Summer Is Gonna Get You & Sliding Into DM’s

Happy Summer! Is it getting the better of you too? Summer is getting me into all sorts of trouble, because beer gardens and the art of ‘good times,’ keep ‘beckoning’ me forward. But you only live once, and you’ve really got to enjoy life. (That’s my excuse, every single time. When do we ever get a Summer as delicious as this?? If we don’t embrace it now, it’ll pass us by and leave us all grumpy. When ‘Jumpers & Dumpling’ season kicks in, we’ll be pulling faces and wishing we did more beer gardens.)

I say HAPPY SUMMER. LET’S DRINK!

 If we win the World Cup & Adam wins Love Island, shit will go bananas. Summer 18, is MENTAL. Hands up, if you here me now!

So yeah, like any Glamour Puss, with a keen eye for the jollies, temptation always gets the better of me, so I’ve been galloping off for fun, instead of concentrating on work. (Never a good thing. NEVER, a good ting.) The only situation, where in which temptation doesn’t ‘champion,’ is only when it comes to men. I’m good at resisting the gents, because in my lifetime and mainly in LA (and I’m missing Hollywood Life SO MUCH right now,) I encountered quite a good, jolly bunch of suitors and potential suitors. I’ve romanced the gentlemen. Zillions of them, all over the globe. I’ve lived. I’ve loved. I’ve learnt a lot…. and I’m therefore not arsed about suffering from a broken heart, in a bikini at 37, just yet. Lol.

ALL WALLS UP! SAFETY FIRST, ALWAYS! 🙂

In general, life hasn’t really handed me good set of cards, in the ‘true love’ department, has it? I get a lot of attention from the boys. That parts true. They crush on an insta pic, see me in a bar, sit next to me on a train or hear about a land I call ‘Wunna’ ( I’m always someone that people accidentally discover, they will not know anything about me, when their eyes first catch mine.) Then they decide to jiggle forward. Which is GREAT!

Woohoo! It’s Great!

HOWEVER, when it does come to ‘true love,’ that unconditional ‘REAL DEAL.’ Y’know? Just a guy who can truly love me, or care about me, just as I am. One that can treat me with all the love and respect in the world..Well, I haven’t been so lucky, yet have I? And don’t get me wrong, i’ve sold myself short, quite a few times. Lol.

OOps! 😉

Yet, there’s nothing wrong with that, if a lesson is learnt. Sometimes we have to mess up LOADS of times, in order to learn ONE little lesson, correctly. (Well, I do anyway. 😉 It’s the only downside to having an adventurous soul.)  As, I always say, provided some kind of lesson is learnt, then i’m quite happy to have *danced* the experience. Even if it’s shocking.

NO REGRETS! IT’S ALL GRAVY BABY!

In fact, if i’m being honest, (here we go,) THE ONLY guy to have ever truly loved me, with all of his soul, was my FIRST husband Mikey..and I may have been in a lot of relationships since that time, even two more marriages. (I was only a young 20 something, then.) I don’t think anyone has ever cared about me, or treated me as well, as he did. It wasn’t even a whirlwind. It was really solid. Really real. Really fun. And I love that not a single soul, but us, knows about our time. It was filled with utter romance. Old school romance.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a ‘dwelling on the past’ moment, (I don’t do that,) as I can pick great things out about every guy i’ve dated, we all could. (I can also pick shitty things out also. 😉 )

Yeehaa!

What I’m saying is, that when it comes to love, he INSPIRED ME because now I  know what to look for, in my quest for the ‘TRUE’ kinda ‘doo daa.’ 

Here me now, Cupid!

I’m definitely a girl who knows what I want. Saying that, I dreamt that I’d be held hostage last night, after being on a weird horror ride at some American theme park. It had a carriage full of every single person in the world, that I have ever let down. Then some dude decide he wanted to hold me hostage, in a really lovely, sunny villa. Then  burlesque dancer danced by me, holding my slippers, that had Bart Simpson toys in them?

I’m sure this means i’m no longer mentally stable?

(I nearly woke up crying, so I shocked myself up quickly and checked my Insta Likes, to make sure the world was still a safe place. 😉 )

Ah Dee Dums.

I was meant to continue my last blog and tell you about my guy friends replying to all my DM’s when drunk. Instead I went on a LOVE RANT! (Haha.) But f**k it, LOVE just means a lot to me and when something does, I’m sincerely careful with my choices. I treasure my loved ones with all my heart.

To say i’m labelled a ‘floozy,’ I reckon i’m more decent than some. 😉

But yeah…OH MY GOD, the other night, when we were all out drinking, at The Carleton… Rhys, Will & Ollie decided to pick up my (everyone makes fun of it) peacock phone, swizzle through my Facebook DM’s and reply to them….AS ME! Lol.

(The last time this happened, my good friend ‘Dodge’ typed ‘I’ve had a whisky baby and i’m drying up to a male Wunna Fan…who then proceeded to send me EXTREMELY dodgy, videos of his genitals for a month straight. DO KNOW, that I do not reply to my DM’s unless it’s work related, something lovely about the blog, or well…basically, I don’t reply to any sleezy DM’s, EVER!)

Now, I not sure what any of them wrote, but they chose a guy (who was in Florida) and they just went for it, with all of their souls. All I managed to read was…

 ‘I’ll show you everything for £8.70 and a pack of Wotsits.’

(Then something about me being a Lady boy. Old material, on fresh ears. Lol)

WHAT IS MY LIFE.

(I HAVE already apologized to him. But it’s still just a laugh. I’m a laid back party member. The only line I didn’t let them cross, was answering any video calls, or replying to any serious messages.)

Then Sheffield Greg & Ginger Brad (who actually isn’t as Ginger as I thought, because he’s getting a tan and Gingers can’t tan,) decided to take part with the replying…So this Florida, Wunna Fan, had five of my guy friends, sending him messages, from a Yorkshire pub….for a laugh. But he took it really well!

Me: ‘I can’t actually believe how excited you all are about this…’

Sheffield Greg: ‘What! This never happens to us! It’s fun. Why are you not letting us have fun!’

(Maybe because it’s at MY f****** EXPENSE. Lol)

Each guy would type something hideous. Yet, the Wunna Fan in Florida would still reply. He was actually really good fun…

Me: ‘Hang on a second. His replies are actually funny. Show me profile! He’s banter. I might fancy him…’

Ginger Brad: ‘He’s not banter…’

Then all of a sudden the messaging stopped…

Mwahahahahaha!

You’d think Ginger Brad and Sheffield Greg, would’ve got bored, by then. But instead, they decided to message each other… seductively. Greg picked up his own phone and started messaging ‘Chrissie Wunna.’ Then Brad was on MY phone PRETENDING TO BE ME, replying to GREG…. I was stood right next to him?? Lol.

*ROLLS EYES*

Like toddlers in a pubby playpen, they proceeded to have a blast. I just drank, cos fuck it.

Then I went home, and left them to handle life, without my assistance. I don’t think they did too well, because I definitely received a bunch of messages and early morning calls, stating that one of them needed to be carried to a meeting and the other…well…was sincerely ‘disappointed’ by my actions.

The next day Golfer Jonny, was found massaging ‘Not So Ginger’ Brad, in slow motion. Definitely pervy and KatyP’slaugh in slow motion, is certainly birthed by Satan.

Happy Summer Though.

Chrissie,

Thank you for following my life. x

 

 

 

Getting A Preachy & Naked, Showering Grandads

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Happy Tuesday! It’s just a beautiful day and we’re having a beautiful start to Summer. I’m dipped in happiness and i’m trickled in the ‘good life.’ I’m feeling positive and optimistic and the reason why that’s so important to me, is because over the last few days, there’s been some really GREAT BITSFUN BITS and HILARIOUS MOMENTS of just pure life, that you could only wish to Polaroid…I mean in the space of 20 minutes an elderly gentleman offered to ‘soapy sud’ his entire body, in a shower…for my Insta story. He even did the ‘actions’ …which was also a delight. (Not.)

Me: ‘You do know that I WILL make you do it, for insta likes. I AM that shallow.’

KatyP: ‘Haha. Leave her alone now. It’s not wash ya Grandad Day, Mate.’

He was the most hilarious, golf playing soul. Filled with banter and all the wit in the world. I think he was called ‘Trevor’ or something?’ Anyway, he was in a red tshirt….and directly in my eyeline, because to my right hand side, flirting had occurred, that I was trying not to watch. Lol. He definitely indirectly called me ugly..

Me: ‘Aw. Don’t Start. I’m not in the mood for this. I’ve just been grilled about my life for the last 2 hours.’

Then pretended his wine was 4 shots of sambuca (i hate sambuca)  and all the rest of the ‘hard stuff.’ I love a bantery Grandad. They’re just my cuppa tea. And I don’t mean ‘FANCY,’ before you all start sliding into my DM’s. Lol. I do like ‘silver foxes’ though. Or when a guy gets, what I call his ‘salt and pepper‘ in. Y’know what I mean. When they’re going a bit greym on the sides.

IT’S SO SO SEXY! I COULDN’T LOVE IT ANY MORE ON A GUY. IT MAKES MY HEART GO *RAPIDO.*

HOWEVER….

…as the story always goes, over the last few days, there have also had moments where people have BORED me. I’ve been yelled at, ‘earfulled,‘ drained, immersed in the lives of others, who may not be as secure as I. Caught in the tales of those feeling utterly ‘lost‘ and listening to ‘he said/she said‘ drama… of that ever so important… ‘this and that.’

DULL

I’ve watched people cry. I’ve made them feel better. But ultimately it kinda made me realize that i’m nothing like that. I’m really together. I’m really secure. I’m emotionally strong. I’m warm hearted, yet not someone to be messed with. I have my pride, but i’m kind. I’m so direct that there’s not even ONE SEXY BIT of me that is lost. I did ‘being lost’ ages ago, it was ugly…so I got myself a one way ticket, back to ‘FOUND.’

you’re currently lost in the wilderness, sort yourself out, because honestly, you’re not going anywhere in life, emotionally, physically, mentally or financially, until you do.

You can throw yourself 100 ‘pity parties,’ THROW A THOUSAND and it’s not going to make ANY bit of difference. You’re not only going to make people tired of hearing it. You will 100 percent, not have the opportunity to ‘get sexy’ with ANYONE. NO ONE WILL SHAG YOU….ever. Lol.

And yeah, times can be hard, and life can be a bugger….BUT GOD, nothing is more unattractive than staying on ‘Team Lost.’ I cannot say it enough. By all means, feel it, have a blow out, express it…but get over it. Everyone has stuff ‘going on.’ Some handle it better than others. Bad times are temporary. The ones who hold onto bad times, instead of knowing that better times are approaching…to me….are the weakest souls. I actually can’t stand it. I don’t have any time for it.

That was just a very long way of saying…

MAN UP.

But, yes. I’m off to enjoy the sunshine today and grab a drinky. Last Friday..well I think it was Friday? Anyway, I had a good news phone call. ..and it made me feel all excited because, I filmed something a while ago…and it’s almost time for you to see it on your telly box.) I just had to go through everything with the producers and it felt really exciting because it made the moment feel ‘alive’ again.

I love those moments.

But yes, sorry for not blogging over the last in a couple of days. I accidentally decided to prioritize other things over it. Turns out…that wasn’t the best idea. Lesson learnt. I’m at my strongest when I focus on the things that I love…and this blog is certainly ONE of those things…

But i’m back. And I’m loving it….

Let’s just enjoy the sunshine, while we still have it.

ps/ Thank you those who went wild over my half nudey pics. Lol There’s always the ‘naked’ phase in every showman’s career.

Life, Drinks & Mexican Blow Jobs

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Happy Bank Holiday! Suns Out! Funs Out! Let’s get playing! (Can you tell i’m doing shit at this ‘staying in and not drinking when it’s sunny’ thing? But who cares? I had a chilled one yesterday and let’s face it, I’m hear to live with my full face on, not twiddle thumbs in a knitted cardy.) Its important that we stick to our strengths.

If you’re in LA! (And a lot of my closest friends are! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.) Hope you had an AMAZING ‘CINCO DE MAYO!’ Any excuse to enjoy a tipple, even if we do it in sombreros and celebrate the fact that I invented the ‘Mexican Blowjob.’ (You need to ‘back track’ blog for that information. But it’s totally flipping worth it.)

It’s basically, the art of giving someone a blow job…yet at the same time HUMMING the theme tune to the ‘Mexican Hat Dance.‘ And before you all get narky. I’m allowed to say this, because *many moons ago,* I had a Mexican Husband, and that’s when I decided to invent this treat…So THERE. I’m not a floozy. Just a great ‘at the time’ wife? Yay! Divorce!!!  Lol. (Good Save.)

If you’re weird and you don’t know the theme tune to the ‘Mexican Hat Dance‘ IS… Hit *Play* bitches now…  🙂 And yes…I did!

Okay, so i’ve been whining on about my love life for a bit now, and I do want you to know that it IS actually deliberate..and you’ll find out why shortly. However, our  Love lives, be you a girl or boy.. is such an important thing to us, isn’t it? Even if we play it down. I always find it strange when guys or even girls don’t have the time or ability to love. Maybe because i’m the opposite way. But I just couldn’t live a life with someone who was numb to emotion or FUN.

DON’T BE DULL. LIVE. BE FUN. HAVE A LAUGH. I MEAN I DON’T WHY PEOPLE TAKE THEMSELVES OR LIFE SO SERIOUSLY AT TIMES? RELAX. ENJOY IT. I’m someone who just KNOWS how to LIVE…and i’ll go to my grave happy because of it.

*Throws you a life line. Boomerangs you a chance*

Yesterday was super sunny, but I had a chill day kinda day, dedicated to family. I was in INSTA JAIL for the majority of the day and it was fine at first, until i got frustrated, sweaty and ran out of gin…then it wound me up. I’m going off gin. It doesn’t give me the gusto,t he spunk, the ‘Ooh laa’ that I need. Luckily, ‘Miss Murphy’ who I adore, (i’m starting to adore her madly,) sat with opposite me with a..

‘*Like* something and let me screenshot it.’

‘WHEN AM I OUT OF INSTA JAIL. Like i have shit to promote through the week!!’

‘ Miss. Murphy’ does PR for a living, in Leeds but our kids go to school together and what I adore about ‘The Murph’ is that I see her in snippets and when I do, I literally tell her everything, without her permission…sort of like she’s confession box. Whatever that is? 😉 My heart lights up when I see her, because I’ll either get to repent, or she’ll join in with the verbal Tom Foolery, without judgement.

Today, I want drinks and i’m certainly gonna get them. it’s me time. I’m choosing ‘The Carleton’ as my haunt…and well I’ll know everyone there, so I’ll only need to rock up with a smile and bump into EVERYONE. I’m sorted!

Life is great. It’s almost like i’m trying to pretend that.. NOT MUCH is going on, when A LOT of really serious stuff is occurring. I don’t know why i’m doing that?  Maybe i’m worried and I don’t like you to know that? Or maybe I just can’t believe my luck..and i’m absorbing it quietly? Or Maybe I just want you to think life can be easy? I dunno? Yet, it seems to be working. Haha.  So ‘whatevers.’ You’ll hear about it soon, so don’t worry. I’m really excited and like I always say, I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

THINGS ARE CHANGING. NEW PEOPLE ARE SHIMMINING IN..New opportunities are occurring…

(Hahaha. I can’t at all concentrate because ‘The Mexican Hat Dance’ song keeps playing on my laptop and I can’t turn it off. How do I make it stop? It’s putting me off!! Lol Plus, that Husband once through me across a restaurant by accident in LA..so he didn’t even deserve my treat. Don’t get all stressed. He picked me up when drunk and attempted a baby fling…but I FLEW ACROSS TABLES, because I’m light like that? 😉 I was in a tshirt that read ‘I break hearts on a daily basis’ I was 20 something, crying lol and then some other dude called ‘Mickey,’ who has now passed away, tried to comfort me in a strip club. Hahaha.) 

I’m really missing my girl bestie ‘Firmonnell’ right now. You need a good chick team, don’t you and she’s certainly one of THE BEST girls I know. In a world where you live your life publicly online, there’s actually always secrets and well… she certainly knows all mine. She’s the only person I tell EVERYTHING TO, honestly, without censor.

Me: ‘I don’t even know why he didn’t  evenlove me?’

Firmonnell: ‘It’s been done for a long time. It was good FOR the TIME…THAT time…but just move forward. He’s so dull.’

I kinda felt free…

The reason why I love a bit of ‘Firmonnell’ (who needs a better blog name) is because when I don’t tell her the truth, she sees right through me…Yet, she doesn’t make me feel bad for it. Lol.  I messaged her the other day, because I was feeling ‘needy af.’ I just needed advice…this is what she said…

Firmonnell: ‘Find someone who takes your breath away, who can look after you, who makes you laugh, who makes you shine and doesn’t hold you back.’

And from different sides of the city….that’s all I needed to hear. Two chicks, from two different walks of life, threw each other a life line, because they saw the world through the same eyes…

I’d love someone to take my breath away, yet I want them to be bantery and fun, at the same time. I love a ‘handsome’ cheeky chappy. One that can make fun of you, but love you madly. Lol. But to be honestly, i’m pretty happy, because I don’t have to really look…they’ll step forward. It’s what men do.

Anyway, i’m off for breakfast with my daughter, before I drop her off at her daddies…and tinkle down to a beer garden for Bank Holiday. I’m like it’s 9.17am? Is the pub open yet? Hahah.

But enjoy it. Do, DO LIVE!!

It’s Summer right! If you follow this blog religiously, you’ll know that I usually regard Summer time, as a season where people just ‘fling.’ They never seem to fall in love…they ‘crush’ and ‘fling’…as Winter is when the ‘coupling up’ happens., people are more lonely during that time and Christmas kinda fills hearts with merriment and all that jazz. Lol

This Summer is different, because this Summer i’ve grown into a woman. So as you’re drinking out of coconuts (because honestly how many more people can I see on my newsfeed, drinking out of coconuts this year. Last year it was the ‘flamingo/unicorn inflatable..’ Lol) I’m gonna find me some REAL FUN, that fun that LASTS a lifetime…

Chrissie x

Thank you for following my life…

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Rebel Just For Kicks & True Love….

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Ooh, i’m a sassy one today! I’m feeling rebellious, cheeky….fun! I’m wanting to be a nuisance, just for the glorious sake off and although it always ends in tears…..I just can’t help myself. If you can’t have a bit of laugh, then what have you got left…but rum? Exactly!

Chicky Mazza: ‘You are far too feisty today Wuns!’

‘Aaron The Pap‘ has already bollocked me for being a ‘Word Thief.‘ Lol.

Aaron: ‘Hahahaha! Sassiness on you at this hour, WORDS THIEF.’

But technically, you can’t teach a girl to COPYRIGHT EVERYTHING, not copyright your own words…and then moan because I stole them.

The words I stole, from his Paparazzi hands…were…

‘…AND SHIT!’

🙂 No one’s swag enough to own those words.

Today. I basically decided to force Lisa (as in ‘Appleton,’) who we know if a really good friend of mine, to have a MASSIVELY GIANT, birthday party, because she turns FIFTY, next month. She’s having surgery, so it will kill her to party, but it’s all about ME really…and I need an excuse to drink more.

Yippppppppeee!

I thought it would take me ages to persuade her…(I didn’t, at all, I don’t know why my fingers are typing that… I’m highly persuasive and she loves a good time.)

It took 3 minutes.

It was literally as easy as peeing into a bucket. (Which is you’re a girl, is not that easy at all? Why am I chatting shit? Lol And why do I have this disturbing image of me sitting, doing a wee…on a giant orange bucket???) 

Anyway, I won’t rest until she jumps out of a cake…or if we have a Tiki party…a flipping pineapple. Xfactor Liam (Halewood) has suggested that all cocktail sticks are made out of sausages or something? Lol. Oh no, wait? He said pickled onions on sticks and that he likes ‘bangers.’ 😉 (My fingers keep lying.)

But you get it. Today, I’m a cheeky swine of a glamour puss! And I’m loving it.

Rebel me this. Rebel me that!

I met up with another good friend of mine ‘Big A’ yesterday. He owns the High Fashion & Culture Magazine ‘House Of Solo’ and we always have a pint and gossip, usually about our love lives….then we decide to work. We chose ‘Ego’ as our banter hideaway…because it’s basically the closest and I watched him put Issue 7 together…( I like watching people work.) He was deciding if he’s going to shoot Rita Ora and Zayn Malik for the cover. (Hard life.)

We got talking all sorts and I showed him the Tattoo that I have on my inner right arm, that reads…

‘March.’

Me: ‘It’s the last name of a guy in LA. Lol. He was my bestfriend. His last name is March.’

Big A: ‘WTF!’

Me: ‘Anyway, finish off ya story? What were you saying about that drama, cos I think, if a Dude has to reach for PLAN C, then he’s got no hope! What happened to Plan A & Plan B??’

Big A: ‘They didn’t work. It was crazy. How was Spain?’

Me: ‘I’m going to an event on Wednesday evening. Weaves & Waves. I’m waiting the new wig line drop…Love Island, ‘Emma’ is hosting it. It’s in Leeds. Why don’t you come?’

Big A: ‘Yeah, I’ll try to. I’ve got a shoot in London…But…*looks at his phone..* Yeah…I think I can do it.’

Me: ‘Why is *************** ruining everything!’

Big A: ‘I don’t know? He’s being such an idiot.’

Me: ‘It’s because he’s got a fairly new girlfriend and she’ll hate me. It’s flipping WORK. We’re mates! We don’t flipping date!!!’

He worked…I DRANK EVERYTHING! And I couldn’t really tell if I was drinking everything because I was stressed and hormonal, or just wanting to celebrate….ANYTHING? 

Anyway, well done to all of you who took my advice and decided not to be dull. Don’t be scared to embrace life and don’t let the art of what other’s think of you destroy your ‘good time.’ They’re doing their own version of life…and just because it’s different to yours, it doesn’t mean it’s better..FOR YOU. I love it when we appreciate the differences in others. I hate when people drivel on about ‘blah.’ (Kinda like I do…for a living. 😉 )

Chick Friend Tiger Stripes: ‘Is your new thing accents? I’m sure all the guys that you’ve fancied over the last few years, have all had accents…’

(I’m calling her ‘Tiger Stripes’ because she didn’t rub in her fake tan very well. 😉 )

Me: ‘I don’t have a *thing,* I just..I don’t know…? I like SOME accents. I like it when they’re going grey a bit. I’m not quite  sure I should be trying to preach anything *dating.* But i’m happy right now, with the way life is, so stop trying to make me feel shit. lol’

I guess, love to me is teaming up with a best friend, lover and  hero….through the entire ‘thick and thin‘ of it all and still over the years, no matter what, feeling crazy about them every moment of every day.  I didn’t get married every time because I was an idiot. I got married every time because I believed in love.

I remember a time when I was really upset,, years ago…but playing it ‘happy’ and my old school friend ‘Wazza’ (who can see through everything and hosts this blog,) stopped me and quietly said, in the middle of his own wedding reception..

‘Don’t worry about it Chrissie. You didn’t do anything wrong. You just trusted him…. and that’s okay because you SHOULD be able to trust your husband. Honestly… I’m picking ya next husband. Lol’

And in that moment, my heart broke into a million pieces, but being me, I smiled, laughed it off and wished him the most beautiful wedding day….

[Oh wait….One of the loveliest bartenders at the bar i’m at right now, has just sauntered up to chat…Once sec…]

……………………………………

…………………….

Okay! I’m back. he just wanted to know how Spain went! I love it when people *pause* for a bit of banter with me. It’s fun. Most people walk by pretending they haven’t made eye contact with me and then start giggling.

I got this weird message the other day, from a guy, who i’d regard as a friend, because he used to be WITH  a really close friend of mine, for years. He’s been really inappropriate and he’ll send me the most bizarrely suggestive messages. He doesn’t care if I ignore him or knock him back (EVERYTIME,) he just keeps going, like it’s all just normal and dandy.

It’s not. I’m a really loyal friend. I just think it’s incredibly wrong. Why do guys do that? I even responded with a…

‘No, I just don’t like you like that mate…’ (And I hate that because it makes me feel rude. But to be honest, he’s being rude…Men are meant to make other women FEEL like a million dollars…not weird and awkward.)

Tiger Stripes: ‘Y’know, you NEED a guy to step in and make YOU feel like a million dollars. I don’t think you’ve ever had that. I think you’ve always looked after men. In fact, I actually think, as sassy as you are, you’re actually too good to them…and they take the piss. I also think you push them away.’

Me: ‘I really need ice in my wine…I’m gonna go ask for ice.. I’m not talking dating with you right now. I can’t concentrate because your tan stripes are confusing me.’

I’ve just got another message from a Wunna Land fan..it reads…

Fan: ‘I want to taste your sweetness..’

It tastes like vodka.

Anyway, i’m off, I can’t be bothered to type anymore. I want my wine. Summer feels like it’s on it’s merry way and that alone makes me happy. I love it warm. If you can’t shake maracas and dance to the beat of bongos. …(In LA, I once climbed an entire wall, in an evening dress, at a house party, simply to reach the bongo players, who were placed in some designer wall cove. They got fired because of me. 🙁 They let me play their bongos.) 

…What i’m trying to say is…

JUST HAVE SOME FUN, EH! It’s APRIL!

Tiger Stripes: ‘Are you missing ‘The Swirl.’

Me: ‘…………….yeah.’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today I’m talking Love…

It’s Summer right! Let’s have some fun now. We’ve sat in rain. We’ve worked hard all year. We’ve hustled. We’ve loved, we’ve laughed, we’ve cried. Some of us have fallen in love. Some of us and have had our merry hearts broken. Some of us have made our dreams come true and some of us just forgot to try.

Clean slate it!

People get so stressed out about shit that doesn’t matter. Don’t get stressed out about shit that doesn’t matter. One life to live, with nothing to lose. LIVE IT. I’m watching the whinners have a moan about life and the winners just get on with it. Wunna Land is a ‘no sulking’ zone. So if you’re feeling down…cheer up. If you’ve fallen down…get back up. If you’ve got a bikini, throw it on. If your Prosecco glass is empty.. pour a fresh bubbly one, as see it as half full.

The sun’s out now! Let’s have some fun! Fuck it! It’s Sunday!

So far, i’ve actually had a chilled one. I’ve worked hard all week and darted here there and everywhere. My first day into my days off, are always about family time and chill. It’s like the big old recoup after a jolly, but tough game. Plus, I treasure the time that I have with Ruby and Junior, as there’s just me (yes, I have a lot of help, that I appreciate greatly.) But I have to work quite madly in order to provide and ‘Boss it’ for them. (I haven’t been lucky enough in love to hold onto a proper ‘this is mummy…this is daddy…and we’re together forever’ lifestyle…YET. What? I’m hopeful. 🙂 ) Secondly…I have to share them with their Daddies (who I get along with quite wonderfully) and that alone is healthy for them, because they’re immersed in love continuously…However it makes me treasure my time with them. I love being a Mum.

We shopped, we sang, we danced, we face painted, we kicked balls in parks, we had mini manicures, we did family Wunna Lunch at Ego in Ackworth and I winked it all off with cocktails, an ‘at home’ dance off and then treated myself to an early night.

Ponte Races happened! Thousands of people went. I definitely didn’t, as it looked far too busy. But, some drunk chick with crimped hair got so blasted and used MEL’S HEAD to regain her wibbly balance. Hahahaha! When that text came in, I almost DIED. If you know Mel…YOU DO NOT EVER USE HER HEAD to find your balance. You don’t ever use her ANYTHING, without her consent, to find any form of anything! Hahaha! Especially if you chosen to crimp it up. Don’t crimp. It’s bad for you. It makes you look more drunk.

Double B has started going to the gym. I’m shocked, as she doesn’t look gymmy, but she is. I’m noticing that she’s water drinking, fruit eating and now signing up to gym memberships? It’s confusing me? I liked it better when she refused to eat potatoes unless they came in ‘smiley face’ form, or ham, unless it was served with a Billy Bear face on it.

Firmonnell is BACK and thank the fucking LORD. How dare she dash off to Tenerife with her family and leave me to my own lonely devices with no evil text banter to fill my much needed void. I’m so losery, that I even messaged her when I knew that she was on plane and couldn’t text back. But she’s BACK…and YES, I FINALLY FILLED A VOID.

Not sure what’s happening right now, but my inbox is filling up with men? They’re all tapping at my messenger waiting for some kind of response? I’m not good at responding, i know….but it’s because I don’t like lots of pressure from people that I don’t think really know me. It makes me run away, (yipppppeee) as I always believe that they have judged me on a picture and have an incorrect idea of what i’m actually like.

I’m quite traditional when it comes to love..and I have a one track mind. So if i fancy someone, I only really focus of them…that’s something that half of my inbox would never really guess? My persona is flirty, but my soul is loyal. (A bit deep for a Sunday. Lol) So Yes, I did once say that I prefer men to be forward but….

Well..to be honest I have to….

Whatever….Lol I am utterly flattered. So thank you. The lovely messages (and I do read them all, even though I don’t manage to reply) made me smile.

*Runs away and hides.*

Lots of people always ask me about my love life…and well I’m not an easy person to date and I reckon that I match well with other ‘not so easy to date’ people. In entertainment or any career where in which you need to both focus and promote yourself, work hard, be away, or hustle…it’s more difficult to find love. You have to rely on the loving stable other, to just ‘get it’ and understand…..it’s never easy. You yearn for something or someone to ‘get it‘ or for your relationship to just run easily. So when you have it, you grab in both hands and try to hold onto it forever. You treasure it. MADLY.

In LA, it’s really easy, because everyone’s doing the same thing. Everyone’s career focused. That comes first. They achieve everything imaginable and make all their dreams come true. THEN they do love, build a family and do the rest of it….properly. No one is living a normal life over there. Love is unconventional. But everyone gets how it is.

In England, it’s not as simple as that for successful men or ‘boss it’ kinda girls. It’s harder and it’s not a bad thing, as people are more ‘togethery’ in Blighty. They do forever. They love hard. They meet when they’re teens and stay together through eternity. They know what they want and it’s lovely….and i’m understanding it more and more, as days go by…in Hollywood…none of that existed when I was a 20 something. But I don’t dislike that. I loved my time in LA. I love who I am and what I stand for and I love that I never ‘just settled’ for whoever or whatever.

The next time I get married, I will be marrying the most amazing man alive.

The idea is to keep it simple. When you complicate something as pure as love…it dashes it with negative salt shakes, that can often make it meander inappropriately.

Anyway, i hope you all have the most delicious bank holiday weekend!

I’m off on my travels!

I’ll check in later.

Thank you for following my life.

ps/ Exciting things are about to happen.

 

 

 

 

I Smells Ya, Kitten Heels, Boys & Mother Mary

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Thoroughly enjoying the weekend I always have a chill Friday, yet Holy Vajazzles, did it take what felt 100 hours to get to my first glass of vino, after the clock ticked to home time and i was en route to home from work. Longest route ever to wine! KILL ME.

Y’know those moments when you’ve had a great week of hard work, you’re just shattered and you want to get home…plus you have things like Mama duties to to tend to etc…whilst yearning for that moment of ‘kitten heels off and breathe.’ Well it was almost like i couldn’t get to it. My mind was busy, but it’s always busy. I haven’t been sleeping well. Then i was dashing around running errands, picking up babies, chatting to friends that i’ve bumped into….got home, swung open the door, was ready to kick those work shoes off..and then one by one visitors approached my door, in the form of Pete (Ruby’s Dad, he missed her and just wanted to say ‘hi’,) acquaintances, neighbours…all sorts. It was about another hour and a half before i got to chill…and well you could TELL on my face. Lol. I’m a feisty one, when i’m tired, you’ll know. But i’m pleasant with it…NEVER. 🙂

But i got there and it ended up being great. My guy friend ‘London Business Man’ has flown off to Mykonos to relax and destress. I had told him that i was intending on doing a holiday and i like that he said ‘I deserved it.’ But he’s good with words in general. I like wordy people. He’s had a stressy couple weeks, if anyone needs Mykonos it’s him. My Manchester pal and I briefly checked in and Facebook chatted whilst he was watching Minions with his son on the other end of the chat and I was High School Musical watching with mine. And there I was , slap banged in the middle of (the posh part Lol) of Pontefract, dipping into the world of others as mine was on chill mode.

Right now…I NEED AN ADVENTURE. Just something to prove that I still got it in me. It’s weird because i’m fun, and spontaneous and adventurous and fire, yet oddly balanced out with this organized stability..a calm. It’s so hard to explain. But I am.

I don’t feel stressed. I just feel like the end of Summer turns stressy and i have no clue why? But the rest of the year, after August zooms by now. I need a break, a sunny one and well my choice of escapism is Monaco.

However let me rewind as fun did occur yesterday…Cue lunch time bench conservation, in the sunshine with my chick friend.

‘So what’s going on in your love life then Chrissie?’

‘Nothing really. Wait, i need to go get a pasty’

When i got back, we returned to a conversation, yet weirdly all about how Junior looks just like me and how it must be bizarre for Keiran to saunter around with his little Burmese Baby, as it looks like he’s adopted him. Lol. It’s very ‘Brad Pitt’ in the early ‘Jolie’ days. Then my blond friend says,

‘I think you’ve just had him by yourself like Mother Mary.’

(WE PISS OURSELVES LAUGHING.)

‘Yes, Jesus Christ blessed me and the immaculate conception occurred, as i birthed The Lords Asian Baby? Except everyone let me into their Inn…’

(She wees herself laughing some more.)

‘I was on my donkey, knocking on doors with a Hi, is this VIP?’

‘Champagne?’ 

Then we sat on the bench looked through my manic Facebook inbox and giggled and willies (‘That one looks all little and stubbly? What are they even thinking Chrissie??’)  Then a guy named ‘Prince Pop’ (we don’t know who that was) tried to surprise call us.

‘SHIT!! WE NEARLY PICKED UP!’

That happens all the time. I have to be so on the ball that I don’t hit the wrong button. Like last night, i was trying to type a message to my ‘Manchester’ pal and every 4 seconds this guy named ‘Ishmail Shah’ kept trying to Facebook video call me. I will NEVER PICK UP a random video call, if i don’t know you. Don’t do it. Send me flowers instead. 🙂 You can guess my address. Lol.

I was getting so stressed out that i couldn’t type this one single sentence because of video call pop ups, that my ‘Manchester friend’ had to lighten the mood by stating that his name sounds like ‘I smells ya.’

I don’t know why i found it so funny. But in that moment, the stressed eradicated and i out loud giggled to myself in Wunna land, pyjamas and whilst sat cross legged on a black and white Union Jack living room rug.

I don’t have anything else to say other than i’m off to buy picnic food. I’m having a Summer family day and we’re going to sunbathe, play, paddling pool and picnic in the garden.

Nothing could be better.

(I’m awake now that I’ve had a giant Starbucks and a rubbish Mexican bean breakfast wrap thing.)

 

 

 

 

Feedback, Cocktails & Leeds

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‘Did you just say feedback?’

‘No!!! I said, that people are surprised that i’m so small, as i’m only five ‘ft four when they meet me. What do you mean feedback?’

‘Like when you’re on dates.’

‘Well, when i’ve been on dates before, they expect me to be six foot tall for some reason??’

‘So you didn’t say feedback?’

‘Noooo. I don’t ask for flipping DATE FEEDBACK! Lol. I hardly ever go on dates and when i do, i certainly don’t leave them a fricking photocopied sheet on the side with a feedback survey attached to it!!!’

HAHAHAHAHA. Life was hilarious today!

Then i went and forgot how old I was! (A friend that i know, of the same age did this also, in a pub.)

‘Am i thirty five?’

‘No, you’re thirty four.’

‘I’m not! I’m thirty five. I must be, i’m born in 1980???’

‘Wait, that means you’re thirty five in December???’

‘No it doesn’t. I think i’m thirty four, no i mean thirty five right now and thirty six in December?’

‘Yeah…that sounds about right!’

Living proof that when you get to thirty two your age just meshes into a conundrum of ‘thirty something’ and you no longer count years, until you’re about 38 and because you’re almost at 40 and people will buy you drinks! God, i’m old. *Weeps*

Anyway, It’s Friiiday! So well done to getting to the end of your week, be it work, pleasure or just plain old life. Have a mai tai on me. Or don’t. Whocares. I could’ve gone and cocktailed in Leeds tonight, but i couldn’t and being the kitty Queen of cocktailing, you know how devastating that IS for me. *Add a devastation face here.*

Nothing would be better than swanning around in sequins, with a glitzy whiskey sour in my hand right now. Yet Leeds, will have to wait. ‘Ginger Belle’ (i’ll call her) totally tried to persuade me, via tantruming with a ‘do it now’ and on the voice of ‘no’ she stormed back up the stairs in a comedy huffy play mood.

‘I would’ve if you told me ahead of time.’

‘You have THREE HOURS.’

(She’s like a Dominatrix.)

Anyway, i chose to settle the score by acting out the reason why i was unable to Leeds cocktail with her, outside the glass of her office wall window. (It’s a giant window of wall.) I mimed the art of having a baby and then imaginary rocked them…which is odd in pinstripes and odd on any level really. I need therapy. Lol

But yes, Leeds is my favourite…so i’ do drinks with ‘Ginger Belle’ some other Friday.(Then she did the worst and added me into a Facebook group. Hahaha. EVIL! And even worse, I had to deal with my other friend (the one that thought a tree decided whether a lemon was going to be a green ‘completely different fruit’ lime or yellow and got the terms albino mixed up with alpaca) being able to spell, within a group chat atmosphere. Lol.)

Life is ACE.

I’m swirling around in a a lovely lustful magic of opportunity right now. I’m doing really well and loving every minute of it.

Work, career, love, family all of it is brewing nicely. The Wunna family is totally the bomb diggy right now.

I’m looking forward to getting my hair did tomorrow and to sorting out my Made in Leeds stuffs!

Big kisses. Giant winks.

Chrissie x

 

 

 

Happy Buzzes…

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So, my theory about people only properly coupling up in the Winter must be wrong! What’s going on??? I mean, Gosh yes, i’m single and i tell you everyday with a wink…and a giggle. But, I always swore down, every single time that guys only ever wanted to couple up over the Wintery months, because it made them feel all lonely and…hungry? Yet Summer to them was all about flings and fun. Neither’s bad. Was simply just my theory.

WELL I WAS WRONG! The Summer, all sorts must be happening, as it seems everyone i know…as in boys…are ALL coupling up, trying to couple up or are looking for a proper relationship!!! Eh??? It’s Summer. That never happens. But me, being me…the Queen of Ultimate romance…I think it’s lovely. 🙂 *Beam here.* I mean, gosh even if they want new partners, old partners, young partners, all partners…this Summer, guys are wanting true love. I swear it’s true. I even have an inbox to prove it…and not the ‘i’ve sent you a questionably erotic pic of my privates’ files. I don’t care about those. They’re always odd and well hilarious. My mind is immune to them now, even after wine. I don’t even want to draw faces on them anymore and name them like they are pets.

But yes, i have an inbox half full of just gentleman…all who want true companionship…and i find it gorgeous. Fair enough i don’t talk to any of them. Lol. I don’t spread myself thinly. I told you, i have a one track mind. I want what i want…and that’s all I want. I’m open, honest, never lead people on. But direct. If i ignore the guy, it’s simply because he’s not MY Mr.Right, yet definitely someone elses. It’s just nice to know that there’s people out there still rooting for love.

ALL my guy friends are coupling up right now! It’s romantic. It fills Summer with this rush of everlasting love. This tinkle of excitement…a breeze that calms the soul. It makes me smile. I’m a confident kitten. A girl who is happy when doing her ‘single’ thang. I’m open to new love…as i’m a hopeless romantic by nature and I have options that i’m not really pursuing.

Everything’s new right now and i’m focused on work, family and play. Like i’ve always said, if a guy truly desires you with ever inch of his being…he’ll come get you. He won’t be terrified, or flakey. He won’t twiddle his thumbs or ignore you..he’ll make you (when he has his moments of free time) a PRIORITY, as that’s what men do.  They can’t help it. And we as kittens, don’ t have time for anyone but grown up MEN to swoosh us off our feet. So i’m simply sitting pretty, doing me..and waiting, as a Lady would do! 🙂  If he’s your Knight and you’re actually attracted to him, he’ll sweep you off your feet…and you’ll let him. Simples!

So, there are options in Wunna land, that I’m aware of and could pursue if i wished to. I’m not with anyone, sleeping with anyone or anything of that manner. Just being aware really as to what’s on offer. Lol.

Just to skim a couple…there’s Stu in Newcastle, who i don’t know at all, but he swears to me that I do? Lol. I don’t. Lol. But He’s in Vegas right now and is waiting to score a date. The good thing about him is that he’s persistent and confident…and not a bad looker. Y’know how i told you that guys tend to use me as a distraction…yet never follow through because they get scared or aren’t that bothered…he always tries to follow through and makes something happen. I don’t have much time right now really, as i’m quite scheduled up…but i’d hang out with him…I mean, whilst i’m single…I might as well see what my options are, during my own free time? Yet, if something  or it all feels like a chore, i know immediately that the chemistry isn’t right. And Yes, i’m definitely a girl who doesn’t enjoy things that don’t come very easily. I know that. Yet, i’m a level headed with a dash of ‘wooo wee’ and i’m aware that Partnering up is all about chemistry. I want a guy who’s spirit plays well with mine. He’s dynamic, he’s ambitious, romantic, fun and loyal to me Infact..he’s just ME…but the boy version. HAHAHA. Ego mania at it’s finest!

So yeah there’s other guys who i haven’t really met, or  those who are my friends (like Daz) who want to go on a date…

But it’s all about a throw me off guard, out of nowhere connection with me…one that makes my eyes smile and my mind go wild with thought. Yet i’m not a twit. I know if a guy actually likes me or is just being a douche for a while. Lol. I know men really well.

Yet, i will tell you that there’s one gent and i’m attracted to him to the point where the chemistry is oddly great..it buzzes, without me trying to make it buzz and well in moments like that, i always think life is too short to ignore those ‘buzzes’ because (like Vicky said) it’s the happy moments that we as humans need to cling onto whenever we experience them…or have an opportunity to embrace them….People never do that….and you should..simply because it’s good for you.

If you don’t like something change it. If you love a girl tell her. If you want a your Summer to be filled with flings, enjoy it, or if you want to find something more magical…then with your fingers crossed…jump straight in. Get those happy buzzes and collect them. You can’t help where your feelings place themselves really…but I can tell you that you are exactly where you’re meant to be right now in life…

I love you guys,

 

Chrissie (Thank you for following my life.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dreaming of Summer….

Just because we can and simply because our current lives here in good old Blighty are swirled with fresh breezes and sunshine dashes…

Here are my ‘Dreaming of Summer’ bikini choices!

 

 

  

 

Now, I own every single on of these bikini’s. Most of them picked up at the last minute of our favourite highstreet stores. Topshop, New Look, River Island….I can’t even remember. I’m a girly, girl, and fancy myself as a kitten, so I’ll always stick to a STRING bikini. Which is a ‘tie your own’ way bikini. I find them sexier and well you can adjust your boobage and bottom slip accordingly. 😉

If you are a bigger girl…and a little more self conscious…Kelly Brook does a great swimwear line, that will enhance your ‘best bits’ and boobies and disguise the bits that wibble. I love bright or ‘character’ bikini’s. So, the Union Jack bikini, is my statement bikini. The fruit print, tells everyone it’s Summer and ‘so fun.’ Lol. The zebra pink trim, shouts…’sexy, come get me.’ The leopard print two piece, is one that I will NEVER go without. Plus, I also LOVE a fringe top bikini. They’re jolly and they swish about everywhere. A fringe top’s also  brings attention to that particular area 😉 …and at the same time ENHANCE what Mother Nature (or the doctor) gave you. 🙂

Have fun, Googling or picking out your own favourite ‘Dreaming of Summer’ choices!

As they say in Beverly Hills, ‘When the going gets tough, the tough get into bikini’s.’