Prosecco, Mel & Sunstroke…

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Happy Sunshine. Gosh! It’s Bliss! As if we have an ENTIRE WEEK of blistering warmth, to celebrate our Yorkshire Summer. I don’t know why i’m so chipper about it because ‘sunny times’ are total ‘DANGER ZONE’ for me. The booty shorts come out, the hair flick gets bigger, the ‘sunnies’ get left on any or every bar table in town (i’m awful for saving sunglasses) and worst of all, I get EXTREMELY distracted by ‘good, good times.’ I’m REALLY gonna have to focus on getting work done, as ‘YOLO’ will get the better of me.

I need to pull myself together….AGAIN

I hung out with my good friend Mel on Friday evening, in the sun, over iced prosecco. She looked amazing. She looked really happy and I love that, because it’s contagious. I like to see her happy. She’s been through a lot.

It was so great to see her, because we’ve ended up being really close friends, which is good going to say we began our rapport by ‘BLANKING’ each other and maybe hitting the ‘dislike’ button on occasion. (I didn’t dislike her. I was terrified of her. She disliked me. 🙂 However, now, she’s one of my closest. I’ve EARNED my way into her heart..and if you know Mel, that takes some ******* doing. lol) 

Any time, your chick friend arrives early, (I was already at The Carlton, having a quick drink after work, with Jodie, Scott, KatyP, Golfer Jonny, Ginger Brad, Our Gav and a ‘boys night.’) But yes, sorry..anytime your chick friend arrives early, with an ice cold bucket and cheeky bottle of ‘ready to pour’ prosecco in her hand, You KNOW it’s noting but true love.

You don’t strut up towards Wunna Land, without a drink in your hand. It’s the rules…

I love a surprise appearance and with a strut and a ‘BEAM’ and a…

‘I’ve messaged you to say I was early and bought us prosecco…’

‘Shit, I didn’t see it.. Firmonnell’s fuming that I’m here. Haha. She hopes we have a shit time…’

…we shimmied over to our own little table and caught up on life, in the Yorkshire sunshine. I was honestly so happy to see her because I’ve missed her so much and sometimes, you don’t realize how much you miss someone, until you see them again… in the sunshine. Everything’s better in the sunshine.

(The last time I saw her I walked through her front door with a bunch of yellow tulips, before people had *dance offs* to Tina Turner tracks, as I sipped berried prosecco out of gold rimmed flutes and nibbled my favourite olives.) 

‘I got you your favourite olives…You love these.’

I’ve always say that this chapter of my life has caused me to be a rubbish friend…Well, no..I’ll take responsibility and say, I kinda chose to be a rubbish friend. I prioritized things differently, this year.

However, I’ve noticed that I’m never a rubbish friend to Mel. (Probably because she won’t have any of it. I respect her for that. Haha. She’s a real life trooper and I have a lot of love for her, simply because you don’t **** with Mel…EVER. She’s kind once she let’s you in…She’s fun, once she lets you in…)

I have loads of close chick friends, yet really different relationships with them all…We’re all close, but completely different girls…But I like that…What we have in common is GREAT SOULS..and hideous drinking habits.

Firmonnell and I can always be rubbish to each other, even though she’s never rubbishy to me, because we’re soulmates. Our souls entwine as one…to the point where she makes me think I only need her and not even a man in my life…Lol. (Real Talk. Aside from my family and KatyP, she’s probably the only person I speak to every single day.) 

Image result for carrie bradshaw quotes girlfriends are soulmates

*I’ve definitely only put the above paragraph up, so she doesn’t feel as **** for me hanging out with Mel. Haha*

Plus, she says she never reads the blog, because she ‘doesn’t have to read this **** as she knows me in real life…‘ Lol. Which I like, because now I can write whatever I want about her and she’ll never know, OR EVEN BETTER have to ADMIT, that she’s read it. 🙂 

Shush! I’m joking. I love her.

So, Mel and I chattered about life, our love lives to be honest. We’ve kinda had a hard time in love, because that’s the way Cupid wanted it to pan out. I don’t know why, we find it so hard to settle down, even suitors appear through the years and wish to ‘settle?’ I always think, I haven’t because i’m happy and I haven’t yet met the right man.

But we’re single, we’re alive, we’re independent women, with our own careers and children, making the best of what we have.

Then I don’t know what happened, but she started to talk to me and as she did, I started to feel dizzy. I started to feel sick? I felt really drunk. Like it *popped* out of nowhere. I’d only had two drinks before she arrived and I’d only had a glass of prosecco. I felt really woozy, to the point where I her face zoned out…and I just couldn’t even sit up for another second. Lol

‘I need the loo…’

So I rushed off and in the loo, and in the cubicle I felt really poorly. So poorly, I was sick. (I always do this when I’m with Mel. Not the last time, but the time before, I puked in her washing up bowl. Lol) 

I got back and I felt moderately better, but still woozy.

Me: ‘I’ve been sick.’

Mel: ‘What? You always do this with me. How much did you have before I got here?’

Me: ‘Nothing. Just two drinks.’

Mel: ‘We need chip butties…’

(You can tell we’re Northern. We don’t wear tights in winter and we always think comfort food solves all life issues.) 

So chip butties came, because Mel, is literally the Hostest with the Mostest.’ She’s sassy, but she’s really good at taking care of people. She’s nurturing…and THANK GOD, cos i’m awful at looking after adults. Lol. I’m also awful if people cry in front of me, because i never know what the appropriate call of duty is….other than ‘Do you need a wine?’

I couldn’t eat my chip butty…I need to eat more. Then ‘Boys Night’ kept coming up to me, a boy at a time and asking for hugs and love.

‘Why are you all hugging me on boys night? Why are you looking at me? Do boys night, at boys table. We’re doing girls night!! Lol’

‘We just want a hug. Why you being boring..?’

So, I hugged, felt ill, then Tanya (Mel’s Friend) came and I got my second wind! It came out of nowhere and I was back on form. We did another two ice buckets of prosecco and yeah, tipsy then happened.

But we were happy tipsy.

Life filled with laughter and chick tales. (And more hugs from ‘Boys Night.’ I’m honestly like a ‘stag do/boys night’ prop. If boys are out, on a boys night, they sight me and want me to join the party. A bit like Sheffield really. I’m back in Sheffield in a couple weeks.) 

Anyway, I thought I was drunk, hence why I was sick? Makes total sense. But it turns out, (according to my little Doctor Mum) that I had sunstroke. I’m a slow drinker. But I’m a good drinker, in the sense that you’ll never see me falling about. I can do three drinks. That’s not going to make me puke ever.

So please be careful in the sun, this week. I’ve been in direct sunlight, all day long, with no water sipping, absorbing those rays and with wine in my hand always. It’s not good for you, if you’re not careful.

Then yesterday it was the football. I didn’t watch it. But I counted our goals on the cheers, that I heard. I caught up with KatyP and Claire, Golfer Jonny and his mates…Then Little Sam and His Blond Buddy Bud of Banter, with JD joined us..

Blond Buddy Bud: ‘Whenever I go to Bigfellas, random boys come up to me in the loos and tell me they can feel their Gaydar.’

Me: ‘It cos you have cherubim hair.’

Blond Buddy Bud: ‘And I have shoes at home, that i’ve named *Fellas.*

Sam: ‘You should go around the bar, in your wet tshirt, stop guys, tell them you can feel your Gaydar & see how long it takes for you to get punched. Chrissie, can we selfie for my Snapchat.’

Golfer Jonny’s friend Barney had a birthday. He doesn’t look like a gin guy, but he ginned it all day and started singing Wham songs. I like Barney because he once told a guy he looked like someone off the ‘Guess Who’ game. (Lol)

Barney: ‘Does he have a beard? No! Does he have hair? No. It’s HANK off Guess Who!!’

He also stated Golfer Jonny’s jeans were so tight, it looked like his bottom was ‘chewing a toffee’ and went to a chick’s loo, during a DATE, sat on her toliet seat and SNAPPED IT IN HALF, with his arse, due to a strong descent. Haha. 

Long story short. Lots of drama then occurred. I didn’t get to selfie. I didn’t stay out of the sun. I got home safe and woke up fine, this lovely morning.

I’ve got a lot of work to do. A book to write. I think i have birthday drinks this afternoon. I’ve got the babies after school. I have an audition. They actually have an audition to film. I’m feeling really lucky. I’m still pretty single.. I need to concentrate on work. Firmonnell’s throwing a BBQ on Sunday. I’m loving every single INCH of being Mummy. The babies are my WORLD. I’m back on your telly shortly…and I think I still have sunstroke? How do I make it better?

All my love,

Chrissie x

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Kittens, Love Island & A Sexy Bit Of Adam Collard!

 

Morning! Morning! Happy Tuesday! God! Last night, at around 10pm, Ruby came into my room. She couldn’t sleep because she was too hot. I opened the window and she heard tiny ‘meowing.’ Then she screamed..

‘IT’S ROCCO..’

Remember we lost our kitten, on that really shocking Friday I had. It was filled with utter disaster..and I thought it would never end. Lol.

We both rush downstairs…Yet i have nothing on expect a yellow bra and knickers…Ruby is just in pants. We haven’t even thought to grab clothes or shoes, during our dash, because we wanted ‘Rocco’ so madly. Clothes didn’t feel like a priority.

At 10.10pm, last night, we ran outside, in the dark, half naked, in no shoes and finally got our kitten Rocco. back home, where he belongs. I wouldn’t have even cared if anyone saw me. My heart was just filled with a happy relief. Be it Kittens, friends or men…They always come back to Wunna Land. 😉

It was the most amazing experience. It filled us with utter joy. Rocco, is back in Wunna Land, and he is as happy as can be! He’s back to living it up!

Hurrah! Naked kitten saving all the way. It’s like being James Bond, but Asian, barefooted and in the nude. 

Away from that, i’ve been resting and working. I have some really great auditions coming up and some really great news. OK Magazine said that I’m tipped for the new series of ‘Celebs Go Dating’ because I said, I loved the show and was back on your  Reality TV Screens shortly.. They also stated that I was ‘coy’ about whether I would be finding love on the reality show. I enjoy being called ‘coy’ simply because i’ve been called a lot WORSE.

But I’m not gonna life. I do fancy a bit of ‘Celebs Go Dating.’ Yet, that isn’t the show that I’m on.

I’ve managed to meet up with KatyP for drinks. She’s lost her bank card and needs booze running through her system. I don’t know what we were talking about the other day, but something to do with how I hate horror movies and sausage dogs. (I never watch horror movies. I can’t stand feeling creeped out.) Weirdly, Julie & Golfer Jonny said that they watched some horror movie called ‘Carrie?’ Something like that anyway?

I was only half listening because Katy P and I were evil cackling about something far more entertaining…(like sex for money, who we’d like to have sex with once… and hobbit feet) but all that happened in the movie was some teenage girl called ‘Carrie’ goes in the shower, get’s her period, people start chucking tampons at her and shouting ‘plug it in?’ Eh? Then she kills everyone….

That’s not a horror movie. That’s just normal real life for a teen. She was just hormonal. Give the girl a break.

I’ve got a couple shoots to be doing and i’m so excited about the new bars and hotels that I am soon to be influencing. I’m also back in Sheffield towards to the end of the month, to revisit Kuckoo. (One of my favourite spots.) I’m actually doing, London, Leeds, Sheffield, York, Manchester, Nottingham, Spain & Newcastle. (Yet this time ‘on purpose’ and not because i just got off at the wrong stop.)

I’m feeling like the luckiest girl in the world.

A couple days ago, I was so lost. But just like that, I’m *popped* right back into action and it’s because I love what I do. I love working. I can’t be left to ‘rest’ unless my rest time is filled with love. I want to make something a bit special of myself…and there’s no shame in that. I know what i’m doing. 😉 (Yeah Baby!)

So watch me nooow!

Oh! I’ve been invited to ‘Da Marino’ in New York, to dine. I can’t remember if I told you that or not? But I have now.  It’s owned by the lovely Chris Noth, who plays ‘Big’ in ‘Sex and the City.’ They figured it was a good match, since a magazine did the ‘UK’s Carrie Bradshaw’ thing. (I know! What is my life!) And yes, again, i’m about to be back on your tv screens. I actually read an email this morning, confirming everything…and i’ve had to wait a really LOOOOOOOOONG time, for it to even almost air.

However, I’m a patient person. I’ve learnt lots in my time and you get what you’re meant to get, when you’re meant to get it. You don’t get what’s not for you. Everything happens at the right time. So I don’t rush anything, when it comes to work. When it comes to love, I’m open, but guarded. I wear my heart on my sleeve, yet these days control how I feel. But yes, be patient, in both love and work.

I mean in love, you can meet someone who’s perfect and if it’s not the right time, you won’t ‘magnet fix.

Yet, you shouldn’t be upset by that, simply because it’s not a bad thing.  Later down the road, be it weeks, months or years….the timing of it all could be much better…Life just needed you to meet earlier than ready…and they’ll always be a reason for that. That reason, you’ll find out.

I completely believe in that. You don’t meet anyone meaningful by accident.

Away from that, OH MY LORD, how HOT is flipping ADAM COLLARD! Jeepers! Peepers! That’s 109 Hail Mary’s from me. I’ll do time in Hell for him. I’m like GOSH! He’s the most attractive man my eyes have ever witnessed on the telly box, in AGES. If there’s a team. I’m on HIS!

HAHAHA! (Why am I such a perv?)

I mean, what girl wouldn’t want to wake up to a bit of Adam every morning! How is he that delicious!?! He’s like a chiseled piece of pie, that I just need to devour.

Even before Love Island aired last night, he was already my favourite. I tweeted it out because i’m waay ahead of my own loin game. Lol. But when he walked onto my TV Screen, he was UNREAL. Hotter than his Promo pictures! And that was it! I was sprung. I’m now hooked. Great casting! I’ll be addicted to Love Island for the rest of the Summer..

From the moment he sauntered into that Villa…That was it! I’m in absolute lust. (Which I always mistake for love. 😉 )

He’s 22 and looks like a grown ass man! What a GIFT!

Thank you Jesus!

But yes, I didn’t want to say it, but i’m delighted with Love Island. I’m already loving it, every little inch of it. I’m skipping the dull bits, I’m loving a bit of Dani Dyer & Jack. I actually like the Doctor. I come from a family of doctors, so I always have a soft spot for one. (Apart the Spanish one that I once dated who tried to *hump* me.) The funny thing is, that as soon as the girls find out he’s a Doctor, all of ‘magical’ sudden, he’ll seem more attractive. *Rolls Eyes.* 

I’m enjoying all the banter. But I’m LIVING for the half naked Adam Collard. Aren’t we all! Shower me in love potion much.

Happy ‘Collard’ Tuesday!

Chrissie x

 

Life, Drinks & Mexican Blow Jobs

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Happy Bank Holiday! Suns Out! Funs Out! Let’s get playing! (Can you tell i’m doing shit at this ‘staying in and not drinking when it’s sunny’ thing? But who cares? I had a chilled one yesterday and let’s face it, I’m hear to live with my full face on, not twiddle thumbs in a knitted cardy.) Its important that we stick to our strengths.

If you’re in LA! (And a lot of my closest friends are! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.) Hope you had an AMAZING ‘CINCO DE MAYO!’ Any excuse to enjoy a tipple, even if we do it in sombreros and celebrate the fact that I invented the ‘Mexican Blowjob.’ (You need to ‘back track’ blog for that information. But it’s totally flipping worth it.)

It’s basically, the art of giving someone a blow job…yet at the same time HUMMING the theme tune to the ‘Mexican Hat Dance.‘ And before you all get narky. I’m allowed to say this, because *many moons ago,* I had a Mexican Husband, and that’s when I decided to invent this treat…So THERE. I’m not a floozy. Just a great ‘at the time’ wife? Yay! Divorce!!!  Lol. (Good Save.)

If you’re weird and you don’t know the theme tune to the ‘Mexican Hat Dance‘ IS… Hit *Play* bitches now…  🙂 And yes…I did!

Okay, so i’ve been whining on about my love life for a bit now, and I do want you to know that it IS actually deliberate..and you’ll find out why shortly. However, our  Love lives, be you a girl or boy.. is such an important thing to us, isn’t it? Even if we play it down. I always find it strange when guys or even girls don’t have the time or ability to love. Maybe because i’m the opposite way. But I just couldn’t live a life with someone who was numb to emotion or FUN.

DON’T BE DULL. LIVE. BE FUN. HAVE A LAUGH. I MEAN I DON’T WHY PEOPLE TAKE THEMSELVES OR LIFE SO SERIOUSLY AT TIMES? RELAX. ENJOY IT. I’m someone who just KNOWS how to LIVE…and i’ll go to my grave happy because of it.

*Throws you a life line. Boomerangs you a chance*

Yesterday was super sunny, but I had a chill day kinda day, dedicated to family. I was in INSTA JAIL for the majority of the day and it was fine at first, until i got frustrated, sweaty and ran out of gin…then it wound me up. I’m going off gin. It doesn’t give me the gusto,t he spunk, the ‘Ooh laa’ that I need. Luckily, ‘Miss Murphy’ who I adore, (i’m starting to adore her madly,) sat with opposite me with a..

‘*Like* something and let me screenshot it.’

‘WHEN AM I OUT OF INSTA JAIL. Like i have shit to promote through the week!!’

‘ Miss. Murphy’ does PR for a living, in Leeds but our kids go to school together and what I adore about ‘The Murph’ is that I see her in snippets and when I do, I literally tell her everything, without her permission…sort of like she’s confession box. Whatever that is? 😉 My heart lights up when I see her, because I’ll either get to repent, or she’ll join in with the verbal Tom Foolery, without judgement.

Today, I want drinks and i’m certainly gonna get them. it’s me time. I’m choosing ‘The Carleton’ as my haunt…and well I’ll know everyone there, so I’ll only need to rock up with a smile and bump into EVERYONE. I’m sorted!

Life is great. It’s almost like i’m trying to pretend that.. NOT MUCH is going on, when A LOT of really serious stuff is occurring. I don’t know why i’m doing that?  Maybe i’m worried and I don’t like you to know that? Or maybe I just can’t believe my luck..and i’m absorbing it quietly? Or Maybe I just want you to think life can be easy? I dunno? Yet, it seems to be working. Haha.  So ‘whatevers.’ You’ll hear about it soon, so don’t worry. I’m really excited and like I always say, I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

THINGS ARE CHANGING. NEW PEOPLE ARE SHIMMINING IN..New opportunities are occurring…

(Hahaha. I can’t at all concentrate because ‘The Mexican Hat Dance’ song keeps playing on my laptop and I can’t turn it off. How do I make it stop? It’s putting me off!! Lol Plus, that Husband once through me across a restaurant by accident in LA..so he didn’t even deserve my treat. Don’t get all stressed. He picked me up when drunk and attempted a baby fling…but I FLEW ACROSS TABLES, because I’m light like that? 😉 I was in a tshirt that read ‘I break hearts on a daily basis’ I was 20 something, crying lol and then some other dude called ‘Mickey,’ who has now passed away, tried to comfort me in a strip club. Hahaha.) 

I’m really missing my girl bestie ‘Firmonnell’ right now. You need a good chick team, don’t you and she’s certainly one of THE BEST girls I know. In a world where you live your life publicly online, there’s actually always secrets and well… she certainly knows all mine. She’s the only person I tell EVERYTHING TO, honestly, without censor.

Me: ‘I don’t even know why he didn’t  evenlove me?’

Firmonnell: ‘It’s been done for a long time. It was good FOR the TIME…THAT time…but just move forward. He’s so dull.’

I kinda felt free…

The reason why I love a bit of ‘Firmonnell’ (who needs a better blog name) is because when I don’t tell her the truth, she sees right through me…Yet, she doesn’t make me feel bad for it. Lol.  I messaged her the other day, because I was feeling ‘needy af.’ I just needed advice…this is what she said…

Firmonnell: ‘Find someone who takes your breath away, who can look after you, who makes you laugh, who makes you shine and doesn’t hold you back.’

And from different sides of the city….that’s all I needed to hear. Two chicks, from two different walks of life, threw each other a life line, because they saw the world through the same eyes…

I’d love someone to take my breath away, yet I want them to be bantery and fun, at the same time. I love a ‘handsome’ cheeky chappy. One that can make fun of you, but love you madly. Lol. But to be honestly, i’m pretty happy, because I don’t have to really look…they’ll step forward. It’s what men do.

Anyway, i’m off for breakfast with my daughter, before I drop her off at her daddies…and tinkle down to a beer garden for Bank Holiday. I’m like it’s 9.17am? Is the pub open yet? Hahah.

But enjoy it. Do, DO LIVE!!

It’s Summer right! If you follow this blog religiously, you’ll know that I usually regard Summer time, as a season where people just ‘fling.’ They never seem to fall in love…they ‘crush’ and ‘fling’…as Winter is when the ‘coupling up’ happens., people are more lonely during that time and Christmas kinda fills hearts with merriment and all that jazz. Lol

This Summer is different, because this Summer i’ve grown into a woman. So as you’re drinking out of coconuts (because honestly how many more people can I see on my newsfeed, drinking out of coconuts this year. Last year it was the ‘flamingo/unicorn inflatable..’ Lol) I’m gonna find me some REAL FUN, that fun that LASTS a lifetime…

Chrissie x

Thank you for following my life…

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Kittens, Selfies, Success & Crotches….

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This time last year, on this day, the majority of people who found their way to CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM had Google Searched the word ‘CROTCHES.

Yes…you Googled ‘Crotches’ and Google, lead you to my diary. Lol. I thought I was so ‘Sex And The City’ but I was a gusset.

That was the top search of the day, that led traffic to Wunna Land.

Now, I’m not complaining, why would I, it’s great…I have a crotch and I love my crotch…BUT WHO THE HELL Googles the word ‘Crotches?’ 

It’s not big, it’s not clever (well some are 😉.)  It’s just not glamourous, is it? Nor is it normal. So, please let me save your soul. Please do not don’t let your stalky partner find it on your Google History.

Even ‘Wallabies’ or ‘Budget Porn’ is better than that!

I’d tell you what the last 4 things I Googled were, if they weren’t so embarrassing. Balls to it. I’ll tell you anyway….

The first TWO are my own name…and I’m not embarrassed about that. I’m ace! Plus, I don’t do it as often anymore. I don’t care as much. Today I cared because I needed to specifically check something. I’m healed.

Praise the Lord.

The next is the name of the boy that I fancy. (I think it’s normal. You may think it’s moderately stalky. He ma think it’s moderately stalky. But, you all do it. Shut up! Haha!) If someone likes you, they like ever bit of you…they take the good with the bad.

And the final thing on my Google Search History is the name of a TV show that I’m hoping to show up on…

Crotches…

Is not on my list….(Ruder things have been though.)

However, and of course, a year has passed and the NUMBER ONE words SEARCHED…and placed into Google to find CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM are…

 ‘CHRISSIE WUNNA.’

BOOM! SHAKE YA CROTCHES!

I’m done with that…

Today’s been great. Life is wonderful. I’m the luckiest girl in all the world. I say it all the time. But I mean it. I can’t believe how fortunate I feel. I’ve worked. I’ve selfied. I’ve sorted out my socials and I had two auditions for shows today. I have one tomorrow late afternoon.

Today’s went well …and either way, i just really enjoyed doing them. I LOVE AUDITIONING. I love blogging. And that’s now my life. I’m lucky that I get to do what I love.

If I could say anything and I hate advice giving….But I’m so passionate about this how living life thing, aren’t I!

To me, it’s important that you take the necessary risks to get to your ‘happy place.’ What’s the point to muddling along or feeling unfulfilled? So many people ‘slow paddle’ in the mundane. It’s dull.

Yeah, you might be scared. Yeah you might fail. But in the words of Will Smith…(who is every girl’s crush)…

’You’ve got to feel failure, more failure and more failure, to order to WIN IN THE END.’

Like they always say, ‘COMFORT ZONES’ are beautiful places..but NOTHING EVER GROWS THERE. It’s dead land.

But don’t panic. You’re gonna be fine. Especially, if you’re a guy. I think it’s a GIRLS WORLD right now…and that is gonna continue to GROW. It makes guys panic, as they’re under pressure to make sure they can support their families, love their wives, pay for the world and back, make their mark on the success ladder, grow old, but still look handsome. I guess, the same things as women go through…I take that back. It’s what all humans go through. We all feel pressure at times and we shouldn’t.

What happens, happens.

So make you dreams come true. You can do it. Everything you want to achieve… You CAN ACHIEVE IT. Someone, somewhere in the world has already managed to do it. You’ve got ONE LIFE, with a hopeful 100 years to do whatever you so wish.

People start everywhere. I mean GOD, Brad Pitt used to be the ‘Clucky Chicken’ Mascot that stood outside El Pollo Loco’ (which is like the US KFC.’) Jack Nicholson said he heard SIX HUNDRED ‘NO THANK YOU’S’ before he got his first ‘Yes.’

You’re never too old. You’re never too young. You’re ready when your ‘lion heart’ is juiced. And you’ve got to be ready, because if you’re not…you’re gonna get out ‘juiced’ by idiots like me. I’ll juice you all about. 🙂

YIPPPEEE!

But honestly,  Life will throw you a bone, when you show a bit of heart. Trust me. And then you’ll hear stories from all sorts of people, some you know personally, some you don’t.. who wish and wonder how you did it, how you did your version of ‘success’…and it’s simply because you at least TRIED..which was something they never dare do!

God. I’ve got all preachy. My pants probably have Oprah’s face printed on them, right now.

Anyway…

Today…I bumped into my old school friend Kate. She’s hilarious. She found me and hugged me from behind. I jumped with a silent…

‘WHO THE HELL IS TOUCHING ME. DON’T TOUCH ME!’ 🙂

We pissed ourselves laughing and then I kinda noticed that she was in pretty good ‘workout’ shape. She was all thin and buff and in gym wear, at the school pick up. I was in a fluffy white faux fur and knee high boots. We both actually went to that school, and are associated with children who school there now. We didn’t just kick it there for a laugh. (Just so you know. Lol)

Kate: ‘Time off…?’

Me: ‘You look amazing…’

Kate: ‘Yeah, all I do is go to the gym now. I look amazing. Eli’s falling to pieces, but HEY I LOOK FANTASTIC! LOL.’

(Eli, is her son. I love Kate. You can always count on banter and her loyalty when you need it most!)

Anyway…

Thank you for all my SCREENSAVERS SHOTS! The competition went well…And as I said, all of those who sent me a SCREENSHOT will receive a personalised pic from me…as a THANK YOU. (I’m a little concerned that you’re just looking at the pictures and not reading the WORDS. Lol)

I said, that I’d announce a WINNER picked at RANDOM, by a Wunna Land…and that winner will not only receive a personalised picture from me this weekend, but will also receive a VIDEO MESSAGE….(One person has already been contacted in regards to winning a video message for being the FIRST PERSON to send in a ‘Wunna is my Screen saver’ screenshot. I can’t believe how well that competiton actually went. Lol)

But yes, the winner of the Video Message sent in THIS screensaver…

AND we like him because he follows me on everything, reads this blog daily….and comments on EVERYTHING. You deserve a video message. That’s what I want, I need the word spreading…

So well done! And thank you to everyone who made me their screen saver…I loaded a bunch of them up on my ‘socials’….You’ll all get  personalised pics, this weekend.

Therefore, as I rest and curl up with my kitten ‘Rocco….’

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I’ll wish you the most wonderful evening and I’ll fill it with ‘winks’ and love.

Thank you so much for peeking in my diary…

All my heart…

Chrissie x

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Flat Caps, Prosecco & What I Think About Love

I’m totally sat in a quiet bar filled with gentlemen in tweed flat caps and it’s amazing. You know you’re in full blown Yorkshire when that happens and you know that the ‘flat caps’ aren’t bothered about Wunna Land. They just get to tending to their simple, happy, daily routine….Oriental girls who take selfies in dressing rooms, don’t matter, unless she’s buying them an afternoon..

‘Pint of Johns, please..’

I’ve been thinking about love recently. Probably because I’ve been chatting to all my friends, be they near or far… and most of them have chosen a really different existence to mine. I adore that. I love it when people own THEIR VERSION of life.

Everyone’s starting new chapters or relighting old ones, shaking off baggage, for more suited loves and no ones seems to be going ‘solo.’ Everyone seems all loved up. It’s everywhere. It’s everywhere I look…and yes, i think it’s wonderful…BUT…

I’M JEALOUS.

(Bad way to be…)

I love, love…but here I am, sat amongst the ‘flat caps’..in a corner on my laptop…alone…with my prosecco. I’m happy…I am. Who wouldn’t be with a morning prosecco? 😉 But GOSH, i’m ready for a bit of ‘cosy,’ dream come true, perfect kinda love now. I’m 37. Whop on that piece of armour, jump on that stallion and hurry yourself to Wunna Land.

Guy friend Fox: ‘You chose a different kind of life…and well you’re just too picky..’

Me: ‘You probably shouldn’t refer to yourself as not THAT picky when you’re just got engaged. lol’

Chick Friend Tess: ‘You’re picky…I think you’re picky. But I guess…’

Me: ‘No, but obviously I get a lot of love from my socials…but that’s not real…and well, whenever I like someone…they never like me back. Or if I do, we date and then something goes wrong…’

Guy Friend Fox: ‘Do you fancy someone now…?’

Me: ‘Yes…’

Guy Friend Fox: ‘Would they know that….?’

Me: ‘Yes…’

Chick Friend Tess: ‘Then what’s the problem…’

Me: ‘ No problem…I love that you’ve assumed that he must obviously adore me…’

Chick Friend Tess: ‘He must, or he’s blind, his bits don’t work or he has no sense of humour…’

(Lol…You can always count on your girls to make you feel mighty!) 

I kinda like ‘Firmonnell’ more, because she’ll tell it to me straight with a…

‘Cry me a river and all that, Now shut ya face and crack on.’

Yet is exceedingly supportive in all that I do. All of the girls are, Double B, Fairytale, Hustle, Mel, Lady Shizzle…the lot….

But back to lurve…

To me, there are three stages to love (and i’ve nicked this off Ellen Degeneres, my girl crush, who is happily married) …there is ‘HAPPY,’ followed by ‘LOVE...,’ followed by ‘COMPLETION.’

What stage are you at?

We’ve all been happy, we’ve all been in love….yet i’m at a stage where i kinda fancy being someones ‘completion…‘ I fancy that. Doesn’t everyone…? But isn’t that saying we can’t be happy or ‘complete’ by ourselves?

Wait, i’m being ‘negatory.’

We all want different things. We all have a different’ version of ‘completion.’ It’s such a lovely phase. I definitely don’t want to be 72, alone…with all my cats…and no company..and that’s coming from one of the most independent girls, who LOVES HER OWN company.

I’m one to just happily wait around, doing life merrily, making a name, making some money, loving my kids…under the conception that fate will simply throw ‘my hero’ at me… he’ll ‘roddle‘ up from his fall, look toward me and think..

‘AAAAH BLISS. COMPLETION. The only girl I could ever share my entire life with!’

Guy friend Fox: ‘I love how you’ve just read out ‘someone’ like it can be anyone….’

Me: ‘SHUT UP LOL. I’m writing my blog! Get me a drink..’

Chick friend: ‘Do CAREER FIRST Wunna… You could’ve been a star right now, if you didn’t waste previous time on dickheads from 2000 and something past. Total planks. You’ve never been treated well enough.’

Me: ‘Get me a drink.. Ooh, my agent’s Whatsapped me.. And shush, I AM DOING CAREER. I’m loving career. *&&*&*****$£$!!’

Away from all that. I’m excited about life. More good work news came today and I’ve just signed up to THREE MORE collabo’s which you don’t have to worry about, because you will know when WUNNA LAND has shimmied into their world. I also have two more auditions. Good ones….

I currently have my

‘MAKE WUNNA YOUR SCREENSAVER..’

..competition going on. Mainly on my Facebook fanpage. You save me as your phone or laptop screensaver…inbox me the shot and you will recieve a personally photographed and signed photo from me…to you…that no one else will have…

IF YOUR SCREENSAVER MAKES TOMORROWS BLOG…

You will also WIN a VIDEO MESSAGE FROM ME.

I’m loving all the screensavers that are coming in! They’re great and i’m rubbish at running comps and being able to deal with it all. But i want to interact with you all more and bring you into my world. My diary. This diary.

I’m getting lots of SOCIAL LOVE. It is so hard to keep up with all the replying, but i’m trying my best and only replying to my ‘comments’ or any current screensaver inbox pics.

Replying is so difficult when it comes in MASS LOADS, cos part of me can’t find the time…without being on my phone all day…yet that is kinda my job. …so what am I moaning about? Then I don’t want anyone to feel ‘left out,’ so I don’t want to only reply to some and not them all…It’s all very tragic. Lol…

Kinda makes me need prosecco.

But I appreciate the love…

Here are some of the pics you’ve missed, if you haven’t been following my Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter or Instagram…

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One of my good guy friends, who plays,..’London Business Man‘ in this merry little blog, is currently messaging me and giving me a lecture on ‘nudity.’ Followed with a..

‘Listen, I think you look mind blowing. You know that.I completely fancy you.  So I’m not judging you…but…/Don’t even give me the, i’ve got a jumper on line…’

I don’t need a lecture. I’m a grown up. I think my pics are great. I wave the flag for womanhood and for women being MORE CONFIDENT, in ANY WAY WE CHOOSE….And technically, if you can’t see a jumper, then SIR, you are simply BLIND.

LECTURE OVER.

FYI/ Dear any future friends or  ‘Completions…’ You have to be okay with Wunna Land, or I will rebel and not like you.

Hurrah!

Happy Tuesday!

Chrissie! x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Flowers, Fun & Let’s Show Our Gussets

It’s just the most amazing time and I say amazing simply because for me, it’s a time where in which I realized how GREAT my 2017 has actually been. I realised how wonderful my friends and family are and how much i’ve appreciated them being there through the ‘ups’ the ‘downs’ and the jiggly bits of this year. They’ve been there through the fun. They’ve been through through the laughter. They’ve been there at the parties. They’ve been there through the drama.

We’ve watched each others hearts beam. We’ve watched each others hearts break. But no matter what, through the thick and thin of it all and we as humans kinda take  the ‘thick and thin of it all’ for granted…They’ve really been there for me. We’ve been there for each other, and without ANY condition.

I mean my friends and I are a sassy bunch of fuckers. It’s all hair tosses, work, prosecco bubbled ‘feel betters’ and the absolute BEST of good times. No one does ‘good times’ better than US.  There’s been tears, tangos and those occasional that salty pinches of drama. But we say how we feel and we say it well. Some of the bunch are really open, some of the bunch prefer to keep their secrets to themselves..Some cry…Some don’t……Yet we understand each so well…that no matter what we get it. It’s hard to find people who ‘get it,’ right?

So, incase you didn’t know, I’m headed into a new chapter right now. Infact, i’ve done it. I did on Friday. I’m feeling excited, a yeah…a little under pressure. I’m feeling as though i’m about to ‘cannon ball’ into the unknown, with everything crossed. If i needed support ever, I’d probably need it now.

(PLEASE FEEL FREE TO THROW IT AT ME. And RUM, THROW RUM.)

It’s a really important time for me to ‘sass it up,’get my business head on, move forward confidentially and do it power heels. Yet, being i’m Miss Wunna, (i’m a glamour puss, i’m gentle) I’m not one to override deliciousness, when it comes to me, in the form of friendship, love and surprises…

Before I started power strutting…I stopped to smell the roses, appreciate those that I care about and let them appreciate ME!! J It’s something i’m actually not good at, believe it or. 😉 I’m a giver, not a taker and they say you’re either one or the other?

Friday was WONDERFUL. I held it all together. I got through  my work morning. (All I did was sit in a giant black faux fur, and do nothing, whilst I bantered with the girls and demanded that we drink prosecco at some point, even if it was in plastic cups and EVEN IF, ‘Lady Shizzle’ had not been able to show up because she had managed to guzzle so much red wine that she dashed for the last train home, missed her step whilst stepping onto the last train home and FELL DOWN the side of the train. Yes in the ‘mind the gap’ crack. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Nothing made me wee myself MORE. I was delighted by the glamour of that story. It was BRILLIANT. I loved it.

Fairytale tried to tell me the story, with her angelically serious ‘fairytale’ face, but I just couldn’t stop uncontrollably PISSING MYSELF, that it just turned into hilarity. It’s just brilliant.)

Me: ‘Honestly. Lol. Never in my entire life, when I have been THAT pissed and had to catch a train, have I ever missed stepping ONTO the ACTUAL train and fallen down the crack. Hahahahaah. It’s IMPOSSIBLE! It’s hilarious. I love it!’

(I might have been sick on a train and pretended I didn’t do it…But I’ve always managed the ‘step onto’ quite well. Probably because I know, i’m one step closer to home. One step closer to safety. Lol)

But yes, the day was filled with laughter, girl banter, occasional sad faces and then I noticed Fairytale and Firmonnell disappear and leave me with Beth. ..who was smearing some kind of moisturiser around her face.

Beth: ‘You’ve made me ill.’

Me: ‘Yeah I know.’

Beth: ‘Do I look like a reindeer?’

Me: ‘Where’ve they gone?’

However, lunch was had, sore lips were made fresher, cheeks were bronzed and then I again wanted Prosecco. Firmonnell bought me lunch. I’m a veggie now because ‘Hustle’ forced it upon me, so I winked at a 3 Bean Salad. It didn’t wink back, but i had it anyway. 😉 Yet, I LOVED that she bought my lunch. It weirdly made me feel super special. It the simple things, I tells ya!

I decided to do some work, which consisted of scrolling through my Instagram page Lol, still in my giant black faur fur, whilst swinging on an orange swizzle chair..then all of a sudden I hear a,

‘Chrissie?’

My eyes literally dart up…. and like I’ve won the lottery, I started screeching..

‘Yeah! That’s me! THAT’S  ME!!!’

And there they were…..The perfect delivery human, with the most PERFECTLY, GRAND DISPLAY , OF THE MOST GLAMOUROUSLY GIANT, PINK BOUQUET OF FLOWERS!

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It was like a dream! I squeaked!!!

There’s always this ‘little girl’ in me, that is delighted by goodness, treats and surprises.

Flowers came, selfies happened…

Me: ‘I’m not in the right lighting!!!’

Then as the day went on, after a mosey outside, a couple hours later….I strutted back in with a..

‘I’m off upstairs. I need a wee…’

But I looked at ‘Fairytales’ face, she had some ‘Cheshire cat’ grin on…’Dipper’ was sat next to her, looking like nothing was happening…and then I looked at ‘Firmonnell’ for confirmation…who kinda looked expressionless. I actually thought that nothing had gone during my absence…I took two steps forward and…

I SQUEAKED!!!

A corner that should be dedicated to work had been filled with love….There was pink champagne, my favourite cocktails in a can, cards galore, my flowers….a glass that read ‘You Gorgeous Thing You’ and the BEST PART was one of those LIGHT UP BOARDS…Y’know…the ones that you can buy that read like a cinema headline…and it simply read…

‘GOOD LUCK WNNA.’

Firmonnell had to spell ‘WUNNA’ without the ‘U’…. because there was only one ‘U’ in the packet. HAHAHAHA

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IT WAS MY FAVOURITE.

I was just over the moon. It was SO thoughtful. It made me feel WONDERFUL!! It made me feel really cared for.

I just jollied about merrily, squeaking, whilst bursting out little ‘happy dance’ routines. I radiated happiness. Nothing else in the world mattered during that moment. I was on Cloud 9.

It was then when I realised how lucky I was. I’m really lucky.

The moment was followed by heartfelt Whatsapp messages from other close friends and all the love and support that a ‘little girl’ like me could ever wished for.

Me: ‘If this is what happens during new chapters…I just want to do them EVERY DAY!’

We drank, we laughed, we bantered and as people trickled away they hugged me ‘good luck.’

Then…like the day hadn’t been magnificent enough…I checked my email inbox and someone who has throughout the year, tinkered in Wunna Land, with his bad ‘Grandad’ jokes, yet with smiles that would suggest he was the happiest human on Earth, sent me a gift…

And that gift was ‘wisdom’…via the fine art of poetry.

I love a good poem and I adore any form of motivation….

So he did just that….I’ll quote you a bit…

‘Success is failure turned inside out,

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close YOU are,

It may be near when it seems Afar,

So stick to the fight when you’re Hardest Hit,

It’s when things seem worse that YOU MUST NOT QUIT..’

 

It was followed by a phone call..

‘Is Chrissie there…Put her on…’

He was on the other end of the line and even though he’s cheeky and will whip you a truck load of really bad jokes….there are moment where in which I couldn’t feel more inspired. You feel inspired when you need to feel inspired right? Plus, I always respect those who have been on this merry Earth a tad bit longer than I….Well he’s sixty soon…so a TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD bit longer longer. Lol

But the last thing he said to me was..

‘I want you to go out there and KILL IT CHRISSIE. Go out there, take what’s yours, grab it around the neck and wring it.  I believe you can do it and you know you can do it. It’s yours for the taking….KILL IT…because you CAN.’

Then the glamour puss officially left the building, after ‘thank you’ phone calls and casually turned out lights.

‘Have you locked the back door?’

I’d pretty much checked in and checked out with everyone….Well…aside from Mel…I never really got time to ‘shimmie’ a ‘good luck’ with her… However, luckily, I looked down at my phone and with a…

Mel: ‘What time are you done? Do you wanna do drinks at The Carleton…’

Me: ‘Yeah, definitely. I’m en route now…’

Mel : ‘I’ll be there 5.45pm.’

I met her at the bar and we drank wine, in the corner of a cosy, yet busy pub..It was filled with bustle and what looked like ‘Christmas Parties.’ Ladies were giddy with excitement for a night on the razzle and the guys had sauntered in for quiet drinks at the bar. It felt really good, as everyone looked as though they were having the most wonderful time. Be the young. Be the old. They were happy.

We chatted the whole entire night. We talked over the present, we talked about the future, we recreated the past….I compared a relationship to a game of ‘pass the parcel..’

Me: ‘I dunno? Right now, it kinda looks like a game of pass the parcel… a boring one, where no one opens a prize and there’s absolutely no music….Like you’re just passing the parcel… to keep it going…for the sake of…’

More large wines were drank, she encountered new fun with old friends, I met new faces and we laughed about our lives, we chatted about our love lives and we talked ‘danger’ and how much we decided we liked it?

So much vino was delightfully sipped, that we ended up having to LEAVE OUR CARS and get a lift home.

In that moment, ‘good times’ with a great friend mattered MORE THAN curfews and being angels.

It ended up being one of those REALLY GREAT NIGHTS.  A night i’ll always remember. It sailed me into a morning of New Chapter’ slighty hungover…yet filled with support.

Saturday morning, I spent shopping and then lunching with Baby Ruby, who now thinks she’s a superstar.

Rubes: ‘I don’t want to get my hair washed in the bath anymore. I just want to go to the hairdressers all the time because she pampers me and massages my shoulders, when i’m stressed.’

Me: ‘Your hair looks cute…’

Rubes: ‘DON’T TOUCH IT MUM!!!! IT’S IN A STYLE!!’

Snapchat Message from Pete (Her Daddy) : ‘Awww, her hair really suits her like that!!!’

Reply: ‘Good Luck…She now only wants it done at the hairdressers and says she’s never taking her plaits out EVER.’

Pete adores Ruby with all of his soul. We both do. Yet, he loves a ‘Diva.’ I AM a ‘diva’ so with Ruby, it’s kinda like having my OWN personality, ‘personality’ back at me….It’s wonderful and creepy all at the same time.

Then I  taught her ‘shoulder rolls’ (in public) which to me is the ONLY dance move you need to know, when it comes to the art of ‘being swag.’ It’s so versatile! Lol We literally stopped in the middle of a  shopping centre, dropped our bags and stood facing each other doing ‘shoulder rolls’ until she got it. J

Mum: ‘It’s moments when I watch to both do things like that, that I couldn’t love you both anymore. It almost had nothing to do with shoulder rolling and everything to do with your bond…your friendship and your absolute giddy love for one another..’

Tomorrow morning, I’ve got my London/Ronnie blog out and then my pretty little darlings, we begin my BIRTHDAY WEEK!

I’ve purchased, i’ve packed and i’m ready.

Tomorrow morning, I head to the depths of the Sherwood Pines Forest , to check into my luxury log cabin for the week, with the babies and the family! I couldn’t be MORE EXCITED. It isn’t actually my birthday until Tuesday, which is the 19th, so yeah it’s all about peace and tranquillity…But let’s face it, I’m a  good time gal, i’m having a birthday and i’m someone that refuses to play the ‘it’s just other day’ card.

To me, it’s the best day ever!!  So we’re gonna be having a fun and boozy, good old birthday time! You hate being a ‘Christmas Baby’ all year, until it’s Christmas…and your birthday! J

I hope you’re ALL HAVING THE MOST MARVELOUS FESTIVE SEASON. Please have fun. Even if you’re glum, please try and have fun. Don’t let life trickle through your hands. Take control of your time and make it yours. Celebrate it!

I mean, I received a card on Friday that read,

‘Then we must frolic, dance and maybe flash our gussets…’

And that’s all I want you to remember… Don’t be dull!

I’m in a new chapter…Let’s dance..

I’m in the forest tomorrow…TWO DAY BIRTHDAY COUNTDOWN.

 

Chrissie x

Friendship, Fights & The Backroom Leeds

Just the most amazing time in the city last night. I cherished, good times. No! Great times…with the people who I will always regard as my absolute closest . (Until I’m a superstar and never speak to them again. 😉 We’re like family and I’ve honestly had a great 2017 because of them.

I love the little swines and i’m really really lucky. I mean, not many people, in my position or way of life have a close bundle of friends, that the can trust and rely on. I do! We’re all really different from one another, yet each add a certain spice to the pot. If you have a problemo, a secret, a love….you’ll know which friend in the group to turn to…and in their own magical way, over cocktails, a cuddle, a whatsapp message, a warm dinner, a new set of heels, or a tissue….they’ll be right by your side, picking up the pieces.

I’m currently in Ego, Ackworth, sat infront of a huge mirror, with a half of Fosters, writing this blog….

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I adore a good mirror seat. One where it looks like I have my back to you, but I can see EVERYTHING.  My vanity gets the better of me. Yes. I’ll admit that. However, I also love the stories that mirrors tell. I’ve watched women with party hats and light up Christmas jumpers wander behind me. Business men. Families. Lone Rangers with quiet pints. Grown adults in weird Elf hats. Girls all a gossiping. And awkward humans on first dates. I love a mirror in the midst of a ‘busy bustle.’ It’s always so magical. Always so glamourous.

But anyway, last night I was out in the city…

As the story goes, the day turned to night. I had had a somewhat stressful day of ‘rushy.’ I HATE RUSHING. I’m a glamour puss. I do things in my own manner, with my own panache and at my own pacing. Not yesterday though. Fuck. I dashed to three cities, running errands, doing meetings, making sure Ruby & Junior were enjoying every inch of their Christmas holidays. I had a deadline. I needed to be ready. Then after the fastest totter, a warm bath, placing my phone on charge and a slip into my silver sequinned dress from the Kourtney Kardashian line for Pretty Little Thing….I dashed out the door, twinkled through the night sky, jumped in a taxi..

Driver: ‘I’m sure I’ve driven you around before. I remember your voice.’

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And Whatsapped ‘Double B’ with a…

‘I’m 3 mins away from yours…’

We drank wine out the bottle, all the way to ‘Firmonnells,’

Double B: ‘How many people do you reckon you’ve slept with?’

Me: ‘Why are they like cardboard cut outs?’

Double B: ‘They’re just Vanilla..’

(I once referred to one of my exes as ‘vanilla.’ He was in a boyband and I’d just come off a tv show for ITV2.  To this day he says I apparently broke his heart? However, surely if you say ‘I don’t want us to be together anymore Chrissie because I’m gay’ that would mean that no hearts were broken in the process. Well, maybe my heart? 😉

He said he loved me madly, yet never messaged me when we broke up because he didn’t know what to say. I just took that as ‘oh he doesn’t care’ and I was fine with that. You can’t MAKE someone love you. You can MAKE someone care about you. Yet ‘true love’ is a whole different potion. If they feel you in their spirit….they will always find their way back to you.

Yiddley Doooooooo!

Anyway, Double B and I apologized to the driver for making him listen to our sexy girl banter AAALLLLLL the way to ‘Firmonnells.’ Yet he assured us he LOVED IT.

Driver: ‘It’s made my night girls.’

We were joined by ‘Fairytale Blond’ and a bit of ‘Mama Sally.’ We did wee’s, drank prosecco, borrowed jackets, exchanged gold clutches and found ourselves on our way to Leeds city centre…our city….yet via THE SINGLE MOST AMAZING train station ever. I’ve never travelled from Garforth before. THEY SERVED BOTTLE PROSECCO, IN BOUJI PLASTIC CHAMPAGNE FLUTES, THROUGH A WINDOW ON THE ACTUAL PLATFORM!!! I know!!! It’s absolute BLISS! All you have to do is buy a bag of crisps with it (because you are only allowed booze with food) and you’re plain sailing and en route to Leeds, with a happy prosecco jiggle.

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With our drinks, in our dresses, with our heels in place and whilst the girls decided to MAKE FUN of my WONDERFUL peacock phone cover.

Double B: ‘What the fuck is that!!’

Firmonnell: ‘It’s fucking horrible.’

Me: ‘SHUT UP! The loveliest phone man gave it to me FOR FREE today, for a selfie, you dicks! I love it!!’

(It’s a golden peacock with diamante studs and multi coloured gems scattered throughout its tail. Lol I actually really do LOVE IT. They despise it and think it looks tacky, because they’re ‘haters’ and can’t handle my glamourisms. They even made a guy on the train tell me that he hated it too! Haha! What dicks)

Anyway within a second we pulled into Leeds, they’re all running like wild women to meet the rest of the group, and i’m trying to catch up, as i’m spilling my prosecco all over me and some guy in a hat with chatting to me about…can’t even remember really? If Santa was a chimney sweeper, it would be him. He was lovely!

Long story short. All met up at a train station bar…who wouldn’t let everyone in because they had reached capacity. It was THAT BUSY. The rest of the girls joined the group and the boys joined us also. Then through the busy city streets, we all walked up ‘hand in hand’ to Backroom Leeds, as ‘Firmonnell’ and I tried to decide if we were actually lesbians?

Me: ‘But I really DO fancy Ellen Degeneres.’

Firmonnell: ‘But what about when you need a penis in you after they’ve…’

The Backroom was great! It’s a small decadent, ‘speakeasy’ bar on Call Lane. Plays the best music. Has a private outdoor terrace. And we had the whole downstairs floor/bar, to ourselves, as our own. It was just for us, our whole group and that was that.

The night was AMAZING.

Slowly but surely, everyone we knew trickled in, piece by piece, a wink at time, the boys in shirts, the girls in short dresses and heels. We love to glam it up…so each ‘trickle’ was dressed to the nines, straight to the bar and with ‘good time’ glint in their eyes. It’s always great when it’s just us, because anything goes, no one will judge and we can all pretty much surrender to the art of celebrating life, the year and friendship….. in the most pissed fashion, forget to eat the yummiest finger food and with all the free drinks that our tokens will allow us.

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We danced, we flirted, we booty popped, we ‘dutty wined,’ we let loose, we turned wild, we snapchatted, we kissy cheeked, we all thought we were sexier than we probably were and we DRANK….we fucking DRANK! Hustle Barbie fell on the floor AGAIN…took ‘Fairytale’ and ‘Double B’ with her. Lol

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Hustle Barbie: ‘It’s my new thing.’

Cuddles and kisses and sequins and hip hop tracks.

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Mood lighting, shots, hair tosses and fresh air terraces.

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Gossips, lies, drama and whispers….

At one point i think my whole entire top fell down for a second, due my excessive booty dance routine. I have no booty, so I have to really work at the back shimmie. Caused boobies to fall out because my dress was too big…Nobody cared. They loved it.

Me: ‘What! It’s because i’m a VEGGIE NOW. I’ve lost weight, but it’s come off my FLIPPING BOOBS!’

Webbo & Jonsez & Dipper & New Boys! They were all really lucky, because we chicas has already hit ‘good time’ and wine bottles, so like props we used the boys for flirts and dance floor swizzles. Hot new faces kept appearing out of nowhere. I backed up and a hot face was behind me. I walked forward and another new hot face greeted me. I even got a cheeky bum grab. (I love a bum grab at 30 something. It’s naughty. It’s fun. It’s a good way to get me to notice you….and he was REALLY HOT. Super handsome.)

Lots of ‘Hollyoaks’ style drama occurred last night. It went from whisper to whisper, to confrontations, to verbal fights. It went from learnt lessons, to hearts breaking, to no judgements and personality clashes. It went from stories told, to secrets revealed and tests of friendships and truth telling.

‘You can sleep with who you want to sleep with. I don’t give a shit! Own it.’

‘Why is she blanking me. I haven’t done anything wrong.’

‘This is ridiculous!’

‘Yeah…I already knew that. We all did!’

‘I just love her and I don’t stand a fucking chance.’

‘Just stay away from me. Don’t come near me. What do you think you’re…’

‘Who told you that??’

‘You need to man up…’

‘You else do you fancy?’

‘He’s done now…’

‘I’m leaving. This is fucked up.’

‘If she comes up to me again, whilst i’m trying to talk to you…I’m gonna..’

‘Don’t judge people on shit…Whocares..’

‘I can’t deal with this. Do you want a shot?’

‘She won’t even speak to me now.’

‘I don’t care what you’ve done…’

‘You’re beautiful. Am I stalking you?’

‘This is the last time i’ve ever going to get to dance with you…’

‘You’re new. You’re hot. Are you on Insta?’

‘Who does she think she is!!!’

‘How is this ALL MY FUCKING FAULT.’

[Echo….Echo…Echo….Echo….]

*STOP*

And even though all of the snippets above occurred, this is what I noticed…I noticed that  every single one of us were close. That every single one of us chose to prioritise ‘good times’ over drama. We danced, we laughed, we gave zero fucks. I noticed that in the end, enjoying our friendships with each other, is what we chose to make matter…and THAT is what makes us a family. (Moderately dysfunctional…but s….we’re fly. 😉 )

The clock struck 3am. Time flew by us. We didn’t even realise how fast it has flown!

‘AS IF IT’S 3AM!!! WTF!’

‘Don’t leave…come back..’

‘Come to Fibre with me…’

‘Get in my Uber.’

‘Don’t leave me..’

I had stayed in the private section at Backroom ALL NIGHT, so I didn’t actually realise how busy the place has got upstairs. I walked up to the open air terrace holding Double B’s hand…and it was RAMMED. It was MENTAL.

A guy stopped me with a,

‘Are you Chrissie Wooonaaa?’

‘Yeah…yeah…why?’

‘Do you remember me…?’

‘Jake?’

(I didn’t know if it was Jake… 🙂 )

Yet the crowd took us into different directions and as I sat on the terrace, chatting to ‘Double B,’ under the night stars…(I’m doing a lot of the night stars of recent, aren’t I..)

I watched Jonesez look at me, with all the heartbreak of the world in his eyes…as he stood up off, from the side of the terrace and walked away slowly, with his head all a muddle….

It snowed today…which means there’s magic in the air….

All I know about life is that there are MORE UPS, than there are downs. More GOOD TIMES, than there are bad. And that ANYTHING can happen in a moments wink of an eye….Dreams come true. Life is only has hard as you make it.

It’s the ones of us who can ‘surf that crest.’ The ones of us who stand by what we love and believe is right, for OUR OWN VERSION of existence that get the most out of the world and what’s on offer.

I’ll remember these people for the rest of my life….

Image may contain: 7 people, people smiling, people standing and indoor

In FIVE DAYS….FOR ME…..

EVERYTHING CHANGES…..

Chrissie x

 

When Hustle Had A Birthday…..

So, I’ve been doing a lot of ‘living’ over the past few days and I guess when you’re a blogger, with a niche that celebrates life, love, glamour pussing and good times…you  kinda find yourself naturally, well…. celebrating life, love, glamour pussing and good times and as your schedule ‘jazzes’ up…your friends, family, agents and brand collabos, rev into ‘first gear’ and you only have tiny bits of ‘free time,’ where you can actually hit*pause,* pour a merlot and write it all out, for the masses to enjoy!

It’s a shimmie that I need to conquer. But in exactly EIGHT DAYS, I’ll finally have that balance right!

*Swag Snaps Here*

I’m really happy, everything’s great. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I guess, I never realised how opportunity could *knock* at the sassy little age of thirty six. But it did, and I opened the door, with my heart and my fingers crossed….and well now…. I couldn’t be more excited for the future. Yet, the future is the future…what happens NOW, it what makes the magic.

Saturday began peacefully. I indulged and enjoyed Mama time with Ruby & Junior, where we wrote Santa Lists, during early Breakfasts, shopped around Christmas Markets, lunched, whilst we laughed at old memories, made new memories and wished upon stars… (I had Pina Coladas.)

Then all of a sudden day turned to night and just like magic I almost *blinked* and found myself in my grey Pretty Little Thing number, with huge diamante earrings dangling with excitement, my ‘big hair don’t care’ wink, hot bow toed heels and a faux fur clutch, as I sat at the bar at Ego, with a wine with a…

Bartender Josh: ‘Where’ve you been?? It’s my last shift tonight. You’ve missed all the drama…’

…as I waited for ‘Double B’ to meet me….so we could venture into Leeds City Centre to the most deliciously glamourous night of ‘girl fun,’ to celebrate ‘Hustle Barbie’s  ‘I’m turning 28’ Birthday.

Gangsta J (Double B’s Boyfriend) rolled up in their mean green diamante green Mercedes and as we drank wine from the bottle, picked ‘Fairytale Blond’ up on the way, we sizzled into Bar Soba on Merrion Street, Leeds… for bottomless supper….and absolute girl merriment.

We were there first, we sat down, got situated, ordered drinks…and then before you know it the rest of the girls filtered in, all dresses, all pouty lipped, all ready for a ‘good time’….and at this point sophistication glistening from our souls.

Now, we’re all glamourous, we’re all social, we all know how to have a good time and we were ALL ready for an evening naughtiness. I met new girls, who have shimmied on the birthday girls ‘best friend list’ for a jolly long time.

Then  ‘Hustle Barbie’ struts in, in her fitted black dress, already drunk. J (I love it when she’s pissed, because you can see it in her eyes…She does a glammy ‘rag doll’ strut and gives  over friendly hugs, like she’s loved you forever.) And from that point, life, love, glamour pussing and celebrations stole our memories. Bottomless prosecco and apple& ginger mojitos stole our grace….Lord knows what we even ordered for dinner? It was served to us beautifully, like a platter of warm delights, during topics on work, boob jobs and  boys….

Double B and Sassy A tried to order ‘Hustle’ some kind of sparkly dessert.

Waiter: ‘We only have ice cream..and she’s vegan, so darling, she can’t have MILK.’

Double B: ‘Well what else do you have??’

Waiter: A £40 cocktail that we can out a sparkler in?’

Double B & Fairytale: ‘We’re not fucking spending that on her…We’ll just *high five* her instead. Lol’

I missed that moment. I didn’t even know it had happened until the day after, as ‘Hustle Barbie’ and I had already found ourselves at the bar, ordering shots for the world…

Bartender: ‘Well you can have those two for free…’

Me: But we need TWENTY!!’

Then with a…

‘Is that contactless’

..later….

Selfies were taken, shots were swizzled,  hand bags were grabbed and we all tottered down dark lit stairs to dance, drink and be merry.

(All I remember is ‘Fairytale’ constantly asking for chewing gum, some random guy buying me a cheap bottle of prosecco, Double B making me ‘almost cry’ and then us all venturing outside, to sit at the bar tables, under the night stars, as the city cobbles filled with other ‘merrimenters’ on a busy Saturday, Leeds night. It was DIVINE. Yet we were all a little ‘shimmied’ that fun turned into MADNESS.)

Hustle Barbie found a random bike on the pavement….and in her glamour pussy, tight black dress glory (she accidentally had part of her nipple out) decided that she needed to sit on it…

OFCOURSE!

So she stepped forward, COMPLETELY MISSED THE BIKE and FELL ON HER ARSE, ON THE MERRION STREET OUTSIDE BAR SOBA.  🙂

I just remember looking to my left, (I was sat with Fairytale, Double B & Chanel Bag Becki and seeing a huddle of glamourous chicks attempting to pick her up.

[The next morning…

Hustle Barbie: ‘Did I fall over, cos I have a burn mark down my leg? It looks like leopard print.’

You know you’re glamour puss, when your bruises are leopard print.

Then that was it…

Becki Green: ‘We need to take her to hospital…’

Chanel B: ‘I’ve whipped it back and forth now. I NEED to make sure EVERYONE has a GOOD TIME!’

Georgie G: ‘Ewww! Who’s put that shot infront of me????’

Double B: ‘Tuck your nipple back in…’

Hustle: ‘ I have tit tape on…’

Double B: ‘It’s making them look stain glassed. You have a stained glassed nipple.’

Georgie G: ‘We need to get her home!’

Fairytale: ‘I need to fix my face. NOW!! I need to go to Manahatta?’

Becki Green: ‘No, I’m taking her to hospital.’

Me: ‘Shall we just go get a drink in Manahatta first? We can do hospital afterward.’

Green Dress B: ‘Yeah, lets go…’

Sassy A: Who’s bag is this?’

Chanel B: ‘That’s MY CHANEL! I’ll have that BACK, thank you very much.’

Me: ‘I’m Snapchatting…’

Then with a *blink,*  we were ALL in Manahatta, which seemed like the BUSIEST PLACE… IN ALL OF THE GLAMOUROUS LAND. The bar was filled with stylish handsomes, great music, sassy girls and saxophone players stood on bar tops, as an energy of lively spirit buzzed through the crowds. People wiggled and winked their way through the masses, as the trendy Leeds boys checked out the talent and the girls pouted their struts with ‘serilla.’

A magical swirl of ‘glitter filled’ mood lighting, swoosh around us, as sexiness and laughter dashed by us and cocktail glasses *clinked* madly. Hustle was falling around at the bar. (Some Lady called us ‘Slappers’ simply because Hustle got served before her.)

Chanel B: ‘It’s not HER FAULT, if the bartender served her first. It’s her birthday!’

Evil Lady: ‘It’s my friends birthday too!! I’ve been waiting…’

Me: ‘It’s JUST REALLY BUSY, calm down…’

Evil Lady: ‘You’re just slappers…’

Me: ‘You’re the rudest person, I’ve…’

Chanel B: ‘Let’s move over there….’

Then the Evil Lady grabs Chanel B’s handbag chain…

Me: ‘DON’T GRAB HER CHANEL!!!!’

Then we moved to a better part of the venue, with ‘served first’ drinks, that  plonked us higher up and looked over the masses. This was after I found Hustle sat on the floor, looking for her bank card, after she forgot where she put her drink, so picked up a candle THINKING THAT IT WAS HER COCKTAIL. Yes…She tried to drink out of the candle. 🙂

The music got louder, Green Dress Becki, started sitting on anything that would allow her to perch, whilst performing ‘can can’ kicks to Kylie songs. She performed her kicks so well, that she didn’t realise that her perch of choice was the side of a booth, occupied by somewhat stylish guys, on ‘boys night.’ Mid ‘can can’…and conversation, I looked back and had disappeared backwards. Lol. I looked again, with my gin and tonic…and she had landed head first into the boys booth…this was after she had tinkered to some other booth, that housed Double B’s old PE teacher, drank his entire pint and left. 🙂

There was girl time, dancing, Fairytale was pulling up her tights, Georgie G was civilized and making sure Hustle wasn’t on the floor, Double B had committed to being ‘gangsta’ and after standing on the booth shouting lyrics that would suggest she was a ‘Girl Boss,’ a booty dance was performed in the name of life!

Hustle must’ve loved her ‘Booty Dance’ as she dropped herself from my neck…

Hustle: ‘Tell me that you love me Chrissie…’

And decided to ‘Twerk it’ with her. There was a Twerk Line. I saw a Twerk line. It was impressive. (As if I got ditched for a Twerk Line.)

Chanel B: ‘ SAVE YOURSELVES… Ooh wait. I love this song..’

Georgie G: ‘I need to get her in a taxi.’

Me: Are we stood in a really shit place, because everyone keeps shoving into us..??’

MADNESS HAD OCCURRED AND THE PLACE JUST GOT BUSIER AND BUSIER.

Hustle ended up on the floor again…but happily, like she loved it. Then Green Dress Becki, started licking everything…grabbed my faux fur clutch, emptied it’s contents onto our booth table and wore it on her head??? Lol.

THEN, she found a Pepper grinder. Who knows where from? GRINDED IT, INTO HER OPEN MOUTH and GROWLED.

Dancing, Dancing, Dancing.

Boys…Girls…Madness…

And even though it all sounds ‘off the rails,’ it was weirdly more glamourous than you would ever imagine….

Georgie G: ‘Honestly…I should get her home.’

Then like ‘Can Can’ kicks, falling into booths, licking things, wearing my  faux fur clutch and Pepper Shots, wasn’t enough of a show, Green Dress Becki decides she going to grab someone else’s hand bag….One of ours…I don’t know whose? Regardless, we were all SO in awe of ‘what would happen next’ that we sat in the booth, gleefully, with excited dolly eyes and anticipation…

I literally watched her in SLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOW MOTION, pick up some zebra stripped hand bag seductively… open it up, like she was a magician…or like there were diamonds hidden under that  zipper…and as she raaaaaised the bag toooowaaaards her face….(I just thought she was going to lick it…Lol) she flipping…

SNEEZED..

She sneezed into the fucking bag because the Pepper Grinder shot had got to her.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

We literally sat there and threw our head back with laughter It was the most hilarious moment of all time.

Then I don’t know what happened…But I’d *blinked* again and Fairytale, Double B and I were upstairs with gin and tonics, sitting in some VIP booth, talking to some guy, who owned some company, who wondered why we had decided to sit in his booth….but let us anyway…

Double B: ‘She’s a blogger…A big one…’

Long story short…we never saw the rest of the girls that night. They danced their way to a taxi….with Chanel bags, sneezes and stained glassed nipples galore.

Double B, Fairytale and I, ended up in some other bar, some other bar, and then on the LONGEST WALK IN HISTORY.

Fairytale: ‘Were getting picked up outside Bibis’

So we walked ALL THE WAY ACROSS TOWN. Right to the otherside, stopping in bars for toilet breaks, stopping for ‘hi’s’ with stranger…We passed Mission, that housed Zanetti that night….until we found our way to Bibis, via a tunnel….and a very strange man.

I’d sobered up by this point. Walks do that, don’t they? Lol And someone kept shouting things at me….I just can’t remember who or what?

Our legs must have killed,  because we made the executively glamourous decision to sit on the pavement outside Bibis waiting for our lift home….and as we talked life, love and real stories about our existence, a drunk ginger guy walked by us and tried to throw us some change because he thought we were homeless. 🙂

He couldn’t decide?

Our lift came…via Prince Jonny…and Double B TAAAAALLLLLLLLKED, ALL THE WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY HOME.

Got home, got to bed, woke up at 7am the next morning, fresh as a daisy and did *breaky breaky* breakfast with Baby Ruby & Junior.

Hustle almost burnt her house down.

And that my Dolls…is what life is about!

*Wiggle…Wink*

 

No Phone, New Chapters & Ace Friends

My phones busted. It’s finally gone kaput and weirdly it feels like bliss. I dropped my phone ages ago at Leeds train station. The screen smashed, but it still worked like a champ for 9 more months. Tried to use it yesterday. It had had enough and gracefully waved *bye bye* to Wunna Land with a ‘Yo Sister. I’m out.

Called EE. My new phone gets delivered to me tomorrow. Infact, let’s give EE a shout out, as whoever dealt with my phone drama was a dream…

‘I don’t know what’s wrong with it? It just keeps deciding not to work, but it IS saying *hello* to me in every different language. That’s about it though? I’m sorry. I know this is the last call you want to deal with at 8pm on a Monday.’

Found out he was 44, single, had been divorced two times and blond. People just like to tell me stuff. I’m weirdly comforting, because i’m not one of those ‘drama’ beings, one of those ‘drama’ calls. I’m chilled and charming….My new upgraded celly glides into Wunna Land tomorrow…and after a stressful two days, it has felt almost DIVINE, to not have my handset, glued to  my palm. It’s been BLISS.

I just need a break. A bit of fresh air. A chill. I need to be surrounded by good vibes constantly, so my soul is giggling with winks and laughter.  I’ve got a lot going on and I’m wanting to cut away from a stressy static, a fuzz, a world that i’m plonked in and change it up,  to a free gallop of love, life and ease.

I can’t wait until it’s the weekend. It couldn’t come quick enough.

I’m feeling fun. I’m always feeling fun. There’s a shimmie to my strut and a smile that beams a gentle warmth, yet a sassy streak that that strikes out when necessary.

Mum: ‘Chrissie. You woke up with a kitten on your head.’

Me: ‘What could be MORE glamour puss than THAT! Should I have another wine?’

I’m looking forward to the future. I have a really exciting New Year. A really exciting 2018. I’ll finally get to concentrate on what I love, without the mundane jiggle of any ‘have toooos.’ You have one big old life to live and it’s too short to toss it all off on feeling unfulfilled. Live it. People always become a slave to the things that don’t matter. Why do we do that? The things that make your eyes smile and your heart blaze, are the things that are filled with the ‘good stuff.’ They empower you with an energy that makes you unstoppable. Happiness is what life is about. I’m filled with it and there’s not one inch of fear running through my glitter veins. Why are people so scared of everything? Be it change, love, life, work….circumstance….

Fear is the only thing that prevents you from moving forward. I am SO TIRED of people BEING SCARED OF EVERYTHING. It’s so unattractive in both girls and guys. It couldn’t annoy me MORE. More people need to Man UP! You’ll feel great afterward. And I don’t mean, ‘Wow, lets bungee, this cliff to show how brave we are.’ I’m talking about the little things. The little things in life that people are always so frightened of!!! It’s the little things that matter and make a bigger version of YOU. MAN UP. Get on with it. Enjoy embracing what you actually believe in.

*Add a wink here.*

I turn thirty seven in just under a month. WTF!!! I know. (But whatever, I still got it. 😉 ) And even though turning thirty seven soon…isn’t plastered on my ‘favourite’ list. I seem pretty chipper? I’m happy. I’m really happy. I’m still the luckiest girl alive…I mean all the changes that happened to me this year and all the new opportunities and people that I have gotten so close to, has made it all perfect. The ‘Wunna Glow’ is rubbing off on folk and it’s awesome. My kids are BEAMING with Mama love, i’ve cocktailed lots and my dreams are pretty much coming true…It’s really  bizarre? (But i’m going with it… You’ve godda, right?)

I’ve done a lot in my life….Yet it feels like it’s only just beginning. I feel young. It’s ACE. But it’s not just the big things, like ‘hey, the world is reading your blog now’ that makes me smile…

Firmonnell bought me a surprise cappuccino today without me asking and more than anything t hat made me beam. I love her. (I’d definitely not be straight for Firmonnell and Ellen Degeneres.)

Which reminds me, I think i’m headed to see Susan Woods on Thursday, who’s one of the most delicious psychics, for a bit of ‘future telling.’  I’m also meant to be off ice skating with ‘Jonesez’ shortly, but i’m refusing to go until he refrains from calling it a ‘date.’

We love him, but he always gets a proper bollocking from my chick friends and I…

‘It’s not a DATE!!’

‘Don’t eat near me…’

‘Why are you a dick…’

‘Stop trying to hit on everyone…. You’ve godda have more swag than that.’

He loves it really.

Even though i keep rambling on about exciting New Years, changes and New Chapters….part of me feels really emotional because  i’m truly gonna miss…well i’m gonna miss a lot of people, who have made my ‘almost’ last two years just wonderful.  That part’s hard and i’ll drink lots of prosecco at first….

But if you don’t take steps forward when opportunity is knocking at your door….then you’re the most foolish human in town…and THAT I am certainly not.

I’m filled with love. I’m ready to adjust my bra and strut forward.

 

Shocking Phone Calls, Sex & Life

What is going ON! Honestly! What IS MY LIFE!

So today, probably one of the most boring days ever. No. Boring’s the wrong word. ‘Frustrating’ is a better choice of ‘ding dong.’ Work happened. I did the majority of Thursday with ‘Fairytale Blond.’ She wasn’t the frustrating part. I mean THANK GOD she was part of my Thursday, as LORD KNOWS, what I would’ve done, without her.

Let’s just say, it was one of those days where in which you are doing the things that you HAVE TO DO, rather the things YOU WANT OR LOVE TO DO! You know, how much I hate that. That’s not how I live my life. It even gave ‘Hustle Barbie’ an itch. UGH! It was so frustrating. I almost BEGGED to for freedom or excitement.

Oh yeah..I did…Didn’t I!!!

Midday, I look down at my phone. It’s flashing at me and a name popped up on my screen. I always keep my phone on silent, so it never EVER rings out loud. I’m always alerted by a simple ‘pop up’ of a name or a notification.

11.48am My phone flashes at me… There’s a name flashing at me, as they call into Wunna Land.

I couldn’t answer it because I was on another line and busy. But I saw the name and wondered why they were calling?

11.49am. My phone flashes AGAIN…and the same name pops up?

This isn’t someone who would really ever call me in such a manner. I was kinda puzzling. But didn’t think too much of it. I simply text back stating that i’d give them a call back because I was busy. They then explained WHY they had made the calls. Again. Didn’t think too much of it.

I just got on with my day…

I watched ‘Hustle Barbie’ revive her ‘Bald Dave’ (who’s a virgin, but funny) crush.

Fairytale Blond: ‘No. I’m not feeling it.’

Hustle Barbie: ‘WHY!!’

Fairytale: ‘He’s just an escape route. I felt that when I was with James. I was kidding myself. AND it’s weird that he’s a virgin. Like would you really go around telling everyone that you’re a 30 year old virgin. Lol’

Hustle: ‘It’s not like he has it on a tshirt and tells everyone. Lol. It’s not like his introductory welcome. I know people, who know him, who tell me.’

Me: ‘Hi, I’m Bald Dave. I’ve never had sex and i’m 30. Yay!’

Me: ‘You can’t judge how good he is at sex, until you’ve had sex with him. Some people look great and are rubbish in bed. Others look rubbish at it, but are AMAZING. Plus, you can’t let him disobey God for you. You might not fancy him afterward. Lol Then he’ll be heartbroken.’

Jonesez: ‘I hate bad sex. The more you feel for someone the better the sex is.’

Me: ‘That’s not ALWAYS true!!!’

Then I relived a ‘YEARS AGO’ Ben story and ‘Fairytale’ just pissed herself laughing and stamped it with a…

‘Chrissie! I honestly don’t know what you were even THINKING! HAHAH!

Laughter & Banter filled the air, and talks on how good people were in the bedroom occurred.

Then life went back to dull and as frustration and boredom kicked back in, I once again scanned the room for any form of excitement!

Everything DRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG, until I had a six ‘o clock rant with Jonsez. We needed a vent. A rant off. He then invited me to potential Tuesday night ‘beer and bowling,’ which I won’t be going to, as I’ll be doing Halloween with Ruby and Junior.

Jonesez: ‘It’s half price beer and bowling.’

Me: ‘I hate bowling, I can’t lift the balls. I’d go, if I wasn’t doing Halloween with the babies.’

Then as we both walked over cobbles in different direction to our cars…I remembered to pick up my phone and make that call.

OH MY GOSH!!!

I can’t even TELL YOU! I really cannot even tell you. I flipping asked for excitement all day, didn’t I? Well…I got it. I got the shock of my LIFE.

And y’know, the shock actually had nothing to do with me. It wasn’t a nasty shock. It was a shock, shock. A‘happy for someone else’ kinda shock. It was simply weird, because I kinda didn’t expect, but DID expect to hear it, all at the same time. I mean, it was only the other day when I turned around to ‘Firmonnell’ and said that this would happen. Said that it should happen.

I wish I could tell you ALL ABOUT IT. I really wish I could. But right now, there’s a reason why I can’t. HOWEVER, in a couple months time, I’m gonna refer you back to this blog and you’ll not only remember this call, but you’ll finally know what was said.

I will tell you that the other end of my phone was a guy. I can’t tell you anything about this guy. He’s just a friend. Not anything more. It’s not anything like that. Yet we met under really weird circumstances, which again… I will have to tell you about in a couple months time.

I cannot believe it.

I can tell you how the phone conversation began though…

Me: ‘Hey. What’s up? It’s me. Calling you back?’

Guy: ‘Hi. How are you. I’ve got something to tell you…’

(NOT THIS AGAIN. WHAT IS MY LIFE!! I knew it had to be something BIG, because he’s so honest. But i’m good with the big things, so I strutted onward to my car and again, thought nothing too much of it.)

Guy: ‘I needed to call you because I didn’t want you to think I was a knob.. I’m not a knob…I just…’

Me: ‘I don’t think you’re a knob…’

Guy: ‘But anyway…yeah…There’s a reason why I haven’t been able to….Well..I’ve gone and…’

He then blurts out the most shocking news!! (If I could tell you something about this guy, it would be that he is definitely one of the most open and honest humans EVER. That’s a trait that no matter what, I always find honourable. It takes balls, BIG BALLS to make a call like that into WUNNA LAND… because he didn’t have to. But he did, just to be well mannered, in the most disturbing way. Lol)

Now, I don’t know how he thought I was going to react? I reacted well. I’m not irrational. I admire the brave and the honest!  I mean even though it was shocking, I did actually expect it. So the news was sort of…not too bad, really. I weirdly keep thinking about it though. It’s crazy. It’s really crazy. It’s disturbingly good? Not for me. Lol. But for him.

Anyway, we chatted then for a good fifteen minutes as he unfolded the entire tale and I swung my car door open.

The funny thing about this phone call, is that it completely underlines the fact that everything happens for a reason and he could’ve actually accidentally repeated history, now that I think about it. Lol. And that would’ve have been good. Infact, if I was honest the news was lovely for him. It’s what he wanted. (But i’m telling you too much. You’re gonna have to wait to find out.)

OH MY GOSH!

(If this was a show and you heard that phone call, you’d all faint in shock.)

What IS MY LIFE!

So yeah, i’m happy. But I’m taking deep breaths because EVERYTHING HAPPENS IN THREES they say! One more shock and then it’s fun for the rest of the year! Please say, it’s fun for the rest of the year!

Christmas and The New Year, can’t come quick enough! My new year is amazing, but life better not think it’s going to mess with me for the rest of 2017. Lol.

Everything happens for a reason!

What is my life!!!