We’ve Made It To Thursday….

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I’m feeling great! I mean there is STILL part of my life that is lulling in the ‘dull ‘ zone, however soon that ‘grey’ will be dashingly done and dusted. The rest of my life is ‘ooh laa.’ It’s magical.

Right….Many great things are happening to me right now and I can’t even believe it. My friends can’t even believe it.

Firmonnell: ‘I cannot actually believe that you’re going to be doing that! Lol.’

Me: ‘I know, it’s CRAZY.’

I guess opportunity has come a knocking and it’s certainly come threefold. Opportunity didn’t use to knock. I’d chase and chase and it still never knocked. For some reason now…it’s not only knocking, but i have a ‘bell’ that buzzes you straight into Wunna Land with automatic glitter doors, as big beefy security jiggles through the masses to pick the best pieces to the ‘Chrissie Wunna’ jigsaw.

I’d like to say it was luck, but to be fair, i’ve worked really hard, not as hard as I could’ve done, but come the New Year, i’ll now have that time to smash it. Work hard for what you want. It happens. And girls…please don’t feel downtrodden by others…be it men, life, the way you look etc..Normal chick issues. You can do anything. You really can. I am living proof of that. If i could empower every women in the entire  world, i’d be a happiest glamour puss in all of the land.

At the same time as hard work, I’m a big believer in fate. You get what you’re meant to get. You miss out on the things that aren’t right for you. You learn lessons along the way. No meeting is ever worthless. You encounter and cross paths with the people you’re supposed to. And If something’s meant to be, it will always come to you, or find its way back to you.

HOWEVER, if you don’t try to pursue the things that make you feel magical in life, then you’ll never get anywhere. You’ll always find yourself sat in your ‘why am I here’ rut. I’m Wunna Land. That’s not how I play drinking games. 🙂 A fire doesn’t start without a spark. And if anyone can spark a ‘gusto’ it’s moi!

Feel empowered. Be excited. Only do the things that you LOVE. Take the reins of your existence and shimmie it with everything that you stand for. Be the very best version of YOU.

A guy stopped me yesterday, as I was walking down a top flight of stairs with a Pot Noodle in my hand. (It was beef and tomato.) He’s Geordie, he tells ‘grandad’ type jokes and dresses up as 101 Dalmations at parties. Anyway, he stopped me and simply said,

‘The only thing that dissolves fear is ACTION. There’s something about you Chrissie. Something tells me you’re gonna be in a great place and never look back.’

Me: ‘Yeah. I’m not scared. I’m ready now. I actually feel held back.’

He smiled, like he was proud…and then I tottered off to eat my Pot Noodle. Yippeee!

Around Wunna Land, other shit was happening. ‘Hustle Barbie’ had decided to send suggestive messages to girls, from our guy friend Jonesez. She never learns that you don’t prank Jonesez because he lives for revenge and his excitement for it, is hardly ever punctuated. He don’t give no ‘hoot in hell.’ Bottom line…you’re fucked. So as she sat all smuggly, with her ‘i’ve sent messages’ head up in the air. He went to her car and smeared moisturiser all over the door handle of her car. She thought it was bird poo. I watched the snapchat an thought it was hummous….and what is honestly worst than innocently trying to get into your car and having your hand dolloped and smeared in a gooey, unknown substance. I’m a germaphobe, so to me…that is devastating. Hustle Barbie’s a vegan…She just got on with life.

I’m getting loads of love from ‘da ladies’ right now. My inbox is usually filled with messages from gentleman, who fancy their chances at adoring a glamour puss. Lol. Right now and because i’ve recently done one f the most uplifting interviews, that you’ll all see shortly, I have a jolly…if jolly meant ‘sexy’ bundle of chick ‘yahoos.’ Girls are naughty. Some have gone beyond the ‘you’re such a queen, I love you.’ To ‘I can’t even tell you what i want to do to you. *Devil face emoji.*

It’s hot. I love it. And it’s all because I said, that my Girl Crush (and if you know me or read this blog, you should  already know) that my GIRL rush is ELLEN DEGENERES. No one loves this women more than me…and I do mean sexually and not just in a ‘fan girl, oh yeah she’s funny’ kinda way. I need Ellen in my life! She’s my perfect woman.

Obviously….I’m straight. (I have an unfortunate and somewhat colourful history that pin points this. I’ve romanced a lot of gentleman. 😉 ) Yet. OH MY GOD, I properly fancy Ellen Degeneres with even inch of my heart and loins…that I don’t think that I could live without stalking her Instagram, every second. J This crush hasn’t recently occurred. This crush occurred in my mid 20’s whilst I was living in LA.

The quote from my interview, which comes out shortly is…

‘I could meet any guy in the entire world and not feel a single piece of the nerves. If I meet Ellen Degeneres. Like she was just right there infront of me, I might possibly DIE and then try and snog her after cocktails.’

Now, cos they do….all my real life chick friends are trying to steal my crush.

Hustle Barbie: ‘I think i’ve stolen your girl crush.’

(Then she posts a screenshot that tells me how Vegan Ellen Degeneres is. Do know that ‘Hustle’ has gone from ‘I really fancy a sausage sandwich to the absolute height of VEGANISM. She’s recruiting. Be warned.)

So yeah, now she fancies my Girl Crush, because my girls crush doesn’t eat animals in any way shape or form.

Hustle Barbie: ‘She’s mine now.’

Me: ‘I will only become a Vegan if Ellen tells me to. Back of Blondy, she loves me not you. Lesbians love me, even though I eat bacon.’

Me to Firmonnell: ‘Hustle is trying to steal my girl crush. Ellen’s vegan.’

Firmonnell: ‘Ha..ha..Does she fancy ALL vegans now????’

It’s weird how when we love something we try and make everyone else love it to. Hustle with her ‘don’t eat meat’ club. Me with my ‘Live life like you have nothing to lose’ thing. Keiran with his ‘I follow Jehovah….now you should too.’ All the girls with ‘Let’s go to the gym and eat healthy.’  It must be passion, or this sincere need to be *pom pommed* onto a more positive path.

Junior was so cute last night. he wanted to sleep in my bed with me, because he missed me when he went to his Dad’s.

‘Mum, i really need a snuggly something.’

‘I don’t have your blankey.’

‘I REALLY NEED A BLANKEY. Get me one of your jumpers. A snuggly one, that smells like you.’

I produced my thin peach jumper, the one that has a swan on it. I’d just chucked it in my wardrobe so it radiated a mummy glow.

He rolled it up into a ball and with utter bliss in his eyes, cuddled it like his life was now complete!

Why can’t all guys be like they were when they’re young and still adorable??

Saying that my first husband used to do the same. I was living in LA working. He’s an actor, but was living in New York at the time, before he was making his move to LA. We were  moving in together, and had just met. During that time, we had to be apart. It wasn’t bad at all really. We were fine. I’m used to living apart from my counter male. Schedules, careers and busy times usually prevail. Anyway, he’d always grab an item of my clothing, like a tshirt or a nighty and take it with him, to sleep with, whenever he left to be back in New York? (I’ve just made that sound creepy. But it was actually really innocent. Hahaha.)

Anyway, I’m off. I have a really exciting next couple of weeks, where i’ll be meeting some amazing faces, who will tinker into Wunna Land. I’m going to be in Leeds, London and then Liverpool.

I’m working all day, but my next thing is tomorrow.

Tomorrow i’m be celebrating with Candy Mechanics at Trinity Leeds, as they magically turn me into a chocolate lollipop. I’m so excited. I can’t wait to be there. It’s the big old live launch, for the ever so magical pop up stall that will open in Leeds later

Payback’s a REAL BITCH

I’ve had a week’s blog break. My sincerest kitty apologies. However, technically, if I want a week’s blog break, I can pretty much take one. I guess, that’s the beauty of being Chrissie Wunna, in a world that is aptly named WUNNA Land. (So creative of me, I know. Really stretched far to think that one up.) I had the most wonderful weekend, filled with trips to London, dress fittings, new brand deals, interviews, good times, great friends, strangers, cocktail drinking, the Media Awards and then good old Yorkshire fun with my closest  chicas. (Well I say ‘Chicas,’ even though ‘Dipper’ and ‘Jonesez’ from the group are definitely boys. We kinda class them as girls, because they’re certainly having to exist in a world of Sasserillas, where their words don’t seem to count as much, as ours. Lol. Shush, they love it. It turns them on. They’re like the ‘Little Brother’s’ to a BIG GIRL group. Yet the BIG GIRLS are total bitches. Haha. I’m included in that. Yippeeeee!)

So yeah, I had a full on weekend and just needed to spend some time at home, after working all day. I just needed some time to simply enjoy resting up, recovering, tinkering with my hormones, indulging in a ‘no audience’ peace and more than anything, I just wanted to spend deliciously gorgeous Mama time with Ruby & Junior. We’re such a close little family and weirdly, when I have to tango off to go do awards, meetings, train journey’s or work, they just seem to understand and they’re only four and six. The fact that they understand makes me adore them even more, as nothing is worse than HAVING to go off and work hard to provide and in my case also ‘build brand,’ yet in the back of your mind, knowing that the people you care about the most don’t like it. It makes everything harder. Luckily, I’ve have ace kids and luckily I raised them to be ace. (Thank GOD for my MOTHER!) In the end, all will be PERFECT! I promise them that all the time. Lord knows how I’m actually going to pull perfect out of my glittery arse??? I’ve got my fingers crossed, so that works right?

BUT ANYWAY, i’m not going to tell you about the Diversity in Media Awards just yet, or my weekend of drinking games and dancing infront of mirrors with the girls before everyone puked…(that will come later, i’ve kinda got to get ready for work and i’m still sat in bed, butt naked, with a kitten on my left thigh.)

Yesterday, was a great day.

To be fair, I was kinda moody through it. Just throwing myself one of those jolly old ‘pity parties.’ I kept looking around me and thinking ‘Blllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.’ The air around me just felt dead, dull and well, if i’m being honestly….fucking boring. I can’t exist in an environment of that fashion. It needs to be bubbling with excitement… luxury….love……or just plain old laughter. Or wine? Wine works?

Two days ago, my chick friend ‘Hustle Barbie,’ let’s call her Hustle FUCKING Barbie. Has a more appropriate ring to it.

Anyway, she thought she would be ‘Hustle FUCKING Hilarious’ and go on my computer and SEND PEOPLE messages…. from me. Y’know, the awkward ‘shall we go on a date’ kinda ones and to people I didn’t really desire to go on any dates with. (I hate her.)

Ha…ha. (Not laughing.)

VERY CLEVER MY PRETTY.

Now, I knew that something had gone on, because as when I walked back in I could see her sniggering little blond ‘Hustle’ Face….so I left it and waited to fall down the trap door. I fell down the trap door. I got back up. Oooooooooooooh….I got back up!

YESTERDAY, was payback.

YOU DON’T MESS WITH WUNNA LAND.

This is what went down.

Right, so being little me, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to come up with something so MIGHTY, that it would devastate her, in the most appropriate comedic fashion. But I’m smart. I’m really smart.

My guy friend Jonesez, like myself AND Hustle Barbie to be fair, has a hideously inappropriate sense of HUMOUR and because he’s a BOY, he doesn’t have a *stop* button, he will commit to a prank like a HERO. That’s what boys do. They love to be HERO’s. He also has an Asian Girl Fetish…which again works in my favour.

YIPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEE!

So, I go crying to Jonsez about how evil Hustle Barbie has been to me. *Wink.*

He feels sorry for me and therefore agrees to GET HER BACK.

‘Wunna…I LIVE for things like this.’

There’s this really delicious photo of Hustle Barbie that she hates, because she’s SUCKING A FINGER ON IT…Hahahahah….So, as a distraction…a lame distraction, I post that ‘sucky finger’ PHOTO on my Instagram, to make her think that her PAYBACK has been served and was simply completed via the fine art of public humiliation. Lol. (No such luck.)

In the meantime, Jonsez comes up with a plan and my job was to notify him of when Hustle was back in my eyeline.

I saw him photocopying LARGE prints of the ‘sucky finger’ photo. Hahahaha! I knew, payback was about to be performed.

Hustle returns to my eyeline.

A text is delivered.

FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER, magical comedy fairies must have flown down from the skies with cheeky grins and rolls of red tape? We have no clue how? But let’s just say….

OPERATION PAYBACK HAD BEEN PERFORMED.

You don’t fuck with Wunna Land.

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She drove all the way through Leeds and home, with this stuck onto the her car!

HA’ H’HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

And it was stuck to her passenger side, so she didn’t even see it when she got into her car. DIZZY! DIZZY!

Genius.

Karma! Karma! (People honked. LOL.)

Hustle: ‘You’re DEAD WUNNA.’