Will you still love me….

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I had such a ‘drama’ Monday, after the most blissful & peaceful weekend of ‘family.’ I’ve got so much going on, that i’m filling myself with a delicious flourish of stress. It’s kinda topped up with that beautiful thing we call ‘anxiety,’ simply because i’m terrified. I don’t even know what’s wrong with me? So, i’m gonna go with hormones?

I’m back on the telly shortly…That’s worrying me. I’ve got a lot to organise with the kids…That’s worrying me. I have shoots galore and auditions coming out my ‘hooty..’ That’s worrying me. My love life is *whizzing* around me, almost madly…I don’t even know what’s going on? Yes. I get a lot of attention. Yes, I’m single.

However, I’m noticing that, if I ever begin to feel for anyone, I get stressed out, because giant *CAUTION* signs go up everywhere. I’ve always had a shit love life. So, it’s scary. Plus,  I’m absolutely emotional, so to me, it only means ‘danger.‘ I do not ever want to get my heartbroken again….EVER. I tread carefully. (Well…fuck that. I ‘stiletto.’)

I have travels and schedules and places to influence…Everything’s a juggle…Sometimes, I panic and I can’t even breathe. (Cue: Drama 😉 )

But the weird thing is, i’m HAPPY. I’m really happy and maybe being so happy, or so lucky, makes me worry because LET ME TELL YOU, my life hasn’t been so easy….Haha. It’s laughable.

Basically, I’m scared of everything right now, because i’m having to pinch myself…and I need to ‘Man up,’ count my blessings and get on with it, with panache.

Anyway…

At the weekend, I did Meadowhall with The Wunna’s and Ruby. (Junior was at his Dads.) We were pretty much treated like Meadowhall shopping royalty (and I thank you for that, because I don’t even know why?) It did feel wonderful though.

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We shopped and stopped at Wagamama’s. Then after cocktail refuels, toy stores, makeup counters, new hair (we all need those extra few inches,) and my brand new chakra beads…Life felt almost perfect.

Ruby: ‘Mum. You’re chakra beads are not working. You’re CRAZY. You’re still nuts. They don’t work.’

(She is right, though. Even though I told her to ‘shush.‘ At this rate, i’m gonna need to see Buddha and get blessed by monks, or something! Maybe i’m just not meant for ‘Total Enlightenment.’ Maybe, i’m meant to live this ridiculous life of pathetic glory, for your entertainment… Haha.)

I’m starting to believe that…

‘Hey Destiny…You’ve fucked me over. You’re off the Christmas card list! You’re chilling on the naughty list, with Cupid and a few Pretty Boy exes from 2004.’

This is how I feel right now…

Like I’ve drank 42 energy drinks, had a bottle of rum, taken all my clothes off, and then thrown MYSELF to the lions.

Then…because i’m not at all mental….

…I lost the car…I always lose the car…Oh! Wait!! I don’t mean?Ugh. I’m rambling. I didn’t REALLY lose the car! I kinda ‘misplaced’ it? Y’know, when you can’t quite remember where you left it? 🙂 My Mum, drove home, because obviously, I guzzled Aperol Spritzies…after The Disney Store.

Fair enough, there was lots of wine, brunches and fun over the weekend. I checked in with my friends…briefly. Got on top of work. Then just relaxed with the kids. However….one of my favourite moments of the weekend, was the ‘school mum..’ catch up…

(There was a kids birthday party over the weekend…)

Miss.Murphy: ‘What are you wearing!?! Lol. Who wears glitter shoes to a kids party..?? Haha.’

Me: ‘Shut up. Lol. These are my driving shoes.’

Sam: ‘Does Ruby want Pizza?’

Me: ‘It’s like the Real Housewives of Yorkshire…’

Mum: ‘I got asked to be on Real Housewives of Marbella, a while ago, but I said no…I’m too boring, for it!’

Me: ‘You said NO! As if you said NO!! I can’t believe you said no. I would’ve moved to Marbella, to have done it. Haha.’

( I live for that show…It calms me, when I’m stressed. Yet, so does the occasional Jeremy Kyle episode…? So, yeah…I’m mental. Ignore me.)

Other Mum: ‘Oh yeah. I’m gonna be flying away with him.’

Miss. Murphy: ‘You’re actually going now! What about…?’

Other Mum: ‘Oh…he doesn’t know..’

Miss.Murphy: ‘You said he was fat and bald…But he’s not at all?’

Me: ‘How have I sat here for an hour and not known it’s your birthday today!!’ 

Miss. Murphy: ‘So, are you seeing your date again?’

I never thought i’d be a traditional ‘school mum.’ Yet, there’s just something about this group of Mamas, that is filled with the ‘sexy.’ They’re actually not traditional, school mums, in rain macs. They’re alive. They’re fun. They have designer shoes that read ‘LOVE.’ Louis Vuitton handbags and possible stables…’

They’re, what I call ‘Prosecco Mums,’ and I love them, madly. I’m like the tragic misfit of the bunch. The single, no husband, disorganized one, with a suggestive Insta profile…

We’re all really different from one another. Yet, w’re all great women. Confident women. Great mothers and well, I just really enjoy they’re company.

Then all our kids ruined everything and shoved tall plastic, slush palm trees, in our faces… 

At that point, the gossip got censored…

My inbox is * pinging,* almost every minute, with people asking me about my love life and my last date etc…

All I can tell you is that, the guy that I did the Manchester Airport date with, was wonderful. He says he wants to see me again, and I definitely will. I found him really sexy and confident. He’s smart and thoughtful. I liked him. I’find him interesting…I want to know lots about him…I’ll definitely be meeting him again. (I’m only one ‘meeting’ in. So it’s all ‘early doors.’)

I’m just treading carefully…Like I said, I’m not bothered about getting my heart broken, right now, when I have so much going on…

I eventually want to fall in love. I’m a true romantic. I want to be swept off my feet. Adored. Respected. And y’know, in that one meet up, my date was that! He was a REAL MAN, which made me notice that I’d not only been looking in the wrong place for love, but i’d wasted a lot of my time, on ‘little boys.’  At 37 years old, I don’t need to be doing that!

When it comes to love…

…this time..because obviously i’ve been married three times and had numerous flings and relationships..I want to PROPERLY fall in love. I want it to be stable and forever…with no stress. No drama.

And I do want to just say, that even though on paper, i’ve dated, romanced, flinged, loved, married, divorced, sexed..and well…just all sorts, with men, all over the world.

DO KNOW THAT….

… I never did all that because I was a floozy. That’s one of the biggest misconceptions about me. I’m a love bunny. There were options. I was young. A glamour model. Off the telly…Growing up in Hollywood…All sorts.

Yet, I never was and still not a man eater. I’m non judgemental. I’m modern. Yet when it comes to love, I’m quite ‘fairytale.’ I’m quite traditional…I’m a hopeless romantic, with a capital ‘H.’

I’m tragic…

So, every single time, I went into these encounters, with men, boys, gents, or misfits..

I always hoped (like any girl or woman,) that they would love me forever.

It just didn’t and still hasn’t quite worked out that way….

It’s actually only when I suddenly realise, that they guy i’ve been chatting to, or dating, only see’s me as  a ‘bed notch’ or someone they daren’t date… It was only THEN…at that point, when I HAVE to  file the encounter under ‘casual,‘ and ‘take it on the chin,’ without being embarrassed.

So i’m accidentally, a sassy, sexy, modern day woman.

The ‘Brand’ goes alongside that….and that’s fine with me, as it makes me very ‘now.’ It gives me the necessary ‘street cred.’ I’m swag. I’m cool…I’m…Blah, blah….

You get it…

Y’see, when it comes to WORK, I am that. I’m fire. I’m determined. I’m ambitious. I’m a glamourous, kitty DIVA, sprayed over, in solid steel, showers of glitter. Champagne pops around me and naughty winks, fill my walk way…

When it comes to love…I’m the opposite.

I’m not someone who really wants random casual sex. I love sex. But i don’t play a numbers game. I want to feeel a connection.

Plus, If i’m honest, I can have sex with anyone… I have an inbox full of offers…almost every few minutes.

That doesn’t make me feel mighty. It’s flattering. I appreciate the ‘adoration..’ Of course I do….

If anything it stresses me out, because I think, ‘how the hell can I have so much attention and not find Mr.Right. That ONE MAN, who will truly love and treasure me forever?’

I’m ready to fall in love…

I’m just scared to….

It makes me anxious…

Anyway…

Away from all that…Sunday morning was great because before Meadowhall, I got to chatter to Lil’ Sam Reece. I shouldn’t call him ‘Lil’ as he’s pretty grown. He’s a good guy.  I’ve referred to him as ‘Tats’ on this blog before.

I like waking up on a Sunday morning to a Reecy phone ‘ping.’ We’ll just have brief morning banter. ..then get on with life. We chatter in ‘spits & spots’ a lot. We both always have really shit love lives…We’re both ‘Yorkshire.’ We actually get on well. It’s easy. We wired the same way. We have the same banter.. This Sunday we talked ‘car bonnets/hotels and flat caps.’ 

I was actually gonna meet him for drinks..But I ended up doing Meadowhall instead and he ended up doing boy drinks…

But he’s a good guy. So I have a lot of respect for our Sam. He’s a good buddy…I’d see Sam as the kinda guy, i’d go for a drink with and kiss in the elevator when no one was looking. Haha!

(That hasn’t happened, by the way, before you all get excited. But i’d definitely kiss him in an elevator…It’d be a waste of ‘sexy’ people, if not. I don’t like to waste sexy people. You only live once.)

Right! I’m off!

Have a fantastic Tuesday!!

I love you.

Chrissie x

ps/ I’m about to step up my game…So strap in!

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I Can’t Park, Love & Birthdays…

 

I can’t park for toffee! Honestly. I drive around glamourously…

Jiggly Jill: ‘No, you don’t. You sing along to Little Mix and drive DIAGONALLY ACROSS car parks, to get to a spot, where there are lanes and arrows and all kinds of roady shit.’

Anyway…then when it comes to actually having to pull up and park, I just can’t get my head around ‘da moves’ and it all just goes wrong. I tried to do the school run this morning. The car park was so busy, filled with Mums, Dads, Nannies & navy blazers…But could I get in a spot and park up.

COULD I **** (I’ll let you put in a word of your choice there.)

I did some 40 point car shuffle, still didn’t squeeze into the spot, got flustered at myself, Ruby & Junior are laughing in the backseat because I’m getting angry at myself…so I had to reverse, drive off and find a side road…just to get the children into school on time. 🙂 It wasn’t even a tight spot. It was just a normal parking spot.

Me: ‘This is why I hate coming late! I need an empty car park in order for me to be able to PARK.’

Ruby: ‘You’re an idiot.’

(And that’s coming from the Heir to the Wunna Land throne. I mean, who creates a human, squeezes them out of their privates, loves them, nurtures them, feeds them, guides them…and then has to look at the back seat and hear them calling you a fool.  LOL)

One day i’ll just get driven, so I don’t have to park anywhere that has more than NO CARS around me. 🙂

Love is in the air right? I feel it. I feel it swirling through each one of us, as we ‘almost’  tinker on into February. Everyone’s getting engaged. Everyone’s falling for heros. Everyone’s girly giggling over crushes and it’s making my newsfeed feel delicious.

I Like it.

(Even though I don’t have a Valentine Date and will therefore have to order myself roses…which is code for ‘rum’ to make me feel better, OR just pretend it’s not happening…so I don’t feel as bad. Lol If in doubt. BLOCK IT OUT.)

No, but honestly, it’s just lovely seeing you all so happy and being so open about being happy and in love! It’s a wonderful thing expression and it’s just great to finally have a newsfeed filled with people saying,

‘This girl though…’

‘Honestly, have the most beautiful wife…’

‘Soooo in love…’

‘Couldn’t be without her…’

‘I’m the luckiest girl in the world…’

‘She said *YES*’

It’s like i’m peeking through a giant glass window, looking on in at you all, from my sassy Wunna Land throne…as the Butler, who is obviously, half naked and in a Greek Toga pours me another Prosecco into my frosted iced chalice. I imagine him being from an exotic land and has been taught to only respond to Wunna Land commands…

‘More Wine.’

‘I said BOUJI!!’

I’m never worried about my love life….The right guy will always find you and make you his, if he wants you that badly enough. You meet when you’re meant to. It’s timing. Life timing. Plus, it’s a guys natural instinct.  All boys are Heros really. We girls are just able to tend to being heroic, without the use of a prompt. 🙂

So, if you’re single and can’t seem to mingle…Don’t worry. He’ll find you. He’s coming for you. (Hopefully, he’s not creepy. I totally made that sound creepy, instead of lovely. 🙂  Firmonnell sent me a creepy cartoon picture of herself yesterday, in a hole….like a mole….It was our ‘Miss You Monday,‘ day. We have a chick cyber banter every Monday afternoon.)

Firmonnell: ‘Maybe we can have real life Monday Meet Up’s Wunna! Lol’

Me: ‘We’ll do next Monday!’

(Do know, that she’s just being needy, as I did see her almost every single DAY of 2017. Lol When she’s not needy, i’m like ‘HELLLLOOOO, WHY ARE YOU NOT NEEDING ME!’ When she IS needy…I have to point it out, but secretly love it! 🙂 )

I had a quick meet up with *Big A* from ‘House of Solo’ magazine yesterday afternoon. He was running late, so I ended up having drinks with my old school friend Kate, Jodie and a dog, by a fire place. Apparently one got ‘lost down a puddle‘ and the other had ‘no face on.’

When *Big A* got arrived, he was all stressed out. Obviously he runs a Fashion Magazine. He owns it. With owning things…comes STRESS.  I mean, he’s working with some of the biggest artists an models globally right now, so it’s mayhem.

He’s a creative, so he’s good at all the ‘creative shit.’ But when it comes down to the ‘nitty gritty,’ the business, the being organized …He  lets it overwhelm him, buries his head in the sand and maybe hides a bit. Lol. Which we all know is fun!

(I literally had a day in LA, it was a Wednesday, where I woke up, read something shitty, had hundreds of emails bombard me at once, thought my life was going to be horrific and still naked, just laid back down in bed, pulled the duvet over my head, and hid… from Wednesday, until around 3pm. And I only got up then because I had an audition at 4.30pm in Burbank.)

So, I emotionally organised *BIG A* and forced ‘do work’ upon him, mid chatter. He’s a sensitive soul, so if you send him a grumpy email, he gets grumpy. I’m insensitive when it comes to things like that. I don’t absorb it. I read a grumpy email…and reply with charm and kindness. I do it all the time.

Like, ‘Big A’ I’m a creative, but when it comes to Wunna Land, I’m good at all the ‘little bits’ as i’m quite organised and i’m used to hearing people moan at me, i’m used to feeling under pressure and well the art of business, PR or attention.

Luckily for me, I don’t OWN a Fashion Magazine (Yipeeee.) I just run my own land…

HURRAH!

I turned ‘living my normal every day life’ into my job, because it was the only thing I loved, the only thing I knew how to do and did well. Plus, it’s easy…and I like things that are easy. 🙂 Slogging away at things that don’t wanna ‘give,’ causes wrinkles…causes stress.

I’m ZEN. I’m like a stress free zone…Apart from when i’m parking.

Big A: ‘I have five shoots this week in London and one in New York. I have to organise them all and I have. But Sony have changed the shoot from New York, to LA…and now back to New York at the last minute. It’s stressful!’

Me: ‘Lol. You just need to get on top of it all. Do you want a drink?’

Big A: ‘No. I’m dieting. How’s all your stuff going…’

Me: ‘Yeah…You’re gonna hate to hear it…But really well. It’s really easy, right now. Lol’

Anyway, I’ve godda fly. I’ve got a ‘doer upper’ that i’m doing doing up. It’s a massive job and a ball ache. I kinda just want to *blink* and it look like a magical fairyland filled with style and class. The result is glamourous, but the ‘grind behind the glamour’ is hard as **** (Use your own word.)

I messaged ‘Happy Birthday’ to someone who I’ve got to know more closely over the last year. I like him. He’s ‘Good People.’ Good soul. Funny guy. Works hard. Interesting. Attractive. But funny. I like funny.

He’s another year older, but ‘still feels young.’ He seems pretty happy, so that’s all that matters. If I flashback through snippets of time and messages….It’s actually been a blast!

Like I remember being sat at a bar, as we were messaging back and forth and then receiving this Snapchat filter from him, of him singing along to The Voice, with the ‘bunny ears’ filter on. Lol.

I opened it, watched it and then my phone flipping DIED on me…so he didn’t get a response until 20 minutes later when I had got the bartender to charge my phone for me, behind the bar. Lol. So, he would’ve totally thought I shunned his comedic popstar operatics. When really I was pissing myself out loud. Even at the moment and that was ages ago…I adored him.

Good Memory.

An example of being young at heart…

I guess we all still feel young underneath it all, don’t we? We’re all just these kids that had to grow up. Haha.

I think those with young spirits always feel fresh. He’ll be 80 and still feel 20. I’ll be 80, dressed like a slapper at the bar, still thinking i’m hot, flirting with 19 year olds, who obviously think i’m hideous…Yet, I’ll be loving it anyway!

Have the most WONDERFUL Tuesday Everyone!

ps/ Happy Birthday Dude. 😉