The Day I Got Played, Threesomes & Raps…

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Chick Friend: What you up too?

Me: ‘I’ve been working since 4.30 this morning.’

Chick Friend: ‘But what you up to now?’

Me: ‘I’m sprawled on my goddamn bed, in a sequin bikini, trying to influence a necklace..’

Chick Friend: ‘Get to the pub please…I need to speak to ya..’

Afternoony, my ‘Cheeky Cheekies!’ How are ya! Great weather again. Life is grand. I’m feeling hormonally imbalanced….but on the whole good. I’m stressing over nothing, as per usual….but i’m getting the hang of letting my mind rest. There’s a lot I have to do, or feel like I need to accomplish right now…and that is twirling through my head. Probably why, I’m pouring that extra glass of vino. 🙂

Anyway, yesterday I got to hang out with a new friend of mine, ‘J.D,’ who’s actually ‘Katy P’s’ mate…over a quick iced wine. J.D’s always great to just sit and chat with, in the sunshine (yes only in the sunshine, I don’t have friends in the rain,) because he’s like Buddha. Lol. He’s all calm, but fun..yet insightful. He always has a really shit love life, however really great at giving honest love life advice.

Honesty, maybe a week ago, he told me to send a guy a message, that i would never have sent…

JD: ‘He’ll definitely respond to that…He’s waiting for you to show interest..and if he doesn’t…He’s not worth ya time..’

I listened. It worked and now Katy P, J.D and I always do afternoon wines, when free.

So, yesterday, I was rambling on about how the people in LA are far less judgmental and far more open, than they are here in the UK. I mean growing up in West Hollywood..anything goes! No one judges anyone, on anything and mainly because everyone in that town is in entertainment, be you a model or an actress…and on a daily basis, as you are going from audition to audition, at Warner Brothers, Disney, Paramount…some casting office….you are being heavily JUDGED constantly….for work.

There’s also the fact that so much shit goes on, that we’ve kinda seen, been and heard it all. The things that would be seen as taboo over here, is taking with a pinch of..well…tequila over there. Lol

And ofcourse, because i’m a plank, the example I used was this…

‘Well one day, a chick friend of mine came into work, looking all glamourously worried and she kinda  just whispered to me that she had had sex with a co worker (we all worked in a celebrity gym at the time Lol) AND HIS MATE…at the same time….the night before.’

I described the incident in more graphic detail for JD. 🙂 Let’s just say…she as BUSY. Hahaha.

Infact, let me take you back about 14 years….(as if it’s been that long, ) this is how the story went…We’re at Crunch Gym, on Sunset, West Hollywood….checking in for a shift…

Chick: ‘Omg. So I had accidentally had a threesome last night with Rob and his mate…What the fuck…I’m like working with him later…’

Me: ‘Omg. NO! Hahah. After work… the night before, he asked me back to HIS…AND I had sex tooo! Not with his mate though. Lol. Shit. I sent him that needy as fuck text…Haha. I send him the needy as fuck text…when you were giving him a blow job. Hahaha.’

Chick: ‘Hahaha. He’s totally done us over.’

And yes, you may think this is all rather slutty etc etc…blah…But it’s life and well in Hollywood….being a young 20 something….Shit like this DOES NOT MATTER. It doesn’t even nearly graze the surface, of what you’ll actually go through.

So me, being me…and I’ll about ‘airing and sharing,’ I decided to wait until Rob came on his shift, so I could confront him. 🙂 We’re girls. We like to see a boy squirm.

It went like this…

Me: ‘Yo Rob…’

Rob: ‘Hey..’

Me: ‘You totally slept me with and then had a threesome with ******* the next night. I sent you that needy text…Just make like that didn’t happen…’

And you know what he did…because a BRITISH BOY, would have gone white with panic, tried to figure out some kind of last minute excuse, admitted it sheepishly, pretended that he hadn’t heard you, or just be all cocky because he’s been caught out.

Rob *paused* then PISSED HIMSELF LAUGHING. Lol. Literally laughed SO LOUD, in my face that he almost teared up and cried. He found it that funny, that he managed to play us both.

And because’re we’re LA…and he had just shouted out a ‘YES’ with an air pump… I started laughing…then my chick friend, who was unfortunate enough to have the threesome started pissing herself…and just like that….it was forgotten about, taken so lightly, filed under ‘life’ and today we’re all STILL (14 years on) the best of friends. It’s such a great story…

But what I’m saying is, that if the same story happened here, with some of my UK chick friends…it would’ve been drama…for weeks, months, maybe even years…

So I guess doing my 20’s in LA, kinda made me open minded, open hearted and a hell of a lot more relaxed. Like you can’t shock me..at all.

I mean, even when all three of us were laughing, my roommate walked by, who also worked at the gym, (who was a super popular male model)..looked over, said this..

Justin: ‘What you laughing at?’

Me: ‘Rob had a threesome with ****, but slept with ME the night before.. I sent him a needy text…whilst **** was giving him a blow job…lol That’s how lame I am.’

Justin…’Uh….Do you wanna get lunch…?’

Like that is how much IT SHOCKED Justin…my roomy, because he was SO LA. Infact, i think he was actually dating a really famous Pornstar at the time…because she was always in our condo, watching ‘Jackass.’ Justin & I were really great roommates because we did everything together…and had the same friends. The only time we ever argued, was once when he marched up to the top floor (which was my floor) of our condo…utterly wasted and decided to throw a tantrum because I refused to have sex with him. Hahaha.

Long story short….Rob’s laughing and making fun of me didn’t end there…

He then proceeded to write and PERFORM  RAP, that he had dedicated to ME called..

‘I hit, but I quit, because I found a better girl.’

Hahaha

He performed it with such vigor and even beat boxed it at me. Lol. I mean WHO DOES THAT…EVER…

Hahahaha.

But it’s such a hilarious memory….Plus, we were both models at the time and often we would get interviewed and asked how we knew each other and if we had any stories to share…

And being perfectly PR’d…we’d both just smile…make up a lame story, say we used to work together and hug…

Hahahaha.

I must have delivered my story in one whole breath, because I paused, looked up and JD….who is utterly SAINTLY. I mean, he’s such a gentleman, a bit wet maybe, some would say? Yet, such a good human. He looks out for people, selflessly…

I looked at him and he had thrown his head back in absolute hysterics, laughing SO LOUD and so hard that he was crying! 🙂

It was almost as if, in that moment, I made this little saint of a friend…feel ALIVE…(fair enough, at the expense of my dignity Lol)…But what i’ll tell you, is that THAT is not only a gift, or a talent…Yet it is always why or how this little blog works….

Love ya,

Chrissie x

Ps, I’ve just got an Insta DM from one of my best LA guy friends Theo…and all it reads is..

‘I miss you.’

How sweet. 🙂

Image may contain: Chrissie Wunna

 

 

 

 

Spring Cleans, Hollywood & Really Dodgy Fetish Parties ;)

I’m feeling all boated and knackered today, but i’ve got in the bag. My ‘Va Vooms’ on fire and because I feel like the busiest bee in all of the beautiful land…(Bee’s never look that busy to me, they just look like they try and SOUND busy, yet really they just fly around stinging people, whilst being stripey…) However, yes…I am busy with ‘the niggly bits’ the bits I despise. The bits where it comes in really handy, if OTHER PEOPLE do them for you. 🙂

*PLEASE HELP! HELP AWAY!*

And because I hate all things ‘niggly’ and it’s not wine o clock yet….I stayed really focused and distracted myself 🙂 by not concentrating, Googling bikinis and instead cleaned three rooms of my home from top to bottom, listening to ‘Little Mix’ in pyjama bottoms and a bra, and making work calls.

If I ever decide to clean my home that intensely from top to bottom…You know that I must be trying to bury my head in the glittery sand. I once threw out a pan and bought a new one simply because I couldn’t be arsed to clean it. 🙂

It’s like the most boring distraction in the world ever. It’s lame. Don’t do it. Sleeping with Greek men in togas is a good distratcion…Seeing what Michelle Keegan looks like in a bikini is a distraction…Cocktails…Friends, Banter….ANYTHING.

However, Scrubbing and hoovering is NOT! It’s shit. I only did it to burn extra ‘cos i’m bloated’ calories. But now i feel like I need 20 wines…

I have a really busy next 2 weeks…maybe 3 weeks…It’s jammed and at the same time i’m armed with The Wunna Babies. (Ruby squeezed all my Johnsons Baby Lotion of the pink bottle and and filled it up with water. That was fun. That was great! What a beautiful child. Didn’t at all make me want to RIP MY **&&*&*$$£”””” hair out. 🙂

Like the time when my LA guy roommate kept trying my clothes on in secret, when I was younger. I’d lay them all out, ready for a night on the razzle. I’d come back, after skipping off to buy wine, to find them inside out, worn…and smelling of sweaty boy. Lol. But much better than the time, I walked back in after late night Hollywood drinks…and found 7 grown up males, in pretend NAPPIES/DIAPERS, drinking beer and dancing in the living room….

I walked in with my best friend, who’s now a really successful film producer..(Good switch from ‘Party Boy’) and all I could hear was them panicking and shouting…

‘FUCK!!! DUDE!!!!! SHE’S FUCKING BACK ALREADY! DON’T LET HER GO UPSTAIRS.’

But me being Me…It weirdly didn’t bother me. Lol. I found it really funny..Plus, nothing is WORSE than having a secret fetish party and having a human, (who’s not part of the fun) *surprise* walk in…Let alone ‘surprise walk in’ and ALSO make you feel SHITTY… (Yet they were in diapers? Lol. I’m ridiculously laid back , when it comes to ‘taboo’ behaviour. I’ve seen so much…that that wasn’t anything really.

Me: ‘My feet hurt, are there anymore drinks…Why are you pretending to be an octopus? I’m going upstairs…’

Random Nappy Dude: ‘That’s Chrissie W’…’

Roomie: ‘Wunna…Yeah. She’s my roommate.’

Random Nappy Dude: ‘AW! FUCKSAKE DUDE!!!’

Roomie: ‘Don’t let her go upstairs! Oh! Hi, Matt!”

(That was my bestie.)

‘Chrissie, you’ve got some mail and that dude you went on a date with…that weird Bodyguard one…dropped your stuff back… Like a belt?’

Me: ‘Does it say *DIRT* on it? Is it that diamante one? He hasn’t even fixed the *Y* on it, has it…What an idiot. I hate dates… I’m just not gonna speak to him..’

And this was all when i was in my mid 20’s, and whilst my roommate was in a pretend diaper…and he was a lawyer. 🙂

HAHAHA. (Sorry, I’m just pissing myself….. My friend Matt & I did so much better for ourselves…Lol)

Upstairs was awful. Lol. Even I was shocked. I’ve told the story before and it IS embedded in this website…

But yeah…Lol…What I was actually going to say, is that now i’ve told the story…I noticed that the whole random fetish party didn’t bother me at all, yet the guy who decided to try on my clothes, whilst I was out, behind my back, BEFORE I HAD EVEN WORN THEM……

PISSED ME OFF.

So, it must be the little things that wind me up.

But anyway, thank you everyone for reading my blog! I’ve received so many inbox messages from literally all over the world, from ladies, men, girls, guys and saying that they’re loving it, hooked or have just had a first time ‘peek.’

Like ‘Trigg’ had a first time peek yesterday, because he couldn’t follow quite obvious instructions. Lol.

Trigg: ‘I didn’t know I could swipe up?’

Me: ‘What? Even though it says SWIPE UP??’

And a guy from Vienna messaged me this morning saying that he read yesterdays blog and loved it and that HE actually used to work right by me in LA, by The Grove. He has this wonderful Youtube channel about his travels, so I’m gonna check that out today.

Plus, I love that all Ladies, love a ‘school mums’ blog. Unfortunately, I went with diaper ridden fetish party today…But hey…It’s all about balance, right? 😉

I had a moment yesterday, where I stopped a second after being rushed out of a meeting and into a car, where I *paused* and got to chill for a moment….

I sent this message…

‘Missing ya.’

They replied with a..

‘Miss u to xx’

Then life scuttled us along…..

I’ve got lots going on, shoots, influencey things, I’ve got to fit in the time to commit to filming, flights to Spain, meetings, Motherhood…and my friends….

In this Chapter, my newest one…I am being a really shit friend. I went from having all the time in the world, to having no time…Or having to prioritse my time. Plus, I have ‘powers above’ who make me hinder to sacrifices. But I just have to do it. It’s work and i’m building…

But this weekend, it’s my chick friend ‘Fairytales’ birthday drinks…So I’ll be celebrating it with her at The Electric Theatre….

I actually almost forgot, because I had fittings and flights and all sorts of busy mayhem…But Mel reminded me on Monday….I love ‘People Reminders.’ And just like that…I’ll be there!

The Career’s going really well. I’m feeling really confident right now…

I’m gonna SMASH IT.

Cue: FIRE

It’s All A Bit Of A Cheeky Jumble….

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Happy Monday!!! How are you all? I’m alright today, to say it’s Monday. I’ve got a lot of ‘first part of the week’ work on….and like i’ve just said to a friend,

‘Once it’s all sorted, shot, filmed, out there and promo’d…I’ll be able to finally shit..Shit? I meant *SIT*…Lol… chill and enjoy.’

There’s so any little bits going on and i’m just not being organised. I need to grab all the loose ends and bow tie them pronto. I’m sort of letting it take control of ME, rather than OWNING the reins like a champion.

Whatsapp Msg: ‘Get ya arse into gear and sort it out…’

I have modes. When i’m on ‘work’ mode, I ROCKET IT. I have tunnel vision and I smash it about with my Girl Boss’ wink. When i’m on ‘lets have fun’ mode…That’s all I can seem to do. And I always only do what I want. Never anything less. I’m naturally fun, so it’s easy. Then, finally when i’m on ‘chill’ mode, which is my favourite mode….I adorn the art of relaxing in true glamour puss style. I like to put things in categories…So technically, I must be more organised than i believe?

RIGHT?? PLEASE AGREE…

But like I said, a gzillion shoots, blogs, advert filming, auditions and all sorts is on the cards. I even have to finish off writing a book in that time.

I’ll do it. I’ve got my ‘updo’ in and that always makes me work harder. 😉 The kids even gave me neon ‘putty’ to destress me, in case I went mental.

They both went to their Fathers, yesterday afternoon and I molded putty into a penis, a bracelet and a bottle opener, because you really don’t need anything more than those three items in life.

In that time, I could’ve smashed work emails or shot more content. 🙂 But it was Sunday and Sunday’s are about chilling, right? Lol

I love my excuses.

I mean, who dashes about on a Sunday? (Other than all the most successful people in the world.  🙂 ) Sometimes, I get my priorities straight and other times…I just don’t.

Like right now, I’m having a conversation about how I was late to my own WEDDING REHEARSAL in LA, because I was shopping. They had to do it without me. Lol. I didn’t prioritize well on that day. (It was the first time around.)

Actually, in my DEFENSE…(and this is all in my ‘ABOUT ME’ section on this site, which you can all go and read, if you fancy.) I didn’t see it as a priority because I was actually already secretly married to the groom. No one knew, but us and our two best friends, who witnessed it. So the wedding was more like a ‘production‘ than a real life thing.

Shopping came first that day. 🙂

If I ever got married again….I’d do it privately…and tell you about it afterwards.

But back to work! I’ve managed to get distracted again…

The good thing is, that at least my business is ‘my own life’ and the work part of ‘my own life’ is online. So, like I said, once i’ve whipped all the ‘graft’ ..I can ‘glamourously’ relax for a bit, and let it HOPEFULLY work it’s own magic.

I like the word ‘MAGIC.’ Do you?

Right, i’m off because I’ve actually got quite a lot to master today. Plus, a parents evening for Junior this afternoon.

This conservation has just happened with one of my chick friends..

‘Why is my life shit!’

‘Your life isn’t shit! Yours is ace. Mine is shit.’

‘No, we’ve both got shit lives…but just doing shit differently..lol’

When that convo happens, you know you’re actually alright, because if things were really that shitty, you’d hit *panic* button and run around screaming. You wouldn’t be laughing about it. 🙂

Hope you have an amazing Monday!

Oh and i’m getting a ton of messages about my ‘Only Fans’ thing. The site where you can subscribe to ‘exclusive’ content…which is the ‘cheeky’ version of my selfies.

The reason why I’ve started that, is simply because I have a lot of followers from all different walks of lives, all different ages, all different genders and with all different ‘wants.’

And I feel as though everyone is sort of getting mixed up in a jumble. So i’ve giving people specific places to go…So that they can find what they are PERSONALLY looking for in Wunna Land.

If you like to follow my diary, actually read the blog and specifically follow my life..It’s here. It’s you number one WUNNA LAND SPOT. Everything you want or need to know or learn about me, is here.

My Instagram will become more ‘LIFESTYLE.’ It’ll become more ‘Influencery.’ (Which is always great for the girls and teens.)

One Facebook Profile will become ‘family.’

My Twitter will be my brief bursts of banter.

My Stories & Snapchat will just be video…

And my Only Fans content will be for all the gents, who just want to see the ‘cheeky’ pics, which they’ll have to subscribe too….as lets face it…I won’t have my bra on…and it’s cold. 🙂

This is all happening shortly…and by next month…It will all be in place. So, there’s no more jumble and each ‘social’ will have a different voice.

Got it?

See! I am organised after all! 😉

 

 

 

 

What’s Sexy To Me……..

Tuesday feels great! I’m filled with excitement and gusto. It’s so different to yesterday and I thank the good ‘jollies’ for it! I have a black coffee by my side, to protect me from evil and an updo bobbled in tight, to hold any form of dignity, that I may possibly left, firmly in place.

These 37 years have been colourful. WONDERFUL, but boy have they been colourful. YET, let’s face it, if you don’t have a lifetime memory bank, filled with fun, trials, tribulations and well… mainly debauchery, than what do you have? 🙂 (Sense probably. Lol)

I KNOW, that when I’m 80 years old, withering away in some old people’s home because everyone’s forgotten to love me…with my rummy cocktail, still probably posting on instagram, because I’ll mistakenly believe i’ve still ‘goddit‘…..I KNOW, that my ‘when I was young…’tales will be OUTSTANDING. 

The older I get the more open my tales will become on this blog, waaaay before i’m 80 and simply because I’ll careless about being inappropriate. 🙂

I’m currently sat in on someone’s shoot, a chick friend of mine, I’m gonna call her ‘Daisy.’

Daisy: ‘Don’t call me Daisy. It makes me sound like a cow.’

Me: ‘Yeah, you’re right. You’re more of a bitch…Lol. Shall I go with *Tinker* because you’re a nuisance…?’

Daisy: ‘Yeah, I love that!!’

I went with Daisy. My blog. My rules. 🙂

Anyway, I have meetings for the entire rest of the day and a Skype audition later, yet I said, I’d come sit in on her shoot, as it’s her first ever, ‘boudoir’ shoot…and she feels all nervous. (It’s basically just a ‘Glamour Shoot’ where she has to lay around and pout in her undies.) She wants me to tell everyone that she’s ‘not trying to be a model’…but SHE IS, trying to be a model. Lol. (There’s nothing wrong with ‘trying to be a model.’) 

Me: Did you even practice?’

Daisy: ‘No…’

Me: ‘Well, that’s a good start. As if you’ve come, booked in and not even practiced!!! It’s like you haven’t trained for your game, or revised for your exam.’

Daisy: ‘Do you practice…’

Me: YES! ALL THE TIME!!

She’s currently stood in a studio in Leeds and warm because i’ve made them turn the heating on full blast. (Mainly because I don’t wanna sit in the cold and everyones shit at shooting in the cold.) She’s in knickers, heels and a dressing gown, looking like she’s lost her way to the Post Office, or something? Lol

Daisy: ‘Why are you laughing??? Can you stop taking the piss out of me! And can you stop typing everything that I’m saying to you. You’re meant to be helping me!!’

Me: ‘I am! I’m lightening you up! You’re like a plank of wood. You need to relax more, wiggle into it a bit. You look as though, you FEEL about as sexy as that door knob.’

Daisy: ‘Door knob. Cheers. Lol’

Me: No. Lol. Like, if you look at that door knob, it’s all stiff and dull. Take three screws out of it and let it dangle off the door, on one screw…. and swing it. It’s now sexy.’

Daisy: Shut the F*** up Wunna! This is like some kind of Mr Miyagi training. I don’t do this every morning after the school run, like you! Have you called me Tinker?’

Me: ‘Yes…’ 😉

Anyway, so whilst they’re setting up, I’m blogging and it’s annoying because i’m sat by a really sunny window and I can’t exactly see my screen very well…It’s cool, it’s like typing blind and hoping for the best! Kinda like, how my real life pans out…

But I say it all the time. From my experience….a glamour shoot, a boudior shoot, isn’t about what you’re wearing or what you’re not wearing.

Wahey!!

It’s about FEELING SEXY IN IT, FEELING FULFILLED & FEELING ALL WOMANLY. You can plonk anyone in a pair of heels, stockings and pants and if they don’t feel secure, fluid, sexy or happy….you can tell. They look like an awkward cardboard cut out, that’s about to get run over, by a slow moving, oncoming tractor and they don’t know what to do?

Me: ‘Yo! Don’t try and *be a model*…Try and be YOU in the shots. What makes YOU sexy. You’re doing a weird model face.’

Daisy: ‘It’s my DEAD EYES. I haven’t got my specs on. It feels all blurry.’

Me: ‘Hahahahah! Good! Like you’re drunk! Now you CAN’T see what’s around you, so you can go for it… Glamour into the blur. LOL.’

Daisy: ‘I hope you get on a show soon, where you’re trapped for weeks and everyone has a proper go at you. Lol. I’ll laugh and just shout *glamour into the blur, bitch.*

I’ve just turned some music on, because I don’t know how anyone can shoot well without tunes on. (Do notice, how i’m simply altering her surroundings to suit ME. Haha.) Gets you in the mood, doesn’t it!

(I’ve put this on… So SEE! I AM TRYING TO HELP.)

This is the hardest blog to write ever, because I keep having to get up, run off, do stuff and run back, simply to type a paragraph. (She’s now moaning because i’ve been offered a drink and she hasn’t.)

Daisy: Aw! Yeah! Offer Chrissie Wunna  a drink, but not me.’

She’s shooting now, so i’m not gonna disturb her.

But anyway, I’ve been getting a load of messages from people who are shocked that i’m Northern, that i’m Yorkshire. I am.

Definitely born ‘Yorkshire’ have two Burmese parents, travelled over to LA and sounded American for years, (but I had to learn to do that because no one could understand what I was saying and when I was on tv show auditions, they didn’t want me to have a British accent…I even had to go see a dialect coach, to change my accent.) Then I landed back in the UK, did the ‘living in London,’ thing for work, where my accent turned all posh for a bit… and now i’m back in Yorkshire…So, basically my accents all muddled! How would I describe it..?

It’s like having a pub lunch, in a Chinese restaurant, as hip hop music plays in the background and you’re on the phone to The Queen.

Long story short…I am from Yorkshire.

Right, I’ve got a lot to do today and I need to go help her on her shoot. It’s my daughters 7th birthday at the weekend and she’s wanting a trip to ‘Sundown Adventure Land’ this Saturday.

My friend Nick, is on ‘The Best Boys’ of ‘Take Me Out, this Saturday, after causing a Take Me Out **hoo haa,** the last time he was on the show! I’m excited to watch him and I really want him to have this amazing career in telly, because he deserves it.

I’m still bubbling with excitement to shoot my CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM advert and t pick up a new whip!

Thank you for all the love on my ‘socials.’

I certainly need more coffee.

Quote of the day! One that I spied last night!

‘NEVER CONFUSE WHAT YOU’RE OFFERED WITH WHAT YOU’RE WORTH!’

Lots of love,

Chrissie x

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gino’s, High Fashion Mags & Loading Bays

Gino’s was great on Friday. It was the perfect treat to celebrate my soul, after a trip to Candy Mechanics. As soon as I pushed through that magical glass entrance and into the stylish, baby blue, sanctuary of Italian life, light and love…I was immediately greeted with warmth, a gust of ‘part of the family’ and a distinct zap of (what I call) ‘boujiness.

‘Hi Chrissie! How ARE you! Great to see you again!’

(Almost like i’d never left.)

The beautiful hostess beamed with ‘Wunna’ delight and stylish Italian manager came over, for hugs and ‘welcome back’ kisses. I always feel at home, whenever I walk through those doors. There’s no place like it for me. It’s cosy and immaculate, yet filled with a fun, sophisticated, Italian vibe. Whenever I go, I’m treated so well, that all that’s left to do is to enjoy a freshly frosted glass of prosecco. It’s m perfect. ‘relax after a busy work day’ haunt.

Me: ‘I’m just gonna grab a drink, if that’s okay? I’m on my own.’

Hostest: ‘Do you need me to take your coat?’

Me: ‘No, no, i’m fine thank you. I’ll just head down to the Prosecco bar.’

She smiled like I knew my way…(and I know my way to any Prosecco bar…blind) and as I sauntered down the stairway, I cheekily glimpsed around the restaurant.

It was all a bustle, almost every table filled with good times, families and friends. Infact, it was really quite busy for 2pm on a Friday! I couldn’t see an empty table. Even when I got down to the Prosecco bar for a quiet drink (the prosecco bar was peaceful, I was the only one sat at the bar) the downstairs restaurant was also full. It was filled with a party of handsome, excited, stylish young men. Guys! The boys! They looked like they were celebrating something? But who knows? They had fun! They ordered THE BEST of everything in the entire place! Their bill actually came to a shocking amount and the great thing about them, was that they didn’t care one bit because they had spent it on ‘good times’ and memories.

I looked over at the lady behind the bar, who had already asked me what I’d like..and with a wink and a smile…my frosted glass of prosecco was right there in front of me.

*Looks down at phone.*

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Where you at? I’m in Leeds.’

Me: ‘Ginos. You coming? I’ve only got 7 percent battery life…My phone’s gonna die.’

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Yeah. Cool. Stay there. Be there in 20 mins. No. 30 mins.’

Incase you’ve forgotten, Abeiku Arthur is one of my good, good friends. He owns the high fashion magazines, ‘House of Solo’ and ‘Pentagon.’ I love our impromptu catch ups, as we always end up talking business, work and banter. We have these personas of swag, style and grace….(well my ‘grace’ is dipped in moderate SASS,) yet if you were to actually sit in, on one of our conversations, you’d probably DIE of actual ‘holy shitness.’ Nothing is more OPEN than our conversations. He brings the ‘gangsta’ our in me.

Anyway, i’m sat at the bar, sipping prosecco by myself, happily taking selfies and snapchatting life at Gino’s. I’m running out of charge because of this Tom Foolery, and if i HATE anything, I truly dislike running out of charge. (If you know me personally, you will know that I ALWAYS carry a charger.)

Luckily, whilst I was sat at the bar, I noticed a guy sat at the end of the bar, on a laptop, that had a wire that mysteriously disappeared under the bar.

I followed the magical wire with my eyes…and BOOM, I ungracefully plonked my head rapidly under the bar and OH MY LORD, HAVE ALL THE MERCY, to my absolute DELIGHT, under the bar, was charger point HEAVEN. Hundreds of sockets. Life! Light! My heart may have skipped a beat. I plugged in and charged up…Yet weirdly I did it sneakily, because you do don’t you for some reason, when you’re charging your phone in public places? There’s a sense of ‘am I meant to be doing this’ about the whole situation. But you do it anyway?

Abeiku Arthur shows up, with some vintage camera that he’s bought from some vintage store, and takes photos of me to adjust his flipping focus.

We talk work. We talk life. We talk banter. We have some many stories that would shock your soul, it’s almost hilarious. We’re both hustlers. We’re both determined. We both have businesses that have accidentally done well. I love ‘House of Solo’ because I know how hard he works and how bad he wants success. Were both hustlers by nature. I do it glamorously. He does it dipped in a swaggalicious dash of ‘high fashion.’ He loves ‘Wunna Land’ and chrissiewunna.com because, who flipping doesn’t? 😉 But really, to him, i’m amazing because i’m honest. I’m real. We always have these bets on with each other and there has NEVER been ANYTHING SO FAR that I have SAID i’m going to do, that I haven’t done YET! Well..apart from ONE THING.

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Where’s my money! You ain’t done that at all!’

Me: ‘Fuck off. It isn’t Christmas yet. I said CHRISTMAS! Anyway, I have a tab open, order a drink if you want.’

‘Nah, it’s cool. I’ll get mine.’

‘You do know, i’m getting a cocktail after this…’

‘You’re not, i’ve parked in a loading bay, so we’re on a timer. You have to come with me to see this chick, who’s got  some camera lights that I need to look at…Oh! I have PR now.’

‘Really who…?’

We finish our drinks, we chat about our next career stop offs. We snapchat and get annoyed at the fact that the double ‘bunny ears’ filter, only commits to one. ME! 🙂  It plays with you doesn’t it?

One face ALWAYS has the ‘bunny ears’ and the other face has to tilt and meander in order to get a ‘look in.’ But it lies to you and tells you that you can BOTH ENJOY ‘bunny ears’ at the exact same time with EASE. There’s no ease about it. You end up in the most awkward head alignment, for absolutely no other reason, than showing people that you’re in a place, with someone or no one, with ‘bunny ears’ on your head…and even worse, we only use a filter because it makes us look better!

Abeiku Arthur: ‘MAN! Where are my bunny ears!!!!’

Me: ‘Ugh! Are we really gonna do Autumn Leaves now…!!’

(He’s doing really well right now. I mean, from Interviews with ‘The Script’ and the guy who sings the ‘She my Bestie, Bestie, she may Bestie’ song 🙂 , dashed with Gucci, Prada, Vogue writers, and Fashion week galore. He could’ve done a lot worse or himself. Lol.)

Abeiku Arthur: ‘And you’re the girl that’s managed to turn the story of her life into big bucks.’

Me: ‘As if you’ve parked in a loading bay.’

Life was great! All was great! I felt really positive all weekend. It was bliss.

The rest of my time was filled with family and baby love. I took the kids out. We had the best time of merriment. We bought toys, played out. We just swirled in Wunna land love. Our brunch of choice was at Patisserie Valerie in Doncaster and simply because Junior need banana pancakes and Ruby needed poached eggs. (It is the only place that does both.)

We met up with my Mum and had the best family weekend ever. Family’s really important to me. Growing up we were always close and throughout my 20’s due to work, I lived away in LA for years and years and years…but we were still REALLY REALLY CLOSE. We tell each other everything. Were a really open family. It’s filled to the brim with loyalty and love. Almost anything goes….and I just feel really lucky to have them.

I mean even this morning, I had to have a business meeting with my mum before I set off to work and she just looked at me, beamed and said,

‘ I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t believe in you. I believe in you more than anyone…’

(And she’s not soft like that is my Mum. She’s real. She’s ‘tough love’…But she has a kitten soul. She’s a ‘tell it how it is,’ kinda gal. J I love her more than life.)

She teaches me how to be a GREAT Mum and that I am. I mean look at this…Over the weekend…Ruby finds graffiti on the wall that reads the letters ‘BT’

Ruby:  ‘Mum? What’s that??’

Me: ‘It’s just graffiti babe..’

Ruby: ‘It’s like Ted Baker, but backwards.’

YES! MY CHILD ROCKS! BOOYAH! ALL THE TROPHIES!

We ended up doing a quick dinner at ‘Ego’ and then just enjoying Bonfire night, as the skies were littered with bitty burst of colour and excitement. I love everything about driving through the streets on bonfire night. The skies celebrate your existence and the airs smells of a warm, burnt whisper. It soothes any fire sign with comfort.

Saturday night I slept like a baby…

Then Keiran text me, at the crack of dawn, to see if I could drop Junior off at 8.30 am on Sunday morning….

One day, when i’ve chimed my ultimate success bell…I’ll be able to enjoy those blissful ‘good times’ and those glorious moments of ‘lay in’ without being suddenly woken up by ‘life alarms.’ I mean, I hate nothing worse than ‘alarms.’ Be it metaphorical or literal. I can’t stand waking up every single morning to the *bleep bleep* of my phone. It’s bad for my soul and sort of ‘off starts’ my day, because it forces me to get  up against my will. Surely my body should wake whenever  it wants to?

The only alarm I ever adored, was when I slept over at Samuel’s apartment in London, (I was on the Paris Hilton Show with him, back in the day.) He’s gay and his ‘Wake up’ alarm song was the ‘Part of That World’ by ‘The Little Mermaid.’ J

Now, i’m a Sasserilla and i’m not remotely ‘Disney’ by any means, but let me tell you, TO THIS DAY, (and do note that I have  been woken up by MANY an alarm, all over the WORLD… in a zillion hotel suites, a bundle of odd people’s bedrooms, my own personal delicious bed sheets and homes across the mighty globe..) DO NOTE, THAT TO THIS DAY, that SONG has been THE BEST ALARM WAKE UP CALL, I have ever had the pleasure to rise to! You really should try it! It’s bliss!

2009 Throwback Convo: (After we had returned from an evening out with Paris at Jalouse.)

Me: ‘You actually have Ariel has your wake up alarm.’

Sam: ‘Yeah obvs! What do you have?’

Me: ‘Usually just some guy telling me he’s not looking for a serious relationship. Lol’

 

 

 

 

 

I’m at the DIM Awards Tonight…

I’m tinkering to the DIM Awards this evening. If you don’t know what that it, it is the Diversity In Media Awards. I’m up for ‘Blogger of The Year’ and I can’t even tell you how honoured I am to even be invited to attend, let alone be up for an award. I mean who’d thought that this little ‘Life Diary’ would shimmie it’s way into the limelight with winks. It’s always feels great to be recognised for good work in any field, yet to think that I’ve made some kind of impact on British Media this year simply by having the balls (the glitter balls) to stand up for what I think is right, have a voice and write out my personal life publicly for anyone who fancies dancing in cyberland to read…is wonderful. Life is an important thing. We take it for granted. What we stand for is an important thing. People are often too scared to express. This blog has gone back 10 entire years, so more than anything, I’m really happy that in 2017, it has actually inspired. (Is it noon yet? Can I have a Prosecco?)

It’s such an honour. A great honour. And well this evening is about CELEBRATING all those in the media industry who have broken the stereotypical mould of what society may have labelled as ‘right’ and whilst taking their own bull by the horns, told the world, in their own special way, that things were about to change to the better…and that they…well WE, were about to change them. And yes it’s all bouji, red carpet and lovely, but what it represents is MIGHTY.

So, as the labels go…whether you be black, white, tall , small, rich, poor, too pretty, too ugly, female, male, not the right weight, not the right personality, too young, too old, or you do not have the correct sexual preferences….I could go on….it’s disgraceful. And this isn’t just about the media industry, i’ve worked within it for years and i’ve felt the brunt that can jiggle along with it. This is about people and life. And what I do best is represent LIFE.

Tonight everyone in that room, in some way, has made an impact and motivated a change in how society views things and people….Tonight is about celebrating PEOPLE, humans, all humans…and letting them know that no matter what, you CAN have a voice and make your dreams come true, without judgement or fear.

I’m gonna have fun. Champagne drizzles glamour pussy FUN.

But let’s get real a second….I’ve worked all week, i had to find a last minute dress because my previous dress decided to rip itself. (Must be the pizza.) My kitten ‘Rocco’ ate my phone charger and if you know me, I NEED CHARGE, so i’ve just had to dash out to buy two new ones. Ruby and Junior are adoring school and have made me the cutest good luck charms. Junior is concerned because he ‘can’t see boobies’ when i wear my dress. I’ve assured him it’s a good thing. Ruby doesn’t understand that six year old can’t attend.

I’ve managed to book hotels, sort out the dress fitting and ofcourse with a back up dress on hold. (I always take a back up, because once before an awards thing in LA, a girl accidentally knocked into me and we together managed to spill red wine all the way down my dress, an hour before I was to make some dodgy grand entrance. J ) It was hilarious. I was calm and she was panicked. Infact, i was quite happy to just strut on in with a giant red wine drizzle on me. I mean, fuck it….worse things have happened! Lol. To me that’s nothing, infact it’s almost glamourous. I would’ve styled it out, simply by telling the truth. (‘Sorry, we were being alcoholics and spilt shit down me.)

I’ve managed to gain a stress rash. I get this weird flipping RASH whenever I feel under pressure or stressed. It’s delicious. I mean, i’ll definitely look like some Queen of all blogging with my sexy RASH. It’s all over my neck. And yeah…with all this going on…I’m fine. I mean, two days ago my chick friends and I drew faces on boiled egg snacks and put weaves on them to pass the time. We’re adults. I’m cool with that!

Anyway, I’m looking forward to having some ‘Out of Yorkshire’ fun tonight and meeting some wonderful new people. I do fun well…so do we warned. 😉 Huge honour.

Right, i’m off to London… Can you believe that my own little Oriental mum didn’t vote for me because she couldn’t figure out to work her phone. Hahaha! Typical. (Love you anyway.)

See you daaaaaan saaaaaaaaaaf….

 

Hollywood Flashbacks, Swirls & Life

I’m feeling quite wonderful. Everything in my life right now, at thirty six is changing… and believe it or not…. for the absolute better. I’m growing up. No, that’s the wrong way to put it. I’ve grown up. And as the world is following my entire existence online via this diary. I can honestly say that I’ve never ever felt more together, more comfortable, more positive and kinda like the girl..the woman, that i always wanted to be. It took a long time…but for the first time, in that ‘long time,’ I can look back on my life. Look at everything i’ve tinkered in and tonkered with and actually SEE how far i’ve come, how much i’ve developed and how proud I am of the person I am today. I’m finding my ‘happy place.’ No.I’ve found my ‘happy place.’ And just to know that I’ve fought all the fights. I’ve danced with all the danger. I’ve lived. I’ve loved. I’ve been thrown down the ‘life stairs’ a million times over. Every time, I got back up. Even when I didn’t think I could. And every time I did, I took a deep breathe and marched forward (glamorously ofcourse 😉 ) with all the hope, all the faith and a smile on my face that knew everything, no matter WHAT, was going to be okay.

I’ve literally woken up all over the world and gone through the exact little procedure each time. I’ve worked so hard. I’ve loved and had my kitten heart broken over and over again. I’ve won some. I’ve lost some. But I’ve enjoyed every single little piece of my life so far. I’ve been thankful for it. Even the shit bits.

I’ve achieved so much, yet at the same time conquered all the rubbish that comes with the ‘ouchy’ parts. The parts of life, when the rug just gets pulled from under you, without warning and when you still have a prosecco in your hand. It made me who I am today. It made me mates with life. Best mates. And today in return, because of the friendship i’ve had with life, it kinda decided to cut me some slack.

So today, i’m gonna tell you, that you can be whoever you want to be, if you just make mates with life. It doesn’t matter how easy or hard you have it. See it. Believe. Make it yours.

It’s bizarre that i’m being so preachy, as my day started off hilariously. I sent ‘the swirl’ my usual morning message. I do every morning to wish him love. If I love or care about someone, it’s important for me, to make sure I tell them every day. Anything can happen. So i make sure the people I appreciate, KNOW that I do.

Anyway, I had texted out these really rubbish arrows as pointers with the words ‘this much’ typed between them. He replied with a..

‘Just that much. Haha.’

🙂

The rest of the conversation went…

‘Don’t get me started, you know what i’m like. I’ll end up sending you a truck load of dwarves dressed as Cupid, with I LOVE YOU tattooed on them.’

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I’ll go for it with ‘skin to the wind.’ I’m embarrassing on every level. But to me, things are perfect with ‘The Swirl.’ He’s just…well, I think he’s wonderful. I can’t stop thinking he’s wonderful…and that… on it’s own… is just so great. He makes my soul smile.

Then Mel sent me a group whatsapp picture of her giant bum bruise. She fell over the other night at the bar, stone cold sober, because the building was apparently made dodgily. Lol.

‘Those bloody steps at ABA.’

Hustle Barbie graced my world with a ‘Sandy from Grease’ wig. It arrived via post at around 10am and just chilled by her side like some creepy pet.

 ‘Alex said I look more like Margaret Thatcher.’

‘You look like Lily Savage.’

Then ‘Lady Shizzle’ informed us that she too was headed to a fancy dress party….as a..what’s it called? Those chicks that you see serving beer at the Bierkeller. Lol.

I don’t know where all these flipping ‘Fancy dress’ parties are coming from?

Me: ‘That’s fine. You all go to your parties. I’ll just show up at Firmonnells in fancy dress for kicks on a Saturday night.’

Firmonnell: ‘You need to do that. I have friends over Saturday night. I’ll text them all and make them all come in Fancy dress. Lol’

I do adore a bit of dress up. But I only really ever shimmied out a fancy dress number, in LA. And when I did, I was only ever a slutty cave girl or a belly dancer? So odd?

*FLASHBACK*

Remember the time I told you that I saved Gay Brandon’s life, after climbing to the top of a West Holywood apartment ROOF, DRESSED in my full slutty cave girl attire and WITH A FUCKING MANGO MARGARITA IN MY HAND. I properly saved his life. I really did!! He didn’t even want to live, until I showed up on that merry rooftop…to chill with him, under the stars…with my cocktail banter and stream of life lessons. Everyone was just sort of muddling around being worried. Understandably, ofcourse. I mean, they weren’t TOO worried. Let’s face it. It was Hollywood. We all had auditions ad early shoots we had to get to in the morning.

I don’t even know what came over me, but i just took it upon myself to go save him. Lol. Half way up, I was like…‘Ewww, I should just leave him up there.’ Haha. Great friend! But once you’ve tried to play ‘hero,’ you’ve just godda with it, don’t you…

Me: ‘You don’t really want to jump off this roof, do ya? Let’s just sit, have a drink, have a chat and well…if you do jump, i’m not coming with you. I’m at Warner Bros at 8.30am. Hahaha.’

Brandon: ‘Thank God your here. I’ve missed your face. I knew you’d come up. You’re stupid like that.’

Me: ‘Are you jumping because you’re gay, troubled, or sick of LA?’

Brandon: ‘Lol…because I don’t know who I am or what I am anymore? And I might even be BI?’

Me: ‘Oh, so you like girls AND guys. Cool. Great news. Can we go back down now…. And don’t be dramatic over the sick of LA thing. We’re all sick of it here, but we’re living it to the world like we love it…cos that’s what we do. We’re entertainers. Get off my drink.’

I don’t know why I went on that tangent? Brandon and I are still really good friends to this day. I remember that moment so vividly. I guess being a 20 something Angeleno wasn’t all it was cracked up to be at times. To be honest. I actually loved it. You could say i was made for it. Not because i was oh so ‘Hollywood.’ I was always a little girl from Yorkshire who had moved to the City of Angels, young..with nothing but an eye for stardom and a suitcase. I was made for that town because I was tough. Emotionally tough. I thank Hollywood for everything, because it sort of turned me into a solid adult.

I can’t even describe how great I feel today. I’m loving this blog, I’m whirled in opportunity, I’m loving being a mum, my love life isn’t rubbish, work is great, I’m settling in and settling down. I’m loving being a grown up. I look forward to being a wife one day, building a bigger family, feeling fulfilled and being happy. I’m counting all my blessings as they’re tinkering in and i couldn’t be more grateful for them.

Today I feel unstoppable.

So each time you fall…please promise me that you will AT LEAST TRY to get back up…..

 

 

 

 

 

Your Questions & Answers

Q: Are you Thai?

A: No, I’m Burmese. But good guess. I always say people are either from the sophisticated part of Asian where they do skyscraper business, play violins and invent ipods. I’m from the slutty part of Asian, where it’s all golden palaces, magic and lagoons.

Q: Worst thing that’s ever happened to you on a date?

A: I could write a book on this. Once this weird guy tried to feel me up on display furniture in LA. He said he wanted to ‘spit in my mouth’ too! Haha! I had to get my guy roommate to show up and pretend he was my boyfriend. That was on a first and last date. Another time I got thrown across an entire Mexican restaurant Lol…I’m laughing but it was actually awful. Funny cos we’re good friends now. That night I accessorised with a blood stained clutch. Another time I got stood up…and that by far was the worse….Just chilling…on my own…on what looked like my PRETEND date….lol. TRAGIC.

Q: You’ve been pretty successful so far…How successful are you hoping to be?

A: I’m ambitious and driven. I want to be the hugest success in my ‘niche,’.. EVER. I want to smash it! Glamourously ofcourse….

Q: Is being a mum of two hard, when there’s just you?

A: It’s been great so far. Yeah, ofcourse it’s not easy but I have so much help and our world ‘Wunna Land’ as we call it … is filled with so much love that i’m really lucky. If anything it’s made me more organized, more determined…and made me feel like i have a purpose. It keeps me young, shows me what love is, helped the wine industry threefold and made me grow up…..fast. J

Q: What couldn’t you live without?

A: Family. Music. Love

Q: Worst physical feature?

A: My Feet. I hate them. I hate feet. They’re weird.

Q: What are you scared of?

A: Crossing roads. Sounds loopy. But honestly, I’m terrified. I once got run over outside Sushi Roku in West Hollywood. I weirdly just got back up, giggled and walked on. I remember looking at the guy, who had rushed out of his car, after hitting into me. He had his baby daughter in the car….He turned white with shock and was shaking. It made me feel bad for him, so I just looked up, got up and said ‘I’m fine, don’t worry’ and walked on. IT FUCKING KILLED. I flashback it whenever I cross a road.

Q: How will you know if you have found your Mr.Right?

A: You know when you know. I’ve had loads of experience at Mr.Wrongs. I’m thirty six. I know what i’m doing these days. J With me it’s always a chemistry, a friendship, a lover, someone who sees the world through the same eyes, a family man, someone who can stand the test of time and a real man who knows how to love a woman.

Q: If you could go back in time and be anything what would it be?

A: A Spice Girl .

Q: Favourite colour?

A: Was yellow, now it’s pink

Q: Motto you live by?

A: That dreams come true…

Q: Reality show you’d most like to be on?

A: Strictly Come Dancing. God! I’d love it. Plus, I’d feel challenged so I’d work hard at it. I already have loads of experience in bantery reality tv…I find it easy, so I’d like to be put through my paces, so to speak.

Q: Everyone says you’ve written the new ‘Sex And The City?’ How does that make you feel?

A: Yeah, I love it. I’m currently be hailed the UK’s Carrie Bradshaw. I read that in an article. It’s obviously amazing, such an honour and such a shock. One of my favourite shows of all time. So well written. If ‘Sex And The City’ & ‘The Bridget Jones Diary’..had a baby…it would be chrissiewunna.com.

Q: Weaknesses?

A: I love a cocktail far too much.

Q: Strengths?

A: I’m great at making people feel good. I’m also great when it comes to BIG LIFE PROBLEMS. I handle them with ease. I’m also totally non judgemental, you can literally tell me anything and i’ll understand you.

Q: Before the modelling, the blogging…the TV shows….what was your background?

A: I have a back ground in PR and I was a talent agent. I’ve been an Elf at a Grotto. A receptionist. All sorts. Before that the BEST JOB I HONESTLY EVER HAD was being the ‘Meet & Greet’ girl at Crunch Gym on Sunset in West Hollywood. I loved it. I’d go back and do it today….

Q: One of the girls or one of the guys?

A: Definitely one of the girls. I have the best chick friends. I love them more than they know. Plus, they always let me write about them, and I heart them for that! Haha. Saying that, i’m quite happy to kick it with the guys. My sense of humour is boyish. I have loads of guy friends.

Q: Do you still go clubbing?

A: No. I love a cocktail bar but I never enjoy heading to a club now that i’m an oldie. I’m really really social, so i love going out, yet i’m never at a club until 8am unless it’s a really special occasion.

Q: Your favourite genre of modelling?

A: Pin up/Boudior easy! I love all the ‘Old Hollywood’ glamourous pin up shoots. They’re dripping with decadence. They’re divine. I see so much beauty in them.

Q: What made you want to be a glamour model?

A: I don’t even know? I was just sat at a coffee shop in LA and got scouted and i thought it would be a good way to make money.That’s how it happened. Yet, stemming back into my childhood, I remember by Dad always used to have the annual Page 3 calendar and he loved the girls on it. (My mum was always cool with it. Lol) It kinda installed in my subconscious that they were the most beautiful girls in the world, whether they were or not, and simply because my Dad loved them. Hahaha.

Q: Would you let Ruby be a Glamour Model?

A: Absolutely not! It’s a no go. If she chose to be a lingerie model when she was older, then that’s fine, but nothing more than that. I’d be fuming. I’ve worked really hard all my life in order to provide for both children, meaning Ruby wouldn’t need to consider that as a job option. 🙂 I grew up needing to make money. She has the opposite case scenario. I’ve lived that life….and well it’s not something that I’d necessarily want her to go through. (I went on a rant then. Lol)

Q: Your relationship with the art of Attention?

A: I’m an attention whore. I’m not gonna lie to you and pretend i’m not. I love really peaceful moments, when i want peaceful moments, but only because I know ‘Wunna’ attention is going on somewhere. It’s a bad habit. But in the industry that I grew up in…if you didn’t gain the most attention you didn’t work. It mattered. Now with the blog, attention to it is vital because it’s become a business. Yet, i’m quite loyal to my morals so i’d never just do anything for a tiny bit of ‘look of me.’ I see that as ‘young.’ There’s a fun classiness to the 30 something version of me.

Q: Your idols?

A: My parents. They both did so well and started with nothing. They’ve kinda accidentally made me attracted to successful humans. I am so inspired by all successful people. I have so much respect for how much they’ve worked to get where they are. It’s not easy. They just make it look easy.

Q: Why do you love your blog?

A: I’ve documented my life daily for years. When i’m 80 years old, i’ll be able to look back on my time on this Earth and relive it all. I’ll cry into my brandy. (I hate brandy.)

Q: In your blog you give everyone fake names….are they real people? Why do you use fake names, if everything is so real?

A: Firmonnel, Fairytale, Double B, Hustle Barbie, The Swirl, Eton Mess etc…all of them are real people. They’re people who I have in my life daily, they’re not made up. I use ‘label names’ because as humans they’re entitled to their own privacy. Plus, I can freely write about them under their ‘alias names’ which keeps it ‘sexy’ and mysterious. I know who they are. They know you they are. To you…they could be anyone. It’s magical like a sassy fairytale. I hate it when people don’t think they’re all real humans and real stories….but only because I know that they are. I told you. I leave more out of my blog than I put in. So much more happens. I wouldn’t even dare tell you.

Q: Are you confident?

A: yes

Q: Are you insecure?

A: Yes..ofcourse

Q: Are you the girl who has everything?

A: No, I wish.

Q: In love you are…

A: Alive. I’m a hopeless romantic. I’m funny with it though. Not lame. Well…a bit lame.

Q: I take it you’re making a comeback….How is 2018 looking for you?

A: Well if all goes accordingly…wonderfully. Lol. I can’t even believe how well it’s all going right now. Opportunity kinda sprung up at me, out of nowhere…at the end of LAST year, something changed in me…I sorted myself out and worked really hard. Something happened that made me see life differently. I grew 10 ft tall.

Q: Life is…

A: To be enjoyed…I want everyone to find their ‘happy’ because at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

Q: It’s important to…

A: Be grateful for all that you have and where you currently are in life. You might not have tomorrow, so appreciating your current situation is important, as you are exactly where you’re meant to be and there’s definitely something positive going on in your life, even if you can’t see it. There’s a magic in the air. Some people are so blinded by what they don’t have, that they forget to see and maybe take for granted the things that they do have. It’s a bad habit.

 

 

 

Saturday, Leeds Games & Glamourous Trumping

Me: ‘But sex is a big part of  relationship…’

Chica: ‘Yeah but he’s rubbish at it…’

(Sips Cocktail)

Me: ‘Yes, but have you only had sex once…because sometimes it takes a few goes, to get in line with each others ooh laa…?’

Chica: ‘No…it’s just awkward and not in sync. I’m doing these bedroom faces that aren’t true to his work..?’

Me: ‘HAHAHAHAH! Are you good at sex though? As I reckon loads of girls must be shit at sex, because so many men are always on the look out for it. They take really good ‘i’m good at sex’ selfies, but are shit when it comes to the art of it all. Show him what to do?’

Chica: ‘Show him what to do? He’s a grown ass man. Plus, i’m too shy…’

Me: ‘If you’re shy with the man you fancy in the bedroom, then you’re shit at sex.. There’s only you and him there…It’s not like i’m watching on and judging your thrusts??? Lol.’

Then to our disgrace a guy in a group of boys, who were at the bar also watching last night’s Leeds game does the LOUDEST, most GIANT TRUMP, in the history of the world ever…HAHAHAH….Properly.. with no shame, he just lets it blow. It shattered the mirror of stress, everyone paused and then with ‘throw head back’ smiles, laughter burst through the airs…It didn’t even smell of egg….Kinda smelt like Jean Paul Gautier. Impressive.

Random Guy: ‘Steady on Paul! FUCKS SAKE!’

I love trumps when people don’t care. Hahahaha!

Leeds won. Life was great. I admire my friend Kate’s new kitten hair. I had spent the whole day with the children at the fair in Doncaster. (If you didn’t know, Doncaster is my home town…I go there a lot, so The Wunna Babies and I are a hit down at the old Frenchgate. Lol)

They fun housed, rode motorbikes, hooked ducks and then won fucking fish. IF YOU’RE A PARENT….you get how awful this is! We already have a NEW KITTEN. I’m like flipping Noah’s Arc or something? How can I go from nothing, to a kitten and  fish in days!! Then I had carry these fish around in a tank, with people awwing at me, a security man following me, two bags of Lush bath bombs, 2 bags of books from Waterstones, a bloody whistle, emoji cookies and with my hair stuck on my freshly lip glossed lips. Devastating. It should be a children’s book..‘When Mummy is a glamour puss and had to carry your shit home.’ 

I couldn’t take it any more and demanded that we go to Ego for new steak sandwiches and 2 for 1 cocktails. We’ve had lunch there about 4 times this week. To be honest, at the request of Ruby. Yesterday…I needed Ego and I smashed that salted rimmed margarita like a champion, as Junior made me a car with sparkles on, which looked like a clay poo with sequins and brought me a tiny buttercup. I love the ‘Arts & Craft’ table at the restaurant….You’re kids can make clay things, as you recover and drink wine. It’s creative and educational…honest! 😉

Long, but great day! Ruby decided to be a lawyer and Junior decided that be wanted to play football just so he could kick a ball into my boobies all day?  He laughed about it for about 3 hours. (I’m doing everything with a kitten in my arms.)

I then got home, striped down to my bra and frillies, chilled and sent a message to the guy that I ‘heart’ and the world swirled down to a happy magical ending, as day turned to night…and Saturday turned ‘lights out.’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Boys, Emojis & Fire Talk

Y’know when you just can’t find your way out of a fricking carpark!! No? Just me then. 😉 FFS.

Lord knows what happened, but I got into the carpark with a shimmie, hair toss and maybe even a wink….yet getting out the fucker was like some kind of comedically trippy maze. I drove round and round, up and down, parked up, waved at concerned people, like I totally knew what I was doing, pondered, adjusted my bra, glossed my lips and finally after about 17 minutes, I found my way out. 🙂 Welcome to my world. I’ll definitely make someone a good wife one day. I CAN’T EVEN GET OUT OF CARPARKS. (However, do note, there are other things i CAN DO and well…so bare with me.)

Life is great otherwise. Ruby, Junior and I have a new kitten, after many name changes (Sammi/Beckham/Harry/Sprint…) and after I felt bad from taking it from a weeping child,

Mel: ‘Chrissie…just leave with the kitten. Take it…NOW.’

… we finally all agreed on ROCCO. So Baby Rocco, full name ‘Rocco RoMEo’ is our new kitty addition. Hurrah! He’s amazing. We love him. (We don’t know how to look after pets, so it will be a challenge. I mean how hard can it be? I raised two humans on my own.)

But yes, I’ve been a busy glamour puss, but a chilled one all at the same time. I’ve nothing too hardcore other than posing and pouting for a camera to endure, after a stint of secret filming…until the 21st…so i’m just enjoying the downtown…until i have to step it all up and write a book and tend to a lash line relaunch.. without wine.

I had a chat with my guy friend ‘Marbles’ the other day…and it’s weird how men think? We’re wired so differently….He adores this girl…that he kinda knows…and well this is how our convo went down..

Me: ‘So you fancy her, she’s single, but you’re not gonna tell her?’

Marbles: ‘Yes.’

Me: ‘Hmm…? I can see how that works? NOT! Lol. Girls hate that. We want you to be all masterful..well brave..It makes us feel femme…all of us want some hero, you know that. What was the last message you sent her?’

Marbles: ‘A thumbs up emoji. Lol. And Nah. She might turn me down…I’m flirty but she’s way out of my league…’

WHAT!!! WHAT IS GOING ON? WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MEN! We’ve terrified them. There isn’t leagues. (Well maybe there are leagues.) But there isn’t any leagues. Lol. Nothing is hotter than being brave and expressive regardless. A ‘thumbs up’ emoji is odd to a girl. To us, it means you either didn’t know what to say, didn’t have time to say or even worse couldn’t be bothered to say…

You have one life to live, one honey to woo, a wifey to maybe commit to in the end. And I do know that ‘steady treading’ is always very sensible, as I do believe that the guy or girl that stands the test of time, is one that is worth all your love, if you fancy them and they have a snuggled a cosy spot in your heart.

Yet love isn’t sensible, it’s an emotion, it’s not something that calculated logically. It’s something you feel and can’t help but feel, even if you’ve going through a bumpy run or an easy peasy ‘slip n slide.’ I’m always expressive, too expressive…so expressive, that I have zero qualms or fear when it comes to  delivering how I feel about anyone or anything…it’s how I’M wired. It makes me a good blogger and a decent telly personality. 😉 Yet, it’s just struck me that some people are quite willing to forget that they one shot to ‘go for it’ and instead will go for ‘nah, she’s out of my league.’ EH?

Then ‘Marbles’ (and i’m referring to him as that because he’s certainly lost his) went on to say…

‘Like you. Wunna land is a pretty daunting place to approach..’

Me: ‘No, it’s not, not if you have your OWN LAND going on. Then you’re comfy, you feel all confident. It’s normal. I hate it when people are daunted by Wunna land because it makes me feel like they’ve judged me. Aww no. It’s not me is it? HAHAHA… I’m not your Woo Woo am I…cos I don’t..’

Marbles: ‘Hahah…Nope you big headed bitch. Lol. Men aren’t like that. We’re always a bit sketchy, until we fall head over heels and that happens when we know we can trust the girl. When we feel safe.’

Me: ‘That sounds very girly to me. It’s like a Backstreet boys track. Yeah she might not fancy you, but you’ll know if she does….she’ll tell you, or even better show you… YEEeeeah!’

Marbles: ‘I hope you die an old lonely cat lady…’

Me: ‘Hahahaha. Not only did my friend Kate TELL ME that i now have a Cat Lady starter pack with Rocco, but fuck you because my love life isn’t even that shit right now. 😉 ‘

Marbles: ‘You’re in a swirl…’

Me: ‘It’s pretty good. Infact so good that I might need a wine to celebrate…’

At the end of the day, you work hard, you play hard and well you’ve kinda just godda have that good old faith in love. If someone adores you, no matter what, where or how, they will always still be stood there..even when the mist has risen. If not, you’re sat in your tight t shirt playing the ‘shoulda woulda coulda‘ game (which is shit) or crying into your Louboutin wearing fruity gin sessions. Faith in love (without you realizing) gets you through shit and I MEAN IT. I mean god my time in LA was so emotionally INSANE that it was almost a work of art. I was happy through it and I sailed it with flying colours unscathed. It was only when I got back home to Yorkshire, did a tv show with Hilton, looked back and reflected on LA and thought shit, how the absolute hell did I get through all that smiling. But I did. And yeah I might be thirty six now…and yeah i’ve shimmied with the best…but let me tell you i have NEVER in my entire life felt as empowered and I do now.

The time i’m going through right now is probably the best time of my entire life…and that’s saying something. Like I don’t have to look back and hold onto my ‘misty watercolours’ wistfully as i’m currently SMASHING IT. Someone close to me always whatsapps me and says, ‘You’re on fire, babe’ and makes me feel good because I never would have imagined it.  Y’know, a lot of hard work, glitter and ‘fingers crossed’ has gone into this year and it will continue until the end of the year. I’ve kinda winged it. But i’ve done it. I’m doing it. You can do anything. Remember that! Just go for it. If people don’t like it, fuck’em.

On the whole…I’m buzzing…and not even needing to do it in a Wonderbra and anytime that happens you know you’re winning at life.

Ps/ I’m up for Blogger/Podcaster of the year for the Diversity in Media awards…I kinda wished i tried harder to make everyone vote for me now. Voting has closed and I tinker to the event in September. There’s hit loads of people up for awards like Graham Norton, Rio Ferdinand…some other folk…I keep needing to blink and think and realize that life is all ace!