Happy Friday! I hope you’ve jiggled your feeling into place! I obviously have a lot going on right now, but i’m dandy. I might have accumulated a stress rash, (ooh delicious..) but let’s face it, right now, life could be worse.
My inbox is rammed. I had THE SINGLE MOST AMAZING PHONE CALL this morning. You know when you’re just a massive fan of people and they call you. That’s what happened to me, this morning!
My life is surreal right now and it almost feels like it hasn’t even started?
I’m about to shimmie into the ‘First Dates’ restaurant, to have a flirt with our Fred. I’m so grateful to be given a shot at love.
My date with Jonny, is already being called one of ‘First Dates’ most SEXUALLY CHARGED DATES, in FIRST DATES’ HISTORY.
( I enjoy that i’ve managed to tinker onto the most romantic show and ruin it., by being sexually charged. Lol)
Mum: ‘Ugh, you haven’t gone and ruined my favourite show have you! Lol’
I lived the date, but haven’t watched the date, and I certainly enjoyed a tipple or two hundred…Hurrah!
I dread to think what I’ve said or done!
Yet, i’m so happy. I’m so excited. I’m busy as hell. I’ve just signed to new management.
(They represent Idris Elba, the ‘Sexiest Man Alive.’ I know!!!!)
There’s been tons of Wunna Land support and I can’t wait to just kick back and tune in…I’ll be tuning in like the rest f you,…
I have family time tomorrow with Ruby & Junior. Then I shoot off to Manchester on Sunday.
MONDAY MORNING, I’m on CAPITAL YORKSHIRE!!!
AS ‘ACTUAL’ IF!!!
Smear me in Nandos ‘Peri Peri’ gravy!
I’m talking all things ‘First Dates’ with Adam & Jo Jo...and it’s CRAZY, because I live for their show!!!! stalk them. I copy them. I want to be them!! Haha
I literally tune in every morning and wee myself a little with Northern delight!
I can’t actually believe that I’m on their show!!!
I hear Monday night’s First Dates, is said to be a ‘tricky one,‘ as a bombshell is dropped…There’s a revelation.
Y’know what…I’m just enjoying my time…
I HAVE A LOT TO TELL YOU…
SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED, SINCE!!
However, it’s Friday and I need wine…So follow all my ‘socials’ and stay tuned for the Wunna ‘Magic’ on First Dates…Monday, 10pm, Channel 4.
This morning, I woke up all stressed and anxious.I don’t even know why. Then little bits of life, that respond to the names ‘Ruby & Junior’ filled my world with giggles…At that point, everything was okay again.
I’m having one of those days. One of those days when you need to crawl back into bed, speak to no one for a second, have a moment, y’know…a ‘word with yourself’ and start it all over again.
However, life is rooting for me, because after the early school run, I looked down at my phone, as I watched my petrol station Costa coffee, trickle out the machine and waved at one of the Dads I know.
Anyway….I saw this on Glamour Magazines Twitter ‘Moments.’
..and it reminded me that not only did I have a purpose, but doing pretty alright at inspiring and standing up for love, myself and for others, who may not quite yet have the balls to ‘sing out loud.’
I’m really proud of the ‘Blend out Bullying‘ campaign and I’m so glad that I joined Glamour Magazines crusade to wave ‘Cya’ to Cyber bullies.
That made me smile. I skipped away from the gas station…(Sorry! I mean .PETROL station. I still think American, for some reason.) Anyway, I skipped away like the happiest bunny in all of the land, because they reminded me that no matter what, in life, I did something that helped make a difference, to someone, somewhere.
(I’d like to see MORE people ‘Blending out Bullying.’ You’re the STAR of YOUR OWN SHOW. Make a difference. See love, not dollar signs.)
As if my favourite magazine is showing Wunna Land some love…and AS IF, I appear on my favourite tv how in a couple weeks.
I’m having to pinch my kitty self…. (Ooh…Vodka spurted out. 😉 )
Last night, I couldn’t sleep, so I wrote a blog, in the dark, whilst in bed. I’m utterly CRINGING at myself, right now. YET, I promised myself that I would flipping post it, because it’s how I truly felt, at that particular moment…at that precis time…
AND SINCE THAT’S WHAT I’M ABOUT…
Here’s what I wrote…
(Rewind to last night…)
I’m literally sat up in bed writing this, because I can’t sleep. It’s only early. I guess around 9.30pm? But everything around me seems so still. So quiet, I feel really calm, yet my mind (as always) is fluttering. It’s busy. It’s racing. I’ve poured a wine, which is sat on my bedside table. I’m typing in the dark. I have no clue why, I couldn’t be bothered to switch a light on? I can’t see my keys, so I feel like I’m typing blind. But it weirdly feels amazing. It kinda feels really real. How all my writing should be done.
I can’t stop thinking about my life tonight and I don’t know why? I want to succeed and make all my dreams come true. Y’know, just do really well, because when you do well at the things you love…you glow and no feeling is better than that. That’s not what i’m thinking about though. I don’t even know why I typed that out?
I’m thinking about my love life.
I know! Surprised right?
I’ve just got back from a late night trip to the supermarket…to buy wine. An elderly lady stopped me. I’ve seen her around a lot. I do know her a little bit. But It usually makes her day when she sees me, because i’ll always stop and chat to her. I love making time for her. I love making her day.
She always tells me how much she loves me because ‘it’s good to see a girl BEING a girl…’
Tonight she told me, that I was pretty…’a beautiful girl,’ but then added…
‘You’d think a girl as beautiful as you, would’ve found someone to be with, by now.’
I smiled, I thanked her. She was so cute and I adored every minute of seeing her. I love the elderly, because they’re wise. Even the rude ones are wise. I always respect their words and absorb what they have to say. Times and things may have changed, yet how people FEEL haven’t. You can always, always learn a life lesson from an old lady or gent.
‘You’d think a girl as beautiful as you, would’ve found someone to be with, by now.’
Don’t get in a tizzy, as i’m never one to really listen to what others think…But she’s left my mind ticking. She must have. I’m sat up in bed, in my bra and glasses, typing the dark because I can’t sleep. I can’t stop thinking about what she said?
Now, i’ve never really felt lonely. I never feel alone because my world, the world I created ‘Wunna Land,’ is filled with love. I’m surrounded by life. I have a close family, who stand by me. Ruby and Junior, my babies…Their hearts are filled with utter joy for Mama. I have some great friends. Good company at times. I have a mini sized audience, and most of all…I have me.
(I’ve always been my own best friend. I’ve always been really comfortable being ME and i’m happy with what I stand for. Yeah. I’ve disappointed myself loads, through the years. But on the whole…I’m more than happy with who I am. Who i’ve become.)
Right now, I don’t feel lonely. But why don’t I? I should, right? But I don’t…(Even the little old lady feels bad for me, now and she shouldn’t! Haha.)
I almost feel like i’m bubbling over with this exotic life force of happy juice?
It doesn’t matter what you do, provided you don’t harm others, or yourself and you are happy with your official life choices, right?
I know that i’m single and i’m aware that i’m knocking on a bit now. I feel young spirited, yet glad to be a 30 something, as I accidentally brought wisdom and dignity along with me, on my little journey.
God knows how???
I CERTAINLY thought, i’d lost BOTH at one point. I was positive I left them in some bar in LA, when I was 24. Yet, they found me. (And whenever I say God, I am always referring to ‘Bacchus’, The God of Wine.)
I know, I must NOT be scared to be alone…as I still seem quite happy to go through life picking through boys, and walking away from marriages, because they hurt my soul.
They just weren’t right, because I compromised my heart, myself, or I just wasn’t thinking….
I said ‘YES’ to those marriages impulsively, because I’m a hopeless romantic and I fall in love, when I FEEL excited and I do it so madly…so deeply.
But I haven’t felt like that in ages.
The last guy that made me feel like that was ‘The Swirl.’ (Who i sometimes name ‘T Bone.’
When I don’t feel excited, I find it really easy to ‘shrug’ the moment off, with a ‘he’s just not the right guy.’
But I like that about me. I know how I feel and i know what love and excitement feels like. When it hits me again, I’ll notice. Yet this time i’ll be ready.
I don’t think there’s an age, when you SHOULD find love. I don’t say anything, but I hate it when I hear chicks, say, ‘I need to be married by 30.’ Or, ‘I need to find Mr.Right by the time i’m…’
You really don’t.
Love to me is always about chemistry…
I’ll find it, but this time I want the real deal.
THE REAL DEAL …
and i’ll wait forever, until I find it.
Until I feel it.
The next time I marry, (if I marry, I can’t decide if it’s an old school concept? I might be ‘blah’ about it because i’ve done it so many times and it hasn’t been right?) I’ll marry the most exceptional man. He’ll be a GREAT MAN. An incredible man…and I DO intend to one day find the man of my dreams. I fully intend on doing that…
Yet, if I don’t…I’m fine with that also. I don’t know why? I guess, I’m like this because i’m happy, right now? Maybe, it’ll kick in when i’m 80 and seriously alone, with all my cats and no one to love.
Knowing me, I’ll still feel fine and pour a rum, for everyone else, in the old peoples home, as I wink at Jeff, with the dodgy back.
If i’m being honest, unlike work, where I create my own opportunities, I kinda expect HIM (The man of my dreams) to find ME. (Lazy, I know. Lol) I find that far more romantic. I’m traditional like that. Old school romance just gets me going…I’m finding i’m both. I love the art of old school romance, mixed with a modern day twist of unconventional, yet unconditional love.
I might have already crossed paths with him? I might not…Who knows? I’m just not worried about it and if you’re in the same situation as me, you don’t need to be worried about it either.
Let’s just go with he’ll find me…
Every single part of my kitten soul, says he’ll find me.
He’ll come get me…
But he’s not as pathetic as I am, so he won’t be slurping wine out the bottle, typing in the dark, in a bra and glasses. 😉
He won’t be sat awake typing a ‘Dear Diary….’post, because a lovely old lady in the supermarket was worried about his well being.
..he’ll see the beauty in it…and think, SHIT, that’s exactly the kinda girl I both want and NEED.
I like to feel needed….
I’ve noticed that… (I get that from my Mum.)
Cheers! Hurrah! Sadness for everyone! Haha.
There’s a single guy, somewhere in the world right now, who is utterly MADE to be my life buddy, my other half, my ‘bestie, bestie’…my soulmate…my guy.
And I completely trust that LIFE (you jolly old thing) will have my back and send him my way, with bells on…but when the timing is exactly right.
He may already know it, or he may not? He may have no clue? He may have never ever heard of Wunna land, or even ever met me yet…?
OR, he may already be in my phone contacts…
But i’m excited…Are you?
(ps/ I don’t even know if i’m gonna post this, because I usually wake up in the morning and cringe at what i’ve ‘tipper tappered.’ My mind goes wild and my keyboard fingers get all excited!! Yet, no matter how cringe, I feel, I’ll promise myself NOW, that I’ll just post it anyway… I mean **** it. It’s exactly how I felt at 9.30pm, on Nov 14th, 2018, right? And that’s what this story, this diary, my lil’ version of life, is all about.)
I messaged Toby back last night, because he had thanked me for writing the blog about him. He was quite the gentleman about the blog…He’s a utterly real being. He’s not dashed in fakery, from the brief bits I know.
Toby: ‘You’ve captured me pretty well in your blog..’
Me: ‘I’m either a really good judge of character, or just really good at stalking. Lol’
Thank you for following my life…
pps/ I’ve got a school mums dinner tonight and i’m excited. I’m meant to be at a film premiere…But I opted for the Mamas, over the red carpet. 😉
I flipping cried last night. URGH! I hate those girl moments, when you’re a fully grown adult, you’re a woman, a successful woman and your sat there chilling at 37, with a job title that once read ‘Sexual Fantasy,’ alone, at night, in bed…and you do a big old, 14 year old, ‘Princess Weep,’ because it’s the only time, that no one can see you.
I am ‘Totes Emosh‘ right now and it is flipping AWFUL. It feels awful. Yet, if i’m going to pull a positive and let’s face it, that’s what I do best, the thing that i’ve noticed about myself over the last couple weeks, is that EVEN AFTER, everything i’ve been through, over the years, I really STILL AM, a ‘love bunny.’
I don’t know how i’ve managed it. But I am. I’m a hopeless romantic. I love, love. I love to give love. I love to FEEL loved. And when I have that, I feel alive.
When it comes to my love life, and because of a career path that I chose as a young girl, which accidentally went from strength, to strength, which handed me over a spritz of recognition…that made me a popular guy’s choice….my love life is never so easy.
All I would want in the entire world, is for my love life to just be simple.
(In fact, a really successful man that I know closely, once said that to me, because I guess, he had been through the same kinda shit. I remember him looking at me, and saying how great everything as between us, because everything felt so ‘easy.’)
Chick friend: ‘Only the strongest man alive, is going to be able to date you, Chrissie & you absolutely deserve the best!’
Things never get confused by the ‘love part,‘ of my love life. I love whole heartedly. I’d never ever pick a guy who didn’t know how to love or express…All that’s fine. Yet, it almost seems as though everyone around me, can just do that bit and with ease, because they have a different ‘walk of path,‘ or they don’t necessarily have an audience…they have less people peeking into what they’re doing….or…I dunno? (I don’t want that to come across as conceited. I just need a mind spew…So go with it. But it’s how I feel. So it’s MY truth.)
I chose my path and I love my life. I’m very, very lucky and no one can take that away from me.
(FYI/ I learnt another lesson. I get what ‘T’ meant now, by the fine art of ‘keeping things shushy.’ I get it. Haha. I finally get it.)
But gosh, my last couple days has just been filled with swirl of…WELL, it started off as a magical swirl of whirlwind, an innocence, a trust…a lot of fun and straight after that whirlwind, came an Army and a storm… a ‘tug of war’ like mist.
And i’m actually really used to the above. It happens every time and pretty much, more often develops on a much larger scale…(So it less ‘city/town gossip’ & i’d say more ‘national’ gossip.)
This time for some reason… I’ve got all upset & because i’ve ‘felt’ haven’t I! Urgh! So it’s managed to confuse me and send me into a tizzy.
Then I cried….When I thought no one was watching.
Then my phone *pinged..*
And just like *magic* as I was ‘no face on’ weeping, naked, wrapped in my flamingo bed sheets, I open my phone & see a Snapchat video of ‘Hustle Barbie‘ Twerking saucily, from my chick bestie Firmonnell….
I’ve been waiting for round two of that video for months. She has a good ass. That was a good twerk.
Then I started to smile and realized how ace life is! Lol. And the great thing about Firmonnell, Hustle Barbie,Double B, Mel & Fairytale, is that there’s really not time for ‘Wunna Land‘ to be man down at all, EVER…and they can do the stupidest things, (ALWAYS NON DRAMA)…and just like that, i’ll be back BEAMING. 🙂
I mean both ‘Hustle’ and ‘Firmonnell‘ have had MASSIVE breakups this year. An ending of a partnership that went from being a 19 year old, to a 30 something year old. The other ended a five year commitment of togetherness, had to move out and start again…and they sort of smashed it emotionally. They now couldn’t be happier.
That’s some good ass strength and bar bills Lol
(Well, they had a dodgy start. Hahaha. But they’re just made of them good old northern glitter bricks…They did ‘A Wunna,’ where you quit being a *plodded* and just start getting happy & enjoying life, because you’re a long time fucking dead.)
I haven’t been through half of what they’ve been through this year. Only ace stuff has seemed to have happened to me. I’ve filmed a couple tv shows. My blog hits are blooming… Lol. So to think that i’d be having a duvet cry is almost ridiculous. I’m pathetic.
We’re great at being each other’s life soldiers.
‘Emilio’s going to show me how to cook, when he gets back from Italy.’
Me: ‘Who the fuck is Emilio? He sounds so hot! I want an Emilio to show me how to cook!’
So basically, after a couple days of stress, and letting it get the better of me, instead of rising above it. Then after having a big old weep, throwing a pity party…and then witnessing the greatest personalized Twerking video, in the world ever, that kinda just looked like sex, to make an Asian Glamour Puss smile…
I feel pretty empowered again.
You can’t keep a good kitten down.
I’m back! And nothing in this world, feels BETTER than WUNNA LAND, right now!
Chick: ‘It doesn’t matter what happens in between, because your world is always fine anyway.’
I’m the luckiest girl in the world.
I’m SO HAPPY, I finally got that Twerking video. Haha.
I’ve had a really great day. Yeah, gosh there were parts that felt extremely looong, (and you know I hate ‘loooong’ anything. Be it stories….queues…..I even don’t get why sausage dogs are long? They creep me out.) Yet after a *blast* of ‘sat next to eachother‘ sarcastic banter with my deliciously darling chick friend Firmonnell….and I LOVE A GOOD DASH OF BANTER, my faith in life, good friends and good times was not only restored, but heightened. (We’ve planned ‘doing drinking’ when everyone does worky social things. Lol)
‘I should be due on soon?’
‘I should be too? But i’m not..’
Firmonnell is utter GREATNESS when it comes to girl banter because I can…well WE CAN …HONESTLY rip each other, everyone else and the world to absolute hysterical, glittery shreds, in the name of absolute good humour, without a single censor and you need that, otherwise everything’s all ‘fakey’ and ‘smiley’ and not very hilarious at all. You know you are good friends or lovers ( I look for that in guys when it comes to romance) when you can handle a good old banter see saw! She can say whatever she wants and I will never judge her. I can literally say WHATEVER I want…and she will be the last human on Earth to judge me. That’s what I adore about her.
Yet saying that, I’m astounding LUCKY because all of us girls, in The Wunna Land circle are so SO close…yet ALL SO entirely different…that we just get along swimmingly. There’s a lot of real love between us. We’ve laughed together, we’ve cried together, we’ve lied for each other. 🙂 And it’s having that wonderful circle of genuine support that not only keeps me grounded, as do note, that I am going through a bit of a showbizzy time right now. I have a lot of dazzling’ bits and bobs’ a going on…and I feel really lucky. Yet having the girls around me every day, makes me focus on the things that matter..and not get lost in a egotistical flare of ‘look at me’ idiocy.
I’m a REALLY confident girl. An honest girl. A sassy one, yes, but a warm one. I’m tender. I’m fun. I’m kind. I’m not a dick. 🙂 I grew up being a model, ended up on a reality show and found myself being doing life as an infamous blogger and a business woman. (How hilarious. LOL.) I’ve worked hard. Yet still…it’s crackers.
I always say that my decade in Hollywood taught me how to ‘hustle.’ How to survive. How to celebrate glamourisity, yet be tough emotionally. That’s both in work and in love. I’m soft, but not stupid. Even if I play it. I learnt EVERYTHING the ‘Hollywood’ way, so i’m probably one of the most savvy chicks you’ll ever meet. I just do it with charm and a smile. It was a great time and in that time I again made some close close friends for life. Note, that in m circle of LA friends…we were all flipping struggling…and now…right now…we are ALL doing superbly in our fields of entertainment. Two of them have their own show. One is a movie producer. One is a movie star. The other a famous rapper. It’s crazy! We were roommates and we all used to piss ‘before they were famous’ Maroon Five off (who also said they were going to be stars 😉 ) by being drunk neighbours.
But anyway, I learnt focus and making ‘dreams come true’ there, in one of the most toughest places of all, where everyone was out for themselves….It served me well. I smashed it. I can now smell bullshit in a second. But i’d never embarrass you. I’d just nod and let you get on with.
However, I will say that I learnt values, morality and unconditional love…y’know…true respect…all that good stuff, from my family. I LEARNT ALL THE THINGS THAT MATTER. The things that give you worth as a human. I have the best parents and had the most loving upbringing….and even though i’m 100 percent Burmese, (which makes me exotic and magical and very Oriental,) there’s this good old ‘down to earth‘ simplicity to me, that you could only learn in Yorkshire. I’m grateful for that. That never left me. I don’t get lost in showbizzy nonsense. I control it. I’m a really stable chick. Even when i’m wild. Don’t get me wrong. I am a bit of an EGOMANIAC. A sexy one. I know i’ve done well…or that i’m doing well…I’m aware of the buzz. I don’t like to be treated badly be it in work, just in places, or in love. I’m cocky. I’m playful. I’m not beige. I hate beige. YET, at the same time i’m weirdly so chilled and together. I could out glam a the finest luxury in all the land…then just kick in my my comfies, whilst sharing a Nandos with ya.
ANYWAY …this is where my friends come in…AFTER MY TIME IN HOLLYWOOD….and during THIS TIME where life for me is changing massively…I AM REALLY LUCKY, because I don’t think that many people in my current situation can actual sit down and say, I have THE BEST CIRCLE OF CHICK FRIENDS EVER. They could say they have ‘Alright Acquaintances,’or ‘Usey Friends‘ or not very many real friends at all. I have the opposite. They’re ace. They keep me focused when I need to be, as they remind me of how lucky I am. YET, all that keeps me grounded, so i’m not an absolute dickhead…because let’s face it…there’s hundreds of ya’ll. 🙂 I don’t suffer fools well. But i’ll tell you with such grace whilst offering you a cocktail that you’ll forgive me and courtesy. Lol. I know some really great people. Not just the girls. I have really good friends all over. I mean, I asked one of my closest friends advice today and she’s in Bermuda. I love her. I remember all that time when I was going through my divorce and I was brave facing it. She could see through the ‘royal wave’ and the forced smile…and the next morning I received something in the post from her…that to this day means SO MUCH. (Thank you EMS!! 🙂 )
‘I don’t think she’s used to people actually caring about her, who don’t have to…be it friends or guys…..70 percent of them fall for *Chrissie Wunna* ….and not just this Burmese chick from Donny, named Christina. When she finds friends or guys who adore both…she treasures them.’
By nature, I’m someone that cares about people, lives and others…a lot more than they maybe deserve…and when I say ‘deserve’ I mean these are the people that haven’t done good by me…The good thing is that i’ve grown out of that. I’m thirty six and raising my own family now. I never focus on the bad past bits. It’s unhealthy. Instead I’m excited for all the good that I have to look forward to in the future. I’m beaming.
Today, if I learnt anything I learnt how important love is to everyone. I asked every single one of my friends around me about their love lives…and they delivered their versions. Each one of them *glistened* with glee as they reminisced and told me stories of how they met their husband, boyfriend, or just boned a date. Lol.
I’m a sassy one. But i’m a hopeless romantic and let’s face it, life hasn’t served me well in the love department at all over the years. But i’ve always been hopeful. I think i’m a bloody good catch. Lol. I’m sure guys have always understood me incorrectly. They’re approach is always odd. I’m someone that believes men should be brave and chase their hearts desire and do it with their romantic foot forward. I’m a girly girl. I LOVE ROMANCE. Yet i’ve had years of just idiots, with a operate their ‘wooing’ via a ‘think they know’ version of me. It came to a time that made me believe that I would never get swept off my feet by some Knight in Shining Armour.
It doesn’t matter who or how the girl is….every chick wants a ‘Hero.’
Sorry, I didn’t blog last night. I had a really busy day which ended up with me glamourously guzzling entire bottle of red, dancing to gangsta rap, then pretending I was P.Diddy and passing out. I did WANT to blog, yet was quite smartly advised for me not to 🙂 because as we know, i’m quite outspoken and ‘out’ spilly on ‘fun mode.’ It all gets the better of me doesn’t it. Plus, I thought I was gangsta. So I left it. 🙂 (And passed out.)
I have definitely learnt that letting people have your phone for a second is certainly DEVASTATING. Lol. All sorts of hilarious ‘jiggery pokery’ happened, that I had to promptly clean up with a terrified ‘ooh’ face! It’s a lesson I never learn. I’m far too trusting. 🙂 The last time I lent my phone to someone for maybe 3 minutes, they went on my Instagram and ‘love hearted’ a guy’s entire pictured life. His notifications will have ALL BEEN FROM ME, about 40 in a row Lol…and all on his smutty gym pics. Hahaha! And to make it worse, they even wrote comments from me, really cheesy ‘lovey ones about dogs and love and how I wished i was laid next to him! HAHAHAHAH! Another time, someone went through my Facebook inbox, which as you can imagine is a treat, if treat meant ‘absolute horror’ and saw that a guy had sent me hundreds of dirty messages that I had never replied to. My guy friend took it upon himself to reply to him with the words,
‘I’ve had a whisky baby and i’m drying up…’
Hahahah! Yet, my guy friend got what he derserved, as with almost a cyber *wink* of an eye, the guy sent back numerous videos of his willy and then a picture of him doing this weird hand dance with it? 😉 (Told you, you shouldn’t have done it. Lol)
Today has been a great day. I’m feeling stimulated, motivated, and fun! The girls and I have worked our socks off today but still managed to have literally THE BEST LAUGH EVER. In fact, the best laugh over the last TWO days. I’ve been in creases. Girls definitely fun the world.
So much has happened that I don’t even know where to begin..? Mel walked into the office and called me FAT! Lol.
‘Have you got your waist trainer on today?’
‘Oh, good, cos I see all your over hang!’
Then I HAD to eat everything out of our FILTH drawer with Fairytale Blond and Hot Sarah (who was sick and dying today, but suggested that I have her germs, so i could get skinny too) simply out of sympathy. All of us, including Firmonnell and Double B are SHIT with a filth drawer A drawer just filled with filth. We an’t stop ourselves and rummage in until we have it completely DESTROYED!
‘OOh look, I’ve found a chewy mint hidden in the bottom of the drawer’
‘Which fat fuck has eaten all the sweets?’
‘I’ve just got no will power.’
Then Mel took it upon herself to make sure that Hot Sarah knew that a certain room had been ‘stunk out’ by Firmonnell…
‘Becareful when you go up there?’
‘Stinks of fish…’
‘Dunno, Firmonnell did it, she forgot to wear pants today.’
Firmonnell: ‘I’m paranoid now, it must’ve been my cous cous???’
Then like life couldn’t get any better ‘Double B’ hears some great news, that added to her new great £300 Rapunzel hair..The Vogue Top Knot, has DIED…
‘Oh my god! We’ve done it! He’s done it for us! I’m definitely giving him a blow job. Definitely sending him nudes, to thank him.’ 🙂
Guys are ace, as we as girls could really send nudes to thank them if we really wanted. Lol. Smashed a business deal. Here’s in with no bra on.
Then she went on about how she once got so drunk that she made a sandwich on a door. I once got so drunk that I woke up with a traffic cone celotaped to my head and passed out on a West Hollywood merry..go..around in a lime green fedora, after tequila. (All because a guy named Ryan didn’t love me. Was it Ryan? Lol.)
BUT, Hot Sarah then steams in with a..
‘Well..my friend, has a friend, who she shared a room with in Uni and whenever girls were drunk and around, she would beckon them into a room, tell them she had an enlarged vulva(hahahaha, sorry i’m dying)…and then get it out to show them.’
‘Was she a lesbian?’
‘No, she just liked getting her massive vulva out and showing it to people…and it WAS really enlarged.’
The previous day Hot Sarah, Firmonnell and I had had a conversation about whether we’d marry Ed Sheran. I obviously admire his work, yet just don’t find him sexy. I just couldn’t get jiggy with him. But he could play me love songs and i’d adore him.
Hot Sarah reckoned that she could marry him, but then changed her mind because his face was piggy like.
Firmonnell went for it with a ‘I’d marry him. I love him. He’s amazing. So down to earth, so sweet, so talented..I think he’s sexy!’
Hot Sarah: ‘Yeah, he seems so romantic and just lovely…’
Firmonnell: ‘But would you fancy him if he just worked at Greggs?’(HAHAHAH DYING! SORRY.)
Me: ‘Would YOU marry him, if he worked at Greggs?’
Firmonnell: ‘No. Lol. I only like him as Ed Sheran, as he is…NOW..because it’s like he’s a celebrity who is so down to earth and that never happens…’
Hot Sarah: ‘So you like him with world wide fame, talent and millions….’
We all LAUGHED..but then we all paused, thought about it and then said ‘Yes.’🙂
Sheran is too studenty looking for me. I like a ‘swarvo.’ Then they made fun of the celebs that I fancy, like Ronaldo and Lewis Hamilton.
‘So you only have to be the BEST IN THE WORLD at something for Chrissie to fancy you.’
(Note: That is not the case….when tipsy. 🙂 )
Then we went on about how it was weird that people could talk to me online, yet if they were to see me in a public place, they sort of fill themselves up with terror and daren’t even look at me. A girl did that to me in a bar recently. I don’t bite. Well,I might when i’m in my piece of shit waist trainer that makes me viscous.
Both Firmonell and Hot Sarah said this,
‘Well if I didn’t know you as a person in real life, and just read your blog, I would think you’re a completely different type of person..’
‘Yeah, but i don’t get that, as it’s still me, i’m writing it…just being me?’
‘Yeah, but if i didn’t actually know you, I wouldn’t have guessed how down to earth you are..’
My brain must be high maintenance and scary. Or I talk so much shit that I terrify you. (Send nudes.)
Double B then decided that she wanted a colonic.
Mel: ‘What? Are you going to buy a douche…’
Double B: ‘NO! A FUCKING PROFESSIONAL ONE. I don’t fancy self douching myself.’
HAHAHAHAH! I was just in creases from the start of this conversation. I couldn’t even contain myself at the thought of Double B self douching. HAHAHA. DYING!
*Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your…WHAT THE FUCK!?!’
London Business Man sent me a Whatsapp, moaning that I haven’t managed to do catch up drinks with him yet. But i really am busy. He told me my ‘waist training’ selfie was ‘insane’ and that he HAS to see me. I haven’t really seen him in half a year. Lol. It’s amazing what a waist trainer can do. Doesn’t make me feel good AT ALL, but totally pulls….EVERYONE. My Facebook comments are *tippy tapping* over this picture…
My waist trainer is a bitch. I’ve called her Veronica, because that sounds like a bitchy name. (If that’s your name, sorry….Keep reading. 🙂 )
But to end all this doo dah, let me tell you a nice story.
Well to be fair it started off shit…I watched someone close to me, who’s a big girl, have secret little girl tears. We all do it and the great thing about being a strong girl, is that when we’re around our chick friends, we’re comfortable enough to have a big cry, open up, talk about our love lives, call each other fat, talk about sex and say our privates smell like fish.
YET, as soon as work, business or men are infront of us the banter quits, the brains work, the tears dry and we stand tall like the hottest Sasserilla’s who have ever seen.
But what I will say that is was heartbreaking to see someone you care about, a strong, tough girl, shed proper ‘little girl’ tears. What I mean by ‘little girl tears’ is that moment when you look at a grown women and she is so sad that you need to give her a cuddle because her face, at that moment, reminds you, that on the inside at times, she’s still a girl a little girl, who HAS to be a warrior. I get that! I’ve been there.
Yet, the wonderful thing about that moment, was that it had something to do with her past that was muddling with her present….
However, when she travelled home, to her little amazement, her ‘future’ was sat, in a car, outside her house, with a bunch of tulips, (which is her FAVOURITE flower) and with them he solved all her problems with love, smarts and a warmth that makes us women melt.
It made me smile when she told me the story because any girl who is lucky enough to be with a guy, who remembers her favourite flower and is waiting outside her home to surprise her, with the intentions and solutions to ‘sort out’ all her problems, is more than a God Send, but a miracle..and she deserves it.
‘Yeah, but honestly i was mental. I was involved in some kind of group, where all my friends came over and made things like breast milk pancakes,’ said ‘Firmonnell to the Little Burmese, ‘just got back into work after shimming at The Clothes Show, with the likes of Joey Essex’ Glamour Puss.
(It felt good to be back to normality.)
Hahaha! What the actual FUCK! I literally know the BEST humans alive. Nothing, (and I do mean this honestly) made my life worth living today, as much as that statement. Not even my own children. Lol. I mean, who is ACE enough to have actually joined a group where in which women, (who had just had babies) squirted milk out of their post preggo boobs, added eggs and made pancakes with it. I AM DYING!!! HAHAHAH. We all actually know a ‘Preggo Princess’ right now and let me tell you, nothing would make me happier, than the reassurance of knowing that she also, followed the likes of ‘Firmonnell’ and made breast milk pancakes with odd, other post birth chicks and simply for kicks. Hahahaha. The evil breast feedy *force* groups terrify me. They’re like smiley, angelic looking HITLERS. They all need to get kicked when the knock at your door…with Louboutin heeled DIVA feet. I bet they all have husbands. Husbands who never get sex. See! This is where i’m going wrong. All the relationships I end up in… include sex. I’ve been a wife THREE FLIPPING TIMES…and they all took a U Turn. I need to ban sex from my love life and start forcing men to breast feed. Pancake groups for everyone!
Then the focus went onto talks of how i keep taking slutty pics in Disney/Primark Onesies and posting them all over Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. 🙂 In the words of Lisa ‘The zippers seem to have broken off them all.’ Lol.
I didn’t explain myself too well…as i always figure you never have to explain yourself really, when you’re Me and you have charm and winks that speak for themselves…But the actual story behind the slutty onesie pics is this…
I was shopping with my kids around Doncaster. Ruby really wanted me to look like a Kangeroo and a Fox, so we bought the equivalent Onesies from Primark. I wore them at home. The kids loved it, as it was like i was a fun toy. They went to bed. I had a whole bunch of Prosecco…the zipper came down and BOOM, that was the birth of the ever so popular ‘slutty onesie’ Wunna pics. It should trend. You all should do it. When i take them, i really do think i’m some kind of Burmese Pamela Anderson.
Is this why i’m single? Why am I a tool?
Even Keiran (Junior’s Dad) text me the other night with a casual ‘How’s Junior’ and he followed it up with an ‘I thought you’d be keeping busy posting half naked pictures of yourself.’
Blah! I don’t take playful criticism from people with giant beards. I simply stated that i looked great, hundreds of people agreed…(I WILL GET OVER MYSELF,) he ‘monkey emoji’ed’ me and then we laughed it off. At least we can have a laugh.
I mean, ‘The Mighty’ even said ‘It’s just funny because you’re doing it in a Disney, Monsters Inc Onesie.‘ Hahaha.
Prosecco made me do it girls. They should give it to people in church. (Have i officially offended everyone now? Lol)
(Oooh, i’ve just rushed to put my pink laptop on charge, as it’s running out of juice and the best smelling swirl has just danced under my nose. I’ve got this bag stuffed with bath bombs, like i’m some kind of greedy LUSH thief. They’re for Ruby’s teachers. We couldn’t think of things to get them, so we just went with bath bombs. SHIT LOADS OF BATH BOMBS.)
Lots of gents are hitting on me right now and i’m feeling so ‘whole’ that i’m not really bothered by it? It’s weird because i’m looking for love, my Mr Right. Yet, I can’t be really as I just seem to be all happy as i am and not concerned with it, until it smacks me in the face and I get swept off my feet.
In life there’s only been ONE guy that has swept me off my feet romantically. The rest have liked me, but not really. Infact, no Mikey Ray my first hubby loved me. I’m glad he’s gone on to do so well in life. He’d be dead proud of me now. But we don’t speak.
Talking about ‘no speaky!’ Get this, ‘Eton Mess’ and I aren’t even talking anymore. He hasn’t messaged me to say ‘hi’ or anything in a couple weeks. How weird. I haven’t messaged either yet girls shouldn’t have to. Boys should do the leg work and they nly do it if they’re truly into you. (And yes, i do get that lots of you are hitting up my inbox with ‘leg work.’ But, with girls, we have to properly fancy you in the first place to appreciate. We are SWINES like that.
I’ve said it before. It’s sweet getting messaged lovely ‘advances’ (at times,) when you’re not being pervy. I’m flattered. Utterly flattered. Especially as i’m smashing into thirty six on the 19th of this month. It makes me feel fanciable and i appreciate that. HOWEVER, we as girls wait for that one message fro that guy that we adore…and it’s when we get THAT message that our kitten hearts skip a beat.
I do mean that in general, as i’m totally single. There is no apple of my eye. I reckon i’m the most eligible Bachelorette going. 🙂 But i would wouldn’t I, because i’m a glamourous… plank.
The way I see it is that THIS YEAR, more than ANY year in my entire life and BOY HAVE I DATED ALL OVER THE GLOBE. Hundreds of times. Lol. I’ve romanced many a man. (That’s the problem, it should be the other way around.) But this year, i have had the honour of meeting some of the greatest guys, that i’ve ever gone on dates with in my life. Such handsome, fun, sweet, sassy gents. I’ve had a great time.
But now i’m headed for better times. Times that i deserve!
The other day, I watched a really drunk man wee and poo himself in public, at six o clock in the evening outside Action Cars, which is a Taxi company, in Pontefract. He slurred on into the taxi joint, covered in poo, with wee stained dark green cord trousers and asked for a cab. It was kinda like watching the ‘old drunk man’ version of the Nativity, being played out before my very kitten eyes. There was certainly no room at the Inn…
‘No one wants to take you mate, cos you’ve pissed yourself.’
That is literally all he got as response. Helllooo Yorkshire! I certainly wasn’t in LA anymore.
So even though his situation was sad, it kinda made me feel better about my own life! Lol. Evil, I know! But it’s true, you need moments like that to give you perspective over your own shit. (Literally. 🙂 ) I might have had a hard day at work, dashed in minor stress, but it didn’t end in me weeing ‘my frillies’ on a public road, between a taxi joint and a fried chicken shop. Haha. Life wasn’t that bad.
Moving on! IT’S DECEMBER! WE’VE MADE IT! IT’S OFFICIALLY CHRISTMAS! You all should be embracing it now. I mean, God, today I heard a middle aged dude MOAN because ‘it just wasn’t Christmas yet’ and it made me roll my eyes. Let’s not be Scroogey dickheads of negativity. I’m a Christmas Baby. I have a birthday IN NINETEEN DAYS. (Helping you remember. *Wink.*) IT’S DECEMBER THE FIRST. There’s nowhere else to go on this, but with ‘it’s Christmas.’ So cheer up, pour a mulled wine, start buying your gifts and whop the Christmas CD. Why do people’s always have to fight the feeling? Miserable sods. I swear they’re people who just don’t get enough ‘nookie.’
Whatelse? I’ve been working a lot….steadily. The pace hasn’t been ‘race car.’ Everything felt ‘samey’ and my mind got a bit lazy I had to crank it up a notch to feel alive again and like the brain cells were being exercised…. and with help, it worked. I’m just a person that loves to be busy, it makes me feel as though i’m putting myself to use. I’m always one to work hard, i’m not slow nor am I a doss pot and at the same time, i’m one to be out and about with my friends, a date, or the babies. I’m not a sitter arounder…and someone who likes to be doing things. Yet not because I get bored. I love everything that I do and have. I just like to feel like i’m experiencing, living and like i said before, putting myself to use. It makes me as a human feel of worth.
My love life? I guess, if i was being honest, i’d tell you that there are great guys, telling me great things about myself and potentially seeking a date? Yet i’ve just been so busy doing life and enjoying it that i’m kinda not even looking that hard for love right now. I’m enjoying work, friends, colleagues and family. I feel fulfilled and whole. It’s almost as if feel as like I don’t even need a man right now? Which is odd, as i’m a love bunny. So i either feel whole, like i could have a guy if i wanted, safe, or like i have a plan? Who knows? Away from the romantic side of it all, I have some really great guy friends and I also have Keiran and Pete (my Baby Daddies.) So i have all the corners sorted really. I actually never feel that alone. I’m happy. So when my Prince rocks ups…i’ll wink and we’ll all live happily ever after.
I’m just one to let life take it’s natural course in love now, as GOD i’m tired of trying so hard all the time and getting zero ‘tryers back’ in return. Chicks should never have to do the leg work. When we do….we respect a dude less. We all want a ‘man.’ All girls want to be swept off our feet.
I’ve got lots going on. I’m at The Clothes Show live tomorrow, so i will be travelling to Birmingham in the morning. I’ll blog all about it when i wake up. I have a gin and tonic here, right now, so it’s probably not the best time for me to promo. 🙂 I have every Monday and Friday off work in December, i’ve never really done that ever before. Well not in YEARS. So I’m kinda really excited.
I’ve started to buy my Christmas presents. I love buying gifts. Yet i can’t stop, which is the issue. Lol. At Christmas time, money just falls through my fingers. That’s why i always have to work hard and make money, as i’d die if i couldn’t just walk into a store one day and buy my babies, myself or anyone i cared about something that they wanted or even worse needed or deserved. Buying gifts has made me smile. You can tell when someone’s loving because they have a glow around them when they’ve done something thoughtful and all my gifts are thoughtful as they come from my cold, evil, heart. 🙂
It’s hard to work during the Winter, when it’s old, innit? It’s making me miss LA and my besties out there. We’re all really close even to this day and we all met at Crunch Gym, working little part time jobs to make a buck, as we tried to be models and actors in a town named Hollywood. We used to scan Nicole Scherzinger in before she was a Pussycat Doll and Perez Hilton before the blog. It was so much fun. It was the best job i ever had. All i had to do was scan people in and hand them a towel. I even asked Joseph Fiennes to marry me at Crunch. Lol. SO MUCH FUN. Miss it. Not the wage. Just the experience of it all. 🙂
Junior’s at Keiran’s tonight and i’m really proud of how close they’ve become. Junior’s a straight up ‘Mummy’s Boy’ so it’s nice to see him and his Dad loving and learning from one another. Even though i miss him. *Sad face.* Ruby is writing Christmas cards and asking me how to spell everything for her. She loves a creative mission does Ruby, so she’s rushing around like she’s some kind of Executive Christmas Card writer, with a Kardashian work schedule to conquer.
I thought i was going to be all mad and fun for Christmas, but i’m kinda enjoying just working, chilling and winding down. Lol. It must be my age. Hahaha. Fucks sake. Don’t get me wrong, i’ll have a cocktail any time. But I think i’ve worked pretty hard all year and i deserve a bit of a chill festival. I’m going on my events and working towards goals, yet at Christmas there’s nothing like warm alcoholic beverages, love and family.
I’m going to really enjoy it.
Best get some rest. I’m up for The Clothes Show in the morning.
Ps/ One of my old guy friends messaged me the other day saying how trustworthy I was and how much he respected me for it. It made me smile, as it made me feel warm. Then on the flip side ‘London Business Man’ messaged me to tell me about his ‘on and off’ romance with a girl. The thing about ‘on and off’ romances is that the story is interesting at first, yet if you are still moaning about it, yet continuing to throw yourself into it, then it all gets a bit boring. If you don’t like something, change it.
Sunny, sunny, sunshine! I’ve had an amazing day of just peace, family and life. There were moments of ‘stressiness’ (as I truly can’t fathom my car to bits?) It keeps running out of coolant and telling me to ‘stop engine,’ whenever it feels like it 😉 and it’s starting to piss me off now because it’s like a naggy boyfriend, that i can never fix. I ended up doing a cautious drive home, playing in the garden with tractors with Junior and then popping open a bottle of champers, simply because it was the ONLY drink option, other than Blackcurrant fruitshoots that I had in the home. Incase you didn’t know, i am TERRIFIED of opening a champagne bottle, because i feel the cork pop. Like I used to always say, I drink it all the time, yet i never really have to open the bottle myself, as it’s always done for me and just poured. It’s definitely a boys job. Yet since, there is no boy and the only boy around me is three…I had to do it myself. It sort of bounded against kitchen wall units, MADLY, back and forth, like it was some kind of glitzy bomb, with an attitude problem, as I ducked and cringed, during the ‘pop’ anticipation. Then it all splurted everywhere so i went with a *shrug* and just drank it anyway.
I haven’t had any time to myself this week, so once Monday starts it will be hilarious, as i’ll either laugh it off, regard work as ‘me time’ or go insane. 🙂 Yipppeee! There’s lot to do and i’m doing it. I’m feeling productive and inspired…so whilst i’m on this mode, i figured i’d go ahead and milk it. I’m like dynamite when i get all productive. It’s sexy. It makes me feeeeel sexy. 😉 I’m like a cougar on heat right now. Lol. But all great girls need that edge of sass. It’s needed. It is, when you’re driven. But i am going to attempt to have a chilled out evening, where the *pause* button is hit and i breathe, which is something that i am not good at, because once i’ve pointed in a direction, the kitten heels are on and i’m ‘running.’
As I was driving about in the sun today I saw a guy with one of those twin buggies, fitted with twin babies and he was in gym wear, actually getting a proper joggy/run in, whilst pushing the buggy, in spurts as he ran. I don’t know why that’s stuck in my head, but i must have been impressed, as I imagined a Mum of Twins having that extra hour to herself to just rest. Lol. I like it when Men are good at everything and multitask. So I just internally smiled and carried on cautiously driving home, whilst my dashboard ‘bitched and moaned’ at me, with a *STOP ENGINE!*
I had loads of stuff to tell you, but i can’t for the life of me remember it now? Must be the champers? I’m in the mood for love. I’m happy. I’m working hard. I’m feeling fun. I have a Justin ‘I’m a Belieber’ top on 🙂 and i’m rocking a ‘big hair, don’t care’ kinda day.
The inbox is doing it’s usual ‘crazy’ and i’m ignoring it. My blog is doing really well. It’s till being read on almost every continent, in over 200 countries…yet not one single being in ICELAND (the geographical place, not the frozen food store) has EVER once clicked a link that has lead them to chrissiewunna.com, let alone actually typed it in themselves. Luckily, my favourite glittery friend Tom is going there in September, so no doubt he’ll force Icelandic people to read it. Or i’ll force him to dry hump them against their will until they do. Dry humping is always nice and awkward, as it’s never really acceptable is it, but we let it be. Lol. Nothing is worse than when…say a dog dry humps you, because the dog is usually attached to an owner than you know, or one that you don’t , and you sort of have to pretend out of politeness that it’s completely fine or delightful and smile through it. Hahaha.That’s what i’m going to make Glittery Tom do. It’s the best PR method ever. Harassment.
The next time you see this map…Iceland will be so navy, you won’t BE ABLE to SEE IT! LOL.
(All the shaded countries are where my blog readers reside. The darker the blue, the more readers there are in that country or part of the world.)
All’s well. Life is still pretty decent. I’m working really hard. I wish i was away in the sunshine. I need a weekend in the sun, as my Facebook newsfeed is starting to annoy me. You’re all sunning it up somewhere or another and i’m utterly jealous. I look great in bikini’s! Honest! Well as good as I can look whilst rocking the wrong side of thirty…and after two pieces of loin fruit. 😉
*Wait. Take out guy is here.*
Okay, I’m back. What was I gonna say? Oh yeah, love front. I’m pretty direct when it comes to love and dating. If you ask me a question you will always get a straight answer, be it lovely or rude or hilarious. *Giggle here.*
I don’t like to dilly dally and to be fair even though i have this diva persona, i’m much soft touch. I’m a bit of everything really. So, where am I going with this? Lol.
I like direct people. I Like those that just say it how it is, honestly and those who can just express themselves appropriately, know what they want, say it, get on with it and go for it. As that’s what i’d do, or do in general. HOWEVER, i will tell you again that girls only really like direct ‘i adore you’ stuff, or ‘sexy’ i adore you stuff, from guys they actually fancy. You could be the loveliest man in the entire world saying all the right things at all the right times, the smartest guy, the bad boy who keeps it dirty…
…bottom line, if she doesn’t already fancy you, then she really will not be bothered. As when we fancy a guy, it almost doesn’t matter what he says, but as soon as that message, text or anything ‘pings’ up, our hearts are all a flutter and all that matters, in that time… is them. (True story.) WE all do it. But don’t make this stop you, incase you do fancy a chick and you don’t know if he fancies you…as you will know once you’ve messaged. Go for it. That is always the sexiest way forward. Skin to the wind and shoot to score.
Like, I love it when a guy I fancy messages me lovely stuff, or sexy stuff. It makes me smile, almost girlishly, because it might mean that he was thinking about me, without me prompting him to. Lol. My heart goes a flutter, so if mine can (hahaha) everyone’s does.
I love, love, I’m am MADLY romantic and i’m fun with it. And yeah, all girls are different, but we all have the same female thread running through us, no matter what walk of life we strut… *member i sed dat.*
Right now, i’m still doing fancying Mark. I can’t not fancy him, it’s really difficult, which i think must be a good thing, right? Is it? I feel really comfortable when i chitter with him, i feel like i can tell him anything…he’s sexy, he’s really sizzle…and that obviously is delicious. I am massively attracted to him sexually AND emotionally…and i have an idea about what he thinks about me, which is good. Like i know that he thinks i’m hot and lovely. Yet that’s all i know. We haven’t really managed to chat much today as he’s busy with family and i’m busy with babies and work stuff. Plus he’s away shortly, so he’ll have all that to sort out.
But i’d weirdly and i only say weird, because it’s new..actually date Mark. After chatting to him and everything…i kinda think he’s ace. Isn’t that strange. However, i’m sure EVERYONE wants to date Mark. But yes, we’ll do a proper date…I actually don’t need a proper date to know that I fancy him…It seems to just be flowing regardless….and well right now, i’m off to watch rubbish telly and drink the rest of my champers.
Ps/ Ladies, Please note and read the above, i’m just naturally expressive about how i feel about people, situations and things and we should all be that way without fear. As i have no clue as to what he thinks deep down…at all, however i’m never afraid, be it great or shitty to express how i might feel. (It is honestly the best way.)