Mums Night, Pink Gin & Trainer’s named ‘Oral?’

You have my greatest apologies for the lateness of this blog. Life is deliciously manic right now. It’s mad. Yet the word i’m gonna focus on is ‘delicious.‘ Anytime I have, where Wunna Land turns ‘lickety lips, Mmmm yeah,’ we’re still okay right? I’m still okay, right?

I’m excited.

(My eyes are sore as hell today, though. I fell asleep on the sofa by the Christmas tree and shocked myself up by a Tiger Beer, with only one eyelash on. Don’t you dare try and tell me i’m not a superstar! Haha.) 

I’m currently over the moon. I’m feeling lucky. I’m feeling grateful. But before I *shimmie* my way to all that, good stuff….Thursday night was  School Mums night.

A night that I weirdly treasure….

It’s actually taken me ages to write this blog because I couldn’t decide which bits were real, which bits i’ve made up in my head and which bits I actually wanted to tell you about?

I’ve had writers block. No. That’s a lie, i’ve had a muddly head over it all…because I can’t tell you everything, the way I want to to tell you it. 🙂

Oh LORD! Haha.

In the end (which is now,) I just went with… ‘blog it out anyway.’ I’ve got so much going on with First Dates episode airing soon etc…I just need to get back on my Unicorn and frisbee this blog out. Y’know, ‘move the road work signs‘ myself, instead of fucking around, like a noodle. (Do noodles fuck around? Haha)

So here goes….

Thursday night. I had two events that I could’ve gone to, or a film premier if I fancied. I turned them ALL down to go on School Mums night. It was my first choice of action, because I adore the mums and why not hang out with a bunch of people I DO know, instead of walking a red carpet with a bunch of people I don’t really know, right?

Events are work and I get that I have a tv appearance about to air. I understand that, I should be concentrating on the ‘being seen part of life, right now.

Yet at 37, i’m not so arsed about the ‘show’ of it all and utterly happy with the fact that I get to keep it simple and just ‘diary’ life out.

Some call it ‘dumb.’ Some call it ‘smart.’ I call it real. 

However, I AM GOOD, at ‘the show’ of it all… 😉 I just prioritize differently….now that i’m a grown up.

Anyway, School Mums Night.

( School Mums night doesn’t happen often. Yet, these ladies are all ladies who I respect and if i’m being honest, I really enjoy being around them. It’s the real life engagements that matter to me, always. That’s why I adore the 30 year old version of myself, because the 20 year old ‘Hollywood’ version of me….would’ve chose differently.)

I’m rambling…Let’s get to it…

(Why am I fucking rambling??? POUR ME A COCKTAIL!!)

Thursday night, I’m with the Mums at Ego, in Ackworth. We all have kids who go to a nearby Private school and since our children are doing this journey together, we try to be close. We try to make the effort to stay close and be acquainted, via the fine art of Whatsapp groups, kindness and all sorts.

These ladies are GREAT WOMEN. Successful women. Y’know, the powerful kind and you can see each of their stories when you look into their eyes.

I scanned the table and read each one’s life, in a second….I always do that, but I tend to wiggle it off with banter and bimbo-isms. 😉 

Their souls are alive, dominant and strong. They’re busy women, or home makers. Yet there’s a warmth to them, even though they seem like they’re the Queen of their own worlds.

I find it ravishing.

We’re all different from one another. But we’re ALL WONDERFUL. 😉 We each possess our own superpower. I couldn’t have celebrated Thursday night… with a better set of Ladies.

THANKFULLY, it was OVER WINE… 🙂 Haha.

We were actually meant to go to Wakefield, to do tapas at Jose’s. Yet at the last minute we ended up at Ego in Ackworth, simply because it was easier. Some were fine. Others were distracted by traffic, by Christmas tree lighting’s, hard times and Dr. Ranj.

I personally didn’t actually care where we went, (I didn’t want to see Dr.Ranj though. Haha. I’d already seen him gyrating merrily at the Diversity in Media Awards on the dance floor, in a beautiful suit and he was ace. I’ve already ticked that off my bucket list. Just give me a strong cocktail.) 

ANYWAY…

‘Shall we make it Ego?’

(Miss.Murphy is always great because she’ll catch a vibe and solve a problem immediately. She’s sexy. I’ll catch a vibe but do nothing about it. Haha. She’s good at directing. She’s good at Sheep herding. She can cut through the muddle, the mist. She heard dithering and she whopped it’s ‘baby powered’ ass, with ‘ooh laa.’)

Me: ‘Honestly, it could be in Paris and I’d fly there…’

(I’d like a Mums dinner in Paris. I need to tug at their inner adventure… 🙂  Saying that.. Miss.Muprhy & I couldn’t even remember to show up at the right time for school pick up yesterday….Maybe Paris is a bit of a lofty goal…? )

Miss.Murphy: ‘I forgot it was ******* Christmas Bauble Painting. I’m sat in my car waiting..’

Me: ‘ME TOO! I’ve had to go to ******* Ego..’

(You’re allowed to go to the bar, when you do things wrong. Don’t judge me. Plus, I get away with it because I’m the wild one…)

I’m certainly the most annoying School Mum. But I just like a good time. Then I like to dash my ‘good time’ with uncensored banter and with a wine glass in my hand.

I reckon I’m an alcoholic…Not even a functioning one…

Everything got sorted…(Not by me. Lol.) I just went with ‘whatever,’ because at the end of the day..fuck it. I need wine and I don’t like spaces between my wine drinking. 😉

Booyah!

I arrive at Ego first because I had a meeting there previous for a Cosmopolitan feature. Lil’ Miss Childs joined me, but tried to scare me with the old ‘cold hands’ trick.

(My arms do ‘Karate Chops’ if you try and scare me. I don’t know why or how? They just burst into ‘Karate’ mode and I think it’s bevause I’m Asian?)

Lil’ Miss Childs: ‘I tried to scare you…’

Me: ‘You can’t scare me when i’m sat in front of a giant mirror that can SEE YOU, you idiot. I told Miss. Murphy, that i’d punch you if you didn’t get drunk tonight.’

Lil’ Miss.Childs: ‘ Hahah. I’m getting a drink..’

I love Lil’Miss.Childs. She’s fun and puts up with my bullshit.

Everyone starts arriving one by one and getting a drink at the bar. The pleasantries are made. It’s always polite and head noddy at first…Until it kicks in. Then my squinty little eyes saw a new Mum venture to the bar and bring back an entire bottle of red as her first drink…Lol…So, I figured, dinner was either going to go REALLY well, or really badly. 😉

YIPPEEE!!!

We’re all seated at a really long table at Ego…and our dinner out commences…

I could’ve sat at the table and just drank all night. I’m really not an eater, on a night out. I’m awful for it. But I got the linguine and swirled it into my belly for substance.

Drinks, dinner and all sorts were served over banter…and even though some of us are closer than others, we kinda got to know a little bit more about the person sitting next to us…..via the fine art of polite ‘drilling.’ 😉

I’m a shit, so i’ll just talk, without censor. It is literally ‘The Real Housewives of Yorkshire.’

(I’m still not over the fact that School Mum Lori turned ‘Real Housewives of Marbella’ down. Lol. I love Lori madly…Especially now that I know she can ice skate backwards!! I love anyone who can ice skate because I think it’s so beautifully impossible!!)

Then she said this…

‘I just wanted to smash that bottle of wine over her head.’

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Her daughter had the most brilliant ‘Greatest Showman’ themed party, and some really forgetful lady, who owned the party venue forgot to show up, open up and let Lori in to set up. (She apparently showed up sometime later…with a bottle of wine. Haha.)

More drinks were poured. More table banter was exchanged. New Mum ‘Alice’ had arrived.  I like Alice because I bumped into her the next day and she was alarmed at how little everyone drank…

Alice: ‘I was planning to get a taxi home and roll in late. But no-one seemed to be drinking, so I just had a gin & tonic?!’

Me: ‘You we’re just sat at the wrong end of the table! 🤣🤣’

(I’m sure I woke up still pissed?)

Anyway, after linguine we get talking about working out…

Lori: ‘You need to do a class..’

Me: ‘I think I need a trainer.’

Miss.Murphy: ‘You need MY trainer. His name is ‘Oral!’

HOLD UP! What!?! As if she has the joy of being stretched out and trained by a burly ‘chunka hunka’ who’s name is pronounced ‘ORAL!’

I want her life! I want ‘ORAL.’ If she doesn’t share him, I’m going to poke her in the eye…She can’t run well with ONE GOOD eye, can she? Then he’ll be ALL MINE!!! (Saying that, she’s raising some kind of sports champion..)

Miss.Murphy: ‘His name’s pronounced *ORAL.* I can walk into work and say *i’ve just had 30 minutes Oral and i’m aching…* They love it!’

Whoever he is! I need him. Does PT-ing work the same here, as it does in LA? 😉🤣 I swear all my guy friends took jobs as personal trainers, when we were young, simply to ‘bone’ as many Beverly Hills Mums, as possible. Now, that I AM a Mum…I’m kinda in!

Then we talked work, PR, Uni, Goldsmiths, Professional Present Wrappers…

Me: ‘Who the fuck can wrap like that!’

Lil’ Miss Childs: ‘I CAN, Chrissie!’

Then we went onto life, partners, money and it came to paying the bill….

So…

USUALLY…we don’t care who’s had what, we’ll just split it, right?

Normal protocol…

But for some reason, it all got really complicated…and I don’t enjoy complications. I’m lazy like that….I like things to be easy….and…I kinda like things to be socially correct. Lol.

I went with it anyway, because I felt too awkward. Haha.

The night ended merrily…

With text messages like..

‘Your carriage awaits..’

Followed by…

‘I’m on my way…’

Everyone ventured home and I stood outside, to have a farewell banter with Miss.Murphy & Lil’Miss.Childs…

Farewell turned into…

‘Let’s have more drinks…’

‘Where?’

’There’s tons of pubs up here…!’

‘COME ON!’

‘No, I’m being sensible..’

‘We’re going for drinks…’

And before you know it, Lil’ Miss.Childs and I were strutting up to the next pub, at around 11pm, talking love…

Miss.Childs: ‘You should be with Pete! I like him. I’ve been with Dylan since I was 15!’

Me: ‘Nooooo… I’m not being with Pete. We just co-parent well! Everyone loves PETE! Haha.’

Just like that, I blinked and found us sat in a cosy village pub, all warm and merry, with giant pink gins as our companions.

We laughed the rest of the night away, loudly, merrily and without a care in the world…WITHOUT censor.

Then i’m sure she tried to convince me that she wanted to be a ‘Wrapper.’ But everytime she said it, she must’ve looked into my mind because she kept pissing herself and saying…

‘I keep saying WRAPPER, but it’s sounding like I mean RAPPER. Lol’

I couldn’t take her seriously after pink gin!

I was literally in stitches because every second she said ‘wrapper’ I imagined her desperately wanting to be a gangsta!

What a great way to end the night!

Me: ‘Should we have another…?’

Lil’Miss.Childs: ‘Chrissie! They’re shut now!!’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love, Weeps & Twerking Videos

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I flipping cried last night. URGH! I hate those girl moments, when you’re a fully grown adult, you’re a woman, a successful woman and your sat there chilling at 37, with a job title that once read ‘Sexual Fantasy,’ alone, at night, in bed…and you do a big old, 14 year old, ‘Princess Weep,’ because it’s the only time, that no one can see you.

UGH!

I am ‘Totes Emosh‘ right now and it is flipping AWFUL. It feels awful. Yet, if i’m going to pull a positive and let’s face it, that’s what I do best,  the thing that i’ve noticed about myself over the last couple weeks, is that EVEN AFTER, everything i’ve been through, over the years, I really STILL AM, a ‘love bunny.’

I don’t know how i’ve managed it. But I am.  I’m a hopeless romantic. I love, love. I love to give love. I love to FEEL loved. And when I have that, I feel alive.

YET…

When it comes to my love life, and because of a career path that I chose as a young girl, which accidentally went from strength, to strength, which handed me over a spritz of recognition…that made me a popular guy’s choice….my love life is never so easy.

All I would want in the entire world, is for my love life to just be simple.

(In fact, a really successful man that I know closely, once said that to me, because I guess, he had been through the same kinda shit. I remember him looking at me, and saying how great everything as between us, because everything felt so ‘easy.’)

Chick friend: ‘Only the strongest man alive, is going to be able to date you, Chrissie & you absolutely deserve the best!’

Things never get confused by the ‘love part,‘ of my love life. I love whole heartedly. I’d never ever pick a guy who didn’t know how to love or express…All that’s fine. Yet, it almost seems as though everyone around me, can just do that bit and with ease, because they have a different ‘walk of path,‘ or they don’t necessarily have an audience…they have less people peeking into what they’re doing….or…I dunno? (I don’t want that to come across as conceited. I just need a mind spew…So go with it. But it’s how I feel. So it’s MY truth.) 

I chose my path and I love my life. I’m very, very lucky and no one can take that away from me.

(FYI/ I learnt another lesson. I get what ‘T’ meant now, by the fine art of ‘keeping things shushy.’ I get it. Haha. I finally get it.)

But gosh, my last couple days has just been filled with swirl of…WELL, it started off as a magical swirl of whirlwind, an innocence, a trust…a lot of fun and straight after that whirlwind, came an Army and a storm… a ‘tug of war’ like mist.

And i’m actually really used to the above. It happens every time and pretty much, more often develops on a much larger scale…(So it less ‘city/town gossip’ & i’d say more ‘national’ gossip.)

This time for some reason… I’ve got all upset & because i’ve ‘felt’ haven’t I! Urgh! So it’s managed to confuse me and send me into a tizzy.

Then I cried….When I thought no one was watching.

Then my phone *pinged..*

And just like *magic* as I wasno face on’ weeping, naked, wrapped in my flamingo bed sheets, I open my phone & see a Snapchat video of ‘Hustle Barbie‘ Twerking saucily, from my chick bestie Firmonnell….

Hahah.

I’ve been waiting for round two of that video for months. She has a good ass. That was a good twerk.

Then I started to smile and realized how ace life is! Lol. And the great thing about Firmonnell, Hustle Barbie, Double B, Mel & Fairytale, is that there’s really not time for ‘Wunna Land‘ to be man down at all, EVER…and they can do the stupidest things, (ALWAYS NON DRAMA)…and just like that, i’ll be back BEAMING. 🙂

I mean both ‘Hustle’ and ‘Firmonnell‘ have had MASSIVE breakups this year. An ending of a partnership that went from being a 19 year old, to a 30 something year old. The other ended a five year commitment of togetherness, had to move out and start again…and they  sort of smashed it emotionally. They now couldn’t be happier.

That’s some good ass strength and bar bills Lol

(Well, they had a dodgy start. Hahaha. But they’re just made of them good old northern glitter bricks…They did ‘A Wunna,’ where you quit being a *plodded* and just start getting happy & enjoying life, because you’re a long time fucking dead.) 

I haven’t been through half of what they’ve been through this year. Only ace stuff has seemed to have happened to me. I’ve filmed a couple tv shows. My blog hits are blooming… Lol. So to think that i’d be having a duvet cry is almost ridiculous. I’m pathetic.

YIPPPEEE!

We’re great at being each other’s life soldiers.

‘Emilio’s going to show me how to cook, when he gets back from Italy.’

Me: ‘Who the fuck is Emilio? He sounds so hot! I want an Emilio to show me how to cook!’

So basically, after a couple days of stress, and letting it get the better of me, instead of rising above it. Then after having a big old weep, throwing a pity party…and then witnessing the greatest personalized Twerking video, in the world ever, that kinda just looked like sex, to make an Asian Glamour Puss smile…

I feel pretty empowered again.

You can’t keep a good kitten down.

I’m back! And nothing in this world, feels BETTER than WUNNA LAND, right now!

Chick: ‘It doesn’t matter what happens in between, because your world is always fine anyway.’

I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

I’m SO HAPPY, I finally got that Twerking video. Haha.

Chrissie,

Ps/ Thank you for following my life.

Please enjoy my socials.

 

 

Those Little Phone calls….

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And just when you think everything’s turning a bit shitty, ‘The Gods’ throw you a bone and just like that you’re back to normal and life goes straight back to magical.

I feel like the luckiest tinker in the world.

Last night, I was so stressed. I was SO stressed, that I was stressing myself out. I don’t like a pity party. I throw them. But I don’t like them. I look at ‘dwellers’ in a bizarrely weak light. I’m not harsh with them, because everyone is different. I simply leave them to it.

My friends will also tell you that I’m rubbish at sympathy when other’s are throwing a pity party , because no matter what they’re going through, I’ve either been through it myself at some point, a million times over and know that all ends up alright in the end…Well depending on the experience and strength of the human. And I can see someone’s strength in a second.

Yet, after a moment of feeling sorry for myself, I kinda just snapped out of it and realized how lucky I was.  Then I figured that being stressed, was a complete waste of my time, (nothing is worse than wasted time.) So I got over myself, got over the dramatics, and the words of Jaden Smith, I..

‘Looked at the case and closed it.’

My phone rang this morning (after I slept on life and let the world take a turn) and the other end of my line said,

Agent: ‘I read ya blog. I have news. Good news! So, let’s get you back working and excited.’

I’ve had a fun Summer. A Summer that I needed to have. I don’t know why I had to have it? Yet, i’m really glad I did, because I got to enjoy it normally and simply just LIVE. I might have felt a little lost through it in parts. Yet, I’m SO glad, that I got to feel all that I did. I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

But in one second straight, I grew ten feet tall and burst into confetti with excitement.

I’M BEAMING.

I guess, the good thing about my life, is it’s never EVER easy and because it’s hardly that easy, i’ve grown and developed super fast. On occasion it’s fueled by cocktails, yet once work kicks in (and i’ve been on down time due to slow scheduling, book writing and delays)...I become ALIVE again and I’m simply at my strongest, when a schedule is put into place and the schedule involves everything I love, everything I know, everything new and everything that makes me happy.

I’m at my happiest right now and when that happens, I radiate a *glow,* an energy.

KatyP: ‘Look at you. You look so happy now, to be getting out of your down time.’

She said it with a smirk, that made me beam, because it was a smirk where in which no words were needed.

Those moments are magical.

If anyone can embrace a new chapter or a bit of the old ‘showbiz,’ it’s me. I couldn’t be more excited to have everything go back to normal. (Well my version of normal anyhow.) By nature, I’m a ‘toughy’ aren’t I? Yet, everything now is suddenly back in place and I  can way *b’bye* to a rowdy, Peroni dripped Summer and just get on with Girl bossing it again. Well, just get on with my  version of LIFE again. When it comes to life, I kinda learn it along the way. I never matters how old or young you are? How much experience you’ve had…makes you grown.

It’s weird how a phone call can simply change everything.

I had an inbox this morning from the this guy I dated when I was 18. I actually left him for LA and married another human, so he would have no reason to really be lovely to be a few decades on.

He’s actually done well for himself. I always say that i’m like some kind of juicy mojo, as all the guys that I’ve dated (aside from the lazy ones) have ended up doing really well for themselves, off their own back. I’m gonna go with it’s because i’m inspirational. They wouldn’t. Lol. Yet, if not, at least I gave them a point to prove.

I ignored the message, because it’s what I always do and let’s face it, I don’t want to be with him, do I. 

Yet, he came at me with a..

‘You can come over to mine, the kids can play in the pool, whilst you tell me how shit your life is without me.’

I admire the confidence. Yet honey, my life isn’t too shabby. 😉 Lol.

I don’t really have that much more to say, other than….

Here we go…

Wunna Land, IS BACK.

You’re always one decision away from a new version of Life.