What’s Sexy To Me……..

Tuesday feels great! I’m filled with excitement and gusto. It’s so different to yesterday and I thank the good ‘jollies’ for it! I have a black coffee by my side, to protect me from evil and an updo bobbled in tight, to hold any form of dignity, that I may possibly left, firmly in place.

These 37 years have been colourful. WONDERFUL, but boy have they been colourful. YET, let’s face it, if you don’t have a lifetime memory bank, filled with fun, trials, tribulations and well… mainly debauchery, than what do you have? 🙂 (Sense probably. Lol)

I KNOW, that when I’m 80 years old, withering away in some old people’s home because everyone’s forgotten to love me…with my rummy cocktail, still probably posting on instagram, because I’ll mistakenly believe i’ve still ‘goddit‘…..I KNOW, that my ‘when I was young…’tales will be OUTSTANDING. 

The older I get the more open my tales will become on this blog, waaaay before i’m 80 and simply because I’ll careless about being inappropriate. 🙂

I’m currently sat in on someone’s shoot, a chick friend of mine, I’m gonna call her ‘Daisy.’

Daisy: ‘Don’t call me Daisy. It makes me sound like a cow.’

Me: ‘Yeah, you’re right. You’re more of a bitch…Lol. Shall I go with *Tinker* because you’re a nuisance…?’

Daisy: ‘Yeah, I love that!!’

I went with Daisy. My blog. My rules. 🙂

Anyway, I have meetings for the entire rest of the day and a Skype audition later, yet I said, I’d come sit in on her shoot, as it’s her first ever, ‘boudoir’ shoot…and she feels all nervous. (It’s basically just a ‘Glamour Shoot’ where she has to lay around and pout in her undies.) She wants me to tell everyone that she’s ‘not trying to be a model’…but SHE IS, trying to be a model. Lol. (There’s nothing wrong with ‘trying to be a model.’) 

Me: Did you even practice?’

Daisy: ‘No…’

Me: ‘Well, that’s a good start. As if you’ve come, booked in and not even practiced!!! It’s like you haven’t trained for your game, or revised for your exam.’

Daisy: ‘Do you practice…’

Me: YES! ALL THE TIME!!

She’s currently stood in a studio in Leeds and warm because i’ve made them turn the heating on full blast. (Mainly because I don’t wanna sit in the cold and everyones shit at shooting in the cold.) She’s in knickers, heels and a dressing gown, looking like she’s lost her way to the Post Office, or something? Lol

Daisy: ‘Why are you laughing??? Can you stop taking the piss out of me! And can you stop typing everything that I’m saying to you. You’re meant to be helping me!!’

Me: ‘I am! I’m lightening you up! You’re like a plank of wood. You need to relax more, wiggle into it a bit. You look as though, you FEEL about as sexy as that door knob.’

Daisy: ‘Door knob. Cheers. Lol’

Me: No. Lol. Like, if you look at that door knob, it’s all stiff and dull. Take three screws out of it and let it dangle off the door, on one screw…. and swing it. It’s now sexy.’

Daisy: Shut the F*** up Wunna! This is like some kind of Mr Miyagi training. I don’t do this every morning after the school run, like you! Have you called me Tinker?’

Me: ‘Yes…’ 😉

Anyway, so whilst they’re setting up, I’m blogging and it’s annoying because i’m sat by a really sunny window and I can’t exactly see my screen very well…It’s cool, it’s like typing blind and hoping for the best! Kinda like, how my real life pans out…

But I say it all the time. From my experience….a glamour shoot, a boudior shoot, isn’t about what you’re wearing or what you’re not wearing.

Wahey!!

It’s about FEELING SEXY IN IT, FEELING FULFILLED & FEELING ALL WOMANLY. You can plonk anyone in a pair of heels, stockings and pants and if they don’t feel secure, fluid, sexy or happy….you can tell. They look like an awkward cardboard cut out, that’s about to get run over, by a slow moving, oncoming tractor and they don’t know what to do?

Me: ‘Yo! Don’t try and *be a model*…Try and be YOU in the shots. What makes YOU sexy. You’re doing a weird model face.’

Daisy: ‘It’s my DEAD EYES. I haven’t got my specs on. It feels all blurry.’

Me: ‘Hahahahah! Good! Like you’re drunk! Now you CAN’T see what’s around you, so you can go for it… Glamour into the blur. LOL.’

Daisy: ‘I hope you get on a show soon, where you’re trapped for weeks and everyone has a proper go at you. Lol. I’ll laugh and just shout *glamour into the blur, bitch.*

I’ve just turned some music on, because I don’t know how anyone can shoot well without tunes on. (Do notice, how i’m simply altering her surroundings to suit ME. Haha.) Gets you in the mood, doesn’t it!

(I’ve put this on… So SEE! I AM TRYING TO HELP.)

This is the hardest blog to write ever, because I keep having to get up, run off, do stuff and run back, simply to type a paragraph. (She’s now moaning because i’ve been offered a drink and she hasn’t.)

Daisy: Aw! Yeah! Offer Chrissie Wunna  a drink, but not me.’

She’s shooting now, so i’m not gonna disturb her.

But anyway, I’ve been getting a load of messages from people who are shocked that i’m Northern, that i’m Yorkshire. I am.

Definitely born ‘Yorkshire’ have two Burmese parents, travelled over to LA and sounded American for years, (but I had to learn to do that because no one could understand what I was saying and when I was on tv show auditions, they didn’t want me to have a British accent…I even had to go see a dialect coach, to change my accent.) Then I landed back in the UK, did the ‘living in London,’ thing for work, where my accent turned all posh for a bit… and now i’m back in Yorkshire…So, basically my accents all muddled! How would I describe it..?

It’s like having a pub lunch, in a Chinese restaurant, as hip hop music plays in the background and you’re on the phone to The Queen.

Long story short…I am from Yorkshire.

Right, I’ve got a lot to do today and I need to go help her on her shoot. It’s my daughters 7th birthday at the weekend and she’s wanting a trip to ‘Sundown Adventure Land’ this Saturday.

My friend Nick, is on ‘The Best Boys’ of ‘Take Me Out, this Saturday, after causing a Take Me Out **hoo haa,** the last time he was on the show! I’m excited to watch him and I really want him to have this amazing career in telly, because he deserves it.

I’m still bubbling with excitement to shoot my CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM advert and t pick up a new whip!

Thank you for all the love on my ‘socials.’

I certainly need more coffee.

Quote of the day! One that I spied last night!

‘NEVER CONFUSE WHAT YOU’RE OFFERED WITH WHAT YOU’RE WORTH!’

Lots of love,

Chrissie x

 

 

 

 

 

 

Girls Night, Back Bends & Things In Our Mouths

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Happy Monday! What a weekend! I’ve had a really busy time and I’m absolutely appreciating all the love that you’re sending my way. It honestly makes me *beam,* as quite frankly, it makes me feel like i’m doing my whole ‘shimmie’ well. So thank you for that!

I was meant to be on an early morning shoot this morning, yet it is chucking it down…raining like a beast…(not that ‘beasts’ rain?) So, due to ‘not very dandy’ picture taking conditions,’ the shoot has had to get postponed. Plus, jiggling outside.. with no top on, in the freezing rainy cold, may look glamourous once posted, however, believe me….IT WILL BE THE MOST UNGLAMOUROUSLY FREEZING TIME!

It also takes an army of people rushing around, throwing warm silver blanket things over me, whilst someone puts up a gazebo to make sure my hair doesn’t get wet and others are on shoe watch to make sure my heels don’t sink into mud. It’s that fussy. I once had to get CARRIED onto set, so my shoes didn’t ruin and then had to get re lipglossed, because I was chewing gum and they didn’t know. A lady had to remove the gum out of my mouth carefully, like it was some kind of ‘don’t touch the sides of my mouth’ game…and then re lip gloss me. Lol I’m not sure why I couldn’t have just spat it out myself…Yet, it was LA…and in LA, your gum will be removed for you.

So yeah, no shoot today.

I had an amazing weekend with the kids. Ruby had a ‘play date’ then we shopped until our kitten feet couldn’t take it. Junior was by my side like my trusty little soldier, lunching and laughing…and being treated to all kinds of ‘goodies.’  I’ve been going through a difficult time with the art of co parenting with his Dad Keiran. I usually co parent well, because i’m quite laid back. But Keiran and I are really different humans and every so often he attempts to get ‘narky’ with me, in order to feel a sense of control. Then remembers that i’m sassy, not his, the better parent and extremely sassy when it comes to the happiness of my baby boy. Every day i’m grateful that I have Junior…and I am extremely grateful that I am no longer married to his Father.

Yippppeeeeeeeeee!

(I’ve just remembered that I have a Skype audition at 3pm. Totally forgot. And if you’re in the same sort of position…know that one day you’ll meet someone who will make you realise why it didn’t work out with everyone else.)

Anyway, my schedules been busy and I haven’t really had much time with ‘the girls.’ Obviously, I tinkered into a new chapter and I no longer get to see them as often…So Saturday night was really great because we all went around to Mel’s or an at home, prosecco and nacho filled evening of ‘catch up,’ drinking  games, banter and love.

I always try and make time for the people that have my back, the people who I care about because I think it’s really important. We do everything for each other….and we’re all so different. I wrote about them daily last year and mainly because these girls are my truest chick besties…. I’m about to go through a very different thime…and something tells me…I’m gonna need them in order to ground Wunna Land and stop me from going insane.

You never go insane if you have good GOOD people around you, be they family, friends or lovers.

I don’t know what happened, but we drank. We drank loads. We’re drinkers.

It didn’t seem like we had drank too much, but once the games were out, the gossip had been exchanged. (Girls are girls, if we’re not talking about men, our sex lives,  life in general or other girls we know..be it in good favour or just for an evil  laugh..then it’s not normal.)

Here’s some conversation snippets…

‘He just never wants sex and i’m like, i need all the dicks…’

‘I love it because i’m not answerable to everyone… I can do what I want..’

‘She’ll do it when she’s ready…’

‘But honestly….how many pies?’

‘Pass me that wine bottle, so I can drink the last bits out the bottle.’

‘I really NEEDED tonight because Men are awful..’

‘Watch me do a back bend.’

‘I like your Vegan thing…I think it’s a good niche.’

‘Did I eat meat? I’m a Veggie? I can’t remember if I ate meat?’

‘But do you actually like anal?’

‘You really need to buy a rose gold bullet.’

Games were played. MORE DRINKS WERE CONSUMED..(and might I add in the poshest prosecco flutes ever. Mel’s a super great host! She really takes care of you, like a Mum…..That gets drunk. J )

We had a little go at ‘Speak Out,’ which I hate because I usually refuse to put something in my mouth that hasn’t been sterilised because I hate that it’s been in everyone else’s mouth. Lol. (There may be males from the past who disagree….LOL..But honestly, i’m a proper germaphobe.)

Me: ‘I can’t play that!’

Hustle: ‘It’s not been in anyones mouth.’

Then they didn’t even put me on a team, so I had to sit there, for no reason with this THING IN MY MOUTH, like a tool, just having normal conversation as they played ‘guess what i’m saying..’

Do know, that I am accidentally really good at drinking games. Everyone, including myself will think i’m going to be shit, because I never care, then something like ‘prosecco’ happens…and BOOM, i’ll win everything…LIKE BEER PONG....and then everyone wants me on their team.

Hahahahaha!

We were acting things out, slagging people off….drinking, drinking and then, after a moment of chatter with ‘Double B’ in the shed and sort of sauntered back in, sat down and Mel just looked at me and said,

‘Are you okay?’

‘No…I feel like I need to be sick..’

(I’m that pathetic.)

So being the ‘Hostest with the Mostest’ Mel finds a giant bowl. It’s all in flash back to me, so it appeared by magic…and I venture out into the garden, with my bowl…(It’s now pitch black)

‘I have to go outside. I can’t have you all watching me…’

And I puke in her washing up bowl and then venture back in filled with smiles, like nothing has happened and I might have won a Beauty Pagent en route, waltz straight through her patio doors gracefully and shout…

‘I’ve just done a massive sick…LOOK!’

Mel: ‘You’ve puked up everything you’ve ‘et’

They’re all pissed, so they find it funny for a second and then just get on with life like a washing up bowl of sick was ‘the norm.’

I felt much better and MEL, again the ‘Hostest with the Mostest’…takes my bowl of sick from me ..and just like that it magically disappears.

Then we talked sex, around a kitchen table…and ‘Fairytale’ decided to do all this back bends in front of an oven. I’m too old to do back bends…Plus, they terrify me because, well…that’s how I ended up having Ruby. J Back bends at Park Plaza, Leeds. (All my children were conceived in hotel rooms. Hahah.  Junior’s was the most grandest, executive ‘four poster bed’ suite at Oulton Hall. Lol. Why am I even telling you this? Whatever…it’s just life. I’m sure you’ve got up to similar.)

Just the most brilliant night, with the girls I hold closest. You should always try and make time for the people who actually make the effort to make time for you. That way you’ll never be alone…and always have true friendship a phone call, or a whatsapp message away.

Felt like shit all Sunday and you know you feel rough when all you can stomach for lunch is a Vimto Slushy.

They all felt shite.

Double’s B Boyfriend was so lovely. He drive every single one of us home, to our doorsteps, to make sure we got home safe. Double B almost puked in a bag and i fell asleep in the back.

Fairytale: ‘Why have we dropped Hustle off first. I was two stops away and now we’re in LEEDS. I could’ve been in bed right now.’

I got out the car and strutted to my door step, as ‘Double B’s’ boyfriends ‘J’ wound down his window and said,

‘Where you going??’

Me: ‘This way…’

Such a fun time….Life is there to be enjoyed.

Enjoy it!

I’m off to go meet ‘Firmonnell’ now. She’s my chick bestie and well couldn’t make it to ‘Girls Night’ on Saturday.

I actually better go..I’ve got to be there at 10.30am…

Love you,

Chrissie x

Ps/ Follow all my ‘socials’ for behind the scenes ‘Wunna Land’ vibes.