4 o clock in the morning. I’m fast asleep in Suite 3, at The New Osborne in Blackpool, Lisa & Aaron The Pap, who have been OUT, all night, come BURSTING THROUGH MY UNLOCKED HOTEL ROOM DOOR, all ‘lights on‘ and ‘screaming with laughter’ ( I left it unlocked in case Ry my agent needed to pick up his luggage for Thailand…He actually decided to NOT return that evening and perform dance routines in gay bars, instead.)
YOU CAN ONLY BLAME THE BOOGIE. Yippppeeee!
Anyway, they come thundering into my suite, dripping with utter drunkenness, they’re falling about, they’re laughing their heads of, they looked like the happiest people in all the land and their souls were beaming with life. They glistened with……jagermeister. 🙂
They were FUCKED. There’s no other word for it.
Lisa: ‘Are you Up!!??!’
Lisa: ‘Awwwww! She’s UP!!’
(My eyes had just opened 7 minutes before. They do that, when they know something crazy is about to happen. It can be a phone call, message or a burst through the door appearance.)
Me: ‘I’m up. Go on…. Why the hell have you come bursting into MY suite. BURST INTO YOUR OWN GODDAMN SUITE. Lol.’
Lisa: NooooOOooooo. Sharon’s asleep! She doesn’t want to play.’
Now, this always happens to me. But it happens to me, because I love it. They know i’m not gonna be arsed. They know, they’re on safe glitter ground. Yeah, I didn’t have any knickers on, so I had to hide under the duvet. Yet, I’m only ever worried about a ‘burst in,‘ in case I’m ‘busy.’ I mean, I could’ve been having an ‘intimate’ moment with myself…Hahaha….. But surely, I would’ve locked the door? Can you imagine?
SURPRISE!! Beef curtains for everyone!
Luckily, all was well. I was ‘on my tod’ and firming placed under sheets. Plus, they were pissed, so it didn’t matter.
I can’t even really describe the madness to you, as It was THAT MUCH of a swirl of utter drunken Tom Foolery. It was whirled in laughter, smashed in volume and if i’m being honest, kinda jelly like, because it certainly lacked a certain panache. Lol.
Lisa kept pouring me hotel mugs of wine! Aaron kept accidentally kicking them over. They’re snapchatting it all. I’m in bed. And All I kept hearing was ‘Chrissie. Chrissie WUuuuuuUUUUNNnnnna. Wunna’ on repeat…and the phrase..
‘I’VE BEEN ON A BENDER ALL DAY!!’
Aaron’s now LITERALLY falling about in a state. But he’s hilarious…so that was permitted. Haha. One minute he’s papping an event, the next minute, he’s attached to Lisa, at 4am, pissed on cocktails and bursting into my hotel room…doing wiggly dances and comedy rhymes.
Me: ‘What the F*** actually happened from the time I left you, to now? And Aaron! If your arm whacks me one more time, i’m gonna kill you!!’
Aaron: I’ve got REALLY Weeeally drunk…’
Me: ‘Really? I can’t tell?’
Aaron: ‘……And Chrissy, that makeup arRRRtist, got thrrrrown out for smacking someone, or somethingggg??’
Lisa: ‘Hahaha, yeEEEah she was doing shots aaaat the baaaar and chucking the plastic shot things BEHIIIIIIIND the bar, after downing them. Lol.’
My room was just utter madness. It was like an after party…but without the chilled bits in between, where people say nothing and head bop to long winded conversations. The suite was filled with utter life. The air was a hectic, manic magical *whoosh* of never ending noisy happiness, that dashed from corner to corner. I mean at one point, I wouldn’t have been surprised if stripping dwarves, donkies and drag queens came trundling in, doing a ‘can can’ or tap dance routines to Kylie tracks.
IT WAS THAT NUTS.
And that was fine…Until this…
Me: ‘What are you doing??’
Lisa: ‘I’m doing a Poo…’
As if she came into my ROOM at 4am and shat in it!!!! Hahaha. I’m the Queen of Glamourisity. Shit, in your OWN GODDAMN ROOM. But now, there she was doing her comedy ‘open door’ poo in my suite, with a mug of wine by her side.
Aaron disappears off to my bathroom…
Me: ‘Where are YOU going?’
I hear ‘chunders.’
Me: ‘OH MY GOD. YOU BETTER NOT BE DOING A SICK IN MY BATHROOM.’
So, they wake me up at 4am, dance about, film it all, fall about in states, laugh their heads off, then one of them shits in my loo and the other chucks up!
They then calm down and sit on the bed, chatting about life….they tiredness must have hit them…
..and at six o clock in the morning, Lisa leaves across the HALL to her suite and Aaron The Pap, is SO pissed that he walks into the other bedroom in my suite, and passed out fully clothed in childrens bunk beds.
In the morning. I’m up. I was up and ready by 8am, because I’d had a sleep and I knew that we had a breakfast that we needed to get to by 10am. So I had to go around waking them all up.
I’m no joke. We have a schedule Lol. I’d already shot all my insta pics, videos, got showered, washed and dressed. I was full faced and ready.
Aaron woke up via my snapchat on a bunk bed. Lisa was still fully clothed, in the dark….in her face, still in her jewelry and her dress from the evening before. Lol.
That’s the sign of a good birthday!
I wake everyone up. Lisa’s moaning, after thanking Jesus, The Angels and all sorts, for such a wonderful birthday time because Sharon had woken her up for half an hour to chat to her, before she left for work.
EH? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! Lol. That’s Karma.
(Did she not burst into my room at 4am.)
We had about an hour to get up, get ready, and get to a scheduled breakfast at The Art Break Hotel. (To influence it.) Aaron is now in Lisa’s bed passed out and we all just start having gallons wine for breakfast, because f*** it.
That part was actually my idea. I’m a big believer in the ‘hair of the dog’ game. It works. I’m a seasoned party survivor.
So, now we’re all guzzling wine, Lisa wants to go to the hotel BAREFOOT, because she does martial arts? Lol. Don’t ask? She’s nuts.
Aaron forces her to wear shoes…So she FINDS A PAIR OF SLIPPERS FROM SOMEWHERE and she goes to BRUNCH at The Art Break Hotel IN ACTUAL SLIPPERS.
( Just so you know…The Art Break Hotel is the most beautifully creative place ever. It’s filled with the most fascinating pieces of creativity and being an huge art lover…to me, it’s absolute bliss. When i’m around creativity or works of art, I feel all peaceful and calm…I guess, that’s why i’m attracted to CREATIVE men. The place was beautiful.)
After breakfast, filming bits, influencing and all sorts, we just sacked the rest of the day off for sunshine and more drinking.
We just enjoyed life. Ryan came back for his bags and flew off to Thailand.
Ry: ‘I’ve had to call The Daily Mail to get some article removed because another agent is kicking off over money. Oh! And Shit! I found Liam in the gay bar, so drunk, dancing away, last night!’
(Ryan does a really good impression of Liam. It’s so impressive, it’s hilarious. FYI, Don’t worry Liam. It’s a good one. Lol)
Aaron was now feeling better..ish. Chrissy the MUA, had passed out somewhere and no one could get a hold of her. Lol. I’m walking around Blackpool in booty shorts, with a wine constantly attached to my grip, ALL DAY LONG…The sun was shining. Life was bliss, and everything just felt so chilled. It felt so far away from drama…and yeah we arrived everywhere late, and we did everything trickled in wine. But to be fair, I think Lisa & Aaron did really well to say they had drank for two days straight and had about 1 hours sleep. Lol
I loved it. To me, it was like a mini getaway, even though we were technically working.
I left for the train station at around five o clock in the evening. Lisa went on to do two more photo shoots. Sharon arrived back from work…and as I stood at a train station for hours on end, shattered, in booty shorts, as every train on the EARTH was ‘cancelled, delayed or cancelled’ and every human on the Earth seemed to want to stop, chat and ask me about my life, get my number or add me on Insta…
They went to the Beach House for dinner and cocktails and I got my pretty arse 😉 back to Yorkshire.
Ps/ If you haven’t been on my insta….you should because there lies the actual VIDEO of them bursting into my suite. So go check it out.