I had such a stressy night. All was well. All was wonderful. The Babies and I were a delight. All was sound, as we gathered in our *comfies* and watched telly, by the Christmas tree, with snacks.
Junior got the ‘Special Mention’ at school, so was filled with happiness. Ruby was overjoyed that it was finally the weekend, so she could relax. They had survived their consecutive day, ‘School Accident Form’ doo/dah and life was simply BLISS. (Junior was cute because when passing, he heard teachers talking about Ruby in the office. She had just had a fall. He stopped and asked if he could go see her in her classroom. Once granted, he went in and hugged her, to make sure she was okay. Aww! Lol)
Bliss! Delight! Let’s Call Disney & Tell Them To Make A Movie!
…my Mum pops around, we have a massive fight, and everything turns to shit. We’re both really strong headed, so it’s annoying, when we bicker. The thing about my Mum is that, she’s about to go on Holiday for 2 weeks. Even though she loves a holiday, (don’t we all,) every single INCH of HER worries about the babies and I, during her absence. She a proper family woman. A great mum. But she’s nuts.
After the sharp bicker, that played almost like a swift, yet verbal knife throw, I got so bored of sitting there awkwardly, (y’know when you just sit there, being silent and pulling faces, so everyone in the room KNOWS your mad, Lol) that I did the only thing I knew how to do, as a daughter.
That was stand up, storm out of the room, perform a giant, angry hair toss, fling my glitter shoes at a wall and strut upstairs, stomping on every step. Haha. I then wet wiped all my face OFF, took off all my clothes OFF and with a *HUFF* went OFF to bed!!
The art of ‘SULKING’ is exhausting. I hate it. I tossed and turned all night.
I’m such a Sasserilla, when I think i’m right, that my opponent has NO CHANCE.
Then I had this dream that I was high in the sky, amongst the clouds , but falling out of a plane, tied to Talique from ‘I’m a Celebrity.’ I’m not sure if it was a ‘losing control’ kinda dream or a sexy one? I can’t quite decide? Haha. But yes, I’ve woken up fine, but stressed…even though everything’s kinda gone back to normal. It’s made me feel unbalanced.
We do this, The Wunna’s….We have these ‘Blow Outs’ and then everything goes back to normal, straight away…and mainly because if not, I WILL SULK FOREVER. 😉 I’m a proper grudge holder, until I hear a sincere apology.
Honestly, I’m awful for a ‘sulk sesh.’ I’m not really good at it, but I FULLY COMMIT to it. I’m loyal and brimming with pride. I’m also vain, so I like to look good when I sulk. Haha. It’s great when you’re sulking, after a fight with a guy who’s attracted to you, because their willies kick into action and you always win the war.
I think there’s a problem with me because there’s no grey area. There’s no fuzzy, static channel. It’s all swift flying emotion, or nothing at all. That’s with BOTH happiness & despair. I’d sort it, if I could be bothered. But there’s cocktails to sip and I kinda like who I am.
(I currently have ‘Thanku, Next’ playing in the background. How is Ariana Grande’s voice so beautiful? She literally sounds like a dream. She can take any song and swirl it with a sound of smooth, angelic empowerment. I wish I could sing. I wish I could ice skate.)
So, I got this strange Snapchat message, yesterday evening. No. It wasn’t strange. It was actually lovely. Really lovely. The kind of message that I adore.
‘You’re so beautiful. X’
I’m classing it as ‘strange’ simply because I didn’t expect it to pop up, (I had to double take) and then I couldn’t decide if it was friendly, suggestive, by accident, all of the above, or even correct of him? I already know the guy closely. I just didn’t expect it, because he’s not in the correct ‘relationship status’ box.
That’s not cool.
However, I understand what he’ll be going through right now, because i’m going through the exact same thing…So he could’ve just had a couple of gins and let a mixture of his memories, his heart and his ‘really big’ willy take the lead.
I saved the conversation on purpose to terrify him…Boys sometimes need to feel terrified. They can’t have their cake and eat it. Even if they think they can…
I’m fine with the message though. I’ve done the ‘ginned up’ message numerous times, through life. So, I get it. My messages are always tragic though, because I don’t have a willy. (I might grow one, for kicks though.)
I wish I could just *blink* and be having fun in a Leeds cocktail bar right now.
Happy Thursday! I’m just having the best time because i’m giddy with the giggles and ‘clown dancing’ my way through life, glamourously. It feels great! I feel great! And yeah, there’s *ups and downs* going on around me, but i’m safe, I’m in a turtle neck… and it’s lilac. Anytime you wear a lilac turtle neck, people don’t fuck with you. I’m only joking…people can tinker with your ‘merries’ at any point in life. Be prepared. Turtle necks, let you down.
‘Loulabell,’ my chick friend, told me to always carry a dildo in my handbag, so I can *whop* it out at any point, like it’s a crazy feminist weapon, pull scary faces, whilst screaming madly and no one in the world, would dare hurt me.
However, I don’t think that’s true because anytime i’ve whopped out a dildo and screamed madly…the other party has immediately tried to pull my pants. Our lands are different. In her land…Dildos scare people off. In Wunna Land, it simply acts as a ‘come hither’ beacon. It’s almost a catalyst.
I’m not aggressive enough, when it comes to being angry, because i’m never angry. I’ve haven’t practiced it enough. Everything just ends in a*wink,* with me. So, with a dildo in my hand….that probably wouldn’t work to my advantage.
The Wunna Land cat ‘Rocco’ has already tried to eat me this morning. I don’t know what’s up with him? In my mind, he lives the most lavish life. Yet, he gives me the impression that he yearns to be The Beckhams cat or something? He’s loving and ungrateful all at the same time. Kinda like Ruby. (My Daughter.)
To punish me, anytime I’m laid still and with a bit of ‘casual boob’ out..’ He tip toes over and gently LEAPS ONTO ME, LIKE A MAD BANCHEE WOMAN, THE WEEK BEFORE HER PERIOD, WHO HASN’T ‘TAKEN HER PROZAC THIS MORNING’ and starts aggressively chewing on my nipple and if not my nipple…MY PRIVATES.
(You don’t go near my privates without permission. It’s not a snack. It’s a bitch. Don’t get it twisted. Lol)
Anyhow, when I try to chuck him off, whilst shrieking with panic…He then swaggers off, with ‘the monk on’and starts humping my sheets. Like I said in my Insta story today…It’s like he thinks i’m Oriental, Viagra Jerky or something?
It’s kinda like all my ex marriages.
Right, First Dates…
I’ve posted it everywhere. I’ve told everyone about it. The advert for the show is running on Channel 4 right now CONSTANTLY and i’m really happy, to have taken a trip to the First Dates restaurant and happy to be on the actual advert. I mean, AS IF! Every time it comes on the telly…it takes me straight back to my time at the restaurant. (I’ll be telling you about it afterwards.)
Phone calls have been made. People are messaging me left, right and centre. All my exes are ‘whatsapping’ me galore. I’m being ‘missed’ with every inch of everyones heart. I’m getting hugs in the supermarket. My friends are pissing themselves. People are rooting for me, like soldiers! The teachers at Ruby & Junior’s school are filled with excitement. It’s just been wonderful.
I’m feeling a lot of love.
When you feel adored, you feel like you can conquer the world, don’t you? Right now, I could hit *pause* and swirl around in sloooow motion, confetti shower.
Dramatic much… 😉
Ruby: ‘My favourite class at school is Drama. It’s the big write, or drama.’
Teacher: ‘Ah! You’re creative, like you’re mum.’
Me: ‘Well..yeah…*creative* is one way of describing me. Haha.’
But obviously I can’t tell you anything about it, just yet. (I actually wrote the blog, the afternoon after I left the restaurant, because I wanted the emotion of the blog to be raw and real.)
I have a lot to tell you.
A lot to tell you about all of the above AND my actual love life.
However, right now, no can doey. (This is when it’s being a blogger, or a life diary writer is difficult. I like to write freely. I like to write honestly. So the actual mental organization that it takes to ‘tread carefully’ until you’re allowed to ‘holla’ is somewhat tedious. 😉 It sometimes makes me miss my LA days, when I was really really young, typing away on my Myspace blog, saying anything I wanted, whenever I wanted….But you can’t wish to ‘grow,’ yet be unable or willing to handle it, when you do.)
So again, i’ll say it’s ‘ worth it.’ I mean, it’s not very often that someone gives you the chance to find love at the First Dates restaurant and for that, ‘tick off, the old bucket list’alone..I’m truly grateful.
I’m truly grateful.
Sammy T: ‘Well, whether it’s good or bad, you’ll recover well because you manage to get away with EVERYTHING. Lol. I DO NOT KNOW, another human, who can recover from literally ANYTHING...better than you. Haha.’
Licky Lisa: ‘OMG! Like that time you got served divorce papers and you accidentally answered the door, in just big white pants and Easter bunny ears, with your hands over your bare boobs. Hahaha.’
Me: ‘Well, I didn’t want to miss him and I didn’t have time to run up and get changed, I was in the middle of a shoot…So technically I didn’t have a choice. Haha. You were there!’
Sammy T: ‘But you acted so happy and normal, like HE WAS WEIRD for being IN CLOTHES.’
Me: ‘Hi! How are you? Yeah, i’m fine thanks. Where do you need me to sign? Oh, I don’t need to sign anything? Oh, they’re divorce papers. Lol’
He just sort of looked up, professionally grinned and when I warmed him up with my tragic banter, he said…
‘I don’t know who the hell is divorcing YOU. He’s nuts! Haha.’
(It was Keiran…The now Jehovah’s Witness. He’s like the only Jehovah’s Witness, who’s proud that he was once married to me. Haha. I’m not sure, that’s the rules?)
Tickets to Hell. Buy one get one free!
(I’m getting a Flashback of being in one of Juniors Parents Evenings with poor Mr.Barker, who had to watch us bicker and the have an argument about drag queens and why the Bible should/shouldn’t read ‘Adam & Steve,’ Instead of ‘Adam & Eve.’ Hahaha.)
If nothing else, I have SO MANY ace memories. They’re just great. I can’t believe how many utterly accidental, yet deliciously amazing things have happened to me through life? Like just popping up in Hollywood, with a suitcase and forcing someone agent to represent me. Haha. Like skipping to ITV in Manchester, with a mate to some auditions and 2 weeks later moving into some telly mansion, to win Paris Hilton’s heart.
Fi: ‘She walked in all relaxed and determined. Didn’t care one bit that everyone was watching her and gave it some welly. As soon as she opened her mouth, I knew she’d get it.’
(I was actually terrified, but when you’re on the spot and having to commit to anything BIG, all you have is that moment and there’s no way out…I always figure that you might as well GO FOR IT…That way it’s done and you can have a sit down.)
Producer Call: ‘Hi! Chrissie! Just wanted to tell you, that we’ve seen a lot of great people and…well…we’d love you to be on the show!’
Me: ‘What? OMG! SCRRRRREEEEEAMS…..’
BBF Samuel: ‘We were filming at The Dorchester one day, with Jackie Collins. Jackie ‘Flipping’ Collins and whist we were stood in a corridor, waiting to go back in, to see if we’ve won a challenge. We’re all nervous. We’re all tense. Paris is in there. We have no cameras around us at this point. Chrissie…out of nowhere starts screaming at the top of her voice, like a teenager and running down the hallway because she’s just seen MEL B! Hahah.’
Me: ‘OH MY GOOOOOOOOD!!! IT’S ******* MEL B!!!!!’
BBF Samuel: ‘Then she walks into the room, all proper and regal, filled with cameras, like she hasn’t just been a total maniac and WINS the fucking challenge. Haha. I love her. I don’t know how she does it??’
Other BBF: ‘It’s because she tries to bamboozle you with banter and boobies, like she doesn’t know what she’s doing…When she absolutely does! ALL OF THE TIME. I mean she won every single challenge, but two and she only didn’t win those two, because she was put on a team. Lol. She hates being on a team.’
(This is why my marriages don’t work out.)
Ruby: ‘At school, I refuse to work with a partner, when the ask me too, because I prefer to work on my own. I learn things better, when I work on my own.’
Anyway, away from all that…
I’m loving ‘I’m a Celebrity’ right now! Are you? It’s been cast really well this year, right? They’re all fun and well humoured. I’m enjoying it. The characters are great. There’s someone for everyone.
I certainly want to BE John Barrowman. (I mean he smashed that last trial.) AndI definitely want to date Fleur East. (She’s so swag.) I’m loving Anne because she makes my heart smile. Her quirkiness is almost adorable. But all of them…Emily, Rita, Harry and the rest…are just great and there’s usually always someone who rubs me up the wrong way. Lol.
Yet, so far….no. I’m loving it. I’m even loving Holly & Dec. Everything. The whole shabam. It’s great!
So much has happened over the last few days. I don’t even know where to begin? *Jeeze.* I’ve actually started to write a blog every single day, yet abandoned it half way through, knowing that I wouldn’t ever post it? *No clue why?* Then I’d pour a wine, ponder and just get on with my life.
Life is wonderful right now. I’m feeling pretty blessed.
This lil’ kitten has come a long way…
I’ve been enjoying family time, with Ruby, Junior & the rest of The Wunna’s, away from any drama. I need time with the people that love me and know me, better than anyone else in the world. It’s my ‘safe’ place, where life feels cosy. I’ve loved bumping into you all though and I’ve loved meeting and greeting you. I’ve met some ‘Wunna Ful’ characters.
But as always, drama found me.
Yipppeeee! Hurrah! Drinks for everyone! Glue sequins on ya *ta taas* and shimmie hell for leather.
(Just so you know, i’m currently blogging from the ‘Ego Mediterranean, Beverly Arms’ restaurant in Ackworth. Again…another ‘safe place’ that I love. The staff are wonderful to me here.)
Things in Wunna Land are a changing. I can feel it. I’m chilling but excited?
There’s a swirl of magic meandering through my land. It’s a FEEeeeEEEELING. It’s sexy. Yet it’s both confident and cautious at the same time. It’s flirtatious and filled with ambition. But it’s loving. It’s fun. It almost as if this meandering swirl is prepping me for ‘things to come.’ It’s light, but it’s dark and if I could describe it as anything, it would mirror the ‘tick tick, tock’ before you hear the big…
It’s a good *boom,* though. I’m in a really good place. I’m happy. I’m 10 percent nervous.. for no reason, because life has made me that way. But, on the whole. I’m happy! I’m 90 percent all good.
I once sold myself to a guy LA, with the line,
‘I’m awful and insensitive. I’m 98 percent bad.’
He replied with…
‘That’s 2 percent good to me. 😉 ‘
Right now, I’m feeling pretty confident and confidentially pretty.
It’s weird because a lot is going on. A LOT. It’s very busy and i’m feeling all sorts. In all areas of my life..A LOT…is a happening…. and i’m enjoying it, while I can, away from the madness. Y’know, before there’s a Wunna Land glitter storm. 😉
There will be a Wunna Land glitter storm…
(Well, i’ve worked so hard for one…So we’ll see. Lol)
I will say that, I’m expressive by nature, so I do feel a little suppressed. It’s not a fun feeling for me. But i’m lucky. You will always here me say, that i’m one of the luckiest girls in the world.
There’s a ton of things that I can’t talk about just yet, which I always find really hard. I’m not one to favour the ‘bottle it up,’ or ‘keep it a secret’ kinda tip toe. But, obviously…I do it anyway, because I have to.
I don’t enjoy it though.
It gives me a rash and jittery anxiety…and there isn’t a cocktail that goes well with either. Lol.
The good thing is that i’m feeling inspired again….Once you lose your inspiration you’re jiggered. Well, I am anyway. I always need to feel it. I find it sexy, as I do thoughtfulness.
I always pick work, and men, who inspire me. It’s literally my favourite feeling, in the world.
I guess, that’s why I always hope to ALSO inspire. If I do nothing else, from this point on….I know that there’s people around the world, (and i’ve found myself in some rather sticky situations, crossing Mexican borders, at The Playboy Mansion, in horror sex dungeons, on shoots, in giant jail cells in LA, on sets filming tv shows, homeless in New York, on red carpets…all sorts. Lol. ) I know that there’s people i’ve touched (lol, that sounds rude,)…People who i’ve meant something to, made better, or ignited some kind of thought or feeling of ‘happy,’ ambition, passion or ‘love.’
That makes all this worth it.
I took a couple days off to to ‘not concentrate,’ to sack some part of my work off, to rebel, get a little lost. Embrace the naughty part of me. I do that BRIEFLY because when I do, i’ve learnt that it helps me appreciate THIS part, the part where i’m at now!
It’s given me drive, it’s filled me with excitement and reined me back in, y’know to CONCENTRATE on what i’m MEANT to be doing. I’m a ‘good time’ gal. I’m easily distracted by a fun looking ‘beckon’ and beckons come from every corner, in my world. New ‘beckons,’ old ‘beckons,’ big ‘beckons,’ small ‘beckons.’ ‘Beckons’ you didn’t even know existed. I have a great friendship with fun. But it always wins, every time.
It’s my kids and my Mother, that keep me grounded. If i stuck to my own rules of discipline, i’d go delightfully bonkers. 🙂
I’m loving all my questions, that you’re sending me on my Insta Story. They’re fun. I have scroll down pages and pages FULL of them, so I can’t get through them all,at once. But I try to do as many as I can…at random.
I love it.
I’m noticing a lot of focus on my love life, my sex life, my ‘tell us what is going on’ life? Lol. My merry little ‘MOJO’ seems to be on FIRE. I have no clue why and I never really have had any clue why, at all? Yet, I guess my ‘milka shaka’ is bringing ALL the Boys, their Brothers, their Son’s, Uncle’s, Father’s and next door neighbours pet hamsters, to my yard. Lol.
What can I say? It’s a hard old life! Haha.
(But I did receive a question from a chick, who thought I was so lucky, because she couldn’t get a guy to message her back, let alone catapult himself at her.)
And like I always say, I’m very very flattered (and for once there’s some really good choices, lol,) yet please do realise that all these guys, are thinking with their willies and not with their hearts. It’s the one that gives me BOTH, that i’m gonna go for. The one that actually, truly loves me. The one who ends up being my best friend. My life partner.
Everyone has this giant misconception that I can Wunna *Wink* and have any guy I want.
NOT TRUE AT ALL. I DON’T KNOW WHY PEOPLE THINK THAT?
Just like every girl in the world..I have cried into my wine, millions of times over guys. It’s what we do. J I’ve been pretty good at it, over the years.
But if you know me personally (and that’s why I love doing my insta question because it lets you get to know me personally,) you’ll know i’m shit at choices, and when there’s too many, I run, hide and bury my head into the sand, until Mr.Right calmly beckons me out, with a warm heart, smile and wine.
I’m a hopeless romantic, with a naughty twist. Dudes, must like that? I should write a book on it..
OH SHIT! I AM! 😉
Away from that, a lot f people messaged me regarding some boring ‘girl drama’ that I had over the weekend. The reason why I haven’t chatted about it in depth, is simply because I thought it was so pointless and the chick involved wasn’t and isn’t not worth the air time. But I don’t want another message about it…So…listen up..
I went on my Facebook profile, went down the my birthday list and wished every single person on that list, ‘Happy Birthday.’
(I know, how insane of me. *Rolls Eyes.*)
Three of those people on that list, I actually knew personally. The rest were fans.
The girlfriend of one of the guys, I sent Birthday love to, was lovely…and sent me kisses.
A different girl, who I dates one of the OTHER guys I sent ‘Happy Birthday’ to….WENT MENTAL. (Yeah..I know.)
She went MENTAL because I had a friend ‘Happy Birthday’ on his Birthday, because she is so incredibly terrified that he might secretly want me. She doesn’t know me personally at all. She knows OF me. He doesn’t even know me that well…Yet all my friends and I have chatted to him loads of times at the pub. Nothing major. Nothing too interesting. Just banter.
For some reason, I make this woman feel uncomfortable. My existence unlevels her security. But it’s all in her head though and that’s what bothers me. ( I mean let’s be realistic here. I don’t need to chase HER man, nor do I wish to. It’s almost like a joke! What is her problem? Honestly, if you placed our lives up against each other, they couldn’t be more different. Thankfully, WE couldn’t be more different. You’d laugh. )
Regardless, she goes out of her way to be horrible to me. She makes general rubbish up about me. She apologises to me…and then goes mental again. I don’t think it’s okay for girls to blame their own insecurities on other girls, who they don’t even know personally. It’s makes you less beautiful.
I don’t think it’s okay to hate on someone, name call, bully, or violently threaten a girl. I’ve just joined the ‘Blend out Bullying’ Campaign, in Glamour Magazine. I think it gives ladies a bad name in general. Especially, during a time of girl empowerment. I think it’s messy. I think it sets a bad example. I also think it’s disgraceful that a grown up woman, and her friends (lol) feel the need to send me almost ’17 year old girl’ like, threats, ending in ‘slag/tramp…’ blah, blah, blah.
So I guess, I wanted to tell the story, just in case any of you find yourself in such a position. (I mean things like this never bother me, I’ve grown a thick skin over the years. I’m used to it.) However, if you’re NOT, do know that all THEY’RE DOING is showing THEIR OWN WEAKNESS. No *noisy* reaction, leaves bullies powerless. It kind of makes them irrelevant. It ‘blends them out.’
And the thing is, they could’ve messaged and slagged me off ALL NIGHT. All it would’ve done, is motivate me to do EVEN BETTER, than I already am.
Success is the sweetest revenge. Use your energy wisely.
This time yesterday morning I found myself driving to meet someone, that I technically shouldn’t have been meeting, but sometimes life, just guides you down a path, where possible flames, fire & fun, are there for the taking.
Good times, this way!
These days, when it comes to life, i’m a ‘play it safe,‘ but MY WAY, kinda gal. I’m concentrating on work and family. But as we know, my version of safe is never EVER ‘Vanilla.’ Like ‘The Gent’ that I went on the Manchester Airport date with, a month ago…had said….
‘You’re a dangerous girl. Guys love a dangerous girl.’
I guess, the glint in my little Asian eyes, will always give that away.
The real truth is, that I’m not very ‘dangerous’ at all. I’m actually just a bit foolish. Haha. I’m made up of so many ‘bits & pieces,’ that it would take a real genius, or the most patient male in the Universe, to actually begin to KNOW, how to figure me out.
(I met a guy whilst waiting at the bar yesterday, who was Autistic. He made me beam, because he was so smart, so quick and I could see his mind working, as it turned. He told me I was ‘beautiful‘ and I appreciated the love, because it was so real, raw and delivered with a bold quirkiness.)
Anyway, back to the story….
I’d been up working since five o clock in the morning. I did a shoot, around six o clock. A school run occurred in between. Yet, by 10am, my shoot was done.
I got in my car and I drove to meet a friend.
Best morning ever really. So much fun. I guess life just fancied a *TWIST* and that’s how I found myself sat there, smiling. A ‘Twist’ is good, because you always learn something from it. And through MY life…I’ve learnt A LOT. I see a ‘twist’ coming for me, before it even begins to tighten.
Some call it SKILLZ. 😉
I’ve known this person a while, but I’ve never got to hang out with them really. So it was great to just chatter, in a corner…away from drama, or stress. I need those moments. I’m needing them more and more.
It’s weird because it’s like my little Wunna boat has caught a decent wind now and gosh, we’re beginning to sail…
GLITTER SHOWERS EVERYWHERE.
‘I can’t stop looking at you.’
‘Aww! So sweet! Haha. What are you even looking at?’
‘You should probably do that top button up.’
‘I like it undone.’
‘Ah! You wore a skirt.’
‘Yeah. It’s warmer than I thought today, so I figured i’d give you that! Haha.’
‘You look ******* stunning…’
‘I look scrubbly. I’ve been on a shoot all morning.’
Banter, wine and chitter chatter. Sometimes, that’s all you need. It keeps your sane. It’s keeps you fresh. It keeps you excited about life, doesn’t it? And when you’re excited, you feel like you can conquer the world, in a day!
Sometimes, you can. Sometimes, you can’t. All that matters is how you FEEEEL.
(I’m finding it so hard to write this blog right now, because I’m in the warmest room ever, with a Mulled Wine headache. I guzzled mulled wine, like I was a bouji pirate last night, at Ackworth Garden Centre, by baubles. It was their Big Christmas reveal, yesterday evening. I had the most beautiful time. It was literally magical. Christmas is my favourite time of year. I’m a December born baby, incase you didn’t know.)
Anyway, he was sweet, humble and sexy. It was good to just sit and chatter, without a care in the world. Plus, he’s going to be working alongside Wunna Land soon, so it’s good for him to get to know me better, without any ‘censors.’ 🙂
‘It’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be hard. But i’ll do it.’
He kept starting a sentence, pausing…not saying anything at all, as his mind looked like it was racing….and then finishing his sentence, with a simple ‘yeah.’
‘You didn’t say anything…’
‘I do that a lot..’
Haha. And you lot think i’m crackers!!
Then as the clock struck 1pm, he walked me to my car and we just got on with our own little versions of life…
If I could describe the walk,i’d say it was..
It was a ‘Danger Walk.’
(But I least I did it in gold glitter kitten heels.)
The rest of the time I spent with Ruby and Junior, before we headed to Ackworth Garden Centre, to shimmie in Christmas. The kids love it there. They’ve literally grown up, in that Garden Centre. Lol. But last night was beautiful. It was filled with happiness. It was filled with famillies, close friends and great memories.
I love family. It’s so important to me. Ruby & Junior are so important to me. We’re this little threesome and we’ve been through such a tough time and there are moments, like with all families, where in which, we still do.
Yet 90 percent of the time, we’re WONDERFUL!
I have much more balance right now and hopefully (with everything crossed) something tells me, that we have the most magical future ahead of us.
I’m just leaving life to fate…and well…writing my diary as I go along.
ps/ I don’t think being 37 and Single is gonna be too difficult after all.? Haha. Right now, guys seem to be offering themselves over to Wunna Land, with a hop, skip and a…willy.(I’m keeping myself out of trouble though.)
Gosh! Morning, my lil’ Twinkles! My delicious tickles of fancy. I have been SO UTTERLY *RUSHED* off my little kitten feet. It’s been mad. I’ve been busy. Yet in a way, I’m delighted, because I really do hope to one day ‘blink’ and see that ALL of my dreams have come true…and if that takes‘busy,’ if that takes ‘hard work,‘ than to me, I’m there. I’d rather do it, than ponder it..
TBone: ‘ It’s not what someone says, it’s always what they do…’
Especially when i’m in a productive frame of mind. Y’know, before cocktails get the better of me. Haha.
I reckon, if you can still commit to productivity, in a really great heels, you’ll smash life!
(Oh! Wait! I thought I said that I was always gonna wear ‘flats’ now, after running for my life and falling over 40 times at Scare Kingdom?)
Nevermind. Ghosts & Kidnappers would just set me free anyway, because I’d definitely do their head in. My choice of footwear wouldn’t be an issue.
Kidnapper: ‘God! Let her OUT. Switch her for a better victim. Ooh. Shes wearing glitter heeled pumps from the ****** collection.’
I was talking to ‘Celeb Ghost Hunt’ Ash, the other day…He wants me to go on an investigation with him. I must be a sucker for terror. I hate being frightened. Haha.
Anyway, back to non frightening stuff…
I’ve travelled all over. I’ve been on shoots, auditions, i’ve been good, i’ve been bad, I’ve been influencing a jolly load, ready for the festive season. (Which is a REALLY BUSY time for everyone.) I’m also doing the single mum thing also, aren’t I? (I adore every INCH of the bambinos. Junior’s a delight. Ruby’s got her first set of glasses.) I wouldn’t have it any other way. They’re my world. I’m raising a Glamour puss and a Hero. Last night they both *shocked* themselves up, ran out of their rooms and got into my bed, because we all got lonely and afraid of the dark. Lol
Nobody likes to sleep alone. The only time i’m okay with it, is when i’m drunk and just need to pass out…still with my face on. (Which I don’t really recommend as a graceful little pastime. It only makes you feel worse in the morning,)
On the whole, I’m really happy, right now and when i’m this busy and this happy, it seems that I forget about my ever so rubbish love life.
I’m still 37. I’m still single. It ain’t that bad.
I’m happy a singleton. But after everything i’ve been through. The ups, the downs & the ‘mess me arounds’, i’m still not cautious. (I still wear my heart on my sleeve.) I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing? I very much trust people with my heart. EVEN NOW I still trust that they’re going to take care of it…..because firstly I see the beauty in everyone and secondly…because i’m probably foolish. Haha.
I never know if they see me as their ‘bitch,’ their ‘bed notch,‘ or their ‘baby for life? Haha..Sounds like a Fairytale. If I can’t decide, i’ll just sit back and leave it to them, to come forward and show me what category, I fall into.
If they don’t come forward then they’re weren’t for me. (I’ll just see it all as, ‘they weren’t that interested.’) I like a forward man. A brave one.
You know why? Probably because i’m not used to guys being romantically forward me with…It’s almost like they’re terrified to be? And I have no clue why? Whatsoever? I don’t get it? You’ll see a lot of guys openly comment on my pics etc, via my ‘socials.’ Yet, the majority of them don’t..and instead shoot in a sneaky DM. (That sounds naughty! Haha.)
I literally get one almost every 2 minutes.
However, in real life….If a guy actually fancies me…they’re usually forward to begin with and then stop being so forward…..It’s like they want ME to chase them?
When you’re a 30 something woman, nothing is worse than having to chase a guy for attention. I’ve done it lots, much to my own embarrassment. But I don’t do it, now. EVER. Who has the time or that? If someone wants to go on a date..They should just tell me. If they want to be with me…They shouldn’t be scared to say it.
Plus, i’m quite traditional when it comes to the chase..the ‘wooing.’ I like a boy to ‘hunt & gather,‘ as I ‘fan‘ myself prettily.
Guy friend: ‘You only like them to *hunt and chase* if you fancy them though. If you don’t, you always *shut* them down and we hate that. You make the approach extremely intimidating…’
I’ve decided to describe my love life like this….
It’s kinda like cleaning a window, with a raggy cloth. Some day, I’ll be able to see through the glass. 😉
I bumped into my friend Shaun yesterday. He’s a bodyguard..
Shaun: ‘It’s not like the flipping movie Chrissie!!’
He’d just got back from London. I’d just got off a busy weekend. Plus, I’m actually looking for family security and safety, right now. A wee bit of close protection. Not all the time. Just when necessary. Sometimes, when we’re out as a family or i’m influencing something, people will stop to chatter or selfie with me. And I love that. Yet, they’ll just be ME & the babies. I need to make sure they’re always watched. I’m paranoid after some creepy guy, who only knew me from instagram, followed us around Doncaster & wouldn’t leave us alone & after a guy tried to glass another guy in a Manchester bar, because he was trying to hit on me?
I didn’t know either guy…I knew they were both trying to hit on me?
All I heard was the female manager shouting..
‘Get her out the way…’
Then guys and girls starting grabbing glass bottles and smashing them up against the bar, to use in a fight!
IT WASN’T EVEN A ROUGH PLACE.
I wouldn’t have gone there if it was.
The police even got called and the bar had to be shut down for the evening, It got that crazy.
I don’t get it?
So, it was good to briefly catch up, with Shaun.
Shaun: ‘You’re starting early…’
Me: ‘Haha. I know. I don’t even care.’
(I was sat in a quiet corner at The Mallard, in Doncaster.)
Me: ‘You’ve got luggage on wheels. I hate it when people have luggage on wheels. Haha.’
Shaun: ‘I feel like a Trolley Dolly, but i’m working it.’
So we discussed security, talked life, work and caught up…The we dashed off. (I didn’t end up posting my blog. When people I know come up to me and start chatting, that’s it, you can’t shut me up. I’ll just spend time with them instead. But I like that about me. I put LIVING life, BEFORE typing it out.)
I guess, I need to find balance. 😉
Then Sam ‘The Reecey Reece’ fest messaged me, to see when we could schedule in ‘catch up’ time. We’re like ‘ships passing in the night.’
‘Are you free on…?’
Then I just got on with life.
I’ve had so much fun over the weekend. I’ve worked. I’ve loved. I’ve lived. I’ve had the best time. I celebrated my Dad’s birthday on Saturday. I did Xscape, Castelford with the kids. We smashed ‘Nandos.’ I did Meadowhall. I wiggled at Wagamamas.
Just so much!
I’m so grateful for how well, everyone treated me, over that time!
It was actually Pete (Ruby’s Dad’s Birthday) on Sunday. But Ruby didn’t want to hang out with him, because she wanted to do Influencing with me at Meadowhall. Being Pete. he showed up at Meadowhall, with is bestie Jay, in dying hope that he’d get to spend some time with Ruby..in her new specs.
It worked…and we all ended up doing dinner together at Wagamamas, with my Mum & brother.
But I kinda like that, we co parent well. We haven’t been together for years. In fact 7 years…Yet, it’s great that we can all ‘kick it.’ Y’know, just chill and have a duck pancake together. Lol.
When co parenting works.
Anyway, about my love life…
The weird thing is, with me being busy and ‘forgetting’ about love…It seems, that gents are peeking back into Wunna Land and tapping on my glitter door, again.
I’m calling this time..
Operation ‘Blasts From The Pasts.’
A couple of guys that USED to fancy me,…seemed to have returned to my DM’s with a ‘Hey. How are you?’ One guy had actually started dating a girl, but she went through his phone and *blocked* me…Haha. He didn’t even realise, until one of his other friends pointed it out.
Safe to say…They’re no longer together. (But there you have it! You shouldn’t have chosen ‘The Crazy’ over me. Hhahaha.)
It’s all good fun. A laugh. We’re all making memories.
If i could tell you anything.
I’ll tell you that I was a really lucky girl. I’ll tell you to always chase your dreams and when you feel inspired, to act upon it. A dream doesn’t just have to be a ‘make believe‘ moment. You can at least TRY and make your reality. People do it every day. Why not you? I’m living proof.
Always be kind. Always do the things that make you happy. Don’t sacrifice your true happiness, to ‘run through the motions.’ Wake up. Feel the breeze, Go with it. Nothing is better than living you best life.
Don’t listen to anyone, or anything but your gut instinct. It will show you the right way. It will also tell you when you’re ready.
Always believe in love…
It is the ONLY thing, that is going to power you through the bad times and make the good times simply MAGICAL.
Afternoony, my delicious trickles of honey life. (I don’t know what that means either, but just go with it, eh?) I’m feeling great. I’m feeling on top of the world, kinda like it’s my oyster. I’m ready. I’m in gear and i’m gonna be getting my my ‘Sasserilla to success’ OOown!
I’m an ambitious girl. Yes, i’m dipped in cocktail. Yes. I can be wild. Yes. There are also times when i’m quite ‘chill.’ But right now. i’ve kitty whipped myself with a wink. I’ve found my ‘ooh laa.’ Everything’s changed…and now…I’M READY.
You’re a product of your environment. I couldn’t say that enough. If you’re environment is shit. You’re in trouble. If your surrounded by things, people, a work life, OR a love life, that doesn’t give you a rush of ‘happy,’ or a simple niggle of excitement…Then you need to change it up. You’re in the WRONG place….Stay there until you’ve learnt a lesson. It’s like a life ‘naughty step.’ Yet once the lesson has firmly *squashed* itself into your heart and mind…Your soul. Pick yourself, grow 19 ft tall and
The strong ones don’t get lost in the haze forever. They find a way out, to make their dreams come true. They’re the ones with the balls, the sense…the gusto. They’re the ones that don’t make excuses for themselves, yet instead see their own faults and commit to making a change.
Praise the wine Gods.
Right, okay. So, two of my chick friends. I like to refer to them as ‘vanilla’ (yes dull) because they’re really different to me, yet I’m cool ENOUGH with our differences… It’s not hard for me to put up with them. It’s not for me to actually put up with anything. I’m pretty laid back.
Yet, why do ‘Vanilla’ chicks try to change ‘Fun’ chicks? Lol. Fun chicks, just get on with being FUN. They don’t waste time trying to change and control ‘Vanilla’ chicks…because we think there’s no hope for them. Haha.
Anyway, I’m always rambling on about my love life. You lot are always rambling on about my love life. It’s a key feature of my world and simply because i’m single. I can’t seem to hold a marriage down… three times over. 🙂 I’m 37. I’m great at choosing badly…Yet i’m dashed with a lil’ sprinkle of popularity and blessed with a sexy disposition. 😉
Wahey! Tit soup for everyone!
Anyway…I know they’re boyfriends, really well. (Neither chick is married yet. But, as the fairytale hoes…Hoes? Hahaha…..GOES!!!! They can’t wait for THEIR moment down that somewhat ‘Vanilla’ isle. 🙂 )
Chicks: ‘Why are you making fun of us for being kind?’
Me: ‘I’m not making fun of you for being kind. I’m making fun of you for being dumb…’
They’re boyfriends are always out on the lash, harmlessly flirting with ‘hottie p’totties’ and just having a good old, laddy time. They’re fun! So both of my ‘Vanilla’ chick friends, wanted to spice things up… in order to *peak* their boyfriends interest.
(NB/ Surely, they should be interested in you anyway…without you having to try.)
And because these particular chick friends of mine are dull…what the girls came up with, was ‘BAKING.’
Did the world take a turn and get drop kicked to a loony bin somewhere?
This isn’t a F****** Disney Movie!! This is real life. I mean, GOSH, a dude doesn’t get excited about sitting down and having a cheese scone with you! Even Cinderella knew that. She hired a flippin ‘Fairy’ to *whiz* her up a fancy dress, carriage and glass slippers…not a side of carrot cake!
‘Buns in the oven’ SCARE MEN. Hahaha. Like, do they need to GO BACK, to ‘Diva School‘ or something??
It’s beyond me…
So ofcourse I ranted about it on my Insta page, because obviously a guy, does not give a flying ‘hooterella’ about a BUN, as a means of fun!
That guy wants you to tickle his fancy. Y’know…egg on a ‘Twinge.’ Get him feeling steamy. Make him feel like a man.
He’s gonna chose a blowjob over a scone ALL day, ‘errrday!’ They leave their mates, girlfriends, wives, jobs and children for a blowy, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
DON’T TELL ME THAT I NEED TO BAKE, IN ORDER TO SCORE THE MAN OF MY DREAMS…
I’ve got my own problems…and baking.. ONE, doesn’t need to be added to it. (I already didn’t bake for the kids school last night.) And TWO…it’s shit! Don’t tell me shit. Haha.
Me: ‘I’ve been married 300 times. It’s fine. I’m cool, if I never get married again! You’re vanilla. Vanilla chicks, don’t try and teach FUN. It’s like me trying to teach GEOGRAPHY, when I can’t even find my way out the loo’s in a bar!!!’
Everyone just paused…
(I always do this. Stuff just comes out my mouth, then I have to stop, to see how ‘the rant’ was received. I do it with charm. Y’know… a smile and with everything crossed.)
Then luckily enough, we all just burst into laughter and poured prosecco…
Chicks: ‘Don’t put this on your Insta…’
Me: ‘Okay…’ 😉
I guess, the thing about life and love, is to just BE YOU. We try so hard, don’t we, to be the perfect version of ourselves. OR, the other way around…we don’t try at all, to even nearly project, who we truly are.
Being who you are and not giving a **** about what anyone else thinks, is something that will keep you in good stead, on your way to success. In this day of age, it’s not necessarily the easiest thing is it? We all want to do well. We all want to be adored.
Don’t get lost in the haze….Be you. Be proud of who you truly are. Enjoy and stick by what YOU believe in…
Woke up to the most beautiful message from one of my old LA guy friends ‘Raffi,’ who I adore more than anything, because he’s always filled with Wunna Love. He produces music and when I was a mid 20 something year old girl, in West Hollywood, we recorded a couple tracks together, that his brother had whammed up.
His brother was working with the likes of Britney Spears, N’sync, R.Kelly, Michael Jackson…His grandfather, worked with Elvis. So, let’s just say producing beats runs through his soul. He’s a ‘brother,’ and he’s swag.
But all that to one side…We had the most amazing friendship. We’d hang out all the time. He’d come around to my condo, after being at the studio and we’d just sit in his car, chill and chatter, under the LA night stars. It was great!
When he was a young 20 something he looked at me and said,
‘I’d be so happy, if I woke up to you every morning…But at fifty, you’d probably piss me off. Haha.’
Then he drank a Red bull, it gave him wings and he drove over my wheely bins, en route to drop by ‘Neyo’s. (Yeah…the ‘So sick of love songs’ Neyo.)
Raffi’s always been such a good friend to me. In fact ALL of my LA friends are to this day, SO SO close to me. We tell each other how much we love one another, literally all day long and that’s because growing up…we went through SO, SO MUCH together, in one of the toughest towns emotionally, to try and make it in showbusiness.
This morning, I woke up to an insta DM from ‘Raffi’ after i posted the above picture…All he said was…
‘You are so beautiful.’
So 13 years on, and now on entirely different sides of the world, he is still so utterly lovely and goes out of his way to try and make a glamour puss smile. 🙂
(Thank you for that! I love you so dearly. May the night stars guide you bro.)
I’m still filled with anxiety and panic and I have no clue why, really? I’m getting on with it though. I’m good at that. I’m doing it with a ‘100 watt’ smile and hoping it’s just hormones.
What am I terrified of?
This morning I posted the above pic, because I always thought that growing up a model and one that sold ‘sexiness‘….I always thought that I wouldn’t feel ‘sexy’ when I grew older.
The opposite has happened and at 37, I probably, right now, feel at my SEXIEST. It’s so crazy? I don’t know whether it’s because I’m more comfy in my own skin, or i’m just laid back with my natural ‘Va Voom.’ I’ve got nothing to prove now. I’m cool.
But again, my LA guy friends the other day, were saying that they hung out with me, as a young 20 something year old and back then they thought i was ‘Ooh laa…Ferocia.’
Yet now, almost 20 years on..(they fly in to visit me on occasion,) they’ll just look at me and say,
‘We still cannot believe how beautiful you are. It’s like you’re getting hotter and hotter.’
How nice is that!!!! Everyone needs to hear it. It’s positive and positive vibes are contagious. I’m so lucky to have such wonderful friends…Real friends. Real ‘life soldiers.’ Hopefully, that will put me in good stead for the future. Hopefully, you’ll take a moment today, at some point, just to tell someone that they’re beautiful.
It makes their day….
Everyone should embrace and adore their beauty. Both inner and out.
But y’know, there’s just something about being older, that FEELS SEXIER, than being young. I find, that, when you’re older your ‘SEXY’ comes from your soul, your life experience. It’s in your eyes. It’s your beauty. Your story.
Everyone has a story, even when you’re young. You just ‘own it‘ better when you’re grown. When you’re really young, your ‘sexy,’ is still only pinned, glued and stuck on. It’s not real yet. Even in your 20’s, when you think you’re grown.
That’s what i’ve learnt through my 30’s. I’ve also realised that you mellow out, and grown emotionally. You become a wiser human and that alone is SEXY.
(A young friend of mine sent me a message yesterday, and it put me off them, because… well he used a very young, 20 something year old term, to describe a group of people…in a derogatory fashion. He referred to them as ‘beggy’ and I don’t like that because I think it’s rude. I think it’s judgmental and something that a 30 something would never ever say..Lol. And I guess that’s that’s the difference, between being young and old.)
I’ve learnt so much about people and myself in this last 2 weeks.
All sorts has been happening to my friends. I have some finding their ‘bouji,’ and others clinking prosecco glasses. ‘Hustle Barbie’ (who’s Vegan) actually stole a PIG. A REAL PIG from a Butcher, because she didn’t want it to get slaughtered. Shenamed it ‘Elvis’ and it’s now in her house. Lol.
Everyone apparently loves the pig. Yet, I am not a piggy fan. I find their snouts intrusive. Lol. Yet, I admire her love and conquest. She’s filled with utter compassion.
Plus, I adore that she’s going to go out, get drunk, bring back a hot dude, forget she has a pig named ‘Elvis’ and suddenly remember he’s there, when he pops onto her sofa, mid ‘sexy time.’
If a pig came near me during sex, I would DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’d grab my boobies and RUN FOR THE HILLS…NAKED.
I am terrified of animals of the farmyard variety.
TERROR SCREECHES THROUGH MY SOUL.
But on the up, there’s also been new love. My gay friend Liam, (he’s just tinkered off ‘The Extreme Diet Hotel’ show on Channel 4.) Anyway, he recently broke up with his beau and has hit the dating scene with his heart on his sleeve and it’s good to see him happy. He called me before his last date, with a beautiful looking man. They met at ‘Velvet’ in Manchester, for the date and he saw him sat outside drinking a latte.
Me: ‘A latte!!!! On a date!!!!’
Liam: ‘I didn’t want it to be a slaggy date. We’ve spoken loads & really like him. It’s a non drinking date.’
(I don’t do ‘non drinking’ dates. 🙂 I get so nervous. I need to drink.)
He called me before his date because he was a little nervous. But dates are kinda like that, aren’t they?
Liam: ‘I’ve dressed really casual. is that okay??’
I’m glad, that I was his ‘make me not nervous‘ call. I’m good in those moments.
But they had the most beautiful time. I actually saw a picture of his date, whilst on the train to MY OWN date in Manchester. He was ‘sizzle.’ Really handsome. Really well groomed. They loved their time together. It was all chatter and leg strokes. Cuddles over calamari. It was a classy afternoon date. But then they had to rush off home, because ‘twinges’ and testosterone kept kicking in…If the date went on any longer….the pleasantries would’ve been X Rated.
I always think that chicks sometimes get offended when a guy wants to ‘sex you up’ on the first date. Yet, you shouldn’t. (I know, it makes you think that they only want sex.) Yet DO KNOW, that they can’t help it. If they fancy you, the WANT, WANT, WANT you. It’s how they’re wired and they don’t mean it offensively. Their willy pops up and that’s it. They go ‘boz eyed’ and need to ‘jab for goals.’
So you can IMAGINE, what it must be like if you’re two GUYS on a date…and you fancy one another!
I had such a ‘drama’ Monday, after the most blissful & peaceful weekend of ‘family.’ I’ve got so much going on, that i’m filling myself with a delicious flourish of stress. It’s kinda topped up with that beautiful thing we call ‘anxiety,’ simply because i’m terrified. I don’t even know what’s wrong with me? So, i’m gonna go with hormones?
I’m back on the telly shortly…That’s worrying me. I’ve got a lot to organise with the kids…That’s worrying me. I have shoots galore and auditions coming out my ‘hooty..’ That’s worrying me. My love life is *whizzing* around me, almost madly…I don’t even know what’s going on? Yes. I get a lot of attention. Yes, I’m single.
However, I’m noticing that, if I ever begin to feel for anyone, I get stressed out, because giant *CAUTION* signs go up everywhere. I’ve always had a shit love life. So, it’s scary. Plus, I’m absolutely emotional, so to me, it only means ‘danger.‘ I do not ever want to get my heartbroken again….EVER. I tread carefully. (Well…fuck that. I ‘stiletto.’)
I have travels and schedules and places to influence…Everything’s a juggle…Sometimes, I panic and I can’t even breathe. (Cue: Drama 😉 )
But the weird thing is, i’m HAPPY. I’m really happy and maybe being so happy, or so lucky, makes me worry because LET ME TELL YOU, my life hasn’t been so easy….Haha. It’s laughable.
Basically, I’m scared of everything right now, because i’m having to pinch myself…and I need to ‘Man up,’ count my blessings and get on with it, with panache.
At the weekend, I did Meadowhall with The Wunna’s and Ruby. (Junior was at his Dads.) We were pretty much treated like Meadowhall shopping royalty (and I thank you for that, because I don’t even know why?) It did feel wonderful though.
We shopped and stopped at Wagamama’s. Then after cocktail refuels, toy stores, makeup counters, new hair (we all need those extra few inches,) and my brand new chakra beads…Life felt almost perfect.
Ruby: ‘Mum. You’re chakra beads are not working. You’re CRAZY. You’re still nuts. They don’t work.’
(She is right, though. Even though I told her to ‘shush.‘ At this rate, i’m gonna need to see Buddha and get blessed by monks, or something! Maybe i’m just not meant for ‘Total Enlightenment.’ Maybe, i’m meant to live this ridiculous life of pathetic glory, for your entertainment… Haha.)
I’m starting to believe that…
‘Hey Destiny…You’ve fucked me over. You’re off the Christmas card list! You’re chilling on the naughty list, with Cupid and a few Pretty Boy exes from 2004.’
This is how I feel right now…
Like I’ve drank 42 energy drinks, had a bottle of rum, taken all my clothes off, and then thrown MYSELF to the lions.
Then…because i’m not at all mental….
…I lost the car…I always lose the car…Oh! Wait!! I don’t mean?Ugh. I’m rambling. I didn’t REALLY lose the car! I kinda ‘misplaced’ it? Y’know, when you can’t quite remember where you left it? 🙂 My Mum, drove home, because obviously, I guzzled Aperol Spritzies…after The Disney Store.
Fair enough, there was lots of wine, brunches and fun over the weekend. I checked in with my friends…briefly. Got on top of work. Then just relaxed with the kids. However….one of my favourite moments of the weekend, was the ‘school mum..’ catch up…
(There was a kids birthday party over the weekend…)
Miss.Murphy: ‘What are you wearing!?! Lol. Who wears glitter shoes to a kids party..?? Haha.’
Me: ‘Shut up. Lol. These are my driving shoes.’
Sam: ‘Does Ruby want Pizza?’
Me: ‘It’s like the Real Housewives of Yorkshire…’
Mum: ‘I got asked to be on Real Housewives of Marbella, a while ago, but I said no…I’m too boring, for it!’
Me: ‘You said NO! As if you said NO!! I can’t believe you said no. I would’ve moved to Marbella, to have done it. Haha.’
( I live for that show…It calms me, when I’m stressed. Yet, so does the occasional Jeremy Kyle episode…? So, yeah…I’m mental. Ignore me.)
Other Mum: ‘Oh yeah. I’m gonna be flying away with him.’
Miss. Murphy: ‘You’re actually going now! What about…?’
Other Mum: ‘Oh…he doesn’t know..’
Miss.Murphy: ‘You said he was fat and bald…But he’s not at all?’
Me: ‘How have I sat here for an hour and not known it’s your birthday today!!’
Miss. Murphy: ‘So, are you seeing your date again?’
I never thought i’d be a traditional ‘school mum.’ Yet, there’s just something about this group of Mamas, that is filled with the ‘sexy.’ They’re actually not traditional, school mums, in rain macs. They’re alive. They’re fun. They have designer shoes that read ‘LOVE.’ Louis Vuitton handbags and possible stables…’
They’re, what I call ‘Prosecco Mums,’ and I love them, madly. I’m like the tragic misfit of the bunch. The single, no husband, disorganized one, with a suggestive Insta profile…
We’re all really different from one another. Yet, w’re all great women. Confident women. Great mothers and well, I just really enjoy they’re company.
Then all our kids ruined everything and shoved tall plastic, slush palm trees, in our faces…
At that point, the gossip got censored…
My inbox is * pinging,* almost every minute, with people asking me about my love life and my last date etc…
All I can tell you is that, the guy that I did the Manchester Airport date with, was wonderful. He says he wants to see me again, and I definitely will. I found him really sexy and confident. He’s smart and thoughtful. I liked him. I’find him interesting…I want to know lots about him…I’ll definitely be meeting him again. (I’m only one ‘meeting’ in. So it’s all ‘early doors.’)
I’m just treading carefully…Like I said, I’m not bothered about getting my heart broken, right now, when I have so much going on…
I eventually want to fall in love. I’m a true romantic. I want to be swept off my feet. Adored. Respected. And y’know, in that one meet up, my date was that! He was a REAL MAN, which made me notice that I’d not only been looking in the wrong place for love, but i’d wasted a lot of my time, on ‘little boys.’ At 37 years old, I don’t need to be doing that!
When it comes to love…
…this time..because obviously i’ve been married three times and had numerous flings and relationships..I want to PROPERLY fall in love. I want it to be stable and forever…with no stress. No drama.
And I do want to just say, that even though on paper, i’ve dated, romanced, flinged, loved, married, divorced, sexed..and well…just all sorts, with men, all over the world.
DO KNOW THAT….
… I never did all that because I was a floozy. That’s one of the biggest misconceptions about me. I’m a love bunny. There were options. I was young. A glamour model. Off the telly…Growing up in Hollywood…All sorts.
Yet, I never was and still not a man eater. I’m non judgemental. I’m modern. Yet when it comes to love, I’m quite ‘fairytale.’ I’m quite traditional…I’m a hopeless romantic, with a capital ‘H.’
So, every single time, I went into these encounters, with men, boys, gents, or misfits..
I always hoped (like any girl or woman,) that they would love me forever.
It just didn’t and still hasn’t quite worked out that way….
It’s actually only when I suddenly realise, that they guy i’ve been chatting to, or dating, only see’s me as a ‘bed notch’ or someone they daren’t date… It was only THEN…at that point, when I HAVE to file the encounter under ‘casual,‘ and ‘take it on the chin,’ without being embarrassed.
So i’m accidentally, a sassy, sexy, modern day woman.
The ‘Brand’ goes alongside that….and that’s fine with me, as it makes me very ‘now.’ It gives me the necessary ‘street cred.’ I’m swag. I’m cool…I’m…Blah, blah….
You get it…
Y’see, when it comes to WORK, I am that. I’m fire. I’m determined. I’m ambitious. I’m a glamourous, kitty DIVA, sprayed over, in solid steel, showers of glitter. Champagne pops around me and naughty winks, fill my walk way…
When it comes to love…I’m the opposite.
I’m not someone who really wants random casual sex. I love sex. But i don’t play a numbers game. I want to feeel a connection.
Plus, If i’m honest, I can have sex with anyone… I have an inbox full of offers…almost every few minutes.
That doesn’t make me feel mighty. It’s flattering. I appreciate the ‘adoration..’ Of course I do….
If anything it stresses me out, because I think, ‘how the hell can I have so much attention and not find Mr.Right. That ONE MAN, who will truly love and treasure me forever?’
I’m ready to fall in love…
I’m just scared to….
It makes me anxious…
Away from all that…Sunday morning was great because before Meadowhall, I got to chatter to Lil’ Sam Reece. I shouldn’t call him ‘Lil’ as he’s pretty grown. He’s a good guy. I’ve referred to him as ‘Tats’ on this blog before.
I like waking up on a Sunday morning to a Reecy phone ‘ping.’ We’ll just have brief morning banter. ..then get on with life. We chatter in ‘spits & spots’ a lot. We both always have really shit love lives…We’re both ‘Yorkshire.’ We actually get on well. It’s easy. We wired the same way. We have the same banter.. This Sunday we talked ‘car bonnets/hotels and flat caps.’
I was actually gonna meet him for drinks..But I ended up doing Meadowhall instead and he ended up doing boy drinks…
But he’s a good guy. So I have a lot of respect for our Sam. He’s a good buddy…I’d see Sam as the kinda guy, i’d go for a drink with and kiss in the elevator when no one was looking. Haha!
(That hasn’t happened, by the way, before you all get excited. But i’d definitely kiss him in an elevator…It’d be a waste of ‘sexy’ people, if not. I don’t like to waste sexy people. You only live once.)
Did my hair, did my face, did my lips, did my pout, slipped into heels and got myself to the train station, which would delicately deliver me to Manchester airport, in one glamourous piece, ready for my ‘date,’ my ‘meet up.’
Before, we start, I’ll let you know I had the most amazing time. It was almost wonderous. I wrongly thought that my date was in Liverpool, but it was actually in Manchester. Good job, he reminded me, before I arrived in the wrong city. Lol. He actually FLEW IN for work and then the date… (Bouji, innit. 😉 I like that about him.)
But why am I so shocking!!!! I couldn’t even get the city right?
Yet, before I even got there, I shat myself with nerves, in my little Missy Empire pink dress. (Thank you for the dress. It was devilish. The little pink dress, is the NEW little black dress.) I stopped off, got two wines at The Mallard, in Doncaster, as @kingkenny1985 (who works there, and loves a Wunna Land insta story) had to *pause* and do a ‘double take..’ with a…
‘I just had to double check to see if it was you…You WILL get yourself into these situations…Lol’
I got to Platform 3B, which takes me straight to Manchester airport, kinda in a jiffy and that was after ‘The Draughtsman Ale House’ handed me a ‘half’ a tipple, to calm my nerves, because they were so excited about my little adventure! (Thank you for that! 🙂 )
(It fell out of my hand on the train, whilst I was messaging Miss.Muprhy and ‘drop poured’ into my OPEN, overnight bag. 😉 )
Everything just stank of ale! 🙂 All you could hear was this random Oriental, faux furred, big haired… idiot, SWEARING under her breath, like an angry, porny looking…ninja.
‘I can’t help it, i’m just drawn this way….’
My date was excited, messaged me the whole way through, to keep me in check, with his whereabouts. He did admit he was a little nervous.
Date: ‘Wow! I’m almost nervous to meet you…Lol.’
(I was ‘dropping fucking drinks’ nervous. But it always scares me when they’re nervous, because I don’t want them to think i’m some kind of goddess, because they’ll only be disappointed when they meet me, i’m sure.)
Chick friend: ‘Not so adventurous and brave now, are you Wuns! Haha.’
Me: ‘Fuck off. I’m STILL l doing it. I’m STILL headed there. I never said I don’t actually feel the fear! Haha.’
He’d organised everything, so perfectly to a ‘T.’ Rooms were booked, everything has been scheduled, sorted and planned out. Almost wonderfully. All he wished for ME to do, was show up,’relax and enjoy.’
It’s almost like I had forgotten, that men like him…actually still existed.
He’s a miracle. You wouldn’t even believe it. Before I even went on the date….and remember I had never ever met him in person….He had already managed to make me feel like a Princess…That’s the wrong word.
He made me feel appreciated, respected, beautiful and of absolute worth.
All that ever matters to me, is how someone makes me feel… He didn’t even do it, with intent to manipulate or be showy….He did it, because he’s just built that way, he’s kind. He’s so much fun, but a proper old school gentleman.
I LOVED IT. It makes a guy so so sexy!
I arrived at the airport. I was driven to the hotel…It was raining so heavily outside, which I kinda love, when I know i’m INSIDE. There’s an evening comfort to it.
He arrived much earlier and had to dash off to work. I had school runs etc, so arrived in the evening…I had an envelope with my name upon it, with my room key ready and waiting for me…and with a smile, a wink and shake off of the rain, I was headed up the elevator, into my room…as the rain poured down, over Manchester Airport.
I got settled, took selfies, did lunges (lol) and went down to the bar for a white wine spritzer. The staff couldn’t have been more delightful. I was at The Clayton Hotel. right by the airport. I tottered in with my wink and pink dress…and Life was pretty much sorted from there.
He had just got done at the match….and was en route to meeting me.
The whole way through, he made sure I was utterly comfortable. He’s really organised, so he was telling me the plan, every hour. Lol.
Date: ‘Just order anything you need to eat or drink on the room, when you arrive. Don’t worry. Honestly, just enjoy…I’ll see you soon…’
I got my own drinks at the bar..whilst I waited. I actually met loads of fun people, who were all off on sunny adventures. The gents loved me in that bar, but the chicks didn’t…and I hate that, because I’m lovely. Lol.
(Girls shouldn’t SCOWL at girls, they do not know. When you do, you lose your swag, your beauty & your level of confidence becomes very visible. Even if you feel it…don’t do it. I’m not there to steal your man, i’m on a flipping DATE!)
But what can I say…My lil’ pink dress was ‘killer.’
Long story short…
He arrived…I was upstairs in the room…and when the door opened and I saw him…I filled with terror, smiled, (because you just godda charm that shit out) and then just told him that I was nervous.
He smiled…looked at me. He actually *paused* and looked me in the eye. I didn’t know whether to be happy for terrified. Did he think I was hot? Or did he think I was not? Yet, then when I snapped out of my few seconds of utter, charming *panic,* I then looked at HIM…and a calm, warmness sort from him…
Date: ‘Wow, you look great. You’re dressed like that and i’m dressed like this..Lol. I’ve ordered food to the room…I’ve had such a stressful day, i need a drink. Lol. I’ve also ordered you another wine…’
(He already knew what i’d been drinking at the bar. I like that. It impresses me.)
Then just like that, we sat down, we relaxed and we just started talking. He sat on the sofa and I sat a little away from him…But I noticed that I’m much more guarded now. I had my arms folded, to accessorize my smile. When I was on my first date with ‘The Swirl’ ages ago…I wasn’t like that, I was all cuddly and kissy…and…banter.
I was guarded that night. Open, friendly…yet nervous about potentially getting my little kitten heart broken…in the future. Yet, that’s not the way to go…You don’t know what’s gonna happen in the future…So, i relaxed, enjoyed by time, the moment and him.
He was alive He’s smart. He’s fun. He’s non judgemental. He knows a lot about people and life. He’s excited by me. He’s a family man. Someone who knows what truly matters to him, in life…
HE DIDN’T EVEN FLINCH, WHEN I TOLD HIM HOW MANY TIMES, I’D BEEN MARRIED ETC… He’s not terrified of me….He’s impressed by me?
He laughed and said…
‘I love that about you…At least I know you’re not scared of commitment, If i ever need to ask….Lol’
Then he said,
‘Datings always hard isn’t it…because you can meet a really pretty girl and she has an awful personality, or has no grasp on real life…You’re not like that, at all. I saw that you were a Mum and I loved that about you… I knew that you had real responsibilities and experienced real love…real life…’
OH MY GOD! DREAM!
(He’s also a Father… and I love a family man, don’t I! I also love that he’s bouji, but real. He’s not caught up with bullshit. He’s solid, stable, loving, sexy and a HAPPY singleton. He’s open to love….But would rather be on his own, than be with someone who wasn’t right! Just like ME!!!)
But the more we spoke, the more I relaxed I became. He was so interesting…so calm….
Date: ‘How old are you? God! You don’t look it at all…’
Me: ‘Everyone says that, but I don’t get it. It’s cos you didn’t know me when I was 20.’
Then we started eating and sipping our drinks…We started talking about footballers and glamour models and how they kinda have the same sort of job/lifestyle, yet one has the boy version and the other had the girl version…. of the shindig.
Date: ‘I guess, that’s why they always date?’
Me: ‘I just think sporty boys are filled with more testosterone, really. Lol’
Date: ‘Hahah. No, but when it comes to our lifestyle etc….Us guys, want to date an exciting girl. A *dangerous* girl. A beautiful girl…A.. ….’
Me: ‘Someone that gets ya juices flowing… I get it… Someone who isn’t Vanilla..’
Date: ‘Yeah. You’re that. You’re dangerous...(he had a smirk on his face, when he said it.) But you’re not just looks, like most…So, i’m almost sat here, hoping you want to see me again…I need to get shower… Hang on…’
Me: Why have you turned the lights off…?’
Date: ‘So I don’t scare you… Lol’
(Only a true vixen isn’t scared in the dark Haha. It’s the light that makes her feel unnerved.)
The rest of the evening was divine. We relaxed. We shared stories. I needed to relax a lot more than he did, if I’m honest. He was confident, caring, he knew life. He’s one of those ‘good at everything,’ guys… But so so humble.
Me: ‘There isn’t anything you can’t do? What are you rubbish at?’
Date: ‘I can’t dance well. I’m an athlete, so I can move…But I just don’t find it easy to dance. Hahaha. ‘
Then because he felt I was tense, he walked his fingers up my back and pushed on parts that he felt were tense.
It was literally the most gentle thing, and it felt SO good.
He was GROWN. He was full MAN. Like, he raised the bar, on what being a true man is! He’s an actual ‘great at everything,’ guy, with a successful career, who’s a wonderful father/family guy. Someone who’s loving, sexy… and truly truly knows how to take care of a woman…on every level.
He walked his fingers up to the top of my back, just under my neck and pushed his fingers down to release tension….I looked at him, through a mirror…and we smiled…
That was the part where I trusted him…and he massaged me….
The next morning, I woke up at The Clayton Hotel, by Manchester Airport…after the most wonderful time, with the most thoughtful man I had every met.
It couldn’t even be real. It was like a dream….He was IMPRESSIVE. I like to feel impressed, don’t I? And Cupid properly threw in a gem, this time around….It’s like The Gods are trying to show me my options…
I literally haven’t met a more generous, or more thoughtful man ever, who is dripping in sex appeal. He’s not even wet with his kindness. He’s charming. But not fake. He’s real. He’s someone you never need to prompt, because he’s always waaay ahead of you. I love that! He’s really intelligent.
(‘Well, we were only working a couple hours a day. There was a lot of free time. In that time, I got a degree…so I could use it later…Most of the guys don’t think to do that. I even speak five languages now…and run two companies…’)
There’s a sophistication to him, that’s delivered with punctuated fun. He’s not a lose cannon. He’s stable. His feet are firmly on the ground. Yet, at the same time, he’s not ‘vanilla.’
For once, I got to feel like a girl. I got to feel so precious. I got to feel ‘taken care of,‘ instead of ‘having to take care of…’ I know so many women (including myself) who never get to feel like that!
He’s a good person…
Date: ‘I hope you want to see me again…I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I hope so. I’ll message you as soon as I get home…’
I can’t honestly have been that lucky?
Haha…it felt so ‘Pretty Woman.’
What is happening in my life right now?
If i don’t see this guy again, I will officially be the stupidest girl in the world. What a gentleman. What an amazing man. I don’t think i’ve ever been treated that well!!
I took the 10.53, from Platform 3A at Manchester Airport, back home, with my Red Bull…so I could arrive in time for a school run.
Cashier: ‘You know it’s £2.90…’
Me: ‘Yeah…but fuck it, I need it..’
On my train home…
(After some chick gave me daggers and rammed her luggage on wheels into me. Lol. You can’t *ram* me after i’ve just been Princess treated!)
Miss. (who I love) Murphy: ‘The guys in the office who follow you avidly want to know which………he is? Liam has worked out that… Hahaha. This is hilarious!’
Firmonnell: ‘Did you fancy him? He sounds so perfect. How did it go!!!??!!! He’s sexy!’
Laura Grace: ‘Tell me everything…’
Halewood: ‘What happened!!!! You lucky bitch!’
Man sitting next to me: ‘I feel like i’ve seen you before….? Oh shit! I follow you on insta. How was the…’
Bartender Girl: ‘How was it then!!?!’
King Kenny: ‘How did it all go?’
Sarah T: ‘Who is this guy!!!!’
Big Brother Rex: ‘Must’ve been a good… with ya hair like that! 😉 Hahaha. ‘
(I’d screenshot a pic of a dude..Oh fuck it…’The Swirl’ and drawn a tacky, free hand, red love heart around his head, lol and sent it to her…my bestie…via Snapchat. Haha. Now, I am very aware, that i’ve just made myself sound moderately creepy. Yet, I do it all the time, for kicks. It’s jokes and funny, so shut the **** UP. 🙂 Only she would understand! 😉 Not you!!! J )
Firmonnell: ‘That’s easy. He ignored your last two messages. Fuck him. He’s so selfish. He only cares about himself. He doesn’t love anyone, BUT himself. I love you. Now, get yourself to Liverpool and have the most amazing time on your ‘date’ thing.’
And just like that, as she waved the flag for all things love, friendship, truth and ‘Girl Code,’ my self respect and kitty power *whooshed* straight back through my system. I grew 10 feet tall, slipped on a spikey set of heels and got to life, with a much more stable strut of ‘sass.’
Everyone needs a friendship like ours.
I love her so madly. No one can deliver the truth to me, better than Firmonnell.
Sometimes, you just need to hear something, don’t you? Even if your ears don’t like it…We girls kinda sell ourselves short all the time, don’t we? I’ve done it for years, when it’s come to men. I’m 37 years old and still learning…Lol. Know, that you’re not alone and know that you fucking need to KICK THE HABIT!!
(I’m not meaning t be sexist. I’m only speaking for the girls, simply because I have no clue what it’s like being a guy and I am someone who believes we’re wired completely differently.)
Right, i’ve just shopped. I’ve just had a skype meeting in regards to work. I bumped into @kateslice28 at the Jeff Banks store, via my shopping totter…
Kateslice28: ‘She wants a job here…’
Dapper dude: ‘Oh! Well..hand your CV in to…’
Kateslice28: ‘She doesn’t really want a job here…’
Me: ‘Haha. My CV’s just a series of Insta pics. Here! Watch me do this…! Now, watch me do that!’
Then I left and bought Kylie Jenner nail polish, in the sale.
My life rocks.
I’m errand running today because I leave for Liverpool tomorrow, just for a night. I have my ‘friendly, meet up’ as I’m calling it, because I just don’t like the word ‘date’ anymore. It scares me and makes me feel awkward…and scares me…and makes me feel all awkward Lol.
Kateslice28: ‘I really don’t mean to make you feel more terrified than you already are! Haha. Sorry! But it’s the truth. It’s always awkward, at first. Just go. Have some fun!’
It’s going to be a breeze. It’s an easy going ‘meet up’ for drinks, because ‘The Gent’ in question, will be shimming straight from work…and that’s better…as it helps take your mind off stuff, doesn’t it…? Plus, I will have had wine. So ofcourse, on the whole… that makes it much easy for ME!
I need a cocktail now.
I’m fuelled by fruity umbrella drinks. My bodies running out of whip.
Yet, yes. There’s nothing to be terrified of. He’s been nothing short of lovely, to me, so far.
Savannah B: ‘He still has time to stand you up.’
Me: ‘Haha. Get lost. He’s already done the *really excited* message. Saying that…I don’t actually know where i’m headed yet?’
I’m lucky. Life is good. My Insta Story is smashing views right now and i’m kinda loving that, because it makes me pull out ‘all the entertainment’ because i’m a show off.
LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeEE………….!
Everyone’s asking me about the ‘got my initials tattoed on him’ guy….He HAS given me a dare. Can’t remember if I told you, on the blog, or not? But I’ll be filling you in on all that… at the end of the week, I reckon? I kinda need to get Liverpool, work and babies out the way first. I’m excited to tell you everything, but right now I’m prioritising well…and getting my little life, jiggle on.
I will say that TODAY, I am on, DAY 18 of 21, of my ‘Breaking a bad habit’ ting. I can’t believe i’ve done 18 days. I can’t believe that I haven’t AT ALL relapsed and I can’t believe that i’ve suffered ever single withdrawal symptom and still just got on with being a champion, with a hair toss and a smile. (I’m not even as pathetic as I thought. Wait. I never thought I was pathetic. I wouldn’t have done it, if I knew I wasn’t flourishing with will power.)
They say it takes 21 days to break any habit. Once i’m at day 23, i’ll know that i’ve actually done it!
I will be rewarding myself greatly!!!
(I love how everyone thought it was drinking….I received so many messages about it. But yes, it’s not. Everyone needs a vice, and a ‘tipple’ is certainly mine.)
Aww! I forgot to tell you..
‘Tats’ (do you remember me talking about him in a previous blog? If not, ‘search’ him.) Anyway, he sent me a message on Saturday night. Well, no..it was early Sunday morning and just read…
He does that all the time, as he searches for…well….Anyway….
I like ‘Tats,’ I always have and I think he’s sweet. Yet he only messages me now, during the ‘early hours’ and we all know what that means…and although it’s flattering…if you don’t do things the proper way…I guess, after everything i’ve learnt or been through along the way, in life…I just can’t take it seriously, until they do?
I’m worth more than that…
(I know, you’re not reading this…but I wish you were…)
Things are really exciting for me, right now. I don’t know where my story ends? I just know that every single piece of it, seems to be worth it. I kinda look around me every single day, hoping for the best…yet expecting nothing without the art of hard work, or ‘magic.’
I know that dreams come true. I certainly don’t know how? Is it hard work? Is it fate? Who knows?? YET, what i’m sure of, when it comes to this little thing called ‘life,’ is that we’re all kinda in this together….be you in flats, heels or barefooted.