Book Tours, Diamonds & Slay Games

‘Right!! The first one out of you two to get a *rock* on it….wins!!!’

Two of my delicious little chick friends are dancing in the ‘let this be forever’ stage of their relationships. A stage that no guy really knows about. Yet all their chick friends hear about!

‘Fairytale Blond’ does love via a Disney text book, so she ofcourse a ‘year in,’ she would be helplessly  hoping for a bit of official Prince Charming commitment. New love….New House…New Diamond.

Mel…is my unconventional, sassy, ‘I’m getting married in red’ sex machine. You don’t fuck with Mel. She turns red with anger and then eats Jelly Babies to calm her sore vulva.

Now, she’s already discussed ‘lets do forever’ with her Gary (who I saw yesterday but couldn’t look in the eye because my imaginative mind kept physically picturing all the rampant sex that he had been having with her…in porn form. All he did was walk past me and say ‘Hi‘ and my head imagined him eating Mel out, so I had to run and hide. Hahahah! Code for: I just sat there staring and imagined it.)

‘I just can’t look him in the eye now that I’ve heard all these filthy stories.’

Anyway, whether they’ve discussed ‘forever’ or not…I’ve decided to spice up their lives a little, by forcing them to play the ‘ROCK ON IT’ game. A casual game, where I watch them both secretly *fight* it out to get a proper proposal…for kicks. Hustle Barbie could probably play this too, yet she wants to start a glamour modelling career and marry D’Acampo. And well Double B….Hahaha…the game would be tooo easy. Jordan and his ‘Jackson Five’ penis would marry her in a wink.

Mel: ‘Yeah, but we’ve already talked about…’

‘Nope, it doesn’t count, until you walk into this room… with the rock on it. 🙂 You walk in, you say nothing, you hold up your left hand up in the air and bling it.’

‘That’s fine. I’ll just tell Gary that I need to win and send him to the jewellers. Lol’

Fairytale Blond was quiet, with her heart all a flutter and then decided that Mel would win. Lol. (But she’ll play it strategically, as ‘Fairytale’ is not soft. She knows how to get what she wants.)

Mel: ‘What about you! You’d probably win this…!! Lol.’

Me: ‘Hahaha. Please. I have a hundred more months of sending nudes before that happens. LOL.’

So yeah…game on! Let’s see who wins! I’ll come back to this blog when one of them struts in with the ‘BLING HAND’ in the air. There’s nothing more fun than a ‘fucking up everyones love life’ game. 🙂

Life is great right now. I’ve a busy kitty and I’ve got my Friday feeling! Work is great! I’m juggling. But I’m gonna try and take so time off to focus. I’m not a ‘here, there and everywhere’ kinda gal. It may seem like that. But i’m the opposite to wishy washy. I’m driven and sharp, so I just need a moment, after yesterday’s delicious ‘early night’ to bundle myself together and chill. Calm mind, Great results.

I’ve told you once and I’ll tell you again…EVERYTHING IN THE FUTURE WILL BE SOCIAL. So all of you hoping to smash the big time ‘Dollar, Dollar, Fame Ball’ with a boobie bounce of victory….KNOW that you need to meander your career or lives down a Social Media path. If you don’t start it now…you’ll get left watching everyone else succeed.

I started my blog 10 years ago. I didn’t even know why? Five years in…nobody knew why I bothered doing it…But I at that point understood where everything was headed ‘socially’….A couple years after that….EVERYONE’S A BLOGGER OR A VLOGGER and it was in that moment where I accidentally smashed it, because all those previous years of blogging both honed my craft, built an audience (which is what you need) and made my STATS AMAZEBALLS!

And yes, it’s harder to start a blog/vlog now…as your competition is much much greater. Yet, if you don’t try and you wish to partake in a career of that fashion….you’re stupid. In years to come, no one will be watching tv…your shows will be online…Glamour Models are now Instagram Models. She’s now not a beautician, she’s a Beauty Blogger. You have Business Men starting everyday vlogs. Secret Footballers writing daily diary blogs. My inbox is literally RAMMED with the most amazing people or brands who are wanting to appear on this blog, which is literally just the story of my life. So yeah, blogging and vlogging are two different things. Find out what you’re stronger at and go for it.

Anyway, away from that! I’ve been doing shoots. This morning, I’m excited to see some of the new pics that Claire Pritchard has shot for me, for her Fallen Angels Brand. I can’t wait to show you them, and you will be seeing them shortly, as I tease your little tinglers, with a slow release of online Wunna ‘look at me.’ Claire is one of the most amazing photographers, so I can WAIT shoot with her again shortly…as we have a Playboy/Kitchen shoot to do…this time i’m taking Prosecco. I love her so much. So yes, if YOU wish to be a Fallen Angel please shimmie on down to ..

clarepritchardphotograpnhy.com

The pics will be on my blog over the weekend.

I have a book out this year. It is the relaunch of ‘Diaries of a Glamour Puss,’ yet i’m rewriting it, it’s being rebranded and ofcourse shot for again. I love a shoot. It now will be called ‘Dear Diary…’ and it’s taking you back to Volume 1 of my life…So it’s Chrissie Wunna (the naughty years. 😛 ) It’s a silly, but sexy bit of ‘all out there’ book. I’m sorting it all out now…and i’ll also be going on a signing tour, so you can get to meet me, have a chitter and well…if i’m being honest…just buy the flipping book. Hahahaha!

The eyelash line is also relauched at Christmas and I have a cheeky little secret that will popping up soon. (NO. IT’S NOT A BABY! LOL)

Ruby slept in my bed last night, as she does when Junior’s at his Daddy’s. I watch her when she sleeps and can’t believe how beautiful she is. We’ve come a long way. I’ve worked so hard and this is the first time in my life where I feel like i’m actually smashing it for them both. She’s six and waited until I had gone to sleep, just so she could sneak out of bed and stay up all night playing pretend pool parties.

‘What? I pretended to be asleep, so YOU would go to sleep and so I could get up and pretend Justin Bieber was at my pool party! I thought you said that we only live once!’

Ruby IS a terrifying MINI version of me.

Although, i’m celebrating a THANK FUCK it’s FRIDAY thing. Saturday i’m headed to London to meet with a Mr Kenworthy, in regards to a new project that i’m hoping to tinker with. Which reminds me, I need to finish off those questions. I’m trying to fit everything in, in blips. It’s not easy….sober. 🙂

But nonetheless, I can’t wait for the meeting and hopefully i’ll saunter out of it with a new business *notch* on my brand cycle..

Work hard. Get what’s yours. YOU CAN MAKE ANYTHING HAPPEN. If you do it fucking well!

Take a shortcut…you’ll get cut short. Half ass it…you get a calm stream instead of a gushing river. Have a fall back plan? YOU’LL FLIPPING FALL BACK ON IT.

 

 

 

 

 

Life, Swirls & Connections…

Today…if I looked at the positive and pick out the bits that matter, even though it rained all day in Yorkshire and parts of work were a draaaag, it was a GREAT DAY to be alive. I’m noticing when i’m happy. I’m embracing the things that I have going on that are wonderful and even though I’m all *winks & banter,* with sassy little stocking shimmies….I’m warm…If you know me personally and infact most of you actually don’t. But i’m grateful that you’re following my life. Know that by nature i’m quite playful, I’m quite soft…but i’m loads of glittery fun….

I looked around me today as I walked across the cobbles in the rain….with the weird blue ‘Lifeboat’ umbrella that I found and yeah…life wasn’t so bad. It was great day to be alive. (Still fucking wished it was Friday though! AND still fricking wish that it didn’t rain all over my hair.)

I have a lot going on right now from book deals, to tours, to modelling shoots, to business meetings, to brand deals and being mum…It’s the best thing EVER and on the whole  a super exciting time..BUT it’s relaxed because i’m feeling really in control of it all and these days, I don’t care about stressing out. It’s a pointless thing that we do when we’re scared. More than anything, I’m flipping lucky! I’ve got this shit down, on a calm easy, hair tossing breeeeeeeeeeeze!

But yeah, I had a conference called this morning. Edited a bit of my new book that’s out this year. I watched ‘Firmonnell’ enter holiday mode and pretty much toss the day off with glee. (I love her on holiday mode. She kept randomly talking tripe to people, like some ‘clingy on’ friend, just to kill time, so she wouldn’t have to do anything. Lol. It worked! Hahah!)

‘Oh hey Dipper…’

‘Oh hey Webbo!’

Double B must have called me a ‘BITCH‘ approximately 13 times today, but I let her off because lets face it, she’s a loon, but she’s fucking hilarious. We talked ‘my future‘ over lunch today, as we discussed life overlooking the town with her Rapunzel hair, whilst she ate super noodles.

‘Hustle Barbie’ had itches, which i’m sure she said were crabs? 🙂

Me: ‘You’re passing your itch onto me…’

Hustle B: ‘Do you have a pen? A black pen. GOD! I can’t reach my ITCH and it kills!’

‘Fairytale Blond’ (who has just got back from helicopter rides to hotels in Monte Carlo,) just looks like she’s going to fall pregnant soon….

‘Honestly! I can see it in your face! You’re gonna end up preggo.’

(She smiled like she liked the idea…)

Mel is on her military diet and smashing ‘weigh ins’ so she doesn’t have to pay to ‘jolly in’ with the slimmers..

‘It’s giving me headache…Where are those Jelly Babies..?’

and Lady Shizzle is showing us group selfies that resemble the cast of TOWIE in Marbs?

‘Did I show this selfie? Look…’

And then there’s me….

Just me…

And if I could tell you anything, I’ll tell you that i’m in a swirl. There’s this guy. The most amazing guy that I could ever know and I cannot even tell you how lucky he makes me feel right now…

When it comes to guys…or girls infact and the art of finding a great match…One of those soul connections that make you *BEAM* because you just can’t help it…you sort of need to gel on every level…don’t you!

With this guy…I have that…and i’ve never really felt like this before…

We can be besties and kick it…lovers and ‘filth it,’ take each other lightly, take each other seriously…express…trust…and just BE! We’re easy going humans….and I’m loving every single minute of ‘right now.’

I’m in a swirl and i’m beaming. He makes me feel really happy. He’s an AMAZING MAN and I don’t think my path would or could ever cross with a better one.

I’m someone who lives in the present and I never stress out about the ahead. People stress out too much about needing to know the outcome of something whilst forgetting to enjoy the ‘right now.’ When you embrace the ‘right now’ magical things happen, Infact  life, love and all sorts develop from those moments and much faster than you expect because you’ve embraced them without fear. We think and analyse things too much, instead of relaxing and really enjoy those moments with love.

For anyone of you IN stressy love life situations know that the development of it all is great, as it’s sort of like receiving a pink gift box… undoing the big bow… slooooowly unravelling the wrapping away, gently opening the box and reaching into it… to see the gift. You pick the gift up and play around with it for a bit…then you hold  palm of your hands and treasure it close to your heart because it’s ended up meaning so much to you, without you realizing. It’s magical. 🙂

But yes, i’m in a swirl.

He’s dynamic, but there’s a peaceful gentleness to him. We’re really similar like that. There’s a playfulness to him, but he’s a stand up guy! I’m really lucky. Anybody who gets to cross paths with this guy is lucky. I trust him.(That’s big) I trust him.

He totally deserved the bunny tail thong picture this morning. 😉

Anyway, I need a cheeky little wine.

Thank you for reading this…you actually mean the world to me. You are reading this with THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE, across the entire globe on every single continent of the world, That in itself IS CRAZY! I can’t even believe it.

So whether you’re a mum in Yorkshire, a business man in New York, a teenager in Japan, or a Doctor in Australia? Whether you’re a model in LA, a party girl in London, a husband in Africa, a teacher in Asia….Thank you all for reading…I’ve accidentally connected you ALL, by writing this little online diary… 🙂

Chrissie x

 

 

 

 

 

Hormonally Imbalanced Banter

Today was about business and banter. I don’t know what happened, but it was a rainy day in Yorkshire. I was stood outside in my grey pencil dress and faux fur wondering where everyone had got to? One had slept through the alarm, another needed to get cake, the other was ill and Firmonnell decided to take 300 years to go buy milk…

Me: ‘Why has it taken you so long to get milk?’

Firmonnell: ‘I got pants too…’

(She was sassy today…in her slutty specs.)

Then it all went the best way we like it…downhill..as we surrendered to fun and just went with ‘fuck it.’ Sometime s’fuck it’ is such a good option, as we as humans spend so much time being far too serious and far too serious playing ‘game and front’ that we forget to just relax and just adore all that is happening to us in love and work.

I’m a fun girl and in my world, I think there’s ALWAYS TIME for a giggle, ALWAYS TIME for a joke and always time for a champagne and to dance on tables. Even for just a minute…there’s time for a moment of adventure.. always. Be it calm, saucy, busy or hilarious. If you can’t make time for a moment, then you’re doomed, because life will come and post you a ‘shoulda coulda’ memo…and they’re always shit.

Live now. Embrace all the wonderful changes that are happening to you. Make porn out of Jelly Babies and send it to the guy you fancy. (I 100 percentage absolutely did that today. 🙂 I’m such a catch. Obvs! But whatever, I told you, i’m living like i have nothing to lose and this guy is literally the man of my dreams. I like him…A LOT.)

Then all my chick friends decided to either be on a period, endure the week before they get their period or just be period. You’ve got to love chicks when we’re hormonally imbalanced. It’s sassy, it’s sexy…it’s almost fucked up. Lol.

Then went on rants. Rants SO good that there were moments where we were literally all just looking at each other and CRYING with laughter.

Double B: ”Honestly, I could smoke a cigarette and stab it out in his eyes..’

 ‘All i want to do is cry…What’s wrong with me??’

Hustle Barbie: ‘You have to marry your best friend. I mean god! That’s why I HATE him…because i went for someone that I was just relatively attracted to. We don’t even get on Lol..Oh.. and my cat has friends.’

Me: I’m totally in a swirl. I totally send him nudes.’

Double D: ‘Do you want some of this…’

Me: What!! Half eaten disgusting cheesecake! Don’t try and offer me half eaten shit.’

Mel: I hate the word gusset!!! I have mine the the wrong way around today!’

‘You need to try and get that Monday off so you can get away…’

Double B: ‘He can suck my wad!’

Fairytale Blond: ‘Ive Facebooked her. Guess what colour hair she has?

Firmonnell: ‘Blond’

Double B: ‘Green.’

Me: ‘Ginger.’

Firmonnell: BLOND!

Double B: ‘GREEN!’

Me: ‘ I said, GINGER.’

Fairtayle: No, it’s brown…’

Me: ‘Why does that whole conversation feel pointless? Lol’

Hustle Barbie: ‘Why is it that I can’t tell a story without doing the voices.’

‘Not the voices…’

‘Yours start out Irish and then always end Indian.’

Webbo: ‘I was almost late today because I was playing hide and seek with the kids. I just thought they just better hurry up and FIND ME, cos i’ve got to chuffing get to work.’

‘She’s definitely an alcoholic.’

Firmonnel: ‘I think it’s odd that you and Jordan share clothes?? Liek you shouldn’t share clothes with your boyfriend. We’re you in his jacket today?’

Double B: ‘I’ll come home and he’s in my leggings.’

‘You can’t sit with us, we’re models.’

‘I kicked off the last time i went Karting, as I didn’t want to wear the helmet.’

‘Hahaha….I love it. Proper Diva.’

That was how the morning began until it just got boring and I spent the day messaging ‘the swirl’ because i’m all ‘nothing to lose,’ was completely on top of all business and well I just find him delicious. I can’t help it.

Glad you had a good one…

Why haven’t you followed me on Instagram?

chrissiewunna

Ps/ My chicks friends are currently on Whatsapp discussing the words ‘MOIST…MUSHROOM & CRUSTY!’ 

 

 

 

Don’t look like a sausage roll…

I’ve just been living. So my apologies for the ‘no blog.’ I kept meaning to write one, then I’d opt for a beautiful fruit gin instead, as I hovered the dairy in’pending’ before another gin tinkered in.

I’ve worked through the weekend, so I pretty much only had Sunday to *kapow* it. As usually I’d KAPOW Saturday and take a massive luxury chill on Sunday. It’s like i had to *binge* fun into a day with friends, cocktails, family and love. I don’t like *binge* fun, cos now…it’s Monday and I feel fucking shattered. I’ve also decided that anything that begins with the words ‘ALL IN….’ is shit. 🙂

Lots is happening. My world is spinning, it’s a really exciting time and I feel like i’m about to wink my way to everything i’ve  always dreamed of. I had a few last minute glitches at the end of last week work wise. Some people kind. Some people… RUDE as hell. (Don’t be rude, i’ll think you’re a dick. I don’t know where people get off being ‘no reason’ rude…especially when they look like an ice goat from the Narnia cupboard. You can’t be a goat, have poor shoe game and then try and spit out bastardy behavior. It will not work for you…even if you’re wearing my Little Mistress faux fur.

Saturday was ‘work Saturday.’ And it was rubbish. I hated Saturday because I could’ve thought of 900 other things that I would rather be doing, than what I was having to be doing. I kept looking at the window sighing for more eventful times. I wanted to karate kick out my cage. Lol.

If my chick friend ‘Double B’ didn’t state that some looked like a… (wait for it..)

‘…a sausage roll with a wig on..’

Hhahahah! Life would’ve be shit. And because it was THE ONLY funny thing to have happened, I clung onto the thought for hours and it tickled me all day.

‘What are you laughing at?’

‘I’ still not over the sausage roll thing..’

‘It’s because she does actually look like one…lol.’

I LOVE ‘Double B’s insults because they’ll always be the most comedically odd, bitchy bits of ‘hoo haa.’ Like if ‘Mean Girls’ was Yorkshire and dipped in a silly whore sassiness…you would have what my ears hear on daily, from this chicks mouth. And then she’ll always top off the worse bits of insult off with her, ‘PAY THE FEE’ cheerleader dance.

‘Pay the feeee. Pay the feeeeeeeeee. Peace out. A Town.’

Firmonnell’s still happily married to ‘Big D’ and he’s totally stepped up his game. First he introduced a sex step, THEN he got a promotion…AND NOW he obtains these bags of jelly babies for free.

Big D and I used to go ice skating when we were kids at The Dome…as that all you could do in Doncaster… or ‘Dancing School.’ I mean who on EARTH gets to be married to Willy Wonka. AND SHE CAN’T EVEN ICE SKATE. I did the polite thing and told her that I might love or feel up her husband now that he has jellies.

She told me to ‘BACK THE FUCK OFF‘ Hahaha!

‘What? the dude’s got sweets and shit?’ 🙂

I’m loving this new ‘nothing to lose‘ outlook on life that i’m totally A* ..ing. I’ve got the reins to my world now and i’m flying baby, FLYING! Yes, i’m being a bit sassy, a bit annoying, a bit of a ‘doo daa’ at times…but i’m loving it and it’s ace and this is my patch of cyberland…so there! Prosecco for everyone!

(Hustle Barbie says it’s MY fault that she didn’t tidy her house because she went to do a blog catch up and ended up on this blog for hours. I assured her that there would be hot toyboys who would offer to clean her home for her…and that she could then leave her beau to date Gino D’Acampo. Great solution! I should have a therapy show!)

I’m in a swirl. God! This guy, ‘the swirl’ has got me going CRAZY!

Me: ‘I can’t hake you out my head. You’re in there. Always. I like it.’

‘Yeah me too..it feel ssoooooooo good.’

It’s thrown me a bit as you know how much I distrust my own judgements on anything ‘love or lust‘ related. This weekend, i just thought ‘fuck it’ (as I just can’t quit swirling about him) and with the whole ‘nothing to lose‘ mantra strapped onto my dildo…:) I WENT FOR IT.

He might have sent me a *spacky bum bum* emoji at one point. Lol.

I like this guy (but i’ve been treading cautiously..of previous)…We already get on well, so we don’t really need to try at that, as it’s just the way our personalities jigsaw. That part is a biggie, so we’re lucky like that.

So after picture taking, messages and him having a mild moan that they wasn’t much video content…Lol

‘Work your magic. 🙂 xx

‘You work your fucking magic. I’ve deleted every single SELFIE IN THE WORLD!!!!!’

We pissed ourselves, he went off on his night out and I got dressed, went to the bar and asked a guy to delete all my read emails so that I could video. Hahahaha! And he did! Very grateful!

Video galore was made on Sunday. It started sweet and just turned x rated. I couldn’t help it. The guy gets me going like that. Then like a magical flowing trail of saucy digital content…I proved that I had ‘nothing to lose.’ 🙂

It felt liberating. It felt sexy.

It was received with the upmost appreciation and messages to assure me that it was divine. Lol

I should get trophies for it! Yet, the art of sexy and seduction is knackering. I needed a warm bath and a ‘straight to bed’ afterward. Knowing my luck, I probably got him all juiced up and filled with spunk, so he could go bone some ‘first girl there’ chick because his willy couldn’t help it. Hahaha! I DID ALL THE FUCKING LEG WORK!!!! 🙂 Whatever, I’m Miss Wunna…ain’t no girl gonna beat my sauce. 🙂

Joking aside. I’m happy and like i said, you have to cling onto those moments of happy, don’t you? They keep things exciting and we (I hope) have exciting times ahead. The swirl is good because it weirdly has a magic to it, a magic that i’m labelling ‘substance.’ Like it could go really well..if we wanted it to.

If I could give you any advice from what I’ve learnt from my weekend, it would be to GO FOR IT. Express yourself. Be loving. Be open. be honest. Don’t give two shits about fear and get what you want…or at least have a go at trying…

‘Once upon a time..Mummy sent Daddy Nudes….and they lived happily ever after! 🙂 ‘

Oh and try not to look like a sausage roll..

Shit, i’ve got to dash…

Working ALL DAY.

 

 

Wunna Dolls, Rum & Banter

My kitty eyes shot open at 2.47am this morning. YES! At 2.47am…THIS MORNING! I’m totally gonna feel it later when work kicks in and my brain decides to not work. I need a morning mimosa. *Gimme Gimme* Ugh! Cupboard is bare! 😉

When you can’t sleep, you have a troubled mind. That’s exactly what I have. There’s SO much swirling around it, that I pretty much swear that my forehead is ready to curl forward and *boink* the imaginary panic button. Hurrah!

It’s good, because everything is about work & opportunity..and there’s a lot. Yet, bad because i’m obviously not ‘on top‘ of it all. This blogging malarky isn’t as easy as I thought..when it turns into a business. I can’t even sleep. I think i’m gonna go with the ‘i’m a genius and can’t sleep’ line, yet really i’m just human and right now I THINK I ‘can’t do this all by myself ‘ line. BUT I CAN. I mean fuck it. I’ve done everything else by myself…including raising children.

I got up at 3am and worked. I worked. I whopped out my little pink laptop and worked. I planned my entire week and month out, to set Wunna Land into confetti hero showers. Now I just need to execute and not worry. Yet, I’m a creative and what i’ve learnt is that creatives need to JUST BE creative and have someone else deal with the harsh reality of business and building. Their two different things. Two different skills. I want to just be creative and tell my sassy little story. Plus, I learnt from one of my previous bosses ‘The Mighty’ that when one person does too many things, they fuck it all up and give a ‘lot of things 20 percent,’ instead of one thing a juicy 100 percent. IT’S TRUE!

Anyway, enough of all that. It’s boring me. I’ll quit being a walking ‘Sad Act‘ now. (The words of ‘Double B.’)

Yesterday was an ace day,  filled with good times, friends, work and sass. It made Monday less shit. I didn’t even have time to curl my hair in the morning and it didn’t even matter! 😉 I know! Wow wee!  *Wink*

We decided that I should create ‘Chrissie Wunna’ dolls, so that Firmonnell can give them to her children.

Firmonnell: ‘As soon as the Chrissie Wunna doll comes out, I’m buying them for my kids.’

But honestly, how fabulous would my ‘Chrissie Wunna’ doll be!! It’d have boobies and be all glamourous and when you pressed it’s stomach, it’s shout things like…

‘Fuck it!’

‘Where’s my prosecco…’

‘This is bouji!’

Firmonnell, Double B and Hustle Barbie literally DIED over this idea for a good…well minute… 🙂 , as then we got distracted because Mel started sauntering in with her ‘stress face’ asking our advice on tidying…Don’t know what happened but…

Mel: ‘How the HELL have I started a conversation about how to find the time to clean my house properly and it’s turned into a conversation about THRUSH???’

Me: ‘I’ve never had thrush.’

Double B: ‘I’ve had thrush and that thing where you have to drink cranberry juice.’

Firmonnell: ‘Y’know you can get nipple thrush from breast feeding.’

Me: EWW!

Mel: ‘Whatever Chrissie. I would’ve thought you would’ve had a a cocktail of STD’s in your time.’

Fairytale Blond: ‘I’ve had thrush in my belly button..

Me: ‘Lovely’

Hustle Barbie: ‘Did Prince Jonny put it in the wrong hole?’ Haha’

Fairytale Blond: ‘I need to take these shoes back, I bought them for Monte Carlo tomorrow..’

Me: ‘I wish my belly button looked more SHOCKED and less smiley.’

Firmonnell: ‘Yeah mine looks like it’s just chilling…

Then ‘Double B’ decided to remind me that her beau’s willy looked like..

‘…one of those fun scrubby things you can get to clean dishes with, y’know in your sink….with a fuzzy afro on top.’

He never gets a blowie and she really doesn’t care. Lol. She’s just laughs in the face of blow jobs, adjusts her bra and asks for a pork pie, as she tosses her blond extensions everywhere.

‘Taylors Butchers was shut. I tried to get a pork pie there yesterday!’

Then I’m not sure what happened…But we started taking about old people and how weird it would feel to be a granny and how if I was ON MY OWN and 80, i’d be alright because, I’d

‘…definitely smell of rum and sex.’

Much better option over moth balls. You either smell of Marks & Spencers, Cats, Toffee, Wee or Moth Balls when you’re a granny. That’ll be me one day and I’m gonna make sure I smell of rum whilst being wheeled down the corridors to…. (I have no clue where i’d be wheeled to? Lol) I’m gonna be a RUMMY granny.

Anyway, ass…ass? Lol. AS!!!

As much as I love you, I do need to dash. I have school runs and a full day of work to jolly onto. I have great boobs and a wink in my think, today. I’ll definitely be knackered later on. I swear this blog is like therapy for me. One day you’ll be covering my meltdown…BUT JUST NOT TODAY.

Work hard. Do well! Love lots!

Oh and follow me on everything, so I feel extra adored. Lol.

Snapchat: chrissiewunna1

(I don’t know who chrissiewunna is..but it’s not me and i’m sure she is far more naked or chatty…lol So do make sure you add the right one.)

Tweet me: @chrissiewunna

Instagram: chrissiewunna

Like my Facebook Fan Page: http://www.facebook.com/chrissiewunnadotcom

 

Sassy, Bank Holiday Sexiness…

I’M HAPPY!

I’m sprinkled in a confetti fun, dazzled with a giddy charm. I’m feeling flirty, fun rebellious. I’m enjoying my life to the max. I’m laughing with my chick friends, tinkering in the art of business and winking at strangers who deserve a bit of love from Wunna Land. Right now this weekend…even though i’m feeling a bit chubby, I’m totally on top of my game and DOLLS it feels FUCKING GREAT!

I’m enjoying every waking inch of my Bank Holiday weekend. You only live once. I’m loving it.I’m living it and doing everything that I want, when I want. I think there might even be sunshine! I’ve loved, danced and done candy flossed ‘toy store’ openings with my GORGEOUS little Wunna babies. They rinsed me. I didn’t care. If you work hard and can’t spend your money on the people and things that you love, then you’re doomed. I’ve lunched with family. I’ve drank salted rimmed margaritas at Ego in Ackworth. I’ve Pornstar Martini’ed it at city centre pitstops ( I LOVE A POP UP BAR) and over the finest wine, the most delightful lunches and VIP tables that I couldn’t turn up to, I’ve had fun. I’m happy and the great thing is that this weekend, I’m not suffering fools. I’m taking not shit. No nonsense and embracing every part of me that feels powerful.

IT FEELS SOOOOOOOOO GOOD!

I’ve had lots of my chick friends ask me a great deal about love and how it all works, how men work, how life works with them etc…and FIRSTLY…I’M DEFINITELY NOT YOUR BEST BET. I don’t win stars in that category. I’ve had my heart break and heal so many times that nowadays, each time new love comes striding into Wunna land, I smile, go with it and just keep my fingers crossed with hope good intentions and laughter. That’s all you can do. I know girls like to ‘fuss.’ But i like to keep things simple. If a dude likes you, he’ll like you..and he’ll come get you and if he doesn’t…he won’t. You don’t have o put your life on hold, or worry for nothing. If he adores you…he won’t lose you. Yet, I will say that I have noticed from some of my closest chickdaees that once a guy does ‘get you’ and feels all ‘slipper comfy’…which don’t get me wrong is lovely…sometimes…they forget that to make sure their girl is feeling adored, appreciated and loved. We’re weird ones, us girls. It’s something we always need to feel. Even when we feel it ourselves. When we love, we love whole heartedly, don’t we? We come shooting out that canon head first, in a swirl of love madness. It’s nutty. But hilarious.

Men aren’t the same. They’re growers. *Wink wink* They grow to love…after an initial infatuation..which is pretty sensible, on the whole..Lol. My LA friend Dylan, once explained this to me whilst chucking pasta to a wall, in strips, to see if it was cooked,as a really rummed up Magician decided to get really drunk because no one loved him? Anyway he told me, that men where like trains… and that they needed to *chug* along merrily, with no pressure before they eventually decide to THEN go through the tunnel… slooooowwwwwwlllllllyy…. and once they do and the come out the other end…. they’re apparently hooked, ready and at that point will love you more than anything? He must’ve been pissed? What the fuck was she on about? Dickhead? And that pasta wasn’t cooked. Lol.

Yet, anyway, we as chicks have become so independent, that we’ve cut the guys so much slack when it comes to making them BE MEN. We’re all self sufficient and bouji and can do love, business and life all by ourselves now, can’t we? All that’s great, as I wave the flag for a hard working kitten. I am one. BUT I like to keep love ‘old school’ in a modern day world. It’s hard isn’t it? I’m unconventional, fun and wild, yet i’m a sucker for a guy that knows how to love, goes for what he wants and as he beams, makes her beam like there’s nothing in the world more precious. Like a whirlwind of sensual, magical, yet innocent stars swirl around you both…it’s filled with  trust, loyalty, fun, sex and romance. It pisses all over Tinder. I hate all that shit.

But enough about love! It’s Bank Holiday Sunday! YEAH DOLLS! 2 for 1 cocktails for everyone!

Y’know why i’m feeling so great? It’s because i’ve pulled my kitty socks up and got shit done. I’ve had fun, met up with friends, lunched, drank and had the most divine time with my babies…BUT THIS WEEKEND, after a long week of work (and I did feel sorry for myself all last week) I’VE MANAGED TO GET BE SO PRODUCTIVE AND ACTUALLY GET SHIT DONE.

I’ve smashed it and loved it. No feeling is better to me than that feeling of actually committing to being productive and seeing the results from it. I know!!!

I’ve made sure that i’m all over your news feeds, i’ve replied to all of my messages, I’ve drawn you to fan pages, instagram pages, Tweeted my way into your lives and Snapchatted bits of life, to beckon you into Wunna land like I have Haribo in my pocket or something. 🙂 It’s worked and right now, you’re being a great audience. It almost turns me on. Lol. I mean, I only put in a BIT OF WORK to see what would happened. So if I got my glitter elbow grease out….I’d nail it. I’m feeling really confident. It’s crazy. I’m on FIRE! It’s sexy. I’m feeling sexy. 😉 I mean, I might have even felt so sexy that I Googled Porny Gifs to utilize my feeling of ‘sexy’ into ‘expression. LOL. Just me. No one else. Keeps you out of trouble. What? It’s good for you! 🙂 I’m like a dog on heat right now. I don’t know what’s up with me? I need 24 cold showers…and a seat belt. I’m feeling ‘more than usually’ kinksville. I need to slow my libido roll down.

I love these moments where I put down my daiquiri and make hay whilst the sun’s still shining. I’m ambitious so when I see results..I love it. I’m brimming over with this cheeky prosecco bubbliness. I feel amazing and I hope you do to!

My mind works weirdly, so as Jack Parson’s had told me I’m getting ideas, jotting my them down, whacking them on my walls on Post It’s and slowly putting together a plan. I’m NOT business minded. I’m a creative. I’m really creative. I’m an entertainer. So its almost like I have to approach business creatively or with more thought…OR just work with/hire the right people.

I hope you’re going to enjoy today?I have a few errands to run, before cocktails in Leeds. My friends are either out or doing date night, home life lunches or babies….I mean ‘The Mighty’ (who has managed to produce a second child) text me last night determined to FIND FUN in Leeds, when we were all at home. Lol. I knew that Mel was out, as I met her, Alex & Esme at Ego whilst they lunched and I handed them Garden Centre soap. Lol.

‘Are you trying to say I smell?’

‘Does Esme want a Mocktail. Ruby’s getting one?’

Anyway Mel went off and did hotel night with ‘Her Gary.’ I want a hotel date night. They’re always so much fun. There’s something so sexy sounding about them, right?

But yeah, I’m tired of typing now….

Enjoy the sun…as i’m definitely sure that I want to be laid on some inflatable cactus lilo right now, with a fruit umbrella drink in my hand, about some sunny pool, in a hot pink or leopard string bikini.

I have a shoot tomorrow…I boudior shoot so to speak with Claire Pritchard. She’s an AMAZING photog. I can’t WAIT to be a ‘fallen angel.’ What could be sexier? AND as you may tell…I’m feeling somewhat sexy right now. I’m embracing it as it’s my thing. It’s how I feel and where I feel most comfortable. I love sensuality. I love sexiness…in all forms. More than anything I love being a girl…We should embrace our womanhood more. It’s so powerful, it’s scary. I’m looking forward to filming my Vlog.

Ps/ I’ve spend the morning being obsessed with David Beckhams Instagram page. It’s amazing. You can’t help but love The Beckhams can you? I adore them. They’ve smashed it.

Ppps/ I love that someone actually Googled ‘Sumo Porn’ yesterday and found themselves here on this blog. You dirty bastard. Hilarious.

 

 

When the going gets tough…The tough do a Malbec….

Wow. Today got busy! One minute I was chilling by cake, discussing sex and homes with all the rooms blue and the next minute everything turned into  ‘boom…boom…rush…ring….stress..stress…need wine’ mode. It was almost as if, ALL the problems, ALL the questions, ALL the worries, in ALL the jiggly world, decided to shot out of a glittery nonsense canon and *FIRE* itself all over Fairytale Blond, Mel and I… in a second. Cheers life! You’re a dickhead.  I like to busy, Just as much as I enjoy a chill. However, I do not enjoy it as much when it *POPS* out of nowhere and shocks my system with a KAPOW….and I’M GOOD at *KAPOW* moments. But fuck it…Life is life. I need more excitement. At least Mel got extremely expensive mucky sex toys for her birthday from her beau and ‘Fairytale Blond’ still managed to *piggy ear* snapchat me a photo of the current state of our lives…whilst I was living it with her….MADLY.

I need a sunny holiday and 22 gallons of wine, poured into my mouth by hot Greek Gods in togas. NOW. I said NOW. I need someone to be my side ALWAYS, whilst stroking my hair, drawing on my back and telling me everything’s going to be alright. 🙂 I need less carbs in my diet and…have I said wine yet? Shit…yeah. Fuck. 🙁 I have a rich and fruity Malbec by my side, so all in all..I win.

In life right now, I don’t know where i’m headed? I’m headed in a rocket to the stars, don’t get me wrong..yet where it lands…I have no cluey??? All this stuff is going on, great stuff…things that could make Wunna Land even more WUNNAFUL…Yet, i’m right back in limbo…with choices and decisions. I don’t like limbo because i’m not a fence sitter. I’m a direct ‘get on it and go’ girl. I’m all or nothing. So you’ll only ever find me sat on a fence , unless there’s millions of pounds attached to it, or there’s an offer of a juicy pina colada on tap. I’m kind, yet i’m hardly a push over…so mulling around the decisions that have been frisbeed over to me, is difficult. (And i’m talking about work. I’m talking about the opportunities that being this apparent new blogging starlett are bringing me. I have lots of great work offers…and lots of great collaborations being presented, which I adore. Then there’s the cheeky human’s that think collaborations aren’t about BOTH PARTIES benefiting from the cause. That’s the art of the collabo. The concept isn’t that wacky. When it comes to love, i’m as soft as a fool. But when it comes to business, I’ll just look at you with a ‘What will I get out of this?’)

*Slurps the Malbec.*

I definitely need a jolly, drenched in peace ‘time out.’ A holiday. Away from everything stressy. Around all things calm. All my friends are at Coachella…and all of me..is absolutely at work. I’ve worked non stop this year so far and i’m finding that when you have what i call a snazzy ‘Social presence’ where everyone knows everything about you or what’s going on in your life…(and I DO LOVE THAT) you need a moment…a moment that’s just yours. I need to prioritize that more. And yes, I don’t tell you everything. I tell you what I want to tell you. But still. In the most positive manner ever…I kinda just want some time to blog like I did in the old days, when I could put anything I wanted, whenever I wanted, without a concern, a worry…and without the stress of having to be aware of brands or ‘the brand’….people…or…you get it. I’m rambling. I remember sitting on my West Hollywood balcony in the sun, on Kings Street, with my purple diary and a peppermint tea, writing out my life in PAGES. No one read it but me…and it as raw. It was truthful. That’s what I want this blog to be…AND IT WILL…Yet that little purple diary, that i left in a fucking supermarket by accident…is now a business. AS IF!!! Haha. I remember reading a bit of it after tequila, once in LA and crying because this boy called Ryan had stood me up and had a girlfriend that he forgot to tell me about. LOL. I’d made the room really romantic…and he fucked me over…just like that. Lol. What a dick! 🙂 We’re actually friends now…but only because he’s kicking himself in the hairy knacker drills. 😉 Becareful which girls you hurt, cos one day they may grow up to be Starlets! Lol.

*SLURPS THE MALBEC.*

I’m currently hunting for the finest representation all the land…and all it takes it someone who gets and understands and believes in WUNNA LAND…and pretty much knows what THEY’RE DOING, as they instruct and guide me forward and at the same time just lets me do what I want, whilst trusting me. 😉  It hasn’t been an easy hunt, as you can imagine. So If you know someone fabulous, Uber them to me. Immediately. (Shit, I need to email that guy to schedule the filming of my Vlog! You didn’t remind me. I’ll enjoy the Vlog…as I pretty much come from a reality tv background. Innit. I’m a showman. I’ll smash it. 🙂 I want to film it NOW!!)

I had stuff to say, but I kinda can’t remember it all now. Plus Baby Junior needs cuddles and I find that more delightful than rambling.

You it doesn’t matter what you decide to do in life, you can make the BIG TIME, if you just do it FUCKING WELL.

Give it your all! Go for it! Don’t sweat the small stuff and in the end….good things, great people and miraculous situations will come to you. It’s human nature. It’s written in the stars.

I’ve booked back in to see  the delightful Jack Parson’s in July. (Yourfeed UK.) And now also really excited to meet Paul Frampton of the Havas Media Group soon also!

I think i’m at Angelica Leeds tomorrow night also? Are you?

Follow me on Twitter @chrissiewunna

 

 

 

No Dude What’s The Password…?

I have literally sailed through the most blissful and busiest time in Wunnaland. From Thursday to probably about an hour ago, I feel as though i’ve been dashing, dashing, meeting, greeting, smiling, moaning, hand shaking, dressing up, dressing down, travelling, working and cocktailing. IT HAS BEEN NON STOP and so much has happened that I don’t even know where to begin.

So, whilst i’m glamourous sat, moderately hung over, with a Desperado as my company and the random Celtic vs Ranger game on as ‘background’ in The Mallard Doncaster….with my new weave sat next to me, waiting for tomorrow’s debut, where it has the glory of being clipped into my head and some 20 something boys to my right, who I don’t at all know, playing on the bandit…I’ll rewind you to last night…

Last night, Fairytale Blond, Double B, Mel & I, whilst being all glammed up and lost in a hilarious yet glittery swirl of drunken light and life…decided it would A GREAT IDEA to stand outside the GENTS TOILETS at the dark and jazzy Pontefract pub the ‘Tap & Barrel’ (it was packed last night) and NOT LET GENTLEMAN of any type or ages, GO FOR A WEE, UNLESS THEY COULD GUESS ‘THE PASSWORD.’ 🙂 LOL.

WHY ARE WE ACE!

Honestly, we’re the funniest girls alive! I mean, who is as genius as us! We ended up squashed infront of the GENTS, on a bench, due to the *packedness* of the place, by moody candlelight…and instead of being grumbly..and we had been cocktailing ALL NIGHT we took it upon ourselves to utterly enjoy every minute of our *spot* and make our own FUN.

THE BEST TIME EVER!

So, a guy would saunter up to the loo for a *widdle.* As soon as he got to the door, he was ABRUPTLY STOPPED by either Double B, Fairytale Blond Or I…and forced to hold their wee until they guessed the password. 🙂

Once they guessed the password, they were allowed entry.

On the way out, they’d swing open the door and *BAM* Fairytale blond would stick out her arm, leg or body and REFUSE TO LET THEM PASS (lol) unless they reiterated the password.

The password was…

PUSSY ARMPIT.

And we really wouldn’t let them pass unless they were chubby, where in which they were given a ‘WILD CARD’ entry of us aggressively PUSHING THEM into the boy’s loo’s…whilst shouting.,,

GO!GO!GO!GO!

OR…

Double B & Fairytale Blond would connect hands and make a beautiful archway out of their delicate, not at all drunken arms and I would look at the dude and very glamourously state that they had to..

‘ENTER THE LOVE TUNNEL…’

…as the girls danced with their arms in an archway! 🙂

It was the best game ever..the boys were coming out of the loo’s looking terrified OR just going to the loo to play our game.

Fairytale: NO! What’s the password?’

Double B: ‘We don’t fucking care…this is hilarious.’

Mel: What ARE YOU doing?’

Me: ‘Enter the tunnel of loooooooooooove..’

Then we did more gin…See this is why MY VLOG is going to be better than anyone else, simply because my friends and I are naturals at being tools. If we filmed our ‘what’s the password’ moment, it would’ve gone viral this morning. 🙂

But how did this all start…

Let’s take you down a glamourous trip down memory lane…

I’ve worked all day and arrived in from London that morning to hustle through another day. I was shattered, but wanted to embrace a good time. I’m positive and even though things can be shattering, you just have to smash it and know how lucky you are to be where you are and have what you have.

Double B has recently moved into her new house and fancied herself a cocktail at The Electric Theatre which is now her local cocktail and tapas bar. Fairytale Blond was in the neighbour visiting friends, since Prince Jonny was out for drinks, after a day of finding very Disney birds nests, so she met up with Double B at The Electric Theatre for a tipple and tapas.

Mel…was out with her other close friends, for her birthday shindig and has chosen The Electric Theatre as he birthday haunt..and I was shattered from my day of traveling, meetings, the blog awards, more meeting, early morning trains, followed by a full day of work hungover…that I just wanted to have a bit of fun. Yes everything I do is glammy and delicious and an absolute blast…but there were good times, bad times, lonely times and happy times over the last 2 days. I wanted some fun, with the girls that I love…and we all need great chick friends…so I decided to head over to The Electric Theatre for about 40 cocktails and bouji table tapas.

The place was filled with life, glammy girls, friendships, a spray of old school yet modern charm, a table of the finest tinker sof tapas, banter, laughter, emotional moments and a glittery spray of the most delicious and multi coloured cocktails in all of the land.

‘Why does my drink look like it has a birds bush in it?’

‘Gimme some of that?’

‘I’ve known Mel for ages..’

‘As if you’ve just made me cry…’

‘Have you had a meatball…they’re spicy…’

‘I once tried to break up with a boy, so i told him that I had cheated on him twice with two dicks, and sucked all the dicks in all the land. It was just dicks, dicks, dicks, everywhere dicks in a line and he STILL DIDN’T LEAVE ME. Lol.’

‘Look at these bad boys..’ (A silver diamante show is raised.)

‘You should definitely give him sex..’

‘Why don’t you dress up for him?’

‘Are you going into town?’

(I definitely answered ‘Fairytale Blonds’ phone when Prince Jonny Called. Technically she did tell me to, so i committed to a ‘Hey Baby Boo’ and maybe offered him willy stuff, whilst pretending to be ‘Fairytale’…‘Chrissie, I know it’s you. Put Fairytale on…’ Now, I’ve talked to nearly all of their boyfriends dirty. Hurrah! 🙂 )

Mel looked so gorgeous and so happy to be in her swirl. I watched her all night and she’s beamed. It was a cocktail infused beam. But she was happy. I’m really close to Mel and once she likes you, you’re IN and she’ll hold you close to her heart.

Fairytale, Double B and I are immature and glamourous drunkards. We went for it and had the single most hilarious time in the world ever. Infact for the first time we got really open with one another…We’re open anyway, yet there are levels to friendships, as there are in love and last night, I cried a little and because I was so proud of how empowering and tough my chick friends are.

We are the warmest, most loving girls, but we are WARRIORS! We’re good time, money making machines! 🙂 We had the best night ever.

‘I’ve been through so much in my life that nothing can hurt me now.. and not because of anything other than the fact that i choose to be and remember the positive.’

Then as a lady named Tanya was telling me about her fondness of buff gents, I noticed a calm and quiet ‘Carol.’ I LIKED CAROL because she is the kind of lady who will NEVER say a bad word about anyone. She’s humble, she has a great time, but she’s quiet and observes everything, rather than commit to being a showman. (I’m a showman.) When she speaks, you listen because every thign she says is of so much worth.

Mel: Honestly Chrissie, i’ve known her for years…she’ll never say anything and then when she does…she’s ALWAYS FUCKING RIGHT. She told me she didn’t like that other guy and she never ever says a bad word about anyone.’

I love Carol because there’s a sexiness about her manner. Infact, I think i need to be less brash and more warm..as I keep meeting all these warm and delightful people..once was a vicar, who told me that it was his ffity year anniversary with his wife and he loves her just as much as he did when he first mether outside Woolworths when he was fifteen

He then told me that he MARRIED HER before they even had sex! 🙂

HAHAHA. I love that a Vicar told me about his sex life! Lol.

Last night was a blast, it was a much needed accidental swirl of magical and glamourous cocktailly, well wishes, bad boy heels, friendships, good times, laughter, new faces, memories, empowerment, tom foolery and…

‘FOURTEEN QUID FOR A FUCKING TAXI?’

Right, I have to dash, as I have a 3pm meeting to get ready for, but Ill tell you all about meeting Jack Parson’s in my next blog, as I travelled down to London for the UK Blog Awards,

I am being hailed as the UK’s Carrie Bradshaw & I’m loving it as if anything I want to make sure that all my work is strong, I’m doing something that i love, i’m making a living out of doing something that I love and that as I’m telling my story, I am empowering and inspiring every person i verbally touch.

Jack is currently being hailed as a ‘Young Richard Branson.’ I know! That’s not a shabby title..

But yeah…i’ll tell you all about my London times later…

 

 

 

 

Shooting Blanks…..

Hi, you darling beasts of life! I’ve had an amazing day, just ‘hokey cokeying’ to my own version of life, with a smile on my face and a giddiness in my heart. I haven’t got anything but soul today and boy does it feel good.

‘Double B’ finally got her first house today and ‘Fairytale Blond’ officially moved in with her Prince Jonny. Everyone’s falling in love right before my very eyes…I mean look at Mel and ‘Her Gary.‘ And ‘Firmonnell’ and Lynne with their ‘love at first sight’ marriages.

And then there’s me….

Well i’ll tell you, that my ‘swirl’ has made me feel GREAT. I’m excited to get my little kitty hands on what i will refer to as MINE 🙂 and keep my little kitty heart open. It’s weird because i’m sensual and bubbled over with sexuality by nature, yet soft by heart…so i’m gentle when it comes to the art of romance. I never understand it when people are incapable to just love or express love? I find it odd? As I’m the complete opposite. So, yeah.. I don’t have that problem…YIPPEEE and well my ‘swirl,‘ who makes me *BEAM* (WHAT A MAN) and  zooms me into light years of giddiness…doesn’t either. We can chat about anything, anytime and always. It’s easy. To me, in my life….that’s vital. He just has this remarkable ability to make me feel so happy and excited without trying.

But that’s not what this blog is about…

This blog is about filling in the blanks…You’re all asking me a bunch of questions that I can’t at all get through because they’re coming into my inbox, like little greedy hobbits on happy pills. I’ve been doing blog promo all morning and so I figured that I’d *jiggly* out the answers to all your questions, in one merry *shoot out.*

Let’s go…I’ll fill in the blanks

My favourite thing to snack on…….is always something savory over something super sweet. I’ll munch through a bag of crisps before i’d ever contemplate a choccie bar. But i’m known to enjoy a wasabi pea nibble and I always chew gum. All of the time. 

When I workout, .………I never workout. I hate working out. I should work out. I just don’t have it in me. I’m naturally active anyway and well it seems to burn the cocktails off. 😉 

The funniest piece of lingerie I own……….I adore themed outfits and I LOVE a bit of ‘dress up’ in the bedroom. It’s fun. It’s sexy. Yet, the funniest piece of lingerie I own, is a ribbon stringed, crotchless thong…THAT HAS A BOBBLY BUNNY TAIL SEWN ON IT. Lol. I haven’t worn it yet. But well, who knows when i might need to bunny hop onto a willy in a moment of passion? Why am I a tool???

My favourite type of music…..I love all music. I usually play what’s currently on the radio. I fancy a bit of motown, pop, hip hop…I love a bit of a singalong and a dance off on most occasions.

I definitely love…..DRINKING.

To unwind I………..always want a MASSAGE. GOD! They are my favourite. Give me one…and i’ll adore you. Unless you’re that horrid crazy Chinese woman in Camden who tried to kill me to pan pipe music with a smile on her face and a really boney elbow. You’re a bitch. 🙂 

Party or Chill?………………..CHILL. I love to feel relaxed. Yet I love a cocktail bar….and I’ll stay out and have a blast. But you’d never find me trailing around a club at 7am in the morning, praying for a kebab with my heels in my hand. I’d rather be waking up at that time and being spooned by a Knight in shining armour, who’s telling me to make him a brew.

The worst thing about me…………I can be an ego maniac…but i’m soft.

Best thing about me…….I’m playful. I’m positive. I’m funnier than you think. I love a laugh. 

Favourite Makeup……….Estee Lauder.

I also love……Surprises.

I don’t like.……..Bad manners

I do like.…….Luxury

This year….I’ll smash my career and stilleto stamp my mark in cyberland.

This year……..I hope to fall madly in love and have that other human feel the same way also. 

The most inaccurate statement ever made about me..……..Well…most of it’s true. But i’m a grown up now. Lol.

Ps/ Whatsapp from Mel..

‘You missed a good one for the blog today. I told Dipper that he looked like Mr Bean. He said he always gets called that and he can ALSO DO THE DANCE. LOL!!!!!!!’

 

But where will it land? ;)

Friday was AWESOME. I had the busiest week of business work this, business work that…There were make ups, break ups, good news, the end of struggles, winners, losers and re *pop ins* by our favourite ‘Gingerbell.’ I actually began Friday by sending ‘my swirl’  a morning message, which produced a reply that made my eyes smile…(HE IS AMAZING)…then as I was wondering around with a glammy skip in my step and a glint in my eye, I sort of bounced into  ‘Double D’ doing a cry, because his girlfriend whopped out the..

‘…we’re just going in different directions’ line. 🙁

I hugged him…and then made him make everyone a brew. Lol. (I’m shit like that. 🙂 )

Me: ‘Have you texted her and talked to her about it all? She could change her mind?’

Firmonnell: ‘Don’t text her. It’s good that you leave it, so she has chance to miss you.’

Yet away from that..it was really great to see the end of Friday approaching and simply *WHACK* on the radio, sing a long to some old school tunes and indulge in Wunna Land GIRL BANTER, with my favourite chick sidekicks, in all of the land.

I always tell you, that we’re all glamourous, all sassy, all DIFFERENT, all ages, yet we all seem to have the same DISTURBING sense of humour. I love a laugh. I am a laugh and when it all turns inappropriate with a…

‘You’re not gonna let him actually CUM IN you, are ya!!!’

We all armed up, got our giggle heels on and WENT FOR IT…and when we go for it…WE ARE AWFUL…because only WE FIND IT FUNNY…

(If you’re about to head to Church…I apologize for the rest of this blog…’)

Me: ‘Boys just don’t CUM IN YOU, you idiot. They’re more cautious these days…They don’t do it, unless they want to make a baby…’

‘They might assume you’re on something when you’re not and just go for it.’

(Dipper randomly walks down and finds himself thrown into our conversation….and with a…

‘The banter down here is AMAZING. I might need to drill a hole through my floor to see and hear you all! But yeah, it’s really hard to not CUM in a girl when you’re in the moment.’

Me: ‘Drill a hole in your floor. HAHAHA! That’s the perviest thing ever! As IF you want a perv cam, so you an just hear about us talk about sex…’

Gingerbell: ‘So what’s going on with you Chrissie? You’ve always got news…I’ve been really boring and sensible…I went to the Doctors and he asked if I was pregnant. Lol. A FUCKING CHANCE WOULD BE A FINE THING…lol.’

Dipper: ‘Yeah, I wanna hear it…I’m married I never get any…Lol.’

Fairytale Blond, *BLUSH/BLUSH/BLUSH*

Double B: ‘I DID TELL HIM THAT I WILL SUCK A DICK IF HE GETS ME MY…’

Firmonnell: ‘Ooh i’m excited! I have date night tonight! AND every week now I come onto Big D…’

(I love Firmonnell for that, as Big D…who is her husbands… expressed how it’d be nice for HER to ‘sass’ on up to HIM once in a while, instead of him coming on to her…She listened…she smiled…and every week she now hits forwardly on her man, without him initiating the ‘ooh’ and they get busy…the good old fashioned way. 😉  THAT IS HOT!)

Fairytale Blond then read a not so expressive text…and simply replied with an ..

‘ok.’

Hahahaha!

Then and because it was FRIDAY we took it upon ourselves to play a game. Previous games we’ve played have been called, ‘Bitch or Booked?’

Friday’s game was called…

‘Where will it LAND?’

Oh my LORD, the funniest time we have had in ages…We were literally crying in stitches, as we all decided to place bets on where any cum will land on a being who was about to have sex! DYING.

Me: Tits! £3 on Tits.

Gingerbell: £3 on tummy

Fairytale Blond *BLUSH*

Double B: Belly button There’s nothing like a belly button cum shot.’

People even WHATSAPPED IN with bets, as banter got that stupid! Lol

Mel: ‘FACE’

Prince Jonny: ‘Hair.’

Double D: My life savings on ALL IN.

Me: You don’t have any life savings????’

I mean who needs the fucking Grand National! Where will it land? A much better wager. Lol.

Then Gingerbell, who i’ve missed goes out of her way to mention that she would probably DO ANYTHING for £25,000, if it wasn’t Illegal. So we obviously got distracted and started giving her options…(Gingers are saucy.)

‘Would yooooooou….Take two…………..’

‘Would yooooooou……’

(Ill let you fill in the blanks. 🙂 We were far too disturbing on all sorts levels. It got so bad, we had to stop playing.But on the up, we obviously have very vivid imaginations. Hahah! It’s a plus. Honest!)

Double B, then decided to inform me that there’s some middle aged lady who can’t stop orgasming ALL OF THE TIME, because it’s an illness.

‘No, like literally…just can’t stop orgasming. I don’t mean needs sex all the time. I mean, she’ll be at the shop and just randomly start orgasming. Lol’

Then I enlightened the bunch by sharing my ‘no cum in mouth’ blowjob technique.

Double B: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

‘Me: ‘It’s the anticipation that terrifies me…I’m gonna cum….i’m gonna cum….i’m gonnna…*&$*”*’

Gingerbell: ‘It’s at the point where you just need to gulp! Don’t think. Just gulp.’

Me: Lol. Don’t be silly. I do that sly wanky off/ sucky thing, when they’ve ‘merried’ in our mouth, yet you sneakily let it run out the side of your mouth, without them noticing and pretend you’ve swallowed it. LOL.

That was Friday.

Today…I have lunch and cocktails.

I have THE BEST CHICK FRIENDS EVER. I mean, sometimes you just need a giggle, a banter, a bit of free chat in the name of utter humour, in order to keep you all ALIVE. It keeps you from going stale. Keeps the air around you juicy. AND makes you feel like you’re living instead of simply JUST existing.

The best thing about that banter…wasn’t the fact that we were being mucky for kicks…it was the LAUGHTER, the happiness, the magic, the atmosphere, the energy, the hilarity and the smiles on our faces as we threw our heads back in absolute fits of GIGGLES.

I have GREAT CHICK FRIENDS.