When I did Issho..

Image may contain: Chrissie Wunna, sitting and indoor

I’m having the best time and living the best life, right now. I feel amazing, like my world is a marvel. Yet, it’s only because I’ve come a long way and when you do, you tend to appreciate the ‘good times’ a little more, don’t you? I’m just enjoying life, embracing it (the only way I know how) and when your work is cocktailing and city life, nothing could be more delicious.  I’m the luckiest girl in the world. I mean, we’re all doing our own version of life on this giant Earth Ball. This is just my story..and I chose to share it with you, via a diary.

Thank you so much for following it…

D’ya know what’s been great? I’m managing to fit in a lot of family time (schools out for Summer & I’m a single mum of two) and that alone, makes my little kitten heart melt. Ruby, Junior & I are SO close & even though we might not have everything, on a superficial level, we have everything that matters.

And that ‘everything that matters’ keeps us strong as a family. We wind each other up, but do everything with love.

So, I tottered into Issho, Leeds on Friday afternoon, simply because I fancied a wee bit of sake and a couple cheeky *winks* of Asahi on the roof terrace. (This was after a guy showed me the content of his Jack Willis rucksack…I actually can’t remember what was in it, other than ONE shoe insole. Lol) 

Dude: ‘I’m prepared for anything, me.’

Issho, is one of my favourite haunts. I do go there quite a lot. Yet, I love it because even though it’s certainly one of the most popular venues,  in the city, it’s still magnificently divine, as the art of Zen swirls around you, at the same time as a vibe of utter ‘coolness.’

The place is literally beautiful…and being a child of the Orient, I’ll go where the finest sake in all the land is delivered.

In my old age, 😉 I like peace and there’s certainly a peacefulness to the place. ..and if you know me personally, you’ll know that when I do decide to tinker my kitten self, for a couple of afternoon drinks…I adore nothing more than the finer things in life, yet total, calm, enlightenment. Lol

BLISS

To me, it’s a haven, where I can have a quiet, yet ultimately stylish drink (or 7) with friends…

Everyone watches my stories on my ‘socials’ and thinks i’m there alone. Just so you know, i’m never anywhere alone. I enjoy my own company, for sure…But there’s usually ALWAYS someone with me.

I love to share moments…It makes memory making come alive.

I tottered in around 12.30, I’d say..and as soon as I did, I was greeted by the warmest bar staff, a hostest, with a beam and the manager, who couldn’t have been more delightful.

I’m a service girl and it doesn’t matter where you go, or what you do, you want to feel special, don’t you? You want to feel remembered and you want to feel like the people around you at that time, are so happy to have you there. You want to feel appreciated. That is literally human nature. We want to feel special always, in general life and not only in bouji cocktail bars.

I got that immediately…and being the attention seeker that I am…It felt marvellous.

I got to hug ‘my boys,’ the bartenders, who couldn’t do more for me, if they tried. They’re so much fun and they deliver the finest warm banter, that I kinda feel like I know them so well.

The service all around was DIVINE. It was first class, top rate, and without any prompting on another level.

They went out of their way to make everyone feel wonderful and that alone is magic.

I always watch the staff at the places that I go, as I know they have it hard, their lives are ‘busy busy’ at work. I also watch the people around me and there is not a single time, that I have tottered up that Victora Gate spiral staircase, to Issho ( I actually took the elevator to the 3rd floor Lol)…where they haven’t gone above and beyond, naturally, without complaint, to make me feel goddessy.

They’re so friendly and so warm, they radiate an image of calm.

I like that. I mean, who wants to go somewhere ‘Zen,’ by blossom trees, if the staff are pulling faces lol. Plus, with the food being such a marvel and the venue nesting in the best part of the city centre, they tend to bring in some tremendous clientele. Ofcourse,  adore a place like that, yet you would too,  simply because of the way they make you feel.

(I will say that my friend DID get attached to a tree at one point. Lol. Yet, after a couple of Asahi’s, that happens anyway. 😉 )

Me: ‘Do you want some of my sake.’

Friend: ‘Noooo. I’m still hungover. That will knock me out.’

Great conversations happened that day. Y’know, the kind of conversations where you talk for hours, about every inch of your life. Then you laugh about your troubles, with no judgement.

I think we intended on having ONE drink.

Friend: ‘I’m having this ONE, then I really have to go…’

Yet, as the story goes…we as humans, just love ‘good, good times’ and most normal humans will go ahead and embrace them, (even when we get grief for enjoying life) because gosh, we all go through so much stress on a daily, that if we don’t hold onto the lovely moments, we’d always feel stiff, narky and controlled on inside.

I love anybody that commits to the art of…

‘Shall we have one more..’

It shows me that you’re free…and freedom is sexy.

I talked about my love life. I peeked over the city, from the glorious roof terrace. I chatted with the bat staff and manager a little more. (I literally kept hugging everyone..and I’m not a usual ‘hugger.’ Issho just makes me feel warm…and when you’re SO gratetful for all that they do…You’re gonna glitter out a bit of Wunna Land love.)

The food is amazing, the drinks are wonderful, the service is IMPECCABLE. It is certainly on my list of favourite places and I’ve been all over the world for a couple afternoon drinks.

How something makes you FEEL, is literally what makes something worth it. We judge things based upon the way it makes us feel.

We value our feelings, more than anything, without even noticing. That’s how we KNOW we’re in bad situations, relationships…or anything in between.

Yet, on the up, that’s also how we know we’re happy! So if I could give you any advice today, it would be to pay attention to the things that make you happy, as they are key to your next life steps, and vital to your story.

Issho. I love you. I can’t wait to see you again.

Chrissie x

 

 

 

 

 

Those Little Phone calls….

Image may contain: 1 person, outdoor

And just when you think everything’s turning a bit shitty, ‘The Gods’ throw you a bone and just like that you’re back to normal and life goes straight back to magical.

I feel like the luckiest tinker in the world.

Last night, I was so stressed. I was SO stressed, that I was stressing myself out. I don’t like a pity party. I throw them. But I don’t like them. I look at ‘dwellers’ in a bizarrely weak light. I’m not harsh with them, because everyone is different. I simply leave them to it.

My friends will also tell you that I’m rubbish at sympathy when other’s are throwing a pity party , because no matter what they’re going through, I’ve either been through it myself at some point, a million times over and know that all ends up alright in the end…Well depending on the experience and strength of the human. And I can see someone’s strength in a second.

Yet, after a moment of feeling sorry for myself, I kinda just snapped out of it and realized how lucky I was.  Then I figured that being stressed, was a complete waste of my time, (nothing is worse than wasted time.) So I got over myself, got over the dramatics, and the words of Jaden Smith, I..

‘Looked at the case and closed it.’

My phone rang this morning (after I slept on life and let the world take a turn) and the other end of my line said,

Agent: ‘I read ya blog. I have news. Good news! So, let’s get you back working and excited.’

I’ve had a fun Summer. A Summer that I needed to have. I don’t know why I had to have it? Yet, i’m really glad I did, because I got to enjoy it normally and simply just LIVE. I might have felt a little lost through it in parts. Yet, I’m SO glad, that I got to feel all that I did. I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

But in one second straight, I grew ten feet tall and burst into confetti with excitement.

I’M BEAMING.

I guess, the good thing about my life, is it’s never EVER easy and because it’s hardly that easy, i’ve grown and developed super fast. On occasion it’s fueled by cocktails, yet once work kicks in (and i’ve been on down time due to slow scheduling, book writing and delays)...I become ALIVE again and I’m simply at my strongest, when a schedule is put into place and the schedule involves everything I love, everything I know, everything new and everything that makes me happy.

I’m at my happiest right now and when that happens, I radiate a *glow,* an energy.

KatyP: ‘Look at you. You look so happy now, to be getting out of your down time.’

She said it with a smirk, that made me beam, because it was a smirk where in which no words were needed.

Those moments are magical.

If anyone can embrace a new chapter or a bit of the old ‘showbiz,’ it’s me. I couldn’t be more excited to have everything go back to normal. (Well my version of normal anyhow.) By nature, I’m a ‘toughy’ aren’t I? Yet, everything now is suddenly back in place and I  can way *b’bye* to a rowdy, Peroni dripped Summer and just get on with Girl bossing it again. Well, just get on with my  version of LIFE again. When it comes to life, I kinda learn it along the way. I never matters how old or young you are? How much experience you’ve had…makes you grown.

It’s weird how a phone call can simply change everything.

I had an inbox this morning from the this guy I dated when I was 18. I actually left him for LA and married another human, so he would have no reason to really be lovely to be a few decades on.

He’s actually done well for himself. I always say that i’m like some kind of juicy mojo, as all the guys that I’ve dated (aside from the lazy ones) have ended up doing really well for themselves, off their own back. I’m gonna go with it’s because i’m inspirational. They wouldn’t. Lol. Yet, if not, at least I gave them a point to prove.

I ignored the message, because it’s what I always do and let’s face it, I don’t want to be with him, do I. 

Yet, he came at me with a..

‘You can come over to mine, the kids can play in the pool, whilst you tell me how shit your life is without me.’

I admire the confidence. Yet honey, my life isn’t too shabby. 😉 Lol.

I don’t really have that much more to say, other than….

Here we go…

Wunna Land, IS BACK.

You’re always one decision away from a new version of Life.

 

 

 

Bush Frolics & Secret Kisses

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling

So, not last night but the night before, I kissed a boy, in a bush… at around midnight. 🙂 I haven’t kissed a guy in ages, so I’m not sure what i’m gonna go with, other than the fact that in that moment, I felt really ‘passionate,’ I felt really turned on and I wanted him to be mine.  Haha. (I cannot even believe, i’m writing this. ‘Firmonnell’ my chick best friend, who formed the group ‘No Boys, Just Dicks‘ the other evening, after we decided that all men were a waste of our delicious time, has found every inch of this story HILARIOUS.)

Firmonnell: ‘Wow. That sounds like a dick voice to me?’

Y’see! You can’t form a group with rules and then expect me to stick to them. I’m a rebel without a cause. Cupid likes to **** me over. The last rule, I was told to stick to, was one in LA, where my  good friend DK challenged me to be celibate for a month. I lasted under 24 hours. And yes…again….that time HE pissed himself with laughter.

(Rule breaker. Love maker. 😉 )

In fact, I got shoved into a bush twice, whilst having under the stars banter with Ginger Brad and J.D, outside The Carleton , Pontefract. I made a guy cry at a bench, as day turned to night. I nearly cried. I managed to also get pissed off and *blank* people, for hearing a ‘true story,’ that didn’t come from directly from the horses mouth. I was filled with passionate. Filled with sass. Northern Soul & Reggae Vibes, have been playing in the background and after many a toilet talk, with Katy P. (If we ever go to the toilet together, we need to discuss, gather, gossip or go mental.) We are independent chicks, that don’t wee together. If we go to the loo as ‘one’…then you should know that something is going down.

So yeah, on Sunday I felt lovely…Then I felt feisty. The afternoon before, my babies broke up from school…and I tinkered to feel some World Cup action. Pretty much felt like the only chick in a dress with boobies, immersed in a lovely drunken ‘sausage fest.’

To be fair. It was fun for the first few hours. I selfied. I giggled. I chattered with old friends, made new friends and everything in between. People were making do video calls with their mates, trying to feel me up every 2.3 seconds…and well Little Ollie tried to schedule sex for Sept 21st?

But ‘Football’s Coming Home‘ and all that. So in the name of fun and debauchery, it was alright. It was fine. I probably got hit on, every 3 steps, I took. I mean, the night was great. Will ended up dancing on tables. Little Sam Moore showed up and did his usual ‘Lady Boy’ pic. Then someone tried to set my nipple on on fire, so I *tapped* out and after stating…

‘I just need a wee..’

I legged it out the front entrance and went home.  I was done. It was tiring. It was sort of like being booked on an appearance…but without the jollies of a paycheck. Lol. Yet, i’m not bothered. It’s funny and well it certainly doesn’t do my ‘socials’ any harm.

THEN I got a shitty whatsapp message from someone who should absolutely be a great deal more understanding. 

Sunday was drama and when I pick boys, friends and everything in between….I need to always make sure, that all is at peace, well and stable. Meaning, I am a NO DRAMA ZONE. So, on Sunday I felt lots of things needed saying…so being me…

I SAID THEM…OUT LOUD.

(I might have even hair tossed a little… in anger. I just don’t like to hear things that I should know first, from other people.) 

Ended up kissing in a bush though didn’t I! I had bush foreplay. And to make it even worse…You’d think bushes were great hidey places, right? But no, not at all…because of course, a mutual friend walked by and saw everything.

‘Don’t worry! I haven’t seen anything! Haha.’

(The next day.) 

Katy P: ‘OMG! I’ve just heard. What was it like?’

Hahaha.

It was fun. I’d definitely do it again. 🙂 I mean, gosh, you only live once, so you might as well make your story worthwhile. Well, that’s how i’ve accidentally made an entire living.

Everything just seems to have whizzed by…?

A few days ago, I was sat with Sheffield Greg, who was acting out the Yorkshire Version of ‘Ex On The Beach.’

Sheffield Greg: ‘I’d just sit there, with my 20 empty tins of lager around me and a pile of bricks.’

Lol. He said, he’d be sat on a deck chair, in his swimmers, with a 20 pack of Carling and a pile of bricks by his side. As his exes came of of the sea, he’d just lob bricks at them and tell them to *SWEAR HERE* and get back in the sea!

Hahahahaha.

The Yorkshire Version is so much more fun and BY FAR less ‘pansy.’

Then I did drinks with Ashleigh and Antony. Ashleigh introduced herself to Golfer Jonny, as a ‘raging homosexual,’ and Antony…Well let’s say Antony enjoyed my ‘HOSE DOWN’ post. He even gained me a leg stroke…and a ‘You’re Beautiful.’ (All leg strokes appreciated, now that i’m an oldie.) Unfortunately, I was waving at some other guy, mid leg stroke….which was hilarious.

‘Haha. How awful is that! I’m accidentally waving at some dude, as you’re leg stroking! Lol.’

We both just pissed ourselves.

The other day, I remember sending Firmonnell voice notes, because I knew if she heard my voice, she’d love me..and she did! I miss her madly. I can’t wait to see her again over booze. She’s just my perfect human. She’s irrepressible and nothing I do disturbs her. She adores me anyway! AND has no problem telling me!

Love you!!!!!!!

Katy P and Golfer Jonny, have pretty much spent the entire time being smitten. They’ve galloped ahead leaps and bounds and it’s just really great to see them both so happy.

I’ve been having a flirty old time. Yet..ofcourse and as always, there’s an ‘issue’ with my ‘flirty old time.’

WHY IS THERE ALWAYS AN ISSUE!?!

There’s been sudden smooches on patios, heated moments, smooches outside, leg feels, hand holds, little bits of all sorts….A good build up really, to a frolic in a bush.

I’ve kinda joked this off a bit, in the ‘write up,’ of it all because that’s what I do. Yet, it hasn’t really felt too jokey. It’s felt pretty real.

But, I’m just watching and waiting to see what occurs. Obviously, we’ve talked a lot about it. Obviously, everyone has there own version of events. Obviously, there have been faces of astonishment. Yet, I’ll see. When stuff occurs, I’ll either move appropriately or not at all. 

Anyway, i’m off now. I’ve been at Ackworth Garden Centre, doing Brunch with the babies all morning, teaching them how to Influence. Lol. All they kept doing was trying to kiss each other. 🙂

But, hey, at least they weren’t in a bush.

‘I’m devastated by how unglamourous this all sounds…’

‘Does sound mad sketchy. Haha.’

 

 

 

 

 

 

Prosecco, Mel & Sunstroke…

Image may contain: 1 person

Happy Sunshine. Gosh! It’s Bliss! As if we have an ENTIRE WEEK of blistering warmth, to celebrate our Yorkshire Summer. I don’t know why i’m so chipper about it because ‘sunny times’ are total ‘DANGER ZONE’ for me. The booty shorts come out, the hair flick gets bigger, the ‘sunnies’ get left on any or every bar table in town (i’m awful for saving sunglasses) and worst of all, I get EXTREMELY distracted by ‘good, good times.’ I’m REALLY gonna have to focus on getting work done, as ‘YOLO’ will get the better of me.

I need to pull myself together….AGAIN

I hung out with my good friend Mel on Friday evening, in the sun, over iced prosecco. She looked amazing. She looked really happy and I love that, because it’s contagious. I like to see her happy. She’s been through a lot.

It was so great to see her, because we’ve ended up being really close friends, which is good going to say we began our rapport by ‘BLANKING’ each other and maybe hitting the ‘dislike’ button on occasion. (I didn’t dislike her. I was terrified of her. She disliked me. 🙂 However, now, she’s one of my closest. I’ve EARNED my way into her heart..and if you know Mel, that takes some ******* doing. lol) 

Any time, your chick friend arrives early, (I was already at The Carlton, having a quick drink after work, with Jodie, Scott, KatyP, Golfer Jonny, Ginger Brad, Our Gav and a ‘boys night.’) But yes, sorry..anytime your chick friend arrives early, with an ice cold bucket and cheeky bottle of ‘ready to pour’ prosecco in her hand, You KNOW it’s noting but true love.

You don’t strut up towards Wunna Land, without a drink in your hand. It’s the rules…

I love a surprise appearance and with a strut and a ‘BEAM’ and a…

‘I’ve messaged you to say I was early and bought us prosecco…’

‘Shit, I didn’t see it.. Firmonnell’s fuming that I’m here. Haha. She hopes we have a shit time…’

…we shimmied over to our own little table and caught up on life, in the Yorkshire sunshine. I was honestly so happy to see her because I’ve missed her so much and sometimes, you don’t realize how much you miss someone, until you see them again… in the sunshine. Everything’s better in the sunshine.

(The last time I saw her I walked through her front door with a bunch of yellow tulips, before people had *dance offs* to Tina Turner tracks, as I sipped berried prosecco out of gold rimmed flutes and nibbled my favourite olives.) 

‘I got you your favourite olives…You love these.’

I’ve always say that this chapter of my life has caused me to be a rubbish friend…Well, no..I’ll take responsibility and say, I kinda chose to be a rubbish friend. I prioritized things differently, this year.

However, I’ve noticed that I’m never a rubbish friend to Mel. (Probably because she won’t have any of it. I respect her for that. Haha. She’s a real life trooper and I have a lot of love for her, simply because you don’t **** with Mel…EVER. She’s kind once she let’s you in…She’s fun, once she lets you in…)

I have loads of close chick friends, yet really different relationships with them all…We’re all close, but completely different girls…But I like that…What we have in common is GREAT SOULS..and hideous drinking habits.

Firmonnell and I can always be rubbish to each other, even though she’s never rubbishy to me, because we’re soulmates. Our souls entwine as one…to the point where she makes me think I only need her and not even a man in my life…Lol. (Real Talk. Aside from my family and KatyP, she’s probably the only person I speak to every single day.) 

Image result for carrie bradshaw quotes girlfriends are soulmates

*I’ve definitely only put the above paragraph up, so she doesn’t feel as **** for me hanging out with Mel. Haha*

Plus, she says she never reads the blog, because she ‘doesn’t have to read this **** as she knows me in real life…‘ Lol. Which I like, because now I can write whatever I want about her and she’ll never know, OR EVEN BETTER have to ADMIT, that she’s read it. 🙂 

Shush! I’m joking. I love her.

So, Mel and I chattered about life, our love lives to be honest. We’ve kinda had a hard time in love, because that’s the way Cupid wanted it to pan out. I don’t know why, we find it so hard to settle down, even suitors appear through the years and wish to ‘settle?’ I always think, I haven’t because i’m happy and I haven’t yet met the right man.

But we’re single, we’re alive, we’re independent women, with our own careers and children, making the best of what we have.

Then I don’t know what happened, but she started to talk to me and as she did, I started to feel dizzy. I started to feel sick? I felt really drunk. Like it *popped* out of nowhere. I’d only had two drinks before she arrived and I’d only had a glass of prosecco. I felt really woozy, to the point where I her face zoned out…and I just couldn’t even sit up for another second. Lol

‘I need the loo…’

So I rushed off and in the loo, and in the cubicle I felt really poorly. So poorly, I was sick. (I always do this when I’m with Mel. Not the last time, but the time before, I puked in her washing up bowl. Lol) 

I got back and I felt moderately better, but still woozy.

Me: ‘I’ve been sick.’

Mel: ‘What? You always do this with me. How much did you have before I got here?’

Me: ‘Nothing. Just two drinks.’

Mel: ‘We need chip butties…’

(You can tell we’re Northern. We don’t wear tights in winter and we always think comfort food solves all life issues.) 

So chip butties came, because Mel, is literally the Hostest with the Mostest.’ She’s sassy, but she’s really good at taking care of people. She’s nurturing…and THANK GOD, cos i’m awful at looking after adults. Lol. I’m also awful if people cry in front of me, because i never know what the appropriate call of duty is….other than ‘Do you need a wine?’

I couldn’t eat my chip butty…I need to eat more. Then ‘Boys Night’ kept coming up to me, a boy at a time and asking for hugs and love.

‘Why are you all hugging me on boys night? Why are you looking at me? Do boys night, at boys table. We’re doing girls night!! Lol’

‘We just want a hug. Why you being boring..?’

So, I hugged, felt ill, then Tanya (Mel’s Friend) came and I got my second wind! It came out of nowhere and I was back on form. We did another two ice buckets of prosecco and yeah, tipsy then happened.

But we were happy tipsy.

Life filled with laughter and chick tales. (And more hugs from ‘Boys Night.’ I’m honestly like a ‘stag do/boys night’ prop. If boys are out, on a boys night, they sight me and want me to join the party. A bit like Sheffield really. I’m back in Sheffield in a couple weeks.) 

Anyway, I thought I was drunk, hence why I was sick? Makes total sense. But it turns out, (according to my little Doctor Mum) that I had sunstroke. I’m a slow drinker. But I’m a good drinker, in the sense that you’ll never see me falling about. I can do three drinks. That’s not going to make me puke ever.

So please be careful in the sun, this week. I’ve been in direct sunlight, all day long, with no water sipping, absorbing those rays and with wine in my hand always. It’s not good for you, if you’re not careful.

Then yesterday it was the football. I didn’t watch it. But I counted our goals on the cheers, that I heard. I caught up with KatyP and Claire, Golfer Jonny and his mates…Then Little Sam and His Blond Buddy Bud of Banter, with JD joined us..

Blond Buddy Bud: ‘Whenever I go to Bigfellas, random boys come up to me in the loos and tell me they can feel their Gaydar.’

Me: ‘It cos you have cherubim hair.’

Blond Buddy Bud: ‘And I have shoes at home, that i’ve named *Fellas.*

Sam: ‘You should go around the bar, in your wet tshirt, stop guys, tell them you can feel your Gaydar & see how long it takes for you to get punched. Chrissie, can we selfie for my Snapchat.’

Golfer Jonny’s friend Barney had a birthday. He doesn’t look like a gin guy, but he ginned it all day and started singing Wham songs. I like Barney because he once told a guy he looked like someone off the ‘Guess Who’ game. (Lol)

Barney: ‘Does he have a beard? No! Does he have hair? No. It’s HANK off Guess Who!!’

He also stated Golfer Jonny’s jeans were so tight, it looked like his bottom was ‘chewing a toffee’ and went to a chick’s loo, during a DATE, sat on her toliet seat and SNAPPED IT IN HALF, with his arse, due to a strong descent. Haha. 

Long story short. Lots of drama then occurred. I didn’t get to selfie. I didn’t stay out of the sun. I got home safe and woke up fine, this lovely morning.

I’ve got a lot of work to do. A book to write. I think i have birthday drinks this afternoon. I’ve got the babies after school. I have an audition. They actually have an audition to film. I’m feeling really lucky. I’m still pretty single.. I need to concentrate on work. Firmonnell’s throwing a BBQ on Sunday. I’m loving every single INCH of being Mummy. The babies are my WORLD. I’m back on your telly shortly…and I think I still have sunstroke? How do I make it better?

All my love,

Chrissie x

Image may contain: 1 person

 

 

 

 

 

 

The 8 Hour Panic

Image may contain: 2 people, including Chrissie Wunna, people smiling, people standing

Right! Gosh! Yesterday was a jolly little nightmare. 🙂  Today, I was gonna go on about, how much of a nightmare it was. I don’t think I had ever been as stressed, in quite a  little while? I felt deserted and I was SO utterly stressed because i’m SO FAR up my own arse, it’s unbelievable.

However, it’s weird how when you sleep on something…as in close your eyes and let the world take a turn. It’s weird how, you can wake up, rub those fresh kitten eyes and see the funny side to it all. Be okay again.

I lived to tell the tale..and when you’re a blogger, who chats about life… that’s all that matters. 😉

So, all i’m going to say is, don’t get a lift somewhere and then leave your handbag, which holds everything you will need for the day, in someone else’s car by accident. It was my own fault, (even though I did initially try to blame my mistake, on everyone else.)

My purse, my money, my ID, my phone, my laptop, my life, any form of communication..my everything….went on a merry trip without me. I was left stranded, without being able to get a hold of anyone, with nothing at all, but the clothes on my back…

For a good 8 hours..

(And like I said, I struggled because I was SO UP my own arse.)

However, I know it doesn’t seem that bad, right? It isn’t that bad….until you LIVE IT and without notice.

For the first 2 hours, I was FUMING. It sucked balls. I was LIVID. But once you’ve done something, you can’t back track and make it right, can you!?!  You just have to deal with what’s going on, in the ‘right now.’ I mean, people saw me THUNDERING DOWN STREETS, in a mist of Wunna rage. Lol.  I couldn’t get a taxi, I couldn’t message anyone for help. I couldn’t make a phone call. I couldn’t buy myself out of trouble. I went to the library, to try and use their internet. I didn’t have fifty pence, to be able to use the computers. Lol.

I didn’t even have anything on me, to make myself look less ‘on my own’ and like I had a purpose. (This is what I found the hardest, because i’m someone who will always try to look fine, in the heat of trouble.) 

I was embarrassed.

I didn’t know what time it was? I didn’t know, how I was eventually going to get found? I threw a silent pity party…But I must’ve not wanted help, because people did stop and offer TO help…They stopped to help me a million times over. However, every single time they did, I refused it, with a..

 ‘no, no, no…i’m absolutely fine.’

I WAS NOT FINE.

It was a nightmare. Lol. I went from park bench, to park bench, to long pointless walks, to little sit downs, at each local…for 8 hours straight. There’s only so much you can find to do, without looking like a lost soul. I even made a daisy chain to kill time.

It was kinda like being homeless, yet with the comfort of knowing it was all nearly over and you did actually have a home to go to. (In fact, I never got complimented MORE, than I did yesterday.)

So, ofcourse, I felt sorry for myself…and I was actually more annoyed that I couldn’t work (which is something that I find comforting.) I couldn’t write the book, (after finally feeling motivated.) Yet, as time went by and the wind swirled around me…I realised how shallow I was being. I grew up a little. (This week, so far, has been horrific. The Gods, are trying to make me learn lessons, or something? It’s shit.)

But yes, people go through my yesterday…on a daily…Without being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I actually went through this in my 20’s in New York, remember? It was weird because during that time, which was much much harder, I never actually ‘pity partied’ once. Yet, that was because I was genuinely terrified. There was no time to waste of ‘worry.’ I had to find safety.

Yesterday, was great because it made me realise that I wasn’t actually in touch with real life, anymore. Which is something I harp on about all the time, right?

Knowing about something, is different to FEELING something. The text book version of an event, never offers you the same kind of value. You have NOT experience something AT ALL, until you yourself have lived it, walked that particular path and worn the shoes. No one is in a position to judge anyone, until they have actually experienced what it is like, to be them.

And as the saying goes and i’ve seen this posted a million times over, by some of my friends…

‘You only know my name, not my entire story. You know what you’ve heard, not what i’ve actually been through. If you were to walk in my shoes, you’d absolutely trip at the first step, mate.’ 

Not really too relevant to my ‘yesterday,’ as that was nothing. However, it’s always a great life lesson to learn.

My Mum found me nine hours later.

That’s what I love about Mums.. and to be honest the last few hours were completely fine. It was ace. I had the greatest banter, with the most hilarious people. We talked bloomers with Jill, who is so happy all of the time, she looked like she could be married to Santa. Then I talked about ‘boys holidays’ and how a ‘pants only’ party in Zante was probably not a good idea, with dudes called ‘Sam.’

Sam: ‘Well Todd says, he’s throwing a ‘Pants Only’ party in Zante. But he hasn’t thought it through, has he? I mean, what chicks are gonna show up to that? None. It’ll just be a massive sausage fest…. just a group of lads..’

Me: ‘..in speedos and tight undies.’

Sam: ‘He’s Southern though, in’t he! He’s soft. Haha.’

I loved it!

When my Mum did actually find me and I had every faith that she would! You’d think she’d ‘baby’ me and treasure my sorry ass soul.

TOUGH LOVE MUCH!

Mum: ‘I don’t feel sorry for you. (Cheers!)  I knew you’d be okay. (Oh! Dandy!) You always are. (Today was shit.) I never have to worry about you. (Please do worry. I’m even worried.) You’re resourceful, once you’ve had your initial DIVA strop. (I’m fuming.) I’ve always said, I could catapult you to Timbuktu (please don’t) and you’d still find your way back home, or make a life for yourself there, with bells on.. But hurry up, i’ve got to pick up your brother (my darling, adored, little brother…) He needs me.’

I nearly exploded, like  a RAGING, CONFETTI GLITTER BOMB. But I didn’t. I’m swaggier than that. I’m coooool. I took life on the chin and ordered a cocktail.

Got home. Enjoyed every single second of, just being MUM. Let it all go. I posted a couple of ‘pity party’ Insta stories, to make myself feel better. After baby bed time. I cracked open a giant bottle of wine, got into the comfiest of comfies and flicked on ‘Love Island.’

That was yesterday.

Today, I’m meant to start my book. Instead the kids have Sports Day.

This week, is a nightmare.

 

Doing Life, Ambition & Stress

Image may contain: Chrissie Wunna, standing

Hope you  ALL had the most beautiful day with your Fathers, or celebrated ‘fatherhood’ in any way you felt necessary, be they still here with you, away with life ‘dandies,’ or even if you’re a father yourself. I hope it all went well. If it didn’t, never mind, eh! As long as you’re positive or honest, about your situation, you’re always gonna be okay. 😉 That can take time. But once you’ve got it, you’re sailing!

Yippppeeee!

I had a big old ‘lunch off’ and family day with my delicious Pops. The Wunna’s are a really close family and well, i’d say that i’m the ‘apple’ of my little Daddy’s eye.

(He once visited me in LA, many years ago and told my lawyer/party boy roommate to look after me, because if anything happened to his ‘Pride & Joy’ he would hold him directly responsible. Lol Yet, on the softer side, when I returned home ,after a huge Hollywood spell of ‘almost decade,’ he burst into tears because he was so happy I was safe and well.)

Y’know, my Dad, has never ever shouted or raised his voice at me once. He’s either talked me through things, so laid back that he’s horizontal,  or just pretended that the bad things have never happened….I can’t decide which one? My Mum, on the other hand, makes up for his lack of ‘shouty.’

I really ‘lucked out’ in the ‘Parent Department.’ I know that. And every single minute of every day, even when we wind each other up, i’m truly grateful for them. I dread to think of a life without them! They’re my little ‘ninja’ parents..My absolute rocks. It’s the same with Ruby & Junior. ( If you follow this, you’ll know I’m a single mum. But I LOVE being a single mum. It makes me feel powerful and I like to feel MIGHTY. Both babies spent the day with their Daddy’s. Junior was somewhat reluctant to shimmie over to his. Ruby, however adored it.)

I missed them both…MADLY. (The babies, not the daddies. Haha.)

Just so you know, I’ve bloody worn tiny shorts and no sleeves today, with ‘sunnies,’ because my phone told me that it was going to be a SCORCHIO. I’m sat on a bench, in a park, with a pink laptop on my knee, pretending to be nice to dogs that look like sausages, in the freezing, windy cold! I can’t even style it out. I look like a rebellious and somewhat constipated Geisha, that’s been dipped in Hawaiian Tropic and got caught up in a casual Hurricane.

Honestly, what is wrong with me? Why can I never get it right! I hope for sun soon. I’m far too exotic and scowly today, for even an occasional GUST of wind. It’s so windy, I could DIE of shivers.

Okay,  i’ll cut crap…

So, yesterday, you’d think.. with all my free time, I’d spend the day attempting to write that book. I keep rambling on about. The one that I only have 2 months in total, to complete. I didn’t do it, did I? I know it’s there and has to be done. Yet I keep pretending it’s not ‘PENDING’ away…If i’m honest, I have NO CLUE WHAT I’M DOING. I even have a Tutor and been threatened with a ‘Writers Colony.’ J It’s not like I don’t write, or haven’t written a book before?? I just can’t find my *swing.* I can’t find my *swagger.* Maybe I left it at Issho, after table sake?

But ah well…Even bit of me is confident that I’ll find it. HONEST.

Instead, I took selfies, (agent’s nightmare.) Went on walks. Almost bought ceramic unicorns. Stared at a pond. Shunned the advances of boys. Added to my Insta story. Dropped my  phone on my face, mid selfie, (it caused me to bust my lip a little.) I scrolled Twitter for ‘Love Island’ updates. I swung garden chimes, with my Mum, simply because we were bored. I baked a cake (did I **** bake a cake…haha.) Rode a donkey (that might have happened) and THEN BALANCED half a can of Fosters ON MY LITTLE BURMESE HEAD!!

I KNOW!  Skillz! How am I single!!

This was totally inspired by my good friend ‘Hustle Barbie’ who decided to send me a *Snap* of her balancing a PINEAPPLE on her head. (Cos’ we’re normal like that. I mean, for such so called ‘pretty girls,’ you’d think we’d have better things to do, like ignore DM’s from shirtless boys. 😉 ) But no. During HER free ‘still single’ time, she dedicated it to Tom Foolery.

However, being the competitive swine that I am, I didn’t watch and adore, with simple giggles. I decided that I could do it too.

ANYTHING YOU CAN DO, I CAN DO IT…..TIPSY.

I flipping, did it though! 13 minutes later, my ‘socials’ were filled with videos of me balancing a Foster’s Can, on my head, like a champion. (I did send ‘Hustle’ a personal video. I don’t respond to my real life friends via public story. Honest! lol..Well, unless, it’s by accident, a bit rude and maybe involves a Toberlone.) I had a Toberlone ice cream yesterday and it ruined my life, because my head was dazed with Katy P’s, MADE UP ‘Duty Free Toberlone’ story, that involved my vagina.

Every bite made me gip. You can still enjoy one though because your mind is CLOUDED with filth.

Hustle: ‘We’re like the perfect girls. We have boobs AND we’re good at balancing things..’

Me: ‘Well..sort of..’

Later through the evening, ‘Firmonnell’ sent me a video of ‘Hustle,’ on her sofa.. attempting to balance a FULL wine glass of GIN, equipped with floating berries… ON HER HEAD. The video was SO worrying, that I was tense with anxiety and screaming…

DON’T YOU DARE SPILL THE GIN….

..at my phone. (She always has to take it one step too far. I don’t think I can be her friend anymore? ‘Almost’ spilling gin, is as foolish as the art of ‘always telling the truth.’ It breaks the Wunna Land code of conduct. It’s not cool and it’s certainly not ‘gangsta.’ ‘Ere me now.)

However, life is there to be played with. It’s such a wonderful thing, even the bad times. They say the bad times, make you tougher. They keep you in good stead for whatever lies ahead. You never know what’s gonna happen to you? However, be it good or bad, if you ‘skill’ yourself up emotionally, you’ll be able to handle your next step, your next chapter, with the vigor of RuPaul.

Even if it’s utterly harsh, the quicker you feel it, get back up and then proceed to be play, with the tough times… the better. As soon as you enjoy life, understand life and don’t let it suck the *b’jeebies* out of you…The sooner you’ll find your ‘happy.’ Your strength.

‘Hustle’ actually posted a quotey paragraph yesterday. (Y’know how people do. I posted ‘Lovers Gonna Love’ on Saturday. My gay friend posted ‘Soup of the Day is Tequila.’ Blah. Blah. Jollies.)

Well Hustle, posted a paragraph. It stated that our own development as a human, is what made us happy. How we progress as a human. How we actually learn life. That’s what makes us proud of ourselves, in the end. It also suggested that we not place our happiness in the hands of others. People do it all the time…don’t they? I have, at times. Y’know, whether they’re waiting for a proposal, a job acceptance letter, trying to impress the masses, worrying about being judged, or pining for simple praise, or attention from a boyfriend, girlfriend or parent…Anything!

When you do that…you no longer have control of your happiness. You pass it on, like a parcel, yet the music never stops.

Now, I always ‘twicker’ on about how POWERFUL I feel. And like I said earlier, I’m someone who loves to feel powerful. Yet, that power, doesn’t come from anything material. ( I do love the finer things in life, yet I don’t LIVE FOR THEM. I’m actually a girl who loves the simple things, just as much. I couldn’t be more in touch with the real world.) I mean,  I could also make tons and tons and tons of money. (It wouldn’t make me feel powerful at all. No matter what, I’ll always get by. I work really hard.)  I could be so in love. (I’m single…and still, I couldn’t be happier.) Or so so successful,l that I couldn’t even nearly shake fame off me. (What i’ve learnt from life is that recognition for your talent and hard work, feels great. That isn’t ‘FAME.’ That’s personal accomplishment. The ‘fame game’ brings you more problems than it’s worth, at times… unless you play it well, use it wisely and benefit from it financially. Even then, you’ll still go through shit.)

I feel powerful because at 37, I feel like a successful human. I wasn’t always a successful human. Yet, that’s the point. I grew…and Karma IS a bitch. But Boy, have I DEVELOPED. I’m really happy with who I am now. I feel comfy, in my own skin. What I like what I am and what I stand for! I chose my own ‘happy.’ No one can take that away from me and because of that FEELING, I can walk into a room and RADIATE, almost GLOW of an energy, that swirls through the souls of others, like magic.

I understand people. (I’ve been people.) I understand life. (I’ve experienced so many different walks of it.)  I really LOVE being me and truly LOVE every piece of my world, because I picked it myself. I’m an alright person. I can see loneliness in others, even when they have that ‘100 watt’ smile on. (I’ve been there. We all have.) I can see kindness in people, when the masses have ruled them out as a ‘villan.’

I understand that… no matter what….I’m still just this tiny little dot….on a GIANT EARTH BALL of gazillions, doing this ‘shimmie’ called life. I always see the bigger picture and when you TRULY do, you quit letting the ‘niggles’ stress you out.

So if I could leave you with two lil’ tings of what I know about life right now, it would be to make the most of your time, WITHOUT WORRY…BEFORE you have no time left. We can worry about anything, everything, can’t we? It literally makes NOTHING better, at all. It creates stress. Both my folks are Doctors and even THEY say, you can break every bone in your body and nothing hurts more than a broken heart, a broken soul, or being lost in a fuzzy gather of stress.

And if you DO anything today…..Be the reason somebody smiles…

The smallest things, make people BEAM.

( I tried to teach Ruby that yesterday…But she kept ignoring me and telling me she was going to be a psychic.)

ps/ I live for ‘Love Island’ this year and i’m so excited by the ‘fresh girl meat’ and thrilled with my personal winner Adam Collard!

ALL THE FIRE! Let’s play love!

 

 

Retail Therapy & Writing Books on Dating..

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling

A bit of ‘Retail Therapy.‘ A bit of ‘buying me some love.‘ A bit of filling my soul with the beautiful art of ‘purchase.’ A bit of swanning around a department store, Dior counter, in order to feel lost in a powdery haze of well lit glamour, is on the cards for me today.

It’s a treat ya’self. Don’t cheat ya’self kinda weekend.

(A boy once slid me a note that read exactly that, when we were on a modelling gig in Palm Springs, back in the day. he had a really bog ‘fro.’ I can’t at all remember his name. He was actually a decent human and the note was a joke. Plus, he had exceptional ‘comedy timing’ as he noted me, when I was IN THE SHOWER and naked.)

To say yesterday could’ve ended up somewhat ‘rubbishy,’ (and the result was ‘rubbishy,’)  I actually had a really great time. I took it all on the chin and pretty much managed to get some work done, catch up with friends, by inflatable unicorns and wooden panels and spend the rest of my day waiting…. in a cocktail bar.

Life could’ve been worse.

Anyway, to ease my pain, i’m filling my purchasey pockets with wondrously girly…shite today. I need lots of little treats that will save my soul from a mental breakdown.

I couldn’t at all sleep last night, because my minds under this crazy pressure. I know that I said that I like working under pressure, but I obviously lied.  I’ve now got 2 months to write, a completely different book and like I was saying to ‘Newly Married‘ Vicki…. (I love you by the way, thank you so much for believing in me always.) Anyway, she dashed me with bright ideas, encouraged me with all of her strength and then bloody left me to swim to some pool bar, during her honeymoon…

I KEEP running away from writing the book because i’m intimidate by it.

I don’t know where to start? But I should know where to start…I’m a writer?

Vicki: ‘Start from the middle and go from there..’

Any excuse that I can find to distract myself from book writing I will. And maybe it’s because I don’t believe I can do it? But i’m not like that by nature. So technically, I don’t know what’s up with me? Maybe all the Peroni’s have literally meandered through my soul and made me feel real life? Lol. Maybe I feel ‘one my own’ with this project? Maybe, I am scared that it won’t do well…? But I’m not scared of anything? (Except, sausage dogs.)

The first book to get ‘shopped’ will be a DATING book. A ‘How to‘ book. Not that I qualify ‘on paper.’ Yet, I certainly qualify when it comes to experience…and in my mind THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS. The reason for it being a ‘dating book,’ will become apparent to you shortly…Yet, at the same time, I write about life every day and to me, our love lives are such an important part of our existence.

My newly single, chick bestie ‘Firmonnell’ has moved ‘Hustle Barbie’ into her home temporarily. They’re both really close friends of mine…and ‘Hustle’s’ actually single now too. I think she went on some date with a dude in the woods or something?

Wow! That sounds safe! 🙂

We’re obviously such catches. Lol. Whenever ‘Hustle’ goes out with the girls, she comes home mud riddenly filthy. I don’t even know how? She would’ve been to Angelica’s not Old Macdonald’s goddamn farm. So i’m sure her date in the woods, went well. Sure she looked like a Pagent Queen…TO BE BEGIN WITH.

Anyway, ‘Firmonnell’ was seeing if I wanted to hang out with her yesterday…Yet, she knew that I couldn’t or wouldn’t…so presented it to me like this…

‘Are you doing anything Friday, because you can come to mine for drinks? I thought i’d message you first, so you could give me the first brush off..’

And I did. Successfully. Lol. I even replied with a..

‘Brush off complete..’

Like I said, this year, i’m such a shit friend. But not really ‘in heart,’ because I love them all so madly, I treasure them… but certainly when it comes to actual real life appearances. Haha.

Yet, your good friends and your perfect boy/girl love matches will always understand that.

I’ve got a goal and a lot of work I need to do to get there and i’m much closer than I thought I could be to that goal again…So right now, like I always say, i’m going back IN, to not only take what’s mine, but to take all the things that everyone said I could never have.

That’s fighting talk to say i’m a kitten.

(Did, I say ‘kitten?’ Sorry…I meant BITCH.)

Talking about bitchiness…I’m really glad Hayley’s been booted off ‘Love Island.’ Not because she was nasty, but because she was having a bit of free telly ride, without playing the game. You can’t go on Love Island and not DO the ‘love’ part. You can’t shun every single boy and think you’re gonna stay on the show. It’s not, ‘I can’t find a connection’ island and it’s certainly not how reality tv works. Cya Darling!

Glad that i’ve got that off my chest.

Big family day today. I’m really close to my family and with it being Father’s day tomorrow, we’re gonna celebrate being The Wunna’s ALL weekend. It’s what we do. Both Ruby and Junior will be with me all day and I think, as per usual…we’re headed to Doncaster. Ruby’s still bandaged up. (She had a bicycle accident.) And Junior is embracing his family time, with all of his heart. For some reason now, he’s always scared to go to his Dads?

Junior: ‘Please don’t send me there tomorrow. It’s Father’s day and Dad hates Father’s day. I’m scared.’

Luckily the kids are dandy because they have MASSIVE Wunna Land back up. It’s certainly a land run by woman, where the guys are always the bit parts, waiting in the wings.

I’m actually going through another new chapter right now, where you’re going to get to see a really different side to me…Operation ‘Clean Up My Act’ is en route…

Firmonnell: ‘Sounds really dull.’

Hahah. 😉 Love her.

See ya soon!

Thank you for following my life…

FYI/ I’ve written all of this BLIND and without my contact lenses in. I’ve looked like a half naked, 90 year old, horny bat, all the way through it.

Hope that’s made you feel sexy!

Cheers.

 

 

‘Hustle’ is a vegan, she has a pineapple on her kitchen table.

Me: ‘Aww. That’s so cute. She can ***can’t tell you what I actually said*** and then cute to raw pineapples slices afterward.’

 

Tequila Shots, Flirts & The End of Wedding Season

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling

So, we head into Rogerthorpe Manor for the reception dinner. Lead by a guy in a Gucci tie, who everyone thought was a guest. He wasn’t, he was the ‘Master of Ceremonies’ I guess? Is that what he was? I don’t know? He was lively and witty, let’s say. However Laura, Toby & I still managed to make fun of him every half hour, because he kept skipping out of nowhere…a doorway, a table, a bush…and scorning us politely, for not being at the right place, at the right time…at least he did it in Gucci.

Gucci Tie: ‘It’s the speeches now…So you all need to get back inside.’

Me: ‘It’s not the speeches yet. I’ve just spoke to Guy & Neil…and LOOK, they’re all the way up the garden, by that dodgy stone woman.’

(There was the most hilarious giant woman made of out stone in the garden. She was half naked, shoulder crouching & holding part of a robe in front of her, to cover her modesty…YET SHE LOOKED TERRIFIED. Like Jackie Chan was gonna hurtle out the trees naked and Kung Fu her. Or like Toby was about to sell her a car. 😉 ) 

Anyway, I was sat on a different table to Laura & Toby. For once, I wasn’t on the naughty table. I think I was on the ‘some of us are single’ table. Everyone was  talking about diggers and how exciting they found Power Plants though, so it confused me. Then at least convo ‘sexed’ up a bit, when they boobs took the focus.

All polite. All such fun. Don’t really rememebr anyone’s name. But I do know that someone was German, two people were single….and they all love Guy whenever he gets naked in pubs? Hilarious table. Filled with smut. They couldn’t have welcomed me more. To my left was a gent, who had been Guy’s ‘Best Man’ twice before, yet didn’t get the ‘role of’ this time around. Lol.

AWKS! Hahaha.

Then the day turned to dusk as the traditional comedy speeches were being made…and we all ventured back outside onto the lawn for more drinks. The sun was shining. The sky was still blue. You need fresh air at weddings, because that’s what keeps you alive! It’s like I started the day again…Yet maybe that was the gin…

Laura: ‘Right now, I could put my tracksuit on, some flats, tie my hair on top of my head…and just chill in the sun…with this gin. I got you one too..’

Me: ‘Awww! Thank you! That creepy, stone woman is urking me out.’

Then people whopped out the cigars…

Toby: ‘He looks like a Don.’

More drinking was going on…I kinda left Vicki to do the wedding rounds, like you must! I met the rest of her family, mid gin though and I loved that! I mean, I adore little Estelle and have known her anyway. But I got to meet her sons…Ben & Andy…and Ben’s chick, who was dressed in red and I love a girl who rocks a red dress.

Excitement must have got the better of us…

Someone told us that the music had been turned on, so I tinkered on in armed with my new East London crew…Lol…and Let’s just say Toby, Laura & I, got the party started. Well, we just inappropriately *bumped* and *grinded* to whatever the DJ was playing, whilst forcing him to ‘turn it up, turn it up’ and watching Page Boys ‘Floss’ and Bridesmaids ‘Hair toss.’

We were drinking our through it….But I still didn’t feel pissed yet? And when i’m at a wedding, I want to be pissed.

At this point, things ‘wilded’ up…Everyone still looked beautiful. ‘Bobby’ (Roberta) had shown up, out of the blue, in blue, looking stunning and not wearing knickers….

‘Chrissie look under her dress and see if she has any knickers on…’

(I love ‘Bobby’ because she’s a wild one like me. She didn’t know if she had an official invite. She just watched my Insta story, got dressed and rocked up. Hahaha! She LIVES! I mean, you’ll find ‘BobbyShe’ll be naked. Not care…and you’ll have to deal with it. She does the Wunna Land ‘Live life/YOLO Ting’ and it’s bliss. You’re only here once. If you’re lucky, you’ve got 100 years to just enjoy being alive.)

Andy’s now buying me Tiger Beers, because I was Asian and he fancied me a bit Lol. Toby & Laura disappeared for a few…and I’m sure they went for a quick ‘moment‘ upstairs. 😉  Yet, they assured me that no such ting happened. They were apparently looking for me, everywhere…

Andy: ‘Do you think, I have a chance with her…’

Laura: ‘No…lol’

The wedding was great and the dance floor filled. A giant, fun photobooth with props had been set up, so ‘Bobby’ and I smashed it THREE TIMES, because we’re the Ultimate Queen of Selfie and i grumbled a bit, because it moved too fast for my Insta story. Haha.

Then I don’t know what happened, but Andy, Ben, His Red Dressed Girlfriend, Laura, Toby and I…ended up at the faaaaaaar end of the bar, a little away from everyone, kinda by the buffet…The lights had been dimmed, so it was officially night time…and Toby goes…

‘Are we having shots then…?’

And in this time…What Happened! It turned from beautiful time, on the most beautiful grounds, at the most beautiful wedding…to a party episode of Geordie Shore….(Even though no one was or is a Geordie???/ I’m so good at this! I need the sack.) 

We SHOT everything. Chick shots. Dude shots. Shots, from each other shots. Shots, OFF EACH OTHER shots…The Guys were shooting Tequila in the end and sucking the lemons out of each other mouths.

EWWW! 

( I say ‘sucking,’ which makes it sound more aggressive, than it was…When I actually watched my intsa story back, it looked someone loving. Andy cradled Toby’s head, like he was Mother Mary.)

Then out of nowhere, in the name of a DARE. Army Ben, at Toby’s suggestion…does a Tequila shot, but he doesn’t lick the salt, he SNIFFS THE SALT UP HIS NOSE, SHOOTS THE SHOT AND THEN SQUEEZES THE GODDAMN LEMON IN HIS GODDAMN EYE!!! 

OUCH!!!!!!!!

It was brilliant. I was so entertained. It made my life complete.

Toby: ‘I was giving them a £100, but I think I might pull out a tenner for shots and give them £90 instead. Hahaa.’

Then just like magic, we all went onto chill mode and I sat outside chatting to Vicki’s lovely Irish Mummy. She looked like the most glamourous Irish Mummy in the world. I loved her. She was funny, polite, yet I could see a ‘sassy’ in her eyes. I loved her!

Then like ya do…I think I went on a massive ‘Preach’ mode and forced everyone to listen to me tell them how much I loved Vicki.

A really drunk Yorkshire lady sat down and started banter…I loved her, because she was so ‘tell it how it is.’ 

Toby: ‘Where has she been all night! She’s great!!’

And then towards the end of the night, I finally got to spend some time with the Bride…

We just heard ‘CAKE,’ held hands and found it…

Vicki: ‘Lemon or Fruit cake’

Then we laughed. He danced. We talked over the day, with smiles. She was the most BEAUTIFUL BRIDE, in all the land and i’m not even kidding. Vicki’s ‘40 something‘ and she LOOKED 20 SOMETHING STUNNING.

Then i might have had to fight off a few lovely gents… 😉 I’ll say no more. Hahah.

And the funniest thing…as more time passed, more drinks were had…and more celebrations were turned into memories to share the day that Guy & Vicki committed to being ‘life partners…’

When I eventually walked out of the main doors at Rogerthorpe Manor, the LAST SENTENCE, that I said, (well this was after a ‘Thank you’ and ‘Cya’…)

The LAST SENTENCE that flew out of my mouth, was…

‘No…I’m not going to sit on your willy….’

Hahaha…

Such a great time. I send both Guy & Vicki all my love. I made some really great new friends…and I’m so lucky and honoured to have been there.

Definitely lost my bank card. (When that happens, you know shit got messy.)  Toby & Laura and now in Jamaica…And today….We Start the World Cup! Lol.

Thank you following my life…

Chrissie x

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling

Boobs, Wedding Season & Single Life…

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, sitting

Morning! I’ve had to have a couple days off because everything has gone manic. If there’s an insane work schedule, there’s peace for a moment, then an explosion of ‘home life’ drama. I’ve been up. I’ve been down. I’ve been at auditions, one minute. At drinks with friends, another minute. In meetings Out of meetings. Even at A&E.

Yippeee! Hospitals Rock!

This year, i’m being great to my family and shit  to my friends. But because i’ve been putting work first. Yet, people always will catch me. I mean, i’ve seen KatyP all lot, for drinks. I lunched with ‘Double B’ and ‘Firmonnell’ on Monday. Yet, in those moments, when people do *catch me* everything looks really calm and serene…

BUT OH MY GOD…

As soon as I swing back out of the door, IT GOES BACK TO NUTS…and it’s something that people don’t understand, unless you do my job. I separate and categorize things, so when i’m at work, I work. When I’m with friends…I chill. When I’m in love…I do love.

(I’m currently extremely SINGLE by the way…and if i’m honest, i kinda LOVE IT. I’m ignoring my DM’s. I’m not talking to any guys. I’m waiting for Mr.Right. Not Mr. Almost Right. I’ve wasted too much time on ‘almost.’ It’s not good enough..and now I don’t even care. I’m the happiest, singleton in all the land. I know what i’m worth and I feel like i’m doing really well, right now. I’m in a really great career position, with a hopeful glitzy future. I’m doing what I love. I feel powerful. I’m beaming. It’s gonna take SOME man to cowboy stagger into Wunna Land and try and win my *cold stoney* lol… loving…kitten heart…over. Unless, you’re Adam from ‘Love Island’…You can stagger into Wunna Land at anytime you want mate… 😉 )

Wahey! No pants for anyone!

Right! So on Saturday, i went to my friend Vicki’s wedding.

It’s wedding season folks.

Now, I usually hate going to weddings. I love the reception, the drinks and the party. But I usually hate the ceremony part. I don’t know why, I do? Maybe because it triggers evil memories in my ‘married three times’ soul. 😉

However, this time, something changed…and I didn’t hate it. I couldn’t wait to go. I couldn’t wait to see her. She’s a great soul. A beautiful girl and she’s literally someone who goes out of her way to make people happy, if she loves and respects you. I like that. She’s someone I trust. Someone I find utterly honourably. (And she’s hot.)

I arrived at Rogerthorpe Manor at 10am. Went up to her suite, (Suite 14) to find the cutest bride maids tottering around, still in their comfies….bedding in their shoes…There was a hair stylist, a makeup artist, flowers, dresses, silver trays of Bucks Fizz and a calm, merry wedding day swirl, meandered around the room..

Me: ‘How are you so calm. Why are you not being nuts? I’d be crying into a gin my now.’

She was a dominant bride. (She knows what she wants and YOU WILL do it.) But she’s weirdly at the same time…really laid back. She’s happy.

Anyway, I got a ride to Selby Abbey..where her wedding would take place (under a strict ‘no selfie taking or drinking beforehand’ rule) and her cousin Toby, with his HOT BLOND of a girlfriend Laura…had to have ME, as their ‘tag along ALL FUCKING DAY. Lol.

I mean, imagine having ME as your third wheel. I usually ruin lives. 🙂 What could me more of a nightmare. Luckily, all three of us, even though their East Londoners, are built from the same boozy, flashy, fun dripped glitter bricks. I got them. They go me. ALL three of us got on straight away. (I mean there was a point where we’d made Laura ‘smash’ her fishbowl drink down, whilst chanting at her..So we could hurry up and slip into Toby’s  BMW, to drive away from Selby Abbey, to our new destination, with DIZZLE RASCAL…a playing. 🙂 )

This is what we were playing…So you can feel our mood too…

Toby: ‘I’m an actual certified BMW driver.’

Me: ‘Ace! Cos you’re in the oncoming traffic lane.’

Toby: ‘Oh shit!! Haha.’

Laura: ‘Everyone’ll think you’re mad!’

Toby’s an East London, cheeky chappy. A car salesman. He’s fun. He’s naughty. But he loves and looks after his girl. Laura’s blond and beautiful. She’s a total weapon. She tells it how it is. She can drink like a pirate, and look like Miss.World at the same time…and with all our powers combined…to say we had only just met…we HAD LITERALLY the best time in EVER!!

Spanks, Boobs n’all….

The wedding was regal and magical, because firstly….Vicki is someone who really deserves this…and by ‘this,’ I mean ‘her own version of happiness.’ Not because she needed or wanted it so badly. But because, she served life well and ‘in return’ life cut her some slack. I watched both Guy and Vicki say their ‘I do’s and I was so honoured to be there. AND I got to sit next to my old school friend Rich Ritucci and his wife Pamela. (We weren’t good at singing hymns…and mainly because it wasn’t Britney? And we might have talked about ‘Love Island’ a bit, before it started. And I might have also selfied.)

RULE BREAKER.

I mean, there I was…sat  in the most stunning Abbey, in the most inappropriate dress. ( I was in a flowy, lilac, all my boobs out, in an a place of worship‘ kinda dress. I didn’t burst into flames though? So God must have liked them. 😉  MY BOOOOOOBS WERE OUT!

Laura: ‘You broke all the rules. Haha. As if you wore that to a wedding…Lol’

Me: ‘Fuck it. I’ve done it now, haven’t I. Haha.’

Once you’ve done something. You HAVE TO commit to it, without explanation or justification. That’s what a glamour puss does.

(Laura was in spanks. I went to the loo with her, after having a ‘who can down their prosecco faster’ competition, with one of the other guest, on a pretty lawn, by a stone lion….so she could appropriately adjust them. Spanks are the bomb. They’re your new sexy best friends. Well..yours. Mine’s Paris Hilton. Hahah.) 

CONFETTI. (I forgot to being confetti.) MERRIMENT. (I did ‘merry.’) MAGIC. SELFIE TAKING. SUNSHINE & LAUGHTER, OCCURRED.

Then just like that after a quick drink…we got back to the hotel to do a BIG DRINK. 🙂 I like it when weddings get to the drinking part. The celebrations. We stood on the lawns of Rogerthorpe Manor, on the sunniest day, by gazebos, stone lions, with a first class service, the most fantastic violinist playing and everyone dressed to the nines, as fresh prosecco was poured for the ladies and the guys could grab a beer.

It was all hats and bliss…as picture taking took place.

Now, i’ve always said that i’ve never really been to a wedding where I haven’t been the Bride and let me tell you..

IT IS BLISS. I might never be a BRIDE AGAIN!!!

(Jasmine: ‘I cannot ever imagine you with a husband. I don’t even know how you’ve managed to fit three in already. Wunna belongs to no man.’)

Being a GUEST is ace because you have no responsibilities. No fuss. No stress whatsoever. You just show up, look pretty, be fun, drink, eat and dance.

I CAN DO THAT!!!

And I never have to totter out the joint, thinking, how the hell am I going to do another 80 years with this dude! 🙂

But you do need company, so I was grateful that I had Toby & Laura, because I shimmied up to the wedding on my own and they couldn’t have looked after me better!

Just so you know, I’m not one to ‘bring a Plus 1,’ either. I find it more awkward, then helpful. But if you know me personally, I have a great group of friends, but I really love doing things ON MY OWN, at times. I’m creepy like that.

I think it’s because i’m firstly around people all the time, so I find my own peace and secondly because i’m quite a confident chica. 😉 I love my own company. I’m REALLY independent. I’m the best person I know.

Hahaha.

I’m not afraid of anything…

Then out of nowhere, whilst i’m sipping my Prosecco…after the ‘downing’ competition that I told you about earlier, by stone lions to violins….Neil (Guy The Groom’s mate, saunters up to me…Everyone kept sauntering up to me because my boobs were like a ‘Top Shelf‘ display..it was almost like I forgot to wear a top… Anyway…Neil…)

Neil: ‘I’ve got a bone to pick with you..’

Me: ‘No you don’t? Haha. Which bone?’

(The last time I saw Neil, we were in a hot tub with Guy and Vicki…And Guy was trying to make me date Neil.) 

Neil: So you know this blog that you write…’

Me: ‘Yeees.’

Neil: ‘Well someone sent me the link to it, so I could read about the last time we met…and you said that I FRIEND ZONED YOU.’

Me: ‘No I didn’t.’

Neil: ‘You did. I read it. And I never did FRIEND ZONED YOU.’

Me: ‘Whatever.  I would’ve never put that, because well ..that didn’t happen……I don’t just make up stuff…Haha.. You’ve got it wrong..’

Then we had to filter onto the lawn for pictures. whilst guzzling wedding prosecco and getting ready for the reception dinner, after adjusting Laura’s spanks…

And it was at that point….on the sunniest day in Yorkshire…that magic swirled…

To be continued…

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, sitting

 

 

I’ll Tells You What I Fancy In GUYS…..

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, sunglasses

Hope you’re having the most beautiful Thursday! Going well for you? I truly hope so. You all deserve a bit of love, luck and happiness. And thank you so much for finding you way to Wunna Land. It’s utterly much appreciated.

I’m quite dandy today and I don’t really know why? But i’m kinda brimming over with the ‘joy joys’ and I love it when that happens, because it’s such a great feeling. It fills my sorry ass soul with light.

You won’t know this, but every morning in Wunna land, Ruby, Junior  (my babies) and I are woken up by a hand picked song, that plays and fills each room in the house. I believe it puts us all in a good mood. I’m a huge music lover. And even if you’re hungover, it’s ace, because it makes you think the party is still going on.

Today’s choice was by my five year old, Baby Junior and it was this…So i’m gonna put it on for you, so you can feel today’s vibe…

*Hit Play Now.*

Then KatyP sends me a whatsapp message stating that we should pack up boxes of super strength dildos, make sure the boxes are labelled ‘SUPER STRENGTH DILDOS‘ and drop them outside each of our friends doorsteps.

KatyP: ‘Claire would expect it to be full. Lol.’

Me: ‘It’s fine, we can just chuck in a couple of kitchen knives and say it’s bondage or summat.’

KatyP: ‘We’ll put a soap on a rope in there too..’

Me: ‘And a teddy to cuddle, for after the ordeal.’

Then she gave me a list of Adult Cereals that went along the lines of ‘Fifty Shades of Grain/Special D/Porn Flakes/Rice Friskies’ that I could consider munching, as  I’m actually a breakfast skipper. (I just do coffee and selfie taking and yeah lol…it’s really bad for your system. You should always have breakfast.) My favourite was ‘Cheery Hoes.‘ So if I do ever consider eating before 9am…

They’d be my first choice of delight.

Away from that, I loved Love Island last night. I still fancy Adam. I don’t know why some people don’t. He’s far too attractive to not adore and his personality, to me… is on point. Like I don’t care if he’s sweet, but egotistical, kind, but cocky…In general, I love that in a guy. I love a guy with ‘gusto.’

Y’know, when they know what they want and how to get it. It not only means they’ve used their brain, yet also learnt along the way of life…and studied girls with a sly carefulness. I don’t mind a guy who fancies himself as a bit of charmer, but only when it’s executed well.  I like ‘smooth’ not cheeky. Cheeky is young. ‘Smooth’ is grow ass man. I like a soft gentleman, mixed in with a delicious roaring swag. I go for sexy. I love sexy.

It’s hot.

I still fill as though the Doctor is gonna get pied off by Rosie, ‘The Solictor’ though. I mean, she used date Jordan Weekender…which means she’s gonna swoop on in for MY ADAM. Haha. Hurrah!! Poor Alex.

I had ace chats about this with my chickadee Zara (who works at Creator Hair in Sheffield) late last night. I think we decided we loved each other and then decided that all men were twats.

Why are they though? We’re proper catches!

Then we talked about cougars and how every young guy goes through his ‘cougar phase.‘ I’m not agest by any means. I can’t afford to be emotionally. Lol.

However, I’ve always ended up with a toyboy. I don’t know whether that’s because i’m the oldest girl in the world, living a young life or because I’ve never found an older man, (apart from ONE..who is my mate ‘Trigg’ who i find extremely attractive. I mean, for 42, he’s a looker. You should stalk his Insta: Simon T Trigg. It’s a grow up girls treat.)

Me: ‘I don’t think a 20 something guy would ever really  seriously consider being with a 30 something yr old girl…long term..’

Zara: ‘You’d be surprised…’

Me: ‘I just don’t think, they’d look to settle down with someone quite a bit older, in the end…It’s just a phase for them. Yeah, we’re by far better women, all grown up, no drama and better in bed…

Zara: ‘When you’re in Sheffield at the end of the month. I know you’ll already have somewhere to stay, but feel free to stay at mine. Oh shit. Wait. And that’s not because you’ve just said you’re good in bed. Hahahahahahaha. 

I love Zara. She’s ace. When she first met me, (at the Weaves & Waves event in Leeds, she came with Sam etc) she didn’t like me and was certainly unsure, then hours in… she thought I was okay and finally, at the very end of the night, she decided she did. I literally love her.  I find her funny, she makes my evil soul fill with laughter. She’s a good find. Aw! Yeah and I saw that Sam BURNT HIS HEAD with straighteners today on his Insta story…

‘Mr. Assured Chrissie Wunna, that HE NEVER BURNS ANYTHING, whilst doing hair.’  

All he did was emoji piss himself at me…then got on with life.

(Ooh, i’ve just got a message in from ‘Firmonnell.’ She’s one of my chick besties,  but she’s in France..camping. Once sec, let me see what she’s got to say, because I miss her…)

It was a snapchat of her face with flower filter ears, Lol…with text reading..

‘Thought you might miss my face…’

Why can’t guys be as thoughtful as girls? Why are we girls all so attentive with one another, yet when we date, the guy’s we’ve chosen (aside from KatyP, who has the most romantic ‘Golfer Jonny’…even though she’s *six day* sore..) are FAR LESS so…? Why are relationships always hard work? They shouldn’t be. But maybe it’s me. That’s why I’M single…always. Lol.

I do love, love and i’m a hopeless romantic. But honestly, where is he? I know we’re not meant to have a perfect man in our heads. But I’m quite happy being single until that man rocks up..I don’t think i’m a bad woman. I think i’m a great woman. And my imaginary perfect man, isn’t made up of a list like most girls, it is all based upon how he would make me FEEL. That’s all I care about. Alongside handsome, sexy and stable.

I love eye candy. It’s always been a part of me that’s been really shallow.

I will always want to be with a really attractive man, provided his personality matches up to his looks. So technically, I’m balanced. 😉

Someone’s just sent me a link to read. I click on it, and all it does is unfold me really really slloooowly, then it states as a headline, ‘Paris Hiltons British Best Friend, slips a nips during photoshoot.’ 

Thrilling news…

Love you,

Chrissie x

Image may contain: Chrissie Wunna, outdoor