Will you still love me….

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I had such a ‘drama’ Monday, after the most blissful & peaceful weekend of ‘family.’ I’ve got so much going on, that i’m filling myself with a delicious flourish of stress. It’s kinda topped up with that beautiful thing we call ‘anxiety,’ simply because i’m terrified. I don’t even know what’s wrong with me? So, i’m gonna go with hormones?

I’m back on the telly shortly…That’s worrying me. I’ve got a lot to organise with the kids…That’s worrying me. I have shoots galore and auditions coming out my ‘hooty..’ That’s worrying me. My love life is *whizzing* around me, almost madly…I don’t even know what’s going on? Yes. I get a lot of attention. Yes, I’m single.

However, I’m noticing that, if I ever begin to feel for anyone, I get stressed out, because giant *CAUTION* signs go up everywhere. I’ve always had a shit love life. So, it’s scary. Plus,  I’m absolutely emotional, so to me, it only means ‘danger.‘ I do not ever want to get my heartbroken again….EVER. I tread carefully. (Well…fuck that. I ‘stiletto.’)

I have travels and schedules and places to influence…Everything’s a juggle…Sometimes, I panic and I can’t even breathe. (Cue: Drama 😉 )

But the weird thing is, i’m HAPPY. I’m really happy and maybe being so happy, or so lucky, makes me worry because LET ME TELL YOU, my life hasn’t been so easy….Haha. It’s laughable.

Basically, I’m scared of everything right now, because i’m having to pinch myself…and I need to ‘Man up,’ count my blessings and get on with it, with panache.

Anyway…

At the weekend, I did Meadowhall with The Wunna’s and Ruby. (Junior was at his Dads.) We were pretty much treated like Meadowhall shopping royalty (and I thank you for that, because I don’t even know why?) It did feel wonderful though.

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We shopped and stopped at Wagamama’s. Then after cocktail refuels, toy stores, makeup counters, new hair (we all need those extra few inches,) and my brand new chakra beads…Life felt almost perfect.

Ruby: ‘Mum. You’re chakra beads are not working. You’re CRAZY. You’re still nuts. They don’t work.’

(She is right, though. Even though I told her to ‘shush.‘ At this rate, i’m gonna need to see Buddha and get blessed by monks, or something! Maybe i’m just not meant for ‘Total Enlightenment.’ Maybe, i’m meant to live this ridiculous life of pathetic glory, for your entertainment… Haha.)

I’m starting to believe that…

‘Hey Destiny…You’ve fucked me over. You’re off the Christmas card list! You’re chilling on the naughty list, with Cupid and a few Pretty Boy exes from 2004.’

This is how I feel right now…

Like I’ve drank 42 energy drinks, had a bottle of rum, taken all my clothes off, and then thrown MYSELF to the lions.

Then…because i’m not at all mental….

…I lost the car…I always lose the car…Oh! Wait!! I don’t mean?Ugh. I’m rambling. I didn’t REALLY lose the car! I kinda ‘misplaced’ it? Y’know, when you can’t quite remember where you left it? 🙂 My Mum, drove home, because obviously, I guzzled Aperol Spritzies…after The Disney Store.

Fair enough, there was lots of wine, brunches and fun over the weekend. I checked in with my friends…briefly. Got on top of work. Then just relaxed with the kids. However….one of my favourite moments of the weekend, was the ‘school mum..’ catch up…

(There was a kids birthday party over the weekend…)

Miss.Murphy: ‘What are you wearing!?! Lol. Who wears glitter shoes to a kids party..?? Haha.’

Me: ‘Shut up. Lol. These are my driving shoes.’

Sam: ‘Does Ruby want Pizza?’

Me: ‘It’s like the Real Housewives of Yorkshire…’

Mum: ‘I got asked to be on Real Housewives of Marbella, a while ago, but I said no…I’m too boring, for it!’

Me: ‘You said NO! As if you said NO!! I can’t believe you said no. I would’ve moved to Marbella, to have done it. Haha.’

( I live for that show…It calms me, when I’m stressed. Yet, so does the occasional Jeremy Kyle episode…? So, yeah…I’m mental. Ignore me.)

Other Mum: ‘Oh yeah. I’m gonna be flying away with him.’

Miss. Murphy: ‘You’re actually going now! What about…?’

Other Mum: ‘Oh…he doesn’t know..’

Miss.Murphy: ‘You said he was fat and bald…But he’s not at all?’

Me: ‘How have I sat here for an hour and not known it’s your birthday today!!’ 

Miss. Murphy: ‘So, are you seeing your date again?’

I never thought i’d be a traditional ‘school mum.’ Yet, there’s just something about this group of Mamas, that is filled with the ‘sexy.’ They’re actually not traditional, school mums, in rain macs. They’re alive. They’re fun. They have designer shoes that read ‘LOVE.’ Louis Vuitton handbags and possible stables…’

They’re, what I call ‘Prosecco Mums,’ and I love them, madly. I’m like the tragic misfit of the bunch. The single, no husband, disorganized one, with a suggestive Insta profile…

We’re all really different from one another. Yet, w’re all great women. Confident women. Great mothers and well, I just really enjoy they’re company.

Then all our kids ruined everything and shoved tall plastic, slush palm trees, in our faces… 

At that point, the gossip got censored…

My inbox is * pinging,* almost every minute, with people asking me about my love life and my last date etc…

All I can tell you is that, the guy that I did the Manchester Airport date with, was wonderful. He says he wants to see me again, and I definitely will. I found him really sexy and confident. He’s smart and thoughtful. I liked him. I’find him interesting…I want to know lots about him…I’ll definitely be meeting him again. (I’m only one ‘meeting’ in. So it’s all ‘early doors.’)

I’m just treading carefully…Like I said, I’m not bothered about getting my heart broken, right now, when I have so much going on…

I eventually want to fall in love. I’m a true romantic. I want to be swept off my feet. Adored. Respected. And y’know, in that one meet up, my date was that! He was a REAL MAN, which made me notice that I’d not only been looking in the wrong place for love, but i’d wasted a lot of my time, on ‘little boys.’  At 37 years old, I don’t need to be doing that!

When it comes to love…

…this time..because obviously i’ve been married three times and had numerous flings and relationships..I want to PROPERLY fall in love. I want it to be stable and forever…with no stress. No drama.

And I do want to just say, that even though on paper, i’ve dated, romanced, flinged, loved, married, divorced, sexed..and well…just all sorts, with men, all over the world.

DO KNOW THAT….

… I never did all that because I was a floozy. That’s one of the biggest misconceptions about me. I’m a love bunny. There were options. I was young. A glamour model. Off the telly…Growing up in Hollywood…All sorts.

Yet, I never was and still not a man eater. I’m non judgemental. I’m modern. Yet when it comes to love, I’m quite ‘fairytale.’ I’m quite traditional…I’m a hopeless romantic, with a capital ‘H.’

I’m tragic…

So, every single time, I went into these encounters, with men, boys, gents, or misfits..

I always hoped (like any girl or woman,) that they would love me forever.

It just didn’t and still hasn’t quite worked out that way….

It’s actually only when I suddenly realise, that they guy i’ve been chatting to, or dating, only see’s me as  a ‘bed notch’ or someone they daren’t date… It was only THEN…at that point, when I HAVE to  file the encounter under ‘casual,‘ and ‘take it on the chin,’ without being embarrassed.

So i’m accidentally, a sassy, sexy, modern day woman.

The ‘Brand’ goes alongside that….and that’s fine with me, as it makes me very ‘now.’ It gives me the necessary ‘street cred.’ I’m swag. I’m cool…I’m…Blah, blah….

You get it…

Y’see, when it comes to WORK, I am that. I’m fire. I’m determined. I’m ambitious. I’m a glamourous, kitty DIVA, sprayed over, in solid steel, showers of glitter. Champagne pops around me and naughty winks, fill my walk way…

When it comes to love…I’m the opposite.

I’m not someone who really wants random casual sex. I love sex. But i don’t play a numbers game. I want to feeel a connection.

Plus, If i’m honest, I can have sex with anyone… I have an inbox full of offers…almost every few minutes.

That doesn’t make me feel mighty. It’s flattering. I appreciate the ‘adoration..’ Of course I do….

If anything it stresses me out, because I think, ‘how the hell can I have so much attention and not find Mr.Right. That ONE MAN, who will truly love and treasure me forever?’

I’m ready to fall in love…

I’m just scared to….

It makes me anxious…

Anyway…

Away from all that…Sunday morning was great because before Meadowhall, I got to chatter to Lil’ Sam Reece. I shouldn’t call him ‘Lil’ as he’s pretty grown. He’s a good guy.  I’ve referred to him as ‘Tats’ on this blog before.

I like waking up on a Sunday morning to a Reecy phone ‘ping.’ We’ll just have brief morning banter. ..then get on with life. We chatter in ‘spits & spots’ a lot. We both always have really shit love lives…We’re both ‘Yorkshire.’ We actually get on well. It’s easy. We wired the same way. We have the same banter.. This Sunday we talked ‘car bonnets/hotels and flat caps.’ 

I was actually gonna meet him for drinks..But I ended up doing Meadowhall instead and he ended up doing boy drinks…

But he’s a good guy. So I have a lot of respect for our Sam. He’s a good buddy…I’d see Sam as the kinda guy, i’d go for a drink with and kiss in the elevator when no one was looking. Haha!

(That hasn’t happened, by the way, before you all get excited. But i’d definitely kiss him in an elevator…It’d be a waste of ‘sexy’ people, if not. I don’t like to waste sexy people. You only live once.)

Right! I’m off!

Have a fantastic Tuesday!!

I love you.

Chrissie x

ps/ I’m about to step up my game…So strap in!

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Life, Love & Sports Day

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Morning! Morning! I hope you’re all well. Thank you so much for taking the time to click into Wunna Land. I appreciate it madly. It makes a little oriental chick, from Yorkshire smile. When you make someone smile, they say it comes back to you threefold..with love. (Sometimes, it comes back to you via gin. Either way…you’re looking at a bonus.) 

Over the last couple days, i’ve been pretty stressed. Just wallowing around in it for attention. Lol.  I could hand pity parties out of my pocket right now. 🙂  I’ve laid awake in bed, staring at my ceiling at 2am, because that solves everything, doesn’t it. 😉 I’ve downloaded a meditation app, (the ‘Breethe’ app…) which I do actually think is great. I’m quite a spiritual little swine. (I’m not ‘hippie/save the trees‘ with it though. Just in tune with my tender kitten soul… and all that.) I have quite a busy mind and it needs to be calmed. Maybe that’s why i enjoy a good drink. It quietens the mind madness for a while….well, before I start drunk messaging. 😉

If i’m being honest, I’ve been feeling under pressure because of this book i’ve got to write. My fear of writing this book is so immense that i’m kinda letting everything bundle on top of me, which is an odd way for me to deal with the situation, as I really don’t like the art of bundling. It’s clumsy. I’m sharp. Why am I buffooning about?

But away from that…(as she pretends it’s not happening..)

Yesterday I learnt how precious LIFE is. How important LOVE is. How vital it is to make sure all the people you care about, all the people you love, all the people you forgot to show love to KNOW, HOW MUCH they mean to you.

Life’s really short and within a *blink* it whizzes past you, or even worse get’s taken away from you, without your consent. Basically, if the only problem I have, is the fact that i’m stressing over writing some book, then on the whole i’m pretty lucky lady. I need to pull myself together. I’m being a baby.

Let’s frisbee back to positive…

Life’s pretty great at the moment. I’m happy. I’m not skin to the wind ‘buzzing,‘ but i’m certainly grateful and filled with ‘ooh laa.’ I feel pretty strong and even though I seem to have prioritized work over my social life, I’ve prioritized my family, as in the babies, over everything right now and it’s made me feel really powerful.

I love to keep things simple and loving unconditionally is the easiest thing in the world to me. When I operate in such a way, i’m magic.

Wednesday was great. The kids had Sports Day and I got to catch up with the school mums. (We’re all busy women, who hardly ever get to check in with each other and they’re such a lovely bunch, so it’s always really awesome.) Our kids go to a local Private school in West Yorkshire. I never used to be able to show up to things like Sports Day, or any of the school ‘dilly dallies,‘ due to work.

Yet now, I can. I now never EVER miss anything they do, at all…EVER!!! It means so much to me. More importantly it means SO much to them.

It makes my entire world go around.

Unfortunately, I showed up with some dodgy giant umbrella…It was the size of my entire body…and blue. Urgh! (I don’t like blue, it’s my least favourite colour. My favourite colour is yellow. I like a yellow rose.)

Anyway, when anyone lends me an umbrella, they can never give me a normal flipping shot at life…The last umbrella I borrowed had giant happy PIGS on it and no one can *BOSS* that out, even when the pigs look moderately chipper.

It was the sunniest, most humid day ever. Didn’t even rain. Lol. Don’t know why I thought it was gonna rain, must be the optimist in me? 😉 Luckily, ‘Miss Murphy‘ showed up with a dense floral blanket, which kinda lightened the blow..

Miss.Murphy: ‘I think i’ve illegally parked, in front of some gates??’

Me: ‘It’ll be ‘right.. Lol.’

We rocked up, everyone was already there and well I thought we were moderately organised…

Me: ‘We’re fine, between us we have a giant umbrella, a floral blanket and a faux fur..’

(What more could you need in life?) 

The other Mums had brought things like…. fold up chairs, happy faces, husbands, snacks… and ‘Bobby’ (who had spent the morning filming ‘Victoria’) even brought a flipping POP UP TENT, like we were at Creamfields!

Bobby: ‘Get in it then..’

Me: ‘Nah…You’re alright. Lol.’

She’s a nutter, but I love her. She makes my eyes smile. She’s ACE. I think she may have asked to lick ice creams and told lonely fathers that she was spending the rest of the day…nude.

(I’d never seen a gentleman beam as much.)

The day was great. It was just filled with that good old, real life excitement. I mean, Miss Murphy, Bobby and I may have brought the worse accessories, between us. However our *yells* of competitive encouragement , surely made our style misfortunes, okay?

Let’s just say we weren’t about the ‘taking part‘ and all about THE WIN. Hahaha. (Which is fine if you’re ‘Murphy’ and you’ve birthed some five year old sporting champion. Junior spent the day holding his teachers hand and making her run races with him.) 

Mumma P: ‘To make the Wunna Babies TRY to win anything, you have to have a modelling contract, gifts, or a selfie opportunity at the finish line, so they can at least make it worth their while. Lol’

Me: ‘Yeah..Lol. Ruby did ask me what she would get if she won the races and when I said house points for your team, she just looked at me like I was an idiot. Haha.’ 

BBQ’s, Ice creams and good clean fun occurred and you need spurts of good clean fun, don’t you? I’m kinda loving life right now. I’m feeling all grown up. I’m no longer selling myself short. I’ve got my career on track and I’m chipper.

If you’ve been following any of my ‘socials,’ you’ll know that I received a bunch of messages the other day, from a couple of beings who kept branding me as ‘fake.’ 

I’m polite. But I’m not fake. I get why you may think that though. Yet, let me tells you… I’m literally the warmest little piece of Burmese bunkin’ you’ll ever really run into. It’s only because you haven’t had the delightful pleasure of meeting me in person. 🙂 If you did know me personally, you’d go with ‘immature.’ 😉  You might even add in a ‘beautiful.’ 😉

My chick friends go with ‘dickhead.’ Firmonnell (who is one of my closest chick friends,) called me a ‘dickhead’ at least 9 times in the space of 4 messages yesterday. She had a needy Thursday. 🙂 I love her. I love it when she’s mad at me. Nothing pleases me more. And she can’t just shout at me once, she has to Snapchat Filter shout at me, 40 times in a row and I just can’t take it seriously…All I do is piss myself laughing…which winds her up more.

Then I bumped into ‘Hustle,’ who needed a wee at ‘Ego.’ She walked past me, whilst telling me that her love life was shit and her last date ‘pied her off’ after stealing money out her purse. To make it even better…She actually saw him again and went on another date. I love that about ‘Hustle’ like me, she’s resilient. (Code for: Were both so, so foolish.)

Oh wait? No. He didn’t pie her off. The ‘Date in the woods’ dude, did? (Hahaha…and she’s gonna kill me for saying this…) But she thinks he didn’t want to speak to her again, because she may have accidentally pooed her pants. Lol.

HAHAHAHAHA. I’M DYING. That’s disgusting. Lol.

I love how she wonders why he stopped messaging? It’s only funny because she’s so beautiful. I’m so delighted she may have excreted in her own jeans.

We always get pied.

With me, I’m a ‘grower.’ I’m someone who may catch your eye initially…Then you’ll judge me and decide to not like me…..Then you’ll have a little think, date far less awesome chicks and realize i’m actually the girl of ya dreams. 😉

God! How long was this blog? Lol. Sorry!

Chrissie x