Dares For A Date, Road Beef & 21 Days..

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Today is ace. Sunday is always my favourite day. It’s like a peach and Malibu cocktail, with a tangy thong of ‘ooh.’ There’s a chilled sweetness to it, isn’t there?

I’m feeling wonderful. I’m looking better than I thought. 😉

*Purr Here…*

I can’t remember if I told you? But i’ve been breaking a bad habit? I might have said it on my Insta Story instead? But, without me going into it, because I’m weird like that (lol.) I’m SO open, about everything, all sorts, literally enough to make you blush and call a Doctor. HOWEVER, if I NEED to ‘conquer‘ something personally, that i’m gonna find a bit of a ‘TASK,’ I’ll always do it privately, under my ‘hush hush‘ brolly, like an insecure, oriental pixie.

(I’ll only tell a couple people, who I know won’t nag me about it. I hate ‘naggers.’ I’m too rebellious, once I hear a ‘nag.’ They get me all guns blazing, with my knickers in a tight, diva twist.)

Anyway. I’ve just passed Day 10, of my ‘breaking’ of bad habit & I’m really proud of myself, because I really didn’t think I could even get this far! Haha. FFs.

First Week Smashed. Ping off that bra and shout a Hail Mary!

I’ve said it before, it takes 21 days to break a habit…COLD TURKEY. (Use this when it comes to anything emotional, physical or mental. It’s a game of will power.)

21 DAYS!

I’m not far off now. So when I get to Thursday Sept 20th… I’ve done it. I’ve hit it. I’ve smacked it’s little booty and winked at it on the ‘naughty step.’ 

I’m actually going to treat myself after that. Like a reward for conquering a ‘glamour pussy’ demon.

What do they say?

‘Strength doesn’t come from doing what you can already DO! It comes from accomplishing the things, you never imagined you could conquer…’

Something, i’ve done all the way through my life. I always say, i wish you could see into my head and witness, all that i’ve seen all through my life.

(Currently getting a Flashback or riding down the escalator, outside Crunch Gym, on Sunset Blvd, in West Hollywood, with Joseph Fiennes, who was in town to film a movie. I think it was ‘Running with Scissors?’ He had a baseball cap on and was telling me he was Irish? Weird time to flash back THAT moment??) 

I was only a 23 year old kid. We’d been flirting for about a day…Lol.

You know what I’m like. I was all a flutter…He just probably thought I was fit…or cute…or whatever? ‘Road Beef’ is what I used to call my LA chick friend Jen. Hahah. (She used to always date these sportsmen. These athletes.  These American football players & Baseball Players.)

I’d always date an Actor, or a model…Yet, only because they were the ONLY guys around me, really….

Jen: ‘I’m driving to Anaheim today..I’m gonna go see him. He’s BBM’ed me.’

Me: ‘Haha. Don’t do that! You’re totally Road Beef. Lol’

(Even though I would do the same. I just wear my little heart on my sleeve and I always have. I like that about me though. I’d rather be that, than be incapable of loving. To me, that’s a travesty. A life without true love, is no life at all.) 

She’s finally happy, settled (Girls settle down much later in Hollywood)  and she’s just had her first gorgeous baby. I’m still…well..probably ‘Road beef’…But with a family…Haha.

I’m headed into a lucky time. A juicy time. A good time of work, excitement and new adventures. You know how much I love an adventure. My spirit is wild. I never want to feel tamed. There’s a lot of opportunity a brewing for us all and it’s making me feel delicious. I have a lot of news and I’ve changed everything around ‘personally,’ for it.

There’s something in the air, in Wunna Land, right now. The babies and I can feel it.

Even Ruby has a glint in her eye…

(She’s like a machine of magic, that girl…She’s grown straight into being….Lil’ Miss.Wunna, I guess? You wouldn’t think, but it’s kinda by accident, because I always encourage the kids, to simply BE THEM. But hey..If the crown fits? 😉 )

I will tell you, that I thought I was gonna have a quiet Sunday of putting my Depop store together. Yet, I got side tracked, because during my ‘Ask Me Anything‘ on Insta…a guy propositioned me to a GAME OF DARES….

I’m up for a dare. Why not? It’s life…

I came straight in…with a…

‘If you get my initials tattooed on you..’ (fyi, I don’t know this guy personally, at all..He’s a big Wunna Land Fan and I love that!) 

He immediately took the challenge,

‘I’m next in Thursday evening for ink, so I’ll film it being done, then send it to you…’

WHAT! WOW!

Then he came back and challenged me…

‘Ok, no problem…But then you’ll have to do my dare…’

If he went through with it….(Do know that it was just banter…I just said it to terrify him…But he wasn’t scared. Lol) I told him he’s win a date, if he did…and he will, if he does…

However, he would have to chose between DATE or Dare.

His Reply…

*Hit Play…*

SO, IT’S ON!!!

I love a challenge. I’m not backing down. If he wins, he’ll WIN A DATE. (Something that as a Wunna Land Fan, he’s requested for months.) If I win, he pretty much said…

We’ll see! Let’s play! I love that he had a sense of adventure. It’s yummy. More guys are scared of me, than they are bold, with me. I like it. There you have it. I’m playing ‘Dares For A Date’ with a Wunna Insta Story Fan.

Makes sense to me! Lol. Yay! SUNDAY!

What did you get up toooooo? 

I’ll be seeing ya! I’ve got work to do…

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Ps/ Junior got a ‘Special Mention Certificate’ on Friday at school. 😉 Miss. Murphy (who I love,) sent me a message, after reading my blog. (Our babies are in school together…) Her baby son Ray, told her, that Junior got called up for his mini certificate, but was too terrified to walk up and receive it. His best, school buddy friend, saw this and walked him up there, to help him feel bold. Awww! How magical! It melted my heart. It gave him all the confidence he needed. I love Miss. Murphy…He’s like the liquor in your cocktail..Not just the garnish. 😉

 

 

 

New Dates, Mates & Old Flames…

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LA Bestie: ‘How the hell are you still alone’

Me: ‘Haha. Wow! Cheers. Stop saying ALONE at me. I’m fine. FFs.’

LA Bestie: ‘I actually meant ALIVE. Lol. I really did.’

Me: ‘Oh? That…I definitely don’t know! Just lucky aren’t I. 😉 I need a fresh orange juice..’

LA Bestie: ‘What?? Honestly. What has happened to you?? Dead to me. Orange juice?’ 

Me: ‘IN MY MALIBU, you idiot. I don’t order juice.’

How’ve you all been? I’ve had to take a few days off blogging, because work, auditions. socializing, surprises, shocks and single mum life sped into a WHOLE different lane and I was pretty much slow jogging in stillettos behind. If i didn’t hit *pause* I would’ve lost the plot!

I like to keep on top of things. I’m not one to lag behind with ease… 

I hate not managing things appropriately. It stresses me out.

So yeah, right now, my life’s not easy.  I’m happy. But it ain’t easy. It’s a really hard juggle, to be honest. But THANK GOD, i’m back to ‘tipper tappering’ at my laptop, because I swear, it’s my saving grace. (Well, once I get my ‘swing’ back, anyhow. At first it’s shit and definitely feels like it needs rum cocktails pouring all over it.)

RUM TING PLEASE…

I’m just gonna jump the gun and tell you that I got this voice note, the other day, that followed a message. Remember I told you that a few weeks ago, a guy, a lovely older gentleman, had tinkered into my DM’s.

I’ve hardly ever been on a date with anyone older than me…I don’t know why? Maybe because my surroundings are always young. The last older guy, that I actually went on a date with…was Matt Dillon..whilst I was in LA. 

Crackers innit!

(Wait, I’ve lied. both ‘London Business Man’ and ‘Eton Mess’ were older than me. Yet, only by a couple years…They kinda seem boyish in comparison to the ‘voice note’ guy Yet, they’re both happily in relationships now…& I’m happy for them, as they certainly weren’t right for me. I can be treated better than that.) 

ANYWAY….The Gentleman..

He initially messaged me with a picture and then a couple voice notes…and I liked it, because hearing someones voice makes a difference. (Not my awful voice though.) But it’s true…A voice or a video helps a connection… doesn’t it?

I felt that he was SO polite and gentle, yet sweet and fun. He was really respectful. He wasn’t smutty. He led with his romantic foot forward. And I am ever so used to hearing smut, or the game of charm.

I mean, remember that also a couple weeks ago, a German footballer, slid into my insta DM’s…and was pretty much the opposite. He started with the usual ‘you’re beautiful’ stuff…then led it straight to the land of Smut.

I get that…it’s fine…However…

..at that point, I just ignored him…cos whatever…I’m too old for that shit.

Anyway, the other guy, who I always label a ‘gentleman.’ (I say label, because I haven’t actually spoken to him much and I’ve certainly never met him.) Back to the point..He sent me a message at the weekend…Was it Friday? AGAIN, followed by a voice note.

I like a surprise voice note..or video.

It helps me connect faster…(I’ve said that already, haven’t I?) 

Weeks ago, and I did blog this, he had asked if I’d like to go on a ‘friendly dinner,‘ with him, to ‘say hi, properly.’ He doesn’t live in the country, yet obviously he ventures to the UK quite a lot with work. His occupation…Pundit. He’s a retired footballer.

I should balls and a nets for my yard of milkshake, as it seems they’re the only guys that want to play Wunna Land, right now? They find me..

So, I get this message, at the weekend, saying that he’ll be over here on 18th…for work and it would be lovely to meet me.

Wow! Impressed!

I get asked out quite a lot…(that isn’t meant to sound conceited…it’s just the truth and we love a bit of truth in Wunna Land.) I always say ‘no.’ Or just ignore the message. I mean, I must be a sucker for eternal loneliness, because I definitely would love to find my Mr.Right, yet I ignore everyone who DM’s me. Lol.

It’s because i’m a happy singleton.

I’m never miserable about single life. I enjoy life. I still enjoy love. I’m just one of those chicks, who is sure my Knight will saunter up out of nowhere…one day, when he’s had his tea and ready. 

Fate will force him to…

Anyway, I haven’t ignored this ‘gentleman.‘ I need to give him a nickname, don’t I? That’ll come. Yet, bottom line…I’ve agreed to go meet him for ‘friendly dinnering,’ simply because he was so utterly and sincerely sweet to me via voice note. He treated me really normally, yet like a lady. He sounded nurturing and I love nurturing ‘I’ll keep you safe ‘ kinda men.

So, we’ll see what happens…I’m open to it..

I feel like i’ve had this really fun Summer of debauchery and irresponsible, sunshiny behaviour. We’ll all remember Summer ’18. It was fun. Yet, I kinda miss focusing on what i’m doing. Glamorously, of course.  I love what I do and I love what I have…and I’m really lucky, to have the mini opportunities, come my way…Hopefully, one day, the mini ones, will turn into BIG ones.

If i’m being honest…

I kinda started to feel stifled, over the last couple weeks and I’ve been on the search for excitement and adventure. A new chapter, with more balance. You’re a product of your environment..I was becoming one…and not being a chick to enjoy the ‘same old ting,’ I got my balance sorted.

I found me a new chapter..

(…and it took nothing but determination.. Something I am oozed in.)

I’ve been with my family. (My strength.)  I’ve been with the kids. (My world.) I’ve worked hard, (my passion)… auditioned lots (my challenge)..and still managed to cocktail my way to happiness, whilst being over eyelashes, boobied and fully lipped. (Just who I am.)

Let’s *clink* wine glasses to that!

Summer 2018, was really important to me, because I learnt a lot about myself…and I was actually a little broken hearted, through it. Hence why I celebrated, enjoyed and drank a lot. Well, I say broken hearted…but I began with a solid stance. Then emotionally ventured to ‘all over the place,’ which led me to naughty fun (because of course I’m that way inclined..) and was left with my eyes open...WIDE open…my ears a listening (they could hear everything once more)…and as I screwed my head back on, bundled up my heart strings, back into my hands, ready for the next round of blissful, romantic tugging…I realized that my mind, my gut…my body…my everything…just kept lulling back to, reflecting back to…and utterly missing….(back to…lol)…..

..The Swirl.

(Who I renamed ‘T Bone.’)

So, I know that i’m not gonna to go through life, without encountering ‘T Bone’ again…I mean, I might do? But I doubt it, because we get on so well…

My gut just tells me…

Yet the timing of it all…. ‘our ting,’ has always been off. Life has never cut me some slack with that old timing shindig. But I’m willing to see and willing to wait on it.

Right now, he’s no where near me, he recently moved to another country for work…and he’s pretty focused on that and doing his version of life out there.

So, now that i’ve done my Summer of ‘heartache’ (lol…a heartache, that I didn’t realize was happening…) I’m pretty ready to explore…and let my little kitty eyes, take a peeky and who else, of DECENT POTENTIAL…that i’m attracted to… is a knocking?

Right?

September 18th…’Friendly dinner,’ here I come…

Ps? I keep getting a Flashback of Ms.Derry, being sat on the  ‘door wide open’ loo, with her leopard print shorts down by her ankles, as she wee’d, told me she fractured her hand, because she fell, whilst flamenco dancing down the pavement. She was in those shorts, that night too.

Then she wiped up, jumped up, pulled this make up stamper thing, out of her hand bag and stamped my hand with a tiny, black love heart.

It was beautiful. Made me smile.

Be beautiful always…

Flirts, Single Life & Custard…

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Yesterday was so much fun. Was it yesterday? Yeah…yesterday! I’ve literally been all over the land, working my merry tinker of a booty off and I’m feeling really lucky. I’m knackered though. God! It’s been trains, travel, bars, restaurants people, social media and deadlines…NON STOP. But i’m loving every second and I’m counting my lucky..stilettos?

They say, ‘Hard work pays off,’ and slowly, but surely, when it’s your turn to shine…it will. Everyone’s always in some kind of race…and you don’t need to be. You don’t need to compare yourself to someone else. They may be on Chapter 20, when you’re only on Chapter 1. ..and that’s fine. Just be inspired, hone your talent, enjoy every minute and push forward, whilst concentrating solely on what YOU’RE doing.

People will talk. LET THEM. 

Chrissiewunna.com ONLY became popular via people talking & gossiping about me. 😉

You’ll make your dreams come true, if you give the world something of value.

People never post their failures online…They tend to only talk about them, once they’ve made it big.  The good thing about this little blog, is that you live my triumphs and failures as I go along…

It’s human nature..

But preach over…Let’s chat…

I hardly slept at all yesterday. Ruby’s away on holiday with her Dad. Junior had an evening with his Father last night also.  I was all on my own, with my flipping meditation app and hated every second of not having the kids around me. (I like hearing them screaming in the background.) 

I’m so lucky right now, because I never feel alone, because of them. However, I dread to think what life would be like, when i’m really really old, if I stayed single and alone forever? I’m just not that kind of person. I don’t want that.  I don’t deserve that. I want to feel love and give love always. I’m just not willing to settle for ‘Mr.Anyone,‘ for the sake of ‘just because.’ I’d rather be alone than ever be with someone who wasn’t right!

I want that magic. That unconditional love that swirls through two people, who can’t help BUT be soul mates..

And i’m sure i’ll find it…It’ll pop out of nowhere, when I least expect it to…But like I said, I’m in no race. I’ll do my own story, at my own pace…I have absolute faith in my own version of life. I never know what’s going to happen to me in the end, I just know it’s going to be something wonderful…

I bumped into Passionate Jaz, Baby Tom & No Knicks yesterday afternoon, at the pub.

SUNDAY FUNDAY!

It was ace. Passionate Jaz, was hungover and needing carbs to survive another hour of life. She had fallen asleep on a really comfy bin, in town, enticed ‘Baby Tom’ with her sexiness..

‘You’re definitely *getting some* when we get home. 😉 ‘

Baby Tom, IMMEDIATELY orders a taxi (woo’ed by the debauchery.) He gets them home, straight away, at the speed of ‘I definitely have a boner’ light.  Then ONCE HOME,  Jaz, tells him off….

‘If you dare come near me or in this room…’

(Hahahah)

..and so he ends up just sleeping on the sofa, cuddling a bottle of Jack Daniels. Lol.

I love them. They’re my favourite couple. I love hanging out with them…and watching them eat nachos.

Jaz: ‘I do like custard?’

Me: ‘I like custard..’

Jaz: ‘I like rice pudding with jam on me..’

Tom: ‘Oh yeah. Her ship was leaking..Lol’

Jaz: ‘I was definitely on the sinking ship. His friends didn’t like me…’

Me: ‘I don’t  like Ben because he lied about me..’

No Knicks: ‘My ex cheated on me..’

Jaz: ‘Stop dating people you work with!’

Me: ‘It’s never really a good night if someone isn’t hysterically crying for or kicking off..’

Tom: ‘Owt for Nowt..’

Me: ‘There’s literally A MILLION SINGLE MEN in they city of LEEDS, ALL looking for love. Why can’t you find ONE, that DOESN’T work with you??

Tom: ‘I’ll have a pint of Peroni please..’

Jaz: ‘I want a Jam Roly Poly now…’

No Knicks: ‘I hate that i’m single…Please tell me that it’s going to be okay, because i’m 29, never been married with no kids.’ 

She’ll be fine though. I mean, ’29, never been married with no kids,’ is a much easier sell, than..

‘Hi. I’m Chrissie. I’m 37. Been married 3 times, oh and I have two babies… to two different guys.’

That is my first date banter…because I always feel like I need to get it out in the open STRAIGHT AWAY. I let THEM take it from there..Lol

I remember being sat in ‘The Swirls’ (do I still call him ‘The Swirl’ or should I call him ‘T Bone?) Anyway, it wasn’t this Easter, but the Easter before and I was sat on his sofa, after sex…in his apartment in Ipswich, with ‘Dinner Date’ on as telly background and to our right, was a GIANT canvas picture, with a half naked, abstract artsy lady painted on it. The canvas was LEMON and the lady seemed to be dancing? She looked all FREE….

T Bone: ‘That’s not mine. It was already here when I moved in.. Lol.’

Anyway, I told him the 30 something, married loads of times, two babies, to two different daddies spiel…

I did my usual *pause* afterward…(I always do it, to scan their face…)

The 30 something thing, didn’t bother him. He’s a younger 30 something than me. And even though he did look, a little taken a back, by my story…for a second…

He paused, tried to say something humourously sensible at me…Then pointed at the tv….in fact at Kim Kardashian, because an E Network Advert had come on…and said..

‘It’s only like her. She’s been married a couple of times…I think you’re great girl. I think you’re lovely.’

Smooooth. 😉  It was sweet of him to refrain from being judgemental. The less judgemental a guy is, the more i’m going to fancy him.

Me: ‘Well, it’s my story. I can’t help my story or my past. There’s nothing I can do about it, so people kinda just have to either love me for it or lump it..’

Anyway….

How did I get so distracted???

The rest of the yesterday, I sat with a table of guys…who were all on the gin after the races. A really good set of lads. Some were better at banter than others.. Then ‘Stringer’ sang ‘Hero’ by Enrique Iglesias, IN SPANISH…lovingly, into his fruity gin…

He was actually AMAZING…

He sang EXACTLY THIS…into his gin…whilst ordering Dominos.

Then we talked about Stag Do’s. How I was accidentally on HIS stag do. KatyP came back from a BBQ, with Golfer Jonny, the MOST PISSED I had ever seen her...Lol.

‘Holy shit! What happened to you, in that time???’

I hugged everyone…Then it was home time…I got home. Stripped down naked. Turned out the lights and online stalked the people I fancy, in bed… after Peroni’s. (Haha. Tragic. 😉 )

This morning I woke up from a Snapchat message from Big Brother 9’s Rex Newmark, who’s actually really good friend of mine. He pretty much said my outfit made me look like I was headed to a ‘rodeo’ 🙂 and then we mutually agreed that I looked like a hooker..

Rex: ‘Both good choices. Never a wives favourite though. Haha.’

Me: I’m NEVER a wives favourite!’

Rex: ‘When are you back in London. I want you to visit some of my restaurants…?’

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Massages, Kittens & Maybe ‘Nookie’ Please….

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Morning, my little licks of ‘love festival.‘ How are you? I truly hope life is treating you well and if not, I truly hope you have enough ‘dollar’ to buy yourself booze. If not…may ‘The Gods’ look after you, as I send you all my love, from the bottom of my heart…

Is a morning wine acceptable?

I’m calm. I’m at peace. I’m excited for the future. I’m casually stalking swirls online and I need a massage. I really need one. I mean, at this point, I’d date anyone who was good at a rub down, making cocktails and carrying really heavy things.

(I’d also like ‘nookie.’ That would be good too. But not just with anyone…because I’m just not like that and well nothing is worse than wasting your ‘nookie’ time, on someone who wasn’t worth it.) 

Hear me now…

(Why have I called it ‘nookie’ and not just sex? )

Yet, it’s 9.42 am. I’m naked in Yorkshire. I’m wrapped in flamingo bed covers…and i’m blogging on my beaten up pink notebook. (I spent last night doing my Goldfish impression on Insta, simply because  a mad amount of people, kept DM’ing me about it..So it’s anything for the ‘gram.’ Lol)

‘Rocco’ my kitten is sprawled out on the window sill, all comfy, like he’s Joan Collins. Ruby’s laid next to me…STILL ASLEEP, with all of her ‘half fro’ out. She’s looks like she’s out of some kind of swaggy nursery rhyme. She also keeps waking up, opening her eyes and whispering..

‘Instagram…’

(At least I can confirm that she’s mine.)

On a downer…Cos we all love a downer…

Lots of my friends have messaged me recently, all stressed out because their own version of life, isn’t panning out exactly the way they wished it to, right now.

Tough times are temporary. Tough people are forever. Learn from both.

Have faith that everything’s going to be alright. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be..

I mean, I know things can be difficult at times, and i’ve been through some shocking times of ‘ah dee dumbilies.’ Yet, I sent one of my guy friends a message the other day…simply because i hadn’t checked in on them in a while…

It went a bit like this..

Me: ‘Hey! Making sure you’re dandy. How are you, lovely?’

Mate: ‘Awful. Things are shit.’

Lovely!! Nice to see, the cheery juice got passed around.

(When people say that, I always think that their trauma must be over something bad, yet small, because when something BIG happens, something that has shocked your system, so utterly much, that you become kinda numb inside. Well, I’ve always noticed, that my friends, will usually respond with i’m fine.‘ I know I would.)

All on the same page then.

So, being the little beam of ‘warm hearted,’ positive ‘sass,’ that I am…I kinda ‘ducked,’ then ‘weaved’ and did that thing where I pretended that  hadn’t read the message.

And I know that sounds selfish. But it’s actually not.

I couldn’t be MORE compassionate. People develop when they go through testing times. That’s how I became tough. That’s actually glued together and filled world with love. 

Plus, I’m in a really happy place right now and taking on the stress of others, when that stress has nothing to do with me, is not how I got happy.

In the words of my beautiful friend Vicky:

‘Don’t burden yourself with other peoples crazy monkies. It’s not your Circus.’

Safety first.

Anyway, lots of wonderful things are currently happening. I’m obviously working a great deal right now. I’m filming. I’m feeling good. I’m loving being mum. Ruby & Junior make my world complete. However, I have so much whizzing around my mind that I can’t sleep at all.

It’s not a bad thing. I’m just like that.

I’m being asked to influence some of the most beautiful restaurants and exciting cocktail bars…and even though Wunna Land is still growing, I’m feeling pretty lucky. I’m hopefully on my way up.

Plus, I am back on your telly SOON.

You don’t have too long to wait now…

(I’ve just had this weird flash back of KatyP, on a dog lease, at a beer garden and Canadian Lindsey restraining her, from the neck.)

Me: ‘Hmm…cute. Anyway, I’ve had such a busy day.’

KatyP: ‘Wow, it took you literally seconds to make everything all about you.’

Kinky.

I’m also at ‘Singles Night‘ at Kitty Cafe, Leeds, on Sept 21st, in the city centre. You should all come and find love with me…whilst stroking the cutest kittens in all the land. I mean, f all else fails, i got to strut about for insta pics, with a kitten in my hand, right? 😉 Imagine, if I did actually find love there…I feel like I need back up…I need a chick to come with me…

Email: info@kittycafe.co.uk  (Or call them) 

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I had a really lovely ‘bump into,’ the other night. I bumped into old friend ‘Passionate Jaz and ‘Baby Arms Tom.’

Jaz is ace, because she’s warm and lovely, yet filled with a fizz of utter feistiness. (We actually refer to is as ‘passion.’) We’re kinda like cocktails that either smooth’ their way down, or BLOW UP IN YOUR FACE. Depends on how you shook us. 😉

Jaz: ‘I’m like a sinking ship. I’m hit or miss. One end of the ship survives, the other end always dies. Depends on how I wake up…as to what side you get..’

Tom, is like a blond Ken Doll…He is literally the NICEST, most POLITEST human, you will ever meet in your life. YOU CANNOT DISLIKE TOM. It’s impossible.

‘Do you know how hard it is to run to the pub in flip flops..!!’

Anyway…

He got really Peroni pissed, decided he couldn’t see, walked into a door, in the rain, stood in a doorway, pretending to call a taxi, forgot to call a taxi, I called his taxi and then he glazed over in a warm delight, of utter happy Peroni…. numbness?

He definitely slept on the sofa.

Saturday was great!

So much fun.

I can’t wait to do it again.

Heads up…

I have dinner at Teppanyaki & Gusto coming up shortly…I’m in the mood for cocktails…I’m all about Leeds right now (the service is getting better and better)…and well today is a Mummy/Ruby day, as Junior has tottered off to his Papa’s.

Just so you remember…

You are one decision away from a completely different life. Choose wisely. Live largely. Swirl in a buzz of excitement, always.

You really DO only live once. Do not fuck up the merry windows of opportunity that you are presented with…they can change your life…

When you do and that window closes, it is so much harder to crack it back open…

Please believe that anything can happen! All you have to is try….

Chrissie,

Thank you for following my life…

Ps/ I must be really happy right now, because you know how I hardly ever eat a lot. I’m a swine for it. I DO eat…but only nibble ‘here and there’ really. I graze. I never fancy a big meal. Yesterday…was the first day, after a really wonderful day, that I actually turned around, looked at my mum (who had popped over to mine) and said…

‘I’m really hungry.’ 🙂

(She beamed.)

It’s literally been months! 🙂

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Tequila Shots, Flirts & The End of Wedding Season

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So, we head into Rogerthorpe Manor for the reception dinner. Lead by a guy in a Gucci tie, who everyone thought was a guest. He wasn’t, he was the ‘Master of Ceremonies’ I guess? Is that what he was? I don’t know? He was lively and witty, let’s say. However Laura, Toby & I still managed to make fun of him every half hour, because he kept skipping out of nowhere…a doorway, a table, a bush…and scorning us politely, for not being at the right place, at the right time…at least he did it in Gucci.

Gucci Tie: ‘It’s the speeches now…So you all need to get back inside.’

Me: ‘It’s not the speeches yet. I’ve just spoke to Guy & Neil…and LOOK, they’re all the way up the garden, by that dodgy stone woman.’

(There was the most hilarious giant woman made of out stone in the garden. She was half naked, shoulder crouching & holding part of a robe in front of her, to cover her modesty…YET SHE LOOKED TERRIFIED. Like Jackie Chan was gonna hurtle out the trees naked and Kung Fu her. Or like Toby was about to sell her a car. 😉 ) 

Anyway, I was sat on a different table to Laura & Toby. For once, I wasn’t on the naughty table. I think I was on the ‘some of us are single’ table. Everyone was  talking about diggers and how exciting they found Power Plants though, so it confused me. Then at least convo ‘sexed’ up a bit, when they boobs took the focus.

All polite. All such fun. Don’t really rememebr anyone’s name. But I do know that someone was German, two people were single….and they all love Guy whenever he gets naked in pubs? Hilarious table. Filled with smut. They couldn’t have welcomed me more. To my left was a gent, who had been Guy’s ‘Best Man’ twice before, yet didn’t get the ‘role of’ this time around. Lol.

AWKS! Hahaha.

Then the day turned to dusk as the traditional comedy speeches were being made…and we all ventured back outside onto the lawn for more drinks. The sun was shining. The sky was still blue. You need fresh air at weddings, because that’s what keeps you alive! It’s like I started the day again…Yet maybe that was the gin…

Laura: ‘Right now, I could put my tracksuit on, some flats, tie my hair on top of my head…and just chill in the sun…with this gin. I got you one too..’

Me: ‘Awww! Thank you! That creepy, stone woman is urking me out.’

Then people whopped out the cigars…

Toby: ‘He looks like a Don.’

More drinking was going on…I kinda left Vicki to do the wedding rounds, like you must! I met the rest of her family, mid gin though and I loved that! I mean, I adore little Estelle and have known her anyway. But I got to meet her sons…Ben & Andy…and Ben’s chick, who was dressed in red and I love a girl who rocks a red dress.

Excitement must have got the better of us…

Someone told us that the music had been turned on, so I tinkered on in armed with my new East London crew…Lol…and Let’s just say Toby, Laura & I, got the party started. Well, we just inappropriately *bumped* and *grinded* to whatever the DJ was playing, whilst forcing him to ‘turn it up, turn it up’ and watching Page Boys ‘Floss’ and Bridesmaids ‘Hair toss.’

We were drinking our through it….But I still didn’t feel pissed yet? And when i’m at a wedding, I want to be pissed.

At this point, things ‘wilded’ up…Everyone still looked beautiful. ‘Bobby’ (Roberta) had shown up, out of the blue, in blue, looking stunning and not wearing knickers….

‘Chrissie look under her dress and see if she has any knickers on…’

(I love ‘Bobby’ because she’s a wild one like me. She didn’t know if she had an official invite. She just watched my Insta story, got dressed and rocked up. Hahaha! She LIVES! I mean, you’ll find ‘BobbyShe’ll be naked. Not care…and you’ll have to deal with it. She does the Wunna Land ‘Live life/YOLO Ting’ and it’s bliss. You’re only here once. If you’re lucky, you’ve got 100 years to just enjoy being alive.)

Andy’s now buying me Tiger Beers, because I was Asian and he fancied me a bit Lol. Toby & Laura disappeared for a few…and I’m sure they went for a quick ‘moment‘ upstairs. 😉  Yet, they assured me that no such ting happened. They were apparently looking for me, everywhere…

Andy: ‘Do you think, I have a chance with her…’

Laura: ‘No…lol’

The wedding was great and the dance floor filled. A giant, fun photobooth with props had been set up, so ‘Bobby’ and I smashed it THREE TIMES, because we’re the Ultimate Queen of Selfie and i grumbled a bit, because it moved too fast for my Insta story. Haha.

Then I don’t know what happened, but Andy, Ben, His Red Dressed Girlfriend, Laura, Toby and I…ended up at the faaaaaaar end of the bar, a little away from everyone, kinda by the buffet…The lights had been dimmed, so it was officially night time…and Toby goes…

‘Are we having shots then…?’

And in this time…What Happened! It turned from beautiful time, on the most beautiful grounds, at the most beautiful wedding…to a party episode of Geordie Shore….(Even though no one was or is a Geordie???/ I’m so good at this! I need the sack.) 

We SHOT everything. Chick shots. Dude shots. Shots, from each other shots. Shots, OFF EACH OTHER shots…The Guys were shooting Tequila in the end and sucking the lemons out of each other mouths.

EWWW! 

( I say ‘sucking,’ which makes it sound more aggressive, than it was…When I actually watched my intsa story back, it looked someone loving. Andy cradled Toby’s head, like he was Mother Mary.)

Then out of nowhere, in the name of a DARE. Army Ben, at Toby’s suggestion…does a Tequila shot, but he doesn’t lick the salt, he SNIFFS THE SALT UP HIS NOSE, SHOOTS THE SHOT AND THEN SQUEEZES THE GODDAMN LEMON IN HIS GODDAMN EYE!!! 

OUCH!!!!!!!!

It was brilliant. I was so entertained. It made my life complete.

Toby: ‘I was giving them a £100, but I think I might pull out a tenner for shots and give them £90 instead. Hahaa.’

Then just like magic, we all went onto chill mode and I sat outside chatting to Vicki’s lovely Irish Mummy. She looked like the most glamourous Irish Mummy in the world. I loved her. She was funny, polite, yet I could see a ‘sassy’ in her eyes. I loved her!

Then like ya do…I think I went on a massive ‘Preach’ mode and forced everyone to listen to me tell them how much I loved Vicki.

A really drunk Yorkshire lady sat down and started banter…I loved her, because she was so ‘tell it how it is.’ 

Toby: ‘Where has she been all night! She’s great!!’

And then towards the end of the night, I finally got to spend some time with the Bride…

We just heard ‘CAKE,’ held hands and found it…

Vicki: ‘Lemon or Fruit cake’

Then we laughed. He danced. We talked over the day, with smiles. She was the most BEAUTIFUL BRIDE, in all the land and i’m not even kidding. Vicki’s ‘40 something‘ and she LOOKED 20 SOMETHING STUNNING.

Then i might have had to fight off a few lovely gents… 😉 I’ll say no more. Hahah.

And the funniest thing…as more time passed, more drinks were had…and more celebrations were turned into memories to share the day that Guy & Vicki committed to being ‘life partners…’

When I eventually walked out of the main doors at Rogerthorpe Manor, the LAST SENTENCE, that I said, (well this was after a ‘Thank you’ and ‘Cya’…)

The LAST SENTENCE that flew out of my mouth, was…

‘No…I’m not going to sit on your willy….’

Hahaha…

Such a great time. I send both Guy & Vicki all my love. I made some really great new friends…and I’m so lucky and honoured to have been there.

Definitely lost my bank card. (When that happens, you know shit got messy.)  Toby & Laura and now in Jamaica…And today….We Start the World Cup! Lol.

Thank you following my life…

Chrissie x

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Last Night I Loved The City…

It was 9pm last night, as I walked through Leeds city centre, on my own, over bits of cobbles, passed closed shop and now quiet busy streets, in the warm evening sunshine. It was still light and the air was humid, yet with a gentle breeze that swirled around couples.

To my left there were uni students in love, laid on private park lawns with wine. To my right were stylish 20 somethings hand in hand with ‘first date’ smiles on their faces, as they tinkered in heels and stubble.

Infront of me were lesbian ‘Hello Kitty’ teens who still had a long way to go in life, yet in that moment we’re so in love.

…and then there was me…

I beamed as I gleefully strutted through the calmness of Leeds city centre, on my own, like the world was my oyster. Last night I loved the city and I felt like it was mine! I properly ‘Carrie Bradshawed’ it and scanned everything around me with a wink and a smile.

Drunks boys whistled as I passed..yet politely. Posh boys ‘well heelllooooed’ me as they double took my strut. Grandma’s stop me to tell me that I was a ‘pretty lady,’ and well last night I felt liberated. There was a skip in my step. Last night, I loved Leeds and it felt like one of the Greatest cities to be in. I’m a lucky girl.

But let’s rewind right…

Four hours before that I was bundling my life manically into my handbag, trying to find my phone charger, doing wee’s with the toilet door open, because my mind was so busy that I completely forgot to shut it. (Business men watched me wee. Lol) Then with a flash and a ‘see ya’ I darted out the door, hair all a mess, glowing from the heat, rushing in heels and with a blink I was in my car *zooming* myself to a train station to get a train that left Platfrom 2 in 11 minutes.

‘SHIT!’

It was boiling, I had to get naked in the car, whilst parked up outside Xscape (lol) to change my outfit. I tottered as fast as my little kitten legs could take me over a footbridge with the sun beaming down and onto Platform 2….and just like that, BOOM, I was on that train and on my way! (No wine in my system at all…which i always find devastating, because if I ever needed a drink, it was in that moment, I need to hire someone that just rushed by my side all the time, with a cocktail in their hand and a straw ready for me to sip in emergencies.)

I’m not gonna tell you anything about my night because I think i’m gonna tell you a better story later. Yet, I will skim it with sassy clues.

I..with what seemed like the entire female population of Leeds was at Manahatta on Merrion Street last night. It was rammed. I had never seen that place so busy in my life. It was so rammed, that before i walked in, I peeked in and I almost turned around (especially because it took me ages to find the bar in the first place) and went home.

But I didn’t. in life, if you ant something, you’ve just got to push through those glamourous glass doors and go for it. So I did.

Every single one of those girls was single and they’d come from all over. BUT there was a handful of men. (The rest had gone to watch football.) In that handful of men, 4 of them were handsome.

Long story short…there was a warm sweaty magic in the air, filled with hopefuls and light, laughter and cocktails.

My lucky stars were shining on me that night….as I was pulled away from the masses to tell my little Wunna Land story to new people. I did this on a chair, on camera and wished I had better hair all the way through it. Lol. It was AMAZING. And it was really great to see so many people that I knew in the masses. I think EVERYBODY was shocked by how many people had bothered turn up.

I guess love does make the world go around?

Some people were being asked to leave, as others were being escorted through special doorways. I was on special doorway route and at one point I was stood next to the most handsome and stylish, loveliest Leeds guy ever. We kinda had to team up by accident, as everyone kept glaring at us….as we were stood on a stairway, above masses and masses of people….

Him: ‘I feel like i’m on show.’

Me: ‘Really? Lol. I feel fine…I can see what you mean though.’

‘Him: ‘I feel like we’re getting EYE FUCKED.

Me: Hahahah! Yeah…a little bit.’

Him: ‘My  work friends are even outside waiting to take the piss out of me. I’ve come straight from Bar & Grill… You’re the best girl here babe…’

We bantered and I smiled because he was such a gent and obviously great. He’s a guy who wants to get ahead in life, do well…and he deserves it. Handsome guy! Didn’t give a shit that his mates were taking the piss out of him. He was doing what was right for him. I liked that. (And his outfit! Lol) In the 20 minutes that we stood on the stairway, we got on really well.

On the whole, I guess, I didn’t really concentrate on the crowd. I didn’t notice the ‘eye fucks.’ I don’t anymore. I’m kinda used to it. I’m immune to it. Lol. But more importantly I was just concentrating on what I was doing. I chatted to the people next to me. I didn’t sweat the small stuff…and I didn’t have a fricking drink. I needed one. It was boiling,.

But yeah, three hours later, I walked through ‘special doors’ where there was just me…

An hour later…I was gleefully strutting through the peaceful evening city centre streets, with my hand bag swinging in my hand, a smile beaming from my soul and en route to catch the next train to Pontefract.

Last night I learnt that finding love matters to everyone. Be you rich, poor, tall, small, happy, sad, successful or nowhere….No matter whether you believe it matters or whether you believe it doesn’t. It matters to all humans.

I also realised that status, ‘show’ and ‘being someone’ matters to everyone also…but it’s only that little glittery handful of people who are accidentally in the right place at the right time, or the ones that really work hard to get themselves infront of the right people, or the folk who just ‘have it’ that get there.

I loved last night because you couldn’t do anything but be yourself. And if I can do anything…I can fucking do that! Lol.

Enjoy the weather!

 

 

 

A Quick Change of Jiggly Plans….

So my weekend’s made a glamourous U Turn and is now completely different. I won’t be headed off to ‘tango’ with the boy until next weekend now. It only changed about an hour and a half ago…due to my own circumstance…Yet being a kitten who is pretty schooled in the art of ‘getting on it with..’ when life throws in a *spanner,* I’m dandy with it all. You can sweat the small stuff, (which isn’t sexy) or you can celebrate the big things that you have to look forward to. I’m certainly on ‘celebration’ mode and certainly excited about what life has in store for me…so Yeah…after ‘chitter chatter,’ rearrangements and just good old honest ‘Wunna Style’ banter…Everything was sorted and my faith in humanity and my trust in ‘swirls’ were completely restored.

Y’know, what’s good about this guy…Is that he reasons things out in his head. He’ll wait, he’ll weigh things up, they’ll benefit everyone and hell make the right choices. He’ll stand by what he believes, but then, with charm immediately knows how to make everything better…

‘I’m a lucky guy…’

‘You make me smile, I’m laughing my head off reading these texts..’

‘You’re not just looks.. you’re actually  hilarious…it’s total banter…’

‘I love that you’re really open..’

‘It’ll be worth the wait…I promise.’ xxx

I mean honestly, I love hearing it all!!

But what I’m realizing about him is that yes…he’s a lot of things… but he’s actually the perfect balance of everything..in my eyes. And in my world, my eyes… count. 😉  He’s funny, but he’s sweet and he’s naughty, but he’s expressive. We’re similar like that. I’m loving it. So I’m looking forward to meeting him. PLUS any guy that I can have a conversation with about my entire ‘time of the month,’my actual period, before i’ve ever even met THEM in person..and chat about it with them comfortably, as we try to make sense of it all…is certainly ACE. I can literally say anything, tell him everything and he’ll find it funny. Even if it’s inappropriate. And i’m gonna need that aren’t ! 🙂 He’s sexy. I’m hooked.

So we’ll see what happens NEXT Saturday. I’m a firm believer in the fact that you meet people, when you’re meant to meet people…I wasn’t meant to meet him earlier on in life, which is when we had first chattered. Right now, shortly, our paths are supposed to cross, I guess? Is that how it works?

However, away from that I cannot EVEN TELL YOU how happy I am that it is FINALLY THE WEEKEND! Honestly. I have been sooooooooo busy and have worked sooooo hard this week that my mind could’ve  just exploded. It’s been THAT bundled and THAT full of *So Utterly Much.* But I did it I’ve done it! I’m at the end of the tunnel. I have two utter days off in a row, away from the madness to find peace and calm…and gallons of prosecco.

THANK THE FUCKING LORD!

(Or as ‘Double B’ would say, ‘Jesus and the baby orphans.’ )

When you’re THAT busy, you need those moments! I like to call them ‘peace… cut offs,‘ where you just ‘cut away‘ from the hectic drama’s of life happenings and enjoy the things that you LOVE. It stops you from needing botox, going insane and keeps you beaming.

(OH GOD! Ruby’s just woken up and tottered up to me, with these GIANT rainbow coloured beads around her neck with what SHE thinks are flesh coloured ‘feet.’ They’re from a Gay Pride event and my friend brought them back for me, as an appropriate gift. I’m sure that I hide them in the back of a high kitchen cupboard? Lord knows how she has them??…But yes, those ‘feet’ are decorative…well there’s a Penis, after every 7 beads 🙂 Welcome to Wunna Land.)

Lots of great things are happening to me right now. I have lots of good news to tell you soon.

I have my fingers crossed for most of it, as I don’t know how my life is going to end up…But if you don’t hope for the best…You’ll drown in rummy cocktails. Let’s put it this way, I just KNOW that it’s going to end up being wonderful. 😉

Hope you sail through the weekend with absolute utter happiness….That kind of buzz that beams from your soul and lights up your eyes…

 

Tonight…I’m beaming…

Thank you for following my life.

Chrissie x

Ps/ What did my chick friends say?

‘Well at least you don’t have to take it up the arse on the first date now…:) ‘

 

 

Booty Bum Bursts!

Today was the day when I must have *bent over* without a  kitty care in the world and the ENTIRE BACK SEAM of my dress *RIPPED* open, presenting the *WUNNA BOOTY* to all the land! 🙂

Hurrah! Booties for everyone!

As if i’ve managed to get so fat…Well I like to say ‘Playground’ because I heard it on ‘Real Housewives of Atlanta’ being used as a term for ‘Being Bootilicious’…But yes, now it’s official… I am absolutely TOO ‘BOOTY’ to wear a pencil dress. You want a Kardashian Bum? You go to Greggs and have a sausage roll and latte EVERY FLIPPING DAY and you’ll own a *booty,* SO BUSTING, that it makes like the ‘Incredible Juicy Hulk’ and glamourously *bursts* out of your pencil dress like it’s Beyonce.

I literally had my bum out all day, because I couldn’t be arsed (excuse my pun) to buy a new dress. I’ve done worse. A bit of bum cheek is fine. 😉 I was infact, the least shocked… out of the entire bunch..and it was MY ASS that was out.

Oh but let me tell you….

What did my ‘ride or die’ glammy chick friends do? Offer me support? Love? Remedies to my problem?

No…

They fucking pointed, laughed out loud, called me a dickhead and showed everybody my freshly ripped *booty peek* whilst snaphatting it!

Me: ‘What? I can’t see anything??’

‘Honestly! Chrissie! The back of your dress is flapped open… like a hospital gown! Hahahahaha!’

‘Is it THAT BAD? Have I got good knickers on?’

‘Yeah, they’re black lace. Hahah!’

I will say that Mel did offer me a moment of…

‘Safety pins? Shall we safety pin or staple you back up? Shit…I don’t have any? Sorry lol.’

Then just to keep things moving, I attempted to make fun of ‘Hot Sarah’ for no real reason really..and she shot it back with a..

‘You can’t make fun of my face when you’re in an ass out dress.’

‘Whatever! Everyone will be doing it tomorrow.’

I was totally like that ‘whatcha m’call her’ chick from ‘Mean Girls’ with the nipple shirt. I ROCKED my ‘ass out‘ pencil dress.

I mean, GOD ‘Webbo‘ and ‘The King of the North’ didn’t seem to mind and I used Webbo’s window as a mirror.

‘I honestly can’t see anything! Can you? Is my bum out?’

They invited such ‘jiggery pokkery’ into their world, with love, Bromantic ‘you’ll not have your Portugal body,‘ hugs and a bottle of Archers in their hands.

Then ‘the new boy’ started singing Ed Sheran songs and telling me that he has a pet bunny….(yes, you heard.) He then went on to explain that he saved his girlfriend from a dodgy life in Hull and dragged her to a dodgy life… just outside of Bradford. Lol.

Me: ‘A bunny? That’s…I’m pretending to be nice. That is actually really weird! LOL.’

All was dandy, all was well and then ‘Feisty Gem’ makes the executive decision to wear white ‘bowling shoes’ with her very dark tights…which caused me to panic a little.

*Panic.Panic.* It’s like acid to the eyes.*

Especially when i’m in my Specsaver Specs. (I’m waiting for my contact lenses to arrive.) Right now I have EXTRA DOUBLE STRENGTH VISION! It’s intense. But, *applause* to her, as  I did laugh at her naughty sassiness today, even though she committed to poor shoe choices.

‘You’re like the naughty rebellious one.’

Then ‘Double B’ piped in with a shake of ‘diva’ and a dazzle of  ferocity, as she was deliciously misheard by Firmonell…

Double B: ‘How rude was that guy! Don’t talk to me like that! GOD! I want to march down there and flick him on his fucking nose.’

Firmonnell: ‘Ewwwwwwwwww! You’re vile.’

Firmonnell thought that Double B had suggested she would *punish* the rude talking male by not ‘flicking‘ his nose, but ‘FUCKING’ his nose. Lol.

‘I said FLICKING!!!! WHY WOULD I EVER TREAT HIM TO THAT!’

As IF the ‘not flicking‘ would EVER be a treat!!! ABSOLUTELY DYING! Being a boy SUCKS. Being a girl is Wunnaful! (‘Wunnaful‘ is a state that surpasses the fine art of something feeling WONDERFUL.)

Then Mel started moderately describing a human, in her natural sassy downgrady but lovey‘ way, to the ‘King of The North,’ who is about to be forced off the Island….

Mel: ‘I mean, I’ve met her… She’s alright, but she’s just hard faced…Y’know, a bit abrupt, tells it how it is…She’s a bit grumpy…WAIT! I’VE JUST DESCRIBED MYSELF!’

King of the North, ‘Chrissie! Bend over again!’

Y’know, today was all about fun. It was bubbled with naughty laughter and was shimmied about in BANTER. You’ve got to have a charming wink of ‘chitter’ in your soul. It’s a weapon I mean, I ADORE a delicious ‘banter trifle,’ where humour kicks in and uncensored wording flies out.  It’s cheeky, it’s naughty. It’s flirty. It’s fun! More than anything it makes life so much more worthwhile. You need those moments in’life,’ as they help keep your spirit alive. Your spirit is that *magic* that radiates from you when you laugh out loud, or your eyes smile, or you surrender into a ‘love swirl.’ It’s your spirit that is attractive to someone like me. I like to feel a chemistry,

(‘Hot Sarah’ …who i now want to name ‘Hustle Barbie’ has just sent me a Snapchat. It’s of her… with her big fluffy cat…and with the ‘teddy leopard ear’ filter! Haha! Love it! Almost as hilarious as ‘Fairytale Blond’ with the  Yorkshire Terrier *plonked* on her head. Lol. Wow! It must be so weird being a blond! 🙂 )

On the whole…

I know some really great people and hopefully i’ll know them forever. Yet if i don’t…i’ll always remember this chapter of my life….

Lady Shizzle: ‘Something tells me that you’re moving onto better times Chrissie… I know it. This is your year…’

 

 

 

Excuses! Excuses! Excuses! (And Ginners.)

‘What are you doing?’

‘Just rummaging through your drawers…’

‘Aww…If only I had any on..’

I looked at the ever stylish, ‘King of the North,’ we *paused* and then we pissed ourselves laughing at how not very funny we are.

‘Please, as IF i’m not in pants. I’ve had babies. If I don’t wear pants, all sorts of shit would fall out of me…’

Then ofcourse ‘Double B’ butts in with a..

‘Like what?’ 🙂

Hahaha! The terrifying thought of what actually might fall out of me when shaken is beyond me. That’s why I avoid bouncy castles at all costs. It’d be weave, boobs and flipping West Hollywood pretty boys from 2013 that would fall out of me, with a few delicious organs…dashed in a sliced of my gooey dignity.

I hope you’ve had a wonderful Valentines day. I’ve had THE SINGLE, MOST WONDERFUL VALENTINES DAY EVER.

This is one of the first times in England that I’ve been single on the day of love and let me tell you…I have no date, I had no plans, I received zero cards or flowers and I am BEAMING. It almost feels as though i’m the happiest I’ve ever been. It’s odd? Right now, I’m emotionally at my strongest. So warm that i’m radiating this weird glitter glow. I’ve never felt like this before.

I happy because this year, on Valentines Day, I feel so utterly proud of myself because I never ‘just settled’ for ‘some guy’ that wasn’t my perfect life buddy, simply to just go on a date. I don’t feel lonely. I feel ‘whole’ and when girls are of that nature they are at their MOST attractive.

So as ‘Fairytale Blond’ made last minute dinner arrangements. (‘I Ugh, I can’t believe I have to make my OWN arrangements.’) ‘Double B’ went to Marks & Sparks to buy her beau (who’s penis looks like Me in my party weave) the ingredients to a romantic home cooked meal. As ‘Hot Sarah’ ( who let me eat her leftover home stew and dumplings) probably dashed away from her desk to celebrate her Valentine Anniversary with her ‘Handsome’ and as ‘Firmonnell’ stayed in and did love with her husband ‘Big D..’ (Firmonnell’s all bouji now, as i’ve noticed that she’s embracing her inner glam and wearing the cutest little pinny dresses…Probably because she always has worms and ‘fishy bits’ in the blog…. Hahaha!! I’ve accidentally got it in again, haven’t I!?! Lol)

Anyway, tonight, I internally *beamed* because as I flung on my little faux fur to keep my kitten face warm and as I tottered to my car, under the glitzy night stars, I celebrated the fact that, I was for ONCE utterly single on Valentines Day and weirdly the happiest chick in all the land. No drama, no stress, no plans, no nothing…

I walked down an alley way, with a smile on my face, like the entire world was my oyster. My mum even Facebooked me at that point with a, ‘Are you doing anything tonight?‘ Then when I responded with a ‘no’ and a smiley face she couldn’t even believe her little Burmese eyes. 🙂

Now, don’t get me wrong, I believe in love, the real kind that gets you in a swirl, an uncontrollable happy swirl of magic. And I know that I’ll get bowled over by his spirit when I meet him. Yet, i feel great for NOT being tied down to someone that isn’t quite right for me. That alone makes me  happy. It makes me feel free. I’m not in a situation where i’m having to compromise what i stand for or believe in.

‘London Business Man’ sent me a Whatsapp message yesterday..one of the Voice Note variety that went a bit like this…

‘I have a lot of love for you, but i’m just hearing excuses right now, excuses excuses, I know you’re busy… I get it… I get it.. I get it. But make a little time for ME and I’ll make a LOT of time FOR YOU….. I honestly don’t know what that means, but it sounded good.’ 

Lol.

I just don’t seem to have time to schedule ‘London Business Man’ into my life….until next month, but just for a catch up…and even though we have a brief past of fun…I haven’t really seen him in over half a year. He’s the one that withdrew his offer of love. We’re good friends, yet that’s only because I’m cool and not nutty, as technically he did choose other chicks over me…every time. Yet, I’m just not bothered, as I think he’s a great friend, and I think he’s a wonderful human, yet I understand men, people, I understand ‘times’ and how he may feel now, that i’m doing well…And yes, he’s not on my priority list of ‘Must Dates’ lol…

But like I said in my last blog, before I deleted it…(That’s the ace thing about lifestyle blogging, you can go back and edit shit out, like it never even happened…:) )

It’s hard once you’ve maybe ballsed something up a bit and you then try to get back in the game. As the second time around, depending on how hard you’ve ballsed up, you almost face a mountain. If you just made a small yet decent rockstar decision to begin with, it would’ve been a a walk in the park. And I don’t say that to preachy. I say it because I have been on BOTH SIDES of that coin throughout life.

But what I do like about him is that he doesn’t quit trying….he’s not scared to ask me out and do it properly Most guys are. I don’t like scaredy cats. What I don’t feel for him right now..is ‘magic.’

It’s that’s chemistry and magic that I look for.

I did do a year ago…I felt so much magic that I could’ve exploded…but that was a year ago…Right now, and when i’m dancing in my finest emotional situation, I see him as just my buddy. A guy friend i’d just do cocktails with to catch up and YOU ALL HATE BEING in ‘friend zone,’ but you kinda put yourself there. 🙂

I haven’t even had sex since last year. So, it’s not like i’m making foolish decisions. I’m making the right decisions for me. FOR once. (Oh wait? Was it last year? It was ‘Eton Mess’…Yes…last year, in maybe like November? Ages ago now. AND I’M LOVING IT. I am little Cougar, Born again Virgin Chrissie Wunna.

But no matter what you did this evening, I hope you felt adored and more importantly ‘whole.’

I got given a decent and loving pep talk by a lady who’s in her sixties this morning and it kinda made me glow and feel strong. I’ve been losing my swag a little bit over the last week. Yet this morning sorted me right out.

Oh? I’ve just got a message from ‘Take Me Out Nick?’

‘Pop over tomorrow when you’re free, so I can make you a brew..’

The other day we were imagining what our lives would be like if we dated ginger people? Lol.

He imagined himself in Valley Gardens (which is a dodgy park in Pontefract) with some ghetto blaster, in the sun and a few beers with his imaginary ginner bird.

‘Where are you? The Maldives?’

‘Yeah, I’m bikini sunbathing with cocktails in The Maldives and he’s moaning because he’s having to sit in the shade because he’ll burn to death in the blistering heat. So I’ll just have to lay here, ignore him and shout him over if I need anything during the holiday…’

HAHAHA!  Then we finished out coffees and got on with life…

Everything feels magical in Wunna Land.

Happy Valentines Day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dates, Mates & Hippie Fucks

Happy Sunday morning! I’ve been up since the crack of dawn rushing around trying to fit everything into the correct life slots. I had a wonderful family day yesterday with the babies,which was filled with treats. But today, I have A LOT of work to get through, my fingers crossed and ‘The Mighty’s’ Baby Shower to shimmie to.

And just like that, when i’ve set my mind on getting through it all with a hair toss and a wiggle. AND when i’m sort of excited to have that unsettled ‘pending’ work part of my brain opened and ready to conquer…in jollies a text from Keiran, (Junior’s Dad,)

‘I’m not going to be able to come get Junior as I’m having to be in London all day at the last minute…but i’m gonna try and get back…’

Hurrah! Lol. *Schedule Changes!*

So, I have a green tea latte by my side, I’ve just gracefully nibbled a smoked salmon/spinach and cream cheese, wheat bagel..(I’m at Starbucks, Doncaster by the way) and I’m blogging. Quickly.

I have a huge tumble of interview questions to get through and they’re important questions, not the usual *Wunna Winky * ones, so I HAVE to make sure that I deliver them appropriately…and they’re for a feature that I’m doing for a magazine. (I can’t tell you about it yet. But I have the questions next to me and they’re so good that they’re intimidating.)

I recently did my Celeb ‘Working Mum’s in Business’ interview..That came out at the end of Jan and it went  really well, as I gained a great deal of feedback from it and as a business THEY also had new interest *peeking into* their space. I like that! 🙂

I also have my feature in House of Solo magazine swinging out next week! It’s all very high fashion…and i’m naked in it…:) and I’m representing all things…Well, i’ll be doing a blog on it when it comes out and I have one on my lap, so you’ll know all about it. I’m excited about it all!

Then there’s a quick event this Tuesday that I’ve promised that I will pop up at, I’ve pushed to get ‘the cover’ of another editorial and I have the interview questions by my side for a different feature that is again REALLY exciting for me. They are the questions that I don’t want to balls up, as it’s an opportunity to inspire. That’s my week from now, pretty much booked up…as Saturday I’m scheduled out also.

I’ve just looked to my left and there’s this beautiful, intellectual looking couple. Couple? I don’t know if they’re a couple or just friends, but I’m obsessed with them, so i’ve made them a couple in my head because they’re sat in the corner of Starbucks, with their eyes smiling at each other, with shy *flirts* all a glow…and they’re playing chess. Aww! Mental stimulation. Couldn’t be sexier! Love them. The girl half of the pair, just looked above her geek chic glasses and smiled at me. I hope my green tea latte hasn’t turned my teeth green? And I hope she doesn’t mind that I’m obviously glaring at her with my over done eyeshadow, big hair and quite ‘not very subtly‘ writing about her. Hahaha.

To my right are hippies. They’re a bit weird and not adoring my shoe game, so i’m not feeling them. But I do like the really old Australian *sweary* woman amongst them. Lol. She’s said the word ‘FUCKING’ almost 92 times in a 8 minutes. I’m impressed. Totally goes with her hippie rainbow jacket.

I can’t look behind me because i need a massage and i’ve done something to my neck, so it kills. How the ‘hippie FUCK’ 🙂 am I going to be a cougar in training, if I can’t even look around to see what’s behind me, without cricking my neck. Toy boy’s aren’t gonna dig that! And people do ask me about my love life always…YES, I’m single. But no, i’m not ageist. You could be 20 something or 40 something. If your spirit plays well with mine, you’re in. Lol.

I will say that out of all the.. on paper.. ‘age appropriate’ gents that I dated last year…Wait? Oh yeah, it was last year….And i’m talking men in their mid thirties….All with great jobs. All with great manner. All with rubbish luck with women…I did notice that because they had experienced such a shitty time with chicks the last time they dated and break ups had sort of come up and *surprised* them…they were a little more jaded, a little more fearful and a little more ‘I’ll do me now,’ than the guys that I had dated the year before that , who were in their mid twenties.

Those guys still had a ‘passion’ in their eyes and a warmth in their soul. There wasn’t anything lonely about them and they weren’t so selfish or terrified enough to ‘try.’ That, I’ve decided is sexy…so I’m totally going to be a Cougar…Yet hopefully get 24 massages by then, so I can at least turn my head around without breaking my back. (I’m never going to be able to ‘reverse cowgirl’ it.)

Yet the beautiful thing about my 2016 story of Eton Mess, London Business Man and The PE teacher from Malta. (He sent me more *kissy face* emoji’s last night. I then sent him a brief reply reading, ‘Hope you’re well,’ to make sure he knew that I was listening, because i’m not rude...and….. he didn’t reply. Hahaha!

‘London Business man,’ well he’s now just bought himself a new Jag, as he posted it on Instagram a day ago and then ‘liked’ one of my pictures. We get on really well as friends now, because we’re similar in some aspects. Yet when it comes to love, he’s more needy than I am. Yet, that’s because my mind is still fresh and going, because I not only have so much more to achieve in my life and I feel like i’ve already achieved A LOT, but right now I’m in an exciting time where in which I’m actually doing it and doing it well! *EEeek!!!* London Business Man is a man who would want me to put him first. I feel like if we ever dated, now that i’m quite busy and on the elevator up…He would constantly try to make me jump through hoops to make me prove that I care. (Like KEIRAN. Note: They are both Aries boys.) If you are a Sex in the City fan…and i’m currently being hailed as the ‘U.K’s Carrie Bradshaw’ he is the equivalent to ‘Big’ in Wunnaland.

And ‘Eton Mess’….One of those really great souls, who has been through some unfortunate times in life, yet regardless he’s happy, so smart and so funny…and no matter what, he always stays on the ‘sunny side of the street.’ You’ll never truly know what this guy is thinking and nothing harsh ever happened between us, yet we don’t really talk now. Our life paths crossed the whole entire way in opposite directions, cutting communication. However, I know that he’s more than happy, which makes me smile…because he deserves peace…

Right now, he’s away doing this…

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But that was all LAST YEAR and I always say that people talk about their ‘yesteryear’ when they don’t have anything going on in their ‘PRESENT,’ in a particular area that they’re rambling on about.

And that’s SO TRUE. As this year there have been zero boys, zero dates and lots of work. I’m loving it. I’m just one of those emotionally ‘happy when i’m single’ chicks and until I bump into the RIGHT guy who I CAN’T HELP but fall for, that’s how i’ll stay. However this single time has been fruitful, as it’s made me sexier. I’m sexier now because when I do bump into my Mr.Right, i’ve spent so much time being comfortable as Little Miss Independent, getting to know myself better and finding my ‘happy place’ that i’m emotionally ready for him…I’m not ‘half full,’ lets say.

I will also say, that I adore my chick friends madly right now.

So obviously my last blog was all about them and when you’re a glamour puss, a single one, you NEED your chick friends. They’re your soldiers, your help, your saviour through it all, alongside gossip and wine. (I’m mean they’re all messaging me now, because we’re all meant to be headed to ‘The Mighty’s’ Baby Shower, but I’m stuck in Doncaster, waiting for Baby Daddies and all sorts. I’ve just seen the word ‘wine’ in the Whatsapp Group appear, so I might NEED to read it all.

Anyway, you’d think they’d love being in the blog, now that’s it’s all up in lights with readers galore….(and they do really.) But oh GOD! These were some of the messages I received from them, once I hit ‘publish.‘ 🙂

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The other message was a *middle finger* emoji! Lol. There needs to be a Glamour Puss WUNNA emoji, where it’s just my little bitchy Oriental face, smiling and pouting at you, with a middle finger up.

Anyway…I love them! 🙂

Yet, saying ‘THEM’ it was just ‘Firmonnell’ who got terrified, incase I told everyone she may of had worms in her ever so glamourous booty. 🙂 HAHAHAHAHA!!!! I mean look at ‘Double B,’ she loves it. She’ll straight up come in with a ‘but his penis looks like you with your party weave on Chrissie, so I can’t give him a…’

Right, I need to go sort myself out. Looks like Keiran won’t be on a train back soon…

Interview questions with my toddler on my lap it seems is a coming….