A Little Bit Of Inspiration & Dudes

‘Did *what’s his face* message you?’

‘He doesn’t as much now. He DM’d me the other day, but it was mucky, so I ignored it.’

‘What about the Naughty Swede? Hahaha.’

‘Yeah. He sent me voice notes at the weekend and on Tuesday, saying he has time of work. Hopes to see me sometime. Hopes i’m well..’

‘What did you say?’

‘I just wished him well. What can I say??’

The Swede is always lovely when he voice notes. Yet, it’s strange how other guys can only seem brave enough to talk ‘sexy’ to me. I don’t know whether it’s because they just see me as ‘sex.’ (Which I don’t like. I’m a lot more than a pulsing vagina, whether they like it or not.)

I don’t know whether it’s because THEY THINK, that’s how I’d like a guy to be, after seeing a couple of big boobied pics? I don’t whether it’s because they feel more comfortable emotionally with that approach? I just don’t get it? I just don’t know?

But right now, it’s not a priority. So I don’t seem to care. I don’t have time to aimlessly amuse a guy and ‘tickle his fancy’ on lonely nights. I have better things to do.

In this phase of my life, I would only have time for a guy, who made an actual effort.

Everyone else gets chucked in ‘fuck it’ bucket. Cya!

Sacha Not Fierce: ‘You’re such a DIVA!! Haha.’

I had my opening conversation via Whatsapp on my phone, during a foggy school run, this morning. I was strutting through a playground, in glitter heels, my specs and with a bag of shin pads in my hand. Oh! And I also had a little half Asian Baby attached to my leg…Luckily it was mine, which kinda saved any awkward situations.

(I was once in Camden and someone else’s child had got lost and accidentally attached itself to my leopard print faux fur. I hadn’t even had Ruby yet, so I remember looking down in terror. Then I realized it was a small child. So I smiled and said, ‘Life isn’t going to be better with me, Lovely! Let’s find your Mum.’)

 Big Kisses! Big Kisses! See you at 3.30pm!!! At 3.30, it’s the weekend, Babies!!!

Junior: ‘I love you MUM.’

Ruby: ‘When i’m older, i’m gonna be rich, just so I can have assistants.’

I’ve got so much going on right now, that i’m kinda just focusing on ME!! It may seem like I do that quite a lot. However, I actually really don’t. I get distracted by things easily. I put other things first. I sometimes give ‘distractions’ unnecessary priority.

But, at the end of the day, I’m a boobied Glamour Puss, not a Sergeant Major. That’ll happen. Yet, it shouldn’t happen ALL the time. I was INCREDIBLY motivated when I was a 20 something. You could see a ‘fire’ in my little Asian eyes. Now you see a ‘giggle.’ But the ‘fire’ is coming back.

It needs to come back, pronto. I think i’ve left under a bed sheet somewhere?

Sasha Not Fierce: ‘I don’t think you get distracted. I think you get bored and when you’re bored, you *hobby* boys, things, drama….anything, just to occupy your brain.’

‘Well, i’m not bored right now, i’m busy….’

Sasha:  ‘EXACTLY!’ And that’s why your focus is on YOU, Sassy Pants.’

Me: ‘I think I need botox?’

Old School Friend & School Mum (As i’m running back to my car):

‘CHRISSIE WUNNA!! I was having my cuppa tea this morning and WHO popped onto my screen!?! I nearly I died! I choked on it! Haha. I couldn’t even believe it. I was like OH MY GOD!! It’s…’

Me: ‘Haha. I know. It’s shocked everyone. But yeah, it’s on Dec 3rd…’

‘Well, I’ll DEFINITELY be watching!!! Good luck! Haha.’

Monday, December 3rd, 10pm, Channel 4. ‘First Dates.’ Set ya tellies!

‘I’ve been thinking about ‘The Swirl’ aka ‘T Bone’ a lot. He’s in my head. But he’s in my head because I miss him and i’m inspired by him. I need inspiration right now. He’s someone that’s really GOOD at focusing on what matters to him and balancing it all appropriately.

He sees the big picture and gives everything his all.  Now, I look back. I get it…because i’ve kinda found myself in the exact same position as he was in. I hope I see him in the near future….But I kinda probably won’t.

I’m also inspired by Toby, we know I am. He’s a life soldier. He’s a fighter. He’ll smash the upcoming Winter Olympics and again he’s someone who seems to stay very focused, without letting the art of ‘tango’ or ‘distraction’ get the better of him.

I’m glad that I briefly crossed paths with him, because he reminded me to take life and opportunity into my own hands. Like I used to!

It must be one of the keys to success. Both guys are sportsmen though. Maybe they’re taught that mentality, every day…

You’re a product of your environment right?

Saying that, Mike wasn’t at all a sportsmen? My first husband. (My Little Mikey Ray.) I’d already  had a few  dreams come true, so I knew that anything could happen. MY parents taught me that anything could happen if I tried, because they made THEIR OWN dreams come true. Mum came over here with only £17 in her pocket and built an entire EMPIRE by herself…

As did my Father, who trundled to the UK with his fingers crossed. He ended up being a bone surgeon and building his surgeries, across the lands.

Mum: ‘Yeah, then we had you. We thought we had it all sorted and you turned around and said you wanted to be a MODEL!! Hahaha! I was like, GOD!! RAY! What are we gonna do?? We know nothing about entertainment!!!??!!!’

(But i’m sure that can’t be true because my dad ABSOLUTELY bought The Sun Newspapers ‘Page 3’ Calendar every year and put it up in the living room. Haha. It didn’t even bother my Mum because she’s cool. Maybe HE inspired me! Lol. )

Whilst he did that, my mum took me around to every single dance class, agent, performing arts school, competition, audition, acting class, ACROSS THE COUNTRY.

You name it…I was there, from being about 7 years old onwards…and this was at the same time as doing school. I went to a Private Boarding School. I had a wonderful time at school. But you kinda had to smash it academically and perform. It wasn’t like you could toss it off and play ‘absent.’ It was competitive. But I liked that, because there was still a warmth!

Plus, all the kids there WANTED to do well. There wasn’t a single pupil there would ever turn around and say, ‘I can’t be arsed to be here.’

We LOVED being at school. It was like a resort, a well protected bubble.

There was no ‘hanging out by the bike sheds, sipping cider.’ It was all. ‘Have you signed up to golf, or pony trekking? I’m bored, do you want a quick round of tennis before tea? ’ Lol.

I remember getting pulled out of class, during my G.C.S.E years, to go shoot a campaign, or audition for a pop band..(lol) Everywhere I went as a child, to compete during this time…Sheridan Smith (who is huge now) was there, with her mum. Doing the exact same thing.

Everything must have been so hectic for my Mum. Yet to me it seemed busy, but it was just so fun and easy. However, I’m now only GOOD at working under pressure. I can only be productive when I have A LOT GOING ON. Otherwise, I get bored…and when i’m bored, you’ll know about it.

Meghan: ‘You’re never home! You’re always out and about.’

I still came out the other ‘G.C.S.E’ end, with 9 A’s, a couple A *’s and a B (for Maths!) I am RUBBISH AT SUMS. I can’t be bothered to add.

Miss. Liddle: ‘Did you see my SEESAW post!!! I’ve found what Junior’s good at! I tested him on his timetables. I put them in front of him, didn’t help him at all…and he got them all right! I was like YES!!!! Look in his bag!’

FINALLY!!!! BLISS! I COULD’VE CRIED! (But really! I could’ve cried!)

So, I have one child that’s a glamour puss and loves poetry, reading, success and beauty. Then another who loves maths, building, codes and logic.

Wait! I’ve got distracted again!

SHIT! I was meant to be talking about how I watched Mike’s dreams come true!!! Haha!

So yes…Forget all that. It must be all lies, because I seem to be good at making everything about ME, most of the time! 😉

BACK TO DREAMS COME TRUE…

Nothing is impossible if you want it bad enough…SOME dreams come true, but I reckon,  they come true because people work HARD, and succeed on purpose. They put everything in place, so that one day, when an opportunity for ‘dreams come true’ comes their way…THEY’RE READY!!

That’s all you have to do, right? Put yourself in a good place and the right place. The rest you leave to life magic and keep your fingers crossed. There’s always an element, a force beyond your control.

I WATCHED Mike’s dreams come true, with my very eyes. I watched him go, from wondering how he was going to  afford a Burger King, to doing a scene with Tom Cruise, in a movie, as I sat in a cinema.

I watched us never go out, because we had auditions the next day. I watched us once having to run out of The Saddle Ranch without paying our tab, to then a year later being sat at a five star restaurant, at dinner, on Valentine’s Day, next to Tom Hanks and his wife.

ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN! AT ANY POINT.

That’s why I hate it when people give up, because they stop believing. They run out of ‘fight.’

I mean, there are always moments where I sit with my head in my hands, thinking ‘FOR THE LOVE OF ABSOLUTE GOD!!’

But every time, I just take a deep breath, swig a wine and get on with it.

Don’t run out of hope. Don’t run out of ‘fight.’ Keep karma on your side, always, because HOLY SHIT, it can be a BITCH.

Love. Live.

Try not to doubt yourself. Focus on how far you’ve come. It’ll impress you.  It’ll stretch you that little bit further over the line, to get you where you want to be.

Don’t compare yourself to others. It’s depressing. Be inspired by them. But don’t compare your life chapter, to theirs. You don’t know what they’re going through behind an Instagram Pic.

Don’t let other people get you down. It’s your version of life, not theirs. Celebrate YOUR story. I’ve never had anyone ‘hate’ on me, who’s actually doing better than me. 😉 Use any ‘hate’ to motivate you.

I call it ‘Operation: Watch Me Now, Boo.’

Make the right choices FOR YOU. After years of sometimes making really bad choices and failing miserably, over and over again, I will actually tell you that it made me smarter. It made me stronger. Made me wiser.

HOWEVER, some of those opportunities were opportunities that really only come around ONCE in a LIFETIME. Lol.  I properly fucked them up because I was distracted. I had to find another tunnel and dig my way to the light. Save yourself some time. Haha.

Stay focused.

I would’ve preferred to have made the right decision in the first place.

I hear a lot of wise people advising others to ‘fail as much as possible.’ And I get that. It’s true. It makes you mighty in the end. You shouldn’t be scared to’ get back up when you fail,’ I guess is the message. Yet, DO KNOW that whenever i’ve made a GOOD DECISION (yes, that HAS ACTUALLY HAPPENED BEFORE) and done something right the FIRST TIME ROUND…. It hasn’t felt bad AT ALL. It’s actually felt WONDERFUL!! Haha.

I feel like Dr.Phil. Wait! No I don’t because i’m about to shoot topless on a space hopper, with a martini glass in my hand, for my birthday Insta pics.

We all have different lives. Do yours well!

I wonder what ‘Fairytale, ‘Hustle Barbie, Mel, Firmonnell and Double B are all doing? I haven’t caught up with them in ages.

I’m getting a Flash back of a time when Double B, Fairytale and I were all sat ON THE PAVEMENT, outside some building in Leeds, after a night out, waiting for Prince Jonny, at around 2am, some morning. Double B had her shoes off and some drunk Ginger guy thought we were homeless and threw change at us!

Hahah….

For Love Or Money?

Image may contain: 1 person

It’s Monday and i’m feeling great after some much needed family time. I spent my weekend with my Mum and my babies and it was absolute bliss. Everything seemed so simple, so whole and what life was about. I’m a huge family girl and I didn’t make my ‘Mothers Day’ about me, I made it about my own Mama, because without her, I don’t even know how I’d survive life.

If you follow my ‘socials,’ you will have heard me gush about my Mum…and every single inch of the ‘gush’ was totally from my heart. I’m not someone who doesn’t appreciate people when it’s too late. I make the most of my time and my memories with them, whilst I still have them by my side. People forget to do that!

I needed that. Things are really busy and you can lose yourself in it. Last year, I had a bunch of chicks around me constantly…every day…which kept me pretty grounded….Now, there’s just me…and i’m holding onto those I cherish with bear hugs.

I’m happy. I’m really happy. And I don’t know why people don’t go for what makes them happy? Yesterday I was chatting my one of my guy friends, who’s madly in love with a girl, who has absolutely placed him in ‘friend zone.’ If you don’t want to be in ‘friend zone,’ get out of it. Don’t just sit there twiddling ya thumbs, go for what you want boldly. We girls love that, provided it’s done correctly.

If I was guy, I’d make sure the girl KNEW I wasn’t ‘just a buddy’ and i’d do it right. We find that hot…Unless, there is not an inkling in us, that sings chemistry….Then the zone really is ‘just friends.’

Like, I appreciate it when men are forward..(in the correct way) as i’m not used to it. I’m used to dudes, saying a lot, yet not following through, or just opting to be terrified, which i’ll nurture, yet not really adore. I’ll just assume they don’t care, because i’m a diva. Lol

Go for it.

Go for anything you ‘heart.’ You’re a long time dead.

Girl…Job..Whatever…You really can do it! You’re one decision away from making a difference…

(EWW! I’ve just split water on my laptop. This is why water is bad for you. )

I’m working hard, I’m doing the best I can. I’m just not worrying about stuff, because it doesn’t do you any good. I’m losing weight on my Herbalife challenge, I’m thinking ghosts are in my home, as my wall mounted mirror fell off the wall last night, mid creepy dream and I’m loving every inch of just being me.

(The ghost mirror thing was hilarious. It’s actually my Grandmother’s birthday today, she passed away recently…and I had a dream about her. I woke up from my dream and my mirror fell off my wall. There’s just the kids and I at home, so I always have to be brave…Hence why I need to marry a brave human…and I had to wing it like I was so ‘champion,’ topless, blind, because I didn’t have my contact lenses in and like it was nothing…YET IT FELT LIKE EVERYTHING! I was fucking TERRIFIED.)

I might not be perfect, but on the whole i reckon i’m pretty decent. It may seem like i’m a nuisance, because i’m delivered that way. Yet, my moral code of conduct, is pretty coolio…

I did have a ‘sort of’ friend, moan at me, before the weekend. I hate that. I hate negative.  I don’t really know this person properly, yet, they wanted to do business with me and I simply answered with a..

‘NO’

..AND THAT was because I once agreed to meet them for a meeting and they couldn’t be bothered to show up. Yet, instead offered me the opportunity to date them? Erm….?

I started to do wellish…and all of a sudden they popped out of nowhere calling me..

‘Stuck up now.’

(Because I wouldn’t re..meet them and/or date them)

Please roll all the eyes in the world here.

I’m not stuck up. I just don’t have time for bad manners, because I wouldn’t do that to someone without good reason. They didn’t have a reason…just ‘nonsense.’ I don’t swag with nonsense. In my 20’s i might have. But ‘get lost,’ i’m 37 now. I’m a fully grown ‘W.O.M.A.N.’

LET’S NOT BE SILLY.

They may feel sore right now, but that’s not how life, let alone business…. works.

He was all..

‘You’re not how you used to be?’

Really? That’s funny, because you didn’t even know the ‘used to be‘ version of me? I’m confused??

I simply answered with a..

‘NO, I’M NOT.’

🙂

Sometimes, you just have to whop out ‘bitch’ mode, because people will often…take the PISS.

Luckily, I shimmied into the most wonderful weekend ever and everything was back to bliss.

 I feel lucky.

I had a great meeting today…Here’s snippets..

‘But, what about the brand or the money side of it…’

‘I’m not arsed about that bit. I am who I am. I don’t want to meander from who I am. I just want to enjoy what i’m doing, writing my blog and anything that comes from that will just come merrily…’

‘I’m glad you said that… You’re like the most branded brand that is still human.’

‘If they don’t want to collaborate that’s their loss…because one day they might…and I’ll be really busy then… I don’t like people like that! If i want to work with someone, date someone, anything with someone, I know straight away…’

‘That’s fine. Relax!’

‘I’d rather just inspire…and whatever comes, comes….I’m already doing well…I’m happy… And fuck it might be hard, but I’m made for it…I’m sorted…I’m fine. Whatever’s meant to happen…will. And that’s coming from a chick who’s a mum of two. They have school, life and all sorts to have covered. I don’t get why we’re muddling over money…It’s shit!’

The best businesses (in my mind) are built on love not decimal places and percentages. There is nothing more powerful than your passion for something.

I also read a title to an online article today that began with..

‘FIVE THINGS TO BE AFRAID OF….’

DON’T BE AFRAID OF ANYTHING.

Who writes a post like that and calls it inspiring!

You can do, say and be whatever and whoever you want or wish to be. Even when you think everything is shit…it’s not…It’s usually..just a temporary change, or adjustment into a new chapter. And it IS HARD and we all play like it’s not..But you can get through anything, because that’s what we’re made to do!

If you need to drink through it, drink. If you need to dance through it, dance. If you just need quiet time. Hush. Do whatever you want…because at the end of the day…That what not only makes you you, but also make you powerful!

 

Image may contain: 1 person