Last Two Months, Singledom & Living

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I’m literally having the most amazing time, dipped in ’30 something’ year old fun, glamourosity and life. I’m single, but i’m crushing, and i’m whole heartedly delighted that we’ve strapped all other festivities under our belts and we’re now getting armed in sequins and getting our ‘shimmie’ on into Christmas.

My absolute favourite time of year!

(And not just because I have a December birthday! Hint Hint! No wonder i’m mental, if I was birthed during a time, when penguins sang songs about reindeers, whilst wrapped in tinsel, by elves, who worship a dude with a giant white beard and have an after work mulled wine!) 

Yippee!

It’s just a great time of year, where nothing but tinsel and celebrations matter. Cocktails are poured. Events are a plenty. Cuddles and laughter, meander around cosy city streets & hearts are filled with love, MORE than they are broken at Christmas. You can choose to stay in, or choose to play out. Either way, it is always sweet rum drizzled and delightful!

Memories are made during this time of year.

Memories are also treasured….because we all kinda grab our lip gloss, after a Bailey’s…or look through our ‘ye olde’ phone pics and remember. Your favourite tune will play on the radio, just as you had it in your head. You’ll walk past a restaurant, that will remind you of some guy, or some girl, you once dated. Someone will totter past you in a hurry, in a busy shopping centre and they’ll smell just like the crush, you’ve always wanted to score. Memories are great. They’re not there to dwell on though. Don’t get caught up with memories, until it’s time. Until you’re old and ready. Until you’ve done your absolute back in and you can’t possibly dash, in your glitter heels to ‘Tattu’ on time, for a ‘smokey cocktail’ without feeling the pain.

Until then…just live.

Just LIVE and don’t apologise for doing so.

Guy friend: ‘See, Wunna! It’s THIS shit that makes you beautiful. The tits and all the rest of it, come second fiddle to all this shit.’

Me: ‘I thought you said you loved my boobs?’

Guy Friend: ‘Fucking hell. Haha. Take a compliment.’

Anyway….

Something great will happen to us all, which will make our kitten soul’s beam, before we wave off 2018. Something will also make us cry. But that’s life and that’s why it’s wonderful.

We’re given a story to create. A life to live…and if nothing else, we are giving the opportunity to FEEL. For 10 years this year, i’ve written CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM. It actually started 14 years ago, on Myspace. All I’ll have at the end of the day, as i’m swaying to Britney in my rocking chair, are my memories.

Go get what you want. Don’t let anything, especially fear stop you. You might not win. Yet if you don’t try, you won’t have lived. That’s what we’re here to do.

Don’t get it twisted.

(I can’t believe i’m writing this in a play area. Haha.)

It doesn’t matter whether you spend it with good friends, family, boyfriends, girlfriends, the people you shouldn’t be playing around with, lovers, old spirits, new crushes or with your next door neighbours cat?

You’ve only got 2 more months LEFT on 2018, so make sure you LIVE IT. Make sure you enjoy it. Do what makes you happy. Find you inner life love and make the end of this year (which has had it’s ups and downs for everyone) WORTH IT.

Create magical moments.

You’re here for a good time, not a long time.

Over the last week, i’ve probably done everything. I’ve cocktailed with old friends, which found me sharing fireworks with them, as we cheered on our favourites on Strictly, discussed my tragic love life and enjoyed time with family, over wine.

Helen: ‘You’re just so pretty.’

Me: ‘Aww! That’s sweet. But everything is literally pinned, sewn or glued on. I mean, let’s face it, you couldn’t put me through the wash, could you!

Helen: ‘Hahah..

Gina: ‘I fucking love you…

I’ve talked to strangers, with cucumber drinks at The Botanist, Leeds. (I love The Botanist, Leeds, because it’s so  hidden away and freshly cosy. ) Inspired people at Restaurant Bar & Grill. I’ve whizzed and whirled and eaten pear salads, with a fruity umbrella drink in my hand and with my own laughter filling the rooms.  I’ve shopped. I’ve loved. I told Matt Goss, that he’s my celeb crush. He pretty much liked it 😉 which made my heart swoon. Lol.

I’ve been a great soul, an even better Mum. But most of all, loved telling you my story. (Your questions have been amazing.)

I don’t know what happens to me in the end. I just know it’s something wonderful.

I don’t ask for much. I just ask for peace. (And the man of my dreams to share life with me. I have everything else, I need.)

Everyone keeps going on about how single I am because it’s apparently so unbelievable?

‘How the hell are you…’

‘YOU’RE Single?

‘How are you, even nearly single..’

I certainly am, and I certainly don’t know why? Haha.

Firmonnell (My chick best friend) : ‘She’s single by choice!’

If I had the answer, I wouldn’t be strutting around with a neon ‘Going Solo’ arrow above my head, would I? I’d be building my white pickett, rum stained fence, to Disney classics.

If you’re a 30 something singleton too. Don’t worry! I hear so many of you worry!

DON’T.

The worrying alone is not seductive. Lol. It’s awkward. It’s thumb twiddly.

In this day, being a single 30 something year old woman (I’m 37,) three marriages down, doesn’t make you rubbishy, like no one wants you. To me, it makes you powerful because you now KNOW what you want and instead of standing at the side of the dance hall, waiting for some guy to ask you to boogie, you’re confident enough to just make your OWN fun, with your gent of choice and leave the party whenever you wish.

I’ve never been so chased by boys in my life, than I have in my 30’s. That’s the honest truth and it’s because i’m much more wiser, comfortable and THAT ALONE IS HOT. It’s sexy. I know how I want to feel. I know how I want to look. I know what will make me happy.

Be interested in yourself and others will take interest in you. Give people something of value and they will jump on board. (My LA balcony buddy taught me that, over balcony tea….as we walked the drummer from Maroon Five, do life, through a window. He was our ‘across the way’ neighbour. He once lifted me back into my condo, when passed out drunk, as a gaggle of gay men surrounded me…not to help, but to perv on my hot laywer roommate. Lol

I was in a lime green fedora. Haha. That’s all I remember. I love West Hollywood nights. I got into a state outside ‘The Abbey’ in West Hollywood because Ryan, my crush didn’t love me. (Turns out he secretly did, but treated me badly because he had a girlfriend?)

Ry: ‘I was crazy about you. I didn’t know what to do? So I made a weak decision because i’m a pussy.’

His last name is ‘March.’ I have it tattooed on my right inner arm. J

Friend: ‘You two were going on dates and everything! How fucking weird!!!

But that was years ago….and at the time it was shit! However now, it’s a fond, funny memory.

Time is like magic….It’s certainly precious, so you should use it to your advantage. Yet at the same time, let it fly, because it heals things without you realizing. 😉

I guess, everything is just about balance….and  cocktails.

Chrissie x

 

 

 

Lawyers, Grannies, Blow jobs and Slut Drops

 

Yesterday, I taught a bunch of young, suited, booted, well educated, 20-something lawyers….to ‘Slut drop.’ If you are unaware of such a move, then you just don’t have swag, or haven’t had the opportunity to be around indecent women. 🙂 It’s a sudden booty drop to the floor, in the name of sexy whilst you’re dancing, with a *ping* back up like you’re a vixen, with an uncontrollable sex drive. Stupid really. yet drunk men can’t get enough of it. Any man that you can pull, after performing this move, is not husband material. 🙂 Now, I might be aware of the art of ‘slut dropping,’ yet I don’t ever have to pull one out of my bag of tricks…and well simply because…I’ve had 5 minutes on the telly, then a few more minutes in a Lads mag… and then of course, the trusty old faithfuls… boobs. *Applaud here.*

I was sat in an office, a big one, listening to young lawyers throw themselves bit of a pity party, due to the fact that they want ‘proper girls, who went to school, who have a good job and who haven’t thought it was amazing to spent part of this Summer in Ibiza.’ (Men love a pity party, don’t they?) I just looked at them, smiled and with a ‘Yeah, life must be really hard for you all, being so intelligent, successful and wealthy. Chick must hate you. 🙂 I completely understand your pain,’ I had won them over with charm and two seconds later, when ‘going home‘ time had almost occured, BA BOOM…I taught them how to ‘slut drop. (If you still don’t know what that is, just Google it because I can’t be bothered to baby step you through indecency. I’m not Madonna in the 80’s. I’ve just spent too much time in Hollywood. 😉 )

Anyway so, yesterday ended up being one of those amazing ‘GOOD NEWS’ days. I never really get so many of them, so I was shocked. However yesterday was the day, that I was to be showered with non-stop GREAT FLIPPING NEWS! I couldn’t be happier, because it kept streaming in like the beavers forgot to build the dam!  I’m positive that I deserve some kind of reward, right? *Bounces up-do, with hand.* So, instead of being modest, i’m just going to celebrate with champion arms and maybe do an ‘in you face’ shout of ‘Yahoo!’ 😉 I’ll tell you more about it next week, as right now it’s still too fresh for me to deliver. However, it’s good to feel excited and I certainly do feel that.

Oh…then I got a random text from a manager asking me if I wanted 10k to be cast in a small film, as the main chickola, who’s a business woman or something? Then came the ‘But there’s a fully nude sex scene in it, sort of like the one off Basic Instinct,’so you would have to be comfortable with that. Interested?’

Now, due to me having a past of nudity, people always want to roll me over a ‘look at’ when it comes to roles that require the art of sexy. Yet, even though I wave the flag for the celebration of the human body, I need to make sure that it is actually an ACTING JOB…and not some kind of dodgy PORN. I was married to and have dated a gzillion actors, so I completely get nudity and sex scenes in the name of film and telly…However, if it’s not an actual acting job and just a dodgy porn, then it’s an absolute NO GO. This is obviously something that, I will have to make sure of. So, i’ll fill you in on the hokey pokey of it later. Ten thousand pounds isn’t bad though. 🙂 Cha-ching!

(Sorry, i’m writing this and half watching Jersey Shore clips on Youtube. So, i’m getting distracted by their naughtiness. I used to get loads of mail from people who thought that I may have the same kind of personality as Snooki. 🙂 Oh Lord, have mercy! Now, I love Snooki a lot and I think she does a great job at entertaining the young masses.  However Snooki, probably isn’t even like Snooki in real life. I assure you that I AM the EXACT OPPOSITE. Remember when I was on that talk show and Dom Jolly said I reminded him of her! Evil twat! 🙂 I was pregnant tooo! I think I was raised much better that people can imagine. Lol. I had love and everything. I promise. But i’ll get to that later. Here’s what I’m watching…)

 

Okay, away from that! One of my new favourite shows to watch is obviously ‘Educating Yorkshire.’ I’m a Yorkshire girl, I currently reside here and well it’s good that we’re on the telly. However, it’s bad that we’re shown in such a dodgy light! Lol. I adore the show because it’s obviously hilarious, but OH MY GOSH, as I Tweeted last night, I don’t remember school being ANYTHING LIKE ‘Educating Yorkshire?’ It was nothing like that at all! It was sort of completely and utterly..absolutely different. I mean, even the way the teachers talk to the pupils, shocked me. Pahaha! ‘You’re a pain in the arse you!’ WTF?

But yes, @Wazza (who hosts this merry site and all of my Cyberland, hoo-haa) and I (as his beautiful ‘other half’ Hannah stated last night, went to ‘Posh School,’ so we never really got to experience ‘Georgia’ type characters and we never really even talked in class or even thought to be disrespectful to our teachers or even one another. 🙂

Wazza was in fact the class clown, the sort of ‘bully-in a funny way’ type of jolly when it came to school and well he’s nothing like the boys on that show. He’s probably the nicest, funniest gentleman, you’ll ever meet. Lol. So, it’s really interesting for me to watch. I’m loving it and now extremely grateful that my parents PAID for me to learn my ‘A,B,C’s.’ I would’ve got my head kicked in! I would’ve been terrified to go to school. I think going to ‘Posh school’ is something that you appreciate more when you’re older and when you witness what it may have been like if you didn’t. 🙂

Now, I don’t want to come across as a snob (even though I am a bit of a snob,) as it really doesn’t matter where an individual schools, as successful people  have sprouted from all kinds of rural beginnings…Some of them didn’t even make it to a school, in the first place. Yet I will say that the environment and the people are extremely different in a private school. It’s sort of made easier on us, because we don’t have to be as self motivated in order to have a good education, as everything around us is catered and groomed to give us the best shot at being successful in life. And the environment is only of that manner, simply because our parents paid for it to be that way. It’s sort of like a business. A snotty business that keeps your children around good other children, who come from successful families..in order to help them to excel or simply be decent grown ups.

Ugh! I feel like this is all too boring and political. I need to bring in the ‘Dancing Girls,’ for a ‘snap back’ to fun!

*Can-Can Here*

I almost put up my Christmas decorations at home yesterday. I go through these zany moments of needing to throw everything out in order to feel free. Once that was done, I sort of looked around and noticed a distinct lack of warmth. 🙂 The only thing that could’ve cured it would have been red and gold tinsel. Luckily, I ran out of baby formula, so I had to dash off to the supermarket to get some before the nursery run.

When I got there, the granny that i’ve adopted, (an old lady who I always talk to because her husband died and she feels lonely) told me to ‘bugger off’ because I had a sore throat and get this…if she ‘was going to have a sore throat,’ she would want a ‘bloody good reason for having one.‘ Then she performed the dirtiest of LAUGHS, known to mankind. Grannies and blow jobs. HOLY INAPPROPRIATENESS! I truly love it! Everyone needs to adopt a lonely granny. They’re hilarious and all inappropriate, when you least expect it.

She then told me that I had given her a new lease of life. Although it brought a big warm smile to my face, that meant I no longer needed tinsel…I still told her off for insinuating that she wanted to give ‘head.’ *Wiggle-wink*

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