Did Halloween do you over too? Thank THE Gods it’s over. Honestly, I worked the whole entire day, came home, got my over excited loin fruit ready, to tinker through the streets, for candy… with their Daddies. J I slowly tottered upstairs, still with my handbag over my shoulder (it had been a long day) and with my tinty little kitten legs a dragging..and then the MADNESS BEGAN.
HOLY SHIT! There wasn’t even time to just chill and kick it. I went to cuddle Rocco, (The Wunna Land kitten) and BOOM, out of nowhere,
*KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK*
UGH! I wasn’t even too frustrated by this point. I was still okay. I mean, yeah it was a ball ache, as I DO LOVE my ‘moment’ of chill, after a hard days work. It keeps my soul perky. So I pick up Rocco the kitten, totter back downstairs, as quick as I can (because you do don’t you, when you know strangers are waiting outside your door,) with one arm grab a giant box of chocolate shite that I had bought at the last minute, in case I did get any kids at my door and with the other hand, still with my kitten Rocco in my arms, I swung open the door to ‘trick or treaters.’
Teen girls. Beautiful. Delightful. Gorgeous. Glamour Pusses. Literally the world’s POSHEST ‘trick or treaters’ too, as they talked like the Queen (As in Elizabeth, not Ru Paul) and stood on the other side of my doorstep beaming with a giddy excitement, whilst continuingly telling me that I was ‘beautiful’ for candy. (As you can imagine, I liked these girls.) I’m surprised they didn’t ask for Prosecco, a Handsome Prince and Prada. They were utterly polite, around 17 (lol) and decided to stand on my doorstop, dressed as witches with candy bags now filled with Wunna Land, stroking my cat and talking to me for a million years about life…and how they know me from somewhere.
After about fifteen minutes (yes, that long), they left. I think they wanted to stay? (By this point, my Dad had ventured into my home through the bac door, kicked off his shoes and laid on my sofa for chills)
Door swung shut. I was kinda all chipper because the Posh Teen Glamour Pusses, had filled my ego with compliments. Put the choices down, place Rocco back on the floor, begin to pour myself a gin and tonic and just as I step away up the stairs…
*KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.*
For FUCKS SAKE.
I’m laughing my now, because my dad is weeing himself at my distress. It’s only the second gang around. I go through the motions again, this time with the kitten in my arms, a tub of chocolates in one of my hands and a gin and tonic in the other. The door to Wunna Land swings open and this time it’s BOYS. Young boys. They’re about 12 or 13. There’s five of them, dressed as skeletons and AGAIN, they were weirdly ALL POSH, like they went to Eton and not Kings in Ponte. J
I’m handing out candy, giving them the Wunna Land ‘hostest with the mostest’ spiel. They’re telling me i’m great. They’re stroking my cat. 😉 (Hahaha. Just realised what i’ve said. ) And then one of them in their little posh accent turns around and says,
‘I used to have a kitten, but it died.’
Awesome banter. I think they got the picture that it was time to Hallo…LEAVE.
AGAIN THEY STAYED FOR AROUND 17 MINUTES.
AT THIS POINT, I HAD A FLIPPING LINE UP AT THE DOOR, WAITING TO GET CANDY FROM WUNNA LAND.
I don’t know if it was the kitten, the candy or the fact that I had glamourised it all with a cocktail in my hand? But it was INSANE. I should’ve got an appearance fee for it. It was like my own flipping doorstep chat show! (My Dad was PISSING MYSELF. Didn’t move a little Burmese muscle. Just found it hilarious that i was so stressed out. Lol.)
It took ages. It was mental. There was candy and banter and selfies flying through the spooky airs. I was over it and my gin and tonic ran out. It was hideous. But the ‘show must go on’ so committed to the pleasantries and then once the last bunch had waved themselves off, I slammed the door shut, poured another gin and whilst turning a couple lights off, dashed upstairs to HIDE, like the bailiffs were coming or something.
I stripped off naked. Got into comfies and just laid ontop of my bed sheets, like i needed therapy.
Then I did what any normal chick would do and WHATSAPP all my chick friends. Luckily, they had been going through ‘Trick or Treat’ drama also. Across the towns my glamour puss girls, swung their Ackworth, Leeds and Eggborough…doors open to strangers dressed as weirdo’s ALL NIGHT.
Fairytale Bond: ‘This is INSANE. I’ve had hundreds of kids around and i’ve run out of sweets!’
Double B: ‘It’s a fucking nightmare. Are carollers still a thing because I CAN’T COPE.’
Hustle Barbie: ‘Y’know, if you type brassiere into the search bar of your photos, it’s brings up pictures of your boobs.’
(It doesn’t. It only does it on Hustle Barbie’s phone because she’s a floozy. I tried it and due to my virginal status, it came up blank. 😉 )
Me: ‘I’ve been opening my door, with a kitten in my hand and a gin and tonic.’
Double B: ‘I might drive away, park up and turn my lights off. Why are they all screaming!! Take your sweets and shut up.’
Fairytale: ‘Isn’t it passed their bedtimes now?’
Me: ‘Answer the door, naked, with Eva in your arms… and a Corona.’
Hustle Barbie: ‘I live near Hunslet, so most of mine are probably just trying to steal my car.’
(Then Double B posted an inappropriate HILARIOUS photo to the group chat, that I cannot even mention. J Oh and EVA isn’t a human being, she’s a dog. Just so you get a distorted image in your mind. That wasn’t the picture. The picture was…Lol)
What a nightmare! Halloween is not made for Glamour Pusses who have worked all day. It was exhausting. But the positive of the situation is that today it’s WEDSNESDAY. It’s all over for another year….I don’t know why I hate Halloween so much, as i’m quite one for celebrations of any kind. I mean, I’m looking forward to bonfire night, and Christmas. And i have a birthday wedged in-between all that. Well, it’s a week before Christmas.
So yes, as always, there is a bright side.
In the New Year it all changes….
The thing about changes is that no matter what, you will be amazed at how quickly life moves with you, once you’ve made the mighty decision to ‘new chapter’ it.
Don’t be scared. Write your story……. I wrote mine and it changed my entire world.