A Quick Change of Jiggly Plans….

So my weekend’s made a glamourous U Turn and is now completely different. I won’t be headed off to ‘tango’ with the boy until next weekend now. It only changed about an hour and a half ago…due to my own circumstance…Yet being a kitten who is pretty schooled in the art of ‘getting on it with..’ when life throws in a *spanner,* I’m dandy with it all. You can sweat the small stuff, (which isn’t sexy) or you can celebrate the big things that you have to look forward to. I’m certainly on ‘celebration’ mode and certainly excited about what life has in store for me…so Yeah…after ‘chitter chatter,’ rearrangements and just good old honest ‘Wunna Style’ banter…Everything was sorted and my faith in humanity and my trust in ‘swirls’ were completely restored.

Y’know, what’s good about this guy…Is that he reasons things out in his head. He’ll wait, he’ll weigh things up, they’ll benefit everyone and hell make the right choices. He’ll stand by what he believes, but then, with charm immediately knows how to make everything better…

‘I’m a lucky guy…’

‘You make me smile, I’m laughing my head off reading these texts..’

‘You’re not just looks.. you’re actually  hilarious…it’s total banter…’

‘I love that you’re really open..’

‘It’ll be worth the wait…I promise.’ xxx

I mean honestly, I love hearing it all!!

But what I’m realizing about him is that yes…he’s a lot of things… but he’s actually the perfect balance of everything..in my eyes. And in my world, my eyes… count. 😉  He’s funny, but he’s sweet and he’s naughty, but he’s expressive. We’re similar like that. I’m loving it. So I’m looking forward to meeting him. PLUS any guy that I can have a conversation with about my entire ‘time of the month,’my actual period, before i’ve ever even met THEM in person..and chat about it with them comfortably, as we try to make sense of it all…is certainly ACE. I can literally say anything, tell him everything and he’ll find it funny. Even if it’s inappropriate. And i’m gonna need that aren’t ! 🙂 He’s sexy. I’m hooked.

So we’ll see what happens NEXT Saturday. I’m a firm believer in the fact that you meet people, when you’re meant to meet people…I wasn’t meant to meet him earlier on in life, which is when we had first chattered. Right now, shortly, our paths are supposed to cross, I guess? Is that how it works?

However, away from that I cannot EVEN TELL YOU how happy I am that it is FINALLY THE WEEKEND! Honestly. I have been sooooooooo busy and have worked sooooo hard this week that my mind could’ve  just exploded. It’s been THAT bundled and THAT full of *So Utterly Much.* But I did it I’ve done it! I’m at the end of the tunnel. I have two utter days off in a row, away from the madness to find peace and calm…and gallons of prosecco.

THANK THE FUCKING LORD!

(Or as ‘Double B’ would say, ‘Jesus and the baby orphans.’ )

When you’re THAT busy, you need those moments! I like to call them ‘peace… cut offs,‘ where you just ‘cut away‘ from the hectic drama’s of life happenings and enjoy the things that you LOVE. It stops you from needing botox, going insane and keeps you beaming.

(OH GOD! Ruby’s just woken up and tottered up to me, with these GIANT rainbow coloured beads around her neck with what SHE thinks are flesh coloured ‘feet.’ They’re from a Gay Pride event and my friend brought them back for me, as an appropriate gift. I’m sure that I hide them in the back of a high kitchen cupboard? Lord knows how she has them??…But yes, those ‘feet’ are decorative…well there’s a Penis, after every 7 beads 🙂 Welcome to Wunna Land.)

Lots of great things are happening to me right now. I have lots of good news to tell you soon.

I have my fingers crossed for most of it, as I don’t know how my life is going to end up…But if you don’t hope for the best…You’ll drown in rummy cocktails. Let’s put it this way, I just KNOW that it’s going to end up being wonderful. 😉

Hope you sail through the weekend with absolute utter happiness….That kind of buzz that beams from your soul and lights up your eyes…

 

Tonight…I’m beaming…

Thank you for following my life.

Chrissie x

Ps/ What did my chick friends say?

‘Well at least you don’t have to take it up the arse on the first date now…:) ‘

 

 

Saturday Things, Sexy Times & Rank

I don’t even know where to start! But let me tell you, If you don’t have a sense of fun,or a deliciously naughty sense of humour, you’re pretty much going to do ‘shock’ faces throughout this bit of diary today.

It’s taken me ages to THINK about writing it, simply because the girl, sassy banter that my chick friends and I tinkered with today was glamourously inappropriate and so utterly personal that I don’t even know what I can say and I can’t.

I will tell you that we decided that we weren’t so keen of people with 80’s moussed hair who try to chill in millennial town like it’s hipster. We also decided that we were certainly the greatest people alive, that sexting is often odd to girls, but easy for guys…

Double D: ‘Honestly my girlfriend once sent me a picture of herself naked with just my work tie on saying that she couldn’t wait for me to get home AND I RAN HOME as fast as i could!’

SEE! Guys are so visual and stimulated by turn on’s..and this is coming from ‘Double D’ our ‘Boy bitch’ who is a pretty decent gent, on all levels.

(Mel keeps making him do errands for him…Great errands that have now ended with him calling her Mum and Fairytale Blond ‘PULLING RANK.’ LOL)

‘Listen to Fairytale pulling rank on me!! Hahah!’ 

We also decided that some balls…balls? I mean BOYS have balls and some boys don’t. And that some girls are naughtier than others. We danced with oddballs and made deals with ‘the lovelies.’

‘I’m sure he still puts foam in his hair!

‘Mousse? D’ya mean mousse…like in an 80’s perm?’

‘Has a bird shit on my head…? I can feel shit on my head? Why is it so hot in here?’

‘I’ve fucking come on my period and I have my Saturday THING! FFS!’

Now, ofcourse when I wan’t to swoon in a swirl with the Mister that i’m going to see…who I adore…my body decides to *middle finger* me with a ‘hello time of the month…enjoy!’

WHAT THE FUCK!

Me: ‘It’s just going to have blowjobs and playing around. Lol’

Fairytale Blond: *Utter face of shock, fear and disgust*

Double D: ‘You can’t put out the first time you meet someone…there’s rules..’

Me: ‘There’s NO RULES DUDE. I can do what I want! Lol

( Istrut towards the cupboard)

Me: ‘Mel, i’ve come ON and I have my Saturday thing…’

Mel: ‘You’re just gonna have to take it up the arse then. 🙂 ‘

I love Mel! I pissed myself laughing and then chanted out loud, in a whisper as I strutted out the cupboard. We spent the late part of the evening chatting about Mel’s ‘love swirl’ Gary… and it makes me happy. I want to be in love like that! She gives me hope. I’ve not seen her as happy, since i’ve known her. We’re really close now and I love that she found true love , almost like magic and  in her 40’s. THAT’S AMAZING. She *beams* when she talks about Gary…and that’s a healthy energy to be around because I KNOW how much her handsome adores her. It’s balanced. It’s lovely. It’s naughty AND romantic and well…she’s kinda made me believe in love even more so…and I’m a girl, who is YES DIPPED IN SASS….but a total ‘love bunny’ when it comes to matters of the heart. I’m not wet! I’m no drip. I’m a force to be reckoned, with a bullet wink that sharp as a knife. But i’m soft when I adore. Who isn’t! So i’m looking forward to meeting ‘Taylor’ on Saturday…I’ve actually chatted to him in the past ‘on and off’ and briefly, yet I don’t think time or timing has granted us much lucky…AND I think you meet people when you’re supposed to meet them.

So right now in life…for some reason…I’m meant to spend my Saturday night & Sunday day with ‘Taylor.’ I like him. I like him alot. He’s great! So I couldn’t be more excited. We’re both excited and did the only ‘2 days’ left until we see each other message to one another…with smiles! I’ve had the busiest week…so my weekend will be perfect!

My work life is rammed right now…that I can’t keep up…so getting that ‘loving feeling’ back will keep my spirit alive.

Why is Mother Mature sending me with a period…? 🙂

Hahah! You should’ve seen ‘Fairytale blond’s’ FACE when blowjobs, were mentioned, let alone bum sex. Hahahah! (It’s her birthday tomorrow. I’m excited  to see what her ‘Prince’ gets her?

‘It better not be a fitbit…’

But yes, all is well in love and work. I’m working so hard right now…but i’m pretty positive that in the end i’m sure it’ll be worth it.

I had my tarot cards read for me tonight, after I asked specific questions. It’s crazy what came up…but i’ll have to leave that until next time. I’m knackered.My reading really helped me a lot. I was shocked.

Chat tomorrow…

Love you!

Thank you for being a part of my life…

Birthdays, Chill Mode & Manchester on Monday

I think i’ve just let my body embrace ‘chill mode’ and this isn’t any normal kind of ‘chill mode,’ this is the ultimate, soft landing, let your world sink into deep relaxtion, as a release mode.

I feel like i’ve just jollied in from the LONGEST work week ever. I can feel it all in my back, all tense. All knotty. It was just one of those work weeks that just kept going and going, with early mornings, late nights…and not even nearly enough wine.

When my body is still ‘running’ it does the job and gets on with it. YET, there was just a moment, on Friday night, where in which I tip toed away from the bustle. (I’ve worked A LOT over the last week, but i’ve felt it? Friday was also Ruby’s birthday…She’s now SIX :)..so even at home, it’s been ‘go, go, go.’ People, plans, giddiness, all sorts.) But yes, I looked around me, at the bustle and I snook away for a second, to have a chill, just a little old lay on my good old bed. (Total Granny. 🙂 ) And as my utterly glamourous head, hit that extra soft, feathery pillow, almost as if it had happened in slow motion, my ENTIRE SOUL felt a strong *clench* relax and slooooowly release me from a lofty height of tense stress. It was BLISS. From that moment on, I was in a euphoric state of kitty chill and I think you just need those moments to recoup. It’s the balance. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about relaxing. If you work hard, you deserve it.

I have Ruby’s birthday weekend to delight in for the rest of the weekend…and to be fair the babies have been wonderful. Their little faces are lit with glee. Ruby’s so happy to be six and Junior’s so happy to skank extra pressies, because it’s his sisters birthday and he’s the baby, so we can’t leave him out. Lol.

All sorts happened last week. ‘Fairytale Blond’ and I pissed ourselves laughing, as we ventured out to what I’d call ‘foreign lands,’ lands that I had never been a part of before to collect awards. TWO AWARDS. Lol. We won the lot! Yet, we had to ‘copper up’ to afford to buy booze, because they didn’t accept card and we didn’t have any cash on us. Well, we spent the cash on being charitable, which although lovely, and Little Miss Fairytale won Daffodil biscuits :)…kinda annoying when it comes to feeding my alcoholism. ‘Lady Shizzle’ who went with us, (I did vino with her, the red sort, before the event,) had to leave us to it, to journey home and dumped a handful of 20 pence pieces in my hand, which i was tremendously grateful for, as I could then afford a Sol. Lol. ‘Fairytale Blond’ got a CUPPA TEA at the pub before and then a JUICE Lol…at the event thing. I was filled up with wine, probably up to my little squinty kitten eye balls.

The rest of my chick friends, are all on ‘time of the month‘ vibes, so everything is all a little stressy or a littler tender. It’s delightful. It’s all hair extensions, blond bits and grumpy faces, with stress.

We’re all eating out of that FILTH DRAWER like desperate chimpanzees on the look out for….(Lol…sorry, just giggling at the time Firmonnell kept carrying around this banana with her, like her utter LIFE depended on it, like it was her weird BEST FRIEND. HAHAHA!)

‘Why do I constantly have this fucking banana in my hand?’

‘What’s that on my desk?’

‘Firmonnell’s banana!’

I am eating like a fat Oriental pig. It’s disgusting. I mean, you KNOW you’re not in Hollywood anymore, when you’ve gone out of your way to HIDE a fucking BACON SANDWICH from Greggs, in a drawer, that you can easily access, with one, left hand swing, if you fancied a bite. I’m not even left handed, so it’s my emergency arm.

I DID that!! That is what I have become! Waist trainer? I’ve probably eaten it, with a side of pork dumplings? 🙂

And there’s me thinking, ‘Ooh, I have a bunch of events and shoots that start in March, so I’ll get in shape, eat well and get skinny for them…’

Oh yeah, totally smashed that goal…

I mean I head to Manchester in Monday to go have a cheeky peeky behind the Social Chain walls. I snapchatted Steve…Steven Bartlett and asked if i could go…and he agreed. So I get to meet him to! Couldn’t be more excited for Monday! Can’t wait to meet everyone. Can’t wait to blog about it all….BUT I’M GONNA BE THE CHUBBY VERSION OF MYSELF. GREAT! I’m mean to be some crown wearing glamour puss for crying out loud!

I bet they don’t hide bacon sandwiches in drawers! No! They’re decent human beings….all creative and hard working….all….

I hope they have cocktails?

The funny thing about all this, is that when I made my Gino’s appearance, remember that blog….at the end of last year….I had made a bet at the Prosecco bar with House of Solo Magazine owner Abeiku Arthur….I had started watching Steve’s Vlogs every night and getting into them and then began Tweeting about how much I loved them. ‘House of Solo’ Abeiku Arthur then decided to Tweet Steve…and I correctly predicted that he wouldn’t get a reply, yet Steve would ‘like/favourite’ my Tweet.

What I didn’t tell you, was that I also predicted that I would be IN THAT OFFICE in a couple months. 🙂 Lol. AND *BOOM*….Monday, I check in!

Like, I said, I’m really excited. I can’t wait to tell you about my time there…I go on Monday and I even kept my Diary completely empty for Tuesday, whilst I’m still in Manchester, so that I can blog it all accurately…when it’s fresh….

Facebook Msg: (PE teacher from Malta) ‘Heeyyyyyyyyyyy, not out living the high life this evening? *Add kissy face emoji’s here.*

Whatsapp Msg: (London Business Man)

‘Your obviously too in demand these days x

It’s so bizarre, because both of those guys are from my ‘last year’ and they both decided against pairing up with  ‘Wunna land…’ I hadn’t spoken to them….Just got on with doing life….It all *zoomed* into the beginning of ‘dreams come true’ and then just like that, they’re back *tapping* on my Cyberland door. Both lovely humans. I wouldn’t date either of them. But they make good friends. Men must like women when they are headed to success? Well no…it either makes me more attractive to some OR makes other guys just feel defeated, like there would be no point in trying I’d never go for it….

But right now….I’ve got to go back and tend to organizing the rest of Ruby’s birthday weekend…

Love you all!

Chrissie

 

 

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Excuses! Excuses! Excuses! (And Ginners.)

‘What are you doing?’

‘Just rummaging through your drawers…’

‘Aww…If only I had any on..’

I looked at the ever stylish, ‘King of the North,’ we *paused* and then we pissed ourselves laughing at how not very funny we are.

‘Please, as IF i’m not in pants. I’ve had babies. If I don’t wear pants, all sorts of shit would fall out of me…’

Then ofcourse ‘Double B’ butts in with a..

‘Like what?’ 🙂

Hahaha! The terrifying thought of what actually might fall out of me when shaken is beyond me. That’s why I avoid bouncy castles at all costs. It’d be weave, boobs and flipping West Hollywood pretty boys from 2013 that would fall out of me, with a few delicious organs…dashed in a sliced of my gooey dignity.

I hope you’ve had a wonderful Valentines day. I’ve had THE SINGLE, MOST WONDERFUL VALENTINES DAY EVER.

This is one of the first times in England that I’ve been single on the day of love and let me tell you…I have no date, I had no plans, I received zero cards or flowers and I am BEAMING. It almost feels as though i’m the happiest I’ve ever been. It’s odd? Right now, I’m emotionally at my strongest. So warm that i’m radiating this weird glitter glow. I’ve never felt like this before.

I happy because this year, on Valentines Day, I feel so utterly proud of myself because I never ‘just settled’ for ‘some guy’ that wasn’t my perfect life buddy, simply to just go on a date. I don’t feel lonely. I feel ‘whole’ and when girls are of that nature they are at their MOST attractive.

So as ‘Fairytale Blond’ made last minute dinner arrangements. (‘I Ugh, I can’t believe I have to make my OWN arrangements.’) ‘Double B’ went to Marks & Sparks to buy her beau (who’s penis looks like Me in my party weave) the ingredients to a romantic home cooked meal. As ‘Hot Sarah’ ( who let me eat her leftover home stew and dumplings) probably dashed away from her desk to celebrate her Valentine Anniversary with her ‘Handsome’ and as ‘Firmonnell’ stayed in and did love with her husband ‘Big D..’ (Firmonnell’s all bouji now, as i’ve noticed that she’s embracing her inner glam and wearing the cutest little pinny dresses…Probably because she always has worms and ‘fishy bits’ in the blog…. Hahaha!! I’ve accidentally got it in again, haven’t I!?! Lol)

Anyway, tonight, I internally *beamed* because as I flung on my little faux fur to keep my kitten face warm and as I tottered to my car, under the glitzy night stars, I celebrated the fact that, I was for ONCE utterly single on Valentines Day and weirdly the happiest chick in all the land. No drama, no stress, no plans, no nothing…

I walked down an alley way, with a smile on my face, like the entire world was my oyster. My mum even Facebooked me at that point with a, ‘Are you doing anything tonight?‘ Then when I responded with a ‘no’ and a smiley face she couldn’t even believe her little Burmese eyes. 🙂

Now, don’t get me wrong, I believe in love, the real kind that gets you in a swirl, an uncontrollable happy swirl of magic. And I know that I’ll get bowled over by his spirit when I meet him. Yet, i feel great for NOT being tied down to someone that isn’t quite right for me. That alone makes me  happy. It makes me feel free. I’m not in a situation where i’m having to compromise what i stand for or believe in.

‘London Business Man’ sent me a Whatsapp message yesterday..one of the Voice Note variety that went a bit like this…

‘I have a lot of love for you, but i’m just hearing excuses right now, excuses excuses, I know you’re busy… I get it… I get it.. I get it. But make a little time for ME and I’ll make a LOT of time FOR YOU….. I honestly don’t know what that means, but it sounded good.’ 

Lol.

I just don’t seem to have time to schedule ‘London Business Man’ into my life….until next month, but just for a catch up…and even though we have a brief past of fun…I haven’t really seen him in over half a year. He’s the one that withdrew his offer of love. We’re good friends, yet that’s only because I’m cool and not nutty, as technically he did choose other chicks over me…every time. Yet, I’m just not bothered, as I think he’s a great friend, and I think he’s a wonderful human, yet I understand men, people, I understand ‘times’ and how he may feel now, that i’m doing well…And yes, he’s not on my priority list of ‘Must Dates’ lol…

But like I said in my last blog, before I deleted it…(That’s the ace thing about lifestyle blogging, you can go back and edit shit out, like it never even happened…:) )

It’s hard once you’ve maybe ballsed something up a bit and you then try to get back in the game. As the second time around, depending on how hard you’ve ballsed up, you almost face a mountain. If you just made a small yet decent rockstar decision to begin with, it would’ve been a a walk in the park. And I don’t say that to preachy. I say it because I have been on BOTH SIDES of that coin throughout life.

But what I do like about him is that he doesn’t quit trying….he’s not scared to ask me out and do it properly Most guys are. I don’t like scaredy cats. What I don’t feel for him right now..is ‘magic.’

It’s that’s chemistry and magic that I look for.

I did do a year ago…I felt so much magic that I could’ve exploded…but that was a year ago…Right now, and when i’m dancing in my finest emotional situation, I see him as just my buddy. A guy friend i’d just do cocktails with to catch up and YOU ALL HATE BEING in ‘friend zone,’ but you kinda put yourself there. 🙂

I haven’t even had sex since last year. So, it’s not like i’m making foolish decisions. I’m making the right decisions for me. FOR once. (Oh wait? Was it last year? It was ‘Eton Mess’…Yes…last year, in maybe like November? Ages ago now. AND I’M LOVING IT. I am little Cougar, Born again Virgin Chrissie Wunna.

But no matter what you did this evening, I hope you felt adored and more importantly ‘whole.’

I got given a decent and loving pep talk by a lady who’s in her sixties this morning and it kinda made me glow and feel strong. I’ve been losing my swag a little bit over the last week. Yet this morning sorted me right out.

Oh? I’ve just got a message from ‘Take Me Out Nick?’

‘Pop over tomorrow when you’re free, so I can make you a brew..’

The other day we were imagining what our lives would be like if we dated ginger people? Lol.

He imagined himself in Valley Gardens (which is a dodgy park in Pontefract) with some ghetto blaster, in the sun and a few beers with his imaginary ginner bird.

‘Where are you? The Maldives?’

‘Yeah, I’m bikini sunbathing with cocktails in The Maldives and he’s moaning because he’s having to sit in the shade because he’ll burn to death in the blistering heat. So I’ll just have to lay here, ignore him and shout him over if I need anything during the holiday…’

HAHAHA!  Then we finished out coffees and got on with life…

Everything feels magical in Wunna Land.

Happy Valentines Day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filth, Sex, Boys & Hilarious Girl Power

Sorry, I didn’t blog last night. I had a really busy day which ended up with me glamourously guzzling entire bottle of red, dancing to gangsta rap, then pretending I was P.Diddy and passing out. I did WANT to blog, yet was quite smartly advised for me not to 🙂 because as we know, i’m quite outspoken and ‘out’ spilly on ‘fun mode.’ It all gets the better of me doesn’t it. Plus, I thought I was gangsta. So I left it. 🙂 (And passed out.)

I have definitely learnt that letting people have your phone for a second is certainly DEVASTATING. Lol. All sorts of hilarious ‘jiggery pokery’ happened, that I had to promptly clean up with a terrified ‘ooh’ face! It’s a lesson I never learn. I’m far too trusting. 🙂 The last time I lent my phone to someone for maybe 3 minutes, they went on my Instagram and ‘love hearted’ a guy’s entire pictured life. His notifications will have ALL BEEN FROM ME, about 40 in a row Lol…and all on his smutty gym pics. Hahaha! And to make it worse, they even wrote comments from me, really cheesy ‘lovey ones about dogs and love and how I wished i was laid next to him! HAHAHAHAH! Another time, someone went through my Facebook inbox, which as you can imagine is a treat, if treat meant ‘absolute horror’ and saw that a guy had sent me hundreds of dirty messages that I had never replied to. My guy friend took it upon himself to reply to him with the words,

‘I’ve had a whisky baby and i’m drying up…’

Hahahah! Yet, my guy friend got what he derserved, as with almost a cyber *wink* of an eye, the guy sent back numerous videos of his willy and then a picture of him doing this weird hand dance with it? 😉 (Told you, you shouldn’t have done it. Lol)

Today has been a great day. I’m feeling stimulated, motivated, and fun! The girls and I have worked our socks off today but still managed to have literally THE BEST LAUGH EVER. In fact, the best laugh over the last TWO days. I’ve been in creases. Girls definitely fun the world.

So much has happened that I don’t even know where to begin..? Mel walked into the office and called me FAT! Lol.

‘Have you got your waist trainer on today?’

‘No..’

‘Oh, good, cos I see all your over hang!’

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Then I HAD to eat everything out of our FILTH drawer with Fairytale Blond and Hot Sarah (who was sick and dying today, but suggested that I have her germs, so i could get skinny too) simply out of sympathy. All of us, including Firmonnell and Double B are SHIT with a filth drawer A drawer just filled with filth. We an’t stop ourselves and rummage in until we have it completely DESTROYED!

‘OOh look, I’ve found a chewy mint hidden in the bottom of the drawer’

Which fat fuck has eaten all the sweets?’

‘I’ve just got no will power.’

Then Mel took it upon herself to make sure that Hot Sarah knew that a certain room had been ‘stunk out’ by Firmonnell…

‘Becareful when you go up there?’

‘Why?’

‘Stinks of fish…’

‘Why?’

‘Dunno, Firmonnell did it, she forgot to wear pants today.’ 

HAHAHAH! Dying!

Firmonnell: ‘I’m paranoid now, it must’ve been my cous cous???’ 

Then like life couldn’t get any better ‘Double B’ hears some great news, that added to her new great £300 Rapunzel hair..The Vogue Top Knot, has DIED…

‘Oh my god! We’ve done it! He’s done it for us! I’m definitely giving him a blow job. Definitely sending him nudes, to thank him.’ 🙂 

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Guys are ace, as we as girls could really send nudes to thank them if we really wanted. Lol. Smashed a business deal. Here’s in with no bra on.

Then she went on about how she once got so drunk that she made a sandwich on a door. I once got so drunk that I woke up with a traffic cone celotaped to my head and passed out on a West Hollywood merry..go..around in a lime green fedora, after tequila. (All because a guy named Ryan didn’t love me. Was it Ryan? Lol.)

BUT, Hot Sarah then steams in with a..

‘Well..my friend, has a friend, who she shared a room with in Uni and whenever girls were drunk and around, she would beckon them into a room, tell them she had an enlarged vulva (hahahaha, sorry i’m dying)…and then get it out to show them.’ 

‘Was she a lesbian?’

‘No, she just liked getting her massive vulva out and showing it to people…and it WAS really enlarged.’

HAHAHAHAHAH!

The previous day Hot Sarah, Firmonnell and I had had a conversation about whether we’d marry Ed Sheran. I obviously admire his work, yet just don’t find him sexy. I just couldn’t get jiggy with him. But he could play me love songs and i’d adore him.

Hot Sarah reckoned that she could marry him, but then changed her mind because his face was piggy like.

Firmonnell went for it with a ‘I’d marry him. I love him. He’s amazing. So down to earth, so sweet, so talented..I think he’s sexy!’

Hot Sarah: ‘Yeah, he seems so romantic and just lovely…’

Firmonnell: ‘But would you fancy him if he just worked at Greggs?’ (HAHAHAH DYING! SORRY.)

Me: ‘Would YOU marry him, if he worked at Greggs?’

Firmonnell: ‘No. Lol. I only like him as Ed Sheran, as he is…NOW..because it’s like he’s a celebrity who is so down to earth and that never happens…’

Hot Sarah: ‘So you like him with world wide fame, talent and millions….’

We all LAUGHED..but then we all paused, thought about it and then said ‘Yes.’ 🙂

Sheran is too studenty looking for me. I like a ‘swarvo.’ Then they made fun of the celebs that I fancy, like Ronaldo and Lewis Hamilton.

‘So you only have to be the BEST IN THE WORLD at something for Chrissie to fancy you.’

(Note: That is not the case….when tipsy. 🙂 )

Then we went on about how it was weird that people could talk to me online, yet if they were to see me in a public place, they sort of fill themselves up with terror and daren’t even look at me. A girl did that to me in a bar recently. I don’t bite. Well,I might when i’m in my piece of shit waist trainer that makes me viscous.

Both Firmonell and Hot Sarah said this,

‘Well if I didn’t know you as a person in real life, and just read your blog, I would think you’re a completely different type of person..’

Yeah, but i don’t  get that, as it’s still me, i’m writing it…just being me?’

‘Yeah, but if i didn’t actually know you, I wouldn’t have guessed how down to earth you are..’

My brain must be high maintenance and scary. Or I talk so much shit that I terrify you. (Send nudes.)

Double B then decided that she wanted a colonic.

Mel: ‘What? Are you going to buy a douche…’

Double B: ‘NO! A FUCKING PROFESSIONAL ONE. I don’t fancy self douching myself.’ 

HAHAHAHAH! I was just in creases from the start of this conversation. I couldn’t even contain myself at the thought of Double B self douching. HAHAHA. DYING!

*Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your…WHAT THE FUCK!?!’

London Business Man sent me a Whatsapp, moaning that I haven’t managed to do catch up drinks with him yet. But i really am busy. He told me my ‘waist training’ selfie was ‘insane’ and that he HAS to see me. I haven’t really seen him in half a year. Lol. It’s amazing what a waist trainer can do. Doesn’t make me feel good AT ALL, but totally pulls….EVERYONE. My Facebook comments are *tippy tapping* over this picture…

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My waist trainer is a bitch. I’ve called her Veronica, because that sounds like a bitchy name. (If that’s your name, sorry….Keep reading. 🙂 )

But to end all this doo dah, let me tell you a nice story.

Well to be fair it started off shit…I watched someone close to me, who’s a big girl, have secret little girl tears. We all do it and the great thing about being a strong girl, is that when we’re around our chick friends, we’re comfortable enough to have a big cry, open up, talk about our love lives, call each other fat, talk about sex and say our privates smell like fish.

YET, as soon as work, business or men are infront of us the banter quits, the brains work, the tears dry and we stand tall like the hottest Sasserilla’s who have ever seen.

But what I will say that is was heartbreaking to see someone you care about, a strong, tough girl, shed proper ‘little girl’ tears. What I mean by ‘little girl tears’ is that moment when you look at a grown women and she is so sad that you need to give her a cuddle because her face, at that moment, reminds you, that on the inside at times,  she’s still a girl a little girl, who HAS to be a warrior. I get that! I’ve been there.

Yet, the wonderful thing about that moment, was that it had something to do with her past that was muddling with her present….

However, when she travelled home, to her little amazement, her ‘future’ was sat, in a car, outside her house, with a bunch of tulips, (which is her FAVOURITE flower) and with them he solved all her problems with love, smarts and a warmth that makes us women melt.

It made me smile when she told me the story because any girl who is lucky enough to be with a guy, who remembers her favourite flower and is waiting  outside her home to surprise her, with the intentions and solutions to ‘sort out’ all her problems, is more than a God Send, but a miracle..and she deserves it.

Romance is alive….


 

 

 

 

Dates, Mates & Hippie Fucks

Happy Sunday morning! I’ve been up since the crack of dawn rushing around trying to fit everything into the correct life slots. I had a wonderful family day yesterday with the babies,which was filled with treats. But today, I have A LOT of work to get through, my fingers crossed and ‘The Mighty’s’ Baby Shower to shimmie to.

And just like that, when i’ve set my mind on getting through it all with a hair toss and a wiggle. AND when i’m sort of excited to have that unsettled ‘pending’ work part of my brain opened and ready to conquer…in jollies a text from Keiran, (Junior’s Dad,)

‘I’m not going to be able to come get Junior as I’m having to be in London all day at the last minute…but i’m gonna try and get back…’

Hurrah! Lol. *Schedule Changes!*

So, I have a green tea latte by my side, I’ve just gracefully nibbled a smoked salmon/spinach and cream cheese, wheat bagel..(I’m at Starbucks, Doncaster by the way) and I’m blogging. Quickly.

I have a huge tumble of interview questions to get through and they’re important questions, not the usual *Wunna Winky * ones, so I HAVE to make sure that I deliver them appropriately…and they’re for a feature that I’m doing for a magazine. (I can’t tell you about it yet. But I have the questions next to me and they’re so good that they’re intimidating.)

I recently did my Celeb ‘Working Mum’s in Business’ interview..That came out at the end of Jan and it went  really well, as I gained a great deal of feedback from it and as a business THEY also had new interest *peeking into* their space. I like that! 🙂

I also have my feature in House of Solo magazine swinging out next week! It’s all very high fashion…and i’m naked in it…:) and I’m representing all things…Well, i’ll be doing a blog on it when it comes out and I have one on my lap, so you’ll know all about it. I’m excited about it all!

Then there’s a quick event this Tuesday that I’ve promised that I will pop up at, I’ve pushed to get ‘the cover’ of another editorial and I have the interview questions by my side for a different feature that is again REALLY exciting for me. They are the questions that I don’t want to balls up, as it’s an opportunity to inspire. That’s my week from now, pretty much booked up…as Saturday I’m scheduled out also.

I’ve just looked to my left and there’s this beautiful, intellectual looking couple. Couple? I don’t know if they’re a couple or just friends, but I’m obsessed with them, so i’ve made them a couple in my head because they’re sat in the corner of Starbucks, with their eyes smiling at each other, with shy *flirts* all a glow…and they’re playing chess. Aww! Mental stimulation. Couldn’t be sexier! Love them. The girl half of the pair, just looked above her geek chic glasses and smiled at me. I hope my green tea latte hasn’t turned my teeth green? And I hope she doesn’t mind that I’m obviously glaring at her with my over done eyeshadow, big hair and quite ‘not very subtly‘ writing about her. Hahaha.

To my right are hippies. They’re a bit weird and not adoring my shoe game, so i’m not feeling them. But I do like the really old Australian *sweary* woman amongst them. Lol. She’s said the word ‘FUCKING’ almost 92 times in a 8 minutes. I’m impressed. Totally goes with her hippie rainbow jacket.

I can’t look behind me because i need a massage and i’ve done something to my neck, so it kills. How the ‘hippie FUCK’ 🙂 am I going to be a cougar in training, if I can’t even look around to see what’s behind me, without cricking my neck. Toy boy’s aren’t gonna dig that! And people do ask me about my love life always…YES, I’m single. But no, i’m not ageist. You could be 20 something or 40 something. If your spirit plays well with mine, you’re in. Lol.

I will say that out of all the.. on paper.. ‘age appropriate’ gents that I dated last year…Wait? Oh yeah, it was last year….And i’m talking men in their mid thirties….All with great jobs. All with great manner. All with rubbish luck with women…I did notice that because they had experienced such a shitty time with chicks the last time they dated and break ups had sort of come up and *surprised* them…they were a little more jaded, a little more fearful and a little more ‘I’ll do me now,’ than the guys that I had dated the year before that , who were in their mid twenties.

Those guys still had a ‘passion’ in their eyes and a warmth in their soul. There wasn’t anything lonely about them and they weren’t so selfish or terrified enough to ‘try.’ That, I’ve decided is sexy…so I’m totally going to be a Cougar…Yet hopefully get 24 massages by then, so I can at least turn my head around without breaking my back. (I’m never going to be able to ‘reverse cowgirl’ it.)

Yet the beautiful thing about my 2016 story of Eton Mess, London Business Man and The PE teacher from Malta. (He sent me more *kissy face* emoji’s last night. I then sent him a brief reply reading, ‘Hope you’re well,’ to make sure he knew that I was listening, because i’m not rude...and….. he didn’t reply. Hahaha!

‘London Business man,’ well he’s now just bought himself a new Jag, as he posted it on Instagram a day ago and then ‘liked’ one of my pictures. We get on really well as friends now, because we’re similar in some aspects. Yet when it comes to love, he’s more needy than I am. Yet, that’s because my mind is still fresh and going, because I not only have so much more to achieve in my life and I feel like i’ve already achieved A LOT, but right now I’m in an exciting time where in which I’m actually doing it and doing it well! *EEeek!!!* London Business Man is a man who would want me to put him first. I feel like if we ever dated, now that i’m quite busy and on the elevator up…He would constantly try to make me jump through hoops to make me prove that I care. (Like KEIRAN. Note: They are both Aries boys.) If you are a Sex in the City fan…and i’m currently being hailed as the ‘U.K’s Carrie Bradshaw’ he is the equivalent to ‘Big’ in Wunnaland.

And ‘Eton Mess’….One of those really great souls, who has been through some unfortunate times in life, yet regardless he’s happy, so smart and so funny…and no matter what, he always stays on the ‘sunny side of the street.’ You’ll never truly know what this guy is thinking and nothing harsh ever happened between us, yet we don’t really talk now. Our life paths crossed the whole entire way in opposite directions, cutting communication. However, I know that he’s more than happy, which makes me smile…because he deserves peace…

Right now, he’s away doing this…

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But that was all LAST YEAR and I always say that people talk about their ‘yesteryear’ when they don’t have anything going on in their ‘PRESENT,’ in a particular area that they’re rambling on about.

And that’s SO TRUE. As this year there have been zero boys, zero dates and lots of work. I’m loving it. I’m just one of those emotionally ‘happy when i’m single’ chicks and until I bump into the RIGHT guy who I CAN’T HELP but fall for, that’s how i’ll stay. However this single time has been fruitful, as it’s made me sexier. I’m sexier now because when I do bump into my Mr.Right, i’ve spent so much time being comfortable as Little Miss Independent, getting to know myself better and finding my ‘happy place’ that i’m emotionally ready for him…I’m not ‘half full,’ lets say.

I will also say, that I adore my chick friends madly right now.

So obviously my last blog was all about them and when you’re a glamour puss, a single one, you NEED your chick friends. They’re your soldiers, your help, your saviour through it all, alongside gossip and wine. (I’m mean they’re all messaging me now, because we’re all meant to be headed to ‘The Mighty’s’ Baby Shower, but I’m stuck in Doncaster, waiting for Baby Daddies and all sorts. I’ve just seen the word ‘wine’ in the Whatsapp Group appear, so I might NEED to read it all.

Anyway, you’d think they’d love being in the blog, now that’s it’s all up in lights with readers galore….(and they do really.) But oh GOD! These were some of the messages I received from them, once I hit ‘publish.‘ 🙂

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The other message was a *middle finger* emoji! Lol. There needs to be a Glamour Puss WUNNA emoji, where it’s just my little bitchy Oriental face, smiling and pouting at you, with a middle finger up.

Anyway…I love them! 🙂

Yet, saying ‘THEM’ it was just ‘Firmonnell’ who got terrified, incase I told everyone she may of had worms in her ever so glamourous booty. 🙂 HAHAHAHAHA!!!! I mean look at ‘Double B,’ she loves it. She’ll straight up come in with a ‘but his penis looks like you with your party weave on Chrissie, so I can’t give him a…’

Right, I need to go sort myself out. Looks like Keiran won’t be on a train back soon…

Interview questions with my toddler on my lap it seems is a coming….

 

 

Girls in Business, Fun & Mr.Rights….

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Just one of those good old, fun days, where in which you work so hard, yet play hard with it, that laughter, sass and good times simply fill the air like magic.

Today was magic!

And like i’ve always said, we kinda have to hold on to those moments of happiness, because as humans they mean so much to us. It’s those euphoric moments of ‘life is great’ that play over like a happy, slow motion, glitter flurry, that we very rarely get to experience in our lives. Those moments are like gold dust that slips through your fingers. You have to remember to open your arms and embrace the good times in work, life, love and family….whenever you experience ‘magic.’

…Then i walked into a little corner room filled with happy people, sat on cushioned window sills and comfy seats that didn’t swivel. As I did, ‘Styley B’who looked like a ‘Ken Doll’ had lifted up a chair, that was about to hit a skirting board *boingy* thing.  The leg of the chair grazed it and as I tottered in, like a Glamour Puss Extraordinaire, the *boingy* thing had been struck, making it sound like I had let off the BIGGEST, most SATISFYING *FART* in the entire Universe, on entry. Hahahah! WHAT IS LIFE! THIS IS WHY I’M SINGLE!

Everyone just pissed themselves laughing and I stood there looking a *happy* sort of puzzled and moderately concerned because I didn’t actually know whether that *sound* had come out of Me or not??? HAHAHA.

If it did, I was going to style it out! 🙂

And this was AFTER I had been asked about having my children and the ‘Paradigm’ of it all??? I didn’t know what to say and my mouth just opened as words fell out… BUT THESE WORDS….

‘Well I don’t really know?? They weren’t really planned. They kinda just happened in hotel rooms after vodka. 🙂 🙂 But now i have them…Yeah….It’s great, I couldn’t imagine my life without them!’ LOL.

WHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!

‘Fairytale Blond’ did a jaw dropping giggle and comforted me through the pain as I sat next to her on a black and white striped, window sill cushion.

Then ‘Hot Sarah’ who once dreamt that she gave birth to a roast chicken, talked to me about a Chinese New year calendar, that I wanted her to deliver to me via the fine art of contemporary dance OR in Chinese.

‘You’re not even Chinese Chrissie!’

‘Noooooo. No words. Let your body do the talking!’ Lol.

‘Hot Sarah’ has decided that for her ‘New Year, New Her’ she’s going to dye her hair brown and wear pretend glasses, so she looks older and smarter. Haha. This is because someone said she looked 19 when she’s in her late twenties. I think?

As she said this, to my left I heard ‘Double B’ (My other chick comrade) saying,

‘I’M GOING TO CRY INTO MY CUP AND DRINK MY OWN TEARS!’

HAHAHAHA….I Literally wet myself laughing. WHAT IS THIS TEAM????? How do I even know these people! ?! They’re AWESOME! It’s nuts wrapped in bonkers. I spend over 300 days of my year with them! No wonder i’m a tool. They’ve rubbed off on me.

‘Does anyone have a pen…?’

‘No.’

‘Does anyone have pain killers?’

EVERYONE! (Lol.)

You’d THINK headed into important meetings WE’D HAVE PENS.

‘Double B’ had a FUCKING SATSUMA. 🙂

‘If i eat this, will you peel it for me Chrissie?’ 

‘You’re 21 years old! You can peel you’re OWN fucking Satsuma!’

‘I’ve just never learnt how!’

‘Dickhead.’

All jokes aside…WE SMASHED TODAY. 🙂 So busy! So much fun! Loads of hard work! Totally NAILED IT!

When girls do business WELL…We are SO SEXY! 🙂

You know, I always think that you really need a good group of friends that you seem to accidentally spend a lot of of your time with, due to work. They keep the passion in you alive. It’s that mixture of energies, that playfully tinker alongside each other, that helps your own personality grow.

In fact it kinda makes you a better girlfriend or boyfriend. It makes dating and your people skills MUCH easier when you have a good group of friends because you firstly learn how to meander with & around different personalities and secondly you have support.

I mean we all work hard together, we go through ups, downs, boyfriends, girlfriends, Snapchat filters and all sorts. 🙂 But we tell each other everything. But, I reckon the people who have a decent bundle of work buddies, who they spend a lot of time with….make better partners and better ‘other halves.’

We understand what ‘busy’ is. We’re too busy to be naggy and during our free time, we know how to unwind and have a GREAT TIME with whoever we’ve chosen to date!

Today on Twitter I was asked if I ‘had time to fall in love?’

I don’t want you to think that i’m some cold hearted ‘no love for me, too busy‘ chick. I’m not that at all. I’m warm. I’m bubbly. I love, love and like I said on Twitter, I DO HAVE TIME to fall in love and I also do hope to fall in love….You need love to iron out the stressy crinkles you go through with work. You need that one person you trust and team up with. That person you build an empire with. I completely believe that!

And YES, i’m going solo right now, but because I don’t want to ‘just settle…’ I’ve dated a lot of people who i’ve ‘just settled’ with…and it just wasn’t right, as we didn’t have the same passion for work, life or each other….really. We didn’t see the world through the same eyes, or even enjoy the same things.

When a man has found the right partner, he feels on top of the world, like he can conquer anything. He gains the heart of a lion. You can even see it in him!  When a women achieves and feels cherished, she owns this glow of utter power and love, with a warmth and strength that can rule the entire world. You can feel it when she’s near you.

That’s what i’m waiting for….

And like i’ve said EVERY SINGLE DAY, THIS YEAR, SO FAR….

I’m not the slightest bit worried..

He’ll find me. 😉 He’s close…

 

 

 

 

 

Husbands, Prosecco & London Business Men

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My birthday weekend has begun! Now, it’s not actually my birthday until Monday Dec 19th and i’ll turn thirty six. Yet since i’m off work and since life is pretty goddamn great, i might as well start early and embrace turning another year older with bells on my tinkers and tinkers of my…tits?

I’m currently blogging from The Prosecco Pit Stop in Doncaster. It’s a glamourous nibble and quick glass of ‘bubbles’ joint. It’s not only a ‘pop up’ in the Frenchgate Center, but it’s also one of my favoruite ‘pop ups’ going. I am here always. I mean, everyone adores a pit stop that serves a bit of bubbly, when you’re kitten heels are tired from shopping. This place is on of my absolute faves, so i couldn’t think of a more relaxing place. (Even though it is smack bang in the middle of lots of people traffic, open aired and where everyone can see me. 😉 )

I had a super Christmassy day at work yesterday. I’ve loved this year and although we’ve had our ups and downs, there’s been a bond. I mean, we’ve worked hard and any time you can sit in a work place and reflect over the year with laughter, wish you had wine and see how far you’ve grown, you know that you’re not only an amazing team, but you are also closer than you thought.

I got narked off, in a happy Christmassy manner, because everyone around me seemed to be headed for BIG CHANGES! ‘Double B’ (who cracks me up madly, she’s like a bubble of bimbo dipped in a giddy sasserilla. There’s no common sense running through her glitter bones, yet she is the most loving and hilarious human you will ever meet.) Anyway, ‘Double B’ is moving into her new posh house, with her boyfriend of 2 years. (She also wants to buy one of our colleagues HAM for Christmas because she remembers how much loves it. Lol. See! Her heart is in the right place. Yet, her sense of thought is absolutely and hilariously warped. Lol.) 

‘The Mighty’ is having an ENTIRE HUMAN. The human is living in her womb as we speak and is certainly not paying rent. That’s big things! But i’m excited for her, as being a Mum for the second time is always and i shouldn’t really say this…MORE rewarding, when you’ve been a working mum. I don’t know why? It just is!

‘My blog sends her to sleep’ Blondie, is headed for retirement. She’s one of those who can never retire because she has such a passion for what she does. (And goes to sleep after reading my blog. Lol.) But she has a giant long rest coming, a ‘holiday’ of retirement!

It kinda left ‘Hot Sarah’ and Myself just looking at one another all puzzled, with an orange material desk divider separating ourselves from one another.

‘THIS IS SHIT. YOU ALL HAVE STUFF TO BE EXCITED ABOUT IN THE NEW YEAR AND WE HAVE NOTHING!’

(I obviously find it hard to express myself. Lol.)

And everything that they had all began with ‘H.’

House, Human…Holiday.

So they decided amongst themselves that I would find a ‘HUSBAND’ AND ‘Hot Sarah’ would have ‘Heaps of Money.’

How come she got ‘Heaps of MONEY’ and i got ‘Husband.’ Lol. That’s fucked up! Hahaha.

I’ve lost hope when it comes to finding a husband. I don’t expect to and i’m happy…and i have all this new career stuff going on that i’m finding this ‘love thang’ hard. But i’m open to it. I just need to find the correct ‘fit.’ (That sounds rude. 🙂 )

The Retiring blond told me that what i might believe a husband IS…ISN’T and although i never listen, I always listen to those who are older and wiser. So i’ll agree. Yet, i think different humans, go through different circumstances and in the end, wish for different things. I would like a partner that i build an empire with, as i’m an ambitious and creative girl.They need to be also. I think i’d enjoy it more if they were similar to that motif. Lol. I don’t expect to find a ‘best friend’ like she did in her lovely husband who she met when she was 17. She’s now sixty something. I KNOW! AMAZING! 

I won’t have that. I’ll not find that. But i’ll find love in a different way. That’s the great thing about love…it’s always different, not always pure, but always an adventure for me. I’d like to find the man of my dreams, a best friend, my Mr.Right. I’m just a difficult human to date. But i have boobs. 🙂 (Please form a queue.)

I have lots going on over the next few days, filled with birthday, family, friends, cocktails, nights and lunches out. I’m all over. I’m doing Doncaster, Pontefract, Leeds and Manchester. I’m celebrating my world and my ‘another year older’ like a champion and I can’t wait!

I’m at Gino D’Acampo’s new restuarant tomorrow afternoon for lunch! I have all sorts going on from that point, so it’s a good time to come and be part of chrissiewunna.com, as i’ll be drunk for most of it….Meaning that i’ll be all chatty and loving and you’ll end up on this blog. So come cross life paths. Be a part of my world. The written word reality show of drama.

Right now, i’m off to Cosmo’s with Ruby for lunch and I’ve just recieved a Whatsapp message from ‘London Business Man’ wishing me a Happy Birthday and reading,

‘Kinda miss you…just saying. xxx’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t Be A Dick & Life Choices

 

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I’ve had a couple of gin and tonics so were gonna have to watch it and you’re gonna have to bare with me. 🙂 I’ve put ‘blog writing’ off all evening, as i’ve been playing with Rubes and just neglecting the art of expression via written word long after she had decided to get some kip.

In my mind it’s Christmas time now and yes we all have a ton of work. I’ve been at work all day. But come on now, let’s have a bit of fun, or decent old chilled time, where we can kick off our kitten heels and just pour ourselves an after work tipple to relax and celebrate the year!

I have a birthday in FIVE DAYS, so i have all the excuses in the world to ‘tick box’ a sack load of fun. I mean, God, life is about filling ya cup, as you can’t pour from an empty one! So let’s enjoy it, whilst we still can. (I’ve just read this scary quote that states that if we as humans slept or 8 hours per day and we live to be sixty….we will have slept for 20 years of our lives. It apparently gives us a reason to get up the first time our alarm goes off in the morning? I don’t count in any of this, as being a single mum, with full time work, if i EVER slept for 8 hours on ANY DAY, it would be a blessing.)

I’ve had a decent time today as i’ve worked hard and enjoyed banter. Apparently my blog is so good that it SENDS PEOPLE TO SLEEP! Lol.

‘Chrissie, I love reading your blog and hate it when you don’t write one, as i read it before i go to bed and it sends me to sleep!’

Hahaha! I love it! Be it comforting or boring. Or be you sixteen or sixty….I adore that you have clicked into a bit of Wunna land, before you’ve gone to ‘n’nights.’ Makes me smile! My mum also reads my blog every night before she goes to bed and then screams at me the next morning if i’ve been a dick. 🙂 It’s all about how you’ve raised your kids. 😉 LOL.)

My friend ‘The Mighty’ is about to give birth in the coming months and is preferring to surround herself with fun ‘drink too much’ friends, rather than nice stalkery ones, who we don’t know are actual normal humans or Guardian Angels? I believe in Guardian Angel pop ups. So i’m going with that. Plus, it makes more story more magical than just saying ‘stalker.’

For some reason it made me flash back to a time when a gay guy, stopped me in a club, (I think it was Pre Bar in London) and wanted to name his cat ‘Chrissie Wunna,’ in my honour. Instead he went with ‘Jackonory’..and told me this on the dance floor, as Kylie played in the background. (I had just come off the telly, trying to be best friends with Paris Hilton, at the time.) I mean, JACK…A…FUCKING …NORY! When does that ever *trump* naming your kitten ‘Chrissie Wunna.’ (That was the night Mark Byron, who’s now a Big Brother Telly Presenting Star, asked me to hide his rent money cash in my knickers so he didn’t spend it all on booze. Lol. At that time he used to give out flyers to make people venture into clubs. Now…he’s ‘Off the telly’ Mark and currently doing Panto in Liverpool, dressed as a Genie.)

Today’s ‘Bone to pick’ is this. I had some blogger chick, slag off my ‘Nominated for a UK Blog Award’ moment because it’s apparently ‘not a popularity contest and should be purely based on content.’ (She’s nominated also.)

HANG ON A SECOND MISSY! LET’S JUST TAKE THAT ‘PRINCESS’ IN YOU AND PIPE IT DOWN A NOTCH.

Firstly, you should concentrate on your own bit of cyberland and not chirp off at mine. This space ain’t rented it’s bought and it’s blooming right now, so enjoy it doll face and pour yourself a cocktail.

Secondly…BEFORE I WAS ANYTHING…I was a blogger. I wrote a blog daily in LA for years and have done for the last 10 years. EVERY DAY and when not a single soul read it! I wrote a diary for years before that, before my life story ever became ‘live.’ I wrote and documented my on goings, before ‘having a blog’ and being social media savvy was popular and that was before i became a model…a party queen Lol….before i accidentally moved back to the UK and got on the TV with Paris Hilton…before I had a book out….before i created a range for Ann Summers on the telly….before, before…before it all.

Now, i’m not stupid…All that did make my blog more popular. Yet if anything, i’ve always simply documented my life, the good bits, with the bad. You’ve heard my heart break, you’ve seen me victory dance,  you’ve listened to my make ups, breakups, watched births, my life journey, raw pain and laughter. I’ve told the story of it all. Like God, that moment when my husband left me and he did it by moving all his stuff out of the home when i was out. I came home with my 2 year old daughter and a newborn…and he was gone…All i got was a text. I told that story..and that had nothing to do with a world of limelight or a popularity contest. That was life.

Yet there have been times when i’ve partied with Leonardo Di Caprio and gone out on dates Matt Dillion and been shut in a house with Paris Hilton for a month straight as ITV2 filmed every waking moment of fun for public entertainment.

Just the same as the story above it…It was all still part of my life.

So i’m not  reality star turned blogger. I’m a writer. And i might have been ace enough to make the UK Blog Awards ‘Trend’ on Twitter. But i can’t help being that awesome. 🙂 AND that DOESN’T MEAN THE CONTENT ON MY BLOG IS SHITE.

I’ve said it once and i’ll say it again…BILLIONS OF PEOPLE are doing life, right now as we speak…I’ve simply chosen to document my version of it…Everyone’s life is important. We’re all in it together. Just these little soul dots, chilling on a giant Earth ball as we orbit the sun.

So whilst i’m being hailed as the ‘Real life Carrie Bradshaw,’ YOU are being gummy stickered with a sexy ‘Hater’ slap badge.

Okay, i’ve sipped more gin and tonic. I’m better now!

I will tell you that this Saturday, ‘House of Solo’ Mag owner Arthur and I will be headed for lunch at Gino D’Acampos new joint ‘My Restaurant’ in Leeds. I’m so excited as i’ve heard great things about it and…well i know that Gino was there himself, last night, cooking dinner for everyone! Arthur at ‘House of Solo’ and I have ended up being ace buddies. We’re both passionate about our goals, where we want to be and our own bit of business. He shot Tom Zanetti the other night for the front cover of his mag. I met Tom at the Leeds Lifestyle Awards, as he gave out the award for ‘Best Club.’ I’m definitely going to make him my new Leeds ‘hang out’ mate. As i’m sure (even though i’m doing Manchester a lot of recent) that all three of us going to help put Leeds on the map! 🙂

See! Northerners are known for having a good time. Yet we can also do business quite well to. 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pooey Pants, Christmas & Whole Hearts

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The other day, I watched a really drunk man wee and poo himself in public, at six o clock in the evening outside Action Cars, which is a Taxi company, in Pontefract. He slurred on into the taxi joint, covered in poo, with wee stained dark green cord trousers and asked for a cab. It was kinda like watching the ‘old drunk man’ version of the Nativity, being played out before my very kitten eyes. There was certainly no room at the Inn…

‘No one wants to take you mate, cos you’ve pissed yourself.’

That is literally all he got as response. Helllooo Yorkshire! I certainly wasn’t in LA anymore.

So even though his situation was sad, it kinda made me feel better about my own life! Lol. Evil, I know! But it’s true, you need moments like that to give you perspective over your own shit. (Literally. 🙂 ) I might have had a hard day at work, dashed in minor stress, but it didn’t end in me weeing ‘my frillies’ on a public road, between a taxi joint and a fried chicken shop. Haha. Life wasn’t that bad.

Moving on! IT’S DECEMBER! WE’VE MADE IT! IT’S OFFICIALLY CHRISTMAS! You all should be embracing it now. I mean, God, today I heard a middle aged dude MOAN because ‘it just wasn’t Christmas yet’ and it made me roll my eyes. Let’s not be Scroogey dickheads of negativity. I’m a Christmas Baby. I have a birthday IN NINETEEN DAYS. (Helping you remember. *Wink.*)  IT’S DECEMBER THE FIRST. There’s nowhere else to go on this, but with ‘it’s Christmas.’ So cheer up, pour a mulled wine, start buying your gifts and whop the Christmas CD. Why do people’s always have to fight the feeling? Miserable sods. I swear they’re people who just don’t get enough ‘nookie.’

Whatelse? I’ve been working a lot….steadily. The pace hasn’t been ‘race car.’ Everything felt ‘samey’ and my mind got a bit lazy I had to crank it up a notch to feel alive again and like the brain cells were being exercised…. and with help, it worked. I’m just a person that loves to be busy, it makes me feel as though i’m putting myself to use. I’m always one to work hard, i’m not slow nor am I a doss pot and at the same time, i’m one to be out and about with my friends, a date, or the babies. I’m not a sitter arounder…and someone who likes to be doing things. Yet not because I get bored. I love everything that I do and have. I just like to feel like i’m experiencing, living and like i said before, putting myself to use. It makes me as a human feel of worth.

My love life? I guess, if i was being honest, i’d tell you that there are great guys, telling me great things about myself and potentially seeking a date? Yet i’ve just been so busy doing life and enjoying it that i’m kinda not even looking that hard for love right now. I’m enjoying work, friends, colleagues and family. I feel fulfilled and whole. It’s almost as if feel as like I don’t even need a man right now? Which is odd, as i’m a love bunny. So i either feel whole, like i could have a guy if i wanted, safe, or like i have a plan? Who knows? Away from the romantic side of it all, I have some really great guy friends and I also have Keiran and Pete (my Baby Daddies.) So i have all the corners sorted really. I actually never feel that alone. I’m happy. So when my Prince rocks ups…i’ll wink and we’ll all live happily ever after.

I’m just one to let life take it’s natural course in love now, as GOD i’m tired of trying so hard all the time and getting zero ‘tryers back’ in return. Chicks should never have to do the leg work. When we do….we respect a dude less. We all want a ‘man.’ All girls want to be swept off our feet.

I’ve got lots going on. I’m at The Clothes Show live tomorrow, so i will be travelling to Birmingham in the morning. I’ll blog all about it when i wake up. I have a gin and tonic here, right now, so it’s probably not the best time for me to promo. 🙂 I have every Monday and Friday off work in December, i’ve never really done that ever before. Well not in YEARS. So I’m kinda really excited.

I’ve started to buy my Christmas presents. I love buying gifts. Yet i can’t stop, which is the issue. Lol. At Christmas time, money just falls through my fingers. That’s why i always have to work hard and make money, as i’d die if i couldn’t just walk into a store one day and buy my babies, myself or anyone i cared about something that they wanted or even worse needed or deserved. Buying gifts has made me smile. You can tell when someone’s loving because they have a glow around them when they’ve done something thoughtful and all my gifts are thoughtful as they come from my cold, evil, heart. 🙂

It’s hard to work during the Winter, when it’s old, innit? It’s making me miss LA and my besties out there. We’re all really close even to this day and we all met at Crunch Gym, working little part time jobs to make a buck, as we tried to be models and actors in a town named Hollywood. We used to scan Nicole Scherzinger in before she was a Pussycat Doll and Perez Hilton before the blog. It was so much fun. It was the best job i ever had. All i had to do was scan people in and hand them a towel. I even asked Joseph Fiennes to marry me at Crunch. Lol. SO MUCH FUN. Miss it. Not the wage. Just the experience of it all. 🙂 

Junior’s at Keiran’s tonight and i’m really proud of how close they’ve become. Junior’s a straight up ‘Mummy’s Boy’ so it’s nice to see him and his Dad loving and learning from one another. Even though i miss him. *Sad face.* Ruby is writing Christmas cards and asking me how to spell everything for her. She loves a creative mission does Ruby, so she’s rushing around like she’s some kind of Executive Christmas Card writer, with a Kardashian work schedule to conquer.

I thought i was going to be all mad and fun for Christmas, but i’m kinda enjoying just working, chilling and winding down. Lol. It must be my age. Hahaha. Fucks sake. Don’t get me wrong, i’ll have a cocktail any time. But I think i’ve worked pretty hard all year and i deserve a bit of a chill festival. I’m going on my events and working towards goals, yet at Christmas there’s nothing like warm alcoholic beverages, love and family.

I’m going to really enjoy it.

Best get some rest. I’m up for The Clothes Show in the morning.

Ps/ One of my old guy friends messaged me the other day saying how trustworthy I was and how much he respected me for it. It made me smile, as it made me feel warm. Then on the flip side ‘London Business Man’ messaged me to tell me about his ‘on and off’ romance with a girl. The thing about ‘on and off’ romances is that the story is interesting at first, yet if you are still moaning about it, yet continuing to throw yourself into it, then it all gets a bit boring. If you don’t like something, change it.