Courage, Va Voom & New Dates…

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Me: ‘Just help me hate him…..’

(I’d screenshot a pic of a dude..Oh fuck it…’The Swirl’ and drawn a tacky, free hand, red love heart around his head, lol  and sent it to her…my bestie…via Snapchat. Haha. Now, I am very aware, that i’ve just made myself sound moderately creepy. Yet, I do it all the time, for kicks. It’s jokes and funny, so shut the **** UP. 🙂 Only she would understand! 😉 Not you!!! J )

Firmonnell: ‘That’s easy. He ignored your last two messages. Fuck him. He’s so selfish. He only cares about himself. He doesn’t love anyone, BUT himself. I love you. Now, get yourself to Liverpool and have the most amazing time on your ‘date’ thing.’

And just like that, as she waved the flag for all things love, friendship, truth and ‘Girl Code,’ my self respect and kitty power *whooshed* straight back through my system. I grew 10 feet tall, slipped on a spikey set of heels and got to life, with a much more stable strut of ‘sass.’

Everyone needs a friendship like ours.

I love her so madly. No one can deliver the truth to me, better than Firmonnell.

Sometimes, you just need to hear something, don’t you? Even if your ears don’t like it…We girls kinda sell ourselves short all the time, don’t we? I’ve done it for years, when it’s come to men. I’m 37 years old and still learning…Lol. Know, that you’re not alone and know that you fucking need to KICK THE HABIT!!

Chicks R’us!

(I’m not meaning t be sexist. I’m only speaking for the girls, simply because I have no clue what it’s like being a guy and I am someone who believes we’re wired completely differently.)

Right, i’ve just shopped. I’ve just had a skype meeting in regards to work. I bumped into @kateslice28 at the Jeff Banks store, via my shopping totter…

Kateslice28: ‘She wants a job here…’

Dapper dude: ‘Oh! Well..hand your CV in to…’

Kateslice28: ‘She doesn’t really want a job here…’

Me: ‘Haha. My CV’s just a series of Insta pics. Here! Watch me do this…! Now, watch me do that!’

Then I left and bought Kylie Jenner nail polish, in the sale.

My life rocks.

I’m errand running today because I leave for Liverpool tomorrow, just for a night. I have my ‘friendly, meet up’ as I’m calling it, because I just don’t like the word ‘date’ anymore. It scares me and makes me feel awkward…and scares me…and makes me feel all awkward Lol.

Kateslice28: ‘I really don’t mean to make you feel more terrified than you already are! Haha. Sorry! But it’s the truth. It’s always awkward, at first. Just go. Have some fun!’

SHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….

It’s going to be a breeze. It’s an easy going ‘meet up’ for drinks, because ‘The Gent’ in question, will be shimming straight from work…and that’s better…as it helps take your mind off stuff, doesn’t it…? Plus, I will have had wine. So ofcourse, on the whole… that makes it much easy for ME!

I need a cocktail now.

I’m fuelled by fruity umbrella drinks. My bodies running out of whip.

Yet, yes. There’s nothing to be terrified of. He’s been nothing short of lovely, to me, so far.

Savannah B: ‘He still has time to stand you up.’

Me: ‘Haha. Get lost. He’s already done the *really excited* message. Saying that…I don’t actually know where i’m headed yet?’

I’m lucky. Life is good. My Insta Story is smashing views right now and i’m kinda loving that, because it makes me pull out ‘all the entertainment’ because i’m a show off.

LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeEE………….!

Everyone’s asking me about the ‘got my initials tattoed on him’ guy….He HAS given me a dare. Can’t remember if I told you, on the blog, or not? But I’ll be filling you in on all that… at the end of the week, I reckon? I kinda need to get Liverpool, work and babies out the way first. I’m excited to tell you everything, but right now I’m prioritising well…and getting my little life, jiggle on.

I will say that TODAY, I am on, DAY 18 of 21, of my ‘Breaking a bad habit’ ting. I can’t believe i’ve done 18 days. I can’t believe that I haven’t AT ALL relapsed and I can’t believe that i’ve suffered ever single withdrawal symptom and still just got on with being a champion, with a hair toss and a smile. (I’m not even as pathetic as I thought. Wait. I never thought I was pathetic. I wouldn’t have done it, if I knew I wasn’t flourishing with will power.)

Anyway…

They say it takes 21 days to break any habit. Once i’m at day 23, i’ll know that i’ve actually done it!

I will be rewarding myself greatly!!!

(I love how everyone thought it was drinking….I received so many messages about it. But yes, it’s not. Everyone needs a vice, and  a ‘tipple’ is certainly mine.)

Aww! I forgot to tell you..

‘Tats’ (do you remember me talking about him in a previous blog? If not, ‘search’ him.) Anyway, he sent me a message on Saturday night. Well, no..it was early Sunday morning and just read…

‘Hey..’

He does that all the time, as he searches for…well….Anyway….

I like ‘Tats,’ I always have and I think he’s sweet. Yet he only messages me now, during the ‘early hours’ and we all know what that means…and although it’s  flattering…if you don’t do things the proper way…I guess, after everything i’ve learnt or been through along the way, in life…I just can’t take it seriously, until they do?

I’m worth more than that…

(I know, you’re not reading this…but I wish you were…)

Things are really exciting for me, right now. I don’t know where my story ends? I just know that every single piece of it, seems to be worth it. I kinda look around me every single day, hoping for the best…yet expecting nothing without the art of hard work, or ‘magic.’

I know that dreams come true. I certainly don’t know how? Is it hard work? Is it fate? Who knows?? YET, what i’m sure of, when it comes to this little thing called ‘life,’ is that we’re all kinda in this together….be you in flats, heels or barefooted.

Thank you for following my life…

Chrissie x

But which boy will stick?

Chick friend: ‘So, did he reply?’

Me: ‘Who?’

Chick friend: ‘T Bone…OR The Gent….either of them??’

Me: ‘Yeah. Yeah. They both did…One replied straight away and then wished me a really great day this morning, with an emoji kiss.. and the other replied with the words *naughty ass.* Hahaha…’

Chick Friend: ‘I already know, which ones which. Lol’ 

But in T Bone’s defense….he already knows me & we’re quite bantery and highly sexed by nature…We’re northern and cheeky… Plus, he’s already had sex with me. Already ‘sampled the goods.‘ So he can get away with ‘naughty ass.’ I’m not new, to him..

The Gent however, has never met me, doesn’t know me and of course wants to make the best first impression possible…which is honorable and lovely. I like that. It’s kind. It’s sweet. It’s thoughtful.

Chick Friend: ‘He still wants to bone you though. Haha. He’s just approaching it well..’

Me: ‘POLITELY! I like good manners. Everyone wants to bone me mate. Lol. That’s not the problem. It’s who wants to KEEP me, that IS! Someone who doesn’t JUST see me as a Bone Festival!’

Chick Friend: ‘I love how you put *Festival* after everything…’

Me: ‘It’s my phrase for * a lot of…* I have my own lingo & I love how you all just understand it, without me usually having to explain it to you.’

I’ve just shot a bunch of instagram pictures with shows dragging out my mouth, whilst dressed in lingerie. Lol.

This is my life.

I’ve also gathered up enough Insta Questions now, from you, to place on a blog…which will be coming up shortly. I just didn’t have enough ‘juicy’ ones before. Yet, you listened and you delivered, dolls!

I’m running a business. I’m juggling babies. But it’s awesome right now. I wanted a wine at 9am, but didn’t have one. I’m currently blogging, with a giant, glamour pussy hair piece, wedged upon my head, whilst  just being in knickers.. as I sit around flamingos.

I’m gonna need that wine after this.

Then I had one meeting. Caught up on my emails and made my plans for the future…before I shot.

I’m always making plans for the future. (I’m talking work right now. I’ve left my fucking love life to fate…cos GOD, I can’t seem to do anything about it.) I’m quite an ambitious girl. I’m quite determined girl. But it’s done with love and fun. Not utter evil, spitefulness like Roxanne Pallett. Lol. (Yes! I got my dig in!)

So, i’m really excited, because i’m gonna get there..I can feel it. I can FEEL it. I just need to catch it. But it’s down to life ‘magic’ now. I’m not in a race. I’m gonna do it well.

To me it doesn’t matter how MANY things you do, it’s all about doing that ONE THING so well…it’s makes UTTER IMPACT.

That’s kind of how I feel about love also. I’m a one man, woman. I’m not one to play with lots of boys. I hate that. I want true love and don’t believe you’re fated to be with everyone…JUST ONE OTHER HUMAN.  When I love, i love hard When I fancy, I have a one track mind and i’ll always only focus my heart on that one guy…once sprung.

(Ooh, my boobs are looking good today! Just caught myself in my mirror. Lol. Sorry.) 

My friend Liam Halewood was on the telly last night, on ‘The Extreme Diet Hotel, on Channel 4 and I just wanted to say how proud I was of him, because he’s such a talent and he wants to do well, (like us all) and i’m sure he’s had a rough time with it. It’s not easy. So he certainly deserves a bit of ‘look at me,’ that lasts. His soul is good. He’d do anything for anyone. I’m really glad that I have him as a friend.

PLUS…

Today, I watched him do a ‘Wheely Bin’ workout, where you hold onto the back of your ‘wheely’ and flick your legs behind you. Lol. After every five flicks, you then have to slut drop, STILL holding the back of your wheely bin and only in PINK. You can only wear pink, when doing his exercises.

All my friends are just awesome.

If I had a round of exercises it would simply be…

‘Pick your wine glass up…and neck it in one…’

That’d be it…in heels. You’d have to help heels, to help your calves.

It helps your bat wings, your neck muscles, your gag reflex and it’s literally great for the soul. 🙂

I’m really looking forward to meeting ‘The Gent’ on 18th. I know I keep going on about it. But i love meeting new people and so far, he’s been lovely to me. He’s been attentive, without being annoying. Lol. But I do need to see, as things are different when you meet someone in person, aren’t they…and it’s not like i know him?

Yet, the thing is…with The Swirl aka T Bone…We’d already talked lots and lots before…Life kept sort of,  pushing us together and pulling us apart…Anyway, when I met HIM, for the first time, in person, it was actually amazing. I think we got on better than we thought, because it was just so easy. Just so perfect.

I mean, that could’ve gone another way…but it didn’t…So meeting The Gent in 2 weeks, will give me better insight..Lol.

I almost wish guys came with a quick film trailer of their romantic history, so i could see what I was getting myself into.

Anyway, I’ve godda get back to work.

Thank you following my life.

Hit play…

 

Love you..

Chrissie x

 

 

New Dates, Mates & Old Flames…

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LA Bestie: ‘How the hell are you still alone’

Me: ‘Haha. Wow! Cheers. Stop saying ALONE at me. I’m fine. FFs.’

LA Bestie: ‘I actually meant ALIVE. Lol. I really did.’

Me: ‘Oh? That…I definitely don’t know! Just lucky aren’t I. 😉 I need a fresh orange juice..’

LA Bestie: ‘What?? Honestly. What has happened to you?? Dead to me. Orange juice?’ 

Me: ‘IN MY MALIBU, you idiot. I don’t order juice.’

How’ve you all been? I’ve had to take a few days off blogging, because work, auditions. socializing, surprises, shocks and single mum life sped into a WHOLE different lane and I was pretty much slow jogging in stillettos behind. If i didn’t hit *pause* I would’ve lost the plot!

I like to keep on top of things. I’m not one to lag behind with ease… 

I hate not managing things appropriately. It stresses me out.

So yeah, right now, my life’s not easy.  I’m happy. But it ain’t easy. It’s a really hard juggle, to be honest. But THANK GOD, i’m back to ‘tipper tappering’ at my laptop, because I swear, it’s my saving grace. (Well, once I get my ‘swing’ back, anyhow. At first it’s shit and definitely feels like it needs rum cocktails pouring all over it.)

RUM TING PLEASE…

I’m just gonna jump the gun and tell you that I got this voice note, the other day, that followed a message. Remember I told you that a few weeks ago, a guy, a lovely older gentleman, had tinkered into my DM’s.

I’ve hardly ever been on a date with anyone older than me…I don’t know why? Maybe because my surroundings are always young. The last older guy, that I actually went on a date with…was Matt Dillon..whilst I was in LA. 

Crackers innit!

(Wait, I’ve lied. both ‘London Business Man’ and ‘Eton Mess’ were older than me. Yet, only by a couple years…They kinda seem boyish in comparison to the ‘voice note’ guy Yet, they’re both happily in relationships now…& I’m happy for them, as they certainly weren’t right for me. I can be treated better than that.) 

ANYWAY….The Gentleman..

He initially messaged me with a picture and then a couple voice notes…and I liked it, because hearing someones voice makes a difference. (Not my awful voice though.) But it’s true…A voice or a video helps a connection… doesn’t it?

I felt that he was SO polite and gentle, yet sweet and fun. He was really respectful. He wasn’t smutty. He led with his romantic foot forward. And I am ever so used to hearing smut, or the game of charm.

I mean, remember that also a couple weeks ago, a German footballer, slid into my insta DM’s…and was pretty much the opposite. He started with the usual ‘you’re beautiful’ stuff…then led it straight to the land of Smut.

I get that…it’s fine…However…

..at that point, I just ignored him…cos whatever…I’m too old for that shit.

Anyway, the other guy, who I always label a ‘gentleman.’ (I say label, because I haven’t actually spoken to him much and I’ve certainly never met him.) Back to the point..He sent me a message at the weekend…Was it Friday? AGAIN, followed by a voice note.

I like a surprise voice note..or video.

It helps me connect faster…(I’ve said that already, haven’t I?) 

Weeks ago, and I did blog this, he had asked if I’d like to go on a ‘friendly dinner,‘ with him, to ‘say hi, properly.’ He doesn’t live in the country, yet obviously he ventures to the UK quite a lot with work. His occupation…Pundit. He’s a retired footballer.

I should balls and a nets for my yard of milkshake, as it seems they’re the only guys that want to play Wunna Land, right now? They find me..

So, I get this message, at the weekend, saying that he’ll be over here on 18th…for work and it would be lovely to meet me.

Wow! Impressed!

I get asked out quite a lot…(that isn’t meant to sound conceited…it’s just the truth and we love a bit of truth in Wunna Land.) I always say ‘no.’ Or just ignore the message. I mean, I must be a sucker for eternal loneliness, because I definitely would love to find my Mr.Right, yet I ignore everyone who DM’s me. Lol.

It’s because i’m a happy singleton.

I’m never miserable about single life. I enjoy life. I still enjoy love. I’m just one of those chicks, who is sure my Knight will saunter up out of nowhere…one day, when he’s had his tea and ready. 

Fate will force him to…

Anyway, I haven’t ignored this ‘gentleman.‘ I need to give him a nickname, don’t I? That’ll come. Yet, bottom line…I’ve agreed to go meet him for ‘friendly dinnering,’ simply because he was so utterly and sincerely sweet to me via voice note. He treated me really normally, yet like a lady. He sounded nurturing and I love nurturing ‘I’ll keep you safe ‘ kinda men.

So, we’ll see what happens…I’m open to it..

I feel like i’ve had this really fun Summer of debauchery and irresponsible, sunshiny behaviour. We’ll all remember Summer ’18. It was fun. Yet, I kinda miss focusing on what i’m doing. Glamorously, of course.  I love what I do and I love what I have…and I’m really lucky, to have the mini opportunities, come my way…Hopefully, one day, the mini ones, will turn into BIG ones.

If i’m being honest…

I kinda started to feel stifled, over the last couple weeks and I’ve been on the search for excitement and adventure. A new chapter, with more balance. You’re a product of your environment..I was becoming one…and not being a chick to enjoy the ‘same old ting,’ I got my balance sorted.

I found me a new chapter..

(…and it took nothing but determination.. Something I am oozed in.)

I’ve been with my family. (My strength.)  I’ve been with the kids. (My world.) I’ve worked hard, (my passion)… auditioned lots (my challenge)..and still managed to cocktail my way to happiness, whilst being over eyelashes, boobied and fully lipped. (Just who I am.)

Let’s *clink* wine glasses to that!

Summer 2018, was really important to me, because I learnt a lot about myself…and I was actually a little broken hearted, through it. Hence why I celebrated, enjoyed and drank a lot. Well, I say broken hearted…but I began with a solid stance. Then emotionally ventured to ‘all over the place,’ which led me to naughty fun (because of course I’m that way inclined..) and was left with my eyes open...WIDE open…my ears a listening (they could hear everything once more)…and as I screwed my head back on, bundled up my heart strings, back into my hands, ready for the next round of blissful, romantic tugging…I realized that my mind, my gut…my body…my everything…just kept lulling back to, reflecting back to…and utterly missing….(back to…lol)…..

..The Swirl.

(Who I renamed ‘T Bone.’)

So, I know that i’m not gonna to go through life, without encountering ‘T Bone’ again…I mean, I might do? But I doubt it, because we get on so well…

My gut just tells me…

Yet the timing of it all…. ‘our ting,’ has always been off. Life has never cut me some slack with that old timing shindig. But I’m willing to see and willing to wait on it.

Right now, he’s no where near me, he recently moved to another country for work…and he’s pretty focused on that and doing his version of life out there.

So, now that i’ve done my Summer of ‘heartache’ (lol…a heartache, that I didn’t realize was happening…) I’m pretty ready to explore…and let my little kitty eyes, take a peeky and who else, of DECENT POTENTIAL…that i’m attracted to… is a knocking?

Right?

September 18th…’Friendly dinner,’ here I come…

Ps? I keep getting a Flashback of Ms.Derry, being sat on the  ‘door wide open’ loo, with her leopard print shorts down by her ankles, as she wee’d, told me she fractured her hand, because she fell, whilst flamenco dancing down the pavement. She was in those shorts, that night too.

Then she wiped up, jumped up, pulled this make up stamper thing, out of her hand bag and stamped my hand with a tiny, black love heart.

It was beautiful. Made me smile.

Be beautiful always…

Breakups, Puddings & Messages…

Last night was fun!! It started with work and quiet moments of blogging. I had half a Peroni, as my merry bit of company. I usually always order that if i’m at my local pub. I don’t even know why? It’s just easy. I’d worked all day. I’d juggled the kids. Mcdonalds got the better of me. (Who knew that they did ‘table service’ now?)

Then an hour zoomed by, at the speed of light.

My pink laptop slammed shut and as the late afternoon kicked in, I sat with friends and just let life take over. Sometimes, that’s all you need to do and I usually hate it when people try to ‘fight the feeling.’ It means they’ve lost their sense of child like ‘adventure.’

My favourite time, is when day turns to night….It’s even better over a tipple.

(I always want to be proposed to, when day turns to night. The reason for that, is simply because it’s such a sexy part of the day for me. It feels really real. It’s exciting, but chilled, all at the same time.)

So, I’m working a lot right now, so i’m making sure I fit in family, rest and fun with friends, whenever I can, really? Today was meant to be quite busy. Yet, I have the whole of Eat Leeds, next week…So I switched things around to chill with the babies today.

IT’S BEEN A STRESSY ONE & NO ONE IS THROWING ME A BONE.

But, next week I’ll be kitty tottering to almost every single swanky bar/restaurant in Leeds city centre. I’m certainly gonna need a good litter of energy for that.

I’m excited through! Who wouldn’t be!! I’m lucky.

Last night was a good time. It was filled with laughter. The bantery kind. Where people were put together to just have some fun! I’m having lots of good times recently. Leeds, last week, was a really good time. My moments of escapism, are always filled with pleasure.

It started off with KatyP and I rambling on to ‘Golfer Jonny’ about how we could never EVER be in a SEX LESS relationship. And I really couldn’t, I’d DIE. I’m no ‘nympho.’ I’m far more in control than that. Yet, when I fancy a guy, ‘Ooooooooooooooh’ do I fancy him…So if I ever have an ‘object of my desire,’ he is usually in for a treat. 😉

At 37, I LOVE a bit of nookie.  I’m a fully grown girl. I love my body and I love to give love and feel loved in return. So, if I had a partner and we’d decided to shimmie through life together, under a flag reading ‘FOREVER.’ I’d chose one with a ‘sexy disposition.’ I’d want him to be in to a bit of the ‘ooh laa.’

I was sat with a guy friend, who was waiting for his bets to roll in, as he showed me pictures of a cocktail, a salsa dancer and a bottle of wine , on his laptop.

Dude: ‘Did you think I did a good job?’

Me: ‘Yeah, yeah.’

Then Ms.Derry (who I adore) sauntered in, with KatyS, on the hunt for a pudding. Who honestly hunts for pudding??? Haha. The lost third course!! They crack me up!

I mean, they got their pudding, after searching MILES for a bit of cake.

‘We’re just three course girls and Electric theatre wouldn’t give us a pudding. We even went to Ego, but we were too late there. So we ended up here.’

(I love Northern girls. ‘Derry’ got chocolate cake and custard. Then fed it to my guy friend, who had initially mocked her pudding choice. I do love custard, but I hate a passing spoon feed, because i’m a total germaphobe. The worst thing anyone could do, is share a spoon. Lol It’s like when people suck a lolly and pass it on to another being for a suck. It’s awful. I’d die.) 

Ms.Derry’s  now fresh and single, after ‘pieing off’ a fifteen year relationship. But the great thing about her is,  that just like ‘Firmonnell’ and I…she’ll simply get on with the next chapter merrily, with a smile and a wink, without moaning.

She’s a fun one and she’s amazing and like we were saying last night, if you are a boy, who is ‘VANILLA,‘ dashed in bland, then we’re far too tasty for ya! Lol. Yet, it’s always the tasty girls, that the boys chase. 😉

My guy friend, sat and learnt about chicks pretty fast…

It’s weird, because this year…has been a year of BREAKUPS. I’ve kinda loved it, as NOW, so many new people are crossing paths and so many new people, now have the opportunity to give a fresh version of life, a go!

A new start is always wonderful!

(People who don’t like them are only scared.) 

Then just as ‘Derry’ was talking about my love life and saying..

Derry: ‘You’ll get it right, the next time around..’

Me: ‘Yeah! Yeah! I’ll definitely get married again, in the future. I’ll get it right, in the end.’

Derry: ‘You’re always so secretive about your relationships.’

…my phone *pinged* and ‘Firmonnell’ (who is my BEST chick friend of all time) starts a Snapchat banter. We enjoy to take the piss out of each other and like I always say, we’re not lame nor basic. We’re not chicks who cry into gin, take warm bubble baths to solve life problems and braid each other’s hair to Kylie tracks.

We’re successful, sassy hotties. Lol. When we chat…WE CHAT and it is GIRL BOSS BANTER.

Executive suites for everyone!

Unfortunately for me, my guy friend grabbed my phone, and started replying to ‘Firmonnell’ ….pretending to me.

People love to do that! But I don’t know why?? Lol

She knew it wasn’t me anyway, as soon as he referred to her as ‘HUN.’ (We would NEVER EVER, relate to each other as ‘HUN.’ We’re not dickheads. Lol)

Me: ‘You should’ve gone with Yo… BITCH.’

She knew when it WAS ME however, as whenever I mentioned a guy that I swirled with, she would give me her blunt sassy answers of ‘nada, no go.’

Me:’ He said he wanted to….’

Firmonnell: ‘He said that five years ago and still hasn’t…Lol’

Then she slagged my guy friend off, to my pretending to be me’ guy friend..because she knew my guy friend, was not actually me. (If you got that, you’re some kind of genius.)

It probably made him die inside a little.

I NEARLY DIED, a little. Lol

Me: ‘I really didn’t say that about you..Lol’

Friend: ‘Well at least I know the truth.’

Yet, let’s refrain from going on my phone and trying to tackle Big Girl banter, because YOU WILL get roasted!! Lol.

It was so much fun. Firmonnell messaged me this morning literally PISSING HERSELF, because she called my guy friend..

‘POOR, AND TOO MUCH.’

Hahaha.

OH LORD!!!

What is my life! No wonder I’m always fucking single!

So many options. Not one of them ever fits. Lol

But other than messing up a phone audition this morning, I don’t have anything else to report. I’ve just had fun with  my dad and the babies, today.

I’m annoyed that I messed up my audition, because it’s something that i’d really be good at. Something that I want. But I was sat in my car, half in pyjamas, half in a pin stripped shirt, whilst listening to an echo on the phone…and I just…Well, I could’ve done better than that!

Let’s hope, I get another shot!

Chrissie x

 

 

 

All four of us.

A Quick Change of Jiggly Plans….

So my weekend’s made a glamourous U Turn and is now completely different. I won’t be headed off to ‘tango’ with the boy until next weekend now. It only changed about an hour and a half ago…due to my own circumstance…Yet being a kitten who is pretty schooled in the art of ‘getting on it with..’ when life throws in a *spanner,* I’m dandy with it all. You can sweat the small stuff, (which isn’t sexy) or you can celebrate the big things that you have to look forward to. I’m certainly on ‘celebration’ mode and certainly excited about what life has in store for me…so Yeah…after ‘chitter chatter,’ rearrangements and just good old honest ‘Wunna Style’ banter…Everything was sorted and my faith in humanity and my trust in ‘swirls’ were completely restored.

Y’know, what’s good about this guy…Is that he reasons things out in his head. He’ll wait, he’ll weigh things up, they’ll benefit everyone and hell make the right choices. He’ll stand by what he believes, but then, with charm immediately knows how to make everything better…

‘I’m a lucky guy…’

‘You make me smile, I’m laughing my head off reading these texts..’

‘You’re not just looks.. you’re actually  hilarious…it’s total banter…’

‘I love that you’re really open..’

‘It’ll be worth the wait…I promise.’ xxx

I mean honestly, I love hearing it all!!

But what I’m realizing about him is that yes…he’s a lot of things… but he’s actually the perfect balance of everything..in my eyes. And in my world, my eyes… count. 😉  He’s funny, but he’s sweet and he’s naughty, but he’s expressive. We’re similar like that. I’m loving it. So I’m looking forward to meeting him. PLUS any guy that I can have a conversation with about my entire ‘time of the month,’my actual period, before i’ve ever even met THEM in person..and chat about it with them comfortably, as we try to make sense of it all…is certainly ACE. I can literally say anything, tell him everything and he’ll find it funny. Even if it’s inappropriate. And i’m gonna need that aren’t ! 🙂 He’s sexy. I’m hooked.

So we’ll see what happens NEXT Saturday. I’m a firm believer in the fact that you meet people, when you’re meant to meet people…I wasn’t meant to meet him earlier on in life, which is when we had first chattered. Right now, shortly, our paths are supposed to cross, I guess? Is that how it works?

However, away from that I cannot EVEN TELL YOU how happy I am that it is FINALLY THE WEEKEND! Honestly. I have been sooooooooo busy and have worked sooooo hard this week that my mind could’ve  just exploded. It’s been THAT bundled and THAT full of *So Utterly Much.* But I did it I’ve done it! I’m at the end of the tunnel. I have two utter days off in a row, away from the madness to find peace and calm…and gallons of prosecco.

THANK THE FUCKING LORD!

(Or as ‘Double B’ would say, ‘Jesus and the baby orphans.’ )

When you’re THAT busy, you need those moments! I like to call them ‘peace… cut offs,‘ where you just ‘cut away‘ from the hectic drama’s of life happenings and enjoy the things that you LOVE. It stops you from needing botox, going insane and keeps you beaming.

(OH GOD! Ruby’s just woken up and tottered up to me, with these GIANT rainbow coloured beads around her neck with what SHE thinks are flesh coloured ‘feet.’ They’re from a Gay Pride event and my friend brought them back for me, as an appropriate gift. I’m sure that I hide them in the back of a high kitchen cupboard? Lord knows how she has them??…But yes, those ‘feet’ are decorative…well there’s a Penis, after every 7 beads 🙂 Welcome to Wunna Land.)

Lots of great things are happening to me right now. I have lots of good news to tell you soon.

I have my fingers crossed for most of it, as I don’t know how my life is going to end up…But if you don’t hope for the best…You’ll drown in rummy cocktails. Let’s put it this way, I just KNOW that it’s going to end up being wonderful. 😉

Hope you sail through the weekend with absolute utter happiness….That kind of buzz that beams from your soul and lights up your eyes…

 

Tonight…I’m beaming…

Thank you for following my life.

Chrissie x

Ps/ What did my chick friends say?

‘Well at least you don’t have to take it up the arse on the first date now…:) ‘

 

 

Saturday Things, Sexy Times & Rank

I don’t even know where to start! But let me tell you, If you don’t have a sense of fun,or a deliciously naughty sense of humour, you’re pretty much going to do ‘shock’ faces throughout this bit of diary today.

It’s taken me ages to THINK about writing it, simply because the girl, sassy banter that my chick friends and I tinkered with today was glamourously inappropriate and so utterly personal that I don’t even know what I can say and I can’t.

I will tell you that we decided that we weren’t so keen of people with 80’s moussed hair who try to chill in millennial town like it’s hipster. We also decided that we were certainly the greatest people alive, that sexting is often odd to girls, but easy for guys…

Double D: ‘Honestly my girlfriend once sent me a picture of herself naked with just my work tie on saying that she couldn’t wait for me to get home AND I RAN HOME as fast as i could!’

SEE! Guys are so visual and stimulated by turn on’s..and this is coming from ‘Double D’ our ‘Boy bitch’ who is a pretty decent gent, on all levels.

(Mel keeps making him do errands for him…Great errands that have now ended with him calling her Mum and Fairytale Blond ‘PULLING RANK.’ LOL)

‘Listen to Fairytale pulling rank on me!! Hahah!’ 

We also decided that some balls…balls? I mean BOYS have balls and some boys don’t. And that some girls are naughtier than others. We danced with oddballs and made deals with ‘the lovelies.’

‘I’m sure he still puts foam in his hair!

‘Mousse? D’ya mean mousse…like in an 80’s perm?’

‘Has a bird shit on my head…? I can feel shit on my head? Why is it so hot in here?’

‘I’ve fucking come on my period and I have my Saturday THING! FFS!’

Now, ofcourse when I wan’t to swoon in a swirl with the Mister that i’m going to see…who I adore…my body decides to *middle finger* me with a ‘hello time of the month…enjoy!’

WHAT THE FUCK!

Me: ‘It’s just going to have blowjobs and playing around. Lol’

Fairytale Blond: *Utter face of shock, fear and disgust*

Double D: ‘You can’t put out the first time you meet someone…there’s rules..’

Me: ‘There’s NO RULES DUDE. I can do what I want! Lol

( Istrut towards the cupboard)

Me: ‘Mel, i’ve come ON and I have my Saturday thing…’

Mel: ‘You’re just gonna have to take it up the arse then. 🙂 ‘

I love Mel! I pissed myself laughing and then chanted out loud, in a whisper as I strutted out the cupboard. We spent the late part of the evening chatting about Mel’s ‘love swirl’ Gary… and it makes me happy. I want to be in love like that! She gives me hope. I’ve not seen her as happy, since i’ve known her. We’re really close now and I love that she found true love , almost like magic and  in her 40’s. THAT’S AMAZING. She *beams* when she talks about Gary…and that’s a healthy energy to be around because I KNOW how much her handsome adores her. It’s balanced. It’s lovely. It’s naughty AND romantic and well…she’s kinda made me believe in love even more so…and I’m a girl, who is YES DIPPED IN SASS….but a total ‘love bunny’ when it comes to matters of the heart. I’m not wet! I’m no drip. I’m a force to be reckoned, with a bullet wink that sharp as a knife. But i’m soft when I adore. Who isn’t! So i’m looking forward to meeting ‘Taylor’ on Saturday…I’ve actually chatted to him in the past ‘on and off’ and briefly, yet I don’t think time or timing has granted us much lucky…AND I think you meet people when you’re supposed to meet them.

So right now in life…for some reason…I’m meant to spend my Saturday night & Sunday day with ‘Taylor.’ I like him. I like him alot. He’s great! So I couldn’t be more excited. We’re both excited and did the only ‘2 days’ left until we see each other message to one another…with smiles! I’ve had the busiest week…so my weekend will be perfect!

My work life is rammed right now…that I can’t keep up…so getting that ‘loving feeling’ back will keep my spirit alive.

Why is Mother Mature sending me with a period…? 🙂

Hahah! You should’ve seen ‘Fairytale blond’s’ FACE when blowjobs, were mentioned, let alone bum sex. Hahahah! (It’s her birthday tomorrow. I’m excited  to see what her ‘Prince’ gets her?

‘It better not be a fitbit…’

But yes, all is well in love and work. I’m working so hard right now…but i’m pretty positive that in the end i’m sure it’ll be worth it.

I had my tarot cards read for me tonight, after I asked specific questions. It’s crazy what came up…but i’ll have to leave that until next time. I’m knackered.My reading really helped me a lot. I was shocked.

Chat tomorrow…

Love you!

Thank you for being a part of my life…

Birthdays, Chill Mode & Manchester on Monday

I think i’ve just let my body embrace ‘chill mode’ and this isn’t any normal kind of ‘chill mode,’ this is the ultimate, soft landing, let your world sink into deep relaxtion, as a release mode.

I feel like i’ve just jollied in from the LONGEST work week ever. I can feel it all in my back, all tense. All knotty. It was just one of those work weeks that just kept going and going, with early mornings, late nights…and not even nearly enough wine.

When my body is still ‘running’ it does the job and gets on with it. YET, there was just a moment, on Friday night, where in which I tip toed away from the bustle. (I’ve worked A LOT over the last week, but i’ve felt it? Friday was also Ruby’s birthday…She’s now SIX :)..so even at home, it’s been ‘go, go, go.’ People, plans, giddiness, all sorts.) But yes, I looked around me, at the bustle and I snook away for a second, to have a chill, just a little old lay on my good old bed. (Total Granny. 🙂 ) And as my utterly glamourous head, hit that extra soft, feathery pillow, almost as if it had happened in slow motion, my ENTIRE SOUL felt a strong *clench* relax and slooooowly release me from a lofty height of tense stress. It was BLISS. From that moment on, I was in a euphoric state of kitty chill and I think you just need those moments to recoup. It’s the balance. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about relaxing. If you work hard, you deserve it.

I have Ruby’s birthday weekend to delight in for the rest of the weekend…and to be fair the babies have been wonderful. Their little faces are lit with glee. Ruby’s so happy to be six and Junior’s so happy to skank extra pressies, because it’s his sisters birthday and he’s the baby, so we can’t leave him out. Lol.

All sorts happened last week. ‘Fairytale Blond’ and I pissed ourselves laughing, as we ventured out to what I’d call ‘foreign lands,’ lands that I had never been a part of before to collect awards. TWO AWARDS. Lol. We won the lot! Yet, we had to ‘copper up’ to afford to buy booze, because they didn’t accept card and we didn’t have any cash on us. Well, we spent the cash on being charitable, which although lovely, and Little Miss Fairytale won Daffodil biscuits :)…kinda annoying when it comes to feeding my alcoholism. ‘Lady Shizzle’ who went with us, (I did vino with her, the red sort, before the event,) had to leave us to it, to journey home and dumped a handful of 20 pence pieces in my hand, which i was tremendously grateful for, as I could then afford a Sol. Lol. ‘Fairytale Blond’ got a CUPPA TEA at the pub before and then a JUICE Lol…at the event thing. I was filled up with wine, probably up to my little squinty kitten eye balls.

The rest of my chick friends, are all on ‘time of the month‘ vibes, so everything is all a little stressy or a littler tender. It’s delightful. It’s all hair extensions, blond bits and grumpy faces, with stress.

We’re all eating out of that FILTH DRAWER like desperate chimpanzees on the look out for….(Lol…sorry, just giggling at the time Firmonnell kept carrying around this banana with her, like her utter LIFE depended on it, like it was her weird BEST FRIEND. HAHAHA!)

‘Why do I constantly have this fucking banana in my hand?’

‘What’s that on my desk?’

‘Firmonnell’s banana!’

I am eating like a fat Oriental pig. It’s disgusting. I mean, you KNOW you’re not in Hollywood anymore, when you’ve gone out of your way to HIDE a fucking BACON SANDWICH from Greggs, in a drawer, that you can easily access, with one, left hand swing, if you fancied a bite. I’m not even left handed, so it’s my emergency arm.

I DID that!! That is what I have become! Waist trainer? I’ve probably eaten it, with a side of pork dumplings? 🙂

And there’s me thinking, ‘Ooh, I have a bunch of events and shoots that start in March, so I’ll get in shape, eat well and get skinny for them…’

Oh yeah, totally smashed that goal…

I mean I head to Manchester in Monday to go have a cheeky peeky behind the Social Chain walls. I snapchatted Steve…Steven Bartlett and asked if i could go…and he agreed. So I get to meet him to! Couldn’t be more excited for Monday! Can’t wait to meet everyone. Can’t wait to blog about it all….BUT I’M GONNA BE THE CHUBBY VERSION OF MYSELF. GREAT! I’m mean to be some crown wearing glamour puss for crying out loud!

I bet they don’t hide bacon sandwiches in drawers! No! They’re decent human beings….all creative and hard working….all….

I hope they have cocktails?

The funny thing about all this, is that when I made my Gino’s appearance, remember that blog….at the end of last year….I had made a bet at the Prosecco bar with House of Solo Magazine owner Abeiku Arthur….I had started watching Steve’s Vlogs every night and getting into them and then began Tweeting about how much I loved them. ‘House of Solo’ Abeiku Arthur then decided to Tweet Steve…and I correctly predicted that he wouldn’t get a reply, yet Steve would ‘like/favourite’ my Tweet.

What I didn’t tell you, was that I also predicted that I would be IN THAT OFFICE in a couple months. 🙂 Lol. AND *BOOM*….Monday, I check in!

Like, I said, I’m really excited. I can’t wait to tell you about my time there…I go on Monday and I even kept my Diary completely empty for Tuesday, whilst I’m still in Manchester, so that I can blog it all accurately…when it’s fresh….

Facebook Msg: (PE teacher from Malta) ‘Heeyyyyyyyyyyy, not out living the high life this evening? *Add kissy face emoji’s here.*

Whatsapp Msg: (London Business Man)

‘Your obviously too in demand these days x

It’s so bizarre, because both of those guys are from my ‘last year’ and they both decided against pairing up with  ‘Wunna land…’ I hadn’t spoken to them….Just got on with doing life….It all *zoomed* into the beginning of ‘dreams come true’ and then just like that, they’re back *tapping* on my Cyberland door. Both lovely humans. I wouldn’t date either of them. But they make good friends. Men must like women when they are headed to success? Well no…it either makes me more attractive to some OR makes other guys just feel defeated, like there would be no point in trying I’d never go for it….

But right now….I’ve got to go back and tend to organizing the rest of Ruby’s birthday weekend…

Love you all!

Chrissie

 

 

.

 

Excuses! Excuses! Excuses! (And Ginners.)

‘What are you doing?’

‘Just rummaging through your drawers…’

‘Aww…If only I had any on..’

I looked at the ever stylish, ‘King of the North,’ we *paused* and then we pissed ourselves laughing at how not very funny we are.

‘Please, as IF i’m not in pants. I’ve had babies. If I don’t wear pants, all sorts of shit would fall out of me…’

Then ofcourse ‘Double B’ butts in with a..

‘Like what?’ 🙂

Hahaha! The terrifying thought of what actually might fall out of me when shaken is beyond me. That’s why I avoid bouncy castles at all costs. It’d be weave, boobs and flipping West Hollywood pretty boys from 2013 that would fall out of me, with a few delicious organs…dashed in a sliced of my gooey dignity.

I hope you’ve had a wonderful Valentines day. I’ve had THE SINGLE, MOST WONDERFUL VALENTINES DAY EVER.

This is one of the first times in England that I’ve been single on the day of love and let me tell you…I have no date, I had no plans, I received zero cards or flowers and I am BEAMING. It almost feels as though i’m the happiest I’ve ever been. It’s odd? Right now, I’m emotionally at my strongest. So warm that i’m radiating this weird glitter glow. I’ve never felt like this before.

I happy because this year, on Valentines Day, I feel so utterly proud of myself because I never ‘just settled’ for ‘some guy’ that wasn’t my perfect life buddy, simply to just go on a date. I don’t feel lonely. I feel ‘whole’ and when girls are of that nature they are at their MOST attractive.

So as ‘Fairytale Blond’ made last minute dinner arrangements. (‘I Ugh, I can’t believe I have to make my OWN arrangements.’) ‘Double B’ went to Marks & Sparks to buy her beau (who’s penis looks like Me in my party weave) the ingredients to a romantic home cooked meal. As ‘Hot Sarah’ ( who let me eat her leftover home stew and dumplings) probably dashed away from her desk to celebrate her Valentine Anniversary with her ‘Handsome’ and as ‘Firmonnell’ stayed in and did love with her husband ‘Big D..’ (Firmonnell’s all bouji now, as i’ve noticed that she’s embracing her inner glam and wearing the cutest little pinny dresses…Probably because she always has worms and ‘fishy bits’ in the blog…. Hahaha!! I’ve accidentally got it in again, haven’t I!?! Lol)

Anyway, tonight, I internally *beamed* because as I flung on my little faux fur to keep my kitten face warm and as I tottered to my car, under the glitzy night stars, I celebrated the fact that, I was for ONCE utterly single on Valentines Day and weirdly the happiest chick in all the land. No drama, no stress, no plans, no nothing…

I walked down an alley way, with a smile on my face, like the entire world was my oyster. My mum even Facebooked me at that point with a, ‘Are you doing anything tonight?‘ Then when I responded with a ‘no’ and a smiley face she couldn’t even believe her little Burmese eyes. 🙂

Now, don’t get me wrong, I believe in love, the real kind that gets you in a swirl, an uncontrollable happy swirl of magic. And I know that I’ll get bowled over by his spirit when I meet him. Yet, i feel great for NOT being tied down to someone that isn’t quite right for me. That alone makes me  happy. It makes me feel free. I’m not in a situation where i’m having to compromise what i stand for or believe in.

‘London Business Man’ sent me a Whatsapp message yesterday..one of the Voice Note variety that went a bit like this…

‘I have a lot of love for you, but i’m just hearing excuses right now, excuses excuses, I know you’re busy… I get it… I get it.. I get it. But make a little time for ME and I’ll make a LOT of time FOR YOU….. I honestly don’t know what that means, but it sounded good.’ 

Lol.

I just don’t seem to have time to schedule ‘London Business Man’ into my life….until next month, but just for a catch up…and even though we have a brief past of fun…I haven’t really seen him in over half a year. He’s the one that withdrew his offer of love. We’re good friends, yet that’s only because I’m cool and not nutty, as technically he did choose other chicks over me…every time. Yet, I’m just not bothered, as I think he’s a great friend, and I think he’s a wonderful human, yet I understand men, people, I understand ‘times’ and how he may feel now, that i’m doing well…And yes, he’s not on my priority list of ‘Must Dates’ lol…

But like I said in my last blog, before I deleted it…(That’s the ace thing about lifestyle blogging, you can go back and edit shit out, like it never even happened…:) )

It’s hard once you’ve maybe ballsed something up a bit and you then try to get back in the game. As the second time around, depending on how hard you’ve ballsed up, you almost face a mountain. If you just made a small yet decent rockstar decision to begin with, it would’ve been a a walk in the park. And I don’t say that to preachy. I say it because I have been on BOTH SIDES of that coin throughout life.

But what I do like about him is that he doesn’t quit trying….he’s not scared to ask me out and do it properly Most guys are. I don’t like scaredy cats. What I don’t feel for him right now..is ‘magic.’

It’s that’s chemistry and magic that I look for.

I did do a year ago…I felt so much magic that I could’ve exploded…but that was a year ago…Right now, and when i’m dancing in my finest emotional situation, I see him as just my buddy. A guy friend i’d just do cocktails with to catch up and YOU ALL HATE BEING in ‘friend zone,’ but you kinda put yourself there. 🙂

I haven’t even had sex since last year. So, it’s not like i’m making foolish decisions. I’m making the right decisions for me. FOR once. (Oh wait? Was it last year? It was ‘Eton Mess’…Yes…last year, in maybe like November? Ages ago now. AND I’M LOVING IT. I am little Cougar, Born again Virgin Chrissie Wunna.

But no matter what you did this evening, I hope you felt adored and more importantly ‘whole.’

I got given a decent and loving pep talk by a lady who’s in her sixties this morning and it kinda made me glow and feel strong. I’ve been losing my swag a little bit over the last week. Yet this morning sorted me right out.

Oh? I’ve just got a message from ‘Take Me Out Nick?’

‘Pop over tomorrow when you’re free, so I can make you a brew..’

The other day we were imagining what our lives would be like if we dated ginger people? Lol.

He imagined himself in Valley Gardens (which is a dodgy park in Pontefract) with some ghetto blaster, in the sun and a few beers with his imaginary ginner bird.

‘Where are you? The Maldives?’

‘Yeah, I’m bikini sunbathing with cocktails in The Maldives and he’s moaning because he’s having to sit in the shade because he’ll burn to death in the blistering heat. So I’ll just have to lay here, ignore him and shout him over if I need anything during the holiday…’

HAHAHA!  Then we finished out coffees and got on with life…

Everything feels magical in Wunna Land.

Happy Valentines Day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filth, Sex, Boys & Hilarious Girl Power

Sorry, I didn’t blog last night. I had a really busy day which ended up with me glamourously guzzling entire bottle of red, dancing to gangsta rap, then pretending I was P.Diddy and passing out. I did WANT to blog, yet was quite smartly advised for me not to 🙂 because as we know, i’m quite outspoken and ‘out’ spilly on ‘fun mode.’ It all gets the better of me doesn’t it. Plus, I thought I was gangsta. So I left it. 🙂 (And passed out.)

I have definitely learnt that letting people have your phone for a second is certainly DEVASTATING. Lol. All sorts of hilarious ‘jiggery pokery’ happened, that I had to promptly clean up with a terrified ‘ooh’ face! It’s a lesson I never learn. I’m far too trusting. 🙂 The last time I lent my phone to someone for maybe 3 minutes, they went on my Instagram and ‘love hearted’ a guy’s entire pictured life. His notifications will have ALL BEEN FROM ME, about 40 in a row Lol…and all on his smutty gym pics. Hahaha! And to make it worse, they even wrote comments from me, really cheesy ‘lovey ones about dogs and love and how I wished i was laid next to him! HAHAHAHAH! Another time, someone went through my Facebook inbox, which as you can imagine is a treat, if treat meant ‘absolute horror’ and saw that a guy had sent me hundreds of dirty messages that I had never replied to. My guy friend took it upon himself to reply to him with the words,

‘I’ve had a whisky baby and i’m drying up…’

Hahahah! Yet, my guy friend got what he derserved, as with almost a cyber *wink* of an eye, the guy sent back numerous videos of his willy and then a picture of him doing this weird hand dance with it? 😉 (Told you, you shouldn’t have done it. Lol)

Today has been a great day. I’m feeling stimulated, motivated, and fun! The girls and I have worked our socks off today but still managed to have literally THE BEST LAUGH EVER. In fact, the best laugh over the last TWO days. I’ve been in creases. Girls definitely fun the world.

So much has happened that I don’t even know where to begin..? Mel walked into the office and called me FAT! Lol.

‘Have you got your waist trainer on today?’

‘No..’

‘Oh, good, cos I see all your over hang!’

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Then I HAD to eat everything out of our FILTH drawer with Fairytale Blond and Hot Sarah (who was sick and dying today, but suggested that I have her germs, so i could get skinny too) simply out of sympathy. All of us, including Firmonnell and Double B are SHIT with a filth drawer A drawer just filled with filth. We an’t stop ourselves and rummage in until we have it completely DESTROYED!

‘OOh look, I’ve found a chewy mint hidden in the bottom of the drawer’

Which fat fuck has eaten all the sweets?’

‘I’ve just got no will power.’

Then Mel took it upon herself to make sure that Hot Sarah knew that a certain room had been ‘stunk out’ by Firmonnell…

‘Becareful when you go up there?’

‘Why?’

‘Stinks of fish…’

‘Why?’

‘Dunno, Firmonnell did it, she forgot to wear pants today.’ 

HAHAHAH! Dying!

Firmonnell: ‘I’m paranoid now, it must’ve been my cous cous???’ 

Then like life couldn’t get any better ‘Double B’ hears some great news, that added to her new great £300 Rapunzel hair..The Vogue Top Knot, has DIED…

‘Oh my god! We’ve done it! He’s done it for us! I’m definitely giving him a blow job. Definitely sending him nudes, to thank him.’ 🙂 

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Guys are ace, as we as girls could really send nudes to thank them if we really wanted. Lol. Smashed a business deal. Here’s in with no bra on.

Then she went on about how she once got so drunk that she made a sandwich on a door. I once got so drunk that I woke up with a traffic cone celotaped to my head and passed out on a West Hollywood merry..go..around in a lime green fedora, after tequila. (All because a guy named Ryan didn’t love me. Was it Ryan? Lol.)

BUT, Hot Sarah then steams in with a..

‘Well..my friend, has a friend, who she shared a room with in Uni and whenever girls were drunk and around, she would beckon them into a room, tell them she had an enlarged vulva (hahahaha, sorry i’m dying)…and then get it out to show them.’ 

‘Was she a lesbian?’

‘No, she just liked getting her massive vulva out and showing it to people…and it WAS really enlarged.’

HAHAHAHAHAH!

The previous day Hot Sarah, Firmonnell and I had had a conversation about whether we’d marry Ed Sheran. I obviously admire his work, yet just don’t find him sexy. I just couldn’t get jiggy with him. But he could play me love songs and i’d adore him.

Hot Sarah reckoned that she could marry him, but then changed her mind because his face was piggy like.

Firmonnell went for it with a ‘I’d marry him. I love him. He’s amazing. So down to earth, so sweet, so talented..I think he’s sexy!’

Hot Sarah: ‘Yeah, he seems so romantic and just lovely…’

Firmonnell: ‘But would you fancy him if he just worked at Greggs?’ (HAHAHAH DYING! SORRY.)

Me: ‘Would YOU marry him, if he worked at Greggs?’

Firmonnell: ‘No. Lol. I only like him as Ed Sheran, as he is…NOW..because it’s like he’s a celebrity who is so down to earth and that never happens…’

Hot Sarah: ‘So you like him with world wide fame, talent and millions….’

We all LAUGHED..but then we all paused, thought about it and then said ‘Yes.’ 🙂

Sheran is too studenty looking for me. I like a ‘swarvo.’ Then they made fun of the celebs that I fancy, like Ronaldo and Lewis Hamilton.

‘So you only have to be the BEST IN THE WORLD at something for Chrissie to fancy you.’

(Note: That is not the case….when tipsy. 🙂 )

Then we went on about how it was weird that people could talk to me online, yet if they were to see me in a public place, they sort of fill themselves up with terror and daren’t even look at me. A girl did that to me in a bar recently. I don’t bite. Well,I might when i’m in my piece of shit waist trainer that makes me viscous.

Both Firmonell and Hot Sarah said this,

‘Well if I didn’t know you as a person in real life, and just read your blog, I would think you’re a completely different type of person..’

Yeah, but i don’t  get that, as it’s still me, i’m writing it…just being me?’

‘Yeah, but if i didn’t actually know you, I wouldn’t have guessed how down to earth you are..’

My brain must be high maintenance and scary. Or I talk so much shit that I terrify you. (Send nudes.)

Double B then decided that she wanted a colonic.

Mel: ‘What? Are you going to buy a douche…’

Double B: ‘NO! A FUCKING PROFESSIONAL ONE. I don’t fancy self douching myself.’ 

HAHAHAHAH! I was just in creases from the start of this conversation. I couldn’t even contain myself at the thought of Double B self douching. HAHAHA. DYING!

*Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your…WHAT THE FUCK!?!’

London Business Man sent me a Whatsapp, moaning that I haven’t managed to do catch up drinks with him yet. But i really am busy. He told me my ‘waist training’ selfie was ‘insane’ and that he HAS to see me. I haven’t really seen him in half a year. Lol. It’s amazing what a waist trainer can do. Doesn’t make me feel good AT ALL, but totally pulls….EVERYONE. My Facebook comments are *tippy tapping* over this picture…

Image may contain: one or more people, phone and selfie

My waist trainer is a bitch. I’ve called her Veronica, because that sounds like a bitchy name. (If that’s your name, sorry….Keep reading. 🙂 )

But to end all this doo dah, let me tell you a nice story.

Well to be fair it started off shit…I watched someone close to me, who’s a big girl, have secret little girl tears. We all do it and the great thing about being a strong girl, is that when we’re around our chick friends, we’re comfortable enough to have a big cry, open up, talk about our love lives, call each other fat, talk about sex and say our privates smell like fish.

YET, as soon as work, business or men are infront of us the banter quits, the brains work, the tears dry and we stand tall like the hottest Sasserilla’s who have ever seen.

But what I will say that is was heartbreaking to see someone you care about, a strong, tough girl, shed proper ‘little girl’ tears. What I mean by ‘little girl tears’ is that moment when you look at a grown women and she is so sad that you need to give her a cuddle because her face, at that moment, reminds you, that on the inside at times,  she’s still a girl a little girl, who HAS to be a warrior. I get that! I’ve been there.

Yet, the wonderful thing about that moment, was that it had something to do with her past that was muddling with her present….

However, when she travelled home, to her little amazement, her ‘future’ was sat, in a car, outside her house, with a bunch of tulips, (which is her FAVOURITE flower) and with them he solved all her problems with love, smarts and a warmth that makes us women melt.

It made me smile when she told me the story because any girl who is lucky enough to be with a guy, who remembers her favourite flower and is waiting  outside her home to surprise her, with the intentions and solutions to ‘sort out’ all her problems, is more than a God Send, but a miracle..and she deserves it.

Romance is alive….


 

 

 

 

Dates, Mates & Hippie Fucks

Happy Sunday morning! I’ve been up since the crack of dawn rushing around trying to fit everything into the correct life slots. I had a wonderful family day yesterday with the babies,which was filled with treats. But today, I have A LOT of work to get through, my fingers crossed and ‘The Mighty’s’ Baby Shower to shimmie to.

And just like that, when i’ve set my mind on getting through it all with a hair toss and a wiggle. AND when i’m sort of excited to have that unsettled ‘pending’ work part of my brain opened and ready to conquer…in jollies a text from Keiran, (Junior’s Dad,)

‘I’m not going to be able to come get Junior as I’m having to be in London all day at the last minute…but i’m gonna try and get back…’

Hurrah! Lol. *Schedule Changes!*

So, I have a green tea latte by my side, I’ve just gracefully nibbled a smoked salmon/spinach and cream cheese, wheat bagel..(I’m at Starbucks, Doncaster by the way) and I’m blogging. Quickly.

I have a huge tumble of interview questions to get through and they’re important questions, not the usual *Wunna Winky * ones, so I HAVE to make sure that I deliver them appropriately…and they’re for a feature that I’m doing for a magazine. (I can’t tell you about it yet. But I have the questions next to me and they’re so good that they’re intimidating.)

I recently did my Celeb ‘Working Mum’s in Business’ interview..That came out at the end of Jan and it went  really well, as I gained a great deal of feedback from it and as a business THEY also had new interest *peeking into* their space. I like that! 🙂

I also have my feature in House of Solo magazine swinging out next week! It’s all very high fashion…and i’m naked in it…:) and I’m representing all things…Well, i’ll be doing a blog on it when it comes out and I have one on my lap, so you’ll know all about it. I’m excited about it all!

Then there’s a quick event this Tuesday that I’ve promised that I will pop up at, I’ve pushed to get ‘the cover’ of another editorial and I have the interview questions by my side for a different feature that is again REALLY exciting for me. They are the questions that I don’t want to balls up, as it’s an opportunity to inspire. That’s my week from now, pretty much booked up…as Saturday I’m scheduled out also.

I’ve just looked to my left and there’s this beautiful, intellectual looking couple. Couple? I don’t know if they’re a couple or just friends, but I’m obsessed with them, so i’ve made them a couple in my head because they’re sat in the corner of Starbucks, with their eyes smiling at each other, with shy *flirts* all a glow…and they’re playing chess. Aww! Mental stimulation. Couldn’t be sexier! Love them. The girl half of the pair, just looked above her geek chic glasses and smiled at me. I hope my green tea latte hasn’t turned my teeth green? And I hope she doesn’t mind that I’m obviously glaring at her with my over done eyeshadow, big hair and quite ‘not very subtly‘ writing about her. Hahaha.

To my right are hippies. They’re a bit weird and not adoring my shoe game, so i’m not feeling them. But I do like the really old Australian *sweary* woman amongst them. Lol. She’s said the word ‘FUCKING’ almost 92 times in a 8 minutes. I’m impressed. Totally goes with her hippie rainbow jacket.

I can’t look behind me because i need a massage and i’ve done something to my neck, so it kills. How the ‘hippie FUCK’ 🙂 am I going to be a cougar in training, if I can’t even look around to see what’s behind me, without cricking my neck. Toy boy’s aren’t gonna dig that! And people do ask me about my love life always…YES, I’m single. But no, i’m not ageist. You could be 20 something or 40 something. If your spirit plays well with mine, you’re in. Lol.

I will say that out of all the.. on paper.. ‘age appropriate’ gents that I dated last year…Wait? Oh yeah, it was last year….And i’m talking men in their mid thirties….All with great jobs. All with great manner. All with rubbish luck with women…I did notice that because they had experienced such a shitty time with chicks the last time they dated and break ups had sort of come up and *surprised* them…they were a little more jaded, a little more fearful and a little more ‘I’ll do me now,’ than the guys that I had dated the year before that , who were in their mid twenties.

Those guys still had a ‘passion’ in their eyes and a warmth in their soul. There wasn’t anything lonely about them and they weren’t so selfish or terrified enough to ‘try.’ That, I’ve decided is sexy…so I’m totally going to be a Cougar…Yet hopefully get 24 massages by then, so I can at least turn my head around without breaking my back. (I’m never going to be able to ‘reverse cowgirl’ it.)

Yet the beautiful thing about my 2016 story of Eton Mess, London Business Man and The PE teacher from Malta. (He sent me more *kissy face* emoji’s last night. I then sent him a brief reply reading, ‘Hope you’re well,’ to make sure he knew that I was listening, because i’m not rude...and….. he didn’t reply. Hahaha!

‘London Business man,’ well he’s now just bought himself a new Jag, as he posted it on Instagram a day ago and then ‘liked’ one of my pictures. We get on really well as friends now, because we’re similar in some aspects. Yet when it comes to love, he’s more needy than I am. Yet, that’s because my mind is still fresh and going, because I not only have so much more to achieve in my life and I feel like i’ve already achieved A LOT, but right now I’m in an exciting time where in which I’m actually doing it and doing it well! *EEeek!!!* London Business Man is a man who would want me to put him first. I feel like if we ever dated, now that i’m quite busy and on the elevator up…He would constantly try to make me jump through hoops to make me prove that I care. (Like KEIRAN. Note: They are both Aries boys.) If you are a Sex in the City fan…and i’m currently being hailed as the ‘U.K’s Carrie Bradshaw’ he is the equivalent to ‘Big’ in Wunnaland.

And ‘Eton Mess’….One of those really great souls, who has been through some unfortunate times in life, yet regardless he’s happy, so smart and so funny…and no matter what, he always stays on the ‘sunny side of the street.’ You’ll never truly know what this guy is thinking and nothing harsh ever happened between us, yet we don’t really talk now. Our life paths crossed the whole entire way in opposite directions, cutting communication. However, I know that he’s more than happy, which makes me smile…because he deserves peace…

Right now, he’s away doing this…

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But that was all LAST YEAR and I always say that people talk about their ‘yesteryear’ when they don’t have anything going on in their ‘PRESENT,’ in a particular area that they’re rambling on about.

And that’s SO TRUE. As this year there have been zero boys, zero dates and lots of work. I’m loving it. I’m just one of those emotionally ‘happy when i’m single’ chicks and until I bump into the RIGHT guy who I CAN’T HELP but fall for, that’s how i’ll stay. However this single time has been fruitful, as it’s made me sexier. I’m sexier now because when I do bump into my Mr.Right, i’ve spent so much time being comfortable as Little Miss Independent, getting to know myself better and finding my ‘happy place’ that i’m emotionally ready for him…I’m not ‘half full,’ lets say.

I will also say, that I adore my chick friends madly right now.

So obviously my last blog was all about them and when you’re a glamour puss, a single one, you NEED your chick friends. They’re your soldiers, your help, your saviour through it all, alongside gossip and wine. (I’m mean they’re all messaging me now, because we’re all meant to be headed to ‘The Mighty’s’ Baby Shower, but I’m stuck in Doncaster, waiting for Baby Daddies and all sorts. I’ve just seen the word ‘wine’ in the Whatsapp Group appear, so I might NEED to read it all.

Anyway, you’d think they’d love being in the blog, now that’s it’s all up in lights with readers galore….(and they do really.) But oh GOD! These were some of the messages I received from them, once I hit ‘publish.‘ 🙂

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The other message was a *middle finger* emoji! Lol. There needs to be a Glamour Puss WUNNA emoji, where it’s just my little bitchy Oriental face, smiling and pouting at you, with a middle finger up.

Anyway…I love them! 🙂

Yet, saying ‘THEM’ it was just ‘Firmonnell’ who got terrified, incase I told everyone she may of had worms in her ever so glamourous booty. 🙂 HAHAHAHAHA!!!! I mean look at ‘Double B,’ she loves it. She’ll straight up come in with a ‘but his penis looks like you with your party weave on Chrissie, so I can’t give him a…’

Right, I need to go sort myself out. Looks like Keiran won’t be on a train back soon…

Interview questions with my toddler on my lap it seems is a coming….