No Phone, New Chapters & Ace Friends

My phones busted. It’s finally gone kaput and weirdly it feels like bliss. I dropped my phone ages ago at Leeds train station. The screen smashed, but it still worked like a champ for 9 more months. Tried to use it yesterday. It had had enough and gracefully waved *bye bye* to Wunna Land with a ‘Yo Sister. I’m out.

Called EE. My new phone gets delivered to me tomorrow. Infact, let’s give EE a shout out, as whoever dealt with my phone drama was a dream…

‘I don’t know what’s wrong with it? It just keeps deciding not to work, but it IS saying *hello* to me in every different language. That’s about it though? I’m sorry. I know this is the last call you want to deal with at 8pm on a Monday.’

Found out he was 44, single, had been divorced two times and blond. People just like to tell me stuff. I’m weirdly comforting, because i’m not one of those ‘drama’ beings, one of those ‘drama’ calls. I’m chilled and charming….My new upgraded celly glides into Wunna Land tomorrow…and after a stressful two days, it has felt almost DIVINE, to not have my handset, glued to  my palm. It’s been BLISS.

I just need a break. A bit of fresh air. A chill. I need to be surrounded by good vibes constantly, so my soul is giggling with winks and laughter.  I’ve got a lot going on and I’m wanting to cut away from a stressy static, a fuzz, a world that i’m plonked in and change it up,  to a free gallop of love, life and ease.

I can’t wait until it’s the weekend. It couldn’t come quick enough.

I’m feeling fun. I’m always feeling fun. There’s a shimmie to my strut and a smile that beams a gentle warmth, yet a sassy streak that that strikes out when necessary.

Mum: ‘Chrissie. You woke up with a kitten on your head.’

Me: ‘What could be MORE glamour puss than THAT! Should I have another wine?’

I’m looking forward to the future. I have a really exciting New Year. A really exciting 2018. I’ll finally get to concentrate on what I love, without the mundane jiggle of any ‘have toooos.’ You have one big old life to live and it’s too short to toss it all off on feeling unfulfilled. Live it. People always become a slave to the things that don’t matter. Why do we do that? The things that make your eyes smile and your heart blaze, are the things that are filled with the ‘good stuff.’ They empower you with an energy that makes you unstoppable. Happiness is what life is about. I’m filled with it and there’s not one inch of fear running through my glitter veins. Why are people so scared of everything? Be it change, love, life, work….circumstance….

Fear is the only thing that prevents you from moving forward. I am SO TIRED of people BEING SCARED OF EVERYTHING. It’s so unattractive in both girls and guys. It couldn’t annoy me MORE. More people need to Man UP! You’ll feel great afterward. And I don’t mean, ‘Wow, lets bungee, this cliff to show how brave we are.’ I’m talking about the little things. The little things in life that people are always so frightened of!!! It’s the little things that matter and make a bigger version of YOU. MAN UP. Get on with it. Enjoy embracing what you actually believe in.

*Add a wink here.*

I turn thirty seven in just under a month. WTF!!! I know. (But whatever, I still got it. 😉 ) And even though turning thirty seven soon…isn’t plastered on my ‘favourite’ list. I seem pretty chipper? I’m happy. I’m really happy. I’m still the luckiest girl alive…I mean all the changes that happened to me this year and all the new opportunities and people that I have gotten so close to, has made it all perfect. The ‘Wunna Glow’ is rubbing off on folk and it’s awesome. My kids are BEAMING with Mama love, i’ve cocktailed lots and my dreams are pretty much coming true…It’s really  bizarre? (But i’m going with it… You’ve godda, right?)

I’ve done a lot in my life….Yet it feels like it’s only just beginning. I feel young. It’s ACE. But it’s not just the big things, like ‘hey, the world is reading your blog now’ that makes me smile…

Firmonnell bought me a surprise cappuccino today without me asking and more than anything t hat made me beam. I love her. (I’d definitely not be straight for Firmonnell and Ellen Degeneres.)

Which reminds me, I think i’m headed to see Susan Woods on Thursday, who’s one of the most delicious psychics, for a bit of ‘future telling.’  I’m also meant to be off ice skating with ‘Jonesez’ shortly, but i’m refusing to go until he refrains from calling it a ‘date.’

We love him, but he always gets a proper bollocking from my chick friends and I…

‘It’s not a DATE!!’

‘Don’t eat near me…’

‘Why are you a dick…’

‘Stop trying to hit on everyone…. You’ve godda have more swag than that.’

He loves it really.

Even though i keep rambling on about exciting New Years, changes and New Chapters….part of me feels really emotional because  i’m truly gonna miss…well i’m gonna miss a lot of people, who have made my ‘almost’ last two years just wonderful.  That part’s hard and i’ll drink lots of prosecco at first….

But if you don’t take steps forward when opportunity is knocking at your door….then you’re the most foolish human in town…and THAT I am certainly not.

I’m filled with love. I’m ready to adjust my bra and strut forward.

 

The Dodgiest Yoga & What I like in Men

When you think your world is dipped in luxury and divinity and then just like magic, one of my trusted chick friends, ‘Hustle Barbie’ turns around and makes it even better (if ‘Better’ meant Dodgy’) by saying..

‘So one of my friends ended up doing WOMAN HOOD YOGA the other day.’

Don’t know what that is? Neither did I!

Get this…

So  WOMAN HOOD YOGA, costs a whole fifty pounds.

I love a bit of downward dog.’ I’ll stretch it out ‘lotus’ to mood music and embrace total enlightenment with the best of them. I especially like the nap bit at the end. I only go for the nap bit at the end.

But ‘Hustle’s chick friend didn’t do normal YOGA, as nooooooo that would be far to civilized for a Wunna Land blog story. She did ‘WOMAN HOOD YOGA; where you are instructed to DRAW A PICTURE OF YOUR OWN VAGINA (YES, in yoga) and before the actual YOGA part begins, you are told to INTRODUCE YOURSELF & then introduce YOUR VAGINA to the entire group. (YES! TO THE FUCKING GROUP! 🙂 )

You pay fifty whole POUNDS to do this and look like a really stretchy, yet moderately saucy plank, in front of other females, who have also, like you… been forced to draw Picasso’s of their privates and ‘introduce’ them lovingly to a crowd. I mean I thought ZUMBA was pretty bad…and do know that I’m far TOO SWAG to be doing anything shit like Zumba. (I’ll smash a hip/hop dance class, and glide out a bit of pilates, but gyrating to Kylie tracks in neon lycra, like a weird dancey warrior princess, isn’t happening. EVER. I’m a glamour puss.)

But yes, I NEED to BE a ‘WOMAN HOOD YOGA’ instructor and simply because it fills my humour glands with absolute GLEE and well…let’s face it…i’d bloody rinse it!

‘Hi I’m Chrissie Wunna. Welcome to fifty pound yoga. Now draw your vagina, introduce it to chicks. Cheers! See you next week!’

Whoever invented that is a ‘Downward Dog’ MONEY MAKING, quirky feminist GENIUS. Lol.

Then she told me she had a dream about her nephew’s head being an egg custard, so I ignored her for a bit and decided to just *squeak* at Firmonnell. (The safer option. Safety FIRST!)

I tell ‘Firmonnell’ EVERYTHING, literally all about my life, my feelings and my secrets. I’m expressive. So yeah, I tell people a lot of things regardless. I believe in being open. I have no regrets. And if you’re close to me, I’ll tell you more than a lot. I’m honest. YET if you’re ‘Firmonnell’ I tell you EVERYTHING and then ask for advice.

She instructed me on my love life today. I’m shit at doing my ‘love life,’ but so great at doing everything else possible. No one wants me to end up being the dodgy cat lady. But honestly, I think that’s where i’m headed. I mean GOSH, I’m independant as HELL. I love my life. I live it. I’m successful. I don’t look too dodgy. I adore romance. I do it all. But oh my WORLD am I crap at love, when it comes to ‘knowing what to do to make it stick forever.’

I’m so crap, it’s funny. Yet not funny when i’m 80, alone and with all my CATS! I’m really good at knuckling down and concentrating on my career. I can block everything out and concentrate on my career. But that’s not balance. That’s just money and no person is forever successful without good balance or love. That’s why workaholics never become an absolute success. When they turn old, they realize that they’ve only become half the person that they always  wanted to be. That alone is pretty dull. I’m smart enough to know that and sassy enough to do something about it.

Anyway, to be honest, i’ve felt great all day because something made me ‘squeak.’ I turned to my left, saw ‘Firmonnnell’ and *SQUEAKED*. I’ve told you before that I only ever *squeak* when i’m really truly happy. I was really excited! It was the PEAK of joy. I *SQUEAKED* TODAY at ‘Firmonnell’ because something filled me with the fondest memories, the best gush of ‘Victory Punch’ and made me feel alive. I like to feel ALIVE. It keeps that heart beating. I hold onto those moments like treasure. I also hold onto humans that make me feel alive. I hold onto them like ‘non materialistic’ 😉 diamonds. (What? I’m bouji.)

Anyway, a *squeak* is awesome because it fills you with the greatest energy and that energy alone tinkers the most insane amount of good luck to you. It’s just a moment where in which your soul is so jam packed with glee that it could absolutely explode. Obviously, you can’t absolutely explode with glee, but you can’t define the way you feel with words either…So you let out the most amazing girl *SQUEAK.* (I might have done ‘victory clutched fists’ with it also?)

That’s how I felt today. That was my day. Then we moaned about a human we know who obviously goes to therapy that doesn’t work.

Firmonnell: ‘Honestly, she’s mental. I feel sorry for her therapist cos they must just want her to hurry up and get the fuck out their room. No wonder she’s not FIXED. She just doesn’t know how to listen. She’s just draaaaaaaaaaaaags on and on and on and on.’

We all know a person like that. That person that just makes mountains out of molehills that don’t even matter. That person who  is always able to just find the negative in ever single situation. Lol. In my mind ace people SOLVE problems. The foolish create them and even worse they do not KNOW how to solve them or even TRY to come up with a solution, because they are so busy with the ‘show’ of ‘waaaa waaaa.’

I am a problem solver and I don’t take any ‘pity party’ pokery. I’m compassionate where necessary…and ‘diva’ when you’re being a swine. (Sometimes i’m ‘Diva’ just to look cool and i’m okay with that. 🙂  Infact, I love that I can be an absolute ‘Diva’ at times and totally get stamped with the ‘she’s so cool’ lergy. It’s that jizzly charm that I have.)

I’m noticing that i’m a girl who loves excitement. I love exciting people. I love energy. And I love that in work and love. I like it in love when men come forward. I find it sexy. I’m not used to it. So I adore it.  I hate having to do the leg work. It’s not feminine. I mean the other night I was having a quick drink at Ego and I was discussing guys in general with the bartenders ‘Josh ‘ and this other one who likes all things to be bouji (I don’t know his name.)

Anyway, we came to the conclusion that if a guy really likes someone, he’ll go for it. Regardless…he’ll go for it. He’ll find a way to get what he believe is HIS. Even if a guy is shy, he has the’hunter’ instinct. It’s built into him, like prosecco is built into me. I adore the idea of that simply because I think we as girls have become SO independent (and don’t get me wrong, I love an independent soul. I am an independent girl,) that GUYS have become lazy, soft, or scared. Infact all three! I personally don’t like that. I much rather someone be really honest, open and forward, than quiet, shy and thumb twiddly. It’s looooong. I’m an exciting girl.

However weirdly at the same time, as I ‘choo choo’ on  this excitement train, i’m pretty chilled. I like stability and something that I can build upon constantly. But it can’t be dull. I don’t like things that don’t ‘move.’ So technically, i’m kinda well balanced. Yeah. I’m gonna go with ‘well balanced.’ SHUUUSH! I’m going with ‘WELL BALANCED.’

I have so many exciting things to tell you, that I just can’t tell you right now. I’m an adventurous soul…so I’m lucky to have adventure on the cards leading forward! 🙂

Like I’ve been saying of recent…

Watch. This. Space.