Blogs, Boys & Heels…

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Gosh! Morning, my lil’ Twinkles! My delicious tickles of fancy. I have been SO UTTERLY *RUSHED* off my little kitten feet. It’s been mad. I’ve been busy. Yet in a way, I’m delighted, because I really do hope to one day ‘blink’ and see that ALL of my dreams have come true…and if that takes ‘busy,’ if that takes hard work,‘ than to me, I’m there. I’d rather do it, than ponder it..

TBone: ‘ It’s not what someone says, it’s always what they do…’

Especially when i’m in a productive frame of mind. Y’know, before cocktails get the better of me. Haha.

I reckon, if you can still commit to productivity, in a really great heels, you’ll smash life! 

(Oh! Wait! I thought I said that I was always gonna wear ‘flats’ now, after running for my life and falling over 40 times at Scare Kingdom?)

Nevermind. Ghosts & Kidnappers would just set me free anyway, because I’d definitely do their head in. My choice of footwear wouldn’t be an issue.

Kidnapper: ‘God! Let her OUT. Switch her for a better victim. Ooh. Shes wearing glitter heeled pumps from the ****** collection.’

I was talking to ‘Celeb Ghost Hunt’ Ash, the other day…He wants me to go on an investigation with him. I must be a sucker for terror. I hate being frightened. Haha.

Anyway, back to non frightening stuff…

I’ve travelled all over. I’ve been on shoots, auditions, i’ve been good, i’ve been bad, I’ve been influencing a jolly load, ready for the festive season. (Which is a REALLY BUSY time for everyone.) I’m also doing the single mum thing also, aren’t I? (I adore every INCH of the bambinos. Junior’s a delight. Ruby’s got her first set of glasses.) I wouldn’t have it any other way. They’re my world. I’m raising a Glamour puss and a Hero. Last night they both *shocked* themselves up, ran out of their rooms and got into my bed, because we all got lonely and afraid of the dark. Lol

Nobody likes to sleep alone. The only time i’m okay with it, is when i’m drunk and just need to pass out…still with my face on. (Which I don’t really recommend as a graceful little pastime. It only makes you feel worse in the morning,)

On the whole, I’m really happy, right now and when i’m this busy and this happy, it seems that I forget about my ever so rubbish love life.

I’m still 37. I’m still single. It ain’t that bad.

I’m happy a singleton. But after everything i’ve been through. The ups, the downs & the ‘mess me arounds’, i’m still not cautious.  (I still wear my heart on my sleeve.) I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing? I very much trust people with my heart.  EVEN NOW I  still trust that they’re going to take care of it…..because firstly I see the beauty in everyone and secondly…because i’m probably foolish. Haha.

I never know if they see me as their ‘bitch,’ their ‘bed notch,‘ or their ‘baby for life? Haha..Sounds like a Fairytale. If I can’t decide, i’ll just sit back and leave it to them, to come forward and show me what category, I fall into.

If they don’t come forward then they’re weren’t for me. (I’ll just see it all as, ‘they weren’t that interested.’) I like a forward man. A brave one.

You know why? Probably because i’m not used to guys being romantically forward me with…It’s almost like they’re terrified to be? And I have no clue why? Whatsoever? I don’t get it? You’ll see a lot of guys openly comment on my pics etc, via my ‘socials.’ Yet, the majority of them don’t..and instead shoot in a sneaky DM. (That sounds naughty! Haha.) 

I literally get one almost every 2 minutes. 

However, in real life….If a guy actually fancies me…they’re usually forward to begin with and then stop being so forward…..It’s like they want ME to chase them?

When you’re a 30 something woman, nothing is worse than having to chase a guy for attention. I’ve done it lots, much to my own embarrassment. But I don’t do it, now. EVER. Who has the time or that? If someone wants to go on a date..They should just tell me. If they want to be with me…They shouldn’t be scared to say it.

Plus, i’m quite traditional when it comes to the chase..the ‘wooing.’ I like a boy to ‘hunt & gather,‘ as I ‘fan‘ myself prettily.

Guy friend: ‘You only like them to *hunt and chase* if you fancy them though. If you don’t, you always *shut* them down and we hate that. You make the approach extremely intimidating…’

Anyway…Blah.

I’ve decided to describe my love life like this….

It’s kinda like cleaning a window, with a raggy cloth. Some day, I’ll be able to see through the glass. 😉 

I bumped into my friend Shaun yesterday. He’s a bodyguard..

Shaun: ‘It’s not like the flipping movie Chrissie!!’

He’d just got back from London. I’d just got off a busy weekend. Plus, I’m actually looking for family security and safety, right now. A wee bit of close protection. Not all the time. Just when necessary. Sometimes, when we’re out as a family or i’m influencing something, people will stop to chatter or selfie with me. And I love that. Yet, they’ll just be ME & the babies. I need to make sure they’re always watched. I’m paranoid after some creepy guy, who only knew me from instagram, followed us around Doncaster & wouldn’t leave us alone & after a guy tried to glass another guy in a Manchester bar, because he was trying to hit on me?

I didn’t know either guy…I knew they were both trying to hit on me?

All I heard was the female manager shouting..

‘Get her out the way…’

Then guys and girls starting grabbing glass bottles and smashing them up against the bar, to use in a fight!

IT WASN’T EVEN A ROUGH PLACE.

I wouldn’t have gone there if it was. 

The police even got called and the bar had to be shut down for the evening, It got that crazy.

I don’t get it?

So, it was good to briefly catch up, with Shaun.

Shaun: ‘You’re starting early…’

Me: ‘Haha. I know. I don’t even care.’

(I was sat in a quiet corner at The Mallard, in Doncaster.)

Me: ‘You’ve got luggage on wheels. I hate it when people have luggage on wheels. Haha.’ 

Shaun: ‘I feel like a Trolley Dolly, but i’m working it.’

So we discussed security, talked life, work and caught up…The we dashed off. (I didn’t end up posting my blog. When people I know come up to me and start chatting, that’s it, you can’t shut me up. I’ll just spend time with them instead. But I like that about me. I put LIVING life, BEFORE typing it out.)

I guess, I need to find balance. 😉

Then Sam ‘The Reecey Reece’ fest messaged me, to see when we could schedule in ‘catch up’ time. We’re like ‘ships passing in the night.’

‘Are you free on…?’

‘Are you?’

Then I just got on with life.

I’ve had so much fun over the weekend. I’ve worked. I’ve loved. I’ve lived. I’ve had the best time. I celebrated my Dad’s birthday on Saturday. I did Xscape, Castelford with the kids. We smashed ‘Nandos.’ I did Meadowhall. I wiggled at Wagamamas.

Just so much!

I’m so grateful for how well, everyone treated me, over that time!

It was actually Pete (Ruby’s Dad’s Birthday) on Sunday. But Ruby didn’t want to hang out with him, because she wanted to do Influencing with me at Meadowhall. Being Pete. he showed up at Meadowhall, with is bestie Jay, in dying hope that he’d get to spend some time with Ruby..in her new specs.

It worked…and we all ended up doing dinner together at Wagamamas, with my Mum & brother.

But I kinda like that, we co parent well. We haven’t been together for years. In fact 7 years…Yet, it’s great that we can all ‘kick it.’ Y’know, just chill and have a duck pancake together. Lol.

When co parenting works.

Anyway, about my love life…

The weird thing is, with me being busy and ‘forgetting’ about love…It seems, that gents are peeking back into Wunna Land and tapping on my glitter door, again.

I’m calling this time..

Operation ‘Blasts From The Pasts.’ 

A couple of guys that USED to fancy me,…seemed to have returned to my DM’s with a ‘Hey. How are you?’ One guy had actually started dating a girl, but she went through his phone and *blocked* me…Haha. He didn’t even realise, until one of his other friends pointed it out.

Safe to say…They’re no longer together. (But there you have it! You shouldn’t have chosen ‘The Crazy’ over me. Hhahaha.)

It’s all good fun. A laugh. We’re all making memories.

If i could tell you anything.

I’ll tell you that I was a really lucky girl. I’ll tell you to always chase your dreams and when you feel inspired, to act upon it. A dream doesn’t just have to be a ‘make believe‘ moment. You can at least TRY and make your reality. People do it every day. Why not you? I’m living proof.

Always be kind. Always do the things that make you happy. Don’t sacrifice your true happiness, to ‘run through the motions.’ Wake up. Feel the breeze, Go with it. Nothing is better than living you best life.

Don’t listen to anyone, or anything but your gut instinct. It will show you the right way. It will also tell you when you’re ready.

Always believe in love…

It is the ONLY thing, that is going to power you through the bad times and make the good times simply MAGICAL.

Preach over…

Have an amazing Tuesday….

I love you.

 

 

 

 

Scare Kingdom & Sex Dungeons

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You probably spent your Friday, planning out your cocktail mixers & putting together your outfits, for a jolly lil’ weekend of debauchery. A weekend of blissful safety, under a bouji umbrella of frosted prosecco pours. A weekend where in which you *winked* at strangers and placed your heart on your sleeve, as you stalked your ‘findings’ on Instagram.

Shush! We all do it.

I spent my Friday, doing a morning school run, (Single Mum Alert,) before hopping on a train to meet my gay friend Liam…Once I arrived, I found a Bacardi in my hand, as station security guards stood by my side. Then after a moment in a beauty salon, followed by wine in a Casino, at Blackpool, Pleasure Beach. I found myself getting changed in his living room, with more wine in my hand, after chatting to his agent Zoie and making a really poor shoe selection.

Liam: ‘Honestly, you need to wear trainers.’

Me: ‘I’ll be fine.’ 

Aaron & Kyle showed up and…

BOOM….

We were headed to Blackburn, where I pretty much had to…

RUN FOR MY ENTIRE F****** LIFE.

(I’m a glamour puss. I don’t run for anything, but diamonds. Sistas! I RAN! I ran SO fast, I tripped over my own feet, fell and rolled myself back up again. I felt like a rubbish Vin Diesel. Haha.) 

The UK’s Top Rated ‘Halloween Attraction.’

Yeah that’s where I ended up…

I was invited to Scare Kingdom, Scream Park, to celebrate it’s VIP press launch. It’s opening night. If you know me personally, you’ll know that I can handle, real life scary stuff. I’m good with all that.

But when it comes to fear, tight spaces,mind games, Halloween, horror, ghosts & goolies…(Wahey! 😉 I said ‘goolies’... )

..I am awful for it. I’m terrified of it all. I don’t even like to celebrate Halloween. I close my eyes and pretend it’s not part of the year.

OH MY LORD! 

I got there. It was fine. (I’d already fallen backwards, on my arse, in Liam’s living room, with a wine in my hand, because of my shocking shoe choice.) I was ready for anything… I already had a graze on my arm.

Liam: ‘I swear you’re getting pissed because you’re terrified!!!’

Once, in Blackburn…It started like this…

Which was fine. It’s always great to see ‘Aaron the Pap,‘ in action, who’s actually a really great friend of mine. I love Aaron. He was in our car up…with Kyle. (Who I THANK the GOOD LORD for!)

Next, came another drink…and then this…

Again. I can handle the creepy dude on the red carpet. I even asked him out on a Sushi date. He declined. He obviously has poor taste in women.

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Then…

OH MY ******* KITTENS!!!!

It was time to enter the creepy Scare Kingdom, farm land and go through the TERROR, that awaited our juiciness. We had to go first, because Liam (who’s a singer) had a ‘later on’ gig to get to…Which was delightful, because of course, if you go first, they’re all flipping energized and excited. Lol

Cheers love!

I mean anything that says…

‘Hold on tightly to the rope that guides you, it is your only hope of escape from the hooded hell hole, known as Flesh Market.’ 

Hmm…? Lovely. Something says i’m not at Angelica’s anymore? 

I couldn’t even walk up there because of my shoes. Haha. fell over twice, with Liam and Kyle holding me up on either side. It hadn’t even started yet!! 🙂

Aaron: ‘She’s off to a farm to be chased by zombies and she chooses to wear those shoes!!!’ 

We’re wandering around. All’s calm. It’s raining a little. I hate the rain. We head inside, things turn dark…and then absolute tight spaced, TERROR begins….

All I remember was forcing my friend Kyle, go first (lol), whilst holding his back, (Liam was behind me) and just ******* SCREAMING, FOR MY WHOLE LIFE, into his hood, because I needed my eyes to just stop seeing. Haha.

I don’t even know how Kyle was so brave!?! God, did not make eyes for what we were forced to see…Haha. 

Imagine being tipsy, being shoved into a tight, dark maze, then HAVING to get yourself through it all, simply for your own pride, whilst you wished for the torture & horror to stop.

Imagine doing all of that, on a dark farm in Blackburn (lol.) You knew awful things were about to happen, every time you were being greeted by creepy humans. Human’s that made you feel uncomfortable on every level. Imagine being chased THROUGH some death cage, by them…blind and…

..IN ****** heels.

We got through the first maze. Don’t know how?

I now couldn’t talk, after screaming so madly…We started walking towards the ‘next bit’ of utter terror. I fell over around 7 times, en route, because a mixture of bad shoe choices, wine and fear, kept making me.

Liam: ‘We can’t go through the next maze. It’s too scary and you’re falling over your own feet!’

My trousers were literally covered in mud. My shoes were battered. My makeup had smeared. I had tears in my eyes…I was laughing, in shock. But then I went with…

Me: ‘I can just take my shoes off and of through the rest of us…’

EH?

Liam: ‘Fuck off. You’re not allowed to do that…’

Kyle: ‘She can’t get through it…’

We get to the next maze (i’m determined to ‘muscle’ through, but then Liam, makes the executive decision to kindly ask the ‘greeting ghoul,‘ to call a manager, & get us back to the bar. She came and got us and we were walked straight OUT of the terror, to immediate safety….I had baby ‘panic & dash’ bruises all over me, my knees were covered in soil and yeah…I was still in my shit shoes.

I ruined everything. Haha.

(Saying that, both boys were filled with utter fear anyway. It’s not like, we were okay. Haha. We were drained of utter life and filled with complete fear…and I knew they weren’t okay, because they were trying to ‘swag‘ it out, like were we all safe and dandy.)

WE WERE PANICKED!!!

If ANY HUMAN, ran up to us, at that point (she could’ve been a flippin’ lollipop lady)…..I tell you, I would’ve probably passed out or opted for dying, because it would’ve been a less traumatic. Haha.)

But that’s what Scare Kingdom is about! It ain’t Disney Land….unless you’re a twisted F****.

We’re walked away to safety, back to the bar…which was now filled with ‘newly arrived’ celebs, ready to take on, the terror mazes.

(I just drank because I couldn’t deal with life, at this point.)

The gorgeous Marlie Weekender’ tinkers up to me. (I love Marlie, she makes me smile. I met her at an event in Leeds, in the Summer.) I feel a flick of my hair from behind and there she is, with her ‘Off Big Brother’ boyfriend Sam Chaloner, a cute blond girl, who I think was his sister and Callum Weekender, who’s about to hit our screens on ‘Celebs Go Dating.’ 

I think I was pissed by this point, as everything just seems to be in ‘flash back.’

I talked to the owner? I talked the bartender? I talked to Aaron? I saw tons of people from ‘Lucky7 PR,’ who I watch daily on Instagram …Like Sean Pratt, his girlfriend Jordi, Glamour Model Grace Teal…(He’s fit. They’re beautiful..) I saw Saira Choudry, who’s currently on ‘No Offence.’  I remember her from Corrie.

Then I flipping got pulled over, to what we all called ‘The inside sex dungeon.’ (It’s the epitome of terror, which overrides any terror you’ve experienced so far on the farm…Oh and it’s niche is twisted, psycho sexuality.) 

Kyle’s already headed in. (I love how brave he was. I love brave dudes.) He was the first one in…ever! All these ghouls, who you couldn’t see, where slamming shit and screeching…

‘Come in, little boy, we’re waiting for you…’

..behind a small metal door.

I’d ONLY agreed to go in IF I was able to be photographed/ filmed. Lol. I’m such a diva. Haha. But whatever…I was terrified.

Me: ‘It’s optional. I don’t really want to do it, for the good of my own health. I’m scared. I want a bit of ‘look at me.’

Staff: ‘Wait here…’

Of course, knowing my luck…It was all fine and dandy…and before you know it, i’m stood at the entrance of a horror, SEX dungeon.

Yipppppppppppeeeeee! Happy Friday!

All i could see were my friends stood behind a barrier. A metal doorway, with a flap that had been opened. I heard screams, screeches, evil voices, beckoning me in and saw a creepy looking barbie, human, was looked naked, but was wearing nothing but tights, a blond wig, with sewn on eyes, nose and lips…that didn’t move.

I was not okay. I F****** SHAT MYSELF.

I just stood at the entrance, with my hand over my face shouting..

I CAN’T DO IT. I’M NOT DOING IT. I CAN’T ******* DO IT. 

Everyone’s now *egging* me on…Liam’s shouting…

‘It’s NINE MINUTES CHRISSIE. ONLY NINE MINUTES TO GET THROUGH.’ 

Me: ‘Nine minutes. Nine minutes…’

I looked at Kyle…and said…

‘Was it okay…?’

Kyle: ‘No…It’s…’

Liam: ‘Don’t tell her that!’

Kyle: ‘9 Minutes… You’ll be okay. I did it. It’s harsh. But just do it..’

I’m causing such a delay, that the amazing staff had to tell some of the ‘horror actors’  to ‘calm down, back up and clear the door way…’

Yes, I was that pathetic. Hahah.

A lady then says…

‘You have a SAFE WORD (She tells me it.) You shout it out. Everything stops. We’re all watching.’

Don’t know how it happened?Yet, as life goes…I ended up on all fours, about to crawl through the entrance. (Yes, you had to CRAWL THROUGH IT.) I *paused* but they were already sick of me, I’m sure because I felt a *push* on my bum (lol) and that was it..

..the door *slammed shut* behind me…

The only way out, was to get all the way through the dungeon or shout my ‘safe word.’ (Which of course my northern pride wouldn’t let happen.)

Now, I’m not going to tell you what happened in the psycho, sex dungeon and Scare Kingdom. All I will say, is that I SCREAMED for my life, NON STOP.

Liam: ‘All you could hear for the first minute was Chrissie, screaming her head off, whilst trapped in that dungeon & I was outside.’ 

I went from room to kinky room, madly. Infact almost reluctantly. It felt so fast. So energized. Everything around me was ‘non stop’ and so real. It felt really real, like i’d been kidnapped. I fell over, TWICE.

It was intense. It played with my head. It was a nightmare and all I wanted was for the madness to end. I was in a torture chamber. I didn’t have a gin. My eyes saw the most terrible things…and when 9 minutes must have been up, I found myself running out of a curtain, back to safety…and finally without a mini sack over my head. 🙂

WTF! Hahah. OH MY GOD!!!

As soon as I ran out, I felt an entire RUSH of utter bliss flow through me. I could breathe I was free. It was like I had conquered the world, in 9 minutes. It was the best feeling of achievement. I faced my fear.

I flipping did it.

I could’ve done it again. Funny that? It was THE MOST TERRIFYING Halloween moment EVER, It was SICK. It was twisted. It was naughty! But that’s what it’s there for, so it in my mind, it was done INCREDIBLY WELL. It was created beautifully, by the kings of utter horror.

You just can’t miss this, you have to say you’ve done it….

As I walked out, I saw ‘Real Housewife’ Christine McGuinness (Paddy McGuinness’s wife) on the red carpet, doing her pap pictures, before the run… It ended up in the Daily Mail.

Something tells me, she was about to find out, that she wasn’t in Cheshire anymore…

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As soon as I got back to The New Osborne Hotel, in Blackpool, I drank a bunch of wine, chatted to a guy named Lee, drank loads at a Casino with Liam, Matt and his beautiful girlfriend…and then passed out, in my bed sheets.

That’s how my weekend started…

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Courage, Va Voom & New Dates…

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Me: ‘Just help me hate him…..’

(I’d screenshot a pic of a dude..Oh fuck it…’The Swirl’ and drawn a tacky, free hand, red love heart around his head, lol  and sent it to her…my bestie…via Snapchat. Haha. Now, I am very aware, that i’ve just made myself sound moderately creepy. Yet, I do it all the time, for kicks. It’s jokes and funny, so shut the **** UP. 🙂 Only she would understand! 😉 Not you!!! J )

Firmonnell: ‘That’s easy. He ignored your last two messages. Fuck him. He’s so selfish. He only cares about himself. He doesn’t love anyone, BUT himself. I love you. Now, get yourself to Liverpool and have the most amazing time on your ‘date’ thing.’

And just like that, as she waved the flag for all things love, friendship, truth and ‘Girl Code,’ my self respect and kitty power *whooshed* straight back through my system. I grew 10 feet tall, slipped on a spikey set of heels and got to life, with a much more stable strut of ‘sass.’

Everyone needs a friendship like ours.

I love her so madly. No one can deliver the truth to me, better than Firmonnell.

Sometimes, you just need to hear something, don’t you? Even if your ears don’t like it…We girls kinda sell ourselves short all the time, don’t we? I’ve done it for years, when it’s come to men. I’m 37 years old and still learning…Lol. Know, that you’re not alone and know that you fucking need to KICK THE HABIT!!

Chicks R’us!

(I’m not meaning t be sexist. I’m only speaking for the girls, simply because I have no clue what it’s like being a guy and I am someone who believes we’re wired completely differently.)

Right, i’ve just shopped. I’ve just had a skype meeting in regards to work. I bumped into @kateslice28 at the Jeff Banks store, via my shopping totter…

Kateslice28: ‘She wants a job here…’

Dapper dude: ‘Oh! Well..hand your CV in to…’

Kateslice28: ‘She doesn’t really want a job here…’

Me: ‘Haha. My CV’s just a series of Insta pics. Here! Watch me do this…! Now, watch me do that!’

Then I left and bought Kylie Jenner nail polish, in the sale.

My life rocks.

I’m errand running today because I leave for Liverpool tomorrow, just for a night. I have my ‘friendly, meet up’ as I’m calling it, because I just don’t like the word ‘date’ anymore. It scares me and makes me feel awkward…and scares me…and makes me feel all awkward Lol.

Kateslice28: ‘I really don’t mean to make you feel more terrified than you already are! Haha. Sorry! But it’s the truth. It’s always awkward, at first. Just go. Have some fun!’

SHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….

It’s going to be a breeze. It’s an easy going ‘meet up’ for drinks, because ‘The Gent’ in question, will be shimming straight from work…and that’s better…as it helps take your mind off stuff, doesn’t it…? Plus, I will have had wine. So ofcourse, on the whole… that makes it much easy for ME!

I need a cocktail now.

I’m fuelled by fruity umbrella drinks. My bodies running out of whip.

Yet, yes. There’s nothing to be terrified of. He’s been nothing short of lovely, to me, so far.

Savannah B: ‘He still has time to stand you up.’

Me: ‘Haha. Get lost. He’s already done the *really excited* message. Saying that…I don’t actually know where i’m headed yet?’

I’m lucky. Life is good. My Insta Story is smashing views right now and i’m kinda loving that, because it makes me pull out ‘all the entertainment’ because i’m a show off.

LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeEE………….!

Everyone’s asking me about the ‘got my initials tattoed on him’ guy….He HAS given me a dare. Can’t remember if I told you, on the blog, or not? But I’ll be filling you in on all that… at the end of the week, I reckon? I kinda need to get Liverpool, work and babies out the way first. I’m excited to tell you everything, but right now I’m prioritising well…and getting my little life, jiggle on.

I will say that TODAY, I am on, DAY 18 of 21, of my ‘Breaking a bad habit’ ting. I can’t believe i’ve done 18 days. I can’t believe that I haven’t AT ALL relapsed and I can’t believe that i’ve suffered ever single withdrawal symptom and still just got on with being a champion, with a hair toss and a smile. (I’m not even as pathetic as I thought. Wait. I never thought I was pathetic. I wouldn’t have done it, if I knew I wasn’t flourishing with will power.)

Anyway…

They say it takes 21 days to break any habit. Once i’m at day 23, i’ll know that i’ve actually done it!

I will be rewarding myself greatly!!!

(I love how everyone thought it was drinking….I received so many messages about it. But yes, it’s not. Everyone needs a vice, and  a ‘tipple’ is certainly mine.)

Aww! I forgot to tell you..

‘Tats’ (do you remember me talking about him in a previous blog? If not, ‘search’ him.) Anyway, he sent me a message on Saturday night. Well, no..it was early Sunday morning and just read…

‘Hey..’

He does that all the time, as he searches for…well….Anyway….

I like ‘Tats,’ I always have and I think he’s sweet. Yet he only messages me now, during the ‘early hours’ and we all know what that means…and although it’s  flattering…if you don’t do things the proper way…I guess, after everything i’ve learnt or been through along the way, in life…I just can’t take it seriously, until they do?

I’m worth more than that…

(I know, you’re not reading this…but I wish you were…)

Things are really exciting for me, right now. I don’t know where my story ends? I just know that every single piece of it, seems to be worth it. I kinda look around me every single day, hoping for the best…yet expecting nothing without the art of hard work, or ‘magic.’

I know that dreams come true. I certainly don’t know how? Is it hard work? Is it fate? Who knows?? YET, what i’m sure of, when it comes to this little thing called ‘life,’ is that we’re all kinda in this together….be you in flats, heels or barefooted.

Thank you for following my life…

Chrissie x

No Dude What’s The Password…?

I have literally sailed through the most blissful and busiest time in Wunnaland. From Thursday to probably about an hour ago, I feel as though i’ve been dashing, dashing, meeting, greeting, smiling, moaning, hand shaking, dressing up, dressing down, travelling, working and cocktailing. IT HAS BEEN NON STOP and so much has happened that I don’t even know where to begin.

So, whilst i’m glamourous sat, moderately hung over, with a Desperado as my company and the random Celtic vs Ranger game on as ‘background’ in The Mallard Doncaster….with my new weave sat next to me, waiting for tomorrow’s debut, where it has the glory of being clipped into my head and some 20 something boys to my right, who I don’t at all know, playing on the bandit…I’ll rewind you to last night…

Last night, Fairytale Blond, Double B, Mel & I, whilst being all glammed up and lost in a hilarious yet glittery swirl of drunken light and life…decided it would A GREAT IDEA to stand outside the GENTS TOILETS at the dark and jazzy Pontefract pub the ‘Tap & Barrel’ (it was packed last night) and NOT LET GENTLEMAN of any type or ages, GO FOR A WEE, UNLESS THEY COULD GUESS ‘THE PASSWORD.’ 🙂 LOL.

WHY ARE WE ACE!

Honestly, we’re the funniest girls alive! I mean, who is as genius as us! We ended up squashed infront of the GENTS, on a bench, due to the *packedness* of the place, by moody candlelight…and instead of being grumbly..and we had been cocktailing ALL NIGHT we took it upon ourselves to utterly enjoy every minute of our *spot* and make our own FUN.

THE BEST TIME EVER!

So, a guy would saunter up to the loo for a *widdle.* As soon as he got to the door, he was ABRUPTLY STOPPED by either Double B, Fairytale Blond Or I…and forced to hold their wee until they guessed the password. 🙂

Once they guessed the password, they were allowed entry.

On the way out, they’d swing open the door and *BAM* Fairytale blond would stick out her arm, leg or body and REFUSE TO LET THEM PASS (lol) unless they reiterated the password.

The password was…

PUSSY ARMPIT.

And we really wouldn’t let them pass unless they were chubby, where in which they were given a ‘WILD CARD’ entry of us aggressively PUSHING THEM into the boy’s loo’s…whilst shouting.,,

GO!GO!GO!GO!

OR…

Double B & Fairytale Blond would connect hands and make a beautiful archway out of their delicate, not at all drunken arms and I would look at the dude and very glamourously state that they had to..

‘ENTER THE LOVE TUNNEL…’

…as the girls danced with their arms in an archway! 🙂

It was the best game ever..the boys were coming out of the loo’s looking terrified OR just going to the loo to play our game.

Fairytale: NO! What’s the password?’

Double B: ‘We don’t fucking care…this is hilarious.’

Mel: What ARE YOU doing?’

Me: ‘Enter the tunnel of loooooooooooove..’

Then we did more gin…See this is why MY VLOG is going to be better than anyone else, simply because my friends and I are naturals at being tools. If we filmed our ‘what’s the password’ moment, it would’ve gone viral this morning. 🙂

But how did this all start…

Let’s take you down a glamourous trip down memory lane…

I’ve worked all day and arrived in from London that morning to hustle through another day. I was shattered, but wanted to embrace a good time. I’m positive and even though things can be shattering, you just have to smash it and know how lucky you are to be where you are and have what you have.

Double B has recently moved into her new house and fancied herself a cocktail at The Electric Theatre which is now her local cocktail and tapas bar. Fairytale Blond was in the neighbour visiting friends, since Prince Jonny was out for drinks, after a day of finding very Disney birds nests, so she met up with Double B at The Electric Theatre for a tipple and tapas.

Mel…was out with her other close friends, for her birthday shindig and has chosen The Electric Theatre as he birthday haunt..and I was shattered from my day of traveling, meetings, the blog awards, more meeting, early morning trains, followed by a full day of work hungover…that I just wanted to have a bit of fun. Yes everything I do is glammy and delicious and an absolute blast…but there were good times, bad times, lonely times and happy times over the last 2 days. I wanted some fun, with the girls that I love…and we all need great chick friends…so I decided to head over to The Electric Theatre for about 40 cocktails and bouji table tapas.

The place was filled with life, glammy girls, friendships, a spray of old school yet modern charm, a table of the finest tinker sof tapas, banter, laughter, emotional moments and a glittery spray of the most delicious and multi coloured cocktails in all of the land.

‘Why does my drink look like it has a birds bush in it?’

‘Gimme some of that?’

‘I’ve known Mel for ages..’

‘As if you’ve just made me cry…’

‘Have you had a meatball…they’re spicy…’

‘I once tried to break up with a boy, so i told him that I had cheated on him twice with two dicks, and sucked all the dicks in all the land. It was just dicks, dicks, dicks, everywhere dicks in a line and he STILL DIDN’T LEAVE ME. Lol.’

‘Look at these bad boys..’ (A silver diamante show is raised.)

‘You should definitely give him sex..’

‘Why don’t you dress up for him?’

‘Are you going into town?’

(I definitely answered ‘Fairytale Blonds’ phone when Prince Jonny Called. Technically she did tell me to, so i committed to a ‘Hey Baby Boo’ and maybe offered him willy stuff, whilst pretending to be ‘Fairytale’…‘Chrissie, I know it’s you. Put Fairytale on…’ Now, I’ve talked to nearly all of their boyfriends dirty. Hurrah! 🙂 )

Mel looked so gorgeous and so happy to be in her swirl. I watched her all night and she’s beamed. It was a cocktail infused beam. But she was happy. I’m really close to Mel and once she likes you, you’re IN and she’ll hold you close to her heart.

Fairytale, Double B and I are immature and glamourous drunkards. We went for it and had the single most hilarious time in the world ever. Infact for the first time we got really open with one another…We’re open anyway, yet there are levels to friendships, as there are in love and last night, I cried a little and because I was so proud of how empowering and tough my chick friends are.

We are the warmest, most loving girls, but we are WARRIORS! We’re good time, money making machines! 🙂 We had the best night ever.

‘I’ve been through so much in my life that nothing can hurt me now.. and not because of anything other than the fact that i choose to be and remember the positive.’

Then as a lady named Tanya was telling me about her fondness of buff gents, I noticed a calm and quiet ‘Carol.’ I LIKED CAROL because she is the kind of lady who will NEVER say a bad word about anyone. She’s humble, she has a great time, but she’s quiet and observes everything, rather than commit to being a showman. (I’m a showman.) When she speaks, you listen because every thign she says is of so much worth.

Mel: Honestly Chrissie, i’ve known her for years…she’ll never say anything and then when she does…she’s ALWAYS FUCKING RIGHT. She told me she didn’t like that other guy and she never ever says a bad word about anyone.’

I love Carol because there’s a sexiness about her manner. Infact, I think i need to be less brash and more warm..as I keep meeting all these warm and delightful people..once was a vicar, who told me that it was his ffity year anniversary with his wife and he loves her just as much as he did when he first mether outside Woolworths when he was fifteen

He then told me that he MARRIED HER before they even had sex! 🙂

HAHAHA. I love that a Vicar told me about his sex life! Lol.

Last night was a blast, it was a much needed accidental swirl of magical and glamourous cocktailly, well wishes, bad boy heels, friendships, good times, laughter, new faces, memories, empowerment, tom foolery and…

‘FOURTEEN QUID FOR A FUCKING TAXI?’

Right, I have to dash, as I have a 3pm meeting to get ready for, but Ill tell you all about meeting Jack Parson’s in my next blog, as I travelled down to London for the UK Blog Awards,

I am being hailed as the UK’s Carrie Bradshaw & I’m loving it as if anything I want to make sure that all my work is strong, I’m doing something that i love, i’m making a living out of doing something that I love and that as I’m telling my story, I am empowering and inspiring every person i verbally touch.

Jack is currently being hailed as a ‘Young Richard Branson.’ I know! That’s not a shabby title..

But yeah…i’ll tell you all about my London times later…

 

 

 

 

The 30 Something Single Life….

cstv13

I’m a tiddly bit lucky. Life is being kind to me right now and even though I’ll go through blips where in which i’ll forget how lucky I am, (it’s human nature, we throw pity parties until we get over ourselves…Mine only last milliseconds, or a cocktailed up evening with good friends..Some people draaaag there’s on and on…and being someone who hates having to ‘heave ho’ pull anything, be it an opportunity that won’t release, mega sized luggage…I always travel light….or a guy/girl who isn’t quite on the same page as you in the ‘Book of Love,’ it’s a trait that i find unattractive. Pity Parties are never sexy, be you in the new Sophia Webster signature heels or designer barber stubble. Rewind it back, sort yourself out and get a new mind set…then have a mojito. They go well after a Pity Party.

Now i’m getting a flashback of my first husband Mikey, on our wedding night. He’s American and a good soul. He cried when i walked down the garden isle, by a lake field with swans, because i looked so beautiful. I found him later that night, PASSED OUT 🙂 IN A BUSH, in the outside restaurant area OF THE HOTEL BEL AIR, in NOTHING BUT a pair of pulled up Guinness socks and a FEDORA. Hahah. Nothing else! And as a new young 20 something year old bride, in my cream vintage designer gown, with the real life Julia Roberts chilling, as she had her dinner on a nearby table, i had to DRRRAAAAG lol my new husband, out of this bush, away from the restaurant and into our bridal suite. I even had a lace fan in my hand. Haha. I still dragged gracefully even though it was a ball ache….literally…and he was shouting out things, that might suggest he was a  rummed up pirate 🙂 Didn’t bother me, i found it funny. And even though we’re divorced now…and have been divorced for a decade…he’s a good guy. Weird and funny…but a good soul. I learnt a lot from him and respected him. We were just too young to be able to figure out how to make the pieces of our jigsaws fit. We were so different..and even today we still are.

Just because you’ve ended up in a relationship with someone for a while and you love them and you’re very fond of them…it  doesn’t necessarily mean that they are your Mr or Mrs Right. It can do and you can live happily ever after. But it doesn’t necessarily. They are there to journey you though a certain chapter, as you are for them. You’ll know when you meet your match, as you will feel it IMMEDIATELY, like electricity, chemistry, it will terrify you and you won’t believe it or even know what to do. If you try and fight it, ‘The Gods’ will be positively walking your life paths back into one another’s world, out of what YOU think is nowhere, yet the stars suggests is fate. That girl or guy will be so aligned with you, that they admire & respect everything about you positively and you will not be able to help but fall in love with them emotionally, mentally and on levels of both friendship and sexuality. Long lasting relationships like good music need to have soul, otherwise you’re just ‘playing’ a game of ‘couples.’

You should go where life suggests you go….because it’s suggested for a reason. You don’t need a plan nor do you need to over analyse it. You just need to strap in and go with it. That’s what those who are loyal to their own sense of happiness do.  The rest just remain…still…stuck..or even worse…unhappy. Unhappy people at cocktail bars, always look shit. I always see them, wonder why they came out to cocktail anyway and kinda just wished they just went back to their hotel penthouse and watched a bit of porn.

Incase you didn’t realise, i’m quite the champion at knowing what i want, what’s right for me and going for it. I do it with ease and without fear. I’m expressive. I’m comfortable. I’ve got the right glitter heels on for it. I understand life and love and people. I’ve taken the time to be interested in it. I can smell out the strong from the weak and be gentle to those who need love or a bit of motivation. (Provided they don’t drag on about it. 😉 )

I’m thirty five and single…but i’m lavish and i’m fun and filled with this radiating yellow gust of excitement. I’m sassy but i’m warm. I’m playful, yet i’m far from foolish.

And i will say that if you are a thirty something single girl or guy (and it’s a really difficult age to date at,) you don’t have to panic. Decades ago being single used to mean that no one wanted you, or that there was definitely something wrong with you. Like you’ve been left on the shelf. Whereas now, it’s pretty goddamn sexy and there’s a stamp of emotional power that goes with it. A strut that says that you are able to take your time, enjoy your life and decide who you want to spend it with. IF that’s something you decide to do. No one says you have to couple up. I am certainly someone who will, as i prefer to share good times. But you don’t have to!

Friend: ‘Chrissie, The Bible says we have to find partners like Mary and Joseph found each other.’

Me: ‘The Bible doesn’t fucking say that. The Bible says MARY fell PREGNANT & didn’t even have SEX. The Good Lord ‘blessed her’ with 9 months of waddling around in agony, whilst being rode around on a donkey and she didn’t even get to do the fun part.’

Friend: ‘You should definitely teach religious studies in schools.

 

Chill day,lunches and brand new babies!

 

Morning folks! How ya diddling?

Well first and foremost it is my greatest pleasure to announce the birth of @Wazza (the genius who hosts, runs and organizes my Cyberland for me) and his delicious sizzle of a ‘wifey’ @hannahtapdances brand new little baby boy ‘Howel Edward Warrender.’ ADORABLE. Not bad for a nights work. There I was thinking that life was a bit ouchie, simply because Junior decided not to sleep last night (no I forgot to ‘Sleep Mist’) and well there Hannah was giving LIFE to her brand new baby boy. Wazza has now joined the best club in town. I love it when couples turn into hardcore families. It certainly makes for great morning news and has plonked a smile on my kitty cat face!

So well done! All my friends are having babies right now. Yet they’ve all come early! My sister in law Sharn also only a few yummy days ago gave birth to Baby Jack. ADORABLE addition to her yummy brood! He’s was the cutest little being rocking Pinders last week. Infact, both new babies were meant to be born in December and both babies decided to make an early appearance. (I never have such luck. Ruby was lazy and well Junior popped out, pretty much bang on his due date!)

Very happy for everyone!

I’m having a chill day today because I think that I’ve given in to the stress Gods of recent and i’ve been working like the clappers. Sometimes in lfie you have to work like the clappers then sit back and let that work turn into it’s own natural result. This giveaway malarky has turned me upside down. But i’m truly excited to be giving extra pressies away this Christmas. It makes all the difference.

 

It is also OFFICIALLY Christmas in Wunna land and simply because i’m equipped with my Christmas Jumper! I have a collection of them right now, so I figured that it was Christmas enough to begin wearing them. Otherwise they’re just gonna get left in my closet to be forgotten about, like that yoghurt from 1982 that you find in the back of your fridge. I’ve gone with one of my more sensible choices this Wednesday..

 

..and simply because I’m doing lunch this afternoon. It’s sort of what I call a fun ‘talky date.’ You can do fun ‘talky dates’ in Crimbo jumpers. It makes things a little lighter. ‘Tis the season and all that!

Junior has his injections today. Hideous,  hate them because they ‘urk’ me out. Plus, he never settles for about a week after the jab. Like his mother, he doesn’t take to well to them. Luckily I have muscled in ‘Wunna soliders’ to help me with the ‘doo-daa.’ I’ll look after Rubes, who will no doubt be moaning about everything, whilst the little one, who is the most joyous baby I know…

..has his ‘jections. 🙁 🙁 :0 (He’s too cute to get jabbed.)

They got their school photos last night..

 

I ordered them all on a CD simply because I couldn’t pick through them. They rocked them this year. It’s funny because pre-school piccies have got rather bouji haven’t they? When I was young, you simply got a biggish one and 4 passport photos, that you were to wedge in a cardboard bit of frame, that had an oval cut out of it. Now, you pay approx £100 and get a fully designed CD of your children pouting. Times have moved on and certainly got more expensive. But whatever, I  adore them. Plus ‘Grandma’ bought them for me. 🙂

Chill day is great. In the back of my mind I know there’s stuff to do, yet i’m being able to shove them to a corner and let fun take precedence JUST for today. However, fun days tend to zoom by, don’t they?

I’m eating healthy…i’m losing weight…

.

…some random Pea soup that I had to have yesterday with crushed chilli flakes on them. I’m addicted to chilli eating these day and I have no idea why…other than the fact that i’m ethic. It’s like a Yorkshire pudding to me. 🙂

And the kiddies are doing great!

(Ruby randomly passing out and surrendering to ‘dream land’ last night, after refusing to go to sleep because of course she WASN’T tired.)

I’m looking forward to the Clothes Show. I’m feeling cute. I’m feeling fashionably. (Even though i’m in a micro mini, Xmas jumper, knee high sports socks and heels. 🙂 It’s a look I do ALL THE TIME. I do need to stop it, but I just can’t right now. I can’t!!)

I don’t have much else to report as of yet. I think i’m going to Farmer Copley’s today for lunch? I don’t know? But I do love a steak sandwich there.#cheatday

So i’ll leave you with the muddle that’s in my head due to work, China, beauty lines and giveaways! But because i’m delicious, I’ll leave you with this instead…

I *heart* these heels!

C-ya later,

x