I’ve Got My Va Voom Back!

I’m passed the feeling of shitting myself and now i’m utterly EXCITED for my Friday! I had an evening that kinda made me feel really confident about myself…and when a girl feels that way, she glows, she radiates….I know i’m currently radiating because my world right now is filled with inboxes messages from exes, or previous husbands, or new guys with gusto and my strut is currently *paused* every few minutes by a stranger or an old friend giving me the wink. It’s not about the inbox fill up, or playful winks from strangers…as i’m ignoring them all politely. (I’m rubbish like that.) It’s all about the ‘GLOW.’ It’s the GLOW that we chicks get when we feel confident in our strut. I want all girls to feel it, every moment of every day. It makes us attractive. It’s sexy, because that glow radiates makes us super POWERFUL and no matter what ages, shape or size you are, nothing is sassier than that whoosh of of ‘ooh laa.’ (Boys will honestly be tripping over their willies as they pass you by.) Oh and FYI/ NOTHING IS BETTER than exes messaging you, who you now care nothing for, when you have that ‘whoosh’ of ‘ooh laa.’ I’ve looked at the message, said nothing and beamed with my ‘Cya, don’t wanna be ya dance.’ If a guy wanted you that badly, he would’ve made the effort to keep you and HEY, maybe not chosen another girl over you! Lol. I AM GLOWING.

Anyway, yesterday was great because yesterday was the day that my guy friend David (who’s currently auditioning for Celeb Hotels) decided to obtain a mattress from a granny, shove it in his boot and simply for banter because ‘Firmonnell’ told him to, place it on the top of ‘Fairytales’ car (her cream mini) and snapchat it to everyone.

Firmonnell: ‘I don’t know why it’s so funny. But it is!’

IT WAS HILARIOUS! This is how i know i have ace friends. Nothing is better than childish pranks. I actually thought that he’d only plonked the dirty mattress on her car for snapchat picture taking purposes….But no…it sat there ALL DAY.

Hustle Barbie: ‘Fairytale…Why have you got a giant dirty mattress on the roof of your car? ‘

Fairytale: ‘It’s still fucking there!!!!!’

Me: HHHHHHHHHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

I’m feeling cheeky today! I feel like i want to prank the world and just deal with the consequences afterward! Lol You’ve got to love a laugh. You’ve got to love a bit of banter. And it’s the simpliest things that crack me up.

Last night, after the babies had tinkered to sleep and my mum had come round to cuddle them…I had a bit of work to take care of, for my weekend. I’m excited for my Friday now. I was meant to blog, but instead, i walked down to ‘Ego’ for a quick white wine. I needed a chill, a nightcap and well i’m not really going to be able to have a drink tonight…as i’m sure i’ll be rushing about headlessly. (I’m also excited because i’m about to embark on what feels like a whole bunch OF TIME off work….which means i can fit ‘good times’ in and refuel.)

But anyway, I went to ‘Ego’ in Ackworth. I go all the time. I love it there. I love the staff there. It’s a good place to find me. I always go on my own for a chill and just sit at the bar by myself. Lol.

So, I obviously opened my last blog with Josh (the ‘Ego’ Bartender) who’s great! We chat well. And I love a bit of banter with him. Infact all the staff there are literally ace. It’s a good time. (I’m currently writing this topless and forgot I was topless…need to grab a bra. I don’t want spaniel ears for boobies!) Bottom line, I didn’t reckon he’d read the blog, or anyone he knew would…so he’d never find out that I wrote about him. Right? First thing he mentioned when i walked in was the fact that he featured on the blog! LOL. But he was happy about it. So it was all good. Made me smile. I mean, nothing is worse to me, when i write about someone and they hate that i’ve written about them. It makes me feel uncomfy. Plus, people should love a Wunna Land feature! Hahaha. What better place to have your name splattered all over the internet than here! 🙂 It’s a written word reality show. You CAN in real life, go to ‘Ego’ in Ackworth and find Josh the Bartender. You can all be a part of Wunna Land. My kingdom, not yours! 🙂

Anyway, it was great. I had a wine. I chatted to the staff as they tinkered by me. Some guy in a pink shirt stroked my arm and gave me the last part of his larger, whilst calling me ‘baby.’ I love being called ‘Baby.’ I call people ‘Baby’ when i love them. Didn’t love him. And didn’t really want the spit part of his drink. Yet, I thanked him anyway. (I’m good like that.)

‘Was he gay or straight? I couldn’t figure it out?’

Then randomly my old school friend Nathan, who was on a boys night with his teacher friend, who used to my football for Leeds or something found me at the bar and made me a part of their lads night. Nathan was 3 years below me at school and it’s always ace to bump into him.

‘Am I ruining boys night?’

‘No. You’re making it much better! We need to do this again. Lol’

We chatted school, fishing, Vegas, football, tits, dresses, tv appearances, LA and life.

‘Who can we force to get married, so we can go on a stag do to Vegas?’

I tried to force him to teach me how to fish. He tried to force me to go drinking with him. Josh wanted to live in a log cabin for a bit. And his footballer/teacher friend took off his wedding ring! Hahaha!

Boy banter is always better than girl banter.

Shit! its 7.30am! I need to get ready and GO!

 

 

 

 

 

I’m Talking Chemistry…

‘If a guy is madly in love with a girl, he will put her on a pedestal, to the point where no other girl in the entire world, comes even NEARLY CLOSE to her… that’s how we as guys, know we’re in love…’

…said Josh the ‘Ego’ bartender to the little Burmese Glamour Puss. He had just been cheated on by his girlfriend, who he had been loyal to for YEARS. It hurt him. He cried in a car. But he’s now dating someone else…and I guess he’s just taking it steady, yet merrily, with his heart on his sleeve. The above statement occurred after I decided to express my views on loyalty and ‘guys with wandering eyes.’ 

Me: ‘If a guy is looking at other girls and seriously actually wanting a piece…then the girl he’s with, can’t be his big love. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with anyone looking at all, yet I know that when I care about a guy i’m with, i always care for them with every thing that I am, so my eyes would NEVER wander. Not ONE piece of me would care for anyone but the guy i love. I’m all fire for them…’

I learnt a lot this weekend…and yeah I may have learnt stuff whilst sipping on the occasional ‘Pornstar Martini.’  However, still the weekend was great. Even Friday rocked. It was fun. ‘Fairytale Blond’ got stressed and the rest of the girls (including myself) just invested in the best time ever and shimmied around her to Kisstory tracks, during the middle of the day. How good is Kisstory on a Friday afternoon!!!

Anyway, I’m having a chilled time and when I say ‘chilled,’ it’s not chilled in the sense of ‘still,’ as a LOT of work is going on behind the scenes in Wunna Land right now. (I have a lot of exciting things happening to me, that I’m unable to tell you about yet. No one even knows about it all except myself and one other human.)  When I say ‘chilled,’ I guess, I mean that my heart is warm and i’m feeling pretty at peace…pretty together. It’s a good feeling because all sorts of madness has swirled around me, over the last couple days…. in the lives of others, in the lives of those close to me and I was kinda able to simply smile, keep myself out of the drama and enjoy my own version of life. Cut away from it all positively. I’m a lucky girl. A really lucky girl. Right now, my life is WONDERFUL. I’m at peace.

But HOLY SHIT. I had friends, who got cheated on, dumped, ditched, pied…and lied to. Yet great things happened like..

Emily: ‘Mark asked me to marry him! I said YES! WERE ENGAGED!’

(Not bad to say they met on the hell hole that I call Tinder. I hate Tinder. I’m not on Tinder. I’d never online date anyone with a swipe. Everything to me is all about a real life connection. Yet flipping heckers…Tinder certainly worked out for them! They even had a long distance relationship and LOOK how well it went! He looked at her, knew he wanted to make her his wife…and he did. NOTHING IS SEXIER THAN THAT MOMENT. It’s hot. It’s when a boy turns to man. And he got her the blingiest rock ever!)

I’m seeing really bad couples and really great couples all all around me. The bad couples will learn. The great couples will be filled with love.

Away from all that, I committed to making rude words out of sequinned arts and crafts. I pictured it and whatsapped it to the appropriate person…followed by a photo of…well i don’t really think i can say what the picture was, without everyone having a go at me for having a rubbish sense of humour, that always gets me done. (See! I’m learning. 😉 ) Lots of good times, lots of fun, time with the babies and maybe a moment when some girl told me a story of how she ‘rimmed’ a guy and punched a guy, before I found myself sat in what looked like an accidental, illegal dungeon, with my old school friend Kate.

Odd moment, but still a good time. I felt really tired though, so I ventured home immediately for bed. I love bed time. As soon as my kitten head hit that pillow, i was ZONKED.

Then I decided to stress out because I couldn’t find the perfect dress. I need the perfect dress for Friday and when you need a good dress…you can’t fricking find one anywhere, can you??? (I have one now. I ordered it today at 7am. I love early morning spends.) I have a big week this week….If i’m being honest, I was kinda nervous for it, until I moaned at ‘Firmonnell.’

Me: ‘I’m nervous. I’m shitting myself. What am I even doing!! Lol’

Firmonnell: ‘It’s too late for this shit now…’

It kinda made me pull glitzy little self together, laugh and get on with it. Lol. You can’t really go hurtling off a glitter cliff and then think ‘oops’ mid soft landing.

I have great friends. Fair enough some of them might be odd like ‘Hustle Barbie’ who has dreams of bald men named ‘Dave’ just because ‘they’re funny.’

Hustle Barbie: ‘You know he’s a virgin…He comes from a really religious family…’

Double B: ‘FUCKS SAKE! THIS STORY IS JUST GETTING WORSE!!! HAHAHA!’

Me: ‘As if he’s an actual real life virgin! You can’t take his virginity. It’s wrong. Hahahaha.’

It’s bizarre because guys love virgins and girls think guy virgins are just weird. Hahah. Apart from ‘Hustle Barbie’ who has completely lost her mind. (I asked her for dress advice and she sent me a picture of some giant rainbow coloured, Cinderella ball gown. Hahaha.)

I think sex is a really big part of a relationship/marriage. I whole heartedly respect ‘Bald Dave and his ‘no sex before marriage’ thing. It’s lovely. But imagine if you married him and you had really shit sex together forever. I’d hate that! I love ‘the bedroom.’ You really do have to have sex with someone before you marry them. Test the goods and all that! Lol. Even if you never have sex again and then decide to wait until the ‘i do’s’…at least you know that the ‘winky winky’ part of your love is AMAZING. That sounds like a ‘tick box’ to Me!

Honestly…’Hustle’ is properly crushing on him. DREAMING about him and everything. Hahaha!

I don’t even know if I can tell you what Mel did at the weekend…I think i might need to ask her permission. It even flipping SHOCKED ME. Lol. She tinkered to Liverpool and had a bizarre Portaloo moment. It is the most hilarious story ever. I’m too scared to tell you it.

Y’know, I don’t even know what to tell you because so much has happened!

But this weekend, I learnt a lot about love. I learnt a lot about myself. It solidified what i wanted by listening to the shit stories of others. Hahaha. It’s strange because to look at, people always guess me wrong. I don’t know what they’d think i’d be like? Yet, it’s certainly not what I am. Lol. When it comes to love, I believe in true love. I believe that sometimes people ‘make do’ with partners. Yet,i’m not that girl. I honestly think there is ONE PERFECT person out there for you, for everyone. You’re perfect person will always find you. They’ll love you. Your chemistry will be magic. Your love will come so easily it will be effortless. You’ll be happy.

I’m a settley down kinda girl. I’m allowed to have a cheeky side. It doesn’t make me unable to love. Lol. It makes me ace. I want ‘forever.’ I’d do ‘forever’ for with my perfect man. But I guess anyone would once they had found their life bestie? It’s just how true love goes….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is Everyone on Holiday & Willies?

Everyone is DEFINITELY on a *sunny sunny* holiday BUT ME! I’m in this place, that my rather glamourous chick friends and I have labelled ‘B City.’ It’s a terrible place (lol) of hard work, panic and now, now, now. It’s almost like running really fast on a treadmill, whilst people throw things at you, in heels…and without thre being some kind of glorified result at the end of it. Hahah! ‘B City’ JUST KEEPS GOING! It’s hilarious! *Selfie Here.*

I am certainly sure that I should be bobbing around with boobies, in a pool, on some inflatable flamingo lilo, with a fruity cocktail in my hand, sunglasses and as the blistering exotic sun beams down upon my kitty soul, to the peaceful sound of holiday.

But no..I’m working solid…in ‘B City’ without a paddle but a smile on my face. I mean, look on the bright side. I might not be sunning it up…and yes I am bitter about that. But at least I got to talk about willies for a good 4.2 minutes with ‘Hustle Barbie’ before six o clock.

‘I don’t like small willies.’

‘You can’t marry someone who has a small willy…’

‘But what if they do have a small willy, or are shit at sex?’

‘Well, I’m not 17. I’m thirty six, with a raging libido. Hahaha. I need to see the willy before I commit to doing forever…’

We smiles. We piss ourselves laughing. Life went on.

‘Cya!’

‘Bye!’

‘I’ve a great holiday!’

I adore girl banter. Maybe we girls should pay more attention to the hideous amount of ‘dick pics’ that litter out inbox? I always thought they were a nuisance. They ARE a massive nuisance and i’m an an open minded girl. But it’s only because i’ll be trying to email out a business plan and then some random stranger from Barnsley or wherever, will decide that i need to see his willy inbetween it all. I will have no clue who this human is…yet in his world ‘Chrissie Wunna’ needs to see a picture of his genitals. I really don’t. Yet, if I was smart, I would’ve used them for market research and created some ‘match your soul to the perfect willy’ dating app, for girls. 🙂

I will say that due to my *stamp* of what seems like forever, to the point where I might need to begin choosing the cats that i’m going to order when i’m a lonely 80 year old bat 😉  and still single in a cocktail bar because nobody can be bothered to adore me (do note, I’m only being dramatic, I’m still in a swirl) ….AND the fact that social media fame is labeling me as some kind of ‘eligible bachelorette.’ (Such a catch. 🙂 ) Anyway, all these dating sites are trying to get me to be the face of their ‘dating app’ campaign.

Now, I’m not an online dating fan. I say it all the time. I’ve done specific interviews on how much i dislike the process and I don’t mean when it comes to  chat. I’ve said it’s a great way to find people and get to know someone. Yet I dislike the whole ‘otherside’ to the Tinder/Happn bullshit.

I’m too old for it and unconventionally traditional when it comes to  ‘boy meets girl’ and they fall in love. I don’t wanna see or hear a ‘swipe right.’ It’s dull and robotic. I want that real ‘Knight in shining armour’ love that sweeps me off my feet uncontrollably, that poets have written about for centuries. (Wow. I am dramatic this morning.)

Can’t remember what I was on about now? Lol

Oh yeah…It’s just weird that so many Dating Sites are trying to hustle into Wunna Land with pay cheques and potential deals.Do notice that I haven’t done one yet! Meaning, that I do only chose to do the things that I ADORE. I won’t just sign up to whatever shit for a fee and a smile…but mainly because i’m so busy at work, wallowing in the art of ‘B City’ and with juggling life, that right now, I only have time for the things that I adore. If i said yes to everything…i’d probably be really rich and..well dead. Lol.

WHEN IS IT THE WEEKEND! UGH!

But no. When i have the opportunity to fit it all in. I will. 😉

So yes, as some of my chick friends…Oh and Webbo… head off to exotic lands, sunny sands, sunbathy diaries, filled with cocktailed nights of chill and good memories…I am still here…not on a flamingo lilo.

*Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa*

Have fun! Happy Wednesday!

Ps: Yesterday I learnt that some boys are bitchy. When did boys turn so Queeny? You’re dudes. Be men. Adore the girls that you’ve chosen to adore and do life your way. I heard loads of boys hating on other boys yesterday and it sounded really really…GIRLY. Don’t do it. Girls talk openly because we’re emotional and need that release. Women (and now i’m old, i’m a a total woman now) well we talk when it’s smart to…as we never feel insecure enough to hate. We’re grown. That’s the difference between boys and men, I guess also?

Dating as a 30 Something & Gin.


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Today began in a more stressy fashion when taxi companies lied to me with ‘just around the corners…it’ll be five minutes.’ An hour and a half later, with big hair, the new Estee Lauder bronzer on my kitty cheeks and a change of work coats, I took matters into my own diva hands, called another company and got to work in fifteen minutes. Still late, which I HATE. If i despise anything it’s being late for anything, or people being late for me. 🙂 Yet with understanding words and an ‘in taxi’ resting bitch face that could win awards…things panned out alright, as hey…it’s Christmas…the season of working hard, playing hard and not letting the niggly shit that you can’t help get to you.

THEN part of my life was spent knelt on the floor, with scissors and cardboard, in jumper boobs and work trousers…as I wrapped a Christmas tree in tin foil, as onlooking colleagues mocked my existence and talents. LOL. I almost had a meltdown, as it seems i don’t have the patience for such Tom Foolery. Tin foil is not your friend. It hates you. But I survived it. I just remember looking up at ‘Firmonnell’ and saying:

‘Is this part of my life over yet?’

And hey..It was! Yipppeeee! So again…not so bad. At least i looked good doing it.

Away from that and with a hair toss…

I’m getting LOADS of messages in regards to my love life. You all want to know what’s going on and if i knew myself, i’d tell you?

Dating at 30 something is hard, be you a guy or a girl, as you pretty much have your life and ways set. SO SET that you become more choosy when it comes to letting new folk in to ‘do forever,’ with ya. Plus, 30 somethings are now looking good, making money and if they’re not already settled down and single, they’re either not bothered as life is dandy anyhow, jaded, or fretting about having no lover. It kinda goes in waves, doesn’t it? I know that I’ll dip in and out of each box…in heels.

I’m really great on a date, as i’m chatty and fun, sexy and…(i can’t think of anything else?) Yet, i will say sometimes, i’ll feel nervous and when i do (like i’m a guy) I’ll delicately and glamourously push a ‘panic button’ and a GIANT pink, transparent force field will slowly and sexily raise around me, until i feel 90% comfy. It can take a bit of beckoning from the other party….even if it seems as though i’m being more than confident. (I remember when I bumped into a guy in LA and I told him that I was a total loon and 90% a mess. I’d just gotten divorced. He looked, smiled and said, ‘90% a mess? That’s 10% all good honey, I’m in!! ‘ 😊 )

But moving on, as it’s making me feel weird…

I’ve said it once and i’ll say it 42 times, I AM NOT ON TINDER or any such sites. If you believe you are sexy chatting with me, on any random or popular dating site…you really are not. It’s not me.  I’m sure the Tinder version of me is much naughtier via written word. I can’t type dirty, i find it too hilarious. It doesn’t feel real, it feels more funny. Like a prank. Doesn’t mean that i’m not ‘naughty’ when i’m meant to be ‘naughty,’ so to speak. *Wink here.* I’m sensual by nature.  But no, i’m not on Tinder or POF or any of that diddly dum. I find it the most awful way find ‘true love.’ To me it all seems like ‘hook ups’ and unserious talking to people for no reason, or boredom. It’s dull. It’s definitely for some people, but for me at thirty five, with all my shit together, a bit of glitz, a whole lot of glam and a ‘Wunna’ tag, I see it as the most unromantic way to potentially find love. *SWIPE*

I’m a chemistry kinda gal. I need to be in front of  you face to face, body to body, mind to mind…with cocktails (ofcourse) in order to feel something more than ‘bants.’ I HAVE to be able to feel something. (That sounded fun. 🙂 ) To be honest, I don’t have enough time to Tinker on Dating sites. The easier a guy makes it on me the better. I don’t like boys that are too challenging. I like to get my own way. 😃 Don’t get me wrong, LOADS of my friends have found love on plenty of dating sites.Yet for me it just doesn’t work. I can’t be bothered. It’s dull. I’d rather be single in the city until Mr.Right taps me on the shoulder and smiles.

Plus, I have this theory that boys who want to date you tend to hide behind an online bravado don’t they? They can talk the talk, yet often are unable to walk the walk. I mean surely a real man would connect with you somehow, call you/message  you and then just ask you out on a drink/date or meet up. It’s called being NORMAL and being a GENTLEMAN. If they can’t do that…then they’re too scared and obviously need to sup a can of ‘Man Up.’ Why have men stopped being brave?

God! I went on a rant then and i have no clue why? I need gin. It shuts me up and refreshes me like a ‘Ctrl+Alt+Del.’

‘Spanish Doctor’ Whatsapp’d me today. It was bizarre because i had forgotten about him. I had to even think if it was even this year or last year when i met him? AGES AGO! I shouldn’t have met him really, as he only wanted to try and bone me, however silly me didn’t realize at the time and when i didn’t ‘put out’ he got narky. But i just couldn’t find it in myself to be attracted to him enough to want to get sexy…and I’m not like that. His personality sucked and it concerned me. Lol.  I remember being sat away from him, with my arms crossed pulling moody faces because I didn’t feel comfortable around him in the end. I know, lol! Very mature of me.  BUT IF YOU HAVE EVER HAD THE ABSOLUTE PLEASURE OF GOING ON A DATE WITH ME 🙂 YOU WILL KNOW THAT SUCH BEHAVIOUR DOES NOT OCCUR. Hahaha!

I just ignored his message. He’s a strange one…Yet he served a purpose as it was a time where in which i had come out of a relationship with Ben, who wasn’t really fulfilling my soul and I needed to just feel again, as my heart was just soaked in absolute utter boredom. I felt like a baby sitter. I felt like the guy in that relationship,

It’s weird isn’t it, because you have to be with someone who’s exactly GREAT for YOU. I was having this convo with ‘London Business Man’ the other day, in regards to him picking a chick to date. It’s like they can’t be so ‘cherry pie,’ as being a being like i am….it really doesn’t stimulate you. Yet they can’t be an absolute crazy nut job, always depressed or down or an absolute dickhead either. There has to be a balance where in which they’re a bit of everything, your best friend, expressive, fun, loving, thoughtful, but you are so physically attracted to them that your sex life is decent and you’re not just dull *high five* buds.

I’ve rambled. I’m off to have gin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Events, Love & Just Plain Old Life

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Life is there to be enjoyed.  I mean, fuck it. This year for those of you who have gone through such hard times, the rest of the year is there to be enjoyed! Whatever stress you have, in a while, it’ll will all be done with, better, healed over, or gummy taped over with a plaster. Find the positives. Get comfy in your own skin.

I’m chilling at home getting ready for my work week. I’m excited for it, as why wouldn’t I be? In general, i’m a sassy chick, who is awesome at looking at a thing, being or situation and seeing it in it’s best light, whilst being aware of it’s bad bits. Lol. I’m far from naive. I’m too slick for it. But yet i’m also too fun to be bothered about grumbling over the shit that doesn’t matter in life. To be fair, it’s not about looking, it’s about understanding and that’s what i’m good at, because i’m not a goon…(I’m totally fancying myself as a budget Nicole Scherzinger right now. Pussy cats dolls is on in the background. *Don’t chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa*)

What was I gonna say? Events! I’m busying up now, as i’m getting booked up for events like madness. But ofcourse i love a good time, so i couldn’t be more grateful for it. The last few months of the year always get busy for me and i never know if it’s because more events happen because everyone prefers to get cocktailed up, when it’s cold and Christmassy, or if it’s because every company has SOMETHING TO PROMOTE. 🙂 I’ll let you decide. 🙂 But yes, if you’re booking me to show up at your event, bar, hotel, company, whatever it is…and ready to appear on these sassy little pages, then you kinda have to get your emails in…as scheduling has started! Email chrissie@chrissiewunna.com (And if you don’t schedule in, i’m not gonna be able to fit you all in and that will make my liver cry.)

What else?

Oh yeah, gosh, ‘London Business Man’ messaged me loads on Friday, due to the stress that he’s going through in his own love life. We were really good friends now and it’s weird because i’ve gotten to know a very lovely side to him. So, i guess it does take time to properly know a being, as at first we all always have our guard up and play an ‘almost’ game. I never ever play a game, as i live by the what you see is what you get. I’m not ashamed of how i feel about things, people, my thoughts or anything. I’ll voice them…and see someone has weaker for not being able to. 🙂

But yes, i gave ‘London Business Man’ love life advice and i hope it served him well. I’ll have to catch up with him soon for a drink in the future, as he needs to remember that he’s ‘cool like fonzi.’ (Hope you’ve had a blast this weekend dude. Lol) He’s  really great guy who needs to iron out the crinkles in his life.

‘Eton Mess’.. think he’s wonderful. We message from time to time, often enough and i’m due a meet up with him soon, because he’s the type of human that i need to meet up with, as whenever i do, it validates how ace i think he is. Lol. Like i said, i believe he’s had a rough year and i don’t exactly know why i’ve had to cross his path, but i have. I’m drawn to him…I wish he fancied me more though. Fun human. I fancy ‘Eton Mess.’

My friend Oli’s been in Birmingham shopping and getting pissed up in Selby. The fucking ‘Belly button’ facebook nuisance is annoying me again, which is awful as i thought he was my friend ‘Laura’s’ problem now. This is all because I once replied to him because i thought he as funny, when he’s not is he? He’s annoying. THIS IS WHY I NEVER REPLY. I’m a ‘safety first’ girl.

Mark! (I need a label name for him.) He’s been off in London making his own fragrance and watching shows. He presented the Lifestyle Awards and is a journalist by nature and  well he reads the news on Made in Leeds. I never got to see him properly and speak to him in person at the event, but we text and talk and it’s great because there’s something somewhat interesting about him, like he’s a very new ‘step in’ into Wunna land, as i don’t know him at all…but he’s managed to peak my interest, by bravely stepping in. He maybe doesn’t understand me very clearly…lol…and might ‘guess’ how I am. But who can blame him, as he does have to guess really, right now, as he hasn’t had me sat infront of him yakking his ear off, as ‘Eton Mess’ would say. Lol. But interesting guy…he has only stepped into Wunna land for days….not months, not years, or anything…just a few days!

 

Away from all that…Tinder is shit. I’m a hopeless romantic and i don’t like online dating at all, as i’m an unconventional traditionalist. 🙂 I mean, i get to know someone online, as that’s how most people find me…

Yet, in the end  i do hope to find my Mr Right…I’m happy being single, but I certainly want to be paired up with a great guy, who is my absolute life bestie, like i should be able to look at him, understand him and be so happy with just everything! I KNOW that he is NOT a Tinder swipe away. Ewww…it kills romance. I signed up at 1.03pm and my 1.28pm…i deleted my account, you absolute crazy fools! Lol. Leave me alone! HAHAH.

But yes, happy Sunday. Thank you for reading my blog…I don’t have much else to say other than, don’t live in the ‘shoulda, woulda, coulda’ zone..it’s done, move forward, go with the natural flow on interest, like i Facebooked the other morning, PAY ATTENTION to the things that you are drawn to….notice when you are happy….smile more…don’t stress about your love life….people make up, break up, and make up again, only to know that it still isn’t right…I mean GOD, that’s what Keiran and I did, we tried to make it work so many times, that when we finally agreed that it wasn’t working…we both felt liberated and we couldn’t be better friends than we are now! We raise Junior so well. Get your connections with people right…they may not be ‘just a friend’ and well they may not be the person your trying to love. Lol. But you only learn that through time.

Meet people, have fun…live life..

A homeless guy asked me for £2’s on Friday after work. I gave it to him straight away as he tried to continously justify what he needed it for and that it wasn’t going to go on drugs. Lol

I just looked at him and smiled whilst saying,

”Mate, I don’t care what you spend it on, that’s on you…

And as I strutted off…he stopped me by shouting aloud…and with a grin said ‘THANK YOU.’

 

 

 

What girls want…

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Four girls, all different, all friends, all great and with paths crossed in the same walk of life, yet with the same feminine thread weaving it’s strong yet delicate way through us.

Today we learnt, that no matter if you’re a sassy chick, a soft chick, a hard chick, a ditzy chick, a glammy chick, a shy chick, no matter what kinda chick you are, we ALL love to be appreciated, told that we are treasured and attention…from the guy that we have our eyes/heart set on.

The smart guys, will already know this. The not so smart, will endure the ‘game’ of it all, (SNOOZE, WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THAT) or simply  be oblivious to this. The sneaky will know this and tell us what we want to hear, without sincerity. That is probably the worst out the lot.

I mean today i watched and i learnt that a great guy will make ONE girl really feel like the most special girl in the entire world, making 99 other girls..well jealous. Lol. He will NOT make 99 girls feel ‘special’ and have no delicious/meaningful tie with one. Simples.

But isn’t dating hard in this day and age. It doesn’t matter how old you are. It’s hard and I hate it. Not dating…but the way we have to do it today. I’m not one for online dating. I know it works for many but just not for me. And oh my God, i’m not a cynic, but i’ve certainly got burnt in the past online. You need to meet someone in the flesh to begin the adventure. Lots of my friends have actually met guys online and are perfectly happy. I mean my friend Emily started to chatting to a guy on Tnder for months. 11 months without meeting him. Then they did their first date by them BOTH FLYING TO NEW YORK TO MEET EACH OTHER. I know! Emily is from Yorkshire. He was living in Bermuda. That was their middle ground. Weeks later they were in a relationship, and now they’re together, happy, moved in and well she moved to Bermuda to be with him. I know.

My love life isn’t as easy as that! Lol. I can’t online date, the connection comes to me, when i see them in front of me. I’m sassy but traditional and my romantic standards of idealism mean that i need to meet, see, smell and touch the person in real life to know if all is going to moving forward. Lol. I’m SELECTIVE. I’m emotional. I’m excitable. But you’ll know if i like you, because i’ll just tell you. What you see..is what you get. I’m not one to be scared to suggest we go on a date.

Anyway….

I also learnt that we girls like guys to stand by what they say, be Honorable…stick to following through, if they say their going to. It scores guys major points, because it shows us trust and makes us realize that you care and all that jazz. It separates the boys from the men. It helps us peek at what’s in store for the future.

I learnt lots!

Then, our guy friend turned around, in his suit and taught us more, (after we had our horoscopes read out…I’m a Sagittarius) and well he said, that there are ALWAYS THREE SIDES TO EVERY STORY. And well we always thought there were two. Yet, he makes sense.

‘No…there’s the girls version, the guys version and the truth…the what actually happened.’

And how true is that! So true! Who knew he could be so insightful! Lol

But yeah, i’m off now to continue chilling. I can’t wait for Friday to dawn on me I’m feeling fun. I’m feeling excited. I fancy drinks. I fancy girls night.

Roll on the weekend!

 

 

 

The Spanish Doc, Sex & Dating Sites

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I’m on this crazy blog catch up and it’s killing me! Not having a cyber home to dilly dally my life out onto, means that I’ve bundled up all these juicy life events and emotions, that I know i’m going to have to report and well want to report, yet of course…i’ve not been able to. So bare with me. All i’ve done is keep note, write notes…which if you know how disorganized i am means that all i’ve done is jotted down ‘one words’ here and there, on random bits of anything…even the top wrists of strangers, that will remind me of the event and hopefully *trigger* me back to a moment…the moment. A great deal is actually happening or has happened to me…that now i have an overload of ‘notes’ that I NEED TO SHIMMIE OUT, like luscious greedy eyed…belly dancers…. immediately. *Smash plates here, just because you’re mad. Air kiss afterward.*

I rushed to a coffee shop, armed with a seed parfait, (and of course a couple of dresses that i picked up along the way from Topshop because they were divine and on sale…I even did a backwards run to buy them…a girls goddaa do, what a girls godda do *giggles,*) but yes…I was going mental, but honestly it’s fine. I’ve been writing out my thoughts ready… for the big old blog to get set back up.

 

LOTS HAS HAPPENED!

(I’m actually knackered right now, because i spent the entire evening not sleeping and instead Googling Shakespeare quotes about flowers and love. Lol. Makes a change from Googling the words ‘leopard print’ or ‘Chrissie Wunna.’ But yes…Bloom and Wild my most favourite flower delivery service in the entire world, and simply because they’re modern yet romantic. You should all be doing it. I mean, what is better than fresh cut flowers that you can arrange yourself!!! It beats the normal, yet still thoughtful bouquet…but yes, they were looking for a quote for their new packaging, so i went online to try and find a delicious one…but i got distracted, randomly obsessed with who i used to call ‘Shake a speare, Sister’ I have no clue why? However, anyway, I then Googled star signs for about an hour. I’m into that, if you didn’t know. I shouldn’t be…but i am. ‘Simple Ben’ used to tell me that it was all a load of pants…Yet, I adore the art of believing that the stars you were born under, may somewhat signify a joyous bundle of personality traits that you, as a delightful sexy human…are made up of. I am like a Dec 19th, Sagittarian Female.)

Anyway, today in my world it’s Sunday April 24th. (That is when i wrote this.) By the time this goes out it probably won’t be at all April. So, ill try and catch you up…

I’ve been chatting to a boy…the ‘new addition’ that has pretty much has placed himself in my mind…constantly. Remember, I have a one track mind, so when i’m focused, I’m focused. I’m not a wishy washy kinda gal, even though i play ‘wishy washy, often. Anyway, I’m amazed by him and find myself messaging him literally every moment that I can, that i have spare that I can find! I even get excited when i see those three ‘message dots’ in a bubble wiggling, which tells me that he’s replying to me. *I KNOW, I KNOW, I’M TRAGIC.* He’s funny, he’s smart…he’s lots of things and has pulled me in. I even told I’m that I owe him a ‘gold star’ simply for being ‘sooooo clever.’ 😉 I’ve definitely romanticized/ glamourised it all in my head…i know this… and i have told him that…HAHA. Yet i can’t help it. I’m like that aren’t I! I’m feisty, i’m sassy, but a chick who wishes upon  stars and dreams of the fairytale. I don’t have it yet..but I WILL once day. To be honest, I think that i’ve managed to adapt myself appropriately to the life that i have lived, the experiences that I’ve had and the way that folk have treated me, the good with the bad. I do it well…and i’m happy, I’m fierce. I’m laughing at life! However, i’ve also noticed that i’m living in some crazy modern day age of dating, which is driving me NUTS. Jesus!

Obviously, It’s a Tinder, Plenty of Fish, world out there, be you 17 or 73 and it’s sooo frustrating.And yeah, i get it, people are busy or don’t get out much to meet others…I’m a busy girl, i work hard…but boys, men, all sorts DO still tinker my path, regardless. I hate online dating, and the stereotypical ‘i’m on a site’ chitter chatter. I’m not on any site but ‘Happn’ and i chose to be on that because I enjoyed the IDEA of the app alerting you when a guy you may like is LITERALLY  crossing life paths with you,…in that exact moment. Some weirdo sent me a charm and i didn’t reply. I sent a Doctor a charm..and he didn’t reply. Lol. (This was yonks ago…it’s not that Doctor.) And well i just don’t go online like that to date, like the rest of my chick friends. Plus, i’m in a different position to them. It all just ends in ‘i’ve blocked you’ or the handsome has ‘signed off,’ anyway. Well that’s what my chick friends tell me. 🙂 What’s sexy about that???  I’m literally stuck in a weird time of ‘dating.’ Nothing seems raw, or romantic or like the fairytale i hope it to be?? I’m panicking a bit. I want to be wooed, cherished, respected and loved. I don’t want someone to send me a cyber charm or score me out of 10, then show me a picture of their willy. *Weeps here.* I’m too old for this shit. HAHA. Just a normal, works hard, amazing, loyal guy, who adores me will do…no ‘charms’…no ‘likes’ no ‘bitch i’ve blocked you.’

As we’re on about dating…

I haven’t talked to the Spanish Doctor in what seems like ages…I came off my 10 days and he came off his busy work week, had family stress and all sorts. I was meant to schedule a date, well a second meet up for the four days that I was off…yet during those days…he had already scheduled himself away to go caving in Wales, with his brother. I got this message..(Wait, let me find it on Whatsapp…?)

Me: ‘So what was it you said you’re doing this weekend?’

Doc: ‘Extreme caving underground in old mines, zip lining and climbing, with falls and jumps, on ropes at 1800ft on Sunday. Then i’m downhill biking on Saturday in North Wales. Wish u were in my arms now. I want to undress you as I kiss ur lips.’

All i did was chill with my babies all weekend, and drink inferior cocktails from a can. (The Pimms one is shit.)  And even though, i internally decided that i’m going to see him again, the initial ‘flush’ of the connection seems to have dimmed a bit for me and i don’t know if it’s because of work and we both haven’t had time, or i’ve gone off him a little…as he seems more insecure about himself now. Lovely being,..but i like brave…or no that’s not what i mean, i enjoy truth…so if you’re not brave…you shouldn’t pretend to be and vice versa.  He’s definitely not as attentive and I’m shattered i wanted time with my children this weekend and go it, so i’m please. However, because i gave him my word.. i was still prepared to see him, regardless..He’s busy and during his free time he wants to feel free and at one with nature. I get that he needs escapism. Yet he’s closed about things now. I mean he still tells me how much he likes me, how beautiful I am and how much he had thought of me daily..without fail and has asked that i see him one evening next week if i’m free. So, i know that he likes me. And when we meet we get on swimmingly. Yet we hardly get to meet, meaning the connection dims and i’m not a little girl like that, they don’t need to be on my doorstep and with me 24/7 by any means. I believe people need freedom to be happy. Yet if you actually liked someone with every inch of your being…the excitement you have for them, doesn’t dim, right? …And i hate saying that, as i adore the *swirl.* And i’m sure that if i visited him again…and I will…i’ll feel the swirl once more. Yet. that ‘swirl’ should remain regardless.

PLUS now, i’m kinda concerned about the ‘sexy’ aspect of it all. Lol. He’s very forward in the sexual department, I don’t know if he pushes it to hide behind, or he’s just a hornball and is excited by me…I’m certainly no prude…we know that. I’m sensual by nature and very in tune with that side of womanhood.Yet,  i’ve got to ‘chemistry’ with someone more before i decide i want to (I was gonna say ‘bone them’ then, HAHA) well have sex with them. I mean God, if i had sex with every boy that told me they were captivated by me, i’d be………well just a dingle, dangle, dirty…. slag. HAHAH. (One boy messaged me yesterday rambling on about me being so fake, nasty and boring because i never replied to him. It started off by him asking me out…I said nothing, he had an entire conversation with himself…lol..got mad with himself and them BLOCKED ME. HAHAHAH. It was a charm to watch. I enjoy the madness of people, it’s literally so interesting to witness all sorts of reactions, when you do absolutely nothing at all. People are hard on themselves and without that guy actually knowing, he sort of accidentally  showed me all his insecurities in one fail swoop. Still didn’t fall for it though. Prick. 🙂 )

But yeah, I don’t know what to do about the Spanish Doctor now? I’ll see him again and i know it’ll be lovely. I’m just not ready to share sheets with him…and i get that he’s hot blooded, I get the Latin temperament. I was married to a Mexican. Lol. (Once.) And i get that he’s clever and knows how to try to seduce me…but so am I…and it doesn’t work. (I’m getting a flash back now of when he *rolled his eyes* because I wanted to talk and he just wanted to snog me, to try and get in my pants. Lol.) I’m much more on the ball than others believe… yet  i’m also schooled in the art of boys and dating. A department that he lacks experience in. So yes, i’ll see him and we’ll have amazing time…but i’m not putting out…and we’ll see how he reacts, as i think with busy’ness and everything else, like a mild distance…issues and all sorts…it’d end up being some kind of relationship where i’d meet him, he’d bone me and then i’d go home. And nothing is so snazzy about that. Wooing me is only good, if you potentially hope to love me…and never works if you’re ONLY trying to get into my frillies. I’m too clever for that. I’ll bite you. But remember he’s not a bad guy…he’s just been through a tough time with a alternate girl previously. I can smell it…