Morning! Morning! Hope you’ve shot into you weekend with a rummy *yippeee* and a high kick of victory to the wine Gods. I had a rough yesterday. A looooooooooooooooong work Saturday. It dragged. All of my friends and I did. We were ‘all in.’ It made us retire to our normal home lives and then DRINK GALLONS OF BOOZE until we felt normal. At that point, i cuddled the babies to sleep, talked to ‘the swirl’ (the hottest human I will ever swirl with…I love him, no one beats our banter. He makes my eyes smile….) and then after describing a written book of porn that was gifted to me by a chubby stranger, to review…I resided to my kitten bed sheets and enjoyed a good nights sleep.
IN THAT TIME …
DRAMA OCCURED. Shit went down…and I missed it.
I don’t know what’s happened, but ‘fairytale’ is all forlorn, so that’s not good. It was her Anniversary last night. Double B was fine…I received a million morning texts from here telling me how much she loved me, whilst fueled by shots and her body weight in red wine. Mel, got in at 2am after a tinseled night on the town in heels and Firmonnell and I bantered about hot pink heels, the best lunch ever and dodgy gimp masks that should only be worn in the bedroom. We laughed so hard we cried, to the point where Hustle Barbie, strutted in looked at us like we were dickheads and left in a strop.
The diets going well. For six days straight I ate zero carbs, just salad and then I had pasta last night and more bags of Wotsits. Lol FUCKS SAKE! I’m gonna send Michelle Keegan a box of wotsits to make her slow her roll.
Y’see in Yorkshire, no one diets during the weekend. No one does. It’s against the rules. On Sunday we have a roast and we drink. That’s it. You’ll meet a Yorkshire girl and she will always tell you that she’s had a few at the weekend and that no one diets during that time. It’s the rules. Like I said. I need to find my Hollywood mentality, but it’s hard when you’re a being a country bumpkin. Lol. I swore that my 23 year old ABS were hiding under my belly fat.
So yeah, I’ve gone and had pasta. I still feel skinny though. In a wibbly kind of glamour puss way. And I don’t care. Fuck it.
Away from all that I have a busy day. A fun day, but a bus one!
I’m all dressed up, in a glammy boobie dress by Jessica Wright and shortly I will be en route to La Bottega Milanese at Bond Court in Leeds, for a morning coffee at the espresso bar with ‘Inadequate Chris.’ (He wants a collabo and well he’s the champion of Snapchat with trophies to prove it. EVERYTHING is social media right now. i mean, Googlebox is now Vlogglebox. Get it? Learn it quickly!)
Straight after my morning breakfast banter with ‘Inadequate Chris’ I will be headed straight to Gino’s (Gino’s My Restauarnt in Leeds, owned by the very sexy D’Acamapo, who I had the pleasure of meeting last month..) as the girls and I are going to celebrate life, friendship and good food, in the name of love. I have a Black card to Gino’s so we’re very lucky to enjoy such a good time. We’re all going to be arriving separately from across the city and tinker into lunch in heels. We’ll be coming ‘up/down/around…and from a meeting.’
We’re also on our last day of texting. For the last 10 days, the girls and I, including Liam in Blackpool, have had our private text messages made ‘live’ to the public for you to read, for an app by Onlookr (onlookr.co.uk) for ‘CHRISSIE IN THE CITY.’
We’ve done really well and enjoyed it and again really lucky as it’s all going be moving forward. You can follow todays actions as we live text from Gino’s.
It’s sort of like ‘Sex and the City’ but in Wunna land, with my friends and the city is Leeds. And it’s been great to let you have insight into what really happens in real time.
We’ll be texting from Gino’s Leeds today, so you can come day ‘Hi’ and be a part of the drama or just download the app and follow our chitter.
I’n really happy. Life is great. I’m in a rush, as I have trains to catch. But thank you. I love you for everything. I’m tanning and rushing. I’ve gotta go.
Yay! Espresso Martini’s for everyone! It is fucking Friday! Technically, this week the Friday ‘Hoopla’ means nothing to me as I’m working ALL Saturday, (YIPEEEE.) Yet I’ll let you all enjoy your *can can.* I’m one to start the party, not poop at it.
I’m feeling positive and refreshed. I’m smashing my diet, thanks to ‘Fairytale’ and Hustle Barbie. YOU’RE ALL going to jelaous of me in a bikini. I’m not saying that I think i’m fat. I’m saying that I have wibbly bits that might need a *jiggle* off…I’m quite a vain person, so it has nothing to do with my health and everything to do with looking good! Lol. And yeah, you may think that is shit, but it’s not. I did my entire 20’s in Hollywood and my entire career at that point was making money from ‘looking good.’ It’s healthy to shake off ya wibbly bits. Especially when ‘Firmonnell’ says I an have a rum.
‘Honestly, it’s better for you than wine.’
I’ve had to change my mental state of thought, because ‘Hustle’ and ‘Fairytale’ are actually shit at making me just eat leaves. (They’re already skinny, so it doesn’t matter to them.) They’re all..
‘Lets have a bun’ here…’I really need a biscuit’ there…’Chrissie banana bread is just like brown toast with banana on it. It’s good for you.’
‘IT’S FUCKING CAKE!’
So ‘Firmonnell’ and I have made the executive decision TO LET THEM eat cake.
‘Eat it my pretties…’
That way, when we’re supermodel skinny and flouncing around like the happy chick on the Bodyform beach commercials, they’ll be fat…and that will make me happy. 🙂 I’ll look like a Michelle Keegan in a bikini and they’ll look like Stavros Flatley. (Everyone made fun of my Ellen Degeneres Girl Crush yesterday. I don’t get why people don’t see the attraction? If i could marry any woman…it would be HER!)
‘Well yeah, she is funny Chrissie…’
‘NO! She’s hot! It goes waaaaaaaaaay beyond funny. Lol.’
I’ve confused myself really because i’m definitely very straight but GOD, I fancy Ellen. Lol. I’m not even kidding. I adore her. AND she follows me on Twitter!
I’m feeling a bit rough today. I did after work cocktails simply because it was THURSDAY. Not sure why I thought that was such a good idea? However, everyone must have jumped on the bandwagon because the place was RAMMED. In Leeds…everyone votes for cocktails through the week. Which reminds me…I forgot to actually Vote for the Prime Minister. Lol. Fuck it. I voted ‘Pornstars.’
I have lots going on but i’m happy. It feels chilled and in control. This week is a busy one…and during my spits of time off (which is only Sunday) I have a morning coffee with ‘Inadequate Chris’ (he’s a Snapchat star and does these really funny videos.) He messaged me yesterday to see if we could come up with a collabo. We’ll be doing La Bottega Milanese in Leeds, at around 10.30am? Can’t remember what time I said?
THEN I meet the girls, my besties, my dolls (we’ve had our private text messages ‘LIVE’ for the world to read all week and it’s been so fun. We’re almost at the end of our 10 day ‘Chrissie in the City’ stint…Yet we’ve done and are doing so well, that it’s going to get picked up, revamped and moved forward.’ App show here we come. The future is all about Social Media and we’ve accidentally got ourselves a future HIT..if we do it right.)
Anyway, what was I saying? Chris at Bottega? Yes, on Sunday at 1pm, all us girls are meeting up and kicking back to enjoy a prosecco dripped, cocktailed lunch at one of my favoruite Leeds haunts Gino’s. It is owned by the very famous Gino ‘D’acampo. I did his live show. I chatted to him about life. I’m goign to the opening of the Harrogate restaurant. I wrote the infamous blog on his joint (the first time that I visited.) It swirled through the head honchos and D’acampo offices. I now have a Black card…and the girls and I are going to treat ourselves to the finest pasta, cocktails in all the land of Leeds….and glare at delicious Italian waiters…as we get very glamourously pissed.
I want one of Mel’s kittens!
(I love that I’ve just seen a picture of my friend Katty stood by a ‘Polling station’ sign with the words…
‘THEY SEE ME POLLIN’ ….THEY HATING…’ underneath it.
Hahahaha! DYING.That’s what life’s about.)
I’ve run out of foundation, had no time to buy any, my hair extensions are falling to pieces and i’ve forgotten to watch Love Island. UGH! FFS! What is life!
Ladies! When it comes to dating you really mustn’t CHASE boys. You mustn’t! And not only because it demeans your worth as a Lady, it makes you look like a desperado and well it’s really not too becoming to give a boy something too easily without working for it. I’ve been a desperado before and a chaser, so i’m not just rambling on, I’m speaking from experience. There are a great deal of thing sin life that we as women can chase…chase dreams, work, money, opportunity, midgets, wallets…:) anything. But not love and not boys and simply not boys because like i’ve always said, it is their natural instinct to hunt, gather and provide. They have to DO the chasing and if they have an interest in you, they will. Believe me…they will. if they don’t they won’t or they’ll mess you around. And if they aren’t a natural hunter and gatherer, then they are not yet a man and still wearing the title of ‘boy.’ be very weary of any boy that states that he is ‘Peter Pan.’ First of all, as girls…we all find that creepy. 😛 We do boys. We really do. Second of all…women…not chicks..like grown up men, because they are the mature version of silly little boys.
I was listening to Hirsty on Captial Radio on route to work, whilst stuck in traffic and well he says that on a level of sex, mature men are better than immature boys. With boys…it’s more enthusiasm with their willies, than actual SKILL. (And that’s true. That’s why we girls know how to fake orgasms.) You will be able to tell a ‘boy’ from a ‘Man’ simply because a boy will boast about the amount of women he has bonked with pride, weirdly believing that it makes him more desirable. It doesn’t. It just means he either has issues, or is a slag. Dirty willies R’ NOT ‘US. You’ll notice it immediately because he’ll attempt to be charming but then say that he isn’t looking for a relationship and never wants to settle down. #snooze. Those boys are not usually good at sex. In the words of Hirsty…it’s enthusiasm or ego boosting…more than actual skill. I agree.
Second of all…a boy…will make you CHASE HIM and foolishly think you have to make HIM adore YOU. #wrong that’s actually classed as being feminine. So maybe they’re a closet gay, or insecure. A grown up man will offer you stability, romance, love and never deny that they love you, care for you and will look after you forever. They’ll do all the leg work and simply because that’s what a real man does…without complaint.
Thirdly (and again as Hirsty on Capital states,) a boy might look hotter, have a good body and seem more attractive than the man. Yet the man doesn’t define himself on how big his muscles are. He defines himself on success, love and how he can proved for his family. Yeah, he might have an extra bit of pudge around his waist. However, that’s because his culinary pallet reaches a bit further than a pot noodle. He can afford a slap up meal and in fact afford one for YOU toooo! 🙂 A few extra inches around his waist doesn’t matter. Like the saying goes, ‘A six pack, ain’t gonna pay the bills…and certainly isn’t going to love you more than a grown up.’
And my final bit of Boy vs Man dating bonanza-
A boy will break a girl into pieces. A man will pick up those pieces of put them back together with love. Make sure you pick the nice guy, over the bad boy. The saying that ‘good guys finish last’ is soooo 2001. Good guys finish last? Not with good girls they don’t. And you can always tell a good guy over a bad boy, if even the bad boy is simply only pretending to be bad. He’ll cry because he loves you. He’ll focus on what’s positive about you and always see the good in you, no matter what the circumstance is. He’ll ‘woo you,’ never give up on you, share his world, do love, do life and only with YOU. In the words of Beyonce…*perform booty pops here* he’ll certainly…’Put a ring on it.’ A boy will only see what’s negative about you and use that in order to make you feel of less worth, which makes him feel more powerful.
Now, we all, as girls and gays know all of the above to be true…and we all as girls and gays…forget this because we’re idiots at times. However, don’t fret,this is why I am here to remind you and give your heart a little refresher, as I forget all of the above at times, over and over again. Well..i never fully forget my worth. But I do on occasion forget to be a lady. 🙂 It’s all about having faith in yourself and faith in love.
On a good note for me, I totally read that 80% of married men said that they would marry the same woman, if they had to do it all over again.
On a bad note for me, whilst I was stood on the train to Manchester yesterday, I saw this old man asleep on his seat on the train and snuggled into him, under his arm, like he was protecting her and upon his warm side was his wife, also asleep on the train. They looked so beautiful and so happy. Just at peace. I smiled because it was lovely, but then *sad faced* because i felt as though i’d never have that. 🙁
Luckily then a grump old woman, who certainly never experienced love stormed over to shout at the boy standing opposite me, who had apparently hit her with his umbrella… by accident. She was a complete cow to him to say he was so poshy-nice-nice and super apologetic. Apparently he should never do it again, or live simply because she could now be blind or something? Lol. What was her problem??
There’s so much love swirling around the world right now and yeah I want a piece of romance, a piece of hope, a piece of something. 🙁 Even Mark Wright’s engaged to Michelle Keegan….right now! Peter Andre’s having a baby with new love Emily. People are falling in love every second. I want to feel adored. 🙁 I just can’t think anymore and my head is filled with fuzz.
The good thing about these occasions is that today we can all take it out on the ridiculous Katie Hopkins, who was apparently on ‘This Morning’ again making a twit of herself, for the second time. What a misguided snob. I’m sure she’s just trying to be funny and make good telly. However, I believe there are distinct ways to work PR and although she certainly may be receiving attention, it’s definitely not of the right kind. 🙂