Am I single? YES…and I’m happy. That doesn’t mean I’m not open to finding love. I’d love to bump into Mr.Right or ignite new chemistry with new friends, who might wish to explore…a ‘little more.’
All it means is that I don’t feel like there’s an empty void in my life. Ever. I’m a single mum. I’m home with Ruby & Junior. I’m working my dream job…and the Wunna land bubble just seems to be filled TO THE BRIM with SO MUCH love, so much excitement…that I never ever feel alone or without it?
In my mind…this is a good thing because people kinda strut into relationships or hookups, or hook ups that they thought were relationships…before they feel ‘full.’ (I’ve done that so many times over & over in my life.) What I’ve learnt is that the ‘fullness’ is essential and something that you have to feel and BE BEFORE you start tinkering into some kind of ‘forever’ match.
The reason being because you’ll zap up all the other persons energy. You’ll use up their flame because you weren’t FULLY lit. You’ll breathe in ALL of their air, to the point where you’ll end up feeling lost and they’ll feel utterly suffocated. All because you weren’t full, so you weren’t ready. You still had those little pieces missing and either didn’t acknowledge that wee bit of ‘empty’ or you didn’t wait…until the time was right! (I’ve been a sucker for not waiting!) But you really shouldn’t ever hope that your new potential partner is there to fix all your problems. That isn’t love. It’s a whole different thing! The bear to that dance is off.
But yeah, because I feel so full and feel so happy, it’s great because I’m not looking to steal someone’s air, or have someone steal mine, i’m looking to and for (and a great friend once told me this..) a ‘life enhancer.’ I wanna share strength not dwell in weakness.
Meaning, I’d want to enhance and give to my future partners life in some way, instead of take…and vice versa.
That way everyone is happy. There’s utter balance. The quality of love is real and magical…and it’s brilliant.
I’m not meaning to sound ‘preachy.’ I’m a spiritual ‘wish upon stars’ kinda girl, so I’m not sure why I’ve delivered it so sensibly?
I’ve just been in so many previous relationships, marriages…all sorts…with guys from all different walks of life…all over the world. I’ve experienced a lot. I’ve had wonderful times. Shit times. I’ve been good. I’ve been bad. I’ve been hurt. I’ve been happy.
But most of all…I’ve LEARNT…and those experiences are all ONLY worthwhile NOW because of the learning process. So I’m cool with it.
I’m excited to see what the future holds! I’m a hopeless romantic. I want a real connection. A full one. One where’s you don’t make the best out of a bad bargain or sell yourself short.
I’m not gonna lie…I kinda receive a delightful ‘jolly’ of offers, probably every minute of the day, due to social media…and I’m so incredibly grateful and flattered for all your love. It makes me smile and I’m an old bird now, so it keeps me confident! I need to be smiling. I’m too old to be slobbing around. So yes, I love you all for it and I’m thankful every single day!
So, as o began…yes…I’m single. I’m happy. I’m full! I’m on the look out for Mr.Right. I dont spread myself thinly. I won’t commit to anything that doesn’t make me happy. I believe in true love. I do think that there is one person out there’s for everyone.
But I’m not worried because he’ll just find me, won’t he!
Life is great. The babies are wonderful. Work is all back on track and I’m loving being back on set!
There’s something in the air….whatever will be, will be!
Hi, my little tinsel wrapped Chucky eggs! I’m writing this on my phone with my thumbs, after refusing a morning Guinness, to instead turn on the fairy lights and allow in a little merriment, in my own way. (You’re gonna have to bare with me. I’m shit with thumb tappering. You can’t even sip your pina colada.)
I’ve had SUCH a busy time, following the First Dates thing. I’ve kinda had no rest! Mainly because I’ve had a whole bunch of other stuff lined up..that I’ve had to smash, get in the can, shoot, write, learn, influence, visit or read…and all before Christmas!
I’ve been on every train. I’ve lost both sets of car keys. I’ve won. I’ve lost. I’ve been hit on no end. However, by boys who don’t wanna take me on an actual date..They just wanna ‘bone’ me like I’m a prize…not like I’m human.
But it doesn’t bother me, cos I know exactly what I’m looking for…Boys can’t mess with me. Plus every time some guy, tries to fly in with a boner…who has no intention of anything more, but the merry art of ‘boning’..it’s reconfirms the ‘what I need’ more and more. It does this by showing me what I don’t need….with gin bells on.
That alone makes me happy. I don’t sell myself short anymore. I’m grown! Being all wise, makes me feel sexy!
Pats in the back for me!!
I’m loving meeting you all. It’s been great to have met so many of you, who have been filled with ‘First Dates’ love for me. It’s weird because it was only a little date in the telly. But I’ve just had so much love from so many people…in bars, in shopping centres, down wine isles, in playgrounds, all over! I’ve had hugs, love and every human, being human. Y’know sending me blessings for the future..because Cupid is a bastard. 😂
I have time for absolutely everyone. So it makes me really happy, when you stop me for a banter or a selfie. So many people still believe in true love!
Being a romantic! I love that, with all my heart!
I’ve felt lost through the whole of last week. Ruby, Junior and I, ALL have! I’ve been filled with a jolly jiggle on absolute anxiety! It’s been stressful. The kids have been my world through it. I mean little Ruby even read me poems before bed, so I’d sleep.
Chick friend: ‘You kinda have this way of acting like you’re over the moon and fine, when you’re scared or nervous.’
Very true! I’m a pro at it. I have the heart of a true entertainer! Lol
My mum, who’s my life line, tinkered on holiday for 2 weeks. (How Dare She!!) And the timing of it was shit. Y’see whenever a bit of ‘look at me’ occurs, in my life & I’m dipped in a 5 second ‘light of lime,’ I always need her more than ever. I need her more than ever!!
But she was GONE!!
It was good for me though, because you can’t live in a comfort zone. I’ve got quite good at having the rug pulled, yet still being able to stand and sip my wine!
Now, i’m an independent girl, aren’t I! I’ve travelled the world, with work, on my own since being 19, to dream chase! I was juicy! I still am! But as I’m growing older, my priorities have changed…I’m a sassy bit of ‘family girl’ now. I’m happy, when I’m around the people who I love…because they too care about me the most!
They protect me.. My world is filled with love!
Mum: ‘Chrissie, you can’t be in entertainment and get anxious when people stop, to be lovely to you..It’s your job. They’re supporting you! They want a pic because they’ve loved watching you do, you’re do. Don’t be frightened.’
Me: ‘I’m not frightened. I love it. I love THEM! I do all that well. Sometimes it makes me feel more insecure?’
I guess, when you gave the mist around you, it’s wonderful. However after a bit, it starts to ‘Circus’ a little…(in fact, it’s not always wonderful, because cyberland will sometimes hate on me. Haha!)
When it starts to ‘Circus,’ that’s when I need my Mama!
Mum: ‘I love you. But you need to rely on your own strength. You need to feel rocky to get strong. When you were a little girl, you were filled with this irrepressible STRENGTH. Now that life has bashed you about a bit..you rely on me or shut away & you can’t, because I’m not gonna be here forever!’
I’ve just got back from London! I had a shoot, 2 meetings and I then did drinks at the Great Northern Bar.
It was cold and chucking it down. But inside where the wine was flowing..it was warm! It was cosy!
Bartender: ‘You’re an attractive girl! Where are you headed tonight?’
Me: ‘I’m just doing life… 😉 I need a large white wine please…with ice in.’
Then after phone calls I was greeted by the most beautiful girl named Lexie and her gay friend from Manchester! (Who didnt sound northern at all!) They were great. So much fun! We did First Date selfies and basically got trashed.
Then these dudes from East London (who’d been trying to get our attention via the fine art of dance routines, under chandeliers) joined us…They were In Christmas jumpers, cheeky and wild! The manager kept having to come over and tell us all to ‘keep the noise down.’
It all went a bit mental then!
Every single person strutting up to the bar had just watched my episode of ‘First Dates!’ It was so strange but ace?? So many people love the show. It felt great!
Then the cheeky East London boys (who ALL had wives and girlfriends…) decided to take a shot at trying to see if they could get me to have sex with them.
This is my life!
Sometimes I think that maybe I’m just made for ‘entertainment’ and not real life true love.
Why can’t I have real life true love??
Me: ‘No thanks. You need to be thinking about your girlfriend mate!’
Staff: ‘Are you alright, Chrissie?’
Guy: ‘You only live once. My mum passed away. It taught me that! I’ve got a girlfriend, yeah. But I’m obviously not gonna miss out on an opportunity to be with you! If you want that! You’re beautiful!’
Me: ‘What!!! No thanks. Your girlfriends beautiful. You should call her!’
Everyone was just getting glamourously Christmas drunk! But you need a blow out at times, don’t you!
I ended up puking! Sleeping in my dress. Waking up in my hotel feeling awful, with an untouched Macdonalds by my side…
It took me 3 hours to get out of bed..but as soon as I did..I walked to Kings Cross station, feeling the most hungover I’ve ever felt in my entire life…
I could’ve died. Nothing is worse than being at a train station…waiting…when rough! Plus, I was in heels because I forgot to pack flats. Plus, I had to through my extensions in the bin because they had sick on. Lol
Then fucking Liam calls me (who was currently filming a tv show) with a…
’I need a favour…’
So in my most hungover state at kings cross..I end up having to do his show!!
It was so much fun! But I couldn’t wait to get back to the babies!
An hour and a half later… I was thankfully back on northern soil!!
I had such a stressy night. All was well. All was wonderful. The Babies and I were a delight. All was sound, as we gathered in our *comfies* and watched telly, by the Christmas tree, with snacks.
Junior got the ‘Special Mention’ at school, so was filled with happiness. Ruby was overjoyed that it was finally the weekend, so she could relax. They had survived their consecutive day, ‘School Accident Form’ doo/dah and life was simply BLISS. (Junior was cute because when passing, he heard teachers talking about Ruby in the office. She had just had a fall. He stopped and asked if he could go see her in her classroom. Once granted, he went in and hugged her, to make sure she was okay. Aww! Lol)
Bliss! Delight! Let’s Call Disney & Tell Them To Make A Movie!
…my Mum pops around, we have a massive fight, and everything turns to shit. We’re both really strong headed, so it’s annoying, when we bicker. The thing about my Mum is that, she’s about to go on Holiday for 2 weeks. Even though she loves a holiday, (don’t we all,) every single INCH of HER worries about the babies and I, during her absence. She a proper family woman. A great mum. But she’s nuts.
After the sharp bicker, that played almost like a swift, yet verbal knife throw, I got so bored of sitting there awkwardly, (y’know when you just sit there, being silent and pulling faces, so everyone in the room KNOWS your mad, Lol) that I did the only thing I knew how to do, as a daughter.
That was stand up, storm out of the room, perform a giant, angry hair toss, fling my glitter shoes at a wall and strut upstairs, stomping on every step. Haha. I then wet wiped all my face OFF, took off all my clothes OFF and with a *HUFF* went OFF to bed!!
The art of ‘SULKING’ is exhausting. I hate it. I tossed and turned all night.
I’m such a Sasserilla, when I think i’m right, that my opponent has NO CHANCE.
Then I had this dream that I was high in the sky, amongst the clouds , but falling out of a plane, tied to Talique from ‘I’m a Celebrity.’ I’m not sure if it was a ‘losing control’ kinda dream or a sexy one? I can’t quite decide? Haha. But yes, I’ve woken up fine, but stressed…even though everything’s kinda gone back to normal. It’s made me feel unbalanced.
We do this, The Wunna’s….We have these ‘Blow Outs’ and then everything goes back to normal, straight away…and mainly because if not, I WILL SULK FOREVER. 😉 I’m a proper grudge holder, until I hear a sincere apology.
Honestly, I’m awful for a ‘sulk sesh.’ I’m not really good at it, but I FULLY COMMIT to it. I’m loyal and brimming with pride. I’m also vain, so I like to look good when I sulk. Haha. It’s great when you’re sulking, after a fight with a guy who’s attracted to you, because their willies kick into action and you always win the war.
I think there’s a problem with me because there’s no grey area. There’s no fuzzy, static channel. It’s all swift flying emotion, or nothing at all. That’s with BOTH happiness & despair. I’d sort it, if I could be bothered. But there’s cocktails to sip and I kinda like who I am.
(I currently have ‘Thanku, Next’ playing in the background. How is Ariana Grande’s voice so beautiful? She literally sounds like a dream. She can take any song and swirl it with a sound of smooth, angelic empowerment. I wish I could sing. I wish I could ice skate.)
So, I got this strange Snapchat message, yesterday evening. No. It wasn’t strange. It was actually lovely. Really lovely. The kind of message that I adore.
‘You’re so beautiful. X’
I’m classing it as ‘strange’ simply because I didn’t expect it to pop up, (I had to double take) and then I couldn’t decide if it was friendly, suggestive, by accident, all of the above, or even correct of him? I already know the guy closely. I just didn’t expect it, because he’s not in the correct ‘relationship status’ box.
That’s not cool.
However, I understand what he’ll be going through right now, because i’m going through the exact same thing…So he could’ve just had a couple of gins and let a mixture of his memories, his heart and his ‘really big’ willy take the lead.
I saved the conversation on purpose to terrify him…Boys sometimes need to feel terrified. They can’t have their cake and eat it. Even if they think they can…
I’m fine with the message though. I’ve done the ‘ginned up’ message numerous times, through life. So, I get it. My messages are always tragic though, because I don’t have a willy. (I might grow one, for kicks though.)
I wish I could just *blink* and be having fun in a Leeds cocktail bar right now.
This morning, I woke up all stressed and anxious.I don’t even know why. Then little bits of life, that respond to the names ‘Ruby & Junior’ filled my world with giggles…At that point, everything was okay again.
I’m having one of those days. One of those days when you need to crawl back into bed, speak to no one for a second, have a moment, y’know…a ‘word with yourself’ and start it all over again.
However, life is rooting for me, because after the early school run, I looked down at my phone, as I watched my petrol station Costa coffee, trickle out the machine and waved at one of the Dads I know.
Anyway….I saw this on Glamour Magazines Twitter ‘Moments.’
..and it reminded me that not only did I have a purpose, but doing pretty alright at inspiring and standing up for love, myself and for others, who may not quite yet have the balls to ‘sing out loud.’
I’m really proud of the ‘Blend out Bullying‘ campaign and I’m so glad that I joined Glamour Magazines crusade to wave ‘Cya’ to Cyber bullies.
That made me smile. I skipped away from the gas station…(Sorry! I mean .PETROL station. I still think American, for some reason.) Anyway, I skipped away like the happiest bunny in all of the land, because they reminded me that no matter what, in life, I did something that helped make a difference, to someone, somewhere.
(I’d like to see MORE people ‘Blending out Bullying.’ You’re the STAR of YOUR OWN SHOW. Make a difference. See love, not dollar signs.)
As if my favourite magazine is showing Wunna Land some love…and AS IF, I appear on my favourite tv how in a couple weeks.
I’m having to pinch my kitty self…. (Ooh…Vodka spurted out. 😉 )
Last night, I couldn’t sleep, so I wrote a blog, in the dark, whilst in bed. I’m utterly CRINGING at myself, right now. YET, I promised myself that I would flipping post it, because it’s how I truly felt, at that particular moment…at that precis time…
AND SINCE THAT’S WHAT I’M ABOUT…
Here’s what I wrote…
(Rewind to last night…)
I’m literally sat up in bed writing this, because I can’t sleep. It’s only early. I guess around 9.30pm? But everything around me seems so still. So quiet, I feel really calm, yet my mind (as always) is fluttering. It’s busy. It’s racing. I’ve poured a wine, which is sat on my bedside table. I’m typing in the dark. I have no clue why, I couldn’t be bothered to switch a light on? I can’t see my keys, so I feel like I’m typing blind. But it weirdly feels amazing. It kinda feels really real. How all my writing should be done.
I can’t stop thinking about my life tonight and I don’t know why? I want to succeed and make all my dreams come true. Y’know, just do really well, because when you do well at the things you love…you glow and no feeling is better than that. That’s not what i’m thinking about though. I don’t even know why I typed that out?
I’m thinking about my love life.
I know! Surprised right?
I’ve just got back from a late night trip to the supermarket…to buy wine. An elderly lady stopped me. I’ve seen her around a lot. I do know her a little bit. But It usually makes her day when she sees me, because i’ll always stop and chat to her. I love making time for her. I love making her day.
She always tells me how much she loves me because ‘it’s good to see a girl BEING a girl…’
Tonight she told me, that I was pretty…’a beautiful girl,’ but then added…
‘You’d think a girl as beautiful as you, would’ve found someone to be with, by now.’
I smiled, I thanked her. She was so cute and I adored every minute of seeing her. I love the elderly, because they’re wise. Even the rude ones are wise. I always respect their words and absorb what they have to say. Times and things may have changed, yet how people FEEL haven’t. You can always, always learn a life lesson from an old lady or gent.
‘You’d think a girl as beautiful as you, would’ve found someone to be with, by now.’
Don’t get in a tizzy, as i’m never one to really listen to what others think…But she’s left my mind ticking. She must have. I’m sat up in bed, in my bra and glasses, typing the dark because I can’t sleep. I can’t stop thinking about what she said?
Now, i’ve never really felt lonely. I never feel alone because my world, the world I created ‘Wunna Land,’ is filled with love. I’m surrounded by life. I have a close family, who stand by me. Ruby and Junior, my babies…Their hearts are filled with utter joy for Mama. I have some great friends. Good company at times. I have a mini sized audience, and most of all…I have me.
(I’ve always been my own best friend. I’ve always been really comfortable being ME and i’m happy with what I stand for. Yeah. I’ve disappointed myself loads, through the years. But on the whole…I’m more than happy with who I am. Who i’ve become.)
Right now, I don’t feel lonely. But why don’t I? I should, right? But I don’t…(Even the little old lady feels bad for me, now and she shouldn’t! Haha.)
I almost feel like i’m bubbling over with this exotic life force of happy juice?
It doesn’t matter what you do, provided you don’t harm others, or yourself and you are happy with your official life choices, right?
I know that i’m single and i’m aware that i’m knocking on a bit now. I feel young spirited, yet glad to be a 30 something, as I accidentally brought wisdom and dignity along with me, on my little journey.
God knows how???
I CERTAINLY thought, i’d lost BOTH at one point. I was positive I left them in some bar in LA, when I was 24. Yet, they found me. (And whenever I say God, I am always referring to ‘Bacchus’, The God of Wine.)
I know, I must NOT be scared to be alone…as I still seem quite happy to go through life picking through boys, and walking away from marriages, because they hurt my soul.
They just weren’t right, because I compromised my heart, myself, or I just wasn’t thinking….
I said ‘YES’ to those marriages impulsively, because I’m a hopeless romantic and I fall in love, when I FEEL excited and I do it so madly…so deeply.
But I haven’t felt like that in ages.
The last guy that made me feel like that was ‘The Swirl.’ (Who i sometimes name ‘T Bone.’
When I don’t feel excited, I find it really easy to ‘shrug’ the moment off, with a ‘he’s just not the right guy.’
But I like that about me. I know how I feel and i know what love and excitement feels like. When it hits me again, I’ll notice. Yet this time i’ll be ready.
I don’t think there’s an age, when you SHOULD find love. I don’t say anything, but I hate it when I hear chicks, say, ‘I need to be married by 30.’ Or, ‘I need to find Mr.Right by the time i’m…’
You really don’t.
Love to me is always about chemistry…
I’ll find it, but this time I want the real deal.
THE REAL DEAL …
and i’ll wait forever, until I find it.
Until I feel it.
The next time I marry, (if I marry, I can’t decide if it’s an old school concept? I might be ‘blah’ about it because i’ve done it so many times and it hasn’t been right?) I’ll marry the most exceptional man. He’ll be a GREAT MAN. An incredible man…and I DO intend to one day find the man of my dreams. I fully intend on doing that…
Yet, if I don’t…I’m fine with that also. I don’t know why? I guess, I’m like this because i’m happy, right now? Maybe, it’ll kick in when i’m 80 and seriously alone, with all my cats and no one to love.
Knowing me, I’ll still feel fine and pour a rum, for everyone else, in the old peoples home, as I wink at Jeff, with the dodgy back.
If i’m being honest, unlike work, where I create my own opportunities, I kinda expect HIM (The man of my dreams) to find ME. (Lazy, I know. Lol) I find that far more romantic. I’m traditional like that. Old school romance just gets me going…I’m finding i’m both. I love the art of old school romance, mixed with a modern day twist of unconventional, yet unconditional love.
I might have already crossed paths with him? I might not…Who knows? I’m just not worried about it and if you’re in the same situation as me, you don’t need to be worried about it either.
Let’s just go with he’ll find me…
Every single part of my kitten soul, says he’ll find me.
He’ll come get me…
But he’s not as pathetic as I am, so he won’t be slurping wine out the bottle, typing in the dark, in a bra and glasses. 😉
He won’t be sat awake typing a ‘Dear Diary….’post, because a lovely old lady in the supermarket was worried about his well being.
..he’ll see the beauty in it…and think, SHIT, that’s exactly the kinda girl I both want and NEED.
I like to feel needed….
I’ve noticed that… (I get that from my Mum.)
Cheers! Hurrah! Sadness for everyone! Haha.
There’s a single guy, somewhere in the world right now, who is utterly MADE to be my life buddy, my other half, my ‘bestie, bestie’…my soulmate…my guy.
And I completely trust that LIFE (you jolly old thing) will have my back and send him my way, with bells on…but when the timing is exactly right.
He may already know it, or he may not? He may have no clue? He may have never ever heard of Wunna land, or even ever met me yet…?
OR, he may already be in my phone contacts…
But i’m excited…Are you?
(ps/ I don’t even know if i’m gonna post this, because I usually wake up in the morning and cringe at what i’ve ‘tipper tappered.’ My mind goes wild and my keyboard fingers get all excited!! Yet, no matter how cringe, I feel, I’ll promise myself NOW, that I’ll just post it anyway… I mean **** it. It’s exactly how I felt at 9.30pm, on Nov 14th, 2018, right? And that’s what this story, this diary, my lil’ version of life, is all about.)
I messaged Toby back last night, because he had thanked me for writing the blog about him. He was quite the gentleman about the blog…He’s a utterly real being. He’s not dashed in fakery, from the brief bits I know.
Toby: ‘You’ve captured me pretty well in your blog..’
Me: ‘I’m either a really good judge of character, or just really good at stalking. Lol’
Thank you for following my life…
pps/ I’ve got a school mums dinner tonight and i’m excited. I’m meant to be at a film premiere…But I opted for the Mamas, over the red carpet. 😉
Happy Friday Feeling EVERYONE! You made it, you delicious treats of ‘ooh laa.’ I hope you can feel the excitement jiggling and I hope you embrace every inch of your own kinda weekend bliss!
You deserve it. We all do.
I LOVE FRIDAYS!
(It just always seems like an achievement. Y’Know one where you can either stick on ya nipple tassles or pull on a jumper, in celebration…Yet still know everything is going to be okay. Well, for the next couple days anyhow. Lol)
Thank you for taking a moment, to click and find yourself here.
It means the world to me. You’re sexy and have excellent taste in bloggers.
Hurrah! Porn star martini’s for everyone!
No matter what you’re doing, whether you’re planning your outfit for a weekend of debauchery, running around after kids, pouring 40 wines, keeping your fingers crossed that ‘date night’ goes ahead, working, or working ‘it,’ crying into a gin, swearing because your friends have let you down, or simply taking advantage of a big old chill, where doing nothing at all, is your comfort…..
KNOW that tonight, you have The Wunna land ‘magic’ by your side and I wish you ALL the best, you kittens.
(Don’t get into trouble though, because knowing my luck, i’ve sprinkled you with the ‘take it too far,’ fun bug. I always intend for calm, but get myself into some kind of accidental predicament and live a morning of ‘post cocktail’ regret. Once I took my friend out in LA, and sold him for chewing gum. Then I got a call from my other friend, you id managed to lose, who woke up having accidentally changed his sexual preference, for the night. 🙂 )
‘Post Cocktail’ regret is always the worst kind of regret. Drink steady. Live large.
Oh fuck it. Do whatever. I’m starting to sound like Mother Mary. I’m sending MYSELF to sleep.
Okay, so i’m a bit bored and i’m on the hunt for excitement. This is always dangerous for me. But i’m having to ‘wait’ on something, which will cause excitement and to be far, i’ve been pretty patient, to say i’m not at all, a very patient person at all.
I get bored VERY easily.
I had a guy (well friend of mine) moan because I’m apparently ‘the sexiest woman he’s ever seen,’ yet he couldn’t even think of dating me because i live too far away. (I’m an hour’s train journey away. Lol Which to me, isn’t that far?)
So already, if a guy is concerned over a small journey, then the chemistry, or pull isn’t strong enough for him…which is a sexy lil’ shame because he hot. ( I know people who lived in different flipping countries, who dated…and two of them are now married.)
Chemistry always overrides distance, if it’s real, right?
But that’s that story. It feels like ages ago now.
Then I stalked ‘Runnings’ on Instagram, who i’d been following anyway…because I adored his story. I’d watched him have a ‘happy’ moment on tv one night and it made me smile. I openly told everyone that I woke up at 3am and decided to stalk profiles. His was the best kinda stalk. Lol
Being me, I tagged him in it, so he knew!
Anyway, he ‘thanked me‘ (because he’s kind) and when I went in with comedy and sass, he replied with laughter and a…
‘My only questions is why it took you so long to Instastalk? I did my stalking ages ago!’
SMOOTH! I like it!
So we’ve had brief banter and he’s concerned that he may smell like brocolli, yet quickly assured me he was made of chocolate?
I like both, so either way’s a win for me. Haha.
He’s meeting me in Vegas at six o clock in the morning, one time, at the chapel for the wedding…which will be our first date.
I’m good at weddings in Vegas (lol,) so i’m sure i’ll smash it.
Then he said..
‘Well, we’ll see if our stars align and we bump into one another…’
Is that romantic, or a blow off? Haha. I’m so out the loop, I can’t tell?
But he followed it up with asking my permission to ‘physically pick me up, if our stars do align.’
He’s built like some kind of GOD. So hey, why not give the lil’ Asian a ‘lift up.’
I’d be like an angry, sarcastic chihuahua. He’ll love having a pet.
(Oh,shit! That sounds rude! can make anything sounds naughty!)
Yesterday morning, I managed to catch up with a friend of mine ‘Sailor B.’ It felt like I hadn’t seen him in ages, so it was really really good, to see him, walk passed a window, spot me and beam.
I like making people happy.
We chatted over morning wine and caught up…and the thing I like about ‘Sailor B’ is that he’s so easy to get on with. We’ve become good friend. He’s hard, but he’s soft all at the same time. Lost and found. Just a little bit of everything really… He’s honest…WELL…with me, he’s honest.
It was good morning….
But I just had a niggly feeling in the back of my mind, that something wasn’t okay…?
Something wasn’t sitting well with me?
We said ‘bye’ before lunch time., so we could get on with life…This was after we chatted to my chick bestie ‘Firmonnell,’ (who has used her Friday to pour wine on shit.)
YET…I STILL HAVE that ‘niggly’ feeling with me. I still have it now?
I’m literally having the most amazing time, dipped in ’30 something’ year old fun, glamourosity and life. I’m single, but i’m crushing, and i’m whole heartedly delighted that we’ve strapped all other festivities under our belts and we’re now getting armed in sequins and getting our ‘shimmie’ on into Christmas.
My absolute favourite time of year!
(And not just because I have a December birthday! Hint Hint! No wonder i’m mental, if I was birthed during a time, when penguins sang songs about reindeers, whilst wrapped in tinsel, by elves, who worship a dude with a giant white beard and have an after work mulled wine!)
It’s just a great time of year, where nothing but tinsel and celebrations matter. Cocktails are poured. Events are a plenty. Cuddles and laughter, meander around cosy city streets & hearts are filled with love, MORE than they are broken at Christmas. You can choose to stay in, or choose to play out. Either way, it is always sweet rum drizzled and delightful!
Memories are made during this time of year.
Memories are also treasured….because we all kinda grab our lip gloss, after a Bailey’s…or look through our ‘ye olde’ phone pics and remember. Your favourite tune will play on the radio, just as you had it in your head. You’ll walk past a restaurant, that will remind you of some guy, or some girl, you once dated. Someone will totter past you in a hurry, in a busy shopping centre and they’ll smell just like the crush, you’ve always wanted to score. Memories are great. They’re not there to dwell on though. Don’t get caught up with memories, until it’s time. Until you’re old and ready. Until you’ve done your absolute back in and you can’t possibly dash, in your glitter heels to ‘Tattu’ on time, for a ‘smokey cocktail’ without feeling the pain.
Until then…just live.
Just LIVE and don’t apologise for doing so.
Guy friend: ‘See, Wunna! It’s THIS shit that makes you beautiful. The tits and all the rest of it, come second fiddle to all this shit.’
Me: ‘I thought you said you loved my boobs?’
Guy Friend: ‘Fucking hell. Haha. Take a compliment.’
Something great will happen to us all, which will make our kitten soul’s beam, before we wave off 2018. Something will also make us cry. But that’s life and that’s why it’s wonderful.
We’re given a story to create. A life to live…and if nothing else, we are giving the opportunity to FEEL. For 10 years this year, i’ve written CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM. It actually started 14 years ago, on Myspace. All I’ll have at the end of the day, as i’m swaying to Britney in my rocking chair, are my memories.
Go get what you want. Don’t let anything, especially fear stop you. You might not win. Yet if you don’t try, you won’t have lived. That’s what we’re here to do.
Don’t get it twisted.
(I can’t believe i’m writing this in a play area. Haha.)
It doesn’t matter whether you spend it with good friends, family, boyfriends, girlfriends, the people you shouldn’t be playing around with, lovers, old spirits, new crushes or with your next door neighbours cat?
You’ve only got 2 more months LEFT on 2018, so make sure you LIVE IT. Make sure you enjoy it. Do what makes you happy. Find you inner life love and make the end of this year (which has had it’s ups and downs for everyone)WORTH IT.
Create magical moments.
You’re here for a good time, not a long time.
Over the last week, i’ve probably done everything. I’ve cocktailed with old friends, which found me sharing fireworks with them, as we cheered on our favourites on Strictly, discussed my tragic love life and enjoyed time with family, over wine.
Helen: ‘You’re just so pretty.’
Me: ‘Aww! That’s sweet. But everything is literally pinned, sewn or glued on. I mean, let’s face it, you couldn’t put me through the wash, could you!
Gina: ‘I fucking love you… ‘
I’ve talked to strangers, with cucumber drinks at The Botanist, Leeds. (I love The Botanist, Leeds, because it’s so hidden away and freshly cosy. ) Inspired people at Restaurant Bar & Grill. I’ve whizzed and whirled and eaten pear salads, with a fruity umbrella drink in my hand and with my own laughter filling the rooms. I’ve shopped. I’ve loved. I told Matt Goss, that he’s my celeb crush. He pretty much liked it 😉 which made my heart swoon. Lol.
I’ve been a great soul, an even better Mum. But most of all, loved telling you my story. (Your questions have been amazing.)
I don’t know what happens to me in the end. I just know it’s something wonderful.
I don’t ask for much. I just ask for peace. (And the man of my dreams to share life with me. I have everything else, I need.)
Everyone keeps going on about how single I am because it’s apparently so unbelievable?
‘How the hell are you…’
‘How are you, even nearly single..’
I certainly am, and I certainly don’t know why? Haha.
Firmonnell (My chick best friend) : ‘She’s single by choice!’
If I had the answer, I wouldn’t be strutting around with a neon ‘Going Solo’ arrow above my head, would I? I’d be building my white pickett, rum stained fence, to Disney classics.
If you’re a 30 something singleton too. Don’t worry! I hear so many of you worry!
The worrying alone is not seductive. Lol. It’s awkward. It’s thumb twiddly.
In this day, being a single 30 something year old woman (I’m 37,) three marriages down, doesn’t make you rubbishy, like no one wants you. To me, it makes you powerful because you now KNOW what you want and instead of standing at the side of the dance hall, waiting for some guy to ask you to boogie, you’re confident enough to just make your OWN fun, with your gent of choice and leave the party whenever you wish.
I’ve never been so chased by boys in my life, than I have in my 30’s. That’s the honest truth and it’s because i’m much more wiser, comfortable and THAT ALONE IS HOT. It’s sexy. I know how I want to feel. I know how I want to look. I know what will make me happy.
Be interested in yourself and others will take interest in you. Give people something of value and they will jump on board. (My LA balcony buddy taught me that, over balcony tea….as we walked the drummer from Maroon Five, do life, through a window. He was our ‘across the way’ neighbour. He once lifted me back into my condo, when passed out drunk, as a gaggle of gay men surrounded me…not to help, but to perv on my hot laywer roommate. Lol
I was in a lime green fedora. Haha. That’s all I remember. I love West Hollywood nights. I got into a state outside ‘The Abbey’ in West Hollywood because Ryan, my crush didn’t love me. (Turns out he secretly did, but treated me badly because he had a girlfriend?)
Ry: ‘I was crazy about you. I didn’t know what to do? So I made a weak decision because i’m a pussy.’
His last name is ‘March.’ I have it tattooed on my right inner arm. J
Friend: ‘You two were going on dates and everything! How fucking weird!!!’
But that was years ago….and at the time it was shit! However now, it’s a fond, funny memory.
Time is like magic….It’s certainly precious, so you should use it to your advantage. Yet at the same time, let it fly, because it heals things without you realizing. 😉
I guess, everything is just about balance….and cocktails.
Morning, my delicious Tricka Boos. So much is a going on, I feel like i’m ‘jiving’ along, at the speed of light, and whizzing past minutes, hours and days, on a tank that may read ‘empty.’ I’m having a blast. But i’ve got a lot of niggly bits on my mind and when you have ‘niggly bits’, you don’t really sleep to well, or rest too peacefully, do you?
Instead, you kinda ‘niggle,’ and that is my problem.
I’ve been up since 4am. Got home early, yet didn’t sleep until late.
Last night was magical, I celebrated the Burmese Lighting Festival, with Buddhist monks, in darkness, surrounded by only candlelit tea lights, fairy lights and draping oriental lanterns. It was beautiful and I had never felt more at peace…even in the cold and I hate the cold. Two hours before that, I was picking out the Wunna Land Christmas Tree theme, with Flamingo baubles in my hands.
My life is just NUTS.
If you know me personally, you’ll know that one of my favourite things is candlelight, and dancing flames. There’s a sexy energy that I feel, when i’m swirling by fire. But I’m a Sagittarius girl, which makes me a fire sign anyway. I guess that completely confirms, WHY I feel so at ease and comfortable around a naked flame.
It’s just the kinda stars I was born under, Boo. 😉
I was definitely tragic, because I did try to get a selfie with one of the monks, but I daren’t ask him, so I had to sly one off. Haha. He would’ve actually done it. He was doing the with people. But fear got the better of me. Haha. I bottled it and hid by a fairy lit tree. I opted for doing that thing where you pretend you’re taking a selfie of YOURSELF, when you secretly have THEM, in the background. Haha. I’m such a loser.
I am REALLY BUSY right now and the kids are also on Half Term, which makes everything that little bit more ‘juicy.’ This is where being a single mum is SO HARD. It’s like trying to hold up your gin, in a rubber dingy, in a giant storm, whilst your lost at sea.
I’ve lunched I’ve dined, I’ve spun in playgrounds. I’ve cocktailed, I’ve influenced, i’ve worked, i’ve shot, I’ve been Mum, i’ve travelled, I’ve hit deadlines and schedules, I’ve loved, I’ve shopped, I’ve laughed, I’ve played. I’ve picked out THEIR Halloween bits and pieces and we’re all still in one piece.
I don’t even know how?
God! I love them madly.. (Ruby has a party later today. Luckily one of the other mums, Sam… is going to take her there, which helps me out threefold.)
I’ve answered your questions on my Insta story,(they’re getting juicer and juicer.) Everyone keeps rubbing in the fact that i’m ‘single’ by asking me if I am 40 times a day. Lol.
I’m a happy singleton. I want to fall in love and get married one day, to my perfect man. Until that time, I’m not worried, he’ll find me.
I’ve also been called a ‘tramp’ and ‘should work for the Prime Minister’ in one whole day. I’ve rushed around, i’ve tried to keep you all in the loop, on my socials, I’ve not eaten enough, I’ve not rested enough, but on the whole, i’m happy.
I can’t really complain!
I mean JEEZE. I got blessed by Burmese Monks last night. J
In case you’re wondering, I’m not religious by any means, not even a little bit, at all. BUT i’m a really spiritual chica. I love to get lost in the magic of enlightenment. I find it enthralling and mysterious. If I get to light candles to celebrate full moons, in dark mystic gardens, to bring light to the world with Buddhist monks…why not? I mean, in two days, i’m off to Tom Zanetti’s Masquerade Ball, in Leeds, for Halloween…which probably couldn’t be more opposite. Lol.
I’m gonna NEED to be blessed, before I walk into that shindig.
I swear there’s only sinning allowed.
But again, it’ll be fun. I always support Thomas madly, because you’ve got to have ‘Team Yorkshires’ back always. In my eyes, he hasn’t done badly at all, has he? I read a lot of people hating on him on Twitter last night…and I didn’t really find it fair. But the more successful you become, the more people have something to say. Be it good or bad? That’s why I always say, that the NUMBER ONE THING you need, in any form of career in entertainment, is a really strong mindset.
Yet, if you’re emotionally comfortable and have the heart of a lion, you’re waaay ahead of the game.
I’m always really tough when it comes to ‘the haters,’ because I feel so confident and happy right now. It doesn’t get to me, at all now? It’s almost as if, nothing can break my ‘happy place’ and whatever they say, just dissolves away. I’m 37. I’m grown. I grew up in Hollywood, where things are hard on you emotionally, every single SECOND of every day. It schooled me well. A little ’Keyboard Warrior’ here and there from…(put in any place you fancy,) isn’t gonna melt my soul or trip my strut.
However, that doesn’t make it right, so this morning, I sent an important DM to someone, to see what I could do, to help them stop all cyber bullying.
I wonder if they’ll reply?
Okay…Away from that…
I don’t have an outfit for the Masquerade Halloween ball yet? I don’t know what to go as? I don’t know where to look? I need to be in it, by Saturday at 8pm, on a red carpet for quick pictures, (literally seconds,) before the evil booze up.
I organise everyone else perfectly, but when it comes to myself, I leave myself ‘last place.’ Lol
I feel like I have no time to organise it, but i’m gonna have to try and keep ‘my frillies’ crossed.
I don’t have time to get fitted into anything..So i’m gonna do what I do best, which is just ‘wing it’ with a wink. (I currently have conjunctivitis, which everyone keeps mistaking for ‘pink eye.’ My wink is actually sore. Haha.)
So much has happened over the last few days. I don’t even know where to begin? *Jeeze.* I’ve actually started to write a blog every single day, yet abandoned it half way through, knowing that I wouldn’t ever post it? *No clue why?* Then I’d pour a wine, ponder and just get on with my life.
Life is wonderful right now. I’m feeling pretty blessed.
This lil’ kitten has come a long way…
I’ve been enjoying family time, with Ruby, Junior & the rest of The Wunna’s, away from any drama. I need time with the people that love me and know me, better than anyone else in the world. It’s my ‘safe’ place, where life feels cosy. I’ve loved bumping into you all though and I’ve loved meeting and greeting you. I’ve met some ‘Wunna Ful’ characters.
But as always, drama found me.
Yipppeeee! Hurrah! Drinks for everyone! Glue sequins on ya *ta taas* and shimmie hell for leather.
(Just so you know, i’m currently blogging from the ‘Ego Mediterranean, Beverly Arms’ restaurant in Ackworth. Again…another ‘safe place’ that I love. The staff are wonderful to me here.)
Things in Wunna Land are a changing. I can feel it. I’m chilling but excited?
There’s a swirl of magic meandering through my land. It’s a FEEeeeEEEELING. It’s sexy. Yet it’s both confident and cautious at the same time. It’s flirtatious and filled with ambition. But it’s loving. It’s fun. It almost as if this meandering swirl is prepping me for ‘things to come.’ It’s light, but it’s dark and if I could describe it as anything, it would mirror the ‘tick tick, tock’ before you hear the big…
It’s a good *boom,* though. I’m in a really good place. I’m happy. I’m 10 percent nervous.. for no reason, because life has made me that way. But, on the whole. I’m happy! I’m 90 percent all good.
I once sold myself to a guy LA, with the line,
‘I’m awful and insensitive. I’m 98 percent bad.’
He replied with…
‘That’s 2 percent good to me. 😉 ‘
Right now, I’m feeling pretty confident and confidentially pretty.
It’s weird because a lot is going on. A LOT. It’s very busy and i’m feeling all sorts. In all areas of my life..A LOT…is a happening…. and i’m enjoying it, while I can, away from the madness. Y’know, before there’s a Wunna Land glitter storm. 😉
There will be a Wunna Land glitter storm…
(Well, i’ve worked so hard for one…So we’ll see. Lol)
I will say that, I’m expressive by nature, so I do feel a little suppressed. It’s not a fun feeling for me. But i’m lucky. You will always here me say, that i’m one of the luckiest girls in the world.
There’s a ton of things that I can’t talk about just yet, which I always find really hard. I’m not one to favour the ‘bottle it up,’ or ‘keep it a secret’ kinda tip toe. But, obviously…I do it anyway, because I have to.
I don’t enjoy it though.
It gives me a rash and jittery anxiety…and there isn’t a cocktail that goes well with either. Lol.
The good thing is that i’m feeling inspired again….Once you lose your inspiration you’re jiggered. Well, I am anyway. I always need to feel it. I find it sexy, as I do thoughtfulness.
I always pick work, and men, who inspire me. It’s literally my favourite feeling, in the world.
I guess, that’s why I always hope to ALSO inspire. If I do nothing else, from this point on….I know that there’s people around the world, (and i’ve found myself in some rather sticky situations, crossing Mexican borders, at The Playboy Mansion, in horror sex dungeons, on shoots, in giant jail cells in LA, on sets filming tv shows, homeless in New York, on red carpets…all sorts. Lol. ) I know that there’s people i’ve touched (lol, that sounds rude,)…People who i’ve meant something to, made better, or ignited some kind of thought or feeling of ‘happy,’ ambition, passion or ‘love.’
That makes all this worth it.
I took a couple days off to to ‘not concentrate,’ to sack some part of my work off, to rebel, get a little lost. Embrace the naughty part of me. I do that BRIEFLY because when I do, i’ve learnt that it helps me appreciate THIS part, the part where i’m at now!
It’s given me drive, it’s filled me with excitement and reined me back in, y’know to CONCENTRATE on what i’m MEANT to be doing. I’m a ‘good time’ gal. I’m easily distracted by a fun looking ‘beckon’ and beckons come from every corner, in my world. New ‘beckons,’ old ‘beckons,’ big ‘beckons,’ small ‘beckons.’ ‘Beckons’ you didn’t even know existed. I have a great friendship with fun. But it always wins, every time.
It’s my kids and my Mother, that keep me grounded. If i stuck to my own rules of discipline, i’d go delightfully bonkers. 🙂
I’m loving all my questions, that you’re sending me on my Insta Story. They’re fun. I have scroll down pages and pages FULL of them, so I can’t get through them all,at once. But I try to do as many as I can…at random.
I love it.
I’m noticing a lot of focus on my love life, my sex life, my ‘tell us what is going on’ life? Lol. My merry little ‘MOJO’ seems to be on FIRE. I have no clue why and I never really have had any clue why, at all? Yet, I guess my ‘milka shaka’ is bringing ALL the Boys, their Brothers, their Son’s, Uncle’s, Father’s and next door neighbours pet hamsters, to my yard. Lol.
What can I say? It’s a hard old life! Haha.
(But I did receive a question from a chick, who thought I was so lucky, because she couldn’t get a guy to message her back, let alone catapult himself at her.)
And like I always say, I’m very very flattered (and for once there’s some really good choices, lol,) yet please do realise that all these guys, are thinking with their willies and not with their hearts. It’s the one that gives me BOTH, that i’m gonna go for. The one that actually, truly loves me. The one who ends up being my best friend. My life partner.
Everyone has this giant misconception that I can Wunna *Wink* and have any guy I want.
NOT TRUE AT ALL. I DON’T KNOW WHY PEOPLE THINK THAT?
Just like every girl in the world..I have cried into my wine, millions of times over guys. It’s what we do. J I’ve been pretty good at it, over the years.
But if you know me personally (and that’s why I love doing my insta question because it lets you get to know me personally,) you’ll know i’m shit at choices, and when there’s too many, I run, hide and bury my head into the sand, until Mr.Right calmly beckons me out, with a warm heart, smile and wine.
I’m a hopeless romantic, with a naughty twist. Dudes, must like that? I should write a book on it..
OH SHIT! I AM! 😉
Away from that, a lot f people messaged me regarding some boring ‘girl drama’ that I had over the weekend. The reason why I haven’t chatted about it in depth, is simply because I thought it was so pointless and the chick involved wasn’t and isn’t not worth the air time. But I don’t want another message about it…So…listen up..
I went on my Facebook profile, went down the my birthday list and wished every single person on that list, ‘Happy Birthday.’
(I know, how insane of me. *Rolls Eyes.*)
Three of those people on that list, I actually knew personally. The rest were fans.
The girlfriend of one of the guys, I sent Birthday love to, was lovely…and sent me kisses.
A different girl, who I dates one of the OTHER guys I sent ‘Happy Birthday’ to….WENT MENTAL. (Yeah..I know.)
She went MENTAL because I had a friend ‘Happy Birthday’ on his Birthday, because she is so incredibly terrified that he might secretly want me. She doesn’t know me personally at all. She knows OF me. He doesn’t even know me that well…Yet all my friends and I have chatted to him loads of times at the pub. Nothing major. Nothing too interesting. Just banter.
For some reason, I make this woman feel uncomfortable. My existence unlevels her security. But it’s all in her head though and that’s what bothers me. ( I mean let’s be realistic here. I don’t need to chase HER man, nor do I wish to. It’s almost like a joke! What is her problem? Honestly, if you placed our lives up against each other, they couldn’t be more different. Thankfully, WE couldn’t be more different. You’d laugh. )
Regardless, she goes out of her way to be horrible to me. She makes general rubbish up about me. She apologises to me…and then goes mental again. I don’t think it’s okay for girls to blame their own insecurities on other girls, who they don’t even know personally. It’s makes you less beautiful.
I don’t think it’s okay to hate on someone, name call, bully, or violently threaten a girl. I’ve just joined the ‘Blend out Bullying’ Campaign, in Glamour Magazine. I think it gives ladies a bad name in general. Especially, during a time of girl empowerment. I think it’s messy. I think it sets a bad example. I also think it’s disgraceful that a grown up woman, and her friends (lol) feel the need to send me almost ’17 year old girl’ like, threats, ending in ‘slag/tramp…’ blah, blah, blah.
So I guess, I wanted to tell the story, just in case any of you find yourself in such a position. (I mean things like this never bother me, I’ve grown a thick skin over the years. I’m used to it.) However, if you’re NOT, do know that all THEY’RE DOING is showing THEIR OWN WEAKNESS. No *noisy* reaction, leaves bullies powerless. It kind of makes them irrelevant. It ‘blends them out.’
And the thing is, they could’ve messaged and slagged me off ALL NIGHT. All it would’ve done, is motivate me to do EVEN BETTER, than I already am.
Success is the sweetest revenge. Use your energy wisely.
This time yesterday morning I found myself driving to meet someone, that I technically shouldn’t have been meeting, but sometimes life, just guides you down a path, where possible flames, fire & fun, are there for the taking.
Good times, this way!
These days, when it comes to life, i’m a ‘play it safe,‘ but MY WAY, kinda gal. I’m concentrating on work and family. But as we know, my version of safe is never EVER ‘Vanilla.’ Like ‘The Gent’ that I went on the Manchester Airport date with, a month ago…had said….
‘You’re a dangerous girl. Guys love a dangerous girl.’
I guess, the glint in my little Asian eyes, will always give that away.
The real truth is, that I’m not very ‘dangerous’ at all. I’m actually just a bit foolish. Haha. I’m made up of so many ‘bits & pieces,’ that it would take a real genius, or the most patient male in the Universe, to actually begin to KNOW, how to figure me out.
(I met a guy whilst waiting at the bar yesterday, who was Autistic. He made me beam, because he was so smart, so quick and I could see his mind working, as it turned. He told me I was ‘beautiful‘ and I appreciated the love, because it was so real, raw and delivered with a bold quirkiness.)
Anyway, back to the story….
I’d been up working since five o clock in the morning. I did a shoot, around six o clock. A school run occurred in between. Yet, by 10am, my shoot was done.
I got in my car and I drove to meet a friend.
Best morning ever really. So much fun. I guess life just fancied a *TWIST* and that’s how I found myself sat there, smiling. A ‘Twist’ is good, because you always learn something from it. And through MY life…I’ve learnt A LOT. I see a ‘twist’ coming for me, before it even begins to tighten.
Some call it SKILLZ. 😉
I’ve known this person a while, but I’ve never got to hang out with them really. So it was great to just chatter, in a corner…away from drama, or stress. I need those moments. I’m needing them more and more.
It’s weird because it’s like my little Wunna boat has caught a decent wind now and gosh, we’re beginning to sail…
GLITTER SHOWERS EVERYWHERE.
‘I can’t stop looking at you.’
‘Aww! So sweet! Haha. What are you even looking at?’
‘You should probably do that top button up.’
‘I like it undone.’
‘Ah! You wore a skirt.’
‘Yeah. It’s warmer than I thought today, so I figured i’d give you that! Haha.’
‘You look ******* stunning…’
‘I look scrubbly. I’ve been on a shoot all morning.’
Banter, wine and chitter chatter. Sometimes, that’s all you need. It keeps your sane. It’s keeps you fresh. It keeps you excited about life, doesn’t it? And when you’re excited, you feel like you can conquer the world, in a day!
Sometimes, you can. Sometimes, you can’t. All that matters is how you FEEEEL.
(I’m finding it so hard to write this blog right now, because I’m in the warmest room ever, with a Mulled Wine headache. I guzzled mulled wine, like I was a bouji pirate last night, at Ackworth Garden Centre, by baubles. It was their Big Christmas reveal, yesterday evening. I had the most beautiful time. It was literally magical. Christmas is my favourite time of year. I’m a December born baby, incase you didn’t know.)
Anyway, he was sweet, humble and sexy. It was good to just sit and chatter, without a care in the world. Plus, he’s going to be working alongside Wunna Land soon, so it’s good for him to get to know me better, without any ‘censors.’ 🙂
‘It’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be hard. But i’ll do it.’
He kept starting a sentence, pausing…not saying anything at all, as his mind looked like it was racing….and then finishing his sentence, with a simple ‘yeah.’
‘You didn’t say anything…’
‘I do that a lot..’
Haha. And you lot think i’m crackers!!
Then as the clock struck 1pm, he walked me to my car and we just got on with our own little versions of life…
If I could describe the walk,i’d say it was..
It was a ‘Danger Walk.’
(But I least I did it in gold glitter kitten heels.)
The rest of the time I spent with Ruby and Junior, before we headed to Ackworth Garden Centre, to shimmie in Christmas. The kids love it there. They’ve literally grown up, in that Garden Centre. Lol. But last night was beautiful. It was filled with happiness. It was filled with famillies, close friends and great memories.
I love family. It’s so important to me. Ruby & Junior are so important to me. We’re this little threesome and we’ve been through such a tough time and there are moments, like with all families, where in which, we still do.
Yet 90 percent of the time, we’re WONDERFUL!
I have much more balance right now and hopefully (with everything crossed) something tells me, that we have the most magical future ahead of us.
I’m just leaving life to fate…and well…writing my diary as I go along.
ps/ I don’t think being 37 and Single is gonna be too difficult after all.? Haha. Right now, guys seem to be offering themselves over to Wunna Land, with a hop, skip and a…willy.(I’m keeping myself out of trouble though.)
Gosh! Morning, my lil’ Twinkles! My delicious tickles of fancy. I have been SO UTTERLY *RUSHED* off my little kitten feet. It’s been mad. I’ve been busy. Yet in a way, I’m delighted, because I really do hope to one day ‘blink’ and see that ALL of my dreams have come true…and if that takes‘busy,’ if that takes ‘hard work,‘ than to me, I’m there. I’d rather do it, than ponder it..
TBone: ‘ It’s not what someone says, it’s always what they do…’
Especially when i’m in a productive frame of mind. Y’know, before cocktails get the better of me. Haha.
I reckon, if you can still commit to productivity, in a really great heels, you’ll smash life!
(Oh! Wait! I thought I said that I was always gonna wear ‘flats’ now, after running for my life and falling over 40 times at Scare Kingdom?)
Nevermind. Ghosts & Kidnappers would just set me free anyway, because I’d definitely do their head in. My choice of footwear wouldn’t be an issue.
Kidnapper: ‘God! Let her OUT. Switch her for a better victim. Ooh. Shes wearing glitter heeled pumps from the ****** collection.’
I was talking to ‘Celeb Ghost Hunt’ Ash, the other day…He wants me to go on an investigation with him. I must be a sucker for terror. I hate being frightened. Haha.
Anyway, back to non frightening stuff…
I’ve travelled all over. I’ve been on shoots, auditions, i’ve been good, i’ve been bad, I’ve been influencing a jolly load, ready for the festive season. (Which is a REALLY BUSY time for everyone.) I’m also doing the single mum thing also, aren’t I? (I adore every INCH of the bambinos. Junior’s a delight. Ruby’s got her first set of glasses.) I wouldn’t have it any other way. They’re my world. I’m raising a Glamour puss and a Hero. Last night they both *shocked* themselves up, ran out of their rooms and got into my bed, because we all got lonely and afraid of the dark. Lol
Nobody likes to sleep alone. The only time i’m okay with it, is when i’m drunk and just need to pass out…still with my face on. (Which I don’t really recommend as a graceful little pastime. It only makes you feel worse in the morning,)
On the whole, I’m really happy, right now and when i’m this busy and this happy, it seems that I forget about my ever so rubbish love life.
I’m still 37. I’m still single. It ain’t that bad.
I’m happy a singleton. But after everything i’ve been through. The ups, the downs & the ‘mess me arounds’, i’m still not cautious. (I still wear my heart on my sleeve.) I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing? I very much trust people with my heart. EVEN NOW I still trust that they’re going to take care of it…..because firstly I see the beauty in everyone and secondly…because i’m probably foolish. Haha.
I never know if they see me as their ‘bitch,’ their ‘bed notch,‘ or their ‘baby for life? Haha..Sounds like a Fairytale. If I can’t decide, i’ll just sit back and leave it to them, to come forward and show me what category, I fall into.
If they don’t come forward then they’re weren’t for me. (I’ll just see it all as, ‘they weren’t that interested.’) I like a forward man. A brave one.
You know why? Probably because i’m not used to guys being romantically forward me with…It’s almost like they’re terrified to be? And I have no clue why? Whatsoever? I don’t get it? You’ll see a lot of guys openly comment on my pics etc, via my ‘socials.’ Yet, the majority of them don’t..and instead shoot in a sneaky DM. (That sounds naughty! Haha.)
I literally get one almost every 2 minutes.
However, in real life….If a guy actually fancies me…they’re usually forward to begin with and then stop being so forward…..It’s like they want ME to chase them?
When you’re a 30 something woman, nothing is worse than having to chase a guy for attention. I’ve done it lots, much to my own embarrassment. But I don’t do it, now. EVER. Who has the time or that? If someone wants to go on a date..They should just tell me. If they want to be with me…They shouldn’t be scared to say it.
Plus, i’m quite traditional when it comes to the chase..the ‘wooing.’ I like a boy to ‘hunt & gather,‘ as I ‘fan‘ myself prettily.
Guy friend: ‘You only like them to *hunt and chase* if you fancy them though. If you don’t, you always *shut* them down and we hate that. You make the approach extremely intimidating…’
I’ve decided to describe my love life like this….
It’s kinda like cleaning a window, with a raggy cloth. Some day, I’ll be able to see through the glass. 😉
I bumped into my friend Shaun yesterday. He’s a bodyguard..
Shaun: ‘It’s not like the flipping movie Chrissie!!’
He’d just got back from London. I’d just got off a busy weekend. Plus, I’m actually looking for family security and safety, right now. A wee bit of close protection. Not all the time. Just when necessary. Sometimes, when we’re out as a family or i’m influencing something, people will stop to chatter or selfie with me. And I love that. Yet, they’ll just be ME & the babies. I need to make sure they’re always watched. I’m paranoid after some creepy guy, who only knew me from instagram, followed us around Doncaster & wouldn’t leave us alone & after a guy tried to glass another guy in a Manchester bar, because he was trying to hit on me?
I didn’t know either guy…I knew they were both trying to hit on me?
All I heard was the female manager shouting..
‘Get her out the way…’
Then guys and girls starting grabbing glass bottles and smashing them up against the bar, to use in a fight!
IT WASN’T EVEN A ROUGH PLACE.
I wouldn’t have gone there if it was.
The police even got called and the bar had to be shut down for the evening, It got that crazy.
I don’t get it?
So, it was good to briefly catch up, with Shaun.
Shaun: ‘You’re starting early…’
Me: ‘Haha. I know. I don’t even care.’
(I was sat in a quiet corner at The Mallard, in Doncaster.)
Me: ‘You’ve got luggage on wheels. I hate it when people have luggage on wheels. Haha.’
Shaun: ‘I feel like a Trolley Dolly, but i’m working it.’
So we discussed security, talked life, work and caught up…The we dashed off. (I didn’t end up posting my blog. When people I know come up to me and start chatting, that’s it, you can’t shut me up. I’ll just spend time with them instead. But I like that about me. I put LIVING life, BEFORE typing it out.)
I guess, I need to find balance. 😉
Then Sam ‘The Reecey Reece’ fest messaged me, to see when we could schedule in ‘catch up’ time. We’re like ‘ships passing in the night.’
‘Are you free on…?’
Then I just got on with life.
I’ve had so much fun over the weekend. I’ve worked. I’ve loved. I’ve lived. I’ve had the best time. I celebrated my Dad’s birthday on Saturday. I did Xscape, Castelford with the kids. We smashed ‘Nandos.’ I did Meadowhall. I wiggled at Wagamamas.
Just so much!
I’m so grateful for how well, everyone treated me, over that time!
It was actually Pete (Ruby’s Dad’s Birthday) on Sunday. But Ruby didn’t want to hang out with him, because she wanted to do Influencing with me at Meadowhall. Being Pete. he showed up at Meadowhall, with is bestie Jay, in dying hope that he’d get to spend some time with Ruby..in her new specs.
It worked…and we all ended up doing dinner together at Wagamamas, with my Mum & brother.
But I kinda like that, we co parent well. We haven’t been together for years. In fact 7 years…Yet, it’s great that we can all ‘kick it.’ Y’know, just chill and have a duck pancake together. Lol.
When co parenting works.
Anyway, about my love life…
The weird thing is, with me being busy and ‘forgetting’ about love…It seems, that gents are peeking back into Wunna Land and tapping on my glitter door, again.
I’m calling this time..
Operation ‘Blasts From The Pasts.’
A couple of guys that USED to fancy me,…seemed to have returned to my DM’s with a ‘Hey. How are you?’ One guy had actually started dating a girl, but she went through his phone and *blocked* me…Haha. He didn’t even realise, until one of his other friends pointed it out.
Safe to say…They’re no longer together. (But there you have it! You shouldn’t have chosen ‘The Crazy’ over me. Hhahaha.)
It’s all good fun. A laugh. We’re all making memories.
If i could tell you anything.
I’ll tell you that I was a really lucky girl. I’ll tell you to always chase your dreams and when you feel inspired, to act upon it. A dream doesn’t just have to be a ‘make believe‘ moment. You can at least TRY and make your reality. People do it every day. Why not you? I’m living proof.
Always be kind. Always do the things that make you happy. Don’t sacrifice your true happiness, to ‘run through the motions.’ Wake up. Feel the breeze, Go with it. Nothing is better than living you best life.
Don’t listen to anyone, or anything but your gut instinct. It will show you the right way. It will also tell you when you’re ready.
Always believe in love…
It is the ONLY thing, that is going to power you through the bad times and make the good times simply MAGICAL.