Naked Snacking, Castings & Hormones..

Image may contain: one or more people and close-up

This is how glamourous I am. I mean, everyone thinks that I wake up on a morning, throw on my diamante encrusted robe and get carried to breakfast, in nothing but heels, by half naked Greek male models in togas, with six packs.

I WISH!

Last night, I sat on my bed at around 1.30am, because I was too excited to sleep, with a ripped open packet of prawn cocktail crisps, a ripped open packet of salt and vinegar crisps..a raw green chilli as a side, as I swigged a mini red wine, out of the bottle, in front of my bedroom mirror.

Dirty Nicole: ‘You’ve kinda made that sound glammy?’

It was sort of like the Matrix, if you were snacky and it was a budget porn. Instead of the pills, I chose crisps. Instead of the creepy phone call…I swigged wine. Instead of black cape like coats…I wore nothing.

So basically…nothing like The Matrix, at all?

Hahaha! Hey! Ho!

Wednesday turned out to be a dream, in the end, after a dodgy start. I’ve been influencing…yes. But i’ve been going on a lot of Castings. There’s a lot of new shows coming out and I’ve basically, been on the audition rounds…with everything crossed.

But i’ve got really excited again. I love it so madly.  That’s why I couldn’t sleep. I was on the phone to America, about some show n the early hours of the morning.

I’m an entertainer at heart…nothing makes me happier.

However, I was kinda really stressed, for moments yesterday, but because i’m hormonal. I must be getting my period soon. I can tell because I’m enjoying eating everything I can and I would never EVER do that… in probably a zillion years.

Plus, I wanted one of those ‘Crying to Sam Smith’ baths, that ‘Passionate Jaz’ suggested. She apparently, gets into a RED HOT bath, and with the door closed, plays Sam Smith tracks, alone…and then CRIES. Lol I love it!!

Yippppppppppeee!

‘Yoooooooou SSSAAAaaaaaaY, you love meEEEEee…’

(..as you glug under..)

I decided against having one. I had an ace time with my babies instead. We had a great night. I’m loving being Mama. Ruby & Junior are literally the funnest people I know.

I’m not kidding, when I say that…

Some of my grown up friends aren’t even NEARLY as emotionally stable or confident as they are. Let alone as ACE! Probably because my mates didn’t have the delight of having ME raise them. 😉

Miserable swines.

Then I got called ‘Stuck up.’ (Dull.) At least i’m not ‘Vanilla.’ I’d rather be the absolute WONDER that I am, than a plain old Ryvita. It’s always the people with no excitement in their life, that hate on the ones, that have a GUST in their sails, a GIGGLE  in their wink.

I’m FAR FROM stuck up. You’d know that if you met me.

(Don’t get me wrong, I’m feisty…but what glamour puss isn’t. In fact i’m more polite, than I am feisty always!! Yet, I’m a lot of fun!)

I’m more big headed than I am stuck up. Maybe you got it mixed up? But that’s the truth. I’m humble and kind, yet I don’t think there is anyone, in any form of entertainment, that ISN’T a little big headed and ‘LOOK AT ME.’ 

IT’S OUR JOB.

There’s another Insta Question, that’s come in also, rambling on about my past and whether i’m ashamed of it!!!???!!!

‘Rolls Eyes.’

WHAT!! 

I’ve done really well for myself!!

Ashamed? Why would I EVER be ashamed of my past! I’ve had the most colourful, wonderful experiences so far…If anything I’m grateful, that i’ve been alive! It’s all part of my story and i’m proud of what I’ve achieved, how I’ve developed and glad that I’ve documented every single moment. I lived life with bells on and got up to all kinds of naughty. But I don’t care, because it has all contributed to who I am and what stand for today!!!

Rant Over.

(Techincally, I did say ‘Ask Me Anything.’)

 

Tony Boney: Y’know, there’s this new bracelet out that holds wine…’

Me: ‘It reminds me of a She Wee.’

Toney Boney: ‘Eh???’

Lucy: ‘You drink out of it, from your wrist…Not piss into it, from your vagina..’

Bottom line, it’s shocking and reminds me of She Wee, but for your mouth? I don’t know why? I’m just creative.  I mean,  I’d like booze on my wrist…if it was bouji. But really how much wine could you actually fit into, a WIDE wrist bangle.

Not enough for any normal human, Jesus or Ru Paul! 

Plus, it’s not very dainty is it? It’s just…alcoholism at it’s finest.

‘I’ve run out of wine…’

‘Here… there’s some on my fucking wrist.’

Gross!

But stop press!

Did you know that i have blogged for about FIFTEEN YEARS and that CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM has been going for TEN WHOLE YEARS,THIS YEAR! 

It’s my 10 year Anniversary and later on in the year, i’m going to be celebrating it…and THANKING all those who have helped my story come alive. (The first five years of my blog, I wrote in LA, on Myspace, on other people’s computers. Lol) 

Anyway, I’m going, I need to do my face, take a few Insta pics and then grab a quick drinks. I’m gonna make ‘Golfer Jonny’ (KatyP’s boyfriend,) feel my specs up and mould them to my face.

Kinky.

I’m in Leeds, tomorrow, meeting Blackhouse and then I’m headed to Tattu.

Have a great Wednesday.

If I leave you with anything…I’ll tell you that it only takes 21 DAYS to break ANY HABIT! 

All my love,

Chrissie x

Ps/ I’ve just got a DM from my friend Kyle…

‘How many thirsty guys popped up to that photo?’

(The one above. Lol)

Awww…and Firmonnell’s sent me a morning Video snap, saying she misses me. Why can’t guys be just like her!!!!

 

Kitty Cafe, Singles & Humming Birds

Image may contain: 1 person, close-up

Woke up at 7 o clock this morning and Googled ‘Humming Birds,’ for no other reason than the fact that I thought they were pretty. Lol. That’s the depth of my 7am mind. I had a psychic read for me last night, then did my Breethe meditation app, so I could sleep peacefully, without random, yet jolly nightmares…

After my morning ‘Humming bird’ Google search, I then Googled Love Islanders, to see how much ‘dollar’ they were all making since leaving the villa. They’re smashing aren’t they! It makes me happy to see all folk doing well…and at the same time JEALOUS. Yet, everyone gets their time, so hopefully I’ll get mine soon. Lol (Or, I’ll just shrivel away happily and drink rum in an old people’s home..with a cat that I’ll probably name ‘Gucci.’)

I got a question the other day on my Insta, saying…

‘If you fancy a guy and blog about it, surely he would know who it is?’

Well, yeah. Obviously. I’m not shy. If I fancy someone, I don’t fear that they may know? Lol. I’m 37, not 17. So, if they were to read my blog, even though their name would be disguised as an alias, they’d obviously know if it was them, as they would’ve shared that moment, memory or story with me, at some point.

Everyone who’s an alias on this blog, KNOWS who they are. They will have lived the tale, with me…in Wunna Land. So, in a way, not only will they get to relive the memory…via this blog, yet that particular moment goes down in Cyberland history.

It’s Magical. Like Paul Daniels.

Sophie AF: ‘Your blog’s, like one of those things that will come alive and go down in history, when you die…because you will have documented your whole existence…’

Me: ‘Cheers… I’m ready to shuffle off yet, bitch.’

The ‘Singles Night’ at The Kitty Cafe, Leeds, in now booking up fast. I actually can’t wait, because I haven’t  been to a ‘Singles Night’ in ages. I’m really excited.

(The last time I did a ‘Singles Night’ was in Sheffield, years ago… on a PA, after coming off the Hilton show…I was so drunk and it was in a club…and I remember being stood on some stage, as people cheered and slutty looking dancers held me up, after dancing on podiums in pink fur. It took me an entire day to recover and no..I didn’t find true love. Hahah. Instead I died in bed at Ollie & Becky Hayes’ home…who were (at the time) radio presenters for Hallam FM. Becky was SO good at looking after me…She ran be a bath, brought me fruit and everything.)

Do know that my favourite hangover cures are either BLOODY MARY, or a SLUSH.

But back to Kitty Cafe…

Even if I don’t meet the man of my dreams that night, I can still stroke kittens…which will calm me. (Shit, I really hot guy has just sauntered into the bar at sat on the table opposite me. I’m doing the ‘pretend I haven’t seen him’ face, because my pulling technique is obviously champion.)

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa

Anyway…The Kitty Cafe, sound great because it seems so city trendy, which is exactly my forte…

So, if you haven’t booked in yet, email them pronto (info@kittycafe.co.uk) and save your spot. Bookings have apparently been mental. I can’t wait to meet everyone. Sept 21st.

Promo done!! 😉 

Lucy McLockett: ‘That place is a danger zone for you Wuns. I just read in the paper, that they’re applying for a marriage license there…Don’t be in a place with single men, where the can actually MARRY YOU.’

Me: ‘Fourth time lucky! Always a bride, never a bridesmaid. At least they’ll be kittens, right? Lol’

What else?

Things are really fun and I’m having a great time with the kids. They’re literally my world…and I’m loving every inch of them. Work is a plenty. I’m still influencing many a hotel, restaurant and bar, like my glamourous little life depends on it. (And it does. Haha.)

Book me. Hire Me. Me! Me! Me!

When it comes to love, I’m still single, but concentrating on work. Everything feels so right, at present, that I don’t really need to change it. I still fancy ‘The Swirl,’ but he’s a million miles away, doing his own thing, probably not thinking about me at all. Yet, I want him to have moments where he *pauses* and thinks..

‘What the fuck happened to Wunna? I miss her.’

(If not…Lol…shit happens.)

However, the great thing is, I have a whole lot of time to just conquer a bit of Wunna Land and smash it about. I’m quite a determined little chica. I’m ambitious aren’t I. So, I don’t want to wiggle off this Earth ball one day and not have achieved all that I wanted to.

It means a lot to me…

I’m not a plodder. I’m not someone who doesn’t get juiced off achieving goals, inspiring, smashing dreams and winning! I know how to have a good time and laugh shit off. But I’m there in the moment..I’m alive……I’ve always got my eye on the prize…(even when i’m in my ‘what are those’ leopard print flip flops.) 

Don’t hate!

Take note…

When it comes to men, I don’t like the day in and day out… ‘plodders.‘ I like those that have dreams, or those who have fought hard to live their dream. I find them inspirational and that to me, (along with a whole bunch of other stuff,) is sexy.

Right, I’m done now…This blog has gone on far too long! I’ve rambled.

You can make anything happen. Believe it. Attract it. Make everything you love YOURS!

Chrissie… x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kittens, Love Island & A Sexy Bit Of Adam Collard!

 

Morning! Morning! Happy Tuesday! God! Last night, at around 10pm, Ruby came into my room. She couldn’t sleep because she was too hot. I opened the window and she heard tiny ‘meowing.’ Then she screamed..

‘IT’S ROCCO..’

Remember we lost our kitten, on that really shocking Friday I had. It was filled with utter disaster..and I thought it would never end. Lol.

We both rush downstairs…Yet i have nothing on expect a yellow bra and knickers…Ruby is just in pants. We haven’t even thought to grab clothes or shoes, during our dash, because we wanted ‘Rocco’ so madly. Clothes didn’t feel like a priority.

At 10.10pm, last night, we ran outside, in the dark, half naked, in no shoes and finally got our kitten Rocco. back home, where he belongs. I wouldn’t have even cared if anyone saw me. My heart was just filled with a happy relief. Be it Kittens, friends or men…They always come back to Wunna Land. 😉

It was the most amazing experience. It filled us with utter joy. Rocco, is back in Wunna Land, and he is as happy as can be! He’s back to living it up!

Hurrah! Naked kitten saving all the way. It’s like being James Bond, but Asian, barefooted and in the nude. 

Away from that, i’ve been resting and working. I have some really great auditions coming up and some really great news. OK Magazine said that I’m tipped for the new series of ‘Celebs Go Dating’ because I said, I loved the show and was back on your  Reality TV Screens shortly.. They also stated that I was ‘coy’ about whether I would be finding love on the reality show. I enjoy being called ‘coy’ simply because i’ve been called a lot WORSE.

But I’m not gonna life. I do fancy a bit of ‘Celebs Go Dating.’ Yet, that isn’t the show that I’m on.

I’ve managed to meet up with KatyP for drinks. She’s lost her bank card and needs booze running through her system. I don’t know what we were talking about the other day, but something to do with how I hate horror movies and sausage dogs. (I never watch horror movies. I can’t stand feeling creeped out.) Weirdly, Julie & Golfer Jonny said that they watched some horror movie called ‘Carrie?’ Something like that anyway?

I was only half listening because Katy P and I were evil cackling about something far more entertaining…(like sex for money, who we’d like to have sex with once… and hobbit feet) but all that happened in the movie was some teenage girl called ‘Carrie’ goes in the shower, get’s her period, people start chucking tampons at her and shouting ‘plug it in?’ Eh? Then she kills everyone….

That’s not a horror movie. That’s just normal real life for a teen. She was just hormonal. Give the girl a break.

I’ve got a couple shoots to be doing and i’m so excited about the new bars and hotels that I am soon to be influencing. I’m also back in Sheffield towards to the end of the month, to revisit Kuckoo. (One of my favourite spots.) I’m actually doing, London, Leeds, Sheffield, York, Manchester, Nottingham, Spain & Newcastle. (Yet this time ‘on purpose’ and not because i just got off at the wrong stop.)

I’m feeling like the luckiest girl in the world.

A couple days ago, I was so lost. But just like that, I’m *popped* right back into action and it’s because I love what I do. I love working. I can’t be left to ‘rest’ unless my rest time is filled with love. I want to make something a bit special of myself…and there’s no shame in that. I know what i’m doing. 😉 (Yeah Baby!)

So watch me nooow!

Oh! I’ve been invited to ‘Da Marino’ in New York, to dine. I can’t remember if I told you that or not? But I have now.  It’s owned by the lovely Chris Noth, who plays ‘Big’ in ‘Sex and the City.’ They figured it was a good match, since a magazine did the ‘UK’s Carrie Bradshaw’ thing. (I know! What is my life!) And yes, again, i’m about to be back on your tv screens. I actually read an email this morning, confirming everything…and i’ve had to wait a really LOOOOOOOOONG time, for it to even almost air.

However, I’m a patient person. I’ve learnt lots in my time and you get what you’re meant to get, when you’re meant to get it. You don’t get what’s not for you. Everything happens at the right time. So I don’t rush anything, when it comes to work. When it comes to love, I’m open, but guarded. I wear my heart on my sleeve, yet these days control how I feel. But yes, be patient, in both love and work.

I mean in love, you can meet someone who’s perfect and if it’s not the right time, you won’t ‘magnet fix.

Yet, you shouldn’t be upset by that, simply because it’s not a bad thing.  Later down the road, be it weeks, months or years….the timing of it all could be much better…Life just needed you to meet earlier than ready…and they’ll always be a reason for that. That reason, you’ll find out.

I completely believe in that. You don’t meet anyone meaningful by accident.

Away from that, OH MY LORD, how HOT is flipping ADAM COLLARD! Jeepers! Peepers! That’s 109 Hail Mary’s from me. I’ll do time in Hell for him. I’m like GOSH! He’s the most attractive man my eyes have ever witnessed on the telly box, in AGES. If there’s a team. I’m on HIS!

HAHAHA! (Why am I such a perv?)

I mean, what girl wouldn’t want to wake up to a bit of Adam every morning! How is he that delicious!?! He’s like a chiseled piece of pie, that I just need to devour.

Even before Love Island aired last night, he was already my favourite. I tweeted it out because i’m waay ahead of my own loin game. Lol. But when he walked onto my TV Screen, he was UNREAL. Hotter than his Promo pictures! And that was it! I was sprung. I’m now hooked. Great casting! I’ll be addicted to Love Island for the rest of the Summer..

From the moment he sauntered into that Villa…That was it! I’m in absolute lust. (Which I always mistake for love. 😉 )

He’s 22 and looks like a grown ass man! What a GIFT!

Thank you Jesus!

But yes, I didn’t want to say it, but i’m delighted with Love Island. I’m already loving it, every little inch of it. I’m skipping the dull bits, I’m loving a bit of Dani Dyer & Jack. I actually like the Doctor. I come from a family of doctors, so I always have a soft spot for one. (Apart the Spanish one that I once dated who tried to *hump* me.) The funny thing is, that as soon as the girls find out he’s a Doctor, all of ‘magical’ sudden, he’ll seem more attractive. *Rolls Eyes.* 

I’m enjoying all the banter. But I’m LIVING for the half naked Adam Collard. Aren’t we all! Shower me in love potion much.

Happy ‘Collard’ Tuesday!

Chrissie x