Friendship, Fights & The Backroom Leeds

Just the most amazing time in the city last night. I cherished, good times. No! Great times…with the people who I will always regard as my absolute closest . (Until I’m a superstar and never speak to them again. 😉 We’re like family and I’ve honestly had a great 2017 because of them.

I love the little swines and i’m really really lucky. I mean, not many people, in my position or way of life have a close bundle of friends, that the can trust and rely on. I do! We’re all really different from one another, yet each add a certain spice to the pot. If you have a problemo, a secret, a love….you’ll know which friend in the group to turn to…and in their own magical way, over cocktails, a cuddle, a whatsapp message, a warm dinner, a new set of heels, or a tissue….they’ll be right by your side, picking up the pieces.

I’m currently in Ego, Ackworth, sat infront of a huge mirror, with a half of Fosters, writing this blog….

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I adore a good mirror seat. One where it looks like I have my back to you, but I can see EVERYTHING.  My vanity gets the better of me. Yes. I’ll admit that. However, I also love the stories that mirrors tell. I’ve watched women with party hats and light up Christmas jumpers wander behind me. Business men. Families. Lone Rangers with quiet pints. Grown adults in weird Elf hats. Girls all a gossiping. And awkward humans on first dates. I love a mirror in the midst of a ‘busy bustle.’ It’s always so magical. Always so glamourous.

But anyway, last night I was out in the city…

As the story goes, the day turned to night. I had had a somewhat stressful day of ‘rushy.’ I HATE RUSHING. I’m a glamour puss. I do things in my own manner, with my own panache and at my own pacing. Not yesterday though. Fuck. I dashed to three cities, running errands, doing meetings, making sure Ruby & Junior were enjoying every inch of their Christmas holidays. I had a deadline. I needed to be ready. Then after the fastest totter, a warm bath, placing my phone on charge and a slip into my silver sequinned dress from the Kourtney Kardashian line for Pretty Little Thing….I dashed out the door, twinkled through the night sky, jumped in a taxi..

Driver: ‘I’m sure I’ve driven you around before. I remember your voice.’

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And Whatsapped ‘Double B’ with a…

‘I’m 3 mins away from yours…’

We drank wine out the bottle, all the way to ‘Firmonnells,’

Double B: ‘How many people do you reckon you’ve slept with?’

Me: ‘Why are they like cardboard cut outs?’

Double B: ‘They’re just Vanilla..’

(I once referred to one of my exes as ‘vanilla.’ He was in a boyband and I’d just come off a tv show for ITV2.  To this day he says I apparently broke his heart? However, surely if you say ‘I don’t want us to be together anymore Chrissie because I’m gay’ that would mean that no hearts were broken in the process. Well, maybe my heart? 😉

He said he loved me madly, yet never messaged me when we broke up because he didn’t know what to say. I just took that as ‘oh he doesn’t care’ and I was fine with that. You can’t MAKE someone love you. You can MAKE someone care about you. Yet ‘true love’ is a whole different potion. If they feel you in their spirit….they will always find their way back to you.

Yiddley Doooooooo!

Anyway, Double B and I apologized to the driver for making him listen to our sexy girl banter AAALLLLLL the way to ‘Firmonnells.’ Yet he assured us he LOVED IT.

Driver: ‘It’s made my night girls.’

We were joined by ‘Fairytale Blond’ and a bit of ‘Mama Sally.’ We did wee’s, drank prosecco, borrowed jackets, exchanged gold clutches and found ourselves on our way to Leeds city centre…our city….yet via THE SINGLE MOST AMAZING train station ever. I’ve never travelled from Garforth before. THEY SERVED BOTTLE PROSECCO, IN BOUJI PLASTIC CHAMPAGNE FLUTES, THROUGH A WINDOW ON THE ACTUAL PLATFORM!!! I know!!! It’s absolute BLISS! All you have to do is buy a bag of crisps with it (because you are only allowed booze with food) and you’re plain sailing and en route to Leeds, with a happy prosecco jiggle.

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With our drinks, in our dresses, with our heels in place and whilst the girls decided to MAKE FUN of my WONDERFUL peacock phone cover.

Double B: ‘What the fuck is that!!’

Firmonnell: ‘It’s fucking horrible.’

Me: ‘SHUT UP! The loveliest phone man gave it to me FOR FREE today, for a selfie, you dicks! I love it!!’

(It’s a golden peacock with diamante studs and multi coloured gems scattered throughout its tail. Lol I actually really do LOVE IT. They despise it and think it looks tacky, because they’re ‘haters’ and can’t handle my glamourisms. They even made a guy on the train tell me that he hated it too! Haha! What dicks)

Anyway within a second we pulled into Leeds, they’re all running like wild women to meet the rest of the group, and i’m trying to catch up, as i’m spilling my prosecco all over me and some guy in a hat with chatting to me about…can’t even remember really? If Santa was a chimney sweeper, it would be him. He was lovely!

Long story short. All met up at a train station bar…who wouldn’t let everyone in because they had reached capacity. It was THAT BUSY. The rest of the girls joined the group and the boys joined us also. Then through the busy city streets, we all walked up ‘hand in hand’ to Backroom Leeds, as ‘Firmonnell’ and I tried to decide if we were actually lesbians?

Me: ‘But I really DO fancy Ellen Degeneres.’

Firmonnell: ‘But what about when you need a penis in you after they’ve…’

The Backroom was great! It’s a small decadent, ‘speakeasy’ bar on Call Lane. Plays the best music. Has a private outdoor terrace. And we had the whole downstairs floor/bar, to ourselves, as our own. It was just for us, our whole group and that was that.

The night was AMAZING.

Slowly but surely, everyone we knew trickled in, piece by piece, a wink at time, the boys in shirts, the girls in short dresses and heels. We love to glam it up…so each ‘trickle’ was dressed to the nines, straight to the bar and with ‘good time’ glint in their eyes. It’s always great when it’s just us, because anything goes, no one will judge and we can all pretty much surrender to the art of celebrating life, the year and friendship….. in the most pissed fashion, forget to eat the yummiest finger food and with all the free drinks that our tokens will allow us.

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We danced, we flirted, we booty popped, we ‘dutty wined,’ we let loose, we turned wild, we snapchatted, we kissy cheeked, we all thought we were sexier than we probably were and we DRANK….we fucking DRANK! Hustle Barbie fell on the floor AGAIN…took ‘Fairytale’ and ‘Double B’ with her. Lol

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Hustle Barbie: ‘It’s my new thing.’

Cuddles and kisses and sequins and hip hop tracks.

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Mood lighting, shots, hair tosses and fresh air terraces.

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Gossips, lies, drama and whispers….

At one point i think my whole entire top fell down for a second, due my excessive booty dance routine. I have no booty, so I have to really work at the back shimmie. Caused boobies to fall out because my dress was too big…Nobody cared. They loved it.

Me: ‘What! It’s because i’m a VEGGIE NOW. I’ve lost weight, but it’s come off my FLIPPING BOOBS!’

Webbo & Jonsez & Dipper & New Boys! They were all really lucky, because we chicas has already hit ‘good time’ and wine bottles, so like props we used the boys for flirts and dance floor swizzles. Hot new faces kept appearing out of nowhere. I backed up and a hot face was behind me. I walked forward and another new hot face greeted me. I even got a cheeky bum grab. (I love a bum grab at 30 something. It’s naughty. It’s fun. It’s a good way to get me to notice you….and he was REALLY HOT. Super handsome.)

Lots of ‘Hollyoaks’ style drama occurred last night. It went from whisper to whisper, to confrontations, to verbal fights. It went from learnt lessons, to hearts breaking, to no judgements and personality clashes. It went from stories told, to secrets revealed and tests of friendships and truth telling.

‘You can sleep with who you want to sleep with. I don’t give a shit! Own it.’

‘Why is she blanking me. I haven’t done anything wrong.’

‘This is ridiculous!’

‘Yeah…I already knew that. We all did!’

‘I just love her and I don’t stand a fucking chance.’

‘Just stay away from me. Don’t come near me. What do you think you’re…’

‘Who told you that??’

‘You need to man up…’

‘You else do you fancy?’

‘He’s done now…’

‘I’m leaving. This is fucked up.’

‘If she comes up to me again, whilst i’m trying to talk to you…I’m gonna..’

‘Don’t judge people on shit…Whocares..’

‘I can’t deal with this. Do you want a shot?’

‘She won’t even speak to me now.’

‘I don’t care what you’ve done…’

‘You’re beautiful. Am I stalking you?’

‘This is the last time i’ve ever going to get to dance with you…’

‘You’re new. You’re hot. Are you on Insta?’

‘Who does she think she is!!!’

‘How is this ALL MY FUCKING FAULT.’

[Echo….Echo…Echo….Echo….]

*STOP*

And even though all of the snippets above occurred, this is what I noticed…I noticed that  every single one of us were close. That every single one of us chose to prioritise ‘good times’ over drama. We danced, we laughed, we gave zero fucks. I noticed that in the end, enjoying our friendships with each other, is what we chose to make matter…and THAT is what makes us a family. (Moderately dysfunctional…but s….we’re fly. 😉 )

The clock struck 3am. Time flew by us. We didn’t even realise how fast it has flown!

‘AS IF IT’S 3AM!!! WTF!’

‘Don’t leave…come back..’

‘Come to Fibre with me…’

‘Get in my Uber.’

‘Don’t leave me..’

I had stayed in the private section at Backroom ALL NIGHT, so I didn’t actually realise how busy the place has got upstairs. I walked up to the open air terrace holding Double B’s hand…and it was RAMMED. It was MENTAL.

A guy stopped me with a,

‘Are you Chrissie Wooonaaa?’

‘Yeah…yeah…why?’

‘Do you remember me…?’

‘Jake?’

(I didn’t know if it was Jake… 🙂 )

Yet the crowd took us into different directions and as I sat on the terrace, chatting to ‘Double B,’ under the night stars…(I’m doing a lot of the night stars of recent, aren’t I..)

I watched Jonesez look at me, with all the heartbreak of the world in his eyes…as he stood up off, from the side of the terrace and walked away slowly, with his head all a muddle….

It snowed today…which means there’s magic in the air….

All I know about life is that there are MORE UPS, than there are downs. More GOOD TIMES, than there are bad. And that ANYTHING can happen in a moments wink of an eye….Dreams come true. Life is only has hard as you make it.

It’s the ones of us who can ‘surf that crest.’ The ones of us who stand by what we love and believe is right, for OUR OWN VERSION of existence that get the most out of the world and what’s on offer.

I’ll remember these people for the rest of my life….

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In FIVE DAYS….FOR ME…..

EVERYTHING CHANGES…..

Chrissie x

 

Boo Tricka Hoo & Fitness Guru’s

Hey! Cheeky Boo’s! Happy Halla’s. (That’s meant to be cute talk for Halloween. As in, Boo ‘tricka’ Hoo talk. J ) Now, I’m not someone who can be bothered to celebrate Halloween. I mean, I do it for the kids. But let’s face it. When you’re thirty six, a Glamour Puss, with a cocktail schedule to fit in…You really can’t be arsed to walk around the chilly breezed streets, dressed as a suggestive looking pumpkin, or even bob around to your mate’s, mate’s shindig to sip Prosecco, with lunatics. Lol. I’m casually building an empire. I can do Halloween some other time. 😉 The only pumpkin’s I want to see are ones, carved for me, in the comfort of my own home that are casually filled with rum….with straws.

Anyway! I have a lot on. My life is completely changing. I’m feeling really powerful. I’m feeling all W.O.M.A.N. I’m a bit SASSY today. Yet, i’m going to blame it on Halloween and the Dark Side getting me. (Even though I can’t be arsed to celebrate it.)

Things are exciting. Really exciting. But I will say that away from the excitement,  there are extremely long moments where in which one of my best chicks friends ‘Fairytale Blond’ are submerged utter boredom. (I don’t know how we’re getting through the weeks, but we are…with smiles and probable evening wine.) Don’t let dullness sponge its way through you. Change your environment. It’s really bad for you and gives you wrinkles.

I cannot TELL YOU, how utterly important I think it is to DO WHAT YOU LOVE. I say it all the time, I know. But just listen…again. J I’m always one to believe in just being brave and going for it, as you really have nothing to lose, other than lost time. That’s all you have to lose, when you look at the big picture. Happiness and success…and all that jingle, only really happens when you commit to doing the things that you love. And I don’t just mean that in work. I mean that romantically also. It makes such a huge difference. So take a look around yourself today and see whether you’re in ‘Zone Happy’ or just settling because you have to. If you’re just settling, or not working towards something magical that makes you smile…then that’s you done. You might as well ‘grey’ button yourself out for a while, until you wake up.

My New Year is going to rock with shimmie bells and simply because I became brave, stuck a feather in a cap and went with ‘galloping’ to ‘dreams come true.’ (I’ve glamourised that. I don’t gallop.)

But for example… ‘Hustle Barbie’ spoke to me before the weekend, across a desk, with files by her side and said,

‘I don’t know what to do? It’s like I need someone to make my decisions for me.’

Me: ‘You do know what you want to do. You’re just scared to. Which actually DOESN’T make you indecisive. It just makes you a scaredy cat.’

Fear is awful. Don’t do it. It gives you a stress rash. No one wants a rash that begins with ‘Stress.’ Infact, no one wants any rash really, it goes badly with cocktails and first dates. ‘Double B’ currently has thrush, after recovering from tonsillitis. Lol. Normal people wouldn’t then suggest that ‘being a stripper’ might possibly be a better money making’ option for her.

Me: ‘What???? Yeah, best stripper ever! This one comes with THRUSH and Tonsillitis. £20 a dance! Haha.’

Away from that, last night after reading Junior his bed time story. He went for Hansel and Gretel. When I say read, we kinda only watch the ‘read for us’ story together on his tablet. Lol. But he loves it, so that’s all that matters. He adores me laying next to him for a love and a cuddle. I adore a love and a cuddle too with Baby Junior also. It’s bliss.

But anyway, when his little eyes surrendered to sleep. I tucked myself into my own bed, turned out the lights and like everyone began to scroll through my Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. Great tool for catching up with what is going on, secretly stalking the people you fancy, promoting yourself and LEARNING. I love to learn. But only the things I want to learn. 😉

After Googling a whole bunch of people. (I’ve noticed that I never Google myself now. I used to always Google myself.) Anyway, I ended up cyberlanding in the world of Joe Wicks. Done pretty well for himself, hasn’t he! What an amazing. What a talent! He’s built a big old social fitness empire, that has developed into utter success, tv and riches, via the fine art of inspiring others to be fit and healthy. Great guidance occurred before the magic happened. Welcome The Body Coach.

I read all about him…Infact, I was so inspired, I almost signed up for his 90 day fitness plan.  If he can get ME to almost dedicate my life to fitness (eating lean I can already do) than he’s  GODLY. I wish he did the low calorie cocktail version of his plan though. As i’m not sure it caters for Glamour Pusses. His fitness video is all shirtless and lunges, as you jog on the spot. A favourable routine that gets you results. My fitness video would be shopping in stilettos and stopping to LIFT your cocktail glass every 3 seconds. Great for the arms and the soul? If I sign up to his plan. I’m gonna need support. Lots of it. If it actually get through it…then I’ll label him a genius. I’ll leap to his offices and ‘Pineapple Dance Studios’ high kick in glee.

(I then Googled exquisite heart shaped diamonds. 😉 I loe a bit of Dalby Diamonds.)

Right! I’ve got to get ready now….I’ve got to get to work. But this Friday i’m in Leeds, Trinity Leeds, with Candy Mechanics…Where i’m going to be turned into a chocolate lollipop for kicks! I know! I love it. I’m so excited! I’ll tell you more about it when I get home…

Godda dash….

 

 

Fights, Willies & Wunna Land

Life is currently great! I am in THE BEST mood ever. Technically, last week I was a jazzy bit hormonal, however now i’m all roses and winks. I’ve surfed the wave, had a word with myself and now i’m  back on the winners track. Things are great! I’ve had a lot on my mind over the last few weeks. Those niggly things that need to get sorted, that you box and ‘pretty bow’ to the back on your head in merry ‘trying to not deal with’ storage.

‘I’ll deal with them later.’

After a chat, a sprinkle of finally taking my life by the reins again and committing to only doing the things that make me smile, I kinda felt like an entire burden had been lifted from me by ‘The Gods’ (hot ones in togas)…and it came as a shock, because I didn’t think that brief moment of chat or decision making would make me feel as happy as it did. I as kinda scared of it. Yet if anything, in that moment I PROVED that you should only do the things that you love. The things that you were made for. If you don’t or if what you’re doing doesn’t eventually lead or guide you to where you see your future…If it doesn’t help your future at all…then not only are you wasting your time, but you’ll never feel fulfilled. You’ll miss your happy place. I’M actually talking about work in this case, yet this goes for literally anything..be it work, love or life…which we all seem to take for jolly granted.

This year, I’ve committed myself to taking chances, doing what I love, focusing on work and falling in love. I’ve changed a lot and it’s been nothing short of amazing. It makes you feel powerful. And it’s that feeling of internal POWER that makes you successful. Why? Well, because you’re happy IN ALL AREAS of your life. If you don’t have the ‘snazzle’ of everything, in balance, then you are wibbly. And when you’re wibbly, you fall much faster. 😉

Let me take you back to Friday….

Me: ‘Who is she even messaging…?’

Double B: ‘Some guy…she’s stalking him…’

Me: ‘Why are you secretly stalking him…Lol? You’re literally rewatching his Snapchats lovingly, with gentle creepy smiles.’

Hustle Barbie: ‘I can’t help it! Haha. He’s so…He’s just a baby though. Too young.’

Me: ‘What happened to funny Bald Dave or whatever he’s called?’

Hustle B: ‘No, i’ve gone off him now. He’s not being responsive! HAHAHAH!’

(It’s hilarious because Hustle Barbie is an extremely attractive blond. She’s hot. Guys fancy her. They buy her gin and lillies. And Funny Bald Dave…who she stalked for a bit because he was…well funny… DON’T ASK…in my mind… would be PUNCHING AND THEN SOME….So if Hustle Barbie was to send you a message…you’d probably respond immediately…Surely you would? I don’t get it Bald Dave. She’s going through this weird phase of internet stalking the lesser male. Hahahah.)

Double B: I had sex last night. First time in FOUR MONTHS.’

Me: ‘Look at you! Hahaha. You actually gave him some? Why? What happened?’

(Double B has been in this longterm 3 year relationship with ‘J’, who I think is hilarious. They are both so ideally suited, and part of a young ‘let’s spend thousands of pounds at *Ralphies* in 3 hours’ couple. Such a great match. She never gives him sex though…and he still adores her madly. EVEN THOUGH, he definitely wants a bit of nookie.)

Double B: ‘I dunno. I just felt sexy…’

Hustle Barbie: ‘…because we were all talking about sex yesterday.’

Double B: ‘ I wanted it , so just grabbed his willy. It’s put me in a good mood. I should do it more often.’

Me: ‘Why don’t you have sex with him?’

Double D: ‘Cos it usually lasts about a minute..’

Me: ‘Cos you never give him any…’

Hustle Barbie: ‘I always know when Alex wants sex, because he’ll come out the shower and leave his clothes off and then lay on the bed butt naked…It’s normal to not have sex when you’ve been together for a long time.’

Me: ‘No it’s not! Lol. The longer you’re with them, the better sex gets.’

Double B: ‘I’m definitely having sex more often. He’s just text me to tell me that he’s taking me out to dinner now.. Did you know that when men get older their willies get darker…!!’

Me: ‘No they don’t….Haha.’

Hustle B: ‘What dya mean darker? How old?’

Double B: ‘Like at 70…the older they get, the darker their willy gets.’

Me: ‘How do you know what a 70 year olds will looks like? They’re not white and all of a sudden have a big black willy. Lol’

Hustle B: ‘I’m snapchatting this…. Say it again…’

And she did…that’s what I love about Double B….she’s ever the showman…as am I!!!! She’ll perform in the name of humour and it’s GREAT!

Me: Ugh…I’ve got to try and build my Instagram following….’

Double B: ‘Is that why you’re posting so many selfies…Lol..’

Me: ‘Yes…Hahaha. Add me! Add me! Love me! Love me!’

I sailed into the weekend…The suns out….It’s now Sunday, but I sorted another little ‘niggly’ mind box out before the weekend sprung…and again felt much better for it. I’ve made loads of decisions, ‘cut and dry’ ones over the last 2 days…and It’s made me BEAM because i chose to stay loyal to what I believe is right.  I’m quite composed and I’ll never really let people see what’s going on when they’re around me if i DO have ‘niggly’ bits going on in my head. That’s why I find it easy to write things out, because you can’t actually see me. Lol. In person i’m fun loving, laid back and pretty much always positive…I’m a laugh…Yet, I never left people see me ‘not okay.’ But one of the great things about me, is that I make decisions quickly. I always know what i want and when I know, I will whole heartedly commit to it.

Saturday morning felt wonderful. I was gleefully wallowing in the happiest of moods. I felt glamourous. I felt powerful. I felt like I had everything under control. I had a meeting, went through the Wunna Land plan. I never tell you my plans, as I always think you shouldn’t…as in a ‘Social’ climate you have to be able to meander and change plans accordingly at a drop of a stiletto. I’m fluid like that. But I’ve been patient and i’m not always too patient. I’ve learnt to be. I now don’t strike before i’m ready. I’ve spent a good amount of time ‘building’ Wunna land and make sure, I’m mot steady on my heels, but SOLID on them, so I stay on my feet. I sipped a couple cocktails. I’ve concentrated on what I’m doing and not what anyone else is doing…

Meeting: ‘Who else do you know…that you can name off the top of your head, literally off the top off your head, who is doing what you’re doing…as well as you’re doing it…..right now?’

Me: ‘Well…

Meeting: ‘And I don’t mean bloggers and all sorts…There’s tons of people trying their luck at it all …and I don’t even mean people who are different to you, who are doing it extremely well…I mean IN YOUR NICHE…’

Me: ‘Well no one…I can’t think of anyone at the top of my head. I mean there must be someone? I just haven’t really searched for a rival of sorts. I’ve just been zoning in on what I’m doing, not what they’re doing…and the shit thing is, I don’t read anyone else’s blog. That’s not true, I read one and i’ve been reading a whole bunch of memoirs. But there’s room for everyone…it’s Cyberland…There isn’t just one good blog about this one thing…on the whole of the internet.’

Meeting: ‘In Cyberland….in life in general….that’s true. In business….and you’ve turned your life into a business…IN YOUR NICHE…there is only room for ONE. You’ve done it the exact same way, that I did, you found your own way…again in a niche that is unique to yourself. You’ve made something old school, like diary writing.. MODERN.  In business, there’s room for one…there’s always a Bride and a Bridesmaid.’

Luckily, I’ve been a Bride millions of times…Lol…so I think I have this down.

A great meeting with my mentor. He is a very successful person, a very famous person, I knew them personally waaay before anyone did, when they began their own little blog, that they turned into a multi million dollar business. It’s good to have someone who has done what you’re , believe in you madly. Not only does it make you feel guided, but it makes you strong.

Then I got dressed, sent a Whatsapp message to ‘The Swirl’ wishing him good luck and better ribs…I like him. I find him really interesting….I’m hooked…..and with a stroke of my new baby kitten Rocco, I ventured into the world…to live!

It’s now Sunday. I watched the Mayweather/McGregor fight. I rooted for Mayweather all the way. I love a champion and I kinda didn’t want his Champion title to get smudged. He’s really the only one that had anything to lose. McGregor is good at what he does, they’re both great at what they do. Yet he’s not a boxer and well he was GREAT PR when it came to getting folk excited. They both made a shit ton of money and life is still great.

I love the Live  Celeb quotes from the fight that night…Like 50 Cent who watched McGregor cuddling Mayweather from behind, for a moment, was like, 

‘What the fuck is going on…..Haha….Okay Floyd, just knock this fool out.’

I like that he went in for a bit of a cuddle. He’s hard out there in that ring. Lol. Wait…I’ve made that sound rude by accident.

But even better, Jamie Foxx (who once gave me advice in LA on ‘how to handle boys, now i was bouji’ lol) posted an ace Instagram video about his choice of Fight Shoe, which was a  Gucci Fur Slipper. Lol. You need to watch it. It’s hilarious and fricking FOLLOW ME, whilst you’re at it.

Bloody hell. 🙂

 

Love, Loyalty & Bunny Tail Thongs

I don’t know how i ended up with my bunny tail thong in my handbag? But i did! (Do note, it is MY bunny tail thong, that I gained from Ann Summers, when they sent me boxes of free things and not the random bunny tail thong of another, that just so creepily happened to be in my handbag. ) However, ofcourse when you have a bunny tail thong in your handbag, you kinda don’t ever want it to just pop out whenever it pleases…as surely it’s just for happy private sexy moments…when you want to be a ‘bunny’ in the bedroom??? Don’t ask. (I’ve only worn it once for picture taking purposes, maybe in the Spring? That picture was sent to a ‘heart throb’…I scored major points. Lol) Anyway…I pulled out my pink ‘Ted Baker’ purse, which was again gifted to me (i’m a bit over it now and need a new one) to pay for..what was it now? Oh GOD! A Blue ‘Push Pop’ for my Baby Ruby and somehow during the glide from my handbag to the open air, it managed to swirl it’s way around my wrist, get entangled within straps and nails and beautifully flick itself onto the counter. Hahaha.

WHY AM I SO EMBARRASING!!!

And to make it worse…the guy at the counter, blushed, fidgeted awkwardly and uncomfortably pretended it wasn’t there. Lol. To me, that’s the worst thing you can do, as i hate awkward moments where things are swept under the rug like they’re not even happening. So, being the unnecessary tool that I am, an ever expressive soul and to firstly break the awkwardness and to try and make him at least feel a little bit better…I just kinda blurted out..

‘Sorry…they’re my pants!’

(AS AND ORDERLY LINE WAITIED BEHIND ME. I don’t know why i thought that would make him feel better. I just thought went with honesty is the best policy? )

He *paused* took my money, still pretended it wasn’t happening, which kinda made me feel rejected. Haha. Then FINALLY, he cracked a tiny Yorkshire smile…and BOOM, life and normality was restored. How did it even get in my bag? Bunny tail thongs must have a life of their own? They’re magic. AND I have noticed that I must never learn lessons, because it’s still in my handbag right now…chilling…waiting for its next appearance, because I keep forgetting to take it out! Learn things the hard way much!

I have a last minute shoot today, that I wasn’t going to go on just yet, but ended up going on in the end simply to bundle all my work into one big ‘yeehaa.’ It’s throwing it down with rain and even though i hate the rain when travelling about…(I love it warm) I’m excited because it will soon be flippin’ Christmas, which is my FAVOURITE TIME OF YEAR! I love the smell of it, the warmth of it, the merriment, the tinsel and the fact that I have a birthday a week before Santa comes. I was meant to be born on Christmas Day, but my mum made them pull me out early because she hated the idea of a Christmas Day labour. Some of you pulled crackers, my mother had a human pulled out of her….EARLY.

I love my Parents. They’re Great! My dad taught me to dream (he’s really creative) and my mum taught me how to turn a dream into a reality. (She’s really practical.) There was a time in my 20’s when I had kinda brought a lot of attention to myself, it was all TV, modelling and all kinds of good and bad press…and during it…they stood by me whole heartedly, strong has bulls…having private talks with me, in support and at the same time as refusing to comment on anything when harassed by others who we didn’t want interfering with my life. The only things she ever said openly to someone who had said something quite derogatory about me, was this…

‘When YOU’RE seeing her as a product, I’m letting you know she’s my daughter. She’s human. I’ll love and protect her until the day she dies. I raised her to be able to handle anything…she can and she does….’

I always remember that.

The best and worst thing about that statement is that I see every inch of Me in Ruby and automatically I have gone into protection mode, to the point where it’s a bit silly. I mean, obviously now ‘The Wunna Babies’ receive offers of all sorts and I go out of my way to turn them all down, just so they start life in a normal loving fashion. They can do charity work, or childrens brands, but away from that…it’s a ‘No.’ Ruby asks me every morning if she can model, start a Vlog, sign up to some show…(I didn’t let her do ‘Secret Lives of Five year olds Lol) and I don’t know if i’m doing the right thing or wrong thing, yet as a parent…I don’t think being six is a good time to venture into entertainment, which is a very adult world. I mean even some adults don’t understand how the world of entertainment works…let alone children..and whilst i’m still working, I wouldn’t be able to be around 24/7 to make sure she’s okay and I would need to be. She hates me for it at times, but trusts me. Lol. It’s my loyalty to her.

I’ve got the heart of a lion and when it comes to love and loyalty, be it within family or romantically…I am great at standing right by, anyone I care about’s side, when they need me the most. I look for that in partners. I find it attractive. Loyalty is HUGE with me. It’s a big old thing. If you can’t be loyal to someone you care about, then you’re weak…and during my time in LA, I knew that I had  to partner up with the strongest man alive.

Ahhh! I’ve just got an instagram message from one of my best chick friends ‘Greedy.’ I miss her madly. She’s trying to be a nurse, whilst watching me be a Glamour Puss. It’s good times. I have the funniest memories with ‘Greedy.’ I really shouldn’t call her that. Haha. Her name is actually ‘Danielle.’ I’m glad her love life isn’t rubbish now. We’d spend hours muddling through it whilst she pondered dessert. She was dating this idiot who she loved madly, but he cheated on her with his ex. She forgave him out of love…and they got back together. Then he cheated on her again…with his ex. Lol. What I love about her is the fact that she felt it all really quickly and cried it out madly, but never ever let it tarnish her faith in love or herself. She’s happy now…with a great guy. BOOM! We have a really honest relationship..another thing that I love in friendships.

Ooh, it’s stopped raining…

See ya! I’m off.

 

 

When I Tinkered to Gino’s Harrogate….

Last night I did Gino’s in Harrogate.

I mean, everyone knows that I am a regular adorer of the Gino D’Acampo restuarants. The Leeds spot is one of my favourite haunts. You can always find me at the Prosecco bar, with a hair toss, a wink and that good old saucy banter.

Infact, I love everything that is going on in Leeds right now, as it seems the city is being sprinkled with new life. We are hosting some of the most stylish and creative bars in the North. And when you’re Blogger/Socialite nothing could be MORE DIVINE. My niche is ‘bouji’ and bouji is now right on my kitten door step.

But wait, yesterday I decided at the very last minute to tinker away from the darlings of Leeds, where life is laid back, yet wild and filled with what I call ‘Heels & Handsomes.‘ And instead, have a car drive me into Harrogate to celebrate the launch of the new D’Acampo restaurant, for their opening weekend. I like new. I like different towns and cities, fresh lifestyles, all social situations. (However not today because I feel rough. 🙂 ) Plus, I kinda wanted to just be somewhere different.

As soon I pulled, up, tottered in, adorning my little red dress and heels and as security pulled the door open for me….

WOW!

The atmosphere of that entire place was filled with live bustle and laughter and a stylish, yet devilishly delicious ambiance of ‘busy.’ It was glamorously packed and I was greeted with a smile, poured a Prosecco immediately and well like I said, I go to the Leeds Gino’s a lot, so I saw a lot of familiar faces who took a moment to show me around the new digs and introduce me to everyone and everything. I’d gone on my own. (I love going places on my own because it prevents you from being ‘cut away’ of everything and everyone and invites people to cross life paths with you. When you’re in a ‘click’ you stay within that ‘click’ and sometimes don’t see all that is going on around you.) It gave me the opportunity to mingle and chitter and really see, taste and hear all that was surrounding me.

To start with the place is huge, but filled with stylish excitement. From open kitchens to roof top terraces, where you can actually dine, look upward and have the sky blanketing over you. The DJ was playing. The upstairs prosecco bar was full of GQ looking Harrogate men and women who had either married well or made something of themselves. It was really bright on the roof terrace and I loved it. I felt free. Harrogate is a very different crowd to Leeds, everyone is distinctly more ‘showey’ and posher. Lol. They adore bouji but expect it. Things is not ‘laughed’ off in Harrogate….(I was stood next to a 20 something lady in the loos, who was moaning because she had to ‘wait for the loo’…There was literally no one infront of her…LOL..so she was kinda waiting for no reason at all, but forgot to check. Hahah! What an idiot! I simply smiled and opened up a door…She blushed and well I assume, went forth and wee’d. 🙂 )

Regardless, the staff at Gino’s that evening won everyone’s heart over with their impeccable service and Italian charm. Plus, they kept giving everyone prosecco. That helped. In fact that was HILARIOUS, because I was stood at the top of the stairs, in the bouji GAMES area, (yes it has one) which is right next to the glass windowed Private Dining room, which you can ‘curtain off‘ so the ‘riff raff’ can’t watch you ‘Lady & The Tramp‘ your pasta.

But OH MY GOD, I was chatting to people and watching Ladies and Gents play table football…well I watched an actual real life footballer  ‘Adam Clayton’ play table football against his ‘soon to be’ wifey and another guy, who was determined to win the game by impressive table football wrist action…

Sorry, i got distracted….

Anyway, whilst sitting at the top of the stairs… ALMOST FOUR TIMES IN A ROW, I watched a different glamourous human (HAHAHA, I’M DYING, IT’S HILARIOUS, YOU HAD TO BE THERE) walk up the first level of stairs towards me, SKID and SMASH INTO THE WALL (HAHAHAHA) because they had accidentally got SO DRUNK and the utter giddiness of all that was going on around them, had just got the better of them. Lol. It was so hilarious that it was almost like a PRANK STAIRWAY.

I started weeping with laughter…and funnily enough, when I did..they did to.

THEN OFCOURSE….The Gods got me…

When I tinkered up that glamourous baby blue lit stairway, I got onto the next level and realized the flooring was PURE GLASS. YES, a glass floor! YES. An absolutely delicious idea. Yes. You can watch all that is going on below you.

YES! I DIDN’T FUCKING HAVE ANY PANTS ON!

UGH! Lol.

I took them off because no one likes VPL line. Visible panty lines are weird and 90’s. So I had my little red dress on….heels…an espresso martini in my hand, a glass FLOOR and no knickers. Hahahah!

To be honest…I’m a confident girl. I’m not terrified of such a treat. I was almost delighted. It was a game in itself. Lol. I turned around and told every managerial looking body that I didn’t have any pants on….I told anyone who would listen and laugh, just for banter and then I committed to the cause and EMBRACED IT.

It is the funnest and most sauciest flooring I have ever seen. You should all go in short dresses and no pants and see if anyone catches you. 😉 After a few Prosecco’s, it’ll work wonders for any stale marriage. I was snapchatting and posting my entire time there and I got a HUGE Snapchatty/Twitter/Stagrammy repsonse to this picture…

Image may contain: one or more people

It got retweeted over five hundred times. Imagine if he looked up! Hahahaha! It’s a game you can all play. Don’t tell Gino I told you that. We’ll just keep it between us. 😉 Giuseppe won’t mind though. I’m sure he’d let me get away with a Wunna Land game.

Great night. Such wonderful staff. Strange Men kept coming up to me and asking for Selfies with me. But it was weird because they wouldn’t know much about anything ‘Chrissie Wunna,’ I wouldn’t think. Yet for some reason they kept wanting selfies? By this point I was sat at the downstairs bar, chatting to the the bartenders, who couldn’t of been more polite during what must have been such a stressful time.  The place was all ‘alive’ with ‘busy’ and to still be able to charmingly banter and whiz out every cocktail order under the sun with such panache…I mean LORD…How they coped I don’t even know. But they did and well! What a dynamic team!

Then…and now it’s almost 11pm, some guy struts up to me to try his luck with ‘The Glamour Puss.’ I wasn’t out looking for love. I was out to swirl madly in a glorious ‘D’Acampo bubble and just enjoy my night, in a new town before the clock struck midnight. (That’s when my car was picking me up.) I KNOW!! SO CINDERELLA OF ME.

He struts up all confident and like he thinks he’s got this in the bag…and simply starts telling me i’m beautiful and that he’s going to take me out and show me a good time in Manchester. (He said it like I has quite possibly never been out anywhere in my entire life before…) Infact, this was went down…(You’ve got the ‘beautiful’ blah, blah introduction lines…)

‘Where do you like to go. I’ll show to the best places in Manchester. I’ll take you out. Show you around. What places do you like? You’re beautiful.’ (Tries to hold my hand.)

‘I’ve done Manchester quite a lot. Yeah. I love it there. And well it’s less about where I go and more about who I go with…’

‘I LOVE THAT YOU’VE SAID THAT. You’re a DREAM. Give me your number.’

‘No. Nice try.’

‘I can give you the world.’

‘Why are you just pouring out line after line…’

‘Come to Manchester with me…’

‘Nah..’

By this point, he’s trying to ‘barmy smarmy‘ all the way around me, whilst trying to flirty touch me and impress me with ‘money talk.’ He does marketing and all sorts of things. Lol. Runs a company. Knows Steven Bartlett. Lol. He sort of resembled everything that I dislike about men when they try it on….and well…after drinks..I’m sassy one. I’ll let you know that i’m not interested.

AND let me tell you how good the bartenders where…I had been talking to them all night, so they knew I was there and why I was there…and as soon as they saw him ‘smarming’ about me personal space they clocked it to make sure the situation was okay. That’s sweet. Even the women next to me, where like..

‘Who is that dickhead.’

Anyway, he writes his number down and tells me to put it in my phone. I’m not even listening now and just flicking through various Snapchat stories. He’s so pissed he can’t even tell. Lol. But tells me that I can do whatever I want with his number. The ‘balls in my court.’

I just reeled off a mega bunch of extremely sassy ‘no thankyous.’ But he just found it more appealing. He must have, as most boys would then get it, right?

What he chose to do in that moment was

GO IN FOR A KISS!

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!

HAHAHAHA!

He tried to snog me and before he reached my face, I performed the most delightfully graceful version of the

DUCK AND WEAVE.

It was hilarious. He totally missed because I weaved around him..whilst still on a barstool and then his friends found him and took him home. Lol.

His friends: ‘I’m so sorry about that. We’re grabbing him now and getting him home.’

First of all, If I don’t like you, you probably shouldn’t try and smooch me in PUBLIC, without my consent. Lol. I will duck and weave and you will look silly. I mean, GOD I never kiss boys in bars. EVER! NEVER! Let alone strangers who I don’t fancy. LOL. At least he was confident. I’m always moaning that men hardly make the first move and chicken out. He certainly was no ‘chicken.’ He just chose the wrong ‘dream girl.’

Told ya, Gino’s got the better of everyone last night. It swirled into souls with magic and fun.

Then I got the..

‘Your car is outside ready’

text…and BANG ON MIDNIGHT!

And just like Cinders…after the best night ever….I thanked everyone for having me, cuddled staff ‘bye bye,’ left a gin and tonic on the bar, but ate the cucumber…(You know you’ve had enough to drink when that happens…) and with both ‘glass slippers’ in tact (Cinders leaving a shoe at the ball is beyond me, no one does that, she wasn’t in a rush, she was probably just really pissed and recovered from smashing into the upstairs wall ) and yeah…

…I left the ball.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

. I felt for them last night. It was a busy one! That operation was run like a dream. You saw headsets and power strutting, but not once did they ever refuse to *pause* and help someone who maybe looked lost. Lol.

All I remember seeing amongst the divine bustle was lots of gentlemen in tight white trousers and blue and white pin striped shirts, that was swirled amongst glamourousity and women who were waiting to see Gino. (He had been in Harrogate, went to Leeds and was due back in Harrogate that evening. He must’ve been SHATTERED. He’s currently at his Manchester restaurant. So shoot down if you want to catch him quickly. I left Harrogate at midnight last night and he was still going strong…and I feel as rough as a donkey. But saying that i did treat my delicate system to endless cocktail shaken espresso martinis and bubbly proseccos. I went for it. You only live once.

 

 

Book Tours, Diamonds & Slay Games

‘Right!! The first one out of you two to get a *rock* on it….wins!!!’

Two of my delicious little chick friends are dancing in the ‘let this be forever’ stage of their relationships. A stage that no guy really knows about. Yet all their chick friends hear about!

‘Fairytale Blond’ does love via a Disney text book, so she ofcourse a ‘year in,’ she would be helplessly  hoping for a bit of official Prince Charming commitment. New love….New House…New Diamond.

Mel…is my unconventional, sassy, ‘I’m getting married in red’ sex machine. You don’t fuck with Mel. She turns red with anger and then eats Jelly Babies to calm her sore vulva.

Now, she’s already discussed ‘lets do forever’ with her Gary (who I saw yesterday but couldn’t look in the eye because my imaginative mind kept physically picturing all the rampant sex that he had been having with her…in porn form. All he did was walk past me and say ‘Hi‘ and my head imagined him eating Mel out, so I had to run and hide. Hahahah! Code for: I just sat there staring and imagined it.)

‘I just can’t look him in the eye now that I’ve heard all these filthy stories.’

Anyway, whether they’ve discussed ‘forever’ or not…I’ve decided to spice up their lives a little, by forcing them to play the ‘ROCK ON IT’ game. A casual game, where I watch them both secretly *fight* it out to get a proper proposal…for kicks. Hustle Barbie could probably play this too, yet she wants to start a glamour modelling career and marry D’Acampo. And well Double B….Hahaha…the game would be tooo easy. Jordan and his ‘Jackson Five’ penis would marry her in a wink.

Mel: ‘Yeah, but we’ve already talked about…’

‘Nope, it doesn’t count, until you walk into this room… with the rock on it. 🙂 You walk in, you say nothing, you hold up your left hand up in the air and bling it.’

‘That’s fine. I’ll just tell Gary that I need to win and send him to the jewellers. Lol’

Fairytale Blond was quiet, with her heart all a flutter and then decided that Mel would win. Lol. (But she’ll play it strategically, as ‘Fairytale’ is not soft. She knows how to get what she wants.)

Mel: ‘What about you! You’d probably win this…!! Lol.’

Me: ‘Hahaha. Please. I have a hundred more months of sending nudes before that happens. LOL.’

So yeah…game on! Let’s see who wins! I’ll come back to this blog when one of them struts in with the ‘BLING HAND’ in the air. There’s nothing more fun than a ‘fucking up everyones love life’ game. 🙂

Life is great right now. I’ve a busy kitty and I’ve got my Friday feeling! Work is great! I’m juggling. But I’m gonna try and take so time off to focus. I’m not a ‘here, there and everywhere’ kinda gal. It may seem like that. But i’m the opposite to wishy washy. I’m driven and sharp, so I just need a moment, after yesterday’s delicious ‘early night’ to bundle myself together and chill. Calm mind, Great results.

I’ve told you once and I’ll tell you again…EVERYTHING IN THE FUTURE WILL BE SOCIAL. So all of you hoping to smash the big time ‘Dollar, Dollar, Fame Ball’ with a boobie bounce of victory….KNOW that you need to meander your career or lives down a Social Media path. If you don’t start it now…you’ll get left watching everyone else succeed.

I started my blog 10 years ago. I didn’t even know why? Five years in…nobody knew why I bothered doing it…But I at that point understood where everything was headed ‘socially’….A couple years after that….EVERYONE’S A BLOGGER OR A VLOGGER and it was in that moment where I accidentally smashed it, because all those previous years of blogging both honed my craft, built an audience (which is what you need) and made my STATS AMAZEBALLS!

And yes, it’s harder to start a blog/vlog now…as your competition is much much greater. Yet, if you don’t try and you wish to partake in a career of that fashion….you’re stupid. In years to come, no one will be watching tv…your shows will be online…Glamour Models are now Instagram Models. She’s now not a beautician, she’s a Beauty Blogger. You have Business Men starting everyday vlogs. Secret Footballers writing daily diary blogs. My inbox is literally RAMMED with the most amazing people or brands who are wanting to appear on this blog, which is literally just the story of my life. So yeah, blogging and vlogging are two different things. Find out what you’re stronger at and go for it.

Anyway, away from that! I’ve been doing shoots. This morning, I’m excited to see some of the new pics that Claire Pritchard has shot for me, for her Fallen Angels Brand. I can’t wait to show you them, and you will be seeing them shortly, as I tease your little tinglers, with a slow release of online Wunna ‘look at me.’ Claire is one of the most amazing photographers, so I can WAIT shoot with her again shortly…as we have a Playboy/Kitchen shoot to do…this time i’m taking Prosecco. I love her so much. So yes, if YOU wish to be a Fallen Angel please shimmie on down to ..

clarepritchardphotograpnhy.com

The pics will be on my blog over the weekend.

I have a book out this year. It is the relaunch of ‘Diaries of a Glamour Puss,’ yet i’m rewriting it, it’s being rebranded and ofcourse shot for again. I love a shoot. It now will be called ‘Dear Diary…’ and it’s taking you back to Volume 1 of my life…So it’s Chrissie Wunna (the naughty years. 😛 ) It’s a silly, but sexy bit of ‘all out there’ book. I’m sorting it all out now…and i’ll also be going on a signing tour, so you can get to meet me, have a chitter and well…if i’m being honest…just buy the flipping book. Hahahaha!

The eyelash line is also relauched at Christmas and I have a cheeky little secret that will popping up soon. (NO. IT’S NOT A BABY! LOL)

Ruby slept in my bed last night, as she does when Junior’s at his Daddy’s. I watch her when she sleeps and can’t believe how beautiful she is. We’ve come a long way. I’ve worked so hard and this is the first time in my life where I feel like i’m actually smashing it for them both. She’s six and waited until I had gone to sleep, just so she could sneak out of bed and stay up all night playing pretend pool parties.

‘What? I pretended to be asleep, so YOU would go to sleep and so I could get up and pretend Justin Bieber was at my pool party! I thought you said that we only live once!’

Ruby IS a terrifying MINI version of me.

Although, i’m celebrating a THANK FUCK it’s FRIDAY thing. Saturday i’m headed to London to meet with a Mr Kenworthy, in regards to a new project that i’m hoping to tinker with. Which reminds me, I need to finish off those questions. I’m trying to fit everything in, in blips. It’s not easy….sober. 🙂

But nonetheless, I can’t wait for the meeting and hopefully i’ll saunter out of it with a new business *notch* on my brand cycle..

Work hard. Get what’s yours. YOU CAN MAKE ANYTHING HAPPEN. If you do it fucking well!

Take a shortcut…you’ll get cut short. Half ass it…you get a calm stream instead of a gushing river. Have a fall back plan? YOU’LL FLIPPING FALL BACK ON IT.

 

 

 

 

 

Sassy, Bank Holiday Sexiness…

I’M HAPPY!

I’m sprinkled in a confetti fun, dazzled with a giddy charm. I’m feeling flirty, fun rebellious. I’m enjoying my life to the max. I’m laughing with my chick friends, tinkering in the art of business and winking at strangers who deserve a bit of love from Wunna Land. Right now this weekend…even though i’m feeling a bit chubby, I’m totally on top of my game and DOLLS it feels FUCKING GREAT!

I’m enjoying every waking inch of my Bank Holiday weekend. You only live once. I’m loving it.I’m living it and doing everything that I want, when I want. I think there might even be sunshine! I’ve loved, danced and done candy flossed ‘toy store’ openings with my GORGEOUS little Wunna babies. They rinsed me. I didn’t care. If you work hard and can’t spend your money on the people and things that you love, then you’re doomed. I’ve lunched with family. I’ve drank salted rimmed margaritas at Ego in Ackworth. I’ve Pornstar Martini’ed it at city centre pitstops ( I LOVE A POP UP BAR) and over the finest wine, the most delightful lunches and VIP tables that I couldn’t turn up to, I’ve had fun. I’m happy and the great thing is that this weekend, I’m not suffering fools. I’m taking not shit. No nonsense and embracing every part of me that feels powerful.

IT FEELS SOOOOOOOOO GOOD!

I’ve had lots of my chick friends ask me a great deal about love and how it all works, how men work, how life works with them etc…and FIRSTLY…I’M DEFINITELY NOT YOUR BEST BET. I don’t win stars in that category. I’ve had my heart break and heal so many times that nowadays, each time new love comes striding into Wunna land, I smile, go with it and just keep my fingers crossed with hope good intentions and laughter. That’s all you can do. I know girls like to ‘fuss.’ But i like to keep things simple. If a dude likes you, he’ll like you..and he’ll come get you and if he doesn’t…he won’t. You don’t have o put your life on hold, or worry for nothing. If he adores you…he won’t lose you. Yet, I will say that I have noticed from some of my closest chickdaees that once a guy does ‘get you’ and feels all ‘slipper comfy’…which don’t get me wrong is lovely…sometimes…they forget that to make sure their girl is feeling adored, appreciated and loved. We’re weird ones, us girls. It’s something we always need to feel. Even when we feel it ourselves. When we love, we love whole heartedly, don’t we? We come shooting out that canon head first, in a swirl of love madness. It’s nutty. But hilarious.

Men aren’t the same. They’re growers. *Wink wink* They grow to love…after an initial infatuation..which is pretty sensible, on the whole..Lol. My LA friend Dylan, once explained this to me whilst chucking pasta to a wall, in strips, to see if it was cooked,as a really rummed up Magician decided to get really drunk because no one loved him? Anyway he told me, that men where like trains… and that they needed to *chug* along merrily, with no pressure before they eventually decide to THEN go through the tunnel… slooooowwwwwwlllllllyy…. and once they do and the come out the other end…. they’re apparently hooked, ready and at that point will love you more than anything? He must’ve been pissed? What the fuck was she on about? Dickhead? And that pasta wasn’t cooked. Lol.

Yet, anyway, we as chicks have become so independent, that we’ve cut the guys so much slack when it comes to making them BE MEN. We’re all self sufficient and bouji and can do love, business and life all by ourselves now, can’t we? All that’s great, as I wave the flag for a hard working kitten. I am one. BUT I like to keep love ‘old school’ in a modern day world. It’s hard isn’t it? I’m unconventional, fun and wild, yet i’m a sucker for a guy that knows how to love, goes for what he wants and as he beams, makes her beam like there’s nothing in the world more precious. Like a whirlwind of sensual, magical, yet innocent stars swirl around you both…it’s filled with  trust, loyalty, fun, sex and romance. It pisses all over Tinder. I hate all that shit.

But enough about love! It’s Bank Holiday Sunday! YEAH DOLLS! 2 for 1 cocktails for everyone!

Y’know why i’m feeling so great? It’s because i’ve pulled my kitty socks up and got shit done. I’ve had fun, met up with friends, lunched, drank and had the most divine time with my babies…BUT THIS WEEKEND, after a long week of work (and I did feel sorry for myself all last week) I’VE MANAGED TO GET BE SO PRODUCTIVE AND ACTUALLY GET SHIT DONE.

I’ve smashed it and loved it. No feeling is better to me than that feeling of actually committing to being productive and seeing the results from it. I know!!!

I’ve made sure that i’m all over your news feeds, i’ve replied to all of my messages, I’ve drawn you to fan pages, instagram pages, Tweeted my way into your lives and Snapchatted bits of life, to beckon you into Wunna land like I have Haribo in my pocket or something. 🙂 It’s worked and right now, you’re being a great audience. It almost turns me on. Lol. I mean, I only put in a BIT OF WORK to see what would happened. So if I got my glitter elbow grease out….I’d nail it. I’m feeling really confident. It’s crazy. I’m on FIRE! It’s sexy. I’m feeling sexy. 😉 I mean, I might have even felt so sexy that I Googled Porny Gifs to utilize my feeling of ‘sexy’ into ‘expression. LOL. Just me. No one else. Keeps you out of trouble. What? It’s good for you! 🙂 I’m like a dog on heat right now. I don’t know what’s up with me? I need 24 cold showers…and a seat belt. I’m feeling ‘more than usually’ kinksville. I need to slow my libido roll down.

I love these moments where I put down my daiquiri and make hay whilst the sun’s still shining. I’m ambitious so when I see results..I love it. I’m brimming over with this cheeky prosecco bubbliness. I feel amazing and I hope you do to!

My mind works weirdly, so as Jack Parson’s had told me I’m getting ideas, jotting my them down, whacking them on my walls on Post It’s and slowly putting together a plan. I’m NOT business minded. I’m a creative. I’m really creative. I’m an entertainer. So its almost like I have to approach business creatively or with more thought…OR just work with/hire the right people.

I hope you’re going to enjoy today?I have a few errands to run, before cocktails in Leeds. My friends are either out or doing date night, home life lunches or babies….I mean ‘The Mighty’ (who has managed to produce a second child) text me last night determined to FIND FUN in Leeds, when we were all at home. Lol. I knew that Mel was out, as I met her, Alex & Esme at Ego whilst they lunched and I handed them Garden Centre soap. Lol.

‘Are you trying to say I smell?’

‘Does Esme want a Mocktail. Ruby’s getting one?’

Anyway Mel went off and did hotel night with ‘Her Gary.’ I want a hotel date night. They’re always so much fun. There’s something so sexy sounding about them, right?

But yeah, I’m tired of typing now….

Enjoy the sun…as i’m definitely sure that I want to be laid on some inflatable cactus lilo right now, with a fruit umbrella drink in my hand, about some sunny pool, in a hot pink or leopard string bikini.

I have a shoot tomorrow…I boudior shoot so to speak with Claire Pritchard. She’s an AMAZING photog. I can’t WAIT to be a ‘fallen angel.’ What could be sexier? AND as you may tell…I’m feeling somewhat sexy right now. I’m embracing it as it’s my thing. It’s how I feel and where I feel most comfortable. I love sensuality. I love sexiness…in all forms. More than anything I love being a girl…We should embrace our womanhood more. It’s so powerful, it’s scary. I’m looking forward to filming my Vlog.

Ps/ I’ve spend the morning being obsessed with David Beckhams Instagram page. It’s amazing. You can’t help but love The Beckhams can you? I adore them. They’ve smashed it.

Ppps/ I love that someone actually Googled ‘Sumo Porn’ yesterday and found themselves here on this blog. You dirty bastard. Hilarious.

 

 

Busy Times & Oriental Wives!

‘You’re quiet Chrissie?’

‘Why are you so quiet today?’

‘She’s just stressed…’

‘No. Lol. I’ve just got a lot of work on, so i’m in the mode and not getting distracted by Tom Foolery. 🙂 ‘

I am currently tinkering in the busiest time that I have EVER experienced It a merry ‘work load’ and all at once. I’m good at being busy. So i’m not phased. I’m happy. I’m positive. But when I am busy, my mind is full, swift and flashing methodically. So I tend to go quiet, focus on the *hush hush* and get through whatever I need to, in my own little Wunna zone. Lol I obviously must be gobbier than I thought? As my quietness was questioned and noticed. 🙂 I didn’t even notice that I was being quiet.

But yes, it’s so busy for me right now, that there isn’t really time for me to enjoy too much of a giggle, throw a ‘pity party’ or bury my head in the sand. Everything needs to get done…So i’m doing it. And even though today was somewhat daunting. Tomorrow, I’ll SMASH IT because that’s what good girls do! *Wiggle…Wink.* Monday is always my ‘figure it out’ day. Tuesday…I’m usually ON IT! So I want you to know that, if you are also experiencing a super ‘fast paced’ dash of life…Be it in work, emotionally or romantically….All you have to do is grow ten feet tall, don’t bother wasting time on the ‘poor little me’ and just knuckle down, organize it all and in the best heels, get to being PRODUCTIVE….FAST! Sort it all out so it works in your favour. You’ll feel so good when you totter over that ‘finish line’ that you might even have a little champion ‘slut drop’ in the name of VICTORY. And we all know that the ‘slut drop’ is the pinnacle point of any worthy dance off.

That’s what ‘slaying it‘ is all about. (Guuuurls!) Shut off, focus on what YOU’RE DOING, forget about whatever everyone else is doing and get it done. It’s as easy as that. Do the things that you constantly put off…and you’ll feel EVEN MORE delicious when you finally get to the tunnel end!

I’M FEEEEEEEEEEEEEELING GOOD!

Away from that, I got in, kissed my Babies with love and swirled in that ‘Happy Mama’ glory. Then whilst pouring a fresh gin and tonic and scrolling through my phone…I accidentally got into the most hilarious banter with two of my LA guy friends.

When I was young and in West Hollywood, I used to date both of them. No. Not at the same time. But, during chapters of my life and not for very long. We were all friends, caught up in the sunkissed LA lifestyle, trying to ‘make it big.’ ANYWAY, and i’ve blogged this before…but BOTH GUYS (who I remember had these stunning hot blond girlfriends, followed by sexy brunette short terms…and…well you get the picture.) Both guys were models/actors and super sweet all at the same time. They’re hot! But everyone is in LA. I mean, it’s a town where you’ll be a dick, poor, a ‘no hoper,’ or challenged, but YOU WILL LOOK GOOD DOING IT. 🙂

They’re much older now, as am I. One is currently happily married and gushing about how much he adores his wife on Instagram and the other (who once SWORE TO ME) that he would never marry until he was 84 and when he did he’d be stonkingly rich and date a 23 year old Playboy bunny. Lol. That was his future.

Both guys….Now that they’re settled….have chosen to do ‘forever’ with smoking hot ORIENTAL CHICKS! YES! Hahaha! We are finally the BEST accessory! Honestly. It’s the newest thing in town! All chicks from the Orient are now your LA wives! I’ve obviously *slapped them * with ‘The Wunna Brush’ that there was no other choice than to pick a chick from Eastern lands, with those little kitten eyes. Lol

I did express that to them!

They pissed themselves text laughing…(they both know each other well) and agreed to state that they certainly picked ‘less annoying’ versions of me. 🙂

‘Less annoying! It was like trying to shake turd off a stick with you guys! 🙂 ‘

‘You took yourself off rotation…’

‘I don’t think I have ever been involved with a girl where so many people decided to be so interested in what was going on! It was madness.’

Then we wished each other well for ‘old times’ sake and I sat back, kicked off my kitten heels and enjoyed the most delicious G & T that a heavy work Monday could’ve ever treated me with.

Life is hectic. But it’s good right now!

I’m focusing on one thing at a time and doing it well. It’s not about the rush. It’s about doing things right…as when you do things appropriately…you’ll make a much better impact long term.

*Wink.*

 

 

 

My New Years Resolutions….

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Gosh! All this time off is making me go bonkers. It’s hilarious! I’m tottering around pestering and annoying innocent folk, just so my brain has something to do. Hahah! I’m like the kid that gets kicked out of glitter class (Wait? Hold up! I’d never get kicked out of glitter class? What the actual fuck IS glitter class? Lol Whatever it is? I wouldn’t get  kicked out of it.) But you get the picture, my system needs to get back to work mode in order to feel satisfied. I’m really excited because i’m about to go into a *juggle,* which is when you have lots to conquer all at once. It’s challenging, it’s fun.  Yet, right now all i’m doing is thinking and planning it all (which actually makes me panic as you can ponder things far too much) and being a FIRE sign, all the *pondering* gets boring after a while, when you have to wait to move forward. I’m an action girl…and therefore now, because i’m impatient…you are receiving a rant. Lol.

January always goes really fast! I don’t mean the ‘waiting for a pay day’ part, as I realize that most have spazzed their fine earned pences on cocktails. Yipppeee! Yet, when you have goals that you’re trying to fit in, in the first month, it’s always hard, as it *zoom* by without you consent and you have to double up in Feb.

I slept last night. I never can sleep, so that’s a good thing. But weirdly, I watched Chloe Khan’s snippets (lots of naked bits, boobie bits and sex bits) from her time in the Celebrity Big Brother House. Now, i don’t know whether she did that on purpose to gain ‘attention?’ If she did, well done, it worked and it took some fucking balls. It made her newsworthy. So the result, good or bad, was an attention winner. OR if she’s just like that as a human? Then I had a wine and wasn’t bothered anymore and fell asleep. It kinda made me learn that it’s what you do AFTER the snippets of attention have occurred that set task of longevity. My mind and soul must’ve been content with that knowledge and just conked out peacefully.

How was your New Year! I actually ditched my Slutty Sailor Girl outfit and Cockpit Pilot sexy wear, to simply stay home, with my babies. To the ‘Party Goers’ (and i am one to indulge in a good time, if it’s done right and in some form of luxury lol) that may sound dull. But to ME, it was heaven sent, peaceful, loving and bubbled my sail into 2017 with love. Their faces alone we’re adorable.

I will go on to tell you that LOVE MATTERS. It’s what makes you strong. Gives you a purpose. I’m a single mum, so the LOVE that I have for my children power me forward. Nothing compares to that! I’m ambitious, so the LOVE that I have for my ‘dream come true’ job and work radiates from my kitty soul like fire. The LOVE that I have for my parents, the people that gave me a foundation to grow, is deep rooted and dashed with the most sincere respect. The love that I have for having such hilarious friends, keeps my system light, filled with laughter and keeps me being a functioning alcoholic. Lol. It’s a fun love, as you need your ‘soldiers’ right by your side. They’re the people you tell everything to without *censor.*

We all know that i’m SINGLE and i’ve been single by choice because I just haven’t been able to find the correct male human to partner up with. Hahaha! Yes, i’ve been on dates, as usual, as they’ve come, and learnt a lot. Yet, i haven’t had that ‘chemistry’ that is essential to the way i think, move, or see the future…swing by me. Where i cn just be me and the get it! All great guys. All phenomenal people. But just not right for me. And i mean that both ways. As, I am also just not right for them. (Even if some of them haven’t seen that yet. 🙂 )

I get loads of messages from guys, as any girl would on social media, who may tickle anyones fancy, who read my blog and say that I haven’t have such a hardcore *tick list.* There isn’t a *tick list.* I just know what i like, need and want in another human being, that is so much more than a simple list, as it’ll be something i feel, when i see them and meet them. (HAHAHAHAH….That makes me sound pervy!) Just because i’m not willing to ‘just settle’ for ‘a bit right’ doesn’t mean i’m being tight. It just means that i’m doing what’s right for ME…and you can’t change that, because it’s working for me and i’m quite toolish and strong headed. HOWEVER, if YOU WERE Mr.Right, you wouldn’t want to change that would you? 🙂 As firstly, you’d be IT and secondly, trying to change a partner means you’re not getting it. You’re not accepting them for who they are with love and support. Nonetheless, I’m always quite willing to go on dates! Well…some dates. Lol. I LOVE meeting people.

I’ve gone on a rant haven’t I!

New Years Resolutions! What’s Yours?

I never usually make them, as I’m not good at confining myself to rules that i make personally. The little rules that I make for myself. If i find that i’m only answerable to myself, then there’s no hope, as I can handle Me telling myself off. Lol. I just end up hitting the glitzy *fuck it* button and having fun. (When i say ‘fun’ I simply mean doing the things that I love.) But if someone else gives me rules, I seem to be pretty obedient. It’s weird. Maybe because i feel more responsible and i’m not in the business of letting people down by nature. It makes me feel awkward.

But here they are anyway..

Wunna’s New Year’s Resolutions.

. EVERY DAY THIS YEAR do something proactive big or small that will help me get closer to my big goal. Work harder at it, basically.

. 20 minutes exercise every day. (I’m shit at going to gym, or signing up to groups, so it won’t be that. So it’ll just be some ‘show up to whenever’ class, or some run or something? I reckon i’ll be into Pilates. Lol

.EVERY DAY (because Karma’s ace) do a good deed for someone. Doesn’t have to be massive, as it’s the little things in life that make a difference. Hopefully it’ll come back on me threefold. If not, i’m not doing it again next year! HAHAHA. EVIL!

That’s it! As everything else in my life i do well. 🙂

I need a massage and to get my nails done today.

I’m back to work tomorrow. The sun is shining. The babies and my Mum and I are all off to The Frenchgate centre in Doncaster.

I’m excited to tell you about the stuff that I have going on in 2017. There will be a blog about it all. I’ll be telling you where i’m going, why I’m going and when as I go along also.

Do remember that you are able to cross life paths with me at ANY SINGLE POINT. Maybe life will just naturally guide you my way. But if not…purposely *bump* into Wunna land, have a good time with me and find yourself in this blog the next day! *The 2017 cast 😉 ) But this year, chrissiewunna.com will be becoming more interactive, as we all do life together.  I’m going to be focusing a lot on getting another rung up that success ladder…so bare with me.

Like i said there’s a plan, yet in life you never quite know what’s going to happen, do you? But everything i have ‘intended’ sounds pretty good. Lol.

Feel Free to bob on any of my social media profiles and share your New Years Resolutions with me.

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER : @chrissiewunna

‘Like’ my Facebook Fan Page

Follow me on Instagram. (I’m ‘Insta’ game is not on point as i’ve just restarted it.)

Add me on Snapchat: chrissiewunna1

 

Breast Milk Pancakes?

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‘Yeah, but honestly i was mental. I was involved in some kind of group, where all my friends came over and made things like breast milk pancakes,’ said ‘Firmonnell to the Little Burmese, ‘just got back into work after shimming at The Clothes Show, with the likes of Joey Essex’ Glamour Puss.

(It felt good to be back to normality.)

Hahaha! What the actual FUCK! I literally know the BEST humans alive. Nothing, (and I do mean this honestly) made my life worth living today, as much as that statement. Not even my own children. Lol. I mean, who is ACE enough to have actually joined a group where in which women, (who had just had babies) squirted milk out of their post preggo boobs, added eggs and made pancakes with it. I AM DYING!!! HAHAHAH. We all actually know a ‘Preggo Princess’ right now and let me tell you, nothing would make me happier, than the reassurance of knowing that she also, followed the likes of ‘Firmonnell’ and made breast milk pancakes with odd, other post birth chicks and simply for kicks. Hahahaha. The evil breast feedy *force* groups terrify me. They’re like smiley, angelic looking HITLERS. They all need to get kicked when the knock at your door…with Louboutin heeled DIVA feet. I bet they all have husbands. Husbands who never get sex. See! This is where i’m going wrong. All the relationships I end up in… include sex. I’ve been a wife THREE FLIPPING TIMES…and they all took a U Turn. I need to ban sex from my love life and start forcing men to breast feed. Pancake groups for everyone!

Then the focus went onto talks of how i keep taking slutty pics in Disney/Primark Onesies and posting them all over Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. 🙂 In the words of Lisa ‘The zippers seem to have broken off them all.’ Lol.

I didn’t explain myself too well…as i always figure you never have to explain yourself really, when you’re Me and you have charm and winks that speak for themselves…But the actual story behind the slutty onesie pics is this…

I was shopping with my kids around Doncaster. Ruby really wanted me to look like a Kangeroo and a Fox, so we bought the equivalent Onesies from Primark. I wore them at home. The kids loved it, as it was like i was a fun toy. They went to bed. I had a whole bunch of Prosecco…the zipper came down and BOOM, that was the birth of the ever so popular ‘slutty onesie’ Wunna pics. It should trend. You all should do it. When i take them, i really do think i’m some kind of Burmese Pamela Anderson.

Is this why i’m single? Why am I a tool?

Even Keiran (Junior’s Dad) text me the other night with a casual ‘How’s Junior’ and he followed it up with an ‘I thought you’d be keeping busy posting half naked pictures of yourself.’

Blah! I don’t take playful criticism from people with giant beards. I simply stated that i looked great, hundreds of people agreed…(I WILL GET OVER MYSELF,) he ‘monkey emoji’ed’ me and then we laughed it off. At least we can have a laugh.

I mean, ‘The Mighty’ even said ‘It’s just funny because you’re doing it in a Disney, Monsters Inc Onesie.‘ Hahaha.

Prosecco made me do it girls. They should give it to people in church. (Have i officially offended everyone now? Lol)

(Oooh, i’ve just rushed to put my pink laptop on charge, as it’s running out of juice and the best smelling swirl has just danced under my nose. I’ve got this bag stuffed with bath bombs, like i’m some kind of greedy LUSH thief. They’re for Ruby’s teachers. We couldn’t think of things to get them, so we just went with bath bombs. SHIT LOADS OF BATH BOMBS.)

Lots of gents are hitting on me right now and i’m feeling so ‘whole’ that i’m not really bothered by it? It’s weird because i’m looking for love, my Mr Right. Yet, I can’t be really as I just seem to be all happy as i am and not concerned with it, until it smacks me in the face and I get swept off my feet.

In life there’s only been ONE guy that has swept me off my feet romantically. The rest have liked me, but not really. Infact, no Mikey Ray my first hubby loved me. I’m glad he’s gone on to do so well in life. He’d be dead proud of me now. But we don’t speak.

Talking about ‘no speaky!’ Get this, ‘Eton Mess’ and I aren’t even talking anymore. He hasn’t messaged me to say ‘hi’ or anything in a couple weeks. How weird. I haven’t messaged either yet girls shouldn’t have to. Boys should do the leg work and they nly do it if they’re truly into you. (And yes, i do get that lots of you are hitting up my inbox with ‘leg work.’ But, with girls, we have to properly fancy you in the first place to appreciate. We are SWINES like that.

I’ve said it before. It’s sweet getting messaged lovely ‘advances’ (at times,) when you’re not being pervy. I’m flattered. Utterly flattered. Especially as i’m smashing into thirty six on the 19th of this month. It makes me feel fanciable and i appreciate that. HOWEVER, we as girls wait for that one message fro that guy that we adore…and it’s when we get THAT message that our kitten hearts skip a beat.

I do mean that in general, as i’m totally single. There is no apple of my eye. I reckon i’m the most eligible Bachelorette going. 🙂 But i would wouldn’t I, because i’m a glamourous… plank.

 

The way I see it is that THIS YEAR, more than ANY year in my entire life and BOY HAVE I DATED ALL OVER THE GLOBE. Hundreds of times. Lol. I’ve romanced many a man. (That’s the problem, it should be the other way around.) But this year, i have had the honour of meeting some of the greatest guys, that i’ve ever gone on dates with in my life. Such handsome, fun, sweet, sassy gents. I’ve had a great time.

But now i’m headed for better times. Times that i deserve!

Come at me life!