Drunkies, Messages & Shock UPs!

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I couldn’t sleep at all last night because Ruby’s away on holiday and Junior was at his Dads. My mind couldn’t settle because the two beings, that make my heart worth it, weren’t by my side. It’s mental, because when they’re there all the time, they literally drive me nuts. Yet, as soon as they disappear…GOSH, I DO miss them, madly.

I’m not arsed about doing life on my own.

Give me love, family, a team, a partner…anything? Just give me energy. Give me great people. (The shit ones, i’m not bothered about having around me. Lol.) 

I went out for an early tea, had a couple drinks, watched the Leeds game, with my mates Webbo & Scott. (Who chucked a ‘find your phone,’ bleepy thing across a car park, because it reminded him of his ex wife.)

Last night, I actually learnt how much sex means to a man. How much ‘feeling adored‘ means to a guy.

It was a good night..

I felt tipsy and when i’m tipsy, I have the worst night’s sleep. I have no clue why? I’ll just toss, sweat and turn in my sheets, naked, as my head fills up, with the weirdest dreams ever.

It’s shit!

The good thing is I shocked myself up 6:06 am. I felt awful, dehydrated, my head killed and I had the worst stomach ache. So I ended up naked dashing to the loo, half blind, only to grab a length of tissue, pat down my brow and crash again.

The next time my eyes opened….and they opened to shouting, was at 8:03am…

At 8:03am, I felt fine. I literally felt amazing. So, I figured, I was really lucky, because The Gods had given a second shot at figuring out Wednesday. 😉

You’ve godda thank life for those moments…

Anyway, I actually had an exciting phone call yesterday, which got me ‘juiced’ for potential ‘good times.’ I don’t know what’s gonna happen, but hopefully wonderful things? We’ll see…everything happens for a reason.

Even though I was chipper, I got kinda bored yesterday and drank loads because if it.  Boredom’s a swine for that, innit? Boredom and I are not good friends. I spent my life getting myself into trouble because of Boredom. Then he teamed up with Cupid…and ruined things over and over again for me. Lol.

I did ALWAYS look GOOD though…. whilst getting into trouble.

I mean, The Devil DOES wear Prada. 😉 

But yes, good news phone calls. A lot of work is going down. A lot of looking around, at people and feeling that I’m about to shimmie into another new chapter. Everyone looks like their stuck in a life rut? Me however, I’m feeling lucky girl. I’m still poured over with attention. Influencing & blogging are going fabulously.

Jodie: ‘You should get paid more because I ONLY booked the Kitty Cafe, after seeing your post..’

( I love that. 🙂 I love influencing. It gets my ‘jiggy’ all a jolly.)

Everyone always asks me how or why influencers, bloggers & vloggers get paid? The above…is exactly why! 

I’m an old school girl, with a new school career…and it’s juicy! I’m almost ‘traditional,’ with a modern day twist by nature…and I love it because it makes me feel really whole. Makes me feel really well rounded.

I’ve learnt everything the hard way. Yet that’s how you learn. I’ve never given up. I’ve known that getting past the struggle is what makes you develop. I’ve always given up in love however…(Which i find weird.)

Someone asked me yesterday…why I thought I was 37 single, with 3 marriages under my belt and two babies, to two different fathers…and I paused….thought a little while and replied with a simple..

‘I really don’t know?’

I’m that tragic, I have no clue? Lol. Is it because i’ve lost all hope now? Is it because i’m an egomaniac? It is because i’m so romantic, that I’ve lost myself in a haze of ‘pretend it’s not happening?‘ Is it because i’m shit at coupling up? Or is it because i’m so picky?

Who knows???

It’s just my story and if I tell you the truth…I love it. If I didn’t have that story, i would never have been able to start building a little Wunna empire…There’s a happy ending in it for me, one day. I’m sure? Well I fucking hope! Hahah….

ANYHOW!!

I have excitement on it’s way to me and being made with adventure in my bones…I’m ready for it. I’m living with a sassy kink in my step and i’m loving it. I’m doing me and doing it well. Something’s due. I have a cocktail dripped feeling for it and my gut feeling is exactly on point, right now. It’s so good, it’s sexy.

Scott: ‘I love it when you say you can feel it in your bones…Haha.’

So, right now, I’m kicking off my kitten heels. I’m still answering all your questions on my Insta story, right now...(@chrissiewunna.) Tinker over. Get involved!

If I miss your questions, it’s not deliberate… I’m literally inundated with quezzies…So, i’m picking them at random…

(I had to freestyle a poem about DICKS today! How was YOUR Wednesday.)

Shit!!  forgot to tell ya! Yesterday evening… I received three voice notes from a gentleman…I’ve never met him, but he’s intorduced himself to me previously and i’ve chatted to him briefly via voice note! He just seems so grown and so lovely? Maybe I need that? We’ll see…

Anyway, godda go. I’m chilling with Junior and I now have an 11am audition, in the morning…

Thank you for following my life…

Chrissie x

Date Nights, Bush Fumbles & When Things Get Sexy

How are you? So much is happening. My chick friend ‘Hustle Barbie’ is back from Bali, where she managed to find ‘total enlightenment,’ and have her vagina blessed, after a series of shit dates and a break up with her longterm Mister.. ‘Buff Alex.’

Me: ‘I want my Vagina blessed.’

‘Yours should get cut off and sent to sea. Lol’

‘Firmonnell’ routed her way to the Doctors office, to merry herself a brand new arse hole. Yes! She’s got a new bum hole. It’s all shiny and delightful. (Not that i’ve seen it. But I can imagine that it glistens.)

Me: ‘I want a new arse hole!’

Firmonnell: ‘How did your date go? Hopefully he realised how shallow you are, and he’s rolling like Jay Z, and as vain as a Kardashian? Anyway, I’ve godda go to the Doctors for a bum operation.’

AND on Thursday evening, I went on my first ever DATE, in a LONG LOOOONG TIME, with the guy that I kissed in a bush! Lol. Well, we more than kissed. We let passion get the better of us and just went with feeling each other up…in this bush. But I couldn’t help it? He just kept turning me on. We kept turning each other on….and when you only live once, you might as well go for it.

Me: ‘What! It was YOUR idea!!’

Date: ‘Yeah, but I didn’t think you’d actually do it..’

Dudes are wanting to pat him on the back, like he’s some kinda studly muffin. Golfer Jonny suggested a plaque..by the bush, in memory and celebration of. It’s turned into a THING…and well…as least we made bush fumbles…COOL.

BUT, he asked me out to dinner…Thursday we went.

I never seem to go on dates, even though I love them. I never really seem to fancy anyone enough, to tinker my way, on a date. The last time I was on one, was more ‘chill time’ and ‘sex,’ and that was probably around Easter last year. I don’t know why I said ‘Probably,’ it WAS Easter, last year. (Yet, that was a good time, because I guess both of us had lived moments in the limelight, so just chilling behind closed doors, was our favourite kinda thing.)

Wait! NO! My last date wasn’t even EASTER! That’s a lie.

The last time I went on a date, was in August of last year…and I can’t really tell you anything about that just yet. You’ll actually get to know all about it soon. In fact, you’ll even be able to watch what went down, on your telly. It was all so surreal. Yet, it was the best experience ever and like I said to the guy, (he messaged me yesterday, with this bizarre ‘out of nowhere’ penis excitement? Then sent me a photo of his ‘hard on’ in a pair of jeans?) I laughed it off and well, I guess he remembers me fondly or isn’t getting his end away. The only stupid thing about his ‘hard on’ pic  is that he’s not even single. After sending me all those messages AND his penis pic, he then proceeded to post happy ‘weekend away‘ snaps of him and his girlfriend… in Brighton.

Why do guys do that? If you’re not happy, don’t bother being in something, that doesn’t make you glow!

SOMETIMES THE ‘NOT SO SINGLE MANS’ DREAM. I DON’T LIKE IT, BECAUSE IT’S NEVER FAIR ON ANYONE. They’ll have a girlfriend, but still take a shot at the ‘Glamour puss’ regardless, so to speak. 

Anyway, back to my date. 7.30pm. I’m at Ego. (I was there anyway, earlier for drinks, so he asked if I fancied some ‘scran.’)  We really wanted some time alone together, where we could go on a proper date and get to know each other better, away from everyone, we know.

I do know this guy anyway, as a mate. We get on really well. He’s funny. He just seemed to have turned my head and I guess, he was in some kind of situation, where in which his head got turned. I fancied him, once I hung out with him, over drinks amongst friends, so he’s certainly worth a date and it’s kinda just something that happened out of nowhere?

We’ve hung out lots before. We’ve got got to know each other. We’d already been on a night out, an adventure and I loved it. It was a really good time. I’ve actually seen him since our Thursday dinner date, the other evening, for quick drinks. And I like that he’s attentive. He’s loving. He’s sweet to me and he tries really hard to make sure i’m okay. He’s not scared to love me, well care about me. He’s expressive. He doesn’t play a game and maybe this is exactly what I need. He’s funny. But a gentleman.

Friend: ‘Hes not what she would normally go for, at all. But she likes him and I think she’s grown up enough now, to pick someone who will actually care for her.’

I’m usually quite shallow.  But there’s just something about him, that I like a lot.

Firmonnell: ‘Until she gets bored…Lol’

He was nervous. (It was cute. In fact, I liked that he was open enough to say that, y’know, admit that. He’s not emotionally macho, he’s expressive.)  He didn’t know what to wear. He didn’t want to look shit. (So I sent him a video of what I was wearing, so he could adjust appropriately Lol.) It was the first time, we’d actually hung out, under a ‘date like’ circumstance and it was amazing.

We get on so well.

He apparently got a pep talk from his brother, mid journey to his date. I wasn’t nervous at all. I felt great! I mean, it’s much easier when you already know someone. The last date I went on was ‘blind.’ (Not the person, the date circumstance. Lol) 

Without getting into it too much, we talked life, love, relationships, friendship, work, careers and us, amongst starters, cocktails, rare steaks and chicken salads. The service was amazing. It was fun. The staff there are always such a laugh. They’re alive. They’re a delight. They always treat me & whoever I’m there with, ever so well…and it was kinda like they were part of the action, the banter.

I’m always really worried because when a guy lives a completely different kinda life, I sometimes think he doesn’t exactly know what he’s letting himself into….when entering 😉 (we haven’t had sex) Wunna Land.

I’m very worried about that and I’m also worried because…I well…

Friend: ‘He’s not going to be able to give you the full blown Princess treatment Wunna.’

‘He’s gonna really struggle, with having you, as HIS, if it went that way.’

‘I feel like he’s going to have to step up his game…’

I’m pretty good and weighing things up….So we’ll see. I never listen to anyone. I’m always gonna go with what I think, is right.

We had so much fun. Such a good time. He was so, SO lovely to me and it’s an evening i’ll always remember. I like that we can discuss anything. I like that I can trust him. We have a strong friendship.

We’ve never had sex, but got ‘sexy.’ (More than in a bush. Lol.) The chemistry between us is great and I like that no one seems to know anything about it. I don’t think they could even imagine the conversations or moments that we’ve had when no one was watching. The ones that may guess, or have seen….are certainly more shocked than anything. Lol.

Katy P: ‘It’s like the Bush Tucker Trials. Bear Grylls, will be impressed with what you’ve eaten in that bush! Haha.’

Everything’s been great. The evening was AMAZING. We got a little tipsy maybe?

Date: ‘I’m not used to drinking spirits.’

THEN, we had a situation….A situation where I tottered off, he thought I wasn’t coming back. I WAS coming back. I called him a million times in a row, to tell him that I was coming back. He just didn’t pick up because his phone had died. When I did return, I saw him in a taxi!

He leaps out of the taxi and dashes to me, shouting my name. But it’s was dark by this time, I couldn’t really see or hear much. Lol. Ego’s now closed and almost with utter relief in his voice, he rushes up to me, grabs my hand and just flipping breathes.

He puts my hand on his heart and tells me to feel how stressed he was, because he thought I wasn’t coming back? Lol.

Then my phone dies, so now we have no way of calling a cab, so we just did what we had to do and that was WALK 8 MILES, all the way from Ego, to Pontefract, at midnight. I was in heels and it took TWO HOURS. Haha. The streets where dead, the night was calm and like the little troopers we were, we just got on with life, under the Thursday night stars.

I actually loved the walk. It was a really good way to accidentally get closer to him. Get to know him better. Fair enough, we did have a sexy fumble, which prolonged our walk a little. At one point, we WERE actually LOOKING for a field, or bush. Haha.

2am in the morning, we get to Data cars, we get taxi’s home…and life goes back to normal…

Like I said, we’ve done drinks since…So we’ll see what happens next…

Date: ‘I need to tell you something…When I called you earlier, I said * I love you* at the end of the call and you said…

Me: ‘I didn’t hear you?’

Date: ‘Well what I wanted to say, was that I didn’t mean it…I just said it, but I didn’t mean it…’

Me: ‘Lol…Cheers…’

Chrissie x

 

 

When I did Kuckoo, Sheffield…

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As soon as I walked into Kuckoo, Sheffield, I felt sexy. It feels sexy. The entire place is ‘red lit’ and oozes a devilishly inviting warmth. I guess, I’d describe it as mischievously glamourous. Plus, every human in Sheffield, mid totter had stopped me and told me that ‘the cocktails there are really great.’

Luckily,  and because I am Wunna Land.. 😉 I had a freshly shaken, BEAUTIFUL cocktail waiting for me, it looked so fresh it glistened, yet of substance tasted divine. (Do note/ I hate shit tasting cocktails, because it’s almost like meeting a really  REALLY pretty girl, but she has a personality of a fallen asleep donkey.)

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This cocktail (and your first one has to be a strong one,) was DELIGHTFUL and well let’s face it pretty much saved a kitten’s life. I did notice that ‘AG‘ (who’s just a good friend of mine, before you all get excited) had had it prepared, but had already downed two cocktails previous…Haha. To me, that means he was scared to see me, or simply stressed the fuck out.

He went with ‘stressed’…I went with ‘scared’…and after greetings, banter and a quick ‘AG’ catch up, (he’s in uni for engineering) the cosy red lighting and absolute *buzz* that swirled around the bar, must have got the better of me…better of us.

We then proceeded to drink almost every cocktail on the menu. I did this before at Relish in Doncaster and ended up trashed.

And you know you’re an idiot, alcoholic or just plain old fun, when you literally make up ridiculous excuses as why we should have another…

AG: ‘Shall I tell them you want the Eastern Promise, just cos it’s Oriental like you…. They’ll bring it over…?’

[See what I mean…]

Me: ‘Yeah, just whatever. I love that I’m now drinking drinks to match my flipping ethnicity!  Then I want a beer tasting one after because i’m dehydrated and want a BIG drink.’

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I know…no sense. But at the time, 3 cocktails in, whilst wiggling about in my orange dress, immersed in red lighting…it ALL made really great sense.

So shush.

Then I don’t know what happened…Shit just got wild. The music got louder, the bar started slowly filling up with groups of excited Sheffield boys, the bartender called me cute…

Bartender: ‘You look great. Who have you come with?’

Me: ‘A friend…that one over there..’

Bartender: ‘Well, you’ve come to the right place.’ *Wink.*

[That’s a sexy little old thing to say, innit! It was like a glammy Coyote Ugly, but with guys.]

..and within what felt like moments….the place LIT WITH EXCITEMENT and the crowd went BONKERS! 

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Y’know, the good thing about Sheffield is that everyone out there is really down to earth, aren’t they? So they’ll all go out, not care and have a great time….with anyone. It’s not a ‘drama‘ city. It’s fun. They’re laid back.

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It went NUTS. I had a better time that Sunday night, than anyone on EARTH!

Cocktails were dashing, the bartenders were stood on the bar, with live fire and singing at the top of their voices, like nothing else in the entire world mattered at that point. The crowd where mad, but radiated a madness that could only be labelled as..

 ‘HAPPINESS.’ (Hard thing to find right?’)

I noticed that, when I scanned the room….there were so many people, from all walks of life, just LIVING…They were singing and dancing and beaming with strangers. They had no care in the world…I loved it. It was the best night EVER.

And well I…so happened to bring in a crowd. 😉 Boys in Sheffield, love boobs!!!

Now, we all know that I adore, a good time so after dancing about in my booth, I decided to go through the crowds and meet everyone. I do it all the time and apparently I shouldn’t?

AG was dancing in the middle of the floor by now, about 12 cocktails in, half on his knees, like the merriest dude in the city, so I figured he was fine…Lol. He loved being on my Insta story and I can’t at all remember what conversations we had, because we both surrendered to good times. I know his birthday is bonfire night, he comes from a family of policemen, loves being up north, because he’s from Croydon and he’s stressed with Uni.

AG: ‘D’ya know what album cover that is?’

Me: ‘Do I look as though I know?’

It felt like adventure. And I’m so glad I tinkered out into the crowd, because I literally met everyone! Yet, I don’t know if I was blind, or what, because like I said earlier…. I was surrounded by dudes? It was GUYS, GUYS… EVERYWHERE, GUYS?? I felt like I was on the BEST STAG DO IN THE WORLD and I love a Stag Do.

(I’ve always said, if I ever get married again…I would only ever have a stag do. So much more fun than a Hen do. I mean, who wants to drink out of penis straws, moan about boys and plait hair.)

AG: ‘No..It’s just crowds of guys around YOU everywhere. There ARE girls here. Lol What did that bartender say to you?’

It was magic and the entire bar partied the night away MADLY, almost like the were ‘besties’ lol…and in a swirl of sexy red lighting. It was pretty much Heaven…Well if Heaven was as fun as Hell. I could go there EVERY NIGHT. I wanted to do it again at 9am the next morning! People were so happy there that night, that it was almost like an addiction.

[Life note: People are addicted to happy people and places.]

I drank my body weight in cocktail. I lost my voice. I might not have been able to see at one point. I filmed everything. I danced until my heels hurt. The staff in that place couldn’t have been more gracious. They were wild and fun, yet I  looked after me, like I was a Queen.

The atmosphere was dripping with a delicious, wild escapism. Everyone around me, was ALIVE. They were BEAMING. It was such a fun night!

I can’t even describe how great my night was.

AG walked me back to my hotel, just so I didn’t get accosted by strangers. I like a gentleman. All my guy friends are gentleman. Usually when guys offer to ‘walk you back’ they always try to get their ‘end away, don’t they? It’s like they want a treat for ‘being a gentleman.’ Haha.  No such luck. You’ll know if I want to sleep with you, because i’ll just tell you. But i’ll only green light it once…then leave the chase to the gent….

Then as the automatic lobby doors, close up on him… with a..

‘Thank you….Byeee…..’

I was immediately immersed back at The Novotel, which was filled with absolute peace. All sound shut down, other than the sound of the calmness of the pool.

All by myself, I walked back up to my suite, took off all my clothes and just tumbled into bed with one big ‘yeehaa’ roll.

So sophistcated.

Life was great! I woke up the next morning, naked at The Novotel in Sheffield…a phone interview in an hour and literally no voice to even speak.

I smashed my interview, was ready to go to my next spot,  then got caught by ‘Stalker Bruce,’ who (if you don’t know)  is a professional ‘celebrity stalker.’ He finds where you are, catches you and makes you do a million endorsement messages, for his clients. Lol. He’s caught Russell Brand, Robbie Savage..Loads of people…He & his wife ‘Sally’ found me, ..so Fuck it, my next stop was Ego, Sheffield and well they came along also.

It actually made me feel so happy, to have made two people ‘beam.’ They seemed really grateful that I was even sat there with them and I find that odd, because we’re all just human. Yet at the same time, my heart filled with love for them, as they couldn’t lovelier peoples.

More cocktails, more drinking, more banter. I was actually hungover, but loving life. They walked me back to the train station, because by then, we’d all had enough. I was like..

‘Get me out of the city!’

That’s when I got on my train at Sheffield, fell asleep, missed my stop and ended up in fucking Newcastle.

I had work the next morning in Leeds…so I had to get my sorry arse back home…and arrived safely, in 42 pieces lol…at around 1.27am.

 

 

Girls Are Mental & I’m Feeling Frisky

If I wake up with a cat on my head again, i’m going to be fuming. I’m a glamour puss. I need to wake up calmly….not with something eating… *wink, wink, nudge, pout*……..my head. 😉 Any other form of ‘eating,‘  of course.. with my consent….is fine.

And do know, that i’m not being intentionally meaning to be smutty….I firstly, really do have a pet kitten named ‘Rocco’ who ate my head this morning…and secondly…right now, I feel like i’m on heat! Haha. I’m a proper ‘old aged’ horn ball.

I don’t know what’s wrong? (What’s right!!! 🙂 ) What’s wrong, with me? Maybe i’m wearing too many faux furs, or eating too much protein? Who knows? But my libido button, has certainly been switched to….’WORKING.’ (And i’m naturally excited by sensuality anyway…so you can IMAGINE how i’m feeling right now.)

*Takes the faux fur off. Puts down the chicken drummer.*

HOSE ME DOWN.

Oh and here’s a quick memo for ya….The above paragraph doesn’t mean you all have toslide into my DM’s’ immediately…At least give it an hour. Lol. I might have calmed down by then….

I’m joking. I really am. I might not be a Virgin Princess, yet just because i’m heated doesn’t mean i’m gonna come running, across fields, with my ‘frillies‘ down by my ankles. (Across fields?? Who do I think I am? It sounds so ‘Sound of Music’…if it was a porn?)Even though everything in Wunna land is done with a wild panache. Do know, that I’m the utter Queen of Self Control. I’m good stock, me 🙂

Mwahahaha!

So, it’s maybe five o clock in the morning, I’m in some satin dressing gown, getting my face done, getting ready to shoot and I look down at my phone and I see 44 Whatsapp notifications. 

When I see this, i know it’s from a group chat, something dramatic and 100 percent from the girls. Boys aren’t like that. (Apart from that one time in LA, a million years ago when Corey called me 22 times in a row for kicks. He even sang on one of the voicemails….Voicemail 22 was simply…’This is call 22, Wunna. Let me in.) I actually kinda liked it. I found it funny. He owns a huge Real Estate company in LA now…So I won’t gobble on about it anymore… in case it gets him into corporate trouble. As that would be shit.

Anyway, so I figured the ‘drama’ couldn’t be too dramatic because I only saw two of them for a wine lunch on Friday?

I was wrong.

My chick friend ‘Hustle Barbie’ left her boyfriend, packed a suitcase and is now officially single. (She’s headed to stay at her other chick bestie’s home and has packed a suitcase, containing ALL her life necessities…. which only consists of bikinis and Himalayan Salt Lol… )

I love her for that. I mean, even though it’s probably a really difficult time. The wonderful thing about it all, is that she took a chance and committed to a ‘new chapter.’ She wasn’t scared to find her own piece of happiness…She wasn’t scared to live… and I respect that.

Always go with your gut instinct, Always stay loyal to what makes you happy.

I mean I go on about life all the time and how important it is to fully LIVE IT, enjoy it and take those chances…and people sometimes put fear in your soul, to stop you from finding your own piece of ‘happy.’ They’re own insecurity makes them do that to you.

Don’t be part of a couple that doesn’t fit. If it doesn’t make you smile. If you can’t feel the *spark*… It’s just not worth it…for either party.

Always go with your gut instinct. Always stay loyal to what makes you happy.

To be honest, I don’t actually know what’s going on with the girls right now? I love them madly. But I don’t get to see them so much anymore, because I’ve been SO busy with work. Entertainments got a good *grip* of me right now…and i’m working really hard, things are going great…

Mel: ‘Chrissie? If she’s still alive…Where are you?’

We did have lunch on Friday. (They all seem to be breaking up with their boyfriends for Summer Lol. They’ve labelled it ‘Divorce Club.’)

Here’s snippets:

Me: ‘Honestly, you need to stop. You’re making yourself look crazy. Don’t send him a crazy message, get no reply and then justify the crazy message with an *i’m not crazy, honest* message. Hahaha. JUST STOP TEXTING!!! STOP! TEXTING…NOW!’

‘She’s right, just vent on me instead. Tell ME instead.’

Me: ‘Yeah. I vent on her all the time…It works, then you never send that crazy message! You’ve relieved yourself of the stress.’

‘Remember when you went mental over that golfer!’

‘Was she even hot?’

‘It wasn’t about hottness.. Lol.’

‘And if you’re going to send a crazy message…commit to it. Don’t justify it.’

Me: ‘STOP TEXTING.’

‘I just don’t want him to think i’m creepy. I’m not creepy.’

‘But don’t text him *i’m not creepy* Haha.’

‘Well, yeah, because it obviously makes me sound creepy. But I’ve done it now though.’

Bottom line, girls can’t help it. Whether they’re stalking your ex, pining for your attention…creating fake Facebook profiles…Whatever it is….It can’t be helped. It’s hormones…I think?

I mean, we can’t find a hair bobble, when it’s around our flipping wrist…but we know what you did in 2011, with your Dad in Paris. Lol.

And before you all start…I’m not part of the ‘social stalk club. And the reason why I’m not is firstly because people do it to me ALL OF THE TIME…and CREATE ALL OF THE WRONG JUDGMENTS, before they even know me.

I guy once sat next to me in a bar, a few months ago… when I was with my friends…(he was trying to make me go for a drink with him,) but Googled me, whilst I was STILL SAT THERE and went through my whole entire bits of ‘news,’ out loud, with me…in the weirdest sort of fashion? Didn’t try to get to know me at all? Just read out my life to me…in a CV like fashion.

Now, I don’t mind people looking people up. I do it, ALL the time. We ALL do it, when we meet someone new. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s handy, innit. 😉

BUT I’m polite, so I do it behind your back, 🙂 which makes it okay.

Hahaha. Plus, I was sat right there. He didn’t think to just talk to me, or chat to me, or ask me questions? I liked the attention, but didn’t like the guy. Bad form. Make convo. I mean, men are men, they should know how to win over a girl. It’s human nature.

The second reason why I don’t ‘social stalk’ is because I like to live with my ‘rosie tinted’ specs on, thinking all is okay, fine and dandy. I play the ‘ignorance is bliss‘ game. I don’t look for trouble. Meaning, I won’t ever find it. I’m therefore *blind* to it. Blind and happy, as can be. I don’t wanna know. I also don’t like the sound of a breaking heart. I like an easy life. No stress. Just ‘good times.’

But yeah, chicks are mental. It’s not like you didn’t know that anyway.

I did have a laugh with the girls though, even if they asked me where I sloped off to sometime last month, when we all went to Nat’s birthday…

Me: ‘ Oh, I felt tired…so I said I was looking for you, but just walked out the door and left. Hahaha.’

Hahaha. I ALWAYS DO THAT! Yet, I always tell ONE person…then just slope off quietly. I just needed a sleep. I’d been at fittings all day.

However, I’m glad I did leave now, because they all woke up at my chick friend ‘Double B’s’ house.

One.. found joggers…

‘Who’s random joggers are these?’

One… in the dirtiest crop top ever..

‘What the fuck have you got on? Why does it look like you’ve picked it out of a bin. It has rips and disgusting stains on it.’

‘Double B’ (the hostest with the mostest) apparently woke all the girls up, at the crack of dawn, with her FULL FACE on and in a KIMONO.

Hahahahaha. I’M DYING. I LOVE IT. I WAS SO PROUD. THAT IS SO ME.

Then she had to move her car, so she put joggers on, UNDER HER Kimono and moved her green gangsta Mercedes, so people could do the ‘walk of shame.’

That’s friendship.

I’m glad i went home early and missed it all. Lol.

Cya,

Thank you for following my life. x

 

 

 

No Dude What’s The Password…?

I have literally sailed through the most blissful and busiest time in Wunnaland. From Thursday to probably about an hour ago, I feel as though i’ve been dashing, dashing, meeting, greeting, smiling, moaning, hand shaking, dressing up, dressing down, travelling, working and cocktailing. IT HAS BEEN NON STOP and so much has happened that I don’t even know where to begin.

So, whilst i’m glamourous sat, moderately hung over, with a Desperado as my company and the random Celtic vs Ranger game on as ‘background’ in The Mallard Doncaster….with my new weave sat next to me, waiting for tomorrow’s debut, where it has the glory of being clipped into my head and some 20 something boys to my right, who I don’t at all know, playing on the bandit…I’ll rewind you to last night…

Last night, Fairytale Blond, Double B, Mel & I, whilst being all glammed up and lost in a hilarious yet glittery swirl of drunken light and life…decided it would A GREAT IDEA to stand outside the GENTS TOILETS at the dark and jazzy Pontefract pub the ‘Tap & Barrel’ (it was packed last night) and NOT LET GENTLEMAN of any type or ages, GO FOR A WEE, UNLESS THEY COULD GUESS ‘THE PASSWORD.’ 🙂 LOL.

WHY ARE WE ACE!

Honestly, we’re the funniest girls alive! I mean, who is as genius as us! We ended up squashed infront of the GENTS, on a bench, due to the *packedness* of the place, by moody candlelight…and instead of being grumbly..and we had been cocktailing ALL NIGHT we took it upon ourselves to utterly enjoy every minute of our *spot* and make our own FUN.

THE BEST TIME EVER!

So, a guy would saunter up to the loo for a *widdle.* As soon as he got to the door, he was ABRUPTLY STOPPED by either Double B, Fairytale Blond Or I…and forced to hold their wee until they guessed the password. 🙂

Once they guessed the password, they were allowed entry.

On the way out, they’d swing open the door and *BAM* Fairytale blond would stick out her arm, leg or body and REFUSE TO LET THEM PASS (lol) unless they reiterated the password.

The password was…

PUSSY ARMPIT.

And we really wouldn’t let them pass unless they were chubby, where in which they were given a ‘WILD CARD’ entry of us aggressively PUSHING THEM into the boy’s loo’s…whilst shouting.,,

GO!GO!GO!GO!

OR…

Double B & Fairytale Blond would connect hands and make a beautiful archway out of their delicate, not at all drunken arms and I would look at the dude and very glamourously state that they had to..

‘ENTER THE LOVE TUNNEL…’

…as the girls danced with their arms in an archway! 🙂

It was the best game ever..the boys were coming out of the loo’s looking terrified OR just going to the loo to play our game.

Fairytale: NO! What’s the password?’

Double B: ‘We don’t fucking care…this is hilarious.’

Mel: What ARE YOU doing?’

Me: ‘Enter the tunnel of loooooooooooove..’

Then we did more gin…See this is why MY VLOG is going to be better than anyone else, simply because my friends and I are naturals at being tools. If we filmed our ‘what’s the password’ moment, it would’ve gone viral this morning. 🙂

But how did this all start…

Let’s take you down a glamourous trip down memory lane…

I’ve worked all day and arrived in from London that morning to hustle through another day. I was shattered, but wanted to embrace a good time. I’m positive and even though things can be shattering, you just have to smash it and know how lucky you are to be where you are and have what you have.

Double B has recently moved into her new house and fancied herself a cocktail at The Electric Theatre which is now her local cocktail and tapas bar. Fairytale Blond was in the neighbour visiting friends, since Prince Jonny was out for drinks, after a day of finding very Disney birds nests, so she met up with Double B at The Electric Theatre for a tipple and tapas.

Mel…was out with her other close friends, for her birthday shindig and has chosen The Electric Theatre as he birthday haunt..and I was shattered from my day of traveling, meetings, the blog awards, more meeting, early morning trains, followed by a full day of work hungover…that I just wanted to have a bit of fun. Yes everything I do is glammy and delicious and an absolute blast…but there were good times, bad times, lonely times and happy times over the last 2 days. I wanted some fun, with the girls that I love…and we all need great chick friends…so I decided to head over to The Electric Theatre for about 40 cocktails and bouji table tapas.

The place was filled with life, glammy girls, friendships, a spray of old school yet modern charm, a table of the finest tinker sof tapas, banter, laughter, emotional moments and a glittery spray of the most delicious and multi coloured cocktails in all of the land.

‘Why does my drink look like it has a birds bush in it?’

‘Gimme some of that?’

‘I’ve known Mel for ages..’

‘As if you’ve just made me cry…’

‘Have you had a meatball…they’re spicy…’

‘I once tried to break up with a boy, so i told him that I had cheated on him twice with two dicks, and sucked all the dicks in all the land. It was just dicks, dicks, dicks, everywhere dicks in a line and he STILL DIDN’T LEAVE ME. Lol.’

‘Look at these bad boys..’ (A silver diamante show is raised.)

‘You should definitely give him sex..’

‘Why don’t you dress up for him?’

‘Are you going into town?’

(I definitely answered ‘Fairytale Blonds’ phone when Prince Jonny Called. Technically she did tell me to, so i committed to a ‘Hey Baby Boo’ and maybe offered him willy stuff, whilst pretending to be ‘Fairytale’…‘Chrissie, I know it’s you. Put Fairytale on…’ Now, I’ve talked to nearly all of their boyfriends dirty. Hurrah! 🙂 )

Mel looked so gorgeous and so happy to be in her swirl. I watched her all night and she’s beamed. It was a cocktail infused beam. But she was happy. I’m really close to Mel and once she likes you, you’re IN and she’ll hold you close to her heart.

Fairytale, Double B and I are immature and glamourous drunkards. We went for it and had the single most hilarious time in the world ever. Infact for the first time we got really open with one another…We’re open anyway, yet there are levels to friendships, as there are in love and last night, I cried a little and because I was so proud of how empowering and tough my chick friends are.

We are the warmest, most loving girls, but we are WARRIORS! We’re good time, money making machines! 🙂 We had the best night ever.

‘I’ve been through so much in my life that nothing can hurt me now.. and not because of anything other than the fact that i choose to be and remember the positive.’

Then as a lady named Tanya was telling me about her fondness of buff gents, I noticed a calm and quiet ‘Carol.’ I LIKED CAROL because she is the kind of lady who will NEVER say a bad word about anyone. She’s humble, she has a great time, but she’s quiet and observes everything, rather than commit to being a showman. (I’m a showman.) When she speaks, you listen because every thign she says is of so much worth.

Mel: Honestly Chrissie, i’ve known her for years…she’ll never say anything and then when she does…she’s ALWAYS FUCKING RIGHT. She told me she didn’t like that other guy and she never ever says a bad word about anyone.’

I love Carol because there’s a sexiness about her manner. Infact, I think i need to be less brash and more warm..as I keep meeting all these warm and delightful people..once was a vicar, who told me that it was his ffity year anniversary with his wife and he loves her just as much as he did when he first mether outside Woolworths when he was fifteen

He then told me that he MARRIED HER before they even had sex! 🙂

HAHAHA. I love that a Vicar told me about his sex life! Lol.

Last night was a blast, it was a much needed accidental swirl of magical and glamourous cocktailly, well wishes, bad boy heels, friendships, good times, laughter, new faces, memories, empowerment, tom foolery and…

‘FOURTEEN QUID FOR A FUCKING TAXI?’

Right, I have to dash, as I have a 3pm meeting to get ready for, but Ill tell you all about meeting Jack Parson’s in my next blog, as I travelled down to London for the UK Blog Awards,

I am being hailed as the UK’s Carrie Bradshaw & I’m loving it as if anything I want to make sure that all my work is strong, I’m doing something that i love, i’m making a living out of doing something that I love and that as I’m telling my story, I am empowering and inspiring every person i verbally touch.

Jack is currently being hailed as a ‘Young Richard Branson.’ I know! That’s not a shabby title..

But yeah…i’ll tell you all about my London times later…

 

 

 

 

Yorkshire Pudding Privates & Louboutin Chills

‘I’d shove a Yorkshire Pudding up you..’

…shouted a random gentleman to my Barbie Lookalike friend ‘Hot Sarah.’ (She’s got Barbie’s boobs and everything. She’s beautiful…She doesn’t want Sunday dinner up her *Whoopsie.* Infact, quite the opposite. She’d prefer to sit at home and make her own Yorkshire puddings, in a land of absolute luxury…as she lunches with other Ladies of Leisure, in Louboutins, by Prosecco Fountains. That is her life goal. Again! It doesn’t involve porn with leftovers from your dinner plate. Hurrah!)

‘Gimme ya number now…I right fancy you…’

…uttered what looked like a 9 year old boy,  who had been ‘egged’ on by a troop of other ‘maybe teens’…to go try his luck at getting ‘Chrissie Wunna’ to date him?

‘YOU’RE NINE! And you did that far too aggressively.’

‘I’m 24, i’m just short for my age.’ 🙂

(We’ll give him points for humour, ballsy little shit. 🙂  At least he DARE talk to me. Most people just breeze past awkwardly and inbox me later on Facebook, stating that they saw me. The older guys become, the less brave them become, I guess? I don’t bite. You can speak to me. I am human. I’ll only bite if i’m in my waist trainer, or if i have a sausage roll….then you’re fucked and not the good kind. 🙂

BUT HONESTLY! Both Males. Decades! Even GENERATIONS have had these males apart! Yet the practice that they used in order to ‘woo the ladies’ was not only weirdly similar, yet also distinctly poor and…well….just made no sense? At least make sense.

I mean, what lady wants you to shove a Yorkshire pudding in her…..? Lol. I’m creative and that even bamboozles ME! I’m open minded and I just can’t seem to fathom the consequences of such? I’m NORTHERN & WE LOVE a Yorkshire Pudding…I guess what i’m saying is… just not in our privates. 🙂

GO BACK TO ‘ROMANCE CAMP.’ Enjoy the art of ‘wooing.’ It’s delicious, simple and refined. More people should be enjoying the art of romance. Be brave, yes. But be lovely.

That guy had  ONE SHOT to approach ‘Hot Sarah’ with something that would make her *pause* and decide that he was ‘The One’…and that’s what he came up with? That was his first shot at love and attention. Hahah!  What would’ve been so hard to just stop, tell her she was ‘beautiful’ and ask her out for a drink? Yes, you got her attention. But only so she could tell me and I could place it on my blog for the entire world to read. Yippee!

‘Is because they’ve got nothing to lose. He’s already assumed that you’re not going to be with him ever…so he just thrown something out there for kicks.’

‘If a guy actually thought he HAD A CHANCE at making you his, he’d be a lot more clever about it..’

I like the clever ones, who are simple, but flashy. Romantic, yet emotionally together. Ambitious, but loving…and with a spirit that plays well with mine.

Unlike ‘Hot Sarah’ who wants to chill in Louboutins and well i’m sure I once heard her say ‘Save the animals?’ 🙂 I’m totally single, but a chick who wants to build an empire with a human and look around in astonishment at what we’ve managed to achieve. I find that sexy. I call that love. I don’t know WHY I imagine being part of an equally balanced ‘Power Couple?’ It’s a bit extreme, I know. But I just find achieving sexy! Yet at the same time, I enjoy softness, commitment and romance with it.

GOD! I’m already bored of listening to myself.

GIVE ME A WINE!

Bottom Line…Don’t offer to ya ‘shove’ dinner in a lady’s privates….

I’m sure ‘Double B’ said…

‘I’d let him, if he bought me the Vuitton Bag.’

Wait no…I’ve made that bit up…

She suggested ‘Sending Nudes.’ 

(Hahahah!)

Sending Nudes feels so ‘2011’ now, even though i’m sure it’s ever so current.

I wouldn’t flipping know! I send people Gucci Hats just to say ‘THANK YOU’…Not photos of me braless in exchange for a Yorkshire Pudding session. I’m sure there’s a fee for that! Lol. Is there a fee for that? 😉

 

 

 

 

he poorest advice, when it came to the distinct art of ‘wooing the ladies.’

HOW

 

Don’t Mess With A Brother & His Chicken

‘Hey? Are you by yourself? Lol. What you never know? So what’s the plan today?’

The next morning in Manchester had sprung and before I had even managed to roll over in my fresh white Macdonald  Manchester Hotel sheets and rub my kitten eyes…my phone was already throwing Tuesday at me with a ‘Hurry the glamourous fuck up…’

It was snowing outside my executive suite windows, in Manchester that day! I nibbled on ‘Welcome Chrissie’ chocolates that had been left in my room, I dipped into the warmest most bubbliest bath…I LOVE A BUBBLE BATH in hotel rooms, as it’s means I must have ‘chill time.’ Showers are for rushy times and even though ‘rushy times’ are great, because they wave the flag for ‘busy,’ which means opportunity is in the palm of your hands…Nothing to me is better than those moments where you look after yourself….in bubbles…with massages….with love…or with a fresh cocktaily treat. That one moment sorts you out for the rest of the ‘dash.’

Then there was mad grooming, hair clipping, pouting, slefies, (…I mean selfies…) snapchats, last minute room checks, the gathering of goods and as I shot down out the door, down FIVE flights of stairs (I didn’t take the elevator), with a warmth, a smile and a ‘Thank you so much, you guys have been amazing,‘ I checked out my the Macdonald Manchester, swung through the revolving glass doors and WALKED to the train station (that’s why I stay there, as you can chill in bed longer and take warm baths, simply because it is moments away from your train…) and before you know it…BOOM, I was headed back to Leeds…followed by a train to Xscape, to meet good friend Abeiku Arthur (who owns the High Fashion ‘House of Solo’ Magazine) to grab lunch… and well fill him in on a  quick mountain of gossip…that I KNEW he was going to try and cleverly drill out of me.

So, I was stood outside Xscape in Castleford, it was Tuesday…and I saw him strolling up, so with the biggest smile and the loudest shout and maybe even a joyous booty dance, to not rub MY ACE LIFE in his face… I glamourously yelped…melodically ofcourse,

‘I SAW STEVEN BARTTTTTTLEEEEETT! I SAW STEVEN BARTTTLLEEET.’

Related image   Image result for steven bartlett social chain

He grinned with pride…we sort of *knuckled punched* a greeting and ran into Nandos to chow down on a bit of Peri Peri Chicken (Extra Hot) with a side of ‘catch up’ banter.

Big A: ‘Are you getting extra hot?’

Me: ‘Dude, I’m ethnic. I do extra hot.’

Now, in life…I’ve swanned around some of the most glamourous lunch spots that the world has to offer, with tiny plated savory treats, that is misted with flavours of  five star dining…BUT sometimes a chicks just got to sit with a brother and smash a bit of grilled chicken with hot sauce.

‘So, go on then…what happened at Social Chain…’

‘Everything they’re amazing. I was there for about an hour and a half…and yeah I definitely want to work with them.. I definitely fancy Steve and Katie is great…’

‘What’s Steve like then? Is he really all that or is it..?’

‘I’ve got a blog coming on this…’ (That moment where you don’t tell you friends things so that they HAVE to read your blog. :))

‘Do you want chips?’

‘Yeah, Peri ones…I’m getting a wine too…’

‘Aww, grab us a cider…You know that I met that chick from Vogue at Fashion week right…So what’s Steve like then….’

Then we smashed Peri Chicken and chips, guzzled wine, laughed about life and how it makes paths cross. (Remember at the end of last year, I told ‘House of Solo’ that I would get to meet Steve at Social Chain…AND I DID IT. Lol) We talked career, business, the future. I told him where I was headed with Chrissiewunna.com, he’s developing ‘House of Solo’ better than expected now. I mean GOD, you can buy your copy in the Eurostar VIP section, as you’re travelling to Paris fashion week…that’s a great new step. (And I don’t mind rambling on about it because I’M IN IT. BUY THE SPRING EDITION NOW! Lol)

Image result for house of solo magazine

Then I suggested that we roll on to Burgers & Cocktails and grab a few drinks. Well I said ‘just one…’ But we know how that nifty slogan pans out…:)

Plus, I Love ‘STILL DAYTIME’ cocktails. They often feel funner than nighttime cocktails and we had a lot to chat about.

Lord knows what happened. But I ended up smashing 4 …’with sixty percent proof’ bits…’Flaming Mon’s,’ that had flamed flying out of my passion fruit and all sorts. I’m surprised naked dancing man didn’t pop out of my drink and slap my booty. It was a fruity tooty show piece.

I guess, people are similar to the cocktail that they choose to drink, or it depicts your mood. ‘House of Solo’ had a shandy. A Red Stripe Shandy. (An improvement on the ‘evening before’s’ company who simply drank water. Lol. Yet, Come on now…let’s jazz this up a bit…FUCKING RED STRIPE SHANDY with a ‘Can I have more lemonade please.’

We got the best seat in the house, which if you are following this blog, you will know that the BEST seat is wherever I’M sitting 🙂 and it’s referred to as the ‘Power table.’ Lol. In this case, it was AWESOME because we chose to not face each other and instead have seats that where onlooking the passerbys through a big glass window. We watched every single one of you and made up our own renditions of how your life goes..:) and mainly because we’re bastards. Lol. But whatever, I had had a bunch of cocktails by this point and was sneaky phone charging, so the staff couldn’t see.

We BELLY LAUGHED at life, he talked fashion, I talked Social Chain…He stupidly believes that there are actually still VIRGINS over the age of 20 in Castleford. *DYING WITH LAUGHTER HERE*

‘What the fuck are you on about? She’s not a virgin. Virgin’s are like UNICORNS…they don’t really exist…only in your deluded mind.’

Big A: ‘When I was in college in Castleford, this girl asks me out, and I thought it was weird because she asked if she could *start seeing me* and I didn’t know what that meant…cos in Africa, well…we’d just…’

(Then he does a mucky face with laughter. Lol. Do note that ‘Big A’ is African…and moved fresh from those exotic lands to Castleford. Lol.)

‘So why is it that men of the African Variety like chicks with booty?’ (As in a good bum and curvy bits…not as in what Pirates find in treasure chests.)

‘Well it’s all we see there and yeah I love a curvy girl. A big girl. That’s why it’s weird that I do High Fashion, as I have to see creative beauty in chicks that I don’t fancy at all…’

‘Why are guys scared to approach me..?’

‘Cos you’re Chrissie Wunna…’

‘No I mean really? Like really… You KNOW ME…Would you personally be scared to ask me out, if you fancied me…?

‘YES.’

Then we both PISSED OURSELVES LAUGHING, I recieved zero love life help and then out of the blue like the world had popped ‘crazy pills’ of joy, ‘House of Solo’ JUMPS UP with excitement and screeches, in his Big Black man voice…

‘Nando’s has liked our Tweet!!!!’

Honestly, it was like the world had decided to fuck up and chose us to be The Gods, for the rest of your time here on Earth.

I looked at him *blank*…not quite getting why he was that excited?

This is a guy who has VOGUE ‘like’ his work and that doesn’t phase him. Yet Nandos’ likes ONE TWEET..and he’s up in arms, screaming and shouting at how Nandos is so much bigger than Vogue and he needs to screenshot the ‘like‘ and post it everywhere. Lol.

Now, not to blow my own pink trumpet or anything 😉 But, I’m quite used to brands ‘liking’ stuff that I do. 🙂 I’m just this little kitten, who writes some blog and it’s all got carried away and now i’m (cue: Tabloid Titles:

‘..Making blogging cool again/ I’m the best thing to happen to Cyberland/ I’m the UK’s Carrie Bradshaw, / I’m Social media’s Newest IT Girl/ I’m an Sassy Inspiration..I’m everything, they say I am. 🙂 Honest!

So Nando’s ‘liking’ a Tweet, is GREAT (if you want to work with me 🙂 ) But until then…it’s kinda just a ‘like.’

Get it? Good!

Me: ‘You have three more trips to Nandos, three more posts, 3 more ‘likes’ and a Retweet until you get some Nandos attention. Let alone a flipping Black card dude.’

‘You have Black Cards to every glammy venue ever, but you don’t have a Nando’s Black Card..’

‘Yeah. They’re not going to give ME  one. People like David Beckham get them..Ed Sheran has one…I’m just this chick who writes a blog..’

‘We need one…’

‘Don’t put YOU needing a Nandos Black Card on ME. Lol. Okay, fine…let’s do Nandos every day.’

Image result for nandos

He *beamed* with happiness….and as time flew and life went on…(I had a busy work day the next morning, so I had a lot to prep for), I waved ‘bye’ and he hung out of a window and shouted…

‘YOU DON’T MESS WITH A BROTHER AND HIS CHICKEN’

 

Image result for nandos

 

 

 

 

Stupid Cupid…

GOD!!! If i’m that ‘beautiful’ or that ‘mind blowing’ or that ‘talented’ or that ’10’ you’ve always been looking for, then why the am I single?

I don’t get it? I’m the most loving, love bunny in all of the goddamn lovey land. I make an awesome partner. So, if my inbox is filled with ‘I think you’re amazing’s’…I mean JEEZE, random ‘Tom from Hertfordshire thinks i’m…(and this is an exact quote)

‘like some weird science project, where the perfect girl has been created…’

Honestly! If  am I THAT delicious, than why is Cupid fucking me over continuously…A dude in a diaper is fucking me over.

Chick friend: ‘Because you’re far too picky and far too shallow. 🙂 ‘

Hahaha! 🙂 Cheers!

If ANYTHING, I need to be FAR MORE picky and far more shallow. I love romance, treats, eye candy and the finer things in life, yet I will always judge EVERYTHING on ‘chemistry’ and all through my life to date, I’ve always got it wrong. I have never managed to find that perfect ‘chemistry’ with anyone…No…aside from one guy.

But i’m not bothered. I’m just having a ‘had gin’ rant because I can. I’m not gonna just date ‘the next guy’ simply because. I’m rather wait it out, even if he never finds me and I end up residing with 100 cats, in the most glamourous bachelorette pad.

I will say that I’m watching Mel, Fairytale Blond, Firmonnell, Double B, Hot Sarah and Lynne and noticing how they’re all VERY paired up and in love. And I adore watching them in their girly ‘love swirls.’

YET…It did sort of dawn on me today that I was super single and I don’t quite like it. Let alone GET IT?

I’m an ace human. I’m fucking brilliant. I’m that glittery slice of life that you wished you could spread on your toast. That ‘Mmm’ noise you make after your favourite bite of cookie.Why am I NOT loved up??

*Massive confusion alert*

‘Wunna! Obviously. People read your blog. Google search you. Come up with a version of you, a WRONG VERSION, that they think you are… and mess it all up…’

‘Yeah, and this whole confident, independant thing that you are… is off putting..It scares them…It means that they could lose you….hence why they put a ring on it a lot…’

‘And when they actually meet you, they are so in shock at how you actually are, that they create their own swirl, and they don’t actually know what to do & start acting like an unusual version of themselves.’

Lovely!

Where’s just all the normal humans? My Knight in shining armour? No more Twats in Tin foil please! Where are all the authentic ‘make my eyes smile’ men? This game of ‘hidey go seek’ is totally one sided?? I’ve counted to 10 and coming to find you and you’re no where.

My LA guy friends are like..

‘Just come back here, where we all love you…’

My British chick friends…’find it funny.’

Then one girl messaged me, who I went to school with..she reads my blog daily…

She said,

‘I think you’re going to find that love is about to creep up to you, find you and sweep you off your feet really, really soon…’

Hmm? Really?

How can my love life be so shite. Yet my work life be so wonderful? I have brands and collabo’s filling up my inbox like wild fire. I mean, GOSH, I’ve always wanted to work alongside ‘Onch Movement’ (who appeared in Forbes and designed for Sanrio…Hello Kitty,) casually Tweeted him this evening…and within a minute, he tweeted back, and within five minutes, we sorted out a collabo. He’s in LA and I’m in the UK.

I guess, the ace thing about growing up in West Hollywood, is that everyone I know growing up… as a young one, is now super successful in the career that they chose to dabble in. Makes it all a little easier. I mean Little Raffi, who used to wish to be some giant producer…whilst dreaming about success, with Red Bulls, outside my condo, after reversing into my wheelybin every night…before he went to go hang out with ‘Neo’ for kicks. He ended up producing for R Kelly, working with Britney and even Michael Jackson. All of them, ended up doing so well and because they were all so driven.

YET, they’ve all managed to sustain loving long term relationships…AND IN FRICKING LA, where FOREVER means TEMPORARY.

I’m weeing myself laughing, but I have no clue why?? Lol

Cupid and I will be mates one day. But just not today.

(Now, I want you to all go back and read this through with an Irish accent. My chick friend, ‘Double B’…will always force these ‘accents’ that she does, upon us without fear and no matter where you’re from…be you black, white, Japanese, cockney, Jamaican or American…She will do your accent and it will be IRISH. Lol. She can’t even help it. It will sound nothing like you…but she’ll go for it… 🙂 )

‘You still sound Irish???’

‘Oh? That was my granny voice??’

OOh, Two Whatsapp…

Firmonnell: ‘I’ve started drinking through the week now.’ (HAHAHA! Yes! I hope she’s on the rum!)

London Business Man: ‘I know you’re busy and doing all this cool stuff, like going out and getting papped, having fun etc…I get it. You’re busy. But don’t you want to just get real for a minute and come see me? We’ll go out and about…and…’

I guess, the fact that I haven’t managed to find the time to go see him yet, means that my heart isn’t so bothered. Work comes before him…and when I fall in love….I want to feel as though i’m in a magical uncontrollable ‘happy swirl,’ where all is dandy and I’ll never have to compromise my journey…my ambitious, yet loving quench for success..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Changes, Heels & Life Paths

‘I need to thank someone. Can I send them nudes of you?’ Said Double B to the freshly ‘one layer’ of Skinny Tanned Burmese Glamour puss.

‘Yeah sure. 🙂 ‘

Then we started talking about Chinese Burns and how it was the answer to all our playground troubles back in the day.

‘I’ll give you a Chinese Burn…’

Double B’s ‘beau’ still gives her Chinese Burns when she buys Rapunzel hair for £300. 🙂

‘I should get shoes next time. 🙂

‘Have you made that phone call?’

‘I can’t be arsed with Monday.’

‘Where’s the diary?’

Monday was hard for me today. I don’t even know why? I just had to write it off with a *wink* because I spent the day on an ‘off’ beat, and in the words of Cher, the beat always goes on…so if you’re knocking about on the ‘off’ beat, you’re fumbling. 🙂

Monday and I were not even nearly friends. I’m more friends with my waist trainer than I was with this Monday. …and I hate ‘Veronica’ my waist trainer. I keep trying to lose her. But like a shitty relationship, she keeps tottering back. (The bitch. 🙂 ) SEND NUDES.

I found it really hard to get my freshly pampered ‘weekend’ self up and rocket dash into today and I think it’s because I’m focused, but my mind is all over the place. I’m trying to concentrate, as I have a massive week, I have a lot going on…and I have a lot of things in the ‘pending’ part of my brain box, which is always awful because you don’t have control of them. Yet part of my ‘this year’ is to let go of the things you can’t control and simply leave them to good old destiny….and evening wine pours.

We all tottered in from different directions…Double B drove in, in her gangsta green Mercedes. ‘Fairytale Blond’ rocked up, with her posh Tweed over coat, after stepping out of her fairytale Mini. Firmonnell had just done the mad dash over, after doing the child minder drop offs, in her reliable, she ‘loves it’ Ford Focus. Mel sauntered through the door, wrapped in her stylish red coat…and I strutted in with my Little Mistress faux fur, after a casual drive, a quick trip for a latte and a saunter up, from the posh part of Ponte. 🙂

The ‘King of the North’ even dashed by me, blue suited and booted with a hundred red files in his arms…and as he passed, with his positively perfectly groomed hair, (his wife does it for him every morning) he looked to his side and gave me a cheeky, ‘welcome to the dark side’ morning smile.

I had Skinny Tanned, so even though I was on my ‘off’ beat, I was still feeling fabulous because my legs were now a it more glowy. It quenched my ‘why am I not sat with a cocktail in my hand, in a sunny, sunny land, on a inflatable flamingo, bobbing around a glamourous pool side’ thirst?

Firmonnell: ‘Oh your legs look Asian today, cos usually your face is Asian, but your legs are white…’ 🙂

Monday’s are rubbish for everyone, but we did it, we got on with it…and well everything seems to be evolving…or should I say changing..?

I went through a ‘last year’ of massive changes and even though they terrified me because they took me away from that comfy soft pillowness, that made me feel safe and not necessarily UTTERLY happy…I knew that life was about change, developing and doing what your heart is loyal to. You have one life to live…embrace it. But i’m not someone who will make the best out of bad bargain. I’m someone who will FEEL, decide… and after a little thought… react. I don’t over think things, I just casually weigh up the ‘doo daahs’ and quickly make a decision.

We’re all going through changes right now, be it in love, work, home life…location…all sorts.

New chapters are everything because when you choose an alternate side road, you MAY find, that it was a road that you were MEANT to take. In the long run, you’ll see why…

I had the BEST old chapter…and I LOVE MY NEW CHAPTER…but my world…my life…well it’s still developing. However, for each and every one of my chick friends (and we all rode in from different parts of town, we’re different parts of ladies, but it’s that bundle of  difference parts that makes us so close..) Well we’re all going through really big life changes…without us actually realizing…and we’re doing it together…

Some are falling in love, some are in a swirl over new commitments, some have brand new fairytale homes to look forward to, some have bright futures, safe present times, or really big decisions to make. Some of us have new career paths, new opportunities laid out in front of us…some of us are heartbroken & snogging strangers, whilst some of us are stable…Some of us prefer the old ways, some of us embrace the new…

Yet, what i know about life, is that it’s all about chapters and GOD you’re a long time dead. I always say that, you have 100 years to do whatever you want in life, so go for it, fall in love, have your heart broken, live, laugh, dance in the rain…You’re exactly where you’re meant to be. and a decade from now, you will look back on this exact moment and either giggle at how funny you were, shake your head with regret, or be glad that you took that side road.

Where you LAND is what matters and even though you may leave a lot of happy memories behind you….It’s those happy memories that you’ll always HAVE to treasure. So when you GET to the age, where in which you’re on that shitty rocking chair with your knitting needles in tow and you tell your doughy eyed grand kids the story of your life….You glow because it STILL IS and ALWAYS WAS so wonderful…

Don’t be afraid to take new steps…even if they’re baby ones. Be loyal to what you believe is right for you, embrace changes and just fucking go for it…

I have never once in my life got ANYWHERE, without taking that side road….

If you’re scared of love, be brave enough to trust yourself and your choices and FALL IN LOVE without fear. If a new opportunity has sprung out of nowhere and it makes you eternally smile…move with it, enjoy it, it doesn’t come around often. If you’ve always been on the move and you finally have something stable…LOVE BEING STILL.

No matter what you do…It’s your story…and no one on this Earth CAN DO IT better than you. Button up, zip up, hold your head high and strut.

We all left each other today, in our Tweed jacket, Faux fur, Rapunzel hair, Red coat… heels and handbags…to ‘tango’ our usual paths home….

However, I looked down at my phone to read a message…and with a Wunna *smirk* I knew at that point…that everything was about to change…

 

 

 

Cos you totally can…..

I got a message from my first ever hubby this afternoon, who was congratulating me on ‘my time’ as he put it. When we were tiny and in LA TRYING to be successful in our fields, he sort of excelled and before you know it, within six months he was on every tv show going, a couple movies and a then chilling on screens with Tom Cruise and Justin Timberlake. During that time, I chilled, I was a wife and a modelled. When we split up…I blogged..:)

We’re not very close by any means, yet we have this respect for one another for finally almost getting there…as his career sprouted early…(we moi as the love of his life) and then sort of *paused* and is maybe still *on a casual steady steady* right now, after a blast. My career, was always ‘steady steady’…potentially there…but just not quite…I’ve had *blips* where in which they could’ve *blasted* yet babies and life, just wasn’t quite ready for my party yet. (And if you’re a mum, I do not want you to think that you can’t do it all, you can’t. During that time, I THOUGHT I couldn’t do it all…but if i tried I could. You don’t HAVE to make sacrifices…if you are willing to so the blood, sweat and tears. And IT DOES pay off in the end.)

Anyway, long story short, we’re both *blue ticked* and doing well..both whole, kind humans…and both really ambitious people. Yet, he wanted to remind me of the time that I did a massive poo in our appartment in LA. So massive that it blocked up the loo and we had to call the Mexican maintenance guy ‘Jose’ to come and unplug it.

Obviously being the glamour puss that I am, I was devastated by this…Especially because we knew Jose and I didn’t want him to go through so much torture….and so I therefore turned to my husband, at the time…and said,

‘If you loved me, you would totally pretend you did that poo and take the entire blame for it. LOL.’

He wee’d himself laughing and let me tell you, Mikey was the kinda guy who loved like his girl, like she was his world, he’d die for me, cry for me and LIVE for me…BUT WOULD HE PRETEND THAT HE DID THAT FUCKING POO…nope! Lol.

So, I made him make the call to Jose, to state that our toilet was blocked and that HE had done the poo..HAHAHAH! (Sorry, I just find stuff like this hilarious. Mike was on a really big TV show at the time and I was a Playboy bunny. DYING.) And he went with it, out of love, but got narked off later, yet didn’t have time to get properly annoyed, because he then dashed out to go audition for a show that was about to hit our screen shortly…and that was ‘Entourage.’ Lol. That’s why you should be busy and date busy guys. They don’t have time to get narked off.

I’ve had an awesome day today and It’s been great because i’ve spent it with my family, i’ve managed to get through a lot of work…and it’s been balanced. If you’re a blogger or a vlogger and constantly in tune with ‘an audience’ you need these moments or real friends, to keep you in check. To make sure you’re authentic and not playing a version of yourself. (Saying that, people still don’t dare speak to me when they see me and message me afterward stating that they crossed paths with me? Just say ‘Hi’ I don’t bite. It’s so weird to me, because the chicks of Wunna land say it to me always and I never get it, as they ill freely speak to me…constantly…and know me. I am probably THE MOST easy going human you will ever meet. Just glammy with it. 🙂 )

Work starts tomorrow, everything keeps going…I’m looking forward to getting through this week, as I celebrate my daughter’s birthday and then head to Manchester to go shimmie down at Social Chain. (If you know me, you know i’m excited about that.) I’ve gone through literally fifty nine thousand emails today…well half of them…and managed to *tick box* the people, events and brands that I fancy teaming up with…and rethink the ones that aren’t maybe very Me. It’s not about doing everything, it’s about doing all the right things. I’ve learnt that lesson the hard way.

I went through them with a friend, yet my friend is very ‘yes, yes, to everything…’ so by the time she had got through 22 emails, she had already made a pile of ‘think you should do’s deffo’ to 19 of them. Lol. And I WANT TO DO THEM ALL, but whilst there’s just sort of me, and no team, I can’t get my head or TIME around it all. I told you, I need help.

I have a busy week ahead, but i’m going to chill through it and smell the roses. I’m not someone to get stressed over nada. I’m positive. I beam and right now, i’m very Girl Power.

Oh! And I had Mel ask me the other day if my actual real name was ‘Chrissie Wunna.’

She was immediately shot down by ‘Double B’ with a…

‘As if you actually know her and you’re asking if that’s her REAL NAME???’

But it’s actually a really common question. People ask me it all the time. I guess it must sound more ‘showbizzy’ than it is?

‘What? Well you never know, as loads of people have stage names?’

However, rest assured, Christina Wunna is my actual REAL LIFE birth name. And this is what I adore about my chick friends…they didn’t just *shrug* it off with a ‘okay cool…‘ they decided to come up with a MORE ORIENTAL NAME FOR ME…LMFAO.

Me: ‘What? Like Yu Ting Ho?’

Mel: ‘Hoe? HAHAHAHA!’

Like I said, life is great and even though it’s though, I’m on my way to new beginnings, good times and dreams come true, I guess..Fingers crossed.

Don’t forget that i’m in the Spring Edition of Abeiku Arthur’s High Fashion Magazine ‘House of Solo…’ I couldn’t be more honoured and well we do actually know each other well…yet still…being a part of his dream makes me smile. Plus, I’m totally being hailed as Social Media’s Newest It Girl and you know…after 10 years of writing this blog…that’s my FIRST BIG BREATHER OF ‘I’m doing it..I’m actually doing it…’ (And I think of that moment when I woke up at five in the morning, to get to that shoot, after working the longest week, with almost 11 more full works days to go after it…and I was shattered…But i did it….and because I did…I got a result.)

Please do support him and me…as he’s the loveliest, most hard working human ever…with a dream…and he’s actually doing everything he can to make it come true, as things don’t seem to be fall upon his lap as easily as they do on mine at times.

Image may contain: 1 person, text Image may contain: one or more people and text

Image may contain: one or more people and text

‘The world is her runway…/it’s all about where she goes, what she wears and who she’s seen with../She’s under constant scrutiny but takes it all in her stride, exuding confidence and perfect comfort in her own skin. She has an impossible to name cool factor..and exploits it in order to build a career in what’s becoming a legitimate and lucrative industry born from ‘it ‘ mania. It’s these qualities that make her such a coveted marketing tool for the world biggest brands..’

Loves it!

Before I go, I want to make sure you know that you can make ANYTHING HAPPEN in life. You YOUR LIFE and YOUR LIFE is SO PRECIOUS. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something and don’t make up a million excuses as to WHY YOU CAN’T DO SOMETHING. Don’t waste your time, or energy and don’t listen to the people who ‘hate’ on you for trying. Just because they couldn’t do it..doesn’t mean you can’t. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN. If you don’t like something, change it…Don’t be scared to change it. Life will always pull the rug from under you. Be that in business, in love, in general…But as long as you can pick yourself UP, every single time, without bruises and with a warm heart, a smile and an even deeper desire to succeed….YOU WILL FUCKING GET THERE. You’ll get there, if you put in the work. People succeed on purpose…they’re not lucky. I always say I’m lucky, but the truth is, I’VE WORKED MY FUCKING ARSE OFF. To be honest…I don’t know what’s going to happen to me…I just know that it’s going to be something wonderful.

And for the first time in my entire life….without me ‘just saying it,’ You could look into my entire kitty soul and know that this time..I really believe it. 🙂