Tiki Bars, Exes, Massage Chairs & Anal Thumping…

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I keep having this recurring dream, where i’m in a Tiki bar (lol..ofcourse,) with the same faces, that I don’t know in REAL life, but know like best friends in ‘dream land.’ (Hahah. Don’t ask!) In this Tiki Bar, there are really exotically, lavish looking cocktails. The one I always see in my dream, is the one that comes in a ceramic,sort of zombie, hula dancer’talldrinky cup…and it ‘moonwalks‘ backwards, around the rim of peoples wooden Tiki tables, as they *wink* at strangers and I watch on.

That’s all normal.

(In my world.)

But last night, I dreamt that Mike, my first husband was there (in this Tiki Bar..He’d hate that) and we were falling back in love, but sexily. (I don’t love him, don’t worry. My dream just wanted me to.) We kept feeling it each other up lovingly and cuddling all the time? It was almost as if he was the ‘key’ to all my life happiness.

Then we went back to a dark hotel and had ‘dream land’ sex. But it felt like we were in New York, high in the sky. I remember looking out of a window that looked over the city. 

I got zapped out of that! I *blinked* and everything had disappeared. 

Then…

…all of a sudden ‘Boyband Jonny,’ who I used to date years ago, straight after the Hilton Show, *popped* up in my dream. He’s Gay now. In fact, he was Gay, all along. He just didn’t realize it, at the time, when he dated me. He mixed up fancying me, for simply finding me fabulous. I’m probably the only girl, he’s ever had ‘half sex’ with. He said, I broke his heart. I didn’t though. I was simply ‘key’ to him discovering himself.

I like Jonny, he’s cool. He was actually a great boyfriend. He wrote me a love letter, when I left in a taxi. I am extremely happy, that HE is happy now, he’s found himself and utter true love. 

I don’t mind an unfortunate bit of ‘heart break,’ if it’s helpful. 

HOWEVER…

I do hate it when my exes hijack my dreams!!! Especially,when i’m at a Tiki Bar, (do they not have dream land’ manners.) A Tiki bar, by the way, is my favourite kind of bar in the whole wide world. (If i could own one, I would. Yet, not for profit, just for kicks.)

I want to be able to have my heart broken, storm into my Tiki, BE pissed off, put on my hula skirt, and sip rum out of a flaming fired coconut, with a cocktail umbrella in my hair, as I  pull faces and cry.

I’d have to own it, simply because I wouldn’t want to get my ‘sorry, hula, ass’ up and pay my tab , whilst crying. I’d need Tiki minions for that.

It’d make ‘hearkbreak’ much easier.

I just can’t get away from being haunted by my exes. Why??

STUPID CUPID, you’re A REAL MEAN, guy.

I’m even getting tattoos shortly, to both celebrate and at the same time REMIND ME of things that happened to me this year…

AGAIN, I’ve had a big year of change and I need to remember it. I want to remember it. So I’m going to Tattoo it.

Ofcourse…Lol

(I haven’t had a tattoo in a million years.)

I was telling Ruby, in bed, last night…and even SHE *paused,* laughed and said..

‘Oh my GOD! Don’t get THAT ONE!!!’

She’s SEVEN! Hahaha. She looked at me like I was ‘whacked.’

Hurrah! Flaming Coconut Drinks for everyone!

Yesterday, I was doing bits of Christmas shopping, at The Frenchgate Centre, in Doncaster, and I decided to go on the ‘Put £1 in it’ massage chairs.

I love a massage.

I love a moment, where you can just hit *pause* and relax for a second, during the bustle. That’s why I used to love Prosecco Pit Stop. (Which no longer exists.)

Woe is me….

BUT, OH MY GOODNESS!

I haven’t actually been on a massage chair in YEARS. Let me tell you. They HAVE IMPROVED!!

I’m sat there, slightly awkward, slightly in public, slightly okay with it though. I’m used to winging an awkward situation and making it look glam. (Hilton taught me well.)

The money goes in the slot and HOLY SHIT, that CHAIR, MADE LOVE TO ME.

It caressed and moaned and rubbed and loved. It oozed. It cared. It romanced and it danced.

THEN…OUT OF NOWHERE…

THE massage chair STARTS ******* BATTERING ME. It starts PUNCHING MY BACK with glee. Then BASHING MY HEAD, FROM SIDE TO SIDE. (Haha.) It starts SQUEEZING THE LIFE, out of my little Asian ribs …and WORST OF ALLEMBEDDED IN THE CHAIR, MUST HAVE BEEN AN ANAL THUMPER…

HAHAHA…

SOMETHING KEPT RISING UP, IN THE CHAIR AND THUMPING ME UP THE BUM, BUM….

..REPEATEDLY!!!!!

HAHAHA.

I couldn’t make it stop and I kept having to pretend, everything was lovely, because I was in public and my daughter was stood next to me. LOL

Do I just have this affect on everything!?! Nothing can just LOVE ME FOREVER, without aggressively Anal thumping me? It started so ‘steadily.’ It loved me. IT DID!!! Then just went MAD and started being hateful or horny????

THEN, when the abused had finished, the chair went on to *SQUEEZE* by legs to death (and my legs are pathetic like Bambi…But luckily, it all suddenly *stopped.*

BUT my legs had got TRAPPED!!! (Hahaha)

WHAT THE ******* IS MY LIFE!!!

I thought the deal was that I only had to ‘suffer’ through the LOVE part of my existence…NOT the ACTUAL other bits of actual LIFE TOO!

ANAL THUMPING!

I put FIFTY SHADES TO SHAME.

Who needs, a RED ROOM? In fact, who needs a fucking husband!?!

I want another go!!!

Ruby was there trying to free my legs, but laughing so hard, she was in tears. MY MUM KNEW, bad stuff was going to happen to me, so instead of protecting me, she decided to FILM the horror.

I’m sure she’s secretly like, ‘I paid shit loads of money to put you through school, you WILL become a STAR, even if I have to FORCE IT, film it and get the insta likes FOR YOU!!’

Then I get home, needing 72 wines, a bit of calm and a spot of telly and all that’s on is a ‘Come Dine With Me’ episode with a Farmer, who has made everyone horny with BEETROOT, by fireworks and an ex body building Geordie, in a purple towel, who’s baked a pie?

I LOVE ‘COME DINE WITH ME.’ (I once got asked to go on the show, but didn’t go on it, because I didn’t want to cook for everyone…which obviously is the whole point. Haha.)

I don’t even cook for my own children, let alone strangers. (Ruby at 7, could probably be a fine dining, food critic, she’s eaten out THAT much.)

Bottom line, I was passing time before ‘X Factor,’ followed by a dose of ‘I’m a Celeb.’

After the massage chair, I wasn’t in the mood for watching pies being made…I either needed a documentary on GOD, TO heal my broken soul, like a prayer. OR just go the other way and find something on the lines of ‘Debbie Does Dallas.’

This time next week, I’m on FIRST DATES!!! 

I’M ON FIRST DATES, NEXT MONDAY!!!

I actually can’t wait to watch tonight’s episode. It’s almost like a starter, for my ‘next week’ main! 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fights, Sulking & True Love…

I had such a stressy night. All was well. All was wonderful. The Babies and I were a delight. All was sound, as we gathered in our *comfies* and watched telly, by the Christmas tree, with snacks.

Junior got the ‘Special Mention’ at school, so was filled with happiness. Ruby was overjoyed that it was finally the weekend, so she could relax. They had survived their consecutive day, ‘School Accident Form’ doo/dah and life was simply BLISS. (Junior was cute because when passing, he heard teachers talking about Ruby in the office. She had just had a fall. He stopped and asked if he could go see her in her classroom. Once granted, he went in and hugged her, to make sure she was okay. Aww! Lol)

Bliss! Delight! Let’s Call Disney & Tell Them To Make A Movie!

THEN…

…my Mum pops around, we have a massive fight, and everything turns to shit. We’re both really strong headed, so it’s annoying, when we bicker. The thing about my Mum is that, she’s about to go on Holiday for 2 weeks. Even though she loves a holiday, (don’t we all,) every single INCH of HER worries about the babies and I, during her absence. She a proper family woman. A great mum. But she’s nuts.

After the sharp bicker, that played almost like a swift, yet verbal knife throw, I got so bored of sitting there awkwardly, (y’know when you just sit there, being silent and pulling faces, so everyone in the room KNOWS your mad, Lol) that I did the only thing I knew how to do, as a daughter.

That was stand up, storm out of the room, perform a giant, angry hair toss, fling my glitter shoes at a wall and strut upstairs, stomping on every step. Haha. I then wet wiped all my face OFF, took off all my clothes OFF and with a *HUFF* went OFF to bed!!

All. Lights.Out.

The art of ‘SULKING’ is exhausting. I hate it. I tossed and turned all night.

I’m such a Sasserilla, when I think i’m right, that my opponent has NO CHANCE.

Then I had this dream that I was high in the sky, amongst the clouds , but falling out of a plane, tied to Talique from ‘I’m a Celebrity.’ I’m not sure if it was a ‘losing control’ kinda dream or a sexy one? I can’t quite decide? Haha. But yes, I’ve woken up fine, but stressed…even though everything’s kinda gone back to normal. It’s made me feel unbalanced.

We do this, The Wunna’s….We have these ‘Blow Outs’ and then everything goes back to normal, straight away…and mainly because if not, I WILL SULK FOREVER. 😉 I’m a proper grudge holder, until I hear a sincere apology.

Honestly, I’m awful for a ‘sulk sesh.’ I’m not really good at it, but I FULLY COMMIT to it. I’m loyal and brimming with pride. I’m also vain, so I like to look good when I sulk. Haha. It’s great when you’re sulking, after a fight with a guy who’s attracted to you, because their willies kick into action and you always win the war.

I think there’s a problem with me because there’s no grey area. There’s no fuzzy, static channel. It’s all swift flying emotion, or nothing at all. That’s with BOTH happiness & despair. I’d sort it, if I could be bothered.  But there’s cocktails to sip and I kinda like who I am.

Anyway…

(I currently have ‘Thanku, Next’ playing in the background. How is Ariana Grande’s voice so beautiful? She literally sounds like a dream. She can take any song and swirl it with a sound of smooth, angelic empowerment. I wish I could sing. I wish I could ice skate.)

So, I got this strange Snapchat message, yesterday evening. No. It wasn’t strange. It was actually lovely. Really lovely. The kind of message that I adore.

‘You’re so beautiful. X’

I’m classing it as ‘strange’ simply because I didn’t expect it to pop up, (I had to double take) and then I couldn’t decide if it was friendly, suggestive, by accident, all of the above, or even correct of him? I already know the guy closely. I just didn’t expect it, because he’s not in the correct ‘relationship status’ box.

That’s not cool.

However, I understand what he’ll be going through right now, because i’m going through the exact same thing…So he could’ve just had a couple of gins and let a mixture of his memories, his heart and his ‘really big’ willy take the lead.

I saved the conversation on purpose to terrify him…Boys sometimes need to feel terrified. They can’t have their cake and eat it. Even if they think they can…

I’m fine with the message though. I’ve done the ‘ginned up’ message numerous times, through life. So, I get it. My messages are always tragic though, because I don’t have a willy. (I might grow one, for kicks though.)

I wish I could just *blink* and be having fun in a Leeds cocktail bar right now.

Why am I so grumpy today???

I’m missing ‘The Swirl.’

 

 

A Little Bit Of Inspiration & Dudes

‘Did *what’s his face* message you?’

‘He doesn’t as much now. He DM’d me the other day, but it was mucky, so I ignored it.’

‘What about the Naughty Swede? Hahaha.’

‘Yeah. He sent me voice notes at the weekend and on Tuesday, saying he has time of work. Hopes to see me sometime. Hopes i’m well..’

‘What did you say?’

‘I just wished him well. What can I say??’

The Swede is always lovely when he voice notes. Yet, it’s strange how other guys can only seem brave enough to talk ‘sexy’ to me. I don’t know whether it’s because they just see me as ‘sex.’ (Which I don’t like. I’m a lot more than a pulsing vagina, whether they like it or not.)

I don’t know whether it’s because THEY THINK, that’s how I’d like a guy to be, after seeing a couple of big boobied pics? I don’t whether it’s because they feel more comfortable emotionally with that approach? I just don’t get it? I just don’t know?

But right now, it’s not a priority. So I don’t seem to care. I don’t have time to aimlessly amuse a guy and ‘tickle his fancy’ on lonely nights. I have better things to do.

In this phase of my life, I would only have time for a guy, who made an actual effort.

Everyone else gets chucked in ‘fuck it’ bucket. Cya!

Sacha Not Fierce: ‘You’re such a DIVA!! Haha.’

I had my opening conversation via Whatsapp on my phone, during a foggy school run, this morning. I was strutting through a playground, in glitter heels, my specs and with a bag of shin pads in my hand. Oh! And I also had a little half Asian Baby attached to my leg…Luckily it was mine, which kinda saved any awkward situations.

(I was once in Camden and someone else’s child had got lost and accidentally attached itself to my leopard print faux fur. I hadn’t even had Ruby yet, so I remember looking down in terror. Then I realized it was a small child. So I smiled and said, ‘Life isn’t going to be better with me, Lovely! Let’s find your Mum.’)

 Big Kisses! Big Kisses! See you at 3.30pm!!! At 3.30, it’s the weekend, Babies!!!

Junior: ‘I love you MUM.’

Ruby: ‘When i’m older, i’m gonna be rich, just so I can have assistants.’

I’ve got so much going on right now, that i’m kinda just focusing on ME!! It may seem like I do that quite a lot. However, I actually really don’t. I get distracted by things easily. I put other things first. I sometimes give ‘distractions’ unnecessary priority.

But, at the end of the day, I’m a boobied Glamour Puss, not a Sergeant Major. That’ll happen. Yet, it shouldn’t happen ALL the time. I was INCREDIBLY motivated when I was a 20 something. You could see a ‘fire’ in my little Asian eyes. Now you see a ‘giggle.’ But the ‘fire’ is coming back.

It needs to come back, pronto. I think i’ve left under a bed sheet somewhere?

Sasha Not Fierce: ‘I don’t think you get distracted. I think you get bored and when you’re bored, you *hobby* boys, things, drama….anything, just to occupy your brain.’

‘Well, i’m not bored right now, i’m busy….’

Sasha:  ‘EXACTLY!’ And that’s why your focus is on YOU, Sassy Pants.’

Me: ‘I think I need botox?’

Old School Friend & School Mum (As i’m running back to my car):

‘CHRISSIE WUNNA!! I was having my cuppa tea this morning and WHO popped onto my screen!?! I nearly I died! I choked on it! Haha. I couldn’t even believe it. I was like OH MY GOD!! It’s…’

Me: ‘Haha. I know. It’s shocked everyone. But yeah, it’s on Dec 3rd…’

‘Well, I’ll DEFINITELY be watching!!! Good luck! Haha.’

Monday, December 3rd, 10pm, Channel 4. ‘First Dates.’ Set ya tellies!

‘I’ve been thinking about ‘The Swirl’ aka ‘T Bone’ a lot. He’s in my head. But he’s in my head because I miss him and i’m inspired by him. I need inspiration right now. He’s someone that’s really GOOD at focusing on what matters to him and balancing it all appropriately.

He sees the big picture and gives everything his all.  Now, I look back. I get it…because i’ve kinda found myself in the exact same position as he was in. I hope I see him in the near future….But I kinda probably won’t.

I’m also inspired by Toby, we know I am. He’s a life soldier. He’s a fighter. He’ll smash the upcoming Winter Olympics and again he’s someone who seems to stay very focused, without letting the art of ‘tango’ or ‘distraction’ get the better of him.

I’m glad that I briefly crossed paths with him, because he reminded me to take life and opportunity into my own hands. Like I used to!

It must be one of the keys to success. Both guys are sportsmen though. Maybe they’re taught that mentality, every day…

You’re a product of your environment right?

Saying that, Mike wasn’t at all a sportsmen? My first husband. (My Little Mikey Ray.) I’d already  had a few  dreams come true, so I knew that anything could happen. MY parents taught me that anything could happen if I tried, because they made THEIR OWN dreams come true. Mum came over here with only £17 in her pocket and built an entire EMPIRE by herself…

As did my Father, who trundled to the UK with his fingers crossed. He ended up being a bone surgeon and building his surgeries, across the lands.

Mum: ‘Yeah, then we had you. We thought we had it all sorted and you turned around and said you wanted to be a MODEL!! Hahaha! I was like, GOD!! RAY! What are we gonna do?? We know nothing about entertainment!!!??!!!’

(But i’m sure that can’t be true because my dad ABSOLUTELY bought The Sun Newspapers ‘Page 3’ Calendar every year and put it up in the living room. Haha. It didn’t even bother my Mum because she’s cool. Maybe HE inspired me! Lol. )

Whilst he did that, my mum took me around to every single dance class, agent, performing arts school, competition, audition, acting class, ACROSS THE COUNTRY.

You name it…I was there, from being about 7 years old onwards…and this was at the same time as doing school. I went to a Private Boarding School. I had a wonderful time at school. But you kinda had to smash it academically and perform. It wasn’t like you could toss it off and play ‘absent.’ It was competitive. But I liked that, because there was still a warmth!

Plus, all the kids there WANTED to do well. There wasn’t a single pupil there would ever turn around and say, ‘I can’t be arsed to be here.’

We LOVED being at school. It was like a resort, a well protected bubble.

There was no ‘hanging out by the bike sheds, sipping cider.’ It was all. ‘Have you signed up to golf, or pony trekking? I’m bored, do you want a quick round of tennis before tea? ’ Lol.

I remember getting pulled out of class, during my G.C.S.E years, to go shoot a campaign, or audition for a pop band..(lol) Everywhere I went as a child, to compete during this time…Sheridan Smith (who is huge now) was there, with her mum. Doing the exact same thing.

Everything must have been so hectic for my Mum. Yet to me it seemed busy, but it was just so fun and easy. However, I’m now only GOOD at working under pressure. I can only be productive when I have A LOT GOING ON. Otherwise, I get bored…and when i’m bored, you’ll know about it.

Meghan: ‘You’re never home! You’re always out and about.’

I still came out the other ‘G.C.S.E’ end, with 9 A’s, a couple A *’s and a B (for Maths!) I am RUBBISH AT SUMS. I can’t be bothered to add.

Miss. Liddle: ‘Did you see my SEESAW post!!! I’ve found what Junior’s good at! I tested him on his timetables. I put them in front of him, didn’t help him at all…and he got them all right! I was like YES!!!! Look in his bag!’

FINALLY!!!! BLISS! I COULD’VE CRIED! (But really! I could’ve cried!)

So, I have one child that’s a glamour puss and loves poetry, reading, success and beauty. Then another who loves maths, building, codes and logic.

Wait! I’ve got distracted again!

SHIT! I was meant to be talking about how I watched Mike’s dreams come true!!! Haha!

So yes…Forget all that. It must be all lies, because I seem to be good at making everything about ME, most of the time! 😉

BACK TO DREAMS COME TRUE…

Nothing is impossible if you want it bad enough…SOME dreams come true, but I reckon,  they come true because people work HARD, and succeed on purpose. They put everything in place, so that one day, when an opportunity for ‘dreams come true’ comes their way…THEY’RE READY!!

That’s all you have to do, right? Put yourself in a good place and the right place. The rest you leave to life magic and keep your fingers crossed. There’s always an element, a force beyond your control.

I WATCHED Mike’s dreams come true, with my very eyes. I watched him go, from wondering how he was going to  afford a Burger King, to doing a scene with Tom Cruise, in a movie, as I sat in a cinema.

I watched us never go out, because we had auditions the next day. I watched us once having to run out of The Saddle Ranch without paying our tab, to then a year later being sat at a five star restaurant, at dinner, on Valentine’s Day, next to Tom Hanks and his wife.

ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN! AT ANY POINT.

That’s why I hate it when people give up, because they stop believing. They run out of ‘fight.’

I mean, there are always moments where I sit with my head in my hands, thinking ‘FOR THE LOVE OF ABSOLUTE GOD!!’

But every time, I just take a deep breath, swig a wine and get on with it.

Don’t run out of hope. Don’t run out of ‘fight.’ Keep karma on your side, always, because HOLY SHIT, it can be a BITCH.

Love. Live.

Try not to doubt yourself. Focus on how far you’ve come. It’ll impress you.  It’ll stretch you that little bit further over the line, to get you where you want to be.

Don’t compare yourself to others. It’s depressing. Be inspired by them. But don’t compare your life chapter, to theirs. You don’t know what they’re going through behind an Instagram Pic.

Don’t let other people get you down. It’s your version of life, not theirs. Celebrate YOUR story. I’ve never had anyone ‘hate’ on me, who’s actually doing better than me. 😉 Use any ‘hate’ to motivate you.

I call it ‘Operation: Watch Me Now, Boo.’

Make the right choices FOR YOU. After years of sometimes making really bad choices and failing miserably, over and over again, I will actually tell you that it made me smarter. It made me stronger. Made me wiser.

HOWEVER, some of those opportunities were opportunities that really only come around ONCE in a LIFETIME. Lol.  I properly fucked them up because I was distracted. I had to find another tunnel and dig my way to the light. Save yourself some time. Haha.

Stay focused.

I would’ve preferred to have made the right decision in the first place.

I hear a lot of wise people advising others to ‘fail as much as possible.’ And I get that. It’s true. It makes you mighty in the end. You shouldn’t be scared to’ get back up when you fail,’ I guess is the message. Yet, DO KNOW that whenever i’ve made a GOOD DECISION (yes, that HAS ACTUALLY HAPPENED BEFORE) and done something right the FIRST TIME ROUND…. It hasn’t felt bad AT ALL. It’s actually felt WONDERFUL!! Haha.

I feel like Dr.Phil. Wait! No I don’t because i’m about to shoot topless on a space hopper, with a martini glass in my hand, for my birthday Insta pics.

We all have different lives. Do yours well!

I wonder what ‘Fairytale, ‘Hustle Barbie, Mel, Firmonnell and Double B are all doing? I haven’t caught up with them in ages.

I’m getting a Flash back of a time when Double B, Fairytale and I were all sat ON THE PAVEMENT, outside some building in Leeds, after a night out, waiting for Prince Jonny, at around 2am, some morning. Double B had her shoes off and some drunk Ginger guy thought we were homeless and threw change at us!

Hahah….

Grandma’s, Dick Pics & Birthdays

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Life is great right now. Everything seems to be slotting itself into the right place 😉 and even though i’m wishing for even MORE amazing times to come, i’m not feeling foolish enough to forget that right now, I’ve got it pretty good.

Yesterday, I got you all to ask me questions on ‘sex,’ on my Insta Story and you excelled yourselves. My story hadn’t been viewed as much in donkies years. Lol. But yes, sex is a big part of my 37 year old world, so I really loved answering your questions, simply because I think it still has a bit gummy ‘TABOO’ label, slapped upon it, when it comes to openly chitter chatter.

I’m a cocktailing Glamour Puss. If I know about anything, I know about ‘whisky sour’ dripped sexy time. 

(All was going well, until some sexual therapist woman, decided to hate on me.)

There’s plenty of room for everyone, so don’t try and elbow me out the way. I hate giving direct advice, because I don’t agree with telling other humans HOW to live. All I do is share and I do it by telling MY OWN story and letting people ‘take’ or ‘leave’ anything they want from what the hear.

Anything inspiring comes from MY OWN life experience and emotion and not from from a dusty old ‘Refer to Paragraph A’ textbook.

That’s a polite and glamourous way of saying…

FUCK OFF. 🙂

I’ve loved Halloween, but i’m glad it’s over. I might even light a few sparklers and get Bonfire night out the way, simply to hurry it up to my favourite time of year….

CHRISTMAS.

I’m a December born baby. I have a birthday on the 19th and this year is extra special because i celebrate..

10 years of CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM 

I actually hit 10 whole years, earlier in the year. I think March?  But I didn’t want to celebrate being ace, in March. 😉  Instead, I wanted to give myself a big old ‘pat’ on the tequila back ON my ACTUAL birthday…so i’m gunna!

Wiggle.Wink. Hip Bump.

I was gonna throw a big old party, but I decided not to…Instead I’m gonna do it my own way..and you’ll find that out shortly. 😉

Strap in, Dollies.

(Wait, I feel like I need another 11.38am wine. Except it’s now 12.40, so I’m all cool and appropriate.)

It’s lil’ Sam Reece’s birthday today. He’s turned twenty six and it’s great. I’ve loved our paths crossing this year & our hungover Sunday morning snapchat banters.

He’s certainly the sexiest twenty six year old my eyes have ever seen, so I felt the need to post this pic everywhere. 😉 It’s a beautiful piece of art.

Ladies of the world, you can ‘thank’ me later.

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(Oh God. I’m sat in at The Mallard in Doncaster blogging. I always choose the quiet ‘away from absolutely everyone’ corner, but it’s got really busy. A grandma, is out with her grandson and is looking at me every three seconds. She’s doing that thing where her Grandson says or does something impressive, & wants me to acknowledge it also. Hahah. I feel under pressure to perform. Lol) 

This is not what I signed up for. Haha.

Now dudes are hounding my Facebook messenger and sending me photos of their genitalia. I don’t mind a dick pic AT ALL, if I know, and fancy the guy. I think it’s hot. It’s sexy.

Yet, I don’t like dick pics from strangers, at all. It’s just not sexy and not because i feel disrespected. Just because I’m not sexually excited by anyone, until they’ve managed to mentally stimulate me.

Flirt with my mind. Get in my pants. Simples. Haha.

Grandma’s. Dick pics. AND I have a tractor in my hand bag. I just can’t cope. Lol.

WHAT IS MY LIFE!!

Chick friend: ‘Can you not eat a chicken wing, like you’re giving it head please. It’s a family pub.’ 

Me: ‘And don’t I fucking know it! Hahaha.’ 

Right, I’m answering your questions on love & dating today. I’m moderately distracted because there is MADNESS going on around me. Lol.

I keep lifting my phone in the air and pouting to film by answers for you. People keep looking at me, like i’m strange.

I’ll give’em that.

HOWEVER, I do actually think that THESE DAYS, it is PERFECTLY acceptable to selfie take or film for your instagram in public. You’re almost behind the times, if you don’t believe that and frown upon those who do?

Anyway…

Head to my Insta Story and ask me a question on love, dating and relationships. ( @chrissiewunna.)

Thank you for following my life,

Chrissie x

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Life, Love & Really Bad Habits…

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Hope you’ve had a really wonderful weekend! I had the BEST family time with Ruby & Junior. We lunched at ‘The Clam & Cork’ in Doncaster. (I had the oysters, Ruby had the sea bass. I had to go buy Junior a boiled hot dog from a cart, by watermelons. Lol) We shopped. We loved. We picked out our Style Favourites at Primark. I’m a huge Primark fan So as a family, we couldn’t feel happier, to be sharing our favourite pieces with you.

Primark has hands down’ shown us a lot of love & for that, i’m absolutely grateful for! In my mind there’s no reason for anyone to spend an ENTIRE fortune, in order to LOOK GOOD or most of all FEEL GOOD.

There ain’t no shame in your Primark game!

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In Wunna Land, our expensive buys, are always a ‘treat.‘ I mean we spend a lot on ‘good times’ and great food. Yet, when it comes to fashion, and I LOVE FASHION, I love BEAUTY….we’ve signed up to ‘Primania’ with our hearts full of joy.

I’ve shopped there for years and now it’s time to celebrate it! 

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(I mean, what is life without a knitted rainbow cardy, right!)

Okay, so….

The start of my week has been blissful, up until last night. (We’re only on Tuesday. Haha.) Last night, I decided to balls things up, for myself, which I do quite often. You know when you just don’t prioritize something correctly and you therefore accidentally, let yourself down, because a niggly guilt meanders through your head. A niggly guilt that won’t go away because you temporarily hurt someone. That’s what I did. That’s how I felt. I’m okay now. I’ve got over it look…

Yet, a lesson has been learnt…and I guess, I need to break another bad habit. (This is all really good for me. I’m going through a really CLEANSING time, by accident. Lol.)  I don’t smoke. I won’t drink as much. I’m wearing chakra balancing beads. I’m crying to love songs by JLS.  Next i’ll be doing yoga on my front lawn, in eco friendly workout attire and stroking goats…

I don’t think so… I’m a glamour puss, not a hippie. 😉 I am actually quite spiritual by nature..throw me a pack of Tarot cards and a voodoo doll and i’m sound. 😉

But…

WHY AM I STILL LEARNING LESSONS AT 37!!

Anyway, there’s lots going on. my Insta story is on fire, right now, with views. Work is on it’s way. I’m in limbo. I’m waiting for a something to air on TV. I have loads of shoots. I’m waiting for my time. My moment. I’m loving being a mum. My love life is still rubbish. Well not rubbish. The guy that I went on the Manchester date with, is looking forward to seeing me again. So, that’s sweet.

(All last night, I kept drinking red wine and accidentally crying to JLS songs, because I missed ‘The Swirl.’ Hahaha.) 

I love being a girl.

To be honest, I’ve been quite hormonal of recent. (As you may have guessed?) But i’ve found that as soon as I ‘doll’ myself up, whop in my hoops and get strutting…I’m fine. I’m dandy.

Just getting on with it, is the best way!

I feel like something great is going to happen to me in the love department? Even if it’s not right now…The ending to my story, when it comes to love…feels like it’s going to be amazing. Like Life has been leading me up to something phenomenal. (She glues her ‘rosy tinted specs’ to her face.)

Everything you go through, I believe is for a reason…

I’ve enjoyed by path, as ‘colourful’ as it’s been…I’m ready for a Happy Ending. Surely, I deserve one, in both work and love, for crying out loud!!

I’m committing to everything. I’m throwing myself into everything. You get nothing out of life if you don’t commit to it. 

You’ll never experience the happiness intended for you, if you don’t ‘throw skin to the wind’ and just go for it. Survive the bad. Enjoy the good. Be it big, small or inbetween. Just live. Just love. Just be ALIVE.

In the end, you’ll KNOW why you had to go through it all…

I believe that…

(But I still believe in Santa and Fairies…so don’t take my word for it.)

Right now, I can tell you, that i’m really proud of the kids. Junior has a true heart of gold. He’s insightful and loving..Yet won’t let you push him around, when he feels brave. Ruby is ambitious and dynamic. She’s a tough cookie. She is every inch….well…ME. (I’m kinda feeling really bad for Pete, right now, because Ruby hasn’t wanted to hang out with him over the last couple weeks…)

‘Tell Dad, that I do love him. Everything’s fine. I’d just rather spend my time with you and Junior, mum…’

She’s almost outgrowing him…and she’s only 7.

Pete: ‘Chrissie, it’s depressing me…’

The babies have really got stuck into this whole ‘showbizzy’ malarky, by choice, before you all start……I’m kinda having to rein them in a little and make them concentrate on school…because they have so much going on in October. I can’t keep up!!

But I actually couldn’t be prouder of them.

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Life is good. I’m tired though. I’m looking after myself more. I’m stepping up my game. I’m adoring my beauty regime. I’m wanting to make my mark, now. I’m also wanting to fall in love. I wonder if ‘The Swirl’ ever thinks about me? (I think about you. I think about you a lot.) I wonder if The Manchester Date guy will try to pursue a future with me? (You were so lovely to me. You made me feel lovely.)

I’m concentrating on my career…and like I said, this time LAST YEAR…

I ain’t gonna be dropping no ball, this time…

Watch this space…

Wunna Land, is on it’s way UP!!!

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Girls Night, Flirts & Extra Big Gin Pours

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Hiya! I know it’s been ages since a blog. You’ve all had a moan at me. Lol. But I’m here! It’s been mental. There’s been all kinds of influencing, work and fun. The babies have been auditioning. I’ve been auditioning. We’ve been keeping our sparkle a float, booz!

I’ve just been enjoying myself really, with friends, family…andyone who wants to join the conga line of fun. The kids go back to school soon, so I wanna make sure I embrace my time with them, which is a tinker of a juggle, due to work and baby daddy exchanges. YET, completely worth it, worth it, worth it!

I’ve still been out and about, i’ve lunched, I’ve shopped, i’ve tippled and loved. Therefore, bit by bit, i’ll shimmie my story of the last few days out to you…because i’ve literally done SO much, that I wouldn’t even know where to begin?

I’ve been everywhere & always with a cocktail in my hand!

I think i’ve also ‘sassed up’ a little bit actually. My inner ‘diva’ seems to be swirling through my system right now. I’m strutting about like a ‘girl boss,’ without a care in the world. But there’s a smile in my heart…and a ‘dolly’ warmth, that you should absolutely be terrified of.

Anyway… *Rein me in*….I’ll start here…

Okay, so, the other evening I got to hang out with my ‘Firmonnell’ and ‘Hustle Barbie.’ We’ve been through so much together. I mean, we’ve watched each other laugh, cry, lie, win and fall. We’re all single. We’re all sexy. We’re all drinkers, thinkers and really good winkers. 😉 They’re now roomies (after hot little breakups)  and they’re a couple of my closest chick friends.

I adore them because whenever I hang out with them, a magic happens.  We’re alive, with no judgements, no fear…just fun! And just recently, when i’m not at work or with my babies, i’ve been feeling quite bored. I’ve been looking around me and yawning. I’m an exciting girl and I need adventure. So a girls nights with them, was a really good fix of fun. It reminded of me of who I was again…

Sling back that fruity gin & adjust that flipping wonderbra.

‘Are you in pants?’

Me: ‘Don’t be so stupid… It’s a night out. I never where pants.’

The good things is, whenever we’re out…the boys just seem to flock? (It’s a good mixture of boobies, banter, good looks and energy. Lol)

Firmonnell: ‘Well, fill me in then. I don’t  wanna talk about your work. Who are you dating? Who you sleeping with?’

Hustle: ‘I feel overdressed. Take a picture of me! A smiling one and a non smiling one. I don’t like that one. You’re shit at picture taking.’

Me: ‘I’ve drank all day since 12.01.’

Remember… ‘Firmonnell’ is literally my bestest, best friend EVER and she is probably the only human in the glittery world, who actually knows EVERYTHING about me. I tell her everything…without censor, or an ‘untruth’ tag, swinging from it.

Laaa Deee Daaa…

I always think, people sometimes assume they know a lot about me…But ‘Firmonnell’ with a* finger snap* and a *hip bump* ACTUALLY does!! Her red stiletto is firmly STAMPED in  the heart of Wunna Land…emotionally, physically and mentally. Plus, both Hustle and Firmonnell, are the kind of friends, who just make things easier on you, without drama.

Firmonnell: ‘I found a diary….’

Me: ‘Ooh, I love a diary…’

Firmonnell:….’ of when I lost my virginity.’

She couldn’t tell if she’d lost it or not…? Lol.  I mean does 2 minutes count? But honestly, does it? As I’m sure I could go back in time and start crossing boys off my list, if it doesn’t??

Losing your virginity is awful.  But the first time you do anything in life, (well, the things that people wrongly underline as a taboo).…You’ll always find is shit. Debauchery really is a habit, one that is created due to consistency…It’s a pastime i’ve nailed over the years.

Hurrah! Sinning for everyone!

Anyway, double gins were poured, I had Peroni’s, before wine because I wanted to line my tummy. I’d been at Clam & Cork in Doncaster (It’s a new trendy seafood & champagne bar, set in the market) and I’d  had oysters all day for lunch, before girls night! 😉 I loved the Clam & Cork by the way. You should all go! It’s such a clever little idea and literally the service and food was DIVINE.

There’s a coolness to it.

The oyster thing did kinda worry me though, because I know that oysters are meant to make you horny? I didn’t wanna do GIRLS NIGHT, feeling  like I needed to dry hump a lamppost. So I had a Guinness straight afterward, at the nearest pub because I thought it would cancel out any aphrodisiac. I don’t know why, I thought that? Haha. Welcome to my mind. It’s the same logic I use for Bloody Mary’s…

‘Techincally it’s food, because it’s got tomatoes in… You call it cocktail. I call it breakfast.’

(I’ve actually had hundreds of Bloody Mary’s for breakfast before, in my time.)

And chewing gum…

‘Technically, it’s a snack…You’re chewing…’

Back to girls night…..

Before you know it, we sort of went from 0 to hero in seconds, and surrendered to a innocent fun, that was dashed in ‘little girl’ excitement. We’re all so alive right now and young spirited. We’re flirty. Yes. But when were out, we’re kind of in own little bubble of fun, that we don’t really care about what’s going on around us. We’ll talk to everyone…and we did. We’ll sing, we’ll dance, we’ll selfie…we’ll laugh at each other’s pain.

Yet, these guys had shown up…

Hustle: ‘Ron’s coming with his mates… Can we all just be lovely and say nothing please…’

I LOVE HER.

(Hasn’t Hustle just had her Vagina BLESSED in Bali? I swear that makes it’s squeaky clean and innocent with a cherry on top? I’m sure the Bali Gods, erased all vagina history.)

Basically…’Hustle Barbie’ invited a guy, who she fancies...(which is always fun)…for drinks.

One minute he was called Anthony. The next minute his name was ‘Ron’ (because he’s apparently so obsessed with ‘Harry Potter.’)

Me: ‘Ewww! NO! I hate that! Don’t date a crazy Harry Potter fan.’

Firmonnell: ‘He’ll always be Ron and never Harry.’

Me: ‘That’s too much for me…

He was thoughtful though, because he tended to ‘Hustle’s’  vegan values. He  didn’t want her to witness his friends ripping chicken off the bone, with their teeth, like savages, during a late dinner…So he *paused* their rendezvous, until no drippy, ‘finger licking’ chicken munching, could be ever seen.  So romantic of him!

Thoughtfulness is the new sexy.

Last year, I kept trying to be vegan….Well, not Vegan…more veggie… with Hustle Barbie.  Yet I caved and had a bag of pork scratchings…. because i’m such a good support system. 🙂

TEAM GLAM SQUAD. That’s life!

Anyway, ‘Ron’ brought two mates with him….I didn’t know them? They were quite quiet.  ‘Firmonnell’ tried to make one of them guess her name…and he went with…

‘JANE.’

Me: HAHAHAHAHA!

Firmonnell: ‘Errrugh! As if you think I look like a JANE.’

Boy: ‘Sally?’

Firmonnell: ‘I like Autumn. Autumn Costello.’

Me: ‘You look like an Autumn!!! ‘

Hustle: ‘We look like Autumn, Summer & Winter. You look so Asian today Chrissie?’

Me: ‘I am Asian???’

Anyway, that guy got bored and left Firmonnell & I outside, after we told him how shit he was at name guessing… So we found new friends to play ‘banter’ with. ..and it was so much more good fun, than just sitting….and nodding…..around appalling name guessing games, tits, red lipstick and muscles.

It turned into the best time!

When it comes to guys, I like you to look good, sure!  YET, I adore a good solid bit of banter! Or someone who is smoooooth with the charm. I want them to care for me, look after me and make me laugh. A six pack can’t do that!

Hustle: ‘Why have you taken your hands out of your hand bag??? Keep them in there, bitch!’

(Just one of their sick, twisted roomie wife games.)

Me: ‘My wine’s gone straight to my head.’

Firmonnell: ‘Is that the guy who you went in the bush with??? The anal guy! Haha’

Me: ‘Yeah..’

Firmonnell: ‘Good! Let’s go talk to him…I love that I called him poor..’

Me: ‘Haha. Well, He shouldn’t go on my phone, if he can’t handle the banter..’

We all chatted, as Hustle began to sophisticatedly seduce ‘Ron’ in the distance, …then Firmonnell decided to call the bush boy ‘poor’ AGAIN…and after laughs, he stated that he was gonna ‘Piss on her house.’

Yippppeeeee!

Drinking, drinking, selfie taking….

Hustle: ‘Shall we go to Tap & Barrel?’

Boys: ‘Girls! Come!’

Me: ‘I’m not going into town..’

Firmonnell: ‘I’m not leaving yet!’

Boys: ‘We’ll go to that gin bar…’

Then Hustle and Ron decided to have private words of love over gin, in some corner…So we all went outside. Then ‘Firmonnell’ told Reece & Ben that they were being so boring.

Boys: ‘What! You left to go sit somewhere else!’

Firmonnell: ‘Yes….ON AN EMPTY TABLE BECAUSE IT WAS MORE FUN THAN YOU.’

Hahah. I love her.

Boys: ‘We’re not the boring ones.  HE IS, inside..’

Firmonnell: ‘You’ve just been sat there with ya muscles, being dull and square..’

Boys: ‘ Well, I’ll not train shoulders for a week then, so I look fun, shall I!!!’

Then weirdly, the stars twinkled above us and because ‘Firmonnell’ has a way of just knowing how to win people over….ALL of  sudden, the tight tshirted, muscle bound toyboys, were our besties??

They were laughing and bantering, flirting and shirting…and the world had taken a turn..

Reece: ‘Where’s Bruce?’

Me: ‘Who’s Bruce?’

Firmonnell: ‘We call him Ron… Don’t tell him though…’

Me: ‘Why is he called Anthony, Ron AND Bruce??’

Reece: ‘When he was young, he was really chubby and we called him Bruce because he had a stutter?’

I’m not sure how that makes ANY sense at all? Yet, they did then try to force us to call Ron, ‘Bruce’ and make him feel awkward, because then he would stutter.

AAAAAWWWwwwwwwww! Noooooooooo! I’m a NO BULLY ZONE.

We couldn’t be arsed…

Anyway, they all ventured to play ‘party’ on new razzly pastures…and ended up at the new cocktail bar, Mxyology. I stayed in the pub and chilled with a different Antony…who ended up with a red studded dog lease around his neck, before he tried to then go on to steal the actual dog. This was a lady named Marie told me thather husband where’s her under garments…

No. Wait…

Leggings. 😉

Happy Wednesday.

I had a good news phone call today!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Flirts, Single Life & Custard…

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Yesterday was so much fun. Was it yesterday? Yeah…yesterday! I’ve literally been all over the land, working my merry tinker of a booty off and I’m feeling really lucky. I’m knackered though. God! It’s been trains, travel, bars, restaurants people, social media and deadlines…NON STOP. But i’m loving every second and I’m counting my lucky..stilettos?

They say, ‘Hard work pays off,’ and slowly, but surely, when it’s your turn to shine…it will. Everyone’s always in some kind of race…and you don’t need to be. You don’t need to compare yourself to someone else. They may be on Chapter 20, when you’re only on Chapter 1. ..and that’s fine. Just be inspired, hone your talent, enjoy every minute and push forward, whilst concentrating solely on what YOU’RE doing.

People will talk. LET THEM. 

Chrissiewunna.com ONLY became popular via people talking & gossiping about me. 😉

You’ll make your dreams come true, if you give the world something of value.

People never post their failures online…They tend to only talk about them, once they’ve made it big.  The good thing about this little blog, is that you live my triumphs and failures as I go along…

It’s human nature..

But preach over…Let’s chat…

I hardly slept at all yesterday. Ruby’s away on holiday with her Dad. Junior had an evening with his Father last night also.  I was all on my own, with my flipping meditation app and hated every second of not having the kids around me. (I like hearing them screaming in the background.) 

I’m so lucky right now, because I never feel alone, because of them. However, I dread to think what life would be like, when i’m really really old, if I stayed single and alone forever? I’m just not that kind of person. I don’t want that.  I don’t deserve that. I want to feel love and give love always. I’m just not willing to settle for ‘Mr.Anyone,‘ for the sake of ‘just because.’ I’d rather be alone than ever be with someone who wasn’t right!

I want that magic. That unconditional love that swirls through two people, who can’t help BUT be soul mates..

And i’m sure i’ll find it…It’ll pop out of nowhere, when I least expect it to…But like I said, I’m in no race. I’ll do my own story, at my own pace…I have absolute faith in my own version of life. I never know what’s going to happen to me in the end, I just know it’s going to be something wonderful…

I bumped into Passionate Jaz, Baby Tom & No Knicks yesterday afternoon, at the pub.

SUNDAY FUNDAY!

It was ace. Passionate Jaz, was hungover and needing carbs to survive another hour of life. She had fallen asleep on a really comfy bin, in town, enticed ‘Baby Tom’ with her sexiness..

‘You’re definitely *getting some* when we get home. 😉 ‘

Baby Tom, IMMEDIATELY orders a taxi (woo’ed by the debauchery.) He gets them home, straight away, at the speed of ‘I definitely have a boner’ light.  Then ONCE HOME,  Jaz, tells him off….

‘If you dare come near me or in this room…’

(Hahahah)

..and so he ends up just sleeping on the sofa, cuddling a bottle of Jack Daniels. Lol.

I love them. They’re my favourite couple. I love hanging out with them…and watching them eat nachos.

Jaz: ‘I do like custard?’

Me: ‘I like custard..’

Jaz: ‘I like rice pudding with jam on me..’

Tom: ‘Oh yeah. Her ship was leaking..Lol’

Jaz: ‘I was definitely on the sinking ship. His friends didn’t like me…’

Me: ‘I don’t  like Ben because he lied about me..’

No Knicks: ‘My ex cheated on me..’

Jaz: ‘Stop dating people you work with!’

Me: ‘It’s never really a good night if someone isn’t hysterically crying for or kicking off..’

Tom: ‘Owt for Nowt..’

Me: ‘There’s literally A MILLION SINGLE MEN in they city of LEEDS, ALL looking for love. Why can’t you find ONE, that DOESN’T work with you??

Tom: ‘I’ll have a pint of Peroni please..’

Jaz: ‘I want a Jam Roly Poly now…’

No Knicks: ‘I hate that i’m single…Please tell me that it’s going to be okay, because i’m 29, never been married with no kids.’ 

She’ll be fine though. I mean, ’29, never been married with no kids,’ is a much easier sell, than..

‘Hi. I’m Chrissie. I’m 37. Been married 3 times, oh and I have two babies… to two different guys.’

That is my first date banter…because I always feel like I need to get it out in the open STRAIGHT AWAY. I let THEM take it from there..Lol

I remember being sat in ‘The Swirls’ (do I still call him ‘The Swirl’ or should I call him ‘T Bone?) Anyway, it wasn’t this Easter, but the Easter before and I was sat on his sofa, after sex…in his apartment in Ipswich, with ‘Dinner Date’ on as telly background and to our right, was a GIANT canvas picture, with a half naked, abstract artsy lady painted on it. The canvas was LEMON and the lady seemed to be dancing? She looked all FREE….

T Bone: ‘That’s not mine. It was already here when I moved in.. Lol.’

Anyway, I told him the 30 something, married loads of times, two babies, to two different daddies spiel…

I did my usual *pause* afterward…(I always do it, to scan their face…)

The 30 something thing, didn’t bother him. He’s a younger 30 something than me. And even though he did look, a little taken a back, by my story…for a second…

He paused, tried to say something humourously sensible at me…Then pointed at the tv….in fact at Kim Kardashian, because an E Network Advert had come on…and said..

‘It’s only like her. She’s been married a couple of times…I think you’re great girl. I think you’re lovely.’

Smooooth. 😉  It was sweet of him to refrain from being judgemental. The less judgemental a guy is, the more i’m going to fancy him.

Me: ‘Well, it’s my story. I can’t help my story or my past. There’s nothing I can do about it, so people kinda just have to either love me for it or lump it..’

Anyway….

How did I get so distracted???

The rest of the yesterday, I sat with a table of guys…who were all on the gin after the races. A really good set of lads. Some were better at banter than others.. Then ‘Stringer’ sang ‘Hero’ by Enrique Iglesias, IN SPANISH…lovingly, into his fruity gin…

He was actually AMAZING…

He sang EXACTLY THIS…into his gin…whilst ordering Dominos.

Then we talked about Stag Do’s. How I was accidentally on HIS stag do. KatyP came back from a BBQ, with Golfer Jonny, the MOST PISSED I had ever seen her...Lol.

‘Holy shit! What happened to you, in that time???’

I hugged everyone…Then it was home time…I got home. Stripped down naked. Turned out the lights and online stalked the people I fancy, in bed… after Peroni’s. (Haha. Tragic. 😉 )

This morning I woke up from a Snapchat message from Big Brother 9’s Rex Newmark, who’s actually really good friend of mine. He pretty much said my outfit made me look like I was headed to a ‘rodeo’ 🙂 and then we mutually agreed that I looked like a hooker..

Rex: ‘Both good choices. Never a wives favourite though. Haha.’

Me: I’m NEVER a wives favourite!’

Rex: ‘When are you back in London. I want you to visit some of my restaurants…?’

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Drinks, Friendship, Sex & A Whole Lot of Love

So, a lot is happening right now emotionally & I’ve been stressed out because of it. Hence why there hasn’t been that many blogs over the last week. (I’ve read all your messages and yes the blogs are now a coming.) I’m now concentrating on work, as it’s the only thing that keeps me feeling powerful. So i’ve put away my fun gloves for a second and slipped into my girl boss stilettos.

I don’t like drama and I believe that drama is a brewing.

Tuesday morning I woke up with a foot in my face, after the best night ever of absolute impromptu fun. It was Antony’s foot, ( a friend of mine) and as I was the ‘little spoon’ to ‘Not so Ginger Brad,’ we all did ‘wake up,‘ on Katy P’s sofa.

Yet let me take you back a second…

Monday afternoon, after I lunched at Ego with my babies Ruby & Junior, we ended up at The Carleton, with friends, for afternoon drinks, as an ‘over the fence’ bonfire littered a beautiful ‘ash rain‘ over my ‘one Peroni down’ weave. (My favourite smell in the world is ‘bonfire,’ and I kinda actually enjoyed an ‘ash rainfall.’ There’s something about it, that’s sexy and I love everything’s that’s sexy, if it is delivered with the greatest beauty.)

Banter, fun and lots of love occurred. To the point where others joined the ‘good times,’ the babies had now been ventured home to bed, the girls had joined the boys and day had turned to night. (Which is also my favourite time of day.) 

I guess everyone in the world is going through something, right? Every single second of the day. It only makes us human, normal and alive.  Some of us take it better than other, some of us dwell on the muddle, then there’s the ones that *blank* it out.

And yeah, I’d say most people sat around our two tables, will have some kinda issue on their mind, right now. Yet, in that moment on Monday night, everyone just wanted to relax, have fun and find themselves an ‘escape.’

We all have a story. We all patter different walks. Yet, Monday was simply ours.

Everyone needs a blow out. A moment where you are entitled to feel free.

My table was filled with a Jordan, Tyler, Ginger Brad, Antony, KatyP, Hairdresser Claire, Canadian Lindsay, Daniella, Oli, Will, Ashleigh and J.D (who I noticed didn’t drink at all, all night?)

It began to rain, so we all clumbered under the shelter, under the stars and talked life, love and the world that we live around us. Nothing makes moments more magical, y’know.. when you’re sat with good friends, or new company, over a tipple, in Yorkshire, as the rain falls down around you. (IT IS shit, if you’re in the rain, yet when you’re sheltered, life ain’t so bad.)

The night *Zoomed* by because we were having accidental fun. I had a red wine and it didn’t even act as ‘truth serum’ which means i’ve evolved and just become ballsy anyhow.

Now, I don’t know what happened, but we tottered inside and we’re all buying drinks, each other drinks, getting to know each other better, creating new fun with old friends…then it all went tits up…and booze kicked in. Everything must have whizzed by us, as we all went from ‘zero‘ to ‘hero’ pretty fast.

Ginger Brad and I were actually meant to go on a date, but we opted for drinks with friends instead. (We’ve been on loads of little dates anyway, so it was fine.) But, I always do this thing where dinner has finished, yet I still want to drink forever. I never can because it’s already been last orders and let me tell you, nothing could be worse. I’m heartbroken, by this point. I love fun and I want it to last forever.

Long story short, people had paired off to have conversations. Yet the drunk kind, where nothing is ever really solved. It lead to people falling in love, strong words, impromptu lash outs, sibling fights, punching walls and accidental madness.

KatyP: ‘Right i’ve organized a getaway car, I need you to get everyone in it and be driven straight to mine.’

And just on cue, I did. Well, I got Brad, Antony and Tyler into a car, because fuck it, I’m not great at herding sheep. Saying that, it went pretty smoothly and with a blink and with  freshly bought ‘petrol station’ booze, we found ourselves at KatyP’s.

We all got comfy, more people arrived and we just chilled with drinks and sang Disney Classics, after a bunch of Carpool Karaoke episodes. It was a good time, because it couldn’t be more chilled.

Then shit went down. Lol..

But only after Antony had bounced up out of nowhere and performed the most miraculous ‘Fresh Prince of Bel Air’ Carlton dance in the world ever. It was so good, it should’ve gone viral.

Then there were tears…after Ed Sheeran songs.

*Rolls Eyes.*

KatyP: ‘Chrissie. Just stay in here, with Lindsay and whilst I go in there and sort all this shit out.’ 

And just like that…

The next 20 mins, was crazy.

CRAZY!

I mean, you haven’t actually had a good night, if someone hasn’t punched a wall, cried, got mad and bollocked someone, and sang bits of the Lion King. Kate’s a good friend because when she feels that i’m not being treated well enough (lol) she will GO TO TOWN on the human, who has DARED to fuck with Wunna Land. Haha.

I love her for it.

I was listening into the fight, as Canadian Lindsay found a fascinator and was more concerned about wearing it, than my actual love life. Lol.

Linz: ‘Why do you guys, not do everything in a fascinator??’

(She’s worn it ever since. She’s eaten Domino’s in it and all kinds of shit.)

Me: ‘Can you care about my love life please! Cheers!’

Then I decided to do the ‘walk in,’ as it had all turned pally and chipper by this point…I was summoned forward for a ‘talk.’ Talks are not my favourite. They scare me. Yet, I didn’t mind this talk. The talk wasn’t so bad?

Anyway…

Talking lead to mini arguing, which led to staircase sex, with led to ‘little spoon/big spoon’ sex, which led to me waking up with a foot in my face.

It was actually a really good time….I actually felt really good.I felt great. Everything seemed all dandy.

Now (since then)… i’ve heard lots of versions, of lots of things…and I’m not one for versions…I just like truths. Quiet truths.

And technically, we’re not kinda not properly talking right now, because of ‘doo dahs’ and ‘dill dums.’

Me: ‘Are you okay? What’s up?’

Guy: ‘Not really, nah.’

One of the most important things to me ALWAYS, is someones true expressions. How they really feel! Be it good. Or bad. And I like to hear expressions from the horses mouth, because no one can really ask or answer questions for people, other than the two ‘parties’ involved, right? I like to know how people feel, because it’s only when people communicate honestly, that some kind of result is made.

I also agree, that everyone’s entitled to their own opinion…because we have a voice to use freely …I use mine and it’s great.

Yet, if i’m just getting a ‘not really, nah,‘ and nothing else….Then that to me isn’t expressive, it’s dismissive…

I’m not sure how this has turned into a conundrum? Yet, it sure as hell has…