I flipping cried last night. URGH! I hate those girl moments, when you’re a fully grown adult, you’re a woman, a successful woman and your sat there chilling at 37, with a job title that once read ‘Sexual Fantasy,’ alone, at night, in bed…and you do a big old, 14 year old, ‘Princess Weep,’ because it’s the only time, that no one can see you.
I am ‘Totes Emosh‘ right now and it is flipping AWFUL. It feels awful. Yet, if i’m going to pull a positive and let’s face it, that’s what I do best, the thing that i’ve noticed about myself over the last couple weeks, is that EVEN AFTER, everything i’ve been through, over the years, I really STILL AM, a ‘love bunny.’
I don’t know how i’ve managed it. But I am. I’m a hopeless romantic. I love, love. I love to give love. I love to FEEL loved. And when I have that, I feel alive.
When it comes to my love life, and because of a career path that I chose as a young girl, which accidentally went from strength, to strength, which handed me over a spritz of recognition…that made me a popular guy’s choice….my love life is never so easy.
All I would want in the entire world, is for my love life to just be simple.
(In fact, a really successful man that I know closely, once said that to me, because I guess, he had been through the same kinda shit. I remember him looking at me, and saying how great everything as between us, because everything felt so ‘easy.’)
Chick friend: ‘Only the strongest man alive, is going to be able to date you, Chrissie & you absolutely deserve the best!’
Things never get confused by the ‘love part,‘ of my love life. I love whole heartedly. I’d never ever pick a guy who didn’t know how to love or express…All that’s fine. Yet, it almost seems as though everyone around me, can just do that bit and with ease, because they have a different ‘walk of path,‘ or they don’t necessarily have an audience…they have less people peeking into what they’re doing….or…I dunno? (I don’t want that to come across as conceited. I just need a mind spew…So go with it. But it’s how I feel. So it’s MY truth.)
I chose my path and I love my life. I’m very, very lucky and no one can take that away from me.
(FYI/ I learnt another lesson. I get what ‘T’ meant now, by the fine art of ‘keeping things shushy.’ I get it. Haha. I finally get it.)
But gosh, my last couple days has just been filled with swirl of…WELL, it started off as a magical swirl of whirlwind, an innocence, a trust…a lot of fun and straight after that whirlwind, came an Army and a storm… a ‘tug of war’ like mist.
And i’m actually really used to the above. It happens every time and pretty much, more often develops on a much larger scale…(So it less ‘city/town gossip’ & i’d say more ‘national’ gossip.)
This time for some reason… I’ve got all upset & because i’ve ‘felt’ haven’t I! Urgh! So it’s managed to confuse me and send me into a tizzy.
Then I cried….When I thought no one was watching.
Then my phone *pinged..*
And just like *magic* as I was ‘no face on’ weeping, naked, wrapped in my flamingo bed sheets, I open my phone & see a Snapchat video of ‘Hustle Barbie‘ Twerking saucily, from my chick bestie Firmonnell….
I’ve been waiting for round two of that video for months. She has a good ass. That was a good twerk.
Then I started to smile and realized how ace life is! Lol. And the great thing about Firmonnell, Hustle Barbie, Double B, Mel & Fairytale, is that there’s really not time for ‘Wunna Land‘ to be man down at all, EVER…and they can do the stupidest things, (ALWAYS NON DRAMA)…and just like that, i’ll be back BEAMING. 🙂
I mean both ‘Hustle’ and ‘Firmonnell‘ have had MASSIVE breakups this year. An ending of a partnership that went from being a 19 year old, to a 30 something year old. The other ended a five year commitment of togetherness, had to move out and start again…and they sort of smashed it emotionally. They now couldn’t be happier.
That’s some good ass strength and bar bills Lol
(Well, they had a dodgy start. Hahaha. But they’re just made of them good old northern glitter bricks…They did ‘A Wunna,’ where you quit being a *plodded* and just start getting happy & enjoying life, because you’re a long time fucking dead.)
I haven’t been through half of what they’ve been through this year. Only ace stuff has seemed to have happened to me. I’ve filmed a couple tv shows. My blog hits are blooming… Lol. So to think that i’d be having a duvet cry is almost ridiculous. I’m pathetic.
We’re great at being each other’s life soldiers.
‘Emilio’s going to show me how to cook, when he gets back from Italy.’
Me: ‘Who the fuck is Emilio? He sounds so hot! I want an Emilio to show me how to cook!’
So basically, after a couple days of stress, and letting it get the better of me, instead of rising above it. Then after having a big old weep, throwing a pity party…and then witnessing the greatest personalized Twerking video, in the world ever, that kinda just looked like sex, to make an Asian Glamour Puss smile…
I feel pretty empowered again.
You can’t keep a good kitten down.
I’m back! And nothing in this world, feels BETTER than WUNNA LAND, right now!
Chick: ‘It doesn’t matter what happens in between, because your world is always fine anyway.’
I’m the luckiest girl in the world.
I’m SO HAPPY, I finally got that Twerking video. Haha.
Ps/ Thank you for following my life.
Please enjoy my socials.