So, we head into Rogerthorpe Manor for the reception dinner. Lead by a guy in a Gucci tie, who everyone thought was a guest. He wasn’t, he was the ‘Master of Ceremonies’ I guess? Is that what he was? I don’t know? He was lively and witty, let’s say. However Laura, Toby & I still managed to make fun of him every half hour, because he kept skipping out of nowhere…a doorway, a table, a bush…and scorning us politely, for not being at the right place, at the right time…at least he did it in Gucci.
Gucci Tie: ‘It’s the speeches now…So you all need to get back inside.’
Me: ‘It’s not the speeches yet. I’ve just spoke to Guy & Neil…and LOOK, they’re all the way up the garden, by that dodgy stone woman.’
(There was the most hilarious giant woman made of out stone in the garden. She was half naked, shoulder crouching & holding part of a robe in front of her, to cover her modesty…YET SHE LOOKED TERRIFIED. Like Jackie Chan was gonna hurtle out the trees naked and Kung Fu her. Or like Toby was about to sell her a car. 😉 )
Anyway, I was sat on a different table to Laura & Toby. For once, I wasn’t on the naughty table. I think I was on the ‘some of us are single’ table. Everyone was talking about diggers and how exciting they found Power Plants though, so it confused me. Then at least convo ‘sexed’ up a bit, when they boobs took the focus.
All polite. All such fun. Don’t really rememebr anyone’s name. But I do know that someone was German, two people were single….and they all love Guy whenever he gets naked in pubs? Hilarious table. Filled with smut. They couldn’t have welcomed me more. To my left was a gent, who had been Guy’s ‘Best Man’ twice before, yet didn’t get the ‘role of’ this time around. Lol.
Then the day turned to dusk as the traditional comedy speeches were being made…and we all ventured back outside onto the lawn for more drinks. The sun was shining. The sky was still blue. You need fresh air at weddings, because that’s what keeps you alive! It’s like I started the day again…Yet maybe that was the gin…
Laura: ‘Right now, I could put my tracksuit on, some flats, tie my hair on top of my head…and just chill in the sun…with this gin. I got you one too..’
Me: ‘Awww! Thank you! That creepy, stone woman is urking me out.’
Then people whopped out the cigars…
Toby: ‘He looks like a Don.’
More drinking was going on…I kinda left Vicki to do the wedding rounds, like you must! I met the rest of her family, mid gin though and I loved that! I mean, I adore little Estelle and have known her anyway. But I got to meet her sons…Ben & Andy…and Ben’s chick, who was dressed in red and I love a girl who rocks a red dress.
Excitement must have got the better of us…
Someone told us that the music had been turned on, so I tinkered on in armed with my new East London crew…Lol…and Let’s just say Toby, Laura & I, got the party started. Well, we just inappropriately *bumped* and *grinded* to whatever the DJ was playing, whilst forcing him to ‘turn it up, turn it up’ and watching Page Boys ‘Floss’ and Bridesmaids ‘Hair toss.’
We were drinking our through it….But I still didn’t feel pissed yet? And when i’m at a wedding, I want to be pissed.
At this point, things ‘wilded’ up…Everyone still looked beautiful. ‘Bobby’ (Roberta) had shown up, out of the blue, in blue, looking stunning and not wearing knickers….
‘Chrissie look under her dress and see if she has any knickers on…’
(I love ‘Bobby’ because she’s a wild one like me. She didn’t know if she had an official invite. She just watched my Insta story, got dressed and rocked up. Hahaha! She LIVES! I mean, you’ll find ‘BobbyShe’ll be naked. Not care…and you’ll have to deal with it. She does the Wunna Land ‘Live life/YOLO Ting’ and it’s bliss. You’re only here once. If you’re lucky, you’ve got 100 years to just enjoy being alive.)
Andy’s now buying me Tiger Beers, because I was Asian and he fancied me a bit Lol. Toby & Laura disappeared for a few…and I’m sure they went for a quick ‘moment‘ upstairs. 😉 Yet, they assured me that no such ting happened. They were apparently looking for me, everywhere…
Andy: ‘Do you think, I have a chance with her…’
The wedding was great and the dance floor filled. A giant, fun photobooth with props had been set up, so ‘Bobby’ and I smashed it THREE TIMES, because we’re the Ultimate Queen of Selfie and i grumbled a bit, because it moved too fast for my Insta story. Haha.
Then I don’t know what happened, but Andy, Ben, His Red Dressed Girlfriend, Laura, Toby and I…ended up at the faaaaaaar end of the bar, a little away from everyone, kinda by the buffet…The lights had been dimmed, so it was officially night time…and Toby goes…
‘Are we having shots then…?’
And in this time…What Happened! It turned from beautiful time, on the most beautiful grounds, at the most beautiful wedding…to a party episode of Geordie Shore….(Even though no one was or is a Geordie???/ I’m so good at this! I need the sack.)
We SHOT everything. Chick shots. Dude shots. Shots, from each other shots. Shots, OFF EACH OTHER shots…The Guys were shooting Tequila in the end and sucking the lemons out of each other mouths.
( I say ‘sucking,’ which makes it sound more aggressive, than it was…When I actually watched my intsa story back, it looked someone loving. Andy cradled Toby’s head, like he was Mother Mary.)
Then out of nowhere, in the name of a DARE. Army Ben, at Toby’s suggestion…does a Tequila shot, but he doesn’t lick the salt, he SNIFFS THE SALT UP HIS NOSE, SHOOTS THE SHOT AND THEN SQUEEZES THE GODDAMN LEMON IN HIS GODDAMN EYE!!!
It was brilliant. I was so entertained. It made my life complete.
Toby: ‘I was giving them a £100, but I think I might pull out a tenner for shots and give them £90 instead. Hahaa.’
Then just like magic, we all went onto chill mode and I sat outside chatting to Vicki’s lovely Irish Mummy. She looked like the most glamourous Irish Mummy in the world. I loved her. She was funny, polite, yet I could see a ‘sassy’ in her eyes. I loved her!
Then like ya do…I think I went on a massive ‘Preach’ mode and forced everyone to listen to me tell them how much I loved Vicki.
A really drunk Yorkshire lady sat down and started banter…I loved her, because she was so ‘tell it how it is.’
Toby: ‘Where has she been all night! She’s great!!’
And then towards the end of the night, I finally got to spend some time with the Bride…
We just heard ‘CAKE,’ held hands and found it…
Vicki: ‘Lemon or Fruit cake’
Then we laughed. He danced. We talked over the day, with smiles. She was the most BEAUTIFUL BRIDE, in all the land and i’m not even kidding. Vicki’s ‘40 something‘ and she LOOKED 20 SOMETHING STUNNING.
Then i might have had to fight off a few lovely gents… 😉 I’ll say no more. Hahah.
And the funniest thing…as more time passed, more drinks were had…and more celebrations were turned into memories to share the day that Guy & Vicki committed to being ‘life partners…’
When I eventually walked out of the main doors at Rogerthorpe Manor, the LAST SENTENCE, that I said, (well this was after a ‘Thank you’ and ‘Cya’…)
The LAST SENTENCE that flew out of my mouth, was…
‘No…I’m not going to sit on your willy….’
Such a great time. I send both Guy & Vicki all my love. I made some really great new friends…and I’m so lucky and honoured to have been there.
Definitely lost my bank card. (When that happens, you know shit got messy.) Toby & Laura and now in Jamaica…And today….We Start the World Cup! Lol.
Thank you following my life…