The 8 Hour Panic

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Right! Gosh! Yesterday was a jolly little nightmare. 🙂  Today, I was gonna go on about, how much of a nightmare it was. I don’t think I had ever been as stressed, in quite a  little while? I felt deserted and I was SO utterly stressed because i’m SO FAR up my own arse, it’s unbelievable.

However, it’s weird how when you sleep on something…as in close your eyes and let the world take a turn. It’s weird how, you can wake up, rub those fresh kitten eyes and see the funny side to it all. Be okay again.

I lived to tell the tale..and when you’re a blogger, who chats about life… that’s all that matters. 😉

So, all i’m going to say is, don’t get a lift somewhere and then leave your handbag, which holds everything you will need for the day, in someone else’s car by accident. It was my own fault, (even though I did initially try to blame my mistake, on everyone else.)

My purse, my money, my ID, my phone, my laptop, my life, any form of communication..my everything….went on a merry trip without me. I was left stranded, without being able to get a hold of anyone, with nothing at all, but the clothes on my back…

For a good 8 hours..

(And like I said, I struggled because I was SO UP my own arse.)

However, I know it doesn’t seem that bad, right? It isn’t that bad….until you LIVE IT and without notice.

For the first 2 hours, I was FUMING. It sucked balls. I was LIVID. But once you’ve done something, you can’t back track and make it right, can you!?!  You just have to deal with what’s going on, in the ‘right now.’ I mean, people saw me THUNDERING DOWN STREETS, in a mist of Wunna rage. Lol.  I couldn’t get a taxi, I couldn’t message anyone for help. I couldn’t make a phone call. I couldn’t buy myself out of trouble. I went to the library, to try and use their internet. I didn’t have fifty pence, to be able to use the computers. Lol.

I didn’t even have anything on me, to make myself look less ‘on my own’ and like I had a purpose. (This is what I found the hardest, because i’m someone who will always try to look fine, in the heat of trouble.) 

I was embarrassed.

I didn’t know what time it was? I didn’t know, how I was eventually going to get found? I threw a silent pity party…But I must’ve not wanted help, because people did stop and offer TO help…They stopped to help me a million times over. However, every single time they did, I refused it, with a..

 ‘no, no, no…i’m absolutely fine.’

I WAS NOT FINE.

It was a nightmare. Lol. I went from park bench, to park bench, to long pointless walks, to little sit downs, at each local…for 8 hours straight. There’s only so much you can find to do, without looking like a lost soul. I even made a daisy chain to kill time.

It was kinda like being homeless, yet with the comfort of knowing it was all nearly over and you did actually have a home to go to. (In fact, I never got complimented MORE, than I did yesterday.)

So, ofcourse, I felt sorry for myself…and I was actually more annoyed that I couldn’t work (which is something that I find comforting.) I couldn’t write the book, (after finally feeling motivated.) Yet, as time went by and the wind swirled around me…I realised how shallow I was being. I grew up a little. (This week, so far, has been horrific. The Gods, are trying to make me learn lessons, or something? It’s shit.)

But yes, people go through my yesterday…on a daily…Without being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I actually went through this in my 20’s in New York, remember? It was weird because during that time, which was much much harder, I never actually ‘pity partied’ once. Yet, that was because I was genuinely terrified. There was no time to waste of ‘worry.’ I had to find safety.

Yesterday, was great because it made me realise that I wasn’t actually in touch with real life, anymore. Which is something I harp on about all the time, right?

Knowing about something, is different to FEELING something. The text book version of an event, never offers you the same kind of value. You have NOT experience something AT ALL, until you yourself have lived it, walked that particular path and worn the shoes. No one is in a position to judge anyone, until they have actually experienced what it is like, to be them.

And as the saying goes and i’ve seen this posted a million times over, by some of my friends…

‘You only know my name, not my entire story. You know what you’ve heard, not what i’ve actually been through. If you were to walk in my shoes, you’d absolutely trip at the first step, mate.’ 

Not really too relevant to my ‘yesterday,’ as that was nothing. However, it’s always a great life lesson to learn.

My Mum found me nine hours later.

That’s what I love about Mums.. and to be honest the last few hours were completely fine. It was ace. I had the greatest banter, with the most hilarious people. We talked bloomers with Jill, who is so happy all of the time, she looked like she could be married to Santa. Then I talked about ‘boys holidays’ and how a ‘pants only’ party in Zante was probably not a good idea, with dudes called ‘Sam.’

Sam: ‘Well Todd says, he’s throwing a ‘Pants Only’ party in Zante. But he hasn’t thought it through, has he? I mean, what chicks are gonna show up to that? None. It’ll just be a massive sausage fest…. just a group of lads..’

Me: ‘..in speedos and tight undies.’

Sam: ‘He’s Southern though, in’t he! He’s soft. Haha.’

I loved it!

When my Mum did actually find me and I had every faith that she would! You’d think she’d ‘baby’ me and treasure my sorry ass soul.

TOUGH LOVE MUCH!

Mum: ‘I don’t feel sorry for you. (Cheers!)  I knew you’d be okay. (Oh! Dandy!) You always are. (Today was shit.) I never have to worry about you. (Please do worry. I’m even worried.) You’re resourceful, once you’ve had your initial DIVA strop. (I’m fuming.) I’ve always said, I could catapult you to Timbuktu (please don’t) and you’d still find your way back home, or make a life for yourself there, with bells on.. But hurry up, i’ve got to pick up your brother (my darling, adored, little brother…) He needs me.’

I nearly exploded, like  a RAGING, CONFETTI GLITTER BOMB. But I didn’t. I’m swaggier than that. I’m coooool. I took life on the chin and ordered a cocktail.

Got home. Enjoyed every single second of, just being MUM. Let it all go. I posted a couple of ‘pity party’ Insta stories, to make myself feel better. After baby bed time. I cracked open a giant bottle of wine, got into the comfiest of comfies and flicked on ‘Love Island.’

That was yesterday.

Today, I’m meant to start my book. Instead the kids have Sports Day.

This week, is a nightmare.