I don’t even know what’s happening right now? I’m literally the luckiest little tinker in all of the world. I’m jammy. I’m a shit. But i’m really enjoying my little version of life and mainly because right now, I’m doing everything I love, everything I WANT to do and now no longer HAVING to do.
You’ll already also know, (because I shoved it all over my ‘socials,’ that I found part of my Spanish get away in the foreign press a few days ago…which made me smile. I shot a lot, so to see me headline, a little something, in a different land, made all the picture taking worthwhile.
I like making foreign press, as with the blog being read all over the world, (which i’m grateful for)…I’m gonna be honest, all press or ‘look at me‘ around the globe… is pretty helpful. Having the blog is great for spreading Wunna Land news around the world…as is being a model….You travel a lot.
It honestly helps a great deal. The phone starts ringing so much, you start making up a dance routine to your ring tone….
I had a WUNNAFUL Thursday…Well….I think it was Thursday? Whatever day it was last week….We’re gonna fly with Thursday….
WUNNA LAND WENT MENTAL.
It was sort of good news, after good news, after great news phone calls, after really fucking phenomenal emails. Lol. Everything, I had been worrying about, turned out roses. Everything that I didn’t even know would happen…ended up being presented to me as a lucky opportunity….and being the high strung executive that I am.. ;)….I simply did what any professional would do…and that was…
JUMP UP AND DOWN MADLY ON A STOOL, IN THE MIDDLE OF MY LIVING ROOM, SCREAMING WEIRD SHIT LIKE *YIPPPEEE* & *WOO* AS I LET THAT RUSH OF A WUNNA LAND BUZZ RADIATE FROM ME.
I was so giddy I could’ve giggled up martini’s and done *can can* kicks in a conga line..(and I hate conga lines, I always feel that they degrade people. Lol) You lose ALL SWIGEDDY SWAG in a conga line, just so you know. And it’s actually not the fun jiggly part, that makes you look like a lunatic It’s the part where in which the line…. drizzles off, into nothingness and no one knows what to do, other than look lost and act like it never even happened?? It’s a similar awkwardness to that of a dodgy one night stand.
It’s that part that solidifies it’s stamp of utter degradation. 🙂
But yeah, I don’t even know what’s going on? I’m just riding the beginners wave and enjoying it with love, my fingers crossed and excitement! And the reason why i’m so happy about the weird consecutive ‘good news’ thing, is because my life NEVER pans out this way. I USUALLY have TO FIGHT for a ‘good news’ result.
Now, it’s served up to me, with cocktail umbrellas and nipple tassles on. I can’t really believe? It’s weird because in life, I do feel as though i’ve done well. I’ve achieved. And my dreams have come true.
Yet, i kinda set all these other goals and dreams, each time I accomplish a ‘tick box’
Friend: ‘You’re actually going to do it Wunna!!!’
…and right now, it’s crazy, because it feels like i’m doing it again? And because i’ve worked so hard for it…It feels doubley great! You just feel so much more satisfied. I can’t even believe it. My life is changing again!
I feel like the luckiest girl alive…
..in work… 🙂 because we always know that my love life pretty much insists on being disobedient, as it refuses to dance up a happy ending. Well, not the right kind of ‘happy ending.’ 🙂
(Sorry, i’m having a giggle to myself, because the last time someone, well lets say ‘happy endinged‘ on my back, or was it on my bum? I couldn’t see, I don’t know? Lol….The sentence they said, immediately after, as they did the loving tissue ‘wipe up’ was…)
‘HOW YOU DOIN’
Yes…in a ‘Joey‘ from ‘Friends‘ voice. Love it! Hilarious! (You know who you are! Lol) I actually messaged them yesterday to ‘check in‘ and see how Saturday had been to them? I think I annoy this human. But i’m rubbish via text. I always sound like a twat. At least in real life, I can charm the ‘swiney‘ bits away with boobs and eyelash flutters.
I had so much to tell you, but i’ve got completely distracted by ‘Happy endings.’
I’ll skim it.
So…This Wednesday, I’m at an event in Leeds, it’s the ‘Weaves & Waves’ event with Emma from ‘Love Island’ and I can’t wait simply because I love a good hair piece, so I’m excited to see what’s in store.
My best chick friend ‘Firmonnell’ has exceeded herself. I love her. She’s been drinking prosecco in caravans, to step digging with her mum at Motown nights. She’s felt rough, then after 30 minutes, found that she’s completely and utterly fine again..
Firmonnell: ‘What a different a wash and 30 minutes makes!’
Me: ‘Wow, you sound like a scruff bag.’
Her life seems delicious right now and i’m happy that she’s getting a good old swing in her step…Even if it drowns in prosecco pours. You know you have a bestie when they HAVE TO TELL you, how much you they adore you at 2am. That’s true love. I mean when I was in Spain….I recieved a message that read…
Firmonnell: ‘Are you back yet! I don’t like it when you’re out of the country!’
Me: ‘Don’t bother, i’m not in the mood to be missing you right now. I’m headed to the airport. You could’ve come.’
Firmonnell: ‘That’s cool. Swag it out. Oh and CHEERS! Are you a dick? You can’t invite someone to something, WHEN IT’S ALREADY FUCKING HAPPENED!’
Hahaha. I love her. I love our mad 2am messages, even though our phones refuse to type ‘fucking’ and always ‘predictive text’ out the word ‘ducking’ instead. It’s sooo annoying!
WE DON’T EVEN LIKE DUCKS! It’s so annoying!!
But it’s not just girls and 2am prosecco messages, It’s the same with boys also….
Get ready for this true fact….
IF A GIRL IS NOT DRUNK TEXTING YOU….YOU’RE DEFINITELY NOT THE ONE MATE. 🙂
AND THAT IS THE HONEST TRUTH! LOL.
Am i going to get away with wearing flip flops today? Cheap ones, with weird pretend flowers on? Lol
I’m hating on my wonky bottom tooth today. I’m trying to not let it bother me, but it is! I’m trying not to be vain. But I am. I hate it. I want it fixed. It’s ruining my banter. You can’t banter with a buck tooth. I want veneers like ‘Big Brother’ Simone….Her teeth were brilliant! Yet, instead i’m probably going to end up ‘influencing’ something that will lead me to straighter teeth.
Right, i’m done for now. I’m having a chill day with my Mum.
Have a great Sunday! Sundays are always my favourite!
(Pete, Ruby’s Dad is here to pick her up now for the day. It’s strange because Pete and I co parent really well. He’s sweet. We get on superbly. Yet, whenever he comes over for pick ups now, I always feel like he tries to linger, or come in the house, or see me…and i’m always in my own world, when I have down time…I like to withdraw from the pleasantries…So just to wind him up, I disappear and let my mum walk her out, or have Ruby greet him by herself. Lol I’m literally nowhere to be found! 🙂 Haha. I’ve even just heard him say ‘Is our mum in? Can I come in?’ Lol.)
Two and a Half hours later, I shimmie onto Spanish soil, feeling sort of relieved, filled with excitement…and maybe a plane wine? I did random selfies at the request of a hen do and a happy ‘flying solo’ dude, who had no clue why they were requesting selfies, but didn’t want to miss out on the action…or boobs?
I met up with a new friend of mine.. Simone. Last year she spent part of her Summer trapped in the flipping ‘Big Brother’house and well she caused a bit of a stinker. (And she farted on the plane journey to Spain, yet pretended to be asleep so no one thought it was her. She couldn’t even TELL me the story without pissing herself.)
To me, she’s ace. She’s one hell of a fun loving, GEORDIE. She’s wild without punctuation and we’ve walked really DIFFERENT life paths…
‘I literally grew up on the roughest estate, Chrissie! My life has been hard! Me Mam’s….***&*(*&$. Me Dad’s *&)(*££”$*** But y’know what, I’m grateful that I’m here…and doing well. But I can’t spell for shit.’
‘I love that. You crack me up. You’re gorgeous. I have Doctor parents, tinkered through private school, grew up in Hollywood, then lived with Paris Hilton, after a modeling career. It’s hilarious.’
Her soul is quite kitten soft. She’s like a child, she’s gentle. She has a heart of gold and I love her for it. BUT SHE’S MAD! MY exterior SEEMS child like, but I’m all grown up on the inside. I’m like the responsible one. Yet, no matter what, life brought us together and weirdly…set us in the exact same place…We ended up in the exact same position…at the exact same time…
WE GET ALONG REALLY REALLY WELL! Teamed up! We are the BEST BALANCE of FUN! It’s like a Northern tornado…But not lame….I’ll just ‘Chanel’ your ass with ‘slay’ wit, if you annoy me and she’ll just be really patient..before she slaps you. Lol.
We got straight to the apartment, which had the most beautiful surrounding views. We were so lucky. Our pad was AMAZING and we were dripped in sunshine. We could see over sandy beaches…from our glossy Spanish heights. It was A DREAM. I couldn’t believe that I’d woken up at 4am in Leeds and hours later blinked myself to Spain.
We kinda couldn’t check in for around 20 minutes though. So in that time, as I looked over views….that let me spy oldies on a NUDIST BEACH. It’s always the oldies that love a skinny dip, innit! 😉
Simone, stripped off STARK NAKED, in the middle of glass walls, got changed, whopped on some tunes, selfied, happy danced, then decided to dance on coffee tables. Lol. She was the Happiest Geordie IN ALL OF THE LAND. Then I moaned because my wifi wasn’t working….I hate no wifi…and i’m a DIVA. 🙂
Me: ‘How the fuck can you post everything and my Snapchat won’t even work!’
Simone: ‘Take a selfie of me in this fucking MINT light!’
(Say the above in your best Geordie accent.)
An hour later and we were both in bikini, poolside, greeting Scottish people and dying for a wine.
Me: ‘I need a drink me…’
Simone: ‘Well i’ve put 20 euro in my bag.’
After messing around by the pool. (We had so much fun. We’re cheeky!) Twin shower blitzing, pool splashing with winks, sun bathing with our sexy bits out, selfie taking, banter, binter…All things ‘GIRLS…’ All things LIFE….Anyway, we then figured we’dhead down to the beach.
We didn’t think to put any clothes on though? (We’re both naturally exhibitionists.) Like I don’t care one bit, if i have a boob out, or a nip slip. I’m immune to it. She’s pretty much the same. She could only have a fig leaf on her crotch and not notice. I love that about her, because it’s awkward for me if others are all ‘ooh, not my body’ this….or ‘oooh, not my body’ that…because i’m so, naturally, ‘Yay, everything nudie.’
We walk down to the beach…in our bikinis. I’m in the cheetah, two piece by Pretty Little Thing. We’re Insta Storying, so people are staring at us, as we pass. We’re not good at doing anything quietly, or away from oncoming traffic. Yet, we’re not deliberately ‘LOOK AT ME’ loud, we’re far too busy being caught up, in our own giant bubble.
A war could’ve started and we wouldn’t have even noticed…We’d still be selfie taking. Is this why I’m not married? Lol.
When we finally find our sandy little spot. We start talking life, we played in the sea….We basically just chilled and had the most fun EVER. And even though the beach was packed. It felt like there was no one, but us there! We notice anything else. It was blissful. Every single second, we couldn’t stop repeating how lucky we were! It felt like the ‘getaway’ of all ‘getaways.’
We enjoyed the sun. We settled…and then as we laid down towels to sunbathe….out popped Aaron...(Aaron is Britian’s Youngest Pap.) He has shot some of the UK’s biggest celebs via *papping,* for the national press.) We both know him really well, as he’s photographed us BOTH, at some point.. separately. In fact, he *papped* my last night out with Lisa (as in ‘Appleton,’) in Blackpool and to be honest, he’s actually become a really good friend now.
I have every respect for an 18 year old boy, working his arse off for a buck, a living and to make something for himself, in the future. I find it honourable. He’s doing better than some actual grown ups! Lol.
Anyway, from that point of ‘towel sunbathing,’ which was around 3pm…..on our very first day in Spain…to around 4pm… 2 days later….
…Our ENTIRE SPANISH HOLIDAY WAS *PAPPED.*
The whole thing, from beginning to end. From nine o clock in the morning, to six o clock at night..every day.
And to be honest, we’re natural show offs. We adore Aaron, so it didn’t really bother us one bit. In fact, I felt honoured. They don’t waste their time, if they don’t think they may have a shot that’s worth something? It kinda made me feel a bit special. And everyone loves feeling a bit special, don’t they. It’s the simple things.
But yeah, it was fun. It turned up the holiday heat. It made our time even more exciting. And I love excitement. I love adventure. I love a laugh. It made it that more playful. We were a really great team!
I will say that there WAS a point, where we DID have to LEAVE the beach, because all these crowds had now bundled around us, a guy who did videos for the Spanish press had sauntered up to film us, on his phone and Whitby stag do’s had decided to sit on the wall and cheer at tits. And then an angry Spanish woman started screaming at Aaron and scowling at the fact that Simone had a bit of a boob out!
ARE YOU KIDDING! He properly stood his own though!
Me: ‘Shall we go get a drink?’ (Diffuses the drama.)
Simone: ‘Yeah, lets go…’
So, like the coolest douches in town, knowing that we had caused a commotion, we popped on our ‘sunnies’ and strutted like ‘we gave zero fucks ‘ Lol…to the nearest bar that sold cocktails.
We took Aaron with us for a drink and a chill…I mean, we couldn’t leave him there to get bollocked by the Crazy Spanish Lady. Plus, he needed a chill, he’d worked hard. However, he did state that he wouldn’t mind if inflatables or balls, were accidentally kicked in the Angry Spanish Ladies way…. 🙂 Or was it face? 😉
Simone ordered a Pina Colada…and I ordered a Long Island Ice Tea. Your first drink of the day, has to be as strong as… a bull’s knackers. I do Pina’s when i’m bored or need to sober up. She loves them because they’re girly.
THEN WE BOTH GOT BOLLOCKED AGAIN…LOL.
Everybody just decided to turn on us, because we were in bikinis??
Waitress: ‘Can you wear clothes please??’
Simone: ‘We’re IN CLOTHES..!!!!’
Me: ‘How is us in a bikini ANY DIFFERENT TO THEM IN SWIMMING SHORTS!!!!’
So we had to sit with towels wrapped around us…which in my mind looked more risque. It looked like we’d just had a kinky bath. Simone refused to ‘towel wrap..‘ so she got bollocked again Lol…But this time, by the owner…who had a flipping MOP in his hand. Lol.
( I only find that funny, because he ruined our Spanish dreams. You can’t bollock people holding a mop, because you can’t be taken seriously. We’re meant to be in Spain, bollock us in a like a hardcore Latino. I was once married to a Latin man, he came with a temper, not a whiff of floor cleaner.)
Anyway, I got away with my towel wrap, because I did that ‘swweeeeet little girl voice,‘ thang, that I do. It’s all posh, gentle, apologetic and filled with charm.
Simone did the Geordie…‘Hard as nails’thing. Lol.
The rest of the holiday was great. I can’t really tell you to much about it, but I will as time goes along. We spent loads of time with Aaron, who was nothing but lovely to us….and after dinner that evening, we revisited out cocktail cravings together, by the beach and just told life tales.
It was bliss!
We walked about where life had taken us, dating, men…sex tapes, love, other people on tv shows…all sorts. We talked about how tough we had found relationships at times and how we sometime think that guys don’t like it when they’re partner tries to become or even so, ends up becoming a success, because it makes them feel insecure.
Is that true? I know it’s true with some guys. I know that for sure. I’ve experienced that. Yet, I reckon, no matter where you are in the worl, no matter what walk of life you tinker, your soulmate, your ideal match, with adore you madly, support you sincerely and stand by you through thick and thin, as he protects his wife, family with the heart of a lion.
Simone: ‘Let me sip it! That wine’s strong!’
Me: ‘I like strong. I’m not spending money on a glass of cream with an umbrella jabbed in it.’
Aaron: ‘You girls are hilarious!’
Aaron became a bit of what I called a ‘Colada Expert.‘ He had enjoyed so many, over the evenings, that he ‘connoisseur ed‘ the flavours. He could win ‘blind folded Colada competition’ trophies.
Aaron: ‘I much prefer the Mango. It’s better! Are they real life nuns?’
We actually had a really wonderful evening of banter with Aaron, the evening before I left, by the beach, with wine…..It showed how close friends we’d all become over time.
And i’ll definitely say that even though, that was probably THEMOST PICTURES, THAT I HAVE EVER HAD, TAKEN OF ME IN THE SPACE OF 2 AND A HALF DAYS.…(and I grew up being a model, where my job was having my picture taken…) it was literally THE BEST TIME EVER! And i’m not joking, having your picture taken, pretty much 24/7, for 2 days straight… is not easy, as you think. It’s great. Always great! But without booze treats afterwards, you’d just be knackered. We were knackered.
All three of us enjoyed really peaceful times, sat by the beach, as palm trees swayed over us and day turned to night. That’s what life is about. We deserved it because we’d worked SO SO HARD.
I couldn’t have felt luckier. The air swirling around me, even felt lucky.
Aaron: ‘Let me try and snapchat them nuns.’
It was THE BEST TIME!
Fair enough there were dodgy moments, where you could find Simone in comfies, with me sat next to her…. in this giant double bed, with no face on, a nighty and with multi coloured rollers in my hair.
‘Why do we look like an awkward married couple??? It’s really funny because we both have our own lingo. You’re all Geordie and i’m all Yorkshire…and I don’t know how we understand each other, but we do!’
And there were times, when she kept repeating Spanish… at Spanish people….having no clue what she was saying, whilst being Spanish…which probably wasn’t the best Geordie plan! Lol.
Me: ‘Stop doing that! Cos we’ll get into a fight and then we’re gonna have to turn around land pretend that we’re ten men, when we’re not.’
Simone: Shut up!’
Long Spanish story short, our sneaky getaway, actually turned into immense and thorough, full time, millions of sets….’picture taking.’ But we loved. We felt lucky. I had the best time!
By Saturday April 7th….
….As I got into my taxi, to make my way back to the airport….after a quick sunshine wine.
( Before I left, I spent some time on my own….I always need that. I love that. It reminds me that i’m still independent and that the world is my oyster. It reminds me of what life is about. The decisions we make and how okay it is, to just BE, just LIVE….and not give a shit about what other’s think about you, if they judge.)
Some of us have hard lives. Some of us have easy lives. But what we have in common IS LIFE….and out story is the most important story we’ll ever experience….
Enjoy it! Any way you wish!
But like I was saying, Simone tinkered, back to the airport, as her flight to Newcastle was earlier than mine….(It was actually really sad when she left, because she’s a girl that leaves a giddy atmosphere when she leaves you. She does that on purpose, because she’s a people pleaser…She loves to make you happy and excited.)
I’m playful, honest….but sassy….I leave a diamond mist of warmth and excitement… I like to call it a ‘swag.’ (‘The Swirl’ actually says that there’s a ‘swag’ about me.)
Aaron stayed in Spain, to catch any other people, to maybe *pap* for the press. What a hustler. He works so hard for a 18 year old. I have great respect for him. He has the best job ever for a young boy! I’d do a few more coladas with him.
But like I said, as I stepped into MY taxi to travel back to the airport…As I did….I passed shoulders, with Survival of The Fittest ‘Georgie’ and Ex on the Beach‘Sophia,’ as they stepped out of theirs, to enjoy their own adventure.
Lucky Aaron, eh!
Within an hour, I found myself at Alicante Airport….waiting with a vino, at a wine bar… for my plane to Leeds/Bradford airport. This time I was super early….I wasn’t having the Security shit go down on me again!
I remember everyone being super nice at the airport, or glaring at me, because I looked weird. I was knackered. I’ll tell you that! I was exhausted. I kinda just let my body surrender. Lol.
Straight away my driver (Pitstop rentals) whatsapped me to make sure I knew that he was going to be there for pick up…and to reconfirm my flight times…
I must’ve been moaney because i remember just feeling shattered and stating that I needed 100 wines, food and just to feel pampered…
Half an hour later….I was boarding my flight….
Alicante to Leeds/Bradford Airport… I was shattered but life felt wonderful!
So on April 5th at exactly 4am, my alarm went off, my *wake up* call shimmied and I started getting ready, glamming up, sorting the last bits of packing, wishing that I had a morning mimosa and that was before I kissed the babies, whilst they were still asleep and dashed out the door, with only two pieces of hand luggage ( I always travel light, I’m not a ‘take the pope and the kitchen sink’ kinda gal.) My driver pulled up, greeted me like he was the perkiest, most stylish human ON EARTH to ever do 4am…and with a…
‘It’s lovely to meet you…Let me take your bags…’
I stepped into his ‘RS’ and we travelled to Leeds/Bradford airport, so I could get my pretty arse on that flight to Spain.
(I don’t know why i’m shouting ‘Wooohooo’ because I pretty much had a panic attack and got super nervous, the evening before for no real reason, other than being a girl. Yipppeee.)
So, for my airport runs, I used Pit Stop Rentals.(You can search them on INSTAGRAM.) They’re a prestigious, super car, chauffeuring company, who pretty much make sure you get to your destination stylishly, in good time and whilst catering that time to your needs.
I’m a service girl. You all know that from this blog. You can be 2 Star or 5 Star brand, if the service is poor….I’ll never use that company again…and I guess, it’s is scary territory for some, as they’re very aware that I write a blog. 🙂 But always great for me, because I mostly get treated deliciously. Lol
We chatted all the way to the airport, as the dawn turned to day. Clear roads. Easy run. Not traffic. Just bliss. I love travelling at that time. We laughed, We joked. He asked me about my career. Why I was headed to Spain? He gave me really good life tips! And it was great because he settled my nerves and not only made me feel really comfy, yet also kinda made me feel extra confident and somewhat powerful. I needed that.
So, i’ll give them MEGA POINTS for service. It was literally like an airport run with ya best friend AND therapy IN ONE…and you know what I’m like, I’ll chat to anyone, about anything….He did great to put up with my ‘extremely glammy’ 😉 shit.
As soon as we pulled up…my driver then let me take a gzillion selfies, and let me Snapchat and Insta story my entire journey t….as he turned up the tunes and enjoyed the show! Lol
Driver: ‘Make sure you get chair in! Aw! As if you accidentally deleted the best one.’
Me: ‘I know, I hit the wrong thing.. Are you going in it?’
Driver: ‘Nooo. I don’t have my sunglasses. I’ve been up since 4am.’
Me: ‘Yeah, but you don’t look like shit. You’re hot!’
By this time, everyone in the car park was glaring at us, so I made the executive decision to quit being a twat and just get myself into the airport. 🙂 There’s no shame in my game. I’m a ‘You only live once, so make your story worth it’piece of chicken. If you want to watch…WATCH. It’s only when you scowl and watch that makes me think you’re ‘judgey.’
Now, when i’m chatting service…My Pitstop Rentals Driver, not only grabbed my bags out the boot for me, BUT also carried them all the way into the airport, through the airport, (I had already ‘checked in online‘ with my Jet2.com app,) he helped me avoid the queues, by chatting to the Jet2 representatives for me, and then sat me down, in a cafe, (because I was super early for my fight ,) and BOUGHT ME a large coffee and a muffin! Lol.
Is that like the best service on EARTH or what???
Then we started just chatting in general about life. He aske me about my world, my love life, my job.
‘You’re the luckiest girl in the world. I would love to have woken up this moment, and be jetting off on a Spanish getaway for a couple days for… And to have had a career young, where you just casually moved to Hollywood to be a model… Lol.’
I asked HIM about his life and found out that he enjoys all things ‘bouji’ and that he DOESN’T TRAVEL LIGHT.
Me: ‘I always travel light, because I have non working arms and if I need to get away fast, I can. Lol’
Driver: ‘That’s a good idea… I don’t know why i’m agreeing, I DON’T actually ever travel light ever. I’m like a chick. I had a 2 night stay in a hotel, took everything in the world, filled a car, took 4 changes of shoes, my slippers, dressing gown, 2 tracksuits, 4 shirts… 3 pairs of jeans….Two wedding outfits….Lol’
It was like the GQ version of ‘The Hungry Caterpillar,’ the part where he just stuffs everything in his belly.
Yet, I enjoyed that could say the word ‘bouji’ and he totally got what I meant, without question, as sometimes people look at me like i’m speaking a whole different language. And I know when people are just pretending to understand what I’m saying to them. 😉 He wasn’t.
Time flew…and before you know it, we headed to Security, to get through the the Boarding gates. Just so I didn’t have to wait…he paid for me to FAST TRACK through , because the lines looked so horrific…and
OH MY GOD! IT WAS A GOO JOB HE THOUGHT OF THAT!
(At that point he left me to my own devices….as I scheduled in my return pick up…)
‘Thank you so much, I really appreciate everything. I’m back on Saturday at 7pm.’
‘It’s been a pleasure thank you. See you then!’
So, I fast track through to security…and from that point it all goes *TITS UP.*
I get to the security, plonk all my stuff in the trays…that goes through to be examined…
There’s things in my luggage that i’m not allowed to take on the plane, so that get’s put to one side, to be opened up and looked through.
I BLEEP at the ‘walk through,’ so I then have to wait to be patted down and mini searched.
By this time, it is now BUSY AS HELL! There’s what feels like a gzillon people, trying to rush through security.
It takes so so, because it’s so busy, that as my flight is boarding…I’m still at security WAITING FOR MY BAG TO BE OPENED UP AND LOOKED THROUGH.
I was there so long, that my gate was now no longer boarding, BUT CLOSING!!!
By this time, I’d won the support of the crowd, who were all rooting for me to get on this plane…and offering me all kinds of help…and letting me push in.
But no pushing in is allowed…as the have to do everything in order…
So, I did what any ‘Diva’ would do…I asked nicely….I asked nicely again, in the most politest manner.
‘I am so so sorry, as I know it’s not your fault, because it’s really busy and just you having to go through everything…But my gate is flashing *closing* and my bag hasn’t been checked through…’
There was nothing he could do…and to be honest, I got that…But I ‘Glamour Pussed’ him in the eye and he gave me a look like he wanted to help and needed to help…but wasn’t allowed to.
An middle aged couple almost ‘begged’ him to let my bag be searched ahead of their bad. But then the big grumpy boss came over and reiterated that ‘NO SPECIAL TREATMENT‘ was allowed…(which is true Lol…But if I can work it, I will.)
Grumpy but right Boss: ‘Do, not let her put her hands in her suitcase!!! It’s not allowed.’
So after I realized that….I did what any little ‘DIVA’ from the Orient would do (because I wasn’t gonna miss that flight and I wasn’t getting my own way.. )
I KICKED THE FUCK OFF! 🙂 HURRAH!
‘I have been WAITING HERE FOR HOURS! My gate had boarded and almost CLOSED IN THAT TIME. I’M GONNA MISS MY FLIGHT AND i KNOW YOU DON’T CARE, BUT THIS IS NOT OKAY!!!’
I kinda said it shouty…
And weirdly, it was my turn for my bag to be checked through…It got opened, sent back through the tunnel, came out the other end and then security even HELPED ME repack it as fast as he could….
I thanked everyone….and then
DASHED LIKE CRAZY TO MY CLOSING GATE.
I was in diamante heels and all the Duty Free lot where trying to spritz me with their latest scents as I flew by. Lol
‘I’ve godda go. I’m late for my flight.’
I finally get to Gate….Everyone has boarded. I smash through, out of breath, looking all sorry for myself…
He laughs, checks my boarding pass and passport…
‘Please just tell me i’ve made it..’
‘OOooooooh CLOSE!!! Get on love. You’re fine. You’re off to Spain!’
‘AH! I love you! Thank God for that!’
Last one on. The Jet2 staff couldn’t have been lovelier to me!
Happy Wednesday, my gorgeous whips of lick festival! That’s it. I’m on holiday mode. I’m feeling the chicas and shaking the maracas and booty grinding to my mirror image, to any ‘holiday memory’ song that will have me.
I’ve worked so so hard this year and in fact all of last year…I’ve worked so hard… I could die. I’ve jiggled and juggled and mummied and selfied. I’ve wiggled and waddled and written every piece of my life out for my own settle of mind and for your own delicious entertainment. There’s been great times, hard times…jollies and stress…Right now, I don’t care….Get me to Spain. I fly tomorrow morning.
I AM NOT IN PANTS. SAFETY LAST!
In fact, if i’m being honest, i’m currently sat up in bed blogging and feeling ridiculously IMPRESSED, with how WELL my tan has developed from last night. Yes, I know I’m Asian and already tanned. Yet, before a bit of ‘bikini’ and because i’m a bit of a Glamour Puss…
*Flashback* Guy: ‘Everyone wants a shot at the glamour puss.’
…I do like a quick fake over, to make my tan McJuicy. I used the Model Co, ‘One Hour Tan Mousse’…
and I’m always really skeptical about fake tans, because I always figure they’re just gonna wash completely off and not be dark enough for me. But i’ve woken up impressed. So GET ME TO SPAIN NOW.
I couldn’t sleep all night. I don’t know why? I’ve flown a lot, but I don’t like flying and airports stress me out. I was up at 4am stroking ‘Rocco’ my kitten (that sounds rude..it wasn’t that fun….that ‘stroke’ was yesterday 😉 ) and did what I normally do, when I can’t sleep and that is..
GOOGLE EVERYTHING. (Apart from myself. I hate doing that because all the pictures are really old and cringe.)
So, on my Google agenda at 4am, was every celebrity…’on the beach.’ Lol. (Yes, I am that sad. Some people Google ‘World Peace,’ I Google ‘beach bodies‘ and I’m okay with that.)
I went with ‘The Kardashians’ obviously, as they calm my soul in bikinis at 4am, when i’m stressed. I even watched an Oprah interview with them all.
Then I don’t know how I got onto it….(I Googled it 😉)….But I ended up with ‘Cristiano Ronaldo on the beach’ shots. Lol. AGAIN, what a good find at 4am in the morning….It was SO good that I may have become moderately obsessed with his beach shots. I found myself rating his ‘old school’look, against his ‘new school’ look.
HAHAHAHA. Why am I a tool?
This is why I need to sleep. This is why I need to grow up. This is why my 7 year old daughter Ruby says,
‘Why does everyone else at school have a normal Mum and I have one that’s like a teenager. You’re like a child.’
The most hilarious part of this Google search was that I ended up at this…
The Cristiano Ronaldo beach towel on ebay. Lol. It could be yours for the bargain price of 30 quid. So I did what any normal girl would do…(no, I didn’t buy it…which reminds me I haven’t packed a towel for my holiday yet,) Instead, I *screenshot* it and Snapchatted it to my girl bestie ‘Firmonnell’ who I was messaging last night, with a caption that read…
‘Nothing makes me happier than this towel… Happy Morning!’
The good thing about ‘Firmonnell’ is that she knows I’m an absolute plank, and will just go with it anyway. (Probs because I can get us free cocktails.) And she replied this morning with simple ‘laughy face’ emojis….meaning..
I MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY. (And that like any other normal human being, she can’t be arsed to type before 7am.)
I’m an early bird, so even if I CAN sleep, i’m still up at the crack of dawn. I like to get the most out of my day. Like, I honestly don’t know how people ‘sleep in‘ until noon and slob about eating bacon sarnies, whilst trumping, wondering where life has gone.
Am I in Spain yet? No? Okay cool…
Right, technically, I should take this moment and I do want to take this moment to…
THANK EVERY SINGLE HUMAN AND OR COMPANY…
..That has send me a treat for my holidays. I have been inundated with gifts, products, services and from brands all over the land…and I honestly couldn’t be more grateful. I really, truly appreciate it and I can’t believe how lucky I am. You’ve made me feel really special and in return, I’ll blog, picture and snap the ‘jollies’ out of your products, whilst I’m away. Thank you ever so much. Honestly…I will make sure that they are all over my ‘socials’ throughout my time in Spain.
Here are a couple of my treats from companies Mirror Image Style(mirrorimagestyle.co.uk) and @Mishmashfashionuk (mishmashfashion.co.uk)
Thank you so much. I’ve tried them all on and they are divine. In total I have 22 bikinis….and you’ll all be rocking this blog and my socials shortly. I’m gonna look ‘Queen’ because of you.
I’ve literally spent the last entire week in bikini fitting, after bikini fitting. Followed by hair piece fitting, after hair piece fitting….It’s been crackers. Yet, I appreciate it all. I feel so lucky. (It makes an old bird smile. 😉 )
I also want to thank ‘Pitstop Rentals, Leeds’(they’re actually everywhere, all over the North, not just in Leeds) which is a LUXURY/PRESTIGE super car rental and chauffeuring service. I love them so madly and well they will ‘new whipping’ my arse to the airport.
But you’ll all see pictures of everything…as I’ll be placing them everywhere. Make sure you’re following my ‘social’s and stories.’
The diets been going well…I’m still Herbalifing and i’m on Week 4. My body’s changed quite a lot and i’m enjoying feeling a little bit more in shape…and at 37 with two babies…who flipping doesn’t. It’s given me a new lease of life. It made me feel really great! So, i’m certainly doing better for it. I did have someone ‘hate’ on me for doing it, yet mainly because they wanted to indirectly promote their own fitness/nutrition brand all over my wall….
I’ll tell you now. The best way to promote something, is not to ‘hate’ on something or someone else, and place it all over a seemingly popular persons wall to gain audience. As soon as you do. I’m not interested. And I understand that it wasn’t the brand itself, it was someone trying to promote the brand…Yet, they properly went about it, the absolute wrong way. I mean, they even ‘hated’ on the person or people who introduced me to such….and you don’t even know who that was?
I’m a glamour puss. We’re not rude around here. We’re real…in diamonds. Let’s play bouji.
Bottom line, the reason why I decided to initially Herbalife was simply because I saw a body transformation selfie on the Insta profile of a really good friend of mine. He looked amazing. In fact really great. I was personally really impressed….I was SO impressed that it INSPIRED me to want to get back into shape and start feeling extra great.
I spoke to that person…and they helped point me in the right direction…that’s how I ended up here.
Life works via word of mouth, or by the way you choose to cultivate a rapport, with someone. They didn’t ‘hate’ on my wall to promote something because they didn’t have to. They’re classier than that. Instead they showed their own result…which celebrates an achievement..which ended up with ME *tapping* on their door with a ‘help me.’ By all means, mention someone and be lovely about them…Everyone adores that….Yet, just do things correctly….It’s classy and sassy baby boo.
It’s funny because I always say, that everything in life, is all about how something makes you FEEL. Nothing more… nothing less.
We react to how the littlest or even biggest things MAKE US FEEL and the only things that can truly make us FEEL, are other things that can FEEL also.
A bit of a preach there for you. 😉 I’m not saying lets all be kind to one another and wear party hats, whilst we sway to boyband love songs. That’s not human nature. We’re all different.
What I AM saying, is let’s be flipping REAL here, instead of dickheads.. Bottom line, don’t hate on another brand on my wall, simply to promote your own. 😉 It is definitely bad manners.
Hahah. I’m over it now. Life was better when I was Googling Ronaldo beach towels at 4am.
I love life. I adore experience. To me, it’s what life is about. And yeah I’ve done some really outrageous things, during my existence so far, that have placed me in really sticky situations. (But I definitely blame the boogie and Hollywood for them. A tremendously surreal place to grow into an adult.) I’ve always been a ballsy one, a life liver, a wild one, who is never afraid to ‘DO ME.’ And yes, i’ve definitely mellowed out at 37, when it comes to the wild antics, yet not when it comes to TRUE SPIRIT. I’ll always do what i love and what I want. And I never feel like I want or need to explain or justify them…as I’m living my own version of life.
When life dishes out crazy bad/exciting times, and you get caught up with the fine art of mistake making… (I did this a lot in my 20’s and I am proud to say that I haven’t mistake made in YEARS now..) to me it’s all about the LESSONS YOU LEARN. And if a real lesson HAS been learnt, than I am pretty fine with having that experience. I don’t worry about how I got here. I concentrate on where i’m at now….
Everything happens the way it’s supposed to…and we always find out why in the end…
GET ME TO SPAIN!
Here’s a tune to put you in my Holiday mood. (I did all my fittings to this yesterday, as the children made Zebra’s, which Junior still thinks is a Giraffe out of random Wunna Land. Arts & Crafts bits.)
I might not have chance to blog before I land on Spanish soil tomorrow afternoon…So please do follow my ‘Socials’ and Stories.
Me: ‘We’ve all got knickers, as in pants on right?’
Cece: ‘Yeah. I’ve definitely got pants on. We’ve all got pants on…She hasn’t though…(Points at girl.) I mean, we’re old. They’re young and don’t where pants. But there was a young girl, who I was fitting, who clearly said she had spanx on.’
Rocker Lily: ‘I’ve got pants on.’
ALL GOOD! SAFETY FIRST!
Now, before I get into all that, as you ALL know that I was at the Boodee Boutique, ‘Influencers Brunch’ on Sunday, at ‘Cuckoo’ in Leeds. My ‘socials’ and inboxes are going CRAZY CRACKERS over it.
I’ve never ever been to ‘Cuckoo’ in my life and I’m known for socialiting cocktail bars like a champion. It’s absolutely new, a tremendous find and it drips with a chilled out, bouji swirl of swag. It’s… COOL. It’s alive. It’s stylish, glamourous, yet not remotely pretentious and you get a free flipping pizza with your drink!
Bartender: ‘Are you wanting the free pizza..?’
Me: ‘Noo, course not. I’m fine. Lol.
Bartender: ‘I didn’t think so, somehow. 😉 ‘
There’s just a vibe in that place… and ‘old school/new school’ vibe and if you were a child of the 80’s/90’s you will find the music deliciously swag. I ‘Pon De Replayed’it…. like I WAS….. RIHANNA. (Don’t hate. You could’ve *swiggled it* too. In fact, Hit *play* to feel like you were there with me. See! Aren’t I nice to you! 😉 )
But let me take you back…The train into Leeds, was the busiest ‘Bank Holiday’ train of madness ever. It was filled with young gaggles of party boys, older couples, girls and a group of posh Geordies. (I’ve decided that Geordies are everywhere.)
I had begun the day feeling like a bit of a plonker, as it was early Sunday morning and I was strutting around life, petrol stations, Xscape, wine bars and Platform 2’s in a GIANT fluffy PINK faux fur, diamante heels, necklace and head to toe in PINK & WHITE.
I knew, I either looked marvellous or ridiculous because everyone was staring at me…constantly….and so much to the point that I’d started to feel moderately insecure. Lol. That’s why I had a wine, in the nearest bar, which was The Winter Seam, before my train. The problem with me is that I’ll feel ‘all the eyes.’ which it will make me very aware of my existence…It’ll then make me feel a bit ‘wibbly.’ but you would NEVER EVER know because I will strut into a place, IN MY GIANT PINK FAUX FUR, like i’m P.Diddy. (In fact, if Paris Hilton, Ru Paul, P.Diddy had a threesome, and did it whilst eating a bag of prawn crackers…THAT’S what I looked like. 🙂 )
Luckily, I looked less like a dickhead 3 minutes afterwards, because guys in budget ‘Stag Do’ Hawaiian shirts began drizzling in…and then even they were *trumped* by the casual floral dress ‘rocker’ lady with the bright blue hair. Then another Geordie appeared out of nowhere, said I was ‘stunning‘ and asked me where I was headed? (Told you, they’re everywhere. They’ve infiltrated Yorkshire. They’ve infiltrated Leeds.)
Me: ‘I’m off to a brunch in Leeds. I’m not just dressed like this for a fry up. Honest…’
He then asked me for my number, after he smirked at my obviously wonderful banter. 😉 So, I did that ‘Chrissie Wunna’ charm face, where I just smile, shrug, slide off my bar stool and laugh it off, like it hasn’t been said, as I giggle out the door.
Next minute I was in Leeds city centre. It was filled with bustle and I didn’t feel as strange anymore as EVERYONE was dolled up to the heavens and back.
I diamante strutted down the side of the train station, to Call Lane, through busy city streets, car parks, alley ways, puddles, gave a homeless person a light and past a ton of young 20 somethings who were galloping around with excitement….I kinda felt like The Queen of all Leeds, at that point. Then I walked past ‘Mission’ which reminded me that Zanetti was doing better than Me.
37, Call Lane. I was at ‘Cuckoo.’ The street seemed so quiet, so I carefully tinkered through the door and..
It looked like the most marvellous place on Earth. Literally a Glamour Pusses DREAM. Firstly, it was filled to the brim with the most ‘dolled up‘ beautiful young girls, you will have ever seen in your life…and secondly, as I told you early, the most glamourously ‘cool’ buzz *fast swirled* through that entire place, like wildfire. (And I was only downstairs at first.)
A huge floral wall by ‘Orla Flora’ greeted you….(they’re really IN right now, aren’t they and taking the place of the ‘Media Board’ for a while.) If you have no clue, what I’m on about…. it’s basically a huge wall made up of flowers, that you picture by, at events…Any event…Weddings, Parties…Whatever….and I LOVE THEM. (I didn’t have my picture taken by the floral wall, whist I was there, because I was too busy drinking and being on the phone to my friend, but I did notice how strikingly beautiful it was.)
GIANT PINK bespoke printed balloons (by Instagram @balloonroomx) filled the room, as young influencers and hopeful future influencers selfied, pictured and pouted by them for content..
The balloons were actually really cute, because they were giant and pink, with the words,
‘YOU DO YOU BOO’
..printed upon them.
It was just ace…
So, let me just fill you in. I appeared at the BOODEE BOUTIQUE, ‘Influencers Brunch,’ which is a glamourous afternoon networking event, for all those who are wanting to be ‘Insta Famous,’ an Influencer, a Blogger, Vlogger, those who want to start building their own business or empire, or those who already have….Well, it was a brunch for chicas of that sort…as they could all meet each other, network and at the same time go around the stalls set up by companies & brands (who are currently looking for influencers to promote their lines) and go make themselves known. Pretty much all the brands where looking for ‘the new face of…’so they were scouting and casting through the crowds of girls. It was dripped in cocktail magic and the dress code was ‘pink & white.’ (And everything about this business, or any business is about MEETING PEOPLE. It is networking.)
Cece: ‘Hi, have you been upstairs yet? I saw you walk in. You stuck out like a sore thumb. Here’s a card for House Of Lily. I was just seeing if you wanted to come upstairs and try some of our clothes for pictures….We’re casting for the new face…’
I’m like stood in my pink faux fur, guzzling wine and texting…But there was just something about ‘Cece’ that I loved. It was the fun in her eyes…So I took the card and she disappeared into the crowds.
Then little Baby Doll ‘Charlie C’(instagram @charliecaitlyn) caught eyes with me and dashed up, with hugs and smiles…(She is as cute as a button and kinda hot as hell.) She pretty much thanked me for coming and within seconds has *whizzed* me upstairs to go and meet everyone….
Charlie C: ‘I need you to meet Lisa…’
Me: ‘OH! HI! IT’S GREAT TO MEET YOU..’
Charlie C: ‘No…That’s not Lisa…That’s…’
Me: ‘Oh sorry. Hahaha. Nice to meet you anyway…
(We were literally hand in hand, rushing through the crowds of girls….)
Charlie C: ‘Chrissie. Wait here. I need to grab you a candle. It’s a bloggers candle…and you have a gift bag…Here! Take that!….Oh! That’s Lisa…’
Me: ‘Have I just met her downstairs?’
‘Charlie C’ was one of the girls running the event. She’s young, beautiful, Leeds and bubbly and was dashing about like some kind of stunning ‘headless’ chica of ‘ooh laa.’ She did REALLY WELL, as that event was DIVINE. To the point where I even stopped her at the end…to see if she’d throw me an event..
That girl is so young, but so good at what she does..She is the future Queen of Party Leeds.
Anyway, I felt like a glamourous Veteran at the Boodee event, as everyone around me was so young, I’d say from 18 upwards…There were SO MANY GIRLS, all done up and brimming with hopefulness and it was made me realise how many young people in this actual day and age want to be ‘Influencers.’ It’s the new dream job. I can’t believe how competitive it was, well IS and the girls were every INCH stunning.
They were immaculate.
I agree, that they’re all under really great pressure and I can see the pressure on their faces and I agree that it’s such a hard time for them to grow up in, with everything seeming so ‘social media’ perfect. Their stars and inspirations are the popular bloggers, vloggers and Instagrammers of today. And I feel like, they feel as though, they have a lot to try and accomplish, to get to where they want to be. I’m sure it makes them feel insecure, yet it’s the CONFIDENT ONES that smash through the barriers.
(And I can pick those girls right out of a crowd.)
Yet, the thing that made me smile was the fact that RIGHT NOW, INT HIS TIME, being a BLOGGER/Influencer is such a THING.’ When I started my blog 10 years ago in Hollywood...NOT A SINGLESOUL was blogging, or giving any shits about blogging…People were making FUN OF for writing an online diary….
NOW! It’s one of the MOST LUCRATIVE CAREERS you can have! (IN YOUR FACE!) So firstly, I’m lucky because I accidentally built by blog up over 10 years, so didn’t really have to start from scratch..I did it all the way through my modeling & tv career…Secondly, I’m old….and so to be smashing it about ‘socially’ at 37 is huge, because you just wouldn’t have thought it could happen. But it has.
Anyway, whenever I go to an event, I do the room scan, I chat to everyone I want, I try to meet everyone and then whilst drinking all the cocktails, in all the land, I’ll then just do what I want. 🙂
Me: ‘I kinda just wanna get pissed now..’
I found Lisa, the owner of ‘House Of Lily.’ She was casting for the new faces of her brand. They had a shoot set organised for the girls, who were choosing something to try on, being fitted into it and then being photographed.
I loved watching the girls, because it reminded me of being young at model casting days. It was far less glam though and I never heard this:
House of Lily: ‘Make sure the girls are tucking their tops in properly…I don’t want any boobs out…’
I looked through all of ‘House Of Lily’s’ pieces and they were absolutely beautiful. She’s so talented. I mean, tweed fitted jackets, stunning long sequin dresses, patterned jump suits, see through lace Pussy bow blouses….Each piece was so special and so unique…I was in love! There is so much that is just SO ME from that brand. I’m gonna meet up with Lisa again and take a look through everything properly with her personally, because her line is remarkable and at an event, it’s really difficult after prosecco.
From that point….my afternoon changed. I don’t know what happened, but I kinda brought the *jiggy* (like I do, I mean lets face it, i’m a chip off the ‘Hilton’ brand, I’ve been raised to ‘party’ and do it fucking well.
Me: ‘I need to drink my body weight in wine..’
Rocker Lils: ‘Shall we get sambuca shots.’
Cece: Chrissie, get in an outfit and picture with it please.’
Me: ‘I honestly can’t be bothered to take ALL OF MY CLOTHES OFF at 37, to put them all back on again right now.’
Then fresh wine was poured and our beautiful cup caked, lily vased, booth…turned into a party. 🙂
So, I basically ‘lowered the tone…’ glamourously of course! Lol.
Me: ‘We’ve all got knickers or pants on right?’
Cece: ‘Yeah. I’ve definitely got pants on.
I ‘d already decided to ‘get comfy,’ at this point, because I loved the girls. I started drinking, and dancing in the booth, and multi tasked it with selfie and videoing taking for my insta/facebook.snapchat stories. ‘PR Lauren’ sat pissing herself at me, in awe. (I went with ‘awe,’ but she was again either staring at me like I was amazing or nuts? You decide.) We might have had a ‘pose off’ also for selfies.
Cece: ‘Look at you. Please tell me it’s real! You have some life. I want it. I want you meet my daughter.’
(She has the most eye catching mixed raced daughter, who floors it in the beauty stakes. I saw a picture of her on her phone and I was blown away.)
Cece: So, you’ve done Playboy….Have you been to mansion and met Hefner?’
Me: ‘Yeah course. Gosh. I wasn’t a *girlfriend,* I modelled for the brand, which is really different…As the *girlfriends* had to pump him. Lol. I think it was something like *3 pumps* and then the next one?
Cece: ‘Hahaha. There’s me thinking he was some kind of Don, when he could only manage 3 pumps and you’re off.’
Me: ‘Well he’s old int’ he and he has to have them ALL pump him, one at a time and watch…I’m sure they were fine with it, it’s only 3 pumps and a weekly allowance. Hahahaha! It was like a grand a week or something.’
Cece: ‘Y’see, I don’t hate on them at ALL for that. A girl’ll do what a girl will do. I’d 3 pump him for that.
Me: ‘Lol. Me too. I just didn’t have the opportunity too. ‘
Cece: ‘Would you?’
Rocker Lils: ‘Noooo, I couldn’t.’
PR Lauren: *BLUSHES*…I don’t know if…’
Rocker Lils: ‘Actually, now I think about it, I might… I’d do more than 3 pumps though. I’m gonna with yeah…
Me: ‘You’d end up bloody married to him!’
And that was the tone of the rest of the evening. It was THE BEST…WE WERE IN FITS OF LAUGHTER and we’re all Yorkshire, so we’re properly down to Earth, don’t care, say whatever we want kinda gals and it’s amazing!
House of Lily: ‘We might have found the girl/girls for the brand….There was one girl that I can’t find…Go find her Cece…’
Cece: ‘Go find her! You go find her. I don’t know what she looks like or where she’s chuffing gone. It’s packed in here. Lol.’
I just LOVE northern bits of tinker…because if I was in LA I would’ve heard…
‘Honey, can you go get me that gurl already.’
If I was in London… They would’ve have been ‘darling darling’posh.
In Yorkshire, they’re like..
‘For chuffs sake…’
…and I love it.
Literally the most amazing afternoon brunch of wild girly madness….swirled in a fantasy red lighting, with unicorn balloons and giant carousel decor surrounding me.
All the girls that day looked amazing and the all did so fantastically. Well, I hope they did. I hoped they networked well.
I WILL SAY HOWEVER, that I did notice that even though the girls were immaculately beautiful, a lot of the girls did look ‘samey.’ (I actually got told off for saying that out loud. Lol)
Me: They all look the same. I’m trying to scan through the crowd for something different or someone who tries to POP OUT.’ They look the same, but they’re all different girls? And they’re wearing the same…
Cece: ‘It’s a bloody themed dress code you idiot.’
I’m a personality girl and yes, the glam thing always works, it’s part of the job. I do it at 37 and i’ve done it all the way through my teens until now. And being in LA at the time, we took it to the next level. Yet, through that crowd of girls, there needed to be a ballsy, sassy, ‘stand out’ girl, who strutted in, didn’t care what anyone thought, looked amazing, was of great character and someone who was just unforgettable. Someone who oozed so much confidence that she OWNED THAT ENTIRE ROOM…Someone who you spoke to and was completely and utterly taken by!
A STAR! (‘Types’ SMASH IT.)
I did actually see one, but I can’t tell you who… (No, it wasn’t me, you twats…Lol.)
Great night. Ended up going to Gino’s for a quick wine, which was filled with Italian waiters and a suited party of gents who were all talking about boring things like football and how much they reckoned Rugby players got paid. (I watched them and ate pink wafers out my goody bag.)
Got the train home. Slept through my stop. Absolutely fucking nightmare. (A little lovely Geordie lady nudged me away with a ‘Petal’ and I shocked up with a ‘OH SHIT!!!’ She just smiled and like a Guardian Angel solved all my life problems…Told you, they’re everywhere.)
I ended up having to walk for ages, in my giant pink faux fur and as soon as I got home, I collapsed in a heap on my bed.
Hope you had a phenomenal Easter! Thank you for following my life. Thank you for following my ‘socials.’
Morning! Gosh! It’s such a busy time. I’m running around like a topless 😉 chicken, trying to get everything dished, dashed and sorted. It’s absolute mayhem. But, what can I say, I’m loving it. (I never take for granted how lucky I am.)
There’s a lot going on right now and yeah, it can feel stressy and yeah, yesterday I felt like I didn’t have the positive support that I needed…But today’s a new day…I’m breathing, I’m smiling and i’m sat blogging this in a giant faux fur, knee high boots, diamante danglers and with heated rollers in my hair!
THAT MY BITCHES…IS GLAMOUR PUSSING. We’ll call it *EXTRA.* 😉
Anyway, that last Sunday, I ended up meeting ‘Poggy’ at The Carleton for a couple drinks…without my bank card. (I have it now. Life is bliss.) The guy she wanted to maybe go on a date with was busy, yet instead, a different guy had waited all night until his guy friends had each left, then approached her with a…
‘I was waiting for them to leave, so I could get to chat to you….’
They ended up on a ‘date.’ So, even though it’s ‘early days,’ I guess everything happens for a reason. You get what you’re meant to get…and life sort of times things correctly for you. You’ll be surprised at how many things do actually fall into place. It’s magical and like I always say, it’s a ‘magic’ we can’t control.
I never use timing as an excuse. You meet people because you’re meant to meet them..even if right away that second, you have no clue why? It’s always for a reason, a season or a lifetime. You’re paths will keep crossing, until all life elements are correctly in place, and you’ve figured out your connection.
Barmaid to Poggy: ‘He’s the kinda man who will kiss you when you need to be kissed and slap you when you need to be slapped.’
That Sunday night ended up being wilder than I thought? So much fun. Good friends, new memories and all around a table…as day turned to night.
There was laughter, wine and sarcasm as it’s finest…and as always, we definitely got carried away. You can’t get us started with banter, in the name of wit and ‘Being Yorkshire’ we go for it.
I went to school with ‘Poggy’ and she’s been a good friend of mine for years. We were actually laughing over the fact that our ‘careers teacher,’ stated that she would become a marine and that I would become a florist, after we answered a couple of personality questions. Lol.
Poggy: ‘How the F*** did they come up with that!!’
Me: ‘I must have just said I like flowers and pretty things and you must have said that you…’
Pet Laura: ‘Like to kill things…Lol. It’s like The Hunter & The Vajazzle.’
(‘Pet Laura’ is a Dog Groomer. She found herself at our table, wishing she was in Africa, bottle feeding tigers, or something? Then she had gin.)
One gin down and she was naming our vagina’s after ‘Harry Potter’ spells. I distinctly remember looking up and for some reason ‘Poggy’ and ‘Pet Laura’ were doing these weird hand actions and refering to their ‘lady parts’ as..
(Mine’s not a ‘Hunter,’ mines just tired. Hi, True love! Where are you? Please find me.)
Poggy: ‘I think that because you have such a busy life and a busy life online, you would always need a man who is chilled. Someone who gets on with it and takes that stress away…’
Me: ‘Yeah, I don’t like a stressy man. I don’t like them to come with a bundle of emotional issues… I don’t like things to be complicated. I don’t have time to unfold, mend or cry into wine anymore.’
Y’know, everyone always thinks i’m picky when it comes to love and I’m not picky as in ‘fussy,’ i’m just happy and when you’re happy….you sometimes wonder whether you need to invite another human in? But then I think, I’m gonna need someone to carry heavy bags and do the bins, aren’t I? 😉
So, yeah, I should probably team up with a fella and do ‘lifetime’ sometime shortly.
I just don’t want to invest in a ‘fling’ at 37. I can’t be arsed. I’m not excited by them. I’m too old for that I’ve ‘flung’ all the way through my 20’s, hoping that it would always be forever. Each time I got it wrong. Even after ‘I doing it’ three whole times!
What I’ve learnt, is that I don’t need to worry about it. YOU don’t need to worry about it either. Girls always worry about it. I never do. I have absolute faith, that no matter what, the man who truly loves me, because he can’t help it, (banter, winks, diva strops and all)….will come get me. (I shouldn’t have used the word ‘get’ it makes it sound like he’s gonna kidnap me and throw me in the back of a van.)
But you get what I mean….innit! 🙂
All I have to do, is ‘sit pretty,’ get on with life…and wait. Cupid an I are mates now. He doesn’t mess with me. I don’t mess with him. It’s simples. Plus, Girls shouldn’t chase boys. We shouldn’t have to. I enjoy the traditional art of the ‘dude coming forward.’
Annnnnyway… (I totally got distracted…)
That Sunday…day turned to night and the bright blue skies, were slowly blanketed with a navy sheet, that almost swirled in a grey mist, littered with stars. (I don’t actually know if there were stars out?? Lol. I’ve made that bit up.)
‘Pet Laura’ had left and just as she did, the outside door swung open and out popped ‘Parsons.’ (She’s a friend of a friend, who is ace, because whenever she’s drunk, she gets really gobby and starts doing hand stands and rollie pollies everywhere.)
The tempo changed to that good old, loud, cracking, fast Northern, naughty, foul mouthed, BANTER.
IT WAS GREAT! (I cannot even repeat what was said.)
‘Parsons’ enjoys to use the *C* bomb, which I always find hilarious. She’s such a free spirit. Such a wild, loud, laugh! In fact, she loves the *C* bomb so much, that she even delivers it in melody.
Everything at this point turned into a blurry, fun, wine drenched haze. And a red ‘outside heater’ glow, surrounded us. It nurtured us. It kept us safe. It obided to he rules of The Wine Gods.
Now, ‘Poggy’ and ‘Parsons’ got on really well…They have swimming in common. They want to swim everywhere together. They want to travel the world and swim through valleys.
It was like one of those moments when you first meet someone in a bar, but you’re both pissed, think you’re best friends and plan holidays together! 🙂
Me: ‘You’re definitely not going to swim together.’
Parsons: ‘Everyone thinks i’m fat. But i’m actually a really good swimmer.’
(Then she did ‘swimming arm’ demonstrations at me.)
Me: ‘I only do breast stroke with my face above the water, so it doesn’t ruin my face.’
Anyway, they had some unique ‘hoe’mance’ going on. They loved each other and mocked ‘Parsons’ ginger husband, who was definitely stood, pressing the ‘heater on’ button every 10 seconds.
Poggy: ‘He’s like The King of The Gingers.’
Me: ‘But he’s not even ginger? You can’t be The Ginger King…when you’ve got brown hair? Surely that’s not a title you can take?’
Parsons: ‘He IS ginger. I’ve got a ginger kid and i’m a brunette. I love you *Poggy,* you’re like a blond version of me… in a polo neck.’
(Now, i’ve just looked at my blog notes from that evening and I’ve typed ‘Fast pass to brown hair,’ after that piece of ‘polo neck’ statement. However, I have no clue, what that means now? Lol. All I remember was looking up and seeing the girls bickering over who had said the ‘funniest’ thing..)
‘Why have you put that down. I said something WAAAY MORE FUNNIER THAN HER and that SHOULD MAKE THE BLOG.’
All got really drunk. All had a lot of fun. I got stopped a couple times, that evening by the occasional Geordie and people who love my ‘Blog/Influencey’ stuffs.
I absolutely bantered with you all. But I was far too drunk to dish out advice, which is what everyone was asking me for. 🙂
I’ve received your DM’s though…So, i’ll try and swizzle in some time to meet and inspire. (I appreciate the love.)
Message me again, in case I forgot. There’s not such thing and reminding me TOO MUCH. I love ‘people reminders’ as I often get lost in work load and jiggery pokery.
Right, I’m off. I’ve got the babies and a lot to try and organize. Things have been so jam packed, that it’s been hectic. I fly to Spain in 7 days. Thursday morning.
I’m kinda really looking forward to getting away for a few days by myself, just to relax and finally get that ‘chill’ time in, that I never seem to prioritize.
It’s been a busy first part of the year…and sometimes I feel like i’m running as fast as I can, but on the spot. Lol.
What I need right now, is to relax…a wine….and a result.
Today’s meant to be a ‘What Chu’ Know ‘Bout Me’blog, where I answer your questions…But it’s not because i’m stressed. Lol.
I’VE LOST MY PURSE!!!!!
I can’t find it anywhere? One minute i’m watching children in Easter bonnets….The next minute, I’m travelling to my first meeting of the day….I’m messaging ‘Miss Murphy’ about ‘Challenge Winning‘….I finally arrive at my destination, unzip my handbag, have a quick reach in….
PURSE ISN’T IN THERE.
There’s a positive to all this, I’m sure. I just haven’t found that jolly bit of ‘silver lining’ yet. If you find it, Uber it to me, cos i’m reeeeeaching….
I’ve called everywhere, looked most places…I have no one other human to blame it on…Lol..So i’ve decided to be stressed. 🙂
How can a day that started off with happy Easter Bonnet watching, turn into ‘Missy No Purse???’
The good thing is that I still have my phone. That’s good, right?? If in doubt, SELFIE IT OUT. AND, i’ve ordered a water….which is also a merry positive, right? No extra calories for meeee.
*WOW. RUN OUT OF SILVER LININGS.*
I have a truck load of meetings today, Ruby has a ‘Play Date’ over after school and later on this evening, I meant to have quick chick drinks…With my imaginary money… 🙂
Why is life being shit to me?? Lol.
Weirdly, I feel okay now that i’ve had a VENT. I just keep thinking that i’m going to look in my handbag and it’s going to magically appear…because that’s how things happen, right? People keep trying to help me look for my purse, (lol) which I do truly appreciate…
Yet, it’s like when someone asks you for a pen and you know you don’t have one at all, but you pat yourself down anyway….to pretend that you’re attempting to find one. 🙂
But, I’ll live….(with my water…) I’ve been in worse situations….(Read yesterday’s blog. 😉 )
However, I’m off. This was just a quickie. Busy day. Thank you for all your questions. Lots of you have asked me the same thing and it’s always always about my love life….
Keep them coming, I’ll pick through them and answer as many as I can…and i’ll do it absolutely honestly…Unless, I feel like i need to lie. 🙂 Well, I won’t lie, I’ll just dance around it.
I was actually at an audition last year for a show, (THAT I GOT BTW..;) It just hasn’t aired yet… ) and as I was sat there, the director asked me a string of personal questions, which I’m usually really good at. I’m open. I’m chatty.
However, I think i must not find it easy to answer emotional questions, because whenever he posed a question, he stopped me, after I had confidently rambled on about all sorts, for about 20 minutes. I laughed. I joked. I was open and I dipped it in wit and charm…
Then he *paused* with his clipboard and said,
‘You’ve completely avoided the question…I’ve noticed that you’re really good at doing that….REALLY good at dancing away from answering the things that make you feel uncomfy. You do it so well…But like I said you didn’t answer my question, so i’m going to ask it you again….’
Then I did…
I cried. He cried….and then we pissed ourselves laughing because managed to get ourselves into such an emotional state.
See! Told you it was smarter to AVOID those bits at all costs. 🙂
Right, i’ve godda go…
Please send me ‘good vibes’ or a purse with all my stuff in it.
Keep sending me your questions…Tomorrow, I’ll answer them in a morning blog…
How many days has it been? I don’t even know? It’s felt like forever…(let me just check…)
No, it’s fine. Monday was my last post. We’re all good. Well, I assume it was Monday, since it starts ‘Happy Monday,’ but let’s face it, you never know with me.
SO MUCH IS GOING ON…IT IS SUCH A BUSY TIME FOR ME.
I did throw a pity party yesterday. I did well and took it out on my best chick ‘Firmonnell.’
‘It’s your job now.’
‘I know but…I’m throwing a pity party, just go with it… I feel like a thing and not a human…’
‘You ARE human, in fact you’re the best human I know.’
(I can’t stop adoring ‘Firmonnell.’ She’s someone that no matter what’s going on in her life, she’ll always make you feel better. I’m a bit like that…Yet only she notices it.)
Then I threw a moderate ‘almost’ strop on whatsapp last night, (i’m a feisty one and I like that about me,) but I felt it in my soul and then swallowed my glitzy pride. I chilled on it a second, with my non diet wine..and even though I wanted to EXPLODE….I 37 year old stopped myself. 🙂
This morning I looked down at my phone and read…
‘How’s the diva doing today?x’
‘I nearly went ‘drag queen’ ape on you..’
‘U little shit…What are u doing?’
I’ve committed to both labels...’diva’ and ‘shit’ ..so yeah, just like that…. I’m altogether fine now.
(They say ‘i’m fine’ is the biggest lie all humans tell every single minute of every single day. I could’ve just made that up…)
I’ve just been asked to fly to Paris, but I can’t go because my work load is intense. I’m about to start my health kick and i’m not going to find the ‘health kick’ part hard…I’m doing to find the ‘dealing with the life stress’ bit hard…and i’m gonna miss my giant cocktail slurps.
I had so much to tell you, but i have no clue where to start or what to say now, which isn’t very handy when you’re a blogger.
I’ve danced in my undies in fitting rooms. (I stated on Facebook that I wanted to see your fitting room frolics. I did mean the girls, and all in the aid of empowerment. But only boys responded… Lol….At least I didn’t get any dick pics. I actually and quite thankfully haven’t received any in ages…THAT DOESN’T MEAN I WANT ANY. Here’s a wacky concept, save them for your wives!
(All I can currently smell around me is roast dinners. Stop eating roast dinners around me. I’m about to start my diet. The middle aged lady at the opposite table needs to watch herself because I might eat HER and her dinner.)
But where was I? I danced in fitting rooms. (GIRLS SEND ME YOUR ‘FITTING ROOM’ SELFIES.) I’ve worked, worked, worked, worked and worked. I had to wake up at 3am this morning to ‘online post’ stuff, to hit the time zones. (See! Told you the graft was that easy.) I forgot to schedule a post…So I had to do it manually..I shocked myself up at 2.30am and remembered. I also blind hand patted around in the dark for wine, but couldn’t find any. I’m that much of a loser.
Ruby and I had ‘mummy night’ last night, (Junior was at Keiran’s, his Dad,) so she slept in my bed and does every Mummy night,’ as ofcourse, as always….there’s just me in it.
She must’ve been having the weirdest 2.30am dream, because still asleep she burst into a fit of mad laughter and then shouted…
‘I HAVEN’T WEE’D MYSELF.’
Lord help me through BOTH OF THEIR teenage years. Rubes is like me, so she’s ll be fun, but fine. She’ll just cry over boys all the time. Junior is such a lad, which will be a nightmare. He is the product of two ‘wild ones.’ Only last weekend, the WONDERFUL security at The Frenchgate Centre, in Doncaster, prevented him from trying to wander off and do his own thing. They had to drag him back to Waterstones…because he was sure there was something more exciting happening around the corner.
Keiran might be a Jehovah’s Witness now, yet when I met him YEARS AND YEARS AGO, he was certainly an Ibiza party boy. (He’ll hate me putting that…But whatever…It’s the truth. 🙂 And there’s no shame in anyone’s game of story. I ain’t hating on you boy! We’re co parent an awesome son.)
But anyway…There I was on March 7th, 2018…2.30am in the morning…in Yorkshire…
I sat up, naked, in the dark, with ‘Rocco’ my kitten and I posted this…
Nothing is better to ME than ‘FILTHY SENTIMENTS.’ You should all know this, as I harp on about them all the time. I love how open, naughty, outspoken and fun the brand is! (With a classy twist. Like this isn’t some ‘run of the mill‘ cheapo brand. It’s so styled, so well run and each piece of ‘filth‘ is absolutely divine.)
Anyway, incase you didn’t know…I am now the PROUD OWNER of my very own bespoke ‘Filthy Sentiments’ mug…from their new neon range…
AND I F****** LOVE IT.
Yesterday, ‘Filthy Sentiments’ turned over their FIRST MILLION in sales. They’ve only been in business 3 years…and that IS HUGE, to say they specialize in ‘filthy’ gift cards, mugs, note books, pens and now pj’s. That’s not easy!
So, here I am celebrating with ‘Filthy’ because, if anything I want you to be inspired. That took a great deal of hard work. And with fun brands people don’t think that ‘hard work’ happens, because they just see the ‘fun.’
Someone somewhere, came up with an idea, probably over a drink and BOOM….a million pound later…it worked….and it’s only just the beginning.
That is what I’m celebrating!
(And I loved it because on my Insta & Facebook post this morning, I could swear like a pirate on my post.)
Get you bit of FILTH NOW!
OH NO…THE PLACE WHERE I’M BLOGGING IS NOW PLAYING SAD LOVE SONGS…I’m too emosh. It’s reminding me of ‘Dancing on Ice.’
Right now, I have a friend away filming a reality show. Lisa (as in Appleton) was also just on Jeremy Kyle with Lauren Harries this morning. My new school/old school diet and work out matey ‘Kate’ reminded me this morning. I missed it. But i’ll see it on catch up.
I love it when Lisa gets feisty.
All girls are hot when they’re feisty.
It’s important that you always stand up for what you believe is right, even when you might be moderately terrified to do so. Make sure, you’re being treated the way you want to be treated. Make sure, you are always staying LOYAL to what you believe in.
The people that give a shit, will stand by you, understand you and love you madly anyway…
Mornings make me happy and they’re such an important part of the day because each time you wake up, (whether you’re fresh as a daisy, off to work, rolling some eye candy out of our bed, hungover, happy, worried, or dashing off with the kids,) you get another shot at doing life! It’s a whole new start! It feels good! We kinda take it for granted.
Just like that… everything could stop…So it’s important to remember to treasure and enjoy the things that you have… while you still have them.
Only do the things that make you happy, fall in love, take your chances, look good whilst your doing it and make your wishes and dreams come true. Build your career, build your family, never feel judged by what people think or say and live it with every inch of your soul.
(Why am I trying to sound like some life guru right now? 🙂 Let’s be real, I fainted last last whilst on the actual toilet at around 1am in the morning. Lol. Am I the only ‘glamour puss’ to ever do that?)
Now, before we all start getting in a tizzy and ringing all these panic bells. It was a comedic faint, not a ‘Call the Doctor’ faint.
My drunk chick friend had been snap chatting last night, before ‘shut eye’ and charger ‘plugins.’
Chick friend: ‘I’m only on 11 percent battery life now. I’m pissed. Mof sleep.’
Me: Don’t you dare wake me up, start all this *look at me, look at me, pay attention to me* thing and then just be like, fuck it i’m off to sleep, once i’m here! Lol’
I was laid in bed, fast asleep…happy as can be….and then my stomach started to kill….It hurt SO much, that I was trying to ignore it. I tried to pretend that it wasn’t actually happening, because ofcourse, when you do, and you close your eyes, whilst hiding under the duvet…it’s not! 🙂
IGNORANCE IS BLISS!
When I was 19, the guy that I was dating cheated on me and I’d walked into his home and seen him in bed with a girl…that he had ‘boned’ all night.
At the time I was devastated…OFCOURSE! But now, at 37 and after doing moderately well in life, 😉 I look back on that memory fondly, like it’s a juicy, yet comedic little burst of Wunna life memory because HE DID the ‘close your eyes, hide under the duvet and pretend it’s not happening’ thing…and in that moment, he must have REALLY shat himself. Poor sod.
He went on to try and win me back. I moved to Hollywood and married a ‘movie star.‘ 🙂
How have I got this distracted!?! I’m meant to be telling you about my flipping tummy ache.
Hurt so bad (like that cramp you get in your leg that is uncontrollably painful, but just like ouchy bits of life, you have to go through it anyway…Lol.) I was trying to *swag* it out. When you *swag* something out, when no ones watching you, it’s really awkward and uncomfortable. 🙂
Got up, did a giant naked SPRINT to the loo, sat on the toilet and I don’t know what happened, but my whole body did this hot, cold, flush thing, all these yellow blurry dots, *fuzzed* over me, and I kinda just remember keeling over for a moment, losing m mind and feeling all hot and sweaty…
I woke up on the floor, after about a minute or so, right as rain, like i’d just watched a bit of telly, or had a ham sandwich…
Then I ‘naked’ walked back to bed and immediately fell asleep.
Why am I so WEIRD! THAT IS NOT NORMAL. No wonder I’ve been married so many times!!!
Dear Future Husband,
Please just love me anyway…
Look!! I look really good half naked with balloons….
Sold? Good! Thought so! *Wiggle Wink*
But away from all that….Yesterday was a great day!
I was at a catch up meeting with ‘Big A’ from ‘House of Solo’ Magazine, minding my own business, rambling on about my life, going on about how i’m going to be getting this new amazing body….
…and as I scrolled through my email, I received a message from ‘Amy’ in regards to the Lypsyl Mirror Compact Lip Balm, that I had loved and therefore ‘influenced,’ on my socials.
I loved it so much and like I always say, when you’re an influencer you receive and try out a lot of things, be they products, places, or people….and it’s hard to fit everything into your socials….
However, I genuinely loved my mirror compact madly and was so grateful to Lypsyl, that I basically featured it on my Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat and Facebook immediately…
ALL MY SOCIALS (which you should all be following)
Yesterday….My Lypsyl Mirror Compact and I were featured in The Sun…and Fabulous Magazine…
How good is that! I literally *SCREECHED* in the middle of Ego, at my meeting….
House of Solo, ‘Big A’ kept doing these ‘being jealous’ faces at me. Lol.
But it felt really GOOD, to have teamed up with Lypsyl (which is a huge glorious brand,) influence something and then to see it in the national press…
It felt really good!
(They’re such a wonderful team…)
I was jumping around a cocktail bar, they were jumping around their office.
Everyone was filled with excitement…
I felt like the luckiest girl in the world….and when I’m excited, i’m like a little girl. I beam!
I WILL tell you, that things in my life right now, are kinda wonderful, in ALL areas…..I know! Can you even believe it? And whether I am or not, right now, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world…
Tuesday feels great! I’m filled with excitement and gusto. It’s so different to yesterday and I thank the good ‘jollies’ for it! I have a black coffee by my side, to protect me from evil and an updo bobbled in tight, to hold any form of dignity, that I may possibly left, firmly in place.
These 37 years have been colourful. WONDERFUL, but boy have they been colourful. YET, let’s face it, if you don’t have a lifetime memory bank, filled with fun, trials, tribulations and well… mainly debauchery, than what do you have? 🙂 (Sense probably. Lol)
I KNOW, that when I’m 80 years old, withering away in some old people’s home because everyone’s forgotten to love me…with my rummy cocktail, still probably posting on instagram, because I’ll mistakenly believe i’ve still ‘goddit‘…..I KNOW, that my ‘when I was young…’tales will be OUTSTANDING.
The older I get the more open my tales will become on this blog, waaaay before i’m 80 and simply because I’ll careless about being inappropriate. 🙂
I’m currently sat in on someone’s shoot, a chick friend of mine, I’m gonna call her ‘Daisy.’
Daisy: ‘Don’t call me Daisy. It makes me sound like a cow.’
Me: ‘Yeah, you’re right. You’re more of a bitch…Lol. Shall I go with *Tinker* because you’re a nuisance…?’
Daisy: ‘Yeah, I love that!!’
I went with Daisy. My blog. My rules. 🙂
Anyway, I have meetings for the entire rest of the day and a Skype audition later, yet I said, I’d come sit in on her shoot, as it’s her first ever, ‘boudoir’ shoot…and she feels all nervous. (It’s basically just a ‘Glamour Shoot’ where she has to lay around and pout in her undies.)She wants me to tell everyone that she’s ‘not trying to be a model’…but SHE IS, trying to be a model. Lol. (There’s nothing wrong with ‘trying to be a model.’)
Me: Did you even practice?’
Me: ‘Well, that’s a good start. As if you’ve come, booked in and not even practiced!!! It’s like you haven’t trained for your game, or revised for your exam.’
Daisy: ‘Do you practice…’
Me: YES! ALL THE TIME!!
She’s currently stood in a studio in Leeds and warm because i’ve made them turn the heating on full blast. (Mainly because I don’t wanna sit in the cold and everyones shit at shooting in the cold.) She’s in knickers, heels and a dressing gown, looking like she’s lost her way to the Post Office, or something? Lol
Daisy: ‘Why are you laughing??? Can you stop taking the piss out of me! And can you stop typing everything that I’m saying to you. You’re meant to be helping me!!’
Me: ‘I am! I’m lightening you up! You’re like a plank of wood. You need to relax more, wiggle into it a bit. You look as though, you FEEL about as sexy as that door knob.’
Daisy: ‘Door knob. Cheers. Lol’
Me: No. Lol. Like, if you look at that door knob, it’s all stiff and dull. Take three screws out of it and let it dangle off the door, on one screw…. and swing it. It’s now sexy.’
Daisy: Shut the F*** up Wunna! This is like some kind of Mr Miyagi training. I don’t do this every morning after the school run, like you! Have you called me Tinker?’
Me: ‘Yes…’ 😉
Anyway, so whilst they’re setting up, I’m blogging and it’s annoying because i’m sat by a really sunny window and I can’t exactly see my screen very well…It’s cool, it’s like typing blind and hoping for the best! Kinda like, how my real life pans out…
But I say it all the time. From my experience….a glamour shoot, a boudior shoot, isn’t about what you’re wearing or what you’re not wearing.
It’s about FEELING SEXY IN IT, FEELING FULFILLED & FEELING ALL WOMANLY. You can plonk anyone in a pair of heels, stockings and pants and if they don’t feel secure, fluid, sexy or happy….you can tell. They look like an awkward cardboard cut out, that’s about to get run over, by a slow moving, oncoming tractor and they don’t know what to do?
Me: ‘Yo! Don’t try and *be a model*…Try and be YOU in the shots. What makes YOU sexy. You’re doing a weird model face.’
Daisy: ‘It’s my DEAD EYES. I haven’t got my specs on. It feels all blurry.’
Me: ‘Hahahahah! Good! Like you’re drunk! Now you CAN’T see what’s around you, so you can go for it… Glamour into the blur. LOL.’
Daisy: ‘I hope you get on a show soon, where you’re trapped for weeks and everyone has a proper go at you. Lol. I’ll laugh and just shout *glamour into the blur, bitch.*
I’ve just turned some music on, because I don’t know how anyone can shoot well without tunes on. (Do notice, how i’m simply altering her surroundings to suit ME. Haha.) Gets you in the mood, doesn’t it!
(I’ve put this on… So SEE! I AM TRYING TO HELP.)
This is the hardest blog to write ever, because I keep having to get up, run off, do stuff and run back, simply to type a paragraph. (She’s now moaning because i’ve been offered a drink and she hasn’t.)
Daisy: Aw! Yeah! Offer Chrissie Wunna a drink, but not me.’
She’s shooting now, so i’m not gonna disturb her.
But anyway, I’ve been getting a load of messages from people who are shocked that i’m Northern, that i’m Yorkshire. I am.
Definitely born ‘Yorkshire’ have two Burmese parents, travelled over to LA and sounded American for years, (but I had to learn to do that because no one could understand what I was saying and when I was on tv show auditions, they didn’t want me to have a British accent…I even had to go see a dialect coach, to change my accent.) Then I landed back in the UK, did the ‘living in London,’ thing for work, where my accent turned all posh for a bit… and now i’m back in Yorkshire…So, basically my accents all muddled! How would I describe it..?
It’s like having a pub lunch, in a Chinese restaurant, as hip hop music plays in the background and you’re on the phone to The Queen.
Long story short…I am from Yorkshire.
Right, I’ve got a lot to do today and I need to go help her on her shoot. It’s my daughters 7th birthday at the weekend and she’s wanting a trip to ‘Sundown Adventure Land’ this Saturday.
My friend Nick, is on ‘The Best Boys’ of ‘Take Me Out, this Saturday, after causing a Take Me Out **hoo haa,** the last time he was on the show! I’m excited to watch him and I really want him to have this amazing career in telly, because he deserves it.
I’m still bubbling with excitement to shoot my CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM advert and t pick up a new whip!
Thank you for all the love on my ‘socials.’
I certainly need more coffee.
Quote of the day! One that I spied last night!
‘NEVER CONFUSE WHAT YOU’RE OFFERED WITH WHAT YOU’RE WORTH!’