champers that he had brought back from Vienna.]

But, I’ll get around to that blog.

If I go back to that evening… when I left his suite around five o clock in the evening, so he could spend some quality time with his beautiful husband Doug…. I remember being stood outside Le Meridien (the hotel,) in Piccadilly, at the busiest time possible, on the other side of the glass revolving doors, as London traffic bustled by and the skies were now navy as they turned our world to night. Stars littered the skies above me. Taxi headlights and horns flashed by and *beeped.*

I was on my phone (what a surprise) and there was a guy, who I guessed was here on business from New Jersey stood to my left..just sort of wandering around and in front of me was a random 20 something, lost, Spanish girl, who had stopped to see if I could call her also ‘lost’ boyfriend, because her phone had run out of charge.

IT’S ANNOYING WHEN YOU HAVE NO CHARGE.

Of course, I helped. I’m helpful. I try to be anyhow. Sometimes, I’m shocking at being helpful. But most of the time, I help. I had to take his number down, add it to my Whatsapp contacts and then message him, before calling him, to tell him where his girlfriend was. Lol.

She’s Spanish, lost in London and needs help. I’m a glamour puss, found in London and helping.

A bit of a ball ache, but nonetheless, I’d hope someone woud help me, if I needed help?

I’d also ordered an Uber..So I waiting for my car to arrive. That’s why I was stood outside. Of course, my Uber driver called..and the Spanish girl, her name was Carmen, thought it was her boyfriend, so answered my phone…

In fact now I remember..the Uber driver said the word, ‘Car’….and we assumed that he said ‘Carmen.’ He had called from some weird number. She spoke to him in Spanish…whilst walking away slightly… on my phone. See, i’m SO TRUSTING!

When she got back, I read a text stating that my Uber had got cancelled because I wasn’t at my pick up point, I got charged for that…and Her boyfriend magically appeared out of nowhere…

YIPPPEEE!

So yes, she was safe and I had to order another Uber back to the station. (During this time, I had my agent and my London friends all calling my phone continuously to try and meet up..)

Me: ‘Erm..Hi…Yeah, I’m kind of a little stressed out right now…I’ll call you back.’

Other end of phone: ‘But when are you back in London?’

Me: NEVER! Lol.’

Agent: ‘Hi, it’s me..I’ve submitted you for this and I need you to go meet…’

Me: ‘I need a gin.’

Then the New Jersey business man to my left, had noticed that I had been somewhat thoughtful, decided that I was ‘kind’..

‘I saw that you were kind..’

…and had also decided that I was definitely the girl of his dreams. He offered to buy me gin at the hotel bar. He plays ice hockey also, or something? It was just moment, upon moment of ‘craziness.’

YET, the best part of that whole day, other than seeing one of my oldest friends from LA, was the fact that there was a moment outside Le Meridien, where I was stood on my own, just looking through my Snapchat story.

I was WEEING MYSELF at how funny Ronnie & I had been all day!

(I actually really can’t tell you many Ronnie stories, as they’re secret secrets and his brand is much ‘cleaner’ than Wunna land. Lol. He was sick. I wasn’t. He’s back in LA now and just cooked for a whole bunch of celebrities, across the pond in Hollywood and on the telly. There you go.)

But yes, the best moment, was the moment, when I stood outside the hotel, immersed in the  busy London life….(Everyone dashed passed me, like they needed to be home immediately) and well I must’ve looked really HAPPY, because I had accidentally been LAUGHING OUT LOUD, at MY OWN Snapchat Story and I must’ve been laughing so hard (YES, i WAS BUY MYSELF AND LOOKED LIKE A LUNATIC..A GLAMOUROUS LUNATIC) because two middle aged gentleman, both business men, both dapper, both gay, both looked really important….walked up to me, like they had known me for years, saw me, stopped their ‘busy’ and said,

‘LET’S HAVE A LOOK….What are you watching?’

And just like that, we were all STOOD around my phone, for a good fifteen minutes, pissing ourselves and watching my Snapchat story.

It was a really good moment and it shows that laughter brings people together. All of us together. It’s contagious. And yeah, I know that sounds cliched, like I make cherry pies in dodgy gingham pinnies and sell them for tuppence, over the magical ‘pot of gold’ rainbow…But i’m not that way, I’m sassy. So, what i’m saying is…I mean it. 😉

Me: ‘It was total Cage Life!!’

Business Men: ‘Hahah….You are the cutest thing ever! We should grab a drink! Who’s he? He’s HOT. How do I know you?’

Moments make memories…

I’m doing alright for Writers block right now!

ANYWAY…

I’m currently sat in my car with a pink laptop on my knee, in a Little mistress Faux Fur, typing this blog out on WORD. I’ve been trying to blog for days! So any opportunity that I get to AT LEAST attempt to ‘chitter…’ I embrace.

It hasn’t worked until right now.

I have going on this week. I’ve been reading about little Saffron Drewitt Barlow, who is celebrating worldwide headlines, due to being the FIRST EVER little lady, to be registered as having TWO FATHERS and NO mother, in Britain…and I LOVE IT!! She’s 18 now and is the luckiest girl in the world.  She’s owning it! She has a wardrobe worth a million pounds, thanks to her Dads…who couldn’t love her and all her brothers and sisters more.

Image may contain: 7 people, people smiling, shoes

She gets an allowance of around FIVE THOUSAND POUNDS A MONTH, to spend on anything her heart desires. There’s a dream and she is living it! I’m loving it!

But away from that, what her Fathers Barrie & Tony have achieved is SO IMPORTANT, as they’ve fought their cause, worked hard and now made history! They’re filled with love…I adore them..madly!

Image may contain: 3 people, people smiling, people standing

It’s almost like a bouji, modern day fairytale. (There’s a magic to it! A ‘glitter.’)

Surely they adopt me? I’m marvellous! 🙂 Honestly…I am!

Can you even believe that only a few years ago, it was actually  ILLEGAL for adults, who loved one other, to ‘marry’ if they weren’t straight…let alone have a family!

It’s crazy, isn’t it! I love how much more open the world is becoming. I love that people are celebrating love, themselves and their own version of life.  I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the world your story. I do it every day….(When I don’t have writers block. 😉 ) 

I’m behind them all the way! The family is great! They’re so interesting! And yeah, we should absolutely celebrate a bit of Saffron! I love her! It’s magical!

Okay, i’m bored of being sat in my car now…

So, just a quick note to say THANK YOU for all the love, that i’m receiving on my ‘socials.’

I say it everyday…THANK YOU. If you’re not following my ‘Socials’ and you should be…Here are some of the pics, that you’ve missed…

No automatic alt text available. Image may contain: 1 person

Image may contain: 1 person Image may contain: 1 person, indoor

Image may contain: 1 person, standing Image may contain: 1 person, phone, selfie and close-up

It means a great deal…as i’m obviously attempting to build Wunna Land to it’s finest and your ‘love..likes…follows and website clicks’ make a HUGE IMPACT. What am I on about? MAKE ALL the impact! That’s the truth!

A thousand MORE of you ‘liked’ my Facebook Fanpage this week and in the business of blogging, that means a lot! So yes, THANK YOU, from the bottom of my kitten heart. (Glad you’re liking my pics. 😉  You’ve got some good ones tomorrow… Oh and the ‘fitting room’ situation…Is it deliberate? YES! And you, my little ‘winks’ will found out why shortly!

Right, i’m off to deal with my now ‘moderate’ writers block, to ‘food a little‘ with my Mother. The Great Wunna before me.

Hope you don’t start your juice cleanse with a Mimosa like did. Hope you don’t drink too much coffee (which is what my body lives on…) as it makes you do stupid things….faster….

Love you all. Thank you for following my life. I need to get my bloggers flow back.

Kisses,

Chrissie x

 

 

Friendship, Fights & The Backroom Leeds

Just the most amazing time in the city last night. I cherished, good times. No! Great times…with the people who I will always regard as my absolute closest . (Until I’m a superstar and never speak to them again. 😉 We’re like family and I’ve honestly had a great 2017 because of them.

I love the little swines and i’m really really lucky. I mean, not many people, in my position or way of life have a close bundle of friends, that the can trust and rely on. I do! We’re all really different from one another, yet each add a certain spice to the pot. If you have a problemo, a secret, a love….you’ll know which friend in the group to turn to…and in their own magical way, over cocktails, a cuddle, a whatsapp message, a warm dinner, a new set of heels, or a tissue….they’ll be right by your side, picking up the pieces.

I’m currently in Ego, Ackworth, sat infront of a huge mirror, with a half of Fosters, writing this blog….

Image may contain: one or more people and indoor

I adore a good mirror seat. One where it looks like I have my back to you, but I can see EVERYTHING.  My vanity gets the better of me. Yes. I’ll admit that. However, I also love the stories that mirrors tell. I’ve watched women with party hats and light up Christmas jumpers wander behind me. Business men. Families. Lone Rangers with quiet pints. Grown adults in weird Elf hats. Girls all a gossiping. And awkward humans on first dates. I love a mirror in the midst of a ‘busy bustle.’ It’s always so magical. Always so glamourous.

But anyway, last night I was out in the city…

As the story goes, the day turned to night. I had had a somewhat stressful day of ‘rushy.’ I HATE RUSHING. I’m a glamour puss. I do things in my own manner, with my own panache and at my own pacing. Not yesterday though. Fuck. I dashed to three cities, running errands, doing meetings, making sure Ruby & Junior were enjoying every inch of their Christmas holidays. I had a deadline. I needed to be ready. Then after the fastest totter, a warm bath, placing my phone on charge and a slip into my silver sequinned dress from the Kourtney Kardashian line for Pretty Little Thing….I dashed out the door, twinkled through the night sky, jumped in a taxi..

Driver: ‘I’m sure I’ve driven you around before. I remember your voice.’

Image may contain: 1 person, close-up and indoor Image may contain: 1 person, smiling

And Whatsapped ‘Double B’ with a…

‘I’m 3 mins away from yours…’

We drank wine out the bottle, all the way to ‘Firmonnells,’

Double B: ‘How many people do you reckon you’ve slept with?’

Me: ‘Why are they like cardboard cut outs?’

Double B: ‘They’re just Vanilla..’

(I once referred to one of my exes as ‘vanilla.’ He was in a boyband and I’d just come off a tv show for ITV2.  To this day he says I apparently broke his heart? However, surely if you say ‘I don’t want us to be together anymore Chrissie because I’m gay’ that would mean that no hearts were broken in the process. Well, maybe my heart? 😉

He said he loved me madly, yet never messaged me when we broke up because he didn’t know what to say. I just took that as ‘oh he doesn’t care’ and I was fine with that. You can’t MAKE someone love you. You can MAKE someone care about you. Yet ‘true love’ is a whole different potion. If they feel you in their spirit….they will always find their way back to you.

Yiddley Doooooooo!

Anyway, Double B and I apologized to the driver for making him listen to our sexy girl banter AAALLLLLL the way to ‘Firmonnells.’ Yet he assured us he LOVED IT.

Driver: ‘It’s made my night girls.’

We were joined by ‘Fairytale Blond’ and a bit of ‘Mama Sally.’ We did wee’s, drank prosecco, borrowed jackets, exchanged gold clutches and found ourselves on our way to Leeds city centre…our city….yet via THE SINGLE MOST AMAZING train station ever. I’ve never travelled from Garforth before. THEY SERVED BOTTLE PROSECCO, IN BOUJI PLASTIC CHAMPAGNE FLUTES, THROUGH A WINDOW ON THE ACTUAL PLATFORM!!! I know!!! It’s absolute BLISS! All you have to do is buy a bag of crisps with it (because you are only allowed booze with food) and you’re plain sailing and en route to Leeds, with a happy prosecco jiggle.

Image may contain: one or more people, drink and text

 

With our drinks, in our dresses, with our heels in place and whilst the girls decided to MAKE FUN of my WONDERFUL peacock phone cover.

Double B: ‘What the fuck is that!!’

Firmonnell: ‘It’s fucking horrible.’

Me: ‘SHUT UP! The loveliest phone man gave it to me FOR FREE today, for a selfie, you dicks! I love it!!’

(It’s a golden peacock with diamante studs and multi coloured gems scattered throughout its tail. Lol I actually really do LOVE IT. They despise it and think it looks tacky, because they’re ‘haters’ and can’t handle my glamourisms. They even made a guy on the train tell me that he hated it too! Haha! What dicks)

Anyway within a second we pulled into Leeds, they’re all running like wild women to meet the rest of the group, and i’m trying to catch up, as i’m spilling my prosecco all over me and some guy in a hat with chatting to me about…can’t even remember really? If Santa was a chimney sweeper, it would be him. He was lovely!

Long story short. All met up at a train station bar…who wouldn’t let everyone in because they had reached capacity. It was THAT BUSY. The rest of the girls joined the group and the boys joined us also. Then through the busy city streets, we all walked up ‘hand in hand’ to Backroom Leeds, as ‘Firmonnell’ and I tried to decide if we were actually lesbians?

Me: ‘But I really DO fancy Ellen Degeneres.’

Firmonnell: ‘But what about when you need a penis in you after they’ve…’

The Backroom was great! It’s a small decadent, ‘speakeasy’ bar on Call Lane. Plays the best music. Has a private outdoor terrace. And we had the whole downstairs floor/bar, to ourselves, as our own. It was just for us, our whole group and that was that.

The night was AMAZING.

Slowly but surely, everyone we knew trickled in, piece by piece, a wink at time, the boys in shirts, the girls in short dresses and heels. We love to glam it up…so each ‘trickle’ was dressed to the nines, straight to the bar and with ‘good time’ glint in their eyes. It’s always great when it’s just us, because anything goes, no one will judge and we can all pretty much surrender to the art of celebrating life, the year and friendship….. in the most pissed fashion, forget to eat the yummiest finger food and with all the free drinks that our tokens will allow us.

Image may contain: one or more people, people standing and night

We danced, we flirted, we booty popped, we ‘dutty wined,’ we let loose, we turned wild, we snapchatted, we kissy cheeked, we all thought we were sexier than we probably were and we DRANK….we fucking DRANK! Hustle Barbie fell on the floor AGAIN…took ‘Fairytale’ and ‘Double B’ with her. Lol

Image may contain: 1 person, text Image may contain: one or more people

Hustle Barbie: ‘It’s my new thing.’

Cuddles and kisses and sequins and hip hop tracks.

Image may contain: 3 people, close-up

Mood lighting, shots, hair tosses and fresh air terraces.

Image may contain: 4 people, people smiling, close-up

Gossips, lies, drama and whispers….

At one point i think my whole entire top fell down for a second, due my excessive booty dance routine. I have no booty, so I have to really work at the back shimmie. Caused boobies to fall out because my dress was too big…Nobody cared. They loved it.

Me: ‘What! It’s because i’m a VEGGIE NOW. I’ve lost weight, but it’s come off my FLIPPING BOOBS!’

Webbo & Jonsez & Dipper & New Boys! They were all really lucky, because we chicas has already hit ‘good time’ and wine bottles, so like props we used the boys for flirts and dance floor swizzles. Hot new faces kept appearing out of nowhere. I backed up and a hot face was behind me. I walked forward and another new hot face greeted me. I even got a cheeky bum grab. (I love a bum grab at 30 something. It’s naughty. It’s fun. It’s a good way to get me to notice you….and he was REALLY HOT. Super handsome.)

Lots of ‘Hollyoaks’ style drama occurred last night. It went from whisper to whisper, to confrontations, to verbal fights. It went from learnt lessons, to hearts breaking, to no judgements and personality clashes. It went from stories told, to secrets revealed and tests of friendships and truth telling.

‘You can sleep with who you want to sleep with. I don’t give a shit! Own it.’

‘Why is she blanking me. I haven’t done anything wrong.’

‘This is ridiculous!’

‘Yeah…I already knew that. We all did!’

‘I just love her and I don’t stand a fucking chance.’

‘Just stay away from me. Don’t come near me. What do you think you’re…’

‘Who told you that??’

‘You need to man up…’

‘You else do you fancy?’

‘He’s done now…’

‘I’m leaving. This is fucked up.’

‘If she comes up to me again, whilst i’m trying to talk to you…I’m gonna..’

‘Don’t judge people on shit…Whocares..’

‘I can’t deal with this. Do you want a shot?’

‘She won’t even speak to me now.’

‘I don’t care what you’ve done…’

‘You’re beautiful. Am I stalking you?’

‘This is the last time i’ve ever going to get to dance with you…’

‘You’re new. You’re hot. Are you on Insta?’

‘Who does she think she is!!!’

‘How is this ALL MY FUCKING FAULT.’

[Echo….Echo…Echo….Echo….]

*STOP*

And even though all of the snippets above occurred, this is what I noticed…I noticed that  every single one of us were close. That every single one of us chose to prioritise ‘good times’ over drama. We danced, we laughed, we gave zero fucks. I noticed that in the end, enjoying our friendships with each other, is what we chose to make matter…and THAT is what makes us a family. (Moderately dysfunctional…but s….we’re fly. 😉 )

The clock struck 3am. Time flew by us. We didn’t even realise how fast it has flown!

‘AS IF IT’S 3AM!!! WTF!’

‘Don’t leave…come back..’

‘Come to Fibre with me…’

‘Get in my Uber.’

‘Don’t leave me..’

I had stayed in the private section at Backroom ALL NIGHT, so I didn’t actually realise how busy the place has got upstairs. I walked up to the open air terrace holding Double B’s hand…and it was RAMMED. It was MENTAL.

A guy stopped me with a,

‘Are you Chrissie Wooonaaa?’

‘Yeah…yeah…why?’

‘Do you remember me…?’

‘Jake?’

(I didn’t know if it was Jake… 🙂 )

Yet the crowd took us into different directions and as I sat on the terrace, chatting to ‘Double B,’ under the night stars…(I’m doing a lot of the night stars of recent, aren’t I..)

I watched Jonesez look at me, with all the heartbreak of the world in his eyes…as he stood up off, from the side of the terrace and walked away slowly, with his head all a muddle….

It snowed today…which means there’s magic in the air….

All I know about life is that there are MORE UPS, than there are downs. More GOOD TIMES, than there are bad. And that ANYTHING can happen in a moments wink of an eye….Dreams come true. Life is only has hard as you make it.

It’s the ones of us who can ‘surf that crest.’ The ones of us who stand by what we love and believe is right, for OUR OWN VERSION of existence that get the most out of the world and what’s on offer.

I’ll remember these people for the rest of my life….

Image may contain: 7 people, people smiling, people standing and indoor

In FIVE DAYS….FOR ME…..

EVERYTHING CHANGES…..

Chrissie x