Laughter, Love, Busy Times & Pie

I wrote this yesterday but didn’t bother to publish it…

One of those amazing days where you just SMASH IT. Filled with work. Filled with achievement. One of those glitzy ‘knuckle down’ and get kicking flourishes of absolute ‘in the end’ victory wiggles to wild air guitar vibes and that good old glorious positive energy …AND EVERYWHERE.

‘She never gets stressed. She literally THE MOST chilled person ever.’ said Vogue, Top Knot ‘Double B’ about the Ageing Burmese Glamour Puss to the masses.

Then we wee’d ourselves laughing over the ‘one liner’ of the night, as it seems that there is ALWAYS a moment, during each busy working evening, where in which an accidental inappropriate statement is made that makes us both *pause* and then PISS OURSELVES laughing. Something about the lack of legs and certain sexual preferences. 🙂

Everyone keeps asking me about any news on boys or dating? No news. No dates. I still haven’t even properly managed to effectively reply to ‘London Business Man’ and we’re just friends. I think because it’s kinda in the past for me now and because life and my priorities have altered, I’d just catch up and do drinks with him. Yet in the words of a close chick friend,

‘Didn’t he choose another girl over you at the beginning of last year and now that your doing SO well, he’s decided he made a mistake and now wants to date you?’

And yes…that is EXACTLY what has happened. So, technically, it’s not my fault that i’m unable to effectively reply or see him because surely my Mr.Right would know that I was fantastic right from the beginning? AND understand what I do, where I want to be and believe in it from the get go? Women are like business. You could lose a great deal, over a simple bad minute choice.

Yet, I’m not a ‘Bittery Mittery.’ I’m fun. I’d do cocktails with him in the name of friendship and good times. Like ‘Eton Mess’ and I….’London Business Man’ and I just have different life paths. Great guy. Just not my Mr.Right. And it’s mainly because I’ve noticed that even just as friends, he moans at me because I ‘don’t care about him’ or ‘i’ve forgotten him’ a lot and moans about the fact that I’m working all the time. I don’t like moaning. Yes, I like guys who go for it. If you like a girl…GO FOR IT. Send her that message. Tell her you’re keen. But being moaney at her, for her pursuing a dream and not putting you first is not going to score you points. BOYS do that. MEN weight everything up, pick up the pieces, jigsaw it together and build it into something even greater. As do women. (Yet we nurture and love.) So, I’ll know when I’ve met the right guy, because that’s what he’ll do and he’ll know that i’m the right chick, because that what I’ll do.

I’m open to lvoe and romance and I do hope to find it. YET, I won’t settle for something that isn’t right, because life is far too short for that. To me…..NOTHING is stronger than a TEAM, but the right team is what works. And I mean that  in work and romance. So if you bring the correct love into your life…you can only BLOOM to your highest potential. YET, the wrong dash of ‘ooh laa’ will STRESS YOU  THE FUCK OUT! Haha.  But only because they won’t understand the way your life works…so that part is vital.

I wrote this today after I got back from a rushy day of work work work…

Opposite day! So busy! So stressy! So hilarious, that ‘Firmonell’ and I just looked at each other and laughed with our fingers crossed and the intention to drink a river load of wine as soon as it was all over. Lol.Cupid hates me. But Bacchus and I… are DUDES!

But instead of rambling on, let me skim it for you…There were some great parts between the manic ‘busy.’

Mel baked me a cottage pie and even portioned out ready for me to eat at lunchtime. I love Mel. She is the most thoughtful human ever, who dashed off to get ‘Slimming world’ weighed, yet even managed to remember to bring me gravy. I love Mel. I thanked her with fresh cream Donuts. It was donut kinda day. Then we found ourselves doing these ‘old women’ love life rants at  23 year olds, who were exchanging ‘should get done anyway’ lifts for Chinese food.

Mel: ‘This is why we’re always single.’

Me: ‘You’re not even single anymore.’

I am sat on the shelf on my own. But i don’t care because i’m glitter shelf is FABULOUS. Don’t get it twisted. Lol. It has cottage pie and everything.

I ordered a waist trainer, because I feel all fat and wibbly. I know it’s not going to work. But it makes me feel better doesn’t it, so lets just pretend all’s well and let me get my ‘hour glass frame‘ on.

‘Ooh if it works on you than i’m getting one,‘ said Hot Sarah, who also recently shared the knowledge that cave women were sexier to cavemen, when they were on their period. SO (yes it didn’t end there…) THEY FOUGHT to come on their period FIRST simply to get laid? HAHAHA. Delcious bit of knowledge for you.

Mel: ‘We’ll watch Chrissie and see if she gets skinnier, we’ll all get one!’

Great! Lol. I’m gonna sit there like a hot oriental pig, in a fricking under garment corset, typing away, as they look upon me, feeding me up with pie and deciding if I look like the face of ‘Waist Trainer UK.’ 🙂 I’m sure my life is more glamorous than this? I’m not going to eat anything. Just wear the waist trainer and drink prosecco..whilst holding a kitten for the ‘aww’ factor and wearing ‘just frilles’ for the ‘ooh’ factor. It comes on Friday, so if I do anything this month…THE MONTH OF LURVE. It will BE with the BEST WAIST LINE EVER….:)

Firmonell: ‘I definitely heard Big D WAIT until I went to bed last night, before he opened a bottle of rum that I had banned him from drinking.’

Me: ‘I’d drink a rum on an evening?’

Firmonell: ‘Yes, but you’re an alcoholic…’

But not to ramble on about all that…

The blog, the brand, the ‘baddaboom’  IS really great right now! It’s buzzing in the palm of my little glittery hand. I’m feeling extra lucky and I shouldn’t say ‘lucky’ because GOD i’ve worked my sexy socks off for everything. But yeah, it’s all just slotting into place and GOD with a waist line AS WELL, you’ll all certainly collapse at knees and worship me at altars.

*I’ve just paused to do a set of sit ups. Hang on…*

Lots of stuff going on, I’m looking forward to The Cocktail experience in March. The best made cocktails, by all your favourite cocktail bars, under one glitzy roof. Ofcourse i’m there. OFCOURSE I’M THERE to cover it. I have Social Day. The British Style Collective. Miss Swimsuit Uk. The UK Blog Awards. Summit Live. The Brits. The British Lifestyle Awards. My personal Cocktail Tour and just everything everywhere, with everyone.

At the same time I have an inbox FILLED with exciting stuff. It’s sort of oozing away with proposals from brands that are, lets say… very ME. I’m excited.

I’ve come home today, thinking that I’d have time to decide who my first ‘Wunna Meet Me’ winner would be, but instead I got caught up with cooking tea for Ruby, blogging, and doing a bunch of interviews. I also have my House of Solo shoot coming out in the magazine shortly. I think ‘Abeiku A’ is at the Leeds fashion Event tonight? Lord knows when it’s due out? But I think we’re talking days now? I’l tell you when it’s out, don’t worry. 😉

I’m definitely in the mood for love. I want a calm, easy ‘love swirl’ of magic. Everyone deserves a bit of romance in February. I want flowers and kittens with bows on goddam it.

Maybe I should make my first ‘Wunna Meet’ winner be a date?

Maybe I should just chill a second and have a gin and tonic…

Love you. N’night! x

 

 

 

Sex, Work, Single life & Genitals?

I cannot even tell you how busy i’ve been and i’ve loved it. I’ve loved every single waking moment of it, like the dewy dripped deliciousness of ‘dreams come true.’ I’ve worked really hard at everything and yeah there have been times where in which it’s been tricky and jingle jangled in obstacles. Yet, I must have downed a wine and jousted through them without truly realizing. Y’know ungracefully *hitched* over the brick wall, only to turn back around, *wink* at it and find it transforming into glitter. This is a year of change for me. That year. The year where I *unzip* out of the old and with my head to the skies smiling… i’m ‘ashes rising.’ It’s almost a ‘sexy’ year. On this day LAST year (and I hardly ever back track, I see it as unhealthy) I received a really hideous ‘hate mail’ message that I glorified with the best comeback blog ever. So great, that that blog post, even to this day is STILL my most viewed blog post of all time. It’s a shame that my ‘highest ranking’ was stemmed from ‘hate mail’ and simply by someone who tried to gain a little ‘look at me’ via making others ‘look at ME’ in a more negative manner. I actually gained a lot of support…and well, this time last year, I quite positively thought that I was doing pretty great career wise. However, if I compare it to where I am at this point THIS YEAR…it’s amazing how FAR I’ve actually come. So, even though i hate to back track, I will say that looking back & reflecting, is beneficial when it comes to *pausing* for a second and realizing that you’ve achieved. You forget to notice sometimes and because you’ve been so busy.

And boy have I been busy. I’ve been so busy that I’ve felt like i’mon  a glittery pink treadmill, that’s been turned up to ‘full speed,’ yet i’m in crystal Loubotuins, ‘yessing’ everyone, ‘no..ing’ those who aren’t quite right and i’m running, i’m tottering so fast that i’m racing against time…with a pina colada in my hand and a *wink* that is sprinkled with charm on repeat. I’ve been working through the day, blogging when i can, single mummying ALWAYS and then in then in the evening flying off to any event of my choice that i’ve been invited to. It’s felt like i’m on some kind of crazy cocktail, picture taking Wunna tour. And the weird thing is…i’m not even complaining. I’m shattered. But it’s felt so right that internally i’m smiling. That’s how you know ‘career wise’ that you’re doing something that you love, something that’s right for you, as you’ll always make time for it, because it makes you happy. It doesn’t feel liek work, no matter how shattered you are.

I will now say that I did opt for rescheduling my entire work weekend, simply because I felt as though i needed a ‘moment.’ My body was so exhausted that i just needed to refill (…myself with champagne cocktails :). ) Noooo. I just needed a day off, to enjoy the babies, be a mum, not feel the pressure of an audience and only because when i’m knackered I can’t shimmie to the BEST of my ability. It only takes a day or two…then I can replace myself back in that canon and *shoot* myself out again, but with full force. Everything’s been successfully rescheduled, with more on top, so I couldn’t be happier, as I have some really exciting people and places to venture! I can’t even tell you how excited am I. Right now, it’s so bizarre because there are so many places asking me to visit and a bundle of places that I personally are wanting to visit, so i’ve asked…that if i wanted to, I could set up some 300 day tour. Lol. I can’t BELIEVE HOW FAR THIS LITTLE BLOG HAS COME. And I can’t believe that PEREZ HILTON (who I LOVE and i’m completely inspired by) liked the fact that I’m a FINALIST in this years UK BLOG AWARDS! As if!!! AND he sent me cyber kisses, after I stated that his absence in Celebrity Big Brother is…well…I said ‘shite.’ (I know…I put it so poetically. 🙂 ) About 10 years about, I worked at Crunch Gym, just as the check in and ‘give you a towel’ girl. It was one of the best jobs I ever had. It was so much fun and I met so many different, yet familiar faces every day. It was stimulating. But one of those faces that I checked in almost every day, before he became GIANTLY famous, was Perez Hilton…So it’s really great to be 10 years on and able to look back on development. Why am I being so reflective? I need a rum. This is shit.

However, the great thing about this last week, has been the fact that i’ve been surrounded by the greatest chick friends. How any ‘Glamour Puss’ lives life, without her ‘Girl Soldiers’ (cue: Beyonce) is beyond me? You need them. You really do. And yeah, we’re all pretty different and range from the ages of 21 to sixty something…But without that daily check in, ‘Double B’s’ unexplainable banter and Mel’s daily, ‘but i’ve have melon’ announcement (she’s the slim girl that goes to your local Slimming world weigh in, who you despise for being slim because she can chow down half a pack of Rich Tea biscuits, lose weight and justify the *binge* with a ‘But i’ve just had a bowl of melon’ )….Without the balance of one another…we’d all fall to pieces.

I think the problem with me, is that I’m quite ‘boy bantery,’ even though i’m ever much the girl. I’ve always had a lot of guy friends, that now i’m really embracing having chick friends, because it brings out that inner girl, that you need in order to radiate and be a girl. Maybe that’s where i’ve been going wrong on the dating scene, because I never seem to be able to let a guy be a man, without being their hot bantery chick friend, looking after myself financially or taking control of the situation emotionally. What I mean by that is that i’ll chase to get what I want in love… and that’s lame. I’m lame. And it’s only because in business and in life by nature, i’m used to zooming forward with clout in an attempt to get what I want. I’m proactive. Lol. However, now I FEEL more girly and it’s the delicate girliness in me that seems to be bringing the gents forward…I’m playful and i’m divary…yet like i always say, until you meet me, you don’t realise that I have this soft warmth.

It’s funny because i’ve had some people meet me and say,

‘It’s weird because I thought after all the tit pics that you’d be an absolute  nightmare, but you are so much more sophisticated than I imagined.’

YET at the same time, I’ve had people say,

‘I thought you’d be so ultra high maintenance and up your own arse, yet you are literally so down to earth…’ 

So, i guess i’m both? The key is your initial perception of me.

Yet going back to ‘Girl Soldiers’….you don’t have great chick friends, that you see on a daily, unless you are comfy enough to discuss PENIS. If you could read my blog notes from the week, which are literally just quick bullets on the ‘notes’ section of my iphone, (which reminds me i’m due an upgrade,) you would wee yourself a little with laughter. The fact that i’ve executively typed ‘PUBE NATION’ makes into my phone, makes me DIE with belly laughs.

So, I guess I had started a conversation about sex and how I haven’t had any in ages…months….in fact and that it actually felt great. I’m dating no one, i’m single and i’m so happy and so busy that I’m not even plonking legs at ‘ten to two‘ as they say.. on bed sheets…ANYWHERE after cocktails! 🙂 Like i said, I do intend on finding my ideal partner…I want to fall in love. However, right now, unless they did all the chasing and really wanted to date me, or if i really really *hearted* them…I wouldn’t have time to date at all. I’m shattered.

But anyway, ‘Double B’ decided to tell everyone that she didn’t want to give blow jobs anymore because her ‘Beau’ has a penis that (wait for it) LOOKS LIKE ME! HAHAHA.

‘Honestly, Chrissie! It looks like YOU when you’re in your GIANT PARTY WEAVE. I can’t even look at it!’ 

HAHAHA. If you are unaware as to what my ‘Party Weave’ IS, know that it is the most biggest and most intense piece of head wear, ANY GIRL could endure on a night out. It is the BIGGEST AMOUNT OF HAIR… ON A HAIR PIECE… EVER MADE. That’s what her boyfriend’s willy looks like. I wonder whether it *pouts* too and takes Selfies?

Then, like that wasn’t enough, she then went on to tell me a story about how she knew this guy who hadn’t had sex or wanked off in THREE ENTIRE YEARS. (Odd news, when you’re about to calmly eat a pasty.) Anyway, he got lucky and manged to *bone* (‘Firmonnell’ always tells me off for saying *Bone*) a girl who just so happened to be ‘Double B’s’ friend…

‘Honestly Chrissie, she had just had sex with him, came over to mine and when she took off her top, to get in the bath, IT SMELT LIKE ROTTEN EGGS. His spunk had stayed in him for SO LONG that it had turned ROTTEN. I’ve never smelt anything like it!!!’

Hahahaha! She makes my blog too easy on me.

But does that happen? Spunk doesn’t turn rotten. It doesn’t have a ‘best before end’ date, does it? However, I do think that it’s unhealthy to have it stashed in you, going ‘rotten’ for years on end. Lol. Boys can’t win. They’re mucky if they always *splurge* it out and they’re mucky if they decide to hold it all in. It’s rubbish being a gent. Poor sods!

Men are just weird creatures in general. No wonder, why i haven’t managed to come across my perfect find. This morning I had Twitter banter with Tom Zanetti over a video he had received from a middle aged gentleman, who had taken a moment of his life to plonk a blond wig and make up on and place TWO cut out pictures of TOM on his nipples. HAHAHAAH. He sent Tom the video on twitter…and it was so funny that you couldn’t cry for laughing. We’ve been pissing ourselves about it non stop. I mean, it takes some balls doesn’t it, so i’ll give him a high five for that, as he succeeded in the art of gaining Tom’s attention. Yet it did make me consider burning my own eyes out..and i’ve been, seen and done it all. Lol. But hey ‘potatoe/pottato,’ some people wake up on a Sunday morning and praise the Good Lord Jesus Christ. Others glue Zanetti to their nipples for Twitter videos and hit ‘send.’ Lol. I love it!

I’m always going to be single aren’t I!

Maybe it’s a blessing.

There’s a whole lot of ‘city’ and for once, I’ll tell ya, i’m thankful that there’s not that much sex. 🙂