Part 2…The Burst In.

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4 o clock in the morning. I’m fast asleep in Suite 3, at The New Osborne in Blackpool, Lisa & Aaron The Pap, who have been OUT, all night, come BURSTING THROUGH MY UNLOCKED HOTEL ROOM DOOR,ย all ‘lights on‘ and ‘screaming with laughter’ย ( I left it unlocked in case Ry my agent needed to pick up his luggage for Thailand…He actually decided to NOT return that evening and perform dance routines in gay bars, instead.)

YOU CAN ONLY BLAME THE BOOGIE. Yippppeeee!

Anyway, they come thundering into my suite, dripping with utter drunkenness, they’re falling about, they’re laughing their heads of, they looked like the happiest people in all the land and their souls were beaming with life. They glistened with……jagermeister. ๐Ÿ™‚

They were FUCKED. There’s no other word for it.

Lisa: ‘Are you Up!!??!’

Me: ‘No.’

Lisa: ‘Awwwww! She’s UP!!’

(My eyes had just opened 7 minutes before. They do that, when they know something crazy is about to happen. It can be a phone call, message or a burst through the door appearance.)ย 

Me: ‘I’m up. Go on…. Why the hell have you come bursting into MY suite. BURST INTO YOUR OWN GODDAMN SUITE. Lol.’

Lisa: NooooOOooooo. Sharon’s asleep! She doesn’t want to play.’

Me: ‘Lovely.’

Now, this always happens to me. But it happens to me, because I love it. They know i’m not gonna be arsed. They know, they’re on safe glitter ground. Yeah, I didn’t have any knickers on, so I had to hide under the duvet. Yet, I’m only ever worried about a ‘burst in,‘ in case I’m ‘busy.’ I mean, I could’ve been having an ‘intimate’ moment with myself…Hahaha….. But surely, I would’ve locked the door? Can you imagine?

SURPRISE!! Beef curtains for everyone!

Luckily, all was well. I was ‘on my tod’ and firming placed under sheets. Plus, they were pissed, so it didn’t matter.

I can’t even really describe the madness to you, as It was THAT MUCH of a swirl of utter drunken Tom Foolery. It was whirled in laughter, smashed in volume and if i’m being honest, kinda jelly like, because it certainly lacked a certain panache. Lol.

Lisa kept pouring me hotel mugs of wine! Aaron kept accidentally kicking them over. They’re snapchatting it all. I’m in bed. And All I kept hearing wasย ‘Chrissie. Chrissie WUuuuuuUUUUNNnnnna. Wunna’ on repeat…and the phrase..

‘I’VE BEEN ON A BENDER ALL DAY!!’

Aaron’s now LITERALLY falling about in a state. But he’s hilarious…so that was permitted. Haha. One minute he’s papping an event, the next minute, he’s attached to Lisa, at 4am, pissed on cocktails and bursting into my hotel room…doing wiggly dances and comedy rhymes.

Me: ‘What the F*** actually happened from the time I left you, to now? And Aaron! If your arm whacks me one more time, i’m gonna kill you!!’

Aaron: I’ve got REALLY Weeeally drunk…’

Me: ‘Really? I can’t tell?’

Aaron: ‘……And Chrissy, that makeup arRRRtist, got thrrrrown out for smacking someone, or somethingggg??’

Lisa: ‘Hahaha, yeEEEah she was doing shots aaaat the baaaar and chucking the plastic shot things BEHIIIIIIIND the bar, after downing them. Lol.’

My room was just utter madness. It was like an after party…but without the chilled bits in between, where people say nothing and head bop to long winded conversations. The suite was filled with utter life. The air was a hectic, manic magical *whoosh* of never ending noisy happiness, that dashed from corner to corner. I mean at one point, I wouldn’t have been surprised if stripping dwarves, donkies and drag queens came trundling in, doing a ‘can can’ or tap dance routines to Kylie tracks.

IT WAS THAT NUTS.

And that was fine…Until this…

Me: ‘What are you doing??’

Lisa: ‘I’m doing a Poo…’

Me: Ewwww!’

As if she came into my ROOM at 4am and shat in it!!!! Hahaha. I’m the Queen of Glamourisity. Shit, in your OWN GODDAMN ROOM.ย But now, there she was doing her comedy ‘open door’ poo in my suite, with a mug of wine by her side.

Then…

Aaron disappears off to my bathroom…

Me: ‘Where are YOU going?’

Aaron: ‘NnooooOOOwheree.’

I hear ‘chunders.’

Me: ‘OH MY GOD. YOU BETTER NOT BE DOING A SICK IN MY BATHROOM.’

So, they wake me up at 4am, dance about, film it all, fall about in states, laugh their heads off, then one of them shits in my loo and the other chucks up!

Hahahah!

They then calm down and sit on the bed, chatting about life….they tiredness must have hit them…

FINALLY..

..and at six o clock in the morning, Lisa leaves across the HALL to her suite and Aaron The Pap, is SO pissed that he walks into the other bedroom in my suite, and passed out fully clothed in childrens bunk beds.

In the morning. I’m up. I was up and ready by 8am, because I’d had a sleep and I knew that we had a breakfast that we needed to get to by 10am. So I had to go around waking them all up.

I’m no joke. We have a schedule Lol. I’d already shot all my insta pics, videos, got showered, washed and dressed. I was full faced and ready.

Aaron woke up via my snapchat on a bunk bed. Lisa was still fully clothed, in the dark….in her face, still in her jewelry and her dress from the evening before. Lol.

That’s the sign of a good birthday!

I wake everyone up. Lisa’s moaning, after thanking Jesus, The Angels and all sorts, for such a wonderful birthday time because Sharon had woken her up for half an hour to chat to her, before she left for work.

EH? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! Lol. That’s Karma.

(Did she not burst into my room at 4am.)

We had about an hour to get up, get ready, and get to a scheduled breakfast at The Art Break Hotel. (To influence it.) Aaron is now in Lisa’s bed passed out and we all just start having gallons wine for breakfast, because f*** it.

That part was actually my idea. I’m a big believer in the ‘hair of the dog’ game. It works. I’m a seasoned party survivor.

So, now we’re all guzzling wine, Lisa wants to go to the hotel BAREFOOT, because she does martial arts? Lol. Don’t ask? She’s nuts.

Aaron forces her to wear shoes…So she FINDS A PAIR OF SLIPPERS FROM SOMEWHERE and she goes to BRUNCH at The Art Break Hotel IN ACTUAL SLIPPERS.

( Just so you know…The Art Break Hotelย is the most beautifully creative place ever. It’s filled with the most fascinating pieces of creativity and being an huge art lover…to me, it’s absolute bliss. When i’m around creativity or works of art, I feel all peaceful and calm…I guess, that’s why i’m attracted to CREATIVE men. The place was beautiful.)ย 

After breakfast, filming bits, influencing and all sorts, we just sacked the rest of the day off for sunshine and more drinking.

We just enjoyed life. Ryan came back for his bags and flew off to Thailand.

Ry: ‘I’ve had to call The Daily Mail to get some article removed because another agent is kicking off over money. Oh! And Shit! I found Liam in the gay bar, so drunk, dancing away, last night!’

(Ryan does a really good impression of Liam. It’s so impressive, it’s hilarious. FYI, Don’t worry Liam. It’s a good one. Lol)ย 

Aaron was now feeling better..ish. Chrissy the MUA, had passed out somewhere and no one could get a hold of her. Lol. I’m walking around Blackpool in booty shorts, with a wine constantly attached to my grip, ALL DAY LONG…The sun was shining. Life was bliss, and everything just felt so chilled. It felt so far away from drama…and yeah we arrived everywhere late, and we did everything trickled in wine. But to be fair, I think Lisa & Aaron did really well to say they had drank for two days straight and had about 1 hours sleep. Lol

I loved it. To me, it was like a mini getaway, even though we were technically working.

I left for the train station at around five o clock in the evening. Lisa went on to do two more photo shoots. Sharon arrived back from work…and as I stood at a train station for hours on end, shattered, in booty shorts, as every train on the EARTH was ‘cancelled, delayed or cancelled’ and every human on the Earth seemed to want to stop, chat and ask me about my life, get my number or add me on Insta…

They went to the Beach House for dinner and cocktails and I got my pretty arse ๐Ÿ˜‰ย  back to Yorkshire.

Ps/ If you haven’t been on my insta….you should because there lies the actual VIDEO of them bursting into my suite. So go check it out.

Diet Shakers Filled With Cocktail & Everything Peeka Boobied

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Morning! Morning! Happy Royal Wedding Day! I’m not going to be watching it, simply because I’m having to escort Baby Ruby to Gravity, where she will trampoline to her hearts content, in the name of her friend’s birthday party. Whilst she does bouncing, Junior and I will be occupying ourselves around Xscape….Yes….He’ll probably *bounce*ย  upon things also and we’ll probably grab a Nandos.

A cheeky one.

Yet, I’ll be following the big old wedding day ‘socially‘…and having a couple of celebratory proseccos, because I DO love ‘The Royals’ and I do love being British…and well it gives me another excuse to drink. But honestly, what mum DOESN’T have a wine before a kids birthday party. Not any mum I know. ๐Ÿ™‚

(Shush. I’m not arsed about being judged before 10am.)ย 

Okay, lots going on. I’m starting to ‘busy’ up now. I have shoots and more shoots, lining up. I have my episode of a TV show airing shortly.

I actually forgot to eat healthy for my shoots. Yippppeeee! So now, I do that panic fad diet thing, which is never fun. Lisa (as in ‘Appleton’) has a birthday party on Tuesday, so I’ll be scooting off to Blackpool to play with drag queens at ‘Peek A Booze,’ to celebrate her ‘happy happy.’ I think it’s on the 22nd?

I need my hair doing, I need to buy a dress and I’m bloody sick of my wonky bottom tooth now. I’m too vain for a tooth like that. So I’m sorting it out. I thought I could quit being vain and handle the toothage. But I can’t. So I’m vain. Yet it’s probably one of the best things about me. ๐Ÿ™‚

You’ll always wake up to a glamour puss boys! Haha.

I’m glad you’re all loving my piccies. I’ve had an inbox full of deliciousness from all over the world and even a little love letter… I haven’t read it, yet, but I do love a love letter…so I will, this afternoon. And yeah, Ladies, my pics are a bit ‘peeka boobied’ right now. But it’s just me, innit? It’s not like I didn’t grow up being a glamour model my entire life…Lol…Plus, even though i’m an exhibitionist, an attention seeker ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m quite body confident, even when i’m wibbly. So I think more women should throw skin to the wind and celebrate what mother nature gave them, without worrying about what other people think!

Let’em think. Watch me now!

I need to stop shouting ‘WATCH ME NOW‘ and doing all kinds of stupid shit that just gets me into trouble. Lol. I say it in real life to my friends…and then do something foolish, right after the sentence has been uttered.

Summer is killing me. It’s making me cheeky. It’s making me naughty..and it’s making me drink looooads. Maybe i’ll crash and calm down? Maybe i’m just playful? But I will say that I went to the loo this morning and a five pence (which was probably stuck to my leg somewhere and somehow…)ย FELL into the loo, mid squat. Yes! Literally money shot out of my ‘derriere.’

I’m like piggy bank. I can now shoot money out of my arse, which obviously makes me lucky. Lol.

You think i’m going to the loo, when really the loo is my (I was gonna say ‘ATM’ then,) but cos we’re being British today, I’ll go with CASH MACHINE.

But yes, about the naked pics, ladies…It doesn’t bother me, so it shouldn’t bother you. Plus, it doesn’t make a girl less ‘classy(I hate it when people say that.) Yet neither does it make a girl ‘more sexy.‘ No girl is the sexiest girl in the world,‘ because everyone celebrates their own version of the term. People are attracted to different things, looks, personalities. Everyone has something that is sexy about them…and it’s that something‘ that they should embrace.

Don’t put yourself up and compare yourself to other women or men ….You’re different people. What works for them doesn’t necessarily work for you and vice versa.

Be YOU. Don’t be scared to be YOU. It’s better than being a rubbish version of someone else.

Right, what else? I chatted to ‘The Swirl’ yesterday, who’s chilling away in Turkey. We get on pretty easily, so it was a catch up, messed in banter and roasting. I made fun of his shakes,

Me: ‘It’s a shaker FILLED with cocktail mate.’

(This is a diet shake that I was meant to be drinking/promoting)

He made fun of my divaisms.

Swirl: ‘Stop being such a diva! Ahahahahah.’

(After I asked if he even missed me JUST A LITTLE BIT!!?)

Me: ‘Little Asian Girls need love tooo.’

He definitely doesn’t miss me, lol..and i’m definitely NOT A DIVA. It’s literally like getting blood out of the stoniest stone. Hahah.

*Tap! Tap! Anyway emotion in there for me?*

But the good thing is, that we can have a laugh anyway. I guess, our friendship must be quite good. Better than I thought. He did say that my ‘body looked unreal….’ so he scored points for that.

However, later that day, I flew him through a message and link, because i’m quite savvy when it comes to business…But only if the business is creative, otherwise I find it dull. I also used to be a Talent Agent, in LA, and some people don’t know that about me. I LOVED BEING A TALENT AGENT. I loved taking something great.. with further potential and then turning into HUGENESS. It was always a buzz. It still is!!!! I love it.

Anyway, I can clearly see a path that he COULD TAKE, if he knew how. I know how…and I know everyone…so I began to show him…and for the first time ever he actually asked my advice. If I actually called him and talked him through it. He’d get it. he sounded excited, so hopefully, he’ll take that link and fly….

Right. I need coffee now and to moisturize, my feet are flip flopped out. I need wedges. (Not potato ones. ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

ps/ Ruby is currently in her room playing Youtube videos of me on The Paris Hilton show, then MOCKING MY VOICE. Lol. All I can hear is ‘Hi, I’m Chrissie Wunna. Hi, I’m Paris Hilton.’ย 

Friends, Wine, Gingers & *C* Bombs

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Morning! Gosh! It’s such a busy time. I’m running around like a topless ๐Ÿ˜‰ chicken, trying to get everything dished, dashed and sorted. It’s absolute mayhem. But, what can I say, I’m loving it. (I never take for granted how lucky I am.)

There’s a lot going on right now and yeah, it can feel stressy and yeah, yesterday I felt like I didn’t have the positive support that I needed…But today’s a new day…I’m breathing, I’m smiling and i’m sat blogging this in a giant faux fur, knee high boots, diamante danglers and with heated rollers in my hair!

THAT MY BITCHES…IS GLAMOUR PUSSING. We’ll call it *EXTRA.* ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, that last Sunday, I ended up meeting ‘Poggy’ at The Carleton for a couple drinks…without my bank card. (I have it now. Life is bliss.) The guy she wanted to maybe go on a date with was busy, yet instead, a different guy had waited all night until his guy friends had each left, then approached her with a…

‘I was waiting for them to leave, so I could get to chat to you….’

They ended up on a ‘date.’ So, even though it’s ‘early days,’ I guess everything happens for a reason. You get what you’re meant to get…and life sort of times things correctly for you. You’ll be surprised at how many things do actually fall into place. It’s magical and like I always say, it’s a ‘magic’ we can’t control.

I never use timing as an excuse. You meet people because you’re meant to meet them..even if right away that second, you have no clue why? It’s always for a reason, a season or a lifetime. You’re paths will keep crossing, until all life elements are correctly in place, and you’ve figured out your connection.

Barmaid to Poggy: ‘He’s the kinda man who will kiss you when you need to be kissed and slap you when you need to be slapped.’

That Sunday night ended up being wilder than I thought? So much fun. Good friends, new memories and all around a table…as day turned to night.

There was laughter, wine and sarcasm as it’s finest…and as always, we definitely got carried away. You can’t get us started with banter, in the name of wit and ‘Being Yorkshire’ we go for it.

I went to school with ‘Poggy’ and she’s been a good friend of mine for years. We were actually laughing over the fact that our ‘careers teacher,’ stated that she would become a marine and that I would become a florist, after we answered a couple of personality questions. Lol.

Poggy: ‘How the F*** did they come up with that!!’

Me: ‘I must have just said I like flowers and pretty things and you must have said that you…’

Pet Laura: ‘Like to kill things…Lol. It’s like The Hunter & The Vajazzle.’

(‘Pet Laura’ is a Dog Groomer. She found herself at our table, wishing she was in Africa, bottle feeding tigers, or something? Then she had gin.)ย 

One gin down and she was naming our vagina’s after ‘Harry Potter’ spells. I distinctly remember looking up and for some reason ‘Poggy’ and ‘Pet Laura’ were doing these weird hand actions and refering to their ‘lady parts’ as..

HUNTER.

(Mine’s not a ‘Hunter,’ mines just tired. Hi, True love! Where are you? Please find me.)

Poggy: ‘I think that because you have such a busy life and a busy life online, you would always need a man who is chilled. Someone who gets on with it and takes that stress away…’

Me: ‘Yeah, I don’t like a stressy man. I don’t like them to come with a bundle of emotional issues… I don’t like things to be complicated. I don’t have time to unfold, mend or cry into wine anymore.’

Y’know, everyone always thinks i’m picky when it comes to love and I’m not picky as in ‘fussy,’ i’m just happy and when you’re happy….you sometimes wonder whether you need to invite another human in? But then I think, I’m gonna need someone to carry heavy bags and do the bins, aren’t I? ๐Ÿ˜‰

So, yeah, I should probably team up with a fella and do ‘lifetime’ sometime shortly.

I just don’t want to invest in a ‘fling’ at 37. I can’t be arsed. I’m not excited by them. I’m too old for that I’ve ‘flung’ all the way through my 20’s, hoping that it would always be forever. Each time I got it wrong. Even after ‘I doing it’ three whole times!

What I’ve learnt, is that I don’t need to worry about it. YOU don’t need to worry about it either. Girls always worry about it. I never do.ย  I have absolute faith, that no matter what, the man who truly loves me, because he can’t help it, (banter, winks, diva strops and all)….will come get me. (I shouldn’t have used the word ‘get’ it makes it sound like he’s gonna kidnap me and throw me in the back of a van.)

But you get what I mean….innit! ๐Ÿ™‚

All I have to do, is ‘sit pretty,’ get on with life…and wait. Cupid an I are mates now. He doesn’t mess with me. I don’t mess with him. It’s simples. Plus, Girls shouldn’t chase boys. We shouldn’t have to. I enjoy the traditional art of the ‘dude coming forward.’

Annnnnyway… (I totally got distracted…)

That Sunday…day turned to night and the bright blue skies, were slowly blanketed with a navy sheet, that almost swirled in a grey mist, littered with stars. (I don’t actually know if there were stars out?? Lol. I’ve made that bit up.)

‘Pet Laura’ had left and just as she did, the outside door swung open and out popped ‘Parsons.’ (She’s a friend of a friend, who is ace, because whenever she’s drunk, she gets really gobby and starts doing hand stands and rollie pollies everywhere.)

The tempo changed to that good old, loud, cracking, fast Northern, naughty, foul mouthed, BANTER.

IT WAS GREAT! (I cannot even repeat what was said.)

‘Parsons’ enjoys to use the *C* bomb, which I always find hilarious. She’s such a free spirit. Such a wild, loud, laugh! In fact, she loves the *C* bomb so much, that she even delivers it in melody.

Everything at this point turned into a blurry, fun, wine drenched haze. And a red ‘outside heater’ glow, surrounded us. It nurtured us. It kept us safe. It obided to he rules of The Wine Gods.

Now, ‘Poggy’ and ‘Parsons’ got on really well…They have swimming in common. They want to swim everywhere together. They want to travel the world and swim through valleys.

It was like one of those moments when you first meet someone in a bar, but you’re both pissed, think you’re best friends and plan holidays together! ๐Ÿ™‚

Me: ‘You’re definitely not going to swim together.’

Parsons: ‘Everyone thinks i’m fat. But i’m actually a really good swimmer.’

(Then she did ‘swimming arm’ demonstrations at me.)

Me: ‘I only do breast stroke with my face above the water, so it doesn’t ruin my face.’

Anyway, they had some unique ‘hoe’mance’ going on. They loved each other and mocked ‘Parsons’ ginger husband, who was definitely stood, pressing the ‘heater on’ button every 10 seconds.

Poggy: ‘He’s like The King of The Gingers.’

Me: ‘But he’s not even ginger? You can’t be The Ginger King…when you’ve got brown hair? Surely that’s not a title you can take?’

Parsons: ‘He IS ginger. I’ve got a ginger kid and i’m a brunette. I love you *Poggy,* you’re like a blond version of me… in a polo neck.’

(Now, i’ve just looked at my blog notes from that evening and I’ve typed ‘Fast pass to brown hair,’ after that piece of ‘polo neck’ statement. However, I have no clue, what that means now? Lol. All I remember was looking up and seeing the girls bickering over who had said the ‘funniest’ thing..)

‘Why have you put that down. I said something WAAAY MORE FUNNIER THAN HER and that SHOULD MAKE THE BLOG.’

All got really drunk. All had a lot of fun. I got stopped a couple times, that evening by the occasional Geordie and people who love my ‘Blog/Influencey’ stuffs.

I absolutely bantered with you all. But I was far too drunk to dish out advice, which is what everyone was asking me for. ๐Ÿ™‚

I’ve received your DM’s though…So, i’ll try and swizzle in some time to meet and inspire. (I appreciate the love.)

Message me again, in case I forgot. There’s not such thing and reminding me TOO MUCH. I love ‘people reminders’ as I often get lost in work load and jiggery pokery.

Right, I’m off. I’ve got the babies and a lot to try and organize. Things have been so jam packed, that it’s been hectic. I fly to Spain in 7 days. Thursday morning.

I’m kinda really looking forward to getting away for a few days by myself, just to relax and finally get that ‘chill’ time in,ย  that I never seem to prioritize.

It’s been a busy first part of the year…and sometimes I feel like i’m running as fast as I can, but on the spot. Lol.

What I need right now, is to relax…a wine….and a result.

(Things are never that easy though, are they?)

Kisses,

Chrissie,

 

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Flashbacks, Fifty Shades & My Flipping Love Life

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I keep doing this thing where I wake up at around 3am in the morning, because I can’t sleep? I sleep naked and so I’ll moan that i’m chilly, step out of bed, not remember to grab a tshirt and instead unplug my phone (priorities)ย  and just get back into bed. Then i’ll start to Google everything. Literally anything. Lol. Before I get back into bed, I’ll look in the mirror to see if I look okay, whilst it’s still dark, yet turning into morning??? Why do I do that!!?! No one’s there but ME!!!???!! I’ll Google search until I’m tired. Am I a lunatic? That seems a pretty safe option. ๐Ÿ˜‰

I did watch ‘Fifty Shades Darker’ before I went to bed….which probably didn’t help, as I have to psycho analyse everything that torments me…:) I dreamt about it all night and then found myself Googling ‘Sadists’ incase I knew any? Lol. Everyone I know is now a sadist or a psychopath. That’s what I came up with ๐Ÿ™‚ and then Iย  just fell asleep, until my kitten woke me at six clock, via the fine art of paw tapping, to make sure I was up to do get Ruby ready for school.

All the way to the school run, life moments kept flashbacking at me, during my drive. My mind went back almost 10 years and for a second, it shot to a time, where I was dating Boyband Jonny, it was late afternoon, we were having a difficult time in our relationships, yet I didn’t know why? He was expressive because he was a creative. Yet, closed off emotionally, because…I’m gonna go with….he was an Aquarian? Lol. (Aquarian’s always find me.)

Anyway, (and this was almost a decade ago) i stepped into a black cab in the middle of Camden, where he was living, which would take me back to Kings Cross, so I could shimmie back onto Northern Soil…and before my cab left, he came running down the street, in his skinny jeans, up to the window and passed me a note. I smiled, waved and the car drove away.

During my journey, I opened the folded hand written note and it read…

‘Dear Chrissie,

I know I never show it…and i’m sorry for that. But I want you to know that whenever i’m with you, my heart lights up.’

(It’s strange that he could never tell me, and had to write it. But I appreciated that anyway, because any expression is good expression, right?)

Then my *flashback* stopped… I was still en route to Ruby’s school drop off. (Boyband Jonny is actually gay now and exceedingly happy and settled. He may not have become the Boyband Superstar that he always wanted…But he openly found his happy place, which not only is MORE important…Yet also makes me beam.)ย 

But anyway, I was driving away, ‘Happy as Larry,’ chatting to Ruby in the car…I get to the big Ackworth roundabout and my mind begins to race again and this time it takes me to this time last year….

‘The Swirl.’ย 

It took me to a moment where we were both laid in a bed…his bed, everything was peaceful and it was probably around 11pmish. We’d just watched ‘Britains Got Talent’ and then a round of ‘Celeb Juice,’ before showers in separate bathrooms and night time. I remember him looking at me, saying ‘Things with you are just easy… and after I agreed, we fell asleep that night holding hands.

Then my mind *WHIZZED* me back, almost like it didn’t want me to settle upon that thought. It took me to earlier that day, where ‘The Swirl’ and I were sat on a pale lemon sofa…(which he kept assuring me he didn’t pick..)

‘It was already here when I moved in…’

It made me notice how particular & creative he actually was. (He’s an Aquarian also! They find me.) I noticed a lot of things about him that afternoon…and I loved that, because I adore nothing more than learning about people….simply by observing them… merrily. I’m like a sponge. I’ll take in EVERYTHING.

But anyway, my mind took me to us being sat on this sofa together. We were chilling and watching tv. I made fun of something. He made fun of it also and almost innocently we both burst into this silly banter of laughter. I remember looking at him when he laughed, which made me smile.ย  I also remember him looking at me when I was laughing, yet when I turned to face him, (as I could feel his eyes on me,) he turned his head away quickly.

Then my *Flashbacks* stopped.

Just like that i was at Ruby’s school…and my normal day had begun.

What is going on with my mind, right now? Both happy moments. Both loving memories.

Yet, I have noticed in love, that I am always in the same place.

I achieve everything work wise. I’m a great mum…I’ve developed with Ruby & Junior threefold. I adore being Mum.It’s not always easy, but I can do it on m own and it has been my greatest gift…my life saver. I dance to New Chapters always because i’m not scared of them. I’m not scared of anything. I’m irrepressible. (My Geography teacher used to always say that about me at school. Lol.)

I’m a life warrior and probably one of the most emotionally together chicks I know! It’s almost like nothing can sort of break me down, because i’ve grown so much, after failing at shit, winning at shit, being broken, yet getting back up each time, with a SMILE ON MY FACE. I feel unbreakable. It’s powerful. It radiates from me…and in a way, i wish every woman felt like that. ( My close chick friends are actually all like that…Well, most of them anyway. ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

During my time in Hollywood, I went through SO much. I had the best time definitely, but. I was in my 20’s growing up in LA. There were both good and bad moments, that I never have EVER told anyone anything about…because i’ve never wanted to. But i’ve experienced life and walked lots of different paths. At 20 it was hard. At 37, it’s now such a blessing.

That’s why I always say it is MUCH MUCH BETTER for someone to come into success, fortune, or fame as a 30 something or older, than it is as a young one….As like with love, you can handle it with a better perspective without getting carried away with the bullshit. (I never get carried away with the bullshit…even if it looks like I am, or have. ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

However, when it comes to my love life…Like I said earlier…I am always in the same place…

..and it’s been that way since I was 19.

I don’t get it?

I KNOW what I want and I don’t always get it. (And i’ll never just settle.) I know what I do NOT want and that is anything that is emotionally challenging…Things should come easily….At 37, I don’t want to be dealing with issues….I just want to gallop around to the sound of happiness and true love.

I believe in boys chasing girls…The ‘old school’ tactics. It shows that they’re confident and it’s not dipped in arrogance. It shows that they’re not scared of love. It’s easy and uncomplicated.

I believe in honest expression..without that you don’t have anything. You might as well be a cardboard cut out. (I once watched one of my guy friends, make potential girlfriends *jump through hoops* to win his affection. He expected them to guess how he was feeling? I never understood why? It taught me a lot about him. He had his own issues. I accepted him for who he was, as he was one of my guy besties and I didn’t ever have to date him. Lol. Yet I always hoped those chicks quit ‘jumping.‘ He wasn’t THAT MUCH of a prize. ๐Ÿ™‚

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I believe in love. I always believe in love. And I hope you do tooo!

So let’s hope that a decade from now….when i’m flipping 47. I won’t be telling you that i’m still in the same place…

But if I am…I’m sure i’ll still be happy…. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Chrissie x

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Challenges, Balls & Busy Times

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Happy Frinally! How you all doing? I’m utterly rushed off my feet. It’s busy, but it’s all good. I’m feeling grateful for the Wunna Land *buzz* and even though it’s completely what I asked for Lol….I’m not gonna lie and say it’s not hard work.

Hard work pays off…

(And all that…;) )

I have a lot going on. I’m excited to cook with Kwoklyn Wan next month, and to also film the advert for my blog next week. I’m looking forward to celebrate friends birthdays and pick up my new whip. I’m scheduling and rescheduling and i’m trying to get it all sorted. There’s not enough hours in the day, nor is there days in a week.

But it’s exciting times..

I’m lucky. I don’t have it bad.

(And to everyone who has started a blog, a vlog, a social account or whatever it is, that you’ve chosen to ‘Boom,’ DO KNOW, that it takes utter dedication and work. It’s a FULL TIME job…that may not be rewarding at first..Yet once it bursts it’s ridiculously amazing. Like with anything, stick at it. It depends on how much you want it to work, I guess. If you ‘half ass’ it, you’ll get ‘half ass’ results. Which is better than nothing…Yet, with it being so competitive, there are people who aren’t ‘half arsing’ it…with their jobs, their kids, their everything in between and they’re the names that are smashing it or going to smash it in the future.

Preach over. I’m just being real. I get asked about it all the time.

I shot this morning, I also did DAY 2 of my Herbalife challenge (for all of you asking me about that also, do know that you can inbox me at any time and I’ll send you the details.)

Also, i’m getting a lot of emails for ‘meet and greets.’ย ย I’m excited to ‘meet and greet’ with you.ย ย BUT,ย You do need to make sure you email : info@thecelebritymanagement.com They will get it sorted for you and i’ll hopefully see you soon.

Plus, thank you for all the love i’m getting for, what i’m calling…‘my nipple pics.’ Lol. My nips appreciate the love? I don’t know what to say? If you subscribed to my Only Fans Account (onlyfans.com.chrissiewunna) you would’ve actually seen those pics…and a bit more…at the beginning of the week. Lol (They get exclusive content.)

Right, i’ve got all the blurb out the way! ๐Ÿ™‚ I feel like I wrote that in one quick breath.

I have a busy weekend. Which reminds me i need to reschedule something. Ugh. I hate rescheduling, but sometimes, you just have to! ๐Ÿ™

Mother’s Day is approaching, which a day that means so much to me. I was actually meant to ‘influence’ a brand for Mothers Day but I didn’t have the time to fit it in, which was hard on me, because it’s a brand that I adore.

However, I’m looking forward to both spending time with my own ‘Mama,’ and with Ruby and Junior. (I’ve emailed both Dads today, to do a ‘Day Switch’ with me, as they usually do ‘Sunday with the Babies.’ BUT, both have them have ignored my message. Lol.

WHICH IS ANNOYING.

Co parenting is bliss, but difficult at times.

But the kids are happy…and that makes me smile. (It’s World Book day’ today at their school and Junior actually thought i was pranking him and making him go to school in fancy dress, just for kicks. Lol. As if!!)

Junior: ‘If no one else is dressed up MUM. I’m gonna be SO UPSET AT YOU’

Me: ‘What Ruby’s *Little Red Riding Hood.*’

Junior: ‘That doesn’t count. She’s weird anyway.’

Me: ‘Show me ya pecs.’

(He went as Superman and it’s ace because it has padded pecs and muscles in. LOL. DYING.)

Talking about death…Ruby laid on m bed last night and asked me about the above. She’s recently had two great grandparents pass away and it’s weirdly stuck. It’s in her head constantly.

‘I don’t want you to die. When will I die. I don’t want…’

‘Don’t focus on people dying. Focus on having the best time ever, whilst you can baby. That’s what living is all about.’

I kissed her and she went to bed.

(Awww. I hate that it’s stuck in her head.)ย 

I’m currently hiding (yes because i’m creepy.) I needed a quiet moment, so i’ve come to a quiet place to secretly blog. You know when you just fancy some ‘you’ time…away from the ‘la dee daa.’ I love quiet chill moments by myself. I guess, when you have a really ‘social’ career…You treasure these moments.

I love them.

I get what Ronnie (one of my LA besties, who came to visit me in London recently) meant now. He’s a celebrity chef out there and well he said, whilst we were drinking in his suite, (well I was, he was ill) that he always posted a week afterward, simply because he didn’t want anyone to know where he exactly was.

Crazy innt.

But I get it now. Lol.

(I remember getting really drunk that night and dancing around a pretend executive suite cage. Ronnie’s gay by the way. Anyway, It ended up being such a hilarious evening. I love memories.)

Loads of people are messaging me telling me that I don’t need to do my 30 Day Challenge. I don’t wanna hear that. I’ve chosen to do it. So I’m doing it. What I need is support. Lol. So grab ya Wunna Flags and start telling me to smash it. I’m not defeatist by any mean. But, I just need to hear champion talk. Lol. You don’t have to do it. But I really want to. So yes, from now…

CHAMPION TALK, Please!

(It’s actually making me feel really good.)

I have also noticed that a bunch of my guy friends are haring on about how they don’t get an ‘International Mens day.’ Lol. Stop being babies…You wouldn’t do anything on it anyway. ๐Ÿ™‚ Then I sawย  react so incredibly to ‘Steak & Blow Job’ day with with March 14th. I’ve never seen so many excited posts. It’s not until Wednesday. So you just need to calm down.

I’m sure lots of you will get you steak and have us …*fill in the blank.* Lol.ย 

I do actually think you deserve a day, because it’s not that easy being a dude. So that can be your day to embrace.

Hope you all get blowys and red meat. Lol

ANYWAY…

Right now in life, i’m busy, but i’m feeling happy and free. I’m feeling liberated and finally like i’m getting somewhere. I had to make a switch, which took a lot of balls, but I did it and I haven’t looked back.

Don’t be scared to do the things that make you happy, because if you are, you’ll never feel fulfilled….

Kisses,

Thank you for following my life!

See you on my ‘Socials.’

 

 

 

 

It’s All A Bit Of A Cheeky Jumble….

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Happy Monday!!! How are you all? I’m alright today, to say it’s Monday. I’ve got a lot of ‘first part of the week’ work on….and like i’ve just said to a friend,

‘Once it’s all sorted, shot, filmed, out there and promo’d…I’ll be able to finally shit..Shit? I meant *SIT*…Lol… chill and enjoy.’

There’s so any little bits going on and i’m just not being organised. I need to grab all the loose ends and bow tie them pronto. I’m sort of letting it take control of ME, rather than OWNING the reins like a champion.

Whatsapp Msg: ‘Get ya arse into gear and sort it out…’

I have modes. When i’m on ‘work’ mode, I ROCKET IT. I have tunnel vision and I smash it about with my Girl Boss’ wink. When i’m on ‘lets have fun’ mode…That’s all I can seem to do. And I always only do what I want. Never anything less. I’m naturally fun, so it’s easy. Then, finally when i’m on ‘chill’ mode, which is my favourite mode….I adorn the art of relaxing in true glamour puss style. I like to put things in categories…So technically, I must be more organised than i believe?

RIGHT?? PLEASE AGREE…

But like I said, a gzillion shoots, blogs, advert filming, auditions and all sorts is on the cards. I even have to finish off writing a book in that time.

I’ll do it. I’ve got my ‘updo’ in and that always makes me work harder. ๐Ÿ˜‰ The kids even gave me neon ‘putty’ to destress me, in case I went mental.

They both went to their Fathers, yesterday afternoon and I molded putty into a penis, a bracelet and a bottle opener, because you really don’t need anything more than those three items in life.

In that time, I could’ve smashed work emails or shot more content. ๐Ÿ™‚ But it was Sunday and Sunday’s are about chilling, right? Lol

I love my excuses.

I mean, who dashes about on a Sunday? (Other than all the most successful people in the world.ย  ๐Ÿ™‚ ) Sometimes, I get my priorities straight and other times…I just don’t.

Like right now, I’m having a conversation about how I was late to my own WEDDING REHEARSAL in LA, because I was shopping. They had to do it without me. Lol. I didn’t prioritize well on that day. (It was the first time around.)

Actually, in my DEFENSE…(and this is all in my ‘ABOUT ME’ section on this site, which you can all go and read, if you fancy.) I didn’t see it as a priority because I was actually already secretly married to the groom. No one knew, but us and our two best friends, who witnessed it. So the wedding was more like a ‘production‘ than a real life thing.

Shopping came first that day. ๐Ÿ™‚

If I ever got married again….I’d do it privately…and tell you about it afterwards.

But back to work! I’ve managed to get distracted again…

The good thing is, that at least my business is ‘my own life’ and the work part of ‘my own life’ is online. So, like I said, once i’ve whipped all the ‘graft’ย ..I can ‘glamourously’ relax for a bit, and let it HOPEFULLY work it’s own magic.

I like the word ‘MAGIC.’ Do you?

Right, i’m off because I’ve actually got quite a lot to master today. Plus, a parents evening for Junior this afternoon.

This conservation has just happened with one of my chick friends..

‘Why is my life shit!’

‘Your life isn’t shit! Yours is ace. Mine is shit.’

‘No, we’ve both got shit lives…but just doing shit differently..lol’

When that convo happens, you know you’re actually alright, because if things were really that shitty, you’d hit *panic* button and run around screaming. You wouldn’t be laughing about it. ๐Ÿ™‚

Hope you have an amazing Monday!

Oh and i’m getting a ton of messages about my ‘Only Fans’ thing. The site where you can subscribe to ‘exclusive’ content…which is the ‘cheeky’ version of my selfies.

The reason why I’ve started that, is simply because I have a lot of followers from all different walks of lives, all different ages, all different genders and with all different ‘wants.’

And I feel as though everyone is sort of getting mixed up in a jumble. So i’ve giving people specific places to go…So that they can find what they are PERSONALLY looking for in Wunna Land.

If you like to follow my diary, actually read the blog and specifically follow my life..It’s here. It’s you number one WUNNA LAND SPOT. Everything you want or need to know or learn about me, is here.

My Instagram will become more ‘LIFESTYLE.’ It’ll become more ‘Influencery.’ (Which is always great for the girls and teens.)

One Facebook Profile will become ‘family.’

My Twitter will be my brief bursts of banter.

My Stories & Snapchat will just be video…

And my Only Fans content will be for all the gents, who just want to see the ‘cheeky’ pics, which they’ll have to subscribe too….as lets face it…I won’t have my bra on…and it’s cold. ๐Ÿ™‚

This is all happening shortly…and by next month…It will all be in place. So, there’s no more jumble and each ‘social’ will have a different voice.

Got it?

See! I am organised after all! ๐Ÿ˜‰

 

 

 

 

Loyalty, Life & Male Models

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Me: ‘He doesn’t fancy you because you’re a swimmer & he’s a male model.’

Vanny B: ‘But he should. I can swim places. I have trophies and shit.

Me: ‘Male models, are surrounded by female models ALL DAY, for work. They’re in an industry littered with the most beautiful women, and they themselves are classed as the most handsome men. Every single male model I know…has a model wife….not a swimming one. Lol.’

Vanny B: ‘But i’m in a dress…’

Me: ‘Yeah, but if SHE wore that dress, she’d look all petite, delicate and fragile. She where’s it well, because it’s her job. Throw HER, in a pool…She ain’t gonna out swim you. But whocares. Men aren’t arsed about about swim offs. They don’t pick wives on their swimming ability. I even bet that some professional male swimmers date models. Haha.’

Vanny B: ‘There are times when I love you, but today you’re such a bitch. Lol.’

I’m sassy today. But comfy! I had to take my jeans off and blog in just knickers and a top, with my legs in a sitting down ‘v’ shape and my pink laptop placed centrally inbetween. I felt all tight ans stuffly and to me that’s the worst feeling ever. I need to feel loose and comfy, in order to smash out a badass blog.

I’ve had to drag myself off instagram because it’s unhealthy for out souls. Obviously, my job is to be ‘social.’ I’m a blogger…a model…blah, blah, blah. So, yeah, I have to post daily and be all over it. YET, you can drive yourself nuts by trailing through everyone’s profiles. We waste so much time focusing on what other people are up to. We can get SO carried away and creative with it. It’s not always good. Now I just ‘post,’ leave it and ‘Thank’ the people who have taken the time to write me a comment.

(I always do that, because firstly I think it’s good manners and secondly…i’m far from stuck up. Nothing is worse to me, than stuck up talent. If you take away all the people who take the time to ‘Like/Comment/or Heart’ your content ‘socially’….then you no longer have an audience, you no longer have a social presence & you no longer have as much clout. And we’re in and still headed into a social generation. Your biggest stars of the future, WILL BE, your SOCIAL stars.

Like Gary V said, ‘Everyone thought that the TV star would never surpass the radio star….People were 10 years behind. Look what happened…It’s now the same with TV stars and Social Media stars….Start building your online business now. It doesn’t matter what field you are in…you can turn it ‘social.’

I’ve gone on a ramble. I do that! It’s shit. What was I gonna say? I got a great Snapchat from the girls this morning…filled with ‘whispers’ and giggles. I love being a girl, it’s so cute.

I’m having a decent day today. I’m checking through all my collabos and going through the ones that are well suited. It’s exciting. Lots ofย  ‘anti ageing’ skincare is coming my way. Lol. I’ve got the BMC email which is owned by the delighted Saffron Drewitt Barlow and Venom, which came via ‘Diags’ from Towie.

I also have shoots for brands, shoots for content and shoots for kicks. What am I on about? Nothing is for kicks.

What you need to know is that I’m loving it. I have the best job in the world, because all i’m doing is my own life…and it’s a business now. Lol.

I had really great ‘messaging‘ last night before bed and when you ‘happy message’ before bed..be it chipper or sexy…It’s always delightful. I’m naturally sexy and naturally chipper.ย  It helps you have the most blissful 40 winks, doesn’t it. I like going to be bed feeling somewhat adored…All of us do… We sleep better.

It kinda made me flash backed some of the moments, that we had shared, then I realized that a whole year had almost passed. That’s crazy!

He actually received meal time selfies from Wunna Land yesterday. I mean, who wouldn’t adore me, right!?! ๐Ÿ˜‰ I’m fun. It’s all exciting.

But, being smart… I take everything with a ‘pinch of salt’ until I have it in my hand. (Even though I wear my heart on my sleeve.) I just don’t wanna get let down and look stupid…AGAIN. Lol.

I mean there’s always things like ‘loyalty’ and ‘thoughtfulness‘ that I always try and look for. To me, they’re things that go without saying and I’m the most loyal human. Flirty, but loyal.

It’s just something you witness over time, isn’t it…

Right, I need to get out and about and shoot some more content. It’s the most gorgeous afternoon in Yorkshire today.

I’m feeling really lucky.

Kisses,

Chrissie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Panic Buttons, Good News & That Little Bit Of Pressure…

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I’m at Waterstones in Doncaster. In the cafe, blogging. I’m wedged between two lovely and nattering grannies, who are nibbling crumpets, an edgy chick, who’s hiding under a black beanie, (she’s either having a bad hair day or just wants to hide from Thursday…I do it with sunglasses….If i’m inside and have them on, I think no one can see me… ๐Ÿ˜‰ ) and there’s a spinning tower of ‘Mr Men’ books. ‘Little Miss Tiny‘ has fallen off the spinning tower.

The genius that invented those books, (he’s probably sunning it in Marbs right now)ย is literally fabulous. I mean, ‘Little Miss Tiny.’ It’s just a tale about someone right tiny, who can’t reach shit. It’s brilliant! Lol.

But anyway, back to Wunna Land.

I AM BUSY!

It’s a super busy time…and I let myself get a little stressed this morning. I forgot to find ‘solutions,’ craved a 10am Mimosa, but didn’t have one…and as Wunna Land is becoming increasing popular, opportunities a wiggling in galore.

THANK GOD! I FEEL LIKE I’VE WORKED SO HARD. I’M KNACKERED. I couldn’t be MORE GRATEFUL! COME! COME! PLEASE COME!

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There’s so much that I want to achieve this year and I guess I ‘hit’ panic button… A button that no one really enjoys too ‘hit.’ But I’m actually okay now, because my little Oriental ‘tough love’ Mother pulled me back into shape.

‘You’re being rubbish at focusing on the positive today. Everything’s fine. Stop panicking. Get the work done!’

I’m great now and I actually received a good news DM yesterday, which made me all hopeful. I like the giddiness that comes along with the feeling of ‘hope.’ All you can do is ‘give something ya all,’ smash it the best way that you can….and hope for the best. The rest is out of your control. That’s down to ‘life magic.’

(Someone’s just posted on my Facebook Fan Page, under my usual picture of the day..He’s commented with a GIF of a young man looking impressed, and with the words that read ‘Helloooo Beautiful,’ flashing across it.ย I’ve replied with a ‘Thank you ever so much’ because I appreciate the love, be it sent from the heart…. or the penis. However, the GIF is actually of my ex husband…Lol….So it was quite unfortunate picking really.)

Cheers!

I’ll have to delete it or he’ll get arsey. (Who still gets arsey about things that happened in a previous DECADE. Honestly! It’s 2018, where we’re all ‘loving the Universe,’ andย sending forgiveness vibes for good karmaย and stuff. Arsiness is 2000 and late. Don’t do it. The most attractive people are the ‘smilers.’ Even a sneaky snigger of a smile, is incredibly attractive. Not just the ‘squeaky clean, make fresh pie dumplings, by daffodils’ kinda smile.

(What the **** are ‘Fresh Pie Dumplings??’ Lol)

But yes, enjoying the love.

Can you believe that I’ve actually booked a campaign where I get to wear a padded coat! I even sent ‘a lovely’ a message yesterday saying,

‘WHEN YOU BOOK A CAMPAIGN THAT YOU ACTUALLY GET TO WEAR CLOTHES ON…’

‘Hahahahahaha, love it.’

Then he ignored me when I said, that I’d gone from ‘slutty‘ to ‘wifey material‘ in the space of a white bomber jacket.

Saying that, and in general, I really do think this is true….If I was a guy, I’d always have a really beautiful ‘saucy looking’ wife. I’d be secure and confident enough to have a chick like that. Some guys aren’t.

TRUE STORY

Here’s me in clothes for new brand Attitude Avenue! I’m their newย  model/face and Influencer and hey they chose well! ๐Ÿ˜‰

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You can actually buy that white padded jacket. You can go to their instagram. It’s also on mine. (Do know that there is more than ’12 likes’ on it now…Lol)

ATTITUDE AVENUE.

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But yes, all the auditions, all the collabos, all the work, all the opportunites and lots of things in the ‘hopeful’ bag of tricks. I’m gonna do well because i’m DETERMINED TOOOOO. Lol. I’m like a power rash. I keep coming back. (Ooh the itches.)

I feel lucky. I know I still goddit. I don’t feel by any means ‘passed it.’ I ain’t over any hill yet, but mainly because I don’t climb hills. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Infact, if anything, I feel at my MOST DYNAMIC.ย 

SO LET’S PLAY!

TEAM WUNNA LAND!

(Can you cheer here because it’ll make me feel better.)ย 

Do wish me luck, because you’re following my diary all around the world and I don’t want to balls it all up. I’m in that moderately ‘stressy’ phase of the entertainment business, (people only ever see the result,) where in which I’m ‘auditioning.

It’s the… ‘You want it, you can get it, but you haven’t got it yet’ phase. Infact, no, it’s not stressy. I’m POSITIVE. That’s the wrong word. What i’m saying is… right now, I’m under pressure. A pressure that I put MYSELF UNDER. But it’s good, because then i’ll focus and perform well. I’m not worrying about the things I can’t control, I’m just making sure I give my bit, 100 PERCENT!ย 

Wish me luck.

COME ON WUNNA!

Hopefully you’re going to be veryย  surprised this year…Pleasantly surprised…as I did work hard last year, meaning this year there will be a fewย ‘Wunna Treats’ for you, that you knew nothing about. But like a said, a lot more has come through and I couldn’t be more excited. I’m not really nervous. I’m confident. I just…

WANT! ๐Ÿ™‚

You know when I told you not to ‘want‘ because craving things were bad for you and that more people should be happy with their ‘represent’ their ‘where they are now.’

Scrap that…

Desire and Ambition is sexy…. Lol.

Ps/ I’ve just got a message from my mate…’Jonesez.’ He’s moaning because…Well this is what he said…(i’ve had to ******* out their name because we’re slagging our actual acquaintance off, Lol.)

Jonesez: ‘I was properly impressed with your new photoshoot, weird seeing you back in actual clothes..’ ********* is doing my head in.’

Me: ‘Lol, yeah I forgot that I even wore them… Why whats ********* doing?’

Jonesez: ‘Just talking to me unnecessarily all the time…’

HAHAHAHAHAH.