Girls Night, Flirts & Extra Big Gin Pours

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Hiya! I know it’s been ages since a blog. You’ve all had a moan at me. Lol. But I’m here! It’s been mental. There’s been all kinds of influencing, work and fun. The babies have been auditioning. I’ve been auditioning. We’ve been keeping our sparkle a float, booz!

I’ve just been enjoying myself really, with friends, family…andyone who wants to join the conga line of fun. The kids go back to school soon, so I wanna make sure I embrace my time with them, which is a tinker of a juggle, due to work and baby daddy exchanges. YET, completely worth it, worth it, worth it!

I’ve still been out and about, i’ve lunched, I’ve shopped, i’ve tippled and loved. Therefore, bit by bit, i’ll shimmie my story of the last few days out to you…because i’ve literally done SO much, that I wouldn’t even know where to begin?

I’ve been everywhere & always with a cocktail in my hand!

I think i’ve also ‘sassed up’ a little bit actually. My inner ‘diva’ seems to be swirling through my system right now. I’m strutting about like a ‘girl boss,’ without a care in the world. But there’s a smile in my heart…and a ‘dolly’ warmth, that you should absolutely be terrified of.

Anyway… *Rein me in*….I’ll start here…

Okay, so, the other evening I got to hang out with my ‘Firmonnell’ and ‘Hustle Barbie.’ We’ve been through so much together. I mean, we’ve watched each other laugh, cry, lie, win and fall. We’re all single. We’re all sexy. We’re all drinkers, thinkers and really good winkers. 😉 They’re now roomies (after hot little breakups)  and they’re a couple of my closest chick friends.

I adore them because whenever I hang out with them, a magic happens.  We’re alive, with no judgements, no fear…just fun! And just recently, when i’m not at work or with my babies, i’ve been feeling quite bored. I’ve been looking around me and yawning. I’m an exciting girl and I need adventure. So a girls nights with them, was a really good fix of fun. It reminded of me of who I was again…

Sling back that fruity gin & adjust that flipping wonderbra.

‘Are you in pants?’

Me: ‘Don’t be so stupid… It’s a night out. I never where pants.’

The good things is, whenever we’re out…the boys just seem to flock? (It’s a good mixture of boobies, banter, good looks and energy. Lol)

Firmonnell: ‘Well, fill me in then. I don’t  wanna talk about your work. Who are you dating? Who you sleeping with?’

Hustle: ‘I feel overdressed. Take a picture of me! A smiling one and a non smiling one. I don’t like that one. You’re shit at picture taking.’

Me: ‘I’ve drank all day since 12.01.’

Remember… ‘Firmonnell’ is literally my bestest, best friend EVER and she is probably the only human in the glittery world, who actually knows EVERYTHING about me. I tell her everything…without censor, or an ‘untruth’ tag, swinging from it.

Laaa Deee Daaa…

I always think, people sometimes assume they know a lot about me…But ‘Firmonnell’ with a* finger snap* and a *hip bump* ACTUALLY does!! Her red stiletto is firmly STAMPED in  the heart of Wunna Land…emotionally, physically and mentally. Plus, both Hustle and Firmonnell, are the kind of friends, who just make things easier on you, without drama.

Firmonnell: ‘I found a diary….’

Me: ‘Ooh, I love a diary…’

Firmonnell:….’ of when I lost my virginity.’

She couldn’t tell if she’d lost it or not…? Lol.  I mean does 2 minutes count? But honestly, does it? As I’m sure I could go back in time and start crossing boys off my list, if it doesn’t??

Losing your virginity is awful.  But the first time you do anything in life, (well, the things that people wrongly underline as a taboo).…You’ll always find is shit. Debauchery really is a habit, one that is created due to consistency…It’s a pastime i’ve nailed over the years.

Hurrah! Sinning for everyone!

Anyway, double gins were poured, I had Peroni’s, before wine because I wanted to line my tummy. I’d been at Clam & Cork in Doncaster (It’s a new trendy seafood & champagne bar, set in the market) and I’d  had oysters all day for lunch, before girls night! 😉 I loved the Clam & Cork by the way. You should all go! It’s such a clever little idea and literally the service and food was DIVINE.

There’s a coolness to it.

The oyster thing did kinda worry me though, because I know that oysters are meant to make you horny? I didn’t wanna do GIRLS NIGHT, feeling  like I needed to dry hump a lamppost. So I had a Guinness straight afterward, at the nearest pub because I thought it would cancel out any aphrodisiac. I don’t know why, I thought that? Haha. Welcome to my mind. It’s the same logic I use for Bloody Mary’s…

‘Techincally it’s food, because it’s got tomatoes in… You call it cocktail. I call it breakfast.’

(I’ve actually had hundreds of Bloody Mary’s for breakfast before, in my time.)

And chewing gum…

‘Technically, it’s a snack…You’re chewing…’

Back to girls night…..

Before you know it, we sort of went from 0 to hero in seconds, and surrendered to a innocent fun, that was dashed in ‘little girl’ excitement. We’re all so alive right now and young spirited. We’re flirty. Yes. But when were out, we’re kind of in own little bubble of fun, that we don’t really care about what’s going on around us. We’ll talk to everyone…and we did. We’ll sing, we’ll dance, we’ll selfie…we’ll laugh at each other’s pain.

Yet, these guys had shown up…

Hustle: ‘Ron’s coming with his mates… Can we all just be lovely and say nothing please…’

I LOVE HER.

(Hasn’t Hustle just had her Vagina BLESSED in Bali? I swear that makes it’s squeaky clean and innocent with a cherry on top? I’m sure the Bali Gods, erased all vagina history.)

Basically…’Hustle Barbie’ invited a guy, who she fancies...(which is always fun)…for drinks.

One minute he was called Anthony. The next minute his name was ‘Ron’ (because he’s apparently so obsessed with ‘Harry Potter.’)

Me: ‘Ewww! NO! I hate that! Don’t date a crazy Harry Potter fan.’

Firmonnell: ‘He’ll always be Ron and never Harry.’

Me: ‘That’s too much for me…

He was thoughtful though, because he tended to ‘Hustle’s’  vegan values. He  didn’t want her to witness his friends ripping chicken off the bone, with their teeth, like savages, during a late dinner…So he *paused* their rendezvous, until no drippy, ‘finger licking’ chicken munching, could be ever seen.  So romantic of him!

Thoughtfulness is the new sexy.

Last year, I kept trying to be vegan….Well, not Vegan…more veggie… with Hustle Barbie.  Yet I caved and had a bag of pork scratchings…. because i’m such a good support system. 🙂

TEAM GLAM SQUAD. That’s life!

Anyway, ‘Ron’ brought two mates with him….I didn’t know them? They were quite quiet.  ‘Firmonnell’ tried to make one of them guess her name…and he went with…

‘JANE.’

Me: HAHAHAHAHA!

Firmonnell: ‘Errrugh! As if you think I look like a JANE.’

Boy: ‘Sally?’

Firmonnell: ‘I like Autumn. Autumn Costello.’

Me: ‘You look like an Autumn!!! ‘

Hustle: ‘We look like Autumn, Summer & Winter. You look so Asian today Chrissie?’

Me: ‘I am Asian???’

Anyway, that guy got bored and left Firmonnell & I outside, after we told him how shit he was at name guessing… So we found new friends to play ‘banter’ with. ..and it was so much more good fun, than just sitting….and nodding…..around appalling name guessing games, tits, red lipstick and muscles.

It turned into the best time!

When it comes to guys, I like you to look good, sure!  YET, I adore a good solid bit of banter! Or someone who is smoooooth with the charm. I want them to care for me, look after me and make me laugh. A six pack can’t do that!

Hustle: ‘Why have you taken your hands out of your hand bag??? Keep them in there, bitch!’

(Just one of their sick, twisted roomie wife games.)

Me: ‘My wine’s gone straight to my head.’

Firmonnell: ‘Is that the guy who you went in the bush with??? The anal guy! Haha’

Me: ‘Yeah..’

Firmonnell: ‘Good! Let’s go talk to him…I love that I called him poor..’

Me: ‘Haha. Well, He shouldn’t go on my phone, if he can’t handle the banter..’

We all chatted, as Hustle began to sophisticatedly seduce ‘Ron’ in the distance, …then Firmonnell decided to call the bush boy ‘poor’ AGAIN…and after laughs, he stated that he was gonna ‘Piss on her house.’

Yippppeeeee!

Drinking, drinking, selfie taking….

Hustle: ‘Shall we go to Tap & Barrel?’

Boys: ‘Girls! Come!’

Me: ‘I’m not going into town..’

Firmonnell: ‘I’m not leaving yet!’

Boys: ‘We’ll go to that gin bar…’

Then Hustle and Ron decided to have private words of love over gin, in some corner…So we all went outside. Then ‘Firmonnell’ told Reece & Ben that they were being so boring.

Boys: ‘What! You left to go sit somewhere else!’

Firmonnell: ‘Yes….ON AN EMPTY TABLE BECAUSE IT WAS MORE FUN THAN YOU.’

Hahah. I love her.

Boys: ‘We’re not the boring ones.  HE IS, inside..’

Firmonnell: ‘You’ve just been sat there with ya muscles, being dull and square..’

Boys: ‘ Well, I’ll not train shoulders for a week then, so I look fun, shall I!!!’

Then weirdly, the stars twinkled above us and because ‘Firmonnell’ has a way of just knowing how to win people over….ALL of  sudden, the tight tshirted, muscle bound toyboys, were our besties??

They were laughing and bantering, flirting and shirting…and the world had taken a turn..

Reece: ‘Where’s Bruce?’

Me: ‘Who’s Bruce?’

Firmonnell: ‘We call him Ron… Don’t tell him though…’

Me: ‘Why is he called Anthony, Ron AND Bruce??’

Reece: ‘When he was young, he was really chubby and we called him Bruce because he had a stutter?’

I’m not sure how that makes ANY sense at all? Yet, they did then try to force us to call Ron, ‘Bruce’ and make him feel awkward, because then he would stutter.

AAAAAWWWwwwwwwww! Noooooooooo! I’m a NO BULLY ZONE.

We couldn’t be arsed…

Anyway, they all ventured to play ‘party’ on new razzly pastures…and ended up at the new cocktail bar, Mxyology. I stayed in the pub and chilled with a different Antony…who ended up with a red studded dog lease around his neck, before he tried to then go on to steal the actual dog. This was a lady named Marie told me thather husband where’s her under garments…

No. Wait…

Leggings. 😉

Happy Wednesday.

I had a good news phone call today!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Doing Life, Ambition & Stress

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Hope you  ALL had the most beautiful day with your Fathers, or celebrated ‘fatherhood’ in any way you felt necessary, be they still here with you, away with life ‘dandies,’ or even if you’re a father yourself. I hope it all went well. If it didn’t, never mind, eh! As long as you’re positive or honest, about your situation, you’re always gonna be okay. 😉 That can take time. But once you’ve got it, you’re sailing!

Yippppeeee!

I had a big old ‘lunch off’ and family day with my delicious Pops. The Wunna’s are a really close family and well, i’d say that i’m the ‘apple’ of my little Daddy’s eye.

(He once visited me in LA, many years ago and told my lawyer/party boy roommate to look after me, because if anything happened to his ‘Pride & Joy’ he would hold him directly responsible. Lol Yet, on the softer side, when I returned home ,after a huge Hollywood spell of ‘almost decade,’ he burst into tears because he was so happy I was safe and well.)

Y’know, my Dad, has never ever shouted or raised his voice at me once. He’s either talked me through things, so laid back that he’s horizontal,  or just pretended that the bad things have never happened….I can’t decide which one? My Mum, on the other hand, makes up for his lack of ‘shouty.’

I really ‘lucked out’ in the ‘Parent Department.’ I know that. And every single minute of every day, even when we wind each other up, i’m truly grateful for them. I dread to think of a life without them! They’re my little ‘ninja’ parents..My absolute rocks. It’s the same with Ruby & Junior. ( If you follow this, you’ll know I’m a single mum. But I LOVE being a single mum. It makes me feel powerful and I like to feel MIGHTY. Both babies spent the day with their Daddy’s. Junior was somewhat reluctant to shimmie over to his. Ruby, however adored it.)

I missed them both…MADLY. (The babies, not the daddies. Haha.)

Just so you know, I’ve bloody worn tiny shorts and no sleeves today, with ‘sunnies,’ because my phone told me that it was going to be a SCORCHIO. I’m sat on a bench, in a park, with a pink laptop on my knee, pretending to be nice to dogs that look like sausages, in the freezing, windy cold! I can’t even style it out. I look like a rebellious and somewhat constipated Geisha, that’s been dipped in Hawaiian Tropic and got caught up in a casual Hurricane.

Honestly, what is wrong with me? Why can I never get it right! I hope for sun soon. I’m far too exotic and scowly today, for even an occasional GUST of wind. It’s so windy, I could DIE of shivers.

Okay,  i’ll cut crap…

So, yesterday, you’d think.. with all my free time, I’d spend the day attempting to write that book. I keep rambling on about. The one that I only have 2 months in total, to complete. I didn’t do it, did I? I know it’s there and has to be done. Yet I keep pretending it’s not ‘PENDING’ away…If i’m honest, I have NO CLUE WHAT I’M DOING. I even have a Tutor and been threatened with a ‘Writers Colony.’ J It’s not like I don’t write, or haven’t written a book before?? I just can’t find my *swing.* I can’t find my *swagger.* Maybe I left it at Issho, after table sake?

But ah well…Even bit of me is confident that I’ll find it. HONEST.

Instead, I took selfies, (agent’s nightmare.) Went on walks. Almost bought ceramic unicorns. Stared at a pond. Shunned the advances of boys. Added to my Insta story. Dropped my  phone on my face, mid selfie, (it caused me to bust my lip a little.) I scrolled Twitter for ‘Love Island’ updates. I swung garden chimes, with my Mum, simply because we were bored. I baked a cake (did I **** bake a cake…haha.) Rode a donkey (that might have happened) and THEN BALANCED half a can of Fosters ON MY LITTLE BURMESE HEAD!!

I KNOW!  Skillz! How am I single!!

This was totally inspired by my good friend ‘Hustle Barbie’ who decided to send me a *Snap* of her balancing a PINEAPPLE on her head. (Cos’ we’re normal like that. I mean, for such so called ‘pretty girls,’ you’d think we’d have better things to do, like ignore DM’s from shirtless boys. 😉 ) But no. During HER free ‘still single’ time, she dedicated it to Tom Foolery.

However, being the competitive swine that I am, I didn’t watch and adore, with simple giggles. I decided that I could do it too.

ANYTHING YOU CAN DO, I CAN DO IT…..TIPSY.

I flipping, did it though! 13 minutes later, my ‘socials’ were filled with videos of me balancing a Foster’s Can, on my head, like a champion. (I did send ‘Hustle’ a personal video. I don’t respond to my real life friends via public story. Honest! lol..Well, unless, it’s by accident, a bit rude and maybe involves a Toberlone.) I had a Toberlone ice cream yesterday and it ruined my life, because my head was dazed with Katy P’s, MADE UP ‘Duty Free Toberlone’ story, that involved my vagina.

Every bite made me gip. You can still enjoy one though because your mind is CLOUDED with filth.

Hustle: ‘We’re like the perfect girls. We have boobs AND we’re good at balancing things..’

Me: ‘Well..sort of..’

Later through the evening, ‘Firmonnell’ sent me a video of ‘Hustle,’ on her sofa.. attempting to balance a FULL wine glass of GIN, equipped with floating berries… ON HER HEAD. The video was SO worrying, that I was tense with anxiety and screaming…

DON’T YOU DARE SPILL THE GIN….

..at my phone. (She always has to take it one step too far. I don’t think I can be her friend anymore? ‘Almost’ spilling gin, is as foolish as the art of ‘always telling the truth.’ It breaks the Wunna Land code of conduct. It’s not cool and it’s certainly not ‘gangsta.’ ‘Ere me now.)

However, life is there to be played with. It’s such a wonderful thing, even the bad times. They say the bad times, make you tougher. They keep you in good stead for whatever lies ahead. You never know what’s gonna happen to you? However, be it good or bad, if you ‘skill’ yourself up emotionally, you’ll be able to handle your next step, your next chapter, with the vigor of RuPaul.

Even if it’s utterly harsh, the quicker you feel it, get back up and then proceed to be play, with the tough times… the better. As soon as you enjoy life, understand life and don’t let it suck the *b’jeebies* out of you…The sooner you’ll find your ‘happy.’ Your strength.

‘Hustle’ actually posted a quotey paragraph yesterday. (Y’know how people do. I posted ‘Lovers Gonna Love’ on Saturday. My gay friend posted ‘Soup of the Day is Tequila.’ Blah. Blah. Jollies.)

Well Hustle, posted a paragraph. It stated that our own development as a human, is what made us happy. How we progress as a human. How we actually learn life. That’s what makes us proud of ourselves, in the end. It also suggested that we not place our happiness in the hands of others. People do it all the time…don’t they? I have, at times. Y’know, whether they’re waiting for a proposal, a job acceptance letter, trying to impress the masses, worrying about being judged, or pining for simple praise, or attention from a boyfriend, girlfriend or parent…Anything!

When you do that…you no longer have control of your happiness. You pass it on, like a parcel, yet the music never stops.

Now, I always ‘twicker’ on about how POWERFUL I feel. And like I said earlier, I’m someone who loves to feel powerful. Yet, that power, doesn’t come from anything material. ( I do love the finer things in life, yet I don’t LIVE FOR THEM. I’m actually a girl who loves the simple things, just as much. I couldn’t be more in touch with the real world.) I mean,  I could also make tons and tons and tons of money. (It wouldn’t make me feel powerful at all. No matter what, I’ll always get by. I work really hard.)  I could be so in love. (I’m single…and still, I couldn’t be happier.) Or so so successful,l that I couldn’t even nearly shake fame off me. (What i’ve learnt from life is that recognition for your talent and hard work, feels great. That isn’t ‘FAME.’ That’s personal accomplishment. The ‘fame game’ brings you more problems than it’s worth, at times… unless you play it well, use it wisely and benefit from it financially. Even then, you’ll still go through shit.)

I feel powerful because at 37, I feel like a successful human. I wasn’t always a successful human. Yet, that’s the point. I grew…and Karma IS a bitch. But Boy, have I DEVELOPED. I’m really happy with who I am now. I feel comfy, in my own skin. What I like what I am and what I stand for! I chose my own ‘happy.’ No one can take that away from me and because of that FEELING, I can walk into a room and RADIATE, almost GLOW of an energy, that swirls through the souls of others, like magic.

I understand people. (I’ve been people.) I understand life. (I’ve experienced so many different walks of it.)  I really LOVE being me and truly LOVE every piece of my world, because I picked it myself. I’m an alright person. I can see loneliness in others, even when they have that ‘100 watt’ smile on. (I’ve been there. We all have.) I can see kindness in people, when the masses have ruled them out as a ‘villan.’

I understand that… no matter what….I’m still just this tiny little dot….on a GIANT EARTH BALL of gazillions, doing this ‘shimmie’ called life. I always see the bigger picture and when you TRULY do, you quit letting the ‘niggles’ stress you out.

So if I could leave you with two lil’ tings of what I know about life right now, it would be to make the most of your time, WITHOUT WORRY…BEFORE you have no time left. We can worry about anything, everything, can’t we? It literally makes NOTHING better, at all. It creates stress. Both my folks are Doctors and even THEY say, you can break every bone in your body and nothing hurts more than a broken heart, a broken soul, or being lost in a fuzzy gather of stress.

And if you DO anything today…..Be the reason somebody smiles…

The smallest things, make people BEAM.

( I tried to teach Ruby that yesterday…But she kept ignoring me and telling me she was going to be a psychic.)

ps/ I live for ‘Love Island’ this year and i’m so excited by the ‘fresh girl meat’ and thrilled with my personal winner Adam Collard!

ALL THE FIRE! Let’s play love!

 

 

Diet Shakers Filled With Cocktail & Everything Peeka Boobied

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Morning! Morning! Happy Royal Wedding Day! I’m not going to be watching it, simply because I’m having to escort Baby Ruby to Gravity, where she will trampoline to her hearts content, in the name of her friend’s birthday party. Whilst she does bouncing, Junior and I will be occupying ourselves around Xscape….Yes….He’ll probably *bounce*  upon things also and we’ll probably grab a Nandos.

A cheeky one.

Yet, I’ll be following the big old wedding day ‘socially‘…and having a couple of celebratory proseccos, because I DO love ‘The Royals’ and I do love being British…and well it gives me another excuse to drink. But honestly, what mum DOESN’T have a wine before a kids birthday party. Not any mum I know. 🙂

(Shush. I’m not arsed about being judged before 10am.) 

Okay, lots going on. I’m starting to ‘busy’ up now. I have shoots and more shoots, lining up. I have my episode of a TV show airing shortly.

I actually forgot to eat healthy for my shoots. Yippppeeee! So now, I do that panic fad diet thing, which is never fun. Lisa (as in ‘Appleton’) has a birthday party on Tuesday, so I’ll be scooting off to Blackpool to play with drag queens at ‘Peek A Booze,’ to celebrate her ‘happy happy.’ I think it’s on the 22nd?

I need my hair doing, I need to buy a dress and I’m bloody sick of my wonky bottom tooth now. I’m too vain for a tooth like that. So I’m sorting it out. I thought I could quit being vain and handle the toothage. But I can’t. So I’m vain. Yet it’s probably one of the best things about me. 🙂

You’ll always wake up to a glamour puss boys! Haha.

I’m glad you’re all loving my piccies. I’ve had an inbox full of deliciousness from all over the world and even a little love letter… I haven’t read it, yet, but I do love a love letter…so I will, this afternoon. And yeah, Ladies, my pics are a bit ‘peeka boobied’ right now. But it’s just me, innit? It’s not like I didn’t grow up being a glamour model my entire life…Lol…Plus, even though i’m an exhibitionist, an attention seeker 🙂 I’m quite body confident, even when i’m wibbly. So I think more women should throw skin to the wind and celebrate what mother nature gave them, without worrying about what other people think!

Let’em think. Watch me now!

I need to stop shouting ‘WATCH ME NOW‘ and doing all kinds of stupid shit that just gets me into trouble. Lol. I say it in real life to my friends…and then do something foolish, right after the sentence has been uttered.

Summer is killing me. It’s making me cheeky. It’s making me naughty..and it’s making me drink looooads. Maybe i’ll crash and calm down? Maybe i’m just playful? But I will say that I went to the loo this morning and a five pence (which was probably stuck to my leg somewhere and somehow…) FELL into the loo, mid squat. Yes! Literally money shot out of my ‘derriere.’

I’m like piggy bank. I can now shoot money out of my arse, which obviously makes me lucky. Lol.

You think i’m going to the loo, when really the loo is my (I was gonna say ‘ATM’ then,) but cos we’re being British today, I’ll go with CASH MACHINE.

But yes, about the naked pics, ladies…It doesn’t bother me, so it shouldn’t bother you. Plus, it doesn’t make a girl less ‘classy(I hate it when people say that.) Yet neither does it make a girl ‘more sexy.‘ No girl is the sexiest girl in the world,‘ because everyone celebrates their own version of the term. People are attracted to different things, looks, personalities. Everyone has something that is sexy about them…and it’s that something‘ that they should embrace.

Don’t put yourself up and compare yourself to other women or men ….You’re different people. What works for them doesn’t necessarily work for you and vice versa.

Be YOU. Don’t be scared to be YOU. It’s better than being a rubbish version of someone else.

Right, what else? I chatted to ‘The Swirl’ yesterday, who’s chilling away in Turkey. We get on pretty easily, so it was a catch up, messed in banter and roasting. I made fun of his shakes,

Me: ‘It’s a shaker FILLED with cocktail mate.’

(This is a diet shake that I was meant to be drinking/promoting)

He made fun of my divaisms.

Swirl: ‘Stop being such a diva! Ahahahahah.’

(After I asked if he even missed me JUST A LITTLE BIT!!?)

Me: ‘Little Asian Girls need love tooo.’

He definitely doesn’t miss me, lol..and i’m definitely NOT A DIVA. It’s literally like getting blood out of the stoniest stone. Hahah.

*Tap! Tap! Anyway emotion in there for me?*

But the good thing is, that we can have a laugh anyway. I guess, our friendship must be quite good. Better than I thought. He did say that my ‘body looked unreal….’ so he scored points for that.

However, later that day, I flew him through a message and link, because i’m quite savvy when it comes to business…But only if the business is creative, otherwise I find it dull. I also used to be a Talent Agent, in LA, and some people don’t know that about me. I LOVED BEING A TALENT AGENT. I loved taking something great.. with further potential and then turning into HUGENESS. It was always a buzz. It still is!!!! I love it.

Anyway, I can clearly see a path that he COULD TAKE, if he knew how. I know how…and I know everyone…so I began to show him…and for the first time ever he actually asked my advice. If I actually called him and talked him through it. He’d get it. he sounded excited, so hopefully, he’ll take that link and fly….

Right. I need coffee now and to moisturize, my feet are flip flopped out. I need wedges. (Not potato ones. 😉 )

ps/ Ruby is currently in her room playing Youtube videos of me on The Paris Hilton show, then MOCKING MY VOICE. Lol. All I can hear is ‘Hi, I’m Chrissie Wunna. Hi, I’m Paris Hilton.’ 

My Spanish Getaway, Paps & Geordies….

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Two and a Half hours later, I shimmie onto Spanish soil, feeling sort of relieved, filled with excitement…and maybe a plane wine? I did random selfies at the request of a hen do and a happy ‘flying solo’ dude, who had no clue why they were requesting selfies, but didn’t want to miss out on the action…or boobs?

I met up with a new friend of mine.. Simone. Last  year she spent part of her Summer trapped in the flipping ‘Big Brother’ house and well she caused a bit of a stinker. (And she farted on the plane journey to Spain, yet pretended to be asleep so no one thought it was her. She couldn’t even TELL me the story without pissing herself.)

To me, she’s ace. She’s one hell of a fun loving, GEORDIE. She’s wild without punctuation and we’ve walked really DIFFERENT life paths…

‘I literally grew up on the roughest estate, Chrissie! My life has been hard! Me Mam’s….***&*(*&$. Me Dad’s *&)(*££”$*** But y’know what, I’m grateful that I’m here…and doing well. But I can’t spell for shit.’

‘I love that. You crack me up. You’re gorgeous. I have Doctor parents, tinkered through private school, grew up in Hollywood, then lived with Paris Hilton, after a modeling career. It’s hilarious.’

Her soul is quite kitten soft. She’s like a child, she’s gentle. She has a heart of gold and I love her for it. BUT SHE’S MAD! MY exterior SEEMS child like, but I’m all grown up on the inside. I’m like the responsible one. Yet, no matter what, life brought us together and weirdly…set us in the exact same place…We ended up in the exact same position…at the exact same time…

WE GET ALONG REALLY REALLY WELL! Teamed up! We are the BEST BALANCE of FUN! It’s like a Northern tornado…But not lame….I’ll just ‘Chanel’ your ass with ‘slay’ wit, if you annoy me and she’ll just be really patient..before she slaps you. Lol.

We got straight to the apartment, which had the most beautiful surrounding views.  We were so lucky. Our pad was AMAZING and we were dripped in sunshine. We could see over sandy beaches…from our glossy Spanish heights. It was A DREAM. I couldn’t believe that I’d woken up at 4am in Leeds and hours later blinked myself to Spain.

We kinda couldn’t check in for around 20 minutes though. So in that time, as I looked over views….that let me spy oldies on a NUDIST BEACH. It’s always the oldies that love a skinny dip, innit! 😉

Yipppppppppppeeee!

Simone, stripped off STARK NAKED, in the middle of glass walls, got changed, whopped on some tunes, selfied, happy danced, then decided to dance on coffee tables. Lol. She was the Happiest Geordie IN ALL OF THE LAND. Then I moaned because my wifi wasn’t working….I hate no wifi…and i’m a DIVA. 🙂

Me: ‘How the fuck can you post everything and my Snapchat won’t even work!’

Simone: ‘Take a selfie of me in this fucking MINT light!’

(Say the above in your best Geordie accent.)

An hour later and we were both in bikini, poolside, greeting Scottish people and dying for a wine.

Me: ‘I need a drink me…’

Simone: ‘Well i’ve put 20 euro in my bag.’

After messing around by the pool. (We had so much fun. We’re cheeky!) Twin shower blitzing, pool splashing with winks, sun bathing with our sexy bits out, selfie taking, banter, binter…All things ‘GIRLS…’ All things LIFE….Anyway, we then figured we’d head down to the beach.

We didn’t think to put any clothes on though? (We’re both naturally exhibitionists.) Like I don’t care one bit, if i have a boob out, or a nip slip. I’m immune to it. She’s pretty much the same. She could only have a fig leaf on her crotch and not notice. I love that about her, because it’s awkward for me if others are all ‘ooh, not my body’ this….or ‘oooh, not my body’ that…because i’m so, naturally, ‘Yay,  everything nudie.’

We walk down to the beach…in our bikinis. I’m in the cheetah, two piece by Pretty Little Thing. We’re Insta Storying, so people are staring at us, as we pass. We’re not good at doing anything quietly, or away from oncoming traffic. Yet, we’re not deliberately ‘LOOK AT ME’ loud, we’re far too busy being caught up, in our own giant bubble.

A war could’ve started and we wouldn’t have even noticed…We’d still be selfie taking. Is this why I’m not married? Lol.

When we finally find our sandy little spot. We start talking life, we played in the sea….We basically just chilled and had the most fun EVER. And even though the beach was packed. It felt like there was no one, but us there! We notice anything else. It was blissful. Every single second, we couldn’t stop repeating how lucky we were! It felt like the ‘getaway’ of all ‘getaways.’

We enjoyed the sun. We settled…and then as we laid down towels to sunbathe….out popped Aaron...(Aaron is Britian’s Youngest Pap.) He has shot some of the UK’s biggest celebs via *papping,* for the national press.) We both know him really well, as he’s photographed us BOTH, at some point.. separately. In fact, he *papped* my last night out with Lisa (as in ‘Appleton,’) in Blackpool and to be honest, he’s actually become a really good friend now.

I have every respect for an 18 year old boy, working his arse off for a buck, a living and to make something for himself, in the future. I find it honourable. He’s doing better than some actual grown ups! Lol.

Anyway, from that point of ‘towel sunbathing,’ which was around 3pm…..on our very first day in Spain…to around 4pm… 2 days later….

…Our ENTIRE SPANISH HOLIDAY WAS *PAPPED.*

The whole thing, from beginning to end. From nine o clock in the morning, to six o clock at night..every day.

And to be honest, we’re natural show offs. We adore Aaron, so it didn’t really bother us one bit. In fact, I felt honoured. They don’t waste their time, if they don’t think they may have a shot that’s worth something? It kinda made me feel a bit special. And everyone loves feeling a bit special, don’t they. It’s the simple things.

But yeah, it was fun. It turned up the holiday heat. It made our time even more exciting. And I love excitement. I love adventure. I love a laugh. It made it that more playful. We were a really great team!

I will say that there WAS a point,  where we DID have to LEAVE the beach, because all these crowds had now bundled around us, a guy who did videos for the Spanish press had sauntered up to film us, on his phone and Whitby stag do’s had decided to sit on the wall and cheer at tits. And then an angry Spanish woman started screaming at Aaron and scowling at the fact that Simone had a bit of a boob out!

ARE YOU KIDDING! He properly stood his own though!

Me: ‘Shall we go get a drink?’ (Diffuses the drama.)

Simone: ‘Yeah, lets go…’

So, like the coolest douches in town, knowing that we had caused a commotion, we popped on our ‘sunnies’ and strutted like ‘we gave zero fucks ‘ Lol…to the nearest bar that sold cocktails.

We took Aaron with us for a drink and a chill…I mean, we couldn’t leave him there to get bollocked by the Crazy Spanish Lady. Plus, he needed a chill, he’d worked hard. However, he did state that he wouldn’t mind if inflatables or balls, were accidentally kicked in the Angry Spanish Ladies way…. 🙂 Or was it face? 😉

Simone ordered a Pina Colada…and I ordered a Long Island Ice Tea. Your first drink of the day, has to be as strong as… a bull’s knackers. I do Pina’s when i’m bored or need to sober up. She loves them because they’re girly.

THEN WE BOTH GOT BOLLOCKED AGAIN…LOL.

Everybody just decided to turn on us, because we were in bikinis??

Waitress: ‘Can you wear clothes please??’

Simone: ‘We’re IN CLOTHES..!!!!’

Me: ‘How is us in a bikini ANY DIFFERENT TO THEM IN SWIMMING SHORTS!!!!’

So we had to sit with towels wrapped around us…which in my mind looked more risque. It looked like we’d just had a kinky bath. Simone refused to ‘towel wrap..‘ so she got bollocked again Lol…But this time, by the owner…who had a flipping MOP in his hand. Lol.

( I only find that funny, because he ruined our Spanish dreams. You can’t bollock people holding a mop, because you can’t be taken seriously. We’re meant to be in Spain, bollock us in a like a hardcore Latino. I was once married to a Latin man, he came with a temper, not a whiff of floor cleaner.)

Anyway, I got away with my towel wrap, because I did that ‘swweeeeet little girl voice,‘ thang, that I do. It’s all posh, gentle, apologetic and filled with charm.

Simone did the Geordie…‘Hard as nails’ thing. Lol.

The rest of the holiday was great. I can’t really tell you to much about it, but I will as time goes along. We spent loads of time with Aaron, who was nothing but lovely to us….and after dinner that evening, we revisited out cocktail cravings together, by the beach and just told life tales.

It was bliss!

We walked about where life had taken us, dating, men…sex tapes, love, other people on tv shows…all sorts. We talked about how tough we had found relationships at times and how we sometime think that guys don’t like it when they’re partner tries to become or even so, ends up becoming a success, because it makes them feel insecure.

Is that true? I know it’s true with some guys. I know that for sure. I’ve experienced that. Yet, I reckon, no matter where you are in the worl, no matter what walk of life you tinker, your soulmate, your ideal match, with adore you madly, support you sincerely and stand by you through thick and thin, as he protects his wife, family with the heart of a lion.

Simone: ‘Let me sip it! That wine’s strong!’

Me: ‘I like strong. I’m not spending money on a glass of cream with an umbrella jabbed in it.’

Aaron: ‘You girls are hilarious!’

Aaron became a bit of what I called a ‘Colada Expert.‘ He had enjoyed so many, over the evenings, that he ‘connoisseur ed‘ the flavours. He could win ‘blind folded Colada competition’ trophies.

Aaron: ‘I much prefer the Mango. It’s better! Are they real life nuns?’

We actually had a really wonderful evening of banter with Aaron, the evening before I left, by the beach, with wine…..It showed how close friends we’d all become over time.

And i’ll definitely say that even though, that was probably THE MOST PICTURES, THAT I HAVE EVER HAD, TAKEN OF ME IN THE SPACE OF 2 AND A HALF DAYS.(and I grew up being a model, where my job was having my picture taken…) it was literally THE BEST TIME EVER! And i’m not joking, having your picture taken, pretty much 24/7, for 2 days straight… is not easy, as you think. It’s great. Always great! But without booze treats afterwards, you’d just be knackered. We were knackered. 

All three of us enjoyed really peaceful times, sat by the beach, as palm trees swayed over us and day turned to night. That’s what life is about. We deserved it because we’d worked SO SO HARD.

I couldn’t have felt luckier. The air swirling around me, even felt lucky.

Aaron: ‘Let me try and snapchat them nuns.’

It was THE BEST TIME!

Fair enough there were dodgy moments, where you could find Simone in comfies, with me sat next to her…. in this giant double bed, with no face on, a nighty and with multi coloured rollers in my hair.

‘Why do we look like an awkward married couple??? It’s really funny because we both have our own lingo. You’re all Geordie and i’m all Yorkshire…and I don’t know how we understand each other, but we do!’

And there were times, when she kept repeating Spanish… at Spanish people….having no clue what she was saying, whilst being Spanish…which probably wasn’t the best Geordie plan! Lol.

Me: ‘Stop doing that! Cos we’ll get into a fight and then we’re gonna have to turn around land pretend that we’re ten men, when we’re not.’

Simone: Shut up!’

Aaron: ‘Hahaha.’

Long Spanish story short, our sneaky getaway, actually turned into immense and thorough, full time, millions of sets….’picture taking.’ But we loved. We felt lucky. I had the best time!

By Saturday April 7th….

….As I got into my taxi, to make my way back to the airport….after a quick sunshine wine.

( Before I left, I spent some time on my own….I always need that. I love that. It reminds me that i’m still independent and that the world is my oyster. It reminds me of what life is about. The decisions we make and how okay it is, to just BE, just LIVE….and not give a shit about what other’s think about you, if they judge.)

Some of us have hard lives. Some of us have easy lives. But what we have in common IS LIFE….and out story is the most important story we’ll ever experience….

Enjoy it! Any way you wish!

But like I was saying, Simone tinkered, back to the airport, as her flight to Newcastle was earlier than mine….(It was actually really sad when she left, because she’s a girl that leaves a giddy atmosphere when she leaves you. She does that on purpose, because she’s a people pleaser…She loves to make you happy and excited.)

I’m playful, honest….but sassy….I leave a diamond mist of warmth and excitement… I like to call it a ‘swag.’ (‘The Swirl’ actually says that there’s a ‘swag’ about me.) 

Aaron stayed in Spain, to catch any other people, to maybe *pap* for the press. What a hustler. He works so hard for a 18 year old. I have great respect for him. He has the best job ever for a young boy! I’d do a few more coladas with him.

But like I said, as I stepped into MY taxi to travel back to the airport…As I did….I passed shoulders, with Survival of The FittestGeorgie’ and Ex on the Beach ‘Sophia,’ as they stepped out of theirs, to enjoy their own adventure.

Lucky Aaron, eh!

Within an hour, I  found myself at Alicante Airport….waiting with a vino, at a wine bar… for my plane to Leeds/Bradford airport. This time I was super early….I wasn’t having the Security shit go down on me again!

I remember everyone being super nice at the airport, or glaring at me, because I looked weird. I was knackered. I’ll tell you that! I was exhausted. I kinda just let my body surrender. Lol.

Straight away my driver (Pitstop rentals) whatsapped me to make sure I knew that he was going to be there for pick up…and to reconfirm my flight times…

I must’ve been moaney because i remember just feeling shattered and stating that I needed 100 wines, food and just to feel pampered…

Half an hour later….I was boarding my flight….

Alicante to Leeds/Bradford Airport… I was shattered but life felt wonderful!

 

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When Hustle Had A Birthday…..

So, I’ve been doing a lot of ‘living’ over the past few days and I guess when you’re a blogger, with a niche that celebrates life, love, glamour pussing and good times…you  kinda find yourself naturally, well…. celebrating life, love, glamour pussing and good times and as your schedule ‘jazzes’ up…your friends, family, agents and brand collabos, rev into ‘first gear’ and you only have tiny bits of ‘free time,’ where you can actually hit*pause,* pour a merlot and write it all out, for the masses to enjoy!

It’s a shimmie that I need to conquer. But in exactly EIGHT DAYS, I’ll finally have that balance right!

*Swag Snaps Here*

I’m really happy, everything’s great. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I guess, I never realised how opportunity could *knock* at the sassy little age of thirty six. But it did, and I opened the door, with my heart and my fingers crossed….and well now…. I couldn’t be more excited for the future. Yet, the future is the future…what happens NOW, it what makes the magic.

Saturday began peacefully. I indulged and enjoyed Mama time with Ruby & Junior, where we wrote Santa Lists, during early Breakfasts, shopped around Christmas Markets, lunched, whilst we laughed at old memories, made new memories and wished upon stars… (I had Pina Coladas.)

Then all of a sudden day turned to night and just like magic I almost *blinked* and found myself in my grey Pretty Little Thing number, with huge diamante earrings dangling with excitement, my ‘big hair don’t care’ wink, hot bow toed heels and a faux fur clutch, as I sat at the bar at Ego, with a wine with a…

Bartender Josh: ‘Where’ve you been?? It’s my last shift tonight. You’ve missed all the drama…’

…as I waited for ‘Double B’ to meet me….so we could venture into Leeds City Centre to the most deliciously glamourous night of ‘girl fun,’ to celebrate ‘Hustle Barbie’s  ‘I’m turning 28’ Birthday.

Gangsta J (Double B’s Boyfriend) rolled up in their mean green diamante green Mercedes and as we drank wine from the bottle, picked ‘Fairytale Blond’ up on the way, we sizzled into Bar Soba on Merrion Street, Leeds… for bottomless supper….and absolute girl merriment.

We were there first, we sat down, got situated, ordered drinks…and then before you know it the rest of the girls filtered in, all dresses, all pouty lipped, all ready for a ‘good time’….and at this point sophistication glistening from our souls.

Now, we’re all glamourous, we’re all social, we all know how to have a good time and we were ALL ready for an evening naughtiness. I met new girls, who have shimmied on the birthday girls ‘best friend list’ for a jolly long time.

Then  ‘Hustle Barbie’ struts in, in her fitted black dress, already drunk. J (I love it when she’s pissed, because you can see it in her eyes…She does a glammy ‘rag doll’ strut and gives  over friendly hugs, like she’s loved you forever.) And from that point, life, love, glamour pussing and celebrations stole our memories. Bottomless prosecco and apple& ginger mojitos stole our grace….Lord knows what we even ordered for dinner? It was served to us beautifully, like a platter of warm delights, during topics on work, boob jobs and  boys….

Double B and Sassy A tried to order ‘Hustle’ some kind of sparkly dessert.

Waiter: ‘We only have ice cream..and she’s vegan, so darling, she can’t have MILK.’

Double B: ‘Well what else do you have??’

Waiter: A £40 cocktail that we can out a sparkler in?’

Double B & Fairytale: ‘We’re not fucking spending that on her…We’ll just *high five* her instead. Lol’

I missed that moment. I didn’t even know it had happened until the day after, as ‘Hustle Barbie’ and I had already found ourselves at the bar, ordering shots for the world…

Bartender: ‘Well you can have those two for free…’

Me: But we need TWENTY!!’

Then with a…

‘Is that contactless’

..later….

Selfies were taken, shots were swizzled,  hand bags were grabbed and we all tottered down dark lit stairs to dance, drink and be merry.

(All I remember is ‘Fairytale’ constantly asking for chewing gum, some random guy buying me a cheap bottle of prosecco, Double B making me ‘almost cry’ and then us all venturing outside, to sit at the bar tables, under the night stars, as the city cobbles filled with other ‘merrimenters’ on a busy Saturday, Leeds night. It was DIVINE. Yet we were all a little ‘shimmied’ that fun turned into MADNESS.)

Hustle Barbie found a random bike on the pavement….and in her glamour pussy, tight black dress glory (she accidentally had part of her nipple out) decided that she needed to sit on it…

OFCOURSE!

So she stepped forward, COMPLETELY MISSED THE BIKE and FELL ON HER ARSE, ON THE MERRION STREET OUTSIDE BAR SOBA.  🙂

I just remember looking to my left, (I was sat with Fairytale, Double B & Chanel Bag Becki and seeing a huddle of glamourous chicks attempting to pick her up.

[The next morning…

Hustle Barbie: ‘Did I fall over, cos I have a burn mark down my leg? It looks like leopard print.’

You know you’re glamour puss, when your bruises are leopard print.

Then that was it…

Becki Green: ‘We need to take her to hospital…’

Chanel B: ‘I’ve whipped it back and forth now. I NEED to make sure EVERYONE has a GOOD TIME!’

Georgie G: ‘Ewww! Who’s put that shot infront of me????’

Double B: ‘Tuck your nipple back in…’

Hustle: ‘ I have tit tape on…’

Double B: ‘It’s making them look stain glassed. You have a stained glassed nipple.’

Georgie G: ‘We need to get her home!’

Fairytale: ‘I need to fix my face. NOW!! I need to go to Manahatta?’

Becki Green: ‘No, I’m taking her to hospital.’

Me: ‘Shall we just go get a drink in Manahatta first? We can do hospital afterward.’

Green Dress B: ‘Yeah, lets go…’

Sassy A: Who’s bag is this?’

Chanel B: ‘That’s MY CHANEL! I’ll have that BACK, thank you very much.’

Me: ‘I’m Snapchatting…’

Then with a *blink,*  we were ALL in Manahatta, which seemed like the BUSIEST PLACE… IN ALL OF THE GLAMOUROUS LAND. The bar was filled with stylish handsomes, great music, sassy girls and saxophone players stood on bar tops, as an energy of lively spirit buzzed through the crowds. People wiggled and winked their way through the masses, as the trendy Leeds boys checked out the talent and the girls pouted their struts with ‘serilla.’

A magical swirl of ‘glitter filled’ mood lighting, swoosh around us, as sexiness and laughter dashed by us and cocktail glasses *clinked* madly. Hustle was falling around at the bar. (Some Lady called us ‘Slappers’ simply because Hustle got served before her.)

Chanel B: ‘It’s not HER FAULT, if the bartender served her first. It’s her birthday!’

Evil Lady: ‘It’s my friends birthday too!! I’ve been waiting…’

Me: ‘It’s JUST REALLY BUSY, calm down…’

Evil Lady: ‘You’re just slappers…’

Me: ‘You’re the rudest person, I’ve…’

Chanel B: ‘Let’s move over there….’

Then the Evil Lady grabs Chanel B’s handbag chain…

Me: ‘DON’T GRAB HER CHANEL!!!!’

Then we moved to a better part of the venue, with ‘served first’ drinks, that  plonked us higher up and looked over the masses. This was after I found Hustle sat on the floor, looking for her bank card, after she forgot where she put her drink, so picked up a candle THINKING THAT IT WAS HER COCKTAIL. Yes…She tried to drink out of the candle. 🙂

The music got louder, Green Dress Becki, started sitting on anything that would allow her to perch, whilst performing ‘can can’ kicks to Kylie songs. She performed her kicks so well, that she didn’t realise that her perch of choice was the side of a booth, occupied by somewhat stylish guys, on ‘boys night.’ Mid ‘can can’…and conversation, I looked back and had disappeared backwards. Lol. I looked again, with my gin and tonic…and she had landed head first into the boys booth…this was after she had tinkered to some other booth, that housed Double B’s old PE teacher, drank his entire pint and left. 🙂

There was girl time, dancing, Fairytale was pulling up her tights, Georgie G was civilized and making sure Hustle wasn’t on the floor, Double B had committed to being ‘gangsta’ and after standing on the booth shouting lyrics that would suggest she was a ‘Girl Boss,’ a booty dance was performed in the name of life!

Hustle must’ve loved her ‘Booty Dance’ as she dropped herself from my neck…

Hustle: ‘Tell me that you love me Chrissie…’

And decided to ‘Twerk it’ with her. There was a Twerk Line. I saw a Twerk line. It was impressive. (As if I got ditched for a Twerk Line.)

Chanel B: ‘ SAVE YOURSELVES… Ooh wait. I love this song..’

Georgie G: ‘I need to get her in a taxi.’

Me: Are we stood in a really shit place, because everyone keeps shoving into us..??’

MADNESS HAD OCCURRED AND THE PLACE JUST GOT BUSIER AND BUSIER.

Hustle ended up on the floor again…but happily, like she loved it. Then Green Dress Becki, started licking everything…grabbed my faux fur clutch, emptied it’s contents onto our booth table and wore it on her head??? Lol.

THEN, she found a Pepper grinder. Who knows where from? GRINDED IT, INTO HER OPEN MOUTH and GROWLED.

Dancing, Dancing, Dancing.

Boys…Girls…Madness…

And even though it all sounds ‘off the rails,’ it was weirdly more glamourous than you would ever imagine….

Georgie G: ‘Honestly…I should get her home.’

Then like ‘Can Can’ kicks, falling into booths, licking things, wearing my  faux fur clutch and Pepper Shots, wasn’t enough of a show, Green Dress Becki decides she going to grab someone else’s hand bag….One of ours…I don’t know whose? Regardless, we were all SO in awe of ‘what would happen next’ that we sat in the booth, gleefully, with excited dolly eyes and anticipation…

I literally watched her in SLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOW MOTION, pick up some zebra stripped hand bag seductively… open it up, like she was a magician…or like there were diamonds hidden under that  zipper…and as she raaaaaised the bag toooowaaaards her face….(I just thought she was going to lick it…Lol) she flipping…

SNEEZED..

She sneezed into the fucking bag because the Pepper Grinder shot had got to her.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

We literally sat there and threw our head back with laughter It was the most hilarious moment of all time.

Then I don’t know what happened…But I’d *blinked* again and Fairytale, Double B and I were upstairs with gin and tonics, sitting in some VIP booth, talking to some guy, who owned some company, who wondered why we had decided to sit in his booth….but let us anyway…

Double B: ‘She’s a blogger…A big one…’

Long story short…we never saw the rest of the girls that night. They danced their way to a taxi….with Chanel bags, sneezes and stained glassed nipples galore.

Double B, Fairytale and I, ended up in some other bar, some other bar, and then on the LONGEST WALK IN HISTORY.

Fairytale: ‘Were getting picked up outside Bibis’

So we walked ALL THE WAY ACROSS TOWN. Right to the otherside, stopping in bars for toilet breaks, stopping for ‘hi’s’ with stranger…We passed Mission, that housed Zanetti that night….until we found our way to Bibis, via a tunnel….and a very strange man.

I’d sobered up by this point. Walks do that, don’t they? Lol And someone kept shouting things at me….I just can’t remember who or what?

Our legs must have killed,  because we made the executively glamourous decision to sit on the pavement outside Bibis waiting for our lift home….and as we talked life, love and real stories about our existence, a drunk ginger guy walked by us and tried to throw us some change because he thought we were homeless. 🙂

He couldn’t decide?

Our lift came…via Prince Jonny…and Double B TAAAAALLLLLLLLKED, ALL THE WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY HOME.

Got home, got to bed, woke up at 7am the next morning, fresh as a daisy and did *breaky breaky* breakfast with Baby Ruby & Junior.

Hustle almost burnt her house down.

And that my Dolls…is what life is about!

*Wiggle…Wink*

 

Tom Zanetti, Dwarves & VIP Piggy Backing

It was the maddest ‘good time’ that any human could EVER have experienced, that Saturday night, as the clock struck 11pm, on Heaton’s Court, Club Mission… Leeds.

It was the More & More launch party.

People had travelled far and wide, through cities, over hills, via trains, on road trips. People had ‘donned’ out the most stylish bits of clobber, owned the widest smiles, rocked out the hottest cleavages and committed to a total head mindset of ‘party.’ 

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We wanted a ‘blow out’ and we got one!

Celebrities had tinkered from all the way over, to get there sassy little arses to Leeds that November 11th and why….I’ll tells ya why….To spend the night with our Tom Zanetti!

TEAM THOMAS! (Ya! Bitches!)

Now, Tom has shot out the ‘success cannon’ this year, with his pants on flames and his name in hottest club vibe lights. I’m from Leeds, so i’ve always known who Zanetti is. The only difference now, is that the rest of the world does too!

This is no joke.  He’s smashing it all about and then some. There’s not a single doubt in my glamour pussy mind, that this is ONLY just the beginning for him….But i’ll tell you about Tom later…Let’s take you back to the event…

So I strut up to Mission and it already has queues of guys and girls, all eagerly waiting in line. Chicks trying to catch Toms eye, as he bustled about outside for a few sexy moments. A tv camera crew followed his every move, a pap began taking photos of red carpet arrivals, a luxury car drove up the entrance to drop someone off and, security guards surrounded the entrance galore.

As I walked by the queue, with one of best guy friends Abeiku Arthur, who owns House of Solo Magazine, I heard chicks trying to strategically plan how they were going to sneak their way into the VIP. (I love that! It reminded me of when I was young girl in LA. We’d always try to sneak our way in. It was always hilarious. We’d come up with the maddest ideas. There’s was ‘Just flirt with Tom.’ Genius! Lol.)

Luckily, these days (wait for the ‘trumpet blowing‘…not that kinda ‘trumpet,’ 😉 ) simply because I own Wunna Land, via the fine art of online diary writing, jiggled with a previous modelling career and a juicy telly stint of ‘Best Pal’in’ with Paris Hilton…for ITV2….I don’t have to strategically plan a VIP entrance anymore. I just have to be there on time and grab myself a cocktail…

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Are you even wearing any pants???’

Me: ‘No. You could see them under my dress.’

(He does one of those faces of utter delight. You know the face. The face that your guy friends do when they know you’re not in any pants. *Rolls Eyes.* But honestly, who wears pants to a Tom Zanetti party? )

Me: ‘It’s actually really annoying that it’s windy because I can feel the wind gush all the way up my fluey.’

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Hahaha You’re digusting…Let’s get in there.’

On my walk up from the train station, I bump into Tom, who’s briefly organizing the crowds and he shows me through to the red carpet entrance (kinda gentlemanly, but cool) and just like that, I blink and there I was…swirled in the maddest VIP in all of the goddamn land.

It was absolutely RAMMED. It was busy. And that tells you a lot about Tom, right? Everybody wanted to show up for his night. I mean, when you’re in entertainment, you show up to events… POPULAR events, to SEE and BE SEEN.

Don’t let anybody tell you any different! We all know the score. We all do it.

OR you simply show up in support for the person or place throwing the sassy little shindig.

Like I said, he’s a really popular guy and people just adore him. I have never ever seen (and guuurrrl i have seens) A MORE buzzing VIP room in my LIFE.

I mean, let’s forget about the rest of the club, for now…as that was filling up like the world was about to end and Mission was the only safe sanctuary. But the actual VIP itself was JAM packed with famous sportsmen from Boxers to Rugby players. Hot chicks who spent their Summer on ‘Love Island.’ Charming guys from the Geordiest of Shores. Some who ‘Weekender in Ibiza’ and others who had committed to being a few hard months with ‘Big Brother.’

There were models, musicians, famous social media stars and everyone seemed to recognize everyone else in the VIP. (You kinda scan the room to see if there’s anyone you recognize.) It’s weird because even though…you haven’t actually met them in real life before, when you do, you kinda acknowledge them like you have known them for years.

Firstly, you all do the same thing, so  there’s an immediate respect that goes around from person to person.

We all know how difficult the entertainment industry is or can be..and at some point, no matter ‘what list’ your audience places you upon….what we ALL have in common, is that we’ve all had some ambitious creative dream. We all had the balls to go to an audition..and try and make that dream a reality. We all heard ‘no’s,’ but eventually *swagged* it out well enough to finally get the YES….Which placed us on your TV screen, all over the press, or be hailed as a DJ God, be placed on your favourite sports team. We’ve all worked hard and built up an audience, a brand or a career, doing something that we love.

Straight away I ordered a double gin and tonic, *air kissed* a rugby player, said ‘hi’ to some of my old friends, who I haven’t seen in ages, and then took Snapchat videos with Abeiku Arthur. I saw Jordan from ‘Ibiza Weekend’ stood talking to a Geordie Shore guy at the bar and then Charlotte Dawson sauntered in, looking like an absolute DREAM. She looks flawless. Her face was flawless. But she walked straight into the busiest VIP in all the land also, and ended up right in front of me and with the biggest smiles and a ‘hi, how are you,’ she was certainly one of my favourite sightings.

I love that girl. She’s so much fun. I definitely want to birthday go ice skating with Charlotte Dawson. (Random. But true! I do.)

Yeah, it was busy. Yeah it was rammed. We all took VIP breathers at points, just to get some air.

BUT IT WAS GREAT.

It turned BONKERS.

Dancing on tables, booze being guzzled like it was the last drop of fizzle on the Earth. TV cameras, bright lights in dark rooms, playing cards flying through the air, the craziest bustle, the loudest music, people jumping up and down, diving from wall to wall, drinks being spilled over one another, laughter, madness, clothes being ripped off…

Tom: ‘I’m boiling. It’s hot….I’m so hot…’

(Shirt flies off. People follow suit.)

Then the next minute he’s bare back, topless ‘piggy backing’ a friend, whilst being filled with laughter and ‘good times,’ models and pornstars are kissing his cheeks, his face is covered in red lipstick *kiss marks,* everyones phone was out and selfie taking for Snapchat was at it’s finest.

Then sassy masked bunnies in lingerie, casually saunter by..

It was the most bonkers time.

Image may contain: 2 people, people smiling, hat and close-up

It was like an urban, dance music, ‘circus’ of utter brilliant madness. The VIP was the ‘party version’ of Fight Club. Where the fighting was ‘mad partying’ and the club was in the name of Zanetti.

It was brilliant. It was so much fun. Something you have to do. A Zanetti VIP room, should absolutely be on everyones ‘Bucket List.’ There’s nothing like it…

I mean a flipping DWARF got hurled into the masses, so he could crowd surf! Hahaha. What the actual….I loved it! It was hilarious!

Just bonkers.

I looked around and scanned the room and everyone seemed like they were having the best time. It was crazy. And the good thing about it was that there were no rules. Usually… we are to say the right thing, do the right thing, meet the right people, promote the right thing. No one gave a fuck….they just enjoyed the most inappropriately fun time ever and with absolutely no censor.

The VIP rocked.

(No wonder everyone tried to sneaky peeky in.)

What I did notice about Tom…and I watch people, all people…always. He’s a nice guy…yeah…There’s a sweetness and a sophistication to him dipped in an urban ‘bouji’ twist. But he’s a really determined guy. He’s an ambitious soul. A showman. He knows what he’s doing, but he’s real. He’s down to Earth. He’s a guy who knows what he wants. Wants it his way and isn’t scared to voice his opinion. You don’t mess with Zanetti. He’s hot, right now. He’s really popular, which makes him powerful. People just want to be around him. You can’t help but feel quite ‘cool squad’ when you’re around him.

I watched him behind the bar, making sure people were being treated well. ‘WELL’ the way he seemed fit….which was with utter ‘boujiness.’ He’s an outspoken guy and he’ll tell it how it is. Everyone loves that! It must be his inner Northern…

The party went on and on, but I had to leave for the night at around 2am, simply because I had a 9.23am train to catch to London in the morning. I had an important Wunna Land PR meeting. at noon.

I got home, had an argument with an idiot taxi driver (All Yorkshire people argue with taxi drivers)  and got a few hours sleep, before waking up to my alarm, weirdly feeling ‘fresh as a daisy.’ It was almost like an evening of debauchery never even happened,

I was on a Platform 1, at Doncaster train station, ready to head to London, whilst answering inbox messages from people I met the night before…by 9am. He’s some of my messages…

‘Sorry I didn’t get the chance to chat to you last night. I recognised you, but it was just so mad.’

‘It was great meeting you last night. Let’s grab lunch some time.’

‘Babe, lovely meeting you…’

Before I left, I was sort of in this tunnel part of Mission, mixed in with a mass crowd of selfie taking. This awesome ‘swaggy’ guy in a black furry coat, kept stopping me and asking where ‘Rachel’ was…

‘Where’s Rachel?’

(I don’t even know who Rachel is??? Lol He must’ve asked me about 42 times, during the process of the entire evening.)

Abeiku Arthur was selfie taking with every boobie chick his eyes could ever see. A girl asked if she could selfie with me, but kept hating the picture, so we had to do it at least 17 times at 2am in the morning…The hot bunnies, with the evil ears, were now stood around me and chatting but then people then grabbed THEM for selfies…. and my night was over.

I tinkered out of Club Mission, in the early hours of the morning and when I did, there were STILL queues and queues of people waiting to get inside the club! (I walked straight over the red carpet like it was my Mums living room flooring. Lol.)

Leeds was on FIRE that night!

It was one of those nights, that you know you showed up at, yet because it was littered with utter madness, you can only remember things in ‘flashback form.

BUT…..a

It is one of those nights… that you’ll always always remember….and that’s what he does well!

Some of us in the VIP room, will bloom into Big BIG SUCCESS stories. Some of us will go far. Some of us will chose not to. Some of us will settled down, get married, have babies. Some of us will swirl down that merry plughole. Some of us will be remembered. Some of us will be forgotten. Some of us will make our marks more than we ever imagined we could.

But on November 11th 2017, on that Saturday night…WE ALL….under one roof, shared LIFE together, in the name of our Tom Zanetti!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gino’s, High Fashion Mags & Loading Bays

Gino’s was great on Friday. It was the perfect treat to celebrate my soul, after a trip to Candy Mechanics. As soon as I pushed through that magical glass entrance and into the stylish, baby blue, sanctuary of Italian life, light and love…I was immediately greeted with warmth, a gust of ‘part of the family’ and a distinct zap of (what I call) ‘boujiness.

‘Hi Chrissie! How ARE you! Great to see you again!’

(Almost like i’d never left.)

The beautiful hostess beamed with ‘Wunna’ delight and stylish Italian manager came over, for hugs and ‘welcome back’ kisses. I always feel at home, whenever I walk through those doors. There’s no place like it for me. It’s cosy and immaculate, yet filled with a fun, sophisticated, Italian vibe. Whenever I go, I’m treated so well, that all that’s left to do is to enjoy a freshly frosted glass of prosecco. It’s m perfect. ‘relax after a busy work day’ haunt.

Me: ‘I’m just gonna grab a drink, if that’s okay? I’m on my own.’

Hostest: ‘Do you need me to take your coat?’

Me: ‘No, no, i’m fine thank you. I’ll just head down to the Prosecco bar.’

She smiled like I knew my way…(and I know my way to any Prosecco bar…blind) and as I sauntered down the stairway, I cheekily glimpsed around the restaurant.

It was all a bustle, almost every table filled with good times, families and friends. Infact, it was really quite busy for 2pm on a Friday! I couldn’t see an empty table. Even when I got down to the Prosecco bar for a quiet drink (the prosecco bar was peaceful, I was the only one sat at the bar) the downstairs restaurant was also full. It was filled with a party of handsome, excited, stylish young men. Guys! The boys! They looked like they were celebrating something? But who knows? They had fun! They ordered THE BEST of everything in the entire place! Their bill actually came to a shocking amount and the great thing about them, was that they didn’t care one bit because they had spent it on ‘good times’ and memories.

I looked over at the lady behind the bar, who had already asked me what I’d like..and with a wink and a smile…my frosted glass of prosecco was right there in front of me.

*Looks down at phone.*

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Where you at? I’m in Leeds.’

Me: ‘Ginos. You coming? I’ve only got 7 percent battery life…My phone’s gonna die.’

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Yeah. Cool. Stay there. Be there in 20 mins. No. 30 mins.’

Incase you’ve forgotten, Abeiku Arthur is one of my good, good friends. He owns the high fashion magazines, ‘House of Solo’ and ‘Pentagon.’ I love our impromptu catch ups, as we always end up talking business, work and banter. We have these personas of swag, style and grace….(well my ‘grace’ is dipped in moderate SASS,) yet if you were to actually sit in, on one of our conversations, you’d probably DIE of actual ‘holy shitness.’ Nothing is more OPEN than our conversations. He brings the ‘gangsta’ our in me.

Anyway, i’m sat at the bar, sipping prosecco by myself, happily taking selfies and snapchatting life at Gino’s. I’m running out of charge because of this Tom Foolery, and if i HATE anything, I truly dislike running out of charge. (If you know me personally, you will know that I ALWAYS carry a charger.)

Luckily, whilst I was sat at the bar, I noticed a guy sat at the end of the bar, on a laptop, that had a wire that mysteriously disappeared under the bar.

I followed the magical wire with my eyes…and BOOM, I ungracefully plonked my head rapidly under the bar and OH MY LORD, HAVE ALL THE MERCY, to my absolute DELIGHT, under the bar, was charger point HEAVEN. Hundreds of sockets. Life! Light! My heart may have skipped a beat. I plugged in and charged up…Yet weirdly I did it sneakily, because you do don’t you for some reason, when you’re charging your phone in public places? There’s a sense of ‘am I meant to be doing this’ about the whole situation. But you do it anyway?

Abeiku Arthur shows up, with some vintage camera that he’s bought from some vintage store, and takes photos of me to adjust his flipping focus.

We talk work. We talk life. We talk banter. We have some many stories that would shock your soul, it’s almost hilarious. We’re both hustlers. We’re both determined. We both have businesses that have accidentally done well. I love ‘House of Solo’ because I know how hard he works and how bad he wants success. Were both hustlers by nature. I do it glamorously. He does it dipped in a swaggalicious dash of ‘high fashion.’ He loves ‘Wunna Land’ and chrissiewunna.com because, who flipping doesn’t? 😉 But really, to him, i’m amazing because i’m honest. I’m real. We always have these bets on with each other and there has NEVER been ANYTHING SO FAR that I have SAID i’m going to do, that I haven’t done YET! Well..apart from ONE THING.

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Where’s my money! You ain’t done that at all!’

Me: ‘Fuck off. It isn’t Christmas yet. I said CHRISTMAS! Anyway, I have a tab open, order a drink if you want.’

‘Nah, it’s cool. I’ll get mine.’

‘You do know, i’m getting a cocktail after this…’

‘You’re not, i’ve parked in a loading bay, so we’re on a timer. You have to come with me to see this chick, who’s got  some camera lights that I need to look at…Oh! I have PR now.’

‘Really who…?’

We finish our drinks, we chat about our next career stop offs. We snapchat and get annoyed at the fact that the double ‘bunny ears’ filter, only commits to one. ME! 🙂  It plays with you doesn’t it?

One face ALWAYS has the ‘bunny ears’ and the other face has to tilt and meander in order to get a ‘look in.’ But it lies to you and tells you that you can BOTH ENJOY ‘bunny ears’ at the exact same time with EASE. There’s no ease about it. You end up in the most awkward head alignment, for absolutely no other reason, than showing people that you’re in a place, with someone or no one, with ‘bunny ears’ on your head…and even worse, we only use a filter because it makes us look better!

Abeiku Arthur: ‘MAN! Where are my bunny ears!!!!’

Me: ‘Ugh! Are we really gonna do Autumn Leaves now…!!’

(He’s doing really well right now. I mean, from Interviews with ‘The Script’ and the guy who sings the ‘She my Bestie, Bestie, she may Bestie’ song 🙂 , dashed with Gucci, Prada, Vogue writers, and Fashion week galore. He could’ve done a lot worse or himself. Lol.)

Abeiku Arthur: ‘And you’re the girl that’s managed to turn the story of her life into big bucks.’

Me: ‘As if you’ve parked in a loading bay.’

Life was great! All was great! I felt really positive all weekend. It was bliss.

The rest of my time was filled with family and baby love. I took the kids out. We had the best time of merriment. We bought toys, played out. We just swirled in Wunna land love. Our brunch of choice was at Patisserie Valerie in Doncaster and simply because Junior need banana pancakes and Ruby needed poached eggs. (It is the only place that does both.)

We met up with my Mum and had the best family weekend ever. Family’s really important to me. Growing up we were always close and throughout my 20’s due to work, I lived away in LA for years and years and years…but we were still REALLY REALLY CLOSE. We tell each other everything. Were a really open family. It’s filled to the brim with loyalty and love. Almost anything goes….and I just feel really lucky to have them.

I mean even this morning, I had to have a business meeting with my mum before I set off to work and she just looked at me, beamed and said,

‘ I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t believe in you. I believe in you more than anyone…’

(And she’s not soft like that is my Mum. She’s real. She’s ‘tough love’…But she has a kitten soul. She’s a ‘tell it how it is,’ kinda gal. J I love her more than life.)

She teaches me how to be a GREAT Mum and that I am. I mean look at this…Over the weekend…Ruby finds graffiti on the wall that reads the letters ‘BT’

Ruby:  ‘Mum? What’s that??’

Me: ‘It’s just graffiti babe..’

Ruby: ‘It’s like Ted Baker, but backwards.’

YES! MY CHILD ROCKS! BOOYAH! ALL THE TROPHIES!

We ended up doing a quick dinner at ‘Ego’ and then just enjoying Bonfire night, as the skies were littered with bitty burst of colour and excitement. I love everything about driving through the streets on bonfire night. The skies celebrate your existence and the airs smells of a warm, burnt whisper. It soothes any fire sign with comfort.

Saturday night I slept like a baby…

Then Keiran text me, at the crack of dawn, to see if I could drop Junior off at 8.30 am on Sunday morning….

One day, when i’ve chimed my ultimate success bell…I’ll be able to enjoy those blissful ‘good times’ and those glorious moments of ‘lay in’ without being suddenly woken up by ‘life alarms.’ I mean, I hate nothing worse than ‘alarms.’ Be it metaphorical or literal. I can’t stand waking up every single morning to the *bleep bleep* of my phone. It’s bad for my soul and sort of ‘off starts’ my day, because it forces me to get  up against my will. Surely my body should wake whenever  it wants to?

The only alarm I ever adored, was when I slept over at Samuel’s apartment in London, (I was on the Paris Hilton Show with him, back in the day.) He’s gay and his ‘Wake up’ alarm song was the ‘Part of That World’ by ‘The Little Mermaid.’ J

Now, i’m a Sasserilla and i’m not remotely ‘Disney’ by any means, but let me tell you, TO THIS DAY, (and do note that I have  been woken up by MANY an alarm, all over the WORLD… in a zillion hotel suites, a bundle of odd people’s bedrooms, my own personal delicious bed sheets and homes across the mighty globe..) DO NOTE, THAT TO THIS DAY, that SONG has been THE BEST ALARM WAKE UP CALL, I have ever had the pleasure to rise to! You really should try it! It’s bliss!

2009 Throwback Convo: (After we had returned from an evening out with Paris at Jalouse.)

Me: ‘You actually have Ariel has your wake up alarm.’

Sam: ‘Yeah obvs! What do you have?’

Me: ‘Usually just some guy telling me he’s not looking for a serious relationship. Lol’

 

 

 

 

 

Love Lists, Glamour Pussing & Does Size Matter?

Things are wonderful!

Monday was *chocca..blocked* with work. It was a busy one and there were no fruity cocktails in sight. You could’ve kicked me and a bundle of ‘to do’ lists, would’ve fallen out of my system and you know things are crazy when life throws you that ‘non juicy’ bone. As SURELY when people kick me, only fruity frizzles of Martini, *squirts* out of me. No such luck.

Right now i’m hopeful. I’m working hard and with my fingers crossed…I don’t expect anything, I just hope for the best really. I hope I get sent a whole bunch of luck, to go with my whole bunch of hard work and a whole jolly bunch of decent peoples, to man the Wunna Land fort. Something tells me that my next year is going to be great! I’m lucky. I’m really lucky. Please make it be great…Or this blog posts makes me look foolish. 😉

Today, I’m gonna talk about the art of PONDERING.

I’m a doer, not a ponderer. I make decision FAST. Good ones. People waste a lot of time on the simple art of pondering, don’t they? I used to. I don’t any more. I’m a grown up now.  Sometimes we ponder far too much about the things we can’t AT ALL control. You can’t control them. It’s not like you don’t know that? You do and try to anyway. Don’t waste that energy. It’s always what you DO that matters. And further from that, it’s all about how much IMPACT you MAKE from that little piece of ‘doing.’

I’m the kinda girl who will do everything I CAN, I’m a positive person on all levels, but THEN I’ll leave the rest to that good old ‘life magic.’ I believe in fate and destiny. You’ll end up where you’re meant to be. For me, these days, life usually goes great, but when it doesn’t, I just slip on a different set of stilettos and dolly march forward. When you can quick change your heels and still strut forward with a whole heart and a gallop, you’ve got it!

I spent the day with ‘The Girls’ yesterday. (As in my chick friends…not my bosoms. I spend enough time with my chest and let’s face it, they’ve served me well in the past. Lol)

Little Innocent ‘FairyTale Blond’ couldn’t have been more little and innocent yesterday. Everything from trapping fingers, seeing how fast she could run down the stairs, eating fruit, making fairytale cups of tea and hopeful Disney Love occurred in her world. ‘Double B’ strutted in with her Sasserilla scowl, her weave, her bag flung over her ‘had sex last night’ shoulder and with a hangover that could… AND DID… give her tonsillitis today. (She was absent from Wunna land adventures this Tuesday. I knew she should’ve have had sex. Something always goes wrong.)

Mel had decided that her body was so smart, that during the Winter months, it naturally knew how to create an extra layer of warmth, that was made via the fine art of eating things out of the ‘filth drawer.’ (Which she can now do, as she’s a proper full fledge gym goer now and loves it. She also found a dead rat, on the tip of her leopard print shoe, whilst she crossed a road in Doncaster.) Hustle Barbie is still a Vegan and shouting at Jonsez over mangoes. Firmonell sent me a love song, about Chinese people and stated that she was really good at pretending to be a Lesbian. Lady Shizzle definitely agreed that ‘five inches’ was not a good ‘willy size’ and considered being an alcoholic…

Shizzle: ‘Five is SMALL. Six or Seven Inches is AVERAGE. Eight or Nine is BIG.’

Me: ‘Anything else is…pointless.’

Then we went through our personal lists of what our DREAM MAN or partner requirements were. Again..for no real reason. It’s just for kicks innit. 😉 Love being a girl! I’m not gonna say who said what…But here are some snippets of our convo…

‘Stylish…they’ve got to be stylish.’

‘You can give them style!’

‘No you can’t!’

‘Funny. I love funny.’

‘Sexy IS SO IMPORTANT.’

‘They’ve GOT TO BE GOOD AT SEX! I hate bad sex.’

‘Rich.’

‘Rich isn’t on my list.’

‘Rich is on MY LIST!’

‘Oooh no…you’re wrong. Attractive. Handsome.’

‘I like good teeth.’

‘I just like kind.’

‘Generous. It’s alright saying rich, but if they’re tight…’

‘Good manners. A gentleman.’

‘As long as i’m not repulsed by them then i’m okay.’

I was actually JUST telling my guy friend about the above conversation and he was astonished at the fact that not ONE OF US, mentioned ‘Loving, faithful, loyal or respectful.’

We didn’t mention any of the above, because WE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO MENTION ANY OF THE ABOVE, it should go without saying. OBVIOUSLY, we’d expect anyone we’re with, or dating… to naturally come to us with a bundle of loyalty, love and respect. Surely they’re not things that boyfriends, husbands or potential partners, or even girlfriends, and wives should need to TRY TO BE. We’re women not kids. Our fun personal lists, were just for bonus points. (Ooh. I need to add ‘Hero’ onto mine. I love a Hero. Can’t believe I forgot that.)

I can’t remember what else I was gonna tell you now?

I’ve got a lot of organizing to do, so i’ve got to get going.

Thank you for following my life.

The amount of you, all over the world, reading this, is crazy and let me tell you, I couldn’t be more grateful. I mean it from the bottom of my heart.THANK YOU.

FYI/ Nothing topped my weekend off than Miss Gemma Collins, falling through a hole, on a stage, that delivered Love Island cast members, at some Radio 1 TV Awards thingy. Lol. OH my GOD. HOW I LOVE ‘THE G.C.’ She stole the show. She’s literally the funniest girl on British TV right now. And yeah, it’s such an awful thing to have happen and I hope she’s not hurt, but GOSH, she filled us ALL UP with sincere laughter and good vibes. She took it like a champ! (Definitely heard that she’s suing them now. 🙂 )

 

 

Wunna Land Gossip, My Diary, My Life

This last week has been swirled with a gooey glitter splurge of insanity. It’s been madness!! I can’t even tell you, but i’ve done it with grace and a smile on my little oriental face. There hasn’t even been time to blog. I’ve spun plates, on all levels, like some Hero of femininity. Unfortunately for me, I’m not ‘some hero’ at all, i’m simply managing my life in order to get the best out of it.

Yeah, I’m a single mum of two with a mighty career load…but so are a lot of chicks. All I can tell anyone in my situation is to NOT GIVE UP. You can do it, get through it and see the results that you want. You’ve just godda keep at it and not feel sorry for yourself.

I remember sitting in this acting class in LA as a 22 year old and the guy who owned the school came in to give us some ‘life lesson’ lecture. He told us that the majority of people DIDN’T MAKE THEIR DREAMS COME TRUE, simply because they GAVE UP. I held onto that. It’s true. So when you prioritize, work hard, don’t get distracted and rest when you can, you’ll smash it. You’ll even get better at it. Everyone that adores you, will always be there, when you come out of that tunnel.

I probably worked 19 hours of each 24hr day last week, continuously, until it was time to sleep. Lol. My diet got glamorously flung out the window. I wanted to get skinny for no reason, so i looked great for filming. I don’t even feel fat. I feel great. I love my body..even the wibbly bits. So, it wasn’t a priority. It got flung. Everything was..

‘I’d like a bucket of chicken wings with hot sauce, onion rings and a Pina Colada, please.’

The Pina Colada is essential. I can’t do anything without a cocktail by my side. It’s less about the drinking and more about the fact that they make me smile when they’re near me. 😉  I also like luxury. I can slum it with the lasses. But I don’t prefer to. It doesn’t make me feel comfy. Lol. I’ve added the requirements onto my ‘DIVA list.’ My Diva list is the list of ‘Wunna Must Haves’ that is produced when I’m going to appear somewhere, be it business or pleasure…Y’know, like Rockstars would ask for shit like Green M & M’s.

My requirements are now, PHONE CHARGING FACILITIES, WIFI, LUXURY WHEREVER IT CAN BE APPLIED & TWO WELL MADE COCKTAILS. (I’m used to doing the 2 for 1 cocktails at Ego now. Hence why two drinks are an absolute necessity.)

My chicks friends have been dandy. Mel’s been gyming it, Fairytale Blond is having a phantom pregnancy, Hustle Barbie is stroking dead pigeons, Jonesez is pretending to be a Vegan so Hustle fancies him, Double B has heightened her ‘Sass’ levels and Firmonnell and I have turned up our life mode to the art of  ‘C’est La Vie.’ I think both Hustle and Firmonnell had agreed that they’ve either made up or blocked their childhoods out for no real reason and the PE teacher that I used to chat to, about 2 years ago…has been hailed the ‘Hottest Teacher in The World’ by the Daily Mail. I knew it had to be press for something, so I checked and he’s going to be a new fitness presenter for the BBC. He was actually on that really ace reality show ‘Last man Standing’ years ago. He deserves a break because he’s worked really hard for it. We’re good friends, i know him well, so if he manoeuvres all his work correctly, he could actually be a huge star!

Me: ‘I’d wondered what he had been doing all of this time??’

Firmonnell: ‘Sit ups….OBVIOUSLY!!’

Firmonnell and I actually going to see a clairvoyant together on Wednesday, Susan Woods. I’m really excited to blog about it all. It feels juicy. Plus, we’ll be delighting in Prosecco all the way there, so i’ll take any bad news with glee and a prosecco dripped happiness. It’s glamour pussing…honest. *Yayur*

I messaged her yesterday complaining because she wasn’t with me whilst I was trapped, in some kind of ‘Countries of the World’ drinking Disney Land. Not that I could ever feel TRAPPED in a place of such absolute wonder. I mean, I could’ve had Sake in the Japanese hut, Rum in a reggae chill zone, Austrian Ale in some log cabin and vodka in an iced mountain den. A Disney Land for total alcoholics.

Firmonnell: WHY AM I NOT THERE! SEND ME PICTURES NOW.

I had Baby Junior, as Ruby had opted for doing the Blackpool Illuminations with her Dad. Junior convinced me to purchase his poor little ‘hard done by’ self  a DRUM KIT. Massive ROOKIE ERROR! What was I thinking!!!! So yeah. No fun in the Disney Land for boozers for me. I HAD TO CARRY A DRUM KIT AROUND WITH ME…(glamourously..of course.) Then he demanded that we go to Ego for drinks and a bread board. So we did…..I definitely got tricked, rinsed and by my own loin fruit. My own darling creation. (He filmed this morning and DEMANDED that his drum kit was in every scene and that everyone heard him smash out irregular drum beating to JINGLE BELLS …continously. After filming he got sent off for his usual Sunday ‘Daddy Day’ with his Jehovahs Witness Father.

I’m currently having to write this from the back of my Mum’s car, as she drives us all to lunch. That’s how i’m having to utilize my time now. The rest of The Wunna’s are actually doing well also. They will be welcoming themselves to entertainment shortly….both with me and without me. ((I know! I can’t believe how everything’s panning out!)

Mum: Well Chrissie’s been writing the blog and it’s turned HUGE by accident & so  she’s getting plunged back into TV. Now… because of the blog, we’re ALL getting asked to do all sorts. She always said you only live once….and I guess right now….we’re going to have fun as a family, yet under extraordinary circumstances. People must be inspired by her? I mean, she’s my own and even I look at her sometimes and think gosh I don’t know how she does it!!??!!’

(Aww… I have an ace Mama!)

The great thing is that by the end of December, everything changes for me and I step into a new chapter. Things will be much easier for me. I’m someone who embraces new chapters with ease, as they seem to have happened to me a lot in life…both good and bad. I focus on the good. I told you. I don’t waste my time on the bad. I have so much to be happy about and a future that feels charmed, right now. I don’t have anymore auditions this week, so I can concentrate on the blog, which is what I love the most! I’ve signed up to some really exciting collabos and brand deals and I can’t wait for you to see the fun!

Right we’ve pulled up. The cars stopped. I’m off to lunch.

Happy Sunday!

Saturday, Leeds Games & Glamourous Trumping

Me: ‘But sex is a big part of  relationship…’

Chica: ‘Yeah but he’s rubbish at it…’

(Sips Cocktail)

Me: ‘Yes, but have you only had sex once…because sometimes it takes a few goes, to get in line with each others ooh laa…?’

Chica: ‘No…it’s just awkward and not in sync. I’m doing these bedroom faces that aren’t true to his work..?’

Me: ‘HAHAHAHAH! Are you good at sex though? As I reckon loads of girls must be shit at sex, because so many men are always on the look out for it. They take really good ‘i’m good at sex’ selfies, but are shit when it comes to the art of it all. Show him what to do?’

Chica: ‘Show him what to do? He’s a grown ass man. Plus, i’m too shy…’

Me: ‘If you’re shy with the man you fancy in the bedroom, then you’re shit at sex.. There’s only you and him there…It’s not like i’m watching on and judging your thrusts??? Lol.’

Then to our disgrace a guy in a group of boys, who were at the bar also watching last night’s Leeds game does the LOUDEST, most GIANT TRUMP, in the history of the world ever…HAHAHAH….Properly.. with no shame, he just lets it blow. It shattered the mirror of stress, everyone paused and then with ‘throw head back’ smiles, laughter burst through the airs…It didn’t even smell of egg….Kinda smelt like Jean Paul Gautier. Impressive.

Random Guy: ‘Steady on Paul! FUCKS SAKE!’

I love trumps when people don’t care. Hahahaha!

Leeds won. Life was great. I admire my friend Kate’s new kitten hair. I had spent the whole day with the children at the fair in Doncaster. (If you didn’t know, Doncaster is my home town…I go there a lot, so The Wunna Babies and I are a hit down at the old Frenchgate. Lol)

They fun housed, rode motorbikes, hooked ducks and then won fucking fish. IF YOU’RE A PARENT….you get how awful this is! We already have a NEW KITTEN. I’m like flipping Noah’s Arc or something? How can I go from nothing, to a kitten and  fish in days!! Then I had carry these fish around in a tank, with people awwing at me, a security man following me, two bags of Lush bath bombs, 2 bags of books from Waterstones, a bloody whistle, emoji cookies and with my hair stuck on my freshly lip glossed lips. Devastating. It should be a children’s book..‘When Mummy is a glamour puss and had to carry your shit home.’ 

I couldn’t take it any more and demanded that we go to Ego for new steak sandwiches and 2 for 1 cocktails. We’ve had lunch there about 4 times this week. To be honest, at the request of Ruby. Yesterday…I needed Ego and I smashed that salted rimmed margarita like a champion, as Junior made me a car with sparkles on, which looked like a clay poo with sequins and brought me a tiny buttercup. I love the ‘Arts & Craft’ table at the restaurant….You’re kids can make clay things, as you recover and drink wine. It’s creative and educational…honest! 😉

Long, but great day! Ruby decided to be a lawyer and Junior decided that be wanted to play football just so he could kick a ball into my boobies all day?  He laughed about it for about 3 hours. (I’m doing everything with a kitten in my arms.)

I then got home, striped down to my bra and frillies, chilled and sent a message to the guy that I ‘heart’ and the world swirled down to a happy magical ending, as day turned to night…and Saturday turned ‘lights out.’