Wunna Dolls, Rum & Banter

My kitty eyes shot open at 2.47am this morning. YES! At 2.47am…THIS MORNING! I’m totally gonna feel it later when work kicks in and my brain decides to not work. I need a morning mimosa. *Gimme Gimme* Ugh! Cupboard is bare! 😉

When you can’t sleep, you have a troubled mind. That’s exactly what I have. There’s SO much swirling around it, that I pretty much swear that my forehead is ready to curl forward and *boink* the imaginary panic button. Hurrah!

It’s good, because everything is about work & opportunity..and there’s a lot. Yet, bad because i’m obviously not ‘on top‘ of it all. This blogging malarky isn’t as easy as I thought..when it turns into a business. I can’t even sleep. I think i’m gonna go with the ‘i’m a genius and can’t sleep’ line, yet really i’m just human and right now I THINK I ‘can’t do this all by myself ‘ line. BUT I CAN. I mean fuck it. I’ve done everything else by myself…including raising children.

I got up at 3am and worked. I worked. I whopped out my little pink laptop and worked. I planned my entire week and month out, to set Wunna Land into confetti hero showers. Now I just need to execute and not worry. Yet, I’m a creative and what i’ve learnt is that creatives need to JUST BE creative and have someone else deal with the harsh reality of business and building. Their two different things. Two different skills. I want to just be creative and tell my sassy little story. Plus, I learnt from one of my previous bosses ‘The Mighty’ that when one person does too many things, they fuck it all up and give a ‘lot of things 20 percent,’ instead of one thing a juicy 100 percent. IT’S TRUE!

Anyway, enough of all that. It’s boring me. I’ll quit being a walking ‘Sad Act‘ now. (The words of ‘Double B.’)

Yesterday was an ace day,  filled with good times, friends, work and sass. It made Monday less shit. I didn’t even have time to curl my hair in the morning and it didn’t even matter! 😉 I know! Wow wee!  *Wink*

We decided that I should create ‘Chrissie Wunna’ dolls, so that Firmonnell can give them to her children.

Firmonnell: ‘As soon as the Chrissie Wunna doll comes out, I’m buying them for my kids.’

But honestly, how fabulous would my ‘Chrissie Wunna’ doll be!! It’d have boobies and be all glamourous and when you pressed it’s stomach, it’s shout things like…

‘Fuck it!’

‘Where’s my prosecco…’

‘This is bouji!’

Firmonnell, Double B and Hustle Barbie literally DIED over this idea for a good…well minute… 🙂 , as then we got distracted because Mel started sauntering in with her ‘stress face’ asking our advice on tidying…Don’t know what happened but…

Mel: ‘How the HELL have I started a conversation about how to find the time to clean my house properly and it’s turned into a conversation about THRUSH???’

Me: ‘I’ve never had thrush.’

Double B: ‘I’ve had thrush and that thing where you have to drink cranberry juice.’

Firmonnell: ‘Y’know you can get nipple thrush from breast feeding.’

Me: EWW!

Mel: ‘Whatever Chrissie. I would’ve thought you would’ve had a a cocktail of STD’s in your time.’

Fairytale Blond: ‘I’ve had thrush in my belly button..

Me: ‘Lovely’

Hustle Barbie: ‘Did Prince Jonny put it in the wrong hole?’ Haha’

Fairytale Blond: ‘I need to take these shoes back, I bought them for Monte Carlo tomorrow..’

Me: ‘I wish my belly button looked more SHOCKED and less smiley.’

Firmonnell: ‘Yeah mine looks like it’s just chilling…

Then ‘Double B’ decided to remind me that her beau’s willy looked like..

‘…one of those fun scrubby things you can get to clean dishes with, y’know in your sink….with a fuzzy afro on top.’

He never gets a blowie and she really doesn’t care. Lol. She’s just laughs in the face of blow jobs, adjusts her bra and asks for a pork pie, as she tosses her blond extensions everywhere.

‘Taylors Butchers was shut. I tried to get a pork pie there yesterday!’

Then I’m not sure what happened…But we started taking about old people and how weird it would feel to be a granny and how if I was ON MY OWN and 80, i’d be alright because, I’d

‘…definitely smell of rum and sex.’

Much better option over moth balls. You either smell of Marks & Spencers, Cats, Toffee, Wee or Moth Balls when you’re a granny. That’ll be me one day and I’m gonna make sure I smell of rum whilst being wheeled down the corridors to…. (I have no clue where i’d be wheeled to? Lol) I’m gonna be a RUMMY granny.

Anyway, ass…ass? Lol. AS!!!

As much as I love you, I do need to dash. I have school runs and a full day of work to jolly onto. I have great boobs and a wink in my think, today. I’ll definitely be knackered later on. I swear this blog is like therapy for me. One day you’ll be covering my meltdown…BUT JUST NOT TODAY.

Work hard. Do well! Love lots!

Oh and follow me on everything, so I feel extra adored. Lol.

Snapchat: chrissiewunna1

(I don’t know who chrissiewunna is..but it’s not me and i’m sure she is far more naked or chatty…lol So do make sure you add the right one.)

Tweet me: @chrissiewunna

Instagram: chrissiewunna

Like my Facebook Fan Page: http://www.facebook.com/chrissiewunnadotcom

 

Excuses! Excuses! Excuses! (And Ginners.)

‘What are you doing?’

‘Just rummaging through your drawers…’

‘Aww…If only I had any on..’

I looked at the ever stylish, ‘King of the North,’ we *paused* and then we pissed ourselves laughing at how not very funny we are.

‘Please, as IF i’m not in pants. I’ve had babies. If I don’t wear pants, all sorts of shit would fall out of me…’

Then ofcourse ‘Double B’ butts in with a..

‘Like what?’ 🙂

Hahaha! The terrifying thought of what actually might fall out of me when shaken is beyond me. That’s why I avoid bouncy castles at all costs. It’d be weave, boobs and flipping West Hollywood pretty boys from 2013 that would fall out of me, with a few delicious organs…dashed in a sliced of my gooey dignity.

I hope you’ve had a wonderful Valentines day. I’ve had THE SINGLE, MOST WONDERFUL VALENTINES DAY EVER.

This is one of the first times in England that I’ve been single on the day of love and let me tell you…I have no date, I had no plans, I received zero cards or flowers and I am BEAMING. It almost feels as though i’m the happiest I’ve ever been. It’s odd? Right now, I’m emotionally at my strongest. So warm that i’m radiating this weird glitter glow. I’ve never felt like this before.

I happy because this year, on Valentines Day, I feel so utterly proud of myself because I never ‘just settled’ for ‘some guy’ that wasn’t my perfect life buddy, simply to just go on a date. I don’t feel lonely. I feel ‘whole’ and when girls are of that nature they are at their MOST attractive.

So as ‘Fairytale Blond’ made last minute dinner arrangements. (‘I Ugh, I can’t believe I have to make my OWN arrangements.’) ‘Double B’ went to Marks & Sparks to buy her beau (who’s penis looks like Me in my party weave) the ingredients to a romantic home cooked meal. As ‘Hot Sarah’ ( who let me eat her leftover home stew and dumplings) probably dashed away from her desk to celebrate her Valentine Anniversary with her ‘Handsome’ and as ‘Firmonnell’ stayed in and did love with her husband ‘Big D..’ (Firmonnell’s all bouji now, as i’ve noticed that she’s embracing her inner glam and wearing the cutest little pinny dresses…Probably because she always has worms and ‘fishy bits’ in the blog…. Hahaha!! I’ve accidentally got it in again, haven’t I!?! Lol)

Anyway, tonight, I internally *beamed* because as I flung on my little faux fur to keep my kitten face warm and as I tottered to my car, under the glitzy night stars, I celebrated the fact that, I was for ONCE utterly single on Valentines Day and weirdly the happiest chick in all the land. No drama, no stress, no plans, no nothing…

I walked down an alley way, with a smile on my face, like the entire world was my oyster. My mum even Facebooked me at that point with a, ‘Are you doing anything tonight?‘ Then when I responded with a ‘no’ and a smiley face she couldn’t even believe her little Burmese eyes. 🙂

Now, don’t get me wrong, I believe in love, the real kind that gets you in a swirl, an uncontrollable happy swirl of magic. And I know that I’ll get bowled over by his spirit when I meet him. Yet, i feel great for NOT being tied down to someone that isn’t quite right for me. That alone makes me  happy. It makes me feel free. I’m not in a situation where i’m having to compromise what i stand for or believe in.

‘London Business Man’ sent me a Whatsapp message yesterday..one of the Voice Note variety that went a bit like this…

‘I have a lot of love for you, but i’m just hearing excuses right now, excuses excuses, I know you’re busy… I get it… I get it.. I get it. But make a little time for ME and I’ll make a LOT of time FOR YOU….. I honestly don’t know what that means, but it sounded good.’ 

Lol.

I just don’t seem to have time to schedule ‘London Business Man’ into my life….until next month, but just for a catch up…and even though we have a brief past of fun…I haven’t really seen him in over half a year. He’s the one that withdrew his offer of love. We’re good friends, yet that’s only because I’m cool and not nutty, as technically he did choose other chicks over me…every time. Yet, I’m just not bothered, as I think he’s a great friend, and I think he’s a wonderful human, yet I understand men, people, I understand ‘times’ and how he may feel now, that i’m doing well…And yes, he’s not on my priority list of ‘Must Dates’ lol…

But like I said in my last blog, before I deleted it…(That’s the ace thing about lifestyle blogging, you can go back and edit shit out, like it never even happened…:) )

It’s hard once you’ve maybe ballsed something up a bit and you then try to get back in the game. As the second time around, depending on how hard you’ve ballsed up, you almost face a mountain. If you just made a small yet decent rockstar decision to begin with, it would’ve been a a walk in the park. And I don’t say that to preachy. I say it because I have been on BOTH SIDES of that coin throughout life.

But what I do like about him is that he doesn’t quit trying….he’s not scared to ask me out and do it properly Most guys are. I don’t like scaredy cats. What I don’t feel for him right now..is ‘magic.’

It’s that’s chemistry and magic that I look for.

I did do a year ago…I felt so much magic that I could’ve exploded…but that was a year ago…Right now, and when i’m dancing in my finest emotional situation, I see him as just my buddy. A guy friend i’d just do cocktails with to catch up and YOU ALL HATE BEING in ‘friend zone,’ but you kinda put yourself there. 🙂

I haven’t even had sex since last year. So, it’s not like i’m making foolish decisions. I’m making the right decisions for me. FOR once. (Oh wait? Was it last year? It was ‘Eton Mess’…Yes…last year, in maybe like November? Ages ago now. AND I’M LOVING IT. I am little Cougar, Born again Virgin Chrissie Wunna.

But no matter what you did this evening, I hope you felt adored and more importantly ‘whole.’

I got given a decent and loving pep talk by a lady who’s in her sixties this morning and it kinda made me glow and feel strong. I’ve been losing my swag a little bit over the last week. Yet this morning sorted me right out.

Oh? I’ve just got a message from ‘Take Me Out Nick?’

‘Pop over tomorrow when you’re free, so I can make you a brew..’

The other day we were imagining what our lives would be like if we dated ginger people? Lol.

He imagined himself in Valley Gardens (which is a dodgy park in Pontefract) with some ghetto blaster, in the sun and a few beers with his imaginary ginner bird.

‘Where are you? The Maldives?’

‘Yeah, I’m bikini sunbathing with cocktails in The Maldives and he’s moaning because he’s having to sit in the shade because he’ll burn to death in the blistering heat. So I’ll just have to lay here, ignore him and shout him over if I need anything during the holiday…’

HAHAHA!  Then we finished out coffees and got on with life…

Everything feels magical in Wunna Land.

Happy Valentines Day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

New Vlog, Blogging, Love or Money

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So, I heard on the radio today that around 82 percent of people in Yorkshire, would rather have a lottery win, than find their true love. Can you believe it? I mean, I’m in a solid relationship, so i’d never place a donkey of dosh in front of it. (I don’t think? 😉 Lol. ) But there are times, probably in every single moment of every day, ….where in which i say ‘I wish I won the lottery.’ So I completely and utterly get it. Yet, how messed up have we become? It’s surely meant to be love that makes the world go around…and not little bits of printed paper that can buy us things like freedom, a fast car, a girl, or our dream house? Money definitely makes the the journey much easier, as it reduces the normal stress of life, it oils the cogs and relieves us of panic.Yet when that becomes the focus…and we’re wishing it grew on trees because of fear…then we’re fucked. So, if you do anything today, don’t worry about any financial stress you may have and just enjoy love. Tell the people you’re meant to care for, that you do. We forget to do that always. I mean, I posted the Lady Gaga ‘i’m quitting music’ speech to my Facebook wall today…and everything she said was right and mattered. She’s living proof that you can have EVERYTHING financially and not be happy, until you see life for what it’s for and the things that truly matter.

Okay, away from that. I’ve filmed my Vlog and it terrified me. This time around, it’s a little long, and i shook like a leaf all the way through it. It’s just so weird, because i’m really good when i have a camera in my face, yet when it’s Vlog time, I panic and get all nervous. Blogging is far less terrifying. (Ben is currently annoying me by AGAIN, trying to talk to me ALL THE WAY THROUGH my fricking blog. He pines for attention when he doesn’t think he has it. Lol. It’s like having a puppy, an annoying one, that’s just had a ‘Harvey Wallbanger’ in a can and wants you yo play with it. 🙂 )

Hope you enjoy it though and hope you all start showing ‘cocktails in a can’ some love.

Here you go…Take a peeky..

Tonight, we’ve had a fresh coconut juice night! Remember that I blogged about how shite trying to crack open a coconut was…well Marks and Spencer have come up with a plan…and it’s a real life coconut, that you can ‘ring pull’ open like it’s a can of pop! I know! You then just jab the ‘given to you with the coconut’ straw in the top and Bob’s your Uncle, Mary’s you’re Aunt. You have fresh coconut juice on tap. (Ruby loves it. Junior hates it.)

The babies have actually been amazing tonight. Junior came back from nursery a bit feisty. Yet he always comes back from his Dad’s a bit more feisty, i never know why, yet i’m sure he’s fine? His speech has come on threefold though. He’s so chatty now, that i can’t believe that i’m actually watching him grow right before my own little Asian eyes. Amazing! I love it. It makes Mama happy. Ruby’s just a Mini Me, so in my eyes, a doll. Lol. To be honest, I couldn’t be more proud of her, as she is soooooooooooo keen on school and learning, that it sort of makes me feel like i’ve done an alright job and being Mum.

I’m currently having a Pina Colada and Ben’s listening to ‘Top Five Worst Singers’ on Youtube and every single one of them are my favourite artists and songs! HAHAHA. We’re giggling and right now life just seems soooooooooo lovely. (I want to win the lottery. Lol.) ‘Your cock or mine’ was again my top search today for this blog. Ugh! I’m really not a tranny. I’m a real life girl. (Honest!)

wunnatitle

 

 

Day 4 of CHRISSIE WUNNA’S MASSIVE GIVEAWAY MUCH

 

MORNING ALL!!

WE ARE DOUBLING UP HERE AT CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM TODAY! HURRAH!

Yes, due to my previous  excitement for this ’12 days of Christmas’ jiggery pokery, I sort of filled my Xmas booty closet FULL of gifts for you! In fact I picked out far too many bits of luxury that ’12 days’ isn’t gonna cut it and well I can’t give things away until March :), therefore you now have to keep your wits about you and your kitten eyes a peeled. Throughout the day, I’ll be giving away brand new items. There will only be two today. But they are separate gifts that two different winners could have for Crimbo.

I’m feeling quite festive today and well as this bit of GIVEAWAY goes along, I’m getting more and more excited! Please do know that all of this is in celebration of..

 

..and it’s 25 years of all things fashion and beauty! I’m there this year and covering it like a champion. Please do pop down and see me as I will probably be nesting with a wink at the Bloggers Bar.

ANYWAY………………..

I hope you’re all doing your Christmasy lunges, to prep ready for todays big old ‘snatchy-snatchy.’ I HAVE PRESSIES AND YOU CAN GET THEM HERE FOR FREE! Gifting is great and I feel lucky enough to be throwing a bit of a ‘have it on me’ glitzy… shindig. You really will have these Wunna hand picked bits of glamour…

 

…under your tree this Christmas!

Lets get started!

Here’s gift 4…

 

 

Now, if there is ANYTHING that I adore in life, to add that little bit of fun and glamour to my arm it’s ‘Candy.’ And I don’t mean candy in the form of dreamy male (for once), nor do I mean ‘candy’ as is sweets…

Today ARM candy means this…

 

This bit of booty is the hot pink tote by Fashion Only! I have picked this out myself for one lucky reader to WIN and simply because it is DIVINE, by an up and coming brand and retails at around £55. It could be yours today FOR FREE!

It’s designer, it’s a staple ‘must-have’ for any kitten’s closet, equipped with detachable strap, lots of inside zip hidey holes and that ever so essential mobile phone pocket! It’s  a roomy designer tote,  (carrying a large tote always makes your waistline look smaller…..:) ) AND  its is a tote that is GREAT FOR BUSINESS OR PLEASURE. (I adore bags of that sort.)

If you fancy this piece of yummy on your arm this Christmas 2103…it’s a kitty gift from ME to YOU!

IT ALSO MAKES A GREAT GIFT FOR A FRIEND, GIRLFRIEND, WORK COLLEAGUE  OR A GLAMMY MUMMY.

SO WIN! WIN! WIN!!

But wait that’s not all..

…because i’m devastatingly generous…and because I love and want to thank you all for following my life…

I’m also throwing in my favourite, what I call…’handbag scent,’

In Wunna land a ‘Handbag scent’ is a perfume or fragrance that you have thrown in the bottom of your clutch, pink tote 🙂 or well…obviously hand bag!

Smelling great is a MUST FOR ANY GLAMOUR PUSS, because it bizarrely makes folk a hell of a lot more forgiving around you, after a tumble of very glittery mistake making! Yipppeeee!

Your Handbag scent is usually a mini version of the big scent that you play with and is used as a ‘spritz’ in tense moments, moments of kitty glow and well just when bored. *Spritz-spritz-spritz.*

Seen these little babies…

 

YEP!

They are the  most adorable designer scents in all of the land and as we all know they have been created by..

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Miss.Gwen Stefani herself…

for her designer brand…

And let me tell you how much we adore the L.A.M.B line and simply because the L.A.M.B promo towers want you to enjoy a bit of their own yumminess and therefore mailed over a couple of treats all the way from the USA to Wunna land.

THEY ARE A CHRISSIE WUNNA FAVOURITE! They are also a Baby Ruby favourite!

So, today i’m going to let you embrace your inner Asian…

..and along with your beautiful designer pink tote, I am treating you to two of my favourite ‘Handbag scents’ from this line… LOVE and BABY.

These are the tiny, fun, 10ml sized spritzies that retail for £12.50 each.

Summon your inner cuteness NOW!!

SO IF WANT TO WIN THE DESIGNER PINK TOTE AND TWO HARAJUKU LOVERS HANDBAG FRAGRANCES IN BABY AND LOVE…

All you have to do is answer this Chrissie Wunna question. Do you know your Wunna facts…? Tricky one today. But I want you all to work for the glamour. 🙂

Question..

I once gave ‘Shakespeare in Love’ actor Joseph Fiennes my number when working at a gym in LA…

How did I do it?

(The answer is on my ‘About Me’ page above. Look through the ‘trivia’ section.)

 

GOOD LUCK FOLKS! (Yesterday’s winner will be announced tonight.) 

For all those that SHARE  this post, i’ll send you my favourite train drink….(since we’re on the go..)

 

A Marks & Spencers Mojito in a can. 🙂