But which boy will stick?

Chick friend: ‘So, did he reply?’

Me: ‘Who?’

Chick friend: ‘T Bone…OR The Gent….either of them??’

Me: ‘Yeah. Yeah. They both did…One replied straight away and then wished me a really great day this morning, with an emoji kiss.. and the other replied with the words *naughty ass.* Hahaha…’

Chick Friend: ‘I already know, which ones which. Lol’ 

But in T Bone’s defense….he already knows me & we’re quite bantery and highly sexed by nature…We’re northern and cheeky… Plus, he’s already had sex with me. Already ‘sampled the goods.‘ So he can get away with ‘naughty ass.’ I’m not new, to him..

The Gent however, has never met me, doesn’t know me and of course wants to make the best first impression possible…which is honorable and lovely. I like that. It’s kind. It’s sweet. It’s thoughtful.

Chick Friend: ‘He still wants to bone you though. Haha. He’s just approaching it well..’

Me: ‘POLITELY! I like good manners. Everyone wants to bone me mate. Lol. That’s not the problem. It’s who wants to KEEP me, that IS! Someone who doesn’t JUST see me as a Bone Festival!’

Chick Friend: ‘I love how you put *Festival* after everything…’

Me: ‘It’s my phrase for * a lot of…* I have my own lingo & I love how you all just understand it, without me usually having to explain it to you.’

I’ve just shot a bunch of instagram pictures with shows dragging out my mouth, whilst dressed in lingerie. Lol.

This is my life.

I’ve also gathered up enough Insta Questions now, from you, to place on a blog…which will be coming up shortly. I just didn’t have enough ‘juicy’ ones before. Yet, you listened and you delivered, dolls!

I’m running a business. I’m juggling babies. But it’s awesome right now. I wanted a wine at 9am, but didn’t have one. I’m currently blogging, with a giant, glamour pussy hair piece, wedged upon my head, whilst  just being in knickers.. as I sit around flamingos.

I’m gonna need that wine after this.

Then I had one meeting. Caught up on my emails and made my plans for the future…before I shot.

I’m always making plans for the future. (I’m talking work right now. I’ve left my fucking love life to fate…cos GOD, I can’t seem to do anything about it.) I’m quite an ambitious girl. I’m quite determined girl. But it’s done with love and fun. Not utter evil, spitefulness like Roxanne Pallett. Lol. (Yes! I got my dig in!)

So, i’m really excited, because i’m gonna get there..I can feel it. I can FEEL it. I just need to catch it. But it’s down to life ‘magic’ now. I’m not in a race. I’m gonna do it well.

To me it doesn’t matter how MANY things you do, it’s all about doing that ONE THING so well…it’s makes UTTER IMPACT.

That’s kind of how I feel about love also. I’m a one man, woman. I’m not one to play with lots of boys. I hate that. I want true love and don’t believe you’re fated to be with everyone…JUST ONE OTHER HUMAN.  When I love, i love hard When I fancy, I have a one track mind and i’ll always only focus my heart on that one guy…once sprung.

(Ooh, my boobs are looking good today! Just caught myself in my mirror. Lol. Sorry.) 

My friend Liam Halewood was on the telly last night, on ‘The Extreme Diet Hotel, on Channel 4 and I just wanted to say how proud I was of him, because he’s such a talent and he wants to do well, (like us all) and i’m sure he’s had a rough time with it. It’s not easy. So he certainly deserves a bit of ‘look at me,’ that lasts. His soul is good. He’d do anything for anyone. I’m really glad that I have him as a friend.

PLUS…

Today, I watched him do a ‘Wheely Bin’ workout, where you hold onto the back of your ‘wheely’ and flick your legs behind you. Lol. After every five flicks, you then have to slut drop, STILL holding the back of your wheely bin and only in PINK. You can only wear pink, when doing his exercises.

All my friends are just awesome.

If I had a round of exercises it would simply be…

‘Pick your wine glass up…and neck it in one…’

That’d be it…in heels. You’d have to help heels, to help your calves.

It helps your bat wings, your neck muscles, your gag reflex and it’s literally great for the soul. 🙂

I’m really looking forward to meeting ‘The Gent’ on 18th. I know I keep going on about it. But i love meeting new people and so far, he’s been lovely to me. He’s been attentive, without being annoying. Lol. But I do need to see, as things are different when you meet someone in person, aren’t they…and it’s not like i know him?

Yet, the thing is…with The Swirl aka T Bone…We’d already talked lots and lots before…Life kept sort of,  pushing us together and pulling us apart…Anyway, when I met HIM, for the first time, in person, it was actually amazing. I think we got on better than we thought, because it was just so easy. Just so perfect.

I mean, that could’ve gone another way…but it didn’t…So meeting The Gent in 2 weeks, will give me better insight..Lol.

I almost wish guys came with a quick film trailer of their romantic history, so i could see what I was getting myself into.

Anyway, I’ve godda get back to work.

Thank you following my life.

Hit play…

 

Love you..

Chrissie x

 

 

Boobie Pops, Adventures & Moderately Cunning Plans

Image may contain: Chrissie Wunna, outdoor

Life is to be LIVED, because you’re a LONG TIME dead and you hear people frisbee out the term ‘YOLO’ like Tequila in a Mexican brothel. Yet, after everything i’ve learnt, in my time so far, armed with my little bit of diary… I know that it is never ever the result that gives you complete happiness and that the journey and the memories you make, are the things that will actually make you BEAM….when you’re 82.

(The ‘Bush Story,‘ when I’m 82, will always be funny. It’ll always be hot, because it’ll always be alive. The ‘Cum Stain’ story in LA, which no one EVER let’s me forget..Haha…..at 82, will STILL be as tragic, yet even more hilarious.)

Don’t be afraid of adventure. Don’t be afraid to have a story. Don’t be afraid of anything.

It’s important that you embrace your story. Stop being dull. Go for the ‘adventures’ that life hands you over. The fun bits that just fill you with excitement and make your eyes smile. You may not be that lucky again and I’ll always say, that even though my life has been oddly ‘colourful.’ It took me away from Yorkshire and glittered me, all over the world.

I mean, SO MUCH has happened to me, that I only WISH you could peek into my head, or be a fly on the wall, during some of the most sketchiest moments EVER.

I’m not sure how I survived them. But  came out unscathed because I chose to be happy.

Yeah I’ve had my heart broken in numerous countries. Yet at the same time, I’ve fallen in love and laughed out loud, MORE TIMES, than any glamour puss, could ever wish for.

I’ve been really lucky, because I feel like i’ve done a lot and my soul is alive.

Be alive.

I managed to be exactly where I wanted to be, through hard work, charm, determination and my fingers crossed.

YOU ARE exactly where you’re meant to be, in life right now!

So if you’re happy? If you’re sad? If you’re tall… broken….successful…or stuck in a rut?  You’re MEANT to be there, right now. It’s for some random reason and you’ll definitely learnt why shortly. I’ve done it all before. Once all the elements of your life have been put into place….Just around the corner, I promise you, is ‘magic.’

I cannot even tell you how true that is!

I literally once had my giant leopard print luggage and an engagement ring THROWN out of a car, with me a following and a ‘Don’t come back sign‘ firmly in place…(lol) I was in my 20’s. I walked around the corner…with my luggage on wheels in tow..and a car pulled up to the curb.

I DID KNOW this person really well. He wasn’t a stranger. We were in LA. All he said was,

‘Jump in Lil’ Bit.’

It was like he knew where I was going to be, or what was going to happen? And when I did jump in…my life changed for the ABSOLUTE BETTER and FAST!! In fact was almost unbelievable.

So please do LIVE.

(Wait. My phones fucking pinging. One sec…)

Ugh. How annoying. It’s a guy I used to date DECADES ago, when I was 18, and he’s trying to tell me off for referring to him as ‘random.’ (Lol.)  Well, this is what he’s saying, because he’s now trying to re date me, which isn’t going to happen.

(It’s funny how when you’ve maybe done alright for yourself and you’ve grown up and got yourself a bit more pocket money, a little dab of tiny fame, a career that seems quite dazzling and you still look somewhat attractive…It’s funny how the exes that didn’t want to be with you, come running back as fast as they can. Yet, I guess, that’s what I like about me. The more powerful I feel, the better! Mwahahah!) 

Anyway, he’s saying this…

Guy: ‘Random! Who the fuck is RANDOM. We were together for FIVE years!’

It was ages ago. I don’t count that as a relationship because I was never in love at that point. I thought I was. I was a kid. I didn’t know what love was…I was sort of just going through the motions. Until I met the next guy, who was Mike, the actor…WHO I MARRIED. Fair enough, we’re divorced now. But, he was my first love and obviously… even now…there are times where I think about him because it was SUCH a chapter of my life. It’s when everything changed and success came. He was a guy who showed me how women should be treated….

But it was JUST a chapter…and like all good tales, the beat just goes on…

If that Chapter didn’t end….this whole ‘Chrissie Wunna’ thing would never EVER have happened. I would’ve been stuck doing the same old shit, with the same old people, with the same old life, for the same old years….

So I get it…

But a few years with the first boy and six years with Mike….(only 2 of those years were public and we WERE dating other people at the time, so we sort of kept something going, behind almost everyone’s back. Which I guess was bad. But ‘Yolo’ we couldn’t help it. So, if I added those two relationships up, it’d come to around 9 years…To me that doesn’t seem THAT LONG, when I hopefully have decades of life left to live.

So, I don’t know why the guy I dated when I was 18, in Yorkshire, is coming forward?

So much more has happened to me since then….

I was never scared to do anything, and I may have hurt people along the way or been hurt. But I’m still never afraid to enjoy anything, should I say. I have stories that will last a lifetime.

You’ve got one good shot at having the most fun, you could ever have and I hope to GOD, that you embrace that.

Right now, I’m having a REALLY different Summer, to any Summer I’ve ever had. I’ve felt really normal. I’m not sure how much I like that? Haha. But I’m having so much fun and hope the rest of 2018 delivers appropriately.

Last night was filled with laughter. It was a really great night and became with chills with Ian and Claire, by a dog named Frank.

Music came on…and it all turned wild.

I can’t even really tell you what happened, because not much did other than lots of ‘high fiving’ and good times? Why were we ‘high fiving’ so much? I hate ‘High fiving.’ Lol.

Dancing occurred. Singing at the top of voices echoed through. Drunk hugs and secret conversations littered the table.

Golfer Jonny taught me how to ‘Boobie Pop.’

WHO KNEW i COULD DO THAT!!!! I’M SO TALENTED! 🙂

Everyone stopped me to make sure I was okay? Lol. (I also appreciate all the messages I received. I cry once, blog about it and hundreds of people shimmie into my inbox with love. 🙂 Thank you, for that. You’re all kind. Much love in return.)

Then as always a PLAN was hatched.

My arm got pulled to one side for whispers.

KatyP: ‘Right…we’re going to try and make ************** happen.’

Me: ‘Really?’

KatyP: ‘Golfer Jonny is in charge of buying the next drink. You’re in charge of distracting Antony.’

(Antony’s foot, was the foot that was in my face when I woke up on Tuesday morning, after being the ‘little spoon’ to a piece of  lost gingerbread.)

Me: ‘I’m in charge of distracting you.’

Ant: ‘Well that’s not so bad for me, is it? Free drinks and you hanging out with me all night. Haha.’

He’s easily distracted and I enjoy those that just go with a plan. Things that are to hard to accomplish bore me.

Long story short, everyone (as always) got roped into the plan. Yet it all worked swimmingly, as I watched someone be lovingly *walked* out a pub, by the wrist…

‘I’m a little nervous..’

With a..

‘What? Everyone knows anyway!’

And that was the end of the night.

It was hot. I loved it. It was Girl Power at it’s finest. It was LIVING. It WAS life and more importantly didn’t involve ME, which meant it was ALL utter bliss.

I managed to STAY OUT OF TROUBLE…all the way home!! 

(Eww! But I saw Awful Ben at the pub last night, who I used to date years ago. I just hate him and we were stood at the bar at the same time, so I just did that really grown up thing that I do and IGNORED HIM. Lol)

All my chick friends: ‘I don’t know what you were thinking when you dated him!’

I guess, it’s part of the story. What a douche!

Anyway…

All i’m gonna say is that, whenever you wake up to a Whatsapp Group message that reads…

‘Team check. You all alive and okay?’

(The Group is labelled ‘Team Beer.’)

You know a ‘good time‘ has been had!

‘Pray for ****’

Right! I’m done now. It’s officially Sunday Funday!

I have two shoots, babies and influency things all week, so i’m excited!

I’m back on your telly shortly…and that’s my 2018 ‘Out of Summer’ plot twist.

Hope you have yours…

Chrissie,

Thank you for following my life. Thank you for tinkering through my ‘socials.’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love, Weeps & Twerking Videos

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I flipping cried last night. URGH! I hate those girl moments, when you’re a fully grown adult, you’re a woman, a successful woman and your sat there chilling at 37, with a job title that once read ‘Sexual Fantasy,’ alone, at night, in bed…and you do a big old, 14 year old, ‘Princess Weep,’ because it’s the only time, that no one can see you.

UGH!

I am ‘Totes Emosh‘ right now and it is flipping AWFUL. It feels awful. Yet, if i’m going to pull a positive and let’s face it, that’s what I do best,  the thing that i’ve noticed about myself over the last couple weeks, is that EVEN AFTER, everything i’ve been through, over the years, I really STILL AM, a ‘love bunny.’

I don’t know how i’ve managed it. But I am.  I’m a hopeless romantic. I love, love. I love to give love. I love to FEEL loved. And when I have that, I feel alive.

YET…

When it comes to my love life, and because of a career path that I chose as a young girl, which accidentally went from strength, to strength, which handed me over a spritz of recognition…that made me a popular guy’s choice….my love life is never so easy.

All I would want in the entire world, is for my love life to just be simple.

(In fact, a really successful man that I know closely, once said that to me, because I guess, he had been through the same kinda shit. I remember him looking at me, and saying how great everything as between us, because everything felt so ‘easy.’)

Chick friend: ‘Only the strongest man alive, is going to be able to date you, Chrissie & you absolutely deserve the best!’

Things never get confused by the ‘love part,‘ of my love life. I love whole heartedly. I’d never ever pick a guy who didn’t know how to love or express…All that’s fine. Yet, it almost seems as though everyone around me, can just do that bit and with ease, because they have a different ‘walk of path,‘ or they don’t necessarily have an audience…they have less people peeking into what they’re doing….or…I dunno? (I don’t want that to come across as conceited. I just need a mind spew…So go with it. But it’s how I feel. So it’s MY truth.) 

I chose my path and I love my life. I’m very, very lucky and no one can take that away from me.

(FYI/ I learnt another lesson. I get what ‘T’ meant now, by the fine art of ‘keeping things shushy.’ I get it. Haha. I finally get it.)

But gosh, my last couple days has just been filled with swirl of…WELL, it started off as a magical swirl of whirlwind, an innocence, a trust…a lot of fun and straight after that whirlwind, came an Army and a storm… a ‘tug of war’ like mist.

And i’m actually really used to the above. It happens every time and pretty much, more often develops on a much larger scale…(So it less ‘city/town gossip’ & i’d say more ‘national’ gossip.)

This time for some reason… I’ve got all upset & because i’ve ‘felt’ haven’t I! Urgh! So it’s managed to confuse me and send me into a tizzy.

Then I cried….When I thought no one was watching.

Then my phone *pinged..*

And just like *magic* as I wasno face on’ weeping, naked, wrapped in my flamingo bed sheets, I open my phone & see a Snapchat video of ‘Hustle Barbie‘ Twerking saucily, from my chick bestie Firmonnell….

Hahah.

I’ve been waiting for round two of that video for months. She has a good ass. That was a good twerk.

Then I started to smile and realized how ace life is! Lol. And the great thing about Firmonnell, Hustle Barbie, Double B, Mel & Fairytale, is that there’s really not time for ‘Wunna Land‘ to be man down at all, EVER…and they can do the stupidest things, (ALWAYS NON DRAMA)…and just like that, i’ll be back BEAMING. 🙂

I mean both ‘Hustle’ and ‘Firmonnell‘ have had MASSIVE breakups this year. An ending of a partnership that went from being a 19 year old, to a 30 something year old. The other ended a five year commitment of togetherness, had to move out and start again…and they  sort of smashed it emotionally. They now couldn’t be happier.

That’s some good ass strength and bar bills Lol

(Well, they had a dodgy start. Hahaha. But they’re just made of them good old northern glitter bricks…They did ‘A Wunna,’ where you quit being a *plodded* and just start getting happy & enjoying life, because you’re a long time fucking dead.) 

I haven’t been through half of what they’ve been through this year. Only ace stuff has seemed to have happened to me. I’ve filmed a couple tv shows. My blog hits are blooming… Lol. So to think that i’d be having a duvet cry is almost ridiculous. I’m pathetic.

YIPPPEEE!

We’re great at being each other’s life soldiers.

‘Emilio’s going to show me how to cook, when he gets back from Italy.’

Me: ‘Who the fuck is Emilio? He sounds so hot! I want an Emilio to show me how to cook!’

So basically, after a couple days of stress, and letting it get the better of me, instead of rising above it. Then after having a big old weep, throwing a pity party…and then witnessing the greatest personalized Twerking video, in the world ever, that kinda just looked like sex, to make an Asian Glamour Puss smile…

I feel pretty empowered again.

You can’t keep a good kitten down.

I’m back! And nothing in this world, feels BETTER than WUNNA LAND, right now!

Chick: ‘It doesn’t matter what happens in between, because your world is always fine anyway.’

I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

I’m SO HAPPY, I finally got that Twerking video. Haha.

Chrissie,

Ps/ Thank you for following my life.

Please enjoy my socials.

 

 

Summer Is Gonna Get You & Sliding Into DM’s

Happy Summer! Is it getting the better of you too? Summer is getting me into all sorts of trouble, because beer gardens and the art of ‘good times,’ keep ‘beckoning’ me forward. But you only live once, and you’ve really got to enjoy life. (That’s my excuse, every single time. When do we ever get a Summer as delicious as this?? If we don’t embrace it now, it’ll pass us by and leave us all grumpy. When ‘Jumpers & Dumpling’ season kicks in, we’ll be pulling faces and wishing we did more beer gardens.)

I say HAPPY SUMMER. LET’S DRINK!

 If we win the World Cup & Adam wins Love Island, shit will go bananas. Summer 18, is MENTAL. Hands up, if you here me now!

So yeah, like any Glamour Puss, with a keen eye for the jollies, temptation always gets the better of me, so I’ve been galloping off for fun, instead of concentrating on work. (Never a good thing. NEVER, a good ting.) The only situation, where in which temptation doesn’t ‘champion,’ is only when it comes to men. I’m good at resisting the gents, because in my lifetime and mainly in LA (and I’m missing Hollywood Life SO MUCH right now,) I encountered quite a good, jolly bunch of suitors and potential suitors. I’ve romanced the gentlemen. Zillions of them, all over the globe. I’ve lived. I’ve loved. I’ve learnt a lot…. and I’m therefore not arsed about suffering from a broken heart, in a bikini at 37, just yet. Lol.

ALL WALLS UP! SAFETY FIRST, ALWAYS! 🙂

In general, life hasn’t really handed me good set of cards, in the ‘true love’ department, has it? I get a lot of attention from the boys. That parts true. They crush on an insta pic, see me in a bar, sit next to me on a train or hear about a land I call ‘Wunna’ ( I’m always someone that people accidentally discover, they will not know anything about me, when their eyes first catch mine.) Then they decide to jiggle forward. Which is GREAT!

Woohoo! It’s Great!

HOWEVER, when it does come to ‘true love,’ that unconditional ‘REAL DEAL.’ Y’know? Just a guy who can truly love me, or care about me, just as I am. One that can treat me with all the love and respect in the world..Well, I haven’t been so lucky, yet have I? And don’t get me wrong, i’ve sold myself short, quite a few times. Lol.

OOps! 😉

Yet, there’s nothing wrong with that, if a lesson is learnt. Sometimes we have to mess up LOADS of times, in order to learn ONE little lesson, correctly. (Well, I do anyway. 😉 It’s the only downside to having an adventurous soul.)  As, I always say, provided some kind of lesson is learnt, then i’m quite happy to have *danced* the experience. Even if it’s shocking.

NO REGRETS! IT’S ALL GRAVY BABY!

In fact, if i’m being honest, (here we go,) THE ONLY guy to have ever truly loved me, with all of his soul, was my FIRST husband Mikey..and I may have been in a lot of relationships since that time, even two more marriages. (I was only a young 20 something, then.) I don’t think anyone has ever cared about me, or treated me as well, as he did. It wasn’t even a whirlwind. It was really solid. Really real. Really fun. And I love that not a single soul, but us, knows about our time. It was filled with utter romance. Old school romance.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a ‘dwelling on the past’ moment, (I don’t do that,) as I can pick great things out about every guy i’ve dated, we all could. (I can also pick shitty things out also. 😉 )

Yeehaa!

What I’m saying is, that when it comes to love, he INSPIRED ME because now I  know what to look for, in my quest for the ‘TRUE’ kinda ‘doo daa.’ 

Here me now, Cupid!

I’m definitely a girl who knows what I want. Saying that, I dreamt that I’d be held hostage last night, after being on a weird horror ride at some American theme park. It had a carriage full of every single person in the world, that I have ever let down. Then some dude decide he wanted to hold me hostage, in a really lovely, sunny villa. Then  burlesque dancer danced by me, holding my slippers, that had Bart Simpson toys in them?

I’m sure this means i’m no longer mentally stable?

(I nearly woke up crying, so I shocked myself up quickly and checked my Insta Likes, to make sure the world was still a safe place. 😉 )

Ah Dee Dums.

I was meant to continue my last blog and tell you about my guy friends replying to all my DM’s when drunk. Instead I went on a LOVE RANT! (Haha.) But f**k it, LOVE just means a lot to me and when something does, I’m sincerely careful with my choices. I treasure my loved ones with all my heart.

To say i’m labelled a ‘floozy,’ I reckon i’m more decent than some. 😉

But yeah…OH MY GOD, the other night, when we were all out drinking, at The Carleton… Rhys, Will & Ollie decided to pick up my (everyone makes fun of it) peacock phone, swizzle through my Facebook DM’s and reply to them….AS ME! Lol.

(The last time this happened, my good friend ‘Dodge’ typed ‘I’ve had a whisky baby and i’m drying up to a male Wunna Fan…who then proceeded to send me EXTREMELY dodgy, videos of his genitals for a month straight. DO KNOW, that I do not reply to my DM’s unless it’s work related, something lovely about the blog, or well…basically, I don’t reply to any sleezy DM’s, EVER!)

Now, I not sure what any of them wrote, but they chose a guy (who was in Florida) and they just went for it, with all of their souls. All I managed to read was…

 ‘I’ll show you everything for £8.70 and a pack of Wotsits.’

(Then something about me being a Lady boy. Old material, on fresh ears. Lol)

WHAT IS MY LIFE.

(I HAVE already apologized to him. But it’s still just a laugh. I’m a laid back party member. The only line I didn’t let them cross, was answering any video calls, or replying to any serious messages.)

Then Sheffield Greg & Ginger Brad (who actually isn’t as Ginger as I thought, because he’s getting a tan and Gingers can’t tan,) decided to take part with the replying…So this Florida, Wunna Fan, had five of my guy friends, sending him messages, from a Yorkshire pub….for a laugh. But he took it really well!

Me: ‘I can’t actually believe how excited you all are about this…’

Sheffield Greg: ‘What! This never happens to us! It’s fun. Why are you not letting us have fun!’

(Maybe because it’s at MY f****** EXPENSE. Lol)

Each guy would type something hideous. Yet, the Wunna Fan in Florida would still reply. He was actually really good fun…

Me: ‘Hang on a second. His replies are actually funny. Show me profile! He’s banter. I might fancy him…’

Ginger Brad: ‘He’s not banter…’

Then all of a sudden the messaging stopped…

Mwahahahahaha!

You’d think Ginger Brad and Sheffield Greg, would’ve got bored, by then. But instead, they decided to message each other… seductively. Greg picked up his own phone and started messaging ‘Chrissie Wunna.’ Then Brad was on MY phone PRETENDING TO BE ME, replying to GREG…. I was stood right next to him?? Lol.

*ROLLS EYES*

Like toddlers in a pubby playpen, they proceeded to have a blast. I just drank, cos fuck it.

Then I went home, and left them to handle life, without my assistance. I don’t think they did too well, because I definitely received a bunch of messages and early morning calls, stating that one of them needed to be carried to a meeting and the other…well…was sincerely ‘disappointed’ by my actions.

The next day Golfer Jonny, was found massaging ‘Not So Ginger’ Brad, in slow motion. Definitely pervy and KatyP’slaugh in slow motion, is certainly birthed by Satan.

Happy Summer Though.

Chrissie,

Thank you for following my life. x

 

 

 

My Toyboy Table

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So much has happened, that I don’t even know where to begin? I’ve tried to write this blog, every day since Friday and I just couldn’t find the right ‘pucker’ to ‘smooch‘ it. I’ve been distracting myself NO END and I don’t even really know why? I have a lot to say, but it’s all just twirling through my head. Maybe it’s because I had the shittest last week EVER. Just filled with stress and drama.

Yet, before I get to that, I’ll tell you that i’ve had a lot of fun. Being a lifestyle blogger, in order to ‘diary’ out daily and then spread the word like through ‘the streets,‘ you kinda have to commit to moments, where you just *slam* shut your laptop, push away from your desk and go out there and just do some LIVING.

And the best way to live, is to learn everything the hard way. 😉 That was my motto through the whole of my years in LA.

But let me take you back to last week. When I hit ‘FRINALLY’ I thanked the Lord and collapsed with glee. This is what I wrote…Yet didn’t bother posting..

‘This week has been absolutely shocking. Life has kicked me in the ‘knackers’ for five straight, days in a row and all I can even THINK TO DO, is blame it on the weather. It’s been one stress, after another and dramas like no other. My ‘mojo’s’ on point, because being single, & waiting for the RIGHT guy, causes the boys to ‘fast chase’ forward, be they armed with genuine love hearts or lusty ‘pork sticks.’ They’re coming at me….It’s always the way though isn’t it? When you’re feeling all needy, you can’t find a ‘hero’ anywhere. When you shrug love off with a *wiggle,* your yard is filled with ‘milkshake’ thirsty suitors. I like it though. I feel pretty lucky.’

Then I thought ‘BALLS’ to all the drama’s and the stress. The heat can make you dramatic, to the point where you need to ‘Rupologize‘ to yo’ self. I needed a release. So after enjoying really warm family evenings, sunshine lunches, my brother’s ‘dim sum’ birthday and just having the best time loving Ruby & Junior, as we water bombed each other in gardens, cart wheeled, sunbathed and picnicked….I slipped on some shorts and tinkered by way to The Carleton, for drinks, football and casual good times.

I’m gonna try and skim the next couple of days for you.. It all started with a ‘beckon’ and an invitation from my guy friend J.D, to Little Sam Moore to come sit at our table.

I started the night, in a quiet out of the way ‘Power Table’ (lol) and ended the evening having to rename the table my..

TOYBOY Table.

(Even my own friends were messaging me and asking me why I was sat at a table full of young, young, 12 year old boys. Lol Like I said, I AM THE PIED PIPER OF TOYBOY TOWN. I can’t help it. They twinkle into Wunna Land like i’ve got….*fill in the blank.*)

Toyboy’s came out of everywhere? They swung through trees and landed on my benchs. They crawled up from under rocks with pints of Amstel. Some even probably sailed there on toy boats?

I don’t even know what happened?

It started off with ONE…and that was little Sam Moore (who always does the best ‘Ladyboy’ pictures with me, for snapchat views, kicks and Insta like merriment. I like Sam, because he’s always so sweet. I used to work with him and his sisters..So it’s great to have a drink with through the week with him) ..Then TWO…..Another THREE arrived at the table. FOUR, FIVE, SIX showed up, out of the woodworks. They made phone calls. Once must have nudged another. Then another few arrived. Toyboy NINE. TEN…TWENTY. They were everywhere….It was delightful.

A really fun night of football, drinking, and silliness. I mean, The Toyboys excelled themselves. They were ‘breaking banjo strings,‘ talking Paris Hilton, sexting each other, getting read for Lad’s holidays, flirting with ‘chicas,’ making bets with with hope, downing pitchers, passing driving tests, vaping all vapes, telling tales, being tall and just LIVING, their version of their time here on this Earth Ball.

There was one named ‘Ollie’ who I actually bumped into the next evening also. He’s so much fun. My friends and I had awesome next day drinks with Ollie, his brother and cousin..and it was just sooo chilled, even though we did watch people ‘necking off’ with each other to  delightful Northern Soul tracks.

I feel like i’m at a wedding?

Is she in pants?

The evening before Ollie had downed a pitcher of lager (he’s a showman, he gets lost in the moment of fun.) After his show piece, he then tried to make a business deal with me, where he would get his willy out for money and I could take an 80 percent cut of all dollar made. Haha.

THEN he uninvited people to Paris Hilton’s party, explained the workings of his private parts, and claimed his brother punched him in the face (lol.)

They were all great…and yeah I may have got ‘hit’ on a little. Yet I liked it. Haha. I have noticed that when guys are young, they either go for it ‘all guns blazing‘ or shy away, in fear of looking foolish. There’s not grey area. When boys grow…(that sounds wrong)..When they turn to ‘man,’ after having their heart broken, a good few more times, there’s always the issue of ‘grey.’ (And not the good kind that flies with ‘Christian.’)

‘Chrissie, you need to be checking their ID’s! He looks 12. Lol.’

The toyboys ventured into town to play MORE drinking and hitting on girls their own age. My table turned civilized, as I drank Peroni’s with KatyP,  (Did you know that if you drink a pint of Peroni, with a pint of Strongbow, you have a ‘Perongo,’) Sheffield Greg, Ginger Brad, J.D…everyone else who just knocked off shift.

Wait was that another night? I think I had a couple more, got tired and then got driven home?

In fact, I think I’ve merged TWO nights into one. Same faces different evenings…

Oh yeah, because the next evening, the boys took great pleasure in picking up my phone, going through my messenger and replying to some of my DM’s….AS ME!

To be continued. It’s sunny…I need a drink.

ps/ I’ve ended up with a bag full of sunglasses. No clue how i’ve accumulated so many pairs, as only one pair of them re mine and I now have hundreds.

 

 

 

Life, Love & Sports Day

Image may contain: Chrissie Wunna, standing

Morning! Morning! I hope you’re all well. Thank you so much for taking the time to click into Wunna Land. I appreciate it madly. It makes a little oriental chick, from Yorkshire smile. When you make someone smile, they say it comes back to you threefold..with love. (Sometimes, it comes back to you via gin. Either way…you’re looking at a bonus.) 

Over the last couple days, i’ve been pretty stressed. Just wallowing around in it for attention. Lol.  I could hand pity parties out of my pocket right now. 🙂  I’ve laid awake in bed, staring at my ceiling at 2am, because that solves everything, doesn’t it. 😉 I’ve downloaded a meditation app, (the ‘Breethe’ app…) which I do actually think is great. I’m quite a spiritual little swine. (I’m not ‘hippie/save the trees‘ with it though. Just in tune with my tender kitten soul… and all that.) I have quite a busy mind and it needs to be calmed. Maybe that’s why i enjoy a good drink. It quietens the mind madness for a while….well, before I start drunk messaging. 😉

If i’m being honest, I’ve been feeling under pressure because of this book i’ve got to write. My fear of writing this book is so immense that i’m kinda letting everything bundle on top of me, which is an odd way for me to deal with the situation, as I really don’t like the art of bundling. It’s clumsy. I’m sharp. Why am I buffooning about?

But away from that…(as she pretends it’s not happening..)

Yesterday I learnt how precious LIFE is. How important LOVE is. How vital it is to make sure all the people you care about, all the people you love, all the people you forgot to show love to KNOW, HOW MUCH they mean to you.

Life’s really short and within a *blink* it whizzes past you, or even worse get’s taken away from you, without your consent. Basically, if the only problem I have, is the fact that i’m stressing over writing some book, then on the whole i’m pretty lucky lady. I need to pull myself together. I’m being a baby.

Let’s frisbee back to positive…

Life’s pretty great at the moment. I’m happy. I’m not skin to the wind ‘buzzing,‘ but i’m certainly grateful and filled with ‘ooh laa.’ I feel pretty strong and even though I seem to have prioritized work over my social life, I’ve prioritized my family, as in the babies, over everything right now and it’s made me feel really powerful.

I love to keep things simple and loving unconditionally is the easiest thing in the world to me. When I operate in such a way, i’m magic.

Wednesday was great. The kids had Sports Day and I got to catch up with the school mums. (We’re all busy women, who hardly ever get to check in with each other and they’re such a lovely bunch, so it’s always really awesome.) Our kids go to a local Private school in West Yorkshire. I never used to be able to show up to things like Sports Day, or any of the school ‘dilly dallies,‘ due to work.

Yet now, I can. I now never EVER miss anything they do, at all…EVER!!! It means so much to me. More importantly it means SO much to them.

It makes my entire world go around.

Unfortunately, I showed up with some dodgy giant umbrella…It was the size of my entire body…and blue. Urgh! (I don’t like blue, it’s my least favourite colour. My favourite colour is yellow. I like a yellow rose.)

Anyway, when anyone lends me an umbrella, they can never give me a normal flipping shot at life…The last umbrella I borrowed had giant happy PIGS on it and no one can *BOSS* that out, even when the pigs look moderately chipper.

It was the sunniest, most humid day ever. Didn’t even rain. Lol. Don’t know why I thought it was gonna rain, must be the optimist in me? 😉 Luckily, ‘Miss Murphy‘ showed up with a dense floral blanket, which kinda lightened the blow..

Miss.Murphy: ‘I think i’ve illegally parked, in front of some gates??’

Me: ‘It’ll be ‘right.. Lol.’

We rocked up, everyone was already there and well I thought we were moderately organised…

Me: ‘We’re fine, between us we have a giant umbrella, a floral blanket and a faux fur..’

(What more could you need in life?) 

The other Mums had brought things like…. fold up chairs, happy faces, husbands, snacks… and ‘Bobby’ (who had spent the morning filming ‘Victoria’) even brought a flipping POP UP TENT, like we were at Creamfields!

Bobby: ‘Get in it then..’

Me: ‘Nah…You’re alright. Lol.’

She’s a nutter, but I love her. She makes my eyes smile. She’s ACE. I think she may have asked to lick ice creams and told lonely fathers that she was spending the rest of the day…nude.

(I’d never seen a gentleman beam as much.)

The day was great. It was just filled with that good old, real life excitement. I mean, Miss Murphy, Bobby and I may have brought the worse accessories, between us. However our *yells* of competitive encouragement , surely made our style misfortunes, okay?

Let’s just say we weren’t about the ‘taking part‘ and all about THE WIN. Hahaha. (Which is fine if you’re ‘Murphy’ and you’ve birthed some five year old sporting champion. Junior spent the day holding his teachers hand and making her run races with him.) 

Mumma P: ‘To make the Wunna Babies TRY to win anything, you have to have a modelling contract, gifts, or a selfie opportunity at the finish line, so they can at least make it worth their while. Lol’

Me: ‘Yeah..Lol. Ruby did ask me what she would get if she won the races and when I said house points for your team, she just looked at me like I was an idiot. Haha.’ 

BBQ’s, Ice creams and good clean fun occurred and you need spurts of good clean fun, don’t you? I’m kinda loving life right now. I’m feeling all grown up. I’m no longer selling myself short. I’ve got my career on track and I’m chipper.

If you’ve been following any of my ‘socials,’ you’ll know that I received a bunch of messages the other day, from a couple of beings who kept branding me as ‘fake.’ 

I’m polite. But I’m not fake. I get why you may think that though. Yet, let me tells you… I’m literally the warmest little piece of Burmese bunkin’ you’ll ever really run into. It’s only because you haven’t had the delightful pleasure of meeting me in person. 🙂 If you did know me personally, you’d go with ‘immature.’ 😉  You might even add in a ‘beautiful.’ 😉

My chick friends go with ‘dickhead.’ Firmonnell (who is one of my closest chick friends,) called me a ‘dickhead’ at least 9 times in the space of 4 messages yesterday. She had a needy Thursday. 🙂 I love her. I love it when she’s mad at me. Nothing pleases me more. And she can’t just shout at me once, she has to Snapchat Filter shout at me, 40 times in a row and I just can’t take it seriously…All I do is piss myself laughing…which winds her up more.

Then I bumped into ‘Hustle,’ who needed a wee at ‘Ego.’ She walked past me, whilst telling me that her love life was shit and her last date ‘pied her off’ after stealing money out her purse. To make it even better…She actually saw him again and went on another date. I love that about ‘Hustle’ like me, she’s resilient. (Code for: Were both so, so foolish.)

Oh wait? No. He didn’t pie her off. The ‘Date in the woods’ dude, did? (Hahaha…and she’s gonna kill me for saying this…) But she thinks he didn’t want to speak to her again, because she may have accidentally pooed her pants. Lol.

HAHAHAHAHA. I’M DYING. That’s disgusting. Lol.

I love how she wonders why he stopped messaging? It’s only funny because she’s so beautiful. I’m so delighted she may have excreted in her own jeans.

We always get pied.

With me, I’m a ‘grower.’ I’m someone who may catch your eye initially…Then you’ll judge me and decide to not like me…..Then you’ll have a little think, date far less awesome chicks and realize i’m actually the girl of ya dreams. 😉

God! How long was this blog? Lol. Sorry!

Chrissie x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Learning Life as I go along & a Cactus

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Aww! Today I was gonna *boast* about how happy I am! How free I’m feeling! How *dipped* in independency and swirled in ‘doing my own, diddly do,’ I am. How lucky that little old ‘life dice’ has been rolled, for me. How great my ‘Talking Heads’ 😉 ¾ hairpiece is making me look, to say I didn’t have time to wash my hair, this morning.

Then *chugga,chugga,chugga* the left back wheel of my car decides to not turn and *yippadeedoo,* I’m all broken down again.

Hurrah! *Can Can* kicks all around. And ‘balls’ to it. Let’s throw in a jazzy conga line.

Away from that, exciting things are happening. Breaking down was actually fine. It forced me to have to take a wee little stroll, distant from work, whilst delivering an opportunity to actually ‘smell the roses.’ I forget to. I OFTEN do. And I’ve noticed that at times, I’ll sort of live in the past. I’ll look back and have a cosy ‘dwellathon,’ instead of marching forward. (I have the word ‘MARCH’ tattooed on my inner right arm & yes it is the last name of a boy I met in LA, who I never actually dated J..However, now, whenever I look at it, it reminds me to stride forward.) You shouldn’t look back, you might trip over feelings. You can do that when you’re 80, because by that time, ‘looking back’ and memories, will be all you have.

OR YOU COULD BE ORDERING 102 CATS LIKE MOI, SO YOU CAN SIT AND CRY IN A LONELY BEDSIT.

I’ve also notice that when you CRAVE an outcome, a result, that you can’t actually control and you do it without patience. It can be in work, in love…or anything? (Do know that I am not naturally a patient person. I’m certainly someone who wants, what I want…and kinda wants it NOW. Lol I don’t like things that are too hard to get and I’ve only LEARNT to be patient of recent, because I’m a child. J ) When you find yourself doing that…You’re living in the future and although i’m a stickler for dreaming and turning dreams into a reality. Y’know ‘grafting the grind’ to get to where you want to be…It’s just not a healthy shimmie of ‘ooh laa,’ is it? It sprinkles a shower of stress, on your merry kitten soul, which absorbs through your system before..

 EATING YOU ALIVE!!

CALL THE DOCTOR!

So, I guess…. RIGHT NOW, THIS MINUTE, THIS MOMENT.. is ALL that matters. It’s the people who can appreciate where they currently are, with an utter comfortable happiness, that stay balanced, emotionally well and therefore get the opportunity wiggle their hand, over that juicy little ‘success button.’

It’s hard, innit? But it’s true. And the clichéd.. ‘You could walk out onto the street today and get run over by a bus,’ thing, is a saying that we’ve all heard people chirp out. ..every chirpy day. We hear it! We never really absorb it! We don’t really think it would happen! So  we don’t at all care!

But STOP PRESS… it could..

So, if I could teach you anything, from how I’m feeling about my life right now, at a jolly 37 years old..It would be, to make sure that you DO TRY to appreciate the present..This little minute. It’s good for the soul…and makes Pina Coladas be a delicious act of merriment, rather than a reason to drown those sassy sorrows.

I shouldn’t go on walks should I! Haha.  I sound like flipping ‘Dolly Do Gooder.’

Spreading cheer, every day! Where’s the RUM??

Anyway, like I said, lots of exciting work things are happening. I always say that, and stop.

I’ve put my love life on hold, because it never seems to be my forte. It never makes me happy, because I never find my ‘Hero,’ do I? I’m not ready to! I’m happy as I am and I’m fully concentrating on work…on Wunna Land. MY Land. I feel quite fulfilled. But I feel like I have my hands full, already!

Guys, never make life easy on you, do they? Plus, let’s face it, I don’t really fancy a dollop of heartbreak, right now. It only sends me to the nearest bar, to cry into a cocktail afterward. I’ve got used to being SO unlucky in love, that it doesn’t even make me cry anymore. Which is a positive. Haha. It doesn’t even bother me. I can now, quite happily, read a message, hear a ‘no,’ feel a ‘nah, babe’ and casually move it along, whilst Salsa Dancing.

AND THAT MY DOLLS, IS SUCH A DELICIOUS SUPER POWER.

I’m back on your telly shortly. I’m auditioning. I’m working really hard. I’m currently doing a lot of waiting…That’s why I rambled on about patience earlier. Lol. I’m not a good ‘waiter.’ I’m a GO GET IT, with BZINGA, kinda girl.  I’m writing a lot for people.  I’m lucky, because i’m getting to ‘article’ and express for all kinds of brands, in diary form, which is just something that I was kinda born to do. I think, i’d like a really popular column one day. Saying that, I have a popular blog, a space in cyber land, already, which is serving me pretty well. I’m still watching Love Island, yet it’s getting a bit ‘vanilla’ now. I only like it when there’s ‘drama, drama, drama,’ eliminations and a ‘What has Adam done now,’ episode. That definitely means i’m sick. But I love that about me. I’m the squeezed lime in your Corona.

Influencing is going well. But I’m putting time to one side, because i’m actually currently writing a book. I’m writing it myself and I’m never gonna hit the deadline. It’s had to be pushed back and pushed back, sooo many times, that my agent is fuming and ‘shitting all kinds of literary bricks.’ The funny things is, it’s only a re release and redition of my previous book, so you’d think i’d have it easy. I must like to make things…I’d prefer to say ‘tings,’ hard for myself. I enjoy working under pressure. Leave me to my own devices and I’ll just go off, have a rummy cocktail, chat to friends, take the babies to the zoo…literally anything but sit and write the goddamn book. J

I’ve just taken a picture of a cactus. I have no clue why? But I’m currently blogging from Ackworth Garden Centre, at their coffee shop. In case you didn’t know, a CACTUS, is actually my favourite thing to buy a date….early on in ‘the tango.’

I once bought a boy one, during a ‘hotel night’ date. It was our third date.. It looked like a penis and he loved it so much, he left it there. Haha. I prefer it when they save the Cactus and treasure it forever. It’ll remind them of their prickly time with me. He was a douche anyway and I’m never one to ever say someone is a DOUCHE, unless they really are one. (You know who you are.) That was years ago by the way. I’m like a Villan who leaves ‘Cacti’ across lands, whilst evil laughing.

Right, i’m off now. I’m hoping my car’s fixed soon. I’m SO GLAD IT’S THE WEEKEND and I’ll be spending it ALL, with my little ‘charms,’ my babies..Ruby & Junior. When I was driving them to school this morning, I shouted out…

‘Ruby…Junior…I love you both SO MADLY.’

They paused….’Freaky Friday’ was playing in the background and they just BURST INTO, the most joyous fit of laughter…Then told me my boobs look like ‘coconuts.’

Then we broke down. Haha. I wouldn’t have it any other way.  😉

Thank you for following my life…

 

 

Part 2…The Burst In.

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4 o clock in the morning. I’m fast asleep in Suite 3, at The New Osborne in Blackpool, Lisa & Aaron The Pap, who have been OUT, all night, come BURSTING THROUGH MY UNLOCKED HOTEL ROOM DOOR, all ‘lights on‘ and ‘screaming with laughter’ ( I left it unlocked in case Ry my agent needed to pick up his luggage for Thailand…He actually decided to NOT return that evening and perform dance routines in gay bars, instead.)

YOU CAN ONLY BLAME THE BOOGIE. Yippppeeee!

Anyway, they come thundering into my suite, dripping with utter drunkenness, they’re falling about, they’re laughing their heads of, they looked like the happiest people in all the land and their souls were beaming with life. They glistened with……jagermeister. 🙂

They were FUCKED. There’s no other word for it.

Lisa: ‘Are you Up!!??!’

Me: ‘No.’

Lisa: ‘Awwwww! She’s UP!!’

(My eyes had just opened 7 minutes before. They do that, when they know something crazy is about to happen. It can be a phone call, message or a burst through the door appearance.) 

Me: ‘I’m up. Go on…. Why the hell have you come bursting into MY suite. BURST INTO YOUR OWN GODDAMN SUITE. Lol.’

Lisa: NooooOOooooo. Sharon’s asleep! She doesn’t want to play.’

Me: ‘Lovely.’

Now, this always happens to me. But it happens to me, because I love it. They know i’m not gonna be arsed. They know, they’re on safe glitter ground. Yeah, I didn’t have any knickers on, so I had to hide under the duvet. Yet, I’m only ever worried about a ‘burst in,‘ in case I’m ‘busy.’ I mean, I could’ve been having an ‘intimate’ moment with myself…Hahaha….. But surely, I would’ve locked the door? Can you imagine?

SURPRISE!! Beef curtains for everyone!

Luckily, all was well. I was ‘on my tod’ and firming placed under sheets. Plus, they were pissed, so it didn’t matter.

I can’t even really describe the madness to you, as It was THAT MUCH of a swirl of utter drunken Tom Foolery. It was whirled in laughter, smashed in volume and if i’m being honest, kinda jelly like, because it certainly lacked a certain panache. Lol.

Lisa kept pouring me hotel mugs of wine! Aaron kept accidentally kicking them over. They’re snapchatting it all. I’m in bed. And All I kept hearing was ‘Chrissie. Chrissie WUuuuuuUUUUNNnnnna. Wunna’ on repeat…and the phrase..

‘I’VE BEEN ON A BENDER ALL DAY!!’

Aaron’s now LITERALLY falling about in a state. But he’s hilarious…so that was permitted. Haha. One minute he’s papping an event, the next minute, he’s attached to Lisa, at 4am, pissed on cocktails and bursting into my hotel room…doing wiggly dances and comedy rhymes.

Me: ‘What the F*** actually happened from the time I left you, to now? And Aaron! If your arm whacks me one more time, i’m gonna kill you!!’

Aaron: I’ve got REALLY Weeeally drunk…’

Me: ‘Really? I can’t tell?’

Aaron: ‘……And Chrissy, that makeup arRRRtist, got thrrrrown out for smacking someone, or somethingggg??’

Lisa: ‘Hahaha, yeEEEah she was doing shots aaaat the baaaar and chucking the plastic shot things BEHIIIIIIIND the bar, after downing them. Lol.’

My room was just utter madness. It was like an after party…but without the chilled bits in between, where people say nothing and head bop to long winded conversations. The suite was filled with utter life. The air was a hectic, manic magical *whoosh* of never ending noisy happiness, that dashed from corner to corner. I mean at one point, I wouldn’t have been surprised if stripping dwarves, donkies and drag queens came trundling in, doing a ‘can can’ or tap dance routines to Kylie tracks.

IT WAS THAT NUTS.

And that was fine…Until this…

Me: ‘What are you doing??’

Lisa: ‘I’m doing a Poo…’

Me: Ewwww!’

As if she came into my ROOM at 4am and shat in it!!!! Hahaha. I’m the Queen of Glamourisity. Shit, in your OWN GODDAMN ROOM. But now, there she was doing her comedy ‘open door’ poo in my suite, with a mug of wine by her side.

Then…

Aaron disappears off to my bathroom…

Me: ‘Where are YOU going?’

Aaron: ‘NnooooOOOwheree.’

I hear ‘chunders.’

Me: ‘OH MY GOD. YOU BETTER NOT BE DOING A SICK IN MY BATHROOM.’

So, they wake me up at 4am, dance about, film it all, fall about in states, laugh their heads off, then one of them shits in my loo and the other chucks up!

Hahahah!

They then calm down and sit on the bed, chatting about life….they tiredness must have hit them…

FINALLY..

..and at six o clock in the morning, Lisa leaves across the HALL to her suite and Aaron The Pap, is SO pissed that he walks into the other bedroom in my suite, and passed out fully clothed in childrens bunk beds.

In the morning. I’m up. I was up and ready by 8am, because I’d had a sleep and I knew that we had a breakfast that we needed to get to by 10am. So I had to go around waking them all up.

I’m no joke. We have a schedule Lol. I’d already shot all my insta pics, videos, got showered, washed and dressed. I was full faced and ready.

Aaron woke up via my snapchat on a bunk bed. Lisa was still fully clothed, in the dark….in her face, still in her jewelry and her dress from the evening before. Lol.

That’s the sign of a good birthday!

I wake everyone up. Lisa’s moaning, after thanking Jesus, The Angels and all sorts, for such a wonderful birthday time because Sharon had woken her up for half an hour to chat to her, before she left for work.

EH? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! Lol. That’s Karma.

(Did she not burst into my room at 4am.)

We had about an hour to get up, get ready, and get to a scheduled breakfast at The Art Break Hotel. (To influence it.) Aaron is now in Lisa’s bed passed out and we all just start having gallons wine for breakfast, because f*** it.

That part was actually my idea. I’m a big believer in the ‘hair of the dog’ game. It works. I’m a seasoned party survivor.

So, now we’re all guzzling wine, Lisa wants to go to the hotel BAREFOOT, because she does martial arts? Lol. Don’t ask? She’s nuts.

Aaron forces her to wear shoes…So she FINDS A PAIR OF SLIPPERS FROM SOMEWHERE and she goes to BRUNCH at The Art Break Hotel IN ACTUAL SLIPPERS.

( Just so you know…The Art Break Hotel is the most beautifully creative place ever. It’s filled with the most fascinating pieces of creativity and being an huge art lover…to me, it’s absolute bliss. When i’m around creativity or works of art, I feel all peaceful and calm…I guess, that’s why i’m attracted to CREATIVE men. The place was beautiful.) 

After breakfast, filming bits, influencing and all sorts, we just sacked the rest of the day off for sunshine and more drinking.

We just enjoyed life. Ryan came back for his bags and flew off to Thailand.

Ry: ‘I’ve had to call The Daily Mail to get some article removed because another agent is kicking off over money. Oh! And Shit! I found Liam in the gay bar, so drunk, dancing away, last night!’

(Ryan does a really good impression of Liam. It’s so impressive, it’s hilarious. FYI, Don’t worry Liam. It’s a good one. Lol) 

Aaron was now feeling better..ish. Chrissy the MUA, had passed out somewhere and no one could get a hold of her. Lol. I’m walking around Blackpool in booty shorts, with a wine constantly attached to my grip, ALL DAY LONG…The sun was shining. Life was bliss, and everything just felt so chilled. It felt so far away from drama…and yeah we arrived everywhere late, and we did everything trickled in wine. But to be fair, I think Lisa & Aaron did really well to say they had drank for two days straight and had about 1 hours sleep. Lol

I loved it. To me, it was like a mini getaway, even though we were technically working.

I left for the train station at around five o clock in the evening. Lisa went on to do two more photo shoots. Sharon arrived back from work…and as I stood at a train station for hours on end, shattered, in booty shorts, as every train on the EARTH was ‘cancelled, delayed or cancelled’ and every human on the Earth seemed to want to stop, chat and ask me about my life, get my number or add me on Insta…

They went to the Beach House for dinner and cocktails and I got my pretty arse 😉  back to Yorkshire.

Ps/ If you haven’t been on my insta….you should because there lies the actual VIDEO of them bursting into my suite. So go check it out.

Diet Shakers Filled With Cocktail & Everything Peeka Boobied

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Morning! Morning! Happy Royal Wedding Day! I’m not going to be watching it, simply because I’m having to escort Baby Ruby to Gravity, where she will trampoline to her hearts content, in the name of her friend’s birthday party. Whilst she does bouncing, Junior and I will be occupying ourselves around Xscape….Yes….He’ll probably *bounce*  upon things also and we’ll probably grab a Nandos.

A cheeky one.

Yet, I’ll be following the big old wedding day ‘socially‘…and having a couple of celebratory proseccos, because I DO love ‘The Royals’ and I do love being British…and well it gives me another excuse to drink. But honestly, what mum DOESN’T have a wine before a kids birthday party. Not any mum I know. 🙂

(Shush. I’m not arsed about being judged before 10am.) 

Okay, lots going on. I’m starting to ‘busy’ up now. I have shoots and more shoots, lining up. I have my episode of a TV show airing shortly.

I actually forgot to eat healthy for my shoots. Yippppeeee! So now, I do that panic fad diet thing, which is never fun. Lisa (as in ‘Appleton’) has a birthday party on Tuesday, so I’ll be scooting off to Blackpool to play with drag queens at ‘Peek A Booze,’ to celebrate her ‘happy happy.’ I think it’s on the 22nd?

I need my hair doing, I need to buy a dress and I’m bloody sick of my wonky bottom tooth now. I’m too vain for a tooth like that. So I’m sorting it out. I thought I could quit being vain and handle the toothage. But I can’t. So I’m vain. Yet it’s probably one of the best things about me. 🙂

You’ll always wake up to a glamour puss boys! Haha.

I’m glad you’re all loving my piccies. I’ve had an inbox full of deliciousness from all over the world and even a little love letter… I haven’t read it, yet, but I do love a love letter…so I will, this afternoon. And yeah, Ladies, my pics are a bit ‘peeka boobied’ right now. But it’s just me, innit? It’s not like I didn’t grow up being a glamour model my entire life…Lol…Plus, even though i’m an exhibitionist, an attention seeker 🙂 I’m quite body confident, even when i’m wibbly. So I think more women should throw skin to the wind and celebrate what mother nature gave them, without worrying about what other people think!

Let’em think. Watch me now!

I need to stop shouting ‘WATCH ME NOW‘ and doing all kinds of stupid shit that just gets me into trouble. Lol. I say it in real life to my friends…and then do something foolish, right after the sentence has been uttered.

Summer is killing me. It’s making me cheeky. It’s making me naughty..and it’s making me drink looooads. Maybe i’ll crash and calm down? Maybe i’m just playful? But I will say that I went to the loo this morning and a five pence (which was probably stuck to my leg somewhere and somehow…) FELL into the loo, mid squat. Yes! Literally money shot out of my ‘derriere.’

I’m like piggy bank. I can now shoot money out of my arse, which obviously makes me lucky. Lol.

You think i’m going to the loo, when really the loo is my (I was gonna say ‘ATM’ then,) but cos we’re being British today, I’ll go with CASH MACHINE.

But yes, about the naked pics, ladies…It doesn’t bother me, so it shouldn’t bother you. Plus, it doesn’t make a girl less ‘classy(I hate it when people say that.) Yet neither does it make a girl ‘more sexy.‘ No girl is the sexiest girl in the world,‘ because everyone celebrates their own version of the term. People are attracted to different things, looks, personalities. Everyone has something that is sexy about them…and it’s that something‘ that they should embrace.

Don’t put yourself up and compare yourself to other women or men ….You’re different people. What works for them doesn’t necessarily work for you and vice versa.

Be YOU. Don’t be scared to be YOU. It’s better than being a rubbish version of someone else.

Right, what else? I chatted to ‘The Swirl’ yesterday, who’s chilling away in Turkey. We get on pretty easily, so it was a catch up, messed in banter and roasting. I made fun of his shakes,

Me: ‘It’s a shaker FILLED with cocktail mate.’

(This is a diet shake that I was meant to be drinking/promoting)

He made fun of my divaisms.

Swirl: ‘Stop being such a diva! Ahahahahah.’

(After I asked if he even missed me JUST A LITTLE BIT!!?)

Me: ‘Little Asian Girls need love tooo.’

He definitely doesn’t miss me, lol..and i’m definitely NOT A DIVA. It’s literally like getting blood out of the stoniest stone. Hahah.

*Tap! Tap! Anyway emotion in there for me?*

But the good thing is, that we can have a laugh anyway. I guess, our friendship must be quite good. Better than I thought. He did say that my ‘body looked unreal….’ so he scored points for that.

However, later that day, I flew him through a message and link, because i’m quite savvy when it comes to business…But only if the business is creative, otherwise I find it dull. I also used to be a Talent Agent, in LA, and some people don’t know that about me. I LOVED BEING A TALENT AGENT. I loved taking something great.. with further potential and then turning into HUGENESS. It was always a buzz. It still is!!!! I love it.

Anyway, I can clearly see a path that he COULD TAKE, if he knew how. I know how…and I know everyone…so I began to show him…and for the first time ever he actually asked my advice. If I actually called him and talked him through it. He’d get it. he sounded excited, so hopefully, he’ll take that link and fly….

Right. I need coffee now and to moisturize, my feet are flip flopped out. I need wedges. (Not potato ones. 😉 )

ps/ Ruby is currently in her room playing Youtube videos of me on The Paris Hilton show, then MOCKING MY VOICE. Lol. All I can hear is ‘Hi, I’m Chrissie Wunna. Hi, I’m Paris Hilton.’ 

Friends, Wine, Gingers & *C* Bombs

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Morning! Gosh! It’s such a busy time. I’m running around like a topless 😉 chicken, trying to get everything dished, dashed and sorted. It’s absolute mayhem. But, what can I say, I’m loving it. (I never take for granted how lucky I am.)

There’s a lot going on right now and yeah, it can feel stressy and yeah, yesterday I felt like I didn’t have the positive support that I needed…But today’s a new day…I’m breathing, I’m smiling and i’m sat blogging this in a giant faux fur, knee high boots, diamante danglers and with heated rollers in my hair!

THAT MY BITCHES…IS GLAMOUR PUSSING. We’ll call it *EXTRA.* 😉

Anyway, that last Sunday, I ended up meeting ‘Poggy’ at The Carleton for a couple drinks…without my bank card. (I have it now. Life is bliss.) The guy she wanted to maybe go on a date with was busy, yet instead, a different guy had waited all night until his guy friends had each left, then approached her with a…

‘I was waiting for them to leave, so I could get to chat to you….’

They ended up on a ‘date.’ So, even though it’s ‘early days,’ I guess everything happens for a reason. You get what you’re meant to get…and life sort of times things correctly for you. You’ll be surprised at how many things do actually fall into place. It’s magical and like I always say, it’s a ‘magic’ we can’t control.

I never use timing as an excuse. You meet people because you’re meant to meet them..even if right away that second, you have no clue why? It’s always for a reason, a season or a lifetime. You’re paths will keep crossing, until all life elements are correctly in place, and you’ve figured out your connection.

Barmaid to Poggy: ‘He’s the kinda man who will kiss you when you need to be kissed and slap you when you need to be slapped.’

That Sunday night ended up being wilder than I thought? So much fun. Good friends, new memories and all around a table…as day turned to night.

There was laughter, wine and sarcasm as it’s finest…and as always, we definitely got carried away. You can’t get us started with banter, in the name of wit and ‘Being Yorkshire’ we go for it.

I went to school with ‘Poggy’ and she’s been a good friend of mine for years. We were actually laughing over the fact that our ‘careers teacher,’ stated that she would become a marine and that I would become a florist, after we answered a couple of personality questions. Lol.

Poggy: ‘How the F*** did they come up with that!!’

Me: ‘I must have just said I like flowers and pretty things and you must have said that you…’

Pet Laura: ‘Like to kill things…Lol. It’s like The Hunter & The Vajazzle.’

(‘Pet Laura’ is a Dog Groomer. She found herself at our table, wishing she was in Africa, bottle feeding tigers, or something? Then she had gin.) 

One gin down and she was naming our vagina’s after ‘Harry Potter’ spells. I distinctly remember looking up and for some reason ‘Poggy’ and ‘Pet Laura’ were doing these weird hand actions and refering to their ‘lady parts’ as..

HUNTER.

(Mine’s not a ‘Hunter,’ mines just tired. Hi, True love! Where are you? Please find me.)

Poggy: ‘I think that because you have such a busy life and a busy life online, you would always need a man who is chilled. Someone who gets on with it and takes that stress away…’

Me: ‘Yeah, I don’t like a stressy man. I don’t like them to come with a bundle of emotional issues… I don’t like things to be complicated. I don’t have time to unfold, mend or cry into wine anymore.’

Y’know, everyone always thinks i’m picky when it comes to love and I’m not picky as in ‘fussy,’ i’m just happy and when you’re happy….you sometimes wonder whether you need to invite another human in? But then I think, I’m gonna need someone to carry heavy bags and do the bins, aren’t I? 😉

So, yeah, I should probably team up with a fella and do ‘lifetime’ sometime shortly.

I just don’t want to invest in a ‘fling’ at 37. I can’t be arsed. I’m not excited by them. I’m too old for that I’ve ‘flung’ all the way through my 20’s, hoping that it would always be forever. Each time I got it wrong. Even after ‘I doing it’ three whole times!

What I’ve learnt, is that I don’t need to worry about it. YOU don’t need to worry about it either. Girls always worry about it. I never do.  I have absolute faith, that no matter what, the man who truly loves me, because he can’t help it, (banter, winks, diva strops and all)….will come get me. (I shouldn’t have used the word ‘get’ it makes it sound like he’s gonna kidnap me and throw me in the back of a van.)

But you get what I mean….innit! 🙂

All I have to do, is ‘sit pretty,’ get on with life…and wait. Cupid an I are mates now. He doesn’t mess with me. I don’t mess with him. It’s simples. Plus, Girls shouldn’t chase boys. We shouldn’t have to. I enjoy the traditional art of the ‘dude coming forward.’

Annnnnyway… (I totally got distracted…)

That Sunday…day turned to night and the bright blue skies, were slowly blanketed with a navy sheet, that almost swirled in a grey mist, littered with stars. (I don’t actually know if there were stars out?? Lol. I’ve made that bit up.)

‘Pet Laura’ had left and just as she did, the outside door swung open and out popped ‘Parsons.’ (She’s a friend of a friend, who is ace, because whenever she’s drunk, she gets really gobby and starts doing hand stands and rollie pollies everywhere.)

The tempo changed to that good old, loud, cracking, fast Northern, naughty, foul mouthed, BANTER.

IT WAS GREAT! (I cannot even repeat what was said.)

‘Parsons’ enjoys to use the *C* bomb, which I always find hilarious. She’s such a free spirit. Such a wild, loud, laugh! In fact, she loves the *C* bomb so much, that she even delivers it in melody.

Everything at this point turned into a blurry, fun, wine drenched haze. And a red ‘outside heater’ glow, surrounded us. It nurtured us. It kept us safe. It obided to he rules of The Wine Gods.

Now, ‘Poggy’ and ‘Parsons’ got on really well…They have swimming in common. They want to swim everywhere together. They want to travel the world and swim through valleys.

It was like one of those moments when you first meet someone in a bar, but you’re both pissed, think you’re best friends and plan holidays together! 🙂

Me: ‘You’re definitely not going to swim together.’

Parsons: ‘Everyone thinks i’m fat. But i’m actually a really good swimmer.’

(Then she did ‘swimming arm’ demonstrations at me.)

Me: ‘I only do breast stroke with my face above the water, so it doesn’t ruin my face.’

Anyway, they had some unique ‘hoe’mance’ going on. They loved each other and mocked ‘Parsons’ ginger husband, who was definitely stood, pressing the ‘heater on’ button every 10 seconds.

Poggy: ‘He’s like The King of The Gingers.’

Me: ‘But he’s not even ginger? You can’t be The Ginger King…when you’ve got brown hair? Surely that’s not a title you can take?’

Parsons: ‘He IS ginger. I’ve got a ginger kid and i’m a brunette. I love you *Poggy,* you’re like a blond version of me… in a polo neck.’

(Now, i’ve just looked at my blog notes from that evening and I’ve typed ‘Fast pass to brown hair,’ after that piece of ‘polo neck’ statement. However, I have no clue, what that means now? Lol. All I remember was looking up and seeing the girls bickering over who had said the ‘funniest’ thing..)

‘Why have you put that down. I said something WAAAY MORE FUNNIER THAN HER and that SHOULD MAKE THE BLOG.’

All got really drunk. All had a lot of fun. I got stopped a couple times, that evening by the occasional Geordie and people who love my ‘Blog/Influencey’ stuffs.

I absolutely bantered with you all. But I was far too drunk to dish out advice, which is what everyone was asking me for. 🙂

I’ve received your DM’s though…So, i’ll try and swizzle in some time to meet and inspire. (I appreciate the love.)

Message me again, in case I forgot. There’s not such thing and reminding me TOO MUCH. I love ‘people reminders’ as I often get lost in work load and jiggery pokery.

Right, I’m off. I’ve got the babies and a lot to try and organize. Things have been so jam packed, that it’s been hectic. I fly to Spain in 7 days. Thursday morning.

I’m kinda really looking forward to getting away for a few days by myself, just to relax and finally get that ‘chill’ time in,  that I never seem to prioritize.

It’s been a busy first part of the year…and sometimes I feel like i’m running as fast as I can, but on the spot. Lol.

What I need right now, is to relax…a wine….and a result.

(Things are never that easy though, are they?)

Kisses,

Chrissie,

 

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