Love, Life & Hero’s

I’ve had a really great day. Yeah, gosh there were parts that felt extremely looong, (and you know I hate ‘loooong’ anything. Be it stories….queues…..I even don’t get why sausage dogs are long? They creep me out.) Yet after a *blast* of ‘sat next to each other‘ sarcastic banter with my deliciously darling chick friend Firmonnell….and I LOVE A GOOD DASH OF BANTER, my faith in life, good friends and good times was not only restored, but heightened. (We’ve planned ‘doing drinking’ when everyone does worky social things. Lol)

‘I should be due on soon?’

‘I should be too? But i’m not..’

Firmonnell is utter GREATNESS when it comes to girl banter because I can…well WE CAN …HONESTLY rip each other, everyone else and the world to absolute hysterical, glittery shreds, in the name of absolute good humour, without a single censor and you need that, otherwise everything’s all ‘fakey’ and ‘smiley’ and not very hilarious at all. You know you are good friends or lovers ( I look for that in guys when it comes to romance) when you can handle a good old banter see saw! She can say whatever she wants and I will never judge her. I can literally say WHATEVER I want…and she will be the last human on Earth to judge me. That’s what I adore about her.

Yet saying that, I’m astounding LUCKY because all of us girls, in The Wunna Land circle are so SO close…yet ALL SO entirely different…that we just get along swimmingly. There’s a lot of real love between us. We’ve laughed together, we’ve cried together, we’ve lied for each other. 🙂 And it’s having that wonderful circle of genuine support that not only keeps me grounded, as do note, that I am going through a bit of a showbizzy time right now. I have a lot of dazzling’ bits and bobs’ a going on…and I feel really lucky. Yet having the girls around me every day, makes me focus on the things that matter..and not get lost in a egotistical flare of ‘look at me’ idiocy.

I’m a REALLY confident girl. An honest girl. A sassy one, yes, but a warm one. I’m tender. I’m fun. I’m kind. I’m not a dick. 🙂 I grew up being a model, ended up on a reality show and found myself being doing life as an infamous blogger and a business woman. (How hilarious. LOL.) I’ve worked hard. Yet still…it’s crackers.

I always say that my decade in Hollywood taught me how to ‘hustle.’ How to survive. How to celebrate glamourisity, yet be tough emotionally. That’s both in work and in love.  I’m soft, but not stupid. Even if I play it. I learnt EVERYTHING the ‘Hollywood’ way, so i’m probably one of the most savvy chicks you’ll ever meet. I just do it with charm and a smile. It was a great time and in that time I again made some close close friends for life. Note, that in m circle of LA friends…we were all flipping struggling…and now…right now…we are ALL doing superbly in our fields of entertainment. Two of them have their own show. One is a movie producer. One is a movie star. The other a famous rapper. It’s crazy! We were roommates and we all used to piss ‘before they were famous’ Maroon Five off (who also said they were going to be stars 😉 ) by being drunk neighbours.

But anyway, I learnt focus and making ‘dreams come true’ there, in one of the most toughest places of all, where everyone was out for themselves….It served me well. I smashed it. I can now smell bullshit in a second. But i’d never embarrass you. I’d just nod and let you get on with.

However, I will say that I learnt values, morality and unconditional love…y’know…true respect…all that good stuff, from my family. I LEARNT ALL THE THINGS THAT MATTER. The things that give you worth as a human. I have the best parents and had the most loving upbringing….and even though i’m 100 percent Burmese, (which makes me exotic and magical and very Oriental,) there’s this good old ‘down to earth‘ simplicity to me, that you could only learn in Yorkshire. I’m grateful for that. That never left me. I don’t get lost in showbizzy nonsense.  I control it. I’m a really stable chick. Even when i’m wild. Don’t get me wrong. I am a bit of an EGOMANIAC. A sexy one. I know i’ve done well…or that i’m doing well…I’m aware of the buzz. I don’t like to be treated badly be it in work, just in places, or in love. I’m cocky. I’m playful. I’m not beige. I hate beige. YET, at the same time i’m weirdly so chilled and together.  I could out glam a the finest luxury in all the land…then just kick in my my comfies, whilst sharing a Nandos with ya.

ANYWAY …this is where my friends come in…AFTER MY TIME IN HOLLYWOOD….and during THIS TIME where life for me is changing massively…I AM REALLY LUCKY, because I don’t think that many people in my current situation can actual sit down and say, I have THE BEST CIRCLE OF CHICK FRIENDS EVER. They could say they have ‘Alright Acquaintances,’ or ‘Usey Friends‘ or not very many real friends at all. I have the opposite. They’re ace. They keep me focused when I need to be, as they remind me of how lucky I am. YET, all that keeps me grounded, so i’m not an absolute dickhead…because let’s face it…there’s hundreds of ya’ll. 🙂 I don’t suffer fools well. But i’ll tell you with such grace whilst offering you a cocktail that you’ll forgive me and courtesy. Lol. I know some really great people. Not just the girls. I have really good friends all over. I mean, I asked one of my closest friends advice today and she’s in Bermuda. I love her. I remember all that time when I was going through my divorce and I was brave facing it. She could see through the ‘royal wave’ and the forced smile…and the next morning I received something in the post from her…that to this day means SO MUCH. (Thank you EMS!! 🙂 )

‘I don’t think she’s used to people actually caring about her, who don’t have to…be it friends or guys…..70 percent of them fall for *Chrissie Wunna* ….and not just this Burmese chick from Donny, named Christina. When she finds friends or guys who adore both…she treasures them.’

By nature, I’m someone that cares about people, lives and others…a lot more than they maybe deserve…and when I say ‘deserve’ I mean these are the people that haven’t done good by me…The good thing is that i’ve grown out of that. I’m thirty six and raising my own family now. I never focus on the bad past bits. It’s unhealthy. Instead I’m excited for all the good that I have to look forward to in the future. I’m beaming.

Today, if I learnt anything I learnt how important love is to everyone. I asked every single one of my friends around me about their love lives…and they delivered their versions. Each one of them *glistened* with glee as they reminisced and told me stories of how they met their husband, boyfriend, or just boned a date. Lol.

I’m a sassy one. But i’m a hopeless romantic and let’s face it, life hasn’t served me well in the love department at all over the years. But i’ve always been hopeful. I think i’m a bloody good catch. Lol. I’m sure guys have always understood me incorrectly. They’re approach is always odd. I’m someone that believes men should be brave and chase their hearts desire and do it with their romantic foot forward. I’m a girly girl. I LOVE ROMANCE. Yet i’ve had years of just idiots, with a operate their ‘wooing’ via a ‘think they know’ version of me. It came to a time that made me believe that I would never get swept off my feet by some Knight in Shining Armour.

It doesn’t matter who or how the girl is….every chick wants a ‘Hero.’

 

 

 

 

All Hot. All Bothered…..

Image may contain: one or more people, sunglasses and close-up

I am BOILING! It is RED SEXY HOT and we can’t even handle it. We moan when it’s freezing. We moan when it’s roasting. So I guess, we as jolly little humans, like with everything that we fancy, prefer it when things are just ‘alright,’ as anything too extreme gets to us. Lol. It must! 🙂

Now, I like it hot. I’m exotic. I’ll always prefer to be warm than cold. I have the ‘Burmese’ running through my veins with a dash of the West Hollywood sun tan. I can take a whole lot of sunshine and wink at it for more.

I’m in Yorkshire. (Which is where I was born and raised until I was around 19) and even I can’t take the heat right now….I’m a glamour puss. I glow. I don’t sweat. And I KNOW something must not be quite right, as I am certainly looking for a breeze! I can’t find one anywhere. I might melt into toffee at this rate. AND I WORE A DRESS THAT SQUASHED MY BOOBS IN ALL DAY. In heat…you need free fun boobies.

Nothing has really happened if i’m honest. I have a chilled out June and a busy July. ‘Firmonnell’ was naughty. I got done for swearing. Mel committed tot he executive decision of being hormonal and ‘Fairytale’ blond got her leg out. ‘Double B’ also decided to dress like she was going to a FUNERAL in the middle of our heatwave.

‘What you never know when you might need to pop over to one? I’m dressed and ready.’ 

Other than that, I literally have nothing else to report because i’m far too hot and bothered. I’m sat on my bed NAKED, with my boobies chilling out, my hair tied up on a scruffy ‘up do,’ with every window in the entire home open and no breeze in sight. I even have someone coming to read my tarot cards in a second. She better come with Pina Coladas or ice packs.

Everything’s going well. Life is pretty good. I’m just sweaty. 🙂

I will tell you that I AM SWIRLING.  Oh, LORD I am in a mad, mad, crazy swirl. A perfect swirl of utter deliciousness. I can’t even believe how lucky I am. I feel like a little girl, but one that finally grew up and after a ton of really rubbish times where Cupid had super shit aim….he finally cut me some slack, felt bad for me and pulled his diaper together. I don’t think I will ever, in my life, be this lucky again. That’s how great I feel. And it’s okay to tell everyone that you feel that way. I mean fuck it, right now, i’m telling the world…because it shows people that you aren’t afraid to be you, that you aren’t afraid to be human and that you bloody do care! Nothing is lovelier than that. I watch so many people be terrified to say how they feel about things…and it makes me CRINGE. That is not the way to live life, i’m sure. It’s certainly not the way to BE YOU or to embrace the things that you love. Go with it! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE. No matter what.

I’m an expressive girl. I’m an open girl, but I’m a picky girl. But you’re a long time dead, so you need to enjoy everything that makes you beam, without fear. I’m all for that. And if you just keeps things simple, it’s amazing how far you can get.

I’m off now, I’m too hot and bothered to write. Plus, if i don’t wear a bra, i’m scared my boobies will go dangly. I’m definitely sure I can’t rock the ‘spaniel ear’ look.

Love you,

Chrissie

 

 

Business, Swirls & Bouji Gin

So, I thought I was gonna chill & be quiet, yet this inner need for noise and bustle got the better of me, after *peace* had been  successfully’ticked’ off my ‘To do’ list. I found myself sending my bored friend Abeiku Arthur (who owns House of Solo Magazine..which I shot for) and by 7.30pm I as sat, in my faux fur, outside at a table with a red red wine at The Carlton, In Pontefract. It’s a local pub that I used to go to all the time, almost every time…Lol…almost racking up open tabs of hundreds of pounds time…Yet now I just peep in for a ‘kick back’ gin and tonic and jolly chilled banter with good friends.

I got there early so I just sat by myself, ‘House of Solo’ got there shortly afterward and after moaning that he wanted a burger and with a shandy in his hand, we pulled up a wooden chair and we started to talk work.

So, I’m running my blog, this blog..Wunna Land and he’s running his high fashion magazine…and every so often we catch up, to see how the other’s business is going on and chat shit about everyone basically. Lol. We loved chatting shit so much yesterday evening over wine that an old Yorkshire man, who was stood with his wife, stopped us and shouted across the outside ‘smokers’ patio…

‘Can I just say, you two look REeeeeEEEALLY HAPPY.’

Me: We’re talking about strip clubs and he’s moaning about £20 for a 3 minute dance, prices of them….HAHAH.’

The wife smiled, apologized for her husband, when she didn’t really need to… and said,

‘Aww, they’re just mates. Y’can tell…Especially if they’re taking about strip clubs, I’d whack you one..’

Everyone burts into laughter and the Yorkshire man finished off by shouting,

‘Bloody hell…Sorry. i didn’t realize. I just thought you looked happy, like you were gonna run off and plant daffodils or something.’

HAHAHAHAHA! I love people. I love funny strangers. He properly made my evening. Then he left.

But yes, after ‘House of Solo’ moaned about dodgy strips clubs in Wakefield.

Me: ‘As if you’re so stupid that you don’t know anything about strip clubs…They don’t just walk around fucking naked you idiot. You have to pay for that! Lol. That’s the WHOLE POINT!’

House of Solo: ‘Where’s my burger???’

Me: ‘Hahaha! You look like a zero swag dickhead, having to hold a basket of condiments with you, wherever you go!!’

Anyway, we then got talking about our careers. I was telling him about the stuff that I had going on, my collabos, my meetings, the investment deals, showing him my social stats and where I wanted to be headed this Summer career wise. And he’s always really positive about it with me, but at the same time keeps it real…Kinda like I am. I’m the same way. We’re straight talkers. However, i’m far more charming.

‘It’s only because you’re a girl…that’s why you have MAD followers…It’s harder if you’re a guy.’

Then I started talking about some of the recent Vlogs I’d been watching and Blogs people had or hadn’t been writing and how I thought they were doing, as personal brands. Some people get it? And some people JUST DON’T. I mean GOD! I love talking about other people’s blogs and vlogs…and gobbing my opinion of them as a brand. I get away with it, because my patch of cyberland is sassy. It gives me a the ‘green light’ to swear about other people’s patches all I want. 🙂

If you’re gonna be blogger or a vlogger that intends to *jiggly wiggly* into the world of personal branding, then you pretty much should be able to EXPRESS yourself PERSONALLY. If you can’t, or don’t..and I can always see through those that are uncomfortable or faking it…Your personal brand will just never work. It’ll just be boring, unauthentic…and like everyone elses. *SNOOZE* The idea is that you are true to who you are…YET, even if you are true to your voice in cyberland, you’ve got to have that ‘something, something’ that is simply captivating…Without that, in a business of ‘show’ you’re fucked.

I should have a ‘Swear tin’or something? Every time I SWEAR i’ll tinkle some change into a tin and when it’s full, I’ll give all the dodgy made money to charity. That’d be awesome. ‘Wunna swore for Guide Dogs’ or something? I could save lives and everything…Shame i’m not in the right heels. 😉 I’ll have to book in into next season’s diary. 🙂

Anyway, ‘House of Solo’ got his burger, I got a posh berried gin, as he showed me his front over ideas for the next edition. He’s doing four separate covers…and one of them I ADORE. It’s a shocker. I’m gonna PR the balls out of it for him and just because I think it’s SOOOO ‘out there.’ It’s gonna open eyes. (And no, it’s not a Wunna crotch shot…as really…that wouldn’t be too shocking to most,and my crotch isn’t that ‘High Fashion.’ Lol. Who knows, we could plonks some Burberry on it and whip it down a runway?)

Long story short, we quit chatting about our work…and just drank a bunch of gin with berries in.

House of Solo: ‘I want a fruity gin..’

Me: ‘When did The Carlton start doing bouji gin..?’

I love how all bars are now going on this ‘Gin is all BOUJI and new’ thing. IT’S BEEN GOING ON FOR DECADES. Y’know ‘Mother’s ruin’ and all that! But i’m not complaining. My drink was delicious and served to me by my old school friend ‘Pogson.’

Me: ‘Are we the last ones in here, cos you’re turning the lights off?’

Pogson: ‘Nooo, i’ve poured myself a Peroni, you’re fine.’

Anyway, we ‘House of Solo’ and I quit talking about work and started chatting about our love lives. (This is after we had politely slagged everyone off…Lol)

‘What? Chrissie! She just bums you..’

‘Yeah. I like it when people do that! Lol.’

But, yes…he was telling me about his happily tragic love life and I was telling him about mine…yet….in snippets…as believe it or not i’m always quite private about mine, so i’ll let you tell me everything and i’ll tell you bits…the unimportant bits, to keep you happy. I’ve been getting loads of messages from guys over the last few weeks (because i’m a chick with boobies) rambling on about if i’m ‘single, single, single‘ and then being in a mood because I won’t reply, which makes me ‘ignorant.’ Lol.

BLAH.

I’m not ignorant. I’m just busy and i’m not someone who’s gonna waste your time, or mislead you. I think that’s wrong, as you can never get your wasted time back. But I read all your messages and i am very flattered. Don’t think I’m not…and don’t call me ignorant, just because I don’t reply. Lol. Use a different word like ‘swine‘ to get my attention. It’s rude and has reference to booze in it. It’s a winner!

If i’m being honest…There’s obviously someone i’m in a swirl about I think he’s awesome. I really fancy him. He’a a great guy. And when it comes to things like that…as in ‘swirls,‘ I’ve kinda got a one track mind…Meaning, if i’m in a swirl, or I like a guy…it’s pretty hard, for you to get me, to like you more…unless the swirl has…well…swirled off. Lol

Anyway, I gave ‘House of Solo’ love life advice and he gave me guy advice…We gave each other advice, on how important it was to refrain from ‘playing it cool’ …cos sometimes you can plays something SO COOL, that nothing gets done…He moved forward with his mode of action and if i’m being honest, over the past week, I’ve really thought about ‘my swirl‘ a lot. I’ve been busy and working…but…

Whatever…in that moment I felt all inspired, we both did…So we reached for our phones..

Unfortunately for him, his phone died and ran out of charge..Lol. WHAT A BALL ACHE. It ran out of charge RIGHT WHEN HE NEEDED IT.

Mine phone didn’t…

And with a. ..

‘I’m thinking about you…I’m kinda missing ya lots…’

… at around 10.22pm

Everything in that moment felt wonderful.

 

 

 

Cocktails, Banter & Love History

Double B: ‘Yeah but you’re always hung over on a Saturday…’

Firmonnell: ‘I still come in and DO WORK. Anyway, fuck off!!! YOU CAN’T TALK when you’ve once walked into work looking like a 192o’s DISHWASHER!!!!’

Double B: ‘Chrissie? Is this YOUR passport?’

(Shows me a passport of a young Chinese man…)

‘…just thought it was you without your weave in…’

Me: ‘LOL. Why are you ALL dickheads??? Anyway, shut up, i’m texting… Potter says he’s *got me sussed…?* What is he even on about?? Got me sussed? Like i’m some kind of …’

Double D: ‘Look at you. You just love all the attention. You need it now that you’re old..’

Me: ‘What the actual fuck! Leave me alone. Leave me in my granny corner to be old and quiet.’

Double D: ‘It’s just banter… GOD!!’

Me: ‘Hmmm…well I don’t like it. I’m sensitive…’

There is a *PAUSE*

Then as I peeked at Firmonnell via my little kitten eye..we literally burst into a hysterical, mid blowing belly chuckle! A chuckle so hard that we literally flung our heads back and maybe did LITTLE WEES in our Ann Summers/Bridget Jones frillies.

I have the greatest chick friends…they sort of worship me and ground me all at the same ‘abusive’ time. 🙂 You need your life soldiers. Ya chicks in heels. We support each other to the moon and back and even though we banter away with inappropriate humour, sassy tongues, tears or tantrums at times…. (It’s just what ‘us northerners’ do…) Alongside that, we build each other up so greatly, that there’ll never be a page in our diaries that reads, ‘I just never felt good enough..’

This chapter of my life is the changing chapter, yet it is currently a GREAT ONE. I’ll always remember it…Sort of like I remember my first ever LA chapter…when I arrived at LAX with nothing but a suitcase and my fingers crossed, as the warm air hit me. I also remember that in that time…I fell in love…It ran through my mind as I drove home yesterday after work. I haven’t spoken to Mikey (who was my first husband, when we were kids in LA, trying to be future success stories) and i’m someone who’s always really great with my exes. I’m apparently always ‘the one that got away.’ *Rolls Eyes.* I’m joking…Lol…I’m good friends with a lot of my exes and I do mean JUST FRIENDS. Not all of you though. Some of you I really do think are utter planks. 🙂 You know who you are…*POINTS FINGERS.*

Anyway, I thought about that time merrily because it was such a pure time before the birth of ‘Chrissie Wunna,’ so to speak. I was so innocent then and in that time I couldn’t have met a more perfect ‘team mate’ to do life with. So even though we don’t speak…and I there’s a HUGE STORY to tell…There’s years worth of stories that no one will ever know about and I don’t tell the stories because it kinda overlaps with certain things, that were going on in my life at that time…and well I respect him enough to keep it bundled as a silent ‘memory bubble,’ that we’ll both have.  We didn’t quite get the correct closure…I’d say. One day, when I see him.. I’ll get that. During that time, if we didn’t go our separate ways, he certainly wouldn’t have become the success he is today…and well…neither would I. We were young and to be honest it’s kinda the Hollywood way….

But yes, as I drove home yesterday early evening, I smiled because during that early LA chapter, I kinda looked back and thanked him for making me feel like the most loved girl in the entire world. He respected and treasured me. Some girls go through their entire lives never getting to feel that…I mean GOD, I don’t even nearly feel like that right now…But it was so important that it popped into my head because it reminded me of a very happy LA chapter (as it did go a bit dodgy from that point, but that dodginess was essential to my making 🙂 ) and it also reminded me that in life anything can happen when it comes to love…and sometimes it can just ‘Jack in a Box’ you out of nowhere. If you’ve felt true love, you can feel it again….and if you ARE single, be you young, in your 20’s, fourties or an aging, independent thirty something glamour puss 😉 know that there’s this AMAZING guy, who will pop out of nowhere and treasure you. One that you’ll actually fancy! I know!!! No, I haven’t had rum! You don’t have to wait it out..you just have to get on with being your fabulous self…and that imaginary Knight will gallop on in and sweep you off your fucking budget Louboutins.

I don’t know why i’ve gone on about all that, because that’s not at all what I wanted to chat about?? I was gonna tell you all about how important blogging was and how organised and feisty I am now and how I’ve become so focused. How I’ve decide to work with some amazing new brands. I needed to do my Laura Bartlett blog. ( I loved her.) How so much is happening and it’s all very exciting…work wise.

I mean, it all goes back to that meeting that I had with Jack Parsons. It put me in ‘check’ and organised me mentally. He has been one of the most inspiring people i’ve met so far this year, because he actually helped me. I need some help. Lol. ALL THE HELP. But no, right now, when it comes to my brand/business, I’m in a powerful place where I’m gonna need mentoring and at the same time so ‘big boys’ to step in and make Wunna Land MASSIVE. Jack is going to be good at this. I can feel it in my sassy bones. He’s on his way up to the stars and still has the ability to remind me that I can smash it. I’ll remind him of that when we’re both ‘chilling it’ on the Forbes list. 😉 At least he has an office. I want a fucking office!

But i’ll tell you all about work some other time. I guess my mind just wanted to tell you a love story instead?? FFS.

Hope you’re having an amazing weekend. I’m enjoying a really chilled one with my babies ‘Ruby & Junior.’ They rinsed me at the toy store, we’ve lunched and mocktailed at Ego, in Ackworth. (I go there a lot. It’s local to me.) I’m loving my weekend, as usually i’m dashing about having to ‘jump on a train‘ this…or ‘leap to the next platform‘ that. There’s not been much ME time or…well it’s all been fucking stressful. 🙂

Feeling chilled is my favourite…Maybe because by nature my soul is so WILD. When it comes to the days that I choose peace, I treasure them like those red flavoured fruit pastels. I’m happy. My kids are happy. Everyone i’m working with is happy. I’m doing well and now on a ‘not so ropey’ success ladder. I’m strutting up it like i’m Fred Astaire in tap shoes.

*Throws you a wink and a pout*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sassy, Bank Holiday Sexiness…

I’M HAPPY!

I’m sprinkled in a confetti fun, dazzled with a giddy charm. I’m feeling flirty, fun rebellious. I’m enjoying my life to the max. I’m laughing with my chick friends, tinkering in the art of business and winking at strangers who deserve a bit of love from Wunna Land. Right now this weekend…even though i’m feeling a bit chubby, I’m totally on top of my game and DOLLS it feels FUCKING GREAT!

I’m enjoying every waking inch of my Bank Holiday weekend. You only live once. I’m loving it.I’m living it and doing everything that I want, when I want. I think there might even be sunshine! I’ve loved, danced and done candy flossed ‘toy store’ openings with my GORGEOUS little Wunna babies. They rinsed me. I didn’t care. If you work hard and can’t spend your money on the people and things that you love, then you’re doomed. I’ve lunched with family. I’ve drank salted rimmed margaritas at Ego in Ackworth. I’ve Pornstar Martini’ed it at city centre pitstops ( I LOVE A POP UP BAR) and over the finest wine, the most delightful lunches and VIP tables that I couldn’t turn up to, I’ve had fun. I’m happy and the great thing is that this weekend, I’m not suffering fools. I’m taking not shit. No nonsense and embracing every part of me that feels powerful.

IT FEELS SOOOOOOOOO GOOD!

I’ve had lots of my chick friends ask me a great deal about love and how it all works, how men work, how life works with them etc…and FIRSTLY…I’M DEFINITELY NOT YOUR BEST BET. I don’t win stars in that category. I’ve had my heart break and heal so many times that nowadays, each time new love comes striding into Wunna land, I smile, go with it and just keep my fingers crossed with hope good intentions and laughter. That’s all you can do. I know girls like to ‘fuss.’ But i like to keep things simple. If a dude likes you, he’ll like you..and he’ll come get you and if he doesn’t…he won’t. You don’t have o put your life on hold, or worry for nothing. If he adores you…he won’t lose you. Yet, I will say that I have noticed from some of my closest chickdaees that once a guy does ‘get you’ and feels all ‘slipper comfy’…which don’t get me wrong is lovely…sometimes…they forget that to make sure their girl is feeling adored, appreciated and loved. We’re weird ones, us girls. It’s something we always need to feel. Even when we feel it ourselves. When we love, we love whole heartedly, don’t we? We come shooting out that canon head first, in a swirl of love madness. It’s nutty. But hilarious.

Men aren’t the same. They’re growers. *Wink wink* They grow to love…after an initial infatuation..which is pretty sensible, on the whole..Lol. My LA friend Dylan, once explained this to me whilst chucking pasta to a wall, in strips, to see if it was cooked,as a really rummed up Magician decided to get really drunk because no one loved him? Anyway he told me, that men where like trains… and that they needed to *chug* along merrily, with no pressure before they eventually decide to THEN go through the tunnel… slooooowwwwwwlllllllyy…. and once they do and the come out the other end…. they’re apparently hooked, ready and at that point will love you more than anything? He must’ve been pissed? What the fuck was she on about? Dickhead? And that pasta wasn’t cooked. Lol.

Yet, anyway, we as chicks have become so independent, that we’ve cut the guys so much slack when it comes to making them BE MEN. We’re all self sufficient and bouji and can do love, business and life all by ourselves now, can’t we? All that’s great, as I wave the flag for a hard working kitten. I am one. BUT I like to keep love ‘old school’ in a modern day world. It’s hard isn’t it? I’m unconventional, fun and wild, yet i’m a sucker for a guy that knows how to love, goes for what he wants and as he beams, makes her beam like there’s nothing in the world more precious. Like a whirlwind of sensual, magical, yet innocent stars swirl around you both…it’s filled with  trust, loyalty, fun, sex and romance. It pisses all over Tinder. I hate all that shit.

But enough about love! It’s Bank Holiday Sunday! YEAH DOLLS! 2 for 1 cocktails for everyone!

Y’know why i’m feeling so great? It’s because i’ve pulled my kitty socks up and got shit done. I’ve had fun, met up with friends, lunched, drank and had the most divine time with my babies…BUT THIS WEEKEND, after a long week of work (and I did feel sorry for myself all last week) I’VE MANAGED TO GET BE SO PRODUCTIVE AND ACTUALLY GET SHIT DONE.

I’ve smashed it and loved it. No feeling is better to me than that feeling of actually committing to being productive and seeing the results from it. I know!!!

I’ve made sure that i’m all over your news feeds, i’ve replied to all of my messages, I’ve drawn you to fan pages, instagram pages, Tweeted my way into your lives and Snapchatted bits of life, to beckon you into Wunna land like I have Haribo in my pocket or something. 🙂 It’s worked and right now, you’re being a great audience. It almost turns me on. Lol. I mean, I only put in a BIT OF WORK to see what would happened. So if I got my glitter elbow grease out….I’d nail it. I’m feeling really confident. It’s crazy. I’m on FIRE! It’s sexy. I’m feeling sexy. 😉 I mean, I might have even felt so sexy that I Googled Porny Gifs to utilize my feeling of ‘sexy’ into ‘expression. LOL. Just me. No one else. Keeps you out of trouble. What? It’s good for you! 🙂 I’m like a dog on heat right now. I don’t know what’s up with me? I need 24 cold showers…and a seat belt. I’m feeling ‘more than usually’ kinksville. I need to slow my libido roll down.

I love these moments where I put down my daiquiri and make hay whilst the sun’s still shining. I’m ambitious so when I see results..I love it. I’m brimming over with this cheeky prosecco bubbliness. I feel amazing and I hope you do to!

My mind works weirdly, so as Jack Parson’s had told me I’m getting ideas, jotting my them down, whacking them on my walls on Post It’s and slowly putting together a plan. I’m NOT business minded. I’m a creative. I’m really creative. I’m an entertainer. So its almost like I have to approach business creatively or with more thought…OR just work with/hire the right people.

I hope you’re going to enjoy today?I have a few errands to run, before cocktails in Leeds. My friends are either out or doing date night, home life lunches or babies….I mean ‘The Mighty’ (who has managed to produce a second child) text me last night determined to FIND FUN in Leeds, when we were all at home. Lol. I knew that Mel was out, as I met her, Alex & Esme at Ego whilst they lunched and I handed them Garden Centre soap. Lol.

‘Are you trying to say I smell?’

‘Does Esme want a Mocktail. Ruby’s getting one?’

Anyway Mel went off and did hotel night with ‘Her Gary.’ I want a hotel date night. They’re always so much fun. There’s something so sexy sounding about them, right?

But yeah, I’m tired of typing now….

Enjoy the sun…as i’m definitely sure that I want to be laid on some inflatable cactus lilo right now, with a fruit umbrella drink in my hand, about some sunny pool, in a hot pink or leopard string bikini.

I have a shoot tomorrow…I boudior shoot so to speak with Claire Pritchard. She’s an AMAZING photog. I can’t WAIT to be a ‘fallen angel.’ What could be sexier? AND as you may tell…I’m feeling somewhat sexy right now. I’m embracing it as it’s my thing. It’s how I feel and where I feel most comfortable. I love sensuality. I love sexiness…in all forms. More than anything I love being a girl…We should embrace our womanhood more. It’s so powerful, it’s scary. I’m looking forward to filming my Vlog.

Ps/ I’ve spend the morning being obsessed with David Beckhams Instagram page. It’s amazing. You can’t help but love The Beckhams can you? I adore them. They’ve smashed it.

Ppps/ I love that someone actually Googled ‘Sumo Porn’ yesterday and found themselves here on this blog. You dirty bastard. Hilarious.

 

 

My Easter.

I’ve had the most amazing Easter. The most AMAZING Easter. I hope you’ve delighted in celebrating those extra days off, including the Bank Holiday, also! I actually worked today, so I don’t know what I’m on about? But hey ho, you can’t win’em all. But I hope you’re well. And yeah, I know that the the whole Easter thing, like Crimbo isn’t just about an abundance of choccie eggs and drinking ginny cocktails and more about a story regarding the sassy Good Lord. However, I don’t really know if The Good Lord and I are really that tight…So I’d hate to promo him for no real reason. 😉 However, whatever you’ve chosen to do with these last couple days…as long as it’s brought a smile to your face, then that’s cool with me. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be right now. You did exactly what you were supposed to do.

This Easter I went to see ‘my swirl, the most amazing man I’ll ever know. So with an,

‘I’m coming to see you today…’

and a reply filled with utter excitement and appropriate emojis..

..Three platforms, two trains, selfies with numerous teenagers and a Polish lady who said I was ‘nice,‘ with messages all the way, back and forth with ‘my swirl’ that were filled with a bubbly excited joy….

There I was, tottering out of the train station doors, in my dress, heels and faux fur, as he drove up to the curb *beaming*…and I hopped it lie the happiest little girl in the world.

And right from that moment, EVERYTHING was so naturally wonderful. I dunno? It just clicked and we were off doing Easter together like we had known each other for decades. From the moment I got into the car, it was filled with *beams,* banter, laughter and a simple ease. That never happens? It never happens? But at 13.02 this Saturday gone, life brought two people together…and we couldn’t have got along better. We spent our Easter together and it was AMAZING.

So, the thing about ‘my swirl’ and I is that we’re both really attracted to each other, yet we weirdly already have this friendship where we can just be us and tell each other everything about anything, yet at the same time, learn about the other, understand one another, make fun of each other in play and enjoy each other in moments of lust. It’s like this automatic balance of being able to be really sexy with one another, yet be best friends filled with a relaxed, yet fun banter, it’s an openess. However, at times we almost play ‘husband & wifey,‘ yet it’s all still glistened over with that excitement you get, when something is new. But what i’m getting at, is that it all happened so naturally, without us even having to try. It’s just how we ended up operating. I couldn’t have spent my Easter with a better man. He’s amazing and almost on every level. I learnt a lot about him this weekend….and well he learnt a lot about me.

Everything about our Easter Saturday was chilled and that’s exactly how I like it. I mean, to me, you have to be able to chill with a guy, easily…at the same time as being able to be yourself. We smashed a Nandos, we chilled, he looked after me so well, like he was the perfect gentleman. We got ‘sexy.’ We snuggled on the sofa, we chatted about our lives and then got absorbed with telly watching,

WE WERE GOGGLEBOX. Infact, no…WE ARE GOGGLEBOX. Let’s call casting and make it a deal!

I have never PISSED MYSELF LAUGHING AS MUCH WITH A GUY IN ALL MY LIFE. It was the funniest time. He was hilarious.  Yet he’s actually quite savvy, he’s really smart, really particular, really organised. I’m wild, but sensible. However, I have this respect for him.

But GOD, we watched The Kardashians, a Dinner Date marathon, the Football, Britains Got Talent, Britains Got more Talent, Take Me Out and then cringed at ‘Celeb Juice.’ We ight have referred to someone as an ‘Egg’ and we may have referred to someone as ‘Lurch.’ And we may have taken the piss out of everyone in the history of the world, including ourselves, yet at the same were baboozled by beings who were great.

We’re both chatty, we’re both open..we both think we’re funny. We’re both quite sassy yet well mannered, principled yet gobby. Independent yet stable. We’re ace!

Infact, there was a moment, when we were just sat ‘arm in arm’ on the sofa and I looked at him without him seeing me and we were BOTH in a fit of ‘throw ya head back’ hysterical laughter. And it’s those moments in life that matter. I remember those moments…even if they don’t last forever. You’re life is treasured by those moments.

‘But he had a fucking boat on his head! I’m obsessed!’

‘I’m not choosing what you want to eat!’

‘Surely, she won’t choose the EGG! He’s an egg!’

‘He missed the fucking ball because he was too busy shouting YOOOOUUU RAAAAaaaaaAAAAAAG!’

‘That was so impressive! How have they done that? It must be some kind of contact video thing?’

‘I always need a wee after…’

‘The trick is to not go on the date and stay on the show until the end…’

‘Do you want another water? Or some pineapple?’

‘You are literally SO HOT.’

There’s a swag about you…’

‘It couldn’t have worked out better..’

‘Money is why all marriages break down.’

‘Shall I order the spicy nuts?’

‘I need a 30 minute nap…’

‘We’ve actually been talking for AGES now…’

‘Aww! I take that back. I wish I never said that about him now.’

So after the best, most chilled Easter Saturday, at around 11pm, we both got showered and I got into bed with one of the most amazing guys that my life path has ever managed to cross with. He made me feel lucky. He actually made me feel feminine and I liked that.

But that night, as we both laid tucked up in the sheets, as we had an early start to the next day….we chatted because I don’t think we could believe how easy it was to just be around each other and get along…without any remote awkwardness or weirdness…It was just,….well…..easy….and in life GOD, do you have to cling onto the things that are naturally simple without complication that make you happy. They don’t come to you enough. When they do….I pay attention. This guys is not only incredible, but he’s actually a really great influence on me. He’s really organized and really well planned, but fun and I find that sexy.

That night, after we chatted, we fell asleep holding hands.

I hope I know this guy for forever….But if I don’t…as we all know how lucky I am in the love department….I’ll always remember the time we fell asleep holding hands and the best Easter Saturday ever.

‘I’ve loved having you here with me…’

‘I’ve LOVED being here..’

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is Everyone on Holiday & Willies?

Everyone is DEFINITELY on a *sunny sunny* holiday BUT ME! I’m in this place, that my rather glamourous chick friends and I have labelled ‘B City.’ It’s a terrible place (lol) of hard work, panic and now, now, now. It’s almost like running really fast on a treadmill, whilst people throw things at you, in heels…and without thre being some kind of glorified result at the end of it. Hahah! ‘B City’ JUST KEEPS GOING! It’s hilarious! *Selfie Here.*

I am certainly sure that I should be bobbing around with boobies, in a pool, on some inflatable flamingo lilo, with a fruity cocktail in my hand, sunglasses and as the blistering exotic sun beams down upon my kitty soul, to the peaceful sound of holiday.

But no..I’m working solid…in ‘B City’ without a paddle but a smile on my face. I mean, look on the bright side. I might not be sunning it up…and yes I am bitter about that. But at least I got to talk about willies for a good 4.2 minutes with ‘Hustle Barbie’ before six o clock.

‘I don’t like small willies.’

‘You can’t marry someone who has a small willy…’

‘But what if they do have a small willy, or are shit at sex?’

‘Well, I’m not 17. I’m thirty six, with a raging libido. Hahaha. I need to see the willy before I commit to doing forever…’

We smiles. We piss ourselves laughing. Life went on.

‘Cya!’

‘Bye!’

‘I’ve a great holiday!’

I adore girl banter. Maybe we girls should pay more attention to the hideous amount of ‘dick pics’ that litter out inbox? I always thought they were a nuisance. They ARE a massive nuisance and i’m an an open minded girl. But it’s only because i’ll be trying to email out a business plan and then some random stranger from Barnsley or wherever, will decide that i need to see his willy inbetween it all. I will have no clue who this human is…yet in his world ‘Chrissie Wunna’ needs to see a picture of his genitals. I really don’t. Yet, if I was smart, I would’ve used them for market research and created some ‘match your soul to the perfect willy’ dating app, for girls. 🙂

I will say that due to my *stamp* of what seems like forever, to the point where I might need to begin choosing the cats that i’m going to order when i’m a lonely 80 year old bat 😉  and still single in a cocktail bar because nobody can be bothered to adore me (do note, I’m only being dramatic, I’m still in a swirl) ….AND the fact that social media fame is labeling me as some kind of ‘eligible bachelorette.’ (Such a catch. 🙂 ) Anyway, all these dating sites are trying to get me to be the face of their ‘dating app’ campaign.

Now, I’m not an online dating fan. I say it all the time. I’ve done specific interviews on how much i dislike the process and I don’t mean when it comes to  chat. I’ve said it’s a great way to find people and get to know someone. Yet I dislike the whole ‘otherside’ to the Tinder/Happn bullshit.

I’m too old for it and unconventionally traditional when it comes to  ‘boy meets girl’ and they fall in love. I don’t wanna see or hear a ‘swipe right.’ It’s dull and robotic. I want that real ‘Knight in shining armour’ love that sweeps me off my feet uncontrollably, that poets have written about for centuries. (Wow. I am dramatic this morning.)

Can’t remember what I was on about now? Lol

Oh yeah…It’s just weird that so many Dating Sites are trying to hustle into Wunna Land with pay cheques and potential deals.Do notice that I haven’t done one yet! Meaning, that I do only chose to do the things that I ADORE. I won’t just sign up to whatever shit for a fee and a smile…but mainly because i’m so busy at work, wallowing in the art of ‘B City’ and with juggling life, that right now, I only have time for the things that I adore. If i said yes to everything…i’d probably be really rich and..well dead. Lol.

WHEN IS IT THE WEEKEND! UGH!

But no. When i have the opportunity to fit it all in. I will. 😉

So yes, as some of my chick friends…Oh and Webbo… head off to exotic lands, sunny sands, sunbathy diaries, filled with cocktailed nights of chill and good memories…I am still here…not on a flamingo lilo.

*Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa*

Have fun! Happy Wednesday!

Ps: Yesterday I learnt that some boys are bitchy. When did boys turn so Queeny? You’re dudes. Be men. Adore the girls that you’ve chosen to adore and do life your way. I heard loads of boys hating on other boys yesterday and it sounded really really…GIRLY. Don’t do it. Girls talk openly because we’re emotional and need that release. Women (and now i’m old, i’m a a total woman now) well we talk when it’s smart to…as we never feel insecure enough to hate. We’re grown. That’s the difference between boys and men, I guess also?

A Quick Change of Jiggly Plans….

So my weekend’s made a glamourous U Turn and is now completely different. I won’t be headed off to ‘tango’ with the boy until next weekend now. It only changed about an hour and a half ago…due to my own circumstance…Yet being a kitten who is pretty schooled in the art of ‘getting on it with..’ when life throws in a *spanner,* I’m dandy with it all. You can sweat the small stuff, (which isn’t sexy) or you can celebrate the big things that you have to look forward to. I’m certainly on ‘celebration’ mode and certainly excited about what life has in store for me…so Yeah…after ‘chitter chatter,’ rearrangements and just good old honest ‘Wunna Style’ banter…Everything was sorted and my faith in humanity and my trust in ‘swirls’ were completely restored.

Y’know, what’s good about this guy…Is that he reasons things out in his head. He’ll wait, he’ll weigh things up, they’ll benefit everyone and hell make the right choices. He’ll stand by what he believes, but then, with charm immediately knows how to make everything better…

‘I’m a lucky guy…’

‘You make me smile, I’m laughing my head off reading these texts..’

‘You’re not just looks.. you’re actually  hilarious…it’s total banter…’

‘I love that you’re really open..’

‘It’ll be worth the wait…I promise.’ xxx

I mean honestly, I love hearing it all!!

But what I’m realizing about him is that yes…he’s a lot of things… but he’s actually the perfect balance of everything..in my eyes. And in my world, my eyes… count. 😉  He’s funny, but he’s sweet and he’s naughty, but he’s expressive. We’re similar like that. I’m loving it. So I’m looking forward to meeting him. PLUS any guy that I can have a conversation with about my entire ‘time of the month,’my actual period, before i’ve ever even met THEM in person..and chat about it with them comfortably, as we try to make sense of it all…is certainly ACE. I can literally say anything, tell him everything and he’ll find it funny. Even if it’s inappropriate. And i’m gonna need that aren’t ! 🙂 He’s sexy. I’m hooked.

So we’ll see what happens NEXT Saturday. I’m a firm believer in the fact that you meet people, when you’re meant to meet people…I wasn’t meant to meet him earlier on in life, which is when we had first chattered. Right now, shortly, our paths are supposed to cross, I guess? Is that how it works?

However, away from that I cannot EVEN TELL YOU how happy I am that it is FINALLY THE WEEKEND! Honestly. I have been sooooooooo busy and have worked sooooo hard this week that my mind could’ve  just exploded. It’s been THAT bundled and THAT full of *So Utterly Much.* But I did it I’ve done it! I’m at the end of the tunnel. I have two utter days off in a row, away from the madness to find peace and calm…and gallons of prosecco.

THANK THE FUCKING LORD!

(Or as ‘Double B’ would say, ‘Jesus and the baby orphans.’ )

When you’re THAT busy, you need those moments! I like to call them ‘peace… cut offs,‘ where you just ‘cut away‘ from the hectic drama’s of life happenings and enjoy the things that you LOVE. It stops you from needing botox, going insane and keeps you beaming.

(OH GOD! Ruby’s just woken up and tottered up to me, with these GIANT rainbow coloured beads around her neck with what SHE thinks are flesh coloured ‘feet.’ They’re from a Gay Pride event and my friend brought them back for me, as an appropriate gift. I’m sure that I hide them in the back of a high kitchen cupboard? Lord knows how she has them??…But yes, those ‘feet’ are decorative…well there’s a Penis, after every 7 beads 🙂 Welcome to Wunna Land.)

Lots of great things are happening to me right now. I have lots of good news to tell you soon.

I have my fingers crossed for most of it, as I don’t know how my life is going to end up…But if you don’t hope for the best…You’ll drown in rummy cocktails. Let’s put it this way, I just KNOW that it’s going to end up being wonderful. 😉

Hope you sail through the weekend with absolute utter happiness….That kind of buzz that beams from your soul and lights up your eyes…

 

Tonight…I’m beaming…

Thank you for following my life.

Chrissie x

Ps/ What did my chick friends say?

‘Well at least you don’t have to take it up the arse on the first date now…:) ‘

 

 

Yorkshire Pudding Privates & Louboutin Chills

‘I’d shove a Yorkshire Pudding up you..’

…shouted a random gentleman to my Barbie Lookalike friend ‘Hot Sarah.’ (She’s got Barbie’s boobs and everything. She’s beautiful…She doesn’t want Sunday dinner up her *Whoopsie.* Infact, quite the opposite. She’d prefer to sit at home and make her own Yorkshire puddings, in a land of absolute luxury…as she lunches with other Ladies of Leisure, in Louboutins, by Prosecco Fountains. That is her life goal. Again! It doesn’t involve porn with leftovers from your dinner plate. Hurrah!)

‘Gimme ya number now…I right fancy you…’

…uttered what looked like a 9 year old boy,  who had been ‘egged’ on by a troop of other ‘maybe teens’…to go try his luck at getting ‘Chrissie Wunna’ to date him?

‘YOU’RE NINE! And you did that far too aggressively.’

‘I’m 24, i’m just short for my age.’ 🙂

(We’ll give him points for humour, ballsy little shit. 🙂  At least he DARE talk to me. Most people just breeze past awkwardly and inbox me later on Facebook, stating that they saw me. The older guys become, the less brave them become, I guess? I don’t bite. You can speak to me. I am human. I’ll only bite if i’m in my waist trainer, or if i have a sausage roll….then you’re fucked and not the good kind. 🙂

BUT HONESTLY! Both Males. Decades! Even GENERATIONS have had these males apart! Yet the practice that they used in order to ‘woo the ladies’ was not only weirdly similar, yet also distinctly poor and…well….just made no sense? At least make sense.

I mean, what lady wants you to shove a Yorkshire pudding in her…..? Lol. I’m creative and that even bamboozles ME! I’m open minded and I just can’t seem to fathom the consequences of such? I’m NORTHERN & WE LOVE a Yorkshire Pudding…I guess what i’m saying is… just not in our privates. 🙂

GO BACK TO ‘ROMANCE CAMP.’ Enjoy the art of ‘wooing.’ It’s delicious, simple and refined. More people should be enjoying the art of romance. Be brave, yes. But be lovely.

That guy had  ONE SHOT to approach ‘Hot Sarah’ with something that would make her *pause* and decide that he was ‘The One’…and that’s what he came up with? That was his first shot at love and attention. Hahah!  What would’ve been so hard to just stop, tell her she was ‘beautiful’ and ask her out for a drink? Yes, you got her attention. But only so she could tell me and I could place it on my blog for the entire world to read. Yippee!

‘Is because they’ve got nothing to lose. He’s already assumed that you’re not going to be with him ever…so he just thrown something out there for kicks.’

‘If a guy actually thought he HAD A CHANCE at making you his, he’d be a lot more clever about it..’

I like the clever ones, who are simple, but flashy. Romantic, yet emotionally together. Ambitious, but loving…and with a spirit that plays well with mine.

Unlike ‘Hot Sarah’ who wants to chill in Louboutins and well i’m sure I once heard her say ‘Save the animals?’ 🙂 I’m totally single, but a chick who wants to build an empire with a human and look around in astonishment at what we’ve managed to achieve. I find that sexy. I call that love. I don’t know WHY I imagine being part of an equally balanced ‘Power Couple?’ It’s a bit extreme, I know. But I just find achieving sexy! Yet at the same time, I enjoy softness, commitment and romance with it.

GOD! I’m already bored of listening to myself.

GIVE ME A WINE!

Bottom Line…Don’t offer to ya ‘shove’ dinner in a lady’s privates….

I’m sure ‘Double B’ said…

‘I’d let him, if he bought me the Vuitton Bag.’

Wait no…I’ve made that bit up…

She suggested ‘Sending Nudes.’ 

(Hahahah!)

Sending Nudes feels so ‘2011’ now, even though i’m sure it’s ever so current.

I wouldn’t flipping know! I send people Gucci Hats just to say ‘THANK YOU’…Not photos of me braless in exchange for a Yorkshire Pudding session. I’m sure there’s a fee for that! Lol. Is there a fee for that? 😉

 

 

 

 

he poorest advice, when it came to the distinct art of ‘wooing the ladies.’

HOW

 

Don’t Mess With A Brother & His Chicken

‘Hey? Are you by yourself? Lol. What you never know? So what’s the plan today?’

The next morning in Manchester had sprung and before I had even managed to roll over in my fresh white Macdonald  Manchester Hotel sheets and rub my kitten eyes…my phone was already throwing Tuesday at me with a ‘Hurry the glamourous fuck up…’

It was snowing outside my executive suite windows, in Manchester that day! I nibbled on ‘Welcome Chrissie’ chocolates that had been left in my room, I dipped into the warmest most bubbliest bath…I LOVE A BUBBLE BATH in hotel rooms, as it’s means I must have ‘chill time.’ Showers are for rushy times and even though ‘rushy times’ are great, because they wave the flag for ‘busy,’ which means opportunity is in the palm of your hands…Nothing to me is better than those moments where you look after yourself….in bubbles…with massages….with love…or with a fresh cocktaily treat. That one moment sorts you out for the rest of the ‘dash.’

Then there was mad grooming, hair clipping, pouting, slefies, (…I mean selfies…) snapchats, last minute room checks, the gathering of goods and as I shot down out the door, down FIVE flights of stairs (I didn’t take the elevator), with a warmth, a smile and a ‘Thank you so much, you guys have been amazing,‘ I checked out my the Macdonald Manchester, swung through the revolving glass doors and WALKED to the train station (that’s why I stay there, as you can chill in bed longer and take warm baths, simply because it is moments away from your train…) and before you know it…BOOM, I was headed back to Leeds…followed by a train to Xscape, to meet good friend Abeiku Arthur (who owns the High Fashion ‘House of Solo’ Magazine) to grab lunch… and well fill him in on a  quick mountain of gossip…that I KNEW he was going to try and cleverly drill out of me.

So, I was stood outside Xscape in Castleford, it was Tuesday…and I saw him strolling up, so with the biggest smile and the loudest shout and maybe even a joyous booty dance, to not rub MY ACE LIFE in his face… I glamourously yelped…melodically ofcourse,

‘I SAW STEVEN BARTTTTTTLEEEEETT! I SAW STEVEN BARTTTLLEEET.’

Related image   Image result for steven bartlett social chain

He grinned with pride…we sort of *knuckled punched* a greeting and ran into Nandos to chow down on a bit of Peri Peri Chicken (Extra Hot) with a side of ‘catch up’ banter.

Big A: ‘Are you getting extra hot?’

Me: ‘Dude, I’m ethnic. I do extra hot.’

Now, in life…I’ve swanned around some of the most glamourous lunch spots that the world has to offer, with tiny plated savory treats, that is misted with flavours of  five star dining…BUT sometimes a chicks just got to sit with a brother and smash a bit of grilled chicken with hot sauce.

‘So, go on then…what happened at Social Chain…’

‘Everything they’re amazing. I was there for about an hour and a half…and yeah I definitely want to work with them.. I definitely fancy Steve and Katie is great…’

‘What’s Steve like then? Is he really all that or is it..?’

‘I’ve got a blog coming on this…’ (That moment where you don’t tell you friends things so that they HAVE to read your blog. :))

‘Do you want chips?’

‘Yeah, Peri ones…I’m getting a wine too…’

‘Aww, grab us a cider…You know that I met that chick from Vogue at Fashion week right…So what’s Steve like then….’

Then we smashed Peri Chicken and chips, guzzled wine, laughed about life and how it makes paths cross. (Remember at the end of last year, I told ‘House of Solo’ that I would get to meet Steve at Social Chain…AND I DID IT. Lol) We talked career, business, the future. I told him where I was headed with Chrissiewunna.com, he’s developing ‘House of Solo’ better than expected now. I mean GOD, you can buy your copy in the Eurostar VIP section, as you’re travelling to Paris fashion week…that’s a great new step. (And I don’t mind rambling on about it because I’M IN IT. BUY THE SPRING EDITION NOW! Lol)

Image result for house of solo magazine

Then I suggested that we roll on to Burgers & Cocktails and grab a few drinks. Well I said ‘just one…’ But we know how that nifty slogan pans out…:)

Plus, I Love ‘STILL DAYTIME’ cocktails. They often feel funner than nighttime cocktails and we had a lot to chat about.

Lord knows what happened. But I ended up smashing 4 …’with sixty percent proof’ bits…’Flaming Mon’s,’ that had flamed flying out of my passion fruit and all sorts. I’m surprised naked dancing man didn’t pop out of my drink and slap my booty. It was a fruity tooty show piece.

I guess, people are similar to the cocktail that they choose to drink, or it depicts your mood. ‘House of Solo’ had a shandy. A Red Stripe Shandy. (An improvement on the ‘evening before’s’ company who simply drank water. Lol. Yet, Come on now…let’s jazz this up a bit…FUCKING RED STRIPE SHANDY with a ‘Can I have more lemonade please.’

We got the best seat in the house, which if you are following this blog, you will know that the BEST seat is wherever I’M sitting 🙂 and it’s referred to as the ‘Power table.’ Lol. In this case, it was AWESOME because we chose to not face each other and instead have seats that where onlooking the passerbys through a big glass window. We watched every single one of you and made up our own renditions of how your life goes..:) and mainly because we’re bastards. Lol. But whatever, I had had a bunch of cocktails by this point and was sneaky phone charging, so the staff couldn’t see.

We BELLY LAUGHED at life, he talked fashion, I talked Social Chain…He stupidly believes that there are actually still VIRGINS over the age of 20 in Castleford. *DYING WITH LAUGHTER HERE*

‘What the fuck are you on about? She’s not a virgin. Virgin’s are like UNICORNS…they don’t really exist…only in your deluded mind.’

Big A: ‘When I was in college in Castleford, this girl asks me out, and I thought it was weird because she asked if she could *start seeing me* and I didn’t know what that meant…cos in Africa, well…we’d just…’

(Then he does a mucky face with laughter. Lol. Do note that ‘Big A’ is African…and moved fresh from those exotic lands to Castleford. Lol.)

‘So why is it that men of the African Variety like chicks with booty?’ (As in a good bum and curvy bits…not as in what Pirates find in treasure chests.)

‘Well it’s all we see there and yeah I love a curvy girl. A big girl. That’s why it’s weird that I do High Fashion, as I have to see creative beauty in chicks that I don’t fancy at all…’

‘Why are guys scared to approach me..?’

‘Cos you’re Chrissie Wunna…’

‘No I mean really? Like really… You KNOW ME…Would you personally be scared to ask me out, if you fancied me…?

‘YES.’

Then we both PISSED OURSELVES LAUGHING, I recieved zero love life help and then out of the blue like the world had popped ‘crazy pills’ of joy, ‘House of Solo’ JUMPS UP with excitement and screeches, in his Big Black man voice…

‘Nando’s has liked our Tweet!!!!’

Honestly, it was like the world had decided to fuck up and chose us to be The Gods, for the rest of your time here on Earth.

I looked at him *blank*…not quite getting why he was that excited?

This is a guy who has VOGUE ‘like’ his work and that doesn’t phase him. Yet Nandos’ likes ONE TWEET..and he’s up in arms, screaming and shouting at how Nandos is so much bigger than Vogue and he needs to screenshot the ‘like‘ and post it everywhere. Lol.

Now, not to blow my own pink trumpet or anything 😉 But, I’m quite used to brands ‘liking’ stuff that I do. 🙂 I’m just this little kitten, who writes some blog and it’s all got carried away and now i’m (cue: Tabloid Titles:

‘..Making blogging cool again/ I’m the best thing to happen to Cyberland/ I’m the UK’s Carrie Bradshaw, / I’m Social media’s Newest IT Girl/ I’m an Sassy Inspiration..I’m everything, they say I am. 🙂 Honest!

So Nando’s ‘liking’ a Tweet, is GREAT (if you want to work with me 🙂 ) But until then…it’s kinda just a ‘like.’

Get it? Good!

Me: ‘You have three more trips to Nandos, three more posts, 3 more ‘likes’ and a Retweet until you get some Nandos attention. Let alone a flipping Black card dude.’

‘You have Black Cards to every glammy venue ever, but you don’t have a Nando’s Black Card..’

‘Yeah. They’re not going to give ME  one. People like David Beckham get them..Ed Sheran has one…I’m just this chick who writes a blog..’

‘We need one…’

‘Don’t put YOU needing a Nandos Black Card on ME. Lol. Okay, fine…let’s do Nandos every day.’

Image result for nandos

He *beamed* with happiness….and as time flew and life went on…(I had a busy work day the next morning, so I had a lot to prep for), I waved ‘bye’ and he hung out of a window and shouted…

‘YOU DON’T MESS WITH A BROTHER AND HIS CHICKEN’

 

Image result for nandos