But Baby it’s Cold Outside…

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It’s cold kittens, isn’t it? It’s ‘nippy…nippy…dooo…daaa’ and I am FREEZING. If I hate anything, I hate being cold. I’m all about the heaters being blasted on ‘FULL’ and a warm bowl of comfort food.  I can’t even DEAL with the chills of jiggery pokery, tinkering up my kitty spine. I’m far too EXOTIC to function under such circumstances.

Rubbish Friend: ‘You were born in DONCASTER, Wunna!!’

But whatever, that’s beside the point :)…. like anything ‘Ninja,’ I’m sure  IT’S IN MY BLOOD. I’m 100 percent Burmese. I spent 10 years growing up in LA! It’s all ‘warm, warm, give me some.’ It was the coldest day in all of the land, in Yorkshire today and I braced it in a Little Mistress faux fur. (I’ve over worn that Faux Fur, but it’s such a goody, that I just have to keep the roll going.)

I can’t even MOVE, when i’m cold, let alone BE USEFUL. A number of people attempted to force me useful today.  If you want me to be useful…don’t make me cold. Simples! (Radiators R’US. Live for HEAT. Let’s hang with the Fire Brigade, to make us feel warm. 😉 )

As you can imagine, I froze and pulled faces all day and….it rocked. I didn’t even do it for attention. Lol. I might have completed the COLDEST WALK IN ALL THE WORLD, with a chick named Beth.

‘Why is it so ******* COLD! I might die!!’

YET, f i’m being honest, even though the temperatures are dodgy, I kinda LOVE WINTER.

It’s more magical than Summer, isn’t it? Summer’s a fun season, but it’s a SELFISH season. In Summer, we’re all about ourselves. It’s flings and flamingos.

Winter is my favourite because, we commit to knitted jumpers, crackling fires, Gucci scarves, one more mulled wine, * pom pommed* gloves and surrender to kindness, merriment and reflection.

We cant help it.

It’s cuddles, it’s family traditions, it’s ‘Santa magic’ and glass *clinks* with your dearest friends. I love Winter. It’s my favourite. It may be cold, but whocares…I have a BIRTHDAY In 19 DAYS! I love Winter. 🙂 (All gifts appreciated. Just *volley* arm them into Wunna Land.)

So, I haven’t been able to blog over the last couple of days because I haven’t found the time. Time hasn’t found me. I’ve been working all days, most days and then being Mum, with a jolly side of sorting out the good old career. 🙂 I’m gonna shock ya.

I hope to have a really GREAT next year and if i’m gonna do that…I’m gonna have to put in the work. I have juggled and jiggled and worked my ‘pattooyi* off THIS year…and more than you would think.

NEXT YEAR, I finally get to fully celebrate life. Even though i get moments of second guessing myself, I’m feeling quite ‘swag’ about it all. It’s human nature to have doubts at times. People do make you feel bad for having doubts at times….But don’t. It’s normal. It isn’t that deep. All that matters is that you make the nerves temporary, and stiletto kick them out your way. I’m good at that. I’m really good at that. I’m really good at helping OTHERS do that!

Right now, i’m feeling pretty ‘gangsta,’ with a sophisticated, ‘Dior’ dripped strut. (Definitely did TI’s ‘You don’t know me’ video in my bedroom mirror, with a Desperado in my hand, this evening…and i don’t even CARE.)

Let’s have some fun now! It’s Christmas.

Over the last few days, i’ve been with the girls. Mel’s had a bird poo on HER ACTUAL FACE….Oh the glamour!

Me: ‘What? It’s lucky.’

Mel: ‘It pooed on my actual FACE!!’

‘Fairytale Blond’ bought burgundy jumpsuits, ‘Hustle Barbie’ received surprise and somewhat romantic Vegan packages at work, ‘Double B’ froze and referred to old peoples privates as ‘crusty bacon’ and ‘Firmmonell’ did my favourite place with ‘Big D’ via Snapchat!

‘We’re in your favourite place!!!’

Everyone else is ill. 🙂

Yipppppppppppeeee! Don’t come near me with your lergy!!

I’m going through a massive change in my life and I’m really excited. It’s weird because it proves that even when you’re old, greta things can still happen. Don’t give up hope. Age means nothing. It’s not about how many YEARS you’ve strutted, and more about HOW YOU STRUT….Make impact…it’s sexier.

At thirty six, i’m feeling really together,  but a whole lot of fun. It’s snowing outside, I have a contract beside me and I’m looking forward to Christmas.

If you didn’t know, for my birthday week I am away at the luxury Forest Cabin, with Forest Holidays. I always go there, because it’s a place of HUGE sentimental value to me. It’s one of the only places that I find peace and before a big next year, I’m gonna need that. I’ve had a great 2017. But 2018 will be much easier. I’m ready now.

I’m lucky.

This weekend I have WARM fun with Ruby and Junior planned, ‘Hustle Barbie’s birthday dinner in Leeds at Bar Soba and on Monday one of my BEST LA FRIENDS, Ronnie Woo is coming to London to lunch with me….

He’s a marvellous celebrity chef in LA and i’ll be telling you all about him soon. I can’t WAIT for Monday. I love Ronnie. He’s like a little brother to me. I’ve known him since he was 19 and at the time, we were both working a  part time job at a gym, scanning people like ‘before they were famous’ Nicole Scherzinger and Perez Hilton in for a work out. That time was such a great time in my life. Young Hollywood rocked.

But I waited a long time…and it was only now that SO MUCH is happening to me! So much, that I don’t even know where to start???

There’s lots I CAN tell you. Lots that  I CAN’T . And so much that I NEED to tell you…. BUT, right now, all  I WILL say is, that on the work front, things are really great in Wunna Land. I’ve got lucky.  It’s about to heat up…and you’ll be invited on my journey with me. ( I don’t know how this little diary got so big? Yet, I’m grateful. I don’t take anything for granted. I’m not like that. I really do thank you for reading it…even when it’s rubbish.)

I guess, I feel like i need to say that, as everyone always thinks that i’m really ‘pr’ driven and i’m not. I couldn’t be more different to that. It’s almost humourous. I mean, I’m not an idiot. I know when to ‘turn it on.’ I’m an entertainer. It’s what i do. I love to entertain. But i’m not one of these ‘robots,’ who doesn’t have a soul. I’m not a slave to it all. My soul is filled with Prosecco bubbles and brims over with winks, love and a natural ‘joie de vivre.’

At thirty six, I’m pretty much stuck in my ‘no nonsense’ ways. I’m not easily swayed. I stick to my guns and go with what I believe is morally right. I don’t play. I’m grown. And you’d know that if you met me. I’m the salt of the Earth.

And YEAH…I’m a bit glammy, sprinkled in boujiness and dashed in ‘swag.’ And YEAH, there’s a weird elegant dignity about me, with a cheeky upfront charm…. I enjoy the finer things in life and the world in general…

Yeah…i’ll agree that i’m  sassy….But unlike most, i’ll sit with you in a bar, treat you like you’re human and share a drink with you over banter.  I won’t even have to know you. I’ll love you, before I judge you….and that’s what makes me real. If i like you, i’ll smile. If I don’t.. you’ll feel it.

I’m someone who will say ‘sorry’ and not because I always think i’m wrong and that YOU’RE always right, but because I’m someone who will value my relationship with you, MORE than my ego.

*Slurps Desperado.*

People never know that about me.

I need to go…

I HAVE LOTS TO TELL YOU…

RIGHT NOW, I just can’t get it out….

I TOTALLY SMASHED TODAY!

I SMASHED TODAY and I can’t even begin to tell you. Yes. I did working hard. But I threw away that *pity party* that I was throwing yesterday and instead chucked on my faux fur and *BOSSED IT.* There’s only so long you can whine about *drowning* before you actually grow up, grab a ‘floaty’ and start paddling. It sieves the weak from the ‘success stories,’ baby. I don’t like moany people. Even when I have a moan, I don’t like it. It’s unattractive. I don’t mind a vent or a rant. I love a vent and a rant. But those long winded moaners, who moan about ‘how hard done by they are’ when they’re not really trying to do much, just don’t have the *vajazzle* 🙂 to figure out a way to shore!

Let’s keep this moving! Let’s keep it sexy!

So right…

Yes, as normal ‘Double B’ told me to ‘Fuck off.’ It’s a daily greeting now and this was before she told me some story about how some guy relative of hers bought her a ‘Well Ridden’ top when she was 11 because he liked bikes? LOL. Wait, or was it horses? I can’t remember the story? *Pours Prosecco.*

Anyway, away from that I’m currently on Whatsapp chatting to my chick friends about ‘steak and blowjob’ day and proposals. I’m not sure you’re allowed to propose to someone on ‘steak and blowjob‘ day as it’s not real. 🙂 It’s like an ‘I love you’ during sex. It doesn’t count! Haha! Yet, I hope a lot of you gents managed to snag yourself some red meat and a treat. If not…well you should’ve been better boyfriends. 🙂

I smashed today!

I always say that I never know what’s going on..but today I used my time wisely. I had spaces where I *zoomed* out those proposals, press releases and replied to the brands and companies who are wanting to work with me. (As if this is happening. I remember being really young, armed with a blog and my fingers crossed, as I *tapped* on the door and no one cared and now my inbox is FULL of requests from…literally….everyone and everything, with a hope to get Wunna Land on board. And yeah, it sounds boasty. But I’ve honestly worked really hard and to me, yes i’m proud, but it’s only just the beginning.

I got my work done. I met and chatted to everyone I needed to and I *nailed* it. In fact, i didn’t quite nail it, as 2 people said ‘no’ …very nicely. Yet the big brand, that I thought would not be bothered said ‘YES’ and the rest were requested, so I skimmed through all the *oohs and the arrs’  to see if they were the right fit for me…and I must’ve done more leg work through life than I thought…as people who i’ve known for years, who are now in better positions are peeking into Wunna land with a ‘hey, let’s team up.’

AS IF I GET TO CHOOSE  WHICH BRANDS I’D LIKE TO WORK WITH NOW! As if! I honestly can’t believe it!

I’m swirling around in a magically kitty confetti shower of life because once again Perez Hilton, who I adore ‘liked’ a bit of chrissiewunna.com. We go a long way back, as I used to scan him into Crunch gym every day in LA, the one on ‘Sunset’ and give him a towel, before he was the GREAT ‘Perez Hilton’…I’ve told the story previously, lots of times. But let’s just say, there couldn’t be a better bloggers mentor. I love that guy!

Away from the brands and the ‘work with me Wunna’ requests, as that’s quite normal these days , it makes me feel lucky…Over the last 2 weeks, i’ve had lots of different Social Media Agencies  or digital companies, ask to meet with me as soon as possible to actual ‘partner up’ with chrissiewunna.com, after taking a look at my ‘business.’ Crazy stuff! And I guess it must be because I went down to visit Steve Bartlett at Social Chain, as each of the other companies have *popped* out of nowhere and straight away, after a quick ‘Wunna Search’  have asked to schedule in meetings. I have one on Saturday and one at the beginning of April…and these are for business partnerships.

AS IF! *She takes a pouty selfie and adjusts her tiara*

Everything’s great! I’m feeling the love. I’m getting this whole thing now and feeling empowered. I will suggest that you refrain from leaving your personal numbers on my Facebook comment’s area, as you WILL get pranked called by all my lovely friends…and because even though we’re glamourous, we are ofcourse actual dickheads, who find great humour in being foolish 🙂 Plus, like I stated…I would be more impressed if you GUESSED my ‘digits.’ Lol (Reminds me of being young in LA where you could give a guy a specific fake number at a club. When he called the number the next day, it would play him a sad love song. Lol)

*Hair toss.. Hip Bum.*

(You won’t get this part unless you’re one of my actual LA friends, but I totally did that to the ‘Furniture Date’ dude, named Ofear! Hahahaha! The most handsomely weird, possibly terrifying, sun tanning, secret ‘S & M’ guy ever. Even my ex hubby would laugh about it with text messages reading, ‘Ditch the Zero and Get with a Hero.’ Lol.)

Ooh! I’ve just got a message in from Abeiku Arthur at ‘House of Solo’ magazine…

‘WE NEED NANDOS, DRINKS AND A GOSSIP NOW!’

I literally have so much to tell him, I could burst. Things have just developed greatly in a week! I can’t even believe it and i’m feeling much better now as I’m getting on with it, i’ve managed to just get stuff done, with a shimmie and wink.

So, do know that anything can happen at any point…and yeah it’s hard work, but it’s mainly about your attitude towards situations…How you deal with them emotionally and mentally. Especially when life gets tricky. I mean, you need to be able to turn a shit brick into a glitter ball with panache, because until you can, the people who DO are light years ahead of you.

You can do anything, if you believe you can and I don’t mean that in a cheesy cliched ‘silver lining’ kinda way. I mean it in a ‘because someone somewhere in the world has already done it before you..’ kinda way. MEANING that it is achievable.

‘You do know that you don’t actually need to partner up with anyone Wunna, as you could just do things by yourself. You’re  doing pretty well at it… You’re the personal branding Queen. Lol Infact, you’re a chip off the actual Hilton brand..’

‘I’m not the Queen of personal branding. I will be though. Lol. I just know ‘attention’ well 🙂 and yeah i got lucky and had to live with and learn personal branding from a girl, who at the time was the world’s most sought after Socialite. You don’t get better training than Paris Hilton. No one has better life training than me at this. Lol.’

‘Well are they wanting to build YOUR brand or getting you to build their brand?’

‘I don’t know? I’m gonna take my meetings…and see what’s on offer…I know what i’m dong. 😉 ‘

*Pours More Prosecco*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love Swirls, Boots, Trumps & Business

‘OMG! Chrissie! Look at these boots! Just look at these boots. Wait! Let me try one on and show you. It’s such a good boot. LOOK! (Holds it up to face and strokes it lovingly, like it is kitten blessed with divinity.) These are the kinda boots that you’d wear to The Carleton on a Friday night with skinny jeans! AND I GOT THE BAG, because you can’t do boots, without a matching bag! (Pulls it out) LOOK!!’ 

I smiled. It made me happy. I love girls, embracing BEING a girl and to watch this chick friend of mine, swirl with happiness in a girly boot frenzy, after having such rubbish luck with men in the past, with three years (apparent) no sex 🙂 , yet just recently bumping into a NEW guy, who has taken her fancy and let’s say made her *beam* more than usual…It’s kinda lovely. AND it’s funny because by nature, I don’t think she would put herself across as one to get caught up in a girly ‘love swirl.’ There’s a sense of bravado about her. Yet, I have watched her talk about this new guy in general and when she does, she smiles, almost giddily…and that’s how I know, she’s catching the love bug. She’s happy. I can tell. And I love it.

Be it boys! Or be it Boots. I know new love when I see it. It must be exciting for her. I want to be caught up in a ‘love swirl.’ I swirl so well in heels! 🙂

So yes, Louboutin/La Boy Ton. Same difference. They both make a girl smile. *Wiggle/Wink.*

Anyway, what can I tell ya!

I have so much to organize, do and get diddled. Things are busy, yet enjoyable. Even when I’m tottering to my car to get to the next part of my day, i’m having to email across some proposal, or reply to some text, or Snapchat my moment or…well you get the picture.

Last night, as I dashed out of the office, I was on a video call with a girl named Vikki, from the office to my car, over cobbles, as the day was turning to night, trying to discuss how I would appropriately slot into an event. I love events. I do them well. Yet this one would be very ME, but very different to what I’d normally access. So i’m genuinely excited. I’m chatting away and strutting through alley ways, in heels, in the cold, with a smile on my face… and ofcourse in the heat of the moment…MY PHONE DIES. FFS!

I couldn’t even charge it until an hour later, which annoyed me more than anything. Yet what can I say, I sent apology emails and well I can’t really get narked off with myself, when things that are out of my control, in any moment.. occur. So I had a wine and enjoyed the rest of the night with Ruby and Junior.

Oh! This morning when Keiran came to pick Junior up at 7.30am to look after him, whilst I dashed off to get some work done…He knocked on the door and once it swung open handed me over a can on De..Icer with a smirk.

That was his way of saying,

‘Don’t ever call me unhelpful on your blog again.’ :)

Then we got on with life….separately.

I’m really lucky right now because I feel as though I have so much opportunity. I’m doing really well and i’m working, alongside some great brands and great people, like I always say. However, i’m most happy not just because i’m enjoying and feel so lucky, yet because i’m HANDLING IT NOW, i’m ‘bossing’ this shit down with twinkly lights, cheeky winks and victory air punches. I’m getting this. I’ve got this. I’m pretty, pretty organised. I just feel balanced and when you do, you don’t really miss a beat, do you? Your fluidity becomes sexy and ‘together.’ You’re in control and in the driving seat. Instead of being the passenger…. screaming…as the car goes around that track, too fast for you.

Everthing’s great and I have a lot of exciting things happening. New things great things. A book out at the end of the year and more than anything, i’m looking forward to the UK Blog Awards, that I’m a finalist in, after a giant public vote. AS IF THIS LITTLE BLOG ended up ranked in the top 8 ‘most voted for’ in it’s category and AGAIN, AS IF PEREZ HILTON (who i’m following a lot recently because I enjoy his Donald Trump rants  on Twitter) keeps liking the fact that my blog is doing so well. I adore him, because for me, he put the art of blogging on the map. He made it a ‘glory’ and not just a creative talent. AND we both think Trump is a tool, which creates a pretty decent bond of  cyber ‘high fiving.’ Having grown up in LA and having spent a decent decade all over America, I will tell you, that I couldn’t think of a more worse being to run the USA. Glitzy political rant over. I’m sure i’ll get over it.

My favourite human Steven Bartlett put his Vlog up, which made my world complete.  I awaited the arrival of this new vlog like my life depended on it. I must’ve checked to see if it was up, 1000 times, between phone calls, meetings, emails, work stints, lunch breaks…all sorts. Lol. I don’t think i’ve been so hooked on a being’s life EVER. (Well, a beings life that wasn’t MY OWN or my childrens… EVER.)  But, being lucky little me, I actually saunter to Social Chain at the end of February to have a good old ‘P’ for *peeky,* so no doubt that will be awesome. I genuinely can’t wait.

I’m a busy little ‘bossing it’ right now and it feels amazing. If I could tell you all that was going on, I would. I just can’t remember it now that I’m on the spot. But there’s lots and i’m feeling on top of the world. I’m getting there anyway! 🙂 I’m beaming. Right now, I feel so good that nothing could go wrong, that I couldn’t fix. I’m certainly maybe in the mood for the excitement of ‘love,’ as after watching the boot ‘love swirl’ today, and seeing a happy glint in a sassy girl’s eye, it made me radiate a warmth and it’s that warmth that I makes any girl more attractive. It’s when we feel most like a woman and at our most powerful and when we do, we make great partners.

I’ve always said that when girls feel weak they make rubbish partners. Or they date incorrect people for all the wrong reasons, in order to pull a warmth that they see from that human onto themselves. I’m not that girl. I’m a busy girl, i’m an ambitious girl, but i’m a fun girl and I’m loving piece of chica. I hope to find the love of my life by accident. But i’m only going to be able to ‘jigsaw piece’ with a guy who is similar to the above traits that I seem to wave the flag for or a guy who has the same sort of career/future as I, otherwise they’d just never understand or get what Wunna Lands about. Or even see it’s potential..which would be the worst thing ever.

Yet, I can’t find love when it’s cold. I can’t do anything when it’s cold. It’s fucking freezing and being of an exotic nature, I’m not finding this COLD AS ICE weather a blast! It makes everything rubbish, cocktails not as fun and gives me ‘breasticles.’ I think the freezing cold just goes against my natural grain of ‘ooh laa.’ My Mum, Dad and Brother are currently sunning it up In Burma. (I’m Burmese in case you didn’t know, so that would make sense.) They get back on Saturday and I can’t wait. I think i might throw myself at my mothers feet and kiss them in admiration. NEVER LEAVE AGAIN. Childcare and busy work schedules has been INSANE. Lol

I need a wine. *Pours a red.*

I will however say that I want you to take a look at my Quick Fire interview that I did for MMB Magazine, which is all about working Mums in business. If i’m anything, i’m that. And yes, it’s great fun waking up on the odd morning and seeing a pap picture in The Sun or the Daily Mail, yet it’s important to me to inspire, when it comes to matters that are close to m heart.

It’s never easy having dreams, being busy and trying to manage and be a great single mum of two, with not much help…

So i’m jumped at the interview with love in hope to inspire other Mum’s in the same situation.

Never let anyone tell you, you can’t have it all. You can if you try. Have your dream job, be a great mum. You can make it work, if you want it bad enough. Set great examples for your children…

Here’s the link to my interview…

Enjoy…

Interview With Chrissie Wunna

Have a great Thursday.

It’s felt like such a long week hasn’t it!!!

In the next blog I’ll be telling you how you can be part of this blog, via my cocktail tour and come spent the day with me. 🙂

I know!!!

 

Welcome to Wunna land.

Learning life as I go along..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sex, Work, Single life & Genitals?

I cannot even tell you how busy i’ve been and i’ve loved it. I’ve loved every single waking moment of it, like the dewy dripped deliciousness of ‘dreams come true.’ I’ve worked really hard at everything and yeah there have been times where in which it’s been tricky and jingle jangled in obstacles. Yet, I must have downed a wine and jousted through them without truly realizing. Y’know ungracefully *hitched* over the brick wall, only to turn back around, *wink* at it and find it transforming into glitter. This is a year of change for me. That year. The year where I *unzip* out of the old and with my head to the skies smiling… i’m ‘ashes rising.’ It’s almost a ‘sexy’ year. On this day LAST year (and I hardly ever back track, I see it as unhealthy) I received a really hideous ‘hate mail’ message that I glorified with the best comeback blog ever. So great, that that blog post, even to this day is STILL my most viewed blog post of all time. It’s a shame that my ‘highest ranking’ was stemmed from ‘hate mail’ and simply by someone who tried to gain a little ‘look at me’ via making others ‘look at ME’ in a more negative manner. I actually gained a lot of support…and well, this time last year, I quite positively thought that I was doing pretty great career wise. However, if I compare it to where I am at this point THIS YEAR…it’s amazing how FAR I’ve actually come. So, even though i hate to back track, I will say that looking back & reflecting, is beneficial when it comes to *pausing* for a second and realizing that you’ve achieved. You forget to notice sometimes and because you’ve been so busy.

And boy have I been busy. I’ve been so busy that I’ve felt like i’mon  a glittery pink treadmill, that’s been turned up to ‘full speed,’ yet i’m in crystal Loubotuins, ‘yessing’ everyone, ‘no..ing’ those who aren’t quite right and i’m running, i’m tottering so fast that i’m racing against time…with a pina colada in my hand and a *wink* that is sprinkled with charm on repeat. I’ve been working through the day, blogging when i can, single mummying ALWAYS and then in then in the evening flying off to any event of my choice that i’ve been invited to. It’s felt like i’m on some kind of crazy cocktail, picture taking Wunna tour. And the weird thing is…i’m not even complaining. I’m shattered. But it’s felt so right that internally i’m smiling. That’s how you know ‘career wise’ that you’re doing something that you love, something that’s right for you, as you’ll always make time for it, because it makes you happy. It doesn’t feel liek work, no matter how shattered you are.

I will now say that I did opt for rescheduling my entire work weekend, simply because I felt as though i needed a ‘moment.’ My body was so exhausted that i just needed to refill (…myself with champagne cocktails :). ) Noooo. I just needed a day off, to enjoy the babies, be a mum, not feel the pressure of an audience and only because when i’m knackered I can’t shimmie to the BEST of my ability. It only takes a day or two…then I can replace myself back in that canon and *shoot* myself out again, but with full force. Everything’s been successfully rescheduled, with more on top, so I couldn’t be happier, as I have some really exciting people and places to venture! I can’t even tell you how excited am I. Right now, it’s so bizarre because there are so many places asking me to visit and a bundle of places that I personally are wanting to visit, so i’ve asked…that if i wanted to, I could set up some 300 day tour. Lol. I can’t BELIEVE HOW FAR THIS LITTLE BLOG HAS COME. And I can’t believe that PEREZ HILTON (who I LOVE and i’m completely inspired by) liked the fact that I’m a FINALIST in this years UK BLOG AWARDS! As if!!! AND he sent me cyber kisses, after I stated that his absence in Celebrity Big Brother is…well…I said ‘shite.’ (I know…I put it so poetically. 🙂 ) About 10 years about, I worked at Crunch Gym, just as the check in and ‘give you a towel’ girl. It was one of the best jobs I ever had. It was so much fun and I met so many different, yet familiar faces every day. It was stimulating. But one of those faces that I checked in almost every day, before he became GIANTLY famous, was Perez Hilton…So it’s really great to be 10 years on and able to look back on development. Why am I being so reflective? I need a rum. This is shit.

However, the great thing about this last week, has been the fact that i’ve been surrounded by the greatest chick friends. How any ‘Glamour Puss’ lives life, without her ‘Girl Soldiers’ (cue: Beyonce) is beyond me? You need them. You really do. And yeah, we’re all pretty different and range from the ages of 21 to sixty something…But without that daily check in, ‘Double B’s’ unexplainable banter and Mel’s daily, ‘but i’ve have melon’ announcement (she’s the slim girl that goes to your local Slimming world weigh in, who you despise for being slim because she can chow down half a pack of Rich Tea biscuits, lose weight and justify the *binge* with a ‘But i’ve just had a bowl of melon’ )….Without the balance of one another…we’d all fall to pieces.

I think the problem with me, is that I’m quite ‘boy bantery,’ even though i’m ever much the girl. I’ve always had a lot of guy friends, that now i’m really embracing having chick friends, because it brings out that inner girl, that you need in order to radiate and be a girl. Maybe that’s where i’ve been going wrong on the dating scene, because I never seem to be able to let a guy be a man, without being their hot bantery chick friend, looking after myself financially or taking control of the situation emotionally. What I mean by that is that i’ll chase to get what I want in love… and that’s lame. I’m lame. And it’s only because in business and in life by nature, i’m used to zooming forward with clout in an attempt to get what I want. I’m proactive. Lol. However, now I FEEL more girly and it’s the delicate girliness in me that seems to be bringing the gents forward…I’m playful and i’m divary…yet like i always say, until you meet me, you don’t realise that I have this soft warmth.

It’s funny because i’ve had some people meet me and say,

‘It’s weird because I thought after all the tit pics that you’d be an absolute  nightmare, but you are so much more sophisticated than I imagined.’

YET at the same time, I’ve had people say,

‘I thought you’d be so ultra high maintenance and up your own arse, yet you are literally so down to earth…’ 

So, i guess i’m both? The key is your initial perception of me.

Yet going back to ‘Girl Soldiers’….you don’t have great chick friends, that you see on a daily, unless you are comfy enough to discuss PENIS. If you could read my blog notes from the week, which are literally just quick bullets on the ‘notes’ section of my iphone, (which reminds me i’m due an upgrade,) you would wee yourself a little with laughter. The fact that i’ve executively typed ‘PUBE NATION’ makes into my phone, makes me DIE with belly laughs.

So, I guess I had started a conversation about sex and how I haven’t had any in ages…months….in fact and that it actually felt great. I’m dating no one, i’m single and i’m so happy and so busy that I’m not even plonking legs at ‘ten to two‘ as they say.. on bed sheets…ANYWHERE after cocktails! 🙂 Like i said, I do intend on finding my ideal partner…I want to fall in love. However, right now, unless they did all the chasing and really wanted to date me, or if i really really *hearted* them…I wouldn’t have time to date at all. I’m shattered.

But anyway, ‘Double B’ decided to tell everyone that she didn’t want to give blow jobs anymore because her ‘Beau’ has a penis that (wait for it) LOOKS LIKE ME! HAHAHA.

‘Honestly, Chrissie! It looks like YOU when you’re in your GIANT PARTY WEAVE. I can’t even look at it!’ 

HAHAHA. If you are unaware as to what my ‘Party Weave’ IS, know that it is the most biggest and most intense piece of head wear, ANY GIRL could endure on a night out. It is the BIGGEST AMOUNT OF HAIR… ON A HAIR PIECE… EVER MADE. That’s what her boyfriend’s willy looks like. I wonder whether it *pouts* too and takes Selfies?

Then, like that wasn’t enough, she then went on to tell me a story about how she knew this guy who hadn’t had sex or wanked off in THREE ENTIRE YEARS. (Odd news, when you’re about to calmly eat a pasty.) Anyway, he got lucky and manged to *bone* (‘Firmonnell’ always tells me off for saying *Bone*) a girl who just so happened to be ‘Double B’s’ friend…

‘Honestly Chrissie, she had just had sex with him, came over to mine and when she took off her top, to get in the bath, IT SMELT LIKE ROTTEN EGGS. His spunk had stayed in him for SO LONG that it had turned ROTTEN. I’ve never smelt anything like it!!!’

Hahahaha! She makes my blog too easy on me.

But does that happen? Spunk doesn’t turn rotten. It doesn’t have a ‘best before end’ date, does it? However, I do think that it’s unhealthy to have it stashed in you, going ‘rotten’ for years on end. Lol. Boys can’t win. They’re mucky if they always *splurge* it out and they’re mucky if they decide to hold it all in. It’s rubbish being a gent. Poor sods!

Men are just weird creatures in general. No wonder, why i haven’t managed to come across my perfect find. This morning I had Twitter banter with Tom Zanetti over a video he had received from a middle aged gentleman, who had taken a moment of his life to plonk a blond wig and make up on and place TWO cut out pictures of TOM on his nipples. HAHAHAAH. He sent Tom the video on twitter…and it was so funny that you couldn’t cry for laughing. We’ve been pissing ourselves about it non stop. I mean, it takes some balls doesn’t it, so i’ll give him a high five for that, as he succeeded in the art of gaining Tom’s attention. Yet it did make me consider burning my own eyes out..and i’ve been, seen and done it all. Lol. But hey ‘potatoe/pottato,’ some people wake up on a Sunday morning and praise the Good Lord Jesus Christ. Others glue Zanetti to their nipples for Twitter videos and hit ‘send.’ Lol. I love it!

I’m always going to be single aren’t I!

Maybe it’s a blessing.

There’s a whole lot of ‘city’ and for once, I’ll tell ya, i’m thankful that there’s not that much sex. 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 3, Hornballs & Texts

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Day 3 and i’m not looking forward to it. I had such a great night of chill, lol…that i’m sure that i’m eternally doomed for today. Yesterday got the better of me, work wise…so today i’m not expecting it to be good at all. I dread Day 3…DREAD IT! (Shit loads more days to go, on the ‘stretch.’)

Awesome night with Ruby. Awesome morning with Ruby, Spent most of last night texting from my bed sheets. (No, not that kind of texting. I’m far too old and busy to be bothered to ‘sexy text,’ But Ben and I have been trying to chat things out..and we have…and it’s been better. We’ve opened up about the things that we did wrong and the things we feel sorry for…and sorted through, the ‘what, where’s and why’s?’ It’s good for me, as i think that Ben’s a lot more closed off expressively than I am…so to actually hear him express makes a difference. Yet there’s been no real conclusion. I’m still questioning…and well when you just send a bunch of text messages…it’s not the same is it. It still feels a little awkward to me, and i don’t know why? I guess he really hurt me, which makes it hard for me to trust him…with my heart. Yet, he’s not doing anything to sort of help me to trust him..as i did notice that once again, I’m the one that’s beginning the ‘bridge build.’ He doesn’t initiate anything. But cares…)

Ugh! I hate Day 3. I don’t even want to do it. (You can tell that i’m moody about it all today, already.)

The Spanish Doctor’s been more attentive. I don’t know if he reads my blog or not, as he’s doesn’t really do social media…he’s 38 and has no children to stalk…so he feels no need to ‘snapchat’ or Facebook much.

He restarted sending me lovely, lovely messages…and like i told you, he’s great at telling me he’s thinking about me every  single day, be it long winded, or brief. He’s a very passionate soul…and gets really excited by the thought of ‘one day’ hitting the jackpot with me and getting me in his little Spanish bedsheets. As guys do…be they 19 or 109.  I think he’s great, but before all that…i need to get to know him much much better first. As I don’t really treat sex as sex, now that i’m a biddy and a mum and i firstly i don’t have time for play the field really, lol, nor tango with hook ups. I can please myself. 😉 REALLY WELL. (I’m not bad in the bedroom with boys and certainly not bad in the bedroom with myself.)

But yes, We’re both very busy and i understand his excitement and dazzle of testoterone…but he sent me a message basically saying that he couldn’t wait to ‘devour me’ (that could just mean *kissy kissy* I could be jumping the gun) and that i wouldn’t ‘escape this time. 😉 ‘ If i want to…..i will. 🙂 I’m like Catwoman, if i want to escape. I will and with trophies and a pina colada in my hand. I mean God, i’ll gallop off on a near by donkey if i have to.

But on the whole, i’m not judging him…(remember I am a girl that has sort of lived this life where i’ve had men be excited to bonk me, simply from looking at a picture, that plays to their willies) so i always get *urked* out when boys try and force sexy time  on me, without it happening naturally…which is when i want. Lol.

He’s just excited. He likes me a lot…and I get that. And i’m not intimidated by him nor am I of anything sensual. I just don’t like the romance to be taken out of things, I think? And replaced with a hornball. I like them to balance out,

So i’ll still do my second date, when i’ve done my 10 day stretch and recover as i’m off after that! Frrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeee! And i’ll see how i’m feeling about the Doc. It’s almost as if i need to see him again in order to know how i feel…You always get lost in the magic on your first date. Your second date is more real. Yet i love that our dates are chill dates, because like i told you, he’s sooooo smart that we can literally sit in a room and chat all night, without the show of a dinner date, or even a dress up occasion, if i’m honest. And i like that as it skips the false part of ‘new dates’ and keeps it’s real. If i can just chill with them at home, then it helps me see a future…If i can’t…then it makes me feel like a trophy.

He’s a good guy, just needs a little bit of a cold shower. Lol He’s funny.

I watched Patti Stanger, do her Millionaire Matchmaking last night, with Sonja Morgan and Perez Hilton! That must have made rating fly through the roof. So many successful people are single! It’s strange and means it’s harder to find love the more successful you become. When they Flashbacked Sonja’s past relationship with the really young 23 year old, hotter, than hot, hot hotty…(she’s fifty something)…I sort of thought, ‘Your’e so amazing, why would you do that, as you’re worth so much more…and it was obviously not going to work out!’ But then I looked at myself and realised that’s exactly what I would probably end up doing. I’ quitting bad habits.) The Doctor looks better all of a sudden…lol.

 

 

 

 

Let’s not panic

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For some reason, this weekend’s been stressy. I don’t know why it has, as i’ve had this unbelievably AMAZING fucking week of ‘dreams come true? In fact, so unbelievable…that it sort of became a bit stressy because that’s what I do. All turns out roses and I go around trolloping around the garden in a panic and start stomping on them by accident sauced up, out of fear! 🙂 Can all this great stuff happen to me once? Do I deserve it? Am I that amazing? 😉 (Wiggle…Giggle.) I mean, my psychic did say that the ‘hard stuff’ in my life was now over…and the rest of my life would be ‘charmed.’ Right? I’m super lucky and instead of stressing about it, i’ve decided to have my wine, centre myself, pull in the ‘flap’ (oh GOD, it sounds mucky again. HAHA.) I simply mean stay focused and leave the ‘tizzy’ behind me. I get quite excited and very easily. My nature is that way inclined. I’m happy go lucky, more than I am cynical and brash, yet I sometimes forget to ‘centre’ and focus. Y’know, GROUND MYSELF, before the starry storm starts. Before you know it, i’m ‘can can’ dancing, shooting rockets into the skies and popping open champagne sprays over innocents, whilst screaming ‘Yeehaa’ and totally in celebratory nipple tassles.

I’m staying calm. Staying focused. Calm. Focused. Not getting into a tizzy and not getting terrified. 🙂

But to give you insight…I’m actually going to do it..i’m actually going to ride up that Success ladder…lashes n’all. It made me eat handfuls of carbs today, well that and alongside it being my Mum’s pre birthday love. (I gave her her present early simply because I couldn’t wait. I’m all about treating my Mama these days and well let me just say…we’ve been through a lot together, some good, some bad, some weird…but no matter what our family has always remained so close we’re tighter than tight. We’re best friends. And since being a Mum myself…a single one (which my Mum, luckily didn’t have to stiletto through) I’ve kinda found an even grander appreciation for her. She helps me a lot and if anything, she needs a rest! Lol.)

Another thing! Keiren had Ruby and Junior on Friday and OH GOD, nothing was worse than getting home after visiting Chris at the Glassroom, to an EMPTY, DARK, COLD HOUSE! It was awful, tot he point where I have no clue how anyone does it. And it’s not just the ‘oh i feel lonely’ thing that’s shit. It’s the ‘where is the love and energy that I’ve created’ thing? There’s usually a bustle, a buzz, a swirl. Yet there was just me…mildy tipsy…but just me. In fact being tipsy made it worse. I flicked on my living room light to nothing, turned on the tv, simply for noise. I poured a wine and had a weep. HAHAH. I always cry when the babies have a ‘stay over.’ I’m shit at being okay with it. I enjoy the fact that i have time to focus on work, to make their bread and butter, but one they’re not around me…i miss them, the juggle, the madness. THE LOVE.

I left everything on and went to bed. I wasn’t depressed. I’m the opposite to that. Lol. It just sounds depressing. It was only one night and I was getting up for work in the morning. Plus, i’m usually with my parents or at least someone but my Mum had gone out on a birthday dinner with friends. So, I was on my lonesome. I have no idea how Keiran does it? He definitely chose badly, as it must be quite hard for him to go home to that sort of emptiness…especially when you know 10 minutes away there’s your would’ve been ‘family’ swirling around in merriment, making memories together. I’m glad that i don’t have to do it very often. I count my blessing every time! 🙂 🙂 🙂

I shopped today in Doncaster. Bought a coat, simply because i’m always freezing. My coats are little fur bits. So I got one of those pink Soda parkers, with a pink fur hood. 🙂 Classy! I swear, we’re gonna have shit weather and when we do, i’ll look like the hottest eskimo on the block. Don’t HATE. I didn’t buy shoes though. We apparently need protective shoes for work? To me that means something completely different. I’ll buy black stilettos and wear them like champions to protect me from the ‘uglies’ who want to forward me pictures of their genitals. I’m sure that’s what he means. However, fuck it…i went with not bothering,as I always misread ‘the memo.’  I’m not buying shoes unless they’re glammy. If you strut into or out of anything..you need your heels to be divine.

Gay Adam sent me a message! A picture one that showed my book, ‘Diaries of a Glamour Puss’ wedged between ‘The Greats’ of English literature. Apparently now i’m going to have to slum it and get buried at ‘Westminster Abbey’ with those great, writey folks. 🙂 I always thought that Greek Gods in Togas would carry me off into the distance, or that i’d be buried in a glitter swamp under rainbows and people  hysterically weeping at my loss. But whatever…you can’t win’em all. Westminster it is!

Right, i’m off. I’ve got my business plan to read and my application for investment to finish off. Things take ages when you’re a single Mum, but i’m headed upwards! Trying to date, being Mum, working a day job, having a social life, running a business and being simply Wunnaful is hard, but i KNOW that i can fit all the pieces of this jigsaw together and make it work in my favour.

You can toooooo…

So, yeah..be productive and all that shit. 🙂

Chrissie x

Ps/ I’m loving ‘Celebrity Big Brother’ this year, even though it has been a bit stressy to watch. I’ve been reading up on everyone’s thoughts on Katie Price entering the house and well to be honest, I LOVE IT! I personally think she looked amazing, that she was genuinely nervous and that it was refreshing to have her back on my telly screen, where she sort of belongs. Can’t we just give her a chance yet. She’s a veteran at this..she’ll do something ace that will make us enjoy the rest of the show even more. Plus, she’s a grown up now. Grown ups are a bit more sensible…usually. (Not you Perez.)