London, Thai Brides & ‘The Worm’ in Budapest

I arrived at Kings Cross Station at around noon, after getting stuck in Peterborough for a sassy short while, which was after an evening of ‘good times’ with Zanetti at Mission Leeds.

I slept on the way there, so I didn’t feel dodgy at all, to be fair. I did good. I’m pretty good at prioritizing, these days. If I need to be somewhere, no matter where life has taken me the evening before, I’ll be there. It can honestly be the crack of dawn. If it’s important, i’ll be there.

I had a really important meeting in London….so I made it there, in one glamourous piece, after a snuggle with my babies and a snooze on an early morning Sunday train. (Sunday trains are busier than you think. They’re annoying because everyones reserved a seat, meaning you think you have nowhere to sit, However, no one shows up for their seats because they’re hung over or can’t be arsed,….meaning you’re sat or stood somewhere you didn’t want to be and for no real reason at all.)

YIPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Now, again…I can’t tell you anything about my meeting, other than the fact that it was a PR meeting, a career meeting and that I was greeted outside Platform 3, at Kings Cross Station.

After attempting to chat ‘work,’ at Five Guys, where the music was too loud, the tables were wibbly and with a Corona in my kitten hand.

‘What? It’s the hair of the dog? I’ve been up all night…’

(I love that I can rock up to a meeting, in a giant white faux fur, sit in a burger joint, order a Corona at 12.01 and simply smile with a..

 ‘I did a Launch Party last night. I’m knackered. Everyone was there. I really need this Corona. Anyway…yeah….where’s my career headed, doll?’

‘We need to go somewhere else. I can’t even hear you. It just needs to be quieter, so I can take notes and chat about everything.’

We moved to a much more peaceful venue, where you could talk career, Wunna Land and the art of ‘moving forward.’ I definitely looked like a ‘Mail Order Bride’ (i always flipping do and it’s annoying.) But after 2 hours and after dreams and hopes were bagged up and scheduled, I popped into the Great Northern Hotel for a quick Merlot before my train back onto Northern soil. (I love the GNH because the couldn’t be nicer to me. The service is impeccable, I have hundreds of tales to tell, from that joint, the cocktails are a dream, they decorate their ceilings with giant chandeliers and because it’s right next to my train home, i’m two steps away from safety.)

Yet, these days, things are simple in Wunna land are they?

OFCOURSE a strange woman found me immediately. Ofcourse, she sat with me and wanted to tell me all about how rubbish her love life was because the guy she had been dating, wasn’t over his (believe it or not) Thai Bride. Lol. I listened. I tried to be helpful. But she didn’t want help. She just wanted a moan and a selfie.

My phone rang and it was ‘London Business Man’ and because I actually TOOK the call, and stopped giving her attention for ONE SECOND, she got in a mood and started calling me  a prostitute…because I ‘looked like one?‘ Lol

Cheers, Cuteness!

I was literally ON THE PHONE, to one of my REAL LIFE FRIENDS and she kept talking over me, to me and making me leave the guy (‘Billy’) who apparently doesn’t love her anymore, actual VOICEMAILS.

Me: ‘Billy doesn’t need to talk to me… I’m on the phone.’

It was crazy. She turned crazy. It all went tits up!

She eventually left and I was kinda glad, because I hate rude people. I’ll sit and chat to anyone. I’m great like that. But don’t be a melodramatic twit over nothing…then take it out on me. I didn’t cheat on you with a Mail Order Bride.

By this time, I had moved outside, (like ya do) and  as London traffic whizzed me by…. I just wished I was home. When you’re knackered…travelling is THE WORST. But ofcourse she followed me, with her luggage on wheels…and in her drunken state, just rambled on about how hard done by she was…because of Thai Brides. 🙂

 It felt looooooooooooong.

I eventually got home. I couldn’t wait to get home. I was finally back on Northern soil. I even text my mum from the train (lol) just for comfort….. and that night I went to bed at 9pm and slept like a baby, ready for my next day, my next early morning of work.

Last weekend was MAD. One minute I was with Santa, the next I was watching Tom Zanetti throw dwarves at people in Leeds, then I blinked and I was in a huge PR meeting in London with a Corona, and then underneath a chandelier some drunk lady decided to take out her history with Thai Brides out on me, whilst telling me she was a fan of my blog. (Kinda hope you’re not reading this.) 

Luckily, the great thing about life is that things quickly go back to normal, doesn’t it? Let me tell you that my faith in sanity and Wunna Land has now been restored.

I mean anytime you saunter into a room, on the 2nd floor of a building and ‘Hustle Barbie’ says,

‘I woke up in a bikini, after a SPATY (which is a pool party in a spa,) at six o clock in the morning, on the floor… in Budapest, before having to come home to Leeds…..’

…you know all is well.

She actually also performed ‘The Worm’ for a bunch of Hungarian men (which is her party piece when drunk and once they watched her do it, they looked at her and just went with ‘Nah….’

‘You always do the worm…’

‘Yeah, cos EVEYRONE MAKES ME!!!! My arms still hurt.’

I had a phone call yesterday, whilst I was tinkering into Marks & Sparks for a quick salad. This phone call was from the same human, who gave the ‘the shocking phone call’ a couple of weeks back. I hadn’t spoken to them since. I had just left them to do their own version of life.

Last night, I didn’t blog because after a mad weekend and a Parents Evening for Ruby, (fyi/ Ruby’s parents evening was amazing, completely different to the one I had to go through with Keiran, for Junior.  I don’t even know how Juniors teacher and I got through it without having to guzzle 42 wines? But yes, Ruby’s parents evening was an opposite kind of experience . Pete sat there and filled up with ‘I’m so proud of her’ tears, which means a lot doesn’t it? I mean, we’re not together and haven’t been for years, but we co parent with such ease and love for our little one….that it’s magical.

I love Ruby and Junior with every inch of my soul, so after a really busy weekend of work and madness….ALL I WANTED AND NEEDED was to spend my time with THEM. Even tonight, we’ve had the most peaceful yet hilarious evening together….and I just watch them grow up before my very eyes with amazement. I’m a really lucky girl. They make my entire world worth it.  I mean, we may have our ‘ups’ and we certainly have our ‘downs,’ yet regardless there is such a deep love and strong bond between the three of us.  We make each other feel really special.

Anyway,where was I? I keep going on these tangents!!

Today, the guy that I can’t tell you anything about yet, who had made the ‘shocking phone call’ a few weeks ago, had also called me twice last night. I missed the calls because I was in bed early. However, this afternoon, whilst I was in a creepy cellar with a Beth, learning the alphabet, I called him back to see what he wanting.

This human NEVER FAILS to shock me. So i’m there in this cellar, now looking at bottles of prosecco, with the alphabet around my cobwebbed heels, shouting sentences at him, in order to conjour up some form of sense, clarity and ‘now what we gonna do’s?’ It was hilarious. These shocking phone calls are always left with an ambiguous ending , where anything could occur….? In the New Year, I’ll tell you ALL about it. Right now…I’m just not allowed to. Lol But we’re gonna have to meet up and talk through everything…recap and recoup…..The only thing I can tell you about the convo is this….

Guy: ‘My situation’s changed….’

Me: ‘Well you need to sort it out because…’

Don’t hang out in cellars..they’re creepy. EVEN IF, there is unopened Prosecco in there.

Regardless to all that, i’m home. I’m working tomorrow. I’ve chilled all night with the babies. ‘London Business Man’ said he was wanted to take me out to dinner. Junior has become obsessed with the calculator on my phone. Ruby has braided my hair, so that I too can be a unicorn? I’m sipping a wine. I’m really missing someone. My feet hurt. My phone won’t charge. I’m second guessing myself. I’m so proud of Australia for VOTING YES, on marriage equality. I’m learning to concentrate on what I’M DOING and not on what EVERYONE ELSE is doing.

But life on the whole is WONDERFUL.

I’m the luckiest girl in the world!

Tom Zanetti, Dwarves & VIP Piggy Backing

It was the maddest ‘good time’ that any human could EVER have experienced, that Saturday night, as the clock struck 11pm, on Heaton’s Court, Club Mission… Leeds.

It was the More & More launch party.

People had travelled far and wide, through cities, over hills, via trains, on road trips. People had ‘donned’ out the most stylish bits of clobber, owned the widest smiles, rocked out the hottest cleavages and committed to a total head mindset of ‘party.’ 

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We wanted a ‘blow out’ and we got one!

Celebrities had tinkered from all the way over, to get there sassy little arses to Leeds that November 11th and why….I’ll tells ya why….To spend the night with our Tom Zanetti!

TEAM THOMAS! (Ya! Bitches!)

Now, Tom has shot out the ‘success cannon’ this year, with his pants on flames and his name in hottest club vibe lights. I’m from Leeds, so i’ve always known who Zanetti is. The only difference now, is that the rest of the world does too!

This is no joke.  He’s smashing it all about and then some. There’s not a single doubt in my glamour pussy mind, that this is ONLY just the beginning for him….But i’ll tell you about Tom later…Let’s take you back to the event…

So I strut up to Mission and it already has queues of guys and girls, all eagerly waiting in line. Chicks trying to catch Toms eye, as he bustled about outside for a few sexy moments. A tv camera crew followed his every move, a pap began taking photos of red carpet arrivals, a luxury car drove up the entrance to drop someone off and, security guards surrounded the entrance galore.

As I walked by the queue, with one of best guy friends Abeiku Arthur, who owns House of Solo Magazine, I heard chicks trying to strategically plan how they were going to sneak their way into the VIP. (I love that! It reminded me of when I was young girl in LA. We’d always try to sneak our way in. It was always hilarious. We’d come up with the maddest ideas. There’s was ‘Just flirt with Tom.’ Genius! Lol.)

Luckily, these days (wait for the ‘trumpet blowing‘…not that kinda ‘trumpet,’ 😉 ) simply because I own Wunna Land, via the fine art of online diary writing, jiggled with a previous modelling career and a juicy telly stint of ‘Best Pal’in’ with Paris Hilton…for ITV2….I don’t have to strategically plan a VIP entrance anymore. I just have to be there on time and grab myself a cocktail…

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Are you even wearing any pants???’

Me: ‘No. You could see them under my dress.’

(He does one of those faces of utter delight. You know the face. The face that your guy friends do when they know you’re not in any pants. *Rolls Eyes.* But honestly, who wears pants to a Tom Zanetti party? )

Me: ‘It’s actually really annoying that it’s windy because I can feel the wind gush all the way up my fluey.’

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Hahaha You’re digusting…Let’s get in there.’

On my walk up from the train station, I bump into Tom, who’s briefly organizing the crowds and he shows me through to the red carpet entrance (kinda gentlemanly, but cool) and just like that, I blink and there I was…swirled in the maddest VIP in all of the goddamn land.

It was absolutely RAMMED. It was busy. And that tells you a lot about Tom, right? Everybody wanted to show up for his night. I mean, when you’re in entertainment, you show up to events… POPULAR events, to SEE and BE SEEN.

Don’t let anybody tell you any different! We all know the score. We all do it.

OR you simply show up in support for the person or place throwing the sassy little shindig.

Like I said, he’s a really popular guy and people just adore him. I have never ever seen (and guuurrrl i have seens) A MORE buzzing VIP room in my LIFE.

I mean, let’s forget about the rest of the club, for now…as that was filling up like the world was about to end and Mission was the only safe sanctuary. But the actual VIP itself was JAM packed with famous sportsmen from Boxers to Rugby players. Hot chicks who spent their Summer on ‘Love Island.’ Charming guys from the Geordiest of Shores. Some who ‘Weekender in Ibiza’ and others who had committed to being a few hard months with ‘Big Brother.’

There were models, musicians, famous social media stars and everyone seemed to recognize everyone else in the VIP. (You kinda scan the room to see if there’s anyone you recognize.) It’s weird because even though…you haven’t actually met them in real life before, when you do, you kinda acknowledge them like you have known them for years.

Firstly, you all do the same thing, so  there’s an immediate respect that goes around from person to person.

We all know how difficult the entertainment industry is or can be..and at some point, no matter ‘what list’ your audience places you upon….what we ALL have in common, is that we’ve all had some ambitious creative dream. We all had the balls to go to an audition..and try and make that dream a reality. We all heard ‘no’s,’ but eventually *swagged* it out well enough to finally get the YES….Which placed us on your TV screen, all over the press, or be hailed as a DJ God, be placed on your favourite sports team. We’ve all worked hard and built up an audience, a brand or a career, doing something that we love.

Straight away I ordered a double gin and tonic, *air kissed* a rugby player, said ‘hi’ to some of my old friends, who I haven’t seen in ages, and then took Snapchat videos with Abeiku Arthur. I saw Jordan from ‘Ibiza Weekend’ stood talking to a Geordie Shore guy at the bar and then Charlotte Dawson sauntered in, looking like an absolute DREAM. She looks flawless. Her face was flawless. But she walked straight into the busiest VIP in all the land also, and ended up right in front of me and with the biggest smiles and a ‘hi, how are you,’ she was certainly one of my favourite sightings.

I love that girl. She’s so much fun. I definitely want to birthday go ice skating with Charlotte Dawson. (Random. But true! I do.)

Yeah, it was busy. Yeah it was rammed. We all took VIP breathers at points, just to get some air.

BUT IT WAS GREAT.

It turned BONKERS.

Dancing on tables, booze being guzzled like it was the last drop of fizzle on the Earth. TV cameras, bright lights in dark rooms, playing cards flying through the air, the craziest bustle, the loudest music, people jumping up and down, diving from wall to wall, drinks being spilled over one another, laughter, madness, clothes being ripped off…

Tom: ‘I’m boiling. It’s hot….I’m so hot…’

(Shirt flies off. People follow suit.)

Then the next minute he’s bare back, topless ‘piggy backing’ a friend, whilst being filled with laughter and ‘good times,’ models and pornstars are kissing his cheeks, his face is covered in red lipstick *kiss marks,* everyones phone was out and selfie taking for Snapchat was at it’s finest.

Then sassy masked bunnies in lingerie, casually saunter by..

It was the most bonkers time.

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It was like an urban, dance music, ‘circus’ of utter brilliant madness. The VIP was the ‘party version’ of Fight Club. Where the fighting was ‘mad partying’ and the club was in the name of Zanetti.

It was brilliant. It was so much fun. Something you have to do. A Zanetti VIP room, should absolutely be on everyones ‘Bucket List.’ There’s nothing like it…

I mean a flipping DWARF got hurled into the masses, so he could crowd surf! Hahaha. What the actual….I loved it! It was hilarious!

Just bonkers.

I looked around and scanned the room and everyone seemed like they were having the best time. It was crazy. And the good thing about it was that there were no rules. Usually… we are to say the right thing, do the right thing, meet the right people, promote the right thing. No one gave a fuck….they just enjoyed the most inappropriately fun time ever and with absolutely no censor.

The VIP rocked.

(No wonder everyone tried to sneaky peeky in.)

What I did notice about Tom…and I watch people, all people…always. He’s a nice guy…yeah…There’s a sweetness and a sophistication to him dipped in an urban ‘bouji’ twist. But he’s a really determined guy. He’s an ambitious soul. A showman. He knows what he’s doing, but he’s real. He’s down to Earth. He’s a guy who knows what he wants. Wants it his way and isn’t scared to voice his opinion. You don’t mess with Zanetti. He’s hot, right now. He’s really popular, which makes him powerful. People just want to be around him. You can’t help but feel quite ‘cool squad’ when you’re around him.

I watched him behind the bar, making sure people were being treated well. ‘WELL’ the way he seemed fit….which was with utter ‘boujiness.’ He’s an outspoken guy and he’ll tell it how it is. Everyone loves that! It must be his inner Northern…

The party went on and on, but I had to leave for the night at around 2am, simply because I had a 9.23am train to catch to London in the morning. I had an important Wunna Land PR meeting. at noon.

I got home, had an argument with an idiot taxi driver (All Yorkshire people argue with taxi drivers)  and got a few hours sleep, before waking up to my alarm, weirdly feeling ‘fresh as a daisy.’ It was almost like an evening of debauchery never even happened,

I was on a Platform 1, at Doncaster train station, ready to head to London, whilst answering inbox messages from people I met the night before…by 9am. He’s some of my messages…

‘Sorry I didn’t get the chance to chat to you last night. I recognised you, but it was just so mad.’

‘It was great meeting you last night. Let’s grab lunch some time.’

‘Babe, lovely meeting you…’

Before I left, I was sort of in this tunnel part of Mission, mixed in with a mass crowd of selfie taking. This awesome ‘swaggy’ guy in a black furry coat, kept stopping me and asking where ‘Rachel’ was…

‘Where’s Rachel?’

(I don’t even know who Rachel is??? Lol He must’ve asked me about 42 times, during the process of the entire evening.)

Abeiku Arthur was selfie taking with every boobie chick his eyes could ever see. A girl asked if she could selfie with me, but kept hating the picture, so we had to do it at least 17 times at 2am in the morning…The hot bunnies, with the evil ears, were now stood around me and chatting but then people then grabbed THEM for selfies…. and my night was over.

I tinkered out of Club Mission, in the early hours of the morning and when I did, there were STILL queues and queues of people waiting to get inside the club! (I walked straight over the red carpet like it was my Mums living room flooring. Lol.)

Leeds was on FIRE that night!

It was one of those nights, that you know you showed up at, yet because it was littered with utter madness, you can only remember things in ‘flashback form.

BUT…..a

It is one of those nights… that you’ll always always remember….and that’s what he does well!

Some of us in the VIP room, will bloom into Big BIG SUCCESS stories. Some of us will go far. Some of us will chose not to. Some of us will settled down, get married, have babies. Some of us will swirl down that merry plughole. Some of us will be remembered. Some of us will be forgotten. Some of us will make our marks more than we ever imagined we could.

But on November 11th 2017, on that Saturday night…WE ALL….under one roof, shared LIFE together, in the name of our Tom Zanetti!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We’ve Made It To Thursday….

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I’m feeling great! I mean there is STILL part of my life that is lulling in the ‘dull ‘ zone, however soon that ‘grey’ will be dashingly done and dusted. The rest of my life is ‘ooh laa.’ It’s magical.

Right….Many great things are happening to me right now and I can’t even believe it. My friends can’t even believe it.

Firmonnell: ‘I cannot actually believe that you’re going to be doing that! Lol.’

Me: ‘I know, it’s CRAZY.’

I guess opportunity has come a knocking and it’s certainly come threefold. Opportunity didn’t use to knock. I’d chase and chase and it still never knocked. For some reason now…it’s not only knocking, but i have a ‘bell’ that buzzes you straight into Wunna Land with automatic glitter doors, as big beefy security jiggles through the masses to pick the best pieces to the ‘Chrissie Wunna’ jigsaw.

I’d like to say it was luck, but to be fair, i’ve worked really hard, not as hard as I could’ve done, but come the New Year, i’ll now have that time to smash it. Work hard for what you want. It happens. And girls…please don’t feel downtrodden by others…be it men, life, the way you look etc..Normal chick issues. You can do anything. You really can. I am living proof of that. If i could empower every women in the entire  world, i’d be a happiest glamour puss in all of the land.

At the same time as hard work, I’m a big believer in fate. You get what you’re meant to get. You miss out on the things that aren’t right for you. You learn lessons along the way. No meeting is ever worthless. You encounter and cross paths with the people you’re supposed to. And If something’s meant to be, it will always come to you, or find its way back to you.

HOWEVER, if you don’t try to pursue the things that make you feel magical in life, then you’ll never get anywhere. You’ll always find yourself sat in your ‘why am I here’ rut. I’m Wunna Land. That’s not how I play drinking games. 🙂 A fire doesn’t start without a spark. And if anyone can spark a ‘gusto’ it’s moi!

Feel empowered. Be excited. Only do the things that you LOVE. Take the reins of your existence and shimmie it with everything that you stand for. Be the very best version of YOU.

A guy stopped me yesterday, as I was walking down a top flight of stairs with a Pot Noodle in my hand. (It was beef and tomato.) He’s Geordie, he tells ‘grandad’ type jokes and dresses up as 101 Dalmations at parties. Anyway, he stopped me and simply said,

‘The only thing that dissolves fear is ACTION. There’s something about you Chrissie. Something tells me you’re gonna be in a great place and never look back.’

Me: ‘Yeah. I’m not scared. I’m ready now. I actually feel held back.’

He smiled, like he was proud…and then I tottered off to eat my Pot Noodle. Yippeee!

Around Wunna Land, other shit was happening. ‘Hustle Barbie’ had decided to send suggestive messages to girls, from our guy friend Jonesez. She never learns that you don’t prank Jonesez because he lives for revenge and his excitement for it, is hardly ever punctuated. He don’t give no ‘hoot in hell.’ Bottom line…you’re fucked. So as she sat all smuggly, with her ‘i’ve sent messages’ head up in the air. He went to her car and smeared moisturiser all over the door handle of her car. She thought it was bird poo. I watched the snapchat an thought it was hummous….and what is honestly worst than innocently trying to get into your car and having your hand dolloped and smeared in a gooey, unknown substance. I’m a germaphobe, so to me…that is devastating. Hustle Barbie’s a vegan…She just got on with life.

I’m getting loads of love from ‘da ladies’ right now. My inbox is usually filled with messages from gentleman, who fancy their chances at adoring a glamour puss. Lol. Right now and because i’ve recently done one f the most uplifting interviews, that you’ll all see shortly, I have a jolly…if jolly meant ‘sexy’ bundle of chick ‘yahoos.’ Girls are naughty. Some have gone beyond the ‘you’re such a queen, I love you.’ To ‘I can’t even tell you what i want to do to you. *Devil face emoji.*

It’s hot. I love it. And it’s all because I said, that my Girl Crush (and if you know me or read this blog, you should  already know) that my GIRL rush is ELLEN DEGENERES. No one loves this women more than me…and I do mean sexually and not just in a ‘fan girl, oh yeah she’s funny’ kinda way. I need Ellen in my life! She’s my perfect woman.

Obviously….I’m straight. (I have an unfortunate and somewhat colourful history that pin points this. I’ve romanced a lot of gentleman. 😉 ) Yet. OH MY GOD, I properly fancy Ellen Degeneres with even inch of my heart and loins…that I don’t think that I could live without stalking her Instagram, every second. J This crush hasn’t recently occurred. This crush occurred in my mid 20’s whilst I was living in LA.

The quote from my interview, which comes out shortly is…

‘I could meet any guy in the entire world and not feel a single piece of the nerves. If I meet Ellen Degeneres. Like she was just right there infront of me, I might possibly DIE and then try and snog her after cocktails.’

Now, cos they do….all my real life chick friends are trying to steal my crush.

Hustle Barbie: ‘I think i’ve stolen your girl crush.’

(Then she posts a screenshot that tells me how Vegan Ellen Degeneres is. Do know that ‘Hustle’ has gone from ‘I really fancy a sausage sandwich to the absolute height of VEGANISM. She’s recruiting. Be warned.)

So yeah, now she fancies my Girl Crush, because my girls crush doesn’t eat animals in any way shape or form.

Hustle Barbie: ‘She’s mine now.’

Me: ‘I will only become a Vegan if Ellen tells me to. Back of Blondy, she loves me not you. Lesbians love me, even though I eat bacon.’

Me to Firmonnell: ‘Hustle is trying to steal my girl crush. Ellen’s vegan.’

Firmonnell: ‘Ha..ha..Does she fancy ALL vegans now????’

It’s weird how when we love something we try and make everyone else love it to. Hustle with her ‘don’t eat meat’ club. Me with my ‘Live life like you have nothing to lose’ thing. Keiran with his ‘I follow Jehovah….now you should too.’ All the girls with ‘Let’s go to the gym and eat healthy.’  It must be passion, or this sincere need to be *pom pommed* onto a more positive path.

Junior was so cute last night. he wanted to sleep in my bed with me, because he missed me when he went to his Dad’s.

‘Mum, i really need a snuggly something.’

‘I don’t have your blankey.’

‘I REALLY NEED A BLANKEY. Get me one of your jumpers. A snuggly one, that smells like you.’

I produced my thin peach jumper, the one that has a swan on it. I’d just chucked it in my wardrobe so it radiated a mummy glow.

He rolled it up into a ball and with utter bliss in his eyes, cuddled it like his life was now complete!

Why can’t all guys be like they were when they’re young and still adorable??

Saying that my first husband used to do the same. I was living in LA working. He’s an actor, but was living in New York at the time, before he was making his move to LA. We were  moving in together, and had just met. During that time, we had to be apart. It wasn’t bad at all really. We were fine. I’m used to living apart from my counter male. Schedules, careers and busy times usually prevail. Anyway, he’d always grab an item of my clothing, like a tshirt or a nighty and take it with him, to sleep with, whenever he left to be back in New York? (I’ve just made that sound creepy. But it was actually really innocent. Hahaha.)

Anyway, I’m off. I have a really exciting next couple of weeks, where i’ll be meeting some amazing faces, who will tinker into Wunna Land. I’m going to be in Leeds, London and then Liverpool.

I’m working all day, but my next thing is tomorrow.

Tomorrow i’m be celebrating with Candy Mechanics at Trinity Leeds, as they magically turn me into a chocolate lollipop. I’m so excited. I can’t wait to be there. It’s the big old live launch, for the ever so magical pop up stall that will open in Leeds later

Thank Jeepers Halloween is OVER

 

Did Halloween do you over too? Thank THE Gods it’s over. Honestly, I worked the whole entire day, came home, got my over excited loin fruit ready, to tinker through the streets, for candy… with their Daddies. J I slowly tottered upstairs, still with my handbag over my shoulder (it had been a long day) and with my tinty  little kitten legs a dragging..and then the MADNESS BEGAN.

HOLY SHIT! There wasn’t even time to just chill and kick it. I went to cuddle Rocco, (The Wunna Land kitten) and BOOM, out of nowhere,

*KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK*

UGH! I wasn’t even too frustrated by this point. I was still okay. I mean, yeah it was a ball ache, as I DO LOVE my ‘moment’ of chill, after a hard days work. It keeps my soul perky. So I pick up Rocco the kitten, totter back downstairs, as quick as I can (because you do don’t you, when you know strangers are waiting outside your door,) with one arm grab a giant box of chocolate shite that I had bought at the last minute, in case I did get any kids at my door and with the other hand, still with my kitten Rocco in my arms, I swung open the door to ‘trick or treaters.’

Teen girls. Beautiful. Delightful. Gorgeous. Glamour Pusses. Literally the world’s POSHEST ‘trick or treaters’ too, as they talked like the Queen (As in Elizabeth, not Ru Paul) and stood on the other side of my doorstep beaming with a giddy excitement, whilst continuingly telling me that I was ‘beautiful’ for candy. (As you can imagine, I liked these girls.) I’m surprised they didn’t ask for Prosecco, a Handsome Prince and Prada. They were utterly polite, around 17 (lol) and decided to stand on my doorstop, dressed as witches with candy bags now filled with Wunna Land, stroking my cat and talking to me for a million years about life…and how they know me from somewhere.

After about fifteen minutes (yes, that long), they left. I think they wanted to stay? (By this point, my Dad had ventured into my home through the bac door, kicked off his shoes and laid on my sofa for chills)

Door swung shut. I was kinda all chipper because the Posh Teen Glamour Pusses, had filled my ego with compliments. Put the choices down, place Rocco back on the floor, begin to pour myself a gin and tonic and just as I step away up the stairs…

*KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.*

For FUCKS SAKE.

I’m laughing my now, because my dad is weeing himself at my distress. It’s only the second gang around. I go through the motions again, this time with the kitten in my arms, a tub of chocolates in one of my hands and a gin and tonic in the other. The door to Wunna Land swings open and this time it’s BOYS. Young boys. They’re about 12 or 13. There’s five of them, dressed as skeletons and AGAIN, they were weirdly ALL POSH, like they went to Eton and not Kings in Ponte. J

I’m handing out candy, giving them the Wunna Land ‘hostest with the mostest’ spiel. They’re telling me i’m great. They’re stroking my cat. 😉 (Hahaha. Just realised what i’ve said. ) And then one of them in their little posh accent turns around and says,

‘I used to have a kitten, but it died.’

Awesome banter. I think they got the picture that it was time to Hallo…LEAVE.

AGAIN THEY STAYED FOR AROUND 17 MINUTES.

AT THIS POINT, I HAD A FLIPPING LINE UP AT THE DOOR, WAITING TO GET CANDY FROM WUNNA LAND.

I don’t know if it was the kitten, the candy or the fact that I had glamourised it all with a cocktail in my hand? But it was INSANE. I should’ve got an appearance fee for it. It was like my own flipping doorstep chat show! (My Dad was PISSING MYSELF. Didn’t move a little Burmese muscle. Just found it hilarious that i was so stressed out. Lol.)

It took ages. It was mental. There was candy and banter and selfies flying through the spooky airs. I was over it and my gin and tonic ran out. It was hideous. But the ‘show must go on’ so committed to the pleasantries and then once the last bunch had waved themselves off, I slammed the door shut, poured another gin and whilst turning a couple lights off, dashed upstairs to HIDE, like the bailiffs were coming or something.

I stripped off naked. Got into comfies and just laid ontop of my bed sheets, like i needed therapy.

Then I did what any normal chick would do and WHATSAPP all my chick friends. Luckily, they had been going through ‘Trick or Treat’ drama also. Across the towns my glamour puss girls, swung their Ackworth, Leeds and Eggborough…doors open to strangers dressed as weirdo’s ALL NIGHT.

Fairytale Bond: ‘This is INSANE. I’ve had hundreds of kids around and i’ve run out of sweets!’

Double B: ‘It’s a fucking nightmare. Are carollers still a thing because I CAN’T COPE.’

Hustle Barbie: ‘Y’know, if you type brassiere into the search bar of your photos, it’s brings up pictures of your boobs.’

(It doesn’t. It only does it on Hustle Barbie’s phone because she’s a floozy. I tried it and due to my virginal status, it came up blank. 😉 )

Me: ‘I’ve been opening my door, with a kitten in my hand and a gin and tonic.’

Double B: ‘I might drive away, park up and turn my lights off. Why are they all screaming!! Take your sweets and shut up.’

Fairytale: ‘Isn’t it passed their bedtimes now?’

Me: ‘Answer the door, naked, with Eva in your arms… and a Corona.’

Hustle Barbie: ‘I live near Hunslet, so most of mine are probably just trying to steal my car.’

(Then Double B posted an inappropriate HILARIOUS photo to the group chat, that I cannot even mention. J  Oh and EVA isn’t a human being, she’s a dog. Just so you get a distorted image in your mind. That wasn’t the picture. The picture was…Lol)

What a nightmare! Halloween is not made for Glamour Pusses who have worked all day. It was exhausting. But the positive of the situation is that today it’s WEDSNESDAY. It’s all over for another year….I don’t know why I hate Halloween so much, as i’m quite one for celebrations of any kind. I mean, I’m looking forward to bonfire night, and Christmas. And i have a birthday wedged in-between all that. Well, it’s a week before Christmas.

So yes, as always, there is a bright side.

In the New Year it all changes….

The thing about changes is that no matter what, you will be amazed at how quickly life moves with you, once you’ve made the mighty decision to ‘new chapter’ it.

Don’t be scared. Write your story……. I wrote mine and it changed my entire world.

 

 

 

Boo Tricka Hoo & Fitness Guru’s

Hey! Cheeky Boo’s! Happy Halla’s. (That’s meant to be cute talk for Halloween. As in, Boo ‘tricka’ Hoo talk. J ) Now, I’m not someone who can be bothered to celebrate Halloween. I mean, I do it for the kids. But let’s face it. When you’re thirty six, a Glamour Puss, with a cocktail schedule to fit in…You really can’t be arsed to walk around the chilly breezed streets, dressed as a suggestive looking pumpkin, or even bob around to your mate’s, mate’s shindig to sip Prosecco, with lunatics. Lol. I’m casually building an empire. I can do Halloween some other time. 😉 The only pumpkin’s I want to see are ones, carved for me, in the comfort of my own home that are casually filled with rum….with straws.

Anyway! I have a lot on. My life is completely changing. I’m feeling really powerful. I’m feeling all W.O.M.A.N. I’m a bit SASSY today. Yet, i’m going to blame it on Halloween and the Dark Side getting me. (Even though I can’t be arsed to celebrate it.)

Things are exciting. Really exciting. But I will say that away from the excitement,  there are extremely long moments where in which one of my best chicks friends ‘Fairytale Blond’ are submerged utter boredom. (I don’t know how we’re getting through the weeks, but we are…with smiles and probable evening wine.) Don’t let dullness sponge its way through you. Change your environment. It’s really bad for you and gives you wrinkles.

I cannot TELL YOU, how utterly important I think it is to DO WHAT YOU LOVE. I say it all the time, I know. But just listen…again. J I’m always one to believe in just being brave and going for it, as you really have nothing to lose, other than lost time. That’s all you have to lose, when you look at the big picture. Happiness and success…and all that jingle, only really happens when you commit to doing the things that you love. And I don’t just mean that in work. I mean that romantically also. It makes such a huge difference. So take a look around yourself today and see whether you’re in ‘Zone Happy’ or just settling because you have to. If you’re just settling, or not working towards something magical that makes you smile…then that’s you done. You might as well ‘grey’ button yourself out for a while, until you wake up.

My New Year is going to rock with shimmie bells and simply because I became brave, stuck a feather in a cap and went with ‘galloping’ to ‘dreams come true.’ (I’ve glamourised that. I don’t gallop.)

But for example… ‘Hustle Barbie’ spoke to me before the weekend, across a desk, with files by her side and said,

‘I don’t know what to do? It’s like I need someone to make my decisions for me.’

Me: ‘You do know what you want to do. You’re just scared to. Which actually DOESN’T make you indecisive. It just makes you a scaredy cat.’

Fear is awful. Don’t do it. It gives you a stress rash. No one wants a rash that begins with ‘Stress.’ Infact, no one wants any rash really, it goes badly with cocktails and first dates. ‘Double B’ currently has thrush, after recovering from tonsillitis. Lol. Normal people wouldn’t then suggest that ‘being a stripper’ might possibly be a better money making’ option for her.

Me: ‘What???? Yeah, best stripper ever! This one comes with THRUSH and Tonsillitis. £20 a dance! Haha.’

Away from that, last night after reading Junior his bed time story. He went for Hansel and Gretel. When I say read, we kinda only watch the ‘read for us’ story together on his tablet. Lol. But he loves it, so that’s all that matters. He adores me laying next to him for a love and a cuddle. I adore a love and a cuddle too with Baby Junior also. It’s bliss.

But anyway, when his little eyes surrendered to sleep. I tucked myself into my own bed, turned out the lights and like everyone began to scroll through my Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. Great tool for catching up with what is going on, secretly stalking the people you fancy, promoting yourself and LEARNING. I love to learn. But only the things I want to learn. 😉

After Googling a whole bunch of people. (I’ve noticed that I never Google myself now. I used to always Google myself.) Anyway, I ended up cyberlanding in the world of Joe Wicks. Done pretty well for himself, hasn’t he! What an amazing. What a talent! He’s built a big old social fitness empire, that has developed into utter success, tv and riches, via the fine art of inspiring others to be fit and healthy. Great guidance occurred before the magic happened. Welcome The Body Coach.

I read all about him…Infact, I was so inspired, I almost signed up for his 90 day fitness plan.  If he can get ME to almost dedicate my life to fitness (eating lean I can already do) than he’s  GODLY. I wish he did the low calorie cocktail version of his plan though. As i’m not sure it caters for Glamour Pusses. His fitness video is all shirtless and lunges, as you jog on the spot. A favourable routine that gets you results. My fitness video would be shopping in stilettos and stopping to LIFT your cocktail glass every 3 seconds. Great for the arms and the soul? If I sign up to his plan. I’m gonna need support. Lots of it. If it actually get through it…then I’ll label him a genius. I’ll leap to his offices and ‘Pineapple Dance Studios’ high kick in glee.

(I then Googled exquisite heart shaped diamonds. 😉 I loe a bit of Dalby Diamonds.)

Right! I’ve got to get ready now….I’ve got to get to work. But this Friday i’m in Leeds, Trinity Leeds, with Candy Mechanics…Where i’m going to be turned into a chocolate lollipop for kicks! I know! I love it. I’m so excited! I’ll tell you more about it when I get home…

Godda dash….

 

 

Sunday Tittle Tattle & Gifts…

It’s the most beautiful day in Yorkshire today. The air is crisp, the sun is out, the birds are chirping, there’s a gentle breeze meandering across the fields, through the cities…So, it’s a total shame that I’m feeling a bit rough. I’m only a bit rough. Not mega rough. If I was mega rough, I would’ve had to surrender to my flamingo bed sheets all day and beg for ice lollies. (Ice lollies and cups of tea, are my favourite hang over cures. My second favourite hang over cure is obviously a cocktail. The ‘Hair of the Dog’ really works. However, today….it’s not my choice of mixer.)

Yesterday was fabulous. Ruby and I tinkered to Doncaster, as you may well know, to select our favourite Christmas gift choices at Debenhams. It’s definitely for a blog that will come out later, where I’ll be showing you some of our favourite things.. closer to the festive season. But honestly, I was bamboozled by the distinct glow of fabulosity. Such great choices. I’m a Christmas Baby. I have a December birthday. It’s my favourite time of year. I love gift buying. Yet, I’m either a quirky gift purchaser or a LUXURY GIFT purchaser. Meaning you could receive anything from a sassy bit of Gucci, to an Inflatable crown, just so you can be a ‘Queen for the Day.’Lol. Depends on how i’m feeling, at the time?

We came back with all sorts. Ceramic ‘Posh Shot’ cups, Chocolate fountains, Parrot Party Bottle openers, a range of jewellery, crepe makers, bath bombs, bouji this, silly that….Handcrafted Reborn Dolls (which retail for the bargain price of £99, per doll. I KNOW! Craziness. How can a dolly be that much!) So, I’m looking forward to showing you what Wunna Land gift choices we made at Debenhams. You should never let my first born, my Mother and I lose around your store, any store…we will want EVERYTHING. It’s like placing the most spendy people in one place and throwing them a ‘cold hard cash’ bone. Junior’s been at his Dad’s all weekend and we’ve all missed him so madly. He would’ve LOVED the merriment.

Mum: ‘So what’s Junior doing then?’

Me: ‘He’s got a family birthday or something with Keirans sister and then he’ll have a Sunday of religious paradise stuff…’

Mum: ‘Paradise?’

Me: ‘. Shit. I forgot to tell you. Keiran gave me a Bible and told me that if I wanted to go to Paradise when I die, I had to become a Jehovah’s Witness.’

Mum: ‘Where’s his Paradise? Ibiza? 😉 ‘

Then we continued choosing gifts. (Keiran and my Mum, do not get on! You have never seen two head *butt* so much.)

‘I really like those rose gold Prosecco bottles.. As if it comes with a bell. GIVE ME BOOZE NOW. Tinkle. Tinkle.’

I have literally had THE BEST family weekend. It’s been great and I haven’t seen Ruby as happy as she is right now, in a really long time. She was giddy with excitement. Her eyes lit up with life.

Yesterday, we met a load of people and it felt really great to feel like we had such support. I have more support than I ever thought? I love nothing more, than people stopping me to tell me that they’ve read the blog or love the blog. They talk about their favourite entry. They remember everything. It’s impressive. It’s actually funny because they tell ME the story, with excitement, like I might not remember it. J I lived it. It’s my life. I know the story. Lol. I wrote the story. I was there.  I mean yesterday a girl was asking me about ‘Hustle Barbie’ and our night out at Issho…and as I was chatting to her about it, I guess I said ‘Hustle’s’ actual name…because I would. I mean, they are real people in my life and I do call them by their real names… in real life. Lol.  Anyway, she was so shocked.

Girl: ‘Oh God. Is that her actual name?’

Me: ‘What? Oh! Yeah. Lol. Infact, she sent me a Snapchat of her boyfriend’s bum, whilst he was cooking her a Vegan curry, the other night.’

Girl: ‘Does he have a good bum?’

Me: ‘Yes. Lol. It looked like a peach, wrapped in tight grey jogging bottoms. I told her that I would never let her leave that bum. It’s just too good a bum.’

It all makes me smile and I guess it’s because the blog  means so much to me. I’ve written this diary for over a decade now. I didn’t really think it would become ‘A THING.’ I hoped that it would. I just didn’t think too much of it. I simply got on with it.

I love to write. I love to tell my story. I love to inspire. I love it when you all send me stories about your own life. I think EVERYONE’S LIFE is important and if more and more people could celebrate their own existence, tell their own story, or even write a diary or blog as therapy…To me, that would be WONDERUL. Infact, it would be WUNNAFUL.

I’m currently in talks with some great people right now, where I’ll hopefully be starting a campaign in the Spring of next year to encourage those, be you young, old, happy, sassy, quiet, successful, down trodden, or troubled, to keep a diary. It changed my LIFE.

So, I’m going to be encouraging more people to express and tell the story of their own day to day life, be it privately or publicly, in order to build internal strength, inspire others, or just have something to look back on and read, in the years to come. It’s YOUR STORY. Everyone has a voice. Sometimes we think people aren’t listening. But they are. Sometimes, we need to listen to ourselves. Writing things out, helps that. You can rewatch something as a third party. I’m someone that wants everyone to use their voice proudly. So yeah, hopefully that will all work out.

Anyway, where was I?

Ruby and I ended up heading over to Ego for a Lemonade and..well I ordered a Pina Colada. As my mum dropped us off, my phone flashed and it was Pete (Rubs Dad) just checking in to see if Ruby wanted to hang out with him?

I asked her and she simply said,

‘Yeah, why doesn’t he meet us for drinks.’

So as we waited for Pete to arrive, Ruby and I sat back, on a candle lit table, which was appropriately placed right infront of a GIANT MIRROR. And as we chatted about life, she beamed and threw her head back in utter laughter. As a parent, when you see that, you glow don’t you? She kept doing all these ‘swaggy’ impressions  of me, with a DIVA finger tut and head titters. Whenever she does an impression of me, she always does it with an American Accent? All she kept saying was,

‘Yo, Baby Boo. You can sit with us. Ha…Ha’Haaaaaa.’

For some reason, it cracked us both up and we were in lemonade and Pina Colada, candlelit stitches. We even forgot that we were at Ego. We must’ve been the loudest humans in all the land. But when ‘loud’ is laughter, it’s always great. 😉

Ruby: ‘You’re my best friend Mum.’

Then Pete showed up..

Pete: ‘Now, i’m here. I might get a table. I kinda want eat? Do you?’

Me: ‘We can sit and get something, yeah.’

Ruby: ‘Yeah, I wanna eat.’

(I didn’t eat and just drank, because I can’t do both at the same time.)

But it was nice to have a late afternoon family dinner. Like I always say, we ‘co parent’ really well, because it’s important to us, that the kids are happy. I’m really lucky in this respect. It’s great that we can go through everything we went through, not be together, yet still have dinner out, with our little girl… happily…And the same goes for Junior….It’s a blessing!

I can’t remember what they ate, now? But we just listened to Ruby chat about life. I chatted about my own life. Pete chatted about the drinks and dinner he had at ‘Neighbourhood’ recently (which has newly opened in Leeds.)

Me: ‘Was the food good?’

Pete: ‘Yeah but it was pricey. It’s really pricey.’

Me: ‘There’s so much going on in Leeds, right now. It’s so bouji! Everything’s turned so glamourous. I’m loving it’

The other week, someone I know, had never been to Leeds, but had heard that it was really rough. Oh my GOSH. No. Right now, it’s all Louis Vuttion, glammy cocktail bars, fine dining and heels. It’s the opposite to rough. We’re just Yorkshire. 😉 You don’t mess with anyone from Yorkshire. Lol.

Then day became night and I soon ventured home. Ruby went to her Dad’s to chill with him for an hour and then came home to sleep with Mama.

Great Weekend. I still feel like the luckiest girl alive. I am the luckiest girl alive.

Monday, starts tomorrow…..

Oh my God! As if Ronnie (one of my closest LA besties, he’s also a celebrity chef out in LA, had his own show, has just cooked for Gwyneth Paltrow.) He’s just messaged me, saying he’s gonna be in London in December and wants to see me! SO EXCITED! Let me go chat to him.

Fyi/My Shocking phone call, from my ‘Shocking Phone call’ blog has now started to wind me up. lol. I’m annoyed now for no reason. Lol

Shocking Phone Calls, Sex & Life

What is going ON! Honestly! What IS MY LIFE!

So today, probably one of the most boring days ever. No. Boring’s the wrong word. ‘Frustrating’ is a better choice of ‘ding dong.’ Work happened. I did the majority of Thursday with ‘Fairytale Blond.’ She wasn’t the frustrating part. I mean THANK GOD she was part of my Thursday, as LORD KNOWS, what I would’ve done, without her.

Let’s just say, it was one of those days where in which you are doing the things that you HAVE TO DO, rather the things YOU WANT OR LOVE TO DO! You know, how much I hate that. That’s not how I live my life. It even gave ‘Hustle Barbie’ an itch. UGH! It was so frustrating. I almost BEGGED to for freedom or excitement.

Oh yeah..I did…Didn’t I!!!

Midday, I look down at my phone. It’s flashing at me and a name popped up on my screen. I always keep my phone on silent, so it never EVER rings out loud. I’m always alerted by a simple ‘pop up’ of a name or a notification.

11.48am My phone flashes at me… There’s a name flashing at me, as they call into Wunna Land.

I couldn’t answer it because I was on another line and busy. But I saw the name and wondered why they were calling?

11.49am. My phone flashes AGAIN…and the same name pops up?

This isn’t someone who would really ever call me in such a manner. I was kinda puzzling. But didn’t think too much of it. I simply text back stating that i’d give them a call back because I was busy. They then explained WHY they had made the calls. Again. Didn’t think too much of it.

I just got on with my day…

I watched ‘Hustle Barbie’ revive her ‘Bald Dave’ (who’s a virgin, but funny) crush.

Fairytale Blond: ‘No. I’m not feeling it.’

Hustle Barbie: ‘WHY!!’

Fairytale: ‘He’s just an escape route. I felt that when I was with James. I was kidding myself. AND it’s weird that he’s a virgin. Like would you really go around telling everyone that you’re a 30 year old virgin. Lol’

Hustle: ‘It’s not like he has it on a tshirt and tells everyone. Lol. It’s not like his introductory welcome. I know people, who know him, who tell me.’

Me: ‘Hi, I’m Bald Dave. I’ve never had sex and i’m 30. Yay!’

Me: ‘You can’t judge how good he is at sex, until you’ve had sex with him. Some people look great and are rubbish in bed. Others look rubbish at it, but are AMAZING. Plus, you can’t let him disobey God for you. You might not fancy him afterward. Lol Then he’ll be heartbroken.’

Jonesez: ‘I hate bad sex. The more you feel for someone the better the sex is.’

Me: ‘That’s not ALWAYS true!!!’

Then I relived a ‘YEARS AGO’ Ben story and ‘Fairytale’ just pissed herself laughing and stamped it with a…

‘Chrissie! I honestly don’t know what you were even THINKING! HAHAH!

Laughter & Banter filled the air, and talks on how good people were in the bedroom occurred.

Then life went back to dull and as frustration and boredom kicked back in, I once again scanned the room for any form of excitement!

Everything DRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG, until I had a six ‘o clock rant with Jonsez. We needed a vent. A rant off. He then invited me to potential Tuesday night ‘beer and bowling,’ which I won’t be going to, as I’ll be doing Halloween with Ruby and Junior.

Jonesez: ‘It’s half price beer and bowling.’

Me: ‘I hate bowling, I can’t lift the balls. I’d go, if I wasn’t doing Halloween with the babies.’

Then as we both walked over cobbles in different direction to our cars…I remembered to pick up my phone and make that call.

OH MY GOSH!!!

I can’t even TELL YOU! I really cannot even tell you. I flipping asked for excitement all day, didn’t I? Well…I got it. I got the shock of my LIFE.

And y’know, the shock actually had nothing to do with me. It wasn’t a nasty shock. It was a shock, shock. A‘happy for someone else’ kinda shock. It was simply weird, because I kinda didn’t expect, but DID expect to hear it, all at the same time. I mean, it was only the other day when I turned around to ‘Firmonnell’ and said that this would happen. Said that it should happen.

I wish I could tell you ALL ABOUT IT. I really wish I could. But right now, there’s a reason why I can’t. HOWEVER, in a couple months time, I’m gonna refer you back to this blog and you’ll not only remember this call, but you’ll finally know what was said.

I will tell you that the other end of my phone was a guy. I can’t tell you anything about this guy. He’s just a friend. Not anything more. It’s not anything like that. Yet we met under really weird circumstances, which again… I will have to tell you about in a couple months time.

I cannot believe it.

I can tell you how the phone conversation began though…

Me: ‘Hey. What’s up? It’s me. Calling you back?’

Guy: ‘Hi. How are you. I’ve got something to tell you…’

(NOT THIS AGAIN. WHAT IS MY LIFE!! I knew it had to be something BIG, because he’s so honest. But i’m good with the big things, so I strutted onward to my car and again, thought nothing too much of it.)

Guy: ‘I needed to call you because I didn’t want you to think I was a knob.. I’m not a knob…I just…’

Me: ‘I don’t think you’re a knob…’

Guy: ‘But anyway…yeah…There’s a reason why I haven’t been able to….Well..I’ve gone and…’

He then blurts out the most shocking news!! (If I could tell you something about this guy, it would be that he is definitely one of the most open and honest humans EVER. That’s a trait that no matter what, I always find honourable. It takes balls, BIG BALLS to make a call like that into WUNNA LAND… because he didn’t have to. But he did, just to be well mannered, in the most disturbing way. Lol)

Now, I don’t know how he thought I was going to react? I reacted well. I’m not irrational. I admire the brave and the honest!  I mean even though it was shocking, I did actually expect it. So the news was sort of…not too bad, really. I weirdly keep thinking about it though. It’s crazy. It’s really crazy. It’s disturbingly good? Not for me. Lol. But for him.

Anyway, we chatted then for a good fifteen minutes as he unfolded the entire tale and I swung my car door open.

The funny thing about this phone call, is that it completely underlines the fact that everything happens for a reason and he could’ve actually accidentally repeated history, now that I think about it. Lol. And that would’ve have been good. Infact, if I was honest the news was lovely for him. It’s what he wanted. (But i’m telling you too much. You’re gonna have to wait to find out.)

OH MY GOSH!

(If this was a show and you heard that phone call, you’d all faint in shock.)

What IS MY LIFE!

So yeah, i’m happy. But I’m taking deep breaths because EVERYTHING HAPPENS IN THREES they say! One more shock and then it’s fun for the rest of the year! Please say, it’s fun for the rest of the year!

Christmas and The New Year, can’t come quick enough! My new year is amazing, but life better not think it’s going to mess with me for the rest of 2017. Lol.

Everything happens for a reason!

What is my life!!!

Well That Went Wrong & Bibles…

What a night. Gosh! There I was thinking all was well. I worked all day. Shimmied through it, as per usual. Thought through new business deals. Talked through life with friends. Enjoyed Soya nuts with newly vegan ‘Hustle Barbie.’ Enjoyed cups of tea with ‘Fairytale.’ Secret giggled with ‘Firmonnell’ about idiocy. Appreciated that I didn’t do finance for a living. Drove home. Chilled a second. Poured a wine. Dashed for cuddles with Ruby and waited the arrival of Junior. (Who spent the day with his Dad.)

Oh gosh!

The arrival of Junior via his Father…Keiran.

You should all know the tale. If you don’t, I’ll fill you in. I’m a single mum of two. Both children have different fathers. I’m not with either gent, however we ALL get on really well and co parent the children better than anyone could EVER co parent. I used to be married to Keiran.

This evening, at around 7pm. Keiran shows up at my doorstep to drop Junior off, who was filled with Mummy love and life. As soon as arrives, he says..

‘I need to come in for a second. I need to speak to you.’

(When this happens, it’s usually something bad.)

‘Don’t worry. It’s not anything bad. Hang on….Ruby, Junior can you both just go into the living for a second, whilst I talk to your mum.’

Junior refuses to. But Ruby just seems to get the score without a moments prompting (almost like she had seen this little shindig happen a million times before,) so she hold hers brother’s hand, whilst she walks him into the living room, and tells him she’s going to read him a story.

So, I’m an open girl and I’ve always made sure whilst raising the kids, that I keep everything with Ruby, Junior and I expressive and open. So I don’t like closed doors, drama and whispers. Especially in my own home. You can’t come into someone elses home and do that. It creates a sense of awkwardness.

Anyway…he begins with…

‘Don’t be alarmed…’

It’s never good when people start with a sentence of sorts. But he explained a situation that I already knew about…so with a warmth, I just smile and say,

‘Yeah, don’t worry. That’s fine.’

(I’m good with the BIG STUFF.)

He thanks me. Everything’s fine. (Awful word is ‘fine,’ as it rarely means dandy.) He seems relived. We’re all smiley. Things are sorted. I expect him to now leave, after the baby drop off…

Then no……..because ofcourse in Wunna Land is EVER that simple.

THEN Keiran decides he’s going to take it upon himself to try to convert me into being a Jehovah’s witness. 🙂 I’ve worked all day. I’m tired. This is my home time with the kids.

Basically….I’m having none of it. My SASS levels rise…I even had my kitten specs on lol….and without going into it all….Here is how it went…

‘Right! What YOU believe, is what YOU believe and i’m fine with that. But what I believe is what I believe and YOU NEED TO BE cool with that. I’m not someone who wants to hear about flipping Jehovah or Armageddon or some juicy little paradise that you think that you’re going to at 7pm at night.

I believe in life and just living it in the now and i’m fine with that. I don’t wish to be weirdly immortal forever. When i’m alive, I’m alive and when i’m dead i’m dead. What matters to me is NOW. I could walk out of this house and get run over by some manic driver and it’ll all be over. Right NOW is what matters to me and right now, I could be spending time with the kids, who I adore, instead of talking about the Bible with you!!

You can’t tell me what will happen to me when I die, because you don’t flipping know.’

‘I do know. It’s the word of GOD.  We need to meet up and do Bible Studies.’

WHAT!!!! Don’t talk shit at me Keiran. When we met in a gym six years ago, you were a completely different person. ANN SUMMERS SPONSORED OUR WEDDING!!!! I don’t try to tell you how to live your life. Don’t push yours on mine. It’s like me trying to tell someone what it’s like to be in the Army, when i’ve never experience BEING in the Army. I can only tell someone what I THINK i know, where you would actually know what its like to be in the Army. Get it???’

 ‘Yes. I completely get it.’

He almost stops…But no…he goes on…

‘Why don’t you wish to be immortal forever… You don’t want to end up in paradise?’

‘WHAT!!! What are you on about! I’M FLIPPIING HAPPY. WHAT MATTERS IS THAT I ‘M HAPPY, THE CHILDREN ARE HAPPY AND LET ME TELL YOU…DURING MY LAST SECONDS ON EARTH, I’M NOT GOING TO BE WISH I HAD READ VERSE 43 OF THE FLIPPING BIBLE AM I! I’M GOING TO BEGGING TO SEE MY KIDS FOR ONE LAST TIME!!’

By this point, I was FUMING and he knew it. (It must’ve been the ex wife scowl.) And I never lose my rag. I’m  usually so chilled, I could be laid on a flamingo lilo, floating around a pool, in the sunshine, with my pina colada and a wink. But I lost it with him today. Calmly. But FIRMLY. And i lost it because he kept trying to FORCE me to believe something I didn’t and DON’T believe in. And I understand Keiran better than anyone. I get why he’s where he’s at right now in life..No one in the world is MORE understanding that I am. I don’t judge anyone. I respect him. I respect the beliefs of others. But you don’t come into Wunna land and ….well… you get it.

YOU DON’T NEED A WORD.

I don’t need a Bible study session. God loves me. I’m good with God.

Here’s the moral…..

The moral of the story is to not force people to do things that they don’t wish to do. YET also for you as humans, to always stand by what you believe is morally right. DO life, YOUR WAY.

It’s your version of it.

Respect people for what they believe in. What they stand for. We’re all different and that’s what’s great about us and after the world’s taken a turn, Keiran and i will just go back to ‘happy go lucky’ co parenting again, like it never even happened.  And I like that.

Anyway, he knew it was time to leave…and with smiles galore and a…

‘Please don’t swear Chrissie…Satan will….’

‘If I wanna swear, i’ll swear. I’m not doing Bible studies with you Keiran. I’m not that lost. I’m really busy and right now I just want to spend some time with the children’

He was actually really pleasant about it all…even though he might have eyed up my boobs a little…(Hmmm…not very religious of him) and then he left.

‘I’ll text you.’

I shut the door.

Ruby: ’ I heard all that! Let’s just get into our comfies and watch some telly Mum.’

And just like that…Wunna land refound it’s fabulousity and got back to normal… with a fresh wine pour and a wink!

PS/ Ann Summers did actually sponsor our wedding years ago and our wedding table favours were limited edition delicately wrapped ‘bullets’ and cock rings. Lol. It was all about pleasure. 😉

Then we split up. And weirdly as stories and chapters go….The break up, was the best thing (on both sides) that we could’ve ever done.

 

Love Lists, Glamour Pussing & Does Size Matter?

Things are wonderful!

Monday was *chocca..blocked* with work. It was a busy one and there were no fruity cocktails in sight. You could’ve kicked me and a bundle of ‘to do’ lists, would’ve fallen out of my system and you know things are crazy when life throws you that ‘non juicy’ bone. As SURELY when people kick me, only fruity frizzles of Martini, *squirts* out of me. No such luck.

Right now i’m hopeful. I’m working hard and with my fingers crossed…I don’t expect anything, I just hope for the best really. I hope I get sent a whole bunch of luck, to go with my whole bunch of hard work and a whole jolly bunch of decent peoples, to man the Wunna Land fort. Something tells me that my next year is going to be great! I’m lucky. I’m really lucky. Please make it be great…Or this blog posts makes me look foolish. 😉

Today, I’m gonna talk about the art of PONDERING.

I’m a doer, not a ponderer. I make decision FAST. Good ones. People waste a lot of time on the simple art of pondering, don’t they? I used to. I don’t any more. I’m a grown up now.  Sometimes we ponder far too much about the things we can’t AT ALL control. You can’t control them. It’s not like you don’t know that? You do and try to anyway. Don’t waste that energy. It’s always what you DO that matters. And further from that, it’s all about how much IMPACT you MAKE from that little piece of ‘doing.’

I’m the kinda girl who will do everything I CAN, I’m a positive person on all levels, but THEN I’ll leave the rest to that good old ‘life magic.’ I believe in fate and destiny. You’ll end up where you’re meant to be. For me, these days, life usually goes great, but when it doesn’t, I just slip on a different set of stilettos and dolly march forward. When you can quick change your heels and still strut forward with a whole heart and a gallop, you’ve got it!

I spent the day with ‘The Girls’ yesterday. (As in my chick friends…not my bosoms. I spend enough time with my chest and let’s face it, they’ve served me well in the past. Lol)

Little Innocent ‘FairyTale Blond’ couldn’t have been more little and innocent yesterday. Everything from trapping fingers, seeing how fast she could run down the stairs, eating fruit, making fairytale cups of tea and hopeful Disney Love occurred in her world. ‘Double B’ strutted in with her Sasserilla scowl, her weave, her bag flung over her ‘had sex last night’ shoulder and with a hangover that could… AND DID… give her tonsillitis today. (She was absent from Wunna land adventures this Tuesday. I knew she should’ve have had sex. Something always goes wrong.)

Mel had decided that her body was so smart, that during the Winter months, it naturally knew how to create an extra layer of warmth, that was made via the fine art of eating things out of the ‘filth drawer.’ (Which she can now do, as she’s a proper full fledge gym goer now and loves it. She also found a dead rat, on the tip of her leopard print shoe, whilst she crossed a road in Doncaster.) Hustle Barbie is still a Vegan and shouting at Jonsez over mangoes. Firmonell sent me a love song, about Chinese people and stated that she was really good at pretending to be a Lesbian. Lady Shizzle definitely agreed that ‘five inches’ was not a good ‘willy size’ and considered being an alcoholic…

Shizzle: ‘Five is SMALL. Six or Seven Inches is AVERAGE. Eight or Nine is BIG.’

Me: ‘Anything else is…pointless.’

Then we went through our personal lists of what our DREAM MAN or partner requirements were. Again..for no real reason. It’s just for kicks innit. 😉 Love being a girl! I’m not gonna say who said what…But here are some snippets of our convo…

‘Stylish…they’ve got to be stylish.’

‘You can give them style!’

‘No you can’t!’

‘Funny. I love funny.’

‘Sexy IS SO IMPORTANT.’

‘They’ve GOT TO BE GOOD AT SEX! I hate bad sex.’

‘Rich.’

‘Rich isn’t on my list.’

‘Rich is on MY LIST!’

‘Oooh no…you’re wrong. Attractive. Handsome.’

‘I like good teeth.’

‘I just like kind.’

‘Generous. It’s alright saying rich, but if they’re tight…’

‘Good manners. A gentleman.’

‘As long as i’m not repulsed by them then i’m okay.’

I was actually JUST telling my guy friend about the above conversation and he was astonished at the fact that not ONE OF US, mentioned ‘Loving, faithful, loyal or respectful.’

We didn’t mention any of the above, because WE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO MENTION ANY OF THE ABOVE, it should go without saying. OBVIOUSLY, we’d expect anyone we’re with, or dating… to naturally come to us with a bundle of loyalty, love and respect. Surely they’re not things that boyfriends, husbands or potential partners, or even girlfriends, and wives should need to TRY TO BE. We’re women not kids. Our fun personal lists, were just for bonus points. (Ooh. I need to add ‘Hero’ onto mine. I love a Hero. Can’t believe I forgot that.)

I can’t remember what else I was gonna tell you now?

I’ve got a lot of organizing to do, so i’ve got to get going.

Thank you for following my life.

The amount of you, all over the world, reading this, is crazy and let me tell you, I couldn’t be more grateful. I mean it from the bottom of my heart.THANK YOU.

FYI/ Nothing topped my weekend off than Miss Gemma Collins, falling through a hole, on a stage, that delivered Love Island cast members, at some Radio 1 TV Awards thingy. Lol. OH my GOD. HOW I LOVE ‘THE G.C.’ She stole the show. She’s literally the funniest girl on British TV right now. And yeah, it’s such an awful thing to have happen and I hope she’s not hurt, but GOSH, she filled us ALL UP with sincere laughter and good vibes. She took it like a champ! (Definitely heard that she’s suing them now. 🙂 )

 

 

Wunna Land Gossip, My Diary, My Life

This last week has been swirled with a gooey glitter splurge of insanity. It’s been madness!! I can’t even tell you, but i’ve done it with grace and a smile on my little oriental face. There hasn’t even been time to blog. I’ve spun plates, on all levels, like some Hero of femininity. Unfortunately for me, I’m not ‘some hero’ at all, i’m simply managing my life in order to get the best out of it.

Yeah, I’m a single mum of two with a mighty career load…but so are a lot of chicks. All I can tell anyone in my situation is to NOT GIVE UP. You can do it, get through it and see the results that you want. You’ve just godda keep at it and not feel sorry for yourself.

I remember sitting in this acting class in LA as a 22 year old and the guy who owned the school came in to give us some ‘life lesson’ lecture. He told us that the majority of people DIDN’T MAKE THEIR DREAMS COME TRUE, simply because they GAVE UP. I held onto that. It’s true. So when you prioritize, work hard, don’t get distracted and rest when you can, you’ll smash it. You’ll even get better at it. Everyone that adores you, will always be there, when you come out of that tunnel.

I probably worked 19 hours of each 24hr day last week, continuously, until it was time to sleep. Lol. My diet got glamorously flung out the window. I wanted to get skinny for no reason, so i looked great for filming. I don’t even feel fat. I feel great. I love my body..even the wibbly bits. So, it wasn’t a priority. It got flung. Everything was..

‘I’d like a bucket of chicken wings with hot sauce, onion rings and a Pina Colada, please.’

The Pina Colada is essential. I can’t do anything without a cocktail by my side. It’s less about the drinking and more about the fact that they make me smile when they’re near me. 😉  I also like luxury. I can slum it with the lasses. But I don’t prefer to. It doesn’t make me feel comfy. Lol. I’ve added the requirements onto my ‘DIVA list.’ My Diva list is the list of ‘Wunna Must Haves’ that is produced when I’m going to appear somewhere, be it business or pleasure…Y’know, like Rockstars would ask for shit like Green M & M’s.

My requirements are now, PHONE CHARGING FACILITIES, WIFI, LUXURY WHEREVER IT CAN BE APPLIED & TWO WELL MADE COCKTAILS. (I’m used to doing the 2 for 1 cocktails at Ego now. Hence why two drinks are an absolute necessity.)

My chicks friends have been dandy. Mel’s been gyming it, Fairytale Blond is having a phantom pregnancy, Hustle Barbie is stroking dead pigeons, Jonesez is pretending to be a Vegan so Hustle fancies him, Double B has heightened her ‘Sass’ levels and Firmonnell and I have turned up our life mode to the art of  ‘C’est La Vie.’ I think both Hustle and Firmonnell had agreed that they’ve either made up or blocked their childhoods out for no real reason and the PE teacher that I used to chat to, about 2 years ago…has been hailed the ‘Hottest Teacher in The World’ by the Daily Mail. I knew it had to be press for something, so I checked and he’s going to be a new fitness presenter for the BBC. He was actually on that really ace reality show ‘Last man Standing’ years ago. He deserves a break because he’s worked really hard for it. We’re good friends, i know him well, so if he manoeuvres all his work correctly, he could actually be a huge star!

Me: ‘I’d wondered what he had been doing all of this time??’

Firmonnell: ‘Sit ups….OBVIOUSLY!!’

Firmonnell and I actually going to see a clairvoyant together on Wednesday, Susan Woods. I’m really excited to blog about it all. It feels juicy. Plus, we’ll be delighting in Prosecco all the way there, so i’ll take any bad news with glee and a prosecco dripped happiness. It’s glamour pussing…honest. *Yayur*

I messaged her yesterday complaining because she wasn’t with me whilst I was trapped, in some kind of ‘Countries of the World’ drinking Disney Land. Not that I could ever feel TRAPPED in a place of such absolute wonder. I mean, I could’ve had Sake in the Japanese hut, Rum in a reggae chill zone, Austrian Ale in some log cabin and vodka in an iced mountain den. A Disney Land for total alcoholics.

Firmonnell: WHY AM I NOT THERE! SEND ME PICTURES NOW.

I had Baby Junior, as Ruby had opted for doing the Blackpool Illuminations with her Dad. Junior convinced me to purchase his poor little ‘hard done by’ self  a DRUM KIT. Massive ROOKIE ERROR! What was I thinking!!!! So yeah. No fun in the Disney Land for boozers for me. I HAD TO CARRY A DRUM KIT AROUND WITH ME…(glamourously..of course.) Then he demanded that we go to Ego for drinks and a bread board. So we did…..I definitely got tricked, rinsed and by my own loin fruit. My own darling creation. (He filmed this morning and DEMANDED that his drum kit was in every scene and that everyone heard him smash out irregular drum beating to JINGLE BELLS …continously. After filming he got sent off for his usual Sunday ‘Daddy Day’ with his Jehovahs Witness Father.

I’m currently having to write this from the back of my Mum’s car, as she drives us all to lunch. That’s how i’m having to utilize my time now. The rest of The Wunna’s are actually doing well also. They will be welcoming themselves to entertainment shortly….both with me and without me. ((I know! I can’t believe how everything’s panning out!)

Mum: Well Chrissie’s been writing the blog and it’s turned HUGE by accident & so  she’s getting plunged back into TV. Now… because of the blog, we’re ALL getting asked to do all sorts. She always said you only live once….and I guess right now….we’re going to have fun as a family, yet under extraordinary circumstances. People must be inspired by her? I mean, she’s my own and even I look at her sometimes and think gosh I don’t know how she does it!!??!!’

(Aww… I have an ace Mama!)

The great thing is that by the end of December, everything changes for me and I step into a new chapter. Things will be much easier for me. I’m someone who embraces new chapters with ease, as they seem to have happened to me a lot in life…both good and bad. I focus on the good. I told you. I don’t waste my time on the bad. I have so much to be happy about and a future that feels charmed, right now. I don’t have anymore auditions this week, so I can concentrate on the blog, which is what I love the most! I’ve signed up to some really exciting collabos and brand deals and I can’t wait for you to see the fun!

Right we’ve pulled up. The cars stopped. I’m off to lunch.

Happy Sunday!