Life, Drinks & Mexican Blow Jobs

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Happy Bank Holiday! Suns Out! Funs Out! Let’s get playing! (Can you tell i’m doing shit at this ‘staying in and not drinking when it’s sunny’ thing? But who cares? I had a chilled one yesterday and let’s face it, I’m hear to live with my full face on, not twiddle thumbs in a knitted cardy.) Its important that we stick to our strengths.

If you’re in LA! (And a lot of my closest friends are! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.) Hope you had an AMAZING ‘CINCO DE MAYO!’ Any excuse to enjoy a tipple, even if we do it in sombreros and celebrate the fact that I invented the ‘Mexican Blowjob.’ (You need to ‘back track’ blog for that information. But it’s totally flipping worth it.)

It’s basically, the art of giving someone a blow job…yet at the same time HUMMING the theme tune to the ‘Mexican Hat Dance.‘ And before you all get narky. I’m allowed to say this, because *many moons ago,* I had a Mexican Husband, and that’s when I decided to invent this treat…So THERE. I’m not a floozy. Just a great ‘at the time’ wife? Yay! Divorce!!!  Lol. (Good Save.)

If you’re weird and you don’t know the theme tune to the ‘Mexican Hat Dance‘ IS… Hit *Play* bitches now…  🙂 And yes…I did!

Okay, so i’ve been whining on about my love life for a bit now, and I do want you to know that it IS actually deliberate..and you’ll find out why shortly. However, our  Love lives, be you a girl or boy.. is such an important thing to us, isn’t it? Even if we play it down. I always find it strange when guys or even girls don’t have the time or ability to love. Maybe because i’m the opposite way. But I just couldn’t live a life with someone who was numb to emotion or FUN.

DON’T BE DULL. LIVE. BE FUN. HAVE A LAUGH. I MEAN I DON’T WHY PEOPLE TAKE THEMSELVES OR LIFE SO SERIOUSLY AT TIMES? RELAX. ENJOY IT. I’m someone who just KNOWS how to LIVE…and i’ll go to my grave happy because of it.

*Throws you a life line. Boomerangs you a chance*

Yesterday was super sunny, but I had a chill day kinda day, dedicated to family. I was in INSTA JAIL for the majority of the day and it was fine at first, until i got frustrated, sweaty and ran out of gin…then it wound me up. I’m going off gin. It doesn’t give me the gusto,t he spunk, the ‘Ooh laa’ that I need. Luckily, ‘Miss Murphy’ who I adore, (i’m starting to adore her madly,) sat with opposite me with a..

‘*Like* something and let me screenshot it.’

‘WHEN AM I OUT OF INSTA JAIL. Like i have shit to promote through the week!!’

‘ Miss. Murphy’ does PR for a living, in Leeds but our kids go to school together and what I adore about ‘The Murph’ is that I see her in snippets and when I do, I literally tell her everything, without her permission…sort of like she’s confession box. Whatever that is? 😉 My heart lights up when I see her, because I’ll either get to repent, or she’ll join in with the verbal Tom Foolery, without judgement.

Today, I want drinks and i’m certainly gonna get them. it’s me time. I’m choosing ‘The Carleton’ as my haunt…and well I’ll know everyone there, so I’ll only need to rock up with a smile and bump into EVERYONE. I’m sorted!

Life is great. It’s almost like i’m trying to pretend that.. NOT MUCH is going on, when A LOT of really serious stuff is occurring. I don’t know why i’m doing that?  Maybe i’m worried and I don’t like you to know that? Or maybe I just can’t believe my luck..and i’m absorbing it quietly? Or Maybe I just want you to think life can be easy? I dunno? Yet, it seems to be working. Haha.  So ‘whatevers.’ You’ll hear about it soon, so don’t worry. I’m really excited and like I always say, I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

THINGS ARE CHANGING. NEW PEOPLE ARE SHIMMINING IN..New opportunities are occurring…

(Hahaha. I can’t at all concentrate because ‘The Mexican Hat Dance’ song keeps playing on my laptop and I can’t turn it off. How do I make it stop? It’s putting me off!! Lol Plus, that Husband once through me across a restaurant by accident in LA..so he didn’t even deserve my treat. Don’t get all stressed. He picked me up when drunk and attempted a baby fling…but I FLEW ACROSS TABLES, because I’m light like that? 😉 I was in a tshirt that read ‘I break hearts on a daily basis’ I was 20 something, crying lol and then some other dude called ‘Mickey,’ who has now passed away, tried to comfort me in a strip club. Hahaha.) 

I’m really missing my girl bestie ‘Firmonnell’ right now. You need a good chick team, don’t you and she’s certainly one of THE BEST girls I know. In a world where you live your life publicly online, there’s actually always secrets and well… she certainly knows all mine. She’s the only person I tell EVERYTHING TO, honestly, without censor.

Me: ‘I don’t even know why he didn’t  evenlove me?’

Firmonnell: ‘It’s been done for a long time. It was good FOR the TIME…THAT time…but just move forward. He’s so dull.’

I kinda felt free…

The reason why I love a bit of ‘Firmonnell’ (who needs a better blog name) is because when I don’t tell her the truth, she sees right through me…Yet, she doesn’t make me feel bad for it. Lol.  I messaged her the other day, because I was feeling ‘needy af.’ I just needed advice…this is what she said…

Firmonnell: ‘Find someone who takes your breath away, who can look after you, who makes you laugh, who makes you shine and doesn’t hold you back.’

And from different sides of the city….that’s all I needed to hear. Two chicks, from two different walks of life, threw each other a life line, because they saw the world through the same eyes…

I’d love someone to take my breath away, yet I want them to be bantery and fun, at the same time. I love a ‘handsome’ cheeky chappy. One that can make fun of you, but love you madly. Lol. But to be honestly, i’m pretty happy, because I don’t have to really look…they’ll step forward. It’s what men do.

Anyway, i’m off for breakfast with my daughter, before I drop her off at her daddies…and tinkle down to a beer garden for Bank Holiday. I’m like it’s 9.17am? Is the pub open yet? Hahah.

But enjoy it. Do, DO LIVE!!

It’s Summer right! If you follow this blog religiously, you’ll know that I usually regard Summer time, as a season where people just ‘fling.’ They never seem to fall in love…they ‘crush’ and ‘fling’…as Winter is when the ‘coupling up’ happens., people are more lonely during that time and Christmas kinda fills hearts with merriment and all that jazz. Lol

This Summer is different, because this Summer i’ve grown into a woman. So as you’re drinking out of coconuts (because honestly how many more people can I see on my newsfeed, drinking out of coconuts this year. Last year it was the ‘flamingo/unicorn inflatable..’ Lol) I’m gonna find me some REAL FUN, that fun that LASTS a lifetime…

Chrissie x

Thank you for following my life…

Image may contain: Chrissie Wunna

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ears, Anal & Sassy Nails

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Today’s been ace! I now have glitter gel nails. My nail ‘doer’ (and I go to Starnails in Doncaster) was hungover and had only had 3 hours sleep. Yet I loved her for still managing to show up to work and get shit done, even if she did need to puke, so it made me smile  and appreciate her AND let me tell you, my nails are ‘da bomb.’ I’m like their customer because I don’t treat them like shit. There is this one girl named ‘Amy’ who took my ‘nail doer’ out on the razzle with a ‘yeah, yeah get drunk, i’ll come work with you in the morning.’ Not only did she not show up,but she didn’t even wake up! Hahahaha. I adore a live for the moment girl. Amy rocks. (Unless, it’s happening to me ofcourse.) I’m the get pissed and show up girl. No matter what unless i’m SO ill, i ill be at work. I’ll storm through jungles flights if i have to. I once filmed an entire show that was going out to nations, after fighting in a kebab shop in London for my at the time Manchester boyfriend who wasn’t good at sticking up for himself at 4am in the morning. I got picked up by a bouji car from my apartment at six o clock in the morning and was on set filming by 7.30am. 🙂 I WOULD NEVER DO THAT NOW. I’D DIE. I don’t have it in me. Lol. But then…i aced it. He’s gay now. I think he just dated me because he was confused and thought i was more ‘fabulous’ than anything, at the time, as i had just freshly zoomed of a tv show and he wanted to be famous. He did write me a love note once, whilst i was in a taxi to Kings Cross from Camden reading,

‘I know it doesn’t seem like it, but when i’m with you my heart lights up with joy.

I remember reading that as my taxi drove me to the station. It made me cry. I loved it. 🙂 But yeah, totally not straight. We’d actually get along well now, as time and then some has passed. But he certainly turned into a using little bastard in the end. But he lives with Wunna guilt and that makes me giggle a little. 🙂 But i will say that he was fun and any chance that he had to stick up for me he would. But that’s the northern in him. And that’s me reaching for some kind of silver lining i think? Lol.

My ears have been popped all day. I’ve felt like i’m under water and talking really loudly at everyone. I did a catch up coffee with my Mum, which ended up being hilarious, as we’re both quite gobby and expressive, but the things we normally talk about are usually seen as ‘taboo’ with other humans, so nothing was funnier to me than the word ‘ANAL’ being repeated continuously, during our conversation in Costa. I have an ace Mum in the sense that i can say anything to her and she’ll laugh it off. We’re like besties. So when you sit down and watch a movie with YOUR Mum that’s maybe a ‘Rom Com’ or something a bit more ‘net curtains.’ MY Mum and I’s favourite film to watch together is ‘The Hangover’ Hahahah….because of the naked Chinese man that jumps out of the boot of a car and humps things and drunk hot men. LOL.

‘Why do you always go for the flashy ones Chrissie? Why don’t you go for the cute geeky one?’

‘A cute geek like you WOULD go for the cute geeky one Mum. But a glamour puss like ME, would always go for the flashy vain one. Hahaha.’ 

‘But the flashy ones might have herpes, want a dolly bird and even worse… want anal!’

HAHAHAHAA…I won’t even go on! DYING!!!!

Anyway, away from that i tried to unpop my ears by drinking Prosecco (any excuse) holding my breathe and swallowing. It hasn’t worked as one ear is still *popped* in. I’ve even danced to hip hop and done a Burlesque show for myself in order to unpop the madness, yet it hasn’t worked? (I’m not sure how i’m coming up with my remedies? Lol. But whatever, i don’t think any guys would mind. ‘Oh your ears have popped, let me burlesque for you!’)

You’re all asking about my love life. I’m not talking about it so much until i have something solid. Then i’ll natter to you a bit more. But it’s not so bad. There’s this great guy and i hope he thinks i’m great to. And that guy’s ‘Eton Mess.’ But we’ll see….

Anyway, i have takeout to order and a Desperado to drink. Y’know, right now, i’m really happy and i feel as though i have THE BEST LIFE EVER. It’s radiating from me and more than anything i hope it’s contagious. I couldn’t feel better if i tried. 🙂

Have a fun Sunday!

Thank you for following my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Positive Vibes & Life Kisses

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It’s Tuesday Folks! We got through the Monday Hump! I’m feeling great! I’m filled with a happy, positive ‘ooh laa’ and even though my sexy chest is still deciding to ‘cough and splutter’ all over this merry place, life could be worse. *Wiggle Wink.* The Supermoon has occurred, Donald Trump is the new President and i’m currently sat at the top of my staircase in a bra and tartan pj bottoms, trying to type up a quick blog and get my day started. (All my family stayed over last night…and i can currently hear bagpipes playing. We’re Asian…that’s weird.)

I’m looking for something exciting to happen today. I’m fed up of mulling around and like i said right now i have all these little glitzy bells jiggling up opportunity for me, that i’m peeking around corners quietly with an internal smile, waiting for the big ‘yeehaa.’

I’m getting invited to a lot. I’m looking forward to shimming alongside Boohoo.com and seeing what they have on offer. I got a really lovely message from them the other day and it kinda made me smile and feel of worth. Those moments are good.

In December i have The Clothes Show live and I really love that as it’s filled with old off the telly friends who i haven’t managed to banter with in months. It’s a good work catch up…and again glitzy. It’s Christmas, you need a bit of sequinned fun. Plus, there’s wine and spray tans everywhere, making stuff life much easier.

Everything’s great. The world is a delight. I couldn’t be more grateful for you tuning into my blog, as it certainly means a lot to me.

I write about life and we’re all doing it.,..so it’s the one thing that can connect us. Last night and even this morning my newsfeed was filled with personal photos all over the world of the supermoon. It kinda shows us how tiny we all in perspective and how important it is to enjoy your 100 years, if you’re lucky enough to have them an to not make a big deal over the shit that doesn’t matter. Don’t let niggly rubbish get you down. It doesn’t matter at all in the big picture. IT REALLY DOESN’T.

Hopefully, i’ll be 80 and still able to type up a mouthy blog. I’m sure i’m rude and grumpy at 80…with an ‘i know everything’ attitude.

I kinda fancy a morning gin now. Hahah. But i’ll spare myself the shame and instead just get ready for work.

It’s all dark and windy outside, it’s the part of the morning, that’s morning,before ‘the morning’ actually starts,

I hope you have the most magical day and i hope excitement pops up and taps me on the shoulder.

Biggest kisses ever…

Chrissie