Mornings make me happy and they’re such an important part of the day because each time you wake up, (whether you’re fresh as a daisy, off to work, rolling some eye candy out of our bed, hungover, happy, worried, or dashing off with the kids,) you get another shot at doing life! It’s a whole new start! It feels good! We kinda take it for granted.
Just like that… everything could stop…So it’s important to remember to treasure and enjoy the things that you have… while you still have them.
Only do the things that make you happy, fall in love, take your chances, look good whilst your doing it and make your wishes and dreams come true. Build your career, build your family, never feel judged by what people think or say and live it with every inch of your soul.
(Why am I trying to sound like some life guru right now? 🙂 Let’s be real, I fainted last last whilst on the actual toilet at around 1am in the morning. Lol. Am I the only ‘glamour puss’ to ever do that?)
Now, before we all start getting in a tizzy and ringing all these panic bells. It was a comedic faint, not a ‘Call the Doctor’ faint.
My drunk chick friend had been snap chatting last night, before ‘shut eye’ and charger ‘plugins.’
Chick friend: ‘I’m only on 11 percent battery life now. I’m pissed. Mof sleep.’
Me: Don’t you dare wake me up, start all this *look at me, look at me, pay attention to me* thing and then just be like, fuck it i’m off to sleep, once i’m here! Lol’
I was laid in bed, fast asleep…happy as can be….and then my stomach started to kill….It hurt SO much, that I was trying to ignore it. I tried to pretend that it wasn’t actually happening, because ofcourse, when you do, and you close your eyes, whilst hiding under the duvet…it’s not! 🙂
IGNORANCE IS BLISS!
When I was 19, the guy that I was dating cheated on me and I’d walked into his home and seen him in bed with a girl…that he had ‘boned’ all night.
At the time I was devastated…OFCOURSE! But now, at 37 and after doing moderately well in life, 😉 I look back on that memory fondly, like it’s a juicy, yet comedic little burst of Wunna life memory because HE DID the ‘close your eyes, hide under the duvet and pretend it’s not happening’ thing…and in that moment, he must have REALLY shat himself. Poor sod.
He went on to try and win me back. I moved to Hollywood and married a ‘movie star.‘ 🙂
How have I got this distracted!?! I’m meant to be telling you about my flipping tummy ache.
Hurt so bad (like that cramp you get in your leg that is uncontrollably painful, but just like ouchy bits of life, you have to go through it anyway…Lol.) I was trying to *swag* it out. When you *swag* something out, when no ones watching you, it’s really awkward and uncomfortable. 🙂
Got up, did a giant naked SPRINT to the loo, sat on the toilet and I don’t know what happened, but my whole body did this hot, cold, flush thing, all these yellow blurry dots, *fuzzed* over me, and I kinda just remember keeling over for a moment, losing m mind and feeling all hot and sweaty…
I woke up on the floor, after about a minute or so, right as rain, like i’d just watched a bit of telly, or had a ham sandwich…
Then I ‘naked’ walked back to bed and immediately fell asleep.
Why am I so WEIRD! THAT IS NOT NORMAL. No wonder I’ve been married so many times!!!
Dear Future Husband,
Please just love me anyway…
Look!! I look really good half naked with balloons….
Sold? Good! Thought so! *Wiggle Wink*
But away from all that….Yesterday was a great day!
I was at a catch up meeting with ‘Big A’ from ‘House of Solo’ Magazine, minding my own business, rambling on about my life, going on about how i’m going to be getting this new amazing body….
…and as I scrolled through my email, I received a message from ‘Amy’ in regards to the Lypsyl Mirror Compact Lip Balm, that I had loved and therefore ‘influenced,’ on my socials.
I loved it so much and like I always say, when you’re an influencer you receive and try out a lot of things, be they products, places, or people….and it’s hard to fit everything into your socials….
However, I genuinely loved my mirror compact madly and was so grateful to Lypsyl, that I basically featured it on my Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat and Facebook immediately…
ALL MY SOCIALS (which you should all be following)
Yesterday….My Lypsyl Mirror Compact and I were featured in The Sun…and Fabulous Magazine…
How good is that! I literally *SCREECHED* in the middle of Ego, at my meeting….
House of Solo, ‘Big A’ kept doing these ‘being jealous’ faces at me. Lol.
But it felt really GOOD, to have teamed up with Lypsyl (which is a huge glorious brand,) influence something and then to see it in the national press…
It felt really good!
(They’re such a wonderful team…)
I was jumping around a cocktail bar, they were jumping around their office.
Everyone was filled with excitement…
I felt like the luckiest girl in the world….and when I’m excited, i’m like a little girl. I beam!
I WILL tell you, that things in my life right now, are kinda wonderful, in ALL areas…..I know! Can you even believe it? And whether I am or not, right now, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world…
I’ve a busy day today, so I’m gonna have to keep this sassy, brief and delightful! I’m auditioning and it’s stressful and mainly because I make it stressful. Lol. I put so much pressure on myself because I’m a lunatic. 🙂 (Code for: ‘I just want to do well and have all my dreams come true.’ We all do! But that’s the problem..In my world…everyone wants the same thing.)
But, you get what you get and you don’t get what the ‘The Gods’ believe isn’t right for you. I’m actually feeling quite good right now after Whatsapp messages to someone I hold in my highest regard.
I was all pathetic and nervous and trying to sort out my mindset… I’m honest, so i’ll tell anyone exactly how I feel about everything….and he swooshed on in with motivation at the exact right time.
He’s like Mary Poppins…but not nothing like Mary Poppins, AT ALL? Lol. (Bare with me…I’ve gone insane???) What, I’m trying to say is that he spoon fulled me the ‘truth sugar,‘ from one of the most positive angles and in order to gear me up for a ‘smash it,’ bonanza.He did it briefly and real. Not fakey and flourished. (It’s an attractive trait. Kinda made me want to ‘tickle his fancy.’ I love motivational people…not the ones that go on and on… for hours, but the ones that are real and tell you stuff from their own actual life experience…It’s sexy. It always makes me think they’re also really organised…and in the future….I imagine my Knight in Shining Armour to be dead organised….That way they can organise my scattiness.)
ANYWAY….. ( I got distracted…)
Just like that, I felt MIGHTY. The motivational medicine went down a treat…and sometimes it’s all you need…. and with a…
‘Good luck babe…you will smash it…’
I was sorted.
(Why am I currently getting a flash back of Junior misguiding his standup wee?)
‘GET IT IN THE LOO!!! It’s spurting on the floor!’
Monday was great because I got to hang with my girl bestie ‘Firmonnell.’ Miss you Monday turned ‘real life’ and we got to catch up and chat about our world’s combined, as people played with blue and white balls around us and other’s decided to ski.
I always miss her madly, so when we talk, we talk….We get lost it in with a passion. There was a moment where in which we had gotten so ENTHRALLED in our conversation, whilst stood up by a coffee counter…that we forgot we were stood up by a coffee counter and were suddenly awaken by the Barista with a…
‘Do you want chocolate sprinkles on that?’
‘Oh shit! Yeah..’
‘Why are you not using the sugars I got you?’
‘I thought they were yours?’
‘What…EIGHT OF THEM.’
‘Let’s sit down..’
Good catch up…Then our other friend ‘Hustle Barbie’ tried to steal my Bestie from me, by presenting her with Daffodils and kindness.
Firmonnell: ‘Hustle’s my new bestie now! She bought me this..’
(Produces photo of daffodils and other loving thoughtful stuff.)
Me: EWW! Why is she stealing my bestie! How dare she be thoughtful. That’s fine. you two can go have a really delightful Vegan time together. I’ll make new friends, with like… Olivia off Love Island.’ Fucking Daffodils.’
Firmonnell: ‘What you buying me?’
Me: ‘Don’t you dare try and game me with the *WHAT YOU BUYING ME’ trick.’
(I’m scarred! It’s not like I haven’t already been on the flipping telly… where I was put through HUGE challenges every single moment of every single day, with a camera in my face…in the name of ‘Hilton.’ Touchy subject, a friendship battle..innit.)
Anyway, great day with ‘Firmonnell.’
‘See you next week? I’m parked over there…’
Me: ‘Can you at least MAKE LIKE YOU NEED ME…’
‘Miss you Monday’s‘ are the best!
I’ve actually really super dooper need to go! Shit! My hair needs doing. Just wanted to say..
THANK YOU SO MUCH..
To everyone who is engaging with Wunna Land. My ‘Socials’ have been a delight and i’m grateful. It kinda makes me feel all appreciated. Thank you to those watching my ‘Garden gallop’ video gram. So many people have messaged me asking if it was my actual garden? Random question?
But…yes…I’m not going to gallop, open shirt topless in someone else’s garden. Lol. Well? I might? Depends on where life takes me?
Just quickly, I’ve also noticed that people are getting into ‘banter spats’ on my Facebook Fan Page….Just so you know…regardless. I adore y’all! If it wasn’t for your engagements…this land would not be worth it..and I never take that for granted.
It’s pretty rubbish weather today. It’s almost like the skies can’t decide what to do? I want Summer, or at least Spring to shimmie on in now. I don’t like this inbetweeny weather. I’m not grey. I’m not a fence sitter. I need a choice. It effects my outfits. 😉
Before I tinker off…The other day, after a shoot, I stopped to have a chitter with one of my good friends Scott…It was a phone interview and I was sat in my car, at night, in my pyjamas…. But please to click below and take a listen….We’re talking celeb gossip, my time on the Hilton show, ‘behind the scenes’ glamour modelling and my dating life..
I’ve just got done shimming alongside a bit of ‘Dancing On Ice’ where I skated around my living room laminate flooring, in my socks and pj’s, under the distinct misconception that I WAS some kinda ice Goddess. (I can’t skate for celery sticks.) But it puts you in the mood, doesn’t it. Makes you feel all wonderous and elegant. All divine and glamourous. Did it all with a Desperado in my hand. I think I made it ‘swag.’
I’ve had a weekend to myself with my family. It’s been weird, because with all the family ‘stuff’ that’s been going on, with my Grandma etc……(it was the funeral Friday,) my system took a shock.
No not a shock? How can I describe how I’ve felt…? I’ve felt like i’ve mentally been rummaging through the bottom on my handbag, trying to find that five pence piece, that you really need for the parking meter, that you definitely know is in there somewhere, yet you can’t find it anywhere.
(Wait…some strange guy has tagged a picture of himself on my Facebook wall…and also tagged 39 other humans in. Why do that! I hate it when people do that! Would you ever? I mean, I get self promo..but Jeeze…don’t do that. It’s bad manners..and I hate poor social etiquette. Lol)
Anyway, I needed two days of ‘losing my mind’ and filling myself with anxiety…Lol…and now…I’ve come through the tunnel and i’m back to my positive self. I’m feeling great again.
Which means…when you have a case of ‘da blues‘…in may case it was bereavement….FEEL IT because you’ll get over it much quicker ..but then ‘snap out of it’…take the time that you need, but try not to dwell on it…I started to see the positive in everything…and it feels so wonderful…should I say ‘WUNNA FUL’ to be back. 🙂
My bounce back ability used to be much faster than two flipping days! Must be my age. Lol. In LA, it would be around 14 minutes. 🙂
(All your messages and comments have been great. i’ve read them all and replied to every single one i’ve managed to catch. It’s really made my kitten soul feel dandy! I thank you so much for that! Oh and if you won a video message/personalised photo with my SCREENSAVER COMP…I shot them today, so you will have them soon..)
So today, I posted this pic…on my Instagram, my Facebook Fan page, my stories, my Snapchat…my everything…Not on my Twitter though for some reason?
And I love this pic. I think it’s sexy, it tells a story and it kinda makes you use your imagination…evokes your inner ‘creative.’ That’s something that I hope to inspire in others. I want to encourage people to EXPRESS. I want to encourage the entire world to keep a diary…and if not in written word, or a blog, a vlog, or anything inbetween…an Instagram profile, still…to me…counts as the ‘picture diary’ of your life…
Obviously ‘Wunna Land’ is doing pretty alright now…;) (thanks to you.) However, I’ll tell you that I TRULY believe that something does well out of love and passion, hard work and dedication. What makes me feel good about writing this blog, isn’t about a bit of fame and a little bit of fortune…(maybe a bit of fortune 😉 ) it’s the simple fact, that I LOVE documenting my life, telling you how I feel…I have a genuine love for ‘diary writing’ (everyone in my family, even the kids, keeps a diary.) I’ve done it for almost 10 years now, all over the world…and done it out of love.
I love that it connects people…and that humans, from all walks of life, from all over the world (like you NOW)…. I like that you all *click* on chrissiewunna.com and for that second, you’re all connected via Wunna Land.
It’s a trip! It’s crazy!
Anyway, one of my chick friends, who was with me early today, before meetings, sat on my bed and watched me post the above picture…and said…
Friend: ‘It’s so weird, to see you post that pic right now, when you’re sat here sat in a bra and pj bottoms, with a poached egg sandwich..’
Me: ‘Why? Lol. It’s still me…’
Friend: ‘Haha…yeah, I know you idiot. It just that, I think that if people didn’t actually know you in real life…Like if they haven’t met you, or they …I don’t know, you’re personalities just really different to that picture…’
Me: ‘What? In a bad way?? Pass us my coffee…It’s on my dresser…’
Friend: ‘Like in a pictures…you look all sassy and moody and sexy…Y’know…all stuck up and high maintenance…and…’
Me: ‘Awww! Cheers! Lol.’
Friend; ‘No. Hahaha! In real life, you’re all funny and warm and giggly and I don’t reckon people would think that…They wouldn’t know that about you… They’d either get the wrong impression and if I was a guy and looked through your pics…I’d find you intimidating…’
Me: ‘Good job I don’t have to date you then… Why are you not passing me my coffee?? Yeah, I get what you mean…I get it. I did used to be a properly good glamour model….Lol’
Friend: ‘Shut up Wunna…’
Me: ‘It’s like being an actor…Just because you play a role for a picture, doesn’t mean you ARE that role… I love my pics. Tomorrow, I’ll post a dead smiley one just for you…’
Me: ‘No. I’ve already shot it. It’s sassy. Haha. Stop trying to make Wunna Land about YOU. 🙂 Get your own land.’
Then we bought more coffee and did Sunday. I love Sundays, they’re my favourite day ever, because for me, I associate it with ‘chill time. I love to relax. I handle ‘busy’ with panache…But gosh, I adore the art of ‘chilling.’
I’ve just read a story online about a woman who had MARRIED A 300 YEAR OLD GHOST, of a PIRATE??? She apparently committed to such wonder, because she was absolutely sure that she would never ever find a decent man to love her, the way she truly wished.
That is TOTALLY a much SEXIER version of the ’80 year old, lonely cat lady’ tale…
‘Good on ya!’
I mean if she wants to marry a PIRATE GHOST then go for it. I actually think there’s probably thousands of people in a lot WORSE normal marriages than that! Lol.
I might try it…
(I love that someone has just commented on my Facebook Fanpage…Tried to compliment me by tagging my name in the ‘comment’ section, before his sweet words…BUT INSTEAD, he’s tagged the wrong name and it says the name of an entirely different ‘Chrissie.’ )
All he’s typed is..
‘Oh my *insert the wrong Chrissie here*…’
And then followed it up with all the best emojis. There’s a kissy face, flames, a rose, heart eyes…everything…
The other ‘Chrissie,’ who spells it ‘Chrissi’ has responded with a
‘That’s not me… Lol.’
Nothing is better than the wrong tag…Like when I accidentally tagged a half naked picture of myself as ‘Chrissie Hynde’instead of myself…But forgot to remove it…. and when I accidentally sent my Mum a naughty text…:)
It’s just the most amazing time and I say amazing simply because for me, it’s a time where in which I realized how GREAT my 2017 has actually been. I realised how wonderful my friends and family are and how much i’ve appreciated them being there through the ‘ups’ the ‘downs’ and the jiggly bits of this year. They’ve been there through the fun. They’ve been through through the laughter. They’ve been there at the parties. They’ve been there through the drama.
We’ve watched each others hearts beam. We’ve watched each others hearts break. But no matter what, through the thick and thin of it all and we as humans kinda take the ‘thick and thin of it all’ for granted…They’ve really been there for me. We’ve been there for each other, and without ANY condition.
I mean my friends and I are a sassy bunch of fuckers. It’s all hair tosses, work, prosecco bubbled ‘feel betters’ and the absolute BEST of good times. No one does ‘good times’ better than US. There’s been tears, tangos and those occasional that salty pinches of drama. But we say how we feel and we say it well. Some of the bunch are really open, some of the bunch prefer to keep their secrets to themselves..Some cry…Some don’t……Yet we understand each so well…that no matter what we get it. It’s hard to find people who ‘get it,’ right?
So, incase you didn’t know, I’m headed into a new chapter right now. Infact, i’ve done it. I did on Friday. I’m feeling excited, a yeah…a little under pressure. I’m feeling as though i’m about to ‘cannon ball’ into the unknown, with everything crossed. If i needed support ever, I’d probably need it now.
(PLEASE FEEL FREE TO THROW IT AT ME. And RUM, THROW RUM.)
It’s a really important time for me to ‘sass it up,’get my business head on, move forward confidentially and do it power heels. Yet, being i’m Miss Wunna, (i’m a glamour puss, i’m gentle) I’m not one to override deliciousness, when it comes to me, in the form of friendship, love and surprises…
Before I started power strutting…I stopped to smell the roses, appreciate those that I care about and let them appreciate ME!! J It’s something i’m actually not good at, believe it or. 😉 I’m a giver, not a taker and they say you’re either one or the other?
Friday was WONDERFUL. I held it all together. I got through my work morning. (All I did was sit in a giant black faux fur, and do nothing, whilst I bantered with the girls and demanded that we drink prosecco at some point, even if it was in plastic cups and EVEN IF, ‘Lady Shizzle’ had not been able to show up because she had managed to guzzle so much red wine that she dashed for the last train home, missed her step whilst stepping onto the last train home and FELL DOWN the side of the train. Yes in the ‘mind the gap’crack. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Nothing made me wee myself MORE. I was delighted by the glamour of that story. It was BRILLIANT. I loved it.
Fairytale tried to tell me the story, with her angelically serious ‘fairytale’ face, but I just couldn’t stop uncontrollably PISSING MYSELF, that it just turned into hilarity. It’s just brilliant.)
Me: ‘Honestly. Lol. Never in my entire life, when I have been THAT pissed and had to catch a train, have I ever missed stepping ONTO the ACTUAL train and fallen down the crack. Hahahahaah. It’s IMPOSSIBLE! It’s hilarious. I love it!’
(I might have been sick on a train and pretended I didn’t do it…But I’ve always managed the ‘step onto’ quite well. Probably because I know, i’m one step closer to home. One step closer to safety. Lol)
But yes, the day was filled with laughter, girl banter, occasional sad faces and then I noticed Fairytale and Firmonnell disappear and leave me with Beth. ..who was smearing some kind of moisturiser around her face.
Beth: ‘You’ve made me ill.’
Me: ‘Yeah I know.’
Beth: ‘Do I look like a reindeer?’
Me: ‘Where’ve they gone?’
However, lunch was had, sore lips were made fresher, cheeks were bronzed and then I again wanted Prosecco. Firmonnell bought me lunch. I’m a veggie now because ‘Hustle’ forced it upon me, so I winked at a 3 Bean Salad. It didn’t wink back, but i had it anyway. 😉 Yet, I LOVED that she bought my lunch. It weirdly made me feel super special. It the simple things, I tells ya!
I decided to do some work, which consisted of scrolling through my Instagram page Lol, still in my giant black faur fur, whilst swinging on an orange swizzle chair..then all of a sudden I hear a,
My eyes literally dart up…. and like I’ve won the lottery, I started screeching..
‘Yeah! That’s me! THAT’S ME!!!’
And there they were…..The perfect delivery human, with the most PERFECTLY, GRAND DISPLAY , OF THE MOST GLAMOUROUSLY GIANT, PINK BOUQUET OF FLOWERS!
It was like a dream! I squeaked!!!
There’s always this ‘little girl’ in me, that is delighted by goodness, treats and surprises.
Flowers came, selfies happened…
Me: ‘I’m not in the right lighting!!!’
Then as the day went on, after a mosey outside, a couple hours later….I strutted back in with a..
‘I’m off upstairs. I need a wee…’
But I looked at ‘Fairytales’ face, she had some ‘Cheshire cat’ grin on…’Dipper’ was sat next to her, looking like nothing was happening…and then I looked at ‘Firmonnell’ for confirmation…who kinda looked expressionless. I actually thought that nothing had gone during my absence…I took two steps forward and…
A corner that should be dedicated to work had been filled with love….There was pink champagne, my favourite cocktails in a can, cards galore, my flowers….a glass that read ‘You Gorgeous Thing You’ and the BEST PART was one of those LIGHT UP BOARDS…Y’know…the ones that you can buy that read like a cinema headline…and it simply read…
‘GOOD LUCK WNNA.’
Firmonnell had to spell ‘WUNNA’ without the ‘U’…. because there was only one ‘U’ in the packet. HAHAHAHA
IT WAS MY FAVOURITE.
I was just over the moon. It was SO thoughtful. It made me feel WONDERFUL!! It made me feel really cared for.
I just jollied about merrily, squeaking, whilst bursting out little ‘happy dance’ routines. I radiated happiness. Nothing else in the world mattered during that moment. I was on Cloud 9.
It was then when I realised how lucky I was. I’m really lucky.
The moment was followed by heartfelt Whatsapp messages from other close friends and all the love and support that a ‘little girl’ like me could ever wished for.
Me: ‘If this is what happens during new chapters…I just want to do them EVERY DAY!’
We drank, we laughed, we bantered and as people trickled away they hugged me ‘good luck.’
Then…like the day hadn’t been magnificent enough…I checked my email inbox and someone who has throughout the year, tinkered in Wunna Land, with his bad ‘Grandad’ jokes, yet with smiles that would suggest he was the happiest human on Earth, sent me a gift…
And that gift was ‘wisdom’…via the fine art of poetry.
I love a good poem and I adore any form of motivation….
So he did just that….I’ll quote you a bit…
‘Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close YOU are,
It may be near when it seems Afar,
So stick to the fight when you’re Hardest Hit,
It’s when things seem worse that YOU MUST NOT QUIT..’
It was followed by a phone call..
‘Is Chrissie there…Put her on…’
He was on the other end of the line and even though he’s cheeky and will whip you a truck load of really bad jokes….there are moment where in which I couldn’t feel more inspired. You feel inspired when you need to feel inspired right? Plus, I always respect those who have been on this merry Earth a tad bit longer than I….Well he’s sixty soon…so a TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD bit longer longer. Lol
But the last thing he said to me was..
‘I want you to go out there and KILL IT CHRISSIE. Go out there, take what’s yours, grab it around the neck and wring it. I believe you can do it and you know you can do it. It’s yours for the taking….KILL IT…because you CAN.’
Then the glamour puss officially left the building, after ‘thank you’ phone calls and casually turned out lights.
‘Have you locked the back door?’
I’d pretty much checked in and checked out with everyone….Well…aside from Mel…I never really got time to ‘shimmie’ a ‘good luck’ with her… However, luckily, I looked down at my phone and with a…
Mel: ‘What time are you done? Do you wanna do drinks at The Carleton…’
Me: ‘Yeah, definitely. I’m en route now…’
Mel : ‘I’ll be there 5.45pm.’
I met her at the bar and we drank wine, in the corner of a cosy, yet busy pub..It was filled with bustle and what looked like ‘Christmas Parties.’ Ladies were giddy with excitement for a night on the razzle and the guys had sauntered in for quiet drinks at the bar. It felt really good, as everyone looked as though they were having the most wonderful time. Be the young. Be the old. They were happy.
We chatted the whole entire night. We talked over the present, we talked about the future, we recreated the past….I compared a relationship to a game of ‘pass the parcel..’
Me: ‘I dunno? Right now, it kinda looks like a game of pass the parcel… a boring one, where no one opens a prize and there’s absolutely no music….Like you’re just passing the parcel… to keep it going…for the sake of…’
More large wines were drank, she encountered new fun with old friends, I met new faces and we laughed about our lives, we chatted about our love lives and we talked ‘danger’ and how much we decided we liked it?
So much vino was delightfully sipped, that we ended up having to LEAVE OUR CARS and get a lift home.
In that moment, ‘good times’ with a great friend mattered MORE THAN curfews and being angels.
It ended up being one of those REALLY GREAT NIGHTS. A night i’ll always remember. It sailed me into a morning of New Chapter’ slighty hungover…yet filled with support.
Saturday morning, I spent shopping and then lunching with Baby Ruby, who now thinks she’s a superstar.
Rubes: ‘I don’t want to get my hair washed in the bath anymore. I just want to go to the hairdressers all the time because she pampers me and massages my shoulders, when i’m stressed.’
Me: ‘Your hair looks cute…’
Rubes: ‘DON’T TOUCH IT MUM!!!! IT’S IN A STYLE!!’
Snapchat Message from Pete (Her Daddy) : ‘Awww, her hair really suits her like that!!!’
Reply: ‘Good Luck…She now only wants it done at the hairdressers and says she’s never taking her plaits out EVER.’
Pete adores Ruby with all of his soul. We both do. Yet, he loves a ‘Diva.’ I AM a ‘diva’ so with Ruby, it’s kinda like having my OWN personality, ‘personality’ back at me….It’s wonderful and creepy all at the same time.
Then I taught her ‘shoulder rolls’ (in public) which to me is the ONLY dance move you need to know, when it comes to the art of ‘being swag.’ It’s so versatile! Lol We literally stopped in the middle of a shopping centre, dropped our bags and stood facing each other doing ‘shoulder rolls’ until she got it. J
Mum: ‘It’s moments when I watch to both do things like that, that I couldn’t love you both anymore. It almost had nothing to do with shoulder rolling and everything to do with your bond…your friendship and your absolute giddy love for one another..’
Tomorrow morning, I’ve got my London/Ronnie blog out and then my pretty little darlings, we begin my BIRTHDAY WEEK!
I’ve purchased, i’ve packed and i’m ready.
Tomorrow morning, I head to the depths of the Sherwood Pines Forest , to check into my luxury log cabin for the week, with the babies and the family! I couldn’t be MORE EXCITED. It isn’t actually my birthday until Tuesday, which is the 19th, so yeah it’s all about peace and tranquillity…But let’s face it, I’m a good time gal, i’m having a birthday and i’m someone that refuses to play the ‘it’s just other day’ card.
To me, it’s the best day ever!! So we’re gonna be having a fun and boozy, good old birthday time! You hate being a ‘Christmas Baby’ all year, until it’s Christmas…and your birthday! J
I hope you’re ALL HAVING THE MOST MARVELOUS FESTIVE SEASON. Please have fun. Even if you’re glum, please try and have fun. Don’t let life trickle through your hands. Take control of your time and make it yours. Celebrate it!
I mean, I received a card on Friday that read,
‘Then we must frolic, dance and maybe flash our gussets…’
And that’s all I want you to remember… Don’t be dull!
I’m in a new chapter…Let’s dance..
I’m in the forest tomorrow…TWO DAY BIRTHDAY COUNTDOWN.
Oh my gosh! I have been drizzled with the snuffles and dashed with the sassy old flu bug. My nose has trickled a seductive *tap dance* (no one looks good with a runny nose) and due to such a beautiful time of Lemsips, Fox Onesies and trying to keep warm at all costs, in the ABSOLUTE FREEZING COLD (I told you, i’m far too exotic for this shit..Yeah, yeah, born in Doncaster. Yeah, yeah…still 100 percent Burmese)…..Wunna Land has been MAN *the jizzles* DOWN.
(I mean you can’t be Doncaster, Burmese, in ya thirties AND have a runny nose. The combination on ANY level, just DOES NOT fly.)
To be honest, I’m actually quite good when i’m poorly, because the ‘DIVA’ in me pretends that I’m fine. Always fine. I could be naked, crippled and dying on a jagged rock somewhere, covered in rum, despair and diamonds, yet still ask you the time and demand that you,
‘Pass me my Louboutins and sort out my schedule.’
So yeah, being me. There’s no sulking. (I’m not one for melodrama and find it unattractive in others. I don’t like mountains out of mole hills, even if it’s raining.)
I zipped myself up and worked all the way through my kitty flu…and yeah I cancelled meetings with new strangers, big ones where in which humans had to catch flights from New York to Manchester, in order to meet me over dinner. I had to, otherwise a ‘burnout’would’ve got the better of me. Everything happens for a reason.
However, I figured, that if I kept it all moving, life would pity me and like ‘toddlers in a nursery’ I’d hopefully pass the lergy on, with grace… to one of my delightful chick friends.
‘Honestly, I’m gonna show up and pass it on..’
(Generous of me, I know.)
Anyway, it worked… I’m utterly on the mend and now everyone else is ill. 🙂
*Cheeky. Cheeky. Wink*
I haven’t been able to blog over the last few days, due to work and the kitty flu, but i’m back. A lot has happened.
I still need to write my London blog, as I spent the most wonderful time with my LA Bestie and Superstar Chef Ronnie Woo last week and that was waaay before I did The Backroom Leeds, in sequins and casual winks.
So that blog is still to come and I can’t wait to tell you about our time together. I have some really great LA friends, who have become my life soldiers, simply because we all went through so much together, trying to battle entertainment, in one of the toughest towns in the world. A tough but wonderful town, that is STILL glamourised as ‘Hollywood.’
I have events and blog assignments jiggering all the way up to my glittery eyeballs. I’m really lucky and i’m so grateful. I’ve signed up to campaigns, ones to help the homeless, others to provide support for those in fear of ‘coming out’ in football…there are new brand collaborations and photoshoots a plenty…a booked.
I have an exciting New Year.
But, as a shock…there’s been a death in the family…well I prefer to say a ‘passing.’ My grandmother passed away in the early hours of this morning, well…last night. So, as you all slept and snuggled up to your loved ones (who are probably annoying you right now,) Wunna land was wide awake, with frantic panics and ‘get to the hospital now’calls. It was almost SO BUSY, yet in slow motion. We’re a really close family, so moments like this, take over everything.
The weird thing is…I actually randomly dreamt of the ‘passing’ on Tuesday night, but I didn’t tell my Mum because I didn’t want to scare anyone. It was just a dream right?
Two days later…early this morning, my grandmother was peacefully taken away from us. My Mum, who’s is the most loving human, yet as tough as can be, is obviously pretty broken by it all, right now. No one loves anyone, as much as my Mum knows how to love. I hate seeing her in tears. It breaks me. Yet, like I said, we’re a loving family, a close family and we’re a family who handles death & support really well.
We cried. We all cried. Even Ruby cried. But in a way, it was beautiful because now the woman who taught me everything I could possibly KNOW about ‘old school’ grace and glamourosity ..
(..my Grandmother used to be a model, Miss. Burma infact. She was dainty and dignified, glamourous and beautiful. She married my Grandfather, a wealthy, stylish lawyer, who saw her at a Miss Universe heat, upon his travels. They loved each other madly and treasured each other with every inch of their souls. They taught me love. They taught me class. And my Grandfather treated her like she was the ultimate Queen of his heart. He provided her with a life that was almost like a dream. )
My favourite memory of my Grandmother is the day she pulled me to one side, in her bedroom, in Burma. We were surrounded by the finest carved teak and luxury. I was around 13 years old and she secretly gifted me with a tiny precious box. In the box was a ring that she wanted me to have and treasure forever…The ring was gleaming, with the most beautiful Burmese Ruby.
It was the first precious gem that I had ever owned and that moment meant SO much to me, that 17 years later, when I birthed my first child, I actually named my daughter after that moment.
She’s at peace now….She’s happy… and as my dream showed me, is now with the man of her absolute dreams.
Sleep well Grandma. I love you, always. (I definitely get my awful sense of humour from you. 😉 )
Now, I don’t want you all, to read this as something dreary, as all of Wunna Land, the entire family are sending her our blessings and talking through the ‘passing’ like it couldn’t be more beautiful. I guess, it’s our way of handling it. Yet, i’m someone who prefers to focus on the great moments you have with a human, rather than give energy to the ‘not so’ jolly.
I sat down with Ruby & Junior last night, who seemed so shocked about it all…and in that moment, as I hugged them both… and Junior wiped a tear from his eye… I taught them how important it was to love and more than anything how important it was to LIVE every single inch of their lives without fear. Last night, I felt like I had a purpose. I felt strong. It was wonderful.
So yeah..A lot has been going on and i’m currently having brief afternoon banter with ‘London Business Man,’ who is desperately hungover, still in bed and telling me he ‘misses me.’
‘I’m soooo hungover and four hours late for work. I’m waiting for my boss to call me and shout at me. I’m being all honest and nice to you. You need to say something lovely back, that’s how it works.’
‘You only missed me because you were pissed?? Lol’
In the midst of all that…it’s my birthday in FIVE DAYS. Yup. This little kitty turns 37 in FIVE FLIPPING DAYS! I’m really excited. I LOVE having a birthday. More than anything, I want to celebrate LIFE right now. And I’m weirdly not fretting about the snazzy ‘Being 37’ thing, I’m actually finding it quite sexy? I never felt more together.
I have the weekend to pack and then I am en route to the enchanting Sherwood Pines Forest, on Monday.. for a FOUR DAY break of peace, tranquility and champagne dripped, open air, hot tubbing, deep in the heart of the woods, in the luxury forest cabin… with the Babies, my Mum, my Dad, Brother and cousins, for my birthday.
I’m so excited. I’ve needed a peaceful break for so long…
Luckily for you, there is absolutely no rest for the wicked, because I will be blogging from my forest cabin EVERYDAY and treating you to live cabin videos, blogs and an actual tour of my digs.
Follow me on everything and YOU get to be there with me, as I take glamping to the NEXT UTTER LEVEL. I actually love that you’re gonna be a part of Wunna Land, as right now…I need it.
Woke up this morning feeling not so snazzy. I think i’m gonna go with ROUGH. Yeah rough. I hated it. Feeling rough is just not me anymore. Lol.
I kinda just ran a bath, immersed myself in it, cosied my soul with a delicious bubbly comfort and then dried myself off, before opening ALL the windows, EVERY window in all of the land (I always need to feel free when i’m a pile of roughage) and then I just laid there, butt naked…still on my bed, on top of my flamingo sheets, with my eyes closed, as I let the coolest dancing breeze, slowly and sexily *whooooooosh* on in and tinker all over my rough kitten body. BLISS! It was fucking BLISS!
Junior was at his Dads, Ruby hadn’t got home from her holiday yet and there I was…doing life…butt naked on flamingo sheets, wondering why I had ventured out into Pontefract for drinks. Lol. I am far too old for such Tom Foolery. My body needs all kinds of a rest…and not ‘songs from the 90’s’ madness.
I woke up with a navy blue dot on my hand. It was done in felt tip. We all had one. This is what happened…I went to The Carleton, for ‘just one,’ as the saying goes. I was about to leave after my ‘just one,’ however, as I was getting my bag together, someone tapped me, I looked up and with a…
‘Hey yup…What you doing here…’
…everything turned from a ‘nothing’ to a shimmie.
It was Mel. She decided to smash a bit of ‘Bank Holiday’ Sunday with ‘Fairytale Blond,’ who had also arranged to meet up with ‘Hoops’ for a bit of a local razzle dazzle. Now, I hate going out in Pontefract. I hardly ever do it. I’ll do a village pub and enjoy it, but trendy little cocktail bars in Leeds is my forte. Such a forte now, that they invite me and pay me to show up at them, simply to cause glamourous blog havoc. And I love it. It’s the story telling afterward that I love the most.
Outside drinks where had in the sun, giggles, chats about our love lives….I think they tried to give me love life advice, yet I never listen to advice because I’m stubborn and secretly always know what i’m doing. Haha. I should probably take advice. (I never take advice. My gut instinct is too good.)
But i’m honest, so i’ll always tell the girls what I directly feel about something or anything really. Yet, it’s important to make sure you listen to advice, but then just do what you want, because I’m different to ‘Fairytale,’ who’s so different to Mel, who’s really different to ‘Hoops’ and well…. you get the conga line that i’m trying to form. And we all have different destinations in life.
The reason why i’m saying this is because later that evening ‘Hoops’ (who I adore) had a chat with me, in the dark, under the stars. She told me all these secrets about her own love life. The ‘oohs’ the ‘laa’s’ the naughty bits…and the bits inbetween. 😉 The time she’s going through kinda reminded me of my LA days, so like a magnet, my soul stood by hers.
Then we went back inside…(Oh we ended up getting a taxi into town, even though i tried to refuse the journey)…and after jugs of cocktails, more drinks, chitter chatter, packed bars, and really good times, with really good friends….(I love Fairytale, when she’s drunk, she just turns WILD!) But anyway, ‘Hoops’ decides she’s going to open up and tell everyone the story….Lol
‘Well I told Chrissie, because I knew she wouldn’t judge me…’
Ooh. I felt honoured. Everyone did a supportive *shocked* face. It was literally hilarious. I wasn’t necessarily shocked as ..well i’ve done a lot worse than that in my life. Lol. But I did scan the table and notice that, we as girls are pretty great because we’ll always tell you want you want to hear and wave the flag of support, even if it’s something we would never do ourselves. We’ll understand you and hold ya hand with ‘cocktail smiles.’ Sometimes you need that! It’s not always the best thing, yet sometimes you just need that.
Hoops: ‘The bigger the hoop the bigger the…’
Hoops: ‘No…! Hoe! Hahaha.’
Me: ‘I love that she didn’t get that… I love drunk Fairytale! I love a big hoop! It’s ghetto fabulous.’
Fairytale: ‘Have you seen that granny at the bar….I want to be HER when i’m 80!!! She’s loving it. I AM her!!!’ When I’m 80, i’m gonna rock up to the bar.’
I look away…
Me: ‘Are you okay?’
Hoops: ‘I’m the HAPPIEST i have ever been.’
Me: ‘Good just checking…Make sure you never let anyone judge you. All the lessons you’ll learn… you’ll learn. I lived a naughty one…and well i havent’ done too badly for myself. Lol. Just enjoy it.’
We all laughed. We all loved. We had moved to another pub by now. We were literally wallowing in rounds and rounds of drinks. Then Mel requested…’The Snake,’ which was much better that fucking Steps. (And I love a bit of Steps. Don’t get me wrong. I just wasn’t in the mood to ‘Root Scooting baby’ it.) But i went with it anyway. Fuck it. I’m fun. I love a good song, a love a good dance. I am great on a night out. You can rely on that! I’m made for good times.
Cue song: (Just so you can feel like you were there. This was on in our background.)
Literally pub, to pub, to pub, to pub. Dance off with ‘Hoops.’ Love life chats with Mel and Selfies with ‘Fairytale.’
Fairytale: ‘Take a picture of me and Chrissie. Noooo…another one.’
Each time we left a pub I SWORE that I was going home. They MADE ME go to the next bar..honest!! They MADE ME.
‘You’re staying out Wunna!’
‘I just need to go home.’
‘No. Just come to one more pub..’
We all ended up with blue dots on our hands. That’s what happens when you stay out.
Mel: ‘What the fuck are these?’
They were literally the height of glamour. NOT! I can’t be a Glamour Puss and walk around with a felt tip dot on my hand.
It was such a good time. An accidental, spontaneous blow out. Which is odd, as i’m a girl who enjoys routine. I like to know what i’m doing and when i’m doing it…with a plan. But mainly because I grew up with my entire life scheduled. Even from being a kid, as I was getting pulled out of school to audition for this, model for that, do a dancing competition here, another audition there. Everything was a schedule. Then in LA, my job, acting and modelling…was all completely scheduled to a ‘T.’ It had to be.
Last night was so much fun!
‘Double B is gonna be so pissed off that she’s missed this!’
I left early…I left them all at the Tap & Barrel and some new Gin Bar. I know when i’m done and by then I was done. I needed a sleep and…well…just a sleep. However, during my walk to the cash machine to pull out money for the taxi, I just wanted to *blink* and be home! People kept shouting my name at me. Everyone was out…and I just remember waving at people I didn’t know, wishing that I was home. Hahaha. I’m great when surrounded by people, yet not necessarily when i’m drunk, tired and on my own. I like my bubble. I love Wunna Land. I love my own friends. But I did actually say ‘hello’ to everyone and took the time to chitter with them. I’m good like that. My manners are pretty decent. Even when knackered. I hate bad manners.
I finally got home…and within seconds, after a bag of crisps, I fell asleep immediately. I could’ve slept in the taxi home, but weirdos were in it with me.
My chick friends and I always seem to be there for one another…regardless….even as time passes. That’s what i’ll miss the most, as obviously i’m headed into a new chapter…which will sort of pluck me away from them…They’ll always be a major part of my life…Yet I guess I won’t see them as much. It happens all the time to me, so i’m used to it. Yet life is made of new chapters. I’ve lived so many that I know how important it is to embrace them. Everything happens for a reason. The people you meet, the situations you end up in. Even where you are. They’re important. They’re your ‘stop offs,’ the places where you need to be in order to learn something, before you get delivered to your HAPPY final destination…You might not know why you’re there or how you’re there…But you’re meant to be. You land there to gather a certain piece of life info. You do that at every stop. When you get to your final bit of forever…The last chapter of ‘happiness….’ you appreciate it so much more. You’ll find you’re in the right place, with the right person, doing the right kind of life.
So yeah, I might have felt like death but i’m actually fine now. It was worth it. I’ll feel better. I’ll recover and be right as rain. I’ve made memories…and I’ve ALSO managed to find my way to Ego in Ackworth to cushion my soul with the ‘hair of the dog.’ Yippeee.
‘I need a Fosters. I’m rough.’
To be fair…I’ve done an interview AND A SHOOT this morning. ‘Ego Hannah’ is currently making a ‘Game of Thrones’ themed cocktail and i’m sat at the bar with my pink laptop on my knee…blogging…by a half of Fosters, watching strangers order Pornstar Martinis. (I’ve got really into drinking a Foster’s now. I’d usually Bloody Mary it to recover. But now it’s all about a Foster’s recovery. I still prefer a Bloody Mary, don’t be getting it twisted.)
Wait…They’re making me look at a drawing of a dragon, on a chalkboard….Lol. One second…..
Luca: ‘I love Game of Thrones…It’s all tits and dragons..’
I will tell you that last night before all the madness shimmied my way, I remember sitting at the The Carleton which the girls sat around me and sending a message to ‘The Swirl.’ I think about him a lot. All the time, to be honest. I can’t get him out of my head. It’s a happy ‘lull’ that I feel for him. I can’t really help it. It’s something that’s been built upon and it’s well balanced. It’s a bit of everything…it can be wild, general, loving, funny, sexy, work mode or just normal.
All I sent was…
‘Thinking about you…’
He replied quickly with ‘Kissy Face‘ emojis.
Then i got back to the girls, who would have no clue that I ever sent anyone a message. Lol.
That was our check in. We’d chatted through the day. But that was when we were we zapped out of current worlds, just for a moment, to check into each others….
Me: ‘So I haven’t seen you all in ages, what’s the gossip?’
The Girls: ‘Ermmm….No, no gossip, it’s been boring. We’ve missed you.’
‘So, nothing AT ALL has happened? Nothing exciting?’
I mean JEEPERS, we might has well all start painting ourselves grey and bumping into ourselves like Lemmings after a late afternoon carb overload.
Luckily, I can find excitement and juice in ANYTHING. Annnnnythiiing!!! I can find the good or the silver lining in MOST SITUATIONS…and slowly but surely, it all came tinkering out…
So yeah, nothing exciting happened to my girl besties (do know that I have actually had the most exciting time, whilst i’ve been gone,) HOWEVER…they forgot to tell me that Lady Shizzle had been proposed to and someone was now a lesbian. Surely that’s exciting news? I mean, that’s not everyday shit. Lol. Well the ‘proposed to’ bits are. In the last 2 weeks, three of my friends have been proposed to or have proposed to their piece of ‘heart.’
Me: ‘Proposals are so much nicer than wedding days, (I say from experience ;), because there’s a flutter to them, it’s always a surprise, whereas weddings have been planned for months and months and months…it’s a ball ache.’
Hustle Barbie: ‘Well if you and Lady Shizzle can have three weddings, Fairytale and I can at least have one.’
Me: Don’t be making fun of our three weddings! Lol’
Fairytale Blond: *Just puts her bare ring finger in the air and ways it like it’s sad, with her bottom lip out.*
Then things kicked in a little and we stopped being boring, as we discussed Bavarian outfits that need to be made sluttier and the executive psychological topic of ‘why men or people in general are arrogant or cocky.’
We came up with the theory that the more insecure you are, the cockier you are…as arrogance is used as a mask to protect your tender soul or the way you feel about yourself. It’s not a bad thing. As when I was at my cockiest, this was when I was young…WAY BEFORE LA….I was at my most insecure, so it’s true. It’s human nature. Now that i’m older, I’ve glowed with this confidence…this happiness…LA actually brought that out in me. I experienced a lot. Yet I can always relate to people and understand why they do things. I find the art of ‘understanding humans‘ sexy.
A lot of you are tuning into the blog right now, as I set myself up for a big next year.This is my ‘working’ year. I always say, a lot is going on behind the scenes in Wunna Land. This time around i’m confident and it feels real. Am I cocky…yeah a bit…yet again thats the tiny line of inner insecurity I have, when it comes to success which powers me forward. On the whole, i’m pretty good at being warm, positive and just flipping normal under really surreal circumstances.
Anyway, i got distracted…but yes, a lot of people around the world are checking into Wunna land, and I said that I would give ‘Weston’ in Blantyre, Malawi a happy shoutout and then tell the dude from Belgrade in Serbia, to quit sending me daily messages that simply read ‘HORNY.’
It’s bizarre? I mean, what does he think i’m honestly going to do or say? Lol. It takes a lot more than that to try and pull my Sassy ass…I don’t want to give your ‘diddly doo’ a ‘diddly dum,’ after a command. I’m a glamour puss. I’m not your glamour puss and you should start conversations with women in the future that begin with a simple ‘Hi…’ (before telling her how amazing she is.) Unlike David, who told ‘Fairytale’ that she had really shit hair.
I’m a girl with a sexy disposition, who always wants to find true affection in a man. Told ya…my love life is not rubbish right now. I’m beaming…
Anyway, I’ve got to go…Sorry it was just a quickie
Love you lots.
Thank you for following my life and being part of it.
Woke up this morning with the blistering sunlight shining through my window, with all a calm breeze and peace as my bestie…I stretched…I kitty yawned and just like that BOOM! Bustle, door knocks, headsets, clipboards, fidgets, schedules and that darling bit of happy ‘rush rush.’ (Which i hate. I hate RUSHING. When you rush, you mess things up. I’m a glamour puss. I like to do things in an orderly glamourous fashion.) It only lasted a good jolly moment…then once again everything went back to calm, back to normal and I could continue sipping my green tea latte. (Which is my favourite latte in all the land. I used to get one every morning in LA, on 3rd and La Cienega, unless I was on a diet, then i’d flirt with an Americano with skimmed instead.)
Sorry….i’ve just got distracted after watching a snapchat of a guy (i know his sister closely) line out 20 chicken nuggets on his mates drive for hangover kicks and type out a mini news report afterward. Lol I’m enthralled. I love it! Hahah. But anyway…
You all zoned in on the fact that I stated that my love life wasn’t rubbish yesterday, didn’t ya! I scrolled through messages galore from people all over the world either cheering me on, or tinkering for me details? When it comes to love, I’ve never got it right, have I? Yet, that’s because i’ve Mambo’ed into everything head first, twirling madly, in red dresses and sequins, with ‘cha cha’ arms (don’t actually know what arms they are) and with everything crossed. And don’t get me wrong, it’s always great to feel ‘crazy’ about someone (that’s what passion is and if you don’t have it, your soul needs a tequila to wake you up and smell the limes,) yet the ‘crazy’ is what you feel initially….We all love the ‘swirl,’ the initial attraction…the ‘ooh laa’ as I like to call it….Yet, the real love comes after….when time has passed, you’ve learnt about one another and you’ve only just realised how much time you’ve invested in a person because it’s breezed by so merrily…
Real love comes (that love that people say has been written about for centuries) when a true friendship has been formed, one of loyalty and trust, that has been built upon slowly, where you share laughter, secrets, respect and support. When you can look at that person and know that no matter what they’ll always be there…because they always have. To me…that’s what real love is. A best friend…that you do ‘non friend zone‘ like things with. 😉
Having gotten love wrong for so many glamourous decades…YIPPPEEEE (again doesn’t make me a hideous person, it’s simply just my story, it’s actually empowered me more than I ever thought it would,) I THINK, that no one in this entire world understands love more than I do, right now. I do get nervous. I do get frightened. I do things wonderfully. I do things badly. It’s normal. I’m certainly not all sass, i’m quite an affectionate soul…and yeah like anyone, I don’t fancy feeling love in order to maybe get hurt, right? Especially not at thirty something. That doesn’t make us weak, it kinda just makes us human. It’s not the right way to move forward. So I’m always open hearted regardless…as my confidence out weighs my moments of terror…and just incase i have to encounter a sassy bit of heartbreak again in the future …I KNOW THAT I CAN HANDLE IT. 🙂 Plus, I have loads of great alcoholic chick friends who will buy me cocktails to make me feel better..and then make fun of me for being a tool.
I’m an life soldier…but a happy one. And I am 100 percent confident that one day (even though i’ve had decades of being unlucky in love) i’ll make someone really happy forever. Forever being the key word…as I have made people briefly happy… Lol. I actually said this to my chick friend Lana (she’s strange and tongues dogs)..
Me: ‘What! I’ve got it in me….’
Lana: ‘What, like silicone?’
Me: ‘Yes. Actually. Please stop tonguing that dog near my Gucci Bamboo Top Handle.’
Lana: ‘It’s weird because you’re a sweetheart but everyone who doesn’t know you thinks you’re a dickhead. Hahaha. I know you’ve got it in you…’
Me: ‘Well, I wouldn’t say it, if I didn’t know it was true. It’s not like i’m sat here saying, hey yeah…i’d make a really great roller booting astronaut…cos i’d know i’d be shit at that.’
Lana: ‘There’s no such thing as that, idiot. What if Mr. Whoever has a shit willy..’
Me: ‘He doesn’t have a shit willy. Stop tonguing that fucking dog!! Honestly. It’s sick. No wonder you’re divorced.’
Lana: ‘You can’t talk…You better get used to having to tongue pets now that you’ve got Rocco…’
Me: ‘Eww! Rocco’s bouji. He’s not average like your pet. Lol. He’s an ‘IT’ kitten. He’s swag. He’s part of Wunna land. I have a whole online patch of land. You’re living it right now & you don’t even know. It’s like a glittery Matrix.’
Lana: ‘You’re such a big headed twat.’
Right, I need to head off quickly…and enjoy the rest of my chills. I have the Yorkshire chills to get back to and enjoy…I’m slightly confused at how grown my children have become. It’s weird. How the hell have I managed to raise them?
I’m also missing all my girls! Firmonnell, Fairytale, Hustle Barbie, Double B, Mel and Lady Shiz. I did actually wake up, thousands of miles away from them, look down at my phone and read a stream of whatsapp messages that kinda really upset me. Lots has happened and it was kinda weird because it’s not really something that I would be upset by…Yet reading the stream and realizing how much of a team we were, no matter where we were in the world or what we were doing….or whatever shit life through at us…kinda made me smile! I love being part of a team. We have each other’s back no matter what. I always wonder what we’ll all be doing in the next five years…
Y’know when you just can’t find your way out of a fricking carpark!! No? Just me then. 😉 FFS.
Lord knows what happened, but I got into the carpark with a shimmie, hair toss and maybe even a wink….yet getting out the fucker was like some kind of comedically trippy maze. I drove round and round, up and down, parked up, waved at concerned people, like I totally knew what I was doing, pondered, adjusted my bra, glossed my lips and finally after about 17 minutes, I found my way out. 🙂 Welcome to my world. I’ll definitely make someone a good wife one day. I CAN’T EVEN GET OUT OF CARPARKS. (However, do note, there are other things i CAN DO and well…so bare with me.)
Life is great otherwise. Ruby, Junior and I have a new kitten, after many name changes (Sammi/Beckham/Harry/Sprint…) and after I felt bad from taking it from a weeping child,
Mel: ‘Chrissie…just leave with the kitten. Take it…NOW.’
… we finally all agreed on ROCCO. So Baby Rocco, full name ‘Rocco RoMEo’ is our new kitty addition. Hurrah! He’s amazing. We love him. (We don’t know how to look after pets, so it will be a challenge. I mean how hard can it be? I raised two humans on my own.)
But yes, I’ve been a busy glamour puss, but a chilled one all at the same time. I’ve nothing too hardcore other than posing and pouting for a camera to endure, after a stint of secret filming…until the 21st…so i’m just enjoying the downtown…until i have to step it all up and write a book and tend to a lash line relaunch.. without wine.
I had a chat with my guy friend ‘Marbles’ the other day…and it’s weird how men think? We’re wired so differently….He adores this girl…that he kinda knows…and well this is how our convo went down..
Me: ‘So you fancy her, she’s single, but you’re not gonna tell her?’
Me: ‘Hmm…? I can see how that works? NOT! Lol. Girls hate that. We want you to be all masterful..well brave..It makes us feel femme…all of us want some hero, you know that. What was the last message you sent her?’
Marbles: ‘A thumbs up emoji. Lol. And Nah. She might turn me down…I’m flirty but she’s way out of my league…’
WHAT!!! WHAT IS GOING ON? WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MEN! We’ve terrified them. There isn’t leagues. (Well maybe there are leagues.) But there isn’t any leagues. Lol. Nothing is hotter than being brave and expressive regardless. A ‘thumbs up’ emoji is odd to a girl. To us, it means you either didn’t know what to say, didn’t have time to say or even worse couldn’t be bothered to say…
You have one life to live, one honey to woo, a wifey to maybe commit to in the end. And I do know that ‘steady treading’ is always very sensible, as I do believe that the guy or girl that stands the test of time, is one that is worth all your love, if you fancy them and they have a snuggled a cosy spot in your heart.
Yet love isn’t sensible, it’s an emotion, it’s not something that calculated logically. It’s something you feel and can’t help but feel, even if you’ve going through a bumpy run or an easy peasy ‘slip n slide.’ I’m always expressive, too expressive…so expressive, that I have zero qualms or fear when it comes to delivering how I feel about anyone or anything…it’s how I’M wired. It makes me a good blogger and a decent telly personality. 😉 Yet, it’s just struck me that some people are quite willing to forget that they one shot to ‘go for it’ and instead will go for ‘nah, she’s out of my league.’ EH?
Then ‘Marbles’ (and i’m referring to him as that because he’s certainly lost his) went on to say…
‘Like you. Wunna land is a pretty daunting place to approach..’
Me: ‘No, it’s not, not if you have your OWN LAND going on. Then you’re comfy, you feel all confident. It’s normal. I hate it when people are daunted by Wunna land because it makes me feel like they’ve judged me. Aww no. It’s not me is it? HAHAHA… I’m not your Woo Woo am I…cos I don’t..’
Marbles: ‘Hahah…Nope you big headed bitch. Lol. Men aren’t like that. We’re always a bit sketchy, until we fall head over heels and that happens when we know we can trust the girl. When we feel safe.’
Me: ‘That sounds very girly to me. It’s like a Backstreet boys track. Yeah she might not fancy you, but you’ll know if she does….she’ll tell you, or even better show you… YEEeeeah!’
Marbles: ‘I hope you die an old lonely cat lady…’
Me: ‘Hahahaha. Not only did my friend Kate TELL ME that i now have a Cat Lady starter pack with Rocco, but fuck you because my love life isn’t even that shit right now. 😉 ‘
Marbles: ‘You’re in a swirl…’
Me: ‘It’s pretty good. Infact so good that I might need a wine to celebrate…’
At the end of the day, you work hard, you play hard and well you’ve kinda just godda have that good old faith in love. If someone adores you, no matter what, where or how, they will always still be stood there..even when the mist has risen. If not, you’re sat in your tight t shirt playing the ‘shoulda woulda coulda‘ game (which is shit) or crying into your Louboutin wearing fruity gin sessions. Faith in love (without you realizing) gets you through shit and I MEAN IT. I mean god my time in LA was so emotionally INSANE that it was almost a work of art. I was happy through it and I sailed it with flying colours unscathed. It was only when I got back home to Yorkshire, did a tv show with Hilton, looked back and reflected on LA and thought shit, how the absolute hell did I get through all that smiling. But I did. And yeah I might be thirty six now…and yeah i’ve shimmied with the best…but let me tell you i have NEVER in my entire life felt as empowered and I do now.
The time i’m going through right now is probably the best time of my entire life…and that’s saying something. Like I don’t have to look back and hold onto my ‘misty watercolours’ wistfully as i’m currently SMASHING IT. Someone close to me always whatsapps me and says, ‘You’re on fire, babe’ and makes me feel good because I never would have imagined it. Y’know, a lot of hard work, glitter and ‘fingers crossed’ has gone into this year and it will continue until the end of the year. I’ve kinda winged it. But i’ve done it. I’m doing it. You can do anything. Remember that! Just go for it. If people don’t like it, fuck’em.
On the whole…I’m buzzing…and not even needing to do it in a Wonderbra and anytime that happens you know you’re winning at life.
Ps/ I’m up for Blogger/Podcaster of the year for the Diversity in Media awards…I kinda wished i tried harder to make everyone vote for me now. Voting has closed and I tinker to the event in September. There’s hit loads of people up for awards like Graham Norton, Rio Ferdinand…some other folk…I keep needing to blink and think and realize that life is all ace!
‘If a guy is madly in love with a girl, he will put her on a pedestal, to the point where no other girl in the entire world, comes even NEARLY CLOSE to her… that’s how we as guys, know we’re in love…’
…said Josh the ‘Ego’ bartender to the little Burmese Glamour Puss. He had just been cheated on by his girlfriend, who he had been loyal to for YEARS. It hurt him. He cried in a car. But he’s now dating someone else…and I guess he’s just taking it steady, yet merrily, with his heart on his sleeve. The above statement occurred after I decided to express my views on loyalty and ‘guys with wandering eyes.’
Me: ‘If a guy is looking at other girls and seriously actually wanting a piece…then the girl he’s with, can’t be his big love. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with anyone looking at all, yet I know that when I care about a guy i’m with, i always care for them with every thing that I am, so my eyes would NEVER wander. Not ONE piece of me would care for anyone but the guy i love. I’m all fire for them…’
I learnt a lot this weekend…and yeah I may have learnt stuff whilst sipping on the occasional ‘Pornstar Martini.’ However, still the weekend was great. Even Friday rocked. It was fun. ‘Fairytale Blond’ got stressed and the rest of the girls (including myself) just invested in the best time ever and shimmied around her to Kisstory tracks, during the middle of the day. How good is Kisstory on a Friday afternoon!!!
Anyway, I’m having a chilled time and when I say ‘chilled,’ it’s not chilled in the sense of ‘still,’ as a LOT of work is going on behind the scenes in Wunna Land right now. (I have a lot of exciting things happening to me, that I’m unable to tell you about yet. No one even knows about it all except myself and one other human.) When I say ‘chilled,’ I guess, I mean that my heart is warm and i’m feeling pretty at peace…pretty together. It’s a good feeling because all sorts of madness has swirled around me, over the last couple days…. in the lives of others, in the lives of those close to me and I was kinda able to simply smile, keep myself out of the drama and enjoy my own version of life. Cut away from it all positively. I’m a lucky girl. A really lucky girl. Right now, my life is WONDERFUL. I’m at peace.
But HOLY SHIT. I had friends, who got cheated on, dumped, ditched, pied…and lied to. Yet great things happened like..
Emily: ‘Mark asked me to marry him! I said YES! WERE ENGAGED!’
(Not bad to say they met on the hell hole that I call Tinder. I hate Tinder. I’m not on Tinder. I’d never online date anyone with a swipe. Everything to me is all about a real life connection. Yet flipping heckers…Tinder certainly worked out for them! They even had a long distance relationship and LOOK how well it went! He looked at her, knew he wanted to make her his wife…and he did. NOTHING IS SEXIER THAN THAT MOMENT. It’s hot. It’s when a boy turns to man. And he got her the blingiest rock ever!)
I’m seeing really bad couples and really great couples all all around me. The bad couples will learn. The great couples will be filled with love.
Away from all that, I committed to making rude words out of sequinned arts and crafts. I pictured it and whatsapped it to the appropriate person…followed by a photo of…well i don’t really think i can say what the picture was, without everyone having a go at me for having a rubbish sense of humour, that always gets me done. (See! I’m learning. 😉 ) Lots of good times, lots of fun, time with the babies and maybe a moment when some girl told me a story of how she ‘rimmed’ a guy and punched a guy, before I found myself sat in what looked like an accidental, illegal dungeon, with my old school friend Kate.
Odd moment, but still a good time. I felt really tired though, so I ventured home immediately for bed. I love bed time. As soon as my kitten head hit that pillow, i was ZONKED.
Then I decided to stress out because I couldn’t find the perfect dress. I need the perfect dress for Friday and when you need a good dress…you can’t fricking find one anywhere, can you??? (I have one now. I ordered it today at 7am. I love early morning spends.) I have a big week this week….If i’m being honest, I was kinda nervous for it, until I moaned at ‘Firmonnell.’
Me: ‘I’m nervous. I’m shitting myself. What am I even doing!! Lol’
Firmonnell: ‘It’s too late for this shit now…’
It kinda made me pull glitzy little self together, laugh and get on with it. Lol. You can’t really go hurtling off a glitter cliff and then think ‘oops’ mid soft landing.
I have great friends. Fair enough some of them might be odd like ‘Hustle Barbie’ who has dreams of bald men named ‘Dave’ just because ‘they’re funny.’
Hustle Barbie: ‘You know he’s a virgin…He comes from a really religious family…’
Double B: ‘FUCKS SAKE! THIS STORY IS JUST GETTING WORSE!!! HAHAHA!’
Me: ‘As if he’s an actual real life virgin! You can’t take his virginity. It’s wrong. Hahahaha.’
It’s bizarre because guys love virgins and girls think guy virgins are just weird. Hahah. Apart from ‘Hustle Barbie’ who has completely lost her mind. (I asked her for dress advice and she sent me a picture of some giant rainbow coloured, Cinderella ball gown. Hahaha.)
I think sex is a really big part of a relationship/marriage. I whole heartedly respect ‘Bald Dave and his ‘no sex before marriage’ thing. It’s lovely. But imagine if you married him and you had really shit sex together forever. I’d hate that! I love ‘the bedroom.’ You really do have to have sex with someone before you marry them. Test the goods and all that! Lol. Even if you never have sex again and then decide to wait until the ‘i do’s’…at least you know that the ‘winky winky’ part of your love is AMAZING. That sounds like a ‘tick box’ to Me!
Honestly…’Hustle’ is properly crushing on him. DREAMING about him and everything. Hahaha!
I don’t even know if I can tell you what Mel did at the weekend…I think i might need to ask her permission. It even flipping SHOCKED ME. Lol. She tinkered to Liverpool and had a bizarre Portaloo moment. It is the most hilarious story ever. I’m too scared to tell you it.
Y’know, I don’t even know what to tell you because so much has happened!
But this weekend, I learnt a lot about love. I learnt a lot about myself. It solidified what i wanted by listening to the shit stories of others. Hahaha. It’s strange because to look at, people always guess me wrong. I don’t know what they’d think i’d be like? Yet, it’s certainly not what I am. Lol. When it comes to love, I believe in true love. I believe that sometimes people ‘make do’ with partners. Yet,i’m not that girl. I honestly think there is ONE PERFECT person out there for you, for everyone. You’re perfect person will always find you. They’ll love you. Your chemistry will be magic. Your love will come so easily it will be effortless. You’ll be happy.
I’m a settley down kinda girl. I’m allowed to have a cheeky side. It doesn’t make me unable to love. Lol. It makes me ace. I want ‘forever.’ I’d do ‘forever’ for with my perfect man. But I guess anyone would once they had found their life bestie? It’s just how true love goes….