Friendship, Fights & The Backroom Leeds

Just the most amazing time in the city last night. I cherished, good times. No! Great times…with the people who I will always regard as my absolute closest . (Until I’m a superstar and never speak to them again. 😉 We’re like family and I’ve honestly had a great 2017 because of them.

I love the little swines and i’m really really lucky. I mean, not many people, in my position or way of life have a close bundle of friends, that the can trust and rely on. I do! We’re all really different from one another, yet each add a certain spice to the pot. If you have a problemo, a secret, a love….you’ll know which friend in the group to turn to…and in their own magical way, over cocktails, a cuddle, a whatsapp message, a warm dinner, a new set of heels, or a tissue….they’ll be right by your side, picking up the pieces.

I’m currently in Ego, Ackworth, sat infront of a huge mirror, with a half of Fosters, writing this blog….

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I adore a good mirror seat. One where it looks like I have my back to you, but I can see EVERYTHING.  My vanity gets the better of me. Yes. I’ll admit that. However, I also love the stories that mirrors tell. I’ve watched women with party hats and light up Christmas jumpers wander behind me. Business men. Families. Lone Rangers with quiet pints. Grown adults in weird Elf hats. Girls all a gossiping. And awkward humans on first dates. I love a mirror in the midst of a ‘busy bustle.’ It’s always so magical. Always so glamourous.

But anyway, last night I was out in the city…

As the story goes, the day turned to night. I had had a somewhat stressful day of ‘rushy.’ I HATE RUSHING. I’m a glamour puss. I do things in my own manner, with my own panache and at my own pacing. Not yesterday though. Fuck. I dashed to three cities, running errands, doing meetings, making sure Ruby & Junior were enjoying every inch of their Christmas holidays. I had a deadline. I needed to be ready. Then after the fastest totter, a warm bath, placing my phone on charge and a slip into my silver sequinned dress from the Kourtney Kardashian line for Pretty Little Thing….I dashed out the door, twinkled through the night sky, jumped in a taxi..

Driver: ‘I’m sure I’ve driven you around before. I remember your voice.’

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And Whatsapped ‘Double B’ with a…

‘I’m 3 mins away from yours…’

We drank wine out the bottle, all the way to ‘Firmonnells,’

Double B: ‘How many people do you reckon you’ve slept with?’

Me: ‘Why are they like cardboard cut outs?’

Double B: ‘They’re just Vanilla..’

(I once referred to one of my exes as ‘vanilla.’ He was in a boyband and I’d just come off a tv show for ITV2.  To this day he says I apparently broke his heart? However, surely if you say ‘I don’t want us to be together anymore Chrissie because I’m gay’ that would mean that no hearts were broken in the process. Well, maybe my heart? 😉

He said he loved me madly, yet never messaged me when we broke up because he didn’t know what to say. I just took that as ‘oh he doesn’t care’ and I was fine with that. You can’t MAKE someone love you. You can MAKE someone care about you. Yet ‘true love’ is a whole different potion. If they feel you in their spirit….they will always find their way back to you.

Yiddley Doooooooo!

Anyway, Double B and I apologized to the driver for making him listen to our sexy girl banter AAALLLLLL the way to ‘Firmonnells.’ Yet he assured us he LOVED IT.

Driver: ‘It’s made my night girls.’

We were joined by ‘Fairytale Blond’ and a bit of ‘Mama Sally.’ We did wee’s, drank prosecco, borrowed jackets, exchanged gold clutches and found ourselves on our way to Leeds city centre…our city….yet via THE SINGLE MOST AMAZING train station ever. I’ve never travelled from Garforth before. THEY SERVED BOTTLE PROSECCO, IN BOUJI PLASTIC CHAMPAGNE FLUTES, THROUGH A WINDOW ON THE ACTUAL PLATFORM!!! I know!!! It’s absolute BLISS! All you have to do is buy a bag of crisps with it (because you are only allowed booze with food) and you’re plain sailing and en route to Leeds, with a happy prosecco jiggle.

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With our drinks, in our dresses, with our heels in place and whilst the girls decided to MAKE FUN of my WONDERFUL peacock phone cover.

Double B: ‘What the fuck is that!!’

Firmonnell: ‘It’s fucking horrible.’

Me: ‘SHUT UP! The loveliest phone man gave it to me FOR FREE today, for a selfie, you dicks! I love it!!’

(It’s a golden peacock with diamante studs and multi coloured gems scattered throughout its tail. Lol I actually really do LOVE IT. They despise it and think it looks tacky, because they’re ‘haters’ and can’t handle my glamourisms. They even made a guy on the train tell me that he hated it too! Haha! What dicks)

Anyway within a second we pulled into Leeds, they’re all running like wild women to meet the rest of the group, and i’m trying to catch up, as i’m spilling my prosecco all over me and some guy in a hat with chatting to me about…can’t even remember really? If Santa was a chimney sweeper, it would be him. He was lovely!

Long story short. All met up at a train station bar…who wouldn’t let everyone in because they had reached capacity. It was THAT BUSY. The rest of the girls joined the group and the boys joined us also. Then through the busy city streets, we all walked up ‘hand in hand’ to Backroom Leeds, as ‘Firmonnell’ and I tried to decide if we were actually lesbians?

Me: ‘But I really DO fancy Ellen Degeneres.’

Firmonnell: ‘But what about when you need a penis in you after they’ve…’

The Backroom was great! It’s a small decadent, ‘speakeasy’ bar on Call Lane. Plays the best music. Has a private outdoor terrace. And we had the whole downstairs floor/bar, to ourselves, as our own. It was just for us, our whole group and that was that.

The night was AMAZING.

Slowly but surely, everyone we knew trickled in, piece by piece, a wink at time, the boys in shirts, the girls in short dresses and heels. We love to glam it up…so each ‘trickle’ was dressed to the nines, straight to the bar and with ‘good time’ glint in their eyes. It’s always great when it’s just us, because anything goes, no one will judge and we can all pretty much surrender to the art of celebrating life, the year and friendship….. in the most pissed fashion, forget to eat the yummiest finger food and with all the free drinks that our tokens will allow us.

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We danced, we flirted, we booty popped, we ‘dutty wined,’ we let loose, we turned wild, we snapchatted, we kissy cheeked, we all thought we were sexier than we probably were and we DRANK….we fucking DRANK! Hustle Barbie fell on the floor AGAIN…took ‘Fairytale’ and ‘Double B’ with her. Lol

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Hustle Barbie: ‘It’s my new thing.’

Cuddles and kisses and sequins and hip hop tracks.

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Mood lighting, shots, hair tosses and fresh air terraces.

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Gossips, lies, drama and whispers….

At one point i think my whole entire top fell down for a second, due my excessive booty dance routine. I have no booty, so I have to really work at the back shimmie. Caused boobies to fall out because my dress was too big…Nobody cared. They loved it.

Me: ‘What! It’s because i’m a VEGGIE NOW. I’ve lost weight, but it’s come off my FLIPPING BOOBS!’

Webbo & Jonsez & Dipper & New Boys! They were all really lucky, because we chicas has already hit ‘good time’ and wine bottles, so like props we used the boys for flirts and dance floor swizzles. Hot new faces kept appearing out of nowhere. I backed up and a hot face was behind me. I walked forward and another new hot face greeted me. I even got a cheeky bum grab. (I love a bum grab at 30 something. It’s naughty. It’s fun. It’s a good way to get me to notice you….and he was REALLY HOT. Super handsome.)

Lots of ‘Hollyoaks’ style drama occurred last night. It went from whisper to whisper, to confrontations, to verbal fights. It went from learnt lessons, to hearts breaking, to no judgements and personality clashes. It went from stories told, to secrets revealed and tests of friendships and truth telling.

‘You can sleep with who you want to sleep with. I don’t give a shit! Own it.’

‘Why is she blanking me. I haven’t done anything wrong.’

‘This is ridiculous!’

‘Yeah…I already knew that. We all did!’

‘I just love her and I don’t stand a fucking chance.’

‘Just stay away from me. Don’t come near me. What do you think you’re…’

‘Who told you that??’

‘You need to man up…’

‘You else do you fancy?’

‘He’s done now…’

‘I’m leaving. This is fucked up.’

‘If she comes up to me again, whilst i’m trying to talk to you…I’m gonna..’

‘Don’t judge people on shit…Whocares..’

‘I can’t deal with this. Do you want a shot?’

‘She won’t even speak to me now.’

‘I don’t care what you’ve done…’

‘You’re beautiful. Am I stalking you?’

‘This is the last time i’ve ever going to get to dance with you…’

‘You’re new. You’re hot. Are you on Insta?’

‘Who does she think she is!!!’

‘How is this ALL MY FUCKING FAULT.’

[Echo….Echo…Echo….Echo….]

*STOP*

And even though all of the snippets above occurred, this is what I noticed…I noticed that  every single one of us were close. That every single one of us chose to prioritise ‘good times’ over drama. We danced, we laughed, we gave zero fucks. I noticed that in the end, enjoying our friendships with each other, is what we chose to make matter…and THAT is what makes us a family. (Moderately dysfunctional…but s….we’re fly. 😉 )

The clock struck 3am. Time flew by us. We didn’t even realise how fast it has flown!

‘AS IF IT’S 3AM!!! WTF!’

‘Don’t leave…come back..’

‘Come to Fibre with me…’

‘Get in my Uber.’

‘Don’t leave me..’

I had stayed in the private section at Backroom ALL NIGHT, so I didn’t actually realise how busy the place has got upstairs. I walked up to the open air terrace holding Double B’s hand…and it was RAMMED. It was MENTAL.

A guy stopped me with a,

‘Are you Chrissie Wooonaaa?’

‘Yeah…yeah…why?’

‘Do you remember me…?’

‘Jake?’

(I didn’t know if it was Jake… 🙂 )

Yet the crowd took us into different directions and as I sat on the terrace, chatting to ‘Double B,’ under the night stars…(I’m doing a lot of the night stars of recent, aren’t I..)

I watched Jonesez look at me, with all the heartbreak of the world in his eyes…as he stood up off, from the side of the terrace and walked away slowly, with his head all a muddle….

It snowed today…which means there’s magic in the air….

All I know about life is that there are MORE UPS, than there are downs. More GOOD TIMES, than there are bad. And that ANYTHING can happen in a moments wink of an eye….Dreams come true. Life is only has hard as you make it.

It’s the ones of us who can ‘surf that crest.’ The ones of us who stand by what we love and believe is right, for OUR OWN VERSION of existence that get the most out of the world and what’s on offer.

I’ll remember these people for the rest of my life….

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In FIVE DAYS….FOR ME…..

EVERYTHING CHANGES…..

Chrissie x

 

When Hustle Had A Birthday…..

So, I’ve been doing a lot of ‘living’ over the past few days and I guess when you’re a blogger, with a niche that celebrates life, love, glamour pussing and good times…you  kinda find yourself naturally, well…. celebrating life, love, glamour pussing and good times and as your schedule ‘jazzes’ up…your friends, family, agents and brand collabos, rev into ‘first gear’ and you only have tiny bits of ‘free time,’ where you can actually hit*pause,* pour a merlot and write it all out, for the masses to enjoy!

It’s a shimmie that I need to conquer. But in exactly EIGHT DAYS, I’ll finally have that balance right!

*Swag Snaps Here*

I’m really happy, everything’s great. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I guess, I never realised how opportunity could *knock* at the sassy little age of thirty six. But it did, and I opened the door, with my heart and my fingers crossed….and well now…. I couldn’t be more excited for the future. Yet, the future is the future…what happens NOW, it what makes the magic.

Saturday began peacefully. I indulged and enjoyed Mama time with Ruby & Junior, where we wrote Santa Lists, during early Breakfasts, shopped around Christmas Markets, lunched, whilst we laughed at old memories, made new memories and wished upon stars… (I had Pina Coladas.)

Then all of a sudden day turned to night and just like magic I almost *blinked* and found myself in my grey Pretty Little Thing number, with huge diamante earrings dangling with excitement, my ‘big hair don’t care’ wink, hot bow toed heels and a faux fur clutch, as I sat at the bar at Ego, with a wine with a…

Bartender Josh: ‘Where’ve you been?? It’s my last shift tonight. You’ve missed all the drama…’

…as I waited for ‘Double B’ to meet me….so we could venture into Leeds City Centre to the most deliciously glamourous night of ‘girl fun,’ to celebrate ‘Hustle Barbie’s  ‘I’m turning 28’ Birthday.

Gangsta J (Double B’s Boyfriend) rolled up in their mean green diamante green Mercedes and as we drank wine from the bottle, picked ‘Fairytale Blond’ up on the way, we sizzled into Bar Soba on Merrion Street, Leeds… for bottomless supper….and absolute girl merriment.

We were there first, we sat down, got situated, ordered drinks…and then before you know it the rest of the girls filtered in, all dresses, all pouty lipped, all ready for a ‘good time’….and at this point sophistication glistening from our souls.

Now, we’re all glamourous, we’re all social, we all know how to have a good time and we were ALL ready for an evening naughtiness. I met new girls, who have shimmied on the birthday girls ‘best friend list’ for a jolly long time.

Then  ‘Hustle Barbie’ struts in, in her fitted black dress, already drunk. J (I love it when she’s pissed, because you can see it in her eyes…She does a glammy ‘rag doll’ strut and gives  over friendly hugs, like she’s loved you forever.) And from that point, life, love, glamour pussing and celebrations stole our memories. Bottomless prosecco and apple& ginger mojitos stole our grace….Lord knows what we even ordered for dinner? It was served to us beautifully, like a platter of warm delights, during topics on work, boob jobs and  boys….

Double B and Sassy A tried to order ‘Hustle’ some kind of sparkly dessert.

Waiter: ‘We only have ice cream..and she’s vegan, so darling, she can’t have MILK.’

Double B: ‘Well what else do you have??’

Waiter: A £40 cocktail that we can out a sparkler in?’

Double B & Fairytale: ‘We’re not fucking spending that on her…We’ll just *high five* her instead. Lol’

I missed that moment. I didn’t even know it had happened until the day after, as ‘Hustle Barbie’ and I had already found ourselves at the bar, ordering shots for the world…

Bartender: ‘Well you can have those two for free…’

Me: But we need TWENTY!!’

Then with a…

‘Is that contactless’

..later….

Selfies were taken, shots were swizzled,  hand bags were grabbed and we all tottered down dark lit stairs to dance, drink and be merry.

(All I remember is ‘Fairytale’ constantly asking for chewing gum, some random guy buying me a cheap bottle of prosecco, Double B making me ‘almost cry’ and then us all venturing outside, to sit at the bar tables, under the night stars, as the city cobbles filled with other ‘merrimenters’ on a busy Saturday, Leeds night. It was DIVINE. Yet we were all a little ‘shimmied’ that fun turned into MADNESS.)

Hustle Barbie found a random bike on the pavement….and in her glamour pussy, tight black dress glory (she accidentally had part of her nipple out) decided that she needed to sit on it…

OFCOURSE!

So she stepped forward, COMPLETELY MISSED THE BIKE and FELL ON HER ARSE, ON THE MERRION STREET OUTSIDE BAR SOBA.  🙂

I just remember looking to my left, (I was sat with Fairytale, Double B & Chanel Bag Becki and seeing a huddle of glamourous chicks attempting to pick her up.

[The next morning…

Hustle Barbie: ‘Did I fall over, cos I have a burn mark down my leg? It looks like leopard print.’

You know you’re glamour puss, when your bruises are leopard print.

Then that was it…

Becki Green: ‘We need to take her to hospital…’

Chanel B: ‘I’ve whipped it back and forth now. I NEED to make sure EVERYONE has a GOOD TIME!’

Georgie G: ‘Ewww! Who’s put that shot infront of me????’

Double B: ‘Tuck your nipple back in…’

Hustle: ‘ I have tit tape on…’

Double B: ‘It’s making them look stain glassed. You have a stained glassed nipple.’

Georgie G: ‘We need to get her home!’

Fairytale: ‘I need to fix my face. NOW!! I need to go to Manahatta?’

Becki Green: ‘No, I’m taking her to hospital.’

Me: ‘Shall we just go get a drink in Manahatta first? We can do hospital afterward.’

Green Dress B: ‘Yeah, lets go…’

Sassy A: Who’s bag is this?’

Chanel B: ‘That’s MY CHANEL! I’ll have that BACK, thank you very much.’

Me: ‘I’m Snapchatting…’

Then with a *blink,*  we were ALL in Manahatta, which seemed like the BUSIEST PLACE… IN ALL OF THE GLAMOUROUS LAND. The bar was filled with stylish handsomes, great music, sassy girls and saxophone players stood on bar tops, as an energy of lively spirit buzzed through the crowds. People wiggled and winked their way through the masses, as the trendy Leeds boys checked out the talent and the girls pouted their struts with ‘serilla.’

A magical swirl of ‘glitter filled’ mood lighting, swoosh around us, as sexiness and laughter dashed by us and cocktail glasses *clinked* madly. Hustle was falling around at the bar. (Some Lady called us ‘Slappers’ simply because Hustle got served before her.)

Chanel B: ‘It’s not HER FAULT, if the bartender served her first. It’s her birthday!’

Evil Lady: ‘It’s my friends birthday too!! I’ve been waiting…’

Me: ‘It’s JUST REALLY BUSY, calm down…’

Evil Lady: ‘You’re just slappers…’

Me: ‘You’re the rudest person, I’ve…’

Chanel B: ‘Let’s move over there….’

Then the Evil Lady grabs Chanel B’s handbag chain…

Me: ‘DON’T GRAB HER CHANEL!!!!’

Then we moved to a better part of the venue, with ‘served first’ drinks, that  plonked us higher up and looked over the masses. This was after I found Hustle sat on the floor, looking for her bank card, after she forgot where she put her drink, so picked up a candle THINKING THAT IT WAS HER COCKTAIL. Yes…She tried to drink out of the candle. 🙂

The music got louder, Green Dress Becki, started sitting on anything that would allow her to perch, whilst performing ‘can can’ kicks to Kylie songs. She performed her kicks so well, that she didn’t realise that her perch of choice was the side of a booth, occupied by somewhat stylish guys, on ‘boys night.’ Mid ‘can can’…and conversation, I looked back and had disappeared backwards. Lol. I looked again, with my gin and tonic…and she had landed head first into the boys booth…this was after she had tinkered to some other booth, that housed Double B’s old PE teacher, drank his entire pint and left. 🙂

There was girl time, dancing, Fairytale was pulling up her tights, Georgie G was civilized and making sure Hustle wasn’t on the floor, Double B had committed to being ‘gangsta’ and after standing on the booth shouting lyrics that would suggest she was a ‘Girl Boss,’ a booty dance was performed in the name of life!

Hustle must’ve loved her ‘Booty Dance’ as she dropped herself from my neck…

Hustle: ‘Tell me that you love me Chrissie…’

And decided to ‘Twerk it’ with her. There was a Twerk Line. I saw a Twerk line. It was impressive. (As if I got ditched for a Twerk Line.)

Chanel B: ‘ SAVE YOURSELVES… Ooh wait. I love this song..’

Georgie G: ‘I need to get her in a taxi.’

Me: Are we stood in a really shit place, because everyone keeps shoving into us..??’

MADNESS HAD OCCURRED AND THE PLACE JUST GOT BUSIER AND BUSIER.

Hustle ended up on the floor again…but happily, like she loved it. Then Green Dress Becki, started licking everything…grabbed my faux fur clutch, emptied it’s contents onto our booth table and wore it on her head??? Lol.

THEN, she found a Pepper grinder. Who knows where from? GRINDED IT, INTO HER OPEN MOUTH and GROWLED.

Dancing, Dancing, Dancing.

Boys…Girls…Madness…

And even though it all sounds ‘off the rails,’ it was weirdly more glamourous than you would ever imagine….

Georgie G: ‘Honestly…I should get her home.’

Then like ‘Can Can’ kicks, falling into booths, licking things, wearing my  faux fur clutch and Pepper Shots, wasn’t enough of a show, Green Dress Becki decides she going to grab someone else’s hand bag….One of ours…I don’t know whose? Regardless, we were all SO in awe of ‘what would happen next’ that we sat in the booth, gleefully, with excited dolly eyes and anticipation…

I literally watched her in SLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOW MOTION, pick up some zebra stripped hand bag seductively… open it up, like she was a magician…or like there were diamonds hidden under that  zipper…and as she raaaaaised the bag toooowaaaards her face….(I just thought she was going to lick it…Lol) she flipping…

SNEEZED..

She sneezed into the fucking bag because the Pepper Grinder shot had got to her.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

We literally sat there and threw our head back with laughter It was the most hilarious moment of all time.

Then I don’t know what happened…But I’d *blinked* again and Fairytale, Double B and I were upstairs with gin and tonics, sitting in some VIP booth, talking to some guy, who owned some company, who wondered why we had decided to sit in his booth….but let us anyway…

Double B: ‘She’s a blogger…A big one…’

Long story short…we never saw the rest of the girls that night. They danced their way to a taxi….with Chanel bags, sneezes and stained glassed nipples galore.

Double B, Fairytale and I, ended up in some other bar, some other bar, and then on the LONGEST WALK IN HISTORY.

Fairytale: ‘Were getting picked up outside Bibis’

So we walked ALL THE WAY ACROSS TOWN. Right to the otherside, stopping in bars for toilet breaks, stopping for ‘hi’s’ with stranger…We passed Mission, that housed Zanetti that night….until we found our way to Bibis, via a tunnel….and a very strange man.

I’d sobered up by this point. Walks do that, don’t they? Lol And someone kept shouting things at me….I just can’t remember who or what?

Our legs must have killed,  because we made the executively glamourous decision to sit on the pavement outside Bibis waiting for our lift home….and as we talked life, love and real stories about our existence, a drunk ginger guy walked by us and tried to throw us some change because he thought we were homeless. 🙂

He couldn’t decide?

Our lift came…via Prince Jonny…and Double B TAAAAALLLLLLLLKED, ALL THE WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY HOME.

Got home, got to bed, woke up at 7am the next morning, fresh as a daisy and did *breaky breaky* breakfast with Baby Ruby & Junior.

Hustle almost burnt her house down.

And that my Dolls…is what life is about!

*Wiggle…Wink*

 

But Baby it’s Cold Outside…

;

It’s cold kittens, isn’t it? It’s ‘nippy…nippy…dooo…daaa’ and I am FREEZING. If I hate anything, I hate being cold. I’m all about the heaters being blasted on ‘FULL’ and a warm bowl of comfort food.  I can’t even DEAL with the chills of jiggery pokery, tinkering up my kitty spine. I’m far too EXOTIC to function under such circumstances.

Rubbish Friend: ‘You were born in DONCASTER, Wunna!!’

But whatever, that’s beside the point :)…. like anything ‘Ninja,’ I’m sure  IT’S IN MY BLOOD. I’m 100 percent Burmese. I spent 10 years growing up in LA! It’s all ‘warm, warm, give me some.’ It was the coldest day in all of the land, in Yorkshire today and I braced it in a Little Mistress faux fur. (I’ve over worn that Faux Fur, but it’s such a goody, that I just have to keep the roll going.)

I can’t even MOVE, when i’m cold, let alone BE USEFUL. A number of people attempted to force me useful today.  If you want me to be useful…don’t make me cold. Simples! (Radiators R’US. Live for HEAT. Let’s hang with the Fire Brigade, to make us feel warm. 😉 )

As you can imagine, I froze and pulled faces all day and….it rocked. I didn’t even do it for attention. Lol. I might have completed the COLDEST WALK IN ALL THE WORLD, with a chick named Beth.

‘Why is it so ******* COLD! I might die!!’

YET, f i’m being honest, even though the temperatures are dodgy, I kinda LOVE WINTER.

It’s more magical than Summer, isn’t it? Summer’s a fun season, but it’s a SELFISH season. In Summer, we’re all about ourselves. It’s flings and flamingos.

Winter is my favourite because, we commit to knitted jumpers, crackling fires, Gucci scarves, one more mulled wine, * pom pommed* gloves and surrender to kindness, merriment and reflection.

We cant help it.

It’s cuddles, it’s family traditions, it’s ‘Santa magic’ and glass *clinks* with your dearest friends. I love Winter. It’s my favourite. It may be cold, but whocares…I have a BIRTHDAY In 19 DAYS! I love Winter. 🙂 (All gifts appreciated. Just *volley* arm them into Wunna Land.)

So, I haven’t been able to blog over the last couple of days because I haven’t found the time. Time hasn’t found me. I’ve been working all days, most days and then being Mum, with a jolly side of sorting out the good old career. 🙂 I’m gonna shock ya.

I hope to have a really GREAT next year and if i’m gonna do that…I’m gonna have to put in the work. I have juggled and jiggled and worked my ‘pattooyi* off THIS year…and more than you would think.

NEXT YEAR, I finally get to fully celebrate life. Even though i get moments of second guessing myself, I’m feeling quite ‘swag’ about it all. It’s human nature to have doubts at times. People do make you feel bad for having doubts at times….But don’t. It’s normal. It isn’t that deep. All that matters is that you make the nerves temporary, and stiletto kick them out your way. I’m good at that. I’m really good at that. I’m really good at helping OTHERS do that!

Right now, i’m feeling pretty ‘gangsta,’ with a sophisticated, ‘Dior’ dripped strut. (Definitely did TI’s ‘You don’t know me’ video in my bedroom mirror, with a Desperado in my hand, this evening…and i don’t even CARE.)

Let’s have some fun now! It’s Christmas.

Over the last few days, i’ve been with the girls. Mel’s had a bird poo on HER ACTUAL FACE….Oh the glamour!

Me: ‘What? It’s lucky.’

Mel: ‘It pooed on my actual FACE!!’

‘Fairytale Blond’ bought burgundy jumpsuits, ‘Hustle Barbie’ received surprise and somewhat romantic Vegan packages at work, ‘Double B’ froze and referred to old peoples privates as ‘crusty bacon’ and ‘Firmmonell’ did my favourite place with ‘Big D’ via Snapchat!

‘We’re in your favourite place!!!’

Everyone else is ill. 🙂

Yipppppppppppeeee! Don’t come near me with your lergy!!

I’m going through a massive change in my life and I’m really excited. It’s weird because it proves that even when you’re old, greta things can still happen. Don’t give up hope. Age means nothing. It’s not about how many YEARS you’ve strutted, and more about HOW YOU STRUT….Make impact…it’s sexier.

At thirty six, i’m feeling really together,  but a whole lot of fun. It’s snowing outside, I have a contract beside me and I’m looking forward to Christmas.

If you didn’t know, for my birthday week I am away at the luxury Forest Cabin, with Forest Holidays. I always go there, because it’s a place of HUGE sentimental value to me. It’s one of the only places that I find peace and before a big next year, I’m gonna need that. I’ve had a great 2017. But 2018 will be much easier. I’m ready now.

I’m lucky.

This weekend I have WARM fun with Ruby and Junior planned, ‘Hustle Barbie’s birthday dinner in Leeds at Bar Soba and on Monday one of my BEST LA FRIENDS, Ronnie Woo is coming to London to lunch with me….

He’s a marvellous celebrity chef in LA and i’ll be telling you all about him soon. I can’t WAIT for Monday. I love Ronnie. He’s like a little brother to me. I’ve known him since he was 19 and at the time, we were both working a  part time job at a gym, scanning people like ‘before they were famous’ Nicole Scherzinger and Perez Hilton in for a work out. That time was such a great time in my life. Young Hollywood rocked.

But I waited a long time…and it was only now that SO MUCH is happening to me! So much, that I don’t even know where to start???

There’s lots I CAN tell you. Lots that  I CAN’T . And so much that I NEED to tell you…. BUT, right now, all  I WILL say is, that on the work front, things are really great in Wunna Land. I’ve got lucky.  It’s about to heat up…and you’ll be invited on my journey with me. ( I don’t know how this little diary got so big? Yet, I’m grateful. I don’t take anything for granted. I’m not like that. I really do thank you for reading it…even when it’s rubbish.)

I guess, I feel like i need to say that, as everyone always thinks that i’m really ‘pr’ driven and i’m not. I couldn’t be more different to that. It’s almost humourous. I mean, I’m not an idiot. I know when to ‘turn it on.’ I’m an entertainer. It’s what i do. I love to entertain. But i’m not one of these ‘robots,’ who doesn’t have a soul. I’m not a slave to it all. My soul is filled with Prosecco bubbles and brims over with winks, love and a natural ‘joie de vivre.’

At thirty six, I’m pretty much stuck in my ‘no nonsense’ ways. I’m not easily swayed. I stick to my guns and go with what I believe is morally right. I don’t play. I’m grown. And you’d know that if you met me. I’m the salt of the Earth.

And YEAH…I’m a bit glammy, sprinkled in boujiness and dashed in ‘swag.’ And YEAH, there’s a weird elegant dignity about me, with a cheeky upfront charm…. I enjoy the finer things in life and the world in general…

Yeah…i’ll agree that i’m  sassy….But unlike most, i’ll sit with you in a bar, treat you like you’re human and share a drink with you over banter.  I won’t even have to know you. I’ll love you, before I judge you….and that’s what makes me real. If i like you, i’ll smile. If I don’t.. you’ll feel it.

I’m someone who will say ‘sorry’ and not because I always think i’m wrong and that YOU’RE always right, but because I’m someone who will value my relationship with you, MORE than my ego.

*Slurps Desperado.*

People never know that about me.

I need to go…

I HAVE LOTS TO TELL YOU…

RIGHT NOW, I just can’t get it out….

Skating, Mate Dates & Winter Wonderland Banter

After a delicious Saturday of Christmas shopping and lunch with my two little babies, Ruby & Junior, on Sunday morning I found myself stood outside Westgate train station, at 10.14am, in a giant white faux fur jacket, jeans and rust coloured knee high boots (by JustFab.co.uk) waiting for David to arrive. (I’m just gonna call him David…because it’s his actual name and I can’t be arsed to type ‘Jonesez’ all the way through the blog.)

He’s late. (I hate late people.)  He’s been up all night, partying. (I’m too old for late.) He’d pulled random girls with his guys friends, the evening previous….and well he’d probably had about 2 hours sleep in total. Lol.

Me: ‘Where ARE YOU?’

David: ‘I’ve lost my house key! I’m coming…’

ME: ‘Hurry up. I look like a prostitute! I’m stood here and all these strangers keep talking to me…’

David: ‘I’m on my way…I can see you…When’s the train??’

ME: ‘In 14 minutes and no you CAN’T  ******* see ME! Don’t talk…’

David: ‘I’m here. I’m here…’

But yes, I was stood outside Westgate train station, with mini Prosecco bottles in my hand bag and stripey paper straws. It was freezing. People kept chatting to me…and by the time he got to the ‘I can see you, I only live 2 minutes away’ train station…We’d missed our train. He hadn’t even brushed his teeth, he was in black ripped jeans and a leather jacket….but he was ready to get his ‘skate’ on, in the name of Wunna Land.

Me: ‘You’re disgusting.’

David: ‘Shall we get coffee…?’

Anyway, David (who’s a friend i’ve known for ages now) and I had agreed to go Ice Skating, because well… i’m going to be learning to skate shortly and I just fancied having an ‘open air’ skate around, for jolly old kicks.

Our choice of ‘open air,’ skate around was ‘Yorkshire’s Winter Wonderland’ in York. So, we’re really excited.

It’s now 11am. He’s hung over. I’m drinking prosecco through stripey straws. It pretty much explodes on the train and well…on top of all that….. what we find is that WE ARE REALLY RUBBISH AT TAKING PUBLIC TRANSPORT.

Now, i’m super independent and usually pretty good at all this jizzle. With David…I’m not.

It honestly felt like we had taken 3 trains, 42 buses, a stroll, a boat and maybe a donkey ride… to get to the Ice Rink in York.

We couldn’t even find our way out of the train station.

‘Shall we ask that man?’

We’d both hadn’t been on a bus for decades,

‘What do we do?’

But we needed to get to the Ice Rink.

I must’ve asked every single stranger where to go and what to do? (David daren’t ask people things. He’s used to be ‘Mummied.’)

Then after chats about our love lives, a call from one of my other guy friends, who I can’t tell you about just yet, but like I said, you will be learning a lot about him in the New Year….

Other end of call: ‘Don’t worry…It’s not another shocking call. It’s good news. Not bad..I need your help…’

…We finally found ourselves 3 minutes away from Yorkshire’s Winter Wonderland.

Got off the bus. Should’ve drove. We couldn’t even find our way to the ice rink? But we did it in the end. David’s sweet, but he’s childlike. Usually if i’m with a guy friend, or even someone i’m dating,  the guy will usually take control of the ‘what toos,’where toos’ and ‘how tooos.’ Even when i’m with ‘The Girls,’ (we’re all feisty by nature,) we just sort things out.

Like I said, in the end…We got there …and once we did, the ‘trek’ didn’t matter…. we came ALIVE.

Shoes off, skates on…

Me: ‘Mine don’t fit me? They’re too big?? I’m not…’

David: ‘I’m shitting myself now. I’m not stable?’

(You always second guess yourself before you’re about to shimmie onto the ice.)

Then after a wait behind glass doors, we were lead onto the ICE, like figure skating champions. 🙂

OH MY GOSH! I cannot SKATE FOR TOFFEE! I was terrible!

Little ‘Twinkle Toes, Skating Champ’ David *zooms* off like he skates for beer tokens.

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I step onto the Ice Rink, looking like the QUEEN of all glamourousity and within THREE ACTUAL SECONDS, of just stepping onto the ICE, I FALL ON MY ARSE AND CAN’T GET UP! Hahaha!

Toddlers were skating around me, like I was the biggest loser and even the staff are giving me pointers on how to ‘get started’ because they felt sorry for Me.

David’s skating around like some ice born Hero. Like he’s ‘Torvil and Dean’s’ love child.

I’ve fallen down about 40 times. I’ve got a wet patch on my bun, I’m screaming and swearing all the way around the rink and David’s now pissing himself at the fact that he has to hold my hand and DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAG me across the ICE, simply so I can move.

I’m still screaming, swearing and falling over….and all of THIS whilst he’s trying to teach me ‘ice skating moves.’

David: ‘Try this on one leg…’

Me: On one ******* LEG!’

David: ‘My arms actually KILLS NOW, from hauling you around.’

Me: ‘Snapchat it for me… I’m not even trying now, because I know you’ll pull me around. Lol’

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David: ‘You’re making ME fall over.’

Me: ‘My legs kill. I’ve had enough now.’

I cannot even TELL YOU how much my legs ACHED after forty five minutes of ‘learning to skate’ with David. How ANYONE copes with being a figure skater is beyond me???

 It is the HARDEST THING EVER.

I had to inappropriately get into another little Oriental girl’s ‘personal space‘ and make like I wanted to hug them WITH ALL OF MY WEIGHT, simply to be able to GET OFF the ice safely.

I fell into David and he didn’t know where to catch me, because he didn’t know of any ‘gentlemanly places’ to grab me, during my fall into him. Lol. He’s sweet, bless him! He really helped me around the ice.

‘I didn’t know what to do? I didn’t know what part of you I was allowed to catch…?’

How anyone does anything sporty or physically demanding for a living is beyond me.  I give them all the respect in the world.

Honestly, I  have NO CLUE how any single HUMAN… learns a routine, swizzles around smiling….and zooms by in lycra and sequins, lifting other human beings, above their head… on flipping  ICE????????

On ICE’ to ME, means being handed a frosted glass of prosecco….NOT SURVIVING a lap… on blades… with Bambi legs.

I’m definitely not a natural. BUT, I will be! (As of tomorrow night, i’m in training and I couldn’t be more excited! My entire body aches from the weekend.)

We definitely had fun at Yorkshire’s Winter Wonderland.  It’s great for a skate around. It’s definitely a good time. I mean life is about doing things, making memories and even though i’m a rubbish skater, at least I can now ‘tick’ that box, with a ‘Yeah Baby.’

I definitely can’t move today. But it’s definitely the most fabulous work out ever!

It was hilarious because the ‘open air’ ice rink was filled with happy skaters and beautiful families.

There was Christmas music playing. Rides! Lights! A Grotto! Penguins! Everything!

AND ALL YOU COULD HEAR from 2.17pm onwards…. was ME swearing and screaming, ALL THE WAY around the RINK! Then apologizing for swearing and screaming, ALL THE WAY around the rink, as David wee’d himself with laughter and my rubbishness.

Me: ‘I won’t even have to FAKE falling down for attention. I can’t even stay on my flipping feet!’

We didn’t last the full hour of skating. Fourty five minutes and I was done. I made him  go skate around by himself because I was too shattered. I needed wine. He was still brimming with a ‘puppy dog‘ energy. (I’m 13 years older than David, so everything he does…to me….seems boyish. But his soul is good. He’s sweet. He’s a good friend. He takes care of people well… It’s such a good trait. It’s honorable.)

We eventually got off the ice. We had a cosy vegetarian dinner (David fancies my chick friend who’s now Vegan…SO he’s trying to be a veggie to impress her.)

Then, as day turned to night, we discussed good and bad at sex…

‘Yeah but they don’t look like they would be good at sex.’

‘I know they’re not, because they don’t have it ever…’

I bought wine. He bought water. He taught me skating. I taught him life.

Me: ‘What a girl will go for in a guy, is sometimes what she is missing from her own life… And also…I need to look at a guy and feel inspired by them….I’m impressed when i’m inspired… I respect them for it…’

Then we tinkered back onto the train and almost within a wink….we were both, on our way back home!

‘Are we in Leeds yet?’

‘I don’t know? I can’t see??’

Leeds, German Markets, The Homeless & Idiots!!

Literally the best weekend ever. It’s been filled to the brim with life, glamourousity, family, Christmas excitement and a raw reality that keeps all humans balanced.

I tinkered into my weekend after a really busy work week, where I wasn’t ‘Double B’s best life line…

Double B: ‘I have no clue where I am??? There’s a bush, some water and a metal pole. I’m by some nurseries??? Where do I go??’

If you know me, you will know that I have NO SENSE OF DIRECTION. I have no clue where anything is. I can’t walk there. I can’t drive there. I’ll find it in the end, because i’m a natural survivor…Yet let me tell you, it’s a jolly old ball ache. Geography was not my best subject. Luckily, ‘Double B’ is as rubbish at choosing ‘life lines’ as I am and unfortunately called ME, for the answer to her ‘Where am I’ needs.

Me: ‘Don’t get stressed. It’s fine. Calm down. Do you need me to sing to you? Shall I sing to you…I don’t think ya ready, for this jeellly, I don’t think ya ready, for this..’

Double B: ‘There’s a metal pole. I might hit myself with it…Ask Hustle….NOW!!! I’m by some nursery!!!’

Early through the week, ‘Firmonnell’ who is getting thinner and blonder each day and has the most adorable husband ‘Big D,’ who leaves her champagne and fresh cut flowers, before he flies to Barcelona for the weekend with his guy friends, decided to hunt around a building…no…that’s wrong, an ‘ENGINE ROOM’ trying to catch people having sex.

Firmonnell: ‘I don’t know?? It was just in m head. It was creepy. I just couldn’t stop imagining catching people having sex in the engine room???’

Me: ‘What, in that cupboard?’

Fimonnell: ‘NO. The engine ROOM.’

(Cos everybody knows what that is? Lol And one of the beings, that she thought she would find, in her very creative imagination, had just been to Greggs. I saw them with my own very eyes…. So they would definitely be ‘doing it’ with a bacon sandwich in their hand. It’s like the Yorkshire version of ‘Fifty Shades.’ They’ll even stamp ya card afterwards…)

But yes, I rolled into my weekend with beams and smiles, because my Saturday IS ALL about Mummy, Ruby and Junior time. And BOY, did we have a time.

No alarm!

We woke up at the crack of dawn in a fox onesie, a Paw Patrol onesie and one that resembles a Happy Unicorn and within a moments flash, we were showered, changed, (I had a coffee and a Little Mistress faux fur bundled around me,) as we tickled and giggled into a car and *winked* a train into a busy Leeds City Centre.

Believe it or not, neither Ruby nor Junior have ever been on a train before. Well, so they say. Ruby’s actually been on a train to London lots of times. When she tiny and single mummying was hardcore, I used to have to take her with me, with my Mum to appearances and work.

Bottom line, they were both so excited BY LITERALLY EVERYTHING…and it was so sweet because their excitement was infectious. Middle aged ladies and young girls were chatting to them and laughing with them…The train was rammed. It was SO BUSY. But the most lovely lady had saved the children and I seats, just so they could sit down, through all the madness and the bustle. It meant a lot to me. I thanked her profusely.

The rest of the day, (well we were in the City Centre by 10am,) was nothing short of magic. We did everything and anything. We did life. It beamed from us, as we made the city our own. There was buzz in the air. An energy. And as we sauntered through the morning city centre streets of Leeds, Christmas was all around us.

We visited the Candy Mechanics ‘Edible Selfie Station’ where the babies had their faces turned into designer chocolate lollipops, we shopped at Smiggle, we picked out toys, we wrote ‘Dear Santa’ letters, we bought Boba Tea drinks (a Boba tea is one of my favourite non boozy choices, incase you didn’t know) …Our Boba Tea bar of choice was ‘Bubbleology,’ we almost ventured to the cinema, but decided against it, simply because we didn’t want to be stuck inside for hours…and then we grabbed a quick lunch at Yo Sushi. (The one at  Trinity Leeds.)

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The pure and utter absolute excitement on their faces, as sushi and sashimi plated delights, sloooooooowly, glided past them on the magical electronical conveyor belt, as they chatted to the chef was…it was just so fulfilling. (So, I celebrated with a wine. 😉 ) We were treated really well in there and I appreciated that. Ruby tried a little bit of everything.  She has an exquisite palette for a six year old. She adores sushi on the whole… Junior chose the closest thing he could get to fish fingers and chips, by picking out the fish tempura and Japanese salted fries. Lol

Junior: ‘I think I prefer the chips at Mcdonalds..’

But we had a blast. It was amazing.

At that point, we were meant to go home. But I guess, home wasn’t ready for us JUST yet, as we found ourselves hand in hand, walking up to Millennium Square, to the German Market, to celebrate Christmas. Ruby was armed with warm roasted chestnuts and Junior with a cup of sweetcorn. It was so busy, we even got lost. Lol. (Told you i’m rubbish at directions.) I had to call Pete (Ruby’s Dad) to tell me the quickest route to Millennium square. Lol

Pete: ‘Where are you?’

Me: ‘By the Victoria Quarter. I’m passing Harvey Nic’s and Louis Vuitton is on my right. Do I just..’

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Pete: ’…Walk straight up and turn left at the cross road. It’s behind The Light. As if Ruby’s agreed to walk that far. Lol’

And with a blink, we were there, immersed in the magic of a Christmas wonderful land, with fairground rides, mulled wine cabins, hand made Christmas gifts, giant snow globes, merriment, warm fires and just life at it’s finest. Everyone there seemed to be having the most wonderful time…so we went with the mode and embraced it. We went on rides. I did mulled wine, they did hot chocolates, we rescued Rudolph…I don’t think they could believe their little Christmas eyes?

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It was  a swirl of utter merriment. They threw their heads back with laughter. We chatted to pretty much everyone. We sang. We danced down the street. We won teddies. It was almost like everyone around us had committed to having a ‘good time.’ Even the security guard winked at Junior, and told him that his ear piece and walkie talkie was his direct line to Santa. Lol.

He just gazed at him, with his mouth wide open and is face filled with glee. I’ll always remember that face, because one day he won’t be four anymore. He’ll be a grown ass man. But no matter how old he gets…i’ll always be able to see that face in him.

It was still day time, but the air was getting nippier and the day was beginning to turn to night…so I thought i better get them home, even though it was early. Ruby’s nose had turned pink with fun and the open air and they were both still so excited that they needed a lull, a calm, a peace, to warmly settle down to. We were skipping all the way back to the train station. I had bags full of all sorts and they both had giant rainbow slinky’s in their hands, that they had  just won on ‘Hook a duck.’

Ruby: ‘MUM! YOU’RE NOT HELPING ME HOOK IT!!!!’

Junior: ‘I can’t hooker it!!’

The streets were now the busiest streets in all the land…People bustled past, with bags of shopping galore. Leeds was now ALIVE.

The streets were filled with posh couples, teens, students, business men, hip hop clicks, buskers….families…the lot! It was MADNESS!! Delight had fizzled from the air and ‘BUSY’ had taken over. I had all the bags over my wrists, as I held the kids hands tightly and guided them through the crowds….We were gonna go to Gino’s for tea, but I just needed to get them home…

Then Ruby stopped….

Everything stopped.

It was like we had been hurtling through the crowds at a hundred miles an hour, just going with the flow of the bustle, trying to get to the end of the tunnel. She ‘emergency braked’ me.

Me: ‘What’s the matter?’

Ruby: ‘I’ve just got some change left from Hook a Duck…Shall I go give it to that guy?’

(She looks behind us to show me a gentleman, who was sat on the pavement asking for change, with an empty Greggs cup in front of him.)

Junior was already pulling his way towards the guy. (He’s a wild one is Junior. He’ll always do what he wants. Ruby…no she’s older… will always ask.)

Me: ‘Yeah! Absolutely! That’s a great idea. Let’s go see him.’

And we did. We walked back to him, with smiles and a warmth and as he looked up at us, he beamed.

‘Hi, I’m Chrissie…’

‘I’m Junior..’

‘I’m Ruby. What’s your name?’

‘I’m John.’

She looked straight into his eyes, grabbed his hand and placed £2.70 in it.

Now, the next 20 minutes of life, were the most MOVING minutes for me EVER, to the point where I actually filled up with tears  and sat down, on the pavement next to John, to chat.

During these 20 MINUTES, I was the PROUDEST MOTHER ON THIS ENTIRE EARTH. Words cannot even describe to you, how proud I was of my children. I filled up because I couldn’t express how I felt at the time. It was that overwhelming.

Me: ‘I’m sorry i’m crying.’

Ruby: ‘She never cries…’

Here’s snippets of our 20 minutes. There is the heaviest bustle on the Leeds streets. I’m not sat on the pavement with bags of shopping around me, next to John, who is homeless and Ruby and Junior are stood directly in front of him chatting to him….The moment was so magical that the city bustle blurred into the background, almost as if we were cut away in our own little bubble.

Junior: ‘Why dya need money?

John: ‘For food and to buy things that’ll keep me warm.’

Ruby: ‘Are you homeless?’

John: ‘Yes.’

Junior: ‘But why don’t you have a box?’

John: ‘Haha. Aww…I don’t have a box.’

Ruby: ‘Where have you got that bag from?’

John: ‘I bought it, with the money people gave me.. It’s got a change of clothes in it..’

Ruby: ‘Have you seen what we’ve won on Hook a Duck??’

Junior: ‘I can’t work mine.’

John, who is beaming with smiles at this point and probably one of the most eloquent speakers, I had spoken to in weeks, gently looks at Junior and puts out his hand, to see if he’d like help, with his Slinky.

John: ‘I used to have one when I was a kid. You know, if you put them at the top of the stairs, they tumble down them.’

He took Juniors hands and he showed him how to balance the slinky. They were all laughing and filled with an absolute comfort.

Junior: ‘Why don’t you just phone you’re mum? Whenever i’m in trouble. I just get my mum.’

John: ‘My Mum didn’t want me home. That’s why i’m out here. You have a lovely Mum.’

Then he began to explain homelessness to them. I watched him talk to my children and the way he told them the story was beautiful, because it was real, yet he acknowledged that they were six and four and therefore delivered it to them, in an almost ‘fairytale’ fashion. It was so moving.

They asked questions about his life, where he sleeps, how he ended up on the streets, what will make him better…all sorts… There was a dignity to John. He never felt sorry for himself. He told them the facts, then showed them the facts….

‘Watch…’

And as the children stood to one side, (and do know that my kids are used to walking into places and having everyone fuss over them,) he started to ask the busy people passing by, who were inches away from him… for change.

Junior watched EVERY SINGLE PERSON walk straight by John. He watched every single human, not even turn to look towards him. He watched grown mummies and daddies, pull their children away from him and he watched people look towards John, yet pretend he wasn’t even there.

Now, I know my son and he was astonished. He looked uncomfortable. He didn’t even know what to think? He had no clue why everyone was ignoring him. It really made him FEEL. His eyes told a story, in that moment.

Junior: ‘You’re not saying it loud enough. Look. Watch.’

And Junior starts pointing at random people and aggressively shouting,

‘MONEY PLEASE!!!! YOU! MONEY!!’

People looked…. and everyone walked on by.

The kids are now sat around him and  merrily playing with their rainbow slinkies, like the happiest children in the world.

I began talking to John. He asked me about my life and I asked him about his….

So John was newly homeless. He was clean. He was dressed normally. He used to have a full time job, that he lost because the company he worked for went under. He survived with what money he had saved, but couldn’t get another job and missed two payments of rent. The apartment complex that he used to live in…is BOUJI.

He got evicted and had to move back in with his parents. His parents are heavily religious, and didn’t agree with the way he had been living his life….so kicked him out onto the streets. They don’t speak to him. They have nothing to do with him.

Two missing pay cheques changed his LIFE.

Everyone walked past this man like he was invisible. Like he wasn’t even human, wasn’t even there. Not one person in that 20 minutes through him a penny, a look or a smile. John has a DEGREE. He’s expressive. He’s speaks so eloquently. He’s well mannered. He an intellect. He so emotionally and mentally sound that he looked at me and said,

‘Don’t worry. I’m fine. I really am. I know this city like the back of my hand. I’m just learning a new version of it. 🙂  Once I get a job. I’ll be able to turn it all around. I’ll do it. I’m not meant to be here. It’s just circumstance.’

Me: ‘You know tough times are just temporary right? And that tough people are forever…I’ve been exactly where you are! I don’t know what I can even do to help you? How will I ever find you again? Like, do you sit here often, or? I won’t even be able to contact you? I don’t even know how…’

John: ‘How did you get out of it??? Infact, I can tell you how to can help me….All I’ve been wanting to know FOR AGES and I hope you don’t mind me asking, is what time it is and what day it is…?’

Ruby: ‘John. Y’know, if you go down there a bit, there’s swings and wine and stuff…It’s Christmas…’

I pull my phone out…

Me: ‘It’s 2.49pm…and It’s Saturday. It’s November the 18th.’

He looked me directly in the eyes and HE began to fill up. That meant so much to him. It was crazy.

John: ‘I used to be so scheduled. I used to moan about it all the time. I have no clue where i’m gonna go or what i’m gonna do, but just knowing what time it is and what day it is feels good…’

That was it then…I could’ve burst into tears, but I didn’t.

Ruby: ‘Do us a video mum!!!’

Me: ‘I’m a blogger. Do you mind if we take your picture and post it…’

John: ‘Gosh, yeah, course you can. The fact that anyone would even ask to take my picture, has made me feel ten feet tall. Lol.’

(He straighten his hair a bit. 🙂 )

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The kids loved him, chatted to him more, they played with the flipping slinkies endlessly and it soon began to get really nippy. The air was cold! Really cold.

Me: ‘I’m gonna have to get the kids back home now.’

John: ‘It was lovely meeting you Chrissie.’

Me: ‘ Y’know…I walked straight past you. Ruby stopped me to and asked if she could give you change.’

John: ‘It’s what happened next that mattered….You’re such a great family.’

Junior: ‘I love you John.’

(Junior hugs him.)

Ruby: ‘Me Too’

(Ruby dives on him and hugs him too…)

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We gather up our bags and as I walk away with the babies holding onto each hand, I look back at him before I leave and simply say,

‘Look after yourself mate…’

He smiles as we walk away….

Then as life goes on, the bustle got heavier….John went back to asking for change and we managed to get caught up and rammed into a giant gang of ‘Furries’ all high fiving Junior as they passed..

Junior: ‘Whoa!!! What’s going on?? What is this place?’

Me: ‘Let’s get home kids!’

 

As some of you will know. Last night, I posted the pictures of my day on Facebook… I posted the pictures that Ruby & Junior had taken with John. I was DEFINITELY a PROUD PROUD Mum, but I didn’t think too much of posting the pics? I do it all the time…

HOLY SHIT!

All my inboxes filled up within seconds. People were making comments. My phone was ringing and this was as my website email was pinging away…MADLY.

The majority of the comments, I’d say 80 percent of them where filled with love, glistened in a positive warmth, dashed with kind words and support from my friends…

Then 10 percent of them were EVIL. I got called a ‘Bad Mum.‘ A ‘Stupid fucking mum.’ I got called an ‘Attention whore.’ I got called ‘fake.‘ I got called an ‘Idiot.’ People were really rude to me. People shouted at me online for letting my children hug a homeless person, because he was unwashed? Some people tried to turn the moment into a some kind of ‘Wunna stunt…’

And in that moment, I realized how narrow minded and judgmental people still were. It shocked me. I’m not by any means naive. I’m sassy. I didn’t think I would have to explain the actual situation to grown adults or justify it to fools. You should be ashamed of yourself for not being able to feel or see compassion. It makes you blind. It makes YOU the problem.

I didn’t at all, FOR ONE SECOND think that posting photos of Ruby & Junior hugging John would cause such an alarm? However, i’m concentrating on the positive responses, because unlike the weird 10 percent…I’m not an idiot.

So what I’ll say is that I am thoroughly grateful to all of you who stuck up for Wunna Land, voiced your opinion and showed the kids some love. They deserved it. ALL of you! It means a lot. (Kate you were awesome.) The support is always wonderful. That 80 percent of you ARE THE PERCENT that make a difference.

Chrissie x

 

 

London, Thai Brides & ‘The Worm’ in Budapest

I arrived at Kings Cross Station at around noon, after getting stuck in Peterborough for a sassy short while, which was after an evening of ‘good times’ with Zanetti at Mission Leeds.

I slept on the way there, so I didn’t feel dodgy at all, to be fair. I did good. I’m pretty good at prioritizing, these days. If I need to be somewhere, no matter where life has taken me the evening before, I’ll be there. It can honestly be the crack of dawn. If it’s important, i’ll be there.

I had a really important meeting in London….so I made it there, in one glamourous piece, after a snuggle with my babies and a snooze on an early morning Sunday train. (Sunday trains are busier than you think. They’re annoying because everyones reserved a seat, meaning you think you have nowhere to sit, However, no one shows up for their seats because they’re hung over or can’t be arsed,….meaning you’re sat or stood somewhere you didn’t want to be and for no real reason at all.)

YIPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Now, again…I can’t tell you anything about my meeting, other than the fact that it was a PR meeting, a career meeting and that I was greeted outside Platform 3, at Kings Cross Station.

After attempting to chat ‘work,’ at Five Guys, where the music was too loud, the tables were wibbly and with a Corona in my kitten hand.

‘What? It’s the hair of the dog? I’ve been up all night…’

(I love that I can rock up to a meeting, in a giant white faux fur, sit in a burger joint, order a Corona at 12.01 and simply smile with a..

 ‘I did a Launch Party last night. I’m knackered. Everyone was there. I really need this Corona. Anyway…yeah….where’s my career headed, doll?’

‘We need to go somewhere else. I can’t even hear you. It just needs to be quieter, so I can take notes and chat about everything.’

We moved to a much more peaceful venue, where you could talk career, Wunna Land and the art of ‘moving forward.’ I definitely looked like a ‘Mail Order Bride’ (i always flipping do and it’s annoying.) But after 2 hours and after dreams and hopes were bagged up and scheduled, I popped into the Great Northern Hotel for a quick Merlot before my train back onto Northern soil. (I love the GNH because the couldn’t be nicer to me. The service is impeccable, I have hundreds of tales to tell, from that joint, the cocktails are a dream, they decorate their ceilings with giant chandeliers and because it’s right next to my train home, i’m two steps away from safety.)

Yet, these days, things are simple in Wunna land are they?

OFCOURSE a strange woman found me immediately. Ofcourse, she sat with me and wanted to tell me all about how rubbish her love life was because the guy she had been dating, wasn’t over his (believe it or not) Thai Bride. Lol. I listened. I tried to be helpful. But she didn’t want help. She just wanted a moan and a selfie.

My phone rang and it was ‘London Business Man’ and because I actually TOOK the call, and stopped giving her attention for ONE SECOND, she got in a mood and started calling me  a prostitute…because I ‘looked like one?‘ Lol

Cheers, Cuteness!

I was literally ON THE PHONE, to one of my REAL LIFE FRIENDS and she kept talking over me, to me and making me leave the guy (‘Billy’) who apparently doesn’t love her anymore, actual VOICEMAILS.

Me: ‘Billy doesn’t need to talk to me… I’m on the phone.’

It was crazy. She turned crazy. It all went tits up!

She eventually left and I was kinda glad, because I hate rude people. I’ll sit and chat to anyone. I’m great like that. But don’t be a melodramatic twit over nothing…then take it out on me. I didn’t cheat on you with a Mail Order Bride.

By this time, I had moved outside, (like ya do) and  as London traffic whizzed me by…. I just wished I was home. When you’re knackered…travelling is THE WORST. But ofcourse she followed me, with her luggage on wheels…and in her drunken state, just rambled on about how hard done by she was…because of Thai Brides. 🙂

 It felt looooooooooooong.

I eventually got home. I couldn’t wait to get home. I was finally back on Northern soil. I even text my mum from the train (lol) just for comfort….. and that night I went to bed at 9pm and slept like a baby, ready for my next day, my next early morning of work.

Last weekend was MAD. One minute I was with Santa, the next I was watching Tom Zanetti throw dwarves at people in Leeds, then I blinked and I was in a huge PR meeting in London with a Corona, and then underneath a chandelier some drunk lady decided to take out her history with Thai Brides out on me, whilst telling me she was a fan of my blog. (Kinda hope you’re not reading this.) 

Luckily, the great thing about life is that things quickly go back to normal, doesn’t it? Let me tell you that my faith in sanity and Wunna Land has now been restored.

I mean anytime you saunter into a room, on the 2nd floor of a building and ‘Hustle Barbie’ says,

‘I woke up in a bikini, after a SPATY (which is a pool party in a spa,) at six o clock in the morning, on the floor… in Budapest, before having to come home to Leeds…..’

…you know all is well.

She actually also performed ‘The Worm’ for a bunch of Hungarian men (which is her party piece when drunk and once they watched her do it, they looked at her and just went with ‘Nah….’

‘You always do the worm…’

‘Yeah, cos EVEYRONE MAKES ME!!!! My arms still hurt.’

I had a phone call yesterday, whilst I was tinkering into Marks & Sparks for a quick salad. This phone call was from the same human, who gave the ‘the shocking phone call’ a couple of weeks back. I hadn’t spoken to them since. I had just left them to do their own version of life.

Last night, I didn’t blog because after a mad weekend and a Parents Evening for Ruby, (fyi/ Ruby’s parents evening was amazing, completely different to the one I had to go through with Keiran, for Junior.  I don’t even know how Juniors teacher and I got through it without having to guzzle 42 wines? But yes, Ruby’s parents evening was an opposite kind of experience . Pete sat there and filled up with ‘I’m so proud of her’ tears, which means a lot doesn’t it? I mean, we’re not together and haven’t been for years, but we co parent with such ease and love for our little one….that it’s magical.

I love Ruby and Junior with every inch of my soul, so after a really busy weekend of work and madness….ALL I WANTED AND NEEDED was to spend my time with THEM. Even tonight, we’ve had the most peaceful yet hilarious evening together….and I just watch them grow up before my very eyes with amazement. I’m a really lucky girl. They make my entire world worth it.  I mean, we may have our ‘ups’ and we certainly have our ‘downs,’ yet regardless there is such a deep love and strong bond between the three of us.  We make each other feel really special.

Anyway,where was I? I keep going on these tangents!!

Today, the guy that I can’t tell you anything about yet, who had made the ‘shocking phone call’ a few weeks ago, had also called me twice last night. I missed the calls because I was in bed early. However, this afternoon, whilst I was in a creepy cellar with a Beth, learning the alphabet, I called him back to see what he wanting.

This human NEVER FAILS to shock me. So i’m there in this cellar, now looking at bottles of prosecco, with the alphabet around my cobwebbed heels, shouting sentences at him, in order to conjour up some form of sense, clarity and ‘now what we gonna do’s?’ It was hilarious. These shocking phone calls are always left with an ambiguous ending , where anything could occur….? In the New Year, I’ll tell you ALL about it. Right now…I’m just not allowed to. Lol But we’re gonna have to meet up and talk through everything…recap and recoup…..The only thing I can tell you about the convo is this….

Guy: ‘My situation’s changed….’

Me: ‘Well you need to sort it out because…’

Don’t hang out in cellars..they’re creepy. EVEN IF, there is unopened Prosecco in there.

Regardless to all that, i’m home. I’m working tomorrow. I’ve chilled all night with the babies. ‘London Business Man’ said he was wanted to take me out to dinner. Junior has become obsessed with the calculator on my phone. Ruby has braided my hair, so that I too can be a unicorn? I’m sipping a wine. I’m really missing someone. My feet hurt. My phone won’t charge. I’m second guessing myself. I’m so proud of Australia for VOTING YES, on marriage equality. I’m learning to concentrate on what I’M DOING and not on what EVERYONE ELSE is doing.

But life on the whole is WONDERFUL.

I’m the luckiest girl in the world!

Tom Zanetti, Dwarves & VIP Piggy Backing

It was the maddest ‘good time’ that any human could EVER have experienced, that Saturday night, as the clock struck 11pm, on Heaton’s Court, Club Mission… Leeds.

It was the More & More launch party.

People had travelled far and wide, through cities, over hills, via trains, on road trips. People had ‘donned’ out the most stylish bits of clobber, owned the widest smiles, rocked out the hottest cleavages and committed to a total head mindset of ‘party.’ 

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We wanted a ‘blow out’ and we got one!

Celebrities had tinkered from all the way over, to get there sassy little arses to Leeds that November 11th and why….I’ll tells ya why….To spend the night with our Tom Zanetti!

TEAM THOMAS! (Ya! Bitches!)

Now, Tom has shot out the ‘success cannon’ this year, with his pants on flames and his name in hottest club vibe lights. I’m from Leeds, so i’ve always known who Zanetti is. The only difference now, is that the rest of the world does too!

This is no joke.  He’s smashing it all about and then some. There’s not a single doubt in my glamour pussy mind, that this is ONLY just the beginning for him….But i’ll tell you about Tom later…Let’s take you back to the event…

So I strut up to Mission and it already has queues of guys and girls, all eagerly waiting in line. Chicks trying to catch Toms eye, as he bustled about outside for a few sexy moments. A tv camera crew followed his every move, a pap began taking photos of red carpet arrivals, a luxury car drove up the entrance to drop someone off and, security guards surrounded the entrance galore.

As I walked by the queue, with one of best guy friends Abeiku Arthur, who owns House of Solo Magazine, I heard chicks trying to strategically plan how they were going to sneak their way into the VIP. (I love that! It reminded me of when I was young girl in LA. We’d always try to sneak our way in. It was always hilarious. We’d come up with the maddest ideas. There’s was ‘Just flirt with Tom.’ Genius! Lol.)

Luckily, these days (wait for the ‘trumpet blowing‘…not that kinda ‘trumpet,’ 😉 ) simply because I own Wunna Land, via the fine art of online diary writing, jiggled with a previous modelling career and a juicy telly stint of ‘Best Pal’in’ with Paris Hilton…for ITV2….I don’t have to strategically plan a VIP entrance anymore. I just have to be there on time and grab myself a cocktail…

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Are you even wearing any pants???’

Me: ‘No. You could see them under my dress.’

(He does one of those faces of utter delight. You know the face. The face that your guy friends do when they know you’re not in any pants. *Rolls Eyes.* But honestly, who wears pants to a Tom Zanetti party? )

Me: ‘It’s actually really annoying that it’s windy because I can feel the wind gush all the way up my fluey.’

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Hahaha You’re digusting…Let’s get in there.’

On my walk up from the train station, I bump into Tom, who’s briefly organizing the crowds and he shows me through to the red carpet entrance (kinda gentlemanly, but cool) and just like that, I blink and there I was…swirled in the maddest VIP in all of the goddamn land.

It was absolutely RAMMED. It was busy. And that tells you a lot about Tom, right? Everybody wanted to show up for his night. I mean, when you’re in entertainment, you show up to events… POPULAR events, to SEE and BE SEEN.

Don’t let anybody tell you any different! We all know the score. We all do it.

OR you simply show up in support for the person or place throwing the sassy little shindig.

Like I said, he’s a really popular guy and people just adore him. I have never ever seen (and guuurrrl i have seens) A MORE buzzing VIP room in my LIFE.

I mean, let’s forget about the rest of the club, for now…as that was filling up like the world was about to end and Mission was the only safe sanctuary. But the actual VIP itself was JAM packed with famous sportsmen from Boxers to Rugby players. Hot chicks who spent their Summer on ‘Love Island.’ Charming guys from the Geordiest of Shores. Some who ‘Weekender in Ibiza’ and others who had committed to being a few hard months with ‘Big Brother.’

There were models, musicians, famous social media stars and everyone seemed to recognize everyone else in the VIP. (You kinda scan the room to see if there’s anyone you recognize.) It’s weird because even though…you haven’t actually met them in real life before, when you do, you kinda acknowledge them like you have known them for years.

Firstly, you all do the same thing, so  there’s an immediate respect that goes around from person to person.

We all know how difficult the entertainment industry is or can be..and at some point, no matter ‘what list’ your audience places you upon….what we ALL have in common, is that we’ve all had some ambitious creative dream. We all had the balls to go to an audition..and try and make that dream a reality. We all heard ‘no’s,’ but eventually *swagged* it out well enough to finally get the YES….Which placed us on your TV screen, all over the press, or be hailed as a DJ God, be placed on your favourite sports team. We’ve all worked hard and built up an audience, a brand or a career, doing something that we love.

Straight away I ordered a double gin and tonic, *air kissed* a rugby player, said ‘hi’ to some of my old friends, who I haven’t seen in ages, and then took Snapchat videos with Abeiku Arthur. I saw Jordan from ‘Ibiza Weekend’ stood talking to a Geordie Shore guy at the bar and then Charlotte Dawson sauntered in, looking like an absolute DREAM. She looks flawless. Her face was flawless. But she walked straight into the busiest VIP in all the land also, and ended up right in front of me and with the biggest smiles and a ‘hi, how are you,’ she was certainly one of my favourite sightings.

I love that girl. She’s so much fun. I definitely want to birthday go ice skating with Charlotte Dawson. (Random. But true! I do.)

Yeah, it was busy. Yeah it was rammed. We all took VIP breathers at points, just to get some air.

BUT IT WAS GREAT.

It turned BONKERS.

Dancing on tables, booze being guzzled like it was the last drop of fizzle on the Earth. TV cameras, bright lights in dark rooms, playing cards flying through the air, the craziest bustle, the loudest music, people jumping up and down, diving from wall to wall, drinks being spilled over one another, laughter, madness, clothes being ripped off…

Tom: ‘I’m boiling. It’s hot….I’m so hot…’

(Shirt flies off. People follow suit.)

Then the next minute he’s bare back, topless ‘piggy backing’ a friend, whilst being filled with laughter and ‘good times,’ models and pornstars are kissing his cheeks, his face is covered in red lipstick *kiss marks,* everyones phone was out and selfie taking for Snapchat was at it’s finest.

Then sassy masked bunnies in lingerie, casually saunter by..

It was the most bonkers time.

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It was like an urban, dance music, ‘circus’ of utter brilliant madness. The VIP was the ‘party version’ of Fight Club. Where the fighting was ‘mad partying’ and the club was in the name of Zanetti.

It was brilliant. It was so much fun. Something you have to do. A Zanetti VIP room, should absolutely be on everyones ‘Bucket List.’ There’s nothing like it…

I mean a flipping DWARF got hurled into the masses, so he could crowd surf! Hahaha. What the actual….I loved it! It was hilarious!

Just bonkers.

I looked around and scanned the room and everyone seemed like they were having the best time. It was crazy. And the good thing about it was that there were no rules. Usually… we are to say the right thing, do the right thing, meet the right people, promote the right thing. No one gave a fuck….they just enjoyed the most inappropriately fun time ever and with absolutely no censor.

The VIP rocked.

(No wonder everyone tried to sneaky peeky in.)

What I did notice about Tom…and I watch people, all people…always. He’s a nice guy…yeah…There’s a sweetness and a sophistication to him dipped in an urban ‘bouji’ twist. But he’s a really determined guy. He’s an ambitious soul. A showman. He knows what he’s doing, but he’s real. He’s down to Earth. He’s a guy who knows what he wants. Wants it his way and isn’t scared to voice his opinion. You don’t mess with Zanetti. He’s hot, right now. He’s really popular, which makes him powerful. People just want to be around him. You can’t help but feel quite ‘cool squad’ when you’re around him.

I watched him behind the bar, making sure people were being treated well. ‘WELL’ the way he seemed fit….which was with utter ‘boujiness.’ He’s an outspoken guy and he’ll tell it how it is. Everyone loves that! It must be his inner Northern…

The party went on and on, but I had to leave for the night at around 2am, simply because I had a 9.23am train to catch to London in the morning. I had an important Wunna Land PR meeting. at noon.

I got home, had an argument with an idiot taxi driver (All Yorkshire people argue with taxi drivers)  and got a few hours sleep, before waking up to my alarm, weirdly feeling ‘fresh as a daisy.’ It was almost like an evening of debauchery never even happened,

I was on a Platform 1, at Doncaster train station, ready to head to London, whilst answering inbox messages from people I met the night before…by 9am. He’s some of my messages…

‘Sorry I didn’t get the chance to chat to you last night. I recognised you, but it was just so mad.’

‘It was great meeting you last night. Let’s grab lunch some time.’

‘Babe, lovely meeting you…’

Before I left, I was sort of in this tunnel part of Mission, mixed in with a mass crowd of selfie taking. This awesome ‘swaggy’ guy in a black furry coat, kept stopping me and asking where ‘Rachel’ was…

‘Where’s Rachel?’

(I don’t even know who Rachel is??? Lol He must’ve asked me about 42 times, during the process of the entire evening.)

Abeiku Arthur was selfie taking with every boobie chick his eyes could ever see. A girl asked if she could selfie with me, but kept hating the picture, so we had to do it at least 17 times at 2am in the morning…The hot bunnies, with the evil ears, were now stood around me and chatting but then people then grabbed THEM for selfies…. and my night was over.

I tinkered out of Club Mission, in the early hours of the morning and when I did, there were STILL queues and queues of people waiting to get inside the club! (I walked straight over the red carpet like it was my Mums living room flooring. Lol.)

Leeds was on FIRE that night!

It was one of those nights, that you know you showed up at, yet because it was littered with utter madness, you can only remember things in ‘flashback form.

BUT…..a

It is one of those nights… that you’ll always always remember….and that’s what he does well!

Some of us in the VIP room, will bloom into Big BIG SUCCESS stories. Some of us will go far. Some of us will chose not to. Some of us will settled down, get married, have babies. Some of us will swirl down that merry plughole. Some of us will be remembered. Some of us will be forgotten. Some of us will make our marks more than we ever imagined we could.

But on November 11th 2017, on that Saturday night…WE ALL….under one roof, shared LIFE together, in the name of our Tom Zanetti!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m Off To Zanetti’s Shindig…

Tonight i’m at Tom Zanetti’s Album Launch part at Mission Leeds. It doesn’t even start until 11pm (which is definitely going to kill me,) yet ‘ve had an amazing day with Ruby, Junior, Santa and every childs character,from Pikachu, to Chase from Paw Patrol, that right now watching them beam has kinda put me in the greatest of moods. I’ve even had ‘before me meet Santa’ cocktails. *Wiggle, Wink.*

But yes, even though i am absolutely not used to an 11pm start, i’m feeling quite fun tonight. I’m in the mood for a good ‘couple hours’ blow out.

Abeiku Arthur: ‘You do know that is is a full blown club night at Mission??’

Me: ‘Haha. Yeah I know. I love that we’re actually going to Mission for a club night. Lol. I’m in London in the morning, so we’ll just go for a bit and head back.’

I don’t stay anywhere until 9 o clock in the morning, unless it’s a guy that putting a ring on it. 🙂 I’ll have the best time. But liek I said…I’ve got work in the morning and a train to catch.

But yes, if you’re heading down, i’m looking forward to seeing you. I’m a huge Zanetti fan. He’s worked really hard to get where he is right now and right now, he’s smashing it all over. He’s Leeds. He’s here. He’s on his way up that glitzy ladder of success. He’ll appreciate you being there.

Y’know, Leeds is no joke. We don’t play! I’m watching us all creep up from under the wood works now, after years, no decades…of hard, hard work….

Tonight, I’ll GO and  celebrate his night. It’ll be completely and utterly RAMMED, but technically, who cares…I’m in the VIP, so i don’t have to get squashed by Zanetti fans, who will definitely be sweaty and screamy. (There’s not a more popular male in Leeds. I tells ya!)

My ‘Plus 1’ is Abeiku Arthur, who had Tom on the cover of his High Fashion mag ‘House of Solo’…The night is going to flooded with a mix of reality stars, models, sportsmen and his besties….and I’m going to blog what goes on in a Zanetti VIP. He’s bouji. He’s funny. He got into a bicker with Katie Price. I love a bit of Tom. I’ll celebrate anyone who’s smashing it!

I’m on chills right now, because like I said, this morning I delighted with Ruby and Junior. We shopped, we sang, we did Christmas in Doncaster. I tried to get a new phone, but instead ended up with new hair, shoes and handbag.They came back with bags full of gumball machines and weird techy toys.

Then we drove down to Ackworth Garden Centre to watch Santa arrive on his sleigh and I have never IN MY LIFE, seen the two of them MORE excited, than they were at that point. Ruby was squeaking and Junior was hugging everyone with glee. I’ really proud of them… It filled me with absolute joy.

Talking about JOY, the fact that ASK Italian, now do cocktails in a Disco Ball, has completed my life with bells on. Why, I don’t own my own cocktail bar is beyond me! Disco Ball cocktails wouldn’t just be for Christmas, they’d be FOR LIFE. 🙂

I did a late lunch at Ego after chilling it with Santa. Gino D’acampo was at Gino’s Leeds last night. I think right now, I deserve to SLIP INTO my tiny sliver dres,s from the Kourtney Kardashian line, for Pretty Little Thing (it was delivered to me this morning) and go have some ‘party party’ fun with our Zanetti in Leeds, right?

I told you. I’m dedicated the rest of my year to good times, as I have a really exciting 2018 ahead of me.

I’m only gonna go for a bit. Well a couple hours, as the shindig goes on until 9am. (I’m a sleeper. I need a nights sleep. Sleepin’ isn’t cheatin’ in my world. Lol.) Infact, i’m actually on a train to London at 9.23am tomorrow morning. So a few celebratory drinks for Tom, a boogie and well who knows who i’ll meet!!! 😉 Then i’m home to get a couple hours shut eye, before travelling to London to meet my PR in the morning. (It’s a really important meeting.)

I should start getting ready, it’s nearly 7pm and I’m  Abeiku Arthur at Xscape at 9.30pm, so we can head to Leeds early.

 

 

 

 

Biology, Ice Rinks & Prada

I definitely sat in a room today, with each one of my girl besties and took part in what I would call a somewhat glamourous ‘biology class.’ ou would never have thought that I was the product of not ONE but TWO Doctors, as Biology, has certainly never been a forte of mine. However, now..I feel much better, because the rest of my chicks friends are even more SHOCKING, when it comes to the rules of science.

So in the group….Some of us have had babies. Some of us… have not. I noticed that the ones who haven’t quite yet produced ‘Mini Mes’, didn’t know how or where babies come from? Lol. Yes, they’re all grown twenty something adults. 🙂 Glamour Pusses, to be exact. All ambitious. All driven. All hard working.

It went a bit like this..

‘Well, they say that if you have a baby later on in life, you’re more likely to have a boy, because more girls are produced by accident.’

‘Wait! So girls are becoming extinct???’

‘No, You’re just more likely to have a boy.’

‘Yeah, but in school we learnt about the X/X chromosomes and the x/y chromosomes, which would mean…’

‘I didn’t learn that in school…’

‘Wait, so I can only get pregnant, two days of the month?’

‘It’s weird how people just fall pregnant after a one night stand…’

‘You’re period has to be regular…’

‘Well i had an ovulation app…and i lived by it…’

‘Where do babies actually come from… Like i don’t actually know??’

‘Yeah, but Double B isn’t on the pill and she…’

‘She never has sex…’

‘It’s SCIENCE! OBVS!’

Then we quit playing ‘biology,’ as we had better things to do with our time. (Surprisingly.)

Mel decided that she needed to see a Doctor and an Optician all in the space of three hours, incase she had a brain tumour.

Mel: ‘Fucking’ell. I don’t want an injection in my eye. I’m having to go to Pinders tomorrow! Is it normal for Opticians to touch you?’

Me: ‘What d’ya mean, touch you? Lol. They do get close to your face.’

Fairytale: ‘They have too!’

Mel: ‘He was fit anyway…It’s just a bit weird that…’

 

Then ‘Fairytale’ and ‘Hustle Barbie’ decided to indulge in Kurt Geiger boot drama.

Fairytale: ‘These aren’t as comfy as they were in the shop.. I just wanna go home me…’

Hustle: ‘Well yeah, because everyone else has tried them on in the shop. I just need good boot for Budapest on Saturday.’

And ‘Firmonnell,’ ….my very best chica ‘Firmonnell’…dyed her hair pink. 🙂

(Haaaaa H’HAAAAAAAAAAAAA! What an idiot!)

Nothing makes me more delighted, than the fact that she tried to dye her OWN HAIR BLOND and instead she managed to lift her pretty head up from the sink and find that it was PINK. (Well, I say pink. No. She says PINK. It’s not pink. It just glows pink from a blondish head of hair.)

‘IT’S PINK! It’s fucking PINK.’

‘It’s really not.’

‘I thought i’d just go to sleep, let the world take a turn and wake up in the morning to see if i’d like the colour. I laid in bed for about 3 minutes and like a lunatic was back in the mirror to see if it had magically changed colour. If Double B was here, she’d tell me the truth. She’d tell me that I looked like i sold…’

Moderately dramatic. Yet, I love it when she’s all drama and evil. That’s why we ALL get along. ‘Firmonnell’ and I are on a really good banter stream with each other right now. Our banter, cannot even be competed with.

Firmonell: ‘Ooh, it makes me feel so good! I can feel the evil running through…’

Me: ‘…my soul.’

Anyway, fifty little pounds later and a £90 cancelled booking, ‘Big D’ (her delightful husband, who was probably sick of her moaning) had found her a trip to a rather bouji hairdressers, to change her life ‘back to blond.’ I love ‘Big D’ for that. He scores HIGH in the ‘Husband stakes.’He’s doing EVERYTHING RIGHT, right now. Where’s my ‘Big D???’ Wait! Hahaha. That sounds so rude!

Yipppeee!!!

Then I got bored and started Googling Prada. Shoes to be exact. Not because I particularly need any. Just simply because it makes the world a safer place. We’re committing to all things that makes us happy, right? Like the mesmerizing glow of the Dior makeup stand in ALL department stores…scrolling through the Prada or Jimmy Choo website….just makes me happy.

Then our guy friend ‘Jonesez’ who definitely needs to find himself a girlfriend, decided to make loving assumptions, as he carefully strutted passed each one of us, with caution. (He’s like a thoughtful, annoying, little brother to us all. But we love him madly because he buys us sweets.)

To Fairyatle: ‘Can I have some of your lip balm? It’ll be like we’ve kissed then.’

(Reply: Why are you so weird?)

To Me: ‘Yeah. I’ll definitely go ice skating with you. It’ll be like we’re on a date.’

(Reply: It’s not a date dude.)

To Hustle: ‘I thought you said *give head* then.’

(Reply:  *BLANK*   )

He’s such a Love Bunny. He can’t even help it! He’s cute! 🙂 To be fair. He’s a nuisance. But he’s fun and probably one of the most thoughtful boys ever.  We love him really.

But away from all that. I’m really busy. I’m trying to book a stay at a Forest Cabin, for the week before Christmas. For Ruby, Junior, my Mum, Dad..you get the picture. The Wunna’s.

I’ll also have a birthday around that time. I’ll be blogging from the cabin, through that week. It’s one of my favourite places. I haven’t booked it just yet. But I’ve been chatting back and forth with Forest Holidays all day today, because the cabin that I wanted is so popular, that it’s already booked up.

Firmonnell: ‘You can’t just have people chucked out of a cabin for you. Lol.’

Me: ‘ No. I know.I’m not trying to… I just…STOP TRYING TO RAIN ON MY PARADE!! Lol.’

I’m also trying to find a place where I can ‘open air’ ice skate during the festive months? Have Millennium Square in Leeds stopped doing the open air ice skating thing or something? I wanna go with the kids. I wanna go with my friends. I need it in my life and it’s nowhere to be found?

I was under the fond misconception, that it always appeared, as soon as the whole German Market affair tinkered to light? I’m wrong! I’ve fantasized about ‘open air,’ Christmas ice skating, in Leeds. Now, my dreams are shattered. 🙂

How can I have a ‘open air’ ice skating birthday, if there isn’t anything to skate on?

‘No! I don’t want to go to an ice rink. It has to be OPEN AIR!!!!’

(Lol. I’m feeling quite high maintenance today. I’m flipping demanding cabins, Prada and ice skating rinks. It’s the girls, they’ve evoked my inner Diva.)

But yes, it’s a busy time of merriment for me, or any blogger really, right now. I’m headed into such a fun season. It’s my favourite season and it’s so much better than Summer, because there’s an emotional warmth to Christmas isn’t there?

It’s not just a bikini pout, a poolside sun lounger and a instagram pic of you and an inflatable flamingo. There’s a magic to this season. A real magic. And this magic meanders around, until every single one of us, smiles and enjoys a warm apple cider, tinsel dripped December.

It’s that ‘magic’ that makes us feel good and when we feel good…. we can conquer the world!

Gino’s, High Fashion Mags & Loading Bays

Gino’s was great on Friday. It was the perfect treat to celebrate my soul, after a trip to Candy Mechanics. As soon as I pushed through that magical glass entrance and into the stylish, baby blue, sanctuary of Italian life, light and love…I was immediately greeted with warmth, a gust of ‘part of the family’ and a distinct zap of (what I call) ‘boujiness.

‘Hi Chrissie! How ARE you! Great to see you again!’

(Almost like i’d never left.)

The beautiful hostess beamed with ‘Wunna’ delight and stylish Italian manager came over, for hugs and ‘welcome back’ kisses. I always feel at home, whenever I walk through those doors. There’s no place like it for me. It’s cosy and immaculate, yet filled with a fun, sophisticated, Italian vibe. Whenever I go, I’m treated so well, that all that’s left to do is to enjoy a freshly frosted glass of prosecco. It’s m perfect. ‘relax after a busy work day’ haunt.

Me: ‘I’m just gonna grab a drink, if that’s okay? I’m on my own.’

Hostest: ‘Do you need me to take your coat?’

Me: ‘No, no, i’m fine thank you. I’ll just head down to the Prosecco bar.’

She smiled like I knew my way…(and I know my way to any Prosecco bar…blind) and as I sauntered down the stairway, I cheekily glimpsed around the restaurant.

It was all a bustle, almost every table filled with good times, families and friends. Infact, it was really quite busy for 2pm on a Friday! I couldn’t see an empty table. Even when I got down to the Prosecco bar for a quiet drink (the prosecco bar was peaceful, I was the only one sat at the bar) the downstairs restaurant was also full. It was filled with a party of handsome, excited, stylish young men. Guys! The boys! They looked like they were celebrating something? But who knows? They had fun! They ordered THE BEST of everything in the entire place! Their bill actually came to a shocking amount and the great thing about them, was that they didn’t care one bit because they had spent it on ‘good times’ and memories.

I looked over at the lady behind the bar, who had already asked me what I’d like..and with a wink and a smile…my frosted glass of prosecco was right there in front of me.

*Looks down at phone.*

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Where you at? I’m in Leeds.’

Me: ‘Ginos. You coming? I’ve only got 7 percent battery life…My phone’s gonna die.’

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Yeah. Cool. Stay there. Be there in 20 mins. No. 30 mins.’

Incase you’ve forgotten, Abeiku Arthur is one of my good, good friends. He owns the high fashion magazines, ‘House of Solo’ and ‘Pentagon.’ I love our impromptu catch ups, as we always end up talking business, work and banter. We have these personas of swag, style and grace….(well my ‘grace’ is dipped in moderate SASS,) yet if you were to actually sit in, on one of our conversations, you’d probably DIE of actual ‘holy shitness.’ Nothing is more OPEN than our conversations. He brings the ‘gangsta’ our in me.

Anyway, i’m sat at the bar, sipping prosecco by myself, happily taking selfies and snapchatting life at Gino’s. I’m running out of charge because of this Tom Foolery, and if i HATE anything, I truly dislike running out of charge. (If you know me personally, you will know that I ALWAYS carry a charger.)

Luckily, whilst I was sat at the bar, I noticed a guy sat at the end of the bar, on a laptop, that had a wire that mysteriously disappeared under the bar.

I followed the magical wire with my eyes…and BOOM, I ungracefully plonked my head rapidly under the bar and OH MY LORD, HAVE ALL THE MERCY, to my absolute DELIGHT, under the bar, was charger point HEAVEN. Hundreds of sockets. Life! Light! My heart may have skipped a beat. I plugged in and charged up…Yet weirdly I did it sneakily, because you do don’t you for some reason, when you’re charging your phone in public places? There’s a sense of ‘am I meant to be doing this’ about the whole situation. But you do it anyway?

Abeiku Arthur shows up, with some vintage camera that he’s bought from some vintage store, and takes photos of me to adjust his flipping focus.

We talk work. We talk life. We talk banter. We have some many stories that would shock your soul, it’s almost hilarious. We’re both hustlers. We’re both determined. We both have businesses that have accidentally done well. I love ‘House of Solo’ because I know how hard he works and how bad he wants success. Were both hustlers by nature. I do it glamorously. He does it dipped in a swaggalicious dash of ‘high fashion.’ He loves ‘Wunna Land’ and chrissiewunna.com because, who flipping doesn’t? 😉 But really, to him, i’m amazing because i’m honest. I’m real. We always have these bets on with each other and there has NEVER been ANYTHING SO FAR that I have SAID i’m going to do, that I haven’t done YET! Well..apart from ONE THING.

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Where’s my money! You ain’t done that at all!’

Me: ‘Fuck off. It isn’t Christmas yet. I said CHRISTMAS! Anyway, I have a tab open, order a drink if you want.’

‘Nah, it’s cool. I’ll get mine.’

‘You do know, i’m getting a cocktail after this…’

‘You’re not, i’ve parked in a loading bay, so we’re on a timer. You have to come with me to see this chick, who’s got  some camera lights that I need to look at…Oh! I have PR now.’

‘Really who…?’

We finish our drinks, we chat about our next career stop offs. We snapchat and get annoyed at the fact that the double ‘bunny ears’ filter, only commits to one. ME! 🙂  It plays with you doesn’t it?

One face ALWAYS has the ‘bunny ears’ and the other face has to tilt and meander in order to get a ‘look in.’ But it lies to you and tells you that you can BOTH ENJOY ‘bunny ears’ at the exact same time with EASE. There’s no ease about it. You end up in the most awkward head alignment, for absolutely no other reason, than showing people that you’re in a place, with someone or no one, with ‘bunny ears’ on your head…and even worse, we only use a filter because it makes us look better!

Abeiku Arthur: ‘MAN! Where are my bunny ears!!!!’

Me: ‘Ugh! Are we really gonna do Autumn Leaves now…!!’

(He’s doing really well right now. I mean, from Interviews with ‘The Script’ and the guy who sings the ‘She my Bestie, Bestie, she may Bestie’ song 🙂 , dashed with Gucci, Prada, Vogue writers, and Fashion week galore. He could’ve done a lot worse or himself. Lol.)

Abeiku Arthur: ‘And you’re the girl that’s managed to turn the story of her life into big bucks.’

Me: ‘As if you’ve parked in a loading bay.’

Life was great! All was great! I felt really positive all weekend. It was bliss.

The rest of my time was filled with family and baby love. I took the kids out. We had the best time of merriment. We bought toys, played out. We just swirled in Wunna land love. Our brunch of choice was at Patisserie Valerie in Doncaster and simply because Junior need banana pancakes and Ruby needed poached eggs. (It is the only place that does both.)

We met up with my Mum and had the best family weekend ever. Family’s really important to me. Growing up we were always close and throughout my 20’s due to work, I lived away in LA for years and years and years…but we were still REALLY REALLY CLOSE. We tell each other everything. Were a really open family. It’s filled to the brim with loyalty and love. Almost anything goes….and I just feel really lucky to have them.

I mean even this morning, I had to have a business meeting with my mum before I set off to work and she just looked at me, beamed and said,

‘ I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t believe in you. I believe in you more than anyone…’

(And she’s not soft like that is my Mum. She’s real. She’s ‘tough love’…But she has a kitten soul. She’s a ‘tell it how it is,’ kinda gal. J I love her more than life.)

She teaches me how to be a GREAT Mum and that I am. I mean look at this…Over the weekend…Ruby finds graffiti on the wall that reads the letters ‘BT’

Ruby:  ‘Mum? What’s that??’

Me: ‘It’s just graffiti babe..’

Ruby: ‘It’s like Ted Baker, but backwards.’

YES! MY CHILD ROCKS! BOOYAH! ALL THE TROPHIES!

We ended up doing a quick dinner at ‘Ego’ and then just enjoying Bonfire night, as the skies were littered with bitty burst of colour and excitement. I love everything about driving through the streets on bonfire night. The skies celebrate your existence and the airs smells of a warm, burnt whisper. It soothes any fire sign with comfort.

Saturday night I slept like a baby…

Then Keiran text me, at the crack of dawn, to see if I could drop Junior off at 8.30 am on Sunday morning….

One day, when i’ve chimed my ultimate success bell…I’ll be able to enjoy those blissful ‘good times’ and those glorious moments of ‘lay in’ without being suddenly woken up by ‘life alarms.’ I mean, I hate nothing worse than ‘alarms.’ Be it metaphorical or literal. I can’t stand waking up every single morning to the *bleep bleep* of my phone. It’s bad for my soul and sort of ‘off starts’ my day, because it forces me to get  up against my will. Surely my body should wake whenever  it wants to?

The only alarm I ever adored, was when I slept over at Samuel’s apartment in London, (I was on the Paris Hilton Show with him, back in the day.) He’s gay and his ‘Wake up’ alarm song was the ‘Part of That World’ by ‘The Little Mermaid.’ J

Now, i’m a Sasserilla and i’m not remotely ‘Disney’ by any means, but let me tell you, TO THIS DAY, (and do note that I have  been woken up by MANY an alarm, all over the WORLD… in a zillion hotel suites, a bundle of odd people’s bedrooms, my own personal delicious bed sheets and homes across the mighty globe..) DO NOTE, THAT TO THIS DAY, that SONG has been THE BEST ALARM WAKE UP CALL, I have ever had the pleasure to rise to! You really should try it! It’s bliss!

2009 Throwback Convo: (After we had returned from an evening out with Paris at Jalouse.)

Me: ‘You actually have Ariel has your wake up alarm.’

Sam: ‘Yeah obvs! What do you have?’

Me: ‘Usually just some guy telling me he’s not looking for a serious relationship. Lol’