Life, Chicken Outfits & Train Journies

Image may contain: 1 person, close-up

Hi! I haven’t abandoned you! Just lots going on right now, which is ticking my work boxes off with  ‘deliciousness.‘ I’m learning a lot about people and life right now. I always thought I knew everything. I would wouldn’t I!! 😉 I can be such a cocky little shit at times. But what i’ve treasured from my darling little accidental ‘life learns’ over the past couple days, is that you should never ever be afraid to voice how YOU FEEL about something, someone, or a situation, no matter how awkward it may make you or others feel. By nature, I’m a ‘voicer’ and I stand by being expressive, until the day I keel over in glitter heels. It’s good for everyone!

(Like last night, I sent someone a message because I must’ve kinda doubted myself…I did cringe after I sent it…But it was how I really felt in the moment. I chilled a second..and just like that, this morning… everything was back to dandy.)

Another lesson…Don’t doubt yourself.

(I’m only saying that so I remember… But you always need life lesson reminders.)

The right people will always understand you. The ones who truly care for you, will always still be there. The people who do you wrong, or disappear will always say ‘sorry’ or come back to you whole heartedly…if they’re meant to be in your life. Stay loyal to what you believe is right for YOU and DO NOT go against, what your gut instinct tells you…

Unless, your gut instinct is kinda ‘off par,‘… then you’re kinda fucked. 🙂  Like one of my Straight guy friends, he has the worst ‘Gaydar‘ in the entire world ever! He can never be trusted with it…

Straight Friend: ‘He’s not gay..’

Me: ”We’re in G.A.Y, he said he loved me on the Hilton Show, loves my eyeshadow and then said *i’m gay.*”

Straight Friend: ‘That doesn’t mean he’s actually gay..’

Anyway….busy weekend! I travelled to Manchester. Well I did Stockport and then this other place that began with ‘L,’ for work. I can’t really tell you too much about it other than, I was in trainers…(I KNOW…HELL DIDN’T FREEZE OVER.) Around me there were really bright, almost neon, yellow walls, bright orange, semi circled chairs.. in a sports hall, tons of paperwork everywhere….and humans.

There was even a point where I was trapped in a room, with a ballet bar and a giant mirrored wall…with a black elasticated waist band strapped around me, that had a HUGE, ALMOST GIANT elastic band attached to it. (Could life get any offer.) And to make it worse…I was also in swimming goggles, which pretty much broke my heart.

‘What about my flipping eyelashes…I can’t see a thing. I can’t ACTUALLY SEE!’

Then as a camera filmed, others watched and a panel of humans took notes…the giant elastic band, was slowly pulled back, so it was stretched out, to its absolute tightest…. and then let go on me.

Hurrah!

Did that happen to you on Sunday?

‘Hustle Barbie’ messaged me during the day to see how it was all going…

Me: ‘Aww! Yeah. Such a blast. I have just had a giant elastic band, stretched back and pinged into my fanny!!’

Hustle: ‘Hahaha. I love it! I can’t wait!’

Before that I was having a conversation with a cabaret act. He was once on the Xfactor Bloopers and wore golden glittery shoes…There was also a Tattooed model, an elderly lady dressed in a CHICKEN OUTFIT, a former Aston Villa pin up girl (who was cool, witty and said she used to be 29 stone,) a guy from Belfast, who thought a bomb or something shifty was under his chair, a guy opposite me who had flown in from Perth and to my right sat a football player…

We had to blow a balloon up and draw whatever we wanted on it…

Football Player: ‘What have you drawn on your balloon?’

Me: ‘Boobs…You’ve drawn a football net… We’re so creative. Lol’

Then he starts reading everything about me. We had these sheets by us, that pretty much stated our lives in 2 pages of A4. I didn’t LET him read it…he just couldn’t stop reading it. (Must be my charm.)

Football Player: ‘You look great! You’re really pretty. You’re soo…’

Me; ‘Thanks. That’s sweet. Lol.’

Football Player: ‘As if your body’s like that and you’ve had two kids.’

(He kept reading notes about me, putting his head up and then making a statement.)

Me: ‘Hahah. Smooth. Scoring all the points.’

Footy Player: ‘So you’re a blogger and model. What’s a glamour model? I’m having to take a break from football…that’s why I’m here. I bought out my contract and..’

Me: ‘Where are you from? Who did you play for?

Footy Player: ‘France. I’m here because of football. It’s my life. I love it. I just hate the other shit that comes with it. I’ve played for lots of clubs…Like Tottenham…*******…..********** but…yeah, I guess I don’t look really professional. I’m not playing right now…I’ve actually moved to Leeds.’

(Then he told me loads of secrets that I cannot possibly tell you)

…and in that moment I actually felt really bad for him…because an unhappiness swirled about him….But we were there to do a job that day and everyone there…did. He was a really open guy…quite quiet… I didn’t fancy him at all….he just wasn’t my type…but he was a good friend during that day. He sort of latched onto me because he trusted me.

I felt bad for him because at one point, all the guys were just stood around him constantly, asking him continuous questions about ‘football this, football that…’ and all the things he didn’t want to talk about…I watched it and just saw him look uncomfortable. Show business, is not something that he is necessarily used to.

I felt bad because you can literally ask me anything. I write a whole online diary about my entire existence. I bloom when a camera is plonked in my face. Opening up about my life, what I think and making a ‘show’ of it, is all is my forte… It’s where I feel comfy. AND I do not LIKE to see other people feeling UNCOMFORTABLE. I wanted to go tell his story for him. Lol.

But then, as life would have it, he too got trapped in a mirrored room, with a giant elastic band strapped onto his waist. Again, like moi….he toooo, had to have it ‘stretched out and pinged back’ upon himself. 🙂 Kinda ‘broke him into’ entertainment.

Just a great day. I had a blast. I met so many people, who were all so different to me. I was fascinated. Sometimes, I found them a bit boring, but other times I found them alright. Lol. Plus, I’m never wearing swimming goggles ever again. I’m a bloody glamour puss…not a…Goggled, boobied… life guard. AND i was in flipping trainers!!! EWW! On the way there, a guy named ‘Trigger’ tried to make me GET IN HIS CAR.

Me: ‘No. You’re alright mate. I’ll just walk.’

Trigger: ‘Well gimme ya numba den..’

Me: ‘My phone doesn’t work. 🙂 Godda go.’

Trigger: ‘Get in my car. Honest. I’ll takes you there. I’m a good person me.’

Me: ‘I am absolutely sure you are. And I am absolutely not getting in your car. Lol But thank you so much, banter was fun…’

I couldn’t wait to get home Sunday evening. Then I went through emailed drama…so I just left it.

Too blessed to be stressed. *Shimmie everywhere.*

On the train there though, this guy…I don’t even know his name? Anyway, he was from Chesterfield, got on my train, had a huge Ikea bag filled with clothes, he was wearing a beanie hat and an oversized jacket. He tooo, was also en route to Manchester and sat on the chair next to me.

Funny guy,  and so different to me, but we got on well. Bless him.

Now, I usually hate talking to strangers on the train. I’m chatty. But i usually like to chill, as I spend my life talking to strangers and selfie posing with or for them. I really liked talking to this stranger because he humored me and right from the moment he sat down he apologized for having the hugest bag in the world.

Him: ‘Are you getting off soon? Should we swap places?’

Me: ‘Yeah, if you want… I’m off at the next stop.’

Him: ‘Stockport’s a good 40 mins away yet. We’ll be fine.’

Turns out he used to work at Tesco’s, hated it so much because it made him feel worthless, just like a number. And that’s like any normal ‘just to make money‘ job really…If you don’t create your own dream and work it, you end up working someone else’s dream, where you are always a number…even when they try and tell you you’re not. And you’re a classed as a ‘number’ because you can quite easily be replaced…even if you think you can’t.

Him: ‘I gave up my job, my everything and just fucked off to Amsterdam really for a month… It was great.’

He said it like he couldn’t feel more liberated. I liked it, because he wasn’t scared to let go of something that made him feel miserable.

Him: ‘I think i just sat in this cafe, the whole time and spend about £1000 in a week doing nothing… I met this couple and they had started up a clothing business…They were travelling around, selling clothes…I liked it, so I told them that I was completely gonna steal their idea and did.’

That’s what he does now…He owns ‘Red & Blue Umbrella’ which is a Vintage clothing company. He’s opened up a store in Manchester (that’s where he was taking the clothes.) It’s four months new and is looking to open up in Leeds, Edinburgh and London? I might have just made London up?

Nicest guy, funniest guy, and now on his way to doing great things…after giving up something that wasn’t true to his heart.

Me: ‘You’re gonna do well.’

Him: ‘Yeah, it’s still early days yet… Plus, I believe that you can FAIL at something YOU HATE, so you might as well give something a go and maybe fail at something you LOVE.’

Me: ‘I love that.’

Him: ‘I don’t even know if I saw that couple in Amsterdam. It was either all the ‘shrooms’ or actual human beings…couldn’t really tell you.’

Either way. Lol. It worked out for him.

I was sat next to him and I was showing him the pics that I had just posted on Instagram…( it was enthralling for him, i’m sure, lol) and he showed me how to work depop.

I will be posting products on my depop this week , for you to buy…at some point.

These were my Instagram pics. 🙂 Lol.

Image may contain: 1 person, close-up Image may contain: 1 person, close-up

Me: ‘My stop…Godda go!’

Then I headed on my way. I looked back. He didn’t see me look back, and I saw him looking at his phone and laughing. He looked really happy. Then some middle aged lady asked to sit next to him..He shuffled his Ikea bag over.

Chick Friend Jodie: ‘As if he just randomly got on a train and just so happened to sit next to you. It’s always really awkward for them because you’re someone who they don’t know immediately, but then discover. But they discover it during their time of sitting next to you on the train, or whilst you’re at the bar ordering a gin… It’s crazy for them.’

Me: ‘It’s not crazy. It’s not that good a discovery. Lol. But a guy who came and sat at my table…That New Jersey one, when I went to visit Ronnie…he actually said that he excused himself from the table, went to the toilet, Googled me, saw a bunch of pictures and read my last blog post, before sitting himself back down. I thought he had gone to do a wee. I’m actually oblivious to it I like it though. I like it when they read my blog.’

Happy Tuesday…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That Crazy Little Thing Called Happiness

If I could teach anyone anything about life right now, as I wink in at the mild age of thirty six… it really would be, to just always remember to only do the things that you love. Life is so glitzy and so short. It runs out in a blink. There will be a moment where in with you have a minute left and in that minute you will be helpless. That’s why we have this whole juicy life right here for us now and it is SO important that you don’t take the things that don’t really matter seriously and that you prioritize correctly. Enjoy it! Pop open the bubbles to it!

I sat in a room yesterday, full of glamourous girls. I love these girls! But I looked around that room and every single human in there was miserable. Not one person in that room wanted to be there and every single person in that room hoped for better times or could think of something else or somewhere else they’d rather be. We all get days like that and days like that are fine. We all pull faces and delight in a moan. Yet do note that only ‘Days’ like that are fine and a lifetime of such is quite seemingly dodgy! 😉

It made me think.

I’ve done a lot in my life and i’ve achieved a lot. I feel good about that. I’ve had my dream job and worked all over the world. My love life has always been shit. Great times. But not necessary paper perfect.  Yet, I guess that came with whatever time my career threw at me and i must’ve have been more insecure than I thought when I was younger also. That’s always hilarious. Yet, i’m older now and wiser. I’m confident. I’m beaming. To me love is everything…and i’ll get it right in the end. (Can you applause when I do!) If I’m honest, I get everything that I care about right…in the end. Lol

But yes, I looked around the room and not one pretty face was smiling….that’s how I knew that no one in that room was doing anything that they loved. It wound me up, because i’m an advocate for life, loving everything until it bubbles and just enjoying people, positive energy and the world. I’m not sure if it’s important to be grateful for what we have or to really go for what you wish for?

So I’m gonna go with this….Remember to only do the things that you adore. The rest will work itself out. When you do the things that you love, magic happens because you’re at your most powerful…because you’re no longer living in fear or doubt. You’re happy. Go for it. Why not? I’ll pour you a rum!

Anyway, away from the preach festival. *Hair toss…Pout* . I have the busiest weekend ahead of me. I’ve had to reschedule a lot, mainly because I over booked and well being a single my of my two ‘adorables’ isn’t easy at times. I have a lot of help and i’m so grateful for it. But still, now that i’m older and even though i’ve had success…I look back and remember all the times I didn’t make a ‘Sports Day’ or I couldn’t get to that ‘school show’ for Ruby. But I didn’t have an option. That makes me feel shit. At the time i was running on determination to succeed….there was just me and I had the babies….now that i’m in a good place….I’m trying to make it all right again. Don’t get me wrong, the babies and I are really close….it’s my own head that tinkers and then retinkers.

But yes, this weekend, I have baby graduations, then I have to hop onto a train to London to go meet by LA bestie Theo for afternoon fun and an 8pm dinner at Cafe Monico on Shaftsbury Avenue. Drinks will occur and i will be blogging and snapchatting my whereabouts. Then i’ll be home….I have pet caterpillars arriving..and i think i have a Liverpool stint if i fancied it, but i’ll probably just end up in Leeds for lunch, as I need to stop off at the Mercedes dealership.

The following week I have Manchester, good times and cocktails. Followed by the VIP Piccolino party in Sheffield and then the divine new sushi bar Issho in Leeds, I guess for the weekend.

All of this whilst blogging, working and being mum.

The idea is that I don’t stress out and just take it in my glamourous stride. I haven’t done anything about not getting stressed. I need to book a massage but keep forgetting. Instead, I threw one of my legs up on my bedroom window sill and did these weird pilates stretches…TOPLESS. 😉 You can get away with that when you’re an oldie. I couldn’t be arsed finding a bra.

I’m not sure it relieved much stress. But I certainly had a blast. Well I think I did? No Infact I might have put my back out? I may have broken bones. I mean GOD, If i’m going to end up married to a Toy boy one day I better get in shape. 🙂 Topless Pilates is surely a great way to destress?

But whatever…my boobs look good today! Do yours?

Have a good…Wait? What day is it?

 

 

 

 

Gucci Gifting To Bartlett’s Desk

Thank GOD it’s the weekend! I feel like i’ve just rolled off, the busiest week of work EVER and I don’t know what’s hit me. This week was stressy? Is that the right word? I don’t know why? But I was happy that Friday came. I needed to kick back and chill on my throne 🙂 and just watched the world go by for a second.  *Wiggle…Wink.*

I can tell the temperature of my stress, by the amount of wine consumed, once my work week has hit ‘see ya!’ I drank a whole bottle of red to myself, laughed, loved a little, performed a few pretend music videos in my bedroom mirror (you know you’re happy when you’re doing that and you know you’re obviously the fifth member of ‘Little Mix’ when your ‘across from you’ neighbour stops to tell you, that he watches you perform them drunk… from his window. Lol.)

‘Honestly, Chrissie! It’s the highlight of my evening. I love that you see me and don’t even care that i’m watching!’

‘I don’t see you? I’m pissed..’

‘Oh?’

‘Hahaha…now you sound like a pervert. LOL’

Anyway, I’m not here to tell you about my drunk window, ‘Little Mix’ performances.

RIGHT NOW, I’m here to make you rewind a second…

Remember that I visited Social Chain, about 2 weeks ago. I loved it. Didn’t I! I spread the news to everyone like wildfire. I was on my favourite Vlog , with Steven Bartlett…Who is certainly my favourite human.

Remember? Got it? Good!

A week later, I organised and ordered glamourous, fresh cut flowers to be sent to Katie Wallwork at Social Chain, by  ‘Bloom & Wild,’ who are my favourite luxury flower delivery service and she received them on ‘International Womans Day,’ as a ‘Thank you for having me…’ I loved Katie! So I wanted to make her smile.

By nature, i’m quite well mannered (apart from that one time when I threw my wine in this hideous girls face, because she thought she was the cast of ‘Kung Fu Panda’ and was a bit niftier than I with her very manly fisticuffs. A waste of a good, full bodied red, really :))  However,  I’ll also tell you that I DELIGHT in being courteous and even though i’m one of those ambitious ‘Boss It’ kind of ‘Chick festivals,’ with an image that is showered in glitteratti, diamond glares and luxury tinkers…I also LOVE (more than anything) creating moments where in which, even if it’s just for a second, i’ve made someone’s eyes smile and by surprise.

It makes me happy! What? I’m a decent human! Give me trophies (UK BLOG AWARDS. 😉 )

ANNNNYWAY, I ALSO  sent Steven Bartlett a surprise ‘Thank You’ gift…and that gift, I had decided had to be Gucci? (Obviously! Lol.)

Gucci is my favourite luxury brand, because it oozes a timeless, stylish, sophistication, combined with a fun, modern, twist of ‘ooh.’ I ADORE what they’re delivering right now…and HEY, I’m currently appearing in the pages of the ever so High Fashion  Spring Edition of ‘House of Solo’ Magazine, as ‘Social Media’s Newest IT Girl’…Therefore, surely what I say,…goes? 😉 LOL.

But yes, I’m a decent gift giver and so I chose to buy Steve THIS SEASONS ‘Original GG Canvas baseball hat with the traditional webbing design’ in black….BY GUCCI. The cost of it didn’t really matter to me…as once i’ve decided on doing something, I have a one track mind, be it in work, love, ‘Thank You Gifts’...anything really…  that’s it…I’ll commit to it fully and go for it.

So, I told my chick friends that I had bought and ordered the gift from Gucci, as I knew I was on the busiest work week ever…and that I needed it to arrive at his office in Manchester…for AFTER he returned from doing his ‘4 stages in 3 days’ speaking tour. (Like any successful, non creepy chick, 🙂 I stalk his Vlog, so I pretty much have the semi, low down on his work life…Which is obviously super handy, when stalking schedules.)

Now, it was important to me, that it landed on his desk, AFTER the speaking tour, so it felt like a ‘treat,’ after a busy, rushy, ‘he must be shattered’ stretch and at the SAME TIME…It’d make him smile because (like Katie’s Flowers) it would deliver a moment into someones’s world, where in which they knew another human cared enough about them, to be thoughtful. I love ‘Thank you for having me’ gifts…They are my absolute FAVOURITE. And you can’t go wrong with Gucci, as everyone loves a little bit of luxury…I mean I personally picked out what I thought was a great gift for Steve…and yeah, if you know me personally, my choice is VERY ‘Wunna.’

He gets a lot of gifts. But let me tell you about gifts. The most thoughtful gifts, are the gifts that you send people, for NO OTHER REASON, than to TELL THEM that they nare appreciated. You should choose things that YOU THINK they would personally love. I also choose things that I LOVE, as it’s such a good energy to pass on to another.

So, this hat, during my busiest week ever, didn’t just come from the local ‘in your area, if you’re lucky’ Gucci store. Oh no…that would be far to easy…THIS CAP…(and my chick friends will tell you) was FLOWN HALF WAY ACROSS ITALY…through THREE DIFFERENT ITALIAN CITIES, THREE DIFFERENT AIRPORTS, GUARDED BY SECURITY (who I called’ THE GUCCI CAP POLICE’)…DELICATELY SCANNED AT EACH AIRPORT, on arrival and departure AND because I needed to know WHEN this bit of luxury would end up gifted upon Mr Bartlett’s desk…GUCCI gave me HOURLY EMAILED REPORTS of the cap’s whereabouts and journey! Lol.

How amazing is that!! It’s the boujiest ‘tracking service’ ever. I felt like part of an FBI Glam Squad.

I kept chatting to people, but checking my phone, before looking up and then laughing with ‘Hot Sarah…’ and ‘Feisty Gem…’

‘THIS CAP HAS A BETTER LIFE THAN I DO! LOL!’

I’m not evening kidding…IT HAD SECURITY!

But let me give you a picture of events…

Gucci where giving me updates like this…

‘7 March/04.34pm Arrival for Original Scan in Firenze, Italy.’

‘7 March/ 06.32pm Departure Scan/Firenze, Italy.’

‘7 March 07.30pm Arrival Scan,/ Bologna, Italy.’

I recieved updates the entire way through and Wunna Land had got so involved in the ‘Life of Steve’s Gucci Cap’ that monitoring it’s whereabouts became a full time show. THE CAP needed it’s OWN VLOG! *Like & Subscribe here.*

So I KNEW when Steve was going to probably be back at his Manchester office and I also knew when Katie had received her flower delivery as ‘Bloom & Wild’ told me. 🙂 And I tried to schedule them appropriately. So they’d get there at the sameish time.

I was swimming in Wunna land, talking to brands, organizing shoots, verbally abusing my friends in good humour….AS HE was travelling from one event, to the next event, doing interviews , vlogging from taxis and meeting fans, as he tended to his own version of life. We were both going through really busy times….

AND THIS CAP….AS WE WERE DOING LIFE…WAS FLYING THROUGH THE SKIES ABOVE US…. (It’s was like a ‘Social’ James bond Movie.)

Then finally, I scrolled through my phone, as Gucci had alerted me at five o clock in the morning, to let me know that the cap had LANDED at East Midlands Airport in England and was headed to Manchester Airport, to get picked up by the courier and delivered to the Portland Street…by 11.34am. LOL.

I’m NOT JOKING. It was the most BOUJI ‘Charlie’s Angel’s’ operation of absolute glamourousity… EVER!

I mean ALL DAY I was working, working, working and then  plate spinning my own piece of Cyberland, but I constantly had this CAP’s journey churning through my mind. Lol. As soon, as I got the..

‘The Courier has successfully delivered your parcel in Manchester at 11.34am, to 127 Portand Street, for Steven Bartlett.’

There was Wunna land cheering, relief and a suggestion of wine and therapy.

Gucci is SO INCREDIBLY SLICK, they’re amazing. I mean GOD, those updates were DELICIOUSLY FABULOUS…yet SO ‘High Fashion’ intense. 🙂

‘THANK GOD, THE HAT HAS F****** ARRIVED!!!’

I needed 42 GINS after following the panic of it’s journey.

‘Well you would go for the flipping Gucci Hat….FROM ITALY, Wunna!’

‘The flowers were such an easier transfer of appreciation…I should’ve just got him butch roses..’

‘Are you happy?’

‘YEAH!’

‘Cos it’s finally there?’

‘Well…yeah. Ofcourse. BUT it’s mainly because I know that he’ll open the box, see it, not have a clue who it’s from, yet notice that it’s bouji…and his face will light up…He’ll beam…It’ll make him smile…Then he’ll find out that it’s from ME to say ‘Thank you’ and it’ll shock him. That again, will make him smile…But this time HIS EYES WILL SMILE… AND YOU TELL ME WHAT ON THIS ENTIRE EARTH IS BETTER than sending someone a bit of  luxury love, just to say  THANK YOU. It’s classy, with a wild streak. It’s fun. It’s shocking…It’s ME. It’s thoughtful! And thoughtful is the new sexy!’

Now, I don’t know whether you watch Steve’s Vlogs OR if you have managed to cross path’s with Social Chain and all that they do…

But here… Watch the Vlog when my gift from Wunna Land…(and it WAS the biggest operation of luxury cap travelling EVER….) landed on Steve Bartlett’s Manchester Desk…

His Eyes Smile! (Told you. 🙂 Makes me happy!

PLUS, the AWESOME THING ABOUT IT ALL, is the fact that I have a BLOG and he has a VLOG….and this real life ‘Thank You’ gift, travels from my patch of Cyberland to HIS channel of ‘Social’ AND YOU ACTUALLY GET  TO TRAVEL WITH IT….AS WE ACCIDENTALLY DELIVER TWO HALVES OF ONE STORY! 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We Should ALL Send More Flowers

I’m shattered! It’s a good shattered. But oh my pansies, I need a trip to the forest, to chill in a champagne twinkled hot tub, away from ‘the bustle’ of ‘all sorts‘ where I can just work quietly and do the things that I love, without drowning in my OWN freshly created work load. Lol. Becareful what you wish for, as you just might get it dolls! 😉 I just need peace and what could be better than the ‘hidden away in a the calming depths of the forest’ effect ..AWW! That would be BLISS.

I’m doing well. I’m doing really well. Yet, my mind is really busy. I’m almost doing too much for me to handle by myself now. Part of me thinks that I can’t juggle it, but my drive just tells me that I can…and I end up doing it anyhow. But gosh, THANK GOD FOR GIN AND COCKTAILS….I love you like I love Jimmy Choos, Diamonds and Sausage Sandwiches. 😉

I’m in a giant work swirl. It’s madness and on overload. I told you i’m shattered. But i’m a really lucky girl, as I have brands campaigns, collabos, marketeers. agents and all sorts flying in with opportunities galore right now. Well I always say I’m ‘lucky’ because i’m grateful for any person, who sits in their office and just has a…

 ‘Hey, that Chrissie Wunna, she’s amazing, let’s work with her,’ moment.

Yet if i’m being honest, i’ve worked my kitten SOCKS OFF for those moments to occur…I’ve been up since five o clock this morning, I’ve worked all day and i’ll be up until the early hours still smashing out press releases, potential business proposals, whilst replying to all that is incoming. (Thank you for all the incoming opportunities. I honestly appreciate it madly.)

Do know that all this is at the same time as being ‘Mum.’ I LOVE BEING MUM and I make sure that I have those simple moments every day, where in which I can keep grounded and still be in touch with life. The people who get lost in the work swirl, lose their soul. They forget their purpose and you can see it in their work, their manners, their blogs, vlogs and all sorts. You can see it in their eyes, their smile, their mind.

I’m lucky because i’m surrounded by great people every day who keep my glittery soul alive, BUT REAL. Lol. There’s no ‘pampering of the star’ as I like to call it in Wunna land. Hahah! I mean for fucks sake ‘Take Me Out Nick,’ (he’s pretty much one of my besties, even though he keeps offering me imaginary cups of tea, maybe his body and can’t be home when he tells me to pop over,) certainly referred to me as a ‘gimp’ today…and I’m definitely sure that ‘Double B’ told me to ‘fuck off’ just because I looked at her. 🙂

Yet at the same time, other humans (who are just as ace) called me things like ‘beautiful’ and ‘thoughtful’ which again reminds me that I’m not an absolute buffoon after all. 😉  I sent a girl (well it was Katie at Social Chain) flowers the other day, to thank her for being so lovely to me..and she received them yesterday, on International Women’s Day, with a message that read,

‘It’s the smallest things that make a girl smile” Thank you for having me. Love you, Chrissie x  www.chrissiewunna.com’

And I didn’t do the standard ‘call the flower shop, at the last minute’ bouquet thing. (Even though I love that too 🙂 because it’s the easiest way to get yourself out of trouble in an emergency. Are you listening boys???)  I went with my favourite flower delivery service ‘Bloom & Wild’ and because nothing is more delightful to me than hand picked, fresh cut flowers, that are specifically chosen for the person in question, boxed up and presented beautifully with grace, love and thoughtfulness. To me, it is the most simple, yet elegant way to say ‘Thank you’ and I personally think that MORE girls should be delivered surprise flowers. People don’t seem send flowers enough these days, do they? I want to see more of it in 2017.

I love great people and I love brands and ideas that are ‘old school’ with a champagne misted twisted of modern… I share them an awful lot with others. Pretty much because brands of that sort represent who I am.

Anyway…

I really wanted Katie to be sat at her desk, at work in Manchester and to ‘out of the blue’ recieve a surprise box that contained my fresh cut flower choices, for her and not just to say ‘thank you’ but to also make her smile at the same time…That’s what Girl Power is about.

She Tweeted me earlier this afternoon to thank me and as I read the Tweet out to ‘Hot Sarah’ (whilst complaining because someone had dropped cookies all around me) it genuinely made me happy just knowing that I made her smile. Even for just five seconds, she would’ve have cut away from her own version of work day ‘bustle’ to simply feel a moment of extra appreciation. 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

More people should send people flowers. It’s lovely.

Right, it’s 10.30pm and I have what feels like a 100 emails to send out before I can actually get some shut eye. So I’m pouring a gin and tonic and getting on with it.

I forgot to tell you that ‘London Business Man’ (who I whatsapp weekly, we’re good friends now) had a car crash and ended up in hospital. He lost control of his car on the M1 and crashed into everything, as his car swirled around and smashed his head into windows. I’m in SHOCK. I can’t believe that happened!!! Yet he’s on the mend. I should send him rum.

‘Eton Mess’ (who is lovely, but I haven’t chatted to him in months) has found himself in The Maldives…He’s a natural adventurer and well one minute he was in Manchester, coming out of a stressful time romantically and the next minute he was enjoying life the way he always wanted to, swinging from palm trees and bathing in the sun.

You never know where life is going to take you….but enjoy it! I always always say …that I never know exactly what’s going to happen to me…All I do know is that it’s something wonderful.

 

 

 

I’M ON THE BARTLETT VLOG! ;)

So, as I leapt off the train at Manchester Piccadilly, from Platform 16A at Leeds station, after the entire contents of my unzipped overnight bag decided to topple into the train isle and as THREE every so refined gentleman, kindly gathered up my bits…

‘Oh, here’s your laptop…’

‘Your notebook?’

‘Hahaha…I have your BRA!!!’

I shot off through the station, checked in to my hotel, quick changed in a little glamourous mirrored suite….flew out the door, got stuck in an elevator, ran down five flights of stairs in my Hilton ‘Gina’ shoes (that I won on the telly for celotaping feathers to my nipples 🙂 )….waved at staff, swiftly pushed through a glass revolving door, jumped into a taxi that was ready waiting for me outside…and with a..

‘127 Portland Street please….’

I was on my way to the most creative social marketing agencies, currently taking over the world… AND I was about to meet my most FAVOURITE human, who co founded this amazing agency of aged 20 something geniuses….who IS ALSO the star of MY FAVOURITE EVER VLOG. (I literally do not watch ANY OTHER Vlog, but HIS Vlog and it’s weird because, no matter how busy I am, I always seem to FIND the time, everyday to tune into his world.)

Taxi pulls up, I step out, pass my driver a fiver…and after three steps around puddles, a stairway and buzzer 4 to enter…I carefully walk up a few stairs, look right and there is it, almost raised above me, like a lofty planet of it’s own…with two giant glass entry doors and a wall lit ‘Social Chain’ sign beaming through…

To my left some builders/maintenance guys, with a Henry The Hoover were telling me that I was ‘fit’ 🙂 and to my right…almost like magic, one of the glass doors slowly eased open and there stood blond Katie, (who is Steve’s brand manager) with Pablo in her arms….with the warmest smile on her face and a..

‘Come on in…I’ll show you around…’

Right, to start this off…OH MY GOD. Nothing is more SURREAL than literally watching the Social Chain world and a bundle people do life there… at work…EVERY DAY…on my phone….before I go to bed…and then somehow waking up one afternoon, *BLINKING* and finding myself SMACK BANG in the MIDDLE of it all…almost as if you’ve rubbed your kitten eyes and you’ve ended up in some crazy Social ‘Willy Wonka’ dream, where you’ve won the golden ticket and ended up on the otherside of the screen.

I was in and LIVING the flipping VLOG, that I watch EVERY SINGLE DAY….I can’t even tell you how crazy it felt. I am A HUGE Steven Bartlett fan and since being addicted to his ‘Everyday Steve’ Vlog, I soon then became a HUGE Social Chain fan. It’s all done very well. I beamed with delight, stroked Pablo, then the faux fur had to come off, as Katie grabbed me a water and she showed me around the office. 🙂

As soon as you walked into the office…which seemed busy, there’s a warmness about it. There’s a love…and there’s an energy. Even from first moment when Katie greeted me, there was a magic. I was guided through, with my faux fur in my arms, in my heels, on their wooden floors, through the most creative office that I have ever seen, being shown each department and being told what each of them do.

It was actually hilariously because I have literally STALKED this world, these people, this Vlog like my life has depended on it. 🙂 So seeing all these faces that I already kinda knew was SURREAL. I couldn’t stop squeaking and wittering on about how star struck I felt. Everything was filled with ‘Oh my GODS‘ AND Wunna *shock* faces, with happy girl screeches and lots of ‘I’m so sorry, i’m literally the biggest stalky fan ever.’

I certainly must have looked like an over eyelashed, Oriental…tool, but I didn’t care because I was doing ‘being a tool’  in the best world ever. 🙂 I was on Planet Social Chain.

What i did notice, during my walk around is that EVERYONE was working. No one was really ‘tossing it off’…everyone seemed to not only be knuckling down and getting on with it…but at the same time CHOOSING to knuckle down and get on with it….HAPPILY. (For some reason, I thought they’d all be going wild and just doing whatever they wanted to do? Maybe because  in MY HEAD, if the only rule was ‘Don’t Die’ ..and that IS their only office rule…I’d probably be up to mischief.) But they were working…hard…and loving it….AND NOT REMOTELY PHASED by me randomly sauntering through the office. They sort of acknowledged me like was a member of their team with a ‘Hi! How are you?…Like they’ve known me forever.  The most naturally FRIENDLY team I’ve been around. There’s nothing fake or unauthentic about them. They’re all really different from one another…they’re certainly a well formed team….they’re young…and they’re busy.

There was a calm, casual, swirl to the office, where each department and each room were living their own version of Social Chain and after I waved at a few people, said ‘Hi’ and took a look around, Katie & I both sat in a pod like booth and chattered, as we waited for Steve…who was finishing up a meeting.

I was chatting to Katie like we were ‘besties’ and I noticed that she’s really great at what she does, she’s casually savvy at it. She knows the team well, Steve well and sees the big overall picture. She knows exactly how she wants the brand to travel, moving forward..and she doesn’t talk shite…she’s genuine, she laughs a lot. she lets me take the piss out of myself…joins in…lol..and makes you feel comfy. Out of all the brand managers that I’ve met, she’s the most authentic…and I know lots…infact…I used to be one…

Then Steve pops out of nowhere. By this time I already felt so at home…that I wasn’t even terrified anymore. (I will tell you that I was terrified, in my taxi, en route to the office. I don’t even know why? Must be the ‘hanging with your favourite human’ thing. 😉 )

He’s all friendly, say’s ‘Hi’ and is a mixture of warm and fun, with a mature confidence. He sits in the booth with us and chatters. Really easy to chat to. Someone who is expressive, yet at the same seems to be thinking constantly. Like his mind seems to be constantly moving, as he sits with you. He’s witty, he’s funny, yet a bizarre balance of loud and quiet. He interacts with his staff lovingly. (Wait that sounds naughty? Lol. 🙂 )

Basically, we were having this conversation, and both Katie and Steve where telling me how he’s SO emotionally invested with each person that works at Social Chain. If someones broken up with their boyfriend and crying at their desk…he’s there and see’s it as his problem….He actually cares…But really….And what CEO do YOU KNOW that actually give any shits about each team member personally? I can’t name any?? What I got from him was that he just understands life, understands people…understands how to bring the best out of a person…and doesn’t sweat the small stuff. Hes not an idiot.

I mean when you have a team that is filled with young 20 somethings. I am absolutely positive that numerous ‘dramas’ can occur at any point, it’s part of BEING a  20 something, isn’t it? I was an ‘all over the place‘ 20 something in LA. I would’ve loved to have had a boss like Steve. (Infact, my boss wasn’t too bad…But he couldn’t have made much impact because I can’t remember his name? Lol. Bill? Ben? Fuck Knows. I did get asked to leave. 🙂 )

Yet even though Steve himself is young, he’s so ‘together.’ He’s calm. He doesn’t fly off the handle. He’s sort of an emotional fatherly figure to his Social Chain clan. He holds it all together. He knows ALL that is going on within every staff member. They’re all really close. They all go out together at the weekends and everything. It’s definitely the best team  that I’ve witnessed and that’s what makes them work well…successfully. I mean God, they work hard, but they let loose on a Friday. They reward themselves for hard work.

Me: ‘Are you shy?’

‘Noo…I’m not shy. I’m sort of in the middle. I’m pretty confident.’

(He’s like I am. I’m the most confident, shy human you will ever meet. 🙂 )

I was actually shocked at how mature he is for his age. I’m loads of years older than him…and with a very apparent streak of immaturity. He’s younger than I, but extremely wise. Yet he’s not dull with it. I hate dull, with it. He’s warm but savvy. So when he’s talking to you, he’s open, he’ll sit back, he stretches his arm up against the back wall…he’s talk freely. Then he has moments where he’ll be quiet and look away or down. He checks his phone to make sure he’s still on schedule…which is good…but I noticed that whenever anyone walked passed the booth, he looked. So, he’s never oblivious to his surroundings. He’s aware of what’s going on around him.

What I also noticed is that HE’S BUFF. Like I don’t know if he’s been going to the gym everyday or not? BUT it certainly seems like he is. He’s all tall and broad shouldered. More than you’d think. I was impressed. Surely there’s not a guy who’s kind natured, successful, stylish, hard working, driven, fun AND HOT?

Me: ‘So do all the girls fancy you and all the guys what advice from you and to be you?’

‘Loads of people want business advice or for me to mentor them. Almost too many people for us to keep up with…but no, I don’t think a loads of girls fancy me, do they?’

Katie: ‘Currently more girls are watching the Vlog than guys…and it was definitely the other way around before.’

Yet the good thing about this Vlog is that he has such a diverse audience. Everyone is watching it. It’s a show. Be you a Mum, a girl, a guy…It’s a great balance of work life, with guy banter, with the additional savvy chick in place. It’s a great story to watch develop. I’m hooked. But you know that, as I go on about it so much. The way I see it, he ALREADY has the guys on his side…They want to be him, they want to work with him, for him…The girls…will again follow suit, as they’ll feel all inspired by him,  know he’s successful…and will ofcourse either way…totally fancy him.

After meeting him. I totally fancy Steve. (And I never fancy anyone.)

Anyway..we were all sat in the booth, laughing away, talking about work, fun, looking through messages, taking the piss out of each other. We talked about life, I found out that he doesn’t like people who don’t spell things appropriately. Lol. Katie prefers short sharp messages, to really long winded ones. To be fair…we all have our space in Cyberland. I’m a blogger. It’s doing well. 🙂 He’s a Vlogger. It’s doing well. We’re on similar Cyberland ground, with completely alternate patches. He runs Social Chain and gets gifts to his desk everyday…I just totter about Wunna Land, with my shit love life and get an inbox full of *privates* from strangers.

Katie: ‘He’s really good at thinking on his feet…’

Steve: ‘I’m not really too shaken by what people think of me…’

Me: ‘You really should’ve kicked that Vice Girl. 🙂 ‘

Katie: ‘I’ve sometimes gone up to Steve with important things to tell him and he’s hidden or pretended to be on his phone, just so he doesn’t have to talk to me! Lol’

Steve: ‘I’m not really bothered by the whole red carpet scene..it’s boring after a while..’

Me: ‘I can’t believe that guys trying to out Superfan me…lol’

Steve: ‘I’ve noticed that the smallest things can make people so happy. It’s strange as I don’t see meeting me as such a big deal? But people seem to want to..?’

The whole ‘pop in’ was great! Kinda like being at a quiet corner booth at a bar. Doddz was there filming…He films all day, every day. But it all felt really easy. They’re used to having a camera there constantly now, that it’s invisible to them…and cameras never bother me…I’m a natural . 😉 Haha!

As I was sat in the booth, all these characters that I watch every night in the Vlog, kept casually walking by me and each time they did, I just couldn’t help but stop in utter amazement and be star struck like a weirdo. LOL. They’re cyber stars and they don’t even KNOW IT.  I knew ALL OF THEM, from each episode. Lol. And like I said, it was SO overwhelming because I’d be chatting about one of them and then they’d JUST APPEAR out of nowhere. It was madness…or in my words…

‘I can’t take this…it’s like a Trippy Disneyland.’

Anyway, after an hour or so…my time was UP and they all had to get back to business and shoot off to their next meetings! I get all that, it’s how it is….and I love it. The energy changes immediately and it all smashes right back into action. And just like that, after quick hugs,  a picture and an ‘I’m sure i’ll see you again’…He vanished in a magical puff of smoke. (Well just walked to a do a phone meeting, in another part of the office. Lol.)

‘Can i go down the slide..?’

Katie: ‘Really? In Heels? Lol’

So the ever lovely Katie showed me around the bits of the office that i hadn’t seen. I saw people laid in sleeping pods, working away on laptops..right above the booth we were sat in. Another group were in a big brand meeting surrounded by Flamingo wall paper. Steve was taking a call in a cosy log cabin’ type room. (Which is my favourite…everyone knows that I find my best peace in the forest.) The whole office is like an adventure. Anything can happen and everything does…

Then poor Katie had to hold my flipping faux fur and handbag as i climbed up some stairs and shot down the slide into a blue and white ball pool. 🙂

As I left, I chatted to Katie a lot more…as we talked about my work , where I was headed and the stuff I was doing and she gave me advice, which I couldn’t appreciate more. They’re definitely a company that I would want to work with…I want to be on Team Social Chain. When you leave that office, you realize how special they’ve made you feel…and that’s a talent in itself. I mean they should even open their own Talent Agency sector, where they represent Cyberlands most popular Social Stars…because no one would do it better than them. They’d rinse it.

It was literally the best Monday that I have had in 2017 so far…

But hey…

Why not watch it…;)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Should Own Theme Parks…

Holy Moly! Hope you’ve had your version of the perfect Sunday. If you’ve woken with the worst hangover on Earth, or steadily made your way to church? If you’ve treated yourself to a hard work week lay in? Or if you’ve looked to your right and had to roll some dude or chick out of your sheets, because beer goggles got the better of you…? 🙂 Maybe you just shopped or went to gym? Either way, thank you so much for *tapping* into Wunna land and no matter what you ended up doing, know that that was what you were supposed to end up dong, I guess?

I got up at the *crack* of dawn. I swear cockerels could’ve crowed. Early Birds sang at my cloudy windows. Wunna land switch the *on* button on at soon as daylight began to peek through into Sunday and my Mum, my Dad, my brother, Ruby, Junior and I..all showered, glammed and dressed ourselves for a day out at Sundown Adventure Land, in Retford. Is it in Retford? I’ve been as a child before it spread it wings and developed into a childs theme park and OH MY GOD, let me tell you…I have happy kids, they are the happiest kids in all the land, BUT I HAVE NEVER, seen them AS HAPPY, as they were today at Sundown Adventure land.

It has just reopened for the season, Ruby chose to celebrated her birthday there with her family and honestly, if you have children under the age of 10…(and I have two) it is THE BEST LITTLE HAPPY PLACE to adventure them to. It was AMAZING! WHAT A SWIRL! Just seeing their faces burst with this overwhelming excitement *shocked* me. I had to fast totter behind them in thigh high heeled boots, this giant white faux fur, and skinny jeans pissing myself because I couldn’t catch up! My entire family of Orientals had to *tag team* these kids like a game of British Bull Dogs…on tequila.

So, I guess..’The Wunna Babies,‘ is a thing now? As i’ve noticed that I have an inbox filled with ‘come play with my brand’ requests for ME…Yet now…there are teeny tiny dashings of…‘We’d like to offer Ruby & Junior…’

So before anything THANK YOU SUNDOWN ADVENTURE LAND FOR HAVING US. The most amazing time, with the most amazing staff, service and childhood memory magic. You made my little giblets smile. I’ll probably not do it in heels next time. 😉

 Image may contain: one or more people, people standing, child and outdoor

Image may contain: 1 person, standing Image may contain: 2 people

Image may contain: 2 people, people sitting and indoor Image may contain: one or more people, horse and outdoor Image may contain: one or more people Image may contain: sky and outdoor

Today…I was nothing but MUM…and Oh Lord….before noon, I had swung on monkey bars, gone on a Robin Hood horse journies, been shot at in the Wild Wild West by cowboys (the last cowboys I met in Wunna land were strippers, so obviously, this was an odd change ;). ) I had crept through a witches caven and controlled their evil Tom Foolery, had fudge….lived Christmas again on their sleigh ride, gone on some Gold Diggers (no jokes 🙂 ) western rollercoaster train, flown on pigs with The Angry Birds, danced in Liquorice labs in Lollipop castles…chilled for some time on the sand in Captains Cove, had tea at Goldilocks’ house in Storybook land…Met the Three Little Pigs, fell off the wall with Humpty, followed the Yellow Brick Road, tinkered in Toy Town, let the kids ‘drive me for wine’ in a tractor and loved every single WAKING MINUTE OF IT. The wind was in our hair, life was all around us and we loved it. We sort of felt life today.

The day ended with Ruby asking if I could buy the entire place, so she could live in it forever. IF ONLY. If Dolly Parton an have a Mini Theme park, I can have a Wunna Land. It’d be ace. I could name the worlds after my favourite cocktails. 🙂 The ‘Prosecco Log Flume.’ (There’s no point to it, you just get to float around in diamond encrusted glasses, smash down the bottom of the flume and land in Prosecco. Lol. My ‘Tequila Slammer’ ride would be great. You just have a lick of salt, shoot a wormy tequila, go on the ride that just *shakes you inappropriately* until you’re ill and then suck the lime once done. 🙂 *DaaaDaaaaaaaaaaaa!*  My stop offs would be massage parlours, pap shoots and contour lounges. Let’s call the Disney Clan and tell them to shut down immediately, as they’ve no chance once I open.

We’ve honestly had THE BEST FAMILY DAY EVER. Infact, so great, that we all passed out in the back of the car….aaaaall the waaaay home. 🙂

Hope you venture to Sundown, as The Wunna Babies and I will be spending a lot more time there this year! 🙂

However, if you think my Sunday *pauses* here… you’d be wrong. You have another blog coming this evening…as I’m about to get everything ready to shimmie down to Manchester tomorrow, as I will be taking a cheeky, peeky into the world that we know as The Social Chain.

 

Birthdays, Chill Mode & Manchester on Monday

I think i’ve just let my body embrace ‘chill mode’ and this isn’t any normal kind of ‘chill mode,’ this is the ultimate, soft landing, let your world sink into deep relaxtion, as a release mode.

I feel like i’ve just jollied in from the LONGEST work week ever. I can feel it all in my back, all tense. All knotty. It was just one of those work weeks that just kept going and going, with early mornings, late nights…and not even nearly enough wine.

When my body is still ‘running’ it does the job and gets on with it. YET, there was just a moment, on Friday night, where in which I tip toed away from the bustle. (I’ve worked A LOT over the last week, but i’ve felt it? Friday was also Ruby’s birthday…She’s now SIX :)..so even at home, it’s been ‘go, go, go.’ People, plans, giddiness, all sorts.) But yes, I looked around me, at the bustle and I snook away for a second, to have a chill, just a little old lay on my good old bed. (Total Granny. 🙂 ) And as my utterly glamourous head, hit that extra soft, feathery pillow, almost as if it had happened in slow motion, my ENTIRE SOUL felt a strong *clench* relax and slooooowly release me from a lofty height of tense stress. It was BLISS. From that moment on, I was in a euphoric state of kitty chill and I think you just need those moments to recoup. It’s the balance. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about relaxing. If you work hard, you deserve it.

I have Ruby’s birthday weekend to delight in for the rest of the weekend…and to be fair the babies have been wonderful. Their little faces are lit with glee. Ruby’s so happy to be six and Junior’s so happy to skank extra pressies, because it’s his sisters birthday and he’s the baby, so we can’t leave him out. Lol.

All sorts happened last week. ‘Fairytale Blond’ and I pissed ourselves laughing, as we ventured out to what I’d call ‘foreign lands,’ lands that I had never been a part of before to collect awards. TWO AWARDS. Lol. We won the lot! Yet, we had to ‘copper up’ to afford to buy booze, because they didn’t accept card and we didn’t have any cash on us. Well, we spent the cash on being charitable, which although lovely, and Little Miss Fairytale won Daffodil biscuits :)…kinda annoying when it comes to feeding my alcoholism. ‘Lady Shizzle’ who went with us, (I did vino with her, the red sort, before the event,) had to leave us to it, to journey home and dumped a handful of 20 pence pieces in my hand, which i was tremendously grateful for, as I could then afford a Sol. Lol. ‘Fairytale Blond’ got a CUPPA TEA at the pub before and then a JUICE Lol…at the event thing. I was filled up with wine, probably up to my little squinty kitten eye balls.

The rest of my chick friends, are all on ‘time of the month‘ vibes, so everything is all a little stressy or a littler tender. It’s delightful. It’s all hair extensions, blond bits and grumpy faces, with stress.

We’re all eating out of that FILTH DRAWER like desperate chimpanzees on the look out for….(Lol…sorry, just giggling at the time Firmonnell kept carrying around this banana with her, like her utter LIFE depended on it, like it was her weird BEST FRIEND. HAHAHA!)

‘Why do I constantly have this fucking banana in my hand?’

‘What’s that on my desk?’

‘Firmonnell’s banana!’

I am eating like a fat Oriental pig. It’s disgusting. I mean, you KNOW you’re not in Hollywood anymore, when you’ve gone out of your way to HIDE a fucking BACON SANDWICH from Greggs, in a drawer, that you can easily access, with one, left hand swing, if you fancied a bite. I’m not even left handed, so it’s my emergency arm.

I DID that!! That is what I have become! Waist trainer? I’ve probably eaten it, with a side of pork dumplings? 🙂

And there’s me thinking, ‘Ooh, I have a bunch of events and shoots that start in March, so I’ll get in shape, eat well and get skinny for them…’

Oh yeah, totally smashed that goal…

I mean I head to Manchester in Monday to go have a cheeky peeky behind the Social Chain walls. I snapchatted Steve…Steven Bartlett and asked if i could go…and he agreed. So I get to meet him to! Couldn’t be more excited for Monday! Can’t wait to meet everyone. Can’t wait to blog about it all….BUT I’M GONNA BE THE CHUBBY VERSION OF MYSELF. GREAT! I’m mean to be some crown wearing glamour puss for crying out loud!

I bet they don’t hide bacon sandwiches in drawers! No! They’re decent human beings….all creative and hard working….all….

I hope they have cocktails?

The funny thing about all this, is that when I made my Gino’s appearance, remember that blog….at the end of last year….I had made a bet at the Prosecco bar with House of Solo Magazine owner Abeiku Arthur….I had started watching Steve’s Vlogs every night and getting into them and then began Tweeting about how much I loved them. ‘House of Solo’ Abeiku Arthur then decided to Tweet Steve…and I correctly predicted that he wouldn’t get a reply, yet Steve would ‘like/favourite’ my Tweet.

What I didn’t tell you, was that I also predicted that I would be IN THAT OFFICE in a couple months. 🙂 Lol. AND *BOOM*….Monday, I check in!

Like, I said, I’m really excited. I can’t wait to tell you about my time there…I go on Monday and I even kept my Diary completely empty for Tuesday, whilst I’m still in Manchester, so that I can blog it all accurately…when it’s fresh….

Facebook Msg: (PE teacher from Malta) ‘Heeyyyyyyyyyyy, not out living the high life this evening? *Add kissy face emoji’s here.*

Whatsapp Msg: (London Business Man)

‘Your obviously too in demand these days x

It’s so bizarre, because both of those guys are from my ‘last year’ and they both decided against pairing up with  ‘Wunna land…’ I hadn’t spoken to them….Just got on with doing life….It all *zoomed* into the beginning of ‘dreams come true’ and then just like that, they’re back *tapping* on my Cyberland door. Both lovely humans. I wouldn’t date either of them. But they make good friends. Men must like women when they are headed to success? Well no…it either makes me more attractive to some OR makes other guys just feel defeated, like there would be no point in trying I’d never go for it….

But right now….I’ve got to go back and tend to organizing the rest of Ruby’s birthday weekend…

Love you all!

Chrissie

 

 

.

 

Busy Times, Balance, Good News & Stress

Busy day, so busy that it sort of border lined on the edge of stressy. I stayed positive through it all because let’s face it, I don’t have it bad and nor do I ever partake in letting stress get the better of my kitten self. However, on the whole, I just believe that things should be dealt with positively, as stressy manners are ungraceful. It can turn ‘pretties’ into animals with a quick dash. When it comes to love or life, taking educated baby steps seems to always work and keep you out of trouble. So, to those of you who are fumbling through mayhem, be it physical, mental, emotional or financial…work smart and not hard, that is the key to all success. Yet makes sure that everything you are giving is of value…then of course have a rummy cocktail and share the positive glow with others. I mean, fuck it form a joyous conga line and you know how much I hate conga lines. They always seem so awkward at the end, when the fun is drizzling out and people don’t know if the ‘conga’ part of the line is still going or has come to an ‘everyones gone to the bar instead’ end? Plus when your eyes follow down the line, you will notice that everyone isn’t really having fun. They’re sort of just ‘going through the motions’ and pretending that good times are occurring. Honestly, watch one closely, it’s only the one at the front of the line that is actually have an ‘arms up and everything’ blast.

A lot has happened today, people suffered from ‘Blue Monday,’ other’s bought rose gold candle holders, some thought that chicken and bacon toasties lessened in calories if they were microwaved and my other chick friend, who is of an extreme girly nature, was FORCED TO DRIVE a giant yellow ROOFING VAN to work, after reading a note that said,

‘I’ve gone to work without you, but left you the van.’ 

All i heard as she burst through the door was..

‘Chrissie! It’s digusting! I’m driving a giant yellow van and it’s filled with bits of food, cigarette buds and all kinds of crap. I’M HAVING TO DRIVE THAT AROUND.’

I pissed myself laughing simply because it’s not every day you get to make like you’re a glammy roofing service.

‘Hey, I wear heels and can fix roofs and shit.’

However, I will tell you that I am a GERMAPHOBE! I would’ve literally DIED if I had to drive in a ‘bits of food everywhere’ van. I’d have to close my eyes and not touch anything, which would be rather awkward when trying to operate a moving vehicle. The van and I would have to contemplate one another’s existence and it’s a simple fact, we just wouldn’t get along.

‘Drive me!’

‘You’re mucky!’

Okay, away from that, I am mentally busy as well as physically busy. I’m going through ‘ups and downs’ that i’m choosing to worry about. Yippee! Lol. I need to chillax a bit instead of stressing my glamourous self out. I’m hoping for the best and expecting nothing. But yes, I need to worry less about the things that I can’t control. Once you’ve batted that glitter ball out of the ball park, you’ve just got to let it fly until someone jumps and *catches* it.

HOWEVER, along with the stress, i’ve blessed with a balance of really great news. I’ve received some wonderful emails today, that have again ‘shimmied me up rung’ that little bit higher. And to be fair, there was more great news, than ‘blue’ news…so on the whole, I’ve done pretty well. I always think it’s important to notice your personal ‘achievements’ (and it’s hard when you’re highly ambitious) because your goals are so far stretched. But if you can’t *pat* YOURSELF on the back once in a while, then your soul is never satisfied and to me… that’s highly unattractive. Be ambitious, but smell the roses.

I have a few things coming up this week. I’m setting up for a Chrissie Wunna ‘Cocktail Tour.’ There’s more about that later and you’ll hear about it, because i’ll force it upon you. 🙂 but basically there are now so many places that are inviting me over to ‘tinker’ that I might as well go on tour. But i’m not stupid, at least it’s a tour where I can get …pissed. 🙂 The good thing about this tour,  is that you will have the opportunity to join me…as days out with moi, are going to be up for grabs.

I have a few interviews with magazines that ‘wave the flag’ for the things that I love and represent. I’m getting booked up and i’m getting booked up fast and for some reason i’m not able to keep up with my social media? It’s hard, as when you’re busy, finding time to constantly post ain’t easy. You’re my audience and my current success has been frisbeed from both the ‘social’ world and all things Cyberland. I owe you everything. I never take ti for granted. So yes, I need to post more socially.

On Wednesday I’m headed to a Celebrity Makeup Masterclass and I’m going to be finding time to hang out with the lovely Lisa Appleton and Liam Halewood, who I did Blackpool with last week, as we comitted time to Mexican cocktail

Lisa’s just got back from Spain, after holidaying with my other buddy Mark Byron. (I’ve just seen the pictures of it all in the Daily Mail today and it just makes me giggle. Lord knows what those two got up to, on Spanish soil as they are literally the funnest people that I have ever encountered. If they see a ‘good time,’ they will go forth and embrace it.)

But yes, I have a lot to tell you however I can’t do it now.

Life has changed fast.

I love you…I’ll chat tomorrow.

(I’ve just recieved a whatsapp message…?’ )

London Business Man: ‘You’ve forgotten about me.’

 

 

 

Work, Blackpool, Drama’s & Cocktails

a1

‘What did she say?’

‘Gonorrhea..’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Defintely!’ 🙂 

Yes, today is the day where I spent a moment of my life, (oh life) listening ‘Fairytale Blond’ proudly tell  ‘Hot Sarah’ her story of how she has an immune system disease, with a Pukka tea in her hand, that she shared and it was delicious. For some reason I made the executive decision to change her disease to ‘Gonorrhea’..and ‘Chinese Whisper’ it on to Firmonnell. 🙂 🙂

I don’t even know? I was bored, even though it was busy. But it was funny! I need to entertain the masses, as we’re again going through lots of changes. Plus, they all know we well enough anyway and just went with my Tom Foolery for kicks, APART FROM ‘Firmonnell’ who decided to nag at me for inaccurately delivering the story of her ‘breast milk pancake’ club.

‘What was INACCURATE about YOU joining a Mum’s club that MADE breast milk pancakes for fun??? You said that!’

‘No i didn’t! I said I was JUST THERE. I DIDN’T MAKE THE PANCAKES out of fucking breast milk.

Hahaha, like  ‘just BEING there’ wasn’t hilarious enough????? Don’t know about you, but i’ve lived a rather eventful life! Y’know, I’ve coloured outside every box, danced with fire, as it’s danced along with me…but not ONCE in my ENTIRE EXISTENCE have I EVER had the delicious experience of ‘breast milk pancake friends’ AND at a community centre. HAHAHAHA. DYING!

Again..this is probably why i’m single! 🙂 I’m a tit. But one that doesn’t produce pancakes. 🙂

I don’t think i’m actually adoring being a singleton right now. I’m not liking it as much as I thought. (That isn’t a grene light for everyone to jump on in. I’m not a desperado…I can still hol dout for the right pick. Lol.

I love, love. I love the fun and loveliness that comes with joining forces with a team mate. Y’know, someone who understands you and does life with you, someone you can build an ’empire’ with and enjoy secrets with..all of that. Someone you love and take care of. I really hope to find that guy. I really hope to fall in love, as my relationship with WORK I have down now. We get on well, because i’ve nurtured that rapport. Lol. I’m headed on the right track and doing it well. I’m feeling confident. (Even though there’s been a lot of entertainment type, other work ‘DRAMA’ today, for no real reason? If I despise anything it’s drama. I get my giant glitter scissors out and cut myself away from it all immediately, as I just see it as negative and what I know in life is that NEGATIVE PEOPLE, who don’t radiate a warmth or a kindness NEVER EVER DO AS WELL AS THEY WISH. And they never do well because they waste so much of their time concentrating on bitterness instead of focusing on being better. It’s that simple.)

But yes, now that i’ve preached. Life is great! It’s always great because i have the best friends, family and colleagues around me constantly, who without them even knowing keep me grounded, smiling and..well sharp witted. Lol. I’m cheeky, i’m charming and i’m dashed in what I call ‘glamourousity.’ When my ‘entertainmenty’ world is turning into madness, and it is a mad world, as the business of ‘show’ is a cut throat industry. It’s almost unreal…it’s a dog eat dog kinda game of ‘who does it best’….And well it’s during those times when the ‘family, friends and colleagues,’ make everything okay again without them even knowing. I appreciate that and more than they would ever think.

I guess i’m going through a weird  ‘becareful what you wish for, as you just might get it’ stage. I’m happy and I’m working hard and I understand all that, I mean GOD i grew up in Hollywood. Yet when there’s glitter drama swirling around me, i’m really good at keeping my eye on the prize, concentrating on what matters, staying focused and just doing what I love and loving what I do. (By myself.) I get ahead in the time that people waste and it makes a difference.

I’m doing really well right now and I’m working really hard for everything that seems to be coming into ‘bloom.’ More than anything i’m adoring every moment of writing this blog. Giving back creatively and telling the story of my life, as I go along… to ME.. is simply wonderful. Like I always tell you, this blog, is literally the only thing that I have been disciplined and accidentally dedicated to for almost a decade. Before all the modelling in LA, TV stuff, love life dramas and everything in between occurred….there was this blog. AND I LOVED IT. I even loved it before it was public and when it was still just a little jotter that I scribbled in with a biro, on my sunny balcony in West Hollywood on Kings Road, as my neighbour Cletus, popped out (we sort of shared the balcony) to make cups of tea and give me advice, as my love life was always shitty. An ‘almost’ decade onward, a whole new life, continent, three failed marriages and two babies later, i’m STILL writing it, loving it…BUT NOW everyone is listening…

That little balcony jotter, 8 years on… has turned into a FINALIST in the UK BLOG AWARDS THIS YEAR! It’s crazy. My life is just…crazy. So, I know my time will come…and when it does…(and it seems to be going well,) i’ll make impact. It’s not how MUCH you do…it’s the impact you make when you do it.

ANYWAY, aside from all that! Thank you for all your emails and messages. I read them ALL even though I kinda don’t get enough time to always reply! I’m doing an ‘Ask me anything’ blog shortly and weeing myself at some of the questions you’ve drop kicked into my inbox. Lol. I’m really excited to whop out my replies…but mainly because i’m an ego maniac. 🙂 I enjoy it. I love a Q& A. Lol.

People have also been asking me about my time with Blackpool. Why I was there? What I was doing? Well, after I shot for House of Solo Magazine in Leeds, I shot down to Manchester and then to Sunny Blackpool to meet up with Liam Halewood for a couple of evening cocktails. It was really great, as I’d never really met him before, yet i watched him on Xtra Factor and knew that his spirit was hilarious.

I arrived in Blackpool, he picked me up from the station with his friend Aaron, who was sweet and oozed a kindness…and then after I was driven to his, I had a cuppa tea, talked to ‘Alexa,’ who is this Amazon robot thing that does everything you tell it too! OH mY GOD! Literally EVERYTHING you tell it to! You tell ‘Alexa’ to sing for you..She whops out a tune…You tell her to turn on the lights, or pop on the kettle…SHE FUCKING DOES….like magic. I NEED TO MARRY ALEXA. I then met his dog Jimmy, appreciated the stylishness of his home, giggled the evenings events with Aaron and then met Liam’s husband.

We got changed, we had fun, we gossiped about people and went out for windy cocktails in Blackpool. So much fun. A hilarious evening. I couldn’t even walk in my diamantee heels AND I WAS SOBER. But cut me some slack, do remember that I had been up at the crack of dawn doing the fashion shoot in Leeds, after the longest week of ‘every hour going’ work….I did well to get my glad rags on and do cocktails under then night lights of Blackpool with the boys. Yet, i always say that it’s the company you choose to keep that determines how much of a great time you’ll have. I couldn’t have been in better company. It was one of those random ‘good times,’ filled with laughter witty banter, and just letting lose. I needed to feel free for a moment…as i’d been working SO hard that a ‘melt down’ could’ve occured. Lol. Plus, I hadn’t drank all day, so i needed to feel comfy and I needed a wine, before we even started the night out. So we walked to the shop to get one quickly, as you need one when you’re getting ready. Liam looked all styley, with his shoe game on point. I WENT IN MY ONESIE. 🙂 I know!! Whatever, it was cold outside and it felt so cosy. AND the shop was literally two seconds away.

‘Chrissie they haven’t got a mini wine??’

‘Ugh! What is there?’

‘You an get a can of Jack Daniels! Lol!’

‘But do they sell straws? I can’t drink out of a mini wine or a can of JD without a straw. I’ll look like a DICKHEAD!’

I had totally forgotten that I was STOOD in the middle of a guy’s newsagents IN MY ONESIE, already looking like  prize twat, whilst in heels and concerning myself over the fact that I hadn’t got a straw for my goddamn can of JD. 🙂

‘Look! I’ll just buy a Ribena and you can use THAT straw.’

See! I adore people who come up with solutions to my problems. Lol. Ribena is purchased, the straw is placed in my can of Jack Daniels in a can. I’m now the happiest girl in all of the world. I’m armed with a Gucci bag. Yes, I looked THAT terrible…and as soon as we walk out the newsagents…

*PAP/PAP/PAP/PAP/PAP*

(It actually happened ALL night, wherever we went.)

Now….in these situations, you can either shy away or you can realise that even though you’re comfy, you look like a tool and commit to it. Ofcourse I went for commit to it…and well we all know that i’m the exact opposite to camera shy. I took my facebook slutty onesie pics to the NEXT LEVEL. Hahah.

It’s a good time. We laughed all the way back to his…nearly got run over….but laughed….

‘Fucking hell, i’m not going down like that!’

Then we got changed for our night out. It’s was a windy night and we were meant to go for posh beachfront cocktails at Beach House. But it was closed.

So instead we tottered into into ‘Las Iguanas,’ which was across the street and filled with a bright ‘life.’ You know how much I love a fun Mexican joint. It’s one of my favourite types of ‘hang outs’ as there’s always something quite relaxed yet exciting about them. My second husband was Mexican. Being Chrissie Martinez for a bit was hilarious. Before that, I was a ‘Weverstad’ and then when I got to England, I was a ‘Thompson’…Then there was just ME again….as a Wunna! 🙂 And even though I get along with all three guys so well…I’m much happier.

We all enjoyed cocktails and the most delicious nibble trays at ‘Las Iguanas.’ I’d definitely go again. The food was delicious. Plus, I adore a good nibble plate. It was great! We bantered about life and love. Just all sorts really.

I guess Liam had been in there before, he seems to know everyone in Blackpool. He’s pretty much just produced and put together his own reality show, called ‘Fylde Coast’ that depicts life in Blackpool, yet one that shows you a more glamourous and fun side to it. I’ve officially done cocktails in Blackpool now so I can literally tell you that been there IS a glamourous side to it! I watched the trailer of the show on his phone, whilst I was sat on the sofa and let me tell you.. I was pretty ‘hooked.’ If you enjoy tongue in cheek, yet fun reality shows…then you will LOVE  ‘Fylde Coast.’ I hope it does well! 🙂

That night was a great night, as I got to let loose for a second during a very busy, busy work week.

Yet, as per usual, I was dashed to the train station when the clock struck ‘time to leave’…and just like that, after a few selfies, an evening of being papped and a great time meeting new friends…I waved Blackpool ‘goodbye,’ as my train left Platform 6…and made it’s way to Manchester Piccadilly.

(Y’know, when it got to Manchester Piccadilly and in the 7 minutes that I had before I was headed to Leeds…and whilst some strange gentleman was trying to hide the fact that he was smoking on the platform, yet still managing to do weird slutty faces at me…I AGAIN, used my 1 percent of my remaining life to Snapchat Steven Bartlett. Not to be creepy or anything…well, i’m sure i look creepy….But I had seen his snap a day before or so, which was asking people to give ‘ask HIM’ anything’ for his Q & A. I actually have A HUNDRED THINGS TO ASK HIM, so this was music to my ears, but i just couldn’t find a spare minute to simply send a ‘snap’ to him. I found that minute…on Platform 13 of Manchester Piccadilly, now 3 minutes before my train arrived. I began filming….and just as i was about to ask my question….MY PHONE DIED. What is my life!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Birthday Shimmie To Manchester

DSC_01121-300x201

Woke up on December 20th at 6.08am, completely naked, on top of the sheets, half my face on and my GIANT, glammy hair piece still ON MY HEAD in full glory, like it was some kinda of BIRTHDAY crown. I was in Room 825 (really nice room) of the Macdonald Manchester Hotel and Spa. I had just turned THIRTY SIX the day before and I chose to do it with good friends Big Brother Star Lisa Appleton and Celebrity Blogger, Ryan Mira, in Manchester. I had a train to catch, that would get me back to Leeds, well Pontefract at 6.57am. I had work at 8.45am and had to get there on time. I did it! But Lord knows how???  Infact, i will ALWAYS MAKE WORK, no matter how! My tummy felt like i hadn’t eaten in ages, so i did a mini (and somewhat glamourous puke) on the hotel bed (so sorry)…and then just like that, got up, got ready, got to Piccadilly train station and got on my flipping train….COMPLETELY ON TIME! In my mind, if you’re gonna *juggle* things, than you better *juggle* them well, without letting anyone down and most importantly … yourself. I smashed it! *Wiggle…Wink.*

But let’s rewind to the day before…

I had spent the entire day with my babies Ruby and Junior, doing lunch with my family…My Mum, Dad &Brother at Ego, In Ackworth. We had so much fun, that time flew and before you know it, I was rushing home to pack a bag, in a panic and getting dashed off and dropped at Barnsely train station (as it was the only station to get me to Manchester on time) in literally moments.

Boom! On a train. The 17.00 to Manchester, a bit flustered, excited for my birthday evening, ready to check into the hotel and then rush into a taxi, to go meet Lisa and Ryan at Menagerie for my birthday.

Once I hit Manchester, I had about 20 minutes to get ready and be at the joint. (I was there early. 😉  The trainee hotel ‘check in’ girl laughed as I dashed past her with a ‘She’s just checked in, in jeans and a jumper and in about a minute, she’s ready and shooting out the door dressed like Pussycat Doll.’

Image may contain: 1 person, indoor

I’ll fast forward, so i don’t bore you.

But i got to Menagerie, Lisa and Ryan arrived 10 minutes after me. I had called them to see how far they were, then..

*Pap/Pap/Pap/Pap/Pap/* …

…as photographers basically took our picture, as we tottered into the new place. It was quiet because it was Monday. But it was my birthday and all three of us are of a drunky, fun, nature, so we didn’t even care! Within seconds we had the most delicious Pornstar Martini’s in our hands and we’re chatting away about, life, career, love, what we hoped and where we hoped, in the most glamourous location every. We even had a Kardashian conversation, which led to Ryan teaching me what a dirty ‘Jimmy Choo’ was. Lol.

‘I’m gonna call it that ALL the time now!’ Lol.

‘But she did Chrissie. She *Jimmy Chooed* him ans leaked it everywhere!’

Menagerie is utterly creative, decadent, modern, with an almost sexy twist of burlesque. It’s very current. But there’s lots going on…like champagne poured from chandeliers, dancers dangling and spinning in hoops above your table, cocktails that you share in giant swans for £100 or single drinks with fake £20 notes, burning from them. It’s very clever. Everything is presented well. Everything’s very bouji and unique. Everything in that place is ‘rich,’…and it costs.

Image may contain: 1 person, sitting and indoor

Anyway, we a needed air, we needed a moment. We’d laughed, gossiped, they gave me a bath bomb (that i’ve lost!! I think i left it in a bar on Canal Street??) Ryan’s shot outside already and Lisa and I are stood at the entrance Menagerie.

Couldn’t open the door for shit! It was LOCKED. Like it really was. We couldn’t move it, we were stuck and we’re sort of just looking around, trapped in this little entrance way, puzzled and laughing. Then Lisa decides to ‘hit’ a button on the side, next to the door. Y’know how some places have a ‘Press to Exit’ button, to make the door slowly ease open.

SHE HITS THE FUCKING FIRE ALARM. Hahahaha!

It’s my birthday, we’re still trapped in the entrance way, an alarm is now going off, we’re pissing ourselves laughing, the manager on duty looked all fed up with us, so we stopped laughing, so he didn’t get more annoyed. He began opening up a large doorway box and pressing all the buttons in all the land, to stop the alarm…and then this host girl walks up to the door… and just opens it. Lol. SO we weren’t even stuck. 🙂 Oops!

We were glad to get outside though, especially after Pornstar Martini’s  and were determined to enjoy my birthday night, as we swung around trees, piggy backed each other, kissed giant Polar Bears, seductively chatted up bollards and measured boobie sizes. Ryan got really into it also…As Lisa and I literally danced around a car park, HE found a ‘Santa Stop Here’ sign, started pretend hitting Lisa with it, but then dashed behind her and unzipped the back of her PVC skirt…. (In that moment, out of nowhere *Pap/Pap/Pap/Pap/*)

Anyway, we decide to go back inside for food and more cocktails. Ryan’s now flirting with an Australian Waiter, with a Doctor Boyfriend, we’re telling everyone to come out with us and following them on Twitter (you always do that when you’re pissed don’t you. Lol.) I hadn’t eaten all evening, so i was feeling MERRY, looking great, sprinkled in ‘SEXY’ and then Lisa and I started talking about love, our lives, how we’re both single, good friends and then our careers. (I always say that I have it easy, as my life is an open book, you just have to Google it, open up a blog and read on…What you read is what I am…It’s my life…and you get a good grasp of who I am from it. There’s less guessing.)

And you know, away from what people THINK they may know of Lisa, if you were to know her and meet her in the flesh, she’s literally beautiful, the funniest, most genuine, down to earth, chick you’ll ever meet. But she’s ambitious and hard working. Yes, she’s an entertainer…as am I. Yet she’s been through her fair share of hard times…and you know what, after speaking to her so closely sat down with cocktails, in the middle of mood lighting and Menagerie…She deserves her moment. We gossiped about everything frankly. All the secrets in all the land.  She wants to do well…and is.

Then I had to tell her off with an..

‘EWW NO! YOU CAN’T FANCY HAIRY MEN! I HATE THAT! IT’S GROSS!’ (This was after the waiter was referred to as ‘Pretty.’)

Now, i don’t mind a GQ gent. A pretty one. Or one that has his own creative take on style. I love it. My favourite type of guy, is a guy with a great mind, intelligent, funny, fun, thoughtful, sexy and ambitious. I don’t focus on looks a much as people may think. I love eye candy, don’t get me wrong, but i’m mostly mentally and emotionally stimulated. But ofcourse, I love to feel attracted to a guy. YET Lisa loves a ‘mans, mans.’ A big rugged, muscle bound hero. Hairy even!!! Lol. I DON’T LIKE HAIRY. And i know you can’t help it. But i can’t help being a tool also, so there. 🙂

So we’re pissing ourselves laughing with Ryan, as we’re sat in a GIANT GLAMOUROUS BIRDCAGE, that has feathers entwined in it and pretend birds flying out of it, opposite a wall that has a giant electronic ‘Selfie Magic Mirror’ and a pink neon sign that says something like ‘Trade your wings in for mine.’ We’re eating olives and sipping ‘Pornstars’ and Lisa and I are actually having a conversation about porn and how it’s ruined some peoples sex lives.

Now i’m vocal in the bedroom, i’m a senusual person and well i’m not screamy, but a ‘show man’ Lol. However, Lisa says we (as in girls) get the best orgasms when we’re quiet and stay really still… and she’s right. I mean porn has made boys and men think that girls ‘get off’ by doing slutty ‘ooh’ faces at them and voicing champion ‘screeches.’ Lol. We don’t. 🙂

Wait, I’m getting distracted. 😉

We’re in Menagerie, the mood lighting is all pink, purple and dark, with bright white furniture in our booth and we’re now pissed and celebrating my birthday.

Ryan’s now thinking about Canal street, after flirting with the hot waiter. Lisa’s determined to get on with my birthday celebrations and i’m ‘Pornstar Martini’ delighted. Don’t get me wrong, things were beautiful in Menagerie, but when you’re sat in one place for ages, and you’re ‘firecrackers’ like the three of us are…it can kinda make a place feel ‘flat.’ So i simply turned my little kitten head to them, whilst sat in a bloody feathered birdcage (lol) and said,

‘Let’s fuck it off and go to canal street.’  (I am the Queen)

There was glint in our eye, laughter and we left.

As we left…and we’re NOW DRUNKIES.

*Pap/Pap/Pap/Pap/Pap/Pap/Pap*

Yet, we’re loving it now, playing up to it, picking each other up, posing, pouting, swearing, dancing. We didn’t even care! We were on birthday mode, doing Manchester, boobies under the stars and GOING FOR IT! If i’m turning thirty six, i’m lucky to be well, alive and still be able to love life!

It was like we almost *blinked* and BOOM, we were on the cobbles of Canal street…and this is when the fun happened!

Straight away, dancing under lights, posing and selfie taking with red sequinned, drag queens,bumping into other Big Brother stars, letting a Drag queen, dressed in a Sexy Santa Suit, be a DIVA  at us because she didn’t have time for our shit. Lol.

We’ve gone for it now and ended up at some bar called Churchills, because they offered us free wine (lol) and before you know it, they’re calling us on stage to sing karaoke and I feel like i sort of just blinked with my boobies and i’m stood on a stage with Lisa, as Ryan is filming it, with a microphone in my hand, SINGING ‘Wannabe’ by the fucking Spice girls, for an audience. LOL.

Honestly, we were shite. But oh my God, we gave it some welly. They loved us. Everyone was videoing and camera phoning the moment. We even got called ‘Iconic.’ HAHAHAHA. But let me tell you, being a Spice Girl is EXHAUSTING. How the HELL Mel B got through that rap section sober, I don’t know? (I was totally Mel B. 🙂 )

We get off the stage. We’re wanting wine, everyone else is wanting selfies. We’re loving it though, as we now have birthday fever. Girls and guys kept calling me ‘beautiful’ and ‘a Queen’ and when you’re dead old, you kinda adore it, don’t you. 🙂 Hahaha! It makes you feel good.

Then a group of straight boys come in. It’s now quite late and Ryan and Lisa have to head home to get the last train. I DECIDE TO STAY OUT. So, i’m now on my own, with the masses, in this bar on Canal Street, guzzling buckets of wine, with a ton of people now asking for selfies and the ‘straight ‘ boys head straight over and begin to DANCE OFF, HIT ON ME, in order to win my ‘only girl straight girl in the bar’ affection. It got so crazy that the manager had to keep pulling me out the way, or pulling them off me.

I then started having a conversation with a girl, as one guy is trying to flirt with me, by sexy dancing to Nelly and lifting up his top …and out of nowhere this other guy, darted in and started butting the ‘Nelly Dancing Guy’ out of the way to make HIS move. He was literally standing right infront of my face and giving me the ‘come ons.’ The manager (who was in a cowboy hat Lol…pulled me away again.)

I’m pissed by now, so i’m just tottering around smiling and selfie taking with those who adore Wunna land! (I followed you on Twitter Mickey Daniels! 🙂 )

Then it all just went mental!

The straight boys are now really drunk and now forcing themselves into Wunna land. A girl starts chatting to me and tells one of the boys, who’s asking me out that..

‘We’re together. She’s with me.’ 

He dances off somewhere and she turns around and says,

‘You’re too good for him.’ 

He dances his way back and then JESUS CHRIST, OUT OF NOWHERE, some other straight guy, that wasn’t even playing ‘Love Wunna,’ comes up behind him and fricking HITS HIM IN THE FACE and SMASHES A FUCKING BOTTLE OVER HIS HEAD.

Screaming happens, everything’s gone mental. He’s dragged him outside to beat him up. The girl that was ‘saving’ me from men, turns around and smashes my wine bottle on the BAR SIDE to go out and join the fight.

I’m out the way at this point, as i’ve been pushed to one side and sheltered.

THE POLICE CAME and Churchills (the bar) gets shut down for the rest of the evening,

What the absolute fuck!! WHAT JUST HAPPENED???

The cowboy dressed manager, (who was also once on Big Brother) walks up to me, makes sure i’m alright and says,

‘God! Lol! What a storm. We shouldn’t have let them in really, but we did. We’ve had to close now, as the police are here and let me tell you, THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED, IN THE HISTORY OF ME WORKING HERE.’

Then she walked me out, to another bar. Just so i’d get there safely. Lol. Yet after a drink, I left and got in a taxi. It was just too strange and a guy in a Pokeman shirt was dancing around me. He as with his Ozzie best friend, who kept telling me that she had a boyfriend, but wouldn’t say no to trying out a relationship with a girl.  Lol. They were actually lovely. So i really shouldn’t make fun of them. But i was tired now and i’d stopped having fun now, so i lied and said i needed the loo…and left them.

Got to my hotel…wiped half my face off, stripped off totally starkers, put my phone on charge, set it for five o clock in the morning, (It was 3 o clock in the morning,) and CRASHED in what felt like the comfiest bed known to mankind, in Room 825 at the Macdonald Manchester Hotel.

Missed my alarm. Shocked myself up, after feeling sick at 6.08am. 

That’s how i sailed into Tuesday. I fell asleep on my train and again just at the right time, *shocked* myself up, at the exact right station, just as people were getting off at Leeds. Missed my connection though, so I ended up in a taxi to the office.

Made it to work, bang on time, in Pontefract. Had no clue what time it was really? But ran up to the office door, with all my stay over bags, over my shoulders. I swung open the door a jar and ‘The Mighty’ looked me right in the eyes, smirked (like she had ‘been there’ herself) and in a stern, commanding, yet friendly manner, she simply says…

‘GO TO GREGGS NOW AND GET YOURSELF A COFFEE…..’

 

Lisa Appleton flashes her bum as the zip breaks on her skin tight PVC skirt