Next Time On First Dates….

Afternoony, my little trickles of glistening, tinsel torn, kitty wrap. (I don’t know what that means either? Just go with it.)  How are you? I’m great. But knackered. Family airport runs, kicked me in the ‘girl parts.’ I can’t open my eyes. At least if I had ‘goolies,’ it would cushion the blow. Infact, if I had ‘goolies,’ I wouldn’t WANT to open my eyes. I’m too awkward for ‘goolies.’

I love calling balls, ‘goolies…’ like the ‘Juicy’ velour joggers…I want to bring it back! 

I’m currently blogging from Ackworth Garden, by Baby Jesus and the 3 Wisemen. Hopefully some of their wisdom *rubs* off on me, (it’s usually other things that dudes try to rub off on me.)  But i’m feeling lucky!

I’m not too bothered about Baby Jesus, though? He’s been strapped down, by a beautiful chica named ‘Leoni’ who bakes reindeer buns and he now looks a little ‘bondage.’ If I glued studs onto him, he’d be winning at life.

Why am I trying to ruin Baby Jesus? He’s done nothing wrong? Can I get into trouble for that? I reckon i’ve done pretty well to not have already BURST INTO FLAMES, simply by being near ‘Godly’ looking characters.

UGH! I’m so tired!!

(And I’m already getting trolled by keyboard warriors. It’s only 17 minutes past noon. Gimme a break.) 

Okay. I’m gonna cut the crap.

*Slurps Americano.*

Last night, I stayed up to watch ‘First Dates,’ on Channel 4, because next MONDAY, 10pm, I’m on it and they always do the..

‘Next time on First Dates…’ thing, don’t they!

I actually love, that bit….Of course as well as the show! (It’s a great show because it combines, raw and real, surprise moments, with positive banter, dates and love.)

However, when it’s YOU, on the ‘Next time on First Dates…’ bit, it’s kinda surreal????

I haven’t been on telly, on a big show… in a really long time. In fact, it was almost 10 years. Time has flown!! As if it has been nearly 10 ENTIRE years, since I tried to be Paris Hiltons Bestie?? I must’ve got so old, without realizing.

They say that happens….

BUT, luckily,  i’ve managed to fit  a lot into that time. I’ve wiggled out two babies, had a marriage, a divorce, created a sex toy range, been on numerous dates, had a rubix cube of career changes, started a business and done everything in between.

It may not seem like it, but i’ve done alright. But more importantly, i’ve enjoyed it and also met so many wonderful people along the way.

I’ve  also ‘diaried’ it all out. ‘ALMOST’ every day. 😉 I’ve been hungover, busy, tired, scared or lazy, on the days that I skipped.

At least i’m still cocktailing….

You can’t win’em all…

But yeah, I’m much older. (37.) I’m much wiser. (NOT.) Yet, still just as annoying on the telly!! How can this BE!!!! At 20 something, I didn’t realize how annoying I was!!!??!!!  I thought I was ACE!?! Now, i’m like ‘WT *ACTUAL* F!!’

I’m going to take a ‘troll festival’ of online battering….

I usually never ever watch myself back, because like most people, I find myself SO CRINGE. I look different. I sound different But only to me and no one else?? Haha.

However, I can tell you this time, I couldn’t be more giddy, to watch life in the First Dates restaurant, as I strut in and try my hand at love, next Monday.

There’s just something about that place, that fills your heart with ‘ooh laa.’

There’s a magic in the air and it’s filled with goodness, life excitement and hope.

UGH! I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL YOU, BUT I CAN’T!!!

Here’s the clip I saw, last night…

Me: ‘Why have you not told me that I have an annoying voice!?!’

Firmonnell (Chick Bestie) : ‘It’s not annoying. I love it. No one will be surprised by your voice, but YOU! Haha.’

Brett: ‘Your laugh definitely needs a bit of work..Lol…BUT your voice is just YOU!’

Sal: ‘She doesn’t have t tell you….Everyone else will have their cyber go at telling you…Lol’ 

Me: ‘No wonder men thing i’m weird!!!’

Firmonnell: ‘It’s not your voice…’

Me: ‘Can we blame my voice please…K’thanx..’

You need bits of banter to survive it…

(Your friends will have ya back, always! They’ll give you a good roasting, yet won’t let anyone else talk shit about you! Hahaha. The masses who might give ‘trolling’ a go, didn’t go through the what I did, what I have…Some of them, won’t ever have the opportunity to treasure such a moment…and a moment only has to last a second. That’s why it’s important to celebrate all that you are and all that you do…regardless!)

Anyway…

…even though i’m dashed with the ‘oh my goodness…’ reliving the moment will be nothing short of an absolute joy.

I mean that with all of my heart…

I’m the luckiest girl. ..and I love moments like this because you also get to actually SEE part of my life journey, in real life…instead of just in written word.

I mean, I talk about love, dating and all sorts, on a daily. You ask me questions about love, dating and all sorts on a daily, on my Insta Story.

That’s why it’s great to let you BE THERE AND SEE for yourselves, this time. Y’know, hear (Lord help you) and feel with me….It’s almost like letting a ‘book’ come alive! Letting words dance off a page…

If you follow this blog, you’ll get it. You will know how much LOVE means to me. It makes my heart flutter, my eyes glisten and my world go around in a ‘swirl.’

I’m never scared of hearing my heart break, because it’s broken and crunched so many times before, that it’s a trooper…It didn’t matter if I was here in the UK or in West Hollywood, my heart filled with glee and ‘ouchied,’ just as many times. 

But i’m still here smiling! I’ve always given love a go, whenever my heart tells me to, because I know how important it is. 

‘A life without love, is like a song without melody…’

What I’ve learnt about love, over the years is to take chances and that no matter what, your heart will always heal. Even if it takes years! It will always glue it’s pretty self back together and help you feel magic once more, BUT ONLY IF YOU LET IT. ONLY if you also LEARN from the bad times and stick at it. 

When i’m in love, I’m alive.  We all are….Even when we pretend we’re not! Even when we pretend we don’t need it. Sometimes, we fool ourselves….

(Wait! I just need to check to see how Baby Jesus is doing?)

I wish I had more sleep?

I wish I could tell you everything, now! But no can do! I have weeks of blog stories!!!

Why do I look like I rolled around in a pig sty of bronzer, whenever i’m on the telly… ? I look like an Asian Miss.Piggy! But I weirdly love it! It’s me. I’m me. I mean, fuck it, i’ve done it now, haven’t I!

Anyway,

My Inbox is now FULL of guys, asking me out on Dates?  It’s mental. It’s like a spaghetti junction of lost penis.

One guy’s sent me this…

‘Let me take you on a date next week…Lunch and then a random activity.x’

Random Activity?? Hahaha. I’m terrified!  Isn’t that just the same as ‘Netflix and Chill?’ 😉

Code for:

‘Hey Baby, let me give you snacks, then bone you…’

I will tell you that my friends are filled with utter glee, by the simple fact that i’ve actually gone this far to find love….Hahaha..

‘I can’t believe you’re actually on it!!!’

‘I cannot believe you’re doing a First Dates!!’

‘I feel so sorry for your date!! Haha.’

‘I am so excited, because there is no actual way, that you don’t make a dick of yourself! Haha!!’

‘As if, you went on a blind fucking date on the telly! Lol!!’

‘I love this!!!’

‘Can’t wait for this! So low key of you! Haha’

‘Your annoying voice, has just filled my living room.’

‘There’s no way, he’s asked for a girl like you.. Haha.’

So yeah….

Monday, 10 pm, Channel 4….You get to watch me, strut into the ‘First Dates’ restaurant in hope to find true love…..

Wish me luck…

Chrissie, x

ps/ A guy has just sent me this message…

‘So, what ya saying babe…3 pics of ya tits, 2 of ya ass and i’ll transfer £400 to you…’

THEN sent me a screenshot of a bank transfer to a girl who had said ‘yes’ and agreed..

Where have all the good men gone?? 

 

Trolling, Tales & Being a Single Mum

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Aw, I ‘tiny’ cried last night…as I watched my little boy, Junior fall asleep. The last words he uttered that night…were..

‘I love you so so much Mum.’

So, Junior finds the academic side of school, really difficult. He’s great at everything else. Just not with his literacy. Ruby FLIES. She’s like a whizz kid and excels at everything, above & beyond. Junior struggles to read and write fluently & now he’s older, he’s watching everyone around him grow & conquer their troubles. It’s really frustrating him. But he’s a being who keeps his real problems (even at five years old) to himself…

He laid in my bed last night, looking glum. I asked him what the matter was…

‘How’s school? Do you like your new teacher?’

Then for the first time, he really opened up and said…The room was dark and it was quiet…

‘All the words that my teacher is telling me at school, are really tricky. I’m finding it tricky Mum. I’m not good at them…and I think they only do tricky, at school. It’s really hard.’

(awww..)

‘Don’t worry baby.. The school already know you find it hard. I promise you, you’ll get it. One day, it’ll just happen & you’ll be able to read everything! You won’t even believe it! Everyone’s good at different things, and I know lots of things that you’re amazing at, so don’t worry…I used to be scared when I was younger and I never dare read out loud, incase I got things wrong….Now look! So no matter what…We’ll work through it all…’

‘I love you so so much Mum.’ 

Then he fell asleep…in my bed…as a tear trickled down my left cheek.

It’s weird isn’t it, when the people you care so much about, are privately struggling? The kids tell me everything. We’re such an open family. Yet Junior DOES find it hard to show his version of weakness…which I find weird? He’s only five years old? So, when he privately opened up to me, last night, it filled my soul, with joy and relief.

I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

A lot of people think they know, so so much about our little family…But what they don’t know is literally how close we truly, truly, are…and how we really couldn’t exist without each other. Our love for one other, runs so deep…it’s crazy! It’s fun, but  it’s intense. Lol.

My kids are SO emotionally grown because even though they’re only seven & five, they’ve been through a great deal. (I have also, therefore, I know exactly how to help them adjust. I know how to make them feel great.) So, in a way, and like all Mums, i’ve become their rock. They’re best friend. They’re light. They’re fun! The only person that no matter what, understands them.

I just got overwhelmed with emotion over Junior, last night…But he woke up a brand new boy…and that’s what my role as ‘Mama’ and bestie is.

Ruby: ‘Mum, I heard you tell Grandma about Junior being upset last night. I was doing that pretend sleeping thing, this morning…’

Me: ‘Just don’t mention it..’

She didn’t mention it, instead I watched her sneak off and totter into his room, half changed for school, where she then proceeded to make him laugh. He laughed so loud, he rolled on the floor in a fit of giggles..

Junior: ‘She always makes me smile.’

I think, I wrote about that, because I always want people to remember that i’m still human and that even though I’m ‘glamour pussing’ about. Y’know,dollying here, winking there and ‘living my best life’ as I selfie…I’m still just me and i’m still just a single mum, hoping to make all my dreams come true. Hoping that the babies live the most wonderful lives & hoping to one day fall in love…and be utterly treasured.

So, yeah, I’m working a lot, i’m shooting, i might be filming shortly. I’m running a business. I’m blogging. I’m sorting out my love life. My work life. I’m enjoying it all. I’m lucky as hell.

OH! God!

A couple of idiots decided to troll me last night on Twitter, simply because I influenced a bottle of water…Just Water UK. Owned by Jaden, Will Smith’s son.

YAWN!

‘Trolls’ are annoying because they’re never passionate about what they’re saying. (I like passion. A bit of Bazinga!) They’re simply ‘saying’ for a reaction. They try to find *niggles* in your manner, in hope to wind you up…in order to get a bit of attention.

Give you an example, I grew up being a Model, so people would assume that I care about the way I look. (And that would be true.) Therefore, they’ll go ahead and call me ‘ugly,‘ for kicks, in hope that I ‘bite.’ .

I don’t need to BITE, Honey!

I’m grown & laughing at ya.

The guy last night, was going on about the amount of makeup I wear…for no reason, just because he hates ‘Just Water.‘ He said he’d rather ‘drink his own piss’ than sip on my water of choice. Lol. (Beautiful.) Don’t take it out on me, because you hate water. And you can’t go on about how much makeup i’m wearing, when YOU look like you might need to borrow some! 😉 

However, it was just a ‘your ugly’ traditional (lol) jab.

Unfortunately for you, I made AN ENTIRE LIVING out of my attractiveness …So I’m pretty secure, when it comes to that department…In fact. I’m sorted, Boo. 😉

Byyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeee! Just Water for EVEREERRRYONE!

Why don’t you play ‘Just Water Uk‘ phone tag, with my kids also! They’d appreciate the engagements. @rubyandjunior (Head over to their Insta.)

Douche.

‘Trollings’ just a bad way to get attention. Especially if you don’t mean what you’re saying. There’s like 3 million others ways to get attention…like have a talent, maybe? Wear a bikini? Be a success? Save the world? Cure the sick? Marry a Royal? Go on an Island to find love? Be beautiful? Be bold? Be sporty? Write interesting stuff?

The list is endless..

Daaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrling!

A ONCE good friend of mine, who wanted to do well, be on tv and be some superstar blogger…once ‘trolled’ me hideously. She properly went for it…after we did drinks one time, because she got too hungry for a bit of ‘look at me.’ Well, she actually got her friend to go ahead and ‘Troll’ me, yet thought i would be stupid enough to not fathom the plot. (I’m not stupid. I’ve lived this life for decades.)

I actually said nothing and sat back…after the ‘trolling..’ (You kinda have to, even though you should be able to stand up for yourself.) 

Luckily, I didn’t NEED TO. I didn’t need to say anything because from the moment she posted..I reposted……and it BACKFIRED ON HER...

Hundreds of comments littered in, like wild, cyber fire, ALL in support of Wunna Land ..and it made me feel great because I didn’t realise I had so much support? Everyone had my back. All my friends had my back, without me having to NEARLY ask, for support.

It was overwhelming…

I never spoke to that girl again, even though she denied it…If i saw her today, i would blank her…and i’m not like that. There’s only 3 people in the entire world who I would blank. One will remain nameless, the other is Ben (who I used to date years ago) and the trolling girl…because to me, they’re just not good people. I can’t be arsed with that.

I’m all glitter…

In a way, that little ‘moment’ where she tried to embarass me for attention…did nothing but show ME how much support I had and therefore made HER feel even more insecure about herself.

That’s why trolling isn’t great!

I’m not weak, i’m strong. (Especially when it matters!) I’m good friends with life. We’ve been through a lot. You come at me…Life saves me every time…

I was upset that she would’ve actually, sat down and thought about it all. THEN, in her heart, go with trying and use me, in a thoughtless & deceitful manner, in an attempt to gain ‘look at me.’

Tut! Tut! Me no likey!

That was a rant…

I’m off now, i’ve gone on too much, haven’t I! Haha.

I’m headed to my insta to answer your questions. I’ve kinda smashed today. I’m waaay ahead of schedule and I likey!

All my love,

Chrissie x