Here Kitty Kitty & Cocktails

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I’m here you delicious treaty treats! So sorry! I’m back! It’s been busy times. Things are AMAZING, almost ‘Dream Come True’ amazing, to the point where I’m having to piss myself (with laughter, not urine…cos who does that on Thursdays) simply because everything is as turned so ‘fast lane.’ I have shoots, and brand deals and shows and all sorts happening. I can’t even believe it. And my love life isn’t even shit! I KNOW!!! When it rains, it pours and i’m certainly not complaining because even though time is taken, hours seem to flitter and i’m rushing around like a sexy headless chicken…it’s all i’ve ever dreamt of…I’m working really hard, I can’t even tell you how lucky I feel (and that is in ALL ASPECTS OF LIFE) and yeah…for the first time in EVER, I feel confident to actually openly say (and i’m a worrier by nature, it’s hidden well by Estee Lauder..)

‘This is my year…’

(There…I said…it felt good!)

Right, I’m gonna skim all that has happened as I couldn’t at all possibly manage to tell you it all in one blog and due to time that’s all I can pull out of my glitter booty right now.

I chilled all Bank Holiday. Enjoyed family time. Thrived off being ‘Mummy’ and added in a cocktail here and there. I hate it when people become Mums and then decide that all of a sudden the have to wear no makeup, buy a rain mac and shuffle around like lost souls. YOU DON’T. The best part of being Mum, is managing to squeeze out babies, or should I say produce delicious humans and after all that ‘hoo haa,’ manage to pull yourself together and find your femininity again, IT’S SEXY! Throw that fucking rain mac out.

Samantha is enjoying her new swirl. It’s certainly been a work out 😉 . But the thing I adore about her is that she’s dipped in absolute ‘ooh laa’ that is dashed around with warmth. She comes across as sassy, but at 40 something…and i’m nearly fucking there…I want to be able to enjoy ‘my swirl’ with a hair toss and wink. LOL. She’s ‘no nonsense,’ she’s loving, she’s ballsy and doesn’t like watered down cocktails. I’m really glad we’ve become so close, as I really can’t imagine not having her in my world.

Double B: ‘She’ll end up in the  Sex ER.’

Double B is still gyming it. That doesn’t seem too weird. But Double B wouldn’t do such a thing. She craves Turkey Dinosaurs and doesn’t look at a salad twice without having a panic attack. (Wait! I’m making her sound fat! She’s not! She’s 21, blond and extension glamourous with a Kardashian booty.) She’s giving me booty envy. Mine just looks like it got tired and fell down my back.

BUT WHATEVER ‘MY FRONT’ IS GOOD! HAHAHA!

We’re all on diets…and it’s going well but feels like SHIT!

In the space of a few days, ‘Double B’ has managed to decalre that she rather..

‘Suck balls all day than deal with her…’

and that someone dear to our hearts…

‘Looks like speckled meat…’

and that, is she was a…

‘..Prostitute, she’s be a speedy one..like a taxi meter…the quicker they go, the less it’s gonna cost them..’

Firmonnell is all skinny and sassy now. We all couldn’t put our finger on what had changed since her Tenerife return…but i’ve decided and  after a public vote that she’s skinny and sassy now.

Away from all that (i’m running out of time) a really old pervy man came up to me and gave me porn books to read. It’s going to be unfortunate if he ever does find out that I blog and reads this, as I’ve just called him pervy and nearly called him fat. But hey hoe! I read extracts out to the girls, against their wills…On the positive…as least the guy’s expressive and I only had to say the words …

‘Pussy’

and

‘Juices combining’

a couple of times. (Dirty bastard. Lol.) It’s not even the fact that it’s dirty. I love sex and expression. I’ll steal a few of the lines to text over to the swirl on Friday night. Lol. It’s just the fact that he’s tried to be ‘dirty’ and write a ‘dirty book’ to capitalize on the novel raunch that ‘Fifty Shades’ let out into the sassy world. SHE’S ALREADY DONE IT. Write about sex because you love sex. He doesn’t know…as I am sure he doesn’t get it. Lol. (I’m fucked…not literally…if he reads this… ever.)

Anyway, I’ll cut the crap. I’m late for everything now and  still sat in my bra, on the bed trying to type… I NEED A MORNING GIN!

Sometimes in life you just godda kick it and have some fun…so all my friends and I ‘clocked off,’ flung on our jackets…slam shut ‘the work door’ behind us and tottered across town for dinner and cocktails at Ego, In Ackworth,

Eleven of us went and it was delightful. Just a swirl of friendship, wine glasses and laughter. We snapchatted our own versions of the night, so if you missed all that, should should be following. (Chrissiewunna1)

There was a moment where I looked all the way down a long table, filled with the people that I send most of my time with…and for a whole 10 entire minutes every single face was BEAMING. Banter was being made, glasses where being lifted, jokes, life, private whitters and laughter was dancing up and down the table with joy. I watched it because it made me realize how lucky we are to actually aciddentally be so close.

A really great night. at 10pm tood outside Ego waving as ‘Fairytale’ zoomed off with ‘the boys’ in the back of her new mini, whilst shouting..

‘FAIRYTALE BLOND!’

My guy friends then decided to try and make us go out to Biggies lol. I didn’t…But instead of just being normal humans…they (Webbo, Dipper and Double D) made the executive decision to send us all nudes. …yes…of themselves, with the odd picture of chess? Lol. Bare bums everywhere. Hahaha.

I have so much on, but everything is great! I’ve been nominated for the Diversity In Media, ‘Blogger of the Year’ awards…and

‘CHRISSIE IN THE CITY’

Starts TOMORROW…FRIDAY!

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I’m gonna tell you more about it in the next blog this afternoon…I’m gonna try and write it whilst working…

But what I NEED YOU TO DO is

DOWNLOAD THIS APP..But TODAY…like now!

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‘ONLOOKR’

onlookr.co.uk

It takes two seconds…So do it!

You’ll know what i’m talking about if you follow me on any of my social media channels..It’s all over Twitter, you’re all sharing it and thousands of you are ‘liking’ it.

BUT TO BE PART OF THE ACTION…

YOU NEED TO DOWNLOAD THE ABOVE APP!

My best friends and I are going to be giving you ACTUAL REAL LIFE INSIGHT INTO WUNNA LAND, AS WE TAKE ON THE CITY…

We’ve been given our own reality drama show for you to watch…but in  WAY THAT YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN BEFORE!

For the first time ever…,my friends and I (and you will know them from this blog) are going to open up our private and personal messages, our entire Onlookr inboxes…24/7 in real time, as we go along….and for everyone in the world to read!! And when we text….WE FUCKING TEXT! LOL.

All in the next blog…Download the Onlookr APP to be part of it.

 

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Ps/ Photo by the beautiful Clare Pritchard www.clarepritchardphotgraphy.com

 

 

 

 

Hormonally Imbalanced Banter

Today was about business and banter. I don’t know what happened, but it was a rainy day in Yorkshire. I was stood outside in my grey pencil dress and faux fur wondering where everyone had got to? One had slept through the alarm, another needed to get cake, the other was ill and Firmonnell decided to take 300 years to go buy milk…

Me: ‘Why has it taken you so long to get milk?’

Firmonnell: ‘I got pants too…’

(She was sassy today…in her slutty specs.)

Then it all went the best way we like it…downhill..as we surrendered to fun and just went with ‘fuck it.’ Sometime s’fuck it’ is such a good option, as we as humans spend so much time being far too serious and far too serious playing ‘game and front’ that we forget to just relax and just adore all that is happening to us in love and work.

I’m a fun girl and in my world, I think there’s ALWAYS TIME for a giggle, ALWAYS TIME for a joke and always time for a champagne and to dance on tables. Even for just a minute…there’s time for a moment of adventure.. always. Be it calm, saucy, busy or hilarious. If you can’t make time for a moment, then you’re doomed, because life will come and post you a ‘shoulda coulda’ memo…and they’re always shit.

Live now. Embrace all the wonderful changes that are happening to you. Make porn out of Jelly Babies and send it to the guy you fancy. (I 100 percentage absolutely did that today. 🙂 I’m such a catch. Obvs! But whatever, I told you, i’m living like i have nothing to lose and this guy is literally the man of my dreams. I like him…A LOT.)

Then all my chick friends decided to either be on a period, endure the week before they get their period or just be period. You’ve got to love chicks when we’re hormonally imbalanced. It’s sassy, it’s sexy…it’s almost fucked up. Lol.

Then went on rants. Rants SO good that there were moments where we were literally all just looking at each other and CRYING with laughter.

Double B: ”Honestly, I could smoke a cigarette and stab it out in his eyes..’

 ‘All i want to do is cry…What’s wrong with me??’

Hustle Barbie: ‘You have to marry your best friend. I mean god! That’s why I HATE him…because i went for someone that I was just relatively attracted to. We don’t even get on Lol..Oh.. and my cat has friends.’

Me: I’m totally in a swirl. I totally send him nudes.’

Double D: ‘Do you want some of this…’

Me: What!! Half eaten disgusting cheesecake! Don’t try and offer me half eaten shit.’

Mel: I hate the word gusset!!! I have mine the the wrong way around today!’

‘You need to try and get that Monday off so you can get away…’

Double B: ‘He can suck my wad!’

Fairytale Blond: ‘Ive Facebooked her. Guess what colour hair she has?

Firmonnell: ‘Blond’

Double B: ‘Green.’

Me: ‘Ginger.’

Firmonnell: BLOND!

Double B: ‘GREEN!’

Me: ‘ I said, GINGER.’

Fairtayle: No, it’s brown…’

Me: ‘Why does that whole conversation feel pointless? Lol’

Hustle Barbie: ‘Why is it that I can’t tell a story without doing the voices.’

‘Not the voices…’

‘Yours start out Irish and then always end Indian.’

Webbo: ‘I was almost late today because I was playing hide and seek with the kids. I just thought they just better hurry up and FIND ME, cos i’ve got to chuffing get to work.’

‘She’s definitely an alcoholic.’

Firmonnel: ‘I think it’s odd that you and Jordan share clothes?? Liek you shouldn’t share clothes with your boyfriend. We’re you in his jacket today?’

Double B: ‘I’ll come home and he’s in my leggings.’

‘You can’t sit with us, we’re models.’

‘I kicked off the last time i went Karting, as I didn’t want to wear the helmet.’

‘Hahaha….I love it. Proper Diva.’

That was how the morning began until it just got boring and I spent the day messaging ‘the swirl’ because i’m all ‘nothing to lose,’ was completely on top of all business and well I just find him delicious. I can’t help it.

Glad you had a good one…

Why haven’t you followed me on Instagram?

chrissiewunna

Ps/ My chicks friends are currently on Whatsapp discussing the words ‘MOIST…MUSHROOM & CRUSTY!’