All the F****

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PR: ‘I don’t know what the F*** you think you’re doing, with this whole impromptu *win a date for a dare* thing?  Lol…You can’t just go around doing his dares, if they aren’t….’

ME: ‘It’s fun! It just happened by accident on my *Ask Me Anything.* Don’t blame me! Blame Insta! Haha. He hasn’t done it yet! So far, it’s just banter. Relax.’

PR: ‘If he wins a date…’

Me: ‘He probably will, as I’d rather have a couple rums, than subject myself to disturbing Tom Foolery.’

PR: ‘Stop, fucking talking over me. Haha. If he wins a date…You’re taking security. You don’t even know him. I’m coming too.’

Me: ‘Ugh. It’s not a PR operation. *Oh! Hi, Winner! Meet my PR & this giant mountain of a man, who will head butt you, if you annoy me…Romance is alive.’ 

PR: ‘Does it look like he’s gonna do it?’

Me: ‘Yeah. He looks tattooey. He even sent me a picture of what he’s thinking about getting done! He looks like he gets inked every 2 weeks… 🙂 🙂 🙂 ‘

And with a roll of her eyes and wiggle from Wunna Land, laughter filled the room, after a three second *pause* of fear and worry.

People worry too much.

Don’t!! It’s STICKY.

I’m an adventurer. I’m a life spirit. Even though i’m much more sensible and tame in my old age…The flirty 30’s. The wild streak, is just something, you can’t scrub off with a loofah. No matter how hard to scrubble.

It’s these moments that bring ‘magic,’ back to your life. It’ll be a memory. A forever, memory! Plus, I think he SHOULD get rewarded for being so bold. Being so fun! I’m grateful for people like him.

I love excitement. I live for it….Of course, with a side of love and a ‘swing’ of a great handbag. 

To be honest…

..I actually, think i’ve been accidentally, CLEVER about all this. Yes, it happened by accident, but  I decided to EMBRACE IT. Lots of people don’t other. I try and engage and appreciate, ALL the time.

I’m an entertainer. But I’m an entertainer, a model, a blogger…of the NEW kind…FRESH SLIDES…

I’m the innovative kind, where YOU can actually come be a PART OF MY ‘SHOW.’ Be a part of Wunna Land. Do life properly and connect with me, as our life paths cross. This blog has literally turned into a written word, reality show. It’s interactive…It’s modern. It’s what I used to talk about 10 years ago..But now it’s kinda happening.

It’s cool…

That Psychic in West Hollywood..2004. At 7.19 pm. It was  Tuesday night in LA.

( I was in jeans and this shit read belly top, that read ‘Manteaser‘ on it, instead of ‘Malteasers. WHAT THE FUCK WAS I WEARING!! And why did I start the blog with a F***, if I was just going to go ahead and swear anyway? Haha. Why do I bother, trying to be decent?)

Psychic: ‘You will start to write something, that will be the something that will eventually put your name in lights. Big lights… Opportunities, are gonna come your way..’

‘I’m a model. But I want to be a Popstar. I’ve just recorded a song with Capital Records..and..’

‘That will never happen. You’ll stay a model. You’ll actually become an actress. That is what you’re naturally good at. You’re a good model, because you’re a phenomenal actress. You’re a talent. But you’ll start to write something…and that is what will make you.You’re going to be a star. All I can see, is your name in lights…Do you have a diary?’

‘No…Anyway, what about my love life..’

( I walked out feeling unfulfilled.) 

WHY DO I ALWAYS RAMBLE!!!???!

Right. So yes! Lots of work. Lots of attention on my social stories right now. I thank you for that and all your messages of support! I put a lot into them…and I know it all seems ‘banter,’ but I do work hard for a ‘like‘ or a bit of ‘look at me.’ 

Hahaha…

..and without you responding, I wouldn’t have a story to tell. That’s why I love my ‘Ask me anything‘ because everyday, I get to learn about YOU,  from your questions, as you learn about ME. I actualyl never feel lonely because of it…

I love people…

Plus, with me NOT being as ‘out and about‘ as usual, due to my 21 day thing, it helps to keep my juicy flow of banter… alive.

I’m on Day 13! It’s almost getting harder now.

21 Days!!! Just Breathe OUT, Wunna!

(Lots of messages about this. But I just want to do it privately, for now. Then I’ll make you applaud me, once I know I’m steady, on good solid ground. 🙂 Oh and don’t fret. It’s not anything crazy. I’m not a massive druggie or anything. It’s just a habit, a wee little habit, that I needed to kick.)

Okay, to my love life…

(There’s literally not enough hours in the fucking day. I keep running through, all the things that I need to do, before the school run!! Utilize time! Utilize, time!  

So! Remember that I told you that I was going to meet ‘The Gent’ on the 18th, for a ‘friendly’ meet up. Well, it’s kinda like a date…but without the rigid formality. My chick friend wanted him to stand me up, because she wanted me to delusionally pine over ‘T Bone.’

I sent ‘T Bone’ a message yesterday. He opened and maybe with a shrug of disinterest, he didn’t respond. He had better life ‘tings’ to do. Haha.. He usually replies…Briefly. So he’s either just focusing on work, doesn’t fancy me anymore, busy, or is with someone…

Simples…

Break it down, Chicks!

*Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…*

‘The Older Gent’ who sent me his first message a couple weeks ago, got in touch with me over the last few days and has no intention of ‘standing up’ Wunna Land. In fact, he seems pretty organised. He seems pretty ‘together.’ Pretty stable and grown. He seems reliable. He works hard. He kept his word. He’s a father. Ex Pro Footballer. Retired. Now a pundit.  But most of all, he seems to care about my potential ‘maybe’ needs? He’s attentive. He’s nurturing. He’s really intelligent, without being boring. He’s flying in for work, from a different nearby country.

He seems lovely…

…and that’s refreshing, because the guys I meet, usually care about themselves FIRST, before anyone..Well any chick, that is. Or maybe, it’s just me? I’ve never really encountered any decent gent, (aside from one) who knew how to care for me, or look after me, without a prompt. Or without reading from the ‘Charm Script.’

Maybe that comes with age?

No, that’s wrong. I’m not ageist. It comes from life experience. Being lovely and respectful is just something you are. It’s not something you do because of an age.

T Bone is actually ALSO, lovely and respectful. But, right now, he needs to do him…and IS. I can’t knock him for that. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind dying a legend. Deservedly. However, what he doesn’t realize is that he already will. A great deal of people, including myself, respect what he’s already achieved in his life. I’m inspired by him.

(He’s occupation is also…football. He’s moved to the other side of the world, right now.) 

Anyway…That’s T Bone…aka The Swirl.

Back to ‘The Gent’….

On the 18th,  I’m going to meet The Gent in Liverpool, after he’s flown in and worked. I’ve never met before? I don’t know him?

Me: I need a new outfit and new hair!

Lizzie P: ‘Why do you need to spend so much money on looking good, when he’s only going to treat you badly, in the end? They always start off being lovely. T Bone was FILLED with loveliness and excitement at first.’

Me: ‘Hi. I’m Chrissie. I’m a glamour puss. You know that! I don’t live LIFE, like that! I want to look nice. If it goes well, then great. If it doesn’t then..Hey I looked fabulous! He’ll remember that! Haha.’ 

Lizzie P: ‘We’ll see…’

Then she shakes he head at me and walks off. Lol.

So much is going on? Real Dates. Old Flames. New Habit Breaks. Tattoo challenges.. Insta Love. All the work. Good friends. Family. Babies…

All sorts…

I kinda need a vino…

Chrissie x

Ps: Miss. (Does PR) Murphy, was on a late night train from Yorkshire to Essex last night, after approximately ‘seven wines’ and got excited about my MadLipz, Voice Over App. An app where you can put your own voice and words, over famous movie & tv scenes. I’m addicted. Mine have been ACE.  She downloaded the app. on the train, last night,en route to Essex, after a…

‘WTF is this??’

It ended like this…

‘Shit! I just opened it on the train and it was some violent swearing scene! Hahaha.’

I’m sure she was fine. Everyone loves a ‘seven wines and swearing’ combo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dares For A Date, Road Beef & 21 Days..

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Today is ace. Sunday is always my favourite day. It’s like a peach and Malibu cocktail, with a tangy thong of ‘ooh.’ There’s a chilled sweetness to it, isn’t there?

I’m feeling wonderful. I’m looking better than I thought. 😉

*Purr Here…*

I can’t remember if I told you? But i’ve been breaking a bad habit? I might have said it on my Insta Story instead? But, without me going into it, because I’m weird like that (lol.) I’m SO open, about everything, all sorts, literally enough to make you blush and call a Doctor. HOWEVER, if I NEED to ‘conquer‘ something personally, that i’m gonna find a bit of a ‘TASK,’ I’ll always do it privately, under my ‘hush hush‘ brolly, like an insecure, oriental pixie.

(I’ll only tell a couple people, who I know won’t nag me about it. I hate ‘naggers.’ I’m too rebellious, once I hear a ‘nag.’ They get me all guns blazing, with my knickers in a tight, diva twist.)

Anyway. I’ve just passed Day 10, of my ‘breaking’ of bad habit & I’m really proud of myself, because I really didn’t think I could even get this far! Haha. FFs.

First Week Smashed. Ping off that bra and shout a Hail Mary!

I’ve said it before, it takes 21 days to break a habit…COLD TURKEY. (Use this when it comes to anything emotional, physical or mental. It’s a game of will power.)

21 DAYS!

I’m not far off now. So when I get to Thursday Sept 20th… I’ve done it. I’ve hit it. I’ve smacked it’s little booty and winked at it on the ‘naughty step.’ 

I’m actually going to treat myself after that. Like a reward for conquering a ‘glamour pussy’ demon.

What do they say?

‘Strength doesn’t come from doing what you can already DO! It comes from accomplishing the things, you never imagined you could conquer…’

Something, i’ve done all the way through my life. I always say, i wish you could see into my head and witness, all that i’ve seen all through my life.

(Currently getting a Flashback or riding down the escalator, outside Crunch Gym, on Sunset Blvd, in West Hollywood, with Joseph Fiennes, who was in town to film a movie. I think it was ‘Running with Scissors?’ He had a baseball cap on and was telling me he was Irish? Weird time to flash back THAT moment??) 

I was only a 23 year old kid. We’d been flirting for about a day…Lol.

You know what I’m like. I was all a flutter…He just probably thought I was fit…or cute…or whatever? ‘Road Beef’ is what I used to call my LA chick friend Jen. Hahah. (She used to always date these sportsmen. These athletes.  These American football players & Baseball Players.)

I’d always date an Actor, or a model…Yet, only because they were the ONLY guys around me, really….

Jen: ‘I’m driving to Anaheim today..I’m gonna go see him. He’s BBM’ed me.’

Me: ‘Haha. Don’t do that! You’re totally Road Beef. Lol’

(Even though I would do the same. I just wear my little heart on my sleeve and I always have. I like that about me though. I’d rather be that, than be incapable of loving. To me, that’s a travesty. A life without true love, is no life at all.) 

She’s finally happy, settled (Girls settle down much later in Hollywood)  and she’s just had her first gorgeous baby. I’m still…well..probably ‘Road beef’…But with a family…Haha.

I’m headed into a lucky time. A juicy time. A good time of work, excitement and new adventures. You know how much I love an adventure. My spirit is wild. I never want to feel tamed. There’s a lot of opportunity a brewing for us all and it’s making me feel delicious. I have a lot of news and I’ve changed everything around ‘personally,’ for it.

There’s something in the air, in Wunna Land, right now. The babies and I can feel it.

Even Ruby has a glint in her eye…

(She’s like a machine of magic, that girl…She’s grown straight into being….Lil’ Miss.Wunna, I guess? You wouldn’t think, but it’s kinda by accident, because I always encourage the kids, to simply BE THEM. But hey..If the crown fits? 😉 )

I will tell you, that I thought I was gonna have a quiet Sunday of putting my Depop store together. Yet, I got side tracked, because during my ‘Ask Me Anything‘ on Insta…a guy propositioned me to a GAME OF DARES….

I’m up for a dare. Why not? It’s life…

I came straight in…with a…

‘If you get my initials tattooed on you..’ (fyi, I don’t know this guy personally, at all..He’s a big Wunna Land Fan and I love that!) 

He immediately took the challenge,

‘I’m next in Thursday evening for ink, so I’ll film it being done, then send it to you…’

WHAT! WOW!

Then he came back and challenged me…

‘Ok, no problem…But then you’ll have to do my dare…’

If he went through with it….(Do know that it was just banter…I just said it to terrify him…But he wasn’t scared. Lol) I told him he’s win a date, if he did…and he will, if he does…

However, he would have to chose between DATE or Dare.

His Reply…

*Hit Play…*

SO, IT’S ON!!!

I love a challenge. I’m not backing down. If he wins, he’ll WIN A DATE. (Something that as a Wunna Land Fan, he’s requested for months.) If I win, he pretty much said…

We’ll see! Let’s play! I love that he had a sense of adventure. It’s yummy. More guys are scared of me, than they are bold, with me. I like it. There you have it. I’m playing ‘Dares For A Date’ with a Wunna Insta Story Fan.

Makes sense to me! Lol. Yay! SUNDAY!

What did you get up toooooo? 

I’ll be seeing ya! I’ve got work to do…

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Ps/ Junior got a ‘Special Mention Certificate’ on Friday at school. 😉 Miss. Murphy (who I love,) sent me a message, after reading my blog. (Our babies are in school together…) Her baby son Ray, told her, that Junior got called up for his mini certificate, but was too terrified to walk up and receive it. His best, school buddy friend, saw this and walked him up there, to help him feel bold. Awww! How magical! It melted my heart. It gave him all the confidence he needed. I love Miss. Murphy…He’s like the liquor in your cocktail..Not just the garnish. 😉

 

 

 

Trolling, Tales & Being a Single Mum

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Aw, I ‘tiny’ cried last night…as I watched my little boy, Junior fall asleep. The last words he uttered that night…were..

‘I love you so so much Mum.’

So, Junior finds the academic side of school, really difficult. He’s great at everything else. Just not with his literacy. Ruby FLIES. She’s like a whizz kid and excels at everything, above & beyond. Junior struggles to read and write fluently & now he’s older, he’s watching everyone around him grow & conquer their troubles. It’s really frustrating him. But he’s a being who keeps his real problems (even at five years old) to himself…

He laid in my bed last night, looking glum. I asked him what the matter was…

‘How’s school? Do you like your new teacher?’

Then for the first time, he really opened up and said…The room was dark and it was quiet…

‘All the words that my teacher is telling me at school, are really tricky. I’m finding it tricky Mum. I’m not good at them…and I think they only do tricky, at school. It’s really hard.’

(awww..)

‘Don’t worry baby.. The school already know you find it hard. I promise you, you’ll get it. One day, it’ll just happen & you’ll be able to read everything! You won’t even believe it! Everyone’s good at different things, and I know lots of things that you’re amazing at, so don’t worry…I used to be scared when I was younger and I never dare read out loud, incase I got things wrong….Now look! So no matter what…We’ll work through it all…’

‘I love you so so much Mum.’ 

Then he fell asleep…in my bed…as a tear trickled down my left cheek.

It’s weird isn’t it, when the people you care so much about, are privately struggling? The kids tell me everything. We’re such an open family. Yet Junior DOES find it hard to show his version of weakness…which I find weird? He’s only five years old? So, when he privately opened up to me, last night, it filled my soul, with joy and relief.

I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

A lot of people think they know, so so much about our little family…But what they don’t know is literally how close we truly, truly, are…and how we really couldn’t exist without each other. Our love for one other, runs so deep…it’s crazy! It’s fun, but  it’s intense. Lol.

My kids are SO emotionally grown because even though they’re only seven & five, they’ve been through a great deal. (I have also, therefore, I know exactly how to help them adjust. I know how to make them feel great.) So, in a way, and like all Mums, i’ve become their rock. They’re best friend. They’re light. They’re fun! The only person that no matter what, understands them.

I just got overwhelmed with emotion over Junior, last night…But he woke up a brand new boy…and that’s what my role as ‘Mama’ and bestie is.

Ruby: ‘Mum, I heard you tell Grandma about Junior being upset last night. I was doing that pretend sleeping thing, this morning…’

Me: ‘Just don’t mention it..’

She didn’t mention it, instead I watched her sneak off and totter into his room, half changed for school, where she then proceeded to make him laugh. He laughed so loud, he rolled on the floor in a fit of giggles..

Junior: ‘She always makes me smile.’

I think, I wrote about that, because I always want people to remember that i’m still human and that even though I’m ‘glamour pussing’ about. Y’know,dollying here, winking there and ‘living my best life’ as I selfie…I’m still just me and i’m still just a single mum, hoping to make all my dreams come true. Hoping that the babies live the most wonderful lives & hoping to one day fall in love…and be utterly treasured.

So, yeah, I’m working a lot, i’m shooting, i might be filming shortly. I’m running a business. I’m blogging. I’m sorting out my love life. My work life. I’m enjoying it all. I’m lucky as hell.

OH! God!

A couple of idiots decided to troll me last night on Twitter, simply because I influenced a bottle of water…Just Water UK. Owned by Jaden, Will Smith’s son.

YAWN!

‘Trolls’ are annoying because they’re never passionate about what they’re saying. (I like passion. A bit of Bazinga!) They’re simply ‘saying’ for a reaction. They try to find *niggles* in your manner, in hope to wind you up…in order to get a bit of attention.

Give you an example, I grew up being a Model, so people would assume that I care about the way I look. (And that would be true.) Therefore, they’ll go ahead and call me ‘ugly,‘ for kicks, in hope that I ‘bite.’ .

I don’t need to BITE, Honey!

I’m grown & laughing at ya.

The guy last night, was going on about the amount of makeup I wear…for no reason, just because he hates ‘Just Water.‘ He said he’d rather ‘drink his own piss’ than sip on my water of choice. Lol. (Beautiful.) Don’t take it out on me, because you hate water. And you can’t go on about how much makeup i’m wearing, when YOU look like you might need to borrow some! 😉 

However, it was just a ‘your ugly’ traditional (lol) jab.

Unfortunately for you, I made AN ENTIRE LIVING out of my attractiveness …So I’m pretty secure, when it comes to that department…In fact. I’m sorted, Boo. 😉

Byyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeee! Just Water for EVEREERRRYONE!

Why don’t you play ‘Just Water Uk‘ phone tag, with my kids also! They’d appreciate the engagements. @rubyandjunior (Head over to their Insta.)

Douche.

‘Trollings’ just a bad way to get attention. Especially if you don’t mean what you’re saying. There’s like 3 million others ways to get attention…like have a talent, maybe? Wear a bikini? Be a success? Save the world? Cure the sick? Marry a Royal? Go on an Island to find love? Be beautiful? Be bold? Be sporty? Write interesting stuff?

The list is endless..

Daaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrling!

A ONCE good friend of mine, who wanted to do well, be on tv and be some superstar blogger…once ‘trolled’ me hideously. She properly went for it…after we did drinks one time, because she got too hungry for a bit of ‘look at me.’ Well, she actually got her friend to go ahead and ‘Troll’ me, yet thought i would be stupid enough to not fathom the plot. (I’m not stupid. I’ve lived this life for decades.)

I actually said nothing and sat back…after the ‘trolling..’ (You kinda have to, even though you should be able to stand up for yourself.) 

Luckily, I didn’t NEED TO. I didn’t need to say anything because from the moment she posted..I reposted……and it BACKFIRED ON HER...

Hundreds of comments littered in, like wild, cyber fire, ALL in support of Wunna Land ..and it made me feel great because I didn’t realise I had so much support? Everyone had my back. All my friends had my back, without me having to NEARLY ask, for support.

It was overwhelming…

I never spoke to that girl again, even though she denied it…If i saw her today, i would blank her…and i’m not like that. There’s only 3 people in the entire world who I would blank. One will remain nameless, the other is Ben (who I used to date years ago) and the trolling girl…because to me, they’re just not good people. I can’t be arsed with that.

I’m all glitter…

In a way, that little ‘moment’ where she tried to embarass me for attention…did nothing but show ME how much support I had and therefore made HER feel even more insecure about herself.

That’s why trolling isn’t great!

I’m not weak, i’m strong. (Especially when it matters!) I’m good friends with life. We’ve been through a lot. You come at me…Life saves me every time…

I was upset that she would’ve actually, sat down and thought about it all. THEN, in her heart, go with trying and use me, in a thoughtless & deceitful manner, in an attempt to gain ‘look at me.’

Tut! Tut! Me no likey!

That was a rant…

I’m off now, i’ve gone on too much, haven’t I! Haha.

I’m headed to my insta to answer your questions. I’ve kinda smashed today. I’m waaay ahead of schedule and I likey!

All my love,

Chrissie x

 

 

Is it really that hard to find love?

Word up! My Pretties. How are you all? I’m kinda feeling over the moon today, because i’m trying to appreciate all that have, right now, rather than crave all the stuff that I don’t. I’m in the mood for a bit of Feng Shui, a wine and yesterday I made ‘love heart shaped’ toast….THAT BROKE IN HALF.

Even heart shaped toast, can’t stay fixed for me…

F*** I need wine.

It all sounds very Disney, I know. But don’t  be fooled. I swore like a gangsta all the way through the toasting…If you mixed Cruella De Ville, Jackie Chan, Mary Poppins, an angry gangsta and Paris Hilton into a pot…You would’ve got ME…making heart shaped toast.

For a Princess, I’m kinda ‘swag.’ I’m not prinny…I’m glammy…It’s a whole different ting, boo.

‘The Swirl’ once *paused* whilst he stood behind his kitchen counter, dishing out Nandos and said…

‘You’ve got a bit of swag to you, don’t ya…’

I don’t know why I felt the need to tell you that, but it’s my diary and my patch of cyberland, so I can if i want.

Why do I keep replaying it??

I even read a Vogue article about Victoria and David Beckham, this morning, in my pants, wrapped in flamingo sheets….Victoria gushed about how much  love they have for each other and how they couldn’t have achieved all they did without one another.

It was lovely. It made me beam.

I want that! I really want that…

What am I doing wrong? Surely I’m not that bad a pull!?! I’m such a happy singleton…Yet, i’m also great when coupled up? It’s like I only want to be with someone who I KNOW is my total soul mate…Someone who will really take care of me and guide his future family kindly and happily…Other wise I find it all a waste of my time?

So well done to The Beckhams and The Smiths, for doing love so so well, under much harder circumstances than most….

I love, their love…I love that kind of love…

I  almost nearly had that kinda love…a couple times…Yet, ALMOST HAVING SOMETHING…doesn’t count, does it? If you ‘almost‘ had something, you really never had it all..

Hit play.. (One of my favourite songs…)

Don’t get me wrong….I’m feeling pretty positive and fearless, right now….I watched Will Smith in this really great video on FEAR last night and it inspired me to be mighty.

I’m already mighty, so it properly turned me ‘COWBOY.’

Work wise…My moments gonna come. I can feel it in my water. This comeback & blog attention thing is hard…YET, i’ve been ‘slow and steady wins the race’ about it all. Once the ball starts a rolling, life will pick up speed.

Like I posted yesterday..

‘Chances are, your best kiss, your hardest laugh, your greatest day  are still to come…Don’t give up..’

..and it’s true.

People often give up, when the going gets tough, but it’s your struggles and failure that make you the person you are! More people need to find the swift ability to pick themselves up, every time they fail.. More people should embrace the things that feel right for them, disregard the things that feel wrong.. THEN find the courage to ALWAYS have faith in life and themselves….

It can be scary….

But never give up on the things that you are absolutely passionate about….Notice the things that makes you happy. Pay attention to them…

Recently, I’ve been spending all my time with those who truly love me, (Family & Babies) and simply because i’m wanting to break bad habits. Bad habits tend to get the better of me.

It’s only been a few days and I already feel more delish..

Plus, Ruby & Junior head back to school tomorrow, which frees up my time massively, for work. HOWEVER, GOSH, i’m gonna miss them being around me, all day. I know that sounds odd…because at the start of the holiday they drove me MENTAL. Now…it’s a really different story. Time just flew.

I’m half happy & sad…

They’re my little worlds and I’m grateful that I have two little ones who still LOVE hanging out with me constantly. Without each other, we’re nothing.

I’m like their favourite human, which always makes me feel ten feet tall.

Q & A wise…

I’ve been answering all your questions on my Insta story all day, but I got bored, because there were no juicy ones. They’re either normal, about marriage, or smutty. Nothing for me to get my kitty teeth into. So I chucked it in the ‘fuck it bucket‘ and laid it to rest…whilst my phone charges. 😉

Date wise…

I’m excited to meet the ‘gentleman’ guy on the 18th. I like how he moved his way forward. I’ve never met him and I haven’t spoken to him since the weekend, but it feels like an adventure.  I’m still fun and I’m still saucy ;).  I think I appreciate the fact that he didn’t just see me as ‘naughty,’ or ‘saucy.’ He saw a lot more to me than that.

I’m a lot of things…A lot more things that people think! So I hate it when people skip the good bits, like….‘best friend, loving wife, wonderful mother, happy soul, decent human…’ and just go with a judgement of ‘probably good in bed….maybe high maintenance and a bit stuck up..’

I’m not that at all..

Well, I am good in bed. 😉

YIpppeeeeeeeeEEeeeeeeeeeee!!

I’m staying out of trouble…but need to go because Mama needs a vino.

Thank you for everything…

Head to my Insta Story @chrissiewunna and ask me Question…(A juicy one though.) Tomorrow, i’m answering your questions on my blog…

New Dates, Mates & Old Flames…

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LA Bestie: ‘How the hell are you still alone’

Me: ‘Haha. Wow! Cheers. Stop saying ALONE at me. I’m fine. FFs.’

LA Bestie: ‘I actually meant ALIVE. Lol. I really did.’

Me: ‘Oh? That…I definitely don’t know! Just lucky aren’t I. 😉 I need a fresh orange juice..’

LA Bestie: ‘What?? Honestly. What has happened to you?? Dead to me. Orange juice?’ 

Me: ‘IN MY MALIBU, you idiot. I don’t order juice.’

How’ve you all been? I’ve had to take a few days off blogging, because work, auditions. socializing, surprises, shocks and single mum life sped into a WHOLE different lane and I was pretty much slow jogging in stillettos behind. If i didn’t hit *pause* I would’ve lost the plot!

I like to keep on top of things. I’m not one to lag behind with ease… 

I hate not managing things appropriately. It stresses me out.

So yeah, right now, my life’s not easy.  I’m happy. But it ain’t easy. It’s a really hard juggle, to be honest. But THANK GOD, i’m back to ‘tipper tappering’ at my laptop, because I swear, it’s my saving grace. (Well, once I get my ‘swing’ back, anyhow. At first it’s shit and definitely feels like it needs rum cocktails pouring all over it.)

RUM TING PLEASE…

I’m just gonna jump the gun and tell you that I got this voice note, the other day, that followed a message. Remember I told you that a few weeks ago, a guy, a lovely older gentleman, had tinkered into my DM’s.

I’ve hardly ever been on a date with anyone older than me…I don’t know why? Maybe because my surroundings are always young. The last older guy, that I actually went on a date with…was Matt Dillon..whilst I was in LA. 

Crackers innit!

(Wait, I’ve lied. both ‘London Business Man’ and ‘Eton Mess’ were older than me. Yet, only by a couple years…They kinda seem boyish in comparison to the ‘voice note’ guy Yet, they’re both happily in relationships now…& I’m happy for them, as they certainly weren’t right for me. I can be treated better than that.) 

ANYWAY….The Gentleman..

He initially messaged me with a picture and then a couple voice notes…and I liked it, because hearing someones voice makes a difference. (Not my awful voice though.) But it’s true…A voice or a video helps a connection… doesn’t it?

I felt that he was SO polite and gentle, yet sweet and fun. He was really respectful. He wasn’t smutty. He led with his romantic foot forward. And I am ever so used to hearing smut, or the game of charm.

I mean, remember that also a couple weeks ago, a German footballer, slid into my insta DM’s…and was pretty much the opposite. He started with the usual ‘you’re beautiful’ stuff…then led it straight to the land of Smut.

I get that…it’s fine…However…

..at that point, I just ignored him…cos whatever…I’m too old for that shit.

Anyway, the other guy, who I always label a ‘gentleman.’ (I say label, because I haven’t actually spoken to him much and I’ve certainly never met him.) Back to the point..He sent me a message at the weekend…Was it Friday? AGAIN, followed by a voice note.

I like a surprise voice note..or video.

It helps me connect faster…(I’ve said that already, haven’t I?) 

Weeks ago, and I did blog this, he had asked if I’d like to go on a ‘friendly dinner,‘ with him, to ‘say hi, properly.’ He doesn’t live in the country, yet obviously he ventures to the UK quite a lot with work. His occupation…Pundit. He’s a retired footballer.

I should balls and a nets for my yard of milkshake, as it seems they’re the only guys that want to play Wunna Land, right now? They find me..

So, I get this message, at the weekend, saying that he’ll be over here on 18th…for work and it would be lovely to meet me.

Wow! Impressed!

I get asked out quite a lot…(that isn’t meant to sound conceited…it’s just the truth and we love a bit of truth in Wunna Land.) I always say ‘no.’ Or just ignore the message. I mean, I must be a sucker for eternal loneliness, because I definitely would love to find my Mr.Right, yet I ignore everyone who DM’s me. Lol.

It’s because i’m a happy singleton.

I’m never miserable about single life. I enjoy life. I still enjoy love. I’m just one of those chicks, who is sure my Knight will saunter up out of nowhere…one day, when he’s had his tea and ready. 

Fate will force him to…

Anyway, I haven’t ignored this ‘gentleman.‘ I need to give him a nickname, don’t I? That’ll come. Yet, bottom line…I’ve agreed to go meet him for ‘friendly dinnering,’ simply because he was so utterly and sincerely sweet to me via voice note. He treated me really normally, yet like a lady. He sounded nurturing and I love nurturing ‘I’ll keep you safe ‘ kinda men.

So, we’ll see what happens…I’m open to it..

I feel like i’ve had this really fun Summer of debauchery and irresponsible, sunshiny behaviour. We’ll all remember Summer ’18. It was fun. Yet, I kinda miss focusing on what i’m doing. Glamorously, of course.  I love what I do and I love what I have…and I’m really lucky, to have the mini opportunities, come my way…Hopefully, one day, the mini ones, will turn into BIG ones.

If i’m being honest…

I kinda started to feel stifled, over the last couple weeks and I’ve been on the search for excitement and adventure. A new chapter, with more balance. You’re a product of your environment..I was becoming one…and not being a chick to enjoy the ‘same old ting,’ I got my balance sorted.

I found me a new chapter..

(…and it took nothing but determination.. Something I am oozed in.)

I’ve been with my family. (My strength.)  I’ve been with the kids. (My world.) I’ve worked hard, (my passion)… auditioned lots (my challenge)..and still managed to cocktail my way to happiness, whilst being over eyelashes, boobied and fully lipped. (Just who I am.)

Let’s *clink* wine glasses to that!

Summer 2018, was really important to me, because I learnt a lot about myself…and I was actually a little broken hearted, through it. Hence why I celebrated, enjoyed and drank a lot. Well, I say broken hearted…but I began with a solid stance. Then emotionally ventured to ‘all over the place,’ which led me to naughty fun (because of course I’m that way inclined..) and was left with my eyes open...WIDE open…my ears a listening (they could hear everything once more)…and as I screwed my head back on, bundled up my heart strings, back into my hands, ready for the next round of blissful, romantic tugging…I realized that my mind, my gut…my body…my everything…just kept lulling back to, reflecting back to…and utterly missing….(back to…lol)…..

..The Swirl.

(Who I renamed ‘T Bone.’)

So, I know that i’m not gonna to go through life, without encountering ‘T Bone’ again…I mean, I might do? But I doubt it, because we get on so well…

My gut just tells me…

Yet the timing of it all…. ‘our ting,’ has always been off. Life has never cut me some slack with that old timing shindig. But I’m willing to see and willing to wait on it.

Right now, he’s no where near me, he recently moved to another country for work…and he’s pretty focused on that and doing his version of life out there.

So, now that i’ve done my Summer of ‘heartache’ (lol…a heartache, that I didn’t realize was happening…) I’m pretty ready to explore…and let my little kitty eyes, take a peeky and who else, of DECENT POTENTIAL…that i’m attracted to… is a knocking?

Right?

September 18th…’Friendly dinner,’ here I come…

Ps? I keep getting a Flashback of Ms.Derry, being sat on the  ‘door wide open’ loo, with her leopard print shorts down by her ankles, as she wee’d, told me she fractured her hand, because she fell, whilst flamenco dancing down the pavement. She was in those shorts, that night too.

Then she wiped up, jumped up, pulled this make up stamper thing, out of her hand bag and stamped my hand with a tiny, black love heart.

It was beautiful. Made me smile.

Be beautiful always…

Robot Husbands, Sex & Miracles..

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Today has been one of those ‘miracle‘ kinda days. I haven’t been able to believe the luck that i’ve had, but i’ve been so grateful for it. I was little galloping around, doing *happy* dances, to no music and total strangers…who definitely now think i’m a lunatic.

I kinda started being positive, after a couple days of feeling worried (cos we do get worried don’t we?) Yet, just like magic, with a *wangle* of a wand and a little bit of a *wink*CONSECUTIVELY amazing things just started to happen….one at a time…ALL morning and hopefully. I even had a prosecco and let my eyes ‘fill up’ a little with glee.

Things aren’t always shit. Remember that. So if you’re going through a case of ‘da blues’ and I really hope you’re not…always remember it IS TEMPORARY. 

You’ve got a whole life to live and no one to answer to.

LIVE IT!

So, I’ve got a lot of shoots lined up and it’s all really exciting. I’m writing. I’m loving the blog and well i’m a ‘show girl’ at heart, meaning shoots are my forte. I love them. I live them…I just find it really fun.

(Hang on a second…I’ve just sat on a pocket rock. No…not a ‘pocket rocket,..’ 😉 that’s a whole different blog post… Junior..The littlest Wunna in all the land…my 4 year old son…Well, he gave every WUNNA in the family a rock , a stone each. They’re ones that he had found on his journies of being Junior. We all actually carry a rock around with us, at ALL times for good luck…I’ve just sat on mine. It’s jiggery jaggery and it KILLS!) 

This morning, I posted a whole bunch of photos and a video on all my ‘socials’ on me waking up…I’m not gonna lie. I did film it yesterday to post out today. I even sent it to someone last night before it went ‘live.’ Lol.

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Image may contain: 1 person, selfie Image may contain: 1 person, selfie, phone and indoor

Anyway, before 11am (it’s now noon) on my Facebook Fanpage the video had 13,000 views. And the thing that’s been so hilarious about the video is the simple fact that it weirdly shocked people?

I post a lot of pictures…sexy ones…because they’re MY favourite. I post them…People seem to like them, they certainly engage with them and I spend my entire day replying to comments (mainly to gents) around the merry world.

I put my pictures up first and the viewers of Wunna Land, went ahead and ‘liked‘…they ‘commented…’ they ‘engaged.’ It’s always pretty fast on my Facebook..almost like fire….which leads them to a ‘click’ onto my diary, this website…so they can find out more.

But as I posted my video, it was like everything *paused* for a second…Everyone tucked their ‘willies’ back in… put on their Sunday bests, got terrified, realized that I AM actually a REAL LIFE human. and not just a picture on their news feed, or a paragraph on a blog post, that they ‘maybe’ place as some kind of ‘social fantasy….’ (Hahaha. Listen to me talking about myself like i’m some kinda Queen of the world 😉 )

…AND THEY PANICKED.

It all became very real, very quickly…and my inbox has been inundated with the weirdest messages, from people who were shocked that i’m real???

I’M SO CONFUSED?

Who’dya think writes this blog? Lol

I post my own selfies…IT IS ME?

I just thought everyone was going to adore me…Lol…Yet, everyone was more shocked, than anything. And the video’s just morning ‘wake up and stretch’ video? It’s chilled. It’s glamourous. It’s me. (It’s also on my ‘Instagram’ so you can go see it there. 🙂 🙂 Follow me too, because growing an instagram following is harder than...(‘I’ll let you fill in something hard, I can’t think of anything right now…’

But yes, record straight. I’m actually a real life person. I know! How scary! No ones even talking to me today on ‘Insta’...like Twitter…. I’ll just have to wait until the American’s wake up and throw me some..

‘Hey Honey, Love the pics.’

I don’t really have anything else to say, other than the fact that you should totally believe in miracles. I’ve had the most remarkable morning. Eat clean. I’ve been eating ‘fresher than fresh’ and it has served my body delightfully. It’s the cleanest, sexiest rush of goodness. I’m glowing.

I’m also getting really worried because y’know I told you about that woman who married the ghost pirate because he didn’t believe she would ever find a good man….Well, last week i read an article that Robot Husbands were going on sale, so we can purchase and program our futures as women.

Now, I love all social development and I adore the amazing things that the world delivers,

YET, LET’S NOT BE IDIOTS.

Let’s find our *SWAG* a second. (Yes guys, there’s Robot Wives also.)

Surely everyone knows that love isn’t about robots and programming? Surely everyone believes that in the end, they’ll find their perfect match.It’s all about fate, timing and true love. Some find it faster than others…but it’s definitely not a race. Surely everyone in the world is NOT THAT LONELY!!!

I mean can you imagine ME, in my flipping living room listening to some Robot Husband, that i’ve had to get dressed and plonk on some chair, telling me that he ‘loves’ me, whilst we enjoy a homemade skinny cocktail together and watch ‘Dancing on Ice,’ as the kids look at me like i’ve finally COMPLETELY LOST THE PLOT. I mean they’re already like..

Ruby: ‘Can’t wait until I’m married and move to LA, so you don’t moan at me for not going to bed on time.. When are we gonna have a proper family…’

Junior: ‘If you ever get a Prince…Like a real daddy…don’t let him touch your boobs, cos they’re mine.’

And then even worst….when it comes to the ‘nookie’ part of the relationship…The part that as a 37 year old I actually adore. I’m sensual by nature…

CAN YOU IMAGINE ME, HAVING TO UNDRESS MY BLOODY ROBOT, DO SEXY EYES AND BECKONS AT HIM, (whilst he just sits there spewing out his..‘yeah baby you’re hot’ lines that i’ve programmed into him

… AND THEN HAVING TO CLAMBER ON TOP OF HIM FOR SEX. YES WITH MY REAL LIFE ROBOT HUSBAND…

WHAT THE ACTUAL…

Wunna land says it’s a no go….

I even had a conversation with my chick friend ‘Jilly G’ about it..

Jilly G: ‘It’s just like a man shaped dildo.’

Me: ‘No it’s fucking not. It’s not a dildo AT ALL. It has eyes. Creepy ROBOT EYES. My dildo’s don’t have eyes? Do yours?

Jilly G: ‘No..Lol..They don’t speak either..’

Me: ‘Oh? I might have one that speaks? Haha.’

Bottom line…I’ll wait it out, marry a ghost pirate, order 100 cats and cry myself to sleep before I EVER INVEST IN A ROBOT HUSBAND.

Love you,

Chrissie x

 

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Stupid Cupid…

GOD!!! If i’m that ‘beautiful’ or that ‘mind blowing’ or that ‘talented’ or that ’10’ you’ve always been looking for, then why the am I single?

I don’t get it? I’m the most loving, love bunny in all of the goddamn lovey land. I make an awesome partner. So, if my inbox is filled with ‘I think you’re amazing’s’…I mean JEEZE, random ‘Tom from Hertfordshire thinks i’m…(and this is an exact quote)

‘like some weird science project, where the perfect girl has been created…’

Honestly! If  am I THAT delicious, than why is Cupid fucking me over continuously…A dude in a diaper is fucking me over.

Chick friend: ‘Because you’re far too picky and far too shallow. 🙂 ‘

Hahaha! 🙂 Cheers!

If ANYTHING, I need to be FAR MORE picky and far more shallow. I love romance, treats, eye candy and the finer things in life, yet I will always judge EVERYTHING on ‘chemistry’ and all through my life to date, I’ve always got it wrong. I have never managed to find that perfect ‘chemistry’ with anyone…No…aside from one guy.

But i’m not bothered. I’m just having a ‘had gin’ rant because I can. I’m not gonna just date ‘the next guy’ simply because. I’m rather wait it out, even if he never finds me and I end up residing with 100 cats, in the most glamourous bachelorette pad.

I will say that I’m watching Mel, Fairytale Blond, Firmonnell, Double B, Hot Sarah and Lynne and noticing how they’re all VERY paired up and in love. And I adore watching them in their girly ‘love swirls.’

YET…It did sort of dawn on me today that I was super single and I don’t quite like it. Let alone GET IT?

I’m an ace human. I’m fucking brilliant. I’m that glittery slice of life that you wished you could spread on your toast. That ‘Mmm’ noise you make after your favourite bite of cookie.Why am I NOT loved up??

*Massive confusion alert*

‘Wunna! Obviously. People read your blog. Google search you. Come up with a version of you, a WRONG VERSION, that they think you are… and mess it all up…’

‘Yeah, and this whole confident, independant thing that you are… is off putting..It scares them…It means that they could lose you….hence why they put a ring on it a lot…’

‘And when they actually meet you, they are so in shock at how you actually are, that they create their own swirl, and they don’t actually know what to do & start acting like an unusual version of themselves.’

Lovely!

Where’s just all the normal humans? My Knight in shining armour? No more Twats in Tin foil please! Where are all the authentic ‘make my eyes smile’ men? This game of ‘hidey go seek’ is totally one sided?? I’ve counted to 10 and coming to find you and you’re no where.

My LA guy friends are like..

‘Just come back here, where we all love you…’

My British chick friends…’find it funny.’

Then one girl messaged me, who I went to school with..she reads my blog daily…

She said,

‘I think you’re going to find that love is about to creep up to you, find you and sweep you off your feet really, really soon…’

Hmm? Really?

How can my love life be so shite. Yet my work life be so wonderful? I have brands and collabo’s filling up my inbox like wild fire. I mean, GOSH, I’ve always wanted to work alongside ‘Onch Movement’ (who appeared in Forbes and designed for Sanrio…Hello Kitty,) casually Tweeted him this evening…and within a minute, he tweeted back, and within five minutes, we sorted out a collabo. He’s in LA and I’m in the UK.

I guess, the ace thing about growing up in West Hollywood, is that everyone I know growing up… as a young one, is now super successful in the career that they chose to dabble in. Makes it all a little easier. I mean Little Raffi, who used to wish to be some giant producer…whilst dreaming about success, with Red Bulls, outside my condo, after reversing into my wheelybin every night…before he went to go hang out with ‘Neo’ for kicks. He ended up producing for R Kelly, working with Britney and even Michael Jackson. All of them, ended up doing so well and because they were all so driven.

YET, they’ve all managed to sustain loving long term relationships…AND IN FRICKING LA, where FOREVER means TEMPORARY.

I’m weeing myself laughing, but I have no clue why?? Lol

Cupid and I will be mates one day. But just not today.

(Now, I want you to all go back and read this through with an Irish accent. My chick friend, ‘Double B’…will always force these ‘accents’ that she does, upon us without fear and no matter where you’re from…be you black, white, Japanese, cockney, Jamaican or American…She will do your accent and it will be IRISH. Lol. She can’t even help it. It will sound nothing like you…but she’ll go for it… 🙂 )

‘You still sound Irish???’

‘Oh? That was my granny voice??’

OOh, Two Whatsapp…

Firmonnell: ‘I’ve started drinking through the week now.’ (HAHAHA! Yes! I hope she’s on the rum!)

London Business Man: ‘I know you’re busy and doing all this cool stuff, like going out and getting papped, having fun etc…I get it. You’re busy. But don’t you want to just get real for a minute and come see me? We’ll go out and about…and…’

I guess, the fact that I haven’t managed to find the time to go see him yet, means that my heart isn’t so bothered. Work comes before him…and when I fall in love….I want to feel as though i’m in a magical uncontrollable ‘happy swirl,’ where all is dandy and I’ll never have to compromise my journey…my ambitious, yet loving quench for success..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filth, Sex, Boys & Hilarious Girl Power

Sorry, I didn’t blog last night. I had a really busy day which ended up with me glamourously guzzling entire bottle of red, dancing to gangsta rap, then pretending I was P.Diddy and passing out. I did WANT to blog, yet was quite smartly advised for me not to 🙂 because as we know, i’m quite outspoken and ‘out’ spilly on ‘fun mode.’ It all gets the better of me doesn’t it. Plus, I thought I was gangsta. So I left it. 🙂 (And passed out.)

I have definitely learnt that letting people have your phone for a second is certainly DEVASTATING. Lol. All sorts of hilarious ‘jiggery pokery’ happened, that I had to promptly clean up with a terrified ‘ooh’ face! It’s a lesson I never learn. I’m far too trusting. 🙂 The last time I lent my phone to someone for maybe 3 minutes, they went on my Instagram and ‘love hearted’ a guy’s entire pictured life. His notifications will have ALL BEEN FROM ME, about 40 in a row Lol…and all on his smutty gym pics. Hahaha! And to make it worse, they even wrote comments from me, really cheesy ‘lovey ones about dogs and love and how I wished i was laid next to him! HAHAHAHAH! Another time, someone went through my Facebook inbox, which as you can imagine is a treat, if treat meant ‘absolute horror’ and saw that a guy had sent me hundreds of dirty messages that I had never replied to. My guy friend took it upon himself to reply to him with the words,

‘I’ve had a whisky baby and i’m drying up…’

Hahahah! Yet, my guy friend got what he derserved, as with almost a cyber *wink* of an eye, the guy sent back numerous videos of his willy and then a picture of him doing this weird hand dance with it? 😉 (Told you, you shouldn’t have done it. Lol)

Today has been a great day. I’m feeling stimulated, motivated, and fun! The girls and I have worked our socks off today but still managed to have literally THE BEST LAUGH EVER. In fact, the best laugh over the last TWO days. I’ve been in creases. Girls definitely fun the world.

So much has happened that I don’t even know where to begin..? Mel walked into the office and called me FAT! Lol.

‘Have you got your waist trainer on today?’

‘No..’

‘Oh, good, cos I see all your over hang!’

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Then I HAD to eat everything out of our FILTH drawer with Fairytale Blond and Hot Sarah (who was sick and dying today, but suggested that I have her germs, so i could get skinny too) simply out of sympathy. All of us, including Firmonnell and Double B are SHIT with a filth drawer A drawer just filled with filth. We an’t stop ourselves and rummage in until we have it completely DESTROYED!

‘OOh look, I’ve found a chewy mint hidden in the bottom of the drawer’

Which fat fuck has eaten all the sweets?’

‘I’ve just got no will power.’

Then Mel took it upon herself to make sure that Hot Sarah knew that a certain room had been ‘stunk out’ by Firmonnell…

‘Becareful when you go up there?’

‘Why?’

‘Stinks of fish…’

‘Why?’

‘Dunno, Firmonnell did it, she forgot to wear pants today.’ 

HAHAHAH! Dying!

Firmonnell: ‘I’m paranoid now, it must’ve been my cous cous???’ 

Then like life couldn’t get any better ‘Double B’ hears some great news, that added to her new great £300 Rapunzel hair..The Vogue Top Knot, has DIED…

‘Oh my god! We’ve done it! He’s done it for us! I’m definitely giving him a blow job. Definitely sending him nudes, to thank him.’ 🙂 

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Guys are ace, as we as girls could really send nudes to thank them if we really wanted. Lol. Smashed a business deal. Here’s in with no bra on.

Then she went on about how she once got so drunk that she made a sandwich on a door. I once got so drunk that I woke up with a traffic cone celotaped to my head and passed out on a West Hollywood merry..go..around in a lime green fedora, after tequila. (All because a guy named Ryan didn’t love me. Was it Ryan? Lol.)

BUT, Hot Sarah then steams in with a..

‘Well..my friend, has a friend, who she shared a room with in Uni and whenever girls were drunk and around, she would beckon them into a room, tell them she had an enlarged vulva (hahahaha, sorry i’m dying)…and then get it out to show them.’ 

‘Was she a lesbian?’

‘No, she just liked getting her massive vulva out and showing it to people…and it WAS really enlarged.’

HAHAHAHAHAH!

The previous day Hot Sarah, Firmonnell and I had had a conversation about whether we’d marry Ed Sheran. I obviously admire his work, yet just don’t find him sexy. I just couldn’t get jiggy with him. But he could play me love songs and i’d adore him.

Hot Sarah reckoned that she could marry him, but then changed her mind because his face was piggy like.

Firmonnell went for it with a ‘I’d marry him. I love him. He’s amazing. So down to earth, so sweet, so talented..I think he’s sexy!’

Hot Sarah: ‘Yeah, he seems so romantic and just lovely…’

Firmonnell: ‘But would you fancy him if he just worked at Greggs?’ (HAHAHAH DYING! SORRY.)

Me: ‘Would YOU marry him, if he worked at Greggs?’

Firmonnell: ‘No. Lol. I only like him as Ed Sheran, as he is…NOW..because it’s like he’s a celebrity who is so down to earth and that never happens…’

Hot Sarah: ‘So you like him with world wide fame, talent and millions….’

We all LAUGHED..but then we all paused, thought about it and then said ‘Yes.’ 🙂

Sheran is too studenty looking for me. I like a ‘swarvo.’ Then they made fun of the celebs that I fancy, like Ronaldo and Lewis Hamilton.

‘So you only have to be the BEST IN THE WORLD at something for Chrissie to fancy you.’

(Note: That is not the case….when tipsy. 🙂 )

Then we went on about how it was weird that people could talk to me online, yet if they were to see me in a public place, they sort of fill themselves up with terror and daren’t even look at me. A girl did that to me in a bar recently. I don’t bite. Well,I might when i’m in my piece of shit waist trainer that makes me viscous.

Both Firmonell and Hot Sarah said this,

‘Well if I didn’t know you as a person in real life, and just read your blog, I would think you’re a completely different type of person..’

Yeah, but i don’t  get that, as it’s still me, i’m writing it…just being me?’

‘Yeah, but if i didn’t actually know you, I wouldn’t have guessed how down to earth you are..’

My brain must be high maintenance and scary. Or I talk so much shit that I terrify you. (Send nudes.)

Double B then decided that she wanted a colonic.

Mel: ‘What? Are you going to buy a douche…’

Double B: ‘NO! A FUCKING PROFESSIONAL ONE. I don’t fancy self douching myself.’ 

HAHAHAHAH! I was just in creases from the start of this conversation. I couldn’t even contain myself at the thought of Double B self douching. HAHAHA. DYING!

*Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your…WHAT THE FUCK!?!’

London Business Man sent me a Whatsapp, moaning that I haven’t managed to do catch up drinks with him yet. But i really am busy. He told me my ‘waist training’ selfie was ‘insane’ and that he HAS to see me. I haven’t really seen him in half a year. Lol. It’s amazing what a waist trainer can do. Doesn’t make me feel good AT ALL, but totally pulls….EVERYONE. My Facebook comments are *tippy tapping* over this picture…

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My waist trainer is a bitch. I’ve called her Veronica, because that sounds like a bitchy name. (If that’s your name, sorry….Keep reading. 🙂 )

But to end all this doo dah, let me tell you a nice story.

Well to be fair it started off shit…I watched someone close to me, who’s a big girl, have secret little girl tears. We all do it and the great thing about being a strong girl, is that when we’re around our chick friends, we’re comfortable enough to have a big cry, open up, talk about our love lives, call each other fat, talk about sex and say our privates smell like fish.

YET, as soon as work, business or men are infront of us the banter quits, the brains work, the tears dry and we stand tall like the hottest Sasserilla’s who have ever seen.

But what I will say that is was heartbreaking to see someone you care about, a strong, tough girl, shed proper ‘little girl’ tears. What I mean by ‘little girl tears’ is that moment when you look at a grown women and she is so sad that you need to give her a cuddle because her face, at that moment, reminds you, that on the inside at times,  she’s still a girl a little girl, who HAS to be a warrior. I get that! I’ve been there.

Yet, the wonderful thing about that moment, was that it had something to do with her past that was muddling with her present….

However, when she travelled home, to her little amazement, her ‘future’ was sat, in a car, outside her house, with a bunch of tulips, (which is her FAVOURITE flower) and with them he solved all her problems with love, smarts and a warmth that makes us women melt.

It made me smile when she told me the story because any girl who is lucky enough to be with a guy, who remembers her favourite flower and is waiting  outside her home to surprise her, with the intentions and solutions to ‘sort out’ all her problems, is more than a God Send, but a miracle..and she deserves it.

Romance is alive….


 

 

 

 

Work, Blackpool, Drama’s & Cocktails

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‘What did she say?’

‘Gonorrhea..’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Defintely!’ 🙂 

Yes, today is the day where I spent a moment of my life, (oh life) listening ‘Fairytale Blond’ proudly tell  ‘Hot Sarah’ her story of how she has an immune system disease, with a Pukka tea in her hand, that she shared and it was delicious. For some reason I made the executive decision to change her disease to ‘Gonorrhea’..and ‘Chinese Whisper’ it on to Firmonnell. 🙂 🙂

I don’t even know? I was bored, even though it was busy. But it was funny! I need to entertain the masses, as we’re again going through lots of changes. Plus, they all know we well enough anyway and just went with my Tom Foolery for kicks, APART FROM ‘Firmonnell’ who decided to nag at me for inaccurately delivering the story of her ‘breast milk pancake’ club.

‘What was INACCURATE about YOU joining a Mum’s club that MADE breast milk pancakes for fun??? You said that!’

‘No i didn’t! I said I was JUST THERE. I DIDN’T MAKE THE PANCAKES out of fucking breast milk.

Hahaha, like  ‘just BEING there’ wasn’t hilarious enough????? Don’t know about you, but i’ve lived a rather eventful life! Y’know, I’ve coloured outside every box, danced with fire, as it’s danced along with me…but not ONCE in my ENTIRE EXISTENCE have I EVER had the delicious experience of ‘breast milk pancake friends’ AND at a community centre. HAHAHAHA. DYING!

Again..this is probably why i’m single! 🙂 I’m a tit. But one that doesn’t produce pancakes. 🙂

I don’t think i’m actually adoring being a singleton right now. I’m not liking it as much as I thought. (That isn’t a grene light for everyone to jump on in. I’m not a desperado…I can still hol dout for the right pick. Lol.

I love, love. I love the fun and loveliness that comes with joining forces with a team mate. Y’know, someone who understands you and does life with you, someone you can build an ’empire’ with and enjoy secrets with..all of that. Someone you love and take care of. I really hope to find that guy. I really hope to fall in love, as my relationship with WORK I have down now. We get on well, because i’ve nurtured that rapport. Lol. I’m headed on the right track and doing it well. I’m feeling confident. (Even though there’s been a lot of entertainment type, other work ‘DRAMA’ today, for no real reason? If I despise anything it’s drama. I get my giant glitter scissors out and cut myself away from it all immediately, as I just see it as negative and what I know in life is that NEGATIVE PEOPLE, who don’t radiate a warmth or a kindness NEVER EVER DO AS WELL AS THEY WISH. And they never do well because they waste so much of their time concentrating on bitterness instead of focusing on being better. It’s that simple.)

But yes, now that i’ve preached. Life is great! It’s always great because i have the best friends, family and colleagues around me constantly, who without them even knowing keep me grounded, smiling and..well sharp witted. Lol. I’m cheeky, i’m charming and i’m dashed in what I call ‘glamourousity.’ When my ‘entertainmenty’ world is turning into madness, and it is a mad world, as the business of ‘show’ is a cut throat industry. It’s almost unreal…it’s a dog eat dog kinda game of ‘who does it best’….And well it’s during those times when the ‘family, friends and colleagues,’ make everything okay again without them even knowing. I appreciate that and more than they would ever think.

I guess i’m going through a weird  ‘becareful what you wish for, as you just might get it’ stage. I’m happy and I’m working hard and I understand all that, I mean GOD i grew up in Hollywood. Yet when there’s glitter drama swirling around me, i’m really good at keeping my eye on the prize, concentrating on what matters, staying focused and just doing what I love and loving what I do. (By myself.) I get ahead in the time that people waste and it makes a difference.

I’m doing really well right now and I’m working really hard for everything that seems to be coming into ‘bloom.’ More than anything i’m adoring every moment of writing this blog. Giving back creatively and telling the story of my life, as I go along… to ME.. is simply wonderful. Like I always tell you, this blog, is literally the only thing that I have been disciplined and accidentally dedicated to for almost a decade. Before all the modelling in LA, TV stuff, love life dramas and everything in between occurred….there was this blog. AND I LOVED IT. I even loved it before it was public and when it was still just a little jotter that I scribbled in with a biro, on my sunny balcony in West Hollywood on Kings Road, as my neighbour Cletus, popped out (we sort of shared the balcony) to make cups of tea and give me advice, as my love life was always shitty. An ‘almost’ decade onward, a whole new life, continent, three failed marriages and two babies later, i’m STILL writing it, loving it…BUT NOW everyone is listening…

That little balcony jotter, 8 years on… has turned into a FINALIST in the UK BLOG AWARDS THIS YEAR! It’s crazy. My life is just…crazy. So, I know my time will come…and when it does…(and it seems to be going well,) i’ll make impact. It’s not how MUCH you do…it’s the impact you make when you do it.

ANYWAY, aside from all that! Thank you for all your emails and messages. I read them ALL even though I kinda don’t get enough time to always reply! I’m doing an ‘Ask me anything’ blog shortly and weeing myself at some of the questions you’ve drop kicked into my inbox. Lol. I’m really excited to whop out my replies…but mainly because i’m an ego maniac. 🙂 I enjoy it. I love a Q& A. Lol.

People have also been asking me about my time with Blackpool. Why I was there? What I was doing? Well, after I shot for House of Solo Magazine in Leeds, I shot down to Manchester and then to Sunny Blackpool to meet up with Liam Halewood for a couple of evening cocktails. It was really great, as I’d never really met him before, yet i watched him on Xtra Factor and knew that his spirit was hilarious.

I arrived in Blackpool, he picked me up from the station with his friend Aaron, who was sweet and oozed a kindness…and then after I was driven to his, I had a cuppa tea, talked to ‘Alexa,’ who is this Amazon robot thing that does everything you tell it too! OH mY GOD! Literally EVERYTHING you tell it to! You tell ‘Alexa’ to sing for you..She whops out a tune…You tell her to turn on the lights, or pop on the kettle…SHE FUCKING DOES….like magic. I NEED TO MARRY ALEXA. I then met his dog Jimmy, appreciated the stylishness of his home, giggled the evenings events with Aaron and then met Liam’s husband.

We got changed, we had fun, we gossiped about people and went out for windy cocktails in Blackpool. So much fun. A hilarious evening. I couldn’t even walk in my diamantee heels AND I WAS SOBER. But cut me some slack, do remember that I had been up at the crack of dawn doing the fashion shoot in Leeds, after the longest week of ‘every hour going’ work….I did well to get my glad rags on and do cocktails under then night lights of Blackpool with the boys. Yet, i always say that it’s the company you choose to keep that determines how much of a great time you’ll have. I couldn’t have been in better company. It was one of those random ‘good times,’ filled with laughter witty banter, and just letting lose. I needed to feel free for a moment…as i’d been working SO hard that a ‘melt down’ could’ve occured. Lol. Plus, I hadn’t drank all day, so i needed to feel comfy and I needed a wine, before we even started the night out. So we walked to the shop to get one quickly, as you need one when you’re getting ready. Liam looked all styley, with his shoe game on point. I WENT IN MY ONESIE. 🙂 I know!! Whatever, it was cold outside and it felt so cosy. AND the shop was literally two seconds away.

‘Chrissie they haven’t got a mini wine??’

‘Ugh! What is there?’

‘You an get a can of Jack Daniels! Lol!’

‘But do they sell straws? I can’t drink out of a mini wine or a can of JD without a straw. I’ll look like a DICKHEAD!’

I had totally forgotten that I was STOOD in the middle of a guy’s newsagents IN MY ONESIE, already looking like  prize twat, whilst in heels and concerning myself over the fact that I hadn’t got a straw for my goddamn can of JD. 🙂

‘Look! I’ll just buy a Ribena and you can use THAT straw.’

See! I adore people who come up with solutions to my problems. Lol. Ribena is purchased, the straw is placed in my can of Jack Daniels in a can. I’m now the happiest girl in all of the world. I’m armed with a Gucci bag. Yes, I looked THAT terrible…and as soon as we walk out the newsagents…

*PAP/PAP/PAP/PAP/PAP*

(It actually happened ALL night, wherever we went.)

Now….in these situations, you can either shy away or you can realise that even though you’re comfy, you look like a tool and commit to it. Ofcourse I went for commit to it…and well we all know that i’m the exact opposite to camera shy. I took my facebook slutty onesie pics to the NEXT LEVEL. Hahah.

It’s a good time. We laughed all the way back to his…nearly got run over….but laughed….

‘Fucking hell, i’m not going down like that!’

Then we got changed for our night out. It’s was a windy night and we were meant to go for posh beachfront cocktails at Beach House. But it was closed.

So instead we tottered into into ‘Las Iguanas,’ which was across the street and filled with a bright ‘life.’ You know how much I love a fun Mexican joint. It’s one of my favourite types of ‘hang outs’ as there’s always something quite relaxed yet exciting about them. My second husband was Mexican. Being Chrissie Martinez for a bit was hilarious. Before that, I was a ‘Weverstad’ and then when I got to England, I was a ‘Thompson’…Then there was just ME again….as a Wunna! 🙂 And even though I get along with all three guys so well…I’m much happier.

We all enjoyed cocktails and the most delicious nibble trays at ‘Las Iguanas.’ I’d definitely go again. The food was delicious. Plus, I adore a good nibble plate. It was great! We bantered about life and love. Just all sorts really.

I guess Liam had been in there before, he seems to know everyone in Blackpool. He’s pretty much just produced and put together his own reality show, called ‘Fylde Coast’ that depicts life in Blackpool, yet one that shows you a more glamourous and fun side to it. I’ve officially done cocktails in Blackpool now so I can literally tell you that been there IS a glamourous side to it! I watched the trailer of the show on his phone, whilst I was sat on the sofa and let me tell you.. I was pretty ‘hooked.’ If you enjoy tongue in cheek, yet fun reality shows…then you will LOVE  ‘Fylde Coast.’ I hope it does well! 🙂

That night was a great night, as I got to let loose for a second during a very busy, busy work week.

Yet, as per usual, I was dashed to the train station when the clock struck ‘time to leave’…and just like that, after a few selfies, an evening of being papped and a great time meeting new friends…I waved Blackpool ‘goodbye,’ as my train left Platform 6…and made it’s way to Manchester Piccadilly.

(Y’know, when it got to Manchester Piccadilly and in the 7 minutes that I had before I was headed to Leeds…and whilst some strange gentleman was trying to hide the fact that he was smoking on the platform, yet still managing to do weird slutty faces at me…I AGAIN, used my 1 percent of my remaining life to Snapchat Steven Bartlett. Not to be creepy or anything…well, i’m sure i look creepy….But I had seen his snap a day before or so, which was asking people to give ‘ask HIM’ anything’ for his Q & A. I actually have A HUNDRED THINGS TO ASK HIM, so this was music to my ears, but i just couldn’t find a spare minute to simply send a ‘snap’ to him. I found that minute…on Platform 13 of Manchester Piccadilly, now 3 minutes before my train arrived. I began filming….and just as i was about to ask my question….MY PHONE DIED. What is my life!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Single Life at 30 & A Dash of Co..Parenting

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I cannot even tell you how wonderful it feels right now to be a 30 something ‘Singleton’ with a glow of warmth and love, yet without this bizarre ‘NEED’ for it in return and I don’t mean all this in an ‘Ooh I can get sexy with any handsome i want and be their bed warmer for kicks and no strings.’ (I’m a chick, it’s just not how we roll emotionally. We’re not wired that way. There’s always something else going on in our heads isn’t there. Lol. Tragic but true. I am naturally an unconventional traditionalist. 🙂 I like things to be done the correct way, but with a happy/funny/or positive Wunna Twist.) What I mean by all the ‘Happy Singleton’ things is that my world is utterly and COMPLETELY DRAMA FREE because of it and gosh that is BLISS!

I hearing, watching and seeing partnerships be filled with ‘smog,’ …and not that i’m smug or anything….but i’m totally smug and everything 🙂 because i have none of those negative vibes dancing around my bubble and instead it is shimming through with light, love and fun. This Christmas I am all about The Wunna Babies, life and family and let me tell you my boat is fully afloat! 🙂 🙂 🙂 I’m beaming! I’ve had a great year, I’ m on a 9 day birthday countdown and i’m smashing it!

Like i said before in a previous blog, i seem empowering because i’m positive. I believe i’m powerful because of my thoughts and the fact that i can express them. I’m always one to believe that being single doesn’t THESE DAYS mean that you’re ‘no good.’ It means that you know what you want and you are not willing to just settle or tie yourself down to something that isn’t exactly right for you, and instead be smart enough to wait for the right human with the right soul. It no longer means standing at the back of a gymnasium, by the rail because no one wants to dance with you. TODAY, being a single 30 something means you can just leave whenever you feel because the party wasn’t good enough. 🙂 And feeling powerful makes you a million times more attractive. 🙂 My mojo is great right now, i should bottle it up and sell it to you. 😉

Anyway, preach over. Life!

Lot’s has happened. I have four days off work. I’m at Tiger Tiger Leeds tonight to celebrate achievements via the fine art of cocktailing and good times! I’m excited as I adore a good time in any shape or form.

Junior’s got a snotty nose. Ruby has broken up from school for Christmas and her Daddy (Pete) and I did Posh Lunch with her yesterday at Ego to make her smile. If anything Pete, Keiran and I co parent those kids like champions. Yes, it’s odd, but no one does it better than us and it’s a really hard thing to understand unless you know us personally. But we parent the children together. To be honest, both boys are going through their own dramas right now, be it in life or love…but when all’s said and done, we’re a family (and incase you have just tuned in, they are the two daddies to my two babies) and there’s a great deal of respect, laughter and love that it shared between us. I mean we’ll have our ups, downs and inbetweens at times, not often, as we get on so well. We have boyfriends and girlfriends venture in and out of the bubble…again…not often. I mean, when I dated Ben ages ago, he was great with Junior, yet rubbish with Ruby, he just didn’t understand and always tried to be her friend, yet would ‘naughty step’ her when HE couldn’t handle the situation. It got to a point where Ruby didn’t even want to be in the home around him…so immediately he was ‘Voted off the island.’ And that’s how it sort of works in Wunna land.

Harsh I know. It’s hard to date us as individuals….even without all this parenting stuff sprinkled on. Lol.

But what we do well is prioritise the children in our lives. What they want and what they need comes first and mainly because neither Pete, Keiran or I are that ‘needy’ really when it comes to love. All three of us are quite independant which makes putting Ruby and Baby J first, really easy.  I took Ruby to the park after lunch yesterday and there was a moment when she was swinging on the swing, I was pushing her, she was laid back in this orange swing, with her face looking up to the sky and her eyes closed. I watched her and asked her how she felt? How life was? And her simple reply, as she looked in utter peace and overwhelmed with glee was ‘I don’t feel good Mum. I feel GREAT! I’m really happy.’ (Her eyes still closed, her face still smiling up to the sky as she swung merrily.)

And that’s how we know that we’re doing an alright job….

A great thing about yesterday was that I bumped in my good friend Vicky. She found me on the street, adopted me and took to school (we have kids in the same school) for Christmas market trinket shopping and coffee. I’m a Prosecco Mum not a PSA Mum so i never know that things like this are going on. But it was good to see her and she’s always so filled with love and banter. We had a giggle, she borrowed my pen, wrote out my own Christmas card with it, infront of me, sealed it, signed it to me and handed it over. Lol. HAHAHA. I love it! Hilarious.

There was a glow about her yesterday as Vicky in her 40’s, found love in her 40’s (she looks like she’s just about to turn 30) and she is about to marry the man of her dreams. So she’s glowing. She asked HIM (Guy) to marry her. Sexy isn’t it! And if that isn’t girl power than i don’t know what is!! She’s always told me to hold out and wait for the ‘life enhancer.’ The guy that comes in, sweeps you off your feet, fixes things positively, lives with you, enjoys the world the way you do, loves you how you want to be loved and enhances your life. If you’re in a relationship and you do not have that, then you are with the wrong human and selling yourself short.

I’ve got a really busy day today, so i need to head off!

I’m at Tiger Tiger Leeds tonight!!

See ya. x