Nothing But The Truth & Petty Flippin’ Fight Offs

Yesterday started off ace. I got my quiet time, with a ‘Katy P‘ who’s a really close friend of mine and I managed to feel ‘real’ again and not like a ‘product’ or project. I’ve been really stressed. But i’m back now. I’m back.

I guess, it gets hard at times, because I write a blog..this blog…which pretty much documents my life….almost like a written word reality show….I started it in LA, because I loved ‘diarying’ my life…as I lived it…It was only a hobby, just my version of ‘doing life’ and mainly my therapy…as my day job at the time was ‘glamour model,‘ which then turned into ‘reality tv.’

The blog came first…they were just things that accidentally happened to me, on my journey.

Years later….this ‘hobby‘…turned into a business…and my life…turned into work…as people all over the world started ‘tapping’ into Wunna Land. It kinda became a ‘show.’

An what I’m gonna say is that every single inch of me, couldn’t be happier with the way it all panned out. It’s like a dream. I get to do what I love…and that’s certainly something I regard as so precious. I’m incredibly grateful for it all. Not a little piece of me, will ever complain about it. In fact, I want MORE.

YET….sometimes (and anyone in entertainment or any form of ‘show’ like occupation) will know, that it can all get too much at times…it gets busy, everyone thinks they know everything about you….and you kinda just need to check in with ‘the reals,’ as I call them. (Which are your closest friends…family…or just have a moment to yourself.) 

That’s what I did yesterday with Kate….

This is what happened…

So we meet up accidentally, Kate’s just come from Pilates, I’m blogging, she decides to clear out a giant green caravan, that ‘once ready’ will be serving gin. Nothing coming out this caravan looked GINNY. (Obviously, i just supervised in the sun with a drink. I always say I was build for pleasure, not tedious labour.) 

In fact, everything coming out of this caravan looked like it was the entire contents of ‘Argos.’

Kate: ‘We have a heat lamp, some boxes, cables…tinsel…another heat lamp.’

If the process went on any longer, I swear she would’ve even pulled out an elephant, maybe Elvis, an ex boyfriend, Baby Jesus, Lisa Appleton and hungry donkey.

Long story short, she sacked it off and we did sunshine, gossip and ‘keeping it real,‘ as we chatted ‘wills,‘ guys, stalkers, our love lives, how we’d get married, if we did ever get married again and just basic shit really…Hours were passing…and I was loving it because we were literally throwing our heads back with insane laughter and it’s those moments, away from everything and everyone, that matter to me the most.

Then she calculated an entire humans finances in about 3.2 seconds, because she’s a whizz like that…and proceeded to make fun of me, as she just got on with her ‘own ting.’ 

Me: ‘Erm…why are ignoring me??’

Katy P: ‘What I’m organizing letters into the correct batches and spelling shit.’

I mean WTF, i’m an attention whore at the best of times. Fob me off for large glasses of wine or hula dancing, not SPELLING and organizing.

Me: ‘What are you even doing!!’

Katy P: I’m spelling out your love life, but I can’t spell BEYOND….’

Me: ‘As if you’ve just calculated an entire humans finances but you can’t spell BEYOND. Lol. That’s disgraceful. Hahah.’

Katy P: ‘Don’t start… I’m dyslexic.’

…and technically I can’t do sums…So I’ll give her that…and let her mock away at my life, right in front of my little Burmese face.

Just a great day in general….It felt all calm, yet fun. ‘Zen’ like…yet sassy. (If there is such a thing? Lol) Then, ‘JD’ and some a guy named ‘Martin’ with a dog, had walked in. They looked at us, like we were foolish.

And we are…

Then all was lovely. Fantastic afternoon. Life was bliss. I’d refueled and filled myself to the utter brim with love.

THEN…

As soon as I got home…an awful ‘busy body.’ You know what I mean? They’re the people in life, who have nothing better to do, nothing going in their life, aside from the everyday, mundane, same old ‘one foot in front of the other.’They’re the nosiest people. The most judgmental folk…and people who can only focus on ‘the little things that don’t matter,’ because there’s not much more excitement going on around them.

I got into an argument with ‘the busy body.’ It was played like a back and forth‘ …..over a plank of wood.

But who the ****has time to moan or argue about a plank of wood?

Do you?

I mean something else had happened, which was much more important during that time….and instead of finding any compassion…they worried about themselves and their wood.

I don’t like selfish people. Open ya goddamn eyes! Open ya goddamn heart.

Anyway, the pettiness of it, made me FURIOUS…I was FUMING. And by nature, I’m a relaxed person, I’m easy going…I’m patience…I’m warm…I’ll never be really mad, unless I’m absolutely passionate about something and people never know that about me, unless they’ve met me personally…The just assume i’m a bitch.

Regardless…

I couldn’t have been MORE PISSED OFF…and you pick ya fights, ya verbal bickers… don’t you? But I’d had enough…so I  went for it.

Literally ALL THE SASS and i don’t even care. I can’t stand narrow minded people. I was furious.

Anyway, I got myself into a merry tizzy and I was so cross, I filled up…and cried. Yipppeeee! Lol. However, I only did the crying part behind closed doors, as later on my mum came over and sat with me, just to make sure everything was okay.

Mum: ‘Just ignore her. She’s got nothing better to do. I know you feel like you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders…but just relax and know that everything’s going to be okay. ‘

Me: ‘I don’t need another lecture, right now…’

Mum: ‘This isn’t a lecture! I’m your mum!! No one in this entire world loves you as much as I love you…and no matter what, I’ll stand by you. But you need to listen to me…

Me:’ I am…’

(I’m crying by this point…lol. But doing the pretending like i’m not thing…) 

And in that moment, as she went through everything, and I told her every inch of how I was feeling….a ‘magic’ swirled around us, a ‘magic’ that was build from unconditional love…and even though I felt like a little girl again…..within a *flash* I grew back up into WOMAN.

Always share strength….not weakness….and her strength is motivated by love…

In that moment, she made me realize how lucky I am…

(Oh shit, my phone’s ringing….)

 

Love, Dating & Papering Over The Cracks

Image may contain: 1 person, close-up

Happy Tuesday! It’s just a gorgeous day today, isn’t it! Well, it is in Yorkshire. I’m don’t know where you are? Lol. But I hope it’s wonderful and I hope life’s treating you really well. I mean, as humans, we can go through some really GREAT TIMES, can’t we? Times where we’re filled with a rush of uncontrollable excitement. Those great times are balanced out, by tiny sprinkles of shit, the hard times, that we either  REALLY TRULY heal from… or simply ‘wall paper‘ over.

How have I got this deep, so fast?

However, what i’ve learnt in my 37 years, so far…and it never mattered if I was in heels or flats, with a cocktail or a coffee, thin or fat, in LA or the UK 😉 IS THAT it’s THOSE of us, who can not ONLY get back up, EVERY SINGLE TIME we fall. Be it in work. Be it in love. They ALL play into one big pot, that we called ‘life.’

I mean, you hear people going on about how they ‘get back up each time‘…blah, blah, blah. We’re human, we all go through the same things. Tell the same lies. Share the same laughter.

(I mean, I shared laughter with good friends over wine yesterday afternoon, then lied to a random guy, I didn’t know, who’d approached me in a pub, with his number written on piece of paper, asking to date me and seeing if he could take me to London this weekend, to his friend’s birthday party? I didn’t fancy him. I didn’t want to date him. I admired his ballsiness…But I lied and said I was going to a Hen do and wasn’t looking to date. I lied out of politeness, because I didn’t want him to feel bad, when he had plucked up the gusto, to go out of his way and approach me.)

Kate: ‘You’re going to call him…April 1st of…NEVER, aren’t you?’

JD: ‘OMG! What a good time to call him! Call him on April Fools Day… before noon.’

Me: ‘Ew! Shush. Hahaha. Why do I have friends who are such BASTARDS? No. I’m not gonna call him. He knows that…But it was…’

Kate: ‘I hope you’re not referring to me, when you say bastard?’

Anyway, back to my chat, when it comes to ‘getting back up’  IT IS ONLY THOSE OF US, who can manage to do it with an open heart, no more fear, a true warmth and the ability to *carry on* in one whole, but HAPPY PIECE, that are STRONG… the ACTUAL life warriors.

The ones that ‘carry on’ a bit broken, aren’t strutting right.

People sometimes get that twisted. I mean, if you simply paper over the cracks’ then you’re not MARCHING forward at all, you’re dwelling on something that’s done..and you can never move forward at that point. You’re kinda stuck. And, let’s face it, who likes being (in the words of Zara…) sticky and vile.‘ 🙂

I reckon….

Winners find solutions to everything. They do it calmly, without stress. The hustlers work hard to get what they want, stressfully…via ‘the grind.’ The confident ones…have honed their skills so well, that they have the ability to feel the hurty bits, yet still develop, and get back to ‘happy’ quickly, because the not only have faith in life, but they have faith in themselves.

Call me Oprah!

The only reason why i’m going on about this today, was because I was chatting to a friend of mine yesterday, called ‘JD,’ who had said that they had had their heart broken THREE TIMES and two of those times REALLY HURT.

They hurt so much, a BIG OLD WALL OF FEAR...because that’s all it’s made up of…(People like to say, it’s a wall of protection, but that’s simply a good way of glamorizing it, so it sounds moderately mighty.  Hahaha. It’s really just fear. You’re a scaredy cat. Deal with it.)

Anyway, this is what happened…

JD: ‘I literally haven’t dated in years. I can’t do it. My hearts closed. But I want to find love.’

Me: ‘Well, obviously you’re never going to find love, if your hearts closed, you idiot. Love is an emotional connection. Where two hearts NEED to connect emotionally, in order to FEEL love.’

JD: ‘Yeah. I know, but it’s awful. It’s scary..’

Me: ‘God. Don’t be daft. I’ve been through three marriages and tons of relationships. I got married so many times because I believed in love. And I still do, even though NONE OF THEM worked out. I’m not scared to be hurt. I heal quickly and I’m SO filled to the brim with love, that I find it easy to adore someone. Really easy.’ I love, being in Love. ‘

It’s not hard. It’s simple. Ain’t no one coming through the door, if it’s shut. Lol.

Just so you know. My doors FULLY OPEN. 😉

So, if you suffer from the same old ‘JD’ dilema, sort it out, because in this world, where people are deluded by fame and money, or drenched in fear. All the things that don’t mean shit through life….you’ll end you having nothing.

Love and happiness go hand in hand, because they’re both build around positive emotion and not ‘stuff’ or terror. Lol. You won’t have experienced the fullest life by ANY means, if you never ever surrender to the *swirl,* or the magic, of love. To me, it’s the ONLY THING…that makes the world go around.

(Says the single 37 year old. 😉 )

And that’s the truth, as even though i’m someone who is always pre judged…ALWAYS. Which is nuts, but I get it…and yeah, i’ll admit that  I’ve found it hard to date. I mean, a guy can meet me, then go straight onto my blog, (and I do like it when they read the blog,….I do!)

However, I don’t like it when they read about my entire life for the past 10 years, only to JUDGE me for it (Hahahah)  because I would never dream of judging them on THEIR SECRETS, let alone the things they were actually open about. I’m sassy, but you kinda have to get to know me personally to ‘feel’ the correct presence.

I’m light. I’m warm. I’m fun. I’m banter.

And yeah, I do have the type of career that is immersed around people who want fame, money and all sorts…When I was a young 20 year old in Hollywood, I wanted the exact same thing. I sold myself short, many a times for it. And I don’t regret that. I love show business. I love it with all of my heart. I absolutely STILL want to do well…

But when I was 20 something I was really selfish and I never cared about inspiring. Now, everything’s different…because I got to experience everything, that I ever dreamt of experiencing….Therefore now BOTH Inspiring people and having recognition for doing something that I love, makes me smile. It’s actually really important to me. Even if I ‘humour’ it out.

I guess, the 37 year old version of me, is someone who can still enjoy it all, yet at the same time have a really great grasp of life in general, MY life, separate the world of ‘show,’ from the ‘real world’ and pretty much hold my own stance morally. I’m really comfortable with who I am and what I represent. Much more comfortable than some of the people that you will BELIEVE are comfy.

I’m in this industry simply because I LOVE to entertain, whether i’m on a show, writing out my life, acting, modelling, or being ‘social,’… whatever….Just in general just LOVE being an entertainer…a court jester. It’s fun. It’s a buzz to me and it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do, since being a little girl. So, to me, i’ve had all my dreams come true! I’ve even managed babies and have a couple of loving parents…What’s left for me to do, other than the thing that I can’t seem to conquer…and that’s my LOVE LIFE!

What have I rambled on about now? I’m meant to be telling you about my friend’s shit love life and Mel’s birthday drinks!

I’ll have to tell you it all, in the next blog.

But what I can say right now…is to all of you who have found yourselves accidentally  or deliberately *scrolling* or *clicking* on a piece of me, that lead you right here…in Wunna Land…I thank you SO much. I truly do. I kinda turned my life into a business and I couldn’t have done that without YOU.

I don’t know people read this blog? BUT I’M FUCKING GLAD THEY DO!

HAHAHA.

Billions of people are doing life every SINGLE second, of every SINGLE day…this is just MY version of it.

Don’t paper over the cracks. Be you. Embrace everything that’s WONDERFUL about you. Give no hoots about those who don’t agree with the way you strut your swag. LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE. But most of all… don’t be frightened of anything….

Chrissie x

Life Magic, Workaholics & Privacy Please…

Happy Sunday! I’m feeling great. I had a proper ‘chill day’ yesterday and I’m enjoying every single second of it. I still feel like the luckiest girl alive and as long as that feeling is still infusing it’s way, through my little kitten soul, then i’m happy! 🙂 I’m really happy. I do get stressed, as I tend to worry more than necessary. Yet, over the last few years, i’ve kinda just trained myself to let life take it’s natural course of ‘ooh laa.’

I don’t know why I didn’t learn that sooner, when I was in LA? I went through SO MUCH, I wish you could see into my mind, as I wouldn’t even know where to begin. Lol.

Prep, practice, caution and all sorts of other logical things, DO MAKE SENSE. (I’m not a logical person, I spent my teens wishing upon stars. I spent the first part of my 20’s following ‘The Secret’ and the rest of the time doing tequila dances with my fingers crossed. 🙂 )

 YET, there’s always an overpowering *magic*…a LIFE MAGIC, that no matter how much you prep,‘ how long you ‘practice’ or how carefully you tread…that ‘magic’ bursts out of nowhere and glistens your situation with ‘destiny.’ It’s something you can’t control…It’s in the air and whirls by with an ‘everything happens for a reason‘ flag.

What’s yours, is yours. What you’re meant to get, you will. If it’s not meant to be part of your story…It won’t be.

I’ve had two days off picture taking and it’s actually felt like bliss. 🙂 I woke up this morning, Junior (my baby son) was spooning my left arm, before going off to his Dads. The babies are my entire world. They just make my life, so complete. I LOVE THEM MADLY. I can’t even tell you.

But, with them both at their dads, I had loads of time to just indulge in wearing my comfies, ( I say ‘comfies’ i’m usually topless, because it makes me feel free.) Then I chilled and started smearing my new ‘Bee Venom’ cream all over my face, before peacefully checking through my ‘socials.’

(Which reminds me..I just need to send someone a Whatsapp. One sec…

…Eww! Lol…They’ve read it and ignored it.)

What I’m gonna tell you about the ‘Bee Venom’ cream, I’ve been using (and I use the one by Venom Skincare,)  is that it’s actually AMAZING. And I wouldn’t just say that. It’s the only cream that i’ve put on my face in the morning, that has actually made me *squeak* because it felt so fresh and blissful. I’m not at all kidding. It’s by VENOMSKINCARE.CO.UK.  And since my diet’s out the window, (I could eat a flipping donkey right now,) I at least need my FACE to look halfway decent, as I grow older.

Yes, I did have it sent to me to try…But sometimes you get sent a lot of things, that areokayish.’ This is the OPPOSITE. It actually feels amazing and to me, what something FEELS LIKE, is so important…be it cream, situations or matters of the heart.

I seem to be able master everything, expect the ‘matters of the heart’ part of my life, but i’ll get there. If i was put on this Earth to learn anything, over and over again…it would be about love.  I don’t exactly know why, i’ve always had the most difficult love life…? Yet, as least i’m tinkering along with a smile on my face, right? Lol.

I don’t stress about it, because regardless i’m happy, i’m lucky and as always….that part of my life, will sort itself out naturally.

I’ve just watched Jamie Foxx peel off his headphones and walk out of a ‘live’ interview because they asked him about Katie Holmes…It’s a subject that they both obviously wish to keep to themselves. They want it out of the public eye, because it’s something they have chosen to cherish privately.

I don’t get why people refuse to respect peoples *wish* for privacy, at times? If they wanted to tell us all about it, they would! There’s tons of other couples who don’t mind celebrating their love out in the open, out loud, for all to see. They don’t want to…and that’s fine!

Dating’s hard enough, without the world prying on in with their ‘2 cents here and 4 cents there.’ They come in all armed and excited for the gossip, thinking they know the WHOLE entire story, when they actually know nothing. Nothing’s worse than the ‘think they knows.’ 

It’s kinda put me off really showbizzy,tell all relationships. I’m not one to mind telling people about bits of my love life, or picturing the happy moments, that I’d care to share… I don’t mind that all.

Yet, I wouldn’t like ‘think they knows’ tumbling in, looking for cracks, or nonsense, to prise open. I’d hate to wake up in the morning, look on my newsfeed and see that I was ‘apparently breaking up’ with someone or that the person i loved had run off and had rampant sex with some chick, behind my back.

That doesn’t sound like fun to me. It sounds like absolute hell. It turns love into entertainment, which is fine, but for me, it takes me away from what love is really about. If i love someone truly, I love them madly and i’d hate to have it ripped to pieces to fill gossip pages. So good on Jamie Foxx, for shaking his head, peeling off his headphones and walking away from his ‘live’ interview, with total ‘stay out of my shit’ swag!

BOOM!

Work wise, i’m really excited because i’m about to film and shoot, the online advert for this blog, my blog, my diary,

CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM

It’s only a short online advert, but it’ll be so much fun to do. I’ll love every single second of it and that’s all that matters. I’ll enjoy it. It already feels so exciting and I love the whole creative aspect of it all. I can imagine it in my head and that alone keeps me happy. Lol

These last few days off have been wonderful. You’ve got to have balance. Even if you’ve chosen a job that you adore. I love what I do. Yet, for me.. being a workaholic doesn’t fit well. It’s 10 sizes too small. I was made for fun and pleasure and when you’re a ‘Lone Parent,’ Mum of two…You can’t just constantly prioritize work, because without balance, it’s not fair on them or in fact anyone you love.

On their death bed, no one wishes they worked more! And if they just so happened to, I feel bad that they never experienced the joy of love.

God! I went on a rant again. Maybe I should get back to working harder… 🙂

Ps/ I didn’t dream of Dwarves last night.

 

 

 

 

Inboxes, Romance & Donkies…

So, i’ve got a calendar shoot, an audition to present a music show for MTV, i’m contracted to a traditionally well known enterprise for a bunch of glamour shoots, i’m on a show that airs next year, I have a few snazzy brands that have ever so kindly asked me to blog for them and i’m currently writing my book.

I’m doing all this whilst working constantly and being a mum…but i’m loving it because something feels right this time around. Something just feels right….

Mentor: ‘How do ya know you’re about to set fire to the place?’

Me: ‘…because this time…I can feel it. It’s not a dream anymore…I can feel it.’

‘Firmonnell’s’ just text me a picture of my girl crush…who if you didn’t know is Ellen DeGeneres. Lol. It really is! If I was a lesbian…The only woman I would ever want to date is Ellen. I love her, that much. I don’t even know how her sending me a picture of Ellen even occured, as I’ve kinda just forced Firmonnell (who’s pretty much one of my best chick friends) to read an extract of my book, to make sure it’s not ‘too much.’

Firmonnell: ‘OMG, just read your extracts and fucking laughed out loud. It’s fucking hilarious. Love it!’

Me: ‘…but is it too much, because i’m really open, so to me it’s fine, yet I don’t know how other people will react to it?’

Firmonnell: ‘I think anyone would see the funny side to that! Honestly…it’s great.’

And she wouldn’t lie to me, because she’s a bitch like that. One of those good friends. However, Mel did make me a lasagne for my lunch today and I adore her for it, as LORD KNOWS how anyone can figure out how to make a lasagne…So technically, they’re in competition to be my bestie. Lol. It’s getting tight. They’re both too great. Approach me with honesty or pasta and you’re onto a winner. I’m that easy.

I’ve also got to film the advert for my blog…I’m setting the dates for it now and I have to shoot for the website also…There’s just so much, but i’m really grateful for it all and really excited. Everything is changing and it’s weird because the more everything changes, the more I keep flash backing to my LA days.

They say that when you ‘flash back,’ like when you hear a song that suddenly reminds you of something in the past…it hasn’t got anything to do with a THOUGHT (it’s not a mental process) and  instead apparently has EVERYTHING to do with how something made you FEEL. So when something happens…like for example, I received a personal message today…It wasn’t a good message, it was a shit one…but immediately within seconds…my mind shot back to a past memory that made me FEEL the exact same way. It’s crazy how life works…and how the past triggers back in little blurs. What i’m good at is moving forward. I’ll have a moment, privately and then i’ll decide to not dwell on it and keep on merrily moving. 😉 I don’t bottle things up, which makes me healthy, I’m expressive, I let it all out. In fact, have for years and you’ve been following it. Writing this blog, even when it was simply on Myspace and it didn’t have a home…has always been my therapy.

LA Friend: ‘Remember that time on Sunset when you went to see that psychic for a laugh and you thought she was a weirdo…’

Me: ‘Yeah, she was weird…I didn’t like her at all. She tried to make me sing for her, for no reason…’

LA Friend: ‘Well she TOLD YOU that you would end up writing something for a living that would be HUGE and take the world by…’

Me: ‘I DO remember that. I know that. I was there. I was just modelling at the time, so i couldn’t imagine it…But yeah, I remember everything…I remember that exact moment… ‘

LA Friend: ‘Do you remember walking down Hollywood Blvd, drinking Malibu out the bottle, telling Catwoman to not be a druggie and stalking that weird break dancer with me..Lol.’

Me: ‘I remember everything. Haha. Kinda makes me glad that i’ve balanced all that shit out with a bit of Yorkshire. 🙂 ‘

I’ve kinda had a good night as I’ve been chatting to a whole bunch of my friends and simply reminiscing. I love a good tinker down memory, yet i’m not ready to delve into it all just yet. I’ll save that for when i’m 80 years old, when that’s all i have left…I’ve still got a lot of life to live, a lot to look forward to, work, love…family…the works. I’m excited for what lies ahead, in ALL OF those areas…So right now, the past is the past and even though i’ve had a colourful one (and I don’t regret any of it, as it established who I am today,) more than anything, i’m enjoying right now and looking forward to the future.

One of my chick friends scrolled through my Facebook Inbox this evening just to see what some of you were saying…and I guess, knowing me personally, she was SHOCKED at how men approached me.

‘It’s like they don’t know you at all?’

‘Well they don’t. They just see a picture of me or follow a social profile and think they do… Then they guess how i am and get it wrong…But i’m not bothered because…’

‘You’re not bothered because you’re all a flutter about *The Swirl.’

‘I don’t feel fluttery. I feel pretty stable.’

I guess what people don’t imagine or don’t know is that i’m a hopeless romantic and I adore a romantic partner…so whilst men believe that filling a girls inbox with pictures of genitals etc will work in the art of ‘the pull,’ when it comes to me…it never ever will. I’m a romantic girl, but my romance is dashed in fun.

Yeah, I may have dated a lot in my past and been married three times, but each time I did marry and all three men are completely DIFFERENT to one another….they had ONE THING IN COMMON and that ONE THING was that they approached me romantically. I must like that…

Yet like my friend said, right now my heart is all about ‘The Swirl.’ (I’m rubbish like that. Lol I just have a one track mind. It’s hilarious.) But like I’ve said to him…I’m quite embarrassing, yet ah well, i just wear my hear on my sleeve. There’s nothing wrong with that in my book…

Talking about books, my old LA roommate sent me a message today saying..

‘Please don’t tell the story of the donkey porn…I’ll die…’

‘You mean that time I went through all your drawers for no reason, after you had had sex with that random Farrah girl and found your secret stash of Animal porn. 🙂 ‘

‘Fuck it…Tell the story. It’s hilarious. But give me a good nickname.’

‘You have to earn a good nickname dude. LOL.’

And just like that, it went out globally… 😉

Love you all,

Thank you for following my life.