Summer Is Gonna Get You & Sliding Into DM’s

Happy Summer! Is it getting the better of you too? Summer is getting me into all sorts of trouble, because beer gardens and the art of ‘good times,’ keep ‘beckoning’ me forward. But you only live once, and you’ve really got to enjoy life. (That’s my excuse, every single time. When do we ever get a Summer as delicious as this?? If we don’t embrace it now, it’ll pass us by and leave us all grumpy. When ‘Jumpers & Dumpling’ season kicks in, we’ll be pulling faces and wishing we did more beer gardens.)

I say HAPPY SUMMER. LET’S DRINK!

 If we win the World Cup & Adam wins Love Island, shit will go bananas. Summer 18, is MENTAL. Hands up, if you here me now!

So yeah, like any Glamour Puss, with a keen eye for the jollies, temptation always gets the better of me, so I’ve been galloping off for fun, instead of concentrating on work. (Never a good thing. NEVER, a good ting.) The only situation, where in which temptation doesn’t ‘champion,’ is only when it comes to men. I’m good at resisting the gents, because in my lifetime and mainly in LA (and I’m missing Hollywood Life SO MUCH right now,) I encountered quite a good, jolly bunch of suitors and potential suitors. I’ve romanced the gentlemen. Zillions of them, all over the globe. I’ve lived. I’ve loved. I’ve learnt a lot…. and I’m therefore not arsed about suffering from a broken heart, in a bikini at 37, just yet. Lol.

ALL WALLS UP! SAFETY FIRST, ALWAYS! 🙂

In general, life hasn’t really handed me good set of cards, in the ‘true love’ department, has it? I get a lot of attention from the boys. That parts true. They crush on an insta pic, see me in a bar, sit next to me on a train or hear about a land I call ‘Wunna’ ( I’m always someone that people accidentally discover, they will not know anything about me, when their eyes first catch mine.) Then they decide to jiggle forward. Which is GREAT!

Woohoo! It’s Great!

HOWEVER, when it does come to ‘true love,’ that unconditional ‘REAL DEAL.’ Y’know? Just a guy who can truly love me, or care about me, just as I am. One that can treat me with all the love and respect in the world..Well, I haven’t been so lucky, yet have I? And don’t get me wrong, i’ve sold myself short, quite a few times. Lol.

OOps! 😉

Yet, there’s nothing wrong with that, if a lesson is learnt. Sometimes we have to mess up LOADS of times, in order to learn ONE little lesson, correctly. (Well, I do anyway. 😉 It’s the only downside to having an adventurous soul.)  As, I always say, provided some kind of lesson is learnt, then i’m quite happy to have *danced* the experience. Even if it’s shocking.

NO REGRETS! IT’S ALL GRAVY BABY!

In fact, if i’m being honest, (here we go,) THE ONLY guy to have ever truly loved me, with all of his soul, was my FIRST husband Mikey..and I may have been in a lot of relationships since that time, even two more marriages. (I was only a young 20 something, then.) I don’t think anyone has ever cared about me, or treated me as well, as he did. It wasn’t even a whirlwind. It was really solid. Really real. Really fun. And I love that not a single soul, but us, knows about our time. It was filled with utter romance. Old school romance.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a ‘dwelling on the past’ moment, (I don’t do that,) as I can pick great things out about every guy i’ve dated, we all could. (I can also pick shitty things out also. 😉 )

Yeehaa!

What I’m saying is, that when it comes to love, he INSPIRED ME because now I  know what to look for, in my quest for the ‘TRUE’ kinda ‘doo daa.’ 

Here me now, Cupid!

I’m definitely a girl who knows what I want. Saying that, I dreamt that I’d be held hostage last night, after being on a weird horror ride at some American theme park. It had a carriage full of every single person in the world, that I have ever let down. Then some dude decide he wanted to hold me hostage, in a really lovely, sunny villa. Then  burlesque dancer danced by me, holding my slippers, that had Bart Simpson toys in them?

I’m sure this means i’m no longer mentally stable?

(I nearly woke up crying, so I shocked myself up quickly and checked my Insta Likes, to make sure the world was still a safe place. 😉 )

Ah Dee Dums.

I was meant to continue my last blog and tell you about my guy friends replying to all my DM’s when drunk. Instead I went on a LOVE RANT! (Haha.) But f**k it, LOVE just means a lot to me and when something does, I’m sincerely careful with my choices. I treasure my loved ones with all my heart.

To say i’m labelled a ‘floozy,’ I reckon i’m more decent than some. 😉

But yeah…OH MY GOD, the other night, when we were all out drinking, at The Carleton… Rhys, Will & Ollie decided to pick up my (everyone makes fun of it) peacock phone, swizzle through my Facebook DM’s and reply to them….AS ME! Lol.

(The last time this happened, my good friend ‘Dodge’ typed ‘I’ve had a whisky baby and i’m drying up to a male Wunna Fan…who then proceeded to send me EXTREMELY dodgy, videos of his genitals for a month straight. DO KNOW, that I do not reply to my DM’s unless it’s work related, something lovely about the blog, or well…basically, I don’t reply to any sleezy DM’s, EVER!)

Now, I not sure what any of them wrote, but they chose a guy (who was in Florida) and they just went for it, with all of their souls. All I managed to read was…

 ‘I’ll show you everything for £8.70 and a pack of Wotsits.’

(Then something about me being a Lady boy. Old material, on fresh ears. Lol)

WHAT IS MY LIFE.

(I HAVE already apologized to him. But it’s still just a laugh. I’m a laid back party member. The only line I didn’t let them cross, was answering any video calls, or replying to any serious messages.)

Then Sheffield Greg & Ginger Brad (who actually isn’t as Ginger as I thought, because he’s getting a tan and Gingers can’t tan,) decided to take part with the replying…So this Florida, Wunna Fan, had five of my guy friends, sending him messages, from a Yorkshire pub….for a laugh. But he took it really well!

Me: ‘I can’t actually believe how excited you all are about this…’

Sheffield Greg: ‘What! This never happens to us! It’s fun. Why are you not letting us have fun!’

(Maybe because it’s at MY f****** EXPENSE. Lol)

Each guy would type something hideous. Yet, the Wunna Fan in Florida would still reply. He was actually really good fun…

Me: ‘Hang on a second. His replies are actually funny. Show me profile! He’s banter. I might fancy him…’

Ginger Brad: ‘He’s not banter…’

Then all of a sudden the messaging stopped…

Mwahahahahaha!

You’d think Ginger Brad and Sheffield Greg, would’ve got bored, by then. But instead, they decided to message each other… seductively. Greg picked up his own phone and started messaging ‘Chrissie Wunna.’ Then Brad was on MY phone PRETENDING TO BE ME, replying to GREG…. I was stood right next to him?? Lol.

*ROLLS EYES*

Like toddlers in a pubby playpen, they proceeded to have a blast. I just drank, cos fuck it.

Then I went home, and left them to handle life, without my assistance. I don’t think they did too well, because I definitely received a bunch of messages and early morning calls, stating that one of them needed to be carried to a meeting and the other…well…was sincerely ‘disappointed’ by my actions.

The next day Golfer Jonny, was found massaging ‘Not So Ginger’ Brad, in slow motion. Definitely pervy and KatyP’slaugh in slow motion, is certainly birthed by Satan.

Happy Summer Though.

Chrissie,

Thank you for following my life. x

 

 

 

I’ll Tells You What I Fancy In GUYS…..

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Hope you’re having the most beautiful Thursday! Going well for you? I truly hope so. You all deserve a bit of love, luck and happiness. And thank you so much for finding you way to Wunna Land. It’s utterly much appreciated.

I’m quite dandy today and I don’t really know why? But i’m kinda brimming over with the ‘joy joys’ and I love it when that happens, because it’s such a great feeling. It fills my sorry ass soul with light.

You won’t know this, but every morning in Wunna land, Ruby, Junior  (my babies) and I are woken up by a hand picked song, that plays and fills each room in the house. I believe it puts us all in a good mood. I’m a huge music lover. And even if you’re hungover, it’s ace, because it makes you think the party is still going on.

Today’s choice was by my five year old, Baby Junior and it was this…So i’m gonna put it on for you, so you can feel today’s vibe…

*Hit Play Now.*

Then KatyP sends me a whatsapp message stating that we should pack up boxes of super strength dildos, make sure the boxes are labelled ‘SUPER STRENGTH DILDOS‘ and drop them outside each of our friends doorsteps.

KatyP: ‘Claire would expect it to be full. Lol.’

Me: ‘It’s fine, we can just chuck in a couple of kitchen knives and say it’s bondage or summat.’

KatyP: ‘We’ll put a soap on a rope in there too..’

Me: ‘And a teddy to cuddle, for after the ordeal.’

Then she gave me a list of Adult Cereals that went along the lines of ‘Fifty Shades of Grain/Special D/Porn Flakes/Rice Friskies’ that I could consider munching, as  I’m actually a breakfast skipper. (I just do coffee and selfie taking and yeah lol…it’s really bad for your system. You should always have breakfast.) My favourite was ‘Cheery Hoes.‘ So if I do ever consider eating before 9am…

They’d be my first choice of delight.

Away from that, I loved Love Island last night. I still fancy Adam. I don’t know why some people don’t. He’s far too attractive to not adore and his personality, to me… is on point. Like I don’t care if he’s sweet, but egotistical, kind, but cocky…In general, I love that in a guy. I love a guy with ‘gusto.’

Y’know, when they know what they want and how to get it. It not only means they’ve used their brain, yet also learnt along the way of life…and studied girls with a sly carefulness. I don’t mind a guy who fancies himself as a bit of charmer, but only when it’s executed well.  I like ‘smooth’ not cheeky. Cheeky is young. ‘Smooth’ is grow ass man. I like a soft gentleman, mixed in with a delicious roaring swag. I go for sexy. I love sexy.

It’s hot.

I still fill as though the Doctor is gonna get pied off by Rosie, ‘The Solictor’ though. I mean, she used date Jordan Weekender…which means she’s gonna swoop on in for MY ADAM. Haha. Hurrah!! Poor Alex.

I had ace chats about this with my chickadee Zara (who works at Creator Hair in Sheffield) late last night. I think we decided we loved each other and then decided that all men were twats.

Why are they though? We’re proper catches!

Then we talked about cougars and how every young guy goes through his ‘cougar phase.‘ I’m not agest by any means. I can’t afford to be emotionally. Lol.

However, I’ve always ended up with a toyboy. I don’t know whether that’s because i’m the oldest girl in the world, living a young life or because I’ve never found an older man, (apart from ONE..who is my mate ‘Trigg’ who i find extremely attractive. I mean, for 42, he’s a looker. You should stalk his Insta: Simon T Trigg. It’s a grow up girls treat.)

Me: ‘I don’t think a 20 something guy would ever really  seriously consider being with a 30 something yr old girl…long term..’

Zara: ‘You’d be surprised…’

Me: ‘I just don’t think, they’d look to settle down with someone quite a bit older, in the end…It’s just a phase for them. Yeah, we’re by far better women, all grown up, no drama and better in bed…

Zara: ‘When you’re in Sheffield at the end of the month. I know you’ll already have somewhere to stay, but feel free to stay at mine. Oh shit. Wait. And that’s not because you’ve just said you’re good in bed. Hahahahahahaha. 

I love Zara. She’s ace. When she first met me, (at the Weaves & Waves event in Leeds, she came with Sam etc) she didn’t like me and was certainly unsure, then hours in… she thought I was okay and finally, at the very end of the night, she decided she did. I literally love her.  I find her funny, she makes my evil soul fill with laughter. She’s a good find. Aw! Yeah and I saw that Sam BURNT HIS HEAD with straighteners today on his Insta story…

‘Mr. Assured Chrissie Wunna, that HE NEVER BURNS ANYTHING, whilst doing hair.’  

All he did was emoji piss himself at me…then got on with life.

(Ooh, i’ve just got a message in from ‘Firmonnell.’ She’s one of my chick besties,  but she’s in France..camping. Once sec, let me see what she’s got to say, because I miss her…)

It was a snapchat of her face with flower filter ears, Lol…with text reading..

‘Thought you might miss my face…’

Why can’t guys be as thoughtful as girls? Why are we girls all so attentive with one another, yet when we date, the guy’s we’ve chosen (aside from KatyP, who has the most romantic ‘Golfer Jonny’…even though she’s *six day* sore..) are FAR LESS so…? Why are relationships always hard work? They shouldn’t be. But maybe it’s me. That’s why I’M single…always. Lol.

I do love, love and i’m a hopeless romantic. But honestly, where is he? I know we’re not meant to have a perfect man in our heads. But I’m quite happy being single until that man rocks up..I don’t think i’m a bad woman. I think i’m a great woman. And my imaginary perfect man, isn’t made up of a list like most girls, it is all based upon how he would make me FEEL. That’s all I care about. Alongside handsome, sexy and stable.

I love eye candy. It’s always been a part of me that’s been really shallow.

I will always want to be with a really attractive man, provided his personality matches up to his looks. So technically, I’m balanced. 😉

Someone’s just sent me a link to read. I click on it, and all it does is unfold me really really slloooowly, then it states as a headline, ‘Paris Hiltons British Best Friend, slips a nips during photoshoot.’ 

Thrilling news…

Love you,

Chrissie x

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Let’s Get a Bit Inspirational….& Pervy :)

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I’ve just got out of an audition, so I’m all pumped and juiced. I love auditioning. I find it really fun. When I was a kid in LA, I used to be terrified, when it came to ‘audition’ day. Yet, after only a few weeks, my friends and I found that we were on around 4 auditions a day, all over LA, for all different shows. I remember, I had The OC, ER, Charmed & A Glamour Magazine, in one day. My other friend had Will & Grace, What I like about you, The OC & CSI. And we’d be dashing through Hollywood, with our ‘sides’ (that’s what you call your audition script) making sure we were prepared and not late. I didn’t really have time to be nervous anymore. Nerves were a waste of time. I had one shot. One read. That read could end up booking me that job. It could change your life. And it did.

I’m back in the UK though now. Have been for years and I’m loving it. The last audition I went on. I booked it. That will air shortly. I did one this morning and loved it, so we’ll see how that goes.

You’ve godda give it you’re all. And I never care what anyone thinks. I’ll go for it.

I mean what’s the point in moaning about getting work, staying in work or whatever else it is you can muster, if you can’t be arsed to put in the effort.

Anything can happen at anytime. More people need to believe that.

If you don’t think so ,you’ve lost FAITH IN YOURSELF. and you shouldn’t because you’re beautiful. No one can do YOUR VERSION of life better than you. I say it all the time. Don’t look over your shoulder at what everyone else is up too. Concentrate on your life, your game, your passion, your strut and go back and get everything that they said you couldn’t have!

I was so excited to perv on Love Island, Adam last night, that my excitement got the better of me, I ran out of excited energy and fell asleep after an exciting garden wine. I’m so shit at being a perv. I mean , If I can’t even do that, then Lord Help my rotten soul. Being a perv is such a brilliant ‘old school’ past time. It’s easy.

Couldn’t do it for toffee though could I!

I’m actually loving Dr.Alex now on Love Island, because I’m feeling really bad for him. I hate that people keep treating hi shitty. But i’m sure the magical world of TV has something up their delicious, no scripted lol, sleeve.

WHOOOPPPPEE!

Whatelse? Oh yeah, some maungy girl, sent me an evil message today and insulted my boobies. Don’t bother. Be smarter. Pick anything but the boobies, because they’re obviously such a ‘Chrissie Wunna‘ strength. A weapon. They’re lethal, with googly eyes on. They drink shots and hypnotize folk. Do your boobs do that? No. Exactly.

So, be smart enough to say I have shit feet or something. It would’ve made me cry, into my prosecco, for a good half a second.

YAWN!

I’m at a wedding on Saturday, so I’m really excited for that. Definitely don’t have a dress. Definitely going to end up leaving it to the last minute. But I fancy wearing lemon. Not A LEMON…as that would just be awkward.

‘Chrissie, why have you come as a piece of fucking fruit?’

In Summer, lemon is my favourite colour. I also like boys who can totally rock pink. But do it so well, that it makes all the girls dribble.

I hope my audition went well? I need something to eat now.

My friend ‘Trigg‘ sent me a message yesterday, apologizing for working so much etc etc…People don’t need to say sorry for doing life or their choices. But when you’re a grown up and working so much, you’re loaded with stress by the buckets on occasion and it’s hard to make time for people isn’t it?

I totally get that. I have the same problem. And our lives are manic. We’ll get around to a catch up.

Yet for those of you, who maybe don’t run busy lives or careers, DO KNOW to ALWAYS remember that someone’s effort is a reflection of their interest in you.

We as girls, and guys (at times,)we always make excuses for people, don’t we? But only when it comes to love. You’re love life is such a big thing isn’t it? It’s important. It motivates you. It makes you feel alive. But like i said in my last blog, I’m happy being single, yet i’m open to finding love. I’m just NOT BOTHERED about ‘coupling up’ with someone, who isn’t my going to be hero, my best friend or potential life partner/buddy/chum chum…whatever else you can bung in there.

I’m not arsed about the game of love. I want a man who’s not scared to chase love, show love, be loved. I like a man who knows how to get what he wants. It’s sexy. I want all boxes ‘ticked.’ And we all deserve that.

I mean, when you’re older. You know what you want. When you’re younger. You make excuses for all sorts and don’t really know as much as you think you do.

Well that was ME, anyway. It might not be you? But probably.

Right i’m off. I need to find a dress….

 

Gino’s, Issho & A Bit of Bottega Milanese

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So, last week, I think it was Tuesday, after I shocked myself up, the night before, dashed off a train, only to find myself in Newcastle, which was of course wasn’t Leeds and of course completely the wrong stop! Yipppeee! I waited for ages, hopped back on a train and tinkered home, got in at around 1am…and woke up the next morning ready for work and lets face it, ready to ‘work it.’

*Wiggle, Wink.*

The city was Leeds. A city close to my heart. And my number of stop off’s, shimmied to THREE…and I LOVE it when I get to visit loads of my faves in one day. It gets me excited…and you get to watch it, as I place it on my Insta story…(which is the whole point to me going.)

I actually fooled myself into thinking that if I wore pinstripes and looked moderately smart, I wouldn’t feel as tired and everyone would think I was sassy and posh. Haha. But whenever, I do venture into the city centre, through the day…I always dress quite smart anyway, because it’s that kinda city. We’re quite eclectic, yes…But we’re also quite ‘bouji.’ There’s a sense of style, grace and fun…no matter what walk of life you head into the city from.

You’ll strut…not walk. You’ll pass shoulders with young professionals in suits. You’ll cross city streets next to PR girls in heels. Everyone is well turned out…The city is alive. Everyone’s filled with ambition and ready to make something glorious out of themselves…It is a ‘stop off for a cocktail at noon,’ kinda town.

And for someone like ME…What could be better.

Plus, I always walk through the city and never drive through it, simply because I can only FEEL IT and blog about it, when i’m immersed in the middle of it.

At around 12.30, I tottered into my favourite ‘daytime gig’, which is the Espresso bar ‘La Bottega Milanese.’ I go there all the time, when I fancy a bit of peace, yet fun, because the tunes in that joint are SO good. It’s sort of R & B ish, which you wouldn’t expect from such an airy, calm place of creativity.

I blogged from the high bench, hungover on Tuesday..and I usually always get there around 11.30am. (They also sell Prosecco and light treats, even though they are an award winning espresso bar. In case you didn’t know.) And I loved every single minute of being there, because every soul around you is doing something creative. I was sat next to a guy who was writing poems in a notebook and a girl, with a sketch book, who he didn’t know, who was drawing him.

I LOVE THAT!

And both parties were completely fine with it all, because we’re still Yorkshire. We don’t get worked up over the little things that make people happy.

To my left, was a business man, who was conducting a meeting with a suited GQ looking colleague and they were both in ‘commercial property,’ discussing a ‘closing’ of a deal. I was blogging, hungover in the middle, in my ‘don’t look hungover‘ pinstripe shirt. And if you were following my story, you will have been there with me. (Insta: @chrissiewunna.)

It got really busy at lunch time and that place filled up in minutes. But I already had another place to stop by. So I packed up my pink laptop and tinkered back through into the city. But yes, you all should stop by La Bottega Milanese.

‘A place for networking, relaxing and to be seen.’

You’re drinks are served to you in the most creative manner and the detail and design of the joint is perfection. I go there ALL THE TIME.

My next stop was Issho. Now you all now how much I adore Issho, at Victoria Gate. It’s located in the ‘bouji’ part of the city. You’ll pass Louis Vuitton, Harvey Nics, and everything in between. It’s my favourite Sunday Afternoon ‘roof top terrace’ spot. The place is beautiful, calm, yet busy with a sexy quiet lust, It’s Japanses. Stylish and a haven for a models, glamour pusses, footballers, wealthy families, or the money man…That’s the vibe and whenever I go…I’ll always order a cold sake, which is served to me, in a Japanese clay bowl, filled with ice, to keep it’s temperature correct, at all times.

The staff are the height of exquisite, when it comes to service and they’re also so much fun. I mean I was talking to Jack…(I think it was Jack or was it John? Lol) Anyway, he is originally from Romania, just moved to Leeds, from Manchester, now working at Issho and has been in the city for only 2 weeks. He was telling me how having your own place in a new city is amazing, because you can do whatever you want.

If you wanna walk around naked with a whisky, you can.

Yet being new to a city, on your own is difficult, but only at first, because Leeds is a city where you make acquaintances quickly. It’s not as cold as London, yet there’s still so much to do. But he was going to Everyman’s Cinema with his work colleague, who was also so much fun..Also so much banter..and offered to take me swimming. Lol.

Me: ‘Swimming?’

(You don’t need to take me swimming to see me in a bikini. Just Google my socials. Lol) 

Issho J: ‘Well why don’t you come to the cinema?’

Me: ‘I’m already booked to go next week, for work.’

Bottom line, lots of gentle fun, surrounded by all things stylish and Zen. I could have a Issho Sake now. (What time is it?) Love that palce. You should go.

My last stop was Gino’s. Owned by the delightful Gino D’Acampo. Everybody in the city knows that this is where you will always find me…as it is literally my favourite haunt..and I influence the the glories out of this restaurant/bar. I’ve been to them all over. The staff are hot Italian Gems. I could not get treated better in that place and it is a stylish, but warm, family, friend or date spot, kinda joint. It serves you all and when you’re in there, you FEEL good, like you’re in safe hands.

Probably why I like to go.

The quality of the drinks, service and food is divine. I mean, as soon as I walked in, straight away it’s air kisses, love from the managers and the warmest greetings as I’m  and walked to the bar. i don’t even have to order (I go there so much) and a Prosecco in a frozen glass will appears, in front of me. Immediately, before I even wink, the beautiful Italian lady behind the bar, winks and says,

‘I’ve ordered you the focaccia, breaksticks wrapped in parma ham with pesto and honey drizzled cheese. I know you’ll need a bar snack, you can have them with your drink, to compliment it. 

PERFECT! HOW GOOD IS THAT SERVICE.

Then later, I got talking to Francesco ( Insta: @francesecolapodl) who works behind the bar there…and I loved him because he was such a delight.

Francesco: ‘Where have you just come from?’

Me: ‘Issho…It’s great there.’

Francesco: ‘Is it! I’m looking for somewhere to take my girlfriend on a date. I’m looking for somewhere Asian. We did Sukhothai…

Me: ‘Yeah, I love it there. Issho’s Japanese. So it’s like sushi/sashimi…and lovely. It’s pricey though..’

He *winks*…because that’s  what the Italians do. Oh the charm. I love the charm. Haha. I mean you can’t stop adoring the staff at Gino’s…It’s almost like a perfectly cast show of style, glamour, and Italian family values.

Then with a smirk, he says…(and this part is SOOOO HOT LADIES…..His lucky girlfriend…)

‘I don’t mind pricey. 🙂 The price doesn’t matter to me at all, Chrissie. I work in the industry. I’m happy to pay over and over again. for good food, great service and good times, with my girlfriend.’

Francesco, please marry us all. We girls LOVE IT when guys are hot like that. And it’s not about the date,  or the simple cost of anything..and all about the fact that it’s such a MANLY…GENTLEMANLY…TRADITIONAL way to be. It’s attractive. And all girls find it attractive. He’s the man of his kingdom and can take care of his girl on every level, out of love, respect and good times.

I kinda want to head to Gino’s now too? Lol

Anyway, I know that everyone this evening is going to be hooked on ‘Love Island’ and never venturing out again for the next month. But if you need places to go in Leeds, you should try the above three joints out.. I actually only watched little bits of ‘Love Island’ last year. But i’m gonna make the effort to watch more of it this year…However, I’m not gonna let it effect my social life. Lol. I am still a grown up. I can catch a tv show on repeat. Real life social interactions for always right now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nothing But The Truth & Petty Flippin’ Fight Offs

Yesterday started off ace. I got my quiet time, with a ‘Katy P‘ who’s a really close friend of mine and I managed to feel ‘real’ again and not like a ‘product’ or project. I’ve been really stressed. But i’m back now. I’m back.

I guess, it gets hard at times, because I write a blog..this blog…which pretty much documents my life….almost like a written word reality show….I started it in LA, because I loved ‘diarying’ my life…as I lived it…It was only a hobby, just my version of ‘doing life’ and mainly my therapy…as my day job at the time was ‘glamour model,‘ which then turned into ‘reality tv.’

The blog came first…they were just things that accidentally happened to me, on my journey.

Years later….this ‘hobby‘…turned into a business…and my life…turned into work…as people all over the world started ‘tapping’ into Wunna Land. It kinda became a ‘show.’

An what I’m gonna say is that every single inch of me, couldn’t be happier with the way it all panned out. It’s like a dream. I get to do what I love…and that’s certainly something I regard as so precious. I’m incredibly grateful for it all. Not a little piece of me, will ever complain about it. In fact, I want MORE.

YET….sometimes (and anyone in entertainment or any form of ‘show’ like occupation) will know, that it can all get too much at times…it gets busy, everyone thinks they know everything about you….and you kinda just need to check in with ‘the reals,’ as I call them. (Which are your closest friends…family…or just have a moment to yourself.) 

That’s what I did yesterday with Kate….

This is what happened…

So we meet up accidentally, Kate’s just come from Pilates, I’m blogging, she decides to clear out a giant green caravan, that ‘once ready’ will be serving gin. Nothing coming out this caravan looked GINNY. (Obviously, i just supervised in the sun with a drink. I always say I was build for pleasure, not tedious labour.) 

In fact, everything coming out of this caravan looked like it was the entire contents of ‘Argos.’

Kate: ‘We have a heat lamp, some boxes, cables…tinsel…another heat lamp.’

If the process went on any longer, I swear she would’ve even pulled out an elephant, maybe Elvis, an ex boyfriend, Baby Jesus, Lisa Appleton and hungry donkey.

Long story short, she sacked it off and we did sunshine, gossip and ‘keeping it real,‘ as we chatted ‘wills,‘ guys, stalkers, our love lives, how we’d get married, if we did ever get married again and just basic shit really…Hours were passing…and I was loving it because we were literally throwing our heads back with insane laughter and it’s those moments, away from everything and everyone, that matter to me the most.

Then she calculated an entire humans finances in about 3.2 seconds, because she’s a whizz like that…and proceeded to make fun of me, as she just got on with her ‘own ting.’ 

Me: ‘Erm…why are ignoring me??’

Katy P: ‘What I’m organizing letters into the correct batches and spelling shit.’

I mean WTF, i’m an attention whore at the best of times. Fob me off for large glasses of wine or hula dancing, not SPELLING and organizing.

Me: ‘What are you even doing!!’

Katy P: I’m spelling out your love life, but I can’t spell BEYOND….’

Me: ‘As if you’ve just calculated an entire humans finances but you can’t spell BEYOND. Lol. That’s disgraceful. Hahah.’

Katy P: ‘Don’t start… I’m dyslexic.’

…and technically I can’t do sums…So I’ll give her that…and let her mock away at my life, right in front of my little Burmese face.

Just a great day in general….It felt all calm, yet fun. ‘Zen’ like…yet sassy. (If there is such a thing? Lol) Then, ‘JD’ and some a guy named ‘Martin’ with a dog, had walked in. They looked at us, like we were foolish.

And we are…

Then all was lovely. Fantastic afternoon. Life was bliss. I’d refueled and filled myself to the utter brim with love.

THEN…

As soon as I got home…an awful ‘busy body.’ You know what I mean? They’re the people in life, who have nothing better to do, nothing going in their life, aside from the everyday, mundane, same old ‘one foot in front of the other.’They’re the nosiest people. The most judgmental folk…and people who can only focus on ‘the little things that don’t matter,’ because there’s not much more excitement going on around them.

I got into an argument with ‘the busy body.’ It was played like a back and forth‘ …..over a plank of wood.

But who the ****has time to moan or argue about a plank of wood?

Do you?

I mean something else had happened, which was much more important during that time….and instead of finding any compassion…they worried about themselves and their wood.

I don’t like selfish people. Open ya goddamn eyes! Open ya goddamn heart.

Anyway, the pettiness of it, made me FURIOUS…I was FUMING. And by nature, I’m a relaxed person, I’m easy going…I’m patience…I’m warm…I’ll never be really mad, unless I’m absolutely passionate about something and people never know that about me, unless they’ve met me personally…The just assume i’m a bitch.

Regardless…

I couldn’t have been MORE PISSED OFF…and you pick ya fights, ya verbal bickers… don’t you? But I’d had enough…so I  went for it.

Literally ALL THE SASS and i don’t even care. I can’t stand narrow minded people. I was furious.

Anyway, I got myself into a merry tizzy and I was so cross, I filled up…and cried. Yipppeeee! Lol. However, I only did the crying part behind closed doors, as later on my mum came over and sat with me, just to make sure everything was okay.

Mum: ‘Just ignore her. She’s got nothing better to do. I know you feel like you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders…but just relax and know that everything’s going to be okay. ‘

Me: ‘I don’t need another lecture, right now…’

Mum: ‘This isn’t a lecture! I’m your mum!! No one in this entire world loves you as much as I love you…and no matter what, I’ll stand by you. But you need to listen to me…

Me:’ I am…’

(I’m crying by this point…lol. But doing the pretending like i’m not thing…) 

And in that moment, as she went through everything, and I told her every inch of how I was feeling….a ‘magic’ swirled around us, a ‘magic’ that was build from unconditional love…and even though I felt like a little girl again…..within a *flash* I grew back up into WOMAN.

Always share strength….not weakness….and her strength is motivated by love…

In that moment, she made me realize how lucky I am…

(Oh shit, my phone’s ringing….)

 

Life, Drinks & Mexican Blow Jobs

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Happy Bank Holiday! Suns Out! Funs Out! Let’s get playing! (Can you tell i’m doing shit at this ‘staying in and not drinking when it’s sunny’ thing? But who cares? I had a chilled one yesterday and let’s face it, I’m hear to live with my full face on, not twiddle thumbs in a knitted cardy.) Its important that we stick to our strengths.

If you’re in LA! (And a lot of my closest friends are! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.) Hope you had an AMAZING ‘CINCO DE MAYO!’ Any excuse to enjoy a tipple, even if we do it in sombreros and celebrate the fact that I invented the ‘Mexican Blowjob.’ (You need to ‘back track’ blog for that information. But it’s totally flipping worth it.)

It’s basically, the art of giving someone a blow job…yet at the same time HUMMING the theme tune to the ‘Mexican Hat Dance.‘ And before you all get narky. I’m allowed to say this, because *many moons ago,* I had a Mexican Husband, and that’s when I decided to invent this treat…So THERE. I’m not a floozy. Just a great ‘at the time’ wife? Yay! Divorce!!!  Lol. (Good Save.)

If you’re weird and you don’t know the theme tune to the ‘Mexican Hat Dance‘ IS… Hit *Play* bitches now…  🙂 And yes…I did!

Okay, so i’ve been whining on about my love life for a bit now, and I do want you to know that it IS actually deliberate..and you’ll find out why shortly. However, our  Love lives, be you a girl or boy.. is such an important thing to us, isn’t it? Even if we play it down. I always find it strange when guys or even girls don’t have the time or ability to love. Maybe because i’m the opposite way. But I just couldn’t live a life with someone who was numb to emotion or FUN.

DON’T BE DULL. LIVE. BE FUN. HAVE A LAUGH. I MEAN I DON’T WHY PEOPLE TAKE THEMSELVES OR LIFE SO SERIOUSLY AT TIMES? RELAX. ENJOY IT. I’m someone who just KNOWS how to LIVE…and i’ll go to my grave happy because of it.

*Throws you a life line. Boomerangs you a chance*

Yesterday was super sunny, but I had a chill day kinda day, dedicated to family. I was in INSTA JAIL for the majority of the day and it was fine at first, until i got frustrated, sweaty and ran out of gin…then it wound me up. I’m going off gin. It doesn’t give me the gusto,t he spunk, the ‘Ooh laa’ that I need. Luckily, ‘Miss Murphy’ who I adore, (i’m starting to adore her madly,) sat with opposite me with a..

‘*Like* something and let me screenshot it.’

‘WHEN AM I OUT OF INSTA JAIL. Like i have shit to promote through the week!!’

‘ Miss. Murphy’ does PR for a living, in Leeds but our kids go to school together and what I adore about ‘The Murph’ is that I see her in snippets and when I do, I literally tell her everything, without her permission…sort of like she’s confession box. Whatever that is? 😉 My heart lights up when I see her, because I’ll either get to repent, or she’ll join in with the verbal Tom Foolery, without judgement.

Today, I want drinks and i’m certainly gonna get them. it’s me time. I’m choosing ‘The Carleton’ as my haunt…and well I’ll know everyone there, so I’ll only need to rock up with a smile and bump into EVERYONE. I’m sorted!

Life is great. It’s almost like i’m trying to pretend that.. NOT MUCH is going on, when A LOT of really serious stuff is occurring. I don’t know why i’m doing that?  Maybe i’m worried and I don’t like you to know that? Or maybe I just can’t believe my luck..and i’m absorbing it quietly? Or Maybe I just want you to think life can be easy? I dunno? Yet, it seems to be working. Haha.  So ‘whatevers.’ You’ll hear about it soon, so don’t worry. I’m really excited and like I always say, I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

THINGS ARE CHANGING. NEW PEOPLE ARE SHIMMINING IN..New opportunities are occurring…

(Hahaha. I can’t at all concentrate because ‘The Mexican Hat Dance’ song keeps playing on my laptop and I can’t turn it off. How do I make it stop? It’s putting me off!! Lol Plus, that Husband once through me across a restaurant by accident in LA..so he didn’t even deserve my treat. Don’t get all stressed. He picked me up when drunk and attempted a baby fling…but I FLEW ACROSS TABLES, because I’m light like that? 😉 I was in a tshirt that read ‘I break hearts on a daily basis’ I was 20 something, crying lol and then some other dude called ‘Mickey,’ who has now passed away, tried to comfort me in a strip club. Hahaha.) 

I’m really missing my girl bestie ‘Firmonnell’ right now. You need a good chick team, don’t you and she’s certainly one of THE BEST girls I know. In a world where you live your life publicly online, there’s actually always secrets and well… she certainly knows all mine. She’s the only person I tell EVERYTHING TO, honestly, without censor.

Me: ‘I don’t even know why he didn’t  evenlove me?’

Firmonnell: ‘It’s been done for a long time. It was good FOR the TIME…THAT time…but just move forward. He’s so dull.’

I kinda felt free…

The reason why I love a bit of ‘Firmonnell’ (who needs a better blog name) is because when I don’t tell her the truth, she sees right through me…Yet, she doesn’t make me feel bad for it. Lol.  I messaged her the other day, because I was feeling ‘needy af.’ I just needed advice…this is what she said…

Firmonnell: ‘Find someone who takes your breath away, who can look after you, who makes you laugh, who makes you shine and doesn’t hold you back.’

And from different sides of the city….that’s all I needed to hear. Two chicks, from two different walks of life, threw each other a life line, because they saw the world through the same eyes…

I’d love someone to take my breath away, yet I want them to be bantery and fun, at the same time. I love a ‘handsome’ cheeky chappy. One that can make fun of you, but love you madly. Lol. But to be honestly, i’m pretty happy, because I don’t have to really look…they’ll step forward. It’s what men do.

Anyway, i’m off for breakfast with my daughter, before I drop her off at her daddies…and tinkle down to a beer garden for Bank Holiday. I’m like it’s 9.17am? Is the pub open yet? Hahah.

But enjoy it. Do, DO LIVE!!

It’s Summer right! If you follow this blog religiously, you’ll know that I usually regard Summer time, as a season where people just ‘fling.’ They never seem to fall in love…they ‘crush’ and ‘fling’…as Winter is when the ‘coupling up’ happens., people are more lonely during that time and Christmas kinda fills hearts with merriment and all that jazz. Lol

This Summer is different, because this Summer i’ve grown into a woman. So as you’re drinking out of coconuts (because honestly how many more people can I see on my newsfeed, drinking out of coconuts this year. Last year it was the ‘flamingo/unicorn inflatable..’ Lol) I’m gonna find me some REAL FUN, that fun that LASTS a lifetime…

Chrissie x

Thank you for following my life…

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Rebel Just For Kicks & True Love….

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Ooh, i’m a sassy one today! I’m feeling rebellious, cheeky….fun! I’m wanting to be a nuisance, just for the glorious sake off and although it always ends in tears…..I just can’t help myself. If you can’t have a bit of laugh, then what have you got left…but rum? Exactly!

Chicky Mazza: ‘You are far too feisty today Wuns!’

‘Aaron The Pap‘ has already bollocked me for being a ‘Word Thief.‘ Lol.

Aaron: ‘Hahahaha! Sassiness on you at this hour, WORDS THIEF.’

But technically, you can’t teach a girl to COPYRIGHT EVERYTHING, not copyright your own words…and then moan because I stole them.

The words I stole, from his Paparazzi hands…were…

‘…AND SHIT!’

🙂 No one’s swag enough to own those words.

Today. I basically decided to force Lisa (as in ‘Appleton,’) who we know if a really good friend of mine, to have a MASSIVELY GIANT, birthday party, because she turns FIFTY, next month. She’s having surgery, so it will kill her to party, but it’s all about ME really…and I need an excuse to drink more.

Yippppppppeee!

I thought it would take me ages to persuade her…(I didn’t, at all, I don’t know why my fingers are typing that… I’m highly persuasive and she loves a good time.)

It took 3 minutes.

It was literally as easy as peeing into a bucket. (Which is you’re a girl, is not that easy at all? Why am I chatting shit? Lol And why do I have this disturbing image of me sitting, doing a wee…on a giant orange bucket???) 

Anyway, I won’t rest until she jumps out of a cake…or if we have a Tiki party…a flipping pineapple. Xfactor Liam (Halewood) has suggested that all cocktail sticks are made out of sausages or something? Lol. Oh no, wait? He said pickled onions on sticks and that he likes ‘bangers.’ 😉 (My fingers keep lying.)

But you get it. Today, I’m a cheeky swine of a glamour puss! And I’m loving it.

Rebel me this. Rebel me that!

I met up with another good friend of mine ‘Big A’ yesterday. He owns the High Fashion & Culture Magazine ‘House Of Solo’ and we always have a pint and gossip, usually about our love lives….then we decide to work. We chose ‘Ego’ as our banter hideaway…because it’s basically the closest and I watched him put Issue 7 together…( I like watching people work.) He was deciding if he’s going to shoot Rita Ora and Zayn Malik for the cover. (Hard life.)

We got talking all sorts and I showed him the Tattoo that I have on my inner right arm, that reads…

‘March.’

Me: ‘It’s the last name of a guy in LA. Lol. He was my bestfriend. His last name is March.’

Big A: ‘WTF!’

Me: ‘Anyway, finish off ya story? What were you saying about that drama, cos I think, if a Dude has to reach for PLAN C, then he’s got no hope! What happened to Plan A & Plan B??’

Big A: ‘They didn’t work. It was crazy. How was Spain?’

Me: ‘I’m going to an event on Wednesday evening. Weaves & Waves. I’m waiting the new wig line drop…Love Island, ‘Emma’ is hosting it. It’s in Leeds. Why don’t you come?’

Big A: ‘Yeah, I’ll try to. I’ve got a shoot in London…But…*looks at his phone..* Yeah…I think I can do it.’

Me: ‘Why is *************** ruining everything!’

Big A: ‘I don’t know? He’s being such an idiot.’

Me: ‘It’s because he’s got a fairly new girlfriend and she’ll hate me. It’s flipping WORK. We’re mates! We don’t flipping date!!!’

He worked…I DRANK EVERYTHING! And I couldn’t really tell if I was drinking everything because I was stressed and hormonal, or just wanting to celebrate….ANYTHING? 

Anyway, well done to all of you who took my advice and decided not to be dull. Don’t be scared to embrace life and don’t let the art of what other’s think of you destroy your ‘good time.’ They’re doing their own version of life…and just because it’s different to yours, it doesn’t mean it’s better..FOR YOU. I love it when we appreciate the differences in others. I hate when people drivel on about ‘blah.’ (Kinda like I do…for a living. 😉 )

Chick Friend Tiger Stripes: ‘Is your new thing accents? I’m sure all the guys that you’ve fancied over the last few years, have all had accents…’

(I’m calling her ‘Tiger Stripes’ because she didn’t rub in her fake tan very well. 😉 )

Me: ‘I don’t have a *thing,* I just..I don’t know…? I like SOME accents. I like it when they’re going grey a bit. I’m not quite  sure I should be trying to preach anything *dating.* But i’m happy right now, with the way life is, so stop trying to make me feel shit. lol’

I guess, love to me is teaming up with a best friend, lover and  hero….through the entire ‘thick and thin‘ of it all and still over the years, no matter what, feeling crazy about them every moment of every day.  I didn’t get married every time because I was an idiot. I got married every time because I believed in love.

I remember a time when I was really upset,, years ago…but playing it ‘happy’ and my old school friend ‘Wazza’ (who can see through everything and hosts this blog,) stopped me and quietly said, in the middle of his own wedding reception..

‘Don’t worry about it Chrissie. You didn’t do anything wrong. You just trusted him…. and that’s okay because you SHOULD be able to trust your husband. Honestly… I’m picking ya next husband. Lol’

And in that moment, my heart broke into a million pieces, but being me, I smiled, laughed it off and wished him the most beautiful wedding day….

[Oh wait….One of the loveliest bartenders at the bar i’m at right now, has just sauntered up to chat…Once sec…]

……………………………………

…………………….

Okay! I’m back. he just wanted to know how Spain went! I love it when people *pause* for a bit of banter with me. It’s fun. Most people walk by pretending they haven’t made eye contact with me and then start giggling.

I got this weird message the other day, from a guy, who i’d regard as a friend, because he used to be WITH  a really close friend of mine, for years. He’s been really inappropriate and he’ll send me the most bizarrely suggestive messages. He doesn’t care if I ignore him or knock him back (EVERYTIME,) he just keeps going, like it’s all just normal and dandy.

It’s not. I’m a really loyal friend. I just think it’s incredibly wrong. Why do guys do that? I even responded with a…

‘No, I just don’t like you like that mate…’ (And I hate that because it makes me feel rude. But to be honest, he’s being rude…Men are meant to make other women FEEL like a million dollars…not weird and awkward.)

Tiger Stripes: ‘Y’know, you NEED a guy to step in and make YOU feel like a million dollars. I don’t think you’ve ever had that. I think you’ve always looked after men. In fact, I actually think, as sassy as you are, you’re actually too good to them…and they take the piss. I also think you push them away.’

Me: ‘I really need ice in my wine…I’m gonna go ask for ice.. I’m not talking dating with you right now. I can’t concentrate because your tan stripes are confusing me.’

I’ve just got another message from a Wunna Land fan..it reads…

Fan: ‘I want to taste your sweetness..’

It tastes like vodka.

Anyway, i’m off, I can’t be bothered to type anymore. I want my wine. Summer feels like it’s on it’s merry way and that alone makes me happy. I love it warm. If you can’t shake maracas and dance to the beat of bongos. …(In LA, I once climbed an entire wall, in an evening dress, at a house party, simply to reach the bongo players, who were placed in some designer wall cove. They got fired because of me. 🙁 They let me play their bongos.) 

…What i’m trying to say is…

JUST HAVE SOME FUN, EH! It’s APRIL!

Tiger Stripes: ‘Are you missing ‘The Swirl.’

Me: ‘…………….yeah.’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Boodee, House of Lily & 3 Pumps For You Sir!

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Me: ‘We’ve all got knickers, as in pants on right?’

Cece: ‘Yeah. I’ve definitely got pants on. We’ve all got pants on…She hasn’t though…(Points at girl.) I mean, we’re old. They’re young and don’t where pants. But there was a young girl, who I was fitting, who clearly said she had spanx on.’

Rocker Lily: ‘I’ve got pants on.’

ALL GOOD! SAFETY FIRST!

Now, before I get into all that, as you ALL know that I was at the Boodee Boutique,Influencers Brunch’ on Sunday, at ‘Cuckoo’ in Leeds. My ‘socials’ and inboxes are going CRAZY CRACKERS over it.

I’ve never ever been to ‘Cuckoo’ in my life and I’m known for socialiting cocktail bars like a champion. It’s absolutely new, a tremendous find and it drips with a chilled out, bouji swirl of swag. It’s… COOL. It’s alive. It’s stylish, glamourous, yet not remotely pretentious and you get a free flipping pizza with your drink!

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Bartender: ‘Are you wanting the free pizza..?’

Me: ‘Noo, course not. I’m fine. Lol.

Bartender: ‘I didn’t think so, somehow. 😉 ‘

There’s just a vibe in that place… and ‘old school/new school’ vibe and if you were a child of the 80’s/90’s you will find the music deliciously swag. I ‘Pon De Replayed’ it…. like I WAS….. RIHANNA. (Don’t hate. You could’ve *swiggled it* too. In fact, Hit *play* to feel like you were there with me. See! Aren’t I nice to you! 😉 )

But let me take you back…The train into Leeds, was the busiest ‘Bank Holiday’ train of madness ever. It was filled with young gaggles of party boys, older couples, girls and a group of posh Geordies. (I’ve decided that Geordies are everywhere.)

I had begun the day feeling like a bit of a plonker, as it was early Sunday morning and I was strutting around life, petrol stations, Xscape, wine bars and Platform 2’s in a GIANT fluffy PINK faux fur, diamante heels, necklace and head to toe in PINK & WHITE.

I knew, I either looked marvellous or ridiculous because everyone was staring at me…constantly….and so much to the point that I’d started to feel moderately insecure. Lol. That’s why I had a wine, in the nearest bar, which was The Winter Seam, before my train. The problem with me is that I’ll feel ‘all the eyes.’ which it will make me very aware of my existence…It’ll then make me feel a bit ‘wibbly.’ but you would NEVER EVER know because I will strut into a place, IN MY GIANT PINK FAUX FUR, like i’m P.Diddy. (In fact, if Paris Hilton, Ru Paul, P.Diddy had a threesome, and did it whilst eating a bag of prawn crackers…THAT’S what I looked like. 🙂 )

Luckily, I looked less like a dickhead 3 minutes afterwards, because guys in budget  ‘Stag Do’ Hawaiian shirts began drizzling in…and then even they were *trumped* by the casual floral dress  ‘rocker’ lady with the bright blue hair. Then another Geordie appeared out of nowhere, said I was ‘stunning‘ and asked me where I was headed? (Told you, they’re everywhere. They’ve infiltrated Yorkshire. They’ve infiltrated Leeds.)

Me: ‘I’m off to a brunch in Leeds. I’m not just dressed like this for a fry up. Honest…’

He then asked me for my number, after he smirked at my obviously wonderful banter. 😉 So, I did that ‘Chrissie Wunna’ charm face, where I just smile, shrug, slide off my bar stool and laugh it off, like it hasn’t been said, as I giggle out the door.

Next minute I was in Leeds city centre. It was filled with bustle and I didn’t feel as strange anymore as EVERYONE  was dolled up to the heavens and back.

I diamante strutted down the side of the train station, to Call Lane, through busy city streets, car parks, alley ways, puddles, gave a homeless person a light and past a ton of young 20 somethings who were galloping around with excitement….I kinda felt like The Queen of all Leeds, at that point.  Then I walked past ‘Mission’ which reminded me that Zanetti was doing better than Me.

37, Call Lane. I was at ‘Cuckoo.’ The street seemed so quiet, so I carefully tinkered through the door and..

OH MY GOD….

*Camera Flashes, Music, Balloons, Cocktails, Skimpy Dresses, Highest Heels, Giggles, Laughter, Lip Gloss, Selfie Stations, Madness…*

It looked like the most marvellous place on Earth. Literally a Glamour Pusses DREAM. Firstly, it was filled to the brim with the most ‘dolled up‘ beautiful young girls, you will have ever seen in your life…and secondly, as I told you early, the most glamourously ‘cool’ buzz *fast swirled* through that entire place, like wildfire. (And I was only downstairs at first.)

A huge floral wall by ‘Orla Flora’ greeted you….(they’re really IN right now, aren’t they and taking the place of the ‘Media Board’ for a while.) If you have no clue, what I’m on about…. it’s  basically a huge wall made up of flowers, that you picture by, at events…Any event…Weddings, Parties…Whatever….and I LOVE THEM. (I didn’t have my picture taken by the floral wall, whist I was there, because I was too busy drinking and being on the phone to my friend, but I did notice how strikingly beautiful it was.) 

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GIANT PINK bespoke printed balloons (by Instagram @balloonroomx) filled the room, as young influencers and hopeful future influencers selfied, pictured and pouted by them for content..

The balloons were actually really cute, because they were giant and pink, with the words,

‘YOU DO YOU BOO’

..printed upon them.

It was just ace…

So, let me just fill you in. I appeared at the BOODEE BOUTIQUE, ‘Influencers Brunch,’ which is a glamourous afternoon networking event, for all those who are wanting to be ‘Insta Famous,’ an Influencer, a Blogger, Vlogger, those who want to start building their own business or empire, or those who already have….Well, it was a brunch for chicas of that sort…as they could all meet each other, network and at the same time go around the stalls set up by companies & brands (who are currently looking for influencers to promote their lines) and go make themselves known. Pretty much all the brands where looking for ‘the new face of…’ so they were scouting and casting through the crowds of girls. It was dripped in cocktail magic and the dress code was ‘pink & white.’ (And everything about this business, or any business is about MEETING PEOPLE. It is networking.)

Got it?

Cece: ‘Hi, have you been upstairs yet? I saw you walk in. You stuck out like a sore thumb. Here’s a card for House Of Lily. I was just seeing if you wanted to come upstairs and try some of our clothes for pictures….We’re casting for the new face…’

I’m like stood in my pink faux fur, guzzling wine and texting…But there was just something about ‘Cece’ that I loved. It was the fun in her eyes…So I took the card and she disappeared into the crowds.

Then little Baby Doll ‘Charlie C’ (instagram @charliecaitlyn) caught eyes with me and dashed up, with hugs and smiles…(She is as cute as a button and kinda hot as hell.) She pretty much thanked me for coming and within seconds has *whizzed* me upstairs to go and meet everyone….

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Charlie C: ‘I need you to meet Lisa…’

Me: ‘OH! HI! IT’S GREAT TO MEET YOU..’

Charlie C: ‘No…That’s not Lisa…That’s…’

Me: ‘Oh sorry. Hahaha. Nice to meet you anyway…

(We were literally hand in hand, rushing through the crowds of girls….)

Charlie C: ‘Chrissie. Wait here. I need to grab you a candle. It’s a bloggers candle…and you have a gift bag…Here! Take that!….Oh! That’s Lisa…’

Me: ‘Have I just met her downstairs?’

‘Charlie C’ was one of the girls running the event. She’s young, beautiful, Leeds and bubbly and was dashing about like some kind of stunning ‘headless’ chica of ‘ooh laa.’ She did REALLY WELL, as that event was DIVINE. To the point where I even stopped her at the end…to see if she’d throw me an event..

That girl is so young, but so good at what she does..She is the future Queen of Party Leeds.

Anyway, I felt like a glamourous Veteran at the Boodee event, as everyone around me was so young, I’d say from 18 upwards…There were SO MANY GIRLS, all done up and brimming with hopefulness and it was made me realise how many young people in this actual day and age want to be ‘Influencers.’ It’s the new dream job. I can’t believe how competitive it was, well IS and the girls were every INCH stunning.

They were immaculate.

I agree, that they’re all under really great pressure and I can see the pressure on their faces and I agree that it’s such a hard time for them to grow up in, with everything seeming so ‘social media’ perfect. Their stars and inspirations are the popular bloggers, vloggers and Instagrammers of today. And I feel like, they feel as though, they have a lot to try and accomplish, to get to where they want to be. I’m sure it makes them feel insecure, yet it’s the CONFIDENT ONES that smash through the barriers.

(And I can pick those girls right out of a crowd.)

Yet, the thing that made me smile was the fact that RIGHT NOW, INT HIS TIME, being a BLOGGER/Influencer is such a THING.’ When I started my blog 10 years ago in Hollywood...NOT A SINGLE SOUL was blogging, or giving any shits about blogging…People were making FUN OF for writing an online diary….

NOW! It’s one of the MOST LUCRATIVE CAREERS you can have! (IN YOUR FACE!) So firstly, I’m lucky because I accidentally built by blog up over 10 years, so didn’t really have to start from scratch..I did it all the way through my modeling & tv career…Secondly, I’m old….and so to be smashing it about ‘socially’ at 37 is huge, because you just wouldn’t have thought it could happen. But it has.

Anyway, whenever I go to an event, I do the room scan, I chat to everyone I want, I try to meet everyone and then whilst drinking all the cocktails, in all the land, I’ll then just do what I want. 🙂

Me: ‘I kinda just wanna get pissed now..’

I found Lisa, the owner of ‘House Of Lily.’ She was casting for the new faces of her brand. They had a shoot set organised for the girls, who were choosing something to try on, being fitted into it and then being photographed.

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I loved watching the girls, because it reminded me of being young at model casting days. It was far less glam though and I never heard this:

House of Lily: ‘Make sure the girls are tucking their tops in properly…I don’t want any boobs out…’

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I looked through all of ‘House Of Lily’s’ pieces and they were absolutely beautiful. She’s so talented. I mean, tweed fitted jackets, stunning long sequin dresses, patterned jump suits, see through lace Pussy bow blouses….Each piece was so special and so unique…I was in love!  There is so much that is just SO ME from that brand. I’m gonna meet up with Lisa again and take a look through everything properly with her personally, because her line is remarkable and at an event, it’s really difficult after prosecco.

From that point….my afternoon changed. I don’t know what happened, but I kinda brought the *jiggy* (like I do, I mean lets face it, i’m a chip off the ‘Hilton’ brand, I’ve been raised to ‘party’ and do it fucking well.

Me: ‘I need to drink my body weight in wine..’

Rocker Lils: ‘Shall we get sambuca shots.’

Cece: Chrissie, get in an outfit and picture with it please.’

Me: ‘I honestly can’t be bothered to take ALL OF MY CLOTHES OFF at 37, to put them all back on again right now.’

Then fresh wine was poured and our beautiful cup caked, lily vased, booth…turned into a party. 🙂

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So, I basically ‘lowered the tone…’ glamourously of course! Lol.

Me: ‘We’ve all got knickers or pants on right?’

Cece: ‘Yeah. I’ve definitely got pants on.

I ‘d already decided to ‘get comfy,’ at this point, because I loved the girls. I started drinking, and dancing in the booth, and multi tasked it with selfie and videoing taking for my insta/facebook.snapchat stories. ‘PR Lauren’ sat pissing herself at me, in awe. (I went with ‘awe,’ but she was again either staring at me like I was amazing or nuts? You decide.) We might have had a ‘pose off’ also for selfies.

Cece: ‘Look at you. Please tell me it’s real! You have some life. I want it. I want you meet my daughter.’

(She has the most eye catching mixed raced daughter, who floors it in the beauty stakes. I saw a picture of her on her phone and I was blown away.)

Cece: So, you’ve done Playboy….Have you been to mansion and met Hefner?’

Me: ‘Yeah course. Gosh. I wasn’t a *girlfriend,* I modelled for the brand, which is really different…As the *girlfriends* had to pump him. Lol. I think it was something like *3 pumps* and then the next one?

Cece: ‘Hahaha. There’s me thinking he was some kind of Don, when he could only manage 3 pumps and you’re off.’

Me: ‘Well he’s old int’ he and he has to have them ALL pump him, one at a time and watch…I’m sure they were fine with it, it’s only 3 pumps and a weekly allowance. Hahahaha! It was like a grand a week or something.’

Cece: ‘Y’see, I don’t hate on them at ALL for that. A girl’ll do what a girl will do. I’d 3 pump him for that.

Me: ‘Lol. Me too. I just didn’t have the opportunity too. ‘

Cece: ‘Would you?’

Rocker Lils: ‘Noooo, I couldn’t.’

PR Lauren: *BLUSHES*…I don’t know if…’

Rocker Lils: ‘Actually, now I think about it, I might… I’d do more than 3 pumps though. I’m gonna with yeah…

Me: ‘You’d end up bloody married to him!’

And that was the tone of the rest of the evening. It was THE BEST…WE WERE IN FITS OF LAUGHTER and we’re all Yorkshire, so we’re properly down to Earth, don’t care, say whatever we want kinda gals and it’s amazing!

House of Lily: ‘We might have found the girl/girls for the brand….There was one girl that I can’t find…Go find her Cece…’

Cece: ‘Go find her! You go find her. I don’t know what she looks like or where she’s chuffing gone. It’s packed in here. Lol.’

I just LOVE northern bits of tinker…because if I was in LA I would’ve heard…

‘Honey, can you go get me that gurl already.’

If I was in London… They would’ve have been ‘darling darling’ posh.

In Yorkshire, they’re like..

‘For chuffs sake…’

…and I love it.

Literally the most amazing afternoon brunch of wild girly madness….swirled in a fantasy red lighting, with unicorn balloons and giant carousel decor surrounding me.

All the girls that day looked amazing and the all did so fantastically. Well, I hope they did. I hoped they networked well.

I WILL SAY HOWEVER, that I did notice that even though the girls were immaculately beautiful, a lot of the girls did look ‘samey.’ (I actually got told off for saying that out loud. Lol)

Me: They all look the same. I’m trying to scan through the crowd for something different or someone who tries to POP OUT.’ They look the same, but they’re all different girls? And they’re wearing the same…

Cece: ‘It’s a bloody themed dress code you idiot.’

I’m a personality girl and yes, the glam thing always works, it’s part of the job. I do it at 37 and i’ve done it all the way through my teens until now. And being in LA at the time, we took it to the next level. Yet, through that crowd of girls, there needed to be a ballsy, sassy, ‘stand out’ girl, who strutted in, didn’t care what anyone thought, looked amazing, was of great character and someone who was just unforgettable. Someone who oozed so much confidence that she OWNED THAT ENTIRE ROOM…Someone who you spoke to and was completely and utterly taken by!

A STAR! (‘Types’ SMASH IT.)

I did actually see one, but I can’t tell you who… (No, it wasn’t me, you twats…Lol.)

Great night. Ended up going to Gino’s for a quick wine, which was filled with Italian waiters and a suited party of gents who were all talking about boring things like football and how much they reckoned Rugby players got paid. (I watched them and ate pink wafers out my goody bag.)

Got the train home. Slept through my stop. Absolutely fucking nightmare. (A little lovely Geordie lady nudged me away with a ‘Petal’ and I shocked up with a ‘OH SHIT!!!’ She just smiled and like a Guardian Angel solved all my life problems…Told you, they’re everywhere.)

I ended up having to walk for ages, in my giant pink faux fur and as soon as I got home, I collapsed in a heap on my bed.

Hope you had a phenomenal Easter! Thank you for following my life. Thank you for following my ‘socials.’

Two days and I fly to Spain.

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What’s Sexy To Me……..

Tuesday feels great! I’m filled with excitement and gusto. It’s so different to yesterday and I thank the good ‘jollies’ for it! I have a black coffee by my side, to protect me from evil and an updo bobbled in tight, to hold any form of dignity, that I may possibly left, firmly in place.

These 37 years have been colourful. WONDERFUL, but boy have they been colourful. YET, let’s face it, if you don’t have a lifetime memory bank, filled with fun, trials, tribulations and well… mainly debauchery, than what do you have? 🙂 (Sense probably. Lol)

I KNOW, that when I’m 80 years old, withering away in some old people’s home because everyone’s forgotten to love me…with my rummy cocktail, still probably posting on instagram, because I’ll mistakenly believe i’ve still ‘goddit‘…..I KNOW, that my ‘when I was young…’tales will be OUTSTANDING. 

The older I get the more open my tales will become on this blog, waaaay before i’m 80 and simply because I’ll careless about being inappropriate. 🙂

I’m currently sat in on someone’s shoot, a chick friend of mine, I’m gonna call her ‘Daisy.’

Daisy: ‘Don’t call me Daisy. It makes me sound like a cow.’

Me: ‘Yeah, you’re right. You’re more of a bitch…Lol. Shall I go with *Tinker* because you’re a nuisance…?’

Daisy: ‘Yeah, I love that!!’

I went with Daisy. My blog. My rules. 🙂

Anyway, I have meetings for the entire rest of the day and a Skype audition later, yet I said, I’d come sit in on her shoot, as it’s her first ever, ‘boudoir’ shoot…and she feels all nervous. (It’s basically just a ‘Glamour Shoot’ where she has to lay around and pout in her undies.) She wants me to tell everyone that she’s ‘not trying to be a model’…but SHE IS, trying to be a model. Lol. (There’s nothing wrong with ‘trying to be a model.’) 

Me: Did you even practice?’

Daisy: ‘No…’

Me: ‘Well, that’s a good start. As if you’ve come, booked in and not even practiced!!! It’s like you haven’t trained for your game, or revised for your exam.’

Daisy: ‘Do you practice…’

Me: YES! ALL THE TIME!!

She’s currently stood in a studio in Leeds and warm because i’ve made them turn the heating on full blast. (Mainly because I don’t wanna sit in the cold and everyones shit at shooting in the cold.) She’s in knickers, heels and a dressing gown, looking like she’s lost her way to the Post Office, or something? Lol

Daisy: ‘Why are you laughing??? Can you stop taking the piss out of me! And can you stop typing everything that I’m saying to you. You’re meant to be helping me!!’

Me: ‘I am! I’m lightening you up! You’re like a plank of wood. You need to relax more, wiggle into it a bit. You look as though, you FEEL about as sexy as that door knob.’

Daisy: ‘Door knob. Cheers. Lol’

Me: No. Lol. Like, if you look at that door knob, it’s all stiff and dull. Take three screws out of it and let it dangle off the door, on one screw…. and swing it. It’s now sexy.’

Daisy: Shut the F*** up Wunna! This is like some kind of Mr Miyagi training. I don’t do this every morning after the school run, like you! Have you called me Tinker?’

Me: ‘Yes…’ 😉

Anyway, so whilst they’re setting up, I’m blogging and it’s annoying because i’m sat by a really sunny window and I can’t exactly see my screen very well…It’s cool, it’s like typing blind and hoping for the best! Kinda like, how my real life pans out…

But I say it all the time. From my experience….a glamour shoot, a boudior shoot, isn’t about what you’re wearing or what you’re not wearing.

Wahey!!

It’s about FEELING SEXY IN IT, FEELING FULFILLED & FEELING ALL WOMANLY. You can plonk anyone in a pair of heels, stockings and pants and if they don’t feel secure, fluid, sexy or happy….you can tell. They look like an awkward cardboard cut out, that’s about to get run over, by a slow moving, oncoming tractor and they don’t know what to do?

Me: ‘Yo! Don’t try and *be a model*…Try and be YOU in the shots. What makes YOU sexy. You’re doing a weird model face.’

Daisy: ‘It’s my DEAD EYES. I haven’t got my specs on. It feels all blurry.’

Me: ‘Hahahahah! Good! Like you’re drunk! Now you CAN’T see what’s around you, so you can go for it… Glamour into the blur. LOL.’

Daisy: ‘I hope you get on a show soon, where you’re trapped for weeks and everyone has a proper go at you. Lol. I’ll laugh and just shout *glamour into the blur, bitch.*

I’ve just turned some music on, because I don’t know how anyone can shoot well without tunes on. (Do notice, how i’m simply altering her surroundings to suit ME. Haha.) Gets you in the mood, doesn’t it!

(I’ve put this on… So SEE! I AM TRYING TO HELP.)

This is the hardest blog to write ever, because I keep having to get up, run off, do stuff and run back, simply to type a paragraph. (She’s now moaning because i’ve been offered a drink and she hasn’t.)

Daisy: Aw! Yeah! Offer Chrissie Wunna  a drink, but not me.’

She’s shooting now, so i’m not gonna disturb her.

But anyway, I’ve been getting a load of messages from people who are shocked that i’m Northern, that i’m Yorkshire. I am.

Definitely born ‘Yorkshire’ have two Burmese parents, travelled over to LA and sounded American for years, (but I had to learn to do that because no one could understand what I was saying and when I was on tv show auditions, they didn’t want me to have a British accent…I even had to go see a dialect coach, to change my accent.) Then I landed back in the UK, did the ‘living in London,’ thing for work, where my accent turned all posh for a bit… and now i’m back in Yorkshire…So, basically my accents all muddled! How would I describe it..?

It’s like having a pub lunch, in a Chinese restaurant, as hip hop music plays in the background and you’re on the phone to The Queen.

Long story short…I am from Yorkshire.

Right, I’ve got a lot to do today and I need to go help her on her shoot. It’s my daughters 7th birthday at the weekend and she’s wanting a trip to ‘Sundown Adventure Land’ this Saturday.

My friend Nick, is on ‘The Best Boys’ of ‘Take Me Out, this Saturday, after causing a Take Me Out **hoo haa,** the last time he was on the show! I’m excited to watch him and I really want him to have this amazing career in telly, because he deserves it.

I’m still bubbling with excitement to shoot my CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM advert and t pick up a new whip!

Thank you for all the love on my ‘socials.’

I certainly need more coffee.

Quote of the day! One that I spied last night!

‘NEVER CONFUSE WHAT YOU’RE OFFERED WITH WHAT YOU’RE WORTH!’

Lots of love,

Chrissie x

 

 

 

 

 

 

Boys Night, Dating Tips & Auditions…

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Really busy time, so i’m gonna have to bustle through this. I have a ‘dashy’ weekend ahead, which means schedules, train times, those Wunna Land bits of ‘showbizziness’ and…as always… life to conquer. I’ll do it. I always do. And right now, I never felt more confident. I try not to waste time looking over at what other people are doing (I used to do that a lot, it’s human nature…we all get a little nervy.)

However, instead, I’m now just focusing on MY land..WUNNA LAND. If you give something 100 percent…and you’re good at what you do, there is absolutely NO WAY in the jeepers, that you will not succeed.

Luckily, my job right now, is the art of  just ‘BEING ME.’ So, if I balls that up, then there’s no help for me. Nor is there enough wine to settle my soul.

I ended up on ‘boys night’ at Ego the other night. I did ‘Girls Night’ didn’t I, last Saturday? I’m one of those chicks who has a great mix of friends, be they girls, boys, young, old….The mix is a ‘jiggle’ but it’s great.

I love boys night. Not as much as girls night, as boys night is far more reserved…My chick friends and I literally tell each other EVERYTHING…and we don’t care, we’ll pour it all out, the good with the bad, with the ugly. Boys are less ‘drama’ and they keep their secrets to themselves…M guy friends are open, yet their level of ‘openess’ is carefully monitored by their pride and sense of masculinity.

(Aside from ‘Jonesez’ he’s like a girl and will cry out his problems over a cocktail, with me.)

But yes, I met Webbo, Dipper and Jonesez for dinner and drinks. They were ‘after work’ suited and booted and then I sort of just flounced in a bit late, all a beam, smiles and with a…

‘Two for One margaritas with a salted rim please!’

I am all about a salted rim. 🙂

We chatted, we caught up, they slagged other boys off and they drilled me about ‘the girls.’

‘What were they saying about us?’

‘What did she say about ME?’

‘Who’s best in bed out of…?’

‘Do they like me? I bet they slagged me off?’

‘Yeah, but honestly…gang bangs are gross…’

‘Why does he always come in and touch me…Don’t man slap me!!’

‘I’m not arsed me, I’ve just said i’m sharing with someone else…’

‘I love it when you get your nipple out on your selfies Wunna.’

‘Shall we eat. I’m starving..’

‘It’s not my fault..You picked her!’

‘Are you honestly still obsessing?’

‘Why are the dudes on your Facebook always asking to marry you?’

‘Yeah, but our Girls night isn’t sweet and lame. We don’t plait each others hair to Boyband tunes. We’re all SASSY…it’s hardcore.’

‘Why have you stopped getting cocktails Wunna?’

‘Stop trying to get me pissed.’

The thing about ‘Boys Night’ is that there is always a boys code…and even though i’m a chick, having all guy friends in LA…I know the code…It’s kinda like ‘Girl Code,’ but you don’t have to remind them not to say anything. ( I do prefer the drama of a ‘Girls Night’…and mainly because i’m a girl. Yet, I am sizzled over with a BOYS sense of inappropriate humour….I don’t care…It’s hilarious. So yes, boys night was ace! I know some great guys!)

BOY CODE, SAVE AS!

I’m currently sat with a half a Peroni, at The Carleton trying to smash out this blog. I was on a phone audition all last night. I had one through the afternoon and then I had to shoot, followed my bambinos and reply to all my ‘socials.’

At the same time, I was going back and forth on email with my agent…and it was all pretty manic. I’m having a really busy time, but i’m loving it. I’m really enjoying and i’m enjoying it because I do what I love.

I have noticed that I don’t like ‘fuss.’ I like everything to be taken care of…with no ‘fuss.’ I don’t like the ‘faffiness’ of projects…I just like to get on with things. That’s when it comes to work and dating….

This is actually a really good tip for guys..

GIRLS DO NOT LIKE FUSS…WE WANT YOU TO TAKE CARE OF SHIT…

Like, if you were to ask us out on a date…We’d prefer if it you took charge, stood up all manly and just said…

‘Right, are you free… on this date….to do this…? Great! I’ll pick you up at *this time…’

(And you organised everything, so we can just get dolled up, enjoy the night and adore you. That’s how it works. So, it’s not just when are you free? It’s…’Are you free on…? Great…I’ll pick you up at..’ It’s gentlemanly.)

In the past, whenever i’ve had to organise a man, i’ve hated it. I’m a ‘Girl Boss,’ I love it when a guy takes care of the little things. It’s thoughtful. They take the stress away from you.

I actually remember being sat at the Coffee Bean, outside in the sun, in West Hollywood, by the Beverly Center. I used to go there every morning.

This guy, with shoulder length blond hair and sunglasses, who was also a model, called ‘Berlin,’ used to sit with me and chat life, each morning…I remember how schooled he was in the art of dating…But I guess the LA boys are, because they do it so much and they do it well. They can’t treat a girl badly on a date, because the ‘show of it all’ is SO important in Hollywood…plus ALL THE GIRLS TALK. You get a bad rep…no girl with touch you.

Berlin: ‘Well, I just text her and told her that i’d love to do dinner with her at ‘Koi,’ tomorrow night and that i’d pick her up at 7pm…and because it was all sorted for her…she just said. I didn’t give her time to think. Lol. Chicks like to have everything organised for them.’

Then we’d go on our auditions for the day. But he was right! Lord knows what he’s up to now?

Anyway, I really do need to go…So sorry for the quickie blog ;)..but sometimes ‘quickies’ are awesome!

Busy, busy weekend ahead!

Hope you loved today’s selfies…

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Thank you for following my diary.

Chrissie x