Diet Shakers Filled With Cocktail & Everything Peeka Boobied

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Morning! Morning! Happy Royal Wedding Day! I’m not going to be watching it, simply because I’m having to escort Baby Ruby to Gravity, where she will trampoline to her hearts content, in the name of her friend’s birthday party. Whilst she does bouncing, Junior and I will be occupying ourselves around Xscape….Yes….He’ll probably *bounce*  upon things also and we’ll probably grab a Nandos.

A cheeky one.

Yet, I’ll be following the big old wedding day ‘socially‘…and having a couple of celebratory proseccos, because I DO love ‘The Royals’ and I do love being British…and well it gives me another excuse to drink. But honestly, what mum DOESN’T have a wine before a kids birthday party. Not any mum I know. 🙂

(Shush. I’m not arsed about being judged before 10am.) 

Okay, lots going on. I’m starting to ‘busy’ up now. I have shoots and more shoots, lining up. I have my episode of a TV show airing shortly.

I actually forgot to eat healthy for my shoots. Yippppeeee! So now, I do that panic fad diet thing, which is never fun. Lisa (as in ‘Appleton’) has a birthday party on Tuesday, so I’ll be scooting off to Blackpool to play with drag queens at ‘Peek A Booze,’ to celebrate her ‘happy happy.’ I think it’s on the 22nd?

I need my hair doing, I need to buy a dress and I’m bloody sick of my wonky bottom tooth now. I’m too vain for a tooth like that. So I’m sorting it out. I thought I could quit being vain and handle the toothage. But I can’t. So I’m vain. Yet it’s probably one of the best things about me. 🙂

You’ll always wake up to a glamour puss boys! Haha.

I’m glad you’re all loving my piccies. I’ve had an inbox full of deliciousness from all over the world and even a little love letter… I haven’t read it, yet, but I do love a love letter…so I will, this afternoon. And yeah, Ladies, my pics are a bit ‘peeka boobied’ right now. But it’s just me, innit? It’s not like I didn’t grow up being a glamour model my entire life…Lol…Plus, even though i’m an exhibitionist, an attention seeker 🙂 I’m quite body confident, even when i’m wibbly. So I think more women should throw skin to the wind and celebrate what mother nature gave them, without worrying about what other people think!

Let’em think. Watch me now!

I need to stop shouting ‘WATCH ME NOW‘ and doing all kinds of stupid shit that just gets me into trouble. Lol. I say it in real life to my friends…and then do something foolish, right after the sentence has been uttered.

Summer is killing me. It’s making me cheeky. It’s making me naughty..and it’s making me drink looooads. Maybe i’ll crash and calm down? Maybe i’m just playful? But I will say that I went to the loo this morning and a five pence (which was probably stuck to my leg somewhere and somehow…) FELL into the loo, mid squat. Yes! Literally money shot out of my ‘derriere.’

I’m like piggy bank. I can now shoot money out of my arse, which obviously makes me lucky. Lol.

You think i’m going to the loo, when really the loo is my (I was gonna say ‘ATM’ then,) but cos we’re being British today, I’ll go with CASH MACHINE.

But yes, about the naked pics, ladies…It doesn’t bother me, so it shouldn’t bother you. Plus, it doesn’t make a girl less ‘classy(I hate it when people say that.) Yet neither does it make a girl ‘more sexy.‘ No girl is the sexiest girl in the world,‘ because everyone celebrates their own version of the term. People are attracted to different things, looks, personalities. Everyone has something that is sexy about them…and it’s that something‘ that they should embrace.

Don’t put yourself up and compare yourself to other women or men ….You’re different people. What works for them doesn’t necessarily work for you and vice versa.

Be YOU. Don’t be scared to be YOU. It’s better than being a rubbish version of someone else.

Right, what else? I chatted to ‘The Swirl’ yesterday, who’s chilling away in Turkey. We get on pretty easily, so it was a catch up, messed in banter and roasting. I made fun of his shakes,

Me: ‘It’s a shaker FILLED with cocktail mate.’

(This is a diet shake that I was meant to be drinking/promoting)

He made fun of my divaisms.

Swirl: ‘Stop being such a diva! Ahahahahah.’

(After I asked if he even missed me JUST A LITTLE BIT!!?)

Me: ‘Little Asian Girls need love tooo.’

He definitely doesn’t miss me, lol..and i’m definitely NOT A DIVA. It’s literally like getting blood out of the stoniest stone. Hahah.

*Tap! Tap! Anyway emotion in there for me?*

But the good thing is, that we can have a laugh anyway. I guess, our friendship must be quite good. Better than I thought. He did say that my ‘body looked unreal….’ so he scored points for that.

However, later that day, I flew him through a message and link, because i’m quite savvy when it comes to business…But only if the business is creative, otherwise I find it dull. I also used to be a Talent Agent, in LA, and some people don’t know that about me. I LOVED BEING A TALENT AGENT. I loved taking something great.. with further potential and then turning into HUGENESS. It was always a buzz. It still is!!!! I love it.

Anyway, I can clearly see a path that he COULD TAKE, if he knew how. I know how…and I know everyone…so I began to show him…and for the first time ever he actually asked my advice. If I actually called him and talked him through it. He’d get it. he sounded excited, so hopefully, he’ll take that link and fly….

Right. I need coffee now and to moisturize, my feet are flip flopped out. I need wedges. (Not potato ones. 😉 )

ps/ Ruby is currently in her room playing Youtube videos of me on The Paris Hilton show, then MOCKING MY VOICE. Lol. All I can hear is ‘Hi, I’m Chrissie Wunna. Hi, I’m Paris Hilton.’ 

When You Think About ‘Swirls,’ Weddings & Life

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You’ve made it to Friday! Well done. I’ve just spent a quiet moment, stood by a giant roundabout, in the sun, just watching people do life. In a way, there was something that felt so FREE about it all. And I guess, that’s what life is about? Y’Know, only doing the things that make you happy, feeling both loved, yet free at the same time…and taking care of those hearts you have been made responsible for.

BOOYAH!

Yesterday was great. I worked all morning. Yeah, I was shattered, but I managed to fit in a quick drink with KatyP and Hairdresser Claire, before I *Blinked* and magically found myself immersed in the late afternoon, with my babies Ruby and Junior, who were filled to the brim with laughter, life and the giggles. They swung on swings, they told their tales and then we gate crashed KatyP & Golfer Jonny’s date (who I’m meant to be calling ‘JP’.)

Golfer Jonny: ‘Did I make the blog?’

Me: ‘Well yeah, I said you were a date, but I didn’t mention your name, in case you weren’t ready for it. Lol’

They dined, got cosy…as the babies and I ‘third wheeled it’ for them. (I’m awesome at ruining love. 🙂 ) Junior brought us daisies. Ruby made us watch her ‘monkey bar.’

Yet, the evening ended up being hilarious. So hilarious, that KatyP and I, for the FIRST TIME EVER, realized that we both have the exact same EVIL LAUGH. Its a hearty, evil, extremely loud,  belly laugh. If you know me, you’ll know that my voice and laugh is hideous. A tabloid once referred to it as ‘Chlamydia.’

(Which actually makes no sense, dickheads. 😉 )

Anyway, we have the same laugh. No clue why? But I loved it. We’re twinning. It kinda made me miss ‘Firmonnell,’ who is my other chick bestie.

Nothing is better than remembering someone, when laughter occurs. It means the person you remember, makes you happy, as that laughter, leads your mind straight to them. That alone is *magic.* Especially when people usually only remember me…when they’re drunk or hungover. Lol

It actually used to be a trick my LA Guy friends used to do, on dates…They used to given advice to make a girl laugh, because she’ll always associate you with good times.

Talking about missing folk…This morning and a lot of mornings, if i’m being honest, ‘The Swirl’ (who was a major part of my last year..and even kinda this year…He’s sort of sprinkled into Wunna Land sporadically as time has passed, over a few years ‘on and off’ in fact… ) Anyway, he was running through my mind.

He actually runs through it my a great deal, yet I kinda do nothing about it anymore and mainly because I certainly believe that I don’t run through his mind very much, at all.

Diva’s don’t like that. Lol.

But today, I realized how much I’d learnt from him…without him even really knowing and I always have great respect for those who teach me life, love or things about myself, Especially when they don’t one bit PREACH IT, yet instead simply cross paths with me and for a moment, ‘do life.’ They’re the people who make you reflect. They’re the people who make you grow.

So, the stuff I learnt about myself, enabled me to adjust appropriately. But one of the main things i learnt was how important it was to put ‘Career First,’ so you can make your entire dreams come true…and to let everything else come second, because once you have your career sorted, you’re also filled with this euphoric happiness and also then able to provide for..in my case, the babies. (Who are my world!)

That’s a good bit of advice, that I only learnt by crossing paths with him.

I love life and i’m powered by all things creative. I’m fueled by love, a little too much. I stop to ‘smell the roses’ a lot more, with a cocktail in my hand than I need to. There are phases where i get distracted easily. Lol.

But I’m running Wunna land, which is my actual business (some people never realize that?) My actual entire life, is now my actual business. Sometimes people don’t notice that? Lol. But being a blogger/influencer…in this day, is an extremely lucrative career. A lot of work goes into it…and you could find yourself working every single second and every single day, if ya lucky? However, it’s almost silly to me, when people think you literally do fuck all.

I work smart, not hard and have chosen a job that I LOVE, instead of working a mundane ‘someone elses dream.’

Yet, I learnt as a young girl in Hollywood, that in show business or entertainment, that the best talent always MAKE IT LOOK so easy.

But i’m loving it..and i’m lucky….I’ll always tell you how lucky I am.

I’m also very single. I’m not sure why people keep asking me if I am?? It’s like people think I have some secret boyfriend ‘hidden in the dressing room wardrobe’. I’m lucky, but I’m not that bloody lucky.

Haha.

I get a ton of messages about it every single day. Yes, i’m all for ‘Fourth time lucky’…Yet i’m pretty careful, when it comes to choosing ‘life partners.’

Well…NOW, I am.

Talking about weddings, I’m excited that our Prince Harry and Megan are about to get wed. I love a wedding and I love a Prince, so why not eh! Plus, we have some *bomb ass awesome* snapchat filters, to play with now, don’t we? 🙂

I’m not gonna watch it, cos it does ‘go on‘ for a bit, doesn’t it? Lol. The ‘dragging on ‘ of it all would bore me. I’m all about just saying ‘I do’ and getting on with the drinking. Maybe that’s my problem. 😉

But i’ll celebrate it, a hundred times over.

Plus, the next time i get married, and I will…..It’ll be a chilled, heart felt shindig. I don’t want it to be a production. I don’t want it to find myself stood in the swan lake gardens of The Hotel Bel Air again…with a wedding planning fanning me, as she screams down her headset, whilst she’s holding my trail…I just want it to feel peaceful….natural…and I want to celebrate a union, and celebate love,  the way it’s meant to be celebrated..

Then we’ll all just get pissed and just go wild with a madness, that could only label ‘JOY.’

But I’ll do it again, if my MR.Right can be bothered to find me…

FOURTH TIME LUCKY, all the way!

In the meantime, I’m pretty lucky….’Career First,’ love will find it’s way to you. 😉

 

 

What Some Of My Friends, Say About Me…

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Morning! It’s only just turned 11am. I’ve been working since 4.30 and then spend around 3 hours driving from city to city. I’m stressed out. I’m hormonal. But really super happy, for some reason. My diet is currently SHOCKING. I’ve literally just had a mircowaved Uncle Ben’s Mexican Rice, with a Prosecco, because I couldn’t find anything else to eat…FAST. I wanted a coconut water and celery dippers…But God just didn’t want life to pan out that way..and who am I to mess with the Good Lord’s wishes?

I’ve definitely put my pre holiday weight back on, (hahaha…I influenced Herbalife well 🙂 ) but to be honest, I’m not that bothered. It’s kinda gone on my boobs and thighs and i’m okay with that. 🙂 I don’t feel fat. I mean Jabba the Hutt’s fat. I just have ‘Lady Lumps,’ and I don’t hear anyone complaining. I feel sexy.

Anyway, I need to throw a ‘pity party’, so I’m not really going to be writing out my life today. I want some time to myself, with friends, in a quiet corner somewhere with a wine. Even though I have a lot on, i’m a little bit bored and that…. when you’re a ‘liver of life‘ is a mighty problem…as I tend to cause excitement, for no real reason. I love winding people up. I love making them feel alive, for a second.

But i’m feeling wonderful right now, because all i’m doing is LIVING. Literally LIVING, without a care in the world. I’m doing it to the fullest and with a positive beam and a giggle. I’m doing whatever I want, whenever I want…and it’s bliss. I’m loving me, loving you. I’m living for the moment. I’m not giving any shits or hoots about what anyone thinks.

You only have a short time on this Earth ball…so let’s just make our time, our story…worth it.

Don’t be afraid of anything….

But yes, because I can’t be bothered to properly ‘diary’ life today…Here is what some of MY friends, think /say about ME…..

‘Chrissie Wunna is one of life’s one offs!! Fun, fit and fabulous. She’s an amazing mum.’

‘She once sold my actual ass…YES my actual anus, at a gay bar in West Hollywood…to one of Janet Jackson’s backing dancers, for a stick of gum…I did end up sleeping with him, and she did get her gum, so technically, she’s magic.’

‘She’s a crazy bitch, but she’s so much fun. She always makes sure she has a story to tell…’

‘She’s addictive. She’s like a drug. She’s just someone who you’ll never forget.’

‘I don’t know how or why her love life is so shit. She’s literally one of the best birds I know.’

‘She has a tattoo on her right inner arm that she always lies about. Haha. It’s the last name of a guy she wanted, that she didn’t even date. HAHAHAHA. She’ll tell you some made up story about how it means something completely different. lol’

‘To say she’s so sexy….she wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s a hopeless romantic and it’s annoying. People never know that, about her.’

‘She’s someone who is really great at making YOU FEEL GOOD, Feel SPECIAL. Feel important.’

‘She’s a drinker…’

‘Her work ethic is ridiculous. She works so HARD.’

‘Great in bed. Haha. 😉

‘She’s not scared of anything. She is wild and free, but so down to Earth.’

‘Someone who doesn’t like to waste her time or any part of her life. She just lives it passionately.’

‘She’s one of a kind, that’s for sure.’

‘She’s really good in bed… 😉 ‘

‘She’s crazy, but at the same time so sweet. Love her blog…it gets funny..at times….’

‘She’s great at understanding people. She’ll give anyone her time, be you homeless or the richest man in the world… She can put herself in our shoes…’

‘She once cried over a penis…because a guy with a really good penis left her and she loved his great penis… Lol.’

‘She’s a legend, dipped in sunshine and tequila.’

‘Ambitious.’

‘She’s got this energy…Even when she’s quiet….She has this presence…’

‘Really talented…’

‘Amazing sense of humour. When she’s pissed off she’s a proper dick though… she’s stubborn…’

‘She’s the girl you wished you never dumped….’

‘Smart, savvy, needy, but fun.’

‘A total attention whore, but she does it SO WELL.’

‘She lives for love and excitement and panics when she doesn’t have it or feel it anymore.’

‘Loyal, trustworthy. Really good at keeping secrets…’

‘She’s so charming. She once farted in a grocery store…and it was almost like glitter and money flew out of her symphonic booty. I’m surprised people didn’t applaud.’

‘Big headed. Quite the ego maniac.’

‘She a girly girl, with boy banter.. She’ll sit and have a pint with you & be talking about sex, or pour the finest champers, as she winks at a handsome, dressed to the nines..’

‘Confident. Bubbly. You can actually see it in her daughter.’

‘She loves being glamourous.’

‘She’s never had a guy, really actually look after her or care for her and she deserves that.’

‘She loves a looker… and is shallow when it comes to picking guys she wants to date…lol’

‘She gets everything she wants… She knew exactly what she wanted to do with her life, from being 13.’

‘She swears more when she WRITES, than she does in real life..’

‘At school, she pretended to be on her period for an entire 3 months, so she didn’t have to go swimming, because it would mess up her hair and face.’

‘Just one of those great souls…’

Cue Song:

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Day I Got Played, Threesomes & Raps…

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Chick Friend: What you up too?

Me: ‘I’ve been working since 4.30 this morning.’

Chick Friend: ‘But what you up to now?’

Me: ‘I’m sprawled on my goddamn bed, in a sequin bikini, trying to influence a necklace..’

Chick Friend: ‘Get to the pub please…I need to speak to ya..’

Afternoony, my ‘Cheeky Cheekies!’ How are ya! Great weather again. Life is grand. I’m feeling hormonally imbalanced….but on the whole good. I’m stressing over nothing, as per usual….but i’m getting the hang of letting my mind rest. There’s a lot I have to do, or feel like I need to accomplish right now…and that is twirling through my head. Probably why, I’m pouring that extra glass of vino. 🙂

Anyway, yesterday I got to hang out with a new friend of mine, ‘J.D,’ who’s actually ‘Katy P’s’ mate…over a quick iced wine. J.D’s always great to just sit and chat with, in the sunshine (yes only in the sunshine, I don’t have friends in the rain,) because he’s like Buddha. Lol. He’s all calm, but fun..yet insightful. He always has a really shit love life, however really great at giving honest love life advice.

Honesty, maybe a week ago, he told me to send a guy a message, that i would never have sent…

JD: ‘He’ll definitely respond to that…He’s waiting for you to show interest..and if he doesn’t…He’s not worth ya time..’

I listened. It worked and now Katy P, J.D and I always do afternoon wines, when free.

So, yesterday, I was rambling on about how the people in LA are far less judgmental and far more open, than they are here in the UK. I mean growing up in West Hollywood..anything goes! No one judges anyone, on anything and mainly because everyone in that town is in entertainment, be you a model or an actress…and on a daily basis, as you are going from audition to audition, at Warner Brothers, Disney, Paramount…some casting office….you are being heavily JUDGED constantly….for work.

There’s also the fact that so much shit goes on, that we’ve kinda seen, been and heard it all. The things that would be seen as taboo over here, is taking with a pinch of..well…tequila over there. Lol

And ofcourse, because i’m a plank, the example I used was this…

‘Well one day, a chick friend of mine came into work, looking all glamourously worried and she kinda  just whispered to me that she had had sex with a co worker (we all worked in a celebrity gym at the time Lol) AND HIS MATE…at the same time….the night before.’

I described the incident in more graphic detail for JD. 🙂 Let’s just say…she as BUSY. Hahaha.

Infact, let me take you back about 14 years….(as if it’s been that long, ) this is how the story went…We’re at Crunch Gym, on Sunset, West Hollywood….checking in for a shift…

Chick: ‘Omg. So I had accidentally had a threesome last night with Rob and his mate…What the fuck…I’m like working with him later…’

Me: ‘Omg. NO! Hahah. After work… the night before, he asked me back to HIS…AND I had sex tooo! Not with his mate though. Lol. Shit. I sent him that needy as fuck text…Haha. I send him the needy as fuck text…when you were giving him a blow job. Hahaha.’

Chick: ‘Hahaha. He’s totally done us over.’

And yes, you may think this is all rather slutty etc etc…blah…But it’s life and well in Hollywood….being a young 20 something….Shit like this DOES NOT MATTER. It doesn’t even nearly graze the surface, of what you’ll actually go through.

So me, being me…and I’ll about ‘airing and sharing,’ I decided to wait until Rob came on his shift, so I could confront him. 🙂 We’re girls. We like to see a boy squirm.

It went like this…

Me: ‘Yo Rob…’

Rob: ‘Hey..’

Me: ‘You totally slept me with and then had a threesome with ******* the next night. I sent you that needy text…Just make like that didn’t happen…’

And you know what he did…because a BRITISH BOY, would have gone white with panic, tried to figure out some kind of last minute excuse, admitted it sheepishly, pretended that he hadn’t heard you, or just be all cocky because he’s been caught out.

Rob *paused* then PISSED HIMSELF LAUGHING. Lol. Literally laughed SO LOUD, in my face that he almost teared up and cried. He found it that funny, that he managed to play us both.

And because’re we’re LA…and he had just shouted out a ‘YES’ with an air pump… I started laughing…then my chick friend, who was unfortunate enough to have the threesome started pissing herself…and just like that….it was forgotten about, taken so lightly, filed under ‘life’ and today we’re all STILL (14 years on) the best of friends. It’s such a great story…

But what I’m saying is, that if the same story happened here, with some of my UK chick friends…it would’ve been drama…for weeks, months, maybe even years…

So I guess doing my 20’s in LA, kinda made me open minded, open hearted and a hell of a lot more relaxed. Like you can’t shock me..at all.

I mean, even when all three of us were laughing, my roommate walked by, who also worked at the gym, (who was a super popular male model)..looked over, said this..

Justin: ‘What you laughing at?’

Me: ‘Rob had a threesome with ****, but slept with ME the night before.. I sent him a needy text…whilst **** was giving him a blow job…lol That’s how lame I am.’

Justin…’Uh….Do you wanna get lunch…?’

Like that is how much IT SHOCKED Justin…my roomy, because he was SO LA. Infact, i think he was actually dating a really famous Pornstar at the time…because she was always in our condo, watching ‘Jackass.’ Justin & I were really great roommates because we did everything together…and had the same friends. The only time we ever argued, was once when he marched up to the top floor (which was my floor) of our condo…utterly wasted and decided to throw a tantrum because I refused to have sex with him. Hahaha.

Long story short….Rob’s laughing and making fun of me didn’t end there…

He then proceeded to write and PERFORM  RAP, that he had dedicated to ME called..

‘I hit, but I quit, because I found a better girl.’

Hahaha

He performed it with such vigor and even beat boxed it at me. Lol. I mean WHO DOES THAT…EVER…

Hahahaha.

But it’s such a hilarious memory….Plus, we were both models at the time and often we would get interviewed and asked how we knew each other and if we had any stories to share…

And being perfectly PR’d…we’d both just smile…make up a lame story, say we used to work together and hug…

Hahahaha.

I must have delivered my story in one whole breath, because I paused, looked up and JD….who is utterly SAINTLY. I mean, he’s such a gentleman, a bit wet maybe, some would say? Yet, such a good human. He looks out for people, selflessly…

I looked at him and he had thrown his head back in absolute hysterics, laughing SO LOUD and so hard that he was crying! 🙂

It was almost as if, in that moment, I made this little saint of a friend…feel ALIVE…(fair enough, at the expense of my dignity Lol)…But what i’ll tell you, is that THAT is not only a gift, or a talent…Yet it is always why or how this little blog works….

Love ya,

Chrissie x

Ps, I’ve just got an Insta DM from one of my best LA guy friends Theo…and all it reads is..

‘I miss you.’

How sweet. 🙂

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Hormones, Dull Folk & I Just Don’t Like Festivals

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I’m feeling amazing today! I’m back on work mode and it feels good. It feels ‘OOoh Laaa.’ Yet, because i’m an old bird, I  was quite terribly knackered yesterday, after being blessed with  a really EARLY work wake up call. So, I just chilled and enjoyed family time, after a bit of picture taking and a rather important meeting. But I couldn’t keep my little kitten eyes open. I kept nodding off, like a granny, then shocking myself up. Lol. Only a Desperado could help me. 😉 (Any excuse, I know.!!! In case you DIDN’T KNOW A Desperado, is my favourite ‘slum it and chill’ go to drink.)

Yeeehah!

I’m in an updo today, and it’s great because it’s making me look like i’ve had botox.

(Snapchat Msg)

Chick friend: ‘You’ve properly stepped up your game Wunna! Your holiday pics and this whole Wunna Land blah, blah, is on fucking FIRE! You need a hose down.’

Me: ‘I’m getting there. I’m a long way off yet. But cheers, Baby boo. Hose down? Sounds rude. I think i’ll just have a 9am wine.’

Anyway, last night, I popped into a ‘Go Local’ in Ackworth to grab the Desperado and two ginger beers. (Love it there.) I’m craving ginger beers at the moment. And I  just love them because they remind me of my childhood. My dad and I would drink them and dance around to UB40 songs. A moment filled with love. 🙂 I get my drinking habits and my creative talent from my Pops. I don’t think he had a ginger beer though? His moves were too good. 🙂

Walked in. Saw the back of a guy, who looked moderately attractive. I only saw his back and his gym bum. But he had a Essex accent and was bantering out loud to the two middle aged ladies behind the counter. When he left, I slowly walked up an isle with a smile on my face…

Me: ‘Look at the state of you two! You’re beaming! Calm yourselves down! Hahaha!’

Lady: ‘Here you! Lol.  Just because we’re old doesn’t mean we can’t see a good thing, when it’s in front of us!’

Me: ‘You look love struck. Lol. I’ve never seen you so happy!’

Lady: ‘He’s moving down here….’

Me: ‘What? With his beautiful wife & kids? Haha.’

Lady: ‘Well SHE (points at the other cashier) definitely knows how to pull’em. She was stood there, chatting to the hottie, eating a bloody Shepherds pie! Hahaha!’

Me: ‘HAHAHAH. You couldn’t even BE any more northern if you tried.’

I mean, what is life without a bit of gravy on ya face, eh!

Anyway, the reason why i wanted to blog about that moment, was simply because it made my heart warm. It was so innocent and flirty and showed me that no matter how old, how young, sassy, quiet, how rich, poor, small or tall….a lady is..? She STILL always has that giggly little ‘playground’ girl inside of her… when it comes to boys.

It was such a cute moment. Glad, I destroyed it with by sick witty banter…and a ginger beer in my hand. 😉

Then I checked through the magazines,and papers, to see who had made all the covers.

Anyway, everything’s great! I’m really busy. The kids are back at school and i’m gonna miss having them around me all the time.

Being a ‘lone parent’ and raising them by myself, and having to work SO hard to give them a great great life, has always meant that I haven’t really ever had the option of just chilling. Y’know, what I mean, I never could just stay at home with them, mummy them, make teas, etc etc…. I never even managed to do that when I was wife…and that was ANY of the times, I was a wife. Lol. My life has just never given me that apple to munch on…However, it’s been wonderful.

I managed it all with happiness and I managed to be a NORMAL mum over their Easter holidays from school…(Well as normal as Wunna Land gets, because I did audition a lot and then fly to Spain and do days and days of pap shots.)  Bottom line, I love being with them and the cheeky little ‘Coconuts’ (which is what I call them) love it MADLY.

I sort of fantasize about times like that. I’m gonna miss them heading back to school…for about an hour. 😉 I’ll just swish back into work mode then and probably do it in stilettos.

I’m trying to tell you what’s going on work wise right now, but I because there’s just so so much, going on.  I have auditions zooming out my ear holes, a bunch of modeling gigs, i’ve had to turn down another trip to Spain, due to being ‘booked out,’ and turn down a show, because I didn’t think It was the right fit for me. It’s not something that I thought i’d enjoy….and I didn’t think i’d make much impact on a show of that sort. Well…no, i’d make impact, but not benefit from it AND…It involved a lot more of Wunna land than just me.

So I just said no.

But regardless, I’m back on the telly shortly (I again, can’t tell you anything about it yet) and I’m unfortunately eating everything in sight….when i’m meant to be on a Herbalife plan.

I’m blaming it on the ‘You only life once’ line, because I have to blame it on something, right? But if i’m honest, I kinda feel sexy anyway, whether I have a shake OR a burger in my hand…and I think that’s what confidence and VA VOOM IS!

Shaking‘ was and IS great because it kinda made me realize that I’m happy anyway…. Plus, I did lose weight for my Spanish snaps, which helped me out tremendously. So, I’ll be back ‘shaking’ shortly. yet because my schedule is about to get tighter and when you’re on the go, it’s absolutely brilliant.

No Faff. Easy Going. Just the way I like things.

I think i might have a wine to celebrate!

I also think, it must nearly be my ‘time of the month’ soon, because I’m going through THAT week, where in which EVERYTHING annoys me. Lol. (You’ll only get it, if you’re a girl.) People are really annoying me right now and i’m being much sharper, much sassier…much more uncensored. 🙂 I seem to have put down my ‘rosie tinteds’ for a decent set of RAGING hormones.

I’m quite ‘tell it how it is‘ ..of course with charm…by nature. If people can’t take a bit of banter or the odd home truth, then they’re not yet comfy in their own skin. Right now, i’m finding everyone quite…….What’s the word??

Dull?

I keep reading people’s posts and listening to conversations and thinking…

WHY BE SO DULLSVILLE? WAKE UP. ENJOY LIFE.

And the thing about ‘The Dull’ ones, is that they’re ALWAYS the first humans, to get their slow moving, ‘JUDGEY *never pointed at fun* FINGERS‘ out…. They’re all..

‘I’m too good for this./I’m too good for that./I would never this…I cannot believe that…/I am the most boring, unexciting human in the entire flipping land. Let’s buy tins of magnolia paint and just watch it dry upon already magnolia walls.’

Lighten up. Chill out. You don’t have to be wild. You just have to switch the beige mindset, for a better one that’s swirled in LIFE, COLOUR…OR EVEN JUST RUM?

YOU BORING SODS. (Can you tell i’m hormonal? Lol)

I love being a girl. We’re bonkers. Staying sane, is our official life goal.

My news feed got so frustrating that I started looking at all the ‘festival fever because it’s everywhere, isn’t it. It’s all gone ‘Coachella mad!

Now, Coachella.. at least looks fun. It looks sunny and alive.  I just NOT a BRITISH festival kinda girl. I’m not one to want to camp in a tent, wee in a plastic cup and refrain from showering for days… in the name of anything. I’m a glamour puss. And i’m not really bothered about having Unicorn hair, rainbow glitter on my face and adorning my arm with endless wristbands, that aren’t made of diamonds. 🙂

I’m a kitten, who enjoys a ‘cocktail and a wink,‘ and yes I can slum it. I love to chill more than anything. I mean, chilling is my favourite thing. If you have ever dated me, ever…you will know that about me.

I’m too old to ‘festival’ or camp about.

I mean, Glamping in the forest , in my giant mansion of a cabin was about as far as my camping skills go…and even that had to include a massage, a hot tub, room service and the option of an ‘in house’ chef. 😉

My chick friend even once stated that..

‘Camping to Chrissie, is like staying in the worst room in some Five Star Hotel.’

I love that! I’m not a dick. I just don’t like things to be a struggle during my down time. I work really hard, even though it may not look that way. I work really REALLY hard. ALL THE TIME. My work ethic is incredible. I’m fun but i’m professional and most successful people are, I reckon? I simply play it like it’s all a jiggle and a winkl…because that’s what my job needs to look like…

I just prefer calm, easy going peace, or quiet luxury…that comes ready made with love..Festivals are a Wunna Land ‘no go.’ None of this waiting in line for a shower… in a tented field, filled with ‘drama’ boys, and girls with Unicorn hair because i’ve  paid extra pences and booked ‘Vanity.’

I’ll pass…

So, yeah, I enjoy fun. But a festival is just not my cuppa…gin.

I don’t have anything else to say….I’m off to meet ‘Big A’ from ‘House of Solo’ Mag later I think….

I haven’t caught up with him in ages….

 

 

 

 

Back on Northern Soil Dolls….

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(Picture Copyright: Aaron Parfitt/Flynet)

So, I was on my flight back. I flew Ryanair on the way home. I’d passed some Spanish football team en route at Alicante airport, one of them accidentally knocked into me, (which didn’t really bother me…I mean…it’s life, worse things can happen. ) Anyway, he decided to apologize repeatedly and sincerely…which was really well mannered.  Then chat to me….in Spanish? But by this point… I was knackered…and I’d be watching a family of 4, with a really bossy/strict mum control her entire family for a good 20 minutes, as I had a wine and waited for my flight.

I was done.

But I do want to say that the STAFF at Alicante Airport were DIVINE TO ME! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! SO SO MUCH! You couldn’t have been more lovelier!

Flight’s home are wonderful, because no one enjoys waiting around, twiddling thumbs…when they’ve run out of Euros, at airports. Nothing could be more boring. And i’m creative! 🙂 Fights…Fights? I mean Flights….Lol. Flights home are MUCH MORE tedious than flights TO places…as you’re literally just shattered, instead of being filled with excitement. You go on ‘GET ME HOME’ mode…

There was a point, where I just looked up at the blond, scrunchied (they always wear scrunchies,) trolley girl, with sorrow in my eyes, the biggest hair ever and…tits…..:) with two handfuls of change and a pink tshirt that read..

‘YOU DO YOU, BOO’

(LOL)

I was too knackered to converse in any jolly fashion, but i tried to smile, which may have looked like a *wince* and I tried to put on my posh girly voice, that may have sounded like CRUELLA DE VILLE. (Don’t care if i’ve spelt that wrong.) My left had was filled with Euro’s…ALL IN COINS and my right hand was filled with British coins….

‘Hi. I just don’t want to break into any of my notes… I need to use up all this change, especially Euros…Can you pick me out stuff, ANY STUFF….that includes wine and crisps….so I can spend it all?’

Trolley Dolly: ‘Yeah, absolutely. If you want I can mix up the the change for you, so you can pay for it all with both currencies, as one whole payment.’

ISN’T SHE JUST BLISS! 

‘YES, I love you. Please, do that! Thank you so much. Lol.’

She winked at me…I almost became part of the Mile High Club. Lol

And with a wiggle and a giggle….the poor girl stood there merrily and did a whole bunch of MATHS (my worst absolute subject…Actually what am I on about..‘love life‘ is my worst subject. Makes my maths look Einsteiny.) She stood, on the plane, in her scrunchie, with her name badge, as we flew through the clouds, calculating and adding for me….because I couldn’t be arsed to. That’s service! Lol. She counted change out of my hand and began passing me bits off the trolley.

LOTS OF BITS. More bits that i needed. But I couldn’t be more grateful.

After wine, we were home in a jiffy.Landed. Sorted. The gent next to me, told me to..

‘Watch that old mans head…’

As I almost flung my carry bag about like I was Beyonce, because I couldn’t reach it out of those top units. I love the Leeds flight home…It get’s really REAL and really Yorkshire.

Then as I stepped back into Leeds Bradford airport, did all the queues…shimmied through border control….shattered…but listening to two boys infront of me, rambling on about the chicks they’re apparently about to ‘sex up’ with their really little willies.

One of the Random Boys: ‘You…Where you off? You taking me, cos…?’

Me: ‘As if you’ve been on holiday and not managed to get a tan?’

I love butting in on people’s sentences when they’re trying to be ‘swaggy,’ changing the subject and leading it. 😉 You wanna play ‘swag,’ let’s play?

Boy: ‘I was out partying all night. I partied hard, y’know, I slept through the day, all day… I got businesses and shit… So, where you taking me?’

(He said it to me, like I had never ever seen a nightlife in my entire life. 😉 )

Me: ‘I worked the whole time I was there. I shot. I’m a model. I’ve only been in Spain for 2 days.’

Boy: ‘My ex girlfriend’s a model…and..’

Me: ‘What’s her name?’

Boy: ‘You won’t know her… She done lots…She’s been to London and everything.. What stuff have you done?’

And at that point, I couldn’t be arsed anymore. I just got bored. Plus, there’s a time and a place for the answer to that question…and that’s when i’m at work, a casting, an audition, an interview..or if i’m getting to knoew someone personally, who I hope to be with forever. They’re the only times I EVER have to reel out a verbal CV. Not at BORDER CONTROL, in a ‘You do you, Boo’ tshirt. I’D JUST GOT OFF A PLANE FROM WORK. I WAS SHATTERED. I didn’t want to chat ‘my life story.’ 

Luckily, his friend deliberately distracted him…and I clicked both their phones onto CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM 🙂

ALL THE PROMO. Lol. No shame in my game.

When I’m tired, I’m really quiet and I’d rather just have people go to the blog and read up about me, because i’m just really shit, during those times.

Hahahah! Shit! And A SHIT!

When I’m not tired. I’m the exact opposite and you cannot shut me UP! I BUBBLE OVER WITH A CHAMPAGNE GIDDINESS.

Finally got through all the checks and was strutting my way out of Leeds/Bradford (again, the staff there couldn’t have been greater to me. Thank You. Service has been excellent everywhere I’ve been recently?)

I looked down at my phone…

(Whatsapp Msg)

Pitstop Rentals: ‘I’ll be in the carpark in five minutes.’

Then during my plane journey, I’d been thinking about ‘The Swirl’ a lot. Maybe because I was tired and when you are you think of ‘wanting comfort.’ You miss people…

(Whatsapp Msg:)

Me: ‘Hope game day went well babe! I’ve just got off the plane in Leeds. x’

The Swirl: ‘How was ur trip? xx’

Me: ‘Good. Just shattered. I just worked. How was footy?x’

Swirl: ‘We got beat…I got sent off. U doing much tonite? x’

Me: ‘Comfies, relaxing and wine. You? Bet you’re shattered?’

Swirl: ‘Yeah, I am. Nice chilled nite for me tonite too.’

Then I strutted up with my luggage on wheels to the ‘pick up’ stop…A few people were about, chatting to me, waiting around for their mums etc… and a Pregnant girl asked me if I had a lighter!!!!!! (We’re definitely back in Leeds.)

I looked to my right and my driver PITSTOP RENTALS (which is THE BEST chauffeuring service, int he world ever,) was edging up to the curb, in the Range Rover…for pick up.

THANK GOD!!! The car rocked up with a vibe. A hero vibe that saved my soul.

Within seconds, my driver had jumped out of the car, grabbed my bags off me, ignored the folk who were glaring, got me in the car and with the biggest smile and the most STYLISH ATTIRE….SWOOPED me out of Leeds/Bradford airport! It took seconds.

Pitstop Driver: ‘How was it? How did your shoots go?’

Me: ‘It was literally amazing. I don’t think i’ve ever worked as hard though. I can’t even believe I was just there for 2 days for work. I’m SHATTERED.’

Pitstop: ‘You’re  soooo lucky.’

(He always reminds me that I’m lucky when he drives me. And it’s always the people who pass you safely from one destination to another, that have the quiet moments with you…away from ‘the show’ of it all and they remind you that you’re doing great, doing okay and that you’re super dooper lucky.) 

Me: ‘ I look terrible. I look like i’ve been pulled through a bush backwards and run over. I’m so tired’

Pitstop: ‘Well I know you’re hungry…You’ve worked hard. If anything you need to feel cared for and pampered right now. You need to be looked after! Hahah. Why don’t we stop off at the big fish & chip restaurant near the airport…and get something to eat and chill or bit.

Me: ‘PERFECT IDEA! LETS GO. I NEED FOOD, WINE AND A CHILL..’

Within minutes, we had swung through the restaurant door. I’m stood there directly off my Spanish flight, with my driver…and for the next hour we just sat (he moved us to a booth, cos our other table was wibbly lol) and we enjoyed a mixture of starters,  hearty fish and chip dinners, puddings, wines, coffees and banter.’

We chatted about his life and his work.He kept getting calls from ‘the office’ stating that the Lamborghini had a nail stuck in the wheel. Lol. First World Problems!

I chatted about all that I had done in Spain. He gave me pointers. Stuff, I already knew…but needed to hear. I talked about Simone. For some reason we started talking about ‘One Direction?’ (..because his best friend is Zayn Maliks uncle or something?) 

Then after I did a bunch of wine…which sucks if you’re a driver. (He’s also a good friend now.) He drove a very knackered Glamour Puss, back to her digs….on time and with the finest manner.

I STRUTTED UP TO THE DOOR SLOOOOOWLY, CREPT UP THE STAIRS…

AND SURPRISED RUBY AND JUNIOR, (WHO HAD MY FAMILY LOOKING AFTER THEM…)

And with the most excited *SCREECHES,* LAUGHTER, *RUNNING LEAP,* MUMMY CUDDLES and a moment of the most excited madness….Life just made sense again!

Those moments make everything worth it! If you’re a parent…then you get it. You get what i’m saying. I’m working my entire arse off right now and i’m all over the country, all of the time. Yet the most amazing and most fulfilling burst of true love and satisfaction comes, when you walk into the room and their world LIGHTS UP!

Makes my heart BEAM! The moments that matter…I really felt appreciated and sometimes that’s all a girl needs.

Ruby: Mum! Grandma said, a Babarrazi, is it Baba or Papa…was taking pictures of you looking sexy!?!’

Friends, Wine, Gingers & *C* Bombs

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Morning! Gosh! It’s such a busy time. I’m running around like a topless 😉 chicken, trying to get everything dished, dashed and sorted. It’s absolute mayhem. But, what can I say, I’m loving it. (I never take for granted how lucky I am.)

There’s a lot going on right now and yeah, it can feel stressy and yeah, yesterday I felt like I didn’t have the positive support that I needed…But today’s a new day…I’m breathing, I’m smiling and i’m sat blogging this in a giant faux fur, knee high boots, diamante danglers and with heated rollers in my hair!

THAT MY BITCHES…IS GLAMOUR PUSSING. We’ll call it *EXTRA.* 😉

Anyway, that last Sunday, I ended up meeting ‘Poggy’ at The Carleton for a couple drinks…without my bank card. (I have it now. Life is bliss.) The guy she wanted to maybe go on a date with was busy, yet instead, a different guy had waited all night until his guy friends had each left, then approached her with a…

‘I was waiting for them to leave, so I could get to chat to you….’

They ended up on a ‘date.’ So, even though it’s ‘early days,’ I guess everything happens for a reason. You get what you’re meant to get…and life sort of times things correctly for you. You’ll be surprised at how many things do actually fall into place. It’s magical and like I always say, it’s a ‘magic’ we can’t control.

I never use timing as an excuse. You meet people because you’re meant to meet them..even if right away that second, you have no clue why? It’s always for a reason, a season or a lifetime. You’re paths will keep crossing, until all life elements are correctly in place, and you’ve figured out your connection.

Barmaid to Poggy: ‘He’s the kinda man who will kiss you when you need to be kissed and slap you when you need to be slapped.’

That Sunday night ended up being wilder than I thought? So much fun. Good friends, new memories and all around a table…as day turned to night.

There was laughter, wine and sarcasm as it’s finest…and as always, we definitely got carried away. You can’t get us started with banter, in the name of wit and ‘Being Yorkshire’ we go for it.

I went to school with ‘Poggy’ and she’s been a good friend of mine for years. We were actually laughing over the fact that our ‘careers teacher,’ stated that she would become a marine and that I would become a florist, after we answered a couple of personality questions. Lol.

Poggy: ‘How the F*** did they come up with that!!’

Me: ‘I must have just said I like flowers and pretty things and you must have said that you…’

Pet Laura: ‘Like to kill things…Lol. It’s like The Hunter & The Vajazzle.’

(‘Pet Laura’ is a Dog Groomer. She found herself at our table, wishing she was in Africa, bottle feeding tigers, or something? Then she had gin.) 

One gin down and she was naming our vagina’s after ‘Harry Potter’ spells. I distinctly remember looking up and for some reason ‘Poggy’ and ‘Pet Laura’ were doing these weird hand actions and refering to their ‘lady parts’ as..

HUNTER.

(Mine’s not a ‘Hunter,’ mines just tired. Hi, True love! Where are you? Please find me.)

Poggy: ‘I think that because you have such a busy life and a busy life online, you would always need a man who is chilled. Someone who gets on with it and takes that stress away…’

Me: ‘Yeah, I don’t like a stressy man. I don’t like them to come with a bundle of emotional issues… I don’t like things to be complicated. I don’t have time to unfold, mend or cry into wine anymore.’

Y’know, everyone always thinks i’m picky when it comes to love and I’m not picky as in ‘fussy,’ i’m just happy and when you’re happy….you sometimes wonder whether you need to invite another human in? But then I think, I’m gonna need someone to carry heavy bags and do the bins, aren’t I? 😉

So, yeah, I should probably team up with a fella and do ‘lifetime’ sometime shortly.

I just don’t want to invest in a ‘fling’ at 37. I can’t be arsed. I’m not excited by them. I’m too old for that I’ve ‘flung’ all the way through my 20’s, hoping that it would always be forever. Each time I got it wrong. Even after ‘I doing it’ three whole times!

What I’ve learnt, is that I don’t need to worry about it. YOU don’t need to worry about it either. Girls always worry about it. I never do.  I have absolute faith, that no matter what, the man who truly loves me, because he can’t help it, (banter, winks, diva strops and all)….will come get me. (I shouldn’t have used the word ‘get’ it makes it sound like he’s gonna kidnap me and throw me in the back of a van.)

But you get what I mean….innit! 🙂

All I have to do, is ‘sit pretty,’ get on with life…and wait. Cupid an I are mates now. He doesn’t mess with me. I don’t mess with him. It’s simples. Plus, Girls shouldn’t chase boys. We shouldn’t have to. I enjoy the traditional art of the ‘dude coming forward.’

Annnnnyway… (I totally got distracted…)

That Sunday…day turned to night and the bright blue skies, were slowly blanketed with a navy sheet, that almost swirled in a grey mist, littered with stars. (I don’t actually know if there were stars out?? Lol. I’ve made that bit up.)

‘Pet Laura’ had left and just as she did, the outside door swung open and out popped ‘Parsons.’ (She’s a friend of a friend, who is ace, because whenever she’s drunk, she gets really gobby and starts doing hand stands and rollie pollies everywhere.)

The tempo changed to that good old, loud, cracking, fast Northern, naughty, foul mouthed, BANTER.

IT WAS GREAT! (I cannot even repeat what was said.)

‘Parsons’ enjoys to use the *C* bomb, which I always find hilarious. She’s such a free spirit. Such a wild, loud, laugh! In fact, she loves the *C* bomb so much, that she even delivers it in melody.

Everything at this point turned into a blurry, fun, wine drenched haze. And a red ‘outside heater’ glow, surrounded us. It nurtured us. It kept us safe. It obided to he rules of The Wine Gods.

Now, ‘Poggy’ and ‘Parsons’ got on really well…They have swimming in common. They want to swim everywhere together. They want to travel the world and swim through valleys.

It was like one of those moments when you first meet someone in a bar, but you’re both pissed, think you’re best friends and plan holidays together! 🙂

Me: ‘You’re definitely not going to swim together.’

Parsons: ‘Everyone thinks i’m fat. But i’m actually a really good swimmer.’

(Then she did ‘swimming arm’ demonstrations at me.)

Me: ‘I only do breast stroke with my face above the water, so it doesn’t ruin my face.’

Anyway, they had some unique ‘hoe’mance’ going on. They loved each other and mocked ‘Parsons’ ginger husband, who was definitely stood, pressing the ‘heater on’ button every 10 seconds.

Poggy: ‘He’s like The King of The Gingers.’

Me: ‘But he’s not even ginger? You can’t be The Ginger King…when you’ve got brown hair? Surely that’s not a title you can take?’

Parsons: ‘He IS ginger. I’ve got a ginger kid and i’m a brunette. I love you *Poggy,* you’re like a blond version of me… in a polo neck.’

(Now, i’ve just looked at my blog notes from that evening and I’ve typed ‘Fast pass to brown hair,’ after that piece of ‘polo neck’ statement. However, I have no clue, what that means now? Lol. All I remember was looking up and seeing the girls bickering over who had said the ‘funniest’ thing..)

‘Why have you put that down. I said something WAAAY MORE FUNNIER THAN HER and that SHOULD MAKE THE BLOG.’

All got really drunk. All had a lot of fun. I got stopped a couple times, that evening by the occasional Geordie and people who love my ‘Blog/Influencey’ stuffs.

I absolutely bantered with you all. But I was far too drunk to dish out advice, which is what everyone was asking me for. 🙂

I’ve received your DM’s though…So, i’ll try and swizzle in some time to meet and inspire. (I appreciate the love.)

Message me again, in case I forgot. There’s not such thing and reminding me TOO MUCH. I love ‘people reminders’ as I often get lost in work load and jiggery pokery.

Right, I’m off. I’ve got the babies and a lot to try and organize. Things have been so jam packed, that it’s been hectic. I fly to Spain in 7 days. Thursday morning.

I’m kinda really looking forward to getting away for a few days by myself, just to relax and finally get that ‘chill’ time in,  that I never seem to prioritize.

It’s been a busy first part of the year…and sometimes I feel like i’m running as fast as I can, but on the spot. Lol.

What I need right now, is to relax…a wine….and a result.

(Things are never that easy though, are they?)

Kisses,

Chrissie,

 

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When guys are like…………

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I’m in such a GOOD MOOD today!!! I’m like a juicy little bubble berried  with excitement. You could just *squeeze* me and I’d *POP* confetti, with *squeaks* of laughter and shrieks and ‘ooh laa.‘ Then champagne showers would simply start roaring out of nowhere, as let’s face it it’s Wunna Land. Glasses would be poured.  ‘Handsomes‘ would be winking…. and I would just strut forward, knowing that my version of life just seems to be getting better!

To be fair, after that really shit 2013…or was it 2014? I’ve blanked out deliberately. Lol. One of those years was SHOCKING. After that point…MY LIFE, just changed and I became the luckiest chick ever.

Then at the beginning of 2017 my mentality changed…new people entered Wunna Land. I became closer to people who I never knew I would be so close to….Then my life changed again…and Right now,because I whopped out that sassy Wunna ‘Gusto’ and decided to just  do the things that made me happy, without fear…2018 has ended up (so far) being one of the best years of my life….

YIPPPPPPPPeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEE!

I’m in the most wonderful mood, for no real reason and it’s fantastic because I feel ALIVE! I’m ‘happy go lucky’ by nature. I’m the frill in ya twisters. The *pop* of that champers spray. I’m giddy…I’m great. I’m like a little girl, that’s filled with charm….I’m celebrating life and no one can stop me. And the most wonderous thing about my Tuesday, is the simple the fact that today…I have NO PRESSURE! I’m freeeeeeeeeeee!

So, I’m feeling like a Winner! ( Chicken! Chicken! Dinner!)

To me ‘balance’ is one of the most important things that I measure when it comes to success. (I nearly typed ‘ ‘when it comes to sex‘ then. Lol. How ‘Cougar‘ of me. I can’t wait until my ‘Cougar’ days kick in. I CAN REALLY. I’D HATE IT. After financially and emotionally looking after every single man in the entire world, that Cupid has FORCED me to date…or Life has MADE me cross paths with….A little lost boy, with no job, is not gonna make my wish list. Ever. And I don’t even care. Lol. I can like what or who I want….

At this point in my life, I very much want to be taken care of emotionally, mentally, physically and by a grown up man that I don’t have to pay for. That’s always good, isn’t it! And i’ve noticed that the more successful I’ve become, the more ‘lost little boys, with no job‘ come a knocking.

‘Meal tickets are the other way…Nope…No…Wait…Turn around…A bit to the left…Oh yeah and keep on walking darling…Don’t look back now, you cheeky little thing. Wunna land’s door is FUCKING SLAMMED….beautifully shut. 😉  Oh the kids are swearing at you, from the rosy tinted windows.’

What has happened to men?

I mean, the ‘Little Lost Boy’ aside….It doesn’t take much to value your girl, guy, wife, partner or fancy piece and treat her with both respect…AND like a Princess! 😉

ITS NOT THAT HARD!

I mean my guy friend, the other day was moaning about how  we chicks are all ‘trying to be independent’ now….(He took a chick out on a date, made her pay for THEIR meal and then ‘boned’ her in the back of a car.)

Romance is alive….Shakespeare couldn’t have written it better himself.

We girls have always been independent. Not only have some of us wanted to be. But we’ve also HAD to be.

I’m adventurous and fun by nature. I moved to LA by myself as a kid to chase dreams. That’s my ‘WANTING to be’ independent streak. But my ‘HAVING to be‘ independent streak is still utterly alive, because i’m a lone parent of two little babies…I’m Mum, I’m Dad, I’m Love, I’m Money. I’m everything!

At first that wasn’t by choice. Yet now….It’s great and it’s made me feel powerful… and if I love anything, I love feeling powerful. Lol.

It’s a turn on. (Sick I know.) But I go for that in guys also? I have no clue why, other than sickness? However, yes, I’m totally turned on by it….BUT ONLY IF THEY HAVE A BEAUTIFUL SOUL AND RESEMBLE A DELICIOUS PIECE OF EYE CANDY. 🙂 (Meaning not some big grizzle, ancient years older than me, evil pervert, with 22 beer bellies and a boner.)

I like a well rounded, fun, loyal, loving man. The ‘power’ things is only a sexual turn on. I don’t want you to get it twisted. Lol. It’s not an essential trait that they need. Lol. In the bedroom…I’d find that REALLY SEXY. But like I said, they have to be of the ‘handsome’ variety…You can call me ‘shallow’ for that….and…well..I won’t care. Lol. It’s what I fancy.

Everyone loves eye candy. Some people just like to look at eye candy. I like to find eye candy, with an amazing personality, that would make a good hubbster …and just make him MINE. 🙂

Italiano: (My LA Friend..) ‘She pretty much grew up in Hollywood around a bunch of guys. We were all roomates. Models, actors, lawyers, agents… But it was definitely ALL guys and Chrissie…So she kinda picked up a Hollywood dudes mentality when it comes to dating… And it’s fucking awesome. She was the best roomie I ever had!’

(We all just had so much fun. I cannot even begin to TELL you the stories. But they’re scattered throughout my blog… through the years….I loved that at 20, we could just show up to an audition, do really bad at it and then simply say ‘Fuck it’ go to The Standard, order 4 poolside strawberry margaritas and make ourselves feel better, before our next audition.)

I’ve gone on a flipping tangent!

What was I even on about? Balance? Or things I like i guys? I forgot about it all, because I was too busy *bobbing* away with cocktails at ‘The Standard.’

When it comes to men…their spirit needs to play well with mine. I want them to be my best friend. They have to be a family man. I have kids. They are part of my package. I love a laugh. I love a thoughtful person. I love sexy. I LOVE SEXY. Smart. Vain. I love ‘good times.’ But I love to chill and even if I fancy treating myself to utter glamour pussy, dressed ‘to the nines’ luxury, (which I adore,) I also love to just slum it and banter in my comfies…with a takeout.

When it comes to ‘balance’ true success to me, is when someone has everything…Happiness, health, wealth, a career they love, their dream partner, maybe even a family…and it’s all easy and all beautiful.

When I see a man who has that…I see him as ‘Successful.’

(I mean, what’s the point at winning at ONE thing, if during that time, you managed to lose everything else….?)

I learnt that early on in life in LA, when I was about 23. It was a very hard ‘learn.’ Hahaha. I cried a lot for a while…then cried over useless wilies….;)

Throwback convo….Do it in your best American accent….

Christine: ‘What the fuck is up with her…?’

Theo: ‘It’s fine, leave it. She’s crying over a penis…’

I can’t be bothered to write anymore…I need an afternoon tipple…Or an adventure with friends! I met my good friend ‘House of Solo’ Magazines, ‘Big A’ yesterday. He’s on a diet and with an orange juice, showed me all the people he was booking for the front cover of his magazine. This was at Ego…(which is like my local bar.)

BUT…

I’m excited, because I’m actually at Ego this evening for dinner and drinks, with all the Mum’s of Ruby’s class/year…whatever you want to call it. It’s great because we’ve never really hung out with each other before. We only ever see one another in passing…So, it will be really lovely, to just sit down, eat, drink and be merry, and get to know some faces that I pretty much see everyday!

That’s tonight!

Kisses,

Chrissie. x

 

Influencing Lip Balms, Nudey Balloons & I Fainted

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Mornings make me happy and they’re such an important part of the day because each time you wake up, (whether you’re fresh as a daisy, off to work, rolling some eye candy out of our bed, hungover, happy, worried, or dashing off with the kids,) you get another shot at doing life! It’s a whole new start! It feels good! We kinda take it for granted.

Just like that… everything could stop…So it’s important to remember to treasure and enjoy the things that you have… while you still have them.

Only do the things that make you happy, fall in love, take your chances, look good whilst your doing it and make your wishes and dreams come true. Build your career, build your family, never feel judged by what people think or say and live it with every inch of your soul.

(Why am I trying to sound like some life guru right now? 🙂 Let’s be real, I fainted last last whilst on the actual toilet at around 1am in the morning. Lol. Am I the only ‘glamour puss’ to ever do that?)

Now, before we all start getting in a tizzy and ringing all these panic bells. It was a comedic faint, not a ‘Call the Doctor’ faint.

My drunk chick friend had been snap chatting last night, before ‘shut eye’ and charger ‘plugins.’ 

Chick friend: ‘I’m only on 11 percent battery life now. I’m pissed. Mof sleep.’

Me: Don’t you dare wake me up, start all this *look at me, look at me, pay attention to me* thing and then just be like, fuck it i’m off to sleep, once i’m here! Lol’

I was laid in bed, fast asleep…happy as can be….and then my stomach started to kill….It hurt SO much, that I was trying to ignore it. I tried to pretend that it wasn’t actually happening, because ofcourse, when you do, and you close your eyes, whilst hiding under the duvet…it’s not! 🙂

IGNORANCE IS BLISS!

When I was 19, the guy that I was dating cheated on me and I’d walked into his home and seen him in bed with a girl…that he had ‘boned’ all night.

Yippppeee!

At the time I was devastated…OFCOURSE! But now, at 37 and after doing moderately well in life, 😉  I look back on that memory fondly, like it’s a juicy, yet comedic little burst of Wunna life memory because HE DID the ‘close your eyes, hide under the duvet and pretend it’s not happening’ thing…and in that moment, he must have REALLY shat himself. Poor sod.

He went on to try and win me back. I moved to Hollywood and married a ‘movie star.‘ 🙂

Hurrah!

How have I got this distracted!?! I’m meant to be telling you about my flipping tummy ache.

Hurt so bad (like that cramp you get in your leg that is uncontrollably painful, but just like ouchy bits of life, you have to go through it anyway…Lol.) I was trying to *swag* it out. When you *swag* something out, when no ones watching you, it’s really awkward and uncomfortable. 🙂

Got up, did a giant naked SPRINT to the loo, sat on the toilet and I don’t know what happened, but my whole body did this hot, cold, flush thing, all these yellow blurry dots, *fuzzed* over me, and I kinda just remember keeling over for a moment, losing m mind and feeling all hot and sweaty…

I woke up on the floor, after about a minute or so, right as rain, like i’d just watched a bit of telly, or had a ham sandwich…

Then I ‘naked’ walked back to bed and immediately fell asleep.

Why am I so WEIRD! THAT IS NOT NORMAL. No wonder I’ve been married so many times!!!

Dear Future Husband,

Please just love me anyway…

Look!! I look really good half naked with balloons….

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OOoooh Balloons…

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Sold? Good! Thought so! *Wiggle Wink*

But away from all that….Yesterday was a great day!

I was at a catch up meeting with ‘Big A’ from ‘House of Solo’ Magazine, minding my own business, rambling on about my life, going on about how i’m going to be getting this new amazing body….

…and as I scrolled through my email, I received a message from ‘Amy’ in regards to the Lypsyl Mirror Compact Lip Balm, that I had loved and therefore ‘influenced,’ on my socials.

I loved it so much and like I always say, when you’re an influencer you receive and try out a lot of things, be they products, places, or people….and it’s hard to fit everything into your socials….

However, I genuinely loved my mirror compact madly and was so grateful to Lypsyl, that I basically featured it on my Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat and Facebook immediately…

ALL MY SOCIALS (which you should all be following)

Yesterday….My Lypsyl Mirror Compact and I were featured in The Sun…and Fabulous Magazine…

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How good is that! I literally *SCREECHED* in the middle of Ego, at my meeting….

House of Solo, ‘Big A’ kept doing these ‘being jealous’ faces at me. Lol.

But it felt really GOOD, to have teamed up with Lypsyl (which is a huge glorious brand,) influence something and then to see it in the national press…

It felt really good!

(They’re such a wonderful team…)

I was jumping around a cocktail bar, they were jumping around their office.

Everyone was filled with excitement…

I felt like the luckiest girl in the world….and when I’m excited, i’m like a little girl. I beam!

I WILL tell you, that things in my life right now, are kinda wonderful, in ALL areas…..I know! Can you even believe it?  And whether I am or not, right now, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world…

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Because I love a Hero….

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Are you freezing too? What is this crazy ass, snow doing? Now, we know I don’t like the cold. It makes my nose runny and that I assure you is something that can never be well accessorized. I had to make the scariest drive yesterday, where I kinda just skidded into oncoming traffic. Lol. Then Ruby and Junior had a ‘snow day’ off school (AFTER I DROVE ALL THE WAY THERE Lol), followed by that awful moment when they (in fact all kids)  turn around and shout..

‘LET’S PLAY IN THE SNOW!’

It’s always something that you feel you should do, even though you really don’t want to…But you do it anyway, don’t you? Just to see them smile… 😉

We built snowmen (that didn’t build,) they made snow angels, (and looked devastated,) we had snow ball fights (Junior cried) and Ruby chose to crawl all the way home like snow dog. I was literally screaming at her to ‘PLEASE GET UP, COS YOU’RE MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A REALLY BAD PARENT…LOL‘….But she just kept ‘woofing‘ at me and saying she was a ‘SNOW DOG.‘ 🙂

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(The other evening, when we did our ‘Mummy/Daughter’ dinner at Ego, she had a whole conversation with me about my love life and demanded that she saw their FEET first, because it was vital that I did not ever marry a man with ‘rubbish feet.’ )

‘Honestly, Mum…can we Google his feet, pleeease?’

I couldn’t ‘picture take’ yesterday because firstly, it got ‘snowed off’ and secondly I am UTTERLY rubbish at shooting in the cold. I can’t stand it. I can’t get into it. I lose my swagger. I lose my ‘ooh laa.‘ I won’t do it.  And you have to feel comfortable when you’re on a shoot.

So instead, I *selfied* my snow walk….Who knew you’d all be that excited by it? 😉

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(There’s me moaning about Ruby crawling like a ‘snow dog’ home and I’m tottering along in the snow with my bra out! Lol)

Even my chick friend saw it on snapchat and said,

‘Know wonder you’re bloody freezing. Most people wear a top out in the snow.’

But whatever, you’ve godda keep it sexy don’t you! And I’m certainly one of those girls. I didn’t even think that I looked like a plonker either? I mean, I would’ve done it WITHOUT THE BRA, if I thought it was respectful enough around the people passing by.

A bra is odd to viewers, but acceptable in the cold. A nipple is a whole different game. And my child was crawling home, like a ‘snow dog.’

What we must look like… is beyond me!!

I’m glad we did it though and i’m glad I have half exotic children, that prefer the poolside heat and swimwear, to the snow. They cried after 10 minutes because they wanted to be in the warm. 🙂

YIPPPPPPPPPPPPEEE!

But thank you for all the love I received for my ‘snow walk’ selfies. I appreciate it. And do know, before you all start. I was zipped up when the children were in front of me, yet it wouldn’t have made a difference, as they see me in my bra, or with my boobs out all the time. We don’t have body hangups in our family. We’re swag. 😉

I will tell you what was cute on my walk…The fact that I saw old gentlemen, young men and all sorts of others, shoveling the drives clear, for their wives, running all the errands…sort of really taking care of their ‘honey pies’…They were just being proper MEN. That was so cute. They were hand holding and guarding their families. They were keeping them safe from danger, yet still managing to have a laugh in the snow.

What a turn on! I love a HERO.

(I prefer to be warm, but definitely love a hero.)

Like I said to my friend ‘Tomfri’ the other day, when we passed each other in a pub car park (It was The Carleton.)

‘I love it when boys can do boys things…’

(We had some brief conversation about him laying his own floors down. Lol. He was with a mate and they had ladders wedged in their car. It’s the first manly thing ‘Tomfri’s’ ever tried to do or something? But that’s impressive.)

Boys are attractive when they have an emotional softness…yet at the same time, can do BOY THINGS. (That’s quite sexist. But It’s really how I feel! Lol)

Like I’d LOVE TO BE MARRIED TO THE PERFECT MAN, who can do things like ‘lay floors down,’ put a new light bulb in, do the bins and all that shit, that we girls hate. Lol. He’d have to be stylish and ‘cool as’ though and enjoy both the FINER AND THE SIMPLE things in life. Like, he couldn’t have a no teeth….It just wouldn’t work.

I’ve already bored myself with that paragraph.

Chick friend: ‘She wants you to be fit. She loves eye candy, because she’s shallow. Lol’

I’m not shallow! I’m really not. Just vain. We’re going down the wrong path!

WAIT!

What i’m trying to say is that I’m actually great at doing ‘GIRL THINGS...’

*WINK HERE*

So, I enjoy a gent who is equivalently GREAT… at doing BOY THINGS…

I have boyish banter, but I am a GIRLY GIRL. Don’t get it twisted. I’m a glamour puss. A kitten! Sometimes a bit of ‘diva’ the say? 😉

Aww, my friend ‘Sykes’ is just messaging me on Facebook…

Sykes: ‘I adore reading the comments on your photos. How you have the patience to say something nice back is literally inspiring. Lol. Someone told me I had a nice arse at the gym the other day, and I had him thrown out. I presume it’s your business acumen that drives you. Bravo Wunna.’

(I love Sykes. I went to school with her and she’s hilarious. )

I think i’m just used to it. I hear it all day, every day….and I don’t mind it. No, in fact, I do mind it when they’re rude, because i’m feisty…They sometimes need cold showers or slaps.  But if you put a suggestive picture up…that is whats going to happen. I don’t mind sexy banter…I just don’t like it when people are disrespectful and cross the Wunna line.

Yet, on the whole, everyone’s doing the whole ‘you’re beautiful, you’re sexy’ thing.

That’s not so bad. I’m quite laid back by nature. Worse things have happened to me then that…Lol.

PLUS, I try and make time for people, who make time for me….and they do…every day….I whole heartedly believe in the art of ‘what goes around come around.’ I wouldn’t want anyone to think that I didn’t appreciate the fact that they’re helping ‘Wunna Land’ sail.

I can’t remember what I wanted to tell you now?

Thank you those of you who are sending me products to ‘influence’ ( I always find it really exciting and I can’t wait to sort through them all) and thank you to the gents who have been signing up to my ‘Onlyfans’ account. (Onlyfans.com/chrissiewunna) I’m glad you have a ‘home’ now. Lol. 41 pictures are up on there right now…and 4 more went up today. It’s certainly the place for the ones of you who aren’t bothered about reading the blog and just want to see the ‘sexier’ versions of my pictures. Lol.

 I say ENJOY! (Copy and paste the above Onlyfans link and subscribe yourself happy.)

I hope this snow is nearly over. Yesterday I felt trapped and house bound…It was a nightmare. I was literally pulling my hair out…The kids were going mental and..

I had run out of flipping wine!

I was gonna brave the blizzards, just for a bit of wine! Yet for once, I went all sensible and left merriment to others!

BEING SNOWED IN YESTERDAY IS SO DULL. Especially if you have no booze or no fun. 😉

What else did I need to tell you?

Oh yeah. I’m gonna be changing my diet, in my quest for a more delicious body….

I’ll tell you all about it shortly…I just need to get everything set up!

Chrissie

ps/ Thank you for following my life.