Zanetti’s Halloween…

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Halloween was just amazing. It was a wild piece of escapism, that every piece of ‘chica’ needs. The host I chose was Tom Zanetti…and as always, he did his city proud. He’s like the ‘Diddy’ of Leeds, who’s slowly, but surely taking over ALL cities & it’s great to see him going from strength, to strength. His ‘hustle’ has been grand and he absolutely deserves all the wonderful things that are happening to him right now. He works hard, he loves hard and he’s ambitious. But his heart is always in the right place.

Me: ‘Hi! It’s me. Can I come in? ;)’

Amy: ‘It’s Chrissie. It’s fine. All the way up!’

(Amy’s hot! She’s Zanetti’s PA. I told you on the last blog. I love her. She’s sassy!)

Right, so I was up in VIP, at Aspire, Leeds… which is an old untouched bank, that has been refurbished for events.

I was kinda already merry by this point, as I walked up the stairs and through the VIP entrance. I passed security, through all the calm and squinted through the bright lighting.

I was greeted at the entrance and then as I stepped forward, I  entered a world of darkness, mood lighting and sophisticated madness.

It was beautiful.

So, I like to get to parties earlier, rather than later, these days? I don’t know why? But after the life I lived in LA and the age I am now, I kinda just like to *tinkle* up for a couple hours, have fun and disappear back home or to my hotel, before all the UTTER MADNESS begins.

If i’m not there when the madness is occurring, I won’t get into trouble. 😉 

I’m not a stay out until 3am kinda kitten, anymore. There’s bed sheets to snuggle in or soil (lol) by then. I like my beauty sleep. I’m wild, but sensible, all at the same time…and if i’m being honest, I kinda like it that way.

I also love a guy, who loves to go out and have a bit of fun, (i’m naturally social,) but then go home for a bit of ‘grown up’ sexy time.

Or as we used to call it in LA, a ‘throw down.’ 😉

Wine was poured, guys we’re masked and *winking* from their tables, slutty clowns, saxophone players, haunted swimsuit models, illusionists, magicians, reality tv stars, sportsmen and all sorts filled the VIP area.

The VIP was ‘Heaven’ high, on a Mezzanine and looked over the crowd, as they filtered in and celebrated their version of Halloween.

There was a sexy calmness to the VIP and an utter hellish madness that went on down below. Hell was filled with a young crowd that had surrendered to a ‘good time’ in the name of Zanetti.

It was perfect…

..and the awesome thing about a ‘Zanetti‘ party is that all freedom occurs. However like the ‘Vegas Code,‘ it stays as a ‘sexy whisper.‘ You’re protected by life, in the name of ‘good times.’

There’s a sophisticated, high end, ‘gangsta’ vibe.

I remember everything being so full, so fast and a delicious tipsy *blur.* I was filled with wine and a girl, who was dressed as a sexy clown girl, kept giving me her card, and talking to me about life…She was wonderful and I adored her. She talked to me ‘drenched in fun’ madly. Then she told me her name was ‘Emerald.’

Me: ‘Is that your real name or a stage name..’

Emerald: ‘No, it’s my actual real name.’

Me: ‘I love that. It’s sexy.’ 

She was with a sexy ‘Catwoman,‘ and I couldn’t think of better company really. Lol. If you’re gonna go anywhere, take a sexy Catwoman with you.

Anyway…

I sauntered off to my own version of life and watch my surroundings.

Everyone was messaging me. My inbox was jammed. I even snapchatted with ‘T Bone,’ in New Zealand, and that made me smile, because…. Well…because….

Then as I stood over the balcony, filming Insta videos of myself, I looked to my left and saw Tom, with Hayley.

They’d just arrived…It was still early on in the night. 

Tom: ‘Hi…

(He was in VIP watching the crowd filter in.) 

Me: ‘Hiya…’

So I walked over to say ‘Hello’ properly and take appropriate selfies. Lol.

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Image may contain: 2 people, people smiling, closeup and indoor

Tom was quite the gentleman. He looked smart. He looked very GQ and dapper. Hayley was as sweet as pie. She beamed, with the cutest smile and was so lovely to me. She is literally BEAUTIFUL & together they were stunning.

You’d think they’re stunning anyway, right? But UNTIL, you meet them both together , even when they’re ‘on show, ‘ it’s only then when you realize just how magnetic they are.

I loved them.

The main thing that got me, was just how smitten they were. They were each other’s world and radiated an absolute genuine ‘soul mate’ love for one another. It was kinda like they were destined to take on life together.

I love that in couples. 

They’re both fun by nature. Yet, they looked young and innocent, yet sexy. There’s real depth to their relationship. 

The were definitely destined to meet and i’m sure he treats her like a Queen….which I adore. 

Anyway..

They left to quickly fit in ‘date night’ drinks at Tattu, before the party got going and when they got backed, they were drunk, happy, in love and wild.

Zanetti, does the Paris Hilton thing, where you show up early and make sure all is running smoothly, before coming back and making a real entrance, once everything kicks off.

Paris: ‘Always arrive at a party when it starts getting wild and leave before everyone else does.’

Bottom line, I couldn’t even see by the end of the night. I was sauntering around, drunk, tired, but glorious.

I walked back to my hotel early and got back in by midnight.

IT WAS FREEZING.

I definitely stripped down naked, but left all my Devil make up on…Haha…then sent a naughty video. 😉

I certainly woke up worst for wear….with a meeting that I had to get ready for at noon and a hang over.

That’s life.

I had the best time ever…

Happy Halloween

 

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That Moment Before Halloween Did Me Over ;)

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What a night! What a time! I’m talking about Saturday. It’s now Tuesday, and i’ve only just pulled myself together. If there was living and then there was L.I.V.I.N.G…this Halloween…I smashed it.

Right! Let’s go…

I have been the busiest kitten in all of the glitzy land and it’s not as easy on the old body, as it was when I was 20 something in Hollywood. That’s the truth. Yet, I’m so lucky. I’m enjoying it thoroughly and something tells me that I’m much BETTER at being a 30 something, than any other decade. It kinda suits me well, because i’m tougher now. I was even tough then. I was a confident , yet wild 20 something, moulded by LA life, as I tinkered a career in entertainment. I went through an awful lot. It hasn’t been easy.

That was the first time around…Things happened after that!

This time around I’m NOT 21, i’m 37. I’m wiser, I’ve learnt and things are always better, the second time around.

You take a better shot, because your soul is filled with the correct ingredients. Your life experience radiates and powers over and people open doors for you, with more respect and utter grace. I don’t just mean this in work, but also when it comes to love. Your second shot, is always much stronger, because you’re adjusted yourself and you know what you’re dealing with.

MMmmkay…

(I actually told a guy called ‘Nathan’ that things were better the second time around, as I ate a spinach and pear salad, whilst hungover at Gino’s, in Leeds. My favourite salad ever. I love salads with pears in. I love that I can walk into Gino’s and be treated with absolute love by the staff. I love that I can simply state that i’m so hungover and without me uttering another word, they baby me and know exactly what I need…Lol) 


Anyway. I don’t know how old, ‘Nathan’ was, but I reckon around fifty? He’d run a massive business, that set him in the high money stakes. Then he *ballsed* it all up, by going wild, leaving his wife and spending all this money, before almost going bankrupt.

Yipppeee!

He randomly told me that this was his second time around. (I don’t even know him at all?) But I assured him, that if he concentrated, and wanted it more than anything, y’know, did everything the right way….he would smash it.

Me: ‘It’ll be even bigger the next time around…’

It’s how life works. It’s not about what happens, it’s about the kinda human you are and how you handle that ‘what.’

Okay….

Things are changing for me and it’s a really wonderful feeling. I’m steady away and i’m doing okay. I’m not in a race for success. I love my present and i’m enjoying my time. I’ve got a long way to go. But I don’t look over my shoulder to see what or how everyone else is doing? I just stay focused on my own world, my own version of life and i’ll ‘hit’ my goals, when i’m meant to… Y’know, when life cuts me some slack. 😉

It’s important to refrain from comparing your current chapter to someone’s else’s chapter.

Anything can happen at any time! I’ve watched it and lived it.

Mum: ‘Career first, Chrissie. You can have anything or anyone you want, afterward. Don’t get distracted. I believe in you.’

I’d sailed off a very busy week of meetings, work and bustle. I was exhausted. I hadn’t been sleeping much. My mind wouldn’t let me. Last week, I met so many people. In fact that week, I did so SO much, that it kinda all feels like a blur.

I was still excited for the weekend though!

I woke up and the babies, ‘Ruby & Junior’ jumped on me in bed, with laughter and cuddles. They were bursting with joy! We made OUR Saturday morning, all about Ackworth Garden Centre, because they wanted to go fancy dress Pumpkin Carving, with Peppa Pig. and Mummy.

It was wonderful. It was wonderful because I TREASURE family time. I’m a real family girl, even though I have an independent soul. The moment I saw their faces light up with excitement, my heart was sold. I’m a softy. I love making people happy. It fills me with glee. I’m so proud of them. I’m so proud of how well they’re doing.

They’re literally my world.

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We giggled. We carved. We did Halloween. It’s times like that, when I love being a single mum. When there’s just us…doing life, because no idiots can distract us. Our bond is too strong. We’re so close. Nothing else matters when we’re together as a team.

BLISS….

But oh my gosh, I am so properly SHIT at carving pumpkins, because IN LIFE,  i’m not good at the niggly tasks, the little tedious bits, that you’d usually hire someone to do or have a husband for. Lol. I know that sounded LAME. But I am. I don’t have the patience for the niggly bits. Haha. Yet, on THAT day, I don’t know what happened to me? I did! I got on with it, because I was motivated by love. (It’s the key to success… 😉 )

Jenna: ‘Look at Wunna…’

Me: ‘I can’t do this sober. It’s like wrapping presents on Christmas Eve, you need to be tipsy.’

Let’s say, it was an achievement.

Anyway,

We had the most amazing family time…and that’s what I love about my life right now. It’s feels pretty balanced.

I actually feel like a really decent human and it’s so hard on me at times, when people (as in guys,) forget to see how lovely the ‘whole picture’ is and not just how great I might be in the ‘sack.’ I’d really appreciate a man, who appreciated me for the ‘whole picture,’ they don’t come around that often in my world…and i’m not saying that I don’t get attention. We all know I do.

But, every single time I look at a guy, after he makes his move and smoozes on in, I always think that he’s ONLY after one thing…and potentially nothing else…because that’s what always happens to me. I don’t think many guys have proved  to me, that I’m more than JUST THAT.

Don’t get me wrong, i’m a grown up girl. I love sex. I’m single. I’m okay. I’m happy. I do hope to find my one. I say that all the time. Yet, I don’t want to comprise my heart, or sell myself short . So being sexy and naughty and flirting is great! It’s part of being a grown up and certainly part of being a single 30 something. It’s hot and i’m sensual by nature.

I love it.

It’s sexy and I love a bit of ‘filth.’ Yet, if nothing more develops from it, other than ‘nookie’…and because i’m a girl, I kinda just think that it was ALL, a waste of my time?

Men don’t like to tell me or show me that I could be more to them than that….

I never know why?

Anyway, back to the story….

Where were we…Oh Yeah…PUMPKINS*Deep Breath*

I will tell you that, the last time I carved a pumpkin, was over a decade ago. It’s not my forte. It never has been. The last time it happened,  was out of force.

I was pissed, in West Hollywood, doing Tequila shots, dressed as a Playboy bunny, by a dining table. What I learnt is that, you should never ever carve pumpkins, stone cold sober, if you are a glamour puss. (And when I say ‘Glamour Puss’, I don’t mean a chick, who just wears too much lippy. It’s more of a manner than a look, to me.)  Do remember to  ALWAYS add tequila. Pumpkin carving is harder than you think…until you put ya back into it.

I actually loved every minute. It made my babies smile. They just looked up at me, and wee’d themselves laughing, whilst shaking their heads, as I struggled in my ‘Little Mistress’ faux fur…

Ruby: ‘Look at Mum trying to cut out pumpkin eyes. She needs a wine. Haha…..’

Then we walked over to ‘Ego,’ (I’m actually blogging from ‘Ego’ now with a wine,) for pasta, salmon dill fishcakes and mocktails, before I grabbed all my stuff, tried on my Ann Summers Devil’s outfit, sipped a quick ‘get ready’ vino, kissed the babies ‘good bye.’

I then *blinked* and found myself on the train to Leeds City Centre.

I checked into Park Plaza…

I love checking into Park Plaza, simply because it’s easy, styish, comfy and SO WELL LOCATED. Nothing’s a bother. Plus, you can’t really beat being *slap bang* in the middle of the city centre. It’s a ‘dolly’ strut distance from EVERYTHING. It’s in the most perfect spot. I’ve stayed there a lot. I always try to stay there when I need to

I don’t know whether it’s just me? But I LOVE that moment when you check into a hotel, get through all the pleasantries..

Reception: ‘Good Afternoon, Miss Wunna….You’re on the 14th floor..’

Man at bar: ‘Hi, how are you? You’re stunning. Where are you going tonight?’

… and then you finally *whoosh* yourself up to the 14th floor, slide in, shut the door, turn on the lights, turn on the tunes and BOOM! BLISS! You’re there! You’re done….You chill and sip your wine, in peace. (But then Insta Story, the hell out of it all. Haha.)

Within moments of hair doing, face doing and wine sipping… I was here…

I felt so alive. I felt so fun. I usually hate Halloween. But this year I was excited. I don’t know why I was excited? It’s something that I don’t bother celebrating often.  I was just in a really good mood. So after a couple facetime calls, I was out!

(Well technically, I had to go find Aaron &Stephen the Paps, because they couldn’t find parking and didn’t know exactly where they were, for the Zanetti bash.)

Steve: ‘The Sat Nav, says it’s literally just around the corner…’

Aaron: ‘We’re parked outside this building…It says GVA on it?’

(Sends me a picture.)

So, being me, I walked up to find them…within the city streets of Leeds, at night…dressed in my slutty devils outfits…in stockings & horns. Haha.

Dude: ‘Are you not scared?’

Me: ‘No. I’ve lived. I’m not scared of a 2 minute walk, dressed like this. I’m more concerned that i’m COLD. I hate the cold. Lol’

I don’t think i’ve ever got hit on as much in my life!!??!

And the sad thing was, I was strutting through the streets, with my head held high, like I didn’t even know I was dressed like a slutty devil. I was like Beyonce….but shitter.

The funny thing was that, when I got into the lift on the 14th floor, it stopped at the 10th.  The doors open and a poor handsome guy, who was waiting to jump in, must have got the shock of his flipping life.

Imagine your lift doors opening and I’M THERE, laughing, dressed as Devil, with all my boobs pouring out and with a sequinned pokey stick, tapping against my thigh!

Hahahah.

Guy: ‘I can’t tell whether this is real or a prank? Lol’

Me: ‘I’m so sorry. Haha. Don’t feel awkward. It’s real.’

Guy: ‘No. No. I don’t feel awkward. You look beautiful! Where we going? Hell?’

Me: ‘Yeah…Probably…Haha..’

Guy: ‘Honestly….Where you off?’

Me: ‘Just some party. I’m actually going to find my friends..’

Guy: ‘What you doing afterward?’

Me: ‘I’m going to sleep…’

(This was our convo from the 10th floor to reception, in our lift.)

Anyway, I managed to find ‘The Boys,’ Aaron & Steve, snuggled warm in their Audi, on King Street. (A life of a pap is certainly rewarding, but must so hard. It was a freezing cold night and to think that they had travelled from city to city, having to wrap up warm like lil’ snuggly bears, to take pictures of celebs, whilst being stood outside in the cold for hours… is not easy.)

But they do it and they don’t even moan. Plus, it must be shit having me sat in the back of your car, poking you with a Devil’s stick, and moaning because I want booze.

They got ready to shoot, I stepped into a bar named ‘Box,’ just on the corner. I’ve never been there before, but fire eaters where outside and I knew that Tattu & Blackhouse wouldn’t let me in in Fancy Dress…so I headed in and it was fun.

It was actually filled with loads of people who were headed to Zanetti’s Halloween party…I ordered a wine, talked to a clown, Catwoman told me she thought I was ‘stunning’ then this business man, from down south, hit on me…and tried to make me stay with him for the night…

Me: ‘I’m going next door now..’

Guy: ‘What time are you done? Can I not give you my number. Call me afterward…’

Me: ‘I’ve godda go…’

I show up at Aspire, which is where the ‘Zanetti/Sleepin is Cheatin’ night was being held.  I check in with the boys…who were waiting outside, freezing cold, but camera ready…

Security are lovely to me, Amy (Zanetti’s PA) showed me straight in, a wrist band was strapped on me and I was guided upstairs to the VIP.

Then the night began….

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Halloween, Mystical Nights & Pink Eye?

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Morning, my delicious Tricka Boos. So much is a going on, I feel like i’m ‘jiving’ along, at the speed of light, and whizzing past minutes, hours and days, on a tank that may read ‘empty.’ I’m having a blast. But i’ve got a lot of niggly bits on my mind and when you have ‘niggly bits’, you don’t really sleep to well, or rest too peacefully, do you?

Instead, you kinda ‘niggle,’ and that is my problem.

I’ve been up since 4am. Got home early, yet didn’t sleep until late.

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Last night was magical, I celebrated the Burmese Lighting Festival, with Buddhist monks, in darkness, surrounded by only candlelit tea lights, fairy lights and draping oriental lanterns. It was beautiful and I had never felt more at peace…even in the cold and I hate the cold. Two hours before that, I was picking out the Wunna Land Christmas Tree theme, with Flamingo baubles in my hands.

My life is just NUTS.

If you know me personally, you’ll know that one of my favourite things is candlelight, and dancing flames. There’s a sexy energy that I feel, when i’m swirling by fire. But I’m a Sagittarius girl, which makes me a fire sign anyway. I guess that completely confirms, WHY I feel so at ease and comfortable around a naked flame.

It’s just the kinda stars I was born under, Boo. 😉

I was definitely tragic, because I did try to get a selfie with one of the monks, but I daren’t ask him, so I had to sly one off. Haha. He would’ve actually done it. He was doing the with people. But fear got the better of me. Haha. I bottled it and hid by a fairy lit tree. I opted for doing that thing where you pretend you’re taking a selfie of YOURSELF, when you secretly have THEM, in the background. Haha. I’m such a loser.

Yippppeeeee!

I am REALLY BUSY right now and the kids are also on Half Term, which makes everything that little bit more ‘juicy.’ This is where being a single mum is SO HARD. It’s like trying to hold up your gin, in a rubber dingy, in a giant storm, whilst your lost at sea.

I’ve lunched I’ve dined, I’ve spun in playgrounds. I’ve cocktailed, I’ve influenced, i’ve worked, i’ve shot, I’ve been Mum, i’ve travelled, I’ve hit deadlines and schedules, I’ve loved, I’ve shopped, I’ve laughed, I’ve played. I’ve picked out THEIR Halloween bits and pieces and we’re all still in one piece.

I don’t even know how?

God! I love them madly.. (Ruby has a party later today. Luckily one of the other mums, Sam… is going to take her there, which helps me out threefold.)

Thank YOU!!!!

I’ve answered your questions on my Insta story,(they’re getting juicer and juicer.) Everyone keeps rubbing in the fact that i’m ‘single’ by asking me if I am 40 times a day. Lol.

I’m a happy singleton. I want to fall in love and get married one day, to my perfect man. Until that time, I’m not worried, he’ll find me. 

I’ve also been called a ‘tramp’ and ‘should work for the Prime Minister’ in one whole day. I’ve rushed around, i’ve tried to keep you all in the loop, on my socials, I’ve not eaten enough, I’ve not rested enough, but on the whole, i’m happy.

I can’t really complain!

I mean JEEZE. I got blessed by Burmese Monks last night. J

In case you’re wondering, I’m not religious by any means, not even a little bit, at all. BUT  i’m a really spiritual chica. I love to get lost in the magic of enlightenment. I find it enthralling and mysterious. If I get to light candles to celebrate full moons, in dark mystic gardens, to bring light to the world with Buddhist monks…why not? I mean, in two days, i’m off to Tom Zanetti’s Masquerade Ball,  in Leeds, for Halloween…which probably couldn’t be more opposite. Lol.

I’m gonna NEED to be blessed, before I walk into that shindig.

I swear there’s only sinning allowed.

But again, it’ll be fun. I always support Thomas madly, because you’ve got to have ‘Team Yorkshires’ back always.  In my eyes, he hasn’t done badly at all, has he? I read a lot of people hating on him on Twitter last night…and I didn’t really find it fair. But the more successful you become, the more people have something to say. Be it good or bad? That’s why I always say, that the NUMBER ONE THING you need, in any form of career in entertainment, is a really strong mindset.

It’s tough.

Yet, if you’re emotionally comfortable and have the heart of a lion, you’re waaay ahead of the game.

I’m always really tough when it comes to ‘the haters,’ because I feel so confident and happy right now. It doesn’t get to me, at all now? It’s almost as if, nothing can break my ‘happy place’ and whatever they say, just dissolves away.  I’m 37. I’m grown. I grew up in Hollywood, where things are hard on you emotionally, every single SECOND of every day. It schooled me well. A little ’Keyboard Warrior’ here and there from…(put in any place you fancy,) isn’t gonna melt my soul or trip my strut.

However, that doesn’t make it right, so this morning, I sent an important DM to someone, to see what I could do, to help them stop all cyber bullying.

I wonder if they’ll reply?

Okay…Away from that…

I don’t have an outfit for the Masquerade Halloween ball yet? I don’t know what to go as? I don’t know where to look? I need to be in it, by Saturday at 8pm, on a red carpet for quick pictures, (literally seconds,) before the evil booze up.

UGH!

I organise everyone else perfectly, but when it comes to myself, I leave myself ‘last place.’ Lol

I feel like I have no time to organise it, but i’m gonna have to try and keep ‘my frillies’ crossed.

I don’t have time to get fitted into anything..So i’m gonna do what I do best, which is just ‘wing it’ with a wink. (I currently have conjunctivitis, which everyone keeps mistaking for ‘pink eye.’ My wink is actually sore. Haha.)  

Yipppeeee!

Lord help me…

I love you, always.

Thank you for following my life.

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London, Thai Brides & ‘The Worm’ in Budapest

I arrived at Kings Cross Station at around noon, after getting stuck in Peterborough for a sassy short while, which was after an evening of ‘good times’ with Zanetti at Mission Leeds.

I slept on the way there, so I didn’t feel dodgy at all, to be fair. I did good. I’m pretty good at prioritizing, these days. If I need to be somewhere, no matter where life has taken me the evening before, I’ll be there. It can honestly be the crack of dawn. If it’s important, i’ll be there.

I had a really important meeting in London….so I made it there, in one glamourous piece, after a snuggle with my babies and a snooze on an early morning Sunday train. (Sunday trains are busier than you think. They’re annoying because everyones reserved a seat, meaning you think you have nowhere to sit, However, no one shows up for their seats because they’re hung over or can’t be arsed,….meaning you’re sat or stood somewhere you didn’t want to be and for no real reason at all.)

YIPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Now, again…I can’t tell you anything about my meeting, other than the fact that it was a PR meeting, a career meeting and that I was greeted outside Platform 3, at Kings Cross Station.

After attempting to chat ‘work,’ at Five Guys, where the music was too loud, the tables were wibbly and with a Corona in my kitten hand.

‘What? It’s the hair of the dog? I’ve been up all night…’

(I love that I can rock up to a meeting, in a giant white faux fur, sit in a burger joint, order a Corona at 12.01 and simply smile with a..

 ‘I did a Launch Party last night. I’m knackered. Everyone was there. I really need this Corona. Anyway…yeah….where’s my career headed, doll?’

‘We need to go somewhere else. I can’t even hear you. It just needs to be quieter, so I can take notes and chat about everything.’

We moved to a much more peaceful venue, where you could talk career, Wunna Land and the art of ‘moving forward.’ I definitely looked like a ‘Mail Order Bride’ (i always flipping do and it’s annoying.) But after 2 hours and after dreams and hopes were bagged up and scheduled, I popped into the Great Northern Hotel for a quick Merlot before my train back onto Northern soil. (I love the GNH because the couldn’t be nicer to me. The service is impeccable, I have hundreds of tales to tell, from that joint, the cocktails are a dream, they decorate their ceilings with giant chandeliers and because it’s right next to my train home, i’m two steps away from safety.)

Yet, these days, things are simple in Wunna land are they?

OFCOURSE a strange woman found me immediately. Ofcourse, she sat with me and wanted to tell me all about how rubbish her love life was because the guy she had been dating, wasn’t over his (believe it or not) Thai Bride. Lol. I listened. I tried to be helpful. But she didn’t want help. She just wanted a moan and a selfie.

My phone rang and it was ‘London Business Man’ and because I actually TOOK the call, and stopped giving her attention for ONE SECOND, she got in a mood and started calling me  a prostitute…because I ‘looked like one?‘ Lol

Cheers, Cuteness!

I was literally ON THE PHONE, to one of my REAL LIFE FRIENDS and she kept talking over me, to me and making me leave the guy (‘Billy’) who apparently doesn’t love her anymore, actual VOICEMAILS.

Me: ‘Billy doesn’t need to talk to me… I’m on the phone.’

It was crazy. She turned crazy. It all went tits up!

She eventually left and I was kinda glad, because I hate rude people. I’ll sit and chat to anyone. I’m great like that. But don’t be a melodramatic twit over nothing…then take it out on me. I didn’t cheat on you with a Mail Order Bride.

By this time, I had moved outside, (like ya do) and  as London traffic whizzed me by…. I just wished I was home. When you’re knackered…travelling is THE WORST. But ofcourse she followed me, with her luggage on wheels…and in her drunken state, just rambled on about how hard done by she was…because of Thai Brides. 🙂

 It felt looooooooooooong.

I eventually got home. I couldn’t wait to get home. I was finally back on Northern soil. I even text my mum from the train (lol) just for comfort….. and that night I went to bed at 9pm and slept like a baby, ready for my next day, my next early morning of work.

Last weekend was MAD. One minute I was with Santa, the next I was watching Tom Zanetti throw dwarves at people in Leeds, then I blinked and I was in a huge PR meeting in London with a Corona, and then underneath a chandelier some drunk lady decided to take out her history with Thai Brides out on me, whilst telling me she was a fan of my blog. (Kinda hope you’re not reading this.) 

Luckily, the great thing about life is that things quickly go back to normal, doesn’t it? Let me tell you that my faith in sanity and Wunna Land has now been restored.

I mean anytime you saunter into a room, on the 2nd floor of a building and ‘Hustle Barbie’ says,

‘I woke up in a bikini, after a SPATY (which is a pool party in a spa,) at six o clock in the morning, on the floor… in Budapest, before having to come home to Leeds…..’

…you know all is well.

She actually also performed ‘The Worm’ for a bunch of Hungarian men (which is her party piece when drunk and once they watched her do it, they looked at her and just went with ‘Nah….’

‘You always do the worm…’

‘Yeah, cos EVEYRONE MAKES ME!!!! My arms still hurt.’

I had a phone call yesterday, whilst I was tinkering into Marks & Sparks for a quick salad. This phone call was from the same human, who gave the ‘the shocking phone call’ a couple of weeks back. I hadn’t spoken to them since. I had just left them to do their own version of life.

Last night, I didn’t blog because after a mad weekend and a Parents Evening for Ruby, (fyi/ Ruby’s parents evening was amazing, completely different to the one I had to go through with Keiran, for Junior.  I don’t even know how Juniors teacher and I got through it without having to guzzle 42 wines? But yes, Ruby’s parents evening was an opposite kind of experience . Pete sat there and filled up with ‘I’m so proud of her’ tears, which means a lot doesn’t it? I mean, we’re not together and haven’t been for years, but we co parent with such ease and love for our little one….that it’s magical.

I love Ruby and Junior with every inch of my soul, so after a really busy weekend of work and madness….ALL I WANTED AND NEEDED was to spend my time with THEM. Even tonight, we’ve had the most peaceful yet hilarious evening together….and I just watch them grow up before my very eyes with amazement. I’m a really lucky girl. They make my entire world worth it.  I mean, we may have our ‘ups’ and we certainly have our ‘downs,’ yet regardless there is such a deep love and strong bond between the three of us.  We make each other feel really special.

Anyway,where was I? I keep going on these tangents!!

Today, the guy that I can’t tell you anything about yet, who had made the ‘shocking phone call’ a few weeks ago, had also called me twice last night. I missed the calls because I was in bed early. However, this afternoon, whilst I was in a creepy cellar with a Beth, learning the alphabet, I called him back to see what he wanting.

This human NEVER FAILS to shock me. So i’m there in this cellar, now looking at bottles of prosecco, with the alphabet around my cobwebbed heels, shouting sentences at him, in order to conjour up some form of sense, clarity and ‘now what we gonna do’s?’ It was hilarious. These shocking phone calls are always left with an ambiguous ending , where anything could occur….? In the New Year, I’ll tell you ALL about it. Right now…I’m just not allowed to. Lol But we’re gonna have to meet up and talk through everything…recap and recoup…..The only thing I can tell you about the convo is this….

Guy: ‘My situation’s changed….’

Me: ‘Well you need to sort it out because…’

Don’t hang out in cellars..they’re creepy. EVEN IF, there is unopened Prosecco in there.

Regardless to all that, i’m home. I’m working tomorrow. I’ve chilled all night with the babies. ‘London Business Man’ said he was wanted to take me out to dinner. Junior has become obsessed with the calculator on my phone. Ruby has braided my hair, so that I too can be a unicorn? I’m sipping a wine. I’m really missing someone. My feet hurt. My phone won’t charge. I’m second guessing myself. I’m so proud of Australia for VOTING YES, on marriage equality. I’m learning to concentrate on what I’M DOING and not on what EVERYONE ELSE is doing.

But life on the whole is WONDERFUL.

I’m the luckiest girl in the world!

Tom Zanetti, Dwarves & VIP Piggy Backing

It was the maddest ‘good time’ that any human could EVER have experienced, that Saturday night, as the clock struck 11pm, on Heaton’s Court, Club Mission… Leeds.

It was the More & More launch party.

People had travelled far and wide, through cities, over hills, via trains, on road trips. People had ‘donned’ out the most stylish bits of clobber, owned the widest smiles, rocked out the hottest cleavages and committed to a total head mindset of ‘party.’ 

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We wanted a ‘blow out’ and we got one!

Celebrities had tinkered from all the way over, to get there sassy little arses to Leeds that November 11th and why….I’ll tells ya why….To spend the night with our Tom Zanetti!

TEAM THOMAS! (Ya! Bitches!)

Now, Tom has shot out the ‘success cannon’ this year, with his pants on flames and his name in hottest club vibe lights. I’m from Leeds, so i’ve always known who Zanetti is. The only difference now, is that the rest of the world does too!

This is no joke.  He’s smashing it all about and then some. There’s not a single doubt in my glamour pussy mind, that this is ONLY just the beginning for him….But i’ll tell you about Tom later…Let’s take you back to the event…

So I strut up to Mission and it already has queues of guys and girls, all eagerly waiting in line. Chicks trying to catch Toms eye, as he bustled about outside for a few sexy moments. A tv camera crew followed his every move, a pap began taking photos of red carpet arrivals, a luxury car drove up the entrance to drop someone off and, security guards surrounded the entrance galore.

As I walked by the queue, with one of best guy friends Abeiku Arthur, who owns House of Solo Magazine, I heard chicks trying to strategically plan how they were going to sneak their way into the VIP. (I love that! It reminded me of when I was young girl in LA. We’d always try to sneak our way in. It was always hilarious. We’d come up with the maddest ideas. There’s was ‘Just flirt with Tom.’ Genius! Lol.)

Luckily, these days (wait for the ‘trumpet blowing‘…not that kinda ‘trumpet,’ 😉 ) simply because I own Wunna Land, via the fine art of online diary writing, jiggled with a previous modelling career and a juicy telly stint of ‘Best Pal’in’ with Paris Hilton…for ITV2….I don’t have to strategically plan a VIP entrance anymore. I just have to be there on time and grab myself a cocktail…

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Are you even wearing any pants???’

Me: ‘No. You could see them under my dress.’

(He does one of those faces of utter delight. You know the face. The face that your guy friends do when they know you’re not in any pants. *Rolls Eyes.* But honestly, who wears pants to a Tom Zanetti party? )

Me: ‘It’s actually really annoying that it’s windy because I can feel the wind gush all the way up my fluey.’

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Hahaha You’re digusting…Let’s get in there.’

On my walk up from the train station, I bump into Tom, who’s briefly organizing the crowds and he shows me through to the red carpet entrance (kinda gentlemanly, but cool) and just like that, I blink and there I was…swirled in the maddest VIP in all of the goddamn land.

It was absolutely RAMMED. It was busy. And that tells you a lot about Tom, right? Everybody wanted to show up for his night. I mean, when you’re in entertainment, you show up to events… POPULAR events, to SEE and BE SEEN.

Don’t let anybody tell you any different! We all know the score. We all do it.

OR you simply show up in support for the person or place throwing the sassy little shindig.

Like I said, he’s a really popular guy and people just adore him. I have never ever seen (and guuurrrl i have seens) A MORE buzzing VIP room in my LIFE.

I mean, let’s forget about the rest of the club, for now…as that was filling up like the world was about to end and Mission was the only safe sanctuary. But the actual VIP itself was JAM packed with famous sportsmen from Boxers to Rugby players. Hot chicks who spent their Summer on ‘Love Island.’ Charming guys from the Geordiest of Shores. Some who ‘Weekender in Ibiza’ and others who had committed to being a few hard months with ‘Big Brother.’

There were models, musicians, famous social media stars and everyone seemed to recognize everyone else in the VIP. (You kinda scan the room to see if there’s anyone you recognize.) It’s weird because even though…you haven’t actually met them in real life before, when you do, you kinda acknowledge them like you have known them for years.

Firstly, you all do the same thing, so  there’s an immediate respect that goes around from person to person.

We all know how difficult the entertainment industry is or can be..and at some point, no matter ‘what list’ your audience places you upon….what we ALL have in common, is that we’ve all had some ambitious creative dream. We all had the balls to go to an audition..and try and make that dream a reality. We all heard ‘no’s,’ but eventually *swagged* it out well enough to finally get the YES….Which placed us on your TV screen, all over the press, or be hailed as a DJ God, be placed on your favourite sports team. We’ve all worked hard and built up an audience, a brand or a career, doing something that we love.

Straight away I ordered a double gin and tonic, *air kissed* a rugby player, said ‘hi’ to some of my old friends, who I haven’t seen in ages, and then took Snapchat videos with Abeiku Arthur. I saw Jordan from ‘Ibiza Weekend’ stood talking to a Geordie Shore guy at the bar and then Charlotte Dawson sauntered in, looking like an absolute DREAM. She looks flawless. Her face was flawless. But she walked straight into the busiest VIP in all the land also, and ended up right in front of me and with the biggest smiles and a ‘hi, how are you,’ she was certainly one of my favourite sightings.

I love that girl. She’s so much fun. I definitely want to birthday go ice skating with Charlotte Dawson. (Random. But true! I do.)

Yeah, it was busy. Yeah it was rammed. We all took VIP breathers at points, just to get some air.

BUT IT WAS GREAT.

It turned BONKERS.

Dancing on tables, booze being guzzled like it was the last drop of fizzle on the Earth. TV cameras, bright lights in dark rooms, playing cards flying through the air, the craziest bustle, the loudest music, people jumping up and down, diving from wall to wall, drinks being spilled over one another, laughter, madness, clothes being ripped off…

Tom: ‘I’m boiling. It’s hot….I’m so hot…’

(Shirt flies off. People follow suit.)

Then the next minute he’s bare back, topless ‘piggy backing’ a friend, whilst being filled with laughter and ‘good times,’ models and pornstars are kissing his cheeks, his face is covered in red lipstick *kiss marks,* everyones phone was out and selfie taking for Snapchat was at it’s finest.

Then sassy masked bunnies in lingerie, casually saunter by..

It was the most bonkers time.

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It was like an urban, dance music, ‘circus’ of utter brilliant madness. The VIP was the ‘party version’ of Fight Club. Where the fighting was ‘mad partying’ and the club was in the name of Zanetti.

It was brilliant. It was so much fun. Something you have to do. A Zanetti VIP room, should absolutely be on everyones ‘Bucket List.’ There’s nothing like it…

I mean a flipping DWARF got hurled into the masses, so he could crowd surf! Hahaha. What the actual….I loved it! It was hilarious!

Just bonkers.

I looked around and scanned the room and everyone seemed like they were having the best time. It was crazy. And the good thing about it was that there were no rules. Usually… we are to say the right thing, do the right thing, meet the right people, promote the right thing. No one gave a fuck….they just enjoyed the most inappropriately fun time ever and with absolutely no censor.

The VIP rocked.

(No wonder everyone tried to sneaky peeky in.)

What I did notice about Tom…and I watch people, all people…always. He’s a nice guy…yeah…There’s a sweetness and a sophistication to him dipped in an urban ‘bouji’ twist. But he’s a really determined guy. He’s an ambitious soul. A showman. He knows what he’s doing, but he’s real. He’s down to Earth. He’s a guy who knows what he wants. Wants it his way and isn’t scared to voice his opinion. You don’t mess with Zanetti. He’s hot, right now. He’s really popular, which makes him powerful. People just want to be around him. You can’t help but feel quite ‘cool squad’ when you’re around him.

I watched him behind the bar, making sure people were being treated well. ‘WELL’ the way he seemed fit….which was with utter ‘boujiness.’ He’s an outspoken guy and he’ll tell it how it is. Everyone loves that! It must be his inner Northern…

The party went on and on, but I had to leave for the night at around 2am, simply because I had a 9.23am train to catch to London in the morning. I had an important Wunna Land PR meeting. at noon.

I got home, had an argument with an idiot taxi driver (All Yorkshire people argue with taxi drivers)  and got a few hours sleep, before waking up to my alarm, weirdly feeling ‘fresh as a daisy.’ It was almost like an evening of debauchery never even happened,

I was on a Platform 1, at Doncaster train station, ready to head to London, whilst answering inbox messages from people I met the night before…by 9am. He’s some of my messages…

‘Sorry I didn’t get the chance to chat to you last night. I recognised you, but it was just so mad.’

‘It was great meeting you last night. Let’s grab lunch some time.’

‘Babe, lovely meeting you…’

Before I left, I was sort of in this tunnel part of Mission, mixed in with a mass crowd of selfie taking. This awesome ‘swaggy’ guy in a black furry coat, kept stopping me and asking where ‘Rachel’ was…

‘Where’s Rachel?’

(I don’t even know who Rachel is??? Lol He must’ve asked me about 42 times, during the process of the entire evening.)

Abeiku Arthur was selfie taking with every boobie chick his eyes could ever see. A girl asked if she could selfie with me, but kept hating the picture, so we had to do it at least 17 times at 2am in the morning…The hot bunnies, with the evil ears, were now stood around me and chatting but then people then grabbed THEM for selfies…. and my night was over.

I tinkered out of Club Mission, in the early hours of the morning and when I did, there were STILL queues and queues of people waiting to get inside the club! (I walked straight over the red carpet like it was my Mums living room flooring. Lol.)

Leeds was on FIRE that night!

It was one of those nights, that you know you showed up at, yet because it was littered with utter madness, you can only remember things in ‘flashback form.

BUT…..a

It is one of those nights… that you’ll always always remember….and that’s what he does well!

Some of us in the VIP room, will bloom into Big BIG SUCCESS stories. Some of us will go far. Some of us will chose not to. Some of us will settled down, get married, have babies. Some of us will swirl down that merry plughole. Some of us will be remembered. Some of us will be forgotten. Some of us will make our marks more than we ever imagined we could.

But on November 11th 2017, on that Saturday night…WE ALL….under one roof, shared LIFE together, in the name of our Tom Zanetti!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m Off To Zanetti’s Shindig…

Tonight i’m at Tom Zanetti’s Album Launch part at Mission Leeds. It doesn’t even start until 11pm (which is definitely going to kill me,) yet ‘ve had an amazing day with Ruby, Junior, Santa and every childs character,from Pikachu, to Chase from Paw Patrol, that right now watching them beam has kinda put me in the greatest of moods. I’ve even had ‘before me meet Santa’ cocktails. *Wiggle, Wink.*

But yes, even though i am absolutely not used to an 11pm start, i’m feeling quite fun tonight. I’m in the mood for a good ‘couple hours’ blow out.

Abeiku Arthur: ‘You do know that is is a full blown club night at Mission??’

Me: ‘Haha. Yeah I know. I love that we’re actually going to Mission for a club night. Lol. I’m in London in the morning, so we’ll just go for a bit and head back.’

I don’t stay anywhere until 9 o clock in the morning, unless it’s a guy that putting a ring on it. 🙂 I’ll have the best time. But liek I said…I’ve got work in the morning and a train to catch.

But yes, if you’re heading down, i’m looking forward to seeing you. I’m a huge Zanetti fan. He’s worked really hard to get where he is right now and right now, he’s smashing it all over. He’s Leeds. He’s here. He’s on his way up that glitzy ladder of success. He’ll appreciate you being there.

Y’know, Leeds is no joke. We don’t play! I’m watching us all creep up from under the wood works now, after years, no decades…of hard, hard work….

Tonight, I’ll GO and  celebrate his night. It’ll be completely and utterly RAMMED, but technically, who cares…I’m in the VIP, so i don’t have to get squashed by Zanetti fans, who will definitely be sweaty and screamy. (There’s not a more popular male in Leeds. I tells ya!)

My ‘Plus 1’ is Abeiku Arthur, who had Tom on the cover of his High Fashion mag ‘House of Solo’…The night is going to flooded with a mix of reality stars, models, sportsmen and his besties….and I’m going to blog what goes on in a Zanetti VIP. He’s bouji. He’s funny. He got into a bicker with Katie Price. I love a bit of Tom. I’ll celebrate anyone who’s smashing it!

I’m on chills right now, because like I said, this morning I delighted with Ruby and Junior. We shopped, we sang, we did Christmas in Doncaster. I tried to get a new phone, but instead ended up with new hair, shoes and handbag.They came back with bags full of gumball machines and weird techy toys.

Then we drove down to Ackworth Garden Centre to watch Santa arrive on his sleigh and I have never IN MY LIFE, seen the two of them MORE excited, than they were at that point. Ruby was squeaking and Junior was hugging everyone with glee. I’ really proud of them… It filled me with absolute joy.

Talking about JOY, the fact that ASK Italian, now do cocktails in a Disco Ball, has completed my life with bells on. Why, I don’t own my own cocktail bar is beyond me! Disco Ball cocktails wouldn’t just be for Christmas, they’d be FOR LIFE. 🙂

I did a late lunch at Ego after chilling it with Santa. Gino D’acampo was at Gino’s Leeds last night. I think right now, I deserve to SLIP INTO my tiny sliver dres,s from the Kourtney Kardashian line, for Pretty Little Thing (it was delivered to me this morning) and go have some ‘party party’ fun with our Zanetti in Leeds, right?

I told you. I’m dedicated the rest of my year to good times, as I have a really exciting 2018 ahead of me.

I’m only gonna go for a bit. Well a couple hours, as the shindig goes on until 9am. (I’m a sleeper. I need a nights sleep. Sleepin’ isn’t cheatin’ in my world. Lol.) Infact, i’m actually on a train to London at 9.23am tomorrow morning. So a few celebratory drinks for Tom, a boogie and well who knows who i’ll meet!!! 😉 Then i’m home to get a couple hours shut eye, before travelling to London to meet my PR in the morning. (It’s a really important meeting.)

I should start getting ready, it’s nearly 7pm and I’m  Abeiku Arthur at Xscape at 9.30pm, so we can head to Leeds early.

 

 

 

 

Sex, Work, Single life & Genitals?

I cannot even tell you how busy i’ve been and i’ve loved it. I’ve loved every single waking moment of it, like the dewy dripped deliciousness of ‘dreams come true.’ I’ve worked really hard at everything and yeah there have been times where in which it’s been tricky and jingle jangled in obstacles. Yet, I must have downed a wine and jousted through them without truly realizing. Y’know ungracefully *hitched* over the brick wall, only to turn back around, *wink* at it and find it transforming into glitter. This is a year of change for me. That year. The year where I *unzip* out of the old and with my head to the skies smiling… i’m ‘ashes rising.’ It’s almost a ‘sexy’ year. On this day LAST year (and I hardly ever back track, I see it as unhealthy) I received a really hideous ‘hate mail’ message that I glorified with the best comeback blog ever. So great, that that blog post, even to this day is STILL my most viewed blog post of all time. It’s a shame that my ‘highest ranking’ was stemmed from ‘hate mail’ and simply by someone who tried to gain a little ‘look at me’ via making others ‘look at ME’ in a more negative manner. I actually gained a lot of support…and well, this time last year, I quite positively thought that I was doing pretty great career wise. However, if I compare it to where I am at this point THIS YEAR…it’s amazing how FAR I’ve actually come. So, even though i hate to back track, I will say that looking back & reflecting, is beneficial when it comes to *pausing* for a second and realizing that you’ve achieved. You forget to notice sometimes and because you’ve been so busy.

And boy have I been busy. I’ve been so busy that I’ve felt like i’mon  a glittery pink treadmill, that’s been turned up to ‘full speed,’ yet i’m in crystal Loubotuins, ‘yessing’ everyone, ‘no..ing’ those who aren’t quite right and i’m running, i’m tottering so fast that i’m racing against time…with a pina colada in my hand and a *wink* that is sprinkled with charm on repeat. I’ve been working through the day, blogging when i can, single mummying ALWAYS and then in then in the evening flying off to any event of my choice that i’ve been invited to. It’s felt like i’m on some kind of crazy cocktail, picture taking Wunna tour. And the weird thing is…i’m not even complaining. I’m shattered. But it’s felt so right that internally i’m smiling. That’s how you know ‘career wise’ that you’re doing something that you love, something that’s right for you, as you’ll always make time for it, because it makes you happy. It doesn’t feel liek work, no matter how shattered you are.

I will now say that I did opt for rescheduling my entire work weekend, simply because I felt as though i needed a ‘moment.’ My body was so exhausted that i just needed to refill (…myself with champagne cocktails :). ) Noooo. I just needed a day off, to enjoy the babies, be a mum, not feel the pressure of an audience and only because when i’m knackered I can’t shimmie to the BEST of my ability. It only takes a day or two…then I can replace myself back in that canon and *shoot* myself out again, but with full force. Everything’s been successfully rescheduled, with more on top, so I couldn’t be happier, as I have some really exciting people and places to venture! I can’t even tell you how excited am I. Right now, it’s so bizarre because there are so many places asking me to visit and a bundle of places that I personally are wanting to visit, so i’ve asked…that if i wanted to, I could set up some 300 day tour. Lol. I can’t BELIEVE HOW FAR THIS LITTLE BLOG HAS COME. And I can’t believe that PEREZ HILTON (who I LOVE and i’m completely inspired by) liked the fact that I’m a FINALIST in this years UK BLOG AWARDS! As if!!! AND he sent me cyber kisses, after I stated that his absence in Celebrity Big Brother is…well…I said ‘shite.’ (I know…I put it so poetically. 🙂 ) About 10 years about, I worked at Crunch Gym, just as the check in and ‘give you a towel’ girl. It was one of the best jobs I ever had. It was so much fun and I met so many different, yet familiar faces every day. It was stimulating. But one of those faces that I checked in almost every day, before he became GIANTLY famous, was Perez Hilton…So it’s really great to be 10 years on and able to look back on development. Why am I being so reflective? I need a rum. This is shit.

However, the great thing about this last week, has been the fact that i’ve been surrounded by the greatest chick friends. How any ‘Glamour Puss’ lives life, without her ‘Girl Soldiers’ (cue: Beyonce) is beyond me? You need them. You really do. And yeah, we’re all pretty different and range from the ages of 21 to sixty something…But without that daily check in, ‘Double B’s’ unexplainable banter and Mel’s daily, ‘but i’ve have melon’ announcement (she’s the slim girl that goes to your local Slimming world weigh in, who you despise for being slim because she can chow down half a pack of Rich Tea biscuits, lose weight and justify the *binge* with a ‘But i’ve just had a bowl of melon’ )….Without the balance of one another…we’d all fall to pieces.

I think the problem with me, is that I’m quite ‘boy bantery,’ even though i’m ever much the girl. I’ve always had a lot of guy friends, that now i’m really embracing having chick friends, because it brings out that inner girl, that you need in order to radiate and be a girl. Maybe that’s where i’ve been going wrong on the dating scene, because I never seem to be able to let a guy be a man, without being their hot bantery chick friend, looking after myself financially or taking control of the situation emotionally. What I mean by that is that i’ll chase to get what I want in love… and that’s lame. I’m lame. And it’s only because in business and in life by nature, i’m used to zooming forward with clout in an attempt to get what I want. I’m proactive. Lol. However, now I FEEL more girly and it’s the delicate girliness in me that seems to be bringing the gents forward…I’m playful and i’m divary…yet like i always say, until you meet me, you don’t realise that I have this soft warmth.

It’s funny because i’ve had some people meet me and say,

‘It’s weird because I thought after all the tit pics that you’d be an absolute  nightmare, but you are so much more sophisticated than I imagined.’

YET at the same time, I’ve had people say,

‘I thought you’d be so ultra high maintenance and up your own arse, yet you are literally so down to earth…’ 

So, i guess i’m both? The key is your initial perception of me.

Yet going back to ‘Girl Soldiers’….you don’t have great chick friends, that you see on a daily, unless you are comfy enough to discuss PENIS. If you could read my blog notes from the week, which are literally just quick bullets on the ‘notes’ section of my iphone, (which reminds me i’m due an upgrade,) you would wee yourself a little with laughter. The fact that i’ve executively typed ‘PUBE NATION’ makes into my phone, makes me DIE with belly laughs.

So, I guess I had started a conversation about sex and how I haven’t had any in ages…months….in fact and that it actually felt great. I’m dating no one, i’m single and i’m so happy and so busy that I’m not even plonking legs at ‘ten to two‘ as they say.. on bed sheets…ANYWHERE after cocktails! 🙂 Like i said, I do intend on finding my ideal partner…I want to fall in love. However, right now, unless they did all the chasing and really wanted to date me, or if i really really *hearted* them…I wouldn’t have time to date at all. I’m shattered.

But anyway, ‘Double B’ decided to tell everyone that she didn’t want to give blow jobs anymore because her ‘Beau’ has a penis that (wait for it) LOOKS LIKE ME! HAHAHA.

‘Honestly, Chrissie! It looks like YOU when you’re in your GIANT PARTY WEAVE. I can’t even look at it!’ 

HAHAHA. If you are unaware as to what my ‘Party Weave’ IS, know that it is the most biggest and most intense piece of head wear, ANY GIRL could endure on a night out. It is the BIGGEST AMOUNT OF HAIR… ON A HAIR PIECE… EVER MADE. That’s what her boyfriend’s willy looks like. I wonder whether it *pouts* too and takes Selfies?

Then, like that wasn’t enough, she then went on to tell me a story about how she knew this guy who hadn’t had sex or wanked off in THREE ENTIRE YEARS. (Odd news, when you’re about to calmly eat a pasty.) Anyway, he got lucky and manged to *bone* (‘Firmonnell’ always tells me off for saying *Bone*) a girl who just so happened to be ‘Double B’s’ friend…

‘Honestly Chrissie, she had just had sex with him, came over to mine and when she took off her top, to get in the bath, IT SMELT LIKE ROTTEN EGGS. His spunk had stayed in him for SO LONG that it had turned ROTTEN. I’ve never smelt anything like it!!!’

Hahahaha! She makes my blog too easy on me.

But does that happen? Spunk doesn’t turn rotten. It doesn’t have a ‘best before end’ date, does it? However, I do think that it’s unhealthy to have it stashed in you, going ‘rotten’ for years on end. Lol. Boys can’t win. They’re mucky if they always *splurge* it out and they’re mucky if they decide to hold it all in. It’s rubbish being a gent. Poor sods!

Men are just weird creatures in general. No wonder, why i haven’t managed to come across my perfect find. This morning I had Twitter banter with Tom Zanetti over a video he had received from a middle aged gentleman, who had taken a moment of his life to plonk a blond wig and make up on and place TWO cut out pictures of TOM on his nipples. HAHAHAAH. He sent Tom the video on twitter…and it was so funny that you couldn’t cry for laughing. We’ve been pissing ourselves about it non stop. I mean, it takes some balls doesn’t it, so i’ll give him a high five for that, as he succeeded in the art of gaining Tom’s attention. Yet it did make me consider burning my own eyes out..and i’ve been, seen and done it all. Lol. But hey ‘potatoe/pottato,’ some people wake up on a Sunday morning and praise the Good Lord Jesus Christ. Others glue Zanetti to their nipples for Twitter videos and hit ‘send.’ Lol. I love it!

I’m always going to be single aren’t I!

Maybe it’s a blessing.

There’s a whole lot of ‘city’ and for once, I’ll tell ya, i’m thankful that there’s not that much sex. 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Glitzy Trip To Gino’s

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‘I’m here! I’m parked in the same place as before.’

‘Cool…i’m walking down now.’

Got to his car and *swung* open the door, in my tiny thigh out, peeky boobed, dark gold wrap dress, draped in my GIANT ‘Little Mistress’ faux fur of absolute divinity and as I stepped my pretty kitty heels into the vehicle, the vehicle that would journey us to Gino D’Acampo’s new restaurant in Leeds,  I belly laughed out loud with an..

‘It totally looks like you’ve just picked up a hooker at noon! Hahaha.’ 

And there we were on our way to Gino’s.

When i say ‘We,’ I mean my good friend ‘Abeiku Arthur’ and I, who owns the delightful High Fashion magazine ‘House of Solo.’ It’s filled with articles and photos from London fashion week, top designers, exclusive five star brands, his shoots with supermodels in Milan,  the pics from the recent Victoria Secret show…all sorts. We’re good friends, we met at the Leeds Lifestyle Awards, we also just so happen to live in the exact same town and both of us have businesses/brands that are up and coming and ready to make impact.

He’s a hustler. We both are! And it’s so great to have a like minded business buddy, who just gets it and rolls with the punches, whilst cross questioning me to find out new ways of promotion, as right now i’m doing pretty well and getting invited to a great deal, yet at the same time beginning to get recognition for it. I’m having a good year. He himself, has just shot Tom Zanetti for the front cover of his Fashion Magazine. I think the shoot was Monday?

In the car he was telling me that Tom was FOUR HOURS LATE to the shoot because he had been out with Geordie Shore, ‘Scotty T’ all night, who is currently doing Panto in Leeds and his PR/Manager only told ‘House of Solo’ after the second late hour had passed. 🙂 When Zanetti showed up, he thought he was shooting for Metro. Lol. (HAHAHAH, totally makes me piss my glamourous frillies! I love that happened to him AND that he has to go through so much stress all the time. On the plus, once Tom did show up, he was lovely and chatty and apparently a great model.)

‘Yeah but was he a chav?’

‘Nooo. Not at all. You need to get to know him.’

We got to Gino D’Acampo’s ‘My Restuarant’ in Leeds and boy did we arrive!

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I’d been Tweeting about going all week, all day and I couldn’t be more excited! I love a bit of Gino D’Acampo, I adore the fact that we guys and dolls of Leeds can now delight in traditional family Italian food, dashed in glamour. Plus, ofcourse, you KNOW that you will find me at any place that boasts one of the most stylish Prosecco bars, with a side of cheeky ‘Hanky Panky’ cocktails, the freshest most delicious bar snacks (i’m a grazer) and ones that were cleverly served on tiny wooden boards, a cut of newspaper and with Italian charm!

From the moment I strutted in, there was a lively but relaxing, down to earth family, yet GQ style of  excitement swirling around the baby blue, clear glass entranced, two floored restaurant. This place has ONLY JUST OPENED, so it’s fresh onto the scene…and GOSH…I had so much fun yesterday, that i could’ve literally stayed there and guzzled chilled buckets of prosecco at the bar, ALL the way through to the early hours of the morning.

I mean, as soon as we tottered in, the service was impeccable and we were immediately given a card, which was a Restaurant bar tab, before being shown downstairs to the Member’s Prosecco bar to grab a fresh pour of ‘bubbles,’ before we sat down to lunch! (My prosecco glass was EVEN CHILLED and cosied over with a cold mist of ‘you’re here now, in luxury.’)

This place is by far, THE BEST PLACE IN LEEDS, to come for food, or even just drinks, be you on a date, a business meeting, with ‘The Girls,’ or ‘The Boys’ and even with the entire family. It literally caters for everyone, in a stylish, modern, ‘you want to be here and be seen’ way. Yet it’s sponged over with a glamourous version of Italian tradition.

Gino’s face is stamped on EVERYTHING! He is on the walls in black and white frames, pictured with every celeb known to mankind. His sexy little Italian face is EVEN on your table Olive Oil. The marketing (and I come from a marketing background) is phenomenal and i adore great marketing!

At 1pm we sat down to eat! I ordered the Cabonara. Which is my favourite Italian dish of all time and ‘The Big A’ (that’s what i’m deciding to call ‘House of Solo’ Abeiku Arthur now, as i can’t be arsed to type his name out every second, Lol) ordered the Spinach, Egg and Cheese Pizza.

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More prosecco was poured, a ceramic dish of walnuts with a silver nutcracker was served with it. Our meal came out at the EXACT RIGHT amount of time….Not too fast or not too slow. The exact right time, almost like they KNEW when we wished to eat.

I mean all the way through that time, both ‘The Big A’ and I were Tweeting, Selfie Taking, Facebooking, Instagraming…doing the whole ENTIRE works. There was so much excitement going on and we wanted you to see it all and experience our version of it, as we did it. There was a lot to take in, as i wanted you to ‘feel’ the place. It funny because normal, sane humans, would look at our table and find it totally bonkers. Yet to us, it was really normal. We’re both business minded, we both run little brands that we hope,  will one day be huge successes… and we BOTH understand that about each other and our friendship. I went for it. I was selfie taking and posting away. ‘The Big A’ was smashing his Social Media also, yet EVEN HE paused and said,

‘What have i got left? Oh yeah, I need to Instagram it.’ LOL

It’s fun because we turned our trip there into a Cyberland Circus of excitement, we had hundreds of people following our every move at Gino’s in Leeds. I tweeted and selfied away and the masses ‘Liked’ and Retweeted’ their favourite bits of our day. the restuarants notifications must have been crazy, as my own personal accounts were going nuts. They were shimming. (And that’s thanks to you! 🙂 ) Kinda made me feel proud. Kinda made me feel POWERFUL. Haha!

Anyway, we gobbled up our lunch and OH MY GOD, the food there is literally TO DIE FOR! You ALL need to go. My pasta was probably THE BEST PASTA, that I have had in years and I HAVE BEEN EVERYWHERE! But let me tell you, UNLIKE EVERYWHERE Gino’s Restaurant ISN’T *break the bank* PRICEY at all. It’s completely affordable for everyone. A dish for £9. I mean, gosh, where can you get food THAT GOOD, for that price these days, with that service?

Infact, I know places that are charging so much more for food that is FAR LESS delicious! Plus, Gino’s has those ‘little touches’ that make a big difference. I love the ‘little touches.’ As upstairs they sell Gino’s Cookbooks. Good sales tool. Yet great idea, as whatever you eat at the restaurant that day, whatever you’ve chosen from the menu, you can then buy the book on your way out and try and make it yourself at home! It’s sexy, it’s romantic, it’s fun! 😉 This restaurant will turn your ‘No Carbs before Marbs’ diet out of the fucking window and simply because the pasta is SO goddamn good!

Okay away from all that. We’d had a few drinks by now and as you know i love a tipple… or four hundred. Woohoo! I embrace a world of Prosecco dazzled fun, style and good company and you should to. Live a little! Enjoy it. Get lost in the magic. Swirl with it. Pour some more.

I mean, all ‘The Big A’ kept saying was,

‘She’s totally getting on it.’ Lol.

And i didn’t care! I’m a fun girl and well it’s MY BIRTHDAY WEEKEND!!! Cut a sister some slack! If i’m gonna drink 200 Prosecco’s….i’m going to go for it with *can can* kicks. So There!

Plus, we’d Tweeted everything, pictured everything, posted everything, so we finally kicked back and I ordered in some cocktails for dessert. I love getting cocktails for dessert instead of pudding. It makes me smile. Keeps my heart warm.

I swung in with the most delightfully, full bodied, espresso martini (it had a sassy KICK) and House of Solo ‘Big A’ ordered the fruity tooty, mint leaved ‘Pineapple Express.’ Lol.

Oh! They were delicious and all that social media work, kinda took it out of us. It can get tiring. Lol. I mean, if you didn’t know anything that day, you knew that I was at Gino’s, in Leeds, with House of Solo Magazine.’

We then both realized (after cocktails) that I was happily trapped in the most stylishy comfy, baby blue room WITH THE SINGLE MOST ATTRACTIVE ITALIAN MEN. How did i not realize this! It was like some kind of shirted Handsome Italian Man… Heaven. Almost every single waiter and bartender (aside from a couple girls and maybe two Leeds Yorkshire boys) was a hot blooded, dark haired, tall, sexy, with the accent and everything, Italian MAN. LORD HAVE MERCY on my little SINGLE SOUL!

LADIES YOU NEED TO GET YOURSELVES DOWN THERE. It oozes sex appeal… EVERYWHERE. Your mouth with ‘Mmm’ with pasta, but your loins will burn with desire.

‘House of Solo’ (I’ve changed his name again) even looked around and with an approving ‘They know what they’re doing’ nod and grin, he agreed it’s literally a paradise for groups of ladies! You notice the sexy Italians straight away, yet you kinda only begin to appreciate them, in a slutty way… after an Espresso Martini. 🙂

The hair ‘kittened out’ a little, the boobs peeked through the dress and the the wrap, unwrapped itself to a ‘little freer.’ not because of the hot blooded Italians everywhere, 🙂  but simply because by now we felt so much at home at Gino’s, that we kinda didn’t want to leave…

So we didn’t.

We ordered in another round of cocktails and went back to the Prosecco bar, to free up some table space (as it was getting busier and busier as the day went on) and we chatted about life, work, business and people.

As the day progressed, more and more stylish beings started sauntering in. All very high fashion. All smart as can be. ‘The Big A’ had his eyes on each of them. (One of the ‘Stylish New Entrants’ came up to me and rubbed my faux fur, whilst looking me right in the eye with a ‘Is it chincilla?’ No…It’s ‘Little Mistress.’ Lol.)

More drinks were being ordered, more drinks we being poured. The bartenders were going around with divine tasting nibblets, on trendy wooden blocks. It was a great idea, as it encouraged those who didn’t book in to eat, to maybe consider dining the next time they visited. (Clever! Clever!)

We were laughing. We were joking. I was happily moaning because i always think that being a chick in business, especially a boobied, ‘bouji’ one…makes it difficult at times. As often Ill have to approach guys to work alongside me and well sometimes people don’t take you seriously, so you have to prove yourself EVEN MORE SO than others. OR they just fancy  you and they can’t get passed that bit, before they even listen to the fact that your brain might work also. 🙂

I’m an ambitious, smart, charming, yet feisty little shit and i intend to do well. I’m doing well. My history is pretty decent. So ‘House of Solo’ and I were pissing ourselves at my ramblings and then all of a sudden out of nowhere he notices a female bartender, Googles ‘Alexa Chung’ and immediately whispers at me with a..

‘That girl, the bartender. I need to shoot her. She looks just like Alexa Chung on the British Vogue Editorial, when she did that high fashion nude shoot. I need to tell her. I need to shoot her.’

‘Yeah, well go ahead. Sip that, get her details and ask if she’d want to do a shoot. Explain that you own a fashion magazine though.’

‘No i can’t why? It makes me sound…’

‘OH MY ABSOLUTE GOD! Don’t be SO STUPID. You cannot go up to a girl, tell her she looks like a stylish nude Vogue model and ask for her number, to do a shoot with you, you idiot! You have to tell her that you own the fucking magazine.’ 

But in he goes, with his charm and his Google Screenshot of Alexa Chung. LOL. (Why do guys not listen!!??!!)

‘Hey! *Beckons her over the bar* You look like this girl. She’s a model for Vogue. Do you know her?

‘No.’ (Hahaha…Sorry, i find that really funny.)

I think you could be a model. I’d like your number…’

Then I couldn’t bare the ‘so many mishaps‘ in his approach, so i butted in with a..

‘He owns a High Fashion magazine, It’s called House of Solo. He thinks you’d be a great model and he’d like to shoot you for the magazine.’ 

She beams an innocent smile of glee. Her eyes lit up. She had a sexy foreign accent. A warm one, not a harsh one. He continues the rest of the chat with the bartender and she writes down her number, so that they can schedule in a shoot date for the Spring Edition of his magazine! I know! Crazy stuff!

See! You never know who you’re going to meet!

Then he turns around and whilst laughing tells me off for butting in on his ‘approach!’ Hahaha!

‘You need to learn from the best.’

‘You need to learn from a girl who gets men coming up to her all the time, saying stuff like that! What? I was only helping. I got all PR on the situation and started taking over the convo for you, to make sure it went well. And it did! What? I can’t help it! It’s in my blood!’

The Yorkshire Bartender looked at me, after he realised his colleague has just got scouted. So I smiled and said,

‘Don’t worry. You can be in my blog. It’s much better than his shitty magazine.’ Hahaha!

We laughed it all off and ordered more drinks in. At this point, I looked down at my phone and I had a DM from a guy that I recently followed on Twitter, as I had come across his profile and The Noir Agency the other day. Just basic, ‘Hey’s! How are you’s!’

I love learning within my industry and I love learning about all these creative agencies that seem to be crossing my life path. I’d actually like to work alongside one. So i’ve been looking around and having a peeky. I saw this guys profile…and i followed him. He’s also quite handsome, so why not! I was telling ‘House of Solo about it all, as  he started sipping shandy at the bar.

Anyway, In case you didn’t know, every night i’ve got into watching these Vlogs  by Steven Barlett. I’ve been reading up about the whole Social Chain thing and i’ve been inspired, as i’m a creative soul and I enjoy their work, his work…all things of this nature. And i’m doing pretty well right now, aren’t I!

SO, in the middle of the absolute glamourous bustle now occurring at Gino’s ‘My Restaurant.’ A bustle that we all created together…I decide to go onto Twitter, at the Prosecco bar, with my drink and my boobs out dress and WATCH Steven Barlett’s latest Vlog. It flicks on. I can see him and his video being played. But i can’t ofcourse hear any of it, as the ambiance in Gino’s Bar is now filled with a  loud, yet comforting buzz of creative, fruitful, social, excitement. It was beautiful. I love the feel of that noise. It’s satisfying.

However, LET ME TELL YOU, the clever thing about his Vlog is that it absolutely ran subtitles. So i was able to sit in the middle of this beautiful Prosecco bar bustle and completely absorb the whole entire thing! I got to glamourously razzle my liver AND absorb knowledge.

I even used up my LAST ONE PERCENT OF BATTERY LIFE on watching Steven Barlett’s Vlog. I would NEVER give up my last one percent of battery life. And i know you’re never going to read this…But if you do…that’s how special you were in that moment. Lol. Phone died after that! (FUCKER.)

Then like the magic had happened…’House of Solo’ got all into this whole Noir Agency/Social Chain/Steven Barlett Vlog thing. (Copy cat.) He knew that he had lost my attention to something. He’s also a creative human. He knew that i had found something great that i was interested in and that’s shit when you’re drinking with someone isn’t it. Hahaha! I have no manners. But GREAT manners all at the same time. 🙂

He got hooked and started following everyone. I even told him that i had emailed The Social Chain last week and no one replied. He laughed and told me that they didn’t care about me. Lol.

‘Eww! DON’T KICK A GIRL WHEN SHE’S DOWN DUDE! HAHAH!’

(We’re still nestled at Gino’s Prosecco Bar at this point…and everyone is now staring at us.)

Then we started making these weird bets. So as I was Tweeting the fact that I was watching Barlett’s Vlog. ‘House of Solo’ decides to Tweet him for a meeting? What!!!! I guess, all’s fair in business and Prosecco. Hahaha!

So I predicted that Barlett would ‘like’ my comment (and he did)…as who wouldn’t, i’m inspired by the Vlogs and i usually watch them in bed for utter mind comfort. (That sounds creepy. Hahaha!) Anyway that day, I was watching it from Gino D’Acampo’s dazzling new venue, surrounded by baby blue, glass and joyous sophisticated bustle. Day had turned to night and we had accidentally been there for hours, without realizing. That’s when you know you’re having a good time and you’re in a place of wonder, that does not constrain you, or limit you to a schedule.

Anyway, I then told cocky ‘House of Solo’ that if he actually got a reply from Barlett…(thinking that he wouldn’t…and he didn’t) i’d kick him in the balls! Haha. I didn’t get to ‘knacker ball’ him.

Life was good! My pre birthday brunch was a marvel. I couldn’t have chosen a better place to just lunch, live and enjoy!

At the end of our time, we were given two magical gold coins…(Sounds like a fairytale.) With these coins and as you leave the restaurant, you are to go dip into a tiny, glamourous photo booth, which is equipped with a green screen and everything…and as a souvenir of your time spent at Gino’s, you can take the most fun photobooth selfies, with various hilarious backdrops to treasure forever!

Amazing right!

Here are mine!

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The most delicious new place for you to enjoy and I mean that sincerely, as we didn’t even want to leave! For crying out loud and you’ll only get this is you are from Pontefract….’House Of Solo’ loved his time so much that the words, ‘We should go to Biggies’ flew out of his mouth! HAHAHAHAAA.

We didn’t go to ‘Biggies.’ Instead we got dropped off to continue alternate life paths. Lord knows what he did? But i went home to cuddle up to my little Ruby and Junior. (I’ll be taking both of them to Gino’s in the New Year.)

You know, it’s one of the only places where you can feel both stylish, yet so comfortably at home all at the same time. And i mean ‘kick off you kitten heels & have a laugh’ at home.

A truly great find and what a wonderful way spend part of my giant birthday weekend! 🙂 I’m so glad that i’ve officially smeared my Wunna glitz on that place!

Wunna *hearts* Gino D’Acampo’s ‘My Restaurant’ Leeds!

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Don’t Be A Dick & Life Choices

 

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I’ve had a couple of gin and tonics so were gonna have to watch it and you’re gonna have to bare with me. 🙂 I’ve put ‘blog writing’ off all evening, as i’ve been playing with Rubes and just neglecting the art of expression via written word long after she had decided to get some kip.

In my mind it’s Christmas time now and yes we all have a ton of work. I’ve been at work all day. But come on now, let’s have a bit of fun, or decent old chilled time, where we can kick off our kitten heels and just pour ourselves an after work tipple to relax and celebrate the year!

I have a birthday in FIVE DAYS, so i have all the excuses in the world to ‘tick box’ a sack load of fun. I mean, God, life is about filling ya cup, as you can’t pour from an empty one! So let’s enjoy it, whilst we still can. (I’ve just read this scary quote that states that if we as humans slept or 8 hours per day and we live to be sixty….we will have slept for 20 years of our lives. It apparently gives us a reason to get up the first time our alarm goes off in the morning? I don’t count in any of this, as being a single mum, with full time work, if i EVER slept for 8 hours on ANY DAY, it would be a blessing.)

I’ve had a decent time today as i’ve worked hard and enjoyed banter. Apparently my blog is so good that it SENDS PEOPLE TO SLEEP! Lol.

‘Chrissie, I love reading your blog and hate it when you don’t write one, as i read it before i go to bed and it sends me to sleep!’

Hahaha! I love it! Be it comforting or boring. Or be you sixteen or sixty….I adore that you have clicked into a bit of Wunna land, before you’ve gone to ‘n’nights.’ Makes me smile! My mum also reads my blog every night before she goes to bed and then screams at me the next morning if i’ve been a dick. 🙂 It’s all about how you’ve raised your kids. 😉 LOL.)

My friend ‘The Mighty’ is about to give birth in the coming months and is preferring to surround herself with fun ‘drink too much’ friends, rather than nice stalkery ones, who we don’t know are actual normal humans or Guardian Angels? I believe in Guardian Angel pop ups. So i’m going with that. Plus, it makes more story more magical than just saying ‘stalker.’

For some reason it made me flash back to a time when a gay guy, stopped me in a club, (I think it was Pre Bar in London) and wanted to name his cat ‘Chrissie Wunna,’ in my honour. Instead he went with ‘Jackonory’..and told me this on the dance floor, as Kylie played in the background. (I had just come off the telly, trying to be best friends with Paris Hilton, at the time.) I mean, JACK…A…FUCKING …NORY! When does that ever *trump* naming your kitten ‘Chrissie Wunna.’ (That was the night Mark Byron, who’s now a Big Brother Telly Presenting Star, asked me to hide his rent money cash in my knickers so he didn’t spend it all on booze. Lol. At that time he used to give out flyers to make people venture into clubs. Now…he’s ‘Off the telly’ Mark and currently doing Panto in Liverpool, dressed as a Genie.)

Today’s ‘Bone to pick’ is this. I had some blogger chick, slag off my ‘Nominated for a UK Blog Award’ moment because it’s apparently ‘not a popularity contest and should be purely based on content.’ (She’s nominated also.)

HANG ON A SECOND MISSY! LET’S JUST TAKE THAT ‘PRINCESS’ IN YOU AND PIPE IT DOWN A NOTCH.

Firstly, you should concentrate on your own bit of cyberland and not chirp off at mine. This space ain’t rented it’s bought and it’s blooming right now, so enjoy it doll face and pour yourself a cocktail.

Secondly…BEFORE I WAS ANYTHING…I was a blogger. I wrote a blog daily in LA for years and have done for the last 10 years. EVERY DAY and when not a single soul read it! I wrote a diary for years before that, before my life story ever became ‘live.’ I wrote and documented my on goings, before ‘having a blog’ and being social media savvy was popular and that was before i became a model…a party queen Lol….before i accidentally moved back to the UK and got on the TV with Paris Hilton…before I had a book out….before i created a range for Ann Summers on the telly….before, before…before it all.

Now, i’m not stupid…All that did make my blog more popular. Yet if anything, i’ve always simply documented my life, the good bits, with the bad. You’ve heard my heart break, you’ve seen me victory dance,  you’ve listened to my make ups, breakups, watched births, my life journey, raw pain and laughter. I’ve told the story of it all. Like God, that moment when my husband left me and he did it by moving all his stuff out of the home when i was out. I came home with my 2 year old daughter and a newborn…and he was gone…All i got was a text. I told that story..and that had nothing to do with a world of limelight or a popularity contest. That was life.

Yet there have been times when i’ve partied with Leonardo Di Caprio and gone out on dates Matt Dillion and been shut in a house with Paris Hilton for a month straight as ITV2 filmed every waking moment of fun for public entertainment.

Just the same as the story above it…It was all still part of my life.

So i’m not  reality star turned blogger. I’m a writer. And i might have been ace enough to make the UK Blog Awards ‘Trend’ on Twitter. But i can’t help being that awesome. 🙂 AND that DOESN’T MEAN THE CONTENT ON MY BLOG IS SHITE.

I’ve said it once and i’ll say it again…BILLIONS OF PEOPLE are doing life, right now as we speak…I’ve simply chosen to document my version of it…Everyone’s life is important. We’re all in it together. Just these little soul dots, chilling on a giant Earth ball as we orbit the sun.

So whilst i’m being hailed as the ‘Real life Carrie Bradshaw,’ YOU are being gummy stickered with a sexy ‘Hater’ slap badge.

Okay, i’ve sipped more gin and tonic. I’m better now!

I will tell you that this Saturday, ‘House of Solo’ Mag owner Arthur and I will be headed for lunch at Gino D’Acampos new joint ‘My Restaurant’ in Leeds. I’m so excited as i’ve heard great things about it and…well i know that Gino was there himself, last night, cooking dinner for everyone! Arthur at ‘House of Solo’ and I have ended up being ace buddies. We’re both passionate about our goals, where we want to be and our own bit of business. He shot Tom Zanetti the other night for the front cover of his mag. I met Tom at the Leeds Lifestyle Awards, as he gave out the award for ‘Best Club.’ I’m definitely going to make him my new Leeds ‘hang out’ mate. As i’m sure (even though i’m doing Manchester a lot of recent) that all three of us going to help put Leeds on the map! 🙂

See! Northerners are known for having a good time. Yet we can also do business quite well to. 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Leeds Lifestyle Awards Part 1

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Five o clock, Wednesday October 5th, I swung out of a ‘pull towards you’ door, in a black & white pinstripe shirt, black trousers, heels and big hair. Dashed over cobbles, armed with a hand bag and a giant ‘get changed into’ bag, that was filled with diamante Louboutins, a gold sequin dress, makeup, knickers and kitten winks. Hopped into a waiting taxi, that’s mission was to dash me straight from Pontefract and onto a red carpet at The Royal Armouries in Leeds, for the Lifestyle awards. I had a busy week..so my scheduling was on point. I got dressed for the event, IN THE BACK of the cab and stepped out of it…at the other end…. looking divine. *Pout*

Poor Rob (The driver that I use for everything, that I need driving to) had to put up with my manic tinkering, as I began shuffling around madly in the back of his darling vehicle. I unfortunately 🙂 had to get FULLY NAKED to get into my dress, (I hadn’t wore pants all day lol,) so all i could do was piss myself laughing… as bronzer, hair spray and sequins flew around behind him and the other cars, on their ‘drive home’ next to us wondered what was going on? 🙂 I even found a canned gin and tonic in my bag. 🙂 That’s what glamour pusses do. We pack emergency supplies without realizing. Lord knows how it got there? But thank Christ for it…then this happened,

‘Rob, is it okay if I drink this in your car??’ *Shoves gin in his face*

‘Chrissie! You’ve just fully got naked! Lol. A flipping gin is mild! Lol.’

And WHAT A NIGHT! I stepped out of the taxi, got there early, saw men in actual armour having cans of Pepsi, before the big event. LOVED THEM. Said ‘Hi’ and giggled, as I admired the glitzy  chandelier draped red carpet. I had hugged Jonathan who was running the ‘Made in Leeds’ live broadcast, before hand and sauntered straight in…after I had finished my gin. 🙂 (The GREAT thing about the Made in Leeds crew was the simple fact that were all fantastic at their jobs. They literally knew who everyone was and why they were there! As soon as you tottered onto that red carpet and through the doors for your picture posey moments, you felt honoured and welcomed. And we like a bit of that, don’t we. 🙂 )

 

I got to do my posey pouty moments early…which is always good as i can fit all my selfies and ‘look at me’ Tweets in. Haha.

   

 

Met loads of people during and after pictures, the Prosecco was everywhere, almost at the ready like glassy bubbles of excitement, with smiles, waiting for us to all indulge. I skipped over to the VIP area in my golden mermaid dress, drank loads and watched Harrison ‘The Perceptionist’ (who is the most amazing mind reader,) …warm up, do his thang and get into it all…at the same time as put up with my shit and banter. 🙂 He’s charming. He’s fun. He’s ace. I’d hire him. I’d hire anyone who could put up with my shit jokes. 🙂 He’s gonna do well! I watched him ‘warm up’ with a lady who was nominated for ‘The Leeds Legend’ award. She was more graceful than I, as she refrained from delivering smutty jokes. HOWEVER did kept bringing over more Prosecos. TOTAL LEGEND!! 🙂 *Heart*

 

I was having all these conversations with people before it all began and before we went live on the telly. And it was hilarious because there were the owners of all the greatest bars, hotels and businesses in the city, under one roof and they’ve all had me tinker in their spots previously and a great number of times…yet i’ve always been drunk! SO it was nice to see them with a pair of ‘fresh’ kitten eyes. Lol. I was in a good position, as they all had a case of the nerves, as they had award hopes…and well i could just do cocktails and chat to folk, on camera, off camera and take a million selfies.

 

 

It got busy fast! That place filled up. Paps and picture taking everywhere. People from Big Brother, Sports guys, Bloggers, Xfactor, Radio shows, Popular DJ’s, Owners of Magazines, Press, all sorts…filled the initial reception room and mingled in with all the owners of all the BEST businesses in LEEDS. There was a magical glitz in the air, an excitement, a buzz, cameras, schedules, Jason the Lifestyle Awards creator, with Sinitta and all the Made in Leeds guys rushing around trying to get everything ready and sorted for the live broadcast! I was waltzing around with my hair toss and pout and with a Prosecco in my hand, before it was time to go into the main room for dinner, drinks and the start of the AWARD SHOW.

I was really excited. I almost skipped into the main room in my mermaid sequins, where i bumped into Nino Lopes. Now, Nino owns The Maven (which is a fabulous Leeds cocktail bar, like he said there are even people in New York, who know of his bar) and I had actually nominated The Maven to be shortlisted. I’ve tinkered there LOTS in my time and i have always had THE BEST TIME! I clocked him straight away and  he clocked and knew me immediately. We greeted, we chatted and he bought me a vino before it all madness all began. He was all suited and sexy and i wished him loads of luck. He was with the owner of La Bottega Milanese, who up for BEST COFFEE SHOP. He was also divine and dashing, with an exotic twist and straight away wanted to exchange details, as he has a big launch event coming up that he’d like me to go to. AND I COULDN’T BE MORE EXCITED for it, I’m there! I wished him luck also and spotted DJ Tom Zanetti strutting by with his ever so quiffy quiff, all styley and cool. I spotted Austin from Celeb Big Brother and some Xfactor folk. I hugged a guy who owns a Vivienne Westwood, Sinitta, saw Stephanie Hirst, bumped into my old pal Alex Simmons, a whole bunch of other people and business owners that I knew and then saw Cleo Rocos, who I ADORE more than life itself, as not only did she do the Kenny Everett show for years, but she’s a glamour puss, so much fun and the owner/creator of AquaRiva, which is the purest Tequila in all of the land. The only tequila in the kingdom where in which you will not get a hangover, because of it’s purity. TO ME, SHE IS GOD. We’re similar…super fun, super warm, glammy ‘good time’ girls. She was rustling up cocktails as I was getting seated with the owner of House of Solo (a fashion magazine.)

Everything was exciting, there was a buzz, a magic, a starlight vibe of winners and as we sat down, had meals brought to us and wine poured for us and chatted to others, (I was sat next to another blogger,) a whole bunch of presenters, the Made in Leeds crew and well we slamdunked that bread basket like carbs were our only true love. 🙂

The room was a purple lit dark, beamed by film cameras, excited people and letters that spelt out the word ‘LEEDS’ in giant alphabet lights. TV’s were around us, I’m sure people were shitting themselves with nerves, as it was all about to be broadcast live and there were presenters not wanting to fuck it all up and nominees all wanting to take home the big old juicy prize..for delicious bragging rights (which we all love) and a merry sense of achievement.

Y’know, one of the good things that happened before the awards went live on air was the fact that a gentleman up on the stage had said this,

‘Could everyone that is the OWNER of a business that is nominated and shortlisted for an award stand up at their table please.’

And when they did, there was this moment of absolute of pride, a real pride, away from the glitter…it felt really wonderful, because these people were people from all walks of lives, who had put in so much hard work for a dream that they had…and they made it work…and now they were stood infront of an applauding crowd, who were wishing them the entire BEST for the rest of the evening. It was a good feeling. I took stalker snappy pics of all their faces in that moment.

I sat, I drank, I smiled…and then we had a 30 second countdown, where we were told that even though we were going live on air at 9pm, which means that we would be allowed to swear and all sorts, we were advised to ‘ease into it.’ Lol.

The AWARDS began…

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