Had the most amazing day yesterday, but oh my gosh, my blog notes are atrocious. Hahah. However, I guess that’s always a sign of ‘good times.’ Like literally, the blog notes alone, could be a book in itself. Haha. If you don’t know what I’m on about, throughout a day, event or moment, I’ll always type in really brief *trigger words,* on my phone, in the ‘notes’ section. Just to help me ‘tap back‘ to a memory…a moment….a time. The next day, I read my ‘trigger words‘ and like a memory time machine, i’m *zapped* straight back to yesterday….
It’s as simple as that!
My blog notes from yesterday are SO inappropriate that I am DYING with laughter, just scanning them.
So, let’s go…
If you don’t know, Sunday afternoon is my FAVOURITE time to enjoy a tipple. There’s something ‘easy going’ about a Sunday, isn’t there. I usually kick back with my friends and let time pass by with calm, but chipper merriment.
I started off at The Carelton with KatyP. We ended up at The Rustics and as the sun shone down, we found ‘Hairdresser Claire’ and her lovely Hubbster Matt, and we just enjoyed sunny drinks, before being later joined by one of Kate’s work colleagues…who’s name is also ‘Claire.’ (She must like Claires…and also must learn some table etiquette, as i’m sure she stated that one of the Claire’s looked like her dog ‘Frank,’ after proceeding to tell the other Claire that she certainly resembled ‘Old Mother Hubbard.’)
Laughter, happiness, and inappropriate banter filled our table…Yet before we even got to The Rustics, there was a table of half topless Welsh men, topping up their tans, supping sunny drinks and asking Kate is my boobies were real.
KatyP: ‘Just ask her? She’ll be fine about it. She’s a glamour model..and…’
Me: ‘They’re not real. Lol.’
Welsh Dudes: ‘Well, I didn’t know if I could ask ya. But i’m a boob man.’
Me: ‘Stop staring at my boobs, you’re making them blush. I should draw smiley faces on them, as they’re certainly have their own audience today.’
Now, if you’re ME and you see shirtless Welsh dudes at a table…who are now bantering with you..You kinda just politely banter back, have a laugh, yet don’t really commit to a conversation. If you’re Kate…this happens…
KatyP: ‘You’ll all get sunburnt. I’ve got suncream if you want, from Tescos. I mean, I’m not rubbing it in for you, but you can have some. Haha.’
She sat there with a summer wine, in a bra less playsuit…
KatyP: ‘Have you seen my nipples… By boobs are good to say I’m not in a bra…’
Me: ‘Yeah, but you’re gonna have to do FULL ON, naked wee’s, every time to go to the toilet! Bagsy, not going to the toilet with YOU today!’
But anyway, she was enjoying life, with this random bottle of sun cream on the table, that she decided to OFFER AROUND to people, like it was candy…whether they wanted sun cream or not.
Me: ‘Don’t touch me with that sun cream…I want baby oil, not sun block.’
KatyP: ‘But it smells like holiday!’
Basically, she was like a REALLY RESPONSIBLE…Erm…what’s the word? Oh yeah…
FUCKING ALCOHOLIC. 😉
It was just such a fun day. I mean, when we got to The Rustics and found ‘Hairdresser Claire‘ (@clairedurowhairdressing) and Matt, life just sizzled. I love them, so much, because they’re just sassy and hilarious. I mean, we have no censor, when it comes to foolish behaviour, just for kicks.
Matt: ‘Chrissie, look at my shirt? Just LOOK. THERE! What can you see?’
Me: ‘Cum stain? Claire obviously didn’t swallow…Lol’
Matt: ‘No. Lol. That’s bathroom sealant.
Matt: ‘Mr Grey will see you now…Haha. No honestly, Chrissie, just look at my shirt…Yeah…THERE…Tell me what you see?’
Claire: ‘He’s gonna say, *nothing but zero fucks * I’ve heard it a million times…’
Then when Kate left the table, Matt tried to break into her phone to send her new boyfriend ‘Golfer Jonny’ really needy text messages, to embarrass her.
Matt: ‘Fuck! What’s her phone passcode? What’s her date of birth? SHIT!’
Kate sort of waltzed back up to the table, after helping children find dock leaves and committing to fully naked wee’s..
KatyP: ‘Put my phone down. In fact, I don’t care. I’d be really shocked if you could actually work a phone…’
Claire: ‘I’ll help him. Lol Let’s call him rude and inconsiderate…Haha’
It was just one of those really amazing afternoons, where you had to be there, to *zap* into our moment, our fun…our Sunday. We pretty much made fun of each other…any one who walked by us , mainly made fun of Kate and then ‘Frank the Dog’ began licking Matt’s foot.
Claire (Franks owner) : ‘Sorry about that. I wonder what he can taste on your foot?’
There were wishing wells, nettle stinks, kisses, tears, laughter, slow sipping, fast drinking, knuckle pumps, a suggestion of ‘communal poos,’ as we all held hands in a ‘sat down’ circle, rounds bought, praying hands, questions about sex skills, swallowing skills, whether I could prove that I wasn’t a ladyboy, boobies and ‘Asian Consent’…
Matt: ‘No I said AGE OF CONSENT!!’
KatyP: ‘Well if you said ASIAN, Chrissie’s won, cos she’s the only one in here… Lol.’
Me: ‘And I consent..’
I’ve also put ‘Vagisil‘ and ‘you’ve got to break a few eggs to make an omelette’ in my blog notes…but I have no clue why?
WELL DONE BLOGGER OF THE YEAR!
I guess, that must’ve have been from later in the day, when we were back at The Carleton? At that point dudes were just obsessing over my boobies, to the point where they were asking to sit at our table, sitting at our table, then glaring at my poor, defenseless boobies…like I no longer had a face.
There were even points where no words were even exchanged or spoken. Lol. They literally just sat there and and admired…quietly, like my boobs, (that were wrapped in my Justin Bieber top) were a hypnotic, mesmerizing force.
Dude: ‘I’m just so distracted by them..’
Can’t remember what else happened now? But I loved Sunday funday! It was brilliant! I’m just super blessed…and a bit of a twat, but gets away with being a swine, because I’m glammy. 🙂
Even the morning of yesterday was hilarious, because I was having a really early Snapchat convo with, what name should I go with… ‘Tats?’
Tats: ‘How come you’re up so early..’
Me: ‘I dunno..my eyes just opened..’
We actually early morning chatted for an hour or so, until I got ditched for sleep…Lol. But, OH MY GOD, I accidentally posted a really PRIVATE message…on my SNAPCHAT STORY, because I hit the wrong button. Hahahah.
Tats: ‘Get that OFF YA STORY!!! Lol’
Me: ‘OMFG!! AS IF I JUST DID THAT! SHIT! HAHAHA. Thank God you noticed. OH MY GOD!’
I nearly DIED. Hahaha But whatever, can you EVEN imagine!!
But I guess, that’s the beauty of being Lil’ Miss Wunna.
Thank you for following my life,
Ps/ I’m in Blackpool tomorrow to celebrate my really good friend ‘Lisa Appleton’s birthday. See you there!